"p s -. zKmwa&yl7!jF ..- $)t B$pf 4 ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 6, JH8, Vol. At, So. IS3. Enteretf at 1'lttsburg I'cstoffice, KcTcmber it, 1S87, as second-class matter. Business Office Corner Emithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Booms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 7G Diamond Street EASTERN ADVERTISING OFFICfc. KOOMH, TRIBUNE BUILDING. NEW YOKK, where complete Dies of THE DISl'ATCH can always be Sound. Foreign aoTertlsers appreciate the con venlence. Home advertisers and friends of THE DISPATCH, while In New York, are also made w elcome. THE DISPATCH is regularly on sale a JJrentano's, 1 Union Square, A'eu York, and 17 Ave, dc F Opera. Pans, .Prance, where any one who has been disappointed at a hotel netcs stand can obtain tt TERM!? OF THE DISPATCH. tOf TAGE FHEE IK THE UNITED STATES. JIAILT Dispatch. One Year. f SOU Daily Diei-ato!, 1'erQoarter loo Dailt Dispatch, One Month TO Dailt DiEPATCII, IncludingSnndaj-, iTcar. JOOO DAILT Diepatch, lncludlnsSundxy.Sm'ths. 150 Dail" DierATcn, lncludingbunday.Imonth 90 Suxdat DisrATcn. One Year ISO TViEKLY DISPATCH, One Year IS The Daily Diepatch Is delivered by carriers at. J.eents ner week, or Including bunday edition, ct0 cents per week. Tuts issne or TI1E DISPATCH contains SO pases, made np of THREE PARTS. Failure on the part of Carrion, Agent, Newsdealers or Newsboys to supply pn trons with n Complete Number should bo piomptly reported to tliis ofBcc. Voluntary contributors should leeji copies of articles. If compensation is desired the price expected must be named. Ttie courtesy of re turning rejected manuscripts mil be extended uhen stamps for that purpose are enclosed, but the Editor of The Dispatch trill under no circumstances be responsible or the care of un solicited manuscripts. POSTAGE All persons who mall the Snndny Issue of The Dispatch to friends frl'nuld bear in mind the fnct that the post ncr thereon is Trro ( 2) Cents. All donblo mid tiiple uninber copies of The Dispatch icqulre a 2. cent stamp to Insure prompt delivery. PITTSBURG. SUNDAY. SEPr. 2S. 1891 FACTS ABOUT THE CENSUS. Itobert P. Porter, Superintendent of the Census, has earned a holiday, and The Dispatch trusts that his trip to Europe will restore him to perfect health. The taking of the eleventh census of the United States has been a gigantic task, and though there are grounds for dissatisfaction with Eoiue of his methods, there is no reason to Count Mr. Porter's earnest fidelity in the work. "When the next censps is taken it is to be hoped that the mistake of burden ing the record with immaterial details will be avoided. That is the chief and most serious blunder in the eleventh cen sus Doubtless, as Mr. Porter says, there will always be a certain amount of crumbling at the census takers, but truly the country has fair reason to be satisfied with the computation th.it theie are sixty-four million people in the uation. The increase in the nation's wealth, which Mr. Porter says is sixty billions oi dollars in the ten years, as com pared with lorty billions ior the previous decade, is also very satisfactory. Infeort, -4h&reTC.U-ii luVtECSuliTLte ii6m disap pointing on the whole. A THREADBARE HUMRUG. The statement iu yesterday's dispatches of the abandonment of that fiity-million-dollar gas improvement corporation, which had reached the stage of getting a New Jer sey charter, shows that the business of flooding the world with fictitious securities, on the itlse pretense that they will yield monopolistic profits, is about ou its last legs. It is practically confessed that the scheme fell through because English capital had been so frequently bitten by previous swindles that it would not take this hook. This contains the assurance that the possi bilities of this most modernized form of the wholesale bunko have been exhausted. This particular example ot the favorite business of loading confiding investors with water was based on an indefinite alle gation that it would monopolize the gas business in the cities and towns of the country. The pretense was a palpable humbug first, because the creation of such a monopoly would call into exist ence competing gas works in every city where they could be operated; and second, because in the cities where a mo nopoly could be held, their profits could not be enhanced by holding them all under one combination. The combination of oil re fineries in Cleveland under the same control with oil refineries in New York swells profits by preventing them from competing with each other; but a gas monopoly in one city does not compete with a gas monopoly in another. The scheme was so utterly with out reason in a commercial point of view, that it can only be regarded as an attempt to humbug investors by selling them 550,000,000 worth of watered stocks on the false pretense that they would represent the profits o! an immense monopoly. It is satisfactory to learn that confidence games of that sort are played out. In con nection with the report that a prosecution has already been commenced in the United States courts under the anti-trust law, it leads to the hope that we arc n earing the time when people can only expect to make money by giving good value for what they receive, and when it will no longer be the favorite way to seek fortune either by deceiving in vestors or by squeezing the public FATAL AND U-ELE-S EFFORT. Baron Kordenskjold, in a recent inter view telegraphed to this country, declared las belief that Arctic explorations mtist go ou until the secrets of the North Pole are fully solved. Anew expedition is to stait from Norway. He hopes it will penetrate closer to the pole than any previous explor ation. As to the benefits to be secured by reaching the heart of the ice-bound regions the Swedish explorer says: "The North Pole may be the key to a thousand things. Who knows?" The world will always be ready to yield due honor to the self-denial, daring and de votion of its Arctic explorers. Bnt with full recognition of the high aspirations that prompt them to undergo their sufferings, it must be siid that his reasoning as to its results is far from logical. It is equivalent, reduced to the bald terms of common seuse, to alleging that the exploration of the polar region may be of untold benefits, because no one knows anything of it. The deduc tion has the inaccuracy which is common where enthnsiasniirises above reason; while the statement of fact, on which the logio is based, is also incorrect We do not know enough of the polar legion to reach the conclusion that further exploration can yield no secrets that will compensate for the suffering and loss of life it will cost to make them. It has been es tablished beyond dispute that it is a region of perpetual ice, incapable of sustaining life, and holding vessels that venture too far in an internal grip. To throw away life and treasure in solving the pulative secrets of a region which can neither afford sustenance to humanity or pathways to commerce, is simply the wantonness of scientific fanati cism. It is thought that successful explora tion might throw light on some of the abstruse problems ol astronomy, but even that doubtful gain is more than over balanced by the fact that the cost of one or two expeditions, rpent in telescopes and observatories, would reveal more about astronomy without any loss of life. ' Pest Arctic exploration has yielded its greatest result in telling us that it is useless to throw away valuable lives in the attempt to reach the Pole. There is nothing to be found there that will exceed in value thelives that must be lost in the doubtful attempts to reach it. THE IMPARTIAL VIEW. As was expected, the pronounced organs on opposing sides profess diametrically op posite views of the force and effect of Sen ator Emery's now famous Bradford speech. The Democratic orjrans declare it conclu sive. Those of the Republican stripe argue it a very weak and picturesque failure. Such are the diverse views which it sdits the extreme partisans to take. Meanwhile, if the same judges were sit ting impartially in the case as a private one they would quite likely quickly agree in plaoe of splitting their opinions. They would decide that while some of the evi dence which Emery offered was mere hear say, much of it was clearly such as would call for immediate rebuttal and explanation from a candidate who happens to be seeking the highest office in the gift of the people. DISCREDITABLE TO BOTH. The recent exposures made in France of the relations of the Comte de Paris and General Boulanger, render it pertinent to remark that the confessed attitude of the leader of the French Monarchv cannot but affect the estimate which thinking Americans will place upon the royal visitor to this country. Of course, no discreditable thing done by one who has a title to royalty will make any difference to the tuft hunters, who are ready to worship anything in the form of royalty. But the American people who have had a high opinion of the Comte de Paris as an estimable though rather perfunctory officer of the Union Army and as a careful and fair historian of our war, cannot but feel their respect for him diminished by what he himself admits of his relations with Boulanger. Of course the discovery that the Boulan ger movement was produced solely by the funds of the Boyaluts, and when Boulanger reached power, was to turn over the Govern ment to the Comte de Paris, puts that military adventurer below the notice of decent men. But what is of more importance' to this country, is the position in which. 'tha descendant of Henry IV. is left by ibis own statement He says that heused such instruments as he was able to reach." The argument that his resurrection of the throne is not so important , thit he is obliged to use whatever instruments he can get hold of, would, of cou-se, be Greek to theBoyalist partvjbiVit seems as if there ought to be considerations of honesty in the use of in struments, which would appeal to the party advocating the restoration ot a throne, to be the fountain of honor and representative of chivalry. It is not to be supposed that an aspirant to a throne, any more than a candidate for political honors, is responsible either for the character or the motives of all his sup porters. But when a discreditable instru ment is used, there is a clear responsibility for the way in which the instrument is gained. It is, unfortunately, beyond dispute that the ability to use Boulanger was secured for the Comte de Paris by direct purchase. It cannot be held to exonerate the Prince from the charge of purchasing a political instrument, that the money was paid by the Duchesse d'Uzes, with his knowledge and approval. Beyond that what this instrument was hired to do reflects an equal discredit upon the purchaser and purchased. It was not to work up popular opinion in favor of the Bourbon restoration. It was not even the mere questionable method of working up a democratic agitation which would drive conservative Frenchmen into the Bourban party. But it was the most dishonest course of all, that was outlined, for Boulanger to gain control of the French Government, on professions of the most ultra democracy, and then to turn over the Government to the re vival of the Bourban Monarchy. It was simply a proposition that France should be betrayed by a purchased treason; and that France should be subjected to the throne by a combination of force and fraud. It is ex actly the same principle, or violation of it, that would be involved, if Presidental electors elected to vote for one candidate, should be bought to vote for the opposition. America can welcome the Comte de Paris on the score of his old friendship for the United States. But it should be clearly understood that there is no indorsement in this country of his part in a political bar gain which, for scandalous corruption, has few equals in the politics of his country. AGAIN A LITTLE LTE- The fiery Colonel Shepard, whose antics as a rabid politician have excited national mirth, has now set up for a theological boss. Because Prof. Briggs, of the Union Theolog ical Seminary, favored a revisioh of the Presbyterian creed, Colonel Shepard has almost succeeded in bouncing him from the faculty. The pernicious activity of this son-in-law of the Yanderbills' may be a subject of humor where it carries no weight, as in the incitement to a new war with the Sonth, but it is serious enough when it threatens the position and field of useful ness of religious teachers who are subject to challenge and displacement if they happen to exceed the restless Colonel's comprehen sion. Meanwhile the valiant Colonel is almost as much behind the times in his war upon revision as in his anti-South crusade. That question has been peaceably settled in the church councils. AN UNCHALLENGED AUTHORITY. The heated declaration is made by a Democratic paper that the passage by the House of a rule to fine members ior absent ing themselves from roll-call would be the end of tepublican government. This evokes from the Philadelphia Press the pertinent reply that in that case republican government was destroyed in its very in ception, since tbe Censtitution gives each branch of Congress power to compel the at tendance of members. This is correct according to the letter. No reasonable man would object to a non partisan rule to make members attend to their business. It might have to be stipu lated that such a rule should be applied im nartiallv that, for instance, a Sneaker who eaves his place to secure his re-cler'on J should be treated witbjust the same severity. J THE as a member who absents himself for the sake of blocking grossly partisan legislation. "With that point conceded, how ever, there is still an authority, which the Bepublicaa organs cannot yery well dispute, for the principle that the rights of the minority include the privilege of making the majority pass partisan measures by a clear majority of the whole House. The authority is Thomas Erackett Heed, now Speaker of the House of Bepreseutatives, and his declaration of parliamentary and constitutional privileges was as follows: This privilege, which the (Republican) minor ity of the Houte at the last session availed itself of, ts a privilege which every minority has availed itself of since the foundation of this Government, It is a valuable privilege for the country that the minority shall have the right by this extraordinary mode of pro ceeding to call the attention of the country to measures which a party in a moment of mad ness and of party feeling is endeavoring to en. force upon -the citizens of this land. And it works equally well with regard to all parties, for all parties have tbelr times when they need to be checked, so that they may receive the opinions of the people who are their constitu ents, and who are interested In the results of their legislation. This exposition of the rights of the minority for the benefit of the people, recog nized as Mr. Eeed declared, "since the foundation of the Government," has never been answered or explained. The attitude of the Republican leaders is that the con stitutional principles which they once asserted are of no value beside the question of party advantage. "When the principles which the Speaker has ranked among those established with our system are thrown overboard ;for the sake of turning out members of whose election there is little room for doubt, the assertion that constitutional and repre sentative government is thereby imperiled, does not seem to be so wholly without foun dation. A BAD YEAR FOR OLD-TIMERf This seems to be a bad year for the veter ans. Congressmen Kerr and Yaux, in this State, have failed ot renomination; Joe Can non is in peril of defeat through the indis cretion of his mouth; Banks is laid on the shelf in Massachusetts; and now it is re ported that Judge Holman fs likely to lose his seat by a union of the Bepublicans and Farmers' Alliance in his district. Possibly it may do the Congressmen some good io have these illustrations of the transitory na ture of political life held up for their warn ing; but in these particular cases Hue public would be glad to have some assurance that the new men will be as good asthe old ones. Bev. J. S. Hicks ifiakes a hit at weather prophecy In bis predictions for Octo ber by saying "PEtpbe.?-snould open with cool, bright S'eather." Everyone will indorse" this staterent; but the persistence with which the whither has been developing those character 'istics, which it ought not to, leave the public In the old doubt as to what October will do. Concerning the speech of Sir G. O. Trevelyan at Portree against allowing "Amer ican millionaire snobs to desecrate the High lands by forming private deer forests," the Chicago Times asks If he could refer to "that stalwart imported defender of Democracy and the tariff, Andrew Carnegie." The speech itself shows that Mr. Carnegie was not referred to, as he has never attempted to form a private deer park. The person referred to was the de nationalized Winans, who some time ago sued some poor people for the crime of Keeping a few sheep on the borders of bis forest. Prof, Dokemus' declaration that the coating of parafflne on the obeliskin New York line nsntitntaft It fenm ifletntaiyrttnn -fnvnfTiOS an interesting assurance that Tiew York will be able to preserve the urant monument irom ae cay, if some other part of the country will build it. The declaration reported to . have been made by Lord Wolseley to General Booth, of the Salvation Army, that if the latter had been a soldier he would have been tho greatest Gen eral of the age, was received by the latter as a sweet morsel of compliment. Bnt if General Booth bad been better acquainted with Lord Wolseley's striking exhibition ot ignorance as to what constitutes a great General, he would have perceived that such a compliment from such a source furnished a good reason to him for abjuring the title of General altogether. The formation of an English "Chemical Union" with a capital of t42.600.000 (on paper) is a sign that England has got the trust disease as badly as this country. If misery loves com pany we may find some comfort in that fact. The unseating of V enable was a pretty strong dose, but the succeeding vote by which Elliott, of South Carolina, was unseated is alleged to have been even a stronger one. The vote is asserted by the New York World to have been taken without a bearing, an explana tion or even a statement of the case. If this is true it was simply a solid manifestation of the partisan policy that if Republicans cannot be elected by the people they shall be seated by vote of the Honse. The American guns have knocked out the English armor plate, and the Amerioan tariff bill will now try to knock out the English tin plate. The banquet tendered by the labor re porters of this city to Mr. William Martin, late Secretary ot the Amalgamated Association, last night was a fitting recognition of that gen tleman's services to the press. Mr. Martin Is bound to succeed in the new field upon which be is uow entering, and none will be better pleased to see him rise than the newspaper fraternity of Pittsburg. PEOPLE OF PBOMtNENCE. "Freddy" Gebhabdt Is said to have lost most of his fortune. Richard W. Thompson, ex-Secretary of the Navy, has been in politics since 1831, He is 82 years old. Senator Butler, of Sonth Carolina, al ways stops at Don Cameron's house on bis way to the Senate. A grandson of Morse, inventor of the tele graph, is a clerk In the electrical department of tbe patent office. Representative Langston, the newly seated Virginia member of Congress, is very light and has a high color. Marshall Field, Jr., son of tbe Chicago dry goods prince, has become a Catholic, He did It to win the girl he loved. General Abram Dtjrtea, the famous commander of the New York Seventh Regi ment in the war, Is very low with paralysis. The poet Whittier is a Republican and a good friend f Harrison, Blaine and Reed, but thinks neither of these gentlemen can be elect ed President. Colonel Tom.Ochtltree was in Pans at lt&t accounts. An Auclo-Ameriran nAffNiunnr published in that city gives somtips from the uoionei on we x rencn races. Chief Secretary Balfour gives no regu lar sittings to Alma Tadema, who Is painting his portrait. The artist has to catch the min ister in odd moments in his office. A number of literary women will take part in the Congress of Women which is to be held in Toronto, Canada, on October M. Among the speakers will be Mrs. Julia Ward Howe, Mrs. Kate Gannett Wells and Mrs. Kate 'Tannatt Woods. L. Clarke Davis, who spent August at Marion in company with Mr. Cleveland, writes to tbe Press to express his surprise at the re ports of the ex-Presldeat's ill health. He says: For five weeks, during nearly every day 4xc-pt Sundays, when Mr. Cleveland went to church, I was bis companion with rod and reel in Captain Byden's or Captain Hathaway's boat, and gen erally afterward at supper, and I never passed' a month with a healthier, cheerfuller, more genial, entertaining, wide-awake and agreeable man. or with a more patient, bard-working, serststeot asd enthusiastic fisherman," PEETSBUHG DISPA'J THE TOPICAL TALKEF TRUE BUT NOT CONSOLING.! "pilE man Id the condemned cell vfls in a terrible state of mind. He wrftig his hands and wept by turns. The jailejljand the prisoner's attorney tried to calm the jyretehed man. But who can dissipate the shasRw of the gallows? On the morrow the mujperor must die, and i.ll hope of paraon or been abandoned. The attorney. prieye had Itall, gaunt man, with a cold, hard face and st ll blue eyes. was not a good consoler, ne am Bis best, but his manner was cold, and his c Isolatory re- marks stereotyped. Finally an agonizipg exclamj Eton from the condemned man brought the him. torney oyer to "Come, come," said the lawyeil "you mustn't CO on in this way. This thin has occurred many times before, but in youaf case you can rest assured it wiu never occuflugaiql" A STRIKING QUES1 'TBI query "Who struck Paltlson?" May yet be answered later Or it may altered be anon I To "Who struck DelamateVyn TOO MUCH TO SWALLOW. Tt is sometimes unwise to yell the whole trutn. I Several years ago a Plttsburo-er visited some of his relations down in West Virginia, They were old-fashioned folks living a long way from the railroad. But the lwelcome he got was hearty and he had an excellent time. In the evenings when the houscfhold would con gregate around the fire in tbfe g kitchen the visitor from the city had to submit to a general catechism. He told of city wiys and sights, all wonders to his hearers, an& answered ques tions of every kind. f , One night somehow or othir the conversation turned upon Are engines, afid the Plttsburcer dilated upon the discipline and equipment of the fire laddies. Ho told iow at an electrical signal the doors of the flre station flew open. tho horses trotted out their stalls, the harness diopped Into Mice, the firemen came sliding down the brass .pole, the driver shouted "Go!" and the engtneiUhed into the street in less than half a minqftei There was a deaaV4nence f 0r a few moments, then the gray-hal4ed patriarch in the group asitea soiemmyz "jjid you say half a minute, junur jonn assented, adding that he guessed it usually tookieS3 time. This was also received in suencex it was clear that the veracity ot the nirratorwas questioned. Nobody said any thing, tfyt the gentleman from Pittsburg dis covereji that his reputation for truth-speaking wasjgnattered. Daring the rest of his stay this Clo.ftd hmiff ctvar ilm lTime passed on and this year the Pittsbnrger IVllaved host tn hlq Wft Vlrr-lnlnn relative They came after much persuading, the specific attraction being the Exposition. They had not been here a day before their host took them to the nearest fire station. He had seen tho foreman of the company first, and as soon as the party1 had entered the station the alarm struck, the horses jumped out, down tumbled the firemen and in about 15 seconds the engine was out of the door. The old mau from the West Virginia back woods, pulled out his watch an old English bnllseye, with a saffron colored face and crazy' gold hands, hanging on a shoe lace guard at the moment the gong struck, and glued his eyes to tho timepiece till the vindicated Pitta- burger asked him: "Well, X told you the truth, didn't If" "They du gear up pow'f ul quick!" was the old man's only answer. Bnt his confidence in his city-raised relation was restored at that instant, and nothing can shake it again. THROUGH SPITEFUL SPECTACLES. If she to him had been more kind. He'd never have maligned her; for If with love he once was blind, Wllh hate be now la blinder. WHY THE MICE LAUGHED, Among the sufferers from the prevalent plague of rats and mice is a certain East End household. The mice especially invaded the houselin swarms. The lemlnlne portion of the family were greatly relieved when the master of tho house brought home a lovely as sortment of mouse traps. The traps were given to the cook with instructions to set them in convenient corners. Everything premised well for a fearful slaughter of mice. The cook made a special expedition for a half pound of cheese, and the house was filled later with the fumes of the same, toasted. Everybody, from the head of the family down to the cook, felt thathis or her duty had been done. For the rest the mice must bo held responsible. The traps were there what more could the micewantf So the whole house passed the night in happy slumbers. At breakfast tbe next morning the lady of the house summoned the coolc from the kitchen, and asked how many mice had been caught. "Not a oner' shortly replied the cook. "Not one, Eliza t Why, how many traps did you set f" "All of 'em, an' the pesky varmints has eat the cheese and bad luck to 'em." "Ate tbe cheese, Eliza f" and straightway an investigation took place. By this it was de veloped that the cook, in the sweet Innocence of her heart, had laid the traps on tbe floor in kitchen and cellar and then disposed about them a nice collation of toasted cheese, thereby offering the mice extra inducements to keep away from the engines of destruction. Hepbubn Johns. Coinmendabls Dincretlon From the Uelena lndepcndent.1 Tho way the lottery 'coon climbed down and out of the columns of Mr. Russell li. Harri son's newspaper, before District Attorney Weed could get his gun to his shoulder, shows him to be an eminently sagacious animal. A Plltsbnroer on Bin Way Home, From the Fhlladelphla Inquirer. G. B. Brenman is a wealthy Pittsburg man who has just closed his handsome cottage at Atlantic City. He dined at the Continental with his family yesterday and then started for home. In the Hnndi of His Frieud. From the Washington Post. That Ohio . man whose honse has suffered eight .distinct strokes of lightning has, very properly, placed himself in the hands of his friends. NOVELTIES m JEWELRY. A novel bracelet is in the shape of a horse shoe, the ends being connected by a small gold chain. A recent scarf pin represents a crab hold ing a diamond between its claws, which form the setting. The gentlemen's double watch chains of alternate gold and platinum links' extensively worn several yearu ago are again in vogue. A recent novelty reported from France is a tip for the end of a lady's belt, representing two tiger's paws of gold, set with diamonds. A watch chain recently shown represents a cable passed through a double block at each end and secured at the buttonhole by a tiny grapple. A new match safe reprnsents a folded news paper wrapped and stamped ready for mailing. The name and address of the owner in auto graph aro enameled on the wrapper. One ot the neatest and most attractive car ter buckles recently placed on the market is in tbe form of a five-barred farm gate, with a diagonal crosspiece from the upper lef thand corner to tbe lower on the right. The clasp is secured by a hasp and staple with a peg which is attached to the gate-post by a single small obalru DEATHS OF A DAY. John B. CluucT. Mr. John B. Clancy, agent for the West Pcnn Railroad at Apollo station, died yesterday after noon of typhoid fever. He had been sick about two weeks. Mr. Clancy waa, 25 yeara of aire and unmarried. He resided - with hli father, at Apollo, Mrs, Ann Rodger. Mm Ann Eodgers, an old resident ol Pittsburg, died yesterday it her home, corner of yorty-nfth and Darldson streets, at the advanced aire or S3 ll years. Tbe funeral arrangements have not yet ween annoancco SUNDAY. SEPTEMBER EXPRESS Y0UR OPINION On Topics aflntoreat to l'lttsbarc by Voting nt DUpntch Headquarter. The Exposition has entered upon its fifth week. The topical voting inaugurated by The Dispatch has touched a popular chord, and Visitors have been enabled to express their Views on important matters through its columns. Every day since the opening the headquarters of The Dispatch, iu the com modious space occupied by the Brunswlck-Balk-Collender Billiard Company, have been surrounded by throngs anxious to ballot upon questions of tbe hour. This week some vital topics have been selected, and all are requested to vote yes or no In The Dispatch Poll Book, which opens and closes with the Exposition every day and night. KOWDAY'a voting topic. Shonld tbe Allegheny river be slackwatered and made navigable! Open to voters of both sexes. TUESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC. Shonld a Citizen's Committee be organized to present Pittsburg's Natural Advantages to Outside ManufacturersT Open to voters of both sexes. WEDNESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC. Should an Iron Tower, Glas3 Palace and Coal and Coke Dome be erected to advertise Pitts burg's Resources? Open to voters of both sexes. On account of the interest attaching to tbe essays setting forth the best means to promote the future greatness and prosperity of Pitts burg, The Dispatch has decided to pub lish several outside of the prize list. Until these are disposed of no essay contests will be announced. They will appear from day to day in the columns of The Dispatch, OHIO CHURCH TALES. Many ministers Attend the Bf. E. Confereace si Ncwnrk, (SPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCH.! Newark, O., September 27. The regular third day's session of the Ohio M. E. Confer ence opened with a larger attendance than the previous days. The annual missionary sermon was delivered by the Rev. A. H. Nixon. Voice culture was talked about by Dr. George K. Morris. Other speakers were Dr. Hartzell, Dr. Gilbert, Dr. A. G. Byers, Henry Gardner, J. S. Rlcketts, J. L. Dixon, L C. Brooks, Samuel Rankin. David Smith, A C. Adams, H. S. Will iams, A. M. Alexander, R. V. Bennett, Anson Brooks, Bradford Crooks, Archibald Fleming. J. C. Gregg, Henry Lonnls, Daniel Herlocber.R. M.Galbreath. Benj. McElf resh.KH. Hall. W. J. Griffith, William Morris. Jacob Martlu. J. R. Groves. R. F. Thomas, T. J. Ross. B. L. Spahr, A. H. Windson. T. 8. Stivers, J. W. Steele. Benj. Tresenrldor. James Gibson, C. D. Batelle, J. L. Hatfield, I. B. Cartlidge, David Mann, S. C. Krampton, James Mitchell. W. H. Sayer, Wilson Gardner and M. D.Vaughn, were con tinned In snperanuate relation. Revs.Walden Wallace, E. B. Jones and C. M. Hagan, of this citv, were introduced. Bishop J. M. Thoburn, from India, was Intro duced to the conference and addressed tbe ministers. He said good work was being done in Calcutta. Baptisms for the year amounted to 6000 and promised to be better. Every let ter brought eood, news of conversions. Five hundred converts are baptized every month in India. After Dr. A. H. Gillette addressed the meeting. The character of tbe following passed for admission for first year: Robert E. Durllng, Wellington E. Prin. Jas. E. Stubbes. Henry W.;Hargett, Jos. Clark, George Agent, George H. Miller, George M, Bates, Patrick Henry, Thos. W. Creighton, George a Madden, A. L. Hanby, F. S. Johnson. J. E. Gardon and were continued. Christopher Collier, discontinued. It was made known that Mr. S. L. Spencer and sister, of Columbus, had banded charges to Bishop Mallilleu reflecting on the Christian character of Rev. I. F. King, in that be had been guilty of crooked transac tion In a land deal. Consent of tbe cabinet was obtained and tbe matter -was looked into and the reverend gentleman vindicated by deciding that the transaction was all straight. A Clercrmnn'a Tin Wedding, Quite a pleasant surprise was accorded Rev. William McClelland, pastor of tbe Seventh Presbyterian Church, at his home last night by tho members of his congregation, the occasion being the tenth anniversary of bis marriage. The party, numbering 100, headed by Mrs. F. A. Duncan, Mrs. W. B. McClelland and Mrs. William rierron. dropped in on the gentleman and his wife, and each presented them with a tin wedding present. FIGS AND THISTLES. The nearer you get to tbe Father's hand the less the switch hurts. The hardest thing God has to do is to tell a sinner that He loves him. Ir you want to learn how to speak well, first learn to bold your tongue. The truth may be crucified, but no grave can bo made deep enough to hold It. " If you go to church without praying for the preacher, tbe devil will go with you. The devil would rather put a long face on a Christian than sell a barrel of whisky. If you want to have a good preacher, treat the one yon have the best you know how. If you don't want to lose everything else, don't let envy get a foothold in your heart. Dr. Truth elves bitter medicines and uses a very sharp knife, but he never loses a case. No man can know everything about God until be first knows a good deal abont himself. A. PREACnER who has a praying church be hind him never has any trouble about getting his salary. If you do not avoid every appearance of evil the devil will be certain to use yon for a stool pigeon. God's hold on man is uncertain as long as tbe devil's claws run clear through bis pocket book. . If you want to be a Christian and do not begin to be on at once, it may he that you never will be one. A man who looks at his wife as though tbe moon was about to turn to blood whenever she asks him for a couple of dollars, is not likely to become very eloqnont In prayer at his family altar. Indianapolis Ham's Horn. Lnld To. Day. (SPECIAL TIUtOBAK TO THX DISPATCH-.", Greenville. September 27. The corner stone for tbe new brick Catholic Church will be laid to-morrow by Bishop Mullen, of Erie. The church will cost 30.000 when completed. SNAKES AT BEAVEB FALLS. A Copperhead Killed Which measured Tbiee and n llnll Feet. JSrXCtAL TBLEORAU TO TH DISPATCH,! BEAVER Falls, September 27. This morn ing Jonathan Anderton, a well-known brewer of this place, while out bunting shot a snake of the genuine copperhead species. Before he shot tbe reptile it sprang at him and strdck viciously. It measured 3f feet. Copperhead snakes are very rare in Beaver county, and this is tho first one that has been seen for years. Robert P. Porter a Flat Failure, From tbe Cblcazo Herald. In spite of its Harrison muzzle, which usually interferes with Its freedom of utterance, the New York Tribune declares that tho census is inaccurate and that Porter is a failure as a census superintendent. The country is curi ously unanimous in this opipion. The only persons who disagree with it are Robert P. Porter and Benjamin Harrison. NIGHT WATCH ON SHIPBOARD. rWEITTW FOR THE DISPATCH.! The night-watch paces to and fro; UK step sounds like a muffled knell. He looks above, he looks below; He sees the bellying canvas swell. And cries, as taps the silver bell, "All's well! All's well!" Tone, In helpless misery lain. And pantrs no mortal tongue can tell. The great ship shudder, aa In pain. Or trembling on the verge of helU Yet still the watchman grecta the bell All's well 1 All's well 1" Thou placid optimist! pace on, And to the stars thy falsehoods tell. Thou canst not cheer the sea-sick one With thine unmeaning watchword's spell. To me. thou erlest, aa taps the bell. All's well! All's well I" -PACL PASXSIOtt, 28, 1'890. MURRAY'S MUSINGS. Reaaons for the Expectation That New York1 New Census Will "how Up Better Wunt the New.pnpem Did The Pnper Three-Cent Piece Tallora Art. IFBOM A BTAVT CORRESPONDENT. TSTE are to get a new count of population. Following the precept of in eminent gentleman from Maine, we will do our own counting and certification. If this scheme bad been followed in tbe original census-taking, every city doing its own counting, the results of the eleventh census would have been quite different. The conntrv mav have polled S6V- I eral million more inhabitants. And if only women had been engaged as enumerators that increase would probably bave been doubled. Any man who has ever played cnbbage, or any other game in which counting forms an Im portant element, with a woman knows her superiority over man as a counter. No woman ever lost a point tbroueb not counting. She will also travel further for S cents than any man living. If, as a census enumerator, she had missed a man, woman or child In her dis trict, she would have persisted until she bad captured that 2 or 5 cents if she wore out a new pair of shoes in the cilorL A man hasn't the head for details. He hasn't the stomach and legs for six fiights of stairs Bix times for 6 cents. I'll bet a cookie that when our recount comes to tbe woman districts her job will be found better than any man's. Next to women 'as census enumerators, the metropolitan police will prove best. They know better tho character of New York's population and know bow to find It. The police of New York are respected as representatives of legal authority. This will get over the great and primary difficulty that attended tbe late Fed eral census. The chief blame for that failure lies upon our own shoulders. Mr. Porter treated us just as be treated the rest of tbe country where, with a trifline exception of a couple of rival cities in tho Northwest, where local causes operated against success, the cen sus was satisfactorily taken. In New York the census was discredited in advance. The New York newspapers jumped upon certain objec tionable questions that were to be asked, and succeeded in arraying practically the whole community acalnst the census as such. An especial hostility prevailed in the more ignor ant sections of the city. A considerable por tion of our population got tbe idea that tho census was an outraeeous infringement upon individual rights and tbe censustaker an impudent varlet who should be kicked down stairs without compunction. Now, unques tionably, tbe pres3 meant welljbut this system atic onslaught carried a wider and deeper meaning to most people than what was in tended. It resulted in such difficulties in the way of a correct enumeration as were never be fore experienced by the Federal census agents. They found themselves antagonized at every step. The people who would perhaps other wise bave assisted them turned a cold shoulder and gave such information only as the law com. pelled them to give. People who were other wiA iinancnlmnna And tractable bolted their doors against the Federal enumerators or fled from tbelr places of abode at tbelr approach. Many openly defied tbe enumerators and the laws and had to be dragged before a United States Commissioner and forced to answer. In those cases the persons apprehended ex pressed their surprise that such a thing was possible. What their favorite paper had taught them was an impertinence and an out rage they thus ascertained was tbe law ot tbe land. Some of tbe enumerators were even bodily assaulted. Nobody would give any In formation of bis next door neighbor who didn't want to give such information about himself. If a hotel full ot permanent guests was missed it was because tbe timid and gentlemanly enu merator was snnbbed at the counter by an un derstrapper and refused any Information con cerning tbe people who lived in the bouse. The agent of the Government would have to try every door in the house or let it go. What would you have doner Let it go, of course. If tbe rooms of a tenement were locked and nobody would tell you who lived there what would you have done? These are exactly tbe conditions under which the census was taken In New York Citv. where Sunerintendent Por- 'ter is styled "The Depopulator." And these are precisely tee reasons way ins count rausb be made again, and, being made again, will probably show that over 100,000 persons were not before enumerated. It need scarcely be added that these facts have not been noted by any New York newspaper. Not to any great extent. a Art of tho Tailor. iiJO two men, oven of exact height and weight," said a prominent New York tailor to me the other day, "can wear the same clothes and be fit." He was measuring me for a pair of trousers. "If the measurement were exactly the same, which it never is, they couldn't do it. Wby? Now, I don't know. But I have found it to be a fact. Tbe measure ment for a pair of trousers, for instance, might be exactly the same, yet one man will have to be allowed from one to three inches more length in the legs than tbe other. The man who is naturally stout or fat, and tbe man who has grown fat late in life, may look and even actually measure alike, but the same cut of cloth will never fit both. Herein lies tbe great art of tailoring: The variations in tbe con struction of tbe human body are marvelous. Now, that man who just left he Is a minister of tbe gospel. He must havo clothes to fit him and fit bis business. His arm pits, shoulder blades and arms do not correspond with those of any other man; nor does the right side cor respond with the left. He probably gestures a good deal with his right hand. He doesn't know that that arm is fully an Inch longer than theotber. This structural difference in men is more general than you would imagine." Beltlns; on a Cortalotr. 'T'HE other day three gentlemen were discuss lng lunch in a downtown restaurant. They were commenting on tbe peculiar currency of different countries, and one of them casually remarked that no paper money could be muph worBe than that issued by tbe United States during tho late war, especially that peculiar issue known as "scrip.' The 3-cent shmplaster was the sum of ail financial villainies. "You mean 6-cent," interrupted the eldest of the party. "No: I mean the 3-cent postal scrip." "Oh! no you don't." This was the third mac. "There wasn't any such issue," said the eldest party. "Oi course notl My dear fellow you're 'way offl" "I tell you there was!" retorted the first speaker, getting hot in the collar. And be in timated pretty strongly that he could pardon the Ignorance of the younger man. since he must bave been a mere child when tbe cur rency went out, but the gray-beard ought to know better. To this the latter pleasantly rejoined that he wouldn't mind a bottle of Pommery Sec on it and leave it to anybody. "Very well I would go you," said the 3-cent man, "if it were not against the rules to bet on a certainty." "That won't do, Johnny; Via betting on a certainty, too. We'll waive tbe rule, won't ire?" "Very well, gentlemen," replied the 8-cont man. "Letbergol" While tbe bottle was being disposed of a couple of mutual friends came in and ex pressed surprise that the trio were drinking "Oh, that's all right. Johnny's paying for it," was tbe facetious reply. '"Join u-I" They joined. When tbe bet was explained tbe 3 cent man was very much astonished to receive tbe Incredulous commiseration of the new- "You'll at least let me In for a bottle on your 'certainty,' JobnnyP' insisted one of the new- "AU right, gentlemen. Let her go!" She Let me in for five perfoctos," cried the other. "She goes, gentlemen." "Now call any gentleman in the room!" cried tbe four In chorus. 'Oh. nop' said Johnny. "It wouldprobably be another bad memory." He toyed with a handsome cigar case as he stowed away tbe extra perfecto. "Lovely, isn't it? Present from my wife." Opening the case the very first oDject that met ihe admirer's eye was, a small, dirty, yellow 3-cent postal note of the vintage of '63. Then np rose fonr of tbe maddest men yon ever saw. Said their bills and plunged recklessly Into ohn street. This Is a world of short memories. They are unsafe to bet on. Retailers of Dyspepsia. ni; pnsh-cart fakirs of the lower town form 1 one of tbe most picturesque and interest ing features of New York lite. No matter Jf you see them every day they claim your atten tion. Their wares include almost everything small and light enough to handle. Doll babies, suspenders, pencils, soap, pocketbooks, candy, matches and everything else you can think of. The law lormds the occupancy ot tbe streets by even temporary stands, but the push-cart is a licensed vehicle, and the theory of thir tolerance is tbat tbey are moving through tbe streets. Tbe policeman Is the bane of tbe push cart fakirs. When an officer comes In sight they grab their cart bandies and amble slowly and sadly along until be Is out of reach, then snug'Ie up against the curb again ana resume business. The narrow Janes below Wall street are alive with the push-cart fakir. In the mid dle of the day scores of lunch carts, lrom which are retailed tbe most curious combina tions of Indigestion, appear. Tbey are largely patronized by messenger and office boys. For 1 cent sneb a customer can get a loau on his stomach tbat will keep tbat organ busy till dinner time. Looking over the entire lot of these venders it is impossible to find a single article of plain, substantial food. The boys probably wouldn't eat it, anyhow. They want sicklv looking cake?, sugar coated, greasy tarts, malleable Iron dougbuuts and sole leather pies, and these are disposed of in horrible abundance. CHARLES T. MURRAY. New York, September 28. OCTOBER'S WEATHEE. What Rev. Dr. Hicks Has to Say About tbo aicteorological Outlook. RevIra B. Hicks, m the Word and Works, gives the following weather forecasts for Octo ber: October should open with cool, bright weather prevailing in most parts of the coun try. Heavy frosts with some sharp freezing will be a most natural result during tbe nights, tiding us from September into October. On the 2d and 3d a sharp and sudden rise in tem perature, followed by stormlness, may De looked for, and by tbe time the higher temper atuie and storms touch the East another blast from tbe North and West will have advanced past the middle of tbe continent. About the 7th It will begin to tnrn quite warm, with soft skies and southerly currents, which condition will grow until storms of marked energy show themselves on danger days 8ih, 9th and 10th. Meteorological laws will compel a period of three to four days of sharp freezing and frost after these storms, which condition will break down progressively from west to east on and next to tbe 14th and 15tb. Warm, southerly winds, witb reactionary storms will be the re sultfollowed again bv tho regular cold wave. As we approach the 20tb, eyes trained to me teorological changes will note the gathering elements of approaching storms. Higher tem perature, filling barometer, easterly to south erly winds storms! Tbe 20tb, 21st and 22d are tbe days in tbe period against which we would especially warn our readers. There Is notice able tendency to stormlness in the regions of tbe northern lakes abont this time, and the ap pruacbing perturbation of Venus, together with other causes, will likely aggravate this tendency at this time into violent movements. The days fullowing up to reactionary move ments about tbe 2Sth and 27th ought to be crisp and cold, with freezing generally to north ward. A storm perio 1 in which Vulcan, Mer cury and Venus aro directly concerned, begins about the last day of October. Tbe month will go out witb rising temperature and threaten ing Indications, If not active storms, to tbe west. There la a longer and harder winter before us than last. Let us see. Meantime, what harm can come from careful preparation for a colder winter and for a drier hotter summer to fol low? "The prudent man foreseeth the evil and hldetb himself, but the simple pass on and are punished." The Wonderful Telephone. From the Philadelphia Times. 1 Tho wonderful facilities of the long distance telephone increase daily. J. D. Baker, man ager of the Lafayette Hotel, was talking to a man in Buffalo yesterday and be says he could hear him much plainer than he hears anyone by telephone in this city. A few minutes later he called up Washington and the conversation was more distinct than if he had been talking to some one in West Philadelphia. SENAT0B EHEETS PE00FS. Oil City Derrick (Standard): Tbe spectacle ot Emery frantically striving to hold a wearied and disgusted audienoe 13 a pitiable one. He has fittingly supplemented tbe suicide ot last April by digging his own grave and conducting hi3 own funeral, while bis townsmen hurried away from the ghastly sight. Meadville Tribune (Rep.): There Is noth ing true in his allegations; he has fastened no crime upon Mr. Delamater and can't, and for tbe simple reason, Mr. Delamater baa never of fended the law In deed or by inference. Emery produces no proof, notwithstanding his asser tions that he would, and it is, therefore, but jnst and fair to brand him a falsifier from the start to the finish. New York Times (Mug.): Senator Emery, of Pennsylvania, fully redeemed his promise to substantiate the charges which he made last April against George W. Delamater. He did not by any means confine himself to reiterating the charges In greater detail, but he presented proofs and repeated his offer to support the charges by fuller evidence in a court of law if the accused would be accommodating enough to prosecute him for libel. This invitation has been standing for several months. Philadelphia Hecord (Dem.): The ex plicit charges made by ex-Senator Lewis Emery, Jr at a public meeting In Bradford last even ing, acalnst Senator George Wallace Dela mater, tbe Republican candidate for Governor, call for equally explicit denials on the pait of Mr. Delamater. If Mr. Emery's charges be untrue, be should be hauled into court and put immediately upon trial for criminal libeL If tbey be true, Mr. Delamater need only make a general denial and then take refuge in silence. Philadelphia Press (Rep.): The statement made by ex-Senator Emery In bis speech at Bradford last night proves nothing so clearly as tbe fact that the charges which he made against Senator Delamater were wholly un warranted. A good deal of the matter has al ready been printed and is absolutely worthless as evidence tending to Inculpate Mr. Dela- matter. It Is strong only in showing how weak and baseless is the material out of which Mr. Emery has fabricated his unjust and vicious accusations. Philadelphia Inquirer (Rep.): Well, Mr. Emery has tried to substantiate bis charges against Delamater and has miserably failed. His speech, excluding bi3 tirade against the Republican candidate, which, of course, is not proof, consists of a few affidavits, and the re port of a conversation engaged in by three anonymous individuals who dare not give their names to the public. These individuals claim to have distributed money to influence elections and tbe public will understand bow to judge such people. HARRtSBtmo Patriot (Dom.1: No Ingenuous reader of the speech will be inclined to deny that the proofs presented by the speaker to sustain bis well-known charges against Dela mater are of a character which the latter can not meet or explain away. The challence thrown to Delamater by Emery to take the matter Into the courts, where testimony could be taken under oath, will hardly be accepted by the former. It serves to show, however, that Emery Is sure of his ground and is cor roborative of the proofs be has been able to present, Philadelphia Times (Dem.): The speech will be very generally read by considerate citi zens of all parties in Pennsylvania. If these accusations came from a Democrat, or from a Republican sorehead, tbey would be at once dismissed as campaign inventions; but as they come from a Republican ex-Senator of con fessed ability, integrity and courage; from one who desired to support tbo Republican State ticket If be could do so conscientiously, and from one who deliberately sacrificed a Con gressional nomination of bis party in a strong majority district to mako manly battle against what be regards as the mastery of debauchery in the Republican organization, his accusations and bis proofs will bo deliberately weighed and accorded the respect tbey meilt. The Ftvsle ' Po1 t,c From the Philadelphia Inquirer.! Since the visit of tbe Republican delegates there has been an nnusual prevalence of tbe famous "Pittsburg stoeie" in town. When a man once begins to enjoy this perversion of the cigar it is said he enjojs It better than a 25-cent cigar. Out in the Smoky City the people consume great nnmbers of the "stogie" and the delezatc3 brought stacks of tbe things along with them. OUB ENGLISH VISITOSS. DIany Surprises In ftoro for Them When Tbry Vialt rennnylvanln nnd the South. From the Philadelphia Ledger. One of tbe most Important trade conventions to be held in this country during tbe year is tbat of the iron and steel manufacturers of this country and Europe, which is to meet In New York on Monday. The business sessions will be held in New York and Pittsburg, but much nf the time of the delegates from tbe Old World will be taken up In trips to Iron manufacturing centers, particularly in tbls Stats and in the South. In Pennsylvania tboy may see iron plants rivaline tho greatest in Europe and in tbe South they will find large furnaces and mills operating great deposits of Iron ore, coal and limestone that hare scarcely been touched, but seem destined to make the South as ereat a manufacturing center as the North. There will be many surprises tor the best informed Englishmen In tbe party, not only as to our re sources, but as to our manufacturing facilities and skill: It Avnllctb Nothing. From the Kansas City Star. A man in Ohio has a bouse with a metal de posit under it which has caused it to he struck by lightning eight times in three years. It is understood that John Sherman is figuring to obtain a lease ot the property, covering the next three years. CDEI0DS CONDENSATIONS. Two Chinamen robbed a bank at Dalles, Ore., of 810,000. An Ionia, Mich., man has raised a cab bage tbat weighed S9 pounds. A Turk in costume is the leader of tho Salvation Army meetings in North Lansing. Micb. Eighteen and one-halt tons or celery were shipped from Kalamazoo in one day re cently. A new restaurant in Paris has colored men waiters. West Indians and others, stranded after the Exposition. An Atchison girl is earning money to go to the World's Fair by doing all the darning in the neighborhood. Homer, Mich., has a military company composed exclusively of ladles. Uniforms are being made for them. While walking along a street In De troit a man caught np behind a lady and snipped off her luxuriant braid with a sharp knife. The ChurfurstlichprivilegirUn Eerzo-lich-Bergischen Provinzial Zeituna Is the name of a German publication. Hard on news boys. An Oswego young lady made 700 words of the letters contained in "conservatory." while her mother wrestled with the week's washing unaided, A barrel containing tomato catsup burst witb great violence in the Fulton market, Sedalia, and besmeared tbe whole Institution and colored all the hucksters a reddish yellow. Sirs. Nancy Carter, of Barre, Mass., who died last week at tho age of 9a years, is said to bave been out of her bonse but seldom for 20 years, and to never have seen a railroad train. A Bangor, Me., policeman was riding in a carriage tho other day when a highwayman essayed to "hold him up." Tho officer leaped out, and, after a tussle, overcame the criminal and locked him up. The force bill is needed in Columbus, Ind. The colored people out there have taken their children from the white schools and in sist upon having a separate building and teach ers of their own color. The Methodist ladies of Sallna, Kan., pledged themselves to raise 81 each for church purposes. Among them was a woman 75 years old. who earned her dollar by making eight baby dresses by hand. There has been inaugurated in Paris a novel development of the automatic fountain invention. It Is for the supply of hot water. Automatlo fountains are becoming one of the features of out-oi-door Pans. Some dudes, who were annoying a Chinaman at Sedalia, Mo., where astonished when be suddenly mounted ono of their bicy cles and rode away, his aueue streaming straight out behind him, as ft Old Nick were after him. The Penobscot river, the largest in Maine, drains 7,400 square miles, a region as large as the State of Massachusetts. From Old Town to Bangor, a distance of 12 miles, the river falls more tban 90 feet, giving several of the finest water powers in the world. James Trefethen, a Kennebunkport, Me., farmer 90 years of age, until last week had never been on a railroad train, had never boarded a borsecar. and was totally Itraorant of electric lights and telephones. Nearly all his life he has lived within a few miles of the depot at Kennebunkport. The police at Chillicothe, Mo., are in hot water. An enterprising advertising firm distributed a wagon load of whistles to the children of tbat place, and the noise they make is identical with tbat of tbe police whistle. The result is that tbe kids have the police on the dead run all tbe time. The Buffalo Fire Department has lately received a novel flro engine, which has excited much interest io tbat city. The carriage is constructed entirely of papier macbe. all tba different parts of the body, wheels, poles and the rest being finished in the best possible man ner. While tbe durability and powers ot re sistance possessed by this material are fully as great as those of wood, the weight is, of course, much less. In 1861. Thomas Moonlight mortgaged his farm for 1300, and used tbe money in raising the irst .Kansas .Battery. A year later Case Broderick joined this battery as a private, and' servodinitto tto end of "the war. Tetwa men are now, by a singular coincidence, run ning for Congress against each other. Colonel Moonlight, by-tbe-way, has never been reim bursed by the Government for the money ha spent In raising the battery. The cords of the cash collecting mechan sm in tbe store of Forbes t Wallace, in Spring field, Mass., were mysteriously cut several mornings recently, and suspicion was directed to tbe watchman, who was discharged. Next day tbe cords were again cut, and further in quiry disclosed that rats had caused the mis chief, tbe cords having blocked up their favor ite passageway. The rats have been dispos sessed and the watchman restored to duty. Mr. Elliott, of South Carolina, was in Ignorance of tbe vote that had been taken la bis case on Tuesday for nearly an hour after he was unseated. He was writing letters at his desk when Mr. Lehlbacb, of New Jersey, went over to express regret for having had to vote against him. "What about?" Inquired El liott. "Why, about unseating you." replied Mr. Leblbach. "Don't yon know that youhave been unseated?" Then Mr. Elliott locked up his late desk and went out. A Bath, Me., butcher noticed a neat harness in a friend's possession that it looked better than his own, which he had not cleaned since he bought It, and offered to swap and pay $5 to boot. The friend accepted tbe offer. The butcher took no better cars of this harness tban of the other, and it soon showed itself rathera poor article. Sometime after he met his friend with a very handsome new harness on his horse and acaln offered to trade. After banding over the old harne-s and So more ha went home satisfied with the bargain and all unconscious tbat he bad paid jnst $10 to hava bis original harness cleaned. FUNNY MEN'S FANCIES. rwRITTES VOB THE DISPATCH. A Mean Insinuation My last poem will be Immortal. According to Antony's dlclnm?" "The good that men do is oft Interred with thtlr bones." The Eemedy The House of Lords must go. "Then why the deuce don't yoa wind It up?" -U, U. Uarkntss. A Historical Fact Was France much agitated by the overthrow of Kapoleon the Third? -Yea, she was moved to Thiers." Sometimes They Are Hogs. "Boys will be boys you can't hope to change them." "Well, I wish men would follow out tbe plan and bemen." She Looks After tho Pens. Our Chaun cey Your mother is devoted to literature, I un derstand. Wales Ya-as. Mother is very pen-urlous Cholmondtty Hareourt. Easy Mathematics. "It is 90 76-100 miles from Phlladelnhla to New York." said the teacher. Acaterawls lntolhe hollow wheel of a freight car In Jfblladelphiattbe wheel la 31 inches In diameter; bow far does the cat travel while the train goes to New York!" . "About 23 feet," said the smart boy at tbe foot of the class; "it was our cat. and she climbed out ofthewneel and got run over before the train pulled out haira ear length. When the train got pa.t she looked Ilka a map or the fur-produelua-region or the Hudson Bay territory, spread out over" But the morning hour having expired, and It be ing tbe teacher's day to faint, and the time having arrived, she took up the business on tbe speaker'! desk, and proceeded with the regular order. BoOtrtJ.BuTdttte. THE REASON. His sugar had no flies on it A fact which he thought grand He never guessed the cause was that His sugar was all sand. Carlylt Smith. A Skin Game. "One day these Wash ington politicians decide to tax hides; another day they determine to keep hides on the free Hit. and the next day they vote to give the President tbe power to put hides on or off the free list, at hit pleasura."' "Yes-aaortor Dr. Jekylland Mr. Hide policy, ain't It!" Polk Suxxipt. TIES BOSS. If I kiss the rose yoa gave me (Treasured sol) IT I say. In dreamy bliss, 'Tit your mouth I kiss, and klsa, Who will know? Nay but, sweet, of sense my mood is Bo bereft If it thus could seem to me. Of your rose. dear, there would be Nothing lertl -Xadillns S, XrUgU.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers