'"ME? r f-fcfeBi&a&'ft. E ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8. 1848, VoL4 No. S05. Eaters at Pittsburg l'ostoi&ce, lioveraber II, 187. as second-din natter. Business T)fflce Corner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Booms and PubliBhlne House 75, 77 and 78 Diamond Street. EASTEBN ADVERTISING OFFICE, BOOMS, TK1BUJ.E BUILDING. HEW YOKE, -where complete riles of THE DISPATCH an always be found. Foreign aavertlsers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and friends of THE DIbPATCH, while In hew York, are alio made welcome. THE DISPATCH it regularly on tale a Brent ano's, S Union Square, Jfeto Tork, and XI Ave. de V Opera, Paris, trance, where any one who has been disappointed at a hotel news stand can obtain it. TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. fOSTAGX FBEX IX THE CTITII) STATES. 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POSTAGE AH persona who mall the Sunday Issue of The Dispatch to friends should bear to mind the fact that the post age thereon la Two (2) Cents. AH double and triple number Copies ol The Dispatch require a 2-cent stamp to Insure prompt delivery. P1TTSBUKG. SUNDAT. A0G. Si, 189a MR. CLAUKSOVS RECORD. Pirst Assistant Postmaster Clarkson laid down the powers ind responsibilities of office yesterday. He retires to private life and the presidency of a pneumatic railroad. In his new calling he will find it difficult to beat his record as executioner in the Post office Department. Even with a pneu matic railroad Mr. Clarkson. can hardly hope to make the speed that has characterized the removal of Democratic postmasters under his direction. In conven tional style, Mr. Clarkson doubtless points with pride to the twenty-six thousand changes he has made in fourth class postof fices since he went into office a year and a naif ago. It is officially announced that he beat the record in this field. More removals have also been made in the Presidental postoffices during the same period than have ever been made in a like space of time before, Mr. Claikson and the President having spared only 400 postmasters. There is something refreshing about the candor of Mr. Clarkson. He has never made the smallest pretense of con cealing his determination to Bepublicanize the Postoffice Department Now that all " - the heads have been chopped off the tired headsman departs in peace. But the record of Mr. Clarkson, gratify ing as it may be to him personally, may not prove a source of unmixed comfort and joy to the Bepublican party when next it appeals to the country upon the same old platform of conscientious civil service re form. The President may have forgotten his promise to be guided, in appointments and removals by none but considerations of the public good, but the people have not And Mr. Clarkson's record is an ugly reminder of how that promise has been broken. A CREDITABLE DECISION. The abandonment of the carpenters' strike at the Exposition, and the retnrn of the men to their work, proves that the labor organizations involved in that dispute have been actuated by more moderation and for- bearance than they are usually credited with. Their determination to lay aside the strict enforcement of the union rule against working in the same building with non union men, rather than imperil the success of a public enterprise, deserves recognition; and it should be placed to their credit that they have suspended an iron-clad rule where they perceived it would work public in justice. Of course most people will agree that to apply a rule of that sort at the Exposition, where a score of different employers let en tirely separate contracts for work, would work a decided injustice. Such a rule if enforced might be construed to forbid union ! men to work in the same square with non union, or order a strike on all the nouses in a certain plan of lots because one house in the plan was being built by non-union workmen. The workingmen themselves have perceived the hardship of the case, and have come to the sensible and liberal conclusion that a hard and fast application of the rule shall not be required in this case. "With this satisfactory adjustment of the difficulty, it may be hoped that work will now be pushed so as to permit the second opening of the Exposition with all the ex- . hjbits in complete and attractive shape. ASTRONOMICAL ACHIEVEMENTS; The progress of astronomy, the secrets which it has penetrated and those which may be hoped to be near discovery, are bronght out in an article by-M. Camille Pl&mmarion, the French savant The especial theme, is the progress made in the manufacture of telescopes of high power, and the information obtained through them. Starting with the fact that Galileo began the scientific investigation of astronomy, by introducing the use of the telescope, in that science he marks the progress of the science by stating that three great telescopes are now in use, anyone of which "would have seemed a fantastic dream to our predeces sors." Of these, the two in Europe are the smaller, having lenses about 30 inches in diameter with a length of 60 to 60 feet The observatory at Mt Hamilton in California has a telescope with thirty-six inches of free aperture and a length of fifty feet "What has been affected by the use of these magnificent instruments is shown by some photographs obtained through the lat ter instrument, of the moon, Saturn and Mars. "On one of these latter," says M. Plammarion, "a heavy fall of snow is per ceived which in twenty-four hours covered on the planet Mars an extent of surface as vast as the area of the United Btates. The farther observations on this planet, and the fact that astronomy seems to be close to greater discoveries, are set forth as follows: For example, we have Mart before our eyes. All the observations mads thus far leadns to think that this planet must be inhabited ails our own, and, perhaps, even better inhabited. We see In it continents, seas, coasts, capes, bays, rivers, waters, snows and clouds. We witness all the effects produced by the seasons. We see distinctly rectilineal lines extending from seas to seas, and, putting them In com munication, which seem to be canals. It has even been thought that brilliant points, geo metrically arranged, have been observed, which maybe intended as signals from that planet to ours. How, then, Is it possible not to wish for complete con qnest and to attain at last to a solution of the enigmaT To pnrsne these investigations further M. riammarion points out that it is demon strated by the progress already made that it is necessary not to be satisfied with these achievements, but to go still farther. The work is being kept np by the construction of another lens of 40 inches diameter for the observatory of the University of California, near Los Angeles, and with this M. Plam niarion thinks a new and eigantic stride forward can be made. But the French ,savantlooks still further for complete tri umph, to the time when money and skill shall combine to construct a telescope of sixty inches diameter and over eighty feet length with a magnifying power of four or five thousand fold. Of the results that could be attained with such an instrument M. Plammarion says: To what unexpected discoveries would this supreme effort of your great nineteenth cen tury lead? This is a question which it is im possible to answer, bnt we have the right to dwell on the word "unexpected." It must not be forgotten that It was when searching for the limits of the colors In the solar spectrnm that Fraunhofer discovered spectral analysis, and that it was while seeking the parallax of the stars that Sir William Herschel discovered the orbits of double stars, and it was when seeking for Asia that Christopher Columbus discovered America, In any event, such a telescope will enable us to see for the first time the seventeenth magni tude stars, which must be scattered over the depth of heaven in a carpet of 618,000.000 stars, while the moon will be brought, so Jo speak, within touching distance. This is a vast subject the interest of which may be said to transcend the bounds of hu manity. The advance of this most disin terested of all sciences to new and startling discoveries is a matter that will attract the attention of the whole world. AsPIttsbnrg under Langley took a prominent place in the astronomical investigation of the past two decades, and under Brashear is obtain ing equal prominence in the manufacture of lenses, the achievments which have been made and which may be expected in those lines are of especial interest to our city. It is to be hoped that the successes to which M. Flammarion looks forward may be at tained, with unexpected disclosures of the secrets of other worlds; and that Pittsburg may take an honorable part in making those discoveries possible. ICE AND PRISON LABOR. The statement that the County "Work house has been using its stock of surplus labor in the manufacture of artificial ice, as brought out in our news oolumns, indi cates a new field for the employment of prison labor. From the report it appears that the 'experiment at the workhouse has been very successful, and has aceoniplithed the economic Bervice of supplying a great many people with ice who would haye found it hard to get otherwise. In this case it looks as if the employment of convict labor in making ice might be free from most of the objectione.to the use of such labor in other industries. No labor at all is employed in the making of natural ice; and so convict labor cannot bring down wages there. The labor that is used in other ice manufacturing establishments is very small in comparison with the demand for ice; so that there is no probability that this employment of the workhouse labor will in fluence wages unfavorably. Of course this labor does not at all come into competition with the men who load and deliver ice; al though it may be hoped that an enlarge ment of the ice supply would mitigate the rule of the absolute ice man who deposits on your doorstep a sixty-pound lump of ice, and makes a hundred pounds by the force of his fiat So far as the present condition of affairs is concerned, the departure of workho use labor into this industry is to be commended. Indeed, if it could increase the supply of ice so as to make the bills of the" average consumer about half as imposing as they have Seen this year, it would command the endorsement of the public. OUR EXILED BRETHREN. It is not such great fun after all to cross the Atlantic, even to hob-nob with princes and swap stories with patented nobility, if one cannot get back again when the soul sighs for the only true land of the free and the home of the brave. There are about a thousand free born American citizens in London alone, the cable tells us, who cannot for love or money get transportation back to this country. The continent of Europe is full of involun tary exiles in the same fix. This is a ter rible state of things. Here is election day coming on aud all sorts of good times and a. host of our countrymen can only yearn and sigh for home on a foreign shore. How would it do to send the famous new fleet over to bring back the exiles? The navy could do that nicely anyhow. AN UNNECESSARY SACRIFICE. The statements which have been made as to the cause of the death of Congressman Watson, show a remarkable devotion to duty on the part of that gentleman, and at the same time raise the question whether the intensity of party spirit which causes such sacrifices is not wholly misplaced. It is asserted that Mr. "Watson was killed by his attendance at certain critical votes in the House, when in a very precarious state of health. Three times on-the first con tested seat, on the federal election bill, and? on the agricultural bill Mr. "Watson came to the House because he was informed that his vote would be absolutely necessary. Each time his action was contrary to the or ders of his physician, and each time showed a terrible inroad on his scant surplus of vitality, until the third time resulted in his death. There may be cases in which the sacri fice of life1 and health by a legislator in order to be present.aud cast his vote at some critical juncture, will be as truly an act of patriotism as the more dramatic ones of Leonidas or "Winkelreid. But it should be a certainty that the object is great enough tQ.demand the sacrifice. "While we cannot withhold our admiration, from Mr. "Wat son's high ideal ot duty, it is hardly possi ble to ignore the fact that the sacrifice, which would have been well-placed devo tion if the pnrpose had been to enfranchise u race or preserve the nation from disinte gration, was misplaced devotion when it was made simply for the success of purely partisan measures. It was not well to-tbrow away, or even imperil a life, in order to un seat a Democrat by a vote which Speaker Reed himself declares to have been gov erned not by the e'vidence but by party feel ing; were any of the votes whioh Mr. "Wat con lost bis lite to attend, charged with such vital publio considerations as to make such b sacrifice fitting? It is one of the ironies of politics that while, as we have already said, such self-immolation may, in great legislative junctures, be an act of duty, the actual cases in which the sacrifices havebeen made, both In England and this country, have been for the sake of professed and rather petty partisan objects. Such a result furnishes one of the gravest indictments against the prevailing spirit of partisanship. It is made so entirely the sole rule of politics that those who are sub ject to it lose all sense of proportion. From -what we know of Mr. "Watson's character it may be doubted whether if left entirely to himself he would have deemed voting a Bepublican into the seat occupied by a Democrat, or the passage of a bill to per petuate Bepublican supremacy in the House, worthy of being made party meas ures. But the party rulers decreed that they must be carried at any cost, and the partisan law, as Mr. 'Watson construed it, called upon him to imperil his life if necessary to secure their passage. The consequence is thai a useful and honorable pnblio life has been cut short in order that partisan meas ures may succeed, which future history will be likely to recognize as unworthy. The loss of a life like Mr. "Watson's in the way It was lost certainly indicates the neces sity of the modification of the partisan spirit It may not be singular, when party leaders call upon a member to disregard the orders of his physician and hazard his life in order that they may carry a contested election case, that they should disregard such lesser considerations as impartiality and fairness in the prosecution of their plans. But such partisanship furnishes its strongest condemnation when it calls for the sacrifice of life or health for a totally inad equate object SHOCKING THE SOUTHSIDE. The vagaries of electricity on the South side are somewhat too startling for the com fort of man and beast Electricity is a good thing, no doubt, but nobody relishes being subjected to its shocking force involuntarily. The electric railroad across the Mononga hela became a gigantio battery yesterday, which operated upon pedestrians and horses with extraordinary effect "What the cause of this demoralizing manifestation was nobody seems to clearly nnderstand, and only the results, 'some of them serious enough,are visible. It is clear that the perils of the streets will be augmented to a terrible extent if electric locomotion entails a free distribution of the mysterious current from time to time. A thorough investigation of the Southside accidents is called for. The press comments indicate a sarcastic conclusion that there must be a general condi tion of poverty In New Tork City, from the fact that there are only 14,000 people there, or abont 1 per cent, who are assessed for taxation or personal property. This scarcity of per sonal property for taxation is not peculiar to New York, a similar dearth of chattel posses sions being noticeable among what are sup posed to be the solid men of other places. A more unique evidence of New York's poverty Is the Inability of her poor millionaires to raise the money for Grant's monument. The New York Board of Arbitrators now promises to inquire into the New York Central strike this week. If the strikers would have put off their strike until the arbitrators had, arbitrated it, they would be working yet with a fair prospect for sticking at it Hon. John A. Andeeson, of Kansas, the stubborn fighter of corporato aggressions in general, and of the Pacific railways in particular, has failed of arenomlnatl on after havingserved six terms In Congress. Iris not by any means certain, however, that Mr. Anderson's publio life is ended. He was defeated of a renomina tion by the efforts of thu Union Pacific agents in the republican convention four years ago; but he declined to be beaten so easily and, on running independently, was elected by more than the usual party majority, Mr. Anderson Is yet to be heard from. . THEJcene of last week in the House is de clared by the New York Bun to produce a necessity for the immediate expulsion of Joseph' G. Cannon. In other words the Sun thinks that Cannon ought to be fired. A Denvee paper states, as a claim for popular approval of the present Congress, that its silver bill "has already brought silver nearly to a par with gold." This is extremely advan tageous for the silver mine owners of Colorado, butexactly how it willbenefi: the people of the rest of the country, who wanted silver legislation on the ground that the gold standard of values lg too. high, does not quite appear. If silver is raised to a par with gold, we will still be on a gold standard, and all the profits of the rise will go into the pockets of the silver pro 'ducers. Br the way, people who wish to vote at the November elections should take the trouble to see that their names are properly regis tered on the Assessors' lists before next Thurs day. THE reports on the labor cost of producing pig iron brings out an interesting fact. The total cost ot producing pig iron averages about $14 per ton In the Northern furnaces, andabont 810 75 in the Southern. But, while wages are higher in the North tharfbt the Sonth, the cost of labor at the furnaces per ton of iron pro duced is $1 10 in the North and f 1 66 in the South. The nlgber-prlced-laboris apt to be the cheapest. - Me. McKinlet has got back to the House; and it is understood that he will put a prohibitory tariff on any more remarks of the Joe Cannon savor. The fact that Gilbert and Sullivan, whose tuneful sarcasms on other people's follies have furnished amusement to the English-speaking world, are now going to take their quarrel iuto the courts, ought to fnrnlsh the theme for a new version of "Trial by Jury." Possibly, however, the jokers will object to being made the subjects of their own style of loking. The reason ot the Senators for declining to close their bar appears to be the unusual but comprehensive one that they do not drink, Lv Speaker Seed gains his re-election by disfranchising a lot of Democratic votes on the ground that the Municipal Court of Biddef ord, Me., where they were naturalized, is not "a court having a clerk," because its clerkis called a recorder, he may well ask himself, whether that kind of vindication is worth having. HYING WITH A BBOKEH HECK HIl General Health Goad, bntHns Retired From Business. Ssdaxta. Mo., August SO. F. J. Woodward, a former conductor on the Missouri, Kansas and Texas Railroad, who bid his neck broken in a wreck July 10, arrived here to-day on his way to St. Louis. As far as known he is the second person who ever lived after having bis neck broken. He wears a brace or cage to keep bis bead in position. His general health is good, but be baa retired permanently from railroading after having followed it SO years. Hod His Henrldg; Restored. CBAWFOBTjVrLLB, ISD., August SO. While sleeping on the floor three years ago a cock roach crawled into the ear of Joe Mounts, tben aged 13.years.He suffered great pain,and finally became deaf in that ear. ail efforts to remove the Insect proving unsuccessful. List night the roach came out of the ear unassisted, tbere being several pieces of it, and the boy can hear as well to-day as ever he could. A Good Word for Ohio Democracy. from the Philadelphia Ledger J , The Democrats of Ohio are to be credited at least with courage for they start their cam paign In one ot- tho great wool States with an emphatic declaration in favor of 'a tariff "for revenue omy. THE T0PIGAL TALKER, .- A Superstition That Bars Deadheads The Ominous Yellow Clarionet Howa Grip man Missed n Fortune Bottles Not Bar rels A Nemboj's Knowledge of Ha man Nature, (TXTAir a minute, young man," said Colonel Sam Dawson to a florid youth Mth lav ender colored trousers and a silk hat "wait a minute! You've got a pass and It's all right, but you can't be the first man to enter this house to-night." Colonel Dawson was standing at the parquet door of the Bijou Theater when he said this, aud it was in his little office nnder the stairs that he explained himself thus: "Yon see that gay youth bad a pass and when he pre sented it not a sonl was in the tbeater. He wouldhave been the first to enterit if I had not stayed his footsteps. And then the Bijou would have been hoodooed for the rest of its exist ence, sure as eggs. I'm not superstitions man, but as long as I'm running a theater I'll never let a deadhead be the first man In the house at any performance. It's the worst kind of lack; never knew it to fait Bunding order at the Bijou is that the first man In the house every night or at the matinees mnst pay bis way. Every theatrical man knows this. Pve had to keep deadheads waiting often for this reason. I'm not superstitious, barring yellow clarionets, thongh when I slept in No. 13 at a St. Loots hotel my show was burnt out at Kala mazoo but I can't stand a deadhead Inside the house till some cash customers tire there ahead of him." iiAsd are yellow clarionets evil omens?" "i.vil?" repeated Colonel Dawson, "well, I sbonld smile. You can bet that if Mr. Gard ner were to come down to the footlights now and,see a yellow clarionet In the orchestra he'd have the curtain rung down before you could say 'Gesundbeitr " And an actor who was standing by took np the topic with: "I shall never forget the run of bad luck that followed our show after we played at a small town In Michigan three years ago andta fat man in the orchestra played a solo between the acts on a yellow clarionet He'd been beating the base drum all through the first act it was light opera, very light, with lots of drum to eke it out. None of us suspected him of any evil inten tions, and we didn't catch sight of the yellow clarionet till the curtain went up on the second act It was too late then. We were only playing one night stands. The next night the Treasurer skipped with the receipts; and the night after that the comedian filled np on rye till he couldn't see a friend in bis mother, ani be shot the tenor through the fleshy part of his right calf and of course he couldn't sing after that A week later the company was stranded. Don't let me see a yellow clarionet!" Tt was a true bill the story The Dispatch had the other day about the stuffed pocketbook," said, a Fifth avenue cable grip man yesterday, "and something of the same sort happened to me not long ago. I wasn't taken in, but it was aggravating all the same. It was as we were coming along by the convent at Oakland that I saw on the track a wallet a leather wallet It was a fat wallet with a prosperous, look about it I'd have stopped the car, I was so dead sure that wal let held boodle, if The Colonel bad not been sitting behind me. I didn't feel like gambling with my bread and butter, you know. But tbere was a little newsy on the car, and I told him to drop o'ff and get the pocketbook Til pick you up as I come back,' says I, 'and you can tell me what the wallet's worth.' The boy cot off bnt on the return trip he wasn't to be seen, and Pve never laid eyes on hint since. Gness he's retired on that wallot." : , 'T'HEday they struck on on his place he couldn't resist the temptation to cele brate. You'd have thought he'd struck whisky instead of oil if you'd met him when night f elL He was "boiling full" as the wicked say. Some one who did not thoroughly comprehend his condition asked him for particulars about the well. "How many barrels is it, old man f" "Barrels T" said the oil-and-wbisky-stricken man somewhat thickly. "Barrels, d'ye say T I don' know wha's the dlffrenco how many barrels whar I wan' ter know'? how many bottles it's Rood for that's the stuff," and he waved a whisky bottle wildly In the air. vvia about the robbereel" sang a small newsboy on Fifth avenue yesterday, till an elder and more experienced vender said to him: "What yer saying robbery fer, yer chump ? Why don't yer say murder; robbery's a chestnut I" And the corrected cry resounded. HEFBTmir JOHKS. BOMB WBIX-KNOWN PEOPLE. Goyebnok Hill was 67 years old on Friday. - Me Bbadlaugh, besides being a good angler, plays the game of chess to perfection. The people who occupy the cottage next to Mr. Cleveland's at Marion haye felt It neces sary to pnt out a placard on which aro in scribed the words: "Next doofls the place. FotJE people at Long Branch who are well able, from a financial stand point to ride In carriages are the most enthusiastic pedestrians of the place. They are George W. Chilas, John Hoey, President of the Adams Express Com pany; A. J. Drexel, the banker, and Daniel Dougherty. It is a rare sight indeed, to see any of these men in a conveyance of any kind. F. P. Saboent, the head of the Brotherhood of Firemen,- was a calvaryman during the latter days of the war. Senator Stanford's fruit farm in Cali fornia Is the largest in the world. It contains 80,000 acres, and tne grapes raised and the wines made tbere are famous where Stanford himself Is unknown. John Dillon, the famous Irish agitator, has a brother who is an -obscure lawyer in a litttys country town near Denver. He is a graduate of the University of Dublin and well educated in the classics. ' Mb. E. W. Fat, the new professor of Greek, Latin and Sanscrit In the University of Mich igan, is only 26 years old. He was recently graduated with high honors from Johns Hop kins University, where he received the degree ofPh.D. Jakes Whttcoiui Riley, the Hoosier poet was in Chicago the other day, looking "neat and spruce as an Alderman." His cheeks were rosy and he appeared to be the picture of health. His work this summer has embraced a Christmas story and several poems of length. Bkkatoe Ingalls has built a new and handsome house on a site overlooking the city of Atchison, Kan., to replace the one which was burned some time ago. his new ,home will be finely famished, bnt he cannot replace the library which he hpst in the fire, and which he had spent a lifetime in collecting. DYING FB0M A SNAKE BITE. A Little Flre-YcnfOld Is Attacked as It Goes to a SprloK. Eastow, August 80. A little five-year-old son Of David Hawk, residing in Bushkill town ship, in this county, was bitten by a snake this morning and lies In a critical 'condition. His recovery Is nnlooked for. The child was on its way to a spring near the house to get eoae water when the reptile at tacked him and caused three wounds with its deadly fangs in one of the child's legs near the ankle. The limb is greatly swollen and dis colored. The snake is said to be of a species more deadly than a rattler and quite numerous in that locality. They are small in size and spotted, not unlike the reptile known In Ger many as the "bastard snake." Its Shadow Will bo There. From the Phlladelphla'Bedord.t The November election will not be conducted under the provisions of the force bill, but it will be held .with the force bill suspended over the beads ot voters. They will vote under a threat of revolutionary methods, and their re sponse should be so energetio as to strlkd ter ror into the hearts of the force bill con spirators. DEATHS J)FA DAY. William J. Wenzel. Fbeedou, Pa., August 30.-WlllIam 3. Wenzel, oldest ,ra or Ellas Wemel, who Is Democratic candidate for County Commissioner, died yester day -t n A.M.. at his iate residence In New Se wliklef totvnsUIp. He was In his 30th year, and bad meii illlor six years., 'Fnneral from bis late home to-morrow aVz r. Hi Interment la the cemetery at mis place, tfjpg I r i a. j. w .-. - A 8TBAHGE IWL, Tho Peculiar Pet Kept In a St. l.ouIs Batcher Shop. From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Fred Deppe, a butcher at Thirteenth street and Franklin avenue, has In bis shop a peculiar looking fowl, which he has kept there as a pet for the past three weeks. The fowl, he thinks, is a cross between a chicken and a turkey. But it has the head and beak of an eaglOjthe back of a hawk or crow and the breast andiegs of a chicken of tbe shanghai order, fin fact. It is an ornithological nondescript. It is"Ti female and slightly larger than an ordinary hen. It is somewhat ungainly in form, having a large head and largo feet and wings. Tbe color is chiefly red, interspersed with white feathers, and its feathery covering is quite heavy. When standing or walking its positfon is almost erect, very similar to that of a crow, but its bead is extended far forward, with an arched neck, giving its upper portion much tbe appearance of an eagle. When standing its tail feathers extend forward between its legs in a ridiculous manner. The apparent hybrid was brought to the city with a coop of chickens from Warren ton. Mo., and was observed by Henry Deppe, a brother of tbe butcher, who Is employed in the produce commission house of Miller Bros. He was at tracted by the curious appearance of tbe fowl, and gave it to his brother, who Is keeping it as a pet. He has had an offer of S3 tor it by a sporting man, but refused it It is very tame and permits itself to be handled by the em ployes of the butcher shop. CTOEENT TTMTT.YaTOPICS. His Illinois constituency should send Con gressman Cannon a corn cob to swab out his mouth, t t t The Exposition will open next week. A ereat Influx or visitors to our city will be the natural result and it is to be boped that country conslns will receive a right royal welcome. t t t Philadelphia Is not particularly proud of her present Congressmen, and yet their votes count as ranch In a roll call as their fellow mem bers. ttt John Boyle O'Reilly left 8150,000 and a good name. t t t The Lard bill raised as much trouble In the House of Itepresentative as tbe ho raised across the Atlantic Ocean. The American hog is cutting a wide swath. ttt Mrs. Stanton, of this State, has lived to the age of lis years, and never used tobacco or whisky. She should give to the world the stimu lant that she did use. People who have Imagined right along that Secretary Blaine was not feeling any too rood, will certainly change their mind after reading his Watervllle speech. He is still In the ring. t t t Republicans of Arizona demand the Im mediate admission of that Territory into the Union. Their request will be granted without a doubt if they file affidavits that the Territory will vote for tbe O. O. V. t t t Geoeoe Peck, of Milwaukee, has tickled the farmers of Wisconsin for years with his fanny stories, and he expects now that tbey will tickle him with their votes. Perhaps when tbe votes are counted it wilt be discovered that Wisconsin farmers don't reciprocate worth a cent, t t t Albert Gall has been nominated for State Treasurer by the Indiana Democrats. If there is anything In a name the gentleman will probably be elected, as money and gall has a good deal to do In carrying an election, more especial ly in Indiana. t t t IP It keeps Mr. Delamater jumping from one section to another at this early stage of the cam paign, what time he will have to himself later on is past finding out. Perhaps he has read the story about the boy killing snakes, and the Craw ford gentleman feels like following suit, t t t Beat the tom-toms, fire the cannons, burn red powder and shout with a loud voice: Baby licKea is living on tbe fat of the land In the grand old Commonwealth of Pennsylvania! STBAHGEIiY AFFLICTED. a Van StruclS by Lightning Become! Stiff as Thongh Petrified. Dayton, August 80.A very peculiar and horrifying malady has befallen Henry Mort of Hopeland street this city. Some years ago be was struck by lightning, and although his left shoulder, side and left leg were blackened by the current he recovered and went about his work. He has been engaged at teaming np to last night, when all of a sadden, while seated in his residence, every muscle in his body be came as stiff and solid as stone. His jaws be came set his fists clenched, and he acted like a man with a spasm.- Physicians were called to attend him, and to their surprise not a joint in his frame could be bent. Tbe man's entire frame was like iron, and one could take hold of bis legs or catch him back of the neck and raise him from the floor. His mouth could not be opened, and no medicine could be administered only hypor dermically. This appeared to do no good, and the man is lying still and rigid as ever. The physicians think he will not survive lone, as he will become exhausted or die with the lockjaw or some kindred complaint Tbe Stnte as a Father. Prom theChlcagoNews On the 1st oi September there goes into effect in New York State a law making it a misde meanor for boys under 16 to use tobacco In any form on the streets or in public places. This form of paternal governmehtallsm may be ail right, but It will never quite equal in efficiency the paternal knee and the shingle. W0HXN OF BOTE, The first Woman to be admitted to the prac tice of law in Minnesota is Mrs. Mary L. Mc Ginley, who prepared herself for examination in her husband's law office. Queen Christina, of Spain, has telephonic communication established between her room and tbe Madrid Opera House, in order that she may enjoy the opera without having to appear before the public Jies. Ltvebmobe during two hot Augnst weeks traveled 3,600 miles and gave 11 lectures at Obantauqua assemblies. Sbe also attended during the same time several 'conferences", on temperance, woman suffrage, nationalism, and physical culture. Mbs. Clara Louise Kellopo-Stbakosch Is building a summer home in the heart of the high bills near New Hartford, Conn. The re gion is quite wild, and is a favorite resort of camping parties. The woods abound in eame and tbe streams are alive with fish. Hue sb Barrios indignantly denies the story of her engagement to King Milan. She never even met the man, and says, moreover, that "royalty without morality is nothing to her." Bhe is going to Europe soon to look after the education of ber .four sons. Miss Minerva Parker, Philadelphia's only woman architect, has received a fitting recogni tion of her ability In being selected to design the Queen Isabella Pavilllon for the World's Fair in Chicago. Miss Parker is only 22 years old, and is a graduate of several noted art schools. The Empress of Austria is .building a mag nificent Pompellan palace at Corfu, to cost nearly 500,000. It is being constructed of Car rara marble. The cardens'wlll be elaborately ornamented with' terraces, fountains and elec tricity, Corfu is, perhaps, the most beautiful spot on the globe. TBMPCS PUGIT. rWBITTEN TOa TBE MsrATCB. J I. It was at the first ball of the season. And ber coming-out party, as well, That my beart broke a lance with my xeasoa Because of this dear little belle; For that night I was pained to discover That I wanted her all for myself And yet I, in the role of a lover, Had long since been laid on the shelf. So I watched ber, like coveted treasure, And held back tbe words on my tongue. For I said, "Do not spoil her fresh pleasure You are old, and her heart Is too young." It was well toward the end of the season Ere I saw her once more. In a throng; And she gaily demanded tbe reason I had kept out of sight for so long; She had had the '-best ttme," she asserted, Though her face bad lost all its fresh bloom And she flirted je gods, how she flirted I With half of the men in the room. I no longer adored her so madly, And was glad that my love was untold, For I thought to myself, rather saoiy, "I'm too young for a beart grown so oldl'V DXSSIE MU.AKUU .1890. '- ' ' IISSSSSSSSSMMMSMMSMSSltJMI.SS-.MS..l MURRAY'S MUSINGS. The Shortage of Berths on tho Oceaa Steam. era Is Only Part of a f pccolallvo Scheme The Slot machine to Flay Poker Pltis bnraers for mill 1TEOU A STATT COEBESPONDENT.J Tes migratory portion of our metropolitan population are now flocking home. The tide of foreign travel has turned. Every ocean steamer brings more people than if takes away. With this comes tbe usual autumn cable news of the difficulty of obtaining berths homeward and the fabnlons tips necessary to secure ac commodations. This corner in steamship pas sage tickets for this country at this season of tbe year is, as everybody knows who has ever been subjected to the squeeze, largely a matter ,of speculative manipulation. It is made possi ble by the annual anxiety to get home and the ignorance of travelers. A lot of London and New York sharpers work this scheme for all It la worth. They buy up all the state rooms they can handle financially and engage all they can without paying for them. Then they diligently spread tbe news that no berths can be had for a month. The big steamship companies are in tbe deal just as certain New York theaters are in league with tbe ticket speculators who handle large blocks of the choicest seats in the hose on popular nights. As soon as these steamships begin to give out that everything is engaged it sets Americans half 1 rantio to eo home. Thsy begin to" offer all sorts of premiums for places, from 2 to 10 each. The late "American Exchange in Europe," under Mr. Henry Gillig, tbanivedby swindling American travelers in varlousvays, carried on this business extensively. I once personally saw this being done under the pres sure ot telegrams from steamship companies to tbe effect that everything as taken, and saw Americans In London paying irotu 310 to 50 extra for single berths. The telegrams were also shown to me with a view to fleecing me in tbe same way. Iran down to Liverpool and got a first-class berth the next mormnsr on one of tbesavery same ships without any difficulty J woatevei. xne scneme cuts ootn ways lor tne steamship companies; it enables them to throw over those Americans holding' retnrn tickets who haven't secured berths, as well as to share the extras with the speculators. ' Working Theater Squeezes. Cpeakino of theater ticket speculators re minds me that at least one theater In New York has made relentless war on them tbe Casino. It has recently adapted additional safeguards. If you buy a seat before 7:30 yon mnst give your name and you will receive a little yellow slip or printed order which reads to the effect that your ticket will be delivered to you after that hour on presentation of tbe order. The ticket is placed in a little envelope with your name on it and is handed to yon wnen you come up in the evening. This scbeme bas laid out the solitary speculator who bas long traded in Casino tickets in spite of the injunc tion placarded on the walls that tickets pur-. Chased on the sidewalk would not be received at the door. He operated on a court decision that regular tickets could not be refused by tbe theater issning them no matter where or of whom purchased. At Niblo's the speculator works one end of tbe line at tbe box office window while the regular ticket seller, runs the other. Tbe former is a noisy kapper and dis plays a diagram of the bouse and holds a roll of money between bis fingers, sometimes un derselling the box office and sometimes charg ing a premium of from 25 to 0 cents, according to demand. A Poker PJajing Machine. 'The now famous slot machine is to lose what little morals it ever possessed by being made a gambling arrangement. A patent has been applied for one that will deal a poker band and act as "Kitty" at tbe same time. It also shuttles and cuts. You just drop a nickel In tbe slot and the machine deals you a hand impartially, tbe next player does the eame and gets bis hand, and so on. With this machine it is claimed that tbe "skin game" of poker, deal ing from the bottom or middle of the pack while a few choice cards find their way up the dealer's sleeve, will be a thing ot the past, it will also be used in the Sunday schools for dealing nut scripture cards to the children who have nickels to invest In missionary work. So Its morals, come to tblnk of It, need not be so very bad after alt Tbe Hotel Boom. 'The new hotel business in New York is likely to be overdone. A few years ago just sach a spurt occurred and a good deal of hard money was sunk. For the last two years, how ever, all of the New York hotels have done pretty trell, and just now any kind of hotel property here is worth a big percentage on tbe investment. The Vanderbilts don't propose to be ontdonebythe Astors and .ever Slncetbe splendid edifice to be erected by theAstor estate between Broadway and Fifth avenue bas been talked of the Vanderbilts have had an itching for similar enterprises. They pro pose to build no less than three hotels uptown, all to be constructed in tbe hiehest style of the art and to be very exclusive. Nobody will quarretwlth such a commendable disposition of individual surplus millions. In tbe mean time the Hoffman has incorporated all of its places under a stock company with a capital of 51,000,000, and will extend Its hotel and restau rant operations. s Plttsburgers for Hill. T SAW a batch of Pittlburg Democrats the other day who had UJt returned from a visit to Governor Hill at Albany. From their account of their reception by tbe Governor and that astute politician's daily intercourse with the many who "drop in" just to see a real live New York Democrat, I should say be was getting in some superfine work for D. B. H. The Plttsburgers elected him to the presidency before 12 o'clock that night with comparatively little opposition. Demand for Newspapers. T T is customary for business men coming down town on the elevated to give their papers to the conductor or guard. What these men do with tbem nobody knows. That they are valua ble to them is evidenced by the fact that they consider every newspaper left on tho seats or floor by passengers as their property, and do not hesitate to demand any such paper of any body who chances to pick It up. Occasionally this leads to some friction, as an Innocent pas senger now and then will pick np a paper next to him, get immersed in its contents and inad vertantly attempt to carry it away with him. If he is detected by the trainman in charge of that car the probability is that he will be plumply requested to give it np as he goes off the platform, at least be pointed out as a news paper thief. With the best newspapers here selling at 1, 2 and 3 cents a copy in armfnl for a nickel one would naturally suppose such a thing impossioie. x et on several occasions this matter bas led to blows, and once to the Police Court There are big boxes on tbe platforms of the downtown stations, asking by signs fur castaway papers for tbe various hospitals, and tbey are chucked full. Uptown evenings one is confronted by rugged newsboys and girls at the foot of tbe elevated stairs and begged for sur plus papers, and some ot these bold and dirty urchins are disposed to rob you of your even ing paper If you show no disposition to give It away. They resell them at a clear profit. It looks like a small thing, bnt with half a million male passengers daily on the elevated and sur face roads, nearly every one of whom has a pseless paper or two to dispose ot some way, the aggregate represents a tidyaum of money. Teb very popular bar in front of which two well-known actors got whipped recently at S o'clock in the morning bas a conspicnons sign np on Sundays. It reads; "No Intoxicating liquors sold here to-day." While the four bar keepers are busy lading out liquor to a thirsty crowd all day Sunday, , from 12 midnight to 12 midnight, this sign Is very entertaining. The place is never closed. It employs eight bar keepers who divide tbe time day and night; On the corner ontside are usually two police men, before whom people go in and out. The Sunday entrance is through the hotel, about five feet from the every week day saloon en trance. Talk about "pulls." Realism on.ibe Stage. A NOTHEB tankfdrama is In course of prepara tion. The success of this Sort of realism In the "Dark Secret" and "The Paymaster" bas encouraged more ventures of tbe same kind. Both Sullivan aud Kilraln are entered as valuable stage "properties this season. An other new play, "The Hustler," has the little Brooklyn negro pugilists. All three of the latter hew plays have been molded to fit the muscular business. Tbe Suillvan combination will have a lively time of It tbe first time the Boston boy goes on a jam boree. A couple of real policemen with real nightsticks and real nippers would draw well in this connection. The new tank drama is to have "real water" and Ice on it. Tbe ice is not real that costs too mnch money, though It might be broken np and sold every day for Ice eream and soda water par poses but is a base imitation. Tbe heroine will break through tbe Ice every night and Saturday matinee into the real water, and tbe hero will skate out to ber and fall in; also, both to be rescued by the entire company and rolled over a real barret It it believed tbe barrel will be a decided hit, it being tbe first time it has been introdnced for this purpose. The presumption in this, play is that neither the heroine nor her lover can swim, whioh would probably be tbe case in real life, and this fact brlntrs oat the darlnz sacrifice ot the leading man, Xho real barrel will wring tes from J the audience In such quantities as to keep the tank full. Systrmatle Robbtrr. TS Is as much aa a man's goods and chattels are worth for him to go off any length of time and leave them unguarded night and day in New York. This, no. matter whether tbey are left in private residence or flat The rob beries reported In the newspapers, bear but a small proportion of the whole number com mitted. The system of thievery of this sort is about as perfect as that of any legitimate bust' nessr Every large flathouse seems to have a kind of an advance agent for burglars. It may be a private servant, it may be the grocer's, or butcher's boy, or milkman, or Iceman it is some person intimately acquainted with tbe internal arrangement ot the bonss and the character of its inmates. If any family in tbat particular bouse is oat of town, every one of these people know it. It is also known where that family is and how long it will be gone, be cause these servants of tbe tradesmen have been duly notified by the family itself. Tbe other day a flat opposite my place was totally gutted of everything that could be carried out through the roof, even to the bedding. A dozen such robberies have occurred on tha block during tbe summer, not one of which was noticed in the papers. CHASLZ3 T. Murray. New Yobk;c August so. PRIZES AND BALLOTS. HOW TH E DISPATCH WILt ADD A FEATURE TO THE EXPOSITION. The Dispatch has perfected arrangements whereby it will be enabled to add a pleasant feature to tbe varied attractions of the Exposi tion from the opening to the closing day. Here are the preliminaries: Boom for headquarters at the Exposition has been secured in the commodious and attractive space occupied by the Brucswick-Balke-Col-lender Company's billiard table display. The Dispatch booth will be located on a corner, gt ring it a frontage on two aisles, tho whole space being surrounded by wide passageways, making it conspicnons and easy of access. Here all the Ballots and Prize Essays of tbe voters and contestants will be received and ac-1 curately recorded. Oprnlog Week's Balloting. The Exposition will open Wednesday Evening, September 3, at 8 o'clock! The Bul letin of Ballots and the Topic for the Prize Essay Contest for Wednesday evening and Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of the opening week follow. Vote Aye or Nay on the topics here suggested: WEDNESDAY EVENING'S TOTIN& TOPIC. Should all the Suburban Street-Car lines run All-Night Cars? Open to Lady and Gentle men voters. . THURSDAY'S VOTING TOPIC. Should the Old Block House at tbe Point be removed to Schenley Park, or should it re main where it is and the Point be turned into a Parkf,Open to Lady and Gentlemen voters. PEIDAY'S TOTING TOPIC. Bhould tbe Allegheny Wharf fie transformed Into a Promenade and ParkT Open to Lady and Gentlemen voters. SATDBDAY'S TOTING TOPIC. What Is your choice of Sites for the Main Building ot tbe Carnegie Free Library! Open to Lady and Gentlemen voters. How to Vote. In order to accurately test publio opinion on all the topics to be balloted for daring the Ex position. The Dispatch has decided to open a Poll Book for recording the Ayes and Nays, thus avoiding "tissue ballots" and "repeating." Voters will be expected to give their names and addresses for entry in the Poll Book, and their vote will be set opposite, thereby ensuring ac curacy at all times. The Poll Book will open with the Exposition each morning and he closed when the lights are turned off at night Ladles will be permitted to vote on all popular topics in which tbey, as well as their fathers and brothers, are interested. The Prize Essny Contest. The Dispatch each week will offer Frizes for the best Essays and Contributions on a topic to be chosen and announced, so as to give ample time for their preparation. Tbe Prise Essay Contest for the opening week will be open only to Amateur Writers, professional newspaper and magazine contributors being barred. All Amateurs In Western Pennsylva nia can contest for, the Prizes. OPENING WEEK'S PEIZE TOPICS. For the opening week The Dispatch will offer the prizes announced herewith for tbe best Descriptive article on the Exposi tion as a whole. Articles mnst be general in character and deal with the instructive and unique features of the displays and attractions. No puffing in the line of designating by name the exhibitors will be permitted. Tbe features and attractions can only be referred to in a gen eral and interesting way. The Prizes. For the best contribution on tho above topic The Dispatch will award a prize of a TWENTY DOLLAR GOLD PIECE. For the Second Prize The Dispatch will award a Five Dollab Gold Piece. For the Third Prize The Dispatch will for ward by mail to tbe winner a copy of the Sunday issue of The Dispatch for One Year. THE CONDITIONS. Each article must make at least 800 and not more than 1.000 words. Competitions must be written legibly, on one side of tbe paper only, and must be labeled, THE Dispatch Prize Essay Contest Expo sition Descriptive Article; closing Saturday, September 6, 1830." Contributions must be left at The Dispatch Headquarters,Brunswick-BaJke-CollenderCo.'s space. Exposition Buildings. Correct name, address and age ot contestant must accompany MSS., name only for publica tion If successful. ' The Dispatch reserves tbe right to publish any contribution, whether it be awarded a prize or not The Prize Essay Contest for the first week will doss with the Exposition on Saturday night, September 8. Watch for Second Week's Prize Topic aud Ballot Bulletin. The Dispatch has secured neat little Souvenirs for presentation to all Lady Voters during next week's balloting. One will be a handy addition to the work-basket the other will be appreciated during the long winter evenings soon to come. Ladles can choose from either. A FEBTDTEHT QTTEBY. How B1SP. In tliB Opening Prize Essay Coo test Will be Judged. TO the Editor of The Dispatch! A 10-year-old boy who contemplates contest ing for your Exposition descriptive pTizes, put the question. "Who wilt decide as to the best written article." When told that one ot the staff would likely be tbe judge, he answered tbat "He may not know a good descriptive ar ticle when he saw it or would likely have some friend whom he would favor." To set his mind at rest and spur him on to write a description, please advise how the de cision will be arrived at. C. a Thiety-skcond wabd, city, August SO. (The Specter of Favoritism need not alarm anyof the contestants. Tbe editors ot The Dispatch will be the judges. The articles will be carefully weighed in the newspaper scales, and newspaper men shonld be the best judges. The editor of The dispatch will guarantee fairness. It would not be good policy to select outsiders to read and pass upon the competitions, anymore than it would be wise for medical or law students to- pass examin ations before boards composed ot men who never reatt law or studied medicine. Watch for the prze essay and topical voting announce meats, and enter the lists with the assurance tnt all will be fair and eqoal-and may the A naA win.1 - , rtBti .--- f" r. w .. . CURIOUS fcONDENSATirm Tea ordinary exgs will weigh a pound. Billiard cloth makes the dryest case for a banjo. Land js 300 times as valuable now as it was 200 years ago. An old crock found buried at York contained the body of a child. A second crop of raspberries is being picked at Schnecksville, this State. Thirteen cantaloups raised by a farmer near Bridgeton, N. X, filled a barret Seven out of every eight loaves of bread eaten in London are made from foreign wheat. Devices for saving ice are in de mand. Tbere Is none better than wrapping it in newspapers. A sign over a clothing house in the New York Bowery bears the appropriate title, "Taylor. Cutter & Co." Edward McDonald, of Allentown, Fa., thinks he owns tbe smallest dog. It is5months old and weighs four ounces. Among the new settlers in Oklahoma are a man and his wife who are respectively 7 feet 7 inches and 6 feet in height. Within the last few weeks, over 1,000, 0CO ounces of silver have been bought for ship ment to London in the New York market. A Bohemian living in Bridgeport, Conn had cat out of his leg on Tuesday abullet that he received in the franco-German war. A Chester lady staying at Bellefontaine fished a visiting 'card from the bottom of tha lake, and it bore the name of Charles E. Mc Glnty. Florence (Mich.) justice is swift A robber there recently began a S0-days' sentence) within 45 minutes from the time be committed the theft It has been calculated that there are about 200,000 families living in London on about a pound a week, and they are in a large meas ure the people of oneroom. A Three Bivers (Mich.) girl has a bean who la a Lake shore fireman. Every day she ties a bouquet to a stick and bands it to ber lover as be flies by her home in his cab. A Ne Hampshire dentist has put up a sign, "Teeth pulled while you wait," and draws much extra patronge from people wbo do not stop to think that teeth cannot be pulled In any other way. -4-Tbe Presbyterians of Spokane recently sold their church to a man who at once started a saloon In the basement, and now tbere Is seen a beer sign on the corner of a One structure with a tall steeple on it. Farmer Cross, of Santa Bosa, CaL, turned a valuable mare into afield last Thurs day in which was pastured a Durham bull. Tho animals got Into a fight and tbe mare was killed. Bhe was worth 5500. The distance traveled by Stanley in tha interior ot Africa Is estimated by him at 8,400 miles, of which all bat 1,000 were on foot. The expedition occupied tbree years, and rescued 800 persons, at a cost of less than 30,000. The famous battle of Manassas, the second Bull Bun, began 23 years ago Thursday, and lasted until September 2. Trie aggregate of killed, wonnded and missing on the Union side was 14.462, and on the Confederate 9,197. The army of the United States consists of 167 commissioned officers, and a little over 20,000 real private soldiers, exclusive ot those performing civilian duties. In other terms one-tenth of the military force consists of its officers. A remedy for cholera has been discov ered by a Frenchman from Cette. People either attacked by, or in fear of, the disease must sis for some hours in a garment soaked in paraffin, which irritates the skin, producing a healthy reaction, and kills tbe cholera microoe. The - Pinkertoa Detective Agency, which Is attracting so much public attention just at present has been In existence since 1832, when it was founded by Allan Plnkerton In Chicago. Hardly half a dozen men wera employed by the agency at tbat time, but to day the detectives in its service form a small army. Bev. E. B. Carroll, of Albaay, Ga., has found some interesting; relics on the battlefield of Jonesboro. Tbey consist of tbe barrel of an Old muzzle-loading musket tbat was pulled from tbe breastworks in a dilapidated condi tion, a bayonet, that has been placed on tbe muzzle of the barret and several ballets, bat tered by their contact with obstacles on the field. In the province of Perm, in Bussia, thera has just passed away a remarkable person, Stefan Aberjew by name, in his 110th year. The village priest, who bas known tbe old man for the last SO years, states that be bad never seen him sober since his 80th birthday. Toward the end of his life he drank over a quart of corn brandy a day. He was never ill in bis life. Prof. Charles A. L. Totten, of Tale, who recently announced his identification of Joshna's "Long Day," now claims he has placed exactly the only other stoppage of time recorded In the Bible. This is the reversion of tbe sun's shadow upon the dial of Ahaz. Prof. Totten Identifies tbe day upon which it hap pened as tbe 1.202.744th for the creation, which was Wednesday, the 16th day of the first civil (seventh sacred) month of the year 3293 A. M. The municipal statistics for the Paris Exhibition year hare just been published, and present many points of interest The General Omnibus Company transported 2I7,335,73a"paa sengers. the Northern Tramway Company 2.C3L6W, the Southern 29,101,000. and the boats on tbe Belne 32,885,000 persons. Over 48.000,000 travelers arrived in Paris at the different rail way stations, and 49,000,000 left It. The St. Lararo station alone shows a total of over LV 000,000. The fight at Fredericksburg, on Decem ber 13. 1862, was a bloody one. It lasted all day long, and at night 27,000 dead and wonnded men lay upon tbe battlefield, 7,000 of tbem being Confederate soldiers. The morning after the battle H. B. Treadwell, now a resident of Brunswick, and who wai a member of tha Tenth Georgia battalion, commanded by Major Emeory Rylander, of Americas, went out on the battlefield. Near two Federal soldiers, who appeared to be father and son. he found a jazor. a razor strop, a shaving brush and a small piece of soap. These be took, and, ha v ing used up tbe other portion ot tbe outfit, still uses tbe razor when he wants to shave. FUNNY HEN'S FANCIES. No Exception. That little Bronsoa who writes your fanny column is a trump. Von bet! But the little Joker always Is, you know." Poor Insect What a useless life the mos quito leads. 'Yes, poor thins; It's work Is all la vein. it B. Bartmit. A Shakesperean Note. The law under which Desdemona was put to death was Otbella's mother-in-law, or. as PuneA would say, (smother ln'law). Oholmondely Hareourt. Slight Difference. "Procrastination isjtha thief of time." Except when time Is money then Litigation is the gentlemanly crook wbo does the business." A Brave Boy. Ton dassent set off a fire cracker In your teeth. "Maybe I dasseut, but I'll go in and get my papa's teeth and do It with them." Ihaa Jlucta Itm. Lost Opportunities. The river Nile has seven mouths. ."What wasted opportunities," said Soak. "Seven mouths, and every one of them devoted to water." "Withered and Dry. She doesn't look well In the daytime, bhe seem withered and, dry. "v That's possibly why she lights np so .well a ' night," i An Eloquent Hint I just love the Iaa elers, said Helen. j .v "But you never dance it." y "No. bull sit on the stairs with my partner while others dance It." .. An Old Chestnut Has a New Sprout By, 1 Jove I , "What's the matter!" See that messenger boy?" ', Tea." "Be Is fast for once-fast asleep." ' An Argument Do you believe there is any virtue in Inertia? "I do, indeed. Xook at tho people in the peni tentiary: suppose ' they had been Inert do yod think tbey would bow be convicts?" An Enterprising Person. lhave received -yourbillforjes, Mr. Brief, but 1 do not remem- ' ber the services you rendered. "Have you forgotten Von Bibber's dinner?" lNo." "Don't you remember that I advised you not to drlnkanyofhlswine?"-CariJJmA. - Mujicalltem. Lady Vhltor How I wish I could sing like your wire. Husband of the Lady at the Piano I daresay my wife would give you lessons If yon ask. Lady Visitor-Then you may b sure I'll ask ' herl TVhst run ru have worrying my hasoaad, 1 t .. .- ' " . . 3 ';CHmSklK'KKlRj v ,.T . ?5iC' $ .' .- . . jt v.fiissaawa.is'i, v ,i F .& eW4lC3ESaBSa3"BBB I BCBVBM '
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers