WWf I , ' v ' ' V J 4 . ' THE FITT'SBUBG DISPATCH, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1890, ' , ALWAYS IN THE LEAD ANOTHER MAMMOTH NUMBER 160 THE DISPATCH 160 COLUMNS TO-MORROW COLUMNS WILL HOLD 20 8-COLUMN PAGES. ALL THE NEWS OF EUROPE. ALL THE HOME NEWS. READING FOR THE MASSES. A MONSTER BUSINESS DIRECTORY. EVERY DEPARTMENT HIGH CLASS. SCIENCE, ADVENTURE, TRAVEL, FICTION, FACT AND HUMOR. SERVED BY MAIL AND CARRIER. ALL NEWS AGENTS HANDLE IT. ORDER BY MAIL OR OTHERWISE. A WEEK'S READING FOR 5 CENTS. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY S. 1S48. VoL A A o. 33. Entered at rittsburg fostofilce, November 14. Isa?. as 6econd-class matter. Business OfficeCorner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. New3 Rooms and Publishing: House 75, 77 and 7G Diamond Street. EASTERN ADVERTISIGOFFlCJU KOOMH. TRIBUNE BUILDING. NEW YORK, where complete files of THE DISl'ATCH can always be lound. Foreign aavcrtlsers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and friends of THE DIM'AICH. ivhlle In .New lork. are also made welcome. THE DISPATCH it regularly on tale a Jlrcntano's. S Cnton Square, A'cw York, and J7 Ave. le COpera, Paris. Jrance, tchere any one who has been disappointed at a hotel urtcx stand can obtain it. TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. I uTACE FJ-.EE IN THE UNITED STATES. JUILT OicrATCn. One Ttcar. I $00 JlAILT DisrATCn, 1'er Quarter ICO Daily DlsrjiTCH, One Mouth 70 Dailt DlErATCU. Including Sunday, 1 year. JCOO Daily DIsrATCII, InrlHdmpSundaj-.Sm'ths. ISO Daily Dibi-atcu. Including feundajr.l month 90 Sunday Dispatch. One Year ISO Weekly Dispatch. One Year 125 the Daily Dispatch is delivered by carriers at I.'ccntsncr week, or Including' bundar edition, rt 20 cents per weefc. PITTSBURG. SATURDAY. OCT. i. 1S90. WHY NOT A JOINT DEBATE The competition of politics, which the "Western counties of the State have been enjoying through the week, will center in Pittsburg to-night. Candidate Pattisoa and bis associates will be here in person. That they will get" a rousing reception is sure. Meanwhile the Republican managers have arranged for a big mass meeting to stir ud enthusiasm for Delamater as an off set. But why divide the time and make a double tax on the attention of the public, when a joint debate would answer o hand somely! Mr. Delamater has done a great deal of talking and handshaking; the ex Governor is also at home on the stump. "What is the use of following each other around the country when a Jew joint debates oc tbe issues before the people would be heard with instruction and delight by all? If the managers of Mr. Delamatcr's cam paign can be persuaded that the tariff is all right in Pennsylvania and, to paraphrase the old song, we rather think it may now be almost taken for granted that Pennsyl vania'e heart is "true to Poll" on the tariff, there is nothing they could do which would be so becoming as to issue a challenge to the Democratic candidate to discuss the real issues of State legislation and executive policy. It is about time to hear something oc these points which are not wholly unre lated to the canvass. "What stands in the way? The ex-Gover nor, we judge, would not decline a fnll and fair discussion of his claims. A WELCOME VISITOR. The Comtc de Paris is America's guest once more, not officially, it is true, bat in the hospitable sense of the word. He landed at 2ew York yesterday, and as the tele graphic dispatches show, received a very warm welcome from many of his old com rades in arms in the army of the Potomac. The distinguished Frenchman deserves the very best America lias to give. He almost alone of the world's princes has earned the gratitude of this Republic "When he came here twenty-eight years ago, his arms and brains were at the disposal of the National Government then in peril. To-day, it is fitting that the Nation should remember all its defenders and there are signs that the Comte de Paris will have to run the gaunt let ot banquets and receptions given in his lienor wherever he goes. We hope these Jestivities will not prove more dangerous than campaigning with McCiellan on the Peninsula. If he will come to Pittsburg he will find that there is a warm corner in our liearts for tne compatriot and emulator of Lafayette. PITT-BDRR'S B IbEnAl.L CHAMPIONS. Pittsburg is the proud possessor of a record-beating baseball club. The National League team succeeded in smashing all previous records by losing the one hun dred and twelfth game of the season yester day. Their full record is 23 games won against 112 lost They cannot lose any more this season because yesterday's was their last game. Thus they have wrested the banner from the Louis lille Association club, which last year won 27 games and lost 111. Until next season they will have to rest upon their laurels, and then they can start out with every as surance that their record for 1690 will not be beaten. It is a singular fact that the Louisville, which last year showed Pitts burg form, this year wins the Association pennant. Heaven forefend that we should expect the Pittsburg National League club to reverse the results in like fashion next season. AN EFFECTIVE RIDER. One of the features of the bids for the new naval vessels, just made public, will call at tention to the success with which business en terprise can be directed into the channels of making money by means of an effective bit of legislative work. This appears from the extremely sure thing which the Union Iron "Works, of San Francisco, have in securing contracts to build at least one war vessel without much regard to the cost. In the appropriation for vessels of the class ot the Charleston and Atlanta a clause was inserted requiring one vessel of that class to be built on the Pacific coast. This was justified on the ground that the cruiser would be needed on the Pacific, Ocean, and that it would be as cheap to carry the materials there and put them to gether as to sail the vessel there. "While this claim was not supported by authentio figures, the fact that the San Francisco id on the earlier vessels only exceeded the. Eastern Did by tome 550,000 or 00.000, gave it enough color to escape challenging. The industrious California Representatives kept the same conditions in the naval appropria tions. They thus secured the same concern the construction of the San Francisco, but in the bids just submitted, the operation of the rule receives its highest illustration. Al though the San Francisco firm'i bid ii 8300,000 more on the protected cruiser, and $310,000 Wlie B$pf cjj. .-. . .. . more on each battle ship than the bid of the Cramps, they are sure to get one of the ves sels, because the law requires the vessel to be built on the Pacific coast. There is an appearance ot competition in a bid from another Pacific coast concern; but the un erring accuracy with which the latter bidder makes the highest bid on the list creates a suspicion as to its being anything more than a covering for the certainty which the first concern has, under that California bit of legislation, of getting the job of building at least one vessel at its own figures. Of course the pretense of economy in this case is entirely wanting. To allege that it would cost 5310,000 to take a vessel from Philadelphia to the Pacific Ocean would be wholly ridiculous. Such a result of that legislative rider exposes in the light of a measure to secure fat contracts for an influ ential San Francisco concern without the restriction of actual competition. CABLE ROADS AND HUMANITY. Tbe proposition to introduce the cable cars on Broadway in New York has evoked a variety of protests and gloomy predictions. Some of the New York papers are quoting tbe authority of a Chicago newspaper, which visits the severest condemnation on tbe cable road, as follows: The cable car is a Juggernaut, a murderer on wheels, a maimer of men and a destroyer of wnmenand children. It is a perambulating band, whose least objectionable use has been to postpone, hamper and bedevil real rapid transit. This denunciatory outbreak will lead Pittsburgers to wonder whether they have been for two years in the grasp of a mon strous destroyer without finding it out. It is to be observed that this attack on cable roads does not refer to any of tbe corporate practices bv which exclusive privileges are built up and the attempt is made to shut off competing lines. It applies just as much to electric roads or to any other motor which will increase the speed of surface cars above that obtained by the persevering car horse, or the festiye mule. The arraignment of all such attempts to improve rapid transit on two gronnds: First, their danger to life and limb bv reason of their increased speed; second, that they hamper and postpone real rapid transit. The subject is of such im portance to the dwellers in all cities that, when allegations of this sort are made against the new system, it is well to examine into their truth. Pittsburg is as well qualified to testify on these points as any other city from her two years' experience. If anyone should tell Pittsburgers that they are at the mercy of a car of Juggernaut, the assertion would be laughed at. That there are disasters and even fatalities on the cable system cannot be denied. So there are to a far create r extent on the steam railroads, and in the rolling mills, but no one proposes to tear the rail roads up and the rolling mills down on that account. The question to be determined is exactly the increase of casualties by such modern instrumentalities in proportion to the increase of service, in order that we can judge whether the gain to the public ex ceeds tbe loss. If this were done in Pitts burg, it is doubtful if the casualties from cable and electric cars would be found to be greater in proportion to the volume of busi ness done than those from horse cars, while the gain from increased speed and widening circle of the habitable suburbs for city works is almost unalloyed. As to the delay of what the Chicago as sailant of cable roads calls "real rapid transit" that is largely imaginary. It is true that more rapid speed thau can be ob tained by any cars on tbe streets could he secured on tracks either sunken or elevated, preferably the former. Cable and electric roads may seem to take the place of such lines, but they really prepare the way for them. The elevated or underground lines attaining a speed of fifteen or twenty miles an hour can only be built to accommodate suburbs which are thickly populated. Their cost would prohibit of running them into rural suburbs to build up the section, as is done witb many of the less expensive lines. The latter may be regarded as the avant courriers of the more costly and rapid transit lines, which will follow iu such di rections as the population may justify. "Without the work of the surface lines popu lating the suburbs, tbe time when the over head or underground lines would be possible must be very much delayed. There are many things about the building of cable and electric lines which permit criticism. The granting of franchises as a matter of political privileges, the disposi tion to build up transit monopolies and the occupancy of a dozen streets where three or four wojald be enough for a loop common to all lines, are abuses of which any city con templating the establishment of such lines should be warned. But as to whether the surface lines, running at the rate of speed attained in Pittsburg are a benefit or injury there would hardly be any dispute in Pitts burg. They have realized the old saying about the benefaction of causing two blades of grass to grow where onlyone grew before; except that the benefaction is laised to an almost infinite power, by enabling thousands to liva where only hundreds could reside be fore they went into operation. PAllTY LINES VEitY DIM. Ex-Governor Pattison has no reason to be dissatisfied with the reception Braddock gave him last night. Probably what cheered him more than the big audience, the gen eral enthusiasm and the fine weather, was the long list of Republican vice presidents of tbe meeting. As a matter of fact, the Braddock meeting was almost as much a Republican as a Democratic affair, and this unusual confusion of party lines is likely to confront Mr. Pattison again in Allegheny county. THETHANAGERs' MISTAKE. The fact that the investigation into the dishonest practices of "Wheat, the postmaster of tbe House of Representatives, was closed by his dismissal, at the end of the session, in a way to attract as little attention as possible, need not have affected the Repub lican party very much if it had not been for the stupid attempt to 'stick to the cartisan idea which Senator Ingalls got into epigram matic shape, that the worst Republican is better than the best Democrat, and that, therefore, every Republican must be shielded from Democratic criticisms. Tbe investigation placed it beyond dispute that "Wheatfarmedoutthe work and positions of the House postoffice for his own profit, If, upon the discoverv or intimation of such practices, the Republicans had moved for an investigation, they would have shown their promptness at punishing wrong-doing in their own party as elsewhere. If they had taken the course of accepting a straight forward prompt investigation when the motion was made by a Democratic member, they would have be n much better off than they now are. Tney wonld have had to take the responsibility of patting a corrupt man in office, but they would have shown their sincere desire to correct that error the moment it was knflwn. Unfortunately, however, the fatality that presides over the recent Republican coun THE sels led them to take steps which looked more like covering up malfeasance than tbe correction of it. First there was an attempt to ignore the matter. When the charges were made so specific that they could not be ignored, the attempt was continued by spreading the investigation over the terms of previous Congresses with the inferential allegation that the practices of which "Wheat was guilty were established by cus tom. This assertion was proved to be ut terly unfounded; and when the testimony left no room for any course but to turn "Wheat out, the House managers had put themselves In the nnfortunate position of not only letting a dishonest man get an im portant place, but of trying to dodge the duty of exposing and punishing him. This will add another to the Hit of mat ters in which the Republican leaders have painstakingly placed themselves in a false position before the people at the coming election. An intelligent partisanship would see the necessity, solely in the interest of party, iu taking the lead in the punishment of dishonesty. SELLING GUNS TO BOYS. The business ol selling revolvers to small boys is likely to be permanently discouraged in these parts by tbe suit brought by a father against the storekeeper who rigged out his son to fight the Indians, The disclosures made in our local columns to-day of the large dimensions of this trade in juvenile artillery ought to bring about the enforce ment of the State law forbidding the sale of lethal weapons to boys under sixteen. The young idea should not be taught to shoot in this case. FUNDS FOR M'KINLEY. The reported movement to raise a fund among the Pittsburg manufacturers to aid Hon. "Wm. McKinley in his uphill fight to overcome the Democratic majority of his gerrymandered district raises discussion as to its propriety. In some quarters the inti mation is made that the purpose of the fund is an improper one; while others say that if the manufacturers wish to contrib ute to McKinley's expenses they have per fect right to do so. y There can be no denial of this right with but one limitation. If the manufacturers who ate interested in the protective policy which Major McKinley has so gallantly and successfully championed, should contrib ute freely to aid him in the legitimate ex penses of the campaign it would be not only within their right, but it would be an ap propriate recognition of his public services which The Dispatch heartily commends. With all the criticisms that can be made of the McKinley policy, it would be entirely creditable for both sides to hare a liberal fund of this sort raised, provided that due care is taken against the use of any money for the corruption of voters. "While the legal right of contributing to campaign funds is questionable, there is a public and moral obligation to guard against the use of money for tbe purchase of votes. "When so much is heard of this evil, it is incumbent on those who give the money to take dne precautions in this re spect. Money sent to a Congressional dis trict only a day or two before election could not be well used for legitimate purpose. Contributors to campaign funds sbonld see that no indications or likelihood of the ille gitimate use of money accompany their contributions. Fortunately, in this case, there is a very easy way ot insuring that the money shall not be improperly used. Mr. McKinley's high characteris a warrant against any vote-buying with his knowledge. If the manufacturers make it a condition of their fund that their money shall go into his hands, and be expended only by his ap proval, they can be reasonably certain that they are using their money in a manner above and beyond criticism. THE CONFEREE IMPOSTURE. The conferee method of nomination is daily becoming more unsatisfactory and disreputable. Yesterday the Republican conferees in tbe Forty-third Congressional district met here to nominate a State Sena tor. They balloted all day without result and then adjourned sine die, each county's conferees threatening to run their candidate independently. In the Twenty-first district the conference of the Republican representatives of Arm. strong, Indiana, Jefferson and "Westmore land counties made even a worse fist ot their attempt to nominate a candidate for Congress. There was the usual deadlock, and, despairing of ever breaking it, the con ferees delegated their powers to Chairman Andrews, of the State Committee, to be by him transferred to a committee of three-reputable Republicans residing outside the district And this nomination, if it is ever made by the reputable trio of foreigners, will represent the will of the Republican voters in the Twenty-first districtl When will the pe6ple smash this outrageous im posture and demand the direct selection of the representatives? The expression might be used concerning any man who can stand under a falling wall and come ont without injury, that he is lucky enough to buy a lottery ticket Bat General Jubal Early, who just went through that ex perience, Is not subject to the proverb. Ho gets his profits out'of the lottery without buy ing any ticket. Speaker Reed is reported to have re cently submitted to tbe President a letter writ ten by Mr. Blaine inany years ago, to the effect that the Portland collectorship is among the political properties of the member from that district. But the sequel shows the Speaker to have been practically informed that principles avowed years ago do not hold In patronage any more than in parliamentary practice. The real meaning of that adjournment of tbe House without resolutions thanking Speaker Reed lot his impartiality and fairness, has not yet been brought out. It is a gratifying evidence that there is still a limit beyond which political diffidence can maintain an existence. It is alleged in behalf of Senator Evarts that he does not wear his shabby old hat on ac count of penurlousness. but by reason of super stition. He thinks the old hat which bo had been wearing for seven years brings him luck, as during that period his health has been good and he has acquired a Snatorship. Tbe bat trade will be unanimous iu frowning down any such shallow superstition as that. . The New Jersey people have definitely squelched that Constitutional amendment to permit special legislation. The Jersey politi cians will have to rest satisfied with tho Penn sylvania plan of dividing everything into classes and legislating for each class by itself. San Francisco now wants a cable line to be laid from tbe Golden Gate to New Zea land through Hawaii and Samoa, Of course the San Francisco newspapers suggest that tho new cruisers should be pnt on the job. Tbe regulation view of works of that descrip tion In California Is to have the Government do it, and then make a present of the property to the California millionaires. The speculations in silver which are go ing on as a result of the silver law, and the intimations that several members of Congress 1 v ' FlTTSBTJBGr DISPATCH, have mado round sums out of the deals, may give tbe public a new view of that financial legislation before tbe end arrives. The attack of the London Times on the people of the United States for proposing to raise a relief fund for the lamine-stricken people of Ireland will aid tbe movemeutin two ways. It will fix the public attention on the effort to feed tbe hungry, and it will quicken the public disposition to bend In contributions at once. Tho opposition of the Times will help almost anything in America. Chicago is on the search for a perfect smoke consumer. A good many other cities arcMooking for the same thing; but nothing better than burning gas has yet been discov ered. The action of the Custom House officials at Philadelphia in stopping under the contract labor law two teachers who were coming from abroad to teach In. Archbishop Ireland's col lege at St. Paul, Is one of the prize achieve ments under that piece of legislation. In the meantime the dollar-a-day laborers come in by the thousands without let or hindrance. PBOMINENT PEOPLE. The Rov. Father Walter, of St. Patrick's Church, at Washington, is writing his reminis cences of Mrs. Surratt. The Empress of Germany dresses witb great plainness, and thus sets an excellent example to ber husband, which is wholly lost. Smith A. Whitfield, appointed First As sistant Postmaster General in Mr. Clarkson's place, was formerly postmaster in Cincinnati. Mr. Abram S. Hewitt is to read a paper on Trusts" before tho Episcopal Church Con gress, which will meet in Philadelphia next month. Clahence B. Raudlett, who, by tbe death of Mr. Thompson, beconies Secretary of State of New Hampshire, is probably tho youngest man who ever filled such office He is but 24. Ex- Gov ernoe Pattisok, Democratic can didate for Governor of Pennsylvania, has run for office throe times and has been three times elected. Mr. Delamater should cut this out aad paste it in bis hat. The Duke of Marlborough, who is coming over here to make an eight months' stay, is credited witb the design of writing a book somewhat on the lines of Mr. Bryco's "Ameri can Commonwealth." One of tbe principal leaders of tbe temper ance movement in Great Bntain is Mr. Wynd bam Portal, tbe proprietor of the Laverstoke Paper Mills, where the paper that tbe Bank of England notes and the postal orders are made of is manufactured. SrEAKEit Reed Is booked for campaign speeches in Messrs. Cannon's and McKinley's districts abont tbe middle of this month. He will also address tbe lowans while he is out West. Before beginning this tour, however, be will spend two or three days in Maine. The Hon. George S. Batcbeller, who has been appointed to succeed Minister Loring at Lisbon, was appointed Assistant Secretary ot the Treasury a year ago in March. He is a Saratoga connty man; but for 11 years, from 1ST5 to 1SS6, was the American member of the International Tribunal of Egypt. Joseph Savort. the new Lord Mayor of London, was for several years a member of tbe London School Board, but was distinguished for nothing except his conspicuous neglect of the duties of bis position. His triumphant election to the Lord Mayoralty therefore con veys a moral In a slightly damaged condition. OUR MAIL POUCH. Improvements on n Grand Scnle. To tbe Editor of The Dispatch: In your acitatlons for public improvements why not advocate the cutting down of the bumpT Another needed improvement is a new union depot. Then wo onghfto have parks alongtheriver. There is a grand opportunity for this. There should be a wall of stone all along the river front, from the Point to Sharpsburg bridce, from the Point to Braddock-and from McKee's Rocks to a point opposite Braddock All along this wall there should be a fine street, abont 200 feet wide, lined with about four rows of shade tree, with fountains and monuments all along. A tripartite bridge at the point, without any piers in tbe river, or, one pier in the river, and that a tower or fine monument, in future no bridgo should be bmlt over our rivers costing less than 1.000,000. Certain sections of city should be cleared of dwellings and given over to the most proper purposes. There should be a manufacturing section, a commercial section, a residence sec tion, etc. In fact, there should be a recon structive reform. The future of tbe city ana the whole country shonld be considered. Pennsylvania. In 100 years from now. mayjhavo 100,000.000 Inhabit ants, and Pittsburg about 15.000,000, tho whole of Allegheny county one city, the hilltops lev eled into plateans and the valleys filled and bridged, city blocks covered bv single buildings, or towers. 40 and 50 stories bleb. Canals what lor, when flying machines will be far better? Yours, for progress. Yellow How. Pittsburg, Octobor3. WllllnR to Marry. To the Editor or The Dispatch: I was informed that there was a gentleman in your vicinity who offers any yonng man $20,000 to marry his daughter. Please inform me who he is and whero be lives, so that I can write him or go and see him, and if I suit the girl and she suits me we will marry and go to housekeeping. I am a young man 28 years of age; abont six feet high and weigh 150 pounds. I am a farmer and understand all kinds ot farming and tobacco raisinp. Please write as soon as vou got this letter. My name Is . I will go and see tbe gentleman, and if I don't fill the bill, no harm will be done, but if I do suit we will get married right away. It may be a humbug abont him offering the 120,000, but it It is not a fraud, please let me know all about it. 1. N. S. Marion, Grant County. Lvd., October 2. The only instance in which a premium has been off ered for a husband recently is that of a Dakota man who wishes to become a father-in-law. We don't remember bis terms, but they were liberal. Ho is a fnll blooded Sioux and bis daughter Is a likely young squaw. If I. N. S. desires to visit tho noble red.man's wig wam we'll try to loot up the address. Excnrnlon Rnlc.i to the Expo. To the Editor of The Dispatch: Why is it that yonr Exposition management do not arrange to secure regular excursion rates (not too limited a time) on railroads with in a radius of 00 miles from Pittsburg during the Exposition? A good many of our peoDle, I think, would always attend, as the distance is less than to Cincinnati, and I know their eipo- sitions are well . patronized by our people. Rates from Wheeling are limited to two days, which is too short a time for us from here, even if we bad low rates on our roads connecting with roads at Wheeling. You have a great attraction In your Exposi tion, and in some respects it is national and should draw people from a distance to seo it. The difficulty I speak of occurred last year, as well as this. Try to get your railroads to help yon out. It brings more trade to you. as well as to tbem. Expo. Pabkersburo, October 3. Central American Ccpltnli. To the Editor ot The Dispatch: What is the capital ot Central America! Pittsburg, October 3. l, tv". IL. W. evidently thinks Central America a Republic- like tbe United States. It is a col lection of republics, five in number, each of which has Its own capital. There is no general capital, as each Republic is independent, or at least nominally so. Wonld It bn Possible v To the Editor of The Dispatch: Would it be possible for an electric- light to be raised high enough in Chicago to be visible in Beaver FallsT L. M, Beaver Falls, October 3. MAHY HEW JULES OF ROAD. Tbe Rnllivny Abo Estimates That ibe Total Construction In 1S00 will be 0,600 MIIe, Chicago, October 3, The Railway Age will to-morrow publish a summary of railway con struction in the United States in the first nine months of 1880, which shows that 3,782 miles of new road have already been built in 89 States, and on 212 different lines. The States showing the largest amount of new mileage are Georgia, S23.mile; Montana, 312 miles; North Carolina, 226, and Washington, 207. The only Statos and Territories in which no track bas been laid this year are New Hamp shire.' Vermont, Rhode Island, Connecticut. Delaware, New MexicoNorthJUakota, Nevada and Utah. The paper estimates that the total construction in 1890 will be from 6,000-to 8,600 miles aj&inst 5,200 mllea'reported in 1SS9. ' SATURDAY, OCTOBER OUR SHORT STORIES, HIS WAS AN EXCEPTIONAL CASE. i pxiiDON me, sir, but are not yon. a clergy man T" The gloomy-looking, sad-eyed man looked around in surprise. "I am. sir," he answered. "So am I," rejoined the other heartily. "I presume you are hero in the country on the sanio mission as myself to enjoy a little rest from the labors of the year." "Yes, I need rest." "Wo all need it. Preaching twlco every Sun day, conducting prayer meetings, making pas toral calls, officiating at funerals and visiting the sick, make up a round of duties that is very wearing." "I don't mind doing all those things," said tbe sad-oyed man, sighing heavily. "It's a prayer I have to make in public once a day that's wearing mo ont." "I don't understand. Please explain." ''I am the chaplain of tho Louisiana Legis lature." A TASTELESS TREAT. "Vears ago, whin the Fox river branch of the old Chicago and Galena Union Railroad was being built, tbe carpenters were erecting a depot at Dnndee. As the town was too yonng for a saloon, temperance was a virtue jaf neces sity. One day John McGuIre was sentto Elgin for material, and upon his return bronght a good-sized juc, which he carefully secreted un der the roots of a tree, covering It with leaves, until ho shonld have an opportunity to treat some of his friends. But unfortunately one of tbe workmen who believed in total abstinence, and also enjoyed a joke, bad observed John's little by-play, and at the first chance emptied the jug and filled it with water, carefully re placing it. After tbe day's work was done, John found a couple of his chums and led tbem to his canoe, where bo produced tne jug, and invited them to taste '-some of the real stuff, begorra," The first took a good swig, but Instead of the be nign expression John expected to see on his face be grumbled out: "Well, I think that's purtytbin for whisky." "What's the matter now," said John. "I bronght that from the Elgin distillery myself, and I know it's all right." Tbe next friend tried it with the same result, and then expressed his opinion of tbe man who would play such a trick on-his friends. John took the jug, sniffed at It, "That's tho roight smell, anyhow," said he. But a taste ot the water was enough to convince even him: He scratched his bead foraminnte and then sworo a little and said: "Shuro I paid a dollar and a half f of tbe full of the jug of good whisky, and falx, this is tbe first time I ever knew the ground bad power enough to draw "all the goodness out of whisky but the smell." THE LAST STRAW. A tottno man noticed with considerable anguish as he walked down town one morning lately that tbe straw hat he wore was absolutely alone in its glory. A rude boy called to blm to "shoot tbe hat," and several friends made humorous remarks about "politi cal straws," and "the last straw that broke the camel's back." and so on. The young man finally took refuge in a bat store, and ex changed four pieces of silver for a black derby. He did not observe any particular change in tbe atmosphere, and the Signal Service flag denoting cooler weather with a higher temper ature was still flying, but every other man he met was wearing a straw hat. A man to wh om he owed $J met him; as he came ont of tbe hat store, and remarked be was glad some people could afford to buy now hat ahead of the sea son. Perhaps you havo noticed this phenomenon, IT WAS A GREAT GAME. It was a great little game of draw going on in the snug smoking room of one of our best known and 'way-np citizens. Five solid men of tbe town were In it, each one of them for keeps. One was a retired army officer, and one, beside being a lawyer, was a deacon who saw nothing incompatible in his office with the great Ameri can recreation. Toward the end of the game, two of the players having chipped in, the Colonel raised the ante five. The deacon raised the Colonel five. The others dropped out. Tbe Colonel staid with the deacon. Each drew one card. Both players bad a big stack or chips before him. The Colonel bet five. The deacon raised him back five. Tbe Colonel did the gamo to tbe deacon. So tbo bets went until tbe deacon had but five chips left. It was Saturday night and almost on tbe stroke of 12. So the deacon called. , "Ace at tho top," said the colonel. "Ace hlch here," said the deacon. y 'King next." "King here." "Qneon next." "Queen here." "Jack next." "Jack here." "Ten next." "Ten here." "Great spoons!" said the colonel; "batTve got you anyhow. Mine's all Epadcs." "But you ain't got me anyhowl" exclaimed tbe deacon. "Mine's all clubs!" "Well, I'll be !" exclaimed tbe colonel, throwing down his haifd. "So will no, I won't! I'll be jiggeredl" exclaimed the deacon, showing down bis hand. And there they were. Two royal flushes! And tbe result only a pot to divide between tbe two. Tho pot was divided, but each player was grim. What were the winnings? They might have been more, Tbe two players who stayed out bad chipped once each. That made 2 cents. The game was penny-ante, with 5 cents limit. The'colonel and the deacon had each won a cent. DIDRRAY contribute the Inteitnewa and colp obtainable la New York for To morrow'. 'JO.Pnge DISPATCH. THE STATE CAMPAIGN. Butler Democrat (Dem.): After Delamater has made another effort to answer Emery's charges, let's hear who struck Billy Patterson. Waynesburo Democrat (Dem.): Everyman has a f aw enemies in his own party who will not support tbem. but when one Democrat backs out on Pattison a hundred Republicans step In to bis snpport. The Pattison bloom is climbing upward. Harbisburo Call (Rep.): Tbo regular Re publican ticket will not suffer a loss of 10 per cent tn tbo oil region vote. That is an insignifi cant shrinkage, when the calcined light affida vits and brass band campaign of the Barkerltes is considered. ALTOONATrfiunefRep.): Mr. Chauncey F. Black is discussing ballot reform during tbe present tour of the Democratic candidates. Thus far ho has failed to explain why the Dem ocratic State Convention emasculated his ballot reform resolution. Cambria Freeman (Dem.): Mr. Delamater shakini: the bands of the Berks county farmers must have felt something like the culprit who touches the edge of the ax that is to chop his head off. The sturdy farmers ot old Betks have nevor cast their votes for a Governor of the Delamater pattern. Bradford Star (Rep.): Whatever may be the sentiment of many'Republicans ot the county toward the bead of the State ticket. there is a perfect unanimity of the entire party in snpport of the conuty and district nomina tions. 1 boy are all good men against whom no charge can or will be made. .ALtoona Timet (Dem.): Mr. Pattlson's tour through tbe oil country was a continued ova tion. Tbe whole district istboroughlyaroused, and the old party lines will be thoroughly dis rupted at the tsomiag election. The real mag nitude pf the Republican defection will only be apparent when tho vote Is counted. Merger Dispatch (Rep.): E. P. Gillespie, of Greenville, has been nominated for Congress by the Democracy of this district. Well. 'Gone is "a good man, and a merry," as Shakespeare would put it, and will make a hot tight for-the bonor, but bein' as he is a Democrat, we're "ferninst blm." Alex, is good enough for us. Oil CITY Derrick (Standard): The disap proval of the Democratic 'plan of campaign" is not confined to those who heard Tuesday's speeches in this city. From Titusville, Brad ford and other points visited, there comes a qnery as to whether the Democrats have any other Issue to offer tbon tbe stale cry of boss rule and party1 restriction. There Is oven a cry of "chestnuts" at Hon. Chauncey F. Black's campaign stories. TELEGRAPHIC communication witb every octlen and stood correspondents everywhere guarantee oil the newt. THE DISPATCH tamorrow will coyer tbe world. 4," 1890. M0SE BOOH FOB THE EXPO. A Topic Which Evory Fersoa Sboald Vote Upon Now. At the Exposition to-day and to-nfght visitors are requested to register their votes in The Dispatch Poll Book upon a topic of vital in. torest to all who have the best interests of the city at heart. The voting Is carried on at'DlS-patch- Headquarters, Brunswick-Balke-Col-lender Billiard Company's space, during the day and night. Following is tbe topic: Should tbe City give more Ground to the Ex position Next Year T Open to Ladles and Gentlemen. Souvenirs for Lady Voters. SOCIETY ON TIPTOE. Preparations lor the Entertainment of Sext Wrek's Eminent Guest A Round of Fleosore on tbe Programme Other Mocicty Events Comlnennd Pat. Never In tbo social life of Pittsburg has there been as much interest evinced over any one event as Is centered just at present upon the coming visit of the members of the Brit ish Iron and Steel Institute and the American Institute of Mining Engineers, with their ac companying ladies. The local iron and steel men havo for some time been engaged in arranging for tbe entertainment of the guests, and have been eminently successful in outlining a very interesting programme to bo carried out dur ing their stay in tho city, but, wise men that they are, they fortified themselves against any possible semblance of failure by asking the as sistance of tbe local ladles, and the ladles have entered into the idea with a wonder ful amount ot enthusiasm, and have proven themselves already the most valuaDle aids. As a result of tbe various meetings and councils held by tbem daring tho oast few days, a series ot entertainments has been ar ranged that will include besides the grand re ception at the Duquesne Club Honse, an after noon tea at the residence of Mrs. A. E. W. Painter, an excursion np the Monongahela, and a magnificent concert in Carnegie Hall, besides innumerable carriage o rives. The season of festivity will be inaugu rated with tbe reception at the club, on Thursday evening, tbe proposed brilliancy and elegance of which will exceed anything ever before given in the city. The reception committee of ladies, including about 20 of the society leaders, wives of representative iron and steel men, will bo attired In tbe most be-wildering-full dress toilets, as will all the ladles present, and with the decorations, that are to be simply superb and consist of tne greatest aminuance oi tne most exquisite flowers, tropical plants and clinging vines, arranged by Messrs. A. M. & J. B. Murdoch, with tbe excellent music of Toerge's full or chestra, tho effect will be entrancing. Tho local ladies also intend paying the guests a very prettv compliment by sending them. Im mediately upon their arrival in the city, a large bouquet ot roseswltli a welcoming card in closed, and Mr. Murdoch has been instructed to have the most perfect and exqnisite blos soms used in the manufacture of the bonquets. which will be bound with lovely soft silk sashes. On Friday an excursion up the Monongahela, with visits to all the manufacturing points ot interest on the journey and an elaborate nat ural gas exhibit on tbe return in tbe evening, with supper served by Schlosser, will be tbe order of the day. Saturday, private drives and Informal excur sions to the most attractive places in the city, including Schenley Park, which will doubtless interest tbe English people, will be inaug urated for the ladies, who do not wish to accompany the gentlemen on their long excursion and an afternoon tea at tho mag nificent home of Mrs. A. E. W, Painter between tbe hours of 4 and 0, will conclude tbe day's enjoyment and invite a short season of socia bility and friendliness. In tbe evening a full dress concert at Carnegie Music Hall will be a very enjoyable feature, as tbe best talent afforded by the city bas been secured for the occasion. Including tbe Mozart chorus. Miss May Beesley, the charming soprano; Miss Mamie Reuck. the talented violinist; Mr. Ethelbert Nevin, the eminent composer; Mr. C. C. Mellor, the famous organist, and Mr. Zimmerman, tho well-known artist. Tbo arrangement of the programme has been left-to Mr. William B. Edwards, whose name assures an artistic success. Dainty little pro gramme cards have been designed for use dur ing tbe visit, as have also more elaborate and pretentious souvenir tokens. A number of the visitors will bo entertained In private homes,.during their cntiro stay in tho city, as numerous ladies have extended the courtesy and the freedom of their homes to the distinguished euests. A MUSICAL SUCCESS Was tbe Concert Given bun Evening in tho Dell, field Presbnorlau Church. An audience representing tbe fashionable and musical circles of tho city assembled last evening, to do homage to Prof. D. D. Wood, tbe famous blind organist of Philadelphia, who conducted an organ recital at tbe new Belle field Presbyterian Cburcb. It was not tbe first appearance in the city, by any meanv of Prof. Wood, but so popular is the famous organist here, that be Is always assured a larco and appreciative audience. He was assisted last evening by the choir of the First Presby terian Chnrcb, of which Mrs. W. B. Wolfe is soprano; Mr. D. Nuttall, tenor; Miss Mary Bankard, alto, and Mr. John D. Strouse, basso.- The programme consisted of selections by Prof. Wood, from Bach, Mendelsdhon, Meyer bier, Beethoven and Verdi, all of which were rendered with rare expression and admirablo execution. Several solo were gtyeu by mem bers of the choir, and also quartets by the fnll choir, making iu all a delightful evening to tbe lovers of music PLEASURE IK STOSE For Qlemben of tbe Linden Club and Its Horn ot Friend. The Linden Club, of tbe East End, com menced the season of gayety last evening, with a very enjoyable full-dress reception, which was well attended and which is tbe fore runner of numerous similar events, and also a series of concerts that have bat recently been arranged for and which promise to be very en joyable, as Gernert Brothers' well-known orchestra, with no less than 16 pieces, and talented vocal solists. will insure success. Tbe dates upon which tho concerts are to be given are as follows: October 20. November 17, December 8, January 5 and January 23. Social Clmtter. The Allegheny Musical Union held Its first rehearsal last evening, in Carnegio lecture room. Hereafter tbe rehearsals will be held on Tuesday afternoons. A series of four con certs will be given during tbe winter, and ener getic rehearsals are in order, in preparation for them. Mrs. W. N. Frew, ot Fifth"avenue, enter tained a number of her lady friends in her usual charming manner, yesterday. Mrs. Frank Smith gave an afternoon re ception at her home, on Mt. Washington, yesterday afternoon. A delightful progressive euchre was given by Mr. and Mrs. O. A. Culp, of Ellsworth avenue, last evening. Miss Agnes Hamilton's dancing classes will give an opening reception this afternoon at Lafayette Halt, Mr. and Mrs. William Siedel were "at home" in their new Southslde residence, last evening. Amrricnn etorl In Entland, From tbe Washington Pott. Park Brothers & Co., ot Pittsburg, announce their intention of establishing Enropean agencies for tbe sale of American steel. They declare their ability to pay the present freight rates and compete with the European manu facturers. This venture will be watched witb the greatest interest by manufacturers on both sides oi the water. Fiction and Not Enousb Fncti. .From the Chlcaco Mall. The Pittsburg Dispatch publishes along editorial upon "Facts About tho Census." The whole story may bo summed up In the state ment tbat there Is altogether too much fiction and not enough facts about tbe census. DEATHS OF A DAY. Griffith Y. Watt. Griffith V. 'Watt, of 2305 Sarah street, occurred yesterday. Be had been suffering with gastric fever for some weeks. Mr. Watt was well-known among the people of this community, and he had ahostoffrlendslnthlscltywho wilt hear of bis death with heartrelt regrer. He had been fore man of tee composing- room or the Bulletin since Its publication, and was a favorite with every man on tbe lorce, Hnab Kcntlnff. Hugh Keating-, who was well known la this city some years ago, died suddenly yesterday at his homo at St. I'ete'rsburg, Clarion county. Tbo cause of death was failure or the heart. IRELAND, England nndConllnentulEarope are covered br apeclnl cable correspondent! of THE DlSPA'iCH. A big,. badges' Is promised for To-morrow's mammoth Issne. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. Thk self-made made is liable to worship tbe maker. "Ptrr a beggar on horseback and he'll ride to the devil." Tbis is a homely old adage that fits well. Pnt a uniformed driver behind a pair of horses In harness bearing official mountings and he is llablo to drive rough-shod over every thing and everybody. Bat why sbonld he? Take the ambulance wagons and the police patrol vans, for instance. How they do fly over the crowded streets at all hours of tbe day and night. They have tbe right of way, to be sure, but why the awful hurry? The yellow- fiagged vehicle is on a mission ot mercy, of course: but tbere is no necessity to malm or Kill others on the road tbere. And the horses. Why wind and worry them in a race which benefits no one except tbe Jehu who is puffed up with pride and brass buttons. If the victims of disease, sudden sickness, accident, pistol or knife be past medical or surgical aid, all the haste mado by the ambulance corps will not save tbem. Perhaps less baste wonld help them. Who knows. So with the police patrol. How they do scurry over the stones at tbe beck and call of the indicator. The driver knows his load can not get away; but ho races for it just the same. He has the right of way, too, and he feels bound to exercise it. No matter how it adds to tbe discomfort of the people who furnish him with his spanking horses and stout wagon. Tbey must keep beyond reach of his cracking whip and prancing steeds at all times. He's on a mission of misery. Wby tbe baste to hustla the unfortunates behind tbe barsf Justice is proverbially slow, but these vehicles of i ustice are decidedly swift. Rein in. gentlemen. Mercy and misfortune will ever have right ot way over life's highway. Go slower fn tbe service of both. You will get tbere just tbe same. Is November, after voters drpp their ballots in tbo slot. And tbe candidate is landed after battle long and hot; Then the fellows so prophetic, with tbelr faces all aglow, Will be plentiful as chestnuts, and will shont: "I told you so r Without doubt Mr. Delamater expects to enter tbe mansion at Harrisburg over a Matt. But ho can't wipe bis teet on it for all that. Dealers In felt will probably feel the effects of tbe revenue bill, too. When a chap kisses a girl her lips are chapped, of course. Labor Leader Lovelt does not seem to be in love with Kynder's little labor-vote-spllttlng nonsense. The spectacle of a nation begging for food while its oppressors are clubbing hungry men Into submission is a blot ou the page of Nine teenth century history. Londoners are not disposed to treat the gas workers' strike lightly. The soldiers may take a hand and settle it in short meter. It's not often that a Gardner is robbed of $10,000. But tbe one "touched" in Allegheny tbe other day raises lumber instead of greens. Where there's a will there's a way to break it apparently. "When you count up your cash set aside a trifle forthe'poor. They are with us alway, and may appeal to ns at any moment. If a storage battery could be attached to tattlers and scandal mongers life's hardens would be lightened. The iron men coming here will not display diamonds on their fronts or massive gold chains on their stomachs. Tbey are, plain, everyday people, according to the pen portraits of the Eastern reporters. These tbe days of frosty mornings, Early dusks and changeful skies. Autumn pastimes, winter -varnlngs. Politics and pumpkin piesl If every-man was for hlmsolf, the devil wonld surely be for us all. ' Perhaps Senator Quay will write that letter for Mr. Delamater between bites. There seems to have been very bad proof reading on tbe tariff bill. Jack the Rippee bas kindly notified tbe London police that be will soon kill another woman. This will annoy the Wbitechapel fe males worse than the guardians. Wheji Bwords rust plowshares are always bright. The sun seems to have hid himself behind the eqnator. The man in the moon must see f nnny sights When he takes a sly peep at the earth; o nights. Perhaps this is the reason he wears a broad smllo. And bas to get fall every once in a while. THE Gubernatorial candidates are playing tag. May tbe best man win. The Commissioners have classified the World's Fair. Thoycan pacify the classes by getting out the plans and breaking ground. Now comes tbe carpet trust. It should be easily beaten. The tariff bill advances the duty on specta cles, but not quite out of sight. It's .the demand that sets the price on every thing after all. He's rolling through the Keystone State in softly-cushioned van. And everywhere he'a telling folks he's no man's roan; Perhaps he'll find ere many moons, when votes are figured out, Tbat few men's man he really was If they send him up the spout! So the Countess dl Montercoll is going on the stage. Well, she' had some bard knocks n1...i1 qnrt mnr mnlcn n. hit. "I -WOULD rather be a human sandwicb, with the Gospel on my breast and back, and rescue souls, than preach iu a frescoed temple to a handful of old men and women who have gone to church so long tbat they havo sacred rheu matism," is tbe way a Chicago clergyman shook up a small but select congregation. If preaclf ers In general adopt this styls pew rents will .have to be raised. When the Millennium arrives tho recording angel will probably take a vacation. The lawyer who flies a bill usually rasps the party of the second part. Perhaps Mr. Delamater's letter has gone to the Dead Letter Offlce. When a member of tho Oklahoma Legisla ture wants to defeat a bill he puts it in bis pocket and runs. This Is an improvement ou the Pennsylvania method. Out there they have same chance of recovering it. Here it's lost in the shuffle, and that's the end of it. Perhaps Emperor William will not be such a Socialist as be pretends to be after he reads the new demands of his now found friends. He gave them an all, now they tvant the yard. Lay aside the rare cigarros. Upon which tbe Cubans thrive, McKinley's added to our sorrows. Still there's tobies three for five. Foraker should remember Mason. States men who think it is statesmanship to violate their oath of office to save a political friend should ba counted out. The Berlin man who married the girl ha courted for ten years aud then hang himself, after leaving a note stating tbat "nobody knows a woman until after he marries her," evidently preferred death to a divorce court. "N Dr. Depetv does not seem to take much stock in tho labor vote. His man Webb bas boycotted the Knights. II Chauncey should ran for tbe Presidency this will be remem bered. x Make as much mirth as you can the more the merrier; ' yfiLux Wisxle. CURIOUS COSDEKSATlOfif. A woman in New York furnishes love letters at ? 1 a piece. l . Live quail are selling in the Orlando, Fla.. market at 10 cents each. More cotton was received in Macon on Tuesday than on any one day in the past five years. The Constitutional Convention has abolished tbe office of Lieutenant Governor of Mississippi. One bushel of Irish potatoes costs as much in Missouri this year as two bushels of sweet potatoes. The newest thing in pincushions is a clever representation of aloatof bread made of painted satin. An imitation in gold of a wicker rock ing chair, swung by two slender chains, forms a recent addition to chain pendants. The Indiana Supreme Court holds that carrying persons to and from picnic parties on tbo Sabbath is not a work of necessity or charity. A couple at Bavenswood, 111., cele brated their silver wedding last week by being remarried, with their five little granddaughters as bridemaids. There is a colored man living in Arkan sas City who is tbe father of SO children. He bas been married twice, and each wife bore twins six time. A Vassalboro, Me., farmer raised 100 bushels of nice potatoes off from scant half an aero of land. The crop of potatoes is excellent all through tbe State. Iu tbe Alliance procession at Hutchin son, K an., was a monstrous wagon containing SO or 00 children. Over tho vehicle was a ban ner bearing tho inscription,' "over-production." Billy "Wood, of Chillicothe, Mo., planted a pear seed In the autumn ot 18S0. Tbe tree is now 23 feet tall. 9 inches in diameter, and bore four bushels ul pears this year and three last. T"" For unduly spanking an aristocratic Atlanta baby, Mary Henderson, a colored maid, was arrested on Saturday last, while pushing a perambulator containing the shriek ing Infant. Despite her ice crop, Maine isn't alto gether happy. The farmers are sending in word from some of tbe towns tbat they won't have more tban pumpkins enough to make their own Thanksgiving pics. Apples are being ordered in "Vermont from Michigan. A fruit dealer says there are not enough apples In the Otter valley below Middlebury to make a pint of cider for each of the inhabitants of Puritan stock. Kcth Ann Hilton died at Chicago the other day at the alleged age of 110 years. Al though born la Richmond. Va., she was never employed in Washington's family, and, "strange to say, never remembered having seen bim." In the tower of the "Wisconsin Central station, Chicago, is about to be placed what is claimed to be "tbe largest bell made in this country since tbe war." It weighs over five tons, and when in position will be 2U0 leet from the ground. The work of removing the rocks at the Iron Gates obstructing the free navigation of the Danubs was inaugurated on Monday after noon. September 15. wben the Greben rock was partially blown up by a blast of about 130 pounds of dynamite. Iu San Francisco Dr. Connelly has caused a young lady's arre for "disturbing the peace." She lives on tbe floor above bis office, and tbe ground of her offending is that, while she is an Inveterate piano player, tbe physician "denies that she is a musician." The official board of Grace Church, Jersey City Heights, ha3 notified Mrs. Joseph Auteureith that ber two daughters disturb the congregation during service by chewing gum aud smacking their lips. Factional troubles are said to be tbo basis of the complaint. It is proposed tbat the Sunday schools of America erect a building in connection witb the World's Fair, in which there may be such an exhibit as will Illustrate tbe Sunday school institute, lasting an hour or more each day, and extending through 60 or 80 days. Every time a cow moves ber tail to switch a fly she exerts a lorce of three pounds. In the course of tbe summer a single cow wastes 5,000,000 pounds of energy. The cows of America throw away power enough so move every piece of macbinery in the world. A horse belonging to ifr. W. Steward of Ballaghadereen. England, jumped throngh an open window three feet three inches by two teet two inches and three feet from the ground. The horse Is about 16 hands high. He came throngh safe except a little scratch on the hips. December 11 will bs the hundredth an niversary of tbe storming of Ismail by the Rus sian troops. There still lives a veteran who was present on tbat occasion, and received a gold cross for bravery. Colonel Grltsenko bas been on the retired list since 1815, and is now 117 years old. At Eicfawcilcr, in Germany, a lady left instructions in her will tbat when she died she was to be buried in a splendid ball costume. Her wish bas just been carried out. Her father In his last will and testament gave in structions that when he "shuffled off tbis mor tal coil" ba was to be buried in bis wedding garments. His wish was likewise religiously obeyed. Steno-telegraphy is a new system of communication that Is attracting, some atten tion In .France. The Inventor, M. Cassagnes, claims to bo able to telegraph direct by a single wire manifold resorts of speeches, either in short or long band. Tbe instrument resembles a typewriter, bnt is more difficult of manipula tion. With it tbe Inventor says he can trans mit 173 words a minute. A lion cub sent by the Sultan of So koto as a present to tbe Queen was landed from tbe African mail steamer Mandlngo at Liverpool a few days ago. Mr. Bartlett, of London, went down specially to receive the girt, which cams through the Royal Niger Company, between whom and the Sultan a very friendly feeling exists. Tho lion cub is very tame, and during tbo voyage was allowed considerable liberty, and was a great pet ot the passengers and crew. On the last cruise of the New Xork pilot boat Edmund Blunt, wben it was 70 miles southeast of Sandy Hook Light Ship, a carrier pigeon settled on the foremast rigging. The lioatkcoper climbed up and bronght the weary traveler to the deck, where he was given a drink of water and a saucerful ot hot bread and milk, and then tucked away to rest in a box half full or soft flannel rags. There is nothing about the bird to identify it but a sil ver band abon: one leg. on which is engraved 27-29 H.. and the pilots have Decome so fond of their find that thay hope nobody will turn up a its owner. IN A BIISOK KEY. Mr. Nbfrills Taws, I always wsah tb turndown cbllah wben it wains, yah knaw? Miss Dontsay Why? Mr. Norrllls Economy. The tratah can only wain on one side, yah koaw. Drakes Jtagasins. First Local Statesman (looking over a new tlcset). McMorlartby, O'Hoollgun, McGoo yan. O'Uoork. Smith Phaws did ju nomynata Smith far? Second Local Statesman Fhwlstl Tbot's ter cotch tli Amerykin vole, Pucfc Miss Summit The "West must be such a glorious country, Mr. Dashaway I I have a friend who neat out there a year ao and settled, and be 1 dolus sorwcll! Dashaway (gloomily) I bad a friend who went out tbere a year ago, but be didn't settle, CMtiitr ana Furnither, Clevertou I don't see why you leave tho mountains so early and come down in the hot city. Where yon were it must have been cool enough for an overcoat. Danhaway It was. Cleverton Then why on earth didn't yon stayT Dashaway I dldn'thave any overcoat, Clothier and i"umislur. Ted Before you marry this girl I would advise yon to set her to take youtosse her but friend. Ned-What for, prsj? Ted That will tell you whether she Is deceiving you. If her best friend grows Jealous. Instead of showing sympathy with you.it is safe to go ahead. Vrakt't Magazine. "Answer me, Clara," pleaded the young Washington man. I can bear the suspense ao longer." "I cannot answer yoa as yoa wish. Mr. Jay street," said tbe Senator's daughter, with a look of gentle pity In her lovely dark eyes. "On this question of marriage I 1 am already paired with Mr. Kaystreet." Chicago Tritmne. PYGMALIOS TO GALATEA. "Thou art, O wondrous form I divine, Though fashioned by this hand of mine. My life with thee pare bliss would be; Without thee naught bat misery. "What tongue can speak thy matchless caaxmsr Thou ltrestt Come then to these arms; - Jfor thou shalt find a sbe'lter here. And never shed dear Galatea." Put. " i 3-? . -' A.8TV.&siW --SL s y it-
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers