WT'THR. VStS"" THE FETTSBTOG DISPATCH, WEDNESDAY,' ' SEPTEMBER 24, ' 1890. Si i'-E N - -4 : j- jB$pfclj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. 1548, Vol. , o. 3. Enteretf at Pittsburg rostofflce, November 14, 1S37. as second-class matter. Eueiness Office--Corner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Eooms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 79 Diamond Street. EASTERN ADVERTISING OFF1C. KOOMn. TMBDJ.E BUILDING. NEW YORK, where complete flies of THE DISPATCH csu always be lound. Forelfrn aavcrtlsers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and friends of THE DISPATCH, while In New York, are also made welcome. THE DISPATCH is regularly on sale a Srcntano's, 5 Union Square, Hew York, and 17 Ave. tie r Opera. Paris, France, tchere any. one who hat been disappointed at a hotel news tland can obtain ... TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. ruBTAGE FREE IN THE XWITID STATES. DAILY DUPATcn. One Year. "'IS VAILT Dispatch, Per Quarter -0 Daily Dispatch, One Month - "a Dailt DisrATcn, IncludinKhunday, lyear. 3000 Daily Dibpatch, Includinjrbundjiy.Sm'ths. iSO Daily Dibfatcii, Including bunday.lmonth 90 Sunday Dispatch, One Year 150 TA eekly Dispatch, One Year J IS THE Daily Dispatch Is delivered bycarriers at IIcenK oer week, or Including sundaj edition. cl3 cents per week. PITTSBURG, WEDNESDAY. SEPP. 2i 1S90. THE CAR SHORTAGE. The railroads of this region are unable to meet the demand for cars. Nearly all our industries are hampered and harassed by lack of adequate transportation facilities. For some time past this condition of affairs has prevailed, and it is becoming more acutely felt as the volume of trade increases. The Dispatch describes to day the evil effects of the car famine upon one industry, the blast furnaces. Owing to the shortage of cars the furnacemen are unable to obtain proper supplies of coke, and in some cases banking up may be the costly result What is true of the iumaces and their coke supplies applies measurably to all our industries. Pittsburg has always suffered more or less in this tray. The railroads might find it wise to adopt the plan suggested by practical men to do away -with the double-header system and make' lighter trains. The rolling stock of the rail roads ought to be increased. It has not kepi pace with the growth of Pittsburg's trade. The manufacturers are not the only sufferers from the shortage of cars. Pro duction in all lines is rendered irregular, and Pittsburg is injured in more ways than can be indicated. ELECTED BY THE HOUSE. The long deadlock on the Langston-Ven-able contested election was broken yester day when the Republican leaders got a quorum from their own party. "When the " idea was impressed upon the majority that they, and not the Democrats, were responsi ble for keeping enough members in the House to do business, the call upon the Re publicans to discharge their duties brought in enough to do the business, which the Hon. Joseph Cannon describes as "voting like wooden men." With that sort of action Mr. Tenable was unseated and Mr. Langs ton was given bis seat. Or the partisan squabbles which have preceded that act of the House it is not necessary to say much. It may be donbted whether the Democrats would not have been wiser to have kept their seats, and placed the responsibility of turning out the man who was really elected on the majority. "While public business has been blocked by the fight, it is not less a matter for public notice that the important feature of this contest is that the majority has unseated a member of whose claim to aseat there was no reasonable room for doubt. Full proof of that is furnished by the declaration of Mr. Cheadle, of whose straight-laced Repub licanism there is no dispute, that the evi dence in the case showed Tenable to have been elected by a large majority, which hs not been answered, and much less refuted. When the party controlling the Houe undertakes to turn out members whose majority is counted by thousands, there is- not much faith left in the stability and fair ness of that body as a representative insti tution. The Constitution provides that the members of the House of Representatives shall be elected by the people; and by virtue of that provision it stands as the type and bulwark of popular government. But such cases as that decided yesterday locates the electingpower in thehandsol the Committee on Privilegesand Elections,and tends to make the House the type and bulwark of govern ment by partisanligarchy regardless of the rights of the people. Every such act to maintain a party in power by denying the right of the people to fair representation, must weaken it If the Republican party meets defeat this year, or in 1892, it will be due to just such acts of reckless partisanship as that committed yes terday. THE ERRORS OF THE CENSUS. An interesting debate is going cm, in the Uew York papers, as to the effective cause of what is alleged to be inadequate enumer ation of the population of that city by the census machinery. There is not much dis position on the part of Republican or Democratic editors to dispute that the dis closures of the vital statistics and the police census, so far as it has gone, show that the United States census was far from ade quate. The exception is the undaunted Press, which remains faithful to the cause of its late editor, Mr. Porter, rather than to the work of magnifying its own city. As to the reason why the census fell so far below the real population there is the widest diversity of theories. The ultra Democratic papers perceive in it a Repub lican plot to rob that Democratic city of its just representation, and indulge in partisan denunciations accordingly. The Tribune meets such charge with the not very com plimentary explanation, to the local staff of census enumerators, of incompetence or .negligence on their part Tne civil service reform press naturally accepts this theory, and enlarges upon it, claiming the distribu tion of the positions as a political favor naturally put incompetent men at the work, while, the award of the positions by an im partial examination would have selected competent ones. Lastly the Sun, with its usual disposition to agree with none ot its cotemporaries, turns its scorching rays upon each of these theories, and finds none of them worth acceptance. It is the case that none of these hypotheses to explain the shortage, in accordance with preconceived ideas, will stand lull examina tion. The Democratic bugaboo of a partisan conspiracy has the superficial foundation of the inadequate count in New York, and the excessive countof Minneapolis and St Paul, both Republican cities. But the latter vagary has been shown to have been due to the facilities with which the enumerators were willing victims to the local disposition for inflating the population of these cities; and the recount has promptly corrected the misplaced boom. If there were a conspiracy. to diminish tne population of Democratic districts and exaggerate the Republican population, would these remarkable ratios of growth shown by cities in the South have been given, while Pittsburg and Allegheny were reported so much below what they had reason to expect? TheclvltserviceTeform theory, while it looki cogent on the surface, is shown to have a weak application in this respect by two considerations. First, that the necessary qualifications for a census enumerator an unwearied pair of legs and education enough to set down the answers correctly are possessed by nearly every man who can make himself strong among the politicians; second, that enu merators, being paid by the amount of work they did, were not subject to the political temptation to neglect it and rely on political influence to draw salaries. The position was not one that was in request among politicians, being just the opposite of a sinecure. The real cause of the inadequacy cf the census is stated by the Sun, as it was by The Dispatch during the progress of the work. It is in loading it down with the at tempt to Collect statistical information foreign to the proper scope of enumeration. Tne famous investigation into private dis eases and indebtedness could not be prop erly made by those who were engaged in the task of counting the population, and only served to hamper and delay the work. The original and main purpose of the census is to obtain a correct enumeration of the pop ulation for the purposes of apportionment and taxation. If the Government wants in formation as to the health, vital condition, morals, or financial status of the people those can be obtained, like manufacturing and agricultural statistics, by separate in quiries. If the census had been confined simply to enumeration there is no doubt that the work could have been thoroughly done even by those in charge of it Bui he long list of 30 distinct questions to be filled out in the case of each individual prejudiced a portion of the public against giving the information, delayed the work of enumerators, and made their task so nnre munerative that it is little wonder they should have left some of it undone, which called for extra journeys over sparsely built districts, or repeated calls on people who conld not readily be founa at home. The census of this year is not a glittering Buccess; but its experience should be held in recolleotion long enough to guard against the repetition in 1900 of its error of loading the census with irrelevant and im pertinent inquiries. THE TARIFF CONFERENCE. The agreement of the tariff bill conference committee, accepting the House schedule on steel and iron, with the exception of a com promise on steel plates and the Senate rate on steel billets, shows satisfactory progress in the work of giving final shape to the measure and winding up the long struggle. The cut thus made on steel billets is a severe one, but otherwise the agreement is very satisfactory to the iron and steel interests. So far, the work of the conference com mittee on leading features ot the bill has re sulted in about equal concessions. The House conferees have accepted the Senate's reciprocity amendment, and the Senate has accepted the metal schedule passed by the House, with the above exceptions. These steps toward final agreement are such as will meet with approval from "be majority of the nation. The reciprocity proposition was of such merit as to command general approval. The preservation of the House scbedule on iron and steel, while making decided reductions in the duties, protects those industries in which the purpose of protection has not been defeated by trusts or pools from injury by radical and sweeping reductions. The indication the agreement on these points gives as to the sugar schedule is not so satisfactory. There is fear that the House conferees having carried their point on iron and steel will be called upon to surrender the sugar schedule. The state of affairs here is very different The sugar refining in dustry has, with few exceptions, banded itself for the defeat of the legitimate object of protection; and the leading independent refiner, Mr. Claus Spreckels, has declared that the protection afforded by the House scbedule is ample. With the cheap raw sugar furnishe'd by. the pending bill no pro tection at all is needed by the sugar refiners. The House conferees should fulfill the pledge of Mr. McICiuley made on the floor of the Honse, to insist up the lower duties estab lished by the House bill. A good way to complete the mutual con cessions on the bill would be to agree to the House provisions on sugar and the Senate amendment on binding twine. Such agree ment would be something in the line of ful filling the professed opposition of the Re publican party to the Trusts. PROTECTION FOR STEEL BILLET. It is to be hoped that Congress will give heed to the protests of Pittsbnrg manufact urers against the proposed tariff rates on steel billets. Mr. B. F. Jones, in our col umns to-day, states the case very plainly Steel billets have never been properly pro tected, and it is now proposed to rob them of what little protection they have enjoyed. The injustice of this discrimination against a single product is patent, and the Republican tariff conferees cannot afford to let it stand. From our Washington correspondent we learn that Colonel Bayne is trying to have the unfair provisions changed. It is to be hoped that with the greater part of the schedules settled satisfactorily the effort to round out the bill in this important feature will be successful. PROMISING BUDS. This has been a very poor year for fruit, but the political blossoms are showing pro fusely on the Presidental Candidate shrub bery. Reed and McKinley are blooming in all the freshness and beauty of their first formal introduction as ambitious aspirants. Yet with the frosts of two winters still ahead, it is too early for their followers to talk with confidence. But of the staying qualities of that hardy quadrennial, James G. Blaine, there is no such misgiving. If Blaine really means to compete for the Republican nomination for President in 1892, nobody has the least doubt that, his health spared him, he will be at or very near the top of the list when the balloting begins. Singular to note, the one name which is seldom seriously discussed among the prob abilities is that of Mr. Harrison. PROVING THE ARMOR PLATES. The test of the respective merits of armor plates of foreign make against a gun of American manufacture, is correctly con sidered as yielding results of very great importance. First, the power of the American-made eight-inch gun and its projectiles were satisfactorily demonstrated. This was to be expected, as in the struggle between armor and guns abroad, the latter have usually come off victorious. It Is satis factory to learn, however, that the perform ance of .the heavy ordnance manufactured in the United States shows it to be ally up to guns of European make. The great significance of the test was, of course, in Its demonstration .of the superiority of the steel plates used in the Freneh navy over the compound armor, which is supposed to protect a large majority of English battle ships. The Cammell compound plates were subjected to the same test as the French steel plates. At the fourth shot the former was completely wrecked, while the latter was only cracked after five shots. It may be doubted whether in some re spects this test has not a more revoluti on Ary result than the battle between the lioni tor and the Merrimac That world-renowned fight only destroyed the wooden navies, and left the' respective power of naval arma ments as they were until new navies were' built But this test carries to England the startling doubt whether her naval suprema cy has not been lost by covering her ships with worthless armor, while the smaller French navy is protected by armor of un undoubted superiority. That this conclu sion will cause a panic in English navy yards is beyond question, and it is likely to produce a new demand on the long-suffering British tax-payer tor the means to replate the half-protected vessels fondly hoped to be invulnerable. The test is also truthfully said to show that our naval constructors were right in adopting the French tyie of steel plates for battle-ships. But in that respect the test cannot be regarded as complete uptil American-made plates are subjected to the same test as the French ones, in order to know whether they stand the actual proof of resisting powers as well as their foreign models. EMERY'S ANSWER. The war in the Northwest continues. In answer to an assertion from Bradford that Republicans among the oil producers are not antagonistic to Candidate Delamater, ex-Senator Emery responds with the names of 250 more or less prominent Republicans who have signed a paper pledging them selves to Pattison. Evidently the contest for the Governorship is arousing deep feeling in the oil regions. Meanwhile the most important incident in that quarter will be Emery's assumption of the floor on Friday night By his success or failure then must mainly be measured the extent of his influence on the canvass. DRINK AND GOOD ROADS. Not much comfort can be obtained from a perusal of this county's statistics of drunk enness as they appear in our columns to day. The worst feature of all is the increase in the jail commitments, seventy-five per cent of which may be ascribed to drunken ness, since the, Brooks law went into effect In the last two years more than nine thou sand persons have been sent to the county jail, and of these it is said that nearly seven thousand were imprisoned for offenses growing out of inebriety. The growth of intemperance does not appear to have been retarded by restrictive liquor leg islation, but rather the contrary. It is suggested that this army of prisoners might have been employed to good advan tage on the public roads. It would have been healthier for them, no doubt, and the community would have gained good roads instead of nothing from the harvest of in temperance. "In the political field," remarks the Phil delphia Inquirer, "a He well stuck to is often considered as good as the truth." Thus the official Delamater organ explains its persist ency in asserting that Governor Pattison it re sponsible for the waste ot money in the extra session of 1883, because the Leglslatureref used to do its duty. It is reported that Kilgore's feat in kick ing open the door of the House of Representa tives has placed him in the front rank as a can didate for Senator from Texas. Some very peculiar Senatorial qualifications have already been developed, such as the possession of a big hank account, but this will be the first time that a man has been thought to show Sena torial eligibility by his performance as a kicker. Plumb, of Kansas, evinced some talent In the kicking line after election to the Senate; but be does not kick to the bitter end that Kilgore does. Still, it is doubtful whether Kilgore's kicking abilities, unsupported by other quali ties of statesmanship, will raise him to the Senate. He bad better be content to stay and do his kicking in the House. Born, anger was well enough shown up before; but when be puts himself in the posi tion of asserting that a woman from whom he acknowledges receivinc 600,000, gave it becauso she was in love with him. he gives the finishing touch to bis own repututlon as something which it were base flattery to call a man. The New York Press says that the pros pects are getting better that the conference committee will extend the benefits of free sugar to the consumer as well as the Sugar Trust It is to be hoped that the prognostication ot onr cotemporary will prove correct; but it is to be f earea that the strnggle of special inter ests to get all they can out of the bill will result in each taking all it wants, and the Sugar Trust obtaining Its share of the grab. IT the resort to striking is ever justifiable it Is so In the Illinois, coal mines, where the operators refuse to pay wages on a par with their competitors. But the miners should be certain that they can win before they call upon each other to surrender the Blender wages they are getting now. Me. Chauncey M. Depew, in a recent address, relcrred to reform as the "shibboleth of fools." This will form a companion motto to Senator Ingails' declaration that "the purifi cation of politics Is an lrrldescent dream." Mr. Depew may know what reform was in 1872, when he tried to make a reputation In that line, but of late years the principal quality which he has exhibited lu connection with re form is his ignorance of It If the Republicans are going to resort to photographic views ol the House In order to shape public opinion on the merits of the two parties, a picture of that row caused by Can non's nnreportaDle language would doubtless convey a great deal of instruction. The Republicans in Ohio have declared the policy of nominating string men to Con gress, in response to the Democratic gerryman der. The nomination ol Foster, of Fostoria, is an example 6f the sort With the close affilia tion of Foster to the Standard Oil barrels, he is believed to be strong enough to carry anything, according to the Ohio Ideas, illustrated by Payne, Brice and himself. With the House schedule on Iron and steel adopted it is to bolhoped that the House conferees will not make a trade of it by sur rendering its provision of cheap sugar to the consumer. The failure of Lima oil speculation and the closing of the two Ohio exchanges may be explained by the fact that the public has had experience enough to avoid dealing in a ma nipulated staple. If the Pennsylvania producers can establish competition In the transportation, storage and refining of their product, the pub lic may deem it safe to take an interest In the market once more. Canadian FUherlca'StatUtlcs. Ottawa, Ont., September 23. The Fisher ies Department has received statistics of the salmon packed on the Frazer river .this season. The total catch is 210,050 cases, or over 11,750,000 pounds, valued at 11,407.248. When the pack on the Noas and Skenarvers' and of the coast is added the total number, of cases wltVrcach OUR SHORT STORIES. ' TRUE TO HIS PROFESSION. IV there be a man that is absolutely true to his professional faith it is the swamp doctor. To him there is no such thing as advancement in the science of medicine. "Doctorln' folks is doctorln' folks." and that's all there is about it He selected his model from that old class of practitioners, now happily extinct In more civilized communities, known as the bleeders. To one of those old fellows the letting out of blood was the letting in of life. ' Some time ago, a man while working at a sawmill, had one of bis arms torn off. The only physician near at band was an old swamp doctor, who as a last chance was sent for. When he arrived the unfortunate man was rapidly bleeding to death. The doctor whipped out his lancet "What are going to dor' the owner of the mill asked. "Goin' to bleed him." "Bleed him the dence. Don't you see he's nearly bled to death now?" "Oh. I can't help that My professional honor is at stake, and I must bleed him." "But he can't stand It The thing to do is to stop bis bleeding." ' "Well, I'll stop the bleeding of the torn arm, Dnt I'll let the blood out of the well one." "You shall not" "All right then, I'll not have anything to do with the case. If medicine can't go its way in this community without being trod on, w'y I stand aside." SCRAPPIN' IN THE KITCHEN. 1Tt's a scrappin' time I have it," said the cook. "Here I've gouged the eyes out of the potatoes, basted the meat snlit the head o the cabbage, whipped the cream anil beat the eggs, and now I've got to pitch in and do up the preserves." SHAKES. 'To shaking hands the candidate Doth now himself betake He later learns, alas! too late. Who's given him the shake I BESSY BLOSSOM'S BABV. AToored near the muddy banks ot the old Monongahela river the shanty boat "Bessy Blossom" lay. Nothing strange about that, for there are scores of them in the vicinity of Pittsburg. But this boat was an exception. It was clean, well painted, pretty. Two rooms cheaply but neatly furnished. Jim Bilson, aged 30. laborer, was sole owner, if we except the natty little woman ho called wife. That would be only fair. Somehow or other folks looked with interest upon this little craft There were two children on board, a boy and a girl. As the trains passed they waved a little American flag, and the com muters learned to look for them. One morning the children were missing, and upon the door of the shanty boat a piece of black rag was banging, tied by a mite of white muslin. The commuters all looked solemn enough, and some of them decided to visit the , bereaved family. They did so. One by one some half dozen men crossed the gang plank, knocked at the door. The mother was out washing somewhere in the city, and the two children hung with tearful eyes over a little 'white box in the corner. What a pathetio sight Enough to move a heart ot stone. Silently these strong men stole npto the casket with solemn counte nances, and were astonished to find the dead body of a miniature sky terrier that bad wan dered ashore in the night and devoured a Pitts burg dog button. During the mother's absence the youngsters had draped the door. Six strong men crossed hands upon the muddy beach, and made a solemn compact never to reveal to mortal man what they saw on board the "Bessy Blossom." As they pass her every morning they ex change glances, bite their nether lips and are silent ThatisalL POLLY WAS PROFANE. Aw Innocent green parrot with a yellow top knot is enjoying the tine weather these days, and keeps the neighborhood informed of his linguistic talents from his cage in a third story window on the Federal street hill, Alle gheny. Two little clrls stopped to admire Polly the other day. At that moment be had stopped expressing his desire for crackers to remark in an infantile tone, "O papal O papal O papal" over and over again. One of the little girls called up to him, "What do you want PollyT" Polly answered in a gruff bass voice at once, "Goto 1" The little girls did not go to the torrid place named by Folly, but they went away at once. SHE SHOULD CHEER UP. ""The autumn's drama now la staged, In scenes of gold and red; The summer girl who's not engaged Ho longer hopes to wedl HIS FIRST AND LAST CIGAR. The squatter who had "jist drapped in ter ax fur er leetlepjnanerfac chawin' terbaccer" watched the boys as they lit their cigars, but declined to smoke one. He produced a clay pipe, filled it with "sto' tobaccer" given him by one of the crowd. After lighting his pipe and smoking silently for a few minutes he began. "Hit's mighty nigh thirty yeer sence 1 rid ther mall Pom Petervllle ter tber P'int. I was on'yerboy 'bout twelve yeer ol' an' I dldn' bave as much s'ence as er spring chicken. I'd git inter ther P'int at night an' stay twell nex' day. Onst I was tbar jist afo' Chris'mus. I was er standin' in front uv er stable whar I kep raer'ponv. Fo' boys 'bout mer size come er long. They axed me whar I come fom an' whut I was er doln'. I tol' 'em. All uv 'em was er smokln' uv seegyars an' one of 'em he lowed ter me, s'se, 'Does you smokef An' I said, s'l, 'Yes. I smoke, bnt I hain't got nary er pipe.' Then he says ter one them yother boys, s'se, 'Dick, give 'im one er them Ieetle red seegyars uv your'n.' Dick says, s'se, 'All right,' an' he handed hit ter me an' 'lowed, 'Hit won't draw good at fust but Boon as hit gins to sizzle, hit'U be bully.' He fetched hit with the fire-end uv his seegyar, an' I put hit in mer mouth. Hit wouldn't draw, no matter how hard I nulled. Bimeby bit started to sizzle. Dick says, s'se, 'Pull bard, greeney,' an' I pulled a heap. Jis' then hit 'sploded, and I dropped, skeered mighty nigh plnm ter death. The boys they runned off er laughln. but 1 was too skeered ter do any thin' but holler, an' you bet I hollered. A man run up an' says he, 'Whar yer hart?1 I told 'im 'bout the seegyar I smoked, an' be bust out er laughln'. too, and' says, s'se, 'W'y, yer dang fool, hit was er fire-cracker yer smoked 'stid er or seegyar.' Sence 'en I hain't smoked nntbin' bat er clay pipe, an' I don' trus' nary soul ter fill hit but me." CHICAGO ALL RIGHT. The National Commission Approve the New felto nod Praise Chicago. Chicago. September 23. The South Park Commissioners this morning formally passed an ordinance granting Washington Park for the use of the World's Fair. This was formally accepted In tnrn by the local board of direct ors, and at once eot to the National Commis sion, but that body had taken a recess until the arternoon. The National Committee to-day adopted reso lutions reciting the fact that reports had been sent out to foreign papers, giving the erroneous impression that Chicago was not the popular choice for the World's Fair site, and signifying the entire approval of the commission with all that had been done. The resolutions, which will be sent to the principal foreign cities, state that the prospects for a successful International ex position are as bright as could be desired. DEATHS OF A DAY. IHr. Will am Reed. The venerable Captain William Eeed, of the Central Station, the oldest police officer- In active service In the United States, sufferedasad bereav mens last nlRht In the death of his esteemed wife. Mrs, Beed had been 111 lor some tlnte. land was 09 years or aire: Captain Heed has the heartfelt sympathy of his very many friends. Mrs. Mary Ann Jenklason. Mrs. Mary Ann Jenklnsou died yesterday at the residence of her son In Bellcvne at the age ot 78 years. Mrs. Jenklnson Is the mother of K. ft W. Jenklnson, the well-known wholesale tobacco and clvar dealers. The funeral will occnr to-morrow i at 11 A.M. Mrs. Lonlsn Hobble Mrs. Louisa Hebblr, nee Kosellcb, wiro of Geo. Hebblg, died yesterday at her home on Fourth street Beltihoover borough, at the aire of 62 years. The funeral takes place on Thursday at Z r. M., from the late-residence of the deceased. HARBOR RESTRICTIONS REMOVED To Giro Chicago Store (-pace for the Columbian Exposition. Washington, September 23. Acting Secre tary Grant of the War Department, has ad dressed a letter to Hon. Benjamin Butterworth, the Becretary of the World's Columbian Expo sition Directory, in reply to his communications and telegrams, and those from the President and Vice President and other members of the directory and citizens of Chicago, in reference to the use of the Chicago Lake Front for the purpose of the Columbian Exposition. Mr. Grant says the department has arrived at the 1 ollowinc conclusion: The old haroor line 2,000 feet Inside of the west wall of the breakwater is re-established and extended south. The restrictions hereto fore existing between the prolongation of the center of Monroe street and Park Row, inside of the harbor line, are removed upon the condi tion that the Illinois Central Railroad Company consent to the provisions of the act or the State of Illinois, approved August 5, 1890. and the ordinance ot the city of Chicago adopted September 15. 1890, and release all claims to land between the points named and east of their right of way. Acting Secretary Grant. In announcing this conclusion of the department, says it may be proper to state that the view of the depart ment has been tbat all the waters included in vhat is known as the outer harbor of Chicago by reasons of the acts of Congress and the building of the breakwaters aud other acts of the government were within control of the w ar department, and that It bas been the duty of the department to protect the harbor for the purpose of navigation and commerce. And the act of September 19. 1S90, clearly places it under the control of the department It is now proposed, he says, to devote a large space inside the harbor line to the purposes of the Columbian exposition in the interest of commerce. It is urged that the exposition will result In the increase of navigation ard com merce, and more than compensate for the space that might be used forpiers and wharves. The department, he says, is Inclined to take this view. In removing the restrictions from the locality above named, it is not intended to In terfere with, or affect any private right, ripa rian or otherwise. WITH SPEECHES AND SONGS The Fourth Anniversary of tho Connty Bcmocrncy Is Celebrated. The Tooms of the County Democracy conld not hold the crowd that gathered last night to celebrate the fourth anniversary of the organ ization of the association. The old war horses and stand-bys of the Democracy were out in f nil force to do honor to the event and they did it in true Democratic Jacksonian style. William J. Brennen, Esq., occupied the chair and made the opening address. "Billy" is a candidate for Congress and pnt oat his best foot first His speech was characteristic of the well known attorney and referred to the good work being done for the party by the associa tion. Everything was informal and there was no set programme. The Idea was to have a good time and anybody that wanted somebody else to do something had only to say so, and the somebody else had to get up and do it. The Hooper Bros., with their mandolins, rendered some fine music and showed by their efforts that tbeywere artists worthy of merit and praise. The Major Sellers Quartet sane several songs and were followed by William Finnerty, the well-known soloist, L. Loughrey, 'Squire Boyle and others also contributed to the enter tainment About 11 o'clock members of Tony Pastor's company and thelnnes Band appeared and rendered vocal and instrumental music An appetizing lunch wound up the celebration. POLITICAL PRISONERS IN ENGLAND. A Resolution of Inquiry Regarding Ameri cana Deprived of Liberty. WASHINGTON Septembor 23. Representa tive Scranton, of Pennsylvania, in the House to-day presented for conference to the Commit tee on Foreign Affairs, the following pream ble and resolution: Whereas. Harsh and brutal treatment of po litical prlsloners Is now universally condemned by all civilized nations, and even from England remonstrances bave been addressed to the Rus sian Government on behair of Kusslan subjects Incarcerated for political reasons: and. Whereas, Several American citizens (Dr. Galla gher, W. Kent J. Wilson, T. Whitehead and others), are now undergoing Imprisonment In England for political oflen.es against that coun try, and are, according to even official reports and admissions, being treated, with exceptional and unjustifiable severity; therefore. Besofved, That tbis House respectfully and earnestly request the Preslnent to cause Inquiry to be made, an far as practicable. Into the condi tion and cases of the prisoners, and should the re ports referred to prove correct, then to endeavor to f care for them numane and decent treatment, pending efforts on their behalf which, it Is antici pated, will prove that they have not been fairly or legally convicted of the offense as charged against them, and are, therefore, entitled to re lief. HOT A GREAT TRAVELER. An Elk Connty Man Who Never Journeyed Over Six Mile. rSVXCTAti TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCH. I Wrr-cox, September 23. This county of Elk has a curiosity in tho shape of one J. G. An derson, of Glen Hazel. Although he has lived on bis farm, near this place, for 80 years, and within one mile of three railroads for 12 years, neither he nor any of his family have ever rid den on the cars. The greatest distance he has ever been away from home has been to this place, a distance of six miles, with a horse and wagon. CANDIDATES FOB CONGRATULATION! Two Prominent Young People Quietly Mar ried Last Night. A pretty but quiet little wedding took place In St. Peter's Chnrcb. last night, about 7 o'cloek. Rev. Mr. Mackey officiating. The con tracting parties were Miss Alice V. Connor, sister of J. C. Connor, department operator of the First police district, and James H. Sbep pard, a brother of ex-City Clerk George Shep pard. Shortly before 8 o'clock the bride and groom left for the West on their bridal tour. On their return they will reside In Pittsburg. HO YANKEE NEED APPLY. An American Denied Permission to Fish In Canadian Waters. OTTAWA, Peptember 25. The Minister of Marine and Fisheries has had under considera tion the application of Captain Whltelaw, a United States citizen, asking permission to catch whales in the Gulf of Georgia. As the Captain proposed to do his whaling In American bottom, the Minister would not allow a precedent to be created, and permis sion was refused. PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS. The late Rev. E. P. Roe will be honored with a monument at the hands of his townsmen at Cornwall, S. Y. Steps are being taken in Troy to erect a monument to to the memory of Miss Emma Willard, who did so much tor the hlgrer edu cation of women. ' THE Duchess d'Uzes, who-furnished Bou langer with his money, is the owner of the Veuve Cliquot champagne business, which she inherited from her mother. John H. Littlefield. who lectured last season on "Personal Recollections of Abraham Lincoln" in nearly every Northern State, Is now in greater demand than ever. PASTEUR Is a small, solidly built man, vory pale and rather sickly in appearance. He limps when he walks. His taco shows In every lineament a high order of Intellect, DOUGLAS Bladen, tho Australian poet Is spending the present month in Nepigon, Oot Next month he will visit Montreal and Boston, in which latter city he has many admirers. AT his beautiful home In Germantown the late William Brockle dispensed a cordial and lavish hospitality. Nearly every person of any distinction who visited. Philadelphia found In Mr. Brockle a warm friend ana thoughtful host ( GskebAL MERWIN and Jndge Morns, the opposing candidates for Governor in Connecti cut, are so irretrievably and entirely bald that their heads shine' like a couple of aro lamps. And yet each of these gentlemen is after the other's scalp. THK Rev. Royal H. Pallman, who is running for Congress on the Republican ticket in tlfc Third district ot Maryland, explains his posi tion by remarking that be 1s trying to elevate politics, and that he Is doing only what every Christian should do. Rev. Dr. MEBEnrrH, who, next to Dr. Tal mage, preaches to the largest andiences In Brooklyn, was a sailor boy. It was in that capacity tbat he first arrived in San Francisco, where he remained some time, and then went to Boston to study for the ministry. ALT. the printing of the Hampton Instituto of Virginia, and much of it Is of a very artlstlo character, is done by the negro and Indian students of the college. The Indian boys in particular learn the art readily and take much interest in turning; out ornamental work. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. If everybody was honest we would not have to carry night keys. "In the midst of life we are In death." This was forcibly brought to mind by an incident yesterday. I saw a grave-faced, spectacled man patiently scanning the files of The Dis patch. Curious to know his object, I kept an ere on the columns sought He was poring over the obituaries, making careful notes on a pad, and seemed to be gloating over that whioh brought sorrow to others. He spoke not neither aid he sigh. Slowly, but surely, he tiansferred the names of the deceased to his note book, the list lengthening with every pen cil stroke. What did be want who was he why did he seek the record of the dead in the land of the livingT Can you guess? No. Well, Til tell you. He was a tombstone maker the man who carves deep epitaphs into the headpieces; who polishes long shafts of granite for the rich, and rubs rough edges off mean slabs for the .poor; who grows fat on green graves in all communities that patronize fashionable cemeteries. What was he oing? Well, ho was taking down the names and address of the dead to guide bim aright in drumming up business among the living. He may call in person or send his pros pectus or agent to see you you who bave lost someone whose memory must be perpetuated by a name, a text, a line, a verse, a word or a cold, cold stone. A growsome task, to be sure, but a profitable ono withal. So I left him fill ing out his pad name, age, abiding place when living with DeathI Each pencil stroke brought him nearer his own tombstone, but be could not see it in the Then while so busy with the Now. He was grubbing for gold in the grave. Too much sympathy acts like a poultice on a healing wound. It keeps the spot sore. The acts of Congress are supposed to be laws. They have mainly been lawless this session, nowever. People who howl for a higher education should study in balloons. Congress and baseball will stop about the same time. Good things seldom come in pairs, but when they do we appreciate them. A Baltimore street preacher says the Devil gets aronnd jnst before election time. He will probably travel over Pennsylvania in a barrel this year. Murders are committed in cold blood dur ing heated arguments. The campaign orators are doing the speak ing this time, but the people who finger the ballots are doing the thinking. The Count of Paris will not be disputed. The wind may be tempered to the shorn lamb, but bow about the bald-headed man. Now let the sound of hammers drown all the discord In Chicago. When actual work begins on the fair buildings people will begin to save np their small change in order to help foot the bills. The college football crack is a bigger man than the college President Artists agree that the Sheriff of Allegheny county conld have hung the paintings at the Exposition a good deal better than the hang man to whom the disposition thereof was in trusted. People who talk about Pittsburg being dirty and sooty nowadays must look at It through a glass or several glasses. The big men who were entertained by skele tons at the Wbitechapel Club, Chicago, the other night probably saw snakes before the night was over. The club keeps them on tap In the sideboard. Chicago's hindsight is better than its fore sight after all. lv yon want to see a fine-looking, well-fed, contented, jolly, broad-browed body of big men take a peep into the hall where the German Catholic Congress sits. The McKinley tariff bill will make mighty interesting reading in Europe. Those who chew the cud of contentment In stead of the weed need not carry a tooth brush In their waistcoat pocket. A sweet-faced girl may have a sour temper. BASEBALL players are not the most con tented fellows on earth, even if they are always re-signed. A boy babe left in a doorway is certainly a step-son. The bondless and uninsured married man who travels without an accident insurance ticket in his trousers pockets nowadays Is heartless Indeed. Besides, the paper will identify you. Girls who use arsenic wafers make pale angels. The man who prays loudest and longest usually has something on his conscience. People who swim in the glided ripples of the social stream are just as liable to sink as those who paddle along in the free baths patronized by the masses. Both will clutch at the same straw, too. The clerks at political headquarters are busy "shoving the queer" now. The voters can't be queered tbis time, though. Kittenish girls are liable to become real old cats. The man who stands npon truth cannot be knocked down by a lie. When Delamater's record Is held against the Emery wheel at Bradford next Friday, its polish will probably be dimmed instead of brightened. The pirates of the rail should be treated like the pirates of the sea. SPANlsn dancers are now the metropolitan rage. They are an improvement on the Gaiety skirters, as they use eyes and arms instead of the lower limbs to please the scanty-haired. A dog always has a tail to tell when it de sires to express satisfaction. A pack of cards is no longer "the Devil's book." The reprints of the French and Rus sian novelists and the intenso realism of some English-writing romancers can give the paste boards.a "pat?' hand and win cutfor Satan every time. The old adage about whistling girls and crowing liens has been ruthlessly shattered by the successes of the tuneful females or the period. Of course they are not dead yet and anything is liable to happen before they pucker their rosy lips for the last time. They have colored lights In the House now. Willie Winkle. Ex-Pre1dent Tlnyei Addresses Boldiers. Warren, O., September 23. The dedication of tbe soldiers' monnment brought a large crowd to the city to-day. Ex-President Hayes delivered the address, speaking interestlcgly 30 minutes on the general topic of tbe war. There was an imposlug parade of the G. A. R, and civic societies. AN AUTUMN SONG. All the summer's worn and old; The sun has ceased a-woolng It Trees are drooping blood and gold Blood for mnrder of the right And gold to bide It out o'slght; Bnt for all they are so bold I think they'll rail for doing It Jill the careful sun is cold. Till the watching stars for dread Go out and cease to lighten It, Crnel earth drlnks'np the red, Wrung by last of greedy gain From the broken sweater's pain, From the dying and the dead, Till never moon may whiten It With her sliver pity shed. Ye who tread a golden way With hearts or others paving It Hark! the autumn voices say: 'The yellow leaves lie ankle deep, But through them still the crimson peep. Buddy drops to stain tbe day. . Do after rain-drops. laving It, Wash the purple from the clay.1 -Xtna P. Layard, in Harper's Magaiin for October, SOME Ljy TOPICS , To be Ysted on at the Exposition An Im portant Prize Essay ContesL Tbe Exposition has entered upon its fourth week. Since the opening day, visitors have bad an opportunity to vote npon a variety of popular topics, and thousands have taken ad vantage of The Dispatch Poll Book to ex press their viewsnbereon pro and con. This popnlarmode ot ganging public opinion will be pursued by The Dispatch until the close of tbe big show. To-day visitors are requested to cast their ballets and make such remarks as they see fit on tbe following topic: Should tbe Granting of Liquor Licenses be Placed in the Hands of a Commission? Open to Lady and Gentlemen Voteis. Vote Aye or Nay on the foregoing at Dis patch Headquarters, Brunswick-Balke-Col-leuder Billiard Company's Space, Exhibition Building. On account of the bulk and variety of the competitions for the. Prizes offered by The Dispatch for the best essay on the measures to be taken to promote the growth and prosper ity of Pittsbnrg, The Dispatch has decided not to detract from their Importance by another essay contest until after the pending awards bave been made and the competitions pub lished. Tbe topic Is of vital importance, and he public must be given opportunity to digest the views of tbe writers without being tnrned In other and lesser channels. UNITED PRESBYTERIAN SYNOD. A Large Concourse of ministers, bnt a (Scarcity of Chickens. rSFZCIAI. TILEOBAM TO TUB DISrATCO.1 Cochkanton, September 23. The thirty third annual session of the First Synod of the West of the United Presbyterian Church met in the United Presbyterian Church at 730 this evening. The session was called to order by the Read ing Moderator, Rev. Mr. Graham, of Allegheny Presbytery, who preached the sermon, and opened tbe Synod with prayer. Tbe six pres byteries constituting this Synod are Allegheny, Beaver Valley, Butler, Cleveland, Lake and Mercer. The Stated Clerk. Rev. H. H. Hervy. of Hartstown. called the roll of ministers and elders, about 180 answering to their names. Rev. L. McCompbell, of Butler Presbytery, was elected moderator for tbe ensuing year. The Board of the Theological Seminary, of Allegheny, will report to-morrow, when a pro fessor of church history will be elected and other business transacted. In tbe evening there will be a conference of yonng people's meeting, opened by Prof. J. B. McClelland, of Grove City. The good people of tbe town have made ample arrangements for tne entertain ment of tbe visiting ministers and elders, bat no chickens have been shipped to market this week. PRESBYTERIANS AT REDSTONE. Proceedlnes of the Presbytery The Greens- barff Difficulty Comes Up. rSFZCIAL TELXGRAX TO TOB CISFATCH.1 Dottbab. Beptember 23. The Presbytery of Redstone met in tbe Presbyterian church at Dunbar at 2 F. M. to-day. The Presbytery was opened by a sermon by retiring Moderator Rev. W. A. Edle. This Presbytery was preceded by a religious conference. The Presbytery wag organized by electing Rev. 3. R. Donehoo, of Mt. Pleasant chnrcb, as Moderator. Reports of the several boards ot the church were heard this evening. Tne difficulty in tbe Greensburg chnreh was brought up, and its consideration fixed for to morrow. A LONG TIME IK SETTLING IT. The Senate Finally Slakes a Favorable Be poit on an Enily Nomination. Washington, September 23. The execu tive session of the Senate to-day was confinel to the consideration ot the nomination of George B. Maney, of Tennessee, to be Minister to Uraeuay and Paraguay. After a fnll dis cussion the favorable report of tbe Committee on Foreign Relations was concurred in on a yea and nay vote by two-thirds of tbe Senators present The nomination of Mr. Maney was one of tbe first sent to the (Senate at this session of Con gress, bnt it has been held up until now by charges made against bim relating to bis per sonal hablta. TO RECEIVE DR. FA1RBAIRN. A Reception Under tho Anplcei of tbe Presbyterian Union. The Presbyterian Union has arranged for a reception to be tendered to President Fair bairn, of Oxford College, England, on Monday, the 29th inst., in tne First Presbyterian Church. Addresses of welcome will bo delivered by Drs. Jeffers and Pnrves. The members of tbe Union, with their wives and friends will attend the reception. . EXPLORATION OF ALASKA. Favorable Report on a BUI Slaking; Appro priation far the Parpoe. Washington, September 23. Representa tive Rockwell, of Massachusetts, to-day re ported favorably from tbe Committee on Mili tary Affairs a snbstitute bill making an appro priation of 8100,000 to enable tbe Secretary of War to cause an exploration and survey of the interior of Alaska to be made by such force of officers and enlisted men ot the army as he may deem available. A Horning Question. From the Norrlstown Herald. The Pittsburg Dispatch observes that "if Satan was married he wonld have to stick closer to home." Do you think she could make it any hotter for bim? STATE POLITICAL NOTES. New Castle News (Rep.): We believe ,n mtnfatftr In New Castle and nearlv avapv one in Lawrence county is against the Mc Dowell nomination. Vunes AHrror (Ren.1: The Noves clan gathers in new recruits every day, and tbe fol lowing in tbe district is a vase one; one mat will lead him to victory. WTT.T.r-A-wupmiT Hun (Dem.l: It is sought to show tbat Mr. Scott Is responsible for Paul son's nomination, as yuay is ior Aeiamaters. This will not do. Mr. Pattison was the choice of the party by a large majority. Reading Times (Rep.): Senator Delamater madpamost favorable impression upon the nanni. nf Rartra rnuntv. wherever be met them. His reception in Reading will be remembered with pleasure by all wno witnesseu u. Meadville Gazette (Rep.): Senator Quay i,,. ., mK an effort at oratory. His speeches have been mostly of the kind tbat re sembles the smokeless powuer auu .us noise less bullet and whose effect is most apparent where it hits. Habbisbtjbg Telegraph (Rep.): Chairman ira. ia eitfini, nn n'niEThts devising wavs and . ... A i -n rfpnrv Geortre and his fren U1CU3IU AWbV . - w trade ideas from being Injected into the Penn sylvania canvass. George is lairiyacning to stump tbe State for Pattison. Tj.mrnrri Telraram (Ind.1: Your Uuberna. torial candidates bave been among you, you bave seen and neara weiu uu jour uuty is clear. It Is to go to the polls on the 4th of No ..., , arf nprfnrm that dntv of whfnh It has been written "To speak his mind is every free man's right. T.ii,-Mnnir Tribune (ReD.); Lewis Emerr announce that be will deliver a public speech against Delamater, anu ooumr "uu says us will run Independent for Senator In the Forty .....j Hiii,ir The. difference between them and Kilgore, the Texan, Is that he wanted to get ont of the House; mey juck Because mey can't get in. D.nimvlFmiMfMn (Ren.1: There will be regret at least in Pennsylvania, lhat Gen eral Hastings was not eieciea Aiirecior uenerai nr tti. f-niioafrn World's Fair. Altboueh he came within a few votes of election, inasmuch as the people or Chicago wameo. a unicaga man. It Is perhaps best tbat they bad their own way and secured Mr. Davis. Philadelphia iVetM (Dem.): If the bogus 4.iii..ui,tinA "slated to meet in thUcltv ttis week, is not a Quay scheme, it looks might ily like It T.P.Rynder. the Pittsburg man who has handled tbe affair, bus called a meet ing of the Union Labor state vommittee to "nominate a Bute ticket." This meeting will be tho "convention," and tbe only purposj of this will be to swing; votes of the workingmen from Pattison. CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS. Twenty carloads of rasins left Fresno, Cal., Sunday, for the East A Georgia woman is the mother of 26 children, all of whom are alive. A banter at Columbus. Ga., resulted in two men swapping their artificial legs. An editos of a Georgia newspaper has been presented with a six-pound potato. A Chicago janitor is in the habit of ridding by electrocntion the building be serve ot rats. If all wife beaters were treated like one In Augusta, Me., wife-beating would probably die ont. He was fined S1S2 7a California prunes have become so pop ular in tbis country that It is said the French, are beginning to put np their prunes In tha California style. , An optie nerve belonging to Mrs. "Wm1. Bailey, of Port Huron. Mich., went back on her the other day. It left her sightless in one eye and never hurt a bit. A Brooklyn woman, Mrs. Augusta Ek blom, who Is seeking a divorce from her hus band, has been roamed three times within year. Twoot her husbands died soon after marriage. A kitten in Hood River, Ore., caught a lizard, out will never catch another. The rep tile, in attempting to escape, ran down Its enemy's throat where it lodged, with fatal re sult to tbe cat A boy was recently discovered in Mid land connty, Mich., near Pleasant Valley, whose body is covered with scales marked similar to that of a mud turtle. He bas been coopered and will be pnt upon exhibition. A serious epidemic has broken out among the horses around Davison. Mich. The animals are affected with swelling of the nostrils and lungs, and they froth at the mouth. Death happens seemingly from strangulation. Herbert A. Clark, of Chaplin, Conn., fell in love with a woman who wonld not listen to his declarations. He then pestered her with anonvmnus letters, writing as many as 150. He has finally been arrested, and a commission has adjudged him insane. A citizen of Summit, Ga., was awakened one night by a racket In tbe smoke honse. Ha took a light ana went to see what It was. and to his surprise be found tbe would-be Intruder a "slick tail possum" in a piece of old stove pipe, where he bad crawled for concealment C. Goodrum.of Athens, Ga.,has invented an improvement on the telephone, which. It is claimed, would revolutionize telephonic com munication. It is now announced that tbo Bell Telephone Company is fighting tbe grant ing of a patent by the authorities at Washing ton. Patrick J. Hauler, a convict in tha State prison at Boston, bas had 40 days of soil tary confinement for threatening to kill ex District Attorney Ives, of Salem, who has re cently been sentenced for embezzlement The confinement was the longest in the history of the prison. A strange story has just been pub lished in Germany on the strength of a letter from an eye witness, now dead, to the effect that General Abel Douay. wbo fell at the bat tle of Worth, was really shot by an officer in a Tnrco Regiment who was furious at Douay'sj order of retreat A minister from Africa, Rev. Leonidag Tnnrkeisen, Is lecturing to colored people in Georgia on tne advantages which Africa holds out to tbem and urging their emigration. Ha has arranged for an expedition for Africa November 15, and expects to carry about 2,000 negroes with bim. Any patriotic aud nnsoohisticated couple tbat will stand np in cotton bagging in the fair grounds of tbe Piedmont Exposition, at Atlanta, during Alliance week, and there bo wedded for better or worse, will receive $100. The second couple that fancies tbis sort of a wedding will get 30. Some sly rogue, who ha'd learned tha exact location of tbe boxes and barrels in a store at Woodstock, Ga., crawled under tbe store and bored auger holes through the floor into tbe coffee and sugar barrels and then, by holding a sack under them, succeeded in get ting a supply of these articles. A man who spent ten months in South Carolina, where divorces are never granted, made a record of 5i0;separations, many of tbem witb a murder as the result, and several hun dred cass where husband and wife have lived together foryears wltbbnt speaking: HesayS that divorce would have been a godsend in every case. A Michigan woman whose husband went ont to chop and didn't return at night dreamed tbat she saw a tree fall upon and crush bim. She pot assistance to look for him. and he was found crushed. It wasn't under a tree, however, but on tho public highway, where he got drunk, lay down and let a load of hay roll over him. The Senate bas passed the House bill to discontinue the coinage of tbe SI and S3 gold pieces and the 3-cent silver pieces. They will presently drop into the cabinets of coin col lectors or follow the trade dollar bark to tho mint The 20-ccnt piece, silver half dimo and 2-cent copper piece might follow them into re tirement and not be greatly missed. The negroes in the neighborhood of Cohutta. In Whitfield county, are excited over what they claim to be a case of conjnring. Lizzie Clark, a negro girl, has been acting strangely for several da vs. Last week she be gan to bark like a dog. bray like a jack and im itate snakes. Tbe darkies declare tbe girl has been conjured, and say that just under her skin are scorpions, which rnn when touched. While fishing for crcvalle at Titusville, Fla., a man hooked a specimen of this game? flh. and in its rapacity mijudged the location of bis throat and allowed the bait hook and Una to slip ont throngb bis gills, when tbe bait was instantly seized by another hnngry crevalle, wbo was firmlv booked in tbe month. Both of the fl'b. which were beauties, and weighed abont six pouuds each, were landed. A young Eastern tenderfoot, who is now in the State of Washington, writes thus to a friend:." What do you think of trees 630 feet bight They are to be found in the unsurveyed townships near the foot of Monnt Tacoma. and what Is more, I have seen them and made an inatramMtal measurement with tbat resnlt- Tbere are lots of trees in that locality whoso foliage is so far above tbe ground that It is Im possible to tell to what family they belong ex cent by the bark-. Very few people know or aream oi iue iniujcini.ji wu .u.wd.fe.wn.u. SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT. "Here, fork over that watch I" said the road agent as be slipped the traveler's roll of hills Into his pocket, "aad be quick about It." Great Caesarl" expostulated the tourist "you wouldn't take a man's time and money too, would yon?" Washington Star. A somewhat adventurous spirit having risen la tbe British army from tbe ranks to tha post of major was asked on his return from tho Asiatic climes If he had ever been bastinadoed. "I have. Indeed, . was the reply Just as It was expected to be. "And was It really very palnfuL Major?" was asked. "It was, madam. Upon my sole it was." Jiarper't Magazine. Hankerson "John, did yon Ice two doxen bottles of champagne, as I tola yon?" The Butler "A o. sorr. The Icebox wasn't Bis enough for more than twlnty." Hankerson "What hare yon done with the rest?" The Butler "I set the cook and the maids a-fan-nla' 'em. ton."-Uarper't Magazine. Benevolent but Near-sighted Employer Patrick, what's that under your eoatf Fat (who I working- the growler) I'm sorry to say It 19 a can, sir. Employer-Geat heavens. Patrick? Slopwork and go straight to the hospital. From Muntcy'l Weetly. "What do you think of my poem?" "Which one?" "The Ode to Besant ' ' It's fine- The wayyou rhyme Besant with pleasant' and decent' and Mecant' shows that yonr muse is a very liberal-minded young per son." from Lift. Drowning Man Help! I'm drowning! Stranger (on bank, hastily divesting himself of bis clothes) Horrible I Can yon swim? . Drowning-man (rlslnir to the surfaces and for the last time Of coarse! Bat don't yoa see that notice on the bridzei "Swimming- strictly forbid dea berer" From Chatter. Lawyer Hubble Tbe Fifth National has failed, and I've been victimized! Old Fobbs Keallyl The news most have quits, upset yoa. Lawyer Hubble No, I was not upset; bat I lost my balance. From Racket. THE NEW ANTJ THE OLD. When first McGlnnis swung his club, I And started on bis beat He wanted to arrest each man He saw npon the street Bat now. when several months have pissed, v Observant people vow He'll travel several blocks around A place where there's a row. Washington Put
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers