R3 '"'Tff- 'WWWg! --t&.'Fs-- --: r I flje B$pMj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. 1S4A Vou,n.:i8.-F.n:erec-atl'lttsburKrnstoce, rovemberH, lseT, as second-class matter. Business Office Corner Smlthfleld and Diamond Streets. Ne s Rooms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 70 Diamond Street. TASTFJ'.N AOVEJmfcING OFHCl, koom. TU1BUM. BUILDING, NEW lOKK, where complete flies or THE MSl'ATCH can always be Sound. Foreign advertisers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and Mends of THE Dlil'ATCH, while In ew York, arc also made . welcome. THE DISPATCH is regularly on sate a J?ren!anos. 5 Futon Square, A'ew York, and 17 Ate. de C Opera, Pans, France, where any one who has been duappoinlcd at a hotel news stand can obtain it TER-MSj OF TnE DISPATCH. HOSTAGE JT.EE IN TUB UXITED STATES. DAILT lUsrATCIT. One Year. t SW Uatlt I'lErATCH, l'er Quarter M 3ATT.V TlTSPATf IT OnflnMf), TO " 3ailt Dispatch, Includinj;!undy, lyear. 3000 Daily Dispatch, iucludlngbunday.lmonth 90 I-CXDAT DisrATCIL One Year 150 . . .. .. , .IS u iekli jjisi-atch, wne lear P Tuk Daily Dispatch js delivered bycarrlersat j. cents ner week, or luciuamg cunaaycuiuvu, ctlO cents per week. THE DISPATCH TO-MORROW WILL NOT BE EXCELLED BY ANY NEWSPAPER IN THE STATE. 20 8 COLUMN PAGES, Holding 160 Columns. Many Literary Features and All the News. P1TTSBCRG. SATURDAY. SEPT. 13, 1S90, PLAYGROUNDS FOR CIULDREN. If Pittsburg i to continue her career of progress, it her glory is to be kept in a high state of polish, the rising generation must be looked alter, yesterday The Dis patch pointed out the need for more schools. To-day we call onr readers' atten tion to the need for playgrounds for the children. The education of the young idea is a good thing, the recreation of the voung body is no less a good thing. Children in the lower wards of the city have no play ground but the streets. How dangerous these playgrounds are the constant chron icling of accidents to children under the wheels of cable and electric cars is evidence enough. But playgrounds are coming. Heal lawns of grass in Schenley Park with incidental sand heaps and mud-pie bakeries especially set apart for romping youngsters. Mr. Bigelow -will see to this. Then there is that melancholy strip of nothing in particular, called Second Avenue Park, which a tight fence would make a proper sporting ground for the little ones. But Mayor Gourley, Sheriff McCandless, and everybody in fact, seems naturally to have thought oi the Bed ford avenue basin as a breathing spot par ex cellence for the children. Steps ought to be taken to put this piece of city property to such an excellent use as soon as possible. One of the beauties of making playgrounds for the babes of this great citv is that the taxpayers will not be asked to contribute vast sums to carry out the plan. Very little more than the ground is asked for. Boom enough to ran and jump and play, beyond the reach of rapid transit jugger nauts and horses' hoots that is all we ask for the children. While we are planning grand parks more especially for grown lolks let us not forget the littie ones pent up in tenement houses, in narrow courts and dismal allevs. JUSTICE .TO Y4CX. The movement in Philadelphia to replace Mr. Vaux, who was elected to fill Mr. Randall's term, by State Senator McAleer, attracts much attention, especially from the Republican managers. On tbe principle of not giving your opponent what he wants it might be supposed that the Democrats of the district would perceive the inadvis ability ot throwing overboard a popular and creditable representative before he has had more than a single session in which to prove his capacities. The Republican managers and organs fairly bubble over with jubila tion at every indication that McAleer will displace Vjux; but there is a Democratic element that has a weakness for doing what the Republican managers want done, and the question is whether they will be success ful in this instance. It is both good public policy and good politics when a man of such popular strength that no opponent was put up against him on his first election has made a good record on the short term, to give lnm a renomination. The Democrats of the Third Philadelphia district will be wise not to break over that rule at present. Mr. Vaux has been a unique but entirely creditable figure as a Representative in Congress. His popularity and strength were sufficiently demonstrated by his first election without opposition, and as that election was for only a part of the term, it is no more than good partv manage ment to give him a chance to show his legis lative qualities in a second term. REED AND BLUNE. In an article on the respective status of Blaine and Beed. the New Xork Sun re marks: "Theie has been no direct conflict between Mr. Blaine and Mr. Beed in either of the victories which they have respective ly won. Mr. Blaine's success in the Senate was not necessarily a defeat for Mr. Beed. The Speaker's triumph in his district was not distinctly a rebuke to Mr. Blaine. Bnt the direct conflict is now imminent, and the two champions are face to face." This is perhaps true, speaking by the card. But there is every reason for the be lief that the adoption of the Secretary's reci procity policy by the Senate was a dose which had a bitter taste in the Speaker's mouth, second only in acridity to the chinchona like postponement of the Federal elections bill. On the other hand, after the Secretary made but one speech in Maine, and that carefully placed and framed so as to do Mr. Beed no good whatever, it is not likely that, to use the expression of thebridegroom clectto The Begum, Reed's doubled major ity would cause Mr. Blaine to "fill the sur rounding atmosphere with wild whoops oi delirious joy." It -would be correct to say that, in the opening conflict between the two big Maine men, each has won a fight for position; and neither has enjoyed the victory ol the other. That they are more clearly face to face, than ever before, is only the case, because each in turn has made a success in what he undertook. Against the broad policy, mag netic personality and old enthusiasm sur rounding the Secretary of State, are the un yielding fighting qualities and strong appeal to the partisan spirit that constitute the Speaker's chief characteristics. Which qualities contain the best promise ot ulti mate triumph is an open question. So lar as the appeal to Republican Congressmen and Republican politicians is concerned, tbe Speaker's exaggeration of partisanship, backed by his stubborn determination, is likely to secure the greatest support. But the contest between Blaine and -Beed will not stop until it reaches a popular verdict ot the Eepublican party. When the "peo ple, even acting in a partisan capacity, are reached, they will probably be lound to give full weight to the fact that the Secre tary's policy looks to the extension of trade and the increase of prosperity; while the Speaker is unable in any issue to see beyond the limits of partisan interest. The more immediate question as to how the Speaker's triumph we will not insult him by calling it a "vindication" will affect the issues between the House and Senate, is still more problematical. That it should give the House leaders a great deal of back bone in insisting on the leading features of the McKinley bill as it went up from the House, is mpre than likely; and it would be well used if it should cause tbe restoration of the House sugar schedule in the place of that sop to the Sugar Trust, which both the Eepublican and Democratic leaders voted for in the Senate. But it is not likely to stop there; nor indeed is it by any means certain that it will especially affect that issue. Suppose, as seems to be possible from yesterday's proceedings, the House should put the tariff bill in com mittee, and let it stay there, with private intimations to the Senate that it will come out when the latter body has taken action on the Federal elections bill. That would be a stroke not at all inconsist ent with the character and methods of Mr. Beed, and it would open up a remarkably lively fight, which would probably result in mating the present session continuous up to the beginning of the second session. The most obvious result of tbe Reed vic tory is that it will strengthen tbe hands of the Reed policy in Congress. As that policy has brought the session of Congress up to tbe middle of September without completing tariff legislation, it would not be strange if the reinforcement of it should develop new features of snarls and muddles. Perhaps the Speaker may yet add to his triumphs one which as between himself and Mr. Blaine would be a Pyrrhic victory. THE LOGIC OF PROTECTION. Speaking of the tariff bill as it was passed by the Senate, the Philadelphia Press says: "Clearly, there is no logical reason for put ting binding twine on the free list, and thereby destroying an important industry." The Press has lately shown a remarkable consistency in insisting upon all changes in the tariff bill that were favorable to the trusts, and in opposing those that might weaken these combinations. But it could not put its predilections into language more clearly at variance with the reason of the case than the sentence just quoted. The logic of the case is entirely on the side of just such action as the Senate took on the binding twine question. The logic of protection is based entirely on the encouragement of domestic competi tion. Every protective feature in the Mc Kinley bill has been supported on the avowed expectation that it would so increase the competition among domestic producers as to eventually lower the prices. "While there may be some dispute as to the degree or promptness of the protective policy in ac complishing this result, there is not the slightest question that the logical basis of protection is the increase of domestic competition. When the members of a protected industry therefore combine to suspend the competition and prevent the re duction of prices, as all trusts seek to do, they try to defeat the object of protection. "When they succeed they not only nullify the legitimate purpose of protection, but convert it into an instrument for enriching the members of a monopoly, at the cost of the masses. In the face of such a result the repeal of a duty, the protective purpose of which is defeated, is plainly the natural and logical penalty for such combinations. Tbe fact is that the repeal of the duty on binding twine was about the only change, besides the reciprocity amendment, for which the Senate can be commended. That it was not caused by a recognition of the logic of protection is evident from the fact that other duties protecting trusts and com binations were retained, and Senator Plumb's amendment providing for the sus pension of duties when domestic products are increased in price by trusts, was defeated. The utter lack of logio on the part of the Senators from the agricultural States who foiced the removal ot binding twine to the free list is shown by the fact that while that action may save the farmers some $200,000 on binding twine, the increase in the sugar duties for the benefit of the Sugar Trust made by the Senate over those fixed by the House will cost the farmers over 2,000,000, to say nothing of the rest of the population. Like too many of the tariff votes the change was simply a successful movement of a single interest in the conflict of many interests to get what tbey could out of the bill But the logic of the case calls for some such action as that proposed by Senator Plumb. The defense of the protective policy requires a general notice that where its purpose of increasing domestic competition is defeated by trusts and pools, the duty will be re moved, and the opposition to its beneficial effect will be made to recoil on itself. , MORE GASES THAN ONE. There is not the slightest likelihood of the failure of Pittsburg's natural gas supply in the near future. The Dispatch's inves tigation of the subject has proved this. But supposing that natural gas should fail, does it follow that onr manufacturers must re turn to coal? Not at all. In our columns to-day it is shown that an artifi cial fuel gas, a substitute for natural gas, is already in use in several large mills. It is not a theory but a fact that confronts us here. Gas can be made from coal to com pete with the natural gas, and to take the latter's place should it fail. The system of pipeage now tn use for natural gas could be adapted to the service of artificial gas, and Pittsburg will continne in any event to en joy the advantages of a cheaper and better fuel whether the gas wells give out or not. TnE RIGHT COURSE. The frequent attempts at train wrecking on the New York Central Railroad, in the past lew days, have not unnaturally been used as proof of the desperately criminal purposes of the strikers. Some of the strikers have been charged with complicity in the acts.and have denied their guilt. On (he other hand, assertions have been made that officers of the New York Central have been engaged in getting up sham attempts at train wrecking, especially for the sake of bringing discredit on tbe Knights ot Labor. No evidence on either side has yet been made public, and the popular opinion will be likely to be held in reserve nntil it is known what the proofs are. In the meantime it is worthy of notice that Mr. Powderly, in tbe Journal of United Labor, puts himsplf and the order in the right attitude concerning all snch criminal efforts 'to revenge private wrongs by public disaster. After declaring that "we cannot r believe that any Knight ot THE Labor was concerned In this devilish deed," the article goes on to indicate the duty of the K. of L in the following outspoken, paragraph: What is the duty qf Knights of Labor then? Clearly to do everything within their power to assist in the discovery of the culprits. If, as we believe, it turns ont that no member of tbe order Is among the guilty ones, then the strikers will be cleared of even a doubt If, on the con trary, it should be proven that any Knight of Labor is implicated, none are more interested than tbe members of the order in clearing themselves of all suspicion of sympathy with lawlessness and crime by assisting in bringing the perpetrators to justice. Ours Is not a criminal organization and it cannot afford to harbor criminals. Let us urge upon the men on strike and all who sympathize with them, to do everything in their power to assist the authorities in ferreting out the fiends in, human form who have been guilty of this deed of devils." This is the right sort of talk. It is not alone the duty of the Knights of Labor as citizens to aid in the discovery of heinous crimes against public safety; but it is to the interest of the order to put themselves on record as ready to punish such offenses, whether they are perpetrated by members of the order or not If their efforts to detect the guilty parties locate the crime outsideof the order, the accusation will recoil on those who make it If t is found that members of the order have been guilty of such acts, the participation of the order in their de tection and punishment will clear it of com plicity. Let the policy stated above be vigorously followed out by the striking members of the Knights of Labor, and it will put an end to accusations that they seek to revenge their defeat by criminal acts. Jhe story that Emery is to secure the ar rest of Delimiter on criminal charges jnst be fore tbe election is the purest campaign rot It is intended to cover the fact that Delamater has not secured the arrest of Emery, which he had the best chance in the world to do,. But Delamater seems to be aware of the fact that Emery is loaded. Me. Chatjncey M. Depew boldly states that he will not permit his Presidental pros pects to sway his action as President or tho New York Central. That was the conclusion from the -very deliberate way in which he journeyed toward home, when by hastening he could have settled the strike in accordance with his avowed principles. But there have been times when his cultivation of tbe Gran gers,and his declarations that no railroad ought to discharge its men for belonging to a labor organization, indicated that be was moved by Presidental aspirations. Possibly Chauncey has arrived at the just conclusion that he has not got any Presidental prospects. The failure of the potato crop in Ireland, together with the shortage of wheat in this country, foreshadows a terrible year for ths people of that country. God save the Irish people, If he cannot save Ireland. The discovery of a school principal in Connecticut that he could not adhere to a con tract that ho had made with a young lady, as a teacher, because she is too homely, opens np a serious social question. As beanty has long been deemed an essential Quality for successful marriage, and as the pretty .typewriters are crowding out the plain ones, this indication that comeliness is a necessary qualification for teaching leads up to tbe conclusion that the only thing that can bo don- with homely girls is to adopt the Chinese method and drown them. The Republican managers and organs are now vigorously engaged in the effort to dis count Emery's campaign ammunition and to suppress Kennedy's. Noting the fact that the New Yorkers have at last adopted plan for the Grant monument a Baltimore paper remarks: "But the funds for building tbe monument are still non est inventus." This shows tbe need of in struction in Baltimore to tbe effect that what ever the force and cogency of a statement, the use of a classical term, does not, even 'as much as in tbe vernacular, permit the rules of gram mer to be wholly ignored. One hundred and thirty millions in crease in the ordinary appropriations since 1SS0 make It no wonder that the surplus Is losing weight Speaker Beed and Major McKinley are evidently of the opinion that the tariff is in more danger at Washington from the aggres sions of the Senate than it can possibly be in a governorship campaign in Pennsylvania. Con sequently they elect to stay at tbe Capital and do not find time for the opening rally of the campaign in Pittsburg to-night PEOMUIEHT PEOPLE. The house that the Clevelands have bought on Monument river is greatly out of repair and has a deserted appearance. Miss Elizabeth Bislaxd, celebrated for her flying trip around the world, has taken up her permanent residenco in England. Senator Evauts, it is reported from Washington, is suffering from an affection that seriously threatens nis eyesight. Peo r. Albert B. Peescott, of Ann Arbor, President-elect of the American Association for the Advancement of 8cience, is tbe first representative of chemistry honored by such appointment since 1872. The marriage of Lord Lawrence Petre to Jennie Williams, the sonbrette, will Cite place on September 29, and will be private. The ceremony will be held at Lord Petre's resi dence, Furness House, Copsfold Hall, Igna stone. CHARLES P. LlNDLEY, Of St LouiS, Who is now 72 years old, began his career as a com mercial traveler at the age of 18 for a Meriden (Conn.) factory. It is believed that Mr. Lind- ley's claims as the pioneer drummer cannot be beaten. H. W. Elliott, of the Treasury Depart ment and William Palmer, of tbe- National Museum, have retnrned from a tour of inspec tion to the seal islands in tbe Bebncg Sea, and report a falling off in the seal crop which points to a total extinction before many years. M. HVBeowee, of tho Western Division of the Pension Office, testified that he had not been promoted by Commissioner Itaum nor soliciud to buy stock. He believed that the completed flies order was a good th tng; more cases were adjudicated than befbre; th ere were fewer complaints. THE Rev. Dr. C. H. Parkhurst of No w York, recently distinguished himself by scaring the Matterborn, the most dangerous peak of the Alps. This feat is seldom performed. I n fact, tbe Matterhorn was not scaled by man- until 1865, and of the company which climbed to the top three were killed. THERMOPYLAE. This Is the place the mountain hay Is wild and stern and grand, As when the Lion held tbe way That barred his mother land. Xong years and change and earthquake shock Have wrought upon the scene, Where once the sea waves lapped the rock Are meadow lands grown green; But Oeta still looms vast and gray To hide tbe setting sun. And still the mountains bar tbe way, And every way but one; Thesulphnrsprlngsstlll fume and flow' Along tbe rough hillside. And far-off Otbrys veiled In snow Sees where tbe bpartan died. There Is a spirit haunts the place Where mighty deeds were dared. Though time and change have left no trace, And-not a grave be sparred; And climbing up the grassy hill Where Sparta's Lion stood, Tbe heart still answers to the thrill That marks the hero mood. And as I read the page again. That quickens from the dust The tale of those three hundred men Who died to keep their trust, I -knew tbe fire was not yet lost That nerved my younger age - The. shadow of an eagle crossed. And fell alongmypagel . amneu nva, n Hurray's MaaattnFri PHTSBHRQ - . DISFATOH, ' OUR SHORT STORIES. A SHREWD FLATTERER. Deter Raqland, the whitewashes was ar rested on a charge of having snatched a ladyjspocketb'ook. "Tho Ptoor," said the Jus tice, "is so plain that further investigation is unnecessary." "No, it ain't, sab," the negro replied. "Dar s times when suthin' dat aun looked like proof shrivels up might'ly when you fling de fire light o' reason down on It" , Well, but what fire-light of reason can ef fect the proof that you met this lady on the street and snatched her purse? ' "Now, jedge, lemme tell you suthin'. Iwiz comtn' laung de street, an' yere come dis lady. She come er laung, she did, or holdin' out her money bag dlsser way (imitating), an' I thought dat she wuz off erin! it ter me, an' I tuck it I did. I alius takes everything dat is offered ter me, sah." "But why did you think that she was offering ittoypuT" "Wall you see my little daughter hes been sick fur some time, an' de white folks hes been powerful kind ter me gibs me suthin' pntty nigh ever day, an' I thought dat dis lady yered cr bout hit an' wanted me ter git some medi cine." "That's all very well, but what made you ran so fast after snatching tbe putse?" "Who, met" he asked, shuffling to gain time. "Yes, you." "W'y, jedge," he exclaimed, with the bright ness of a sndden idea, "I wanted ter hurry on home ter carry de good news wanted to tell my po' wife dat ne puniest lady leberseedin my life dun gib us money er nuff ter git all de medicine we want Ob, no, sir, I ain't no ban' ter poke er laung when good nows is er stirrin' up my heels. I hes seed white folks dat had been sent atter er doctor poke er long, but it ain't datter way wid me, fur when I thinks de putties white lady I eber seed has dun gib me money I ain't gwine let er crap o' grass crow under my feet Jeslook at that lady, jedgo. Ain't she putty? Fo' de Lawd, she dun put me In mine o' my young mlstis laung fo' de wah. Putty ladles is er gettin' mighty scacenow. Oh, I knows 'em. Ole marster uster say to me: 'Pete,' he'd low, 'cf I wuz ez gooder jedge o' beauty ez you is, I wouldn' do nothin' but Stan' ronn' an' pick out wives fur deze good-Iookin' young men.' Now, jedge, I has dnn gib my 'splanation, an' you mer sen' me ter jail ef you wants ter." "Judge," said the woman, coyly holding her head to one side and"tittering"jnst enough to be girlish, "perhaps I was to blame. Indeed I be lieve I offered him tbe purse, not thinking of what 1 was doing at the time. I think you oughtto let him off." A broad smile became epidemic in the court room. The justice said that tho purse snatcher was free. IT MUST BE FATIGUING! 'PHIS man on sliver speecb relies; On silence that man stands; But Delamater thinks it wise To keep on shaking hands. USED TO THEM. 'THE thoughtlul foreigner laid down the news paper he was reading and looked out at the cultivated farms and green meadows through which the vestibluo train was speed ing attbe rate of 40 miles an hour. "It has always seemed the strangest thing in the world to me," he observed, ".that in a country so highly civilized as yours, and so full of resources and expedients, some way has not been found of preventing the frightful train robberies we read of so frequently. Whyis it?" "I suppose it is because we are so accustomed to Jhem that they don't seem friehtf ul to us," replied the American traveler as he turned asid . a moment to hand the colored porter half a dollar for blacking his boots. THE CHAUTAUQUAN MAID. iFoss lip to Date.: QBE had studied every 'ology Ichthyology, zoology. Philology, geolog, coucbology and more; Knew the bone of every mammal From the mouse up to the camel. And the mollusks and crustaceans that crept on every shore. To think hemp In history Was not at all a mystery; She could name you any ruler from old England , to Sumatra. It would certainly amaze yuh What she said about Aspasla, And the little unsophisticated maiden Cleopatra. She bad studied Oreek and Latin. Hebrew, Sanscrit (please put that In), Bead Xenophon and Horace, Uvld, Virgil and the rest. Shcdidn'tsay: "I'll learn yuh," But teach you that Calphurnia Sewed lifty.seven button holes in Julius Cesar's vest She loved to pull the petals From a flower. The baser metalf She doted on their study, and for nuggets she would bone yuh. She loved the dromedary, And the docile cassowary And the feathers of the emu she had stuck In her Elilffonier. She could scan philaclan meter And she knew each Koman pretor; And surprised me when she told tbe way the Em pire came to fall. The Huns sneaked In the forum. And tho Bomans tried to floor 'em. But they Goth 'emselves in trouble, and, of course, got whipped by tiaul. Bow HACZLXT. PUZZLED THii.AWYERS. ,( Tt was a wise suggestion to nay a bonnty to tbe maple sugar men," said a well-known steamboat Captain to a knot of old time friends in the lobby of the Monongahela houso yesterday; "for if tbere is one thing more tban another that has been subjected to wholesale adulteration, this pure saccharine product of nature is that thing. The man. that will fur nish a jug of the delicious stuff they used to boil in the ramps along the Ohio river back in the 40's is entitled to the biggest kind of a bounty." "Right you are, Captain," spoke up one of the company whose remembrances of tbe primitivo days of buckwheat flapjacks and maple syrup were so vividly recalled by tbe old steamboat-man's remarks. "Speaking of maple syrup," resumed tbe Captain, "reminds me of the time wben steam boating was in its experimental stages, and be fore railroads wero so plentiful as now. In those days we would round in and lie at tbe bank for as much as three hours at a time to 'wood up' or take on freight. On one occasion we landed at a town a couple of hundred miles below Pittsburg during 'court week' and. as was tbe custom, I went np the bank where a group of lawyers and judges and others drawn there by tbe term of court were sitting after adjournment enjoying the breeze from tbe river and talking in a good old neighborly way about crops and current topics of tbe day. Among the group was an old fellow who ap peared to be one of tbe unique and interesting characters of the town. After contemplating our boat for a few minutes a lull in tbe conver sation ensued, and the old gentleman ventured to break the silence by saying: 'Gentlemen, yon see that 'ere maple grove acrost yonder? Wal. tbere'sabout 160 trees In tbet orchard and every one of 'em is cood for a thousand gallons of water in a season. Now, I cak'late It takes seven gallons o' water for a good pound o' sugar. On them conditions how much sugar you reckon tbe owner o' tbet grove made last year, which was an uncommon good year for the sap?' The guesses were varied and numer ous, ranging from 100 to 100,000 pounds, but the old man shook bis head as the answers were announced. One of tbe company finally made bold to say he gave it up and appealed to tbe querist bimself lor information. "Not a dad hinged pound tbe scoundrei was too lazy to tap tho trees," said tbe old man nonchalantly. A CYCLONE FROM KANSAS. LOOK out for orat'ry to-night ' For words that bnrn and thoughts . that blister. The tiger's ta(I curls np with fright Wben this bold elephant's tbe twister: And many a cheek already burns and.tlngles' Anticipating slaps from Mr. Ingalls. ELEQAST WEDDDJGPBESENTS, Hnniisome Gift Presented to Mr. Lynch nnd HIiiH Etqrvcr t Their triarrlase. " rSMXIAL TELipiAM TO TUB DISrATCn.1 MpKEESEOBT, September 12. Harry B. Lynch, chief clerk attbe National Galvanizing Works, and Miss Aggie Harvey, of Newcastle, Ind., were married at tbe home of tbe bride's parents, and arrived here last evening. Among tbo presents received by tbe yonng couple.wos an elegant-remembrance from Cap tain F. A. Cbadwick, general manager of the .National uaivapizing works. Jv - , SATtf&mY, SEPTEMBER TO-DAY'S VOUHG IOPI0. The People Who visit tbe Expoiitlon Asked to Ballot on Electrocution. For the closing day of tbe big show this week The rjisPATCH-has-chosenan interesting topic for the suffrages of the-vlsitors. Tae Poll Book will bo open all day and evening, and all 'who visit the Exposition can vote for or against this question: , Should Electrocution be Substituted for Hanging in Pennsylvania? Open to Lady and Gentlemen Voters. The Topical Ballots for the opening daysnext week, together with a big Prize Essay an nouncement, will be published in the Sunday issne of The Dispatch. AH OLD MEIER'S DISC0VEBY. He Bolieves He Has Strnck a Streak of Pay Dirt on Ills Farm fSnCIAI. TKMCBAM TO TUB SIgPATSH.1 Scottdale, September 1Z Jeremiah Stauf fer has again commenced work in his mine in which he thinks minerals are to be found in abundance. The alleged mine is situated about five mile3 from this place, and is said by dif ferent persons conversant with the facts to abound in rich minerals of various descrip tions. Stauffer, who is an old California miner, while digging around his ore mines the other day, unearthed a rock which glittered with some sort ot minerals. HeteIcgraphedfora geologist named Bicbard Stanton, wbo arrived yesterday and made a thorough examination of the rock. In an explanation, Stanton says that the rock contains tbe ingredients of gold and silver, and he is f uUjr convinced that tbe mine, if thoroughly probed, will be productive of valuable minerals. He says tbo rock is of tbe same vein wbicb roaches into the gold mines of North Carolina. Mr. Stauffer asserts tbat he will work the mine thoroughly, and to that end a number of men have been set to work. Geologist Stanton says he is satisfied there will be encouraging results, and will remain to superintend the work. Htaufler'a late find has rather excited tbe community. He has declined several good offers for his farm, and has determined to test the hills at any cost STATE POLITICAL H0TES. HAERISBuraa Patriot (Dem.): The Phila delphia Press seems sorry becanse it called on Candidate Delamater to answer Emery's charges. Hareisbueg Call (Rep.): Now if Quay were only a candidate for something or other, his majority IrrPennslyvania, judging from the effect of Democratic mud-throwing in Maine, could not be expressed by less than six figures. Eeif DOMch (Rep.): After tbe November election tbe Democrats in Pennsylvania will be kept busy explaining bow tbe "unexpected ab sence of Mr. Wallace in Europe" prevented him from making those able speeches that might have elected Paulson, West Geo ye Independent (Ind.): If our next Legislature will but solve the road ques tion their neglect of almost every other duty can be pardoned. Tbere is no one subject that concerns the great mass of tbe people more directly than their means of commercial and social intercourse. Butleb Democrat (Dem.): The movement among Independent Republicans is gaining gronnd at a rapid rate in many sections. Tbere evidently are a great many people in the wealtby State of Pennsylvania who entertain too high an estimate of independence to be bossed about like cattle in the pen, Altoon-a Times (Dem.): Tbe Republican Congressional conference of this district will be held in Ebensburg on tho 16th of September, next Tuesday. Mr. Scull will come up smiling for a third term and will be antagonized by J. D. Hicks and John Cessna. There is a good deal of power behind Scull, but it is questiona ble If he will be able to secure another nomina tion, not even considering the subject of elec tion. Philadelphia Press (Rep.): The Phila delphia Mugwumps, wbo call themselves "Lin coln Republicans," have adopted a title which brings into bold relief tbe ragged edges.ot their own political inconsistency. Lincoln was not a Mugwump, a sore head, or a bolter. He took his republicanism straight, and if ever he had wearied of it he would have gone right over to the Democracy instead of knifing the Repub can ticket in tbe back while still claiming to be a member of tbe Republican party. Philadelphia correspondence New York Sun: "During my SO years' experience in Pennsylvania politics I have never known the Democratic party to enter upon a political campaign for important State officers with snch promising prospects of success as in this con test which opene d at Scranton with tbe nomin ation of ex-Governor Paulson, and I have never witnessed snch an apparently studied effort to turn a seemingly assured victory into defeat as tbat which bas characterized tbe management of the Democratic campaign in Pennsylvania up to this hour. ' JOY It? THE COTTON FIELDS. FIoo Prospects for a .Splendid Crop la Ten nessee and Alabama, Nashville, September 12. Captain Han cock, a cotton merchant returned from a ten days' trip through the cotton counties of Mid dle Tennessee and Alabama. Mr, Hancock said to-day thafhe had never seen better pros pects for a large yield than at present. The planters are jubilant'over it Cotton is very fine, and with favorable weather and a late frost tbe yield will be exceptionally large. The averages are larger tban lor several years past The cotton merchants here report larger sales for bagging and ties lor tbe past few days than for tbe same period in several years. This is an indication of a very large crop. MEETING OF METHODISTS, One Hundred Minister! Attend tbe Ohio Conference at Jilt. Corry. (SPECIAL TELEOIUIM TO TBI DISPATOB.1 Pindlat, September IS. The Ohio confer ence of tbe Methodist Protestant Church began its annual session at Mt Corry, this county, this morning with about 100 ministers and lay delegates In attendance, representing every section of tbe State. To-day tbe work was largely of a preliminary character. Tbe conference will be in session until next Wednesday. Missionaries meet. rfPECI.lL TELIQRAX TO THB DISPATCH.! Findlay September 12. The annual con. vention of the Christian Missionary Society of Ohio met in this city to-day. and will remain in session over Sunday. Every county1 in the State is repiesented by delegates. DEATHS OF A DAY. Rev. JTorcmlnh IT. Johnston. rSrXCIAL TELEGBAM TO TBB DISPATCH.! Washington, Pa., September a .The Rev. Jeremiah H. Johnston. O. D., died at his resi dence on Wade avenue to-night at 7:30 o'clock, after a prolonged illness. Ho leaves a wife and two adult children to mourn their loss. Eev. Mr. Johnston was born near Mercerrllle, Pa., March 21, 1836. He graduated from Westmin ster College In 1859, and was licensed to 'preach by the Big Creek Preshytery, April JO, 1861. Twenty yeirs ago he was ordained by tbe Chartiers Presbytery, to the pastorate of the United Presbyterian Church at this place. Since that time he bas been a faithru and efficient pastor, and up to a few weeks of his demise, although hardly able to Brand lip was to be found at the tiost nr iimv Hewasoneof the most popularmlnlsterslnthe Presbytery, and made friends with all whom be came in contact with. During the latter part of bis lite he spent most of his time In writing maga zine articles on United Presbytery theology, lie leaves a host of sincere friends wbo will feel , bis death most keenly. Mrs. Hnrrlson Jones. fSPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCH. alliance, September li Tbe wife of the Xer. Harrison Jones, chaplain or President Gar field's regiment died this morning at the age of 74 years. She was married In 1836, and has lived with her husband, who survives her, for ovorM years. Mrs. Jones was quiet and unassuming in manner, but was a woman of remarkable force of character. Besides her husband, seven children are left to mourn her loss. She was very well and favorably known, and tbere is great sorrow ex pressed at ber death. Jcsrpb Brl'. CrNcnrNATJ, September 12. Joseph Bell, age'd 77, died to-day suddenly of apoplexy. He was dis tinguished as a builder of machinery and for be ing the first to lake a steamboat across tbe tiulf of Mexico. He Introducen steamers In the rivers of Mexico. His ratber was an English lieutenant who, in the war or 1812, espoused the American side and was made drill master to the troops at Ft. Washington, lu this city. 'Willlnm Brocb'-e. PmLAnsxwnA, September 12. William BrocWlc. President or the Maritime Exchange; and well known in shipping and mercantile cir cles In this city, dropped dead on Chestnut street this morning from heart disease. 13,, 1890. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON, What's the matter with Nat Gas? Oh! he's all right! Do yon ever test the little ones of your house hold who are taking music lessons T Do you know that you might profitably try the experi ment r There be music teachers and music manglers. I have heard about several who know as much aboutr the first principles of muslcas a mnle does about leading an orchestra. They simply plant your little learner before the piano and tell he or she funny stories instead of teaching them how to handle their tiny fingers in running a scale. Music teachers do not require to hold certificates. Little children are not liable to complain, and fond parents are apt to be satisfied with discord instead of harmony during practicing hour. So the children go from bad to worse, musically speak ing, and when they are put into the hands of a good teacher, have to begin over again. Watch tbem at practice, quizz them occasionally, and above all. see that their teacher knows some thing. Would It be a bad idea to compel all musio teachers to pass examinations? Let somebody think it over. Old Monongahela, thy name is Mud. The only thing Chauncey M. Depew will not talk about is the Central strike. Death is always grinning over the shonlder of the man behind tbe prescription counter. IP Pittsburg possessed a ball capable of seat ing a large congregation she. could capture some of the big gatherings which other towns reach out for. Tbe Carnegie Library folk should keep this in mind while supervising tbe plans. Don't be -niggardly about the dimen sions, Messrs. Commissioners. Cols cream gives girls a milky complexion. The French adventurers who are going to hunt for the North Pole in a balloon will cer tainly have an ice time. It is needless to remark that dressmakers and milliners are up to their eyes in business. The girl and the boy from the country, in cluding Washington and Butler counties, is coming to town. Their sun-burned, healthy and happy faces would look better if they would not munch peanuts. Ir all chickens were ducks hens would surely swim. She was inspecting the furs displayed in one of the Exposition exhibit, and had glued her eyes to the seal skin sacqne fitting none too well the frame of tbe model, which, instead of standing, was doubled up in a commodious chair. Of course she thought it was a dummy with a wax face. After calculating the cost of tbe furry finery she sighed a deep sigh and turned away with the remark, "Ob, what a hor rid representation of a woman! Such a figure should never have been chosen to show off snch a pretty sackl" She looked backward and met the flaring eyes of the model, which stood beside the rail trembling with anger. Tbey do not speak as they pass by. Moral: Never think aloud. The man who worms himself into society is apt to be trod upon. The cowcatchers on the locomotives are catching ties nowadays. The man on the fence and the colored Indi vidual in the woodpile are annoying the poli ticians North andSouth this year. From the chipper way in which Dr. Depew is announcing that he has jnst landed it is safe to infer that be did hot give up anything to tbe frisky dolphins of the deep. BrmNQ oysters to cet a pearl is like pur chasing a lottery ticket to secure the first prize. The weather is a regular old soak. If you saw the same faces every day, ufe would be featureless. A seas tree casts as long a shadow as ths one in full bloom, and tbe fellow who smokes cigarettes and bangs his hair takes up just as . much room on the earth as tbe man who smokes tobies and parts bis hair on the side. The advertisement announcing the appear ance of Messrs. Delamater et al. at the Opera ( House says: "All Republicans are earnestly requested to turn ont and hear the great issues of the campaign discussed." Why, my dear managers, do you not invite the Democratic sinner to partake of the feast of campaign reason? How do you expect to help yonr cause by arguing the issues with youi own kind? Or are yon simply fishing for the fel lows who are wabbling on the fence? Whew the rain falls the rivers roar. The Delamater combination does not seem to be drawing heavy houses in the grand old State of Allegheny. But, then, this is an off year. Greek doctors make fat graveyards. People who have just returned from Europe and suffering on a rolling ship must feel squeamish when they ride a few blocks on an electric car. IP you tickle a woman's fancy she will smile. If you tickle her vanity she will laugh all over. Whispers are drawing room wasps. It is rumored tbat tbe turnstiles at the base ball parks make figures He. Why not photo graph tbe groups on the grand stand ana tbe bleacherlesT The camera is a flatterer, but it will count noses correctly. A societt writer says Mrs. William Astor perfumes ber note paner. This Is a waste of the Astor millions. All note paper is sent, yon know. You curb your temper when you bridle your tongue. Indian summer and pumpkin pies are among the luxuries on the autumn schedule. Two New Yorkers decided to divide hotel expenses by agreeing that one pay tbe bills, the other tip the servants. The tipster got the worst of tbe bargain, to be sure. The flirt breaks a match when she fifes the fellow. THE man who borrows a telephone and then kicks about the beastly bad service, belongii to the same class as tbe fellow who borrows the morning newspaper and swears there is noth ing readable In It Edison's speaking doll will probably fill a great society need. They can be loaded with the Lord's Prayer, and the poor little pampered pets of tbe plash parlors will not be obliged to say it any more. A New YoEEBet indulges In cigarette flirta tions. They will end in smoke or the ceme tery. A tiiAnsition period is always a painful ono. Many girls wear out their old clothes be tween tbe last summer day and tbe end of antumn, and what they must suffer is sad to contemplate. A ship can break a record without straining a bolt. You cas buy chickens in coops, but never buy a pig iu a poke, Cannot capons be bred in or around Pitts burg? Tbey are sometimes found on the bill of fare, but when sampled are a delusion and a snare. Pittsburgers are not averse to payin g a good price for a rarity, but will kick on swin dles in food lines as well as against frauds i'n any other direction. Some of our chicken cultivators should try their band on capons. They would sell like hot cakes if anywhere near the Jersey standard. McKntXEY is too busy fixing up his own fences to help Mr. Delamater put up the bars here. The damp days have taken the -starch out of tbe mannish eirh If you do not crush a rose the thorn will not sting you. k The baseball boys will soon strike out Blaeket twhed is the name ot a new cloth-for- men's wear. Lightning rod, Bfa in surance and book selling fiends should ger measured for suits off the name piece. ffrnus'wmxw 1 T. '7iift?-.L, OUR MAIL POUCH. A Rpminl'cence of the Great Fire. To tbe Editor of The Dispatch: Anything relating to tbe great fire in Pitts burg of AprdlO, 1845,is always of interest to those who witnessed it and mayhap suffered from its effects; and the "old inhabitant" is apt to become garrulous Jf ha can command your attention while he details some of his own doings on tbat occasion. I am not aware that it bas ever before been publicly stated how its ravages might have been prevented, if those who had charge at the fountain head of the city's water supply, had done their duty promptly. In a recent conversa tion with Mr. J E , he told the writer tbat at tbe time ot the fire, being then a yonng man of 19, he was employed (this being bis first day) at the warehouse of Sidney G. Von Bonn borst, on First street (now avenue), between Ferry and Market streets. When the alarm was given, and before a bell was rung, he, with a few companion?, who, like himself, were members of the, Eaele Engine Cempany, hurried to the engine house on Fourth street, hoping that tbey might be able themselves to get the hose carriage to tbespotand putonttbe fire he fore any other persons had reached the place. This would have been a tall feather in their hats) In those days many a man's great est ambition was to "bold the nozzle:" theirs was a nobler one to prevent, if possible, what proved to-be the greatest catastrophu that ever occurred in Pittsburg. By considerable effort these few men got tbe bose carriage to the cor ner or Ferry and Second streets, where they made a double male screw attachment, by that means preventing any other bose from getting water' at that pluir. and thus enabling them, as tbey fondly hoped, to be tbe heroes of the hour. But alas! they were disappointed: wben the water was turned on they found that there was not a sufficient pressure to lift it to tbe roof of tbe burning building. At this time the Vigilant hoss carriage came on tbe scene, tbe members clamoring for a V attachment to the same plug. This was re sisted by the Eagle's men, on the reasonable ground that if there was not enough water for one there would certainly be no nse for two wasting wbat little there was. Durlne the controversy Robert Hague, wbo afterward be came our ef&cientHigh ConstabIe,pnt In an ap pearance, and was dispatched with all speed to the basin on Prospect street, with directions to have a larger supply of water passed through the pipe. This was refused by the watchful guardian (his name is now as for gotten as that of "tbe youth wbo fired tbe Epbesian dome,") on tbe plea that if this was done a plug might bo blown out at another place in tbe city wbere repairs were being made. Mr. Hague retnrned with his reply and was sent back again, but by tbe time bereacbed Seventh street be ascertained tbat a full head of water bad been turned on. But it came too late! Tbe fire tbat was no larger than a man's band at first had now spread to adjoining bonses. and fanned by the stiff breeze ot tbat April day, bad assumed such proportions that all the engines of tbe city and all the water that could be most lavishly furnished were not suf ficient to curb it3 onward and destructive course. As the official had ample means of knowing that a fire was raging in the lower part of tha city his elevated position giving him lull view of the entire town, no excuse can be offered for bis dalliance with the great opportunity afforded him of being a prime factor In the prevention of tbe loss of human lives andot the millions of dollars' worth of property tbat went up in smoke on that eventful spring day. J. F. M. PrxTSBUBGf, September 10. A Water Gas Conundrum. To the Editor of Tbe UUpatch: After water gas goes through a cupola, then through brick checker work, does it go back to water afterward or is it a fixed gas? Subsceibee. PrrrsBTnto, September 12. The water gas does not go back to water after passing through the brick checker work; but it becomes, not a '-fixed gas," but a semi fixed gas, for as a matter of fact, the naphtha which is Involved in the process, is liable, when the gas is cool, to condense in tbe plfes. Wlint Joalab Propose! to Do, To the Editor of The Dispatch : Please do me the justice to correct mistake of your reporter in yesterday's issue wherein he says that "I intend to destroy tbe Christian Church wherever found." It is a mistake, for I never said so. nor do I now say so. Nearly all my people are Christians. There were 14 of us in all 8 brothers and 6 sisters. I did say and do say now that I mean to lock tbe orthodox bell and throw the key Into tbe sea of oblivion. JOSIAH KlXO WlLSOJf. Ptttsbueo, September 12. Onr BInry Not Dend. To the Editor or The Dispatch: . Please answer the following to decide a wager: Is Mary Anderson, the actress, dead? If so, when and where did she die? Rather, is she not lately married and living abroad? A Daily Readeb. Pittsbuko, Septemberl2. She is married to Mr. Nevarro, and is now living abroad, BeKVrrDid, Not Pnltlson. To tbe Editor ot Tbe Dispatch: A says Pattison vetoed tbe Mercy Hospital appropriation bill and B says Beaver. Decide. Allegheny, September 12. J. H. TVboCnn T.HUImT To the Editor of Tbe DisDatcn: Will yon please tell me wbat States and Terri tories have no pharmacy law? Reaseb. PrrrSBTJEG, September 12. A SNAKE IN HER SHOE. An Estlmnble Old Lady Bitten on Her Thumb-brn Ilnge Copperhead. rSPKCIAL TELEOEAH TO IBS DISPATCH. 1 PA bkebsbubG, W. Va.. September 12. A queer and probably fata! accident happened at Central Tuesday. Mrs. Ann Clemens, an old lady about 70 yeais of age, got out uf ber bed in tbe morning and began to pat on her shoes. Just as she was in tbe act ot pulling on tbe first one a big copperhead snake, which bad taken up itslodging in the shoe, shot its head out and bit the old lady on the thumb of tbo right band. Her arm and band began to swell rapidlv.and sbe suffered intense pain. Medical aid wts called In and every possible remedy applied tn prevent serions results. Mrs. Clemens is still alive, but ber friends entertain slight hopes of ber recovery. How the reptile eot into tbe bone is a mystery. The old ladyTs well known and very popular in tbat neigbborbood, and great sympathy is felt for ber in ber great suf fering. ALL THROUGH THE STATE. CANADA thistles have secured a firm loot bold In tbe streets of Lancaster. A Linesville, Crawford county, farmer raised 33 lambs this summer from seven ewes. It has cost Crawford county S6OO.U0O during tbe past 23 years for the support ot the poor. The firemen will meet in State convention at Chester on the 18tb. lbey will parade over an e)bt-mile route. A CLlNTOlt county judge bos instructed re porters not to mention bis name in their papers under any circumstances. AN eagle with a bell around Its neck fre quents Lebanon connty. It is probably looking for the long-lost sea serpent The newspaper men of Chester threw dull jare and grinding toil to the winds long enough on Thursday to enjoy a feast Two Crawford county farmers wbo never subscribed for a newspaper have been taken into camp by a couple of swindlers. Several Conneautville people have re ceived checks in paj ment for tbe right of wa for tbe canal railroad through their land. Citizens of Reading stoned to death a sup posed mad dog. Many valuable dogs were bitten before the stones got in their work. THE Pittsburg Exposition is in at least one respect very different from tbe ordinary mustard plaster. Tbe longer It lasts the better it draws. A oss legged veteran of the war was robbed of his valise at Lancaster on Thursday, containing a new salt of clothes, four shirts, suspenders, neckties, etc llib M. De Tube, aged 9 years, climbed upon the wall at tbe sidti ot tbe schoolhouse. at Reading, and becoming dizzy, she fell to-the ground, striking upon her bead. Sbe was able to walk to ber borne, but in a few minutes afterward sbe suddenly expired. The Warren county fair was billed for its annual exhibition last week at Warren, but owing to too much rain it didn't take place, and as a consequence tbere is a very mad lot of directors and exhibitors. Warren Is not such a dry county as some people think. BebKS County is numerically the stroneest component ol tbe old Pennsylvania Synod of tbe Lutheran Church. It bas 18.000 communi cants, 6.000 of -whom are at Reading. North ampton com esnext with I&30 members. 2,250 cf whom lite In tho Bethlehems and 2,100 at Haston. ,.- L CURIOUS C0NDEKSAT10SS. The State of Panama demands the ex clusion of the Chinese. The estimated yield of wheat for Mich igan this year is 21.pOO.00U bushel. Mr. Mndd is a real estate dealer ia one of the towns of Southern California. Two of the albums sent to the Inter national Exhibition of Stamps at Vienna are Insured for 812,900 and S15,0W. A bolt of lightning recently struck a bouse in Kansai, setting it on fire and at tha same time touching off the fire alarm. A large amount of ammonia escaped from the Fort Wayne ice factory into the St Joseph river, and thousands of fish were killed. The Humane Education Society of Bos ton offers $250 for the best esay In favor of vivisection, and $250 for the best essay against it It has been proposed tn put the regular London cabmen in scml-mllitary uniform. The Jehus are very much opposed to the "blarsted scheme." Of 50,000 guesses of the.weight of a biz cake of soap on exhibit in Detroit only four, strange to say, were correct The weight was 1.122 pound?. James Jeffries, of Ruseell county, Ky., has 19 cbildren, including 7 pairs of twins. Ho also bas 10 brotbers married, and the 11 famlies have 37 pairs of twins. An average of B.OOO.OOO glasses of beer Is consumed in Chicago every day during this hot spell, and that means $250,000 or 57,000,000 a month for the breweries. A woman who died lately at St. Martin, near Montreal, at the ace of 92, was married when 12 vetrs of ag. and had 17 children, 115 grandchildren and 2SC great grandchildren. By the side of the main road, about four miles from Canterbury, the following curious notice may be read: "Traction engines and other persons taking water from this pond will be prosecuted." The famous Hindoo god, Lingham, is now owned by an English gentleman named Spencer, who paid 513,000 for it at an auction sale in London In 1858. This curious relio stands but 12 inches high. Judge Beach decides a town has a per petual and everlasting Interest In a factory it bonuses, and consequently tells H. Dntton, of Port Anstin, tbat he bas no right to move his grist mill, and so enjoins him forever. The locomotive telephone signal enables two trains approaching each other to commu nicate by closing the circuit when two miles apart Tbe ringing ol a gone warns the engi neers, wbo can converse with each other over the telephone. The acting Mayor of Montreal has re ceived a letter from a woe-begone bachelor in Bismarck, Dat, who writes for himself and a number of otber miners, asking that marriage able young ladies be sent out there. Tbe miners have from 81.000 to 5,000 to commence house keeping with. Stephen and John Cumming are a twain of twins So years' old. They both live at W ixom, and Stephen is strong and healthy, while John is feeble. Stephen is the man who has used tobacco 70 years, and John bas always been re ligiously temocrate, which makes this an in temperance lecture. Mr. Bodeen, at Lamanda Park. Los Angeles, has 13 acres in peaches, apricots, pears and similar fruits. He has paid all the labor' Incidental to curing and shipping his fruit, has sold it all and bas $7.f00 as tbe net profits of tbe season. Tbat is S4W 60 cer acre. Tbe fruit growers are the people this year. Councilman Study, of Tyrone, electro cuted his big black dog the otber day. He had ontlived bis usefulness and the Kemmler mode was apnlied to him. Wet sponges were placed on bis bead and at the base of bis spine and 500 volts applied through the death deiling wire. Tbe dog died so instantaneously tbat he hadn't time to even think wbat hurt him. CHnlon Democrat. There is a curiosity iu Carrolton, Ala., in the way of an eyeless mule colt Tbe colt is three or four months old. It is very well de veloped In every other respect but It bas no eyes and no place for them. The face where its eyes shonld be is as smooth as its Jaws, yet it bas eye muscles, for the bids contracts regu larly as if batting its eyes, but it has no eyes and no eye shape. Two policemen, at 3 o'clock Monday morning, found one of the doors of tbe post office in Kewark, N. J., open. They entered the building, bnt found nobody. One of tha officers went to tbe bouse of Postmaster Conk lin. who proceeded to' the office, and. after searching through its departments, found the night watchman sound asleep in a locked room. The watchman was discharged. A "good" story is told about a certain farmer living near Orlando, Fla., who was badly afflicted with rheumatism. One day he went out to his stables and stepped between a horse and mule for tbe purpose of bridling them, whereupon tbe aforesaid horse kicked him, bitting his bin, the afflicted part Strange to say, and here is where the good part of tbe affair comes in, he has not since suffered with rheumatism. Bricks impregnated with tar are said to be hard, durable and perfectly water-proof. The process of impregnation is extremely simple, ordinary bricks, or, still better, machine brick, being boiled in coal tar for 24 hours. Bricks thus treated are claimed to be especially well adapted for paving workrooms, depots, etc. Tney are also recommended for tbe con struction of sewers, cesspools, the insulation of foundation walls and slmilai purposes. Such filthy water was furnished tha tanks by the Michigan State Fair management that the Fish Commission have lost about 300 of their fine exhibit All the fine specimens of brook, brown and rainbow trout were lost after being a few hours in tbe water, together with numbers of grayling, carp, goldfish, pike, blue pill", sunflsb and perch: everything, in fact, except tbe dogfish, catfish, eels and bull beads, and even some of tbe latter were killed. Through the stupidity of an engrossing clerk, unable to write the English language grammatically or spell correctly, tbe laws re cently passed by the Legislature of New York are full of absurd blunders and contradictions. They are a disgrace to the first State of the Union, and will, no doubt, result in costly liti gation. A specimen blunder is an amendment to tbe charter of Saratoga, which declares: "No contract for sprinkling shall, however, be made for a longer period than four years, ex. tept horses and more tban six sprinkling carts." FABT TABLE LAUGHS. Parson Don't you know it is very wrong of yon to publish advertisements for liquor deal ersln your paper? Editor Perhaps it Is; but I don't know bow I ean manage to pay the bills they have against me unless 1 let them take tbem out In advertisements. Chatter . "Yon ought to have seen Peterbr eat at the wedding breakfast. I'll wager he put away S3 worth of stuff." 'Yes, and then Kicked because he bad to buy a 3 present Xew York Weekly. Applicant (to proprietor of great news paper) Have you a vacancy on your staff, sir?" Proprietor I need a circulation-affidavit editor, but I don't know that you would suit "I think I would, sir. lhave been a cenlas enumerator at Minneapolis." The place Is yours. "-Jlunsey't Weekly. Clarksbn Well, I got discharged to-day j by old bannders. Father-Why, I thought that you and Saunders got along first-rate. Clarkson Well, we have until to-day, when Saunders (cave me a bill against Tom Hendricks and told me not to come back to tbe office without the money. Ton know Tom. Sew Xork Weekly. MissBIeecher(ofNew York) I see that . there is a proposition to put a duty on beans. - Miss Emerson (of Boston) A duty on beans al ready exists. Miss B.-Indeed t What Is it? Miss E. To base them to a delicious brown. West Shore. Mrs. Baldhede Why, Thomas. I dcclarel There ere a lot of fine hairs on top of your head. You are ftettlnz a second growth or hair. I never noticed it and you didn't sar anything about it Baldhede (sadly) No, Matilda. I wanted to give them a chance to grow. West Short. Ethel (who is studying addition) Mam mt. why do tbey say the "two bears" of mar rlaire? Mamma Why. my dear, the two bears of mir riajrsare bear and forbear. Ethel 'Well, mama. don't bear and fonrbear make five bears? West blare. The public Who writes your society Jokes? Editor A man who was Drought up In tae back woods and wouldn't know folding doors ." from a three-vulume novel, or an evening dress from a tennis blazer. The public Who writes your "sister" and en- . era! pop-the-qoestlon"JokM? '5 Editor A meek, bashful, little man, wbo couldn't summon up the nerve to propose to a blooming widow, even If she looked on him as hN but caaace. Vlutttir. .- w.f i wmmmm .
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers