?SBTJHG " DISPATCH; WEDNESDAY, r -SEPTEMBER 17. ' 1890. jpije mmm. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY S, 1S46. Vol. 45, No. 22 Kntcred at Pittsburg rostoffice, Jso-xcmbcrlJ, 1SS7. as second-class matter. "Nv- EusineEs Office Correr Emithfield and Diamond Streets. News Booms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 70 Diamond Street. KAsrriiN ADvnirriMNG office hoomb, TKincM1 mjiuum;, sew yoi:k. where complete files of THE DISl'ATCII can always be !ound. KorelRU aarcrtlsers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and friends of THE 2U1'A1CU, -nuile In Jvew York, are also made velcoine. 7I1E PlSPATCIl is regularly on sale a JJrcntano's, S Union Square, Sew York, and 37Atc de r Opci a. Pans. Prance, tchere any. one tt-Ao has been disappointed at a hotel news stand can obtain it. TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. I USTAGB TREE IX TUB mOTED STATES. jiailt DisrATCn, One Year I S 0j DAILY DiFrATcn, 1'erOuarter -" Dail Di'i'ATCK, One Mouth - 70 lmiA UisrATCII, lncludinpnilay. lyear. 3000 J)ail HisrATcn, lncludingSnndnj.Sni'ths. ISO Iail Dispatch, Including Sunday. 1 month SO M'xvai Dispatch, One Year ISO eekly Dispatch, One lear !5 the Daily DiEFATCn Is delivered bycarricrsat : cent. Der vfeek. or lncludine Sunday edition, r0 cents per Tve-k- PITTSBURG. V. EDXESDAY. SEPf. 17. 1S90, THE PRODUCER- KENEDY. Tuc oil situation, as it has been set forth in the columns of The DisrATCn, is fraught with the gravest results to the oil producers, and at the same time contains a promise of remedial measures. The actual effect of the elimination of competition by absorption is set fortn in the tersest manner by Mr. David Kirk's communication in yesterday's paper. Although consumption exceeded production last month, the reduction of prices for crude and the removal of premiums which the Standard has made, decreased the returns to producers for last month SS78.000, or at the rate or $10,o3G,000 per annum. This is a decidedly heavy penalty for the producers to pay for the loss of competition in piping and refining petroleum. Whatever hair-splitting and fine-spun J.vpothesis may be advanced to explain this showing, one lact exhibits the real cause of it beyond dispute. The fluctuations of the price of certificates may be due to other causes than the control ot the monopoly, such as a gain in production, or a diminu tion ot demand. Mr. Kirk shows that such causes are not at work in this case, because the consumption has exceeded production by 1,010,000 barrels in the past nine months; and refined oil is practically at the same level now that it was last November, though crude has declined over 25 per cent. But beyond the cogent bearing of this tact one unvarying and almost universal proof exists of the value of competition to the producers. This proof has been furnished by the Standard itself, and consists of the fact that wherever and whenever competing pipe lines or independent refineries have succeeded in reaching the producers, the Standard has paid a premium of from 8 to 25 cents on the oil thus reached by competition. "When that competition has been bought up or itifled by the Standard, the premium has disappeared, as it has done in the southern district during the past year. This is the Standard's own valuation of the worth of competition to the producers, and it demonstrates two important things. The first is that the great share of the bur den, which it is able to impose by its monop oly, falls on the producers. Take Mr. Kirk's estimate of 510,000,000 as the annual amount which it has been able to take from the producers Dy the absence of competi tion, and it is not difficult to account for a great share of the wonderlul wealth which that monopoly has accumulated in the past seventeen jears. What is more to the pres ent point, it shows beyond dispute the true aiid permanent remedv for the evil. It cor roborates what Tun DisrATdi has always urged, that the only way to loosen the grip ci the Standard on the petroleum situation is to establish and maintain competing pipe lines and independent refineries. This was the original purpose of the Producers' Union; and it was the vital mistake of that movement in permitting itself to be switched til to support the Standard's suggestion of a Bhut-down, that is largely responsible for the present situation. As for the method tt alleviate the present burden, Mr. Kirk stands upon solid and im pregnable ground. His only error is in too liberal a statement as to the amount ot money needed to create competition. It may be true, as he claims, that 510,000,000. or the annual loss iO the refiners, might he required to build a plant that will do the present work ot the Standard's ?90, 000, 000 of wa tered capitai; hut a much less sum will es tablish pipe lines and refineries that will call competition for the purchase of crude oil into active force again. Judging from the value of the independent concerns bought up last year $2,500,000 ought to es tablish pipe lines and refineries that will restore the premium iu the lower field, and 55,009,000 judiciously distributed in pipe lines throughout the region would call into existence new refineries that would make it impossible for the Standard to depress the market for crude by its fiat. In other words, if the competing pipelines and refineries should not earn a cent by their own operations, they would pay for them selves in six months by the saving to pro ducers. With such a showing there should be no question as to the course to take. If it is objected that the Standard will buy up these competing concerns by bidding higher prices (or them, the answer is plain that the producers can afford to sell the works at a profit, and to build new ones with the pro ceeds until the Standard has its fill of that sort of property. The remedy is plainly in the investment of all the money that can be laised in competing pipe lines and refin eries. If the producers act unitedly for that cud they can break the power of the Stand ard within tro years. LliGIHTIOX ON FOOD IMITATIONS. The"iYholesale Grocers' Association has prepared1 a circular to the United States Senate in opposition to the compound lard bill, in which, among other things, it is urged that retailers shall not be made sub ject to its provisions, except so far as to dis play a sign, "Compound Lard Sold Here." This would defeat the main purpose of the act. The greatest deception in the sale of food imitations is in the retail trade. To leave a retail merchant the liberty to repre sent that the particular article he may sell is not compound lard, when it really is, would open the door for the deception which the act wishes to prevent. In this connection it is interesting to no tice that the Boston Globe denounces legis lation of the oleomargarine and compound l.ird class as "sumptuary legislation," on the ground that "sumptuary" comes from a latin word meaning "expense," and "a sumptuary law is a law which is designed to add to the expenses of the people." If the esteemed Globe would study its dictionary' more closely, it would learn that while the Latin word sumptus means "expense," sumptuary legislation means legislation re straining or limiting the expenses of the people, instead of adding to them, as in the middle ages the common people were for bidden to wear velvet. These laws are not sumptuary laws; but they have an objection able feature, in the levying of unnecessary taxes on trade, which are only justified by their purpose of preventing deception. It is noticeable that both the Wholesale Grocers' Association and the Globe, while admitttng that this deception should be for bidden, fail to suggest any thorough means of preventing it, except laws of this olass. The Dallas, Tex, News is equally denun ciatory of the bill, but shows a better appre ciation of the necessities of the situation by urging that when compound lard is plainly labeled and branded as a mixture of cotton seed oil and beef fat or lard, it should not come under the operation of the act This is practically the principle which TnE Dispatch has always maintained, that when the product is put up in ench a form as to notify" the consumer exactly what) it is, and render deception impossible, there is no need for the law to apply to it-QThe labeling and branding of the retail packages of compound or imita tion lard is sufficient to prevent deception in that trade, and such a provision inserted in the compound lard bill would be entirely in accord with its legitimate object. The same principle ought to apply to the oleomargarine act. Let the manufacturers of that product present their staple in such a shape that every purchaser at retail will know what he is buying, and it will be right for Congress to exempt products in such shape from the operation of the law. THE BATTLE FAIRLY ON. aggressiveness of the Democratic The speakers at Heading yesterday emphasizes the peculiar features of the State campaign. Ex-Governor Fattison addressed the Demo cratic societies, and his general state ment of the issues at stake was supplemented by Mr. Hensel's very direct and particular attack upon Mr. Delamater. Both speeches indicate that the Democratic campaign is to be conducted on the offen sive. Mr. Fattison's speech is a lucid am plification of his letter of acceptance. There is nothing in it with which the public at large is not already acquainted, but it will serve, as it was intended to serve, as a general base of operations for the Demo cratic forces and their Independent allies. Mr. Hensel did not deal in generalities. He confined himself to one personal issue. This was Mr. Delamater's use of State funds in his capacity of banker, while he was serving as a State Senator. Mr. Hensel contends that in this Mr. Delamater was guilty of amisdemeanor rendering him liable under a specific provision of the Constitu tion to disqualification for holding any State office for 3 term of five years. If Mr. Hensel's charge is borne out by facts, and apparently it is, the position of Mr. Delamater thus early in the day is decidedly embarrassing. The per sonalities of which complaint has already been made by Mr. Delamater and his friends seem to be on the increase, and the charac ter of the accusations is painfully specific. The battle has begun with a fairly heavy fire from the Democratic batteries. WASHING KENNEDY'S WORDS. The unparliamentary language of the ebullient Bob Kennedy will be quietly re moved from the Congressional Record. The House yesterday committed the job of ex punging the improper portions of Congress man Kennedy's speech to the Judiciary Com mittee. This practically ends the incident, for the committee may be relied upon to report 1 resolution of which Speaker Reed and the leaders of the majority will obtain the sum mary passage. Mr. Enloe's motion was properly defeated, for its aim to prolong the embarassing episode, by dragging the Senate into a consideration of Mr. Ken nedy's speech, was apparent. The commit tee which has to purge the speech will find it hard to avoid reporting the whole of it as unworthy of record in the Congressional annals. TnE LOT1ERIES OUTLAWED. The leaders of the Republican party in Congress can fairly claim credit for one good piece of work in the passage of the anti lottery bill, which went through the Senate yesterday and now goes to the President for his signature. This action puts the Gov ernment on record as pledged to do its best for the suppression of a national scandal, and will receive general approval. It is to be hoped that it will be effective in putting a stop upon the depredations ot the lottery sharks. The lottery evil has been one of long standing as concerns its holding out to its silly victims the chance to throw away their money. But it is only within the past year that the bold attempts to purchase State Legislatures, in order to give the Louisiana lottery a new lease ot life, has shown the immense revenues enjoyed by that whole sale gambling concern and called atten tion to the necessity of stopping it One State proved able to resist the bribes of the lottery millionaires. Another found that the immense sums which the concern offered were too strong for its integrity. The only resort left for the suppression of the national swindle was to outlaw it from the use of the mails, and that step Congress has taken, with gratifying promptitude consid ering the pressure of other matters on its time and attention. With the law on the statute books for the exclusion of lottery matter from the mails, throughout the land, it is to be hoped that it will have such a rigorous enforcement as to wipe out the immense revenues of the lot tery gamblers. The situation illustrates what The Dispatch said yesterday on the subject of enforcement of the laws. The only hope of the lottery sharks is in their ability topreventtheenforcementof the law. If their wealth and political relations can not accomplish that resnltthe lottery evil is under sentence of death. MR. nilZNER'-S FALbE STEP. "When the first reports of the shooting of Barrundia, on the steamer Acapulco, were received, The DisrATCH said that com plete and impartial reports were required before deciding that an international wrong had been committed. It seemed clear that there was no violation of international rights in the claim that a steamer, whileiin port, was subjected to the laws of that Gov ernment; and it was possible that the repre sentations of Mr. Mizner's activity in secur ing the arrest were distorted and nnfair. The fuller reports justify the first position; but the? also make it necessary to say that Mr. Jliznertook a part in signing an order for Generai Barrundia's arrest which was entirely inconsistent with the impartiality toward internal politics that is the first duty of a United States Minister in foreign coun tries. It certainly was not a part of the Ameri can Minister's duty to issue an order to the captain of the Acapulco to give up Barrun- dia. If Captain Pitts had appealed to him it would have been in accordance with his public duty to give instruction as to the legal power of the Government, in whose port the ship was lying; and it would not have been inconsistent with his dlplomaiio duty to have sent that instruction in time to let Barrundia seek some other refuge. It was a violation of his duty to take what seems to have been a rather active part in securing the arrest of a purely political offender. What was the reason of his taking this course, is not authoritatively stated; buUt is not hard to guess. Mr. Mizner has been active in restoring peace among the Central American republics, and has doubtless come to regard himself as personally inter ested in the stability of the governments there. Under these circumstances he was probably betrayed into ordering the arrest of a partisan who threatened to disturb the stability of Guatemala, just as he was be fore betrayed into making a speech offensive to Mexico, which evoked the censure of the State Department The censure is much more urgently needed when the United States Minister identifies himself with the internal politics of Guatemala so much as to order the arrest of a politician who threatens to disturb the stability of the Guatemalan Government THE EXPOSITION'S RETURNS. The Exposition has been open two weeks, and its beneficial effect upon trade in Pitts burg is very positively apparent There is no guess work about this statement; the in terviews with leading merchants which The Dispatch publishes to-day give solid facts. In spite of bad weather the busi ness done in the principal stores shows an improvement of from twenty-five to fifty per cent This may be safely attrib uted to the presence of visitors in the city from near-by towns and country districts. The stores are thronged with strangers, and September, a month which is usually rather dull, is this year lively in all branches. We are glad to see that Pittsburg merchants recognize the value of the Exposition to them. The trader who admits that his sub scription for Exposition stock is one of the best-paying investments he has ever made, states the naked truth. The Exposition has done a great deal for this city already, and it can do much more. Some of the direct benefits are exhibited in our news columns to-day, but there are others equally substantial, which will be discovered later on. There is hardly an in dividual in this community who is not in some way indebted to the Exposition. Be fore the Exposition closes, it will have placed a large balance upon the right side ol Pittsburg's ledger. It has been suggested that the function of legislation which the Honse leaders were disposed to assign to the rank and file of the Republican members in that body was not very exalted; bat no statement of the theory that their only province is to do as they are told, has been more decided than that of Hon. Joseph O. Cannon. "Wo don't want the absentees to come here and tire themselves by thinking," said Mr. Cannon, according to the authoritative and organic correspondence of tho Philadel phia Press. "All we ask of them Is to come here and do the work that a wooden man might do by sitting in their seats and allowing them selves to be counted." The House Republi cans will please take notice of what is wanted and fulfil their duties as the wooden men of legislation. The venerable condnctoi of the Great Western Band, Mr. Baltbasar Weiss, will cele brate to-day the twenty-fifth anniversary of hfs leadership. Tho services of Mr. Weiss to the cause of instrnmental music in this city are deserving of the heartiest recognition. Since the return of Chauncey M. Depew a good many esteemed cotemporarles of the East have been breaking oat in admiring edi torials like the following: "What a man he is. To bear him talk ono would think he had been hobnobbing with all the crowned heads of Europe and giving them good advice." Yet none of the eulogists remember to call atten tion to Dr. Depew's greatest demonstration of versatility, in being able to declare at one time that no corporation should discbarge its men for belonging to a labor organization, and then keeping safely out of the way in Europe, while his own corporation was doing that very thing. Some of our esteemed Democratic cotem porarie are commenting on Senator Ingalls' speech in a tone that takes that oratorical ef fort to be an indorsement of Senator Quay. This is a pretty good proof that they have not read the speech carefully. A novel law suit has just been terminated over the ownership of an aerolite which fell on an Iowa farm. The possession is adjudged to belong to tho owner of the landlas against the tenant who found It, and the Minnesota State University which bongbt it from the tenant Iu view of tho'inultlplicity of claimants, it may be well to wait and see if the United States Treasury does not seize it as a mineral of foreign production which has come into the United States without paying duty. When it is proposed that the painters in one labor organization shall make war on the painters of another by refusingto work where they are employed, it looks as if tbey were in discreetly playing into the hands of the non union people. "The scoundrel who fires a crowded tene ment house at midnight ranks second in in famy only to the villain who tries to derail a passenger train." The sentiment of the abovo paragraph in the New York T.ibune is unex ceptionable; but the classification is questiona ble. Why second? Are not the lives of the tenement house dwellers as well worth saving as those of the travelers by rail? Both offenses are equally diabolical. It is alleged that Speaker Beed "will throw his whole weight against reciprocity."' The Speaker is a man of great avoirdu pois. But there is a good deal of weight on the side ot reciprocity, as welt Senatoe FabweMi says the treasury should deposit its funds in the national banks. Bat it is only two years since the Republican party fonght a national campaign in which the Democratic administration was attacked tor doing that very thing. It seems to make a great deal of difference who distributes tho funds among the banks. With 18,000 less inhabitants in Nevada than 10 years ago, the one-time bonanza State is traveling on the road which will, in time, make it a rival of Old Sarum. Considering that it is now six months since Chicago got the World's Fair and the site is still partially unsettled while there Is talk of going to Congress for a $5,000,000 appropriation, there Is much truth in the warning to that city that she is dangerously close to the point of converting her victory of last spring into a fizzle. Reformed Presbyterian Seminary Opening. The opening exercises ot the Reformed Pres byterian Seminary were held in the Allegheny Church, on Sandusky street last evening. Prof. J. K. McClurkln lectured on the subject, "Is Anything Settled?" His talk was interest ing and instructive. DEATHS OF A DAY. Mr. Mnrsnrct Woods, v Mrs. Margaret Woods, who bad attained the ripe old age of 83 years, passed away at tbe resi dence of her oon-ln-law, Mr. William Schroal. of ilcK.ee'8 Bocks, on Monday last. Tbe funeral will take place this afternoon at 2 o'clock. The deceased ladv enjoyed high esteem and regard lu the community In which tlie lived. OUR' SHORT STORIES. HE ONLY WANTED THE EXERCISE. ,iT don't ask you for cold victuals," he said, humbly, removing the greasy fragment of a once glorious hat from his head. "All I ask is the privilege of exercising a little in your woodsbed. Have yon a woodpile and saw out there?'' 'We have." 'You will have no objection, I dare say, to my using that saw a little while merely for ex erciser",! "No." Thanks. There are times when 1 feel the need of doing something to give play to the flexor and extensor muscles of my arms. For such mere recreation I am not in the habit.ot asking any remuneration. As to the testimo nials of appreciation on the part of the individ uals owning tho saw and woodpile," ho added, coughing behind bis hand, "I am content to leave that to their generosity. Such is my in variable habit, mum." Ho went oat to the woodshed, closed tho door behind him, and the sound ot a man actively exercising bis flexor and extensor muscles at the sawback roaches the ears of the lady. There J is a bewitchiug music in the melody of a wood- saw. It rests tne careworn minu ana sootnes the nerves when the listener stands at a dis tance from the scene of tho performance. "It must be a tremendous stick he is working at" she said to herself, "I don't hear any wood dropping." She went softly out to the woodshed and looked in through a crack. Tbe tramp was sitting on the sawbuck in an attitude of ease and comfort. By breathing hard in and oat through his teeth he was making an exact imitation of a saw going back and forth through a stick uf wood. She watched him as he imitated the sound of a saw catching In a splinter and forcing its way through, and then she went baek into the honse. In about half an hour tbe wood-sawer pre sented himself at the back door. "I am mnch obliged to you, mum," he said. "Not at all." "May I sit down on tbe step and rest a moment?" "Certainly." He sat down as if tired out "Pretty hard work, isn't it?" she inquired, ll"Yes'm." :S5 "Hard on the jaws, I presume." "Hey what?" "You've got it down pretty fine; why don't you set up as a ventriloquist?" "Madam," said the tramp, "if you tbink of presenting me any ab testimonial I must decline it. I coald not accept anything from a person who stoops to watch me when I am at work." And he rose up, pnt his hat on the side of his head, and walked away with the appear ance of a man whose feelings bad been deeply hurt, but whose personal dignity was un ruffled. THE DEADLY RAILROAD JOKE. P very railroad has its regulatlontjokes, bo to speak, Jokes that are racy of the rait Some of them are puns that travelers delight to make upon tbe names of stations. Tbe jokes so-called are apparently always In season. There is no "close" time for them. For in stance, it is pretty safe to say that a Fort Wayne train never stops at Dixmont but some one says facetiously to bis neighbor: "Ah I here's your station f " or asks with tine irony: "Don't you get out here?" This particular joke for it is a joke, of coarse is made with frightful frequency at such seasons as this, which bring crowds of country cousins to tbe Pittsburg Exposition. When the brakeman opens the door of the car and yells more or less melodiously: "Digsmon" or "Xmont," or any other railroad equivalent far Sixmont, you will see at least one or two humorists playing tbe changes on this vener able witticism. You may not laugh over the jest now, but you must remember tbat it was new and fanny to you once upon a time. HER FOLKS AN' HIZ'N. TTb maird her cause she had money an' some Property left from'er husband's income; But both of the fam'lies was awtnlly stirred, An' said the worst things 'at the town ever heard. En her folks an' hiz'n, Lr hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other From wbat I can learn. His folks they begun it, an' jest said 'at she Was the worst actio' thing 'at they ever did see; An' ought to be ashamed fer a bein' so bold. Cause her husband he hadn't had time to get cold. En her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other From wbat I can learn. Her folks tbey all set np 'at be was no good, An'lf 'twasu'tfer her well, ho'd have to saw wood. Then all of her kin, every blessed relation, Said she'd lowered herself in their estimation. So her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other From what I can learn. The sisters they told this is 'tween yon and I 'At they thought 'at she wanted her husband to die; An' they whispered around but don't you lisp a word The awf ullest things that a sonl ever heard. So her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n. Never spoke to each other From wbat I can learn. They said that a travel In' man er a drummer, Who stopped at the hotel a long time last sum mer, That he no It wasn't that now let me see That she er something like that seems to me. Well, her folks an' hiz'n, Er hiz'n an' her'n, Never spoke to each other From what I can learn. I hear 'at the fam'lies keep up tbe old fight A roastin' each other from mornin' till night; But the young maird couple, they've moved to the city. Where gossip don't go; but I think it'a pity That her folks an' hiz'n, An' hiz'n an' her'n Never speak to each other From what 1 can learn. BAD GLASSES. T don't know that I ever beard of a clearer case of theft," said the Southern Judge of the Peace when a negro had been arraigned before him. "I doan see how you make that out, sab," the negro answered. "You don't? I will explain. You were pass ing a grocery store and snatched a banch of bananas." "You'se wraung dar, sab. I wnz gwlne laung by de sto' an' on er suddent I fonn' de 'nanas in mer ban' an' sbet down on 'm an' walked on er way. Fusson's got er right ter shet down on whuteber he tin's in his hand'." "Yes, but he has no right to reach over and grab something that does not belong to him. How do you account far the fact that the bananas were in your hand?" "Well, sah, it is cu'ls, bat it wnz all on er 'count o' deze yere specktikles." "What have they to do with it?" Til tell you flat tell yon right now. Some time erpol'gunterlose my eyesight an' I got dezo yere specks caze er white man lowed da would fetch tbiugs clost ter me. Da did, sab. W'y, sah, ever'thlng I'd look at would come right, up ter me. an' while Iwuzstandin' in front o' dat sto', I looked at dem 'nanas an de specks dadrawedde things right up ter me. Kain't blame er pusson fur whut his specks does, kin yon? Ef you wants tel hoi' de specks 'sponcerble, yere da is. You may break 'em ef you wants ter, aldo da cost me money." 'I think," said the judge, "that I should re move you from danger. I don't want to rob you of your glasses, so, rather than dread tbat you may draw some great trouble up close to you, I will send you to jail awhile. Btaying in the dark awhile may improve your eyes to such an extent tbat you may not need your glasses." Opened the Twenty-Seventh. CniOAQo, September 16. The twenty-seventh annual meeting of the United States Veter inary Medical Association commenced this morning In the Auditorium, about 100 surgeons being present. Pliyslclnns Meet. Buffalo, September 16. ThejFifteenth'an nual meeting or the Gynecological Society was called to order at 10 o'clock this morning in the lecture room of the library building by President John P. Reynolds, of Boston. VOTES AND PRIZES. Popular Topics far Visitors to Yen or Nay Bnllot and Primary Election Reform Hovr Do You Slmid on Consolidation A 875 Inducement to Promoters of 1'lits- . bore's Greatness and Prosperity. The topics chosen for Exposition visitors to vote upon at Dispatch Headquarters, Brans- wlck-Balke-ColIender Billiard Company's space, during the first three days of this week should attract everybody. You are asked to cast your ballots to-day on the following topic: WEDNESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC. Are you in favor of the Consolidation of the Cities of Pittsburg and Allegheny? Open to Lady and Gentlemen voters. The Poll Book will open and close with the Exposition each morning and evening, TO PEOMOTE PITTSBUBG. Unndsomo Prizes Offered for the Best Eny on n Splendid Topic, ,, The Prize Essay Contest this week will be open to all writers except those directly or in directly connected with the Press of Pittsburg. The topic chosen is: What Public Undertakings will best and most speedily promote the future Greatness and Prosperity of Pittsburg. The Dispatch offers the following Prizes for tho three best essays on tbe above topic: First Prize 850 Second Prize 15 Third Prize 10 Subject to tbe following conditions: L The essay must not exceed 2,000 words. 2. It must he legibly written on one side of tho paper only. 3. It must be original. i. It must bo received at the office of The Dispatch or at Dispatch Headquarters, Ex position Building, not later tban 9 o'clock p. M., Saturday, September 20. 5. Correct name, address and age of contest ant must accompany MSS., name only for pub lication if successful. 8. The Dispatch reserves the right to pub lish any contribution, whether it be awarded a prize or not Stop at The Dispatch Headquarters, Brnnswick-Balke-Collender Billiard Company space, voto and secure a souvenir. DEATH OF CHAL DICK. A Conspicuous Figure of tbo Johnstown Hood lias Gone ForoTor. Johnstown, September 16. Chalmers L. Dick, whose name figured conspicuously in the newspaper reports from this place just after the flood, died rather suddenly at 1:30 this A. II., aged 31 years. He was a leading attorney of the Cambria county bar and counsel for tho Pennsylvania Railroad Company. His wife and three children survive him. Mr. Dick was burgess of Johnstown borougn in 1883. He was one of tbo brightest members of the Cam bria county bar. The funeral will take place Wednesday morning. Mr. Dick's death is a shock to tbe community and is universally re gretted. Cbal Dick was perhaps the most familiar figure In Johnstown during the dark days ot the flood. Mr. Dick was then constable of Canibria county, and as such he distinguished himself in more ways than one. On the Satur day following tbe fatal Friday, when sight seers, relic-banters and crooks of all descrip tions were pouring into the devastated district, "Chal" Dick made his appearance In the town mounted on a grand bay charger, with a Win chester rifle slung over his shoulder and a small arsenal at his belt. In this picturesque cos tume he took up his station at the big stone bridge, and single-handed and alone kept from tbe stricken city all save those who had the right to enter in the name of humanity. Personally, "Chal" Dick was a man of iron nerve, but tender heart, and while many criti cised bis metbods, they were tbe only winning ones tbat could have been employed at such a time. Diok was at one time Mayor of Johns town. Shortly after the flood he moved tem porarily tp Greensbnrg, where bis wife was stricken down and almost lost her reason as a result of the horrible scenes through which she had passed. AMONG THE INDIANS. Missionary Work Reported at tho Cana dian Conference. Montreal. September la At the Method ist General Conference lasevenlns Rev. Dr. Sutherland presented the missionary report; which deals with tbe whola work through Canada. He spoke of tbe work among the In diana and entered fully Into tbe details of the various missionary efforts. Tbe question of the federation of the uni versities was debated, and tbe decision of 1838 was reaffirmed, recommending the federation of the Victoria University with tbat of Toronto, by a voto of 171 to 76. An amendment offered in favor of the independence of Vic toria University was lost by a vote of 165 to 83. H0TED WEDDING TO-NIGHT. A Well-Known Iron Manufacturer to Enter the Army of Benedicts. The marriage of .Mr. R. W. Carroll, manager of the American Tube and Iron Company, to Miss Sarah Stevenson, a popular young elo cutionist of Allegheny, will take place this evening at tbo Second U. P. Church, Allegheny. Air. Carroll Is a well-known young manufact urer, having been connected with the Ameri can f ubo and Iron Company for over ten years. Tbe newly wcddedtitiuple will leave after tbe ceremony for an extended eastern tour. PEOPLE YOU BEAD ABOUT. Count Tolstoi, the well-known Russian au thor, is seriously 111. Rev. C. C. Whitnet. of Cincinnati, has been extended a call by tbe Universalist parish of Mllford, Mass. Mb. John Russell Young, who has been quite HI for some time past at the Astor House New York, is able to be about again. Mrs. James K. Polk, the widow of Presi dent Polk, has just completed her 87th year. She lives on the Polk place, near Nashville, Tenn. It is understood that Consul Genoral John C. Now. of Indiana, is coming home, not to fix his own fences, but to aid in a general log rolling and ftnce-repainnr for Benjamin Har rison. The church in Boston in willed. Edward Everett Hale entered upon his first pastorate, and in which Bishop Huntington began bis career as a preacher in that city, is about to be demolished. David Fuller, one of tbe clerks in tbe office of tho United States Consul General in Paris, a mulatto, has been connected with the office for more than 30 years, and is said to be a painter of considerable talent. Lieutenant Bpownell, who shot Jack son, proprietor of the Marshal Honse, In Alex andria, Va., after the latter had killed Colonel Ellsworth for hauling down bis secession flag, is now in the Pension Department, in Wash ington. Hakvet Watterson, the hale old father of the Kentucky editor, is a privileged member of tbe Courier-Journal staff. He has a well knit frame, a ruddy face and earnest gray eyes. Everything in his appearance indicates tbat he is good for many years of lifo yet. Mlle. Louise Gautieb, a young lady who was horn deaf and dumb, but taught by the Grosselin system, was able to go through suc cessfully all the examinations both written and oral, of the National School of Flue Arts, at Pans, has been appointed teacher of design in that Institution. Ton Ckuse, of Montana, has been a million aire three times, and three times reduced to poverty. Cruse did not despair, however, and is now worth J5,000,OUOt wttn good prospects of retaining his wealth'aa long ag he will require it, as be is now an old man. He made his money In gold and silver mines. Little Elsie Condon, of Darlington, who was bitten by a vicious dog about two months ago, died Friday of hydrophobia, after 12 hours of tbe most terrible suffering. Immediately after she was bitten her parents took her to tbe madstono at Terre Haute, and It adhered to tbe wounds for two hours, but, as it seems, without avail. As be grows older, Mr. P. T. Barnnm seems to become more interested In theological and religious question'. Ho has just had a lively controversy with a Bridgeport Methodist clergyman in regard to the proper modo of keeping Sunday. The clorgyman says he has come out ahead, but Mr. Barnum won't have it that way at all; the parson simply had no case, he says. " SNAP SH0TSJN SEASON. A bolling stone may not gather moss, Dut a jolly big Stone gathers votes. We humbly apologize for tbe weather. It Is a cruel coquette. Tbe sun is flirting with the earth and playing hide-and-seek with the clouds. It's poor satisfaction to know that tbelr upper sides are silvered while their under sides are leaking. But this is our only consola tion, except wbat can be drawn from gum coats and umbrellas. And bow the rain does coma when it isn't neededl No wonder we grumble. It's no use, though. The. weather will ever be prankish. It's a child of Nature, you know. So let's make the best of the matter. 'If It's hot, keep cool; if it's cold, don't help to make It colder by withholding your sunshine from others; if it's wet, don't growl and make It un comfortable for those you rub against. "Never mind the weather.but get overdouble trouble," is a line from an old ditty. Paste it in your hat. The Beaver saw men are showing their teetb. and tbo lawyers are doing tbe filing. The signs in the Allegheny Parks will not keep the dew off the grass. May the snn shine brightly on tho Boys in Blue to-day. It 13 freely rumored in the clubs that Candi date Delamater was quietly informed that he had better send Andrews out here with a roll Instead of wasting timo in idle talk and hand-' shaking. Smirks and smiles won't blockado the slide this time. It must cost big money to furnish paint and powdor for a troupe of colored burlesquers. There's a uniqno study in black-and-whito work at the Academy this week. The fountain and tho band are playing at the Exposition. Ono pleases tbe eyo and the other tickles tho ear. Now keep the drill dancing in the oil welL This Is great weather for catching cold. Figures may not lie, but many communities are vigorously disputing tbe census count Probably tho figurers have lied. Who wouldn't be a railroad President? The Reading has decided to pay its figurehead $40, 000 a year. This is the fattest salary ot the sort in the land, with tbe exception of that paid Dr. Depew. Chauncey rakes in $50,000 every twelvemonth. Why mako such a fass when the boys who do the work ask for a slight raise? Time quickly furrows faces that are fertilized with Care. WnEN a sightless beggar is arrested with (100 in his clothes it is safe to conclude that gen erosity is going it blind. The rubber coat and umbrella makers should not curse the weather. The Russian refugees are rushing to America. Over 8,000 have already passed tbrougb the nation's keyhole, tbe New York barge office. Tbo latchstring is always hang ing on the ontside of Liberty's door. The dnde disfigures the face of nature. Brush him off. It's easier to run a bill than to pay it. Seventt-one ice making concerns in this country are on tbe ragged edge. Jack Frost can knock them all out in one breath. It will be a cold day when they get left, however. Satan could not work in a glas3 house. The glory holes would scare him off. Charity is on the free list. Religion is often used as a cloak for crook edness. That Y. M. C. A, young man who con fesses himself a thief committed his first crime when he stole the livery of heaven for masquerading purposes. Nature is God's loom, and humanity should be satisfied with the product thereof. Mailing clerkj give Kings, Queens, Presi dents and Statesmen a black eye every day in the week. Life is made up of little things, Including babies. A costlt frame sets off a poor picture, and handsome attire makes a plain woman attract iveand she knows it only too well. Shallow streams make more noise than navigable rivers. Poet wine should be the sailor's favorite tipple. The anti-lottery bill awaits the President's autograph. Now you will have to patronize the express companies instead of the mails, boys. Sarah Bernhardt proposes to produce Cleopatra" in a more realistic manner than Mrs. James Brown-Potter. She will Introduce a live reptile In the death scene. If tbo serpent is any sizo at all it will be hard to tell tbe snake from the star. Neither will have any clothes on to speak of. TnE Jersey pair who wedded after two min utes' courtship must have been struck by Jer sey lightning. The Beaver-Lawrence conferees don't seem to confer worth a cent. Fair woman is the truly original package. "Retbeshsient for the human soul'' is a big line on tbe posters of one of tbe shows billed this week. It is served in skirts by high kickers. A peach stone set in costly wedding present. aluminum makes a The fellow who buys tips on horse races loses more tban the fellow who trusts to luck and goes it blind. Why does a bright actress turn her back upon the public in her lithographs? Bareback exhibitions only araw in a circus or in the drawing room. "Tulle makes a pretty bat," says a fashion writer. If for the theater, don't make them too tall. The Board of Health should suppress tbe sickly smells emanating from cheap cigarettes. Chabacter is the club which guards your reputation. You cannot preserve beauty by painting it, girls. The American four-legged bog seems to be receiving better treatment in the royal courts tban tbe two-legged one. Some of the creatures who haunt communi ties are worse than ghosts. The fellow who kites checks Is a high-flyer. A WitniiR has figured that 99 per cent of New York's rich men began life penniless. Tbey were all born before Boss Tweed went into business, yon know, and had a chance to share in tbe profits. Poor men of the present have not such golden opportunities. The hands tbat have Smashed noses are now striking attitudes. There are 32 cities under the starry flag with a population over 100,000. This is a great coun try, in spite of the politicians and the growlers. People can lose their beads and live. And now the reformors have tackled At lantic City. It's a fruitful field. A tidal wave is about the only thing that can absolutely purify it, though. A moral wave if hardly oqual to tbe task. It will have no more effect tban a gentle comber. Deviled crabs are on the lunch counters. Dusky f aces, soft voices and shapely forms seem to draw well In Pittsburg. Colored bur lesquers are a novelty destined to be cultivated. Everything joes now in the pursuit of pleasure and'tho race tor ricbes. Give the corner loafers at least 60 days, or make them get a move on. When Satan quits tbe seashore, hotel pro prietors there will havo to shut np shop. A cough generally ends in a'cofiln. The mince pie will soon be disturbing the Slumbers of the just and the unjust When money is pinched tbe shorts scream. Wiilie Winkle. PRIVILEGES REQUESTED. Some Men Who Will be Asked to Deliver Free Lectures la Cnmcile Hall. The sub-Committee on Lectures ot tbe Alle gheny Free Library Committee met last nigbt to consider tbe question of holding free lec tures tn the hall during the winter. The ques tion has already been tbo subject of talk in the city for some time, everybody appearing to be of tho one mind as to their usefulness. Tho matter was formally considered last night, and it was resolved after some discussion tbat tbe popular fancy might be satisfied with one lec ture every week, provided the lecturers chose subjects not too technical for the ordinary rnn of humanity. Several local speakers, well known for their ability to entertain an audience were nugeested by different members ot the committee, and tbe clerk was instructed to commnnicato with them and request them to give a lecture dar ing tho winter. - Among those suggested are Prof. J. A. Brasbcar. Rev. W. J. Holland. Dr. W. T. En glish. W. D. Moore, Esq., W. C. Moreland, Esq., George P. Hay, Ilov. W. R. Mackay, Chfll W. Hazzard and Hon. J. W. F. White. The lectures will all bo free. The committee considered requests for tbe use of tbe small lecture room by Mr. Beveridgo Webster anu Prof. Theo. Wettach. Tho for mer desired it for "analytical" Iocture3 on music for tho benefit sf his Dupils and not tbe public at large, and tbe latter's request was of a similar naturo. but provided that the public could attend If it so desired. Prof. Wettach's was favorably recommended to the general committee, while Mr. Webster's was laid over until the petitioner can bo more lenient with the puh ic. A petition of a number of society women was also considered. Tho petitioners included Mrs. Dr. Fleming. Mrs. Lewis Irwin, Mrs. Joseph Albree, airs. George Grisoom. Aire. O. D. Thompson. Miss Rhodes. Mrs. John H. Rlcketson and Mrs. Walter McCllntock. They have been associated for the past three years in tbe study of art and architecture, and desire to continue it this winter. Believing tbo donor of the building to have intended it for the advancement ot such branches, they de sired to encourage other circles to patronize it by holding their morning meetings there on Saturdays from 10 to IZ o'clock, and so re quested the use of tbe small lecture room. Ihe committee, however, have not tbe power to grant the free use of the room, and the peti tion was referred to tbe General Committee. IN GI0BI0US ABBAT, Pnrhcrsburc Celobrnlc the O. A. R. Ko- anion in Grand Style. IRFXCIAL TELEOKJUl TO THE DISPATCS.I Pareersburg, September 18L The reunion ot the Army of West Virginia began its four teenth session here to-day. The proverbial hospitality of Virginia and its sons and daugh ters aro exemplified by tho reception of tho boys in blue by the citizens of this pretty little city in tbe Mountain State. The city was decorated with flags, banners, festoons, arches, shields, evergreens and all manner of beautiful designs. Tbe principal thoronghfares were long, glimmering avenues of coloring. &.t tbe camp Hundreds of army tents were erected for tbe accommo dation of still other thousands. Tne great tent in which the speech-making was to take nlace has a capacity of 20,000 In Itself. Before morn ing several thousand visitors bad arrived by boats and trains. Ex-President Hayes, who had remained over night at Marietta, O.. came in at 8.30 a. St., and was taken to Mr. William Bentley's. General B. F. Kelly, wife and grandchild arrived on the accommodation from Grafton. Governor Fleming, of West Virginia, arrived on the Ohio River Railroad train from Charleston. General Kennedy, I. H. Duval. W. H. Powells. W. H. Gibson, C. H. Grosvenor, W. H. Enochs, W. W. Avcrill, Hon. John W. Mason. Colonel Thayer Melvin, Colonel George R. Latham and wife. Private DalzelL Colonel Vance, Captain N. R. War wick. Hon. William McKinley and many other notables have also arrived or will be here dur ing tbe evening. The re-union was opened by ex-President Hays, who was introduced by Mayor Gibbons. Tbe great tent was filled, notwithstanding the wind storm and rain. General Haves. Senior Vice-President, postponed his address until to-morrow. General B. F. Keller was intro duced and made a few remarks. Mrs. Kelly, who Is a great favorite with the veterans, was given an enthusiastic reception aOter which the afternoon session resolved itself Into a grand bandsahklng occasion. I In the evening General W. H. Gibson addressed a Jarge audience at the tent. To-morrow tbe grand parade, military and civic societies will take place and be re viewed by Governor Fleming and staff. DISTINGUISHED SPECIALISTS PBESEHT At tbe Opening of llio Dual medical Con veitlon In Philadelphia. Philadelphia, September 16, The fonrth annual convention of tbe American Orthope dic Association and tbe American Association of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists opened simultaneously here to-day in tbe College of Physicians and Surgeons. Distinguished spe cialists In tbe tnree branches of medicine from all parts of the country were present when the all parts of the country were pr two conventions were called to Dr. De Forest presided over order. the Orthonaedls Society. Papers were read by Dr. Arthur J. Gillette and Dr. A p. Morgan Vance. Both as sociations will remain in convention for two days longer. A REMARKABLE DB0P. Hard Cool Importations Into Canada Fall OfTCons'dcrnblr. Ottawa. September 18; In view of the dls enssion now going on at Washington in refer ence to the coal trado between Canada and the United States, it may be interesting to give the official figures of the Canadian imports during the past two year?: Of hard coal, in 1SS8. Canada Imported 2,131,701 tons and last year 1,276,035 tons. Of solt coal, Canada imported 1,226,211 tons in 1S8S and 1,221,810 tons in 1888. The falling off in tbe im portations of hard coal in 12 months is remark able. WANTH0BE TIME. The Allegheny School Library Committee Fixing Up tlu1 Xrvr Rooms. The Library Committee of the Allegheny School Controllers met last night. A sub-com mittee was appointed to fix np the new room for the library in the Sterrett building, corner of Ohio and West Diamond streets. Secretary Scandrett was authorized to send a communication to tbe City Property Commit tee of Councils asking for more time in their present room in City Hall, which they have been requested to vacate by October L They cannot get into the new place by tbat time. A merles of Revival'. The Rev. Joseph H. Smith, tbe celebrated evangelist, of the Philadelphia Conference, member of the National Holiness Camp-meeting Association, began a series of revival meet ings last night In the Liberty Street M. E. Church. The attendance was very good and a great deal of interest was manifested in Rev. Smith's talk. Half a Hundred Preachers Present. (SPECIAL TaiZORAJt TO TOr DISFATCH.1 Canton, September 16. The Mahoning Pres bytery began its annual session here to-day. There are over 50 ministers in attendance. Rev. Wesley Hyde, of New Waterford. is mod erator, and Rev. D. W. Vance, of Kirsmore, clerk. Tho sessions will continue for three days. Surpassed Anything of tho Kind. Quebec, September 18. The banquet given last night in honor of Prince George, surpassed In its splendor anything of the kind before at tempted here. Among tbe guests were Admiral Watson, Lieutenant Governor:Aulger, the offi cers of the rnen-of-war, now in port. Govern ment officers and Cabinet ministers. The Tiltniikem Xcal-. New Yonu, September 16. The National Tllemakers' Union of tbe United States, now in session in this city, to-day fixed a scale of prices which the men belonging to tbe union will present to the bouses. Class A are to re ceive U 50; class B, $3 50, and class C, $3 2a Tboniands In tbe Pnlticr. Ottumwa, Ia., September 16. The coal pal ace and industrial exhibit was formally opened by Governor Boies tbis afternoon. Eleven thousand people vere in tbe audience "room in the palace at tbe time. Fourteen tuile iilsb. New York, September 16. Plans for the Western Union building have been filed In the building department. Tbey call for a buildiug of brick and stone 25 by 67 feet and 11 stories in height. CUK10DS CONDENSATIONS. There .are many cases of la grippe in Saginaw, Mich. A blackberry bush at Grand Lodge, Mich., is preparing for a second crop this season. Two Americus, Ga., farmers succeeded in killing nearly 100 rats In one day lately oa their farms. A Kansas bantam, which was hatched -March 17, has laid 12 eggs and batched from them 12 chicks. Tbe latest device for attracting attention to store, windows is a swarm of bees making honey in a glass box from syrup. Jersey City has a law under which fines of S1C0 each are to be imposed upon persons detected drinking malt or alcoholic liquors in her new parks. The demand for Saginaw valley salt is larger than at any time since its production began. It is impossible to obtain cars enough, to fill tbe orders. A young man walked in his sleep ono night this week, at Slatervllle, Ga., and when he awoke he found himself t a crindstona sharpening his knife. Young men who do cot like to be seen carrying a luncheon basket in tbe street may now hate a case made like a kodak camera, that will hold just as much. An old prospector bought a niece of ground near Nevada City the other day for 300. He went for gold, and soon struck a de posit tbat will pay him fj.OOO. The total number ot passengers carried in tbe United States during 18S0 was 472.171,343. Ono passenger in overy 1,323.133 was killed, and one in every 220,021 was injured. A strange freak ot nature in connsction with tbe recent tornado appears in South Law rence, Mass. In the district torn by the storm lilac and pear trees bave began to blossom. There is an inmate of the Georgia State lunatic asylum who imagines in his insanity, that be is a grain of corn. Ha will not go into tho yard, fearing tbe chickens will eat him. An old chiet gave his experience of In dian agents this way: "Sposo agent heap bad man. heap swear, steal halt Injun blanket, Injun flour: spose agent lovum Jesus, steal A careful estimate made by the Maine Central Railroad states that 100,000 pleasure seekers bave entered the State this season. Abont 75 per cent of them came into tbe State by rail. J. W. Grover, clerk of Thomas county, Georgia Superior Court,ha3 in his possession a little calico frock which bis mother made for him 45 years ago. He wore it before he was able to walk. Rev. E. B. Carroll, of Albany, Ga., has found some Interesting relics on the battlefield of Jonesboro. They consist of the barrel of a muzzle-loading musket that was pulled from tbe breastworks in a dilapidated condition, a bayonet, tbat has been placed on tbe mazzle of the barrel, and several ballets, battered by their contacts with objects on the field. George W. Davis, of Morgan county, Georgia, has a white hawjr whitn measures four and a half feet from tp to tip of nls wigj Mr. Davis says he had seen the bd ia his neighborhood for several years, but n2a never had an opportunity of shooting it before. The hawk was slightly wounded and Mr. Davis speaks of sending it to Grant Park Zoo in At lanta. Joe Brown, colored, was bitten by a mad dog in Robinson county, N. C. in 1S72. On the same day the same dog bit a white man and a horse, both of whom died the same day. Tbe'negrn, Brown, was attacked with hydro phobia, but did not die. Periodically, at tbo samn time every year since, he has a return of the disease. He is now suffering the most ex cruciating torments of a well developed case of hydrophobia. A monster snake has succeeded in stir ring up qolto an excitement among the more timid people ot Essex, Mass. Some of them declare tbat tbey bave seen tbe reptile many times during the past few months. On mors than one occasion, it is said, chase was given, but the snake escaped. It put in an appear ance again last week, and those who then saw it estimate that it is more than 13 feet long "Its body Is as big around as a bootleg." Iowa has passed a stringent tramp law.. It declares that any male person 16 years of ago or over, who Is physically able to work, who 13 wandering about begging or idle and who can not show reasonable efforts to secure employ ment, shall be deemed a tramp, sent to jail and pot at hard work. Wh le in jail he shall not be allowed tobacco, IlqnorS, sporting or illus trated newspapers, ca'ds or any other means of amusement. Tramps will give Iowa a wida berth. A Pomona man came np recently iron Redondo. He ohanged his seat very often, opened the windows, squirmed about uneasily, and finally kicked because he supposed there was a corpse in the baggage car. Arrived in Los Angeles, be reached into bis coat pocket for his handkerchief, and found fire or six flsb, wbich ho bad carefully placed there three days before, to be used for bait. They were of the variety known as smelt, and they were "true to name." "The disappearance of the mackeral gull from Maine waters is auo", according to tbe Biddeford Times, "to the merciless work of tbe men who supply tbe milliners with plumes. For the mackerel gull they paid ten cents each. a price so remunerative to professional gunners that these birds were In tbe short space of two years practically exterminated. All of the snlpo familr were also in great demand; even the little ox-eye did nnt escape, for i single or der was placed for 600,000 of these at three cent each to fill an English contract." A widow lady living in Jacksonville, Fla., was badly stung about the head by wasps while working among the plants and shrubbery in her yard. The stings were painful enough, but in her agony and confusion sue added to her misery by rushing Into the house and ap plying hurriedly to her wounds wbat she sup posed was laudanum, but which was carbolic acid. For a few minutes nor pain was Intense, and had not remedies been applied by neigh boring ladles she wouldhave.it Is believed, gone into spasms. Ibeacld raised numerous blisters on her face. The wife of John Beam, of Mitchell vllle, N. Y.,aged 63 years, gave birth to twins on Monday evening. Her daughter, Mrs. Btratton, who lives in a neighboring township, presented her husband with twins the same evening. Mrs. Stratton's daughter Eva wai married a year ago and lives in Bradford. Tbe friends of Mrs. Stritton and her mother were not yet through con"ratnIafng them over the interesting natal coincidence in their families, when Mrs. StraU ton received a letter from her son-in-law an nouncing that her danebter had given birth to twins herself on Monday. ALLEGED TO BE FUNNY. "Johnny, you shouldn't rnn out in the rain wltnont your bat on." "Mamma, my head can't get wet, I've hadlt shlngledl"-A'o York herald. It is not yet known what title Sir Edward Guinness will assume, bnt "Maranis of Ayles bury" would shed a stout appearance of pro priety, at It were, upon his peerage. PMla&tU pMa Ledger. Drawing Teacher Now, this' is a sym metrical figure. Can anyone tell me what sym metry Is? Ah! There Is a little boy with his hand upl What is symmetry, little boy? Jimmy Scanlan-PUze, sorr. It do be aplacs fwhrre they buries dead psple! Light. Schwarubrod Say, vou vaiter, dot roast beef vas not rljht. Takeltsvay. Walter You said yoa wanted It medium-done. Bchwartzbrod-I know dot: but dl vas too me dium altojeedder. Bring mo some dot vai not quite so medium. America. He Shall I see yon in the city? She-Shall yoa wear your bluer thereT He-Why, certainly not. She-Then 1 shall not be able to recognize yoa. 1 am very nesr-aUhtcd, and the somber colors of winter do not catch my eye. irant LeslU'l Weekly. Butcher "What can I send you up to-day, Mm. Styles? Mn. Styles-Send me up a leg or mutton, and b sure It Is from a black sheep. Hutcher A black sheep! Mrs. stvles Yes; we are In muurainf, yoa know. Chatter. Modern "Aren't you afraid, Fritz, to go into company with so many to whom yoa owe so mnch money?" "Oh. not at all. Why not? I visit only tbe finest resunrsnts. the first-class cafes, slways at the theater sit In the stai;e boxes, and travel la my private car on all the railroads. How can my creditors dire to touch vatV'Fliegradi Btattttr. MrsVJinks O, Thomas, Thomas, what shall we do with our daughter? I heard her tnU 1ns: to herself In licr room. Jnst now, while she was dressing, and she said d-damn twlcel air. Jinks Let's see. She has begun wearing boiled shlrtsllke a man's lately, hain't she. "Yes. but what has" "Everything! She probably lost her collar bat ton down the back of ber ntcW Laurent American. - ---&-'!- "' TifrJi'itff- -Siitfililslf&iinifflssS BassBBsWsmBsMsSssBBisMlH SMBSSSBSSSBBBSSSBBBBBBSBBBSSBSBSBBSBBSBSSSBSSSSBSBSSSS. rrrrlrTlffflrrirffrBr irTMniirrriTrr--rTT7rEyr-fSiTff-WBTSSBrjB-WFgjBJBBSBB 2f
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers