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THE PITTSBURG- DISPATCH, SUKDAY. " NOVEMBER 10,
: KING'S BARBER,
IWltlTTEN FOR THE SIEPXTCB.3
bad once a barber,
' of whom the Mon
arch was very fond
i for several reasons.
The barber was a
l great talker, like
most barbers are
' to-day, and the
King, who had
nearly the whole
of his day so many
important matters to attend to, found it
very amusing to listen, to the harmless
chatter of the man with strop and soap.
But the King had another cause for liking
his barber. The latter was a very curious
character, anxious to pry into everybody's
business, and there were few things happen
ing around the court that he did not know
something about. Thus it was that the King
used him very frequently as a spy, and it
very seldom occurred that the barber did
not find out the information he was after.
' However, as much as this barber was the
favorite of his master, the King, there was
not a courtier around the royal palate who
would not have rejoiced in seeing the barber
in disgrace. This can be easily accounted
for, because the barber lold the King of all
the pranks and ignoble actions of the cour
tiers, and hence there was not one of them
who had not at one time or another received
a punishment because the barber had acted
as the informant against him. But the cour
tiers were determined to get even with their
tormentor, and they laid their heads to
gether to devise a scheme which would cost
the barber not only his job, but also the
King's iavor and even his life.
So one day, while the barber was walking
up the marble steps of the broad stairs
which led into the magnificent castle of the
King, a number of the courtiers were await
"Come here, John," said one of them,
"we want to have a talk with you."
"All right, gentlemen," replied John,
"bat please do not detain me long, because
the King 's next, sirs, don't you know?"
"We know all about that, but if you will
listen to ns lor a few moments only, you
will be glad we have detained you, because
what we have to tell you concerns the King,
Persuaded in this manner the barber was
The Sorter in Disgrace.
usberei into a room, where more courtiers
were assembled, who, npon observing the
barM ' arrival, got up and immediately
Eu-muudecl him. Then they closed the door
of the salon, and, while the rest were all
wrant in silence, one of them addressed the
barber in these words:
"John, we are very proud of you for the
unselfish devotion and the unwavering zeal
wljlAyou liave constantly exercised in serv
ing the King, our royal master, and we
have all come to the conclusion that, inas
much as it is chiefly your skill and un
eqaled artistic superiority as a barber
which has caused the King's face to be so
handsome and beautiful, we ought to show
yon how deeply we are gratified with your
work. In short, we want to help you in
vour duties, and thus have the King more
pleased with you than ever. For that rea
son we have procured a bottle of liquid
which comes from the fountain of everlast
ing vouth and beauty, and we want you to
putrthat on His Majesty's face to-day after
you have shaved him."
The vain little barber, who during this
speech had nearly exploded with his own
importance, stood for a moment dumb
founded nt the wonderful kindness of the
courtiers. He could not for the life of him
understand what they meant, because they
bad hitherto been always very overbearing
toward him, and none of them had ever even
deigned to take the least notice of him. Bnt
John was cute, and it very soon dawned
upon him that there was a dark scheme at
the bottom of all this unexpected and spon
taneous graciousness on the part of the
conrtiers. However, he thought it would
be wiser for him to be quiet for once in his
life and not say all he thought. So he
turned toward the nobleman who had ad
dressed him and replied:
"Your Lordship, 1 am indeed very grate
ful for the great favor you have deigned to
shower nnon me, and I will at once go and
tell the King of this wonderful liquid, and
of course use it."
'"Oh, no!" they now answered in chorus;
"that is not what we want. "We don't care
to have the King know that we are taking
any interest in his looks. We want you to
The Clever Wttch.
go and tellbimthat you had obtained this
from the fountain of youth and beauty your
self. If you tell him that we did it, he
would not thank you for it"
"All right, gentlemen," John said, "I
understand you now, and I appreciate the
kindness of your wish. What will be the
effects of this wonderful liquid?"
"It will make the King more beautiful
than any human beinz, and it will keep
him vouthful for everl" they replied.
Then the barber departed toward the
King's chamber. On his way he passed
through a hall, the walls of which were
composed of very fine mirrors from the floor
to the ceiling. As John looked into these
mirrors and observed his short nose, his
large mouth, his" small eyes and his sallow
complexion, he suddenly thought, "why
should I not use some of this wonderful
liquid myself, before I take it into the
King? If it is good, it will be as beneficial
to me as to the King, and if it is not well,
then I will be able to tell the King of the
conspiracy of bis courtiers against him and
thus get even with them for their trickery!"
This idea had no more than entered his
head when the barber at once set about its
execution. Before he went into the royal
chamber he slipped into a small ante-room
and at once set about using the liquid from
s4sC&4 fy ""--JS Vv '
'SwSS'v3A ?x J tffinfy
the fountain of- everlasting youth and
beauty. He poured a little into the hollow
of his hand and immediately rubbed it into
his face. Then he looked up to have a
glance in the looking glass and notice the
effect. But ohl horrors! horrors! horrorsl
John's face was as black as if he had
painted it with ink. He nearly fell into a
fit at the aspect of bis countenance.
"If I did not know that lam looking at
myself," he said, "I certainly would not
think so by the appearance of my face. Oh,
those bad courtiers, those bad, bad men.
But I will ret even with them."
Then he ran ont of the room and burst
into the King's apartment, where he at once
attempted to unfold his tale of woe. Bnt
the King was so horrified at the sight of
John's face that he commanded his servants
to throw that black monster out of his cas
tle. The soldiers, of course, obeyed. When
John was taken down the steps the courtiers
stood there awaiting him and when they
noticed his black face they laughed and
showed such signs of pleasure that John got
even more mad than he had been heretofore.
But he was powerless. The soldiers took
him outside and told him not to show his
painted visage around the King's palace
So poor John, the barber, had to go and
there never was a more disheartened man in
the world than he was. He resolved to go
away and drown himself, because his life
was a failure, he thought When he came
outside of the city gates he met a very old
and ugly looting woman, and as John no
ticed her, he said: "Well, that woman is
even uglier than I am!" So he spoke to her
and after a while he had told her all his
troubles. When the old crone heard his
story as to what the courtiers had done to
him, she said:
"Now, is that all true what you tell
"I swear," solemnly replied John.
"Well, then, come with me and I will
help yon," cried the old woman; "for
know these courtiers came to me, and they
asked me for a liquid that would change
white into black, and I gave it to them.
Had they asked me for the liquid from the
fountain of everlasting youth and beauty I
could have given them that too, bnt now
I will give it to you without asking me
Then the woman took a small phial from
her pocket and sprinkled some of the
liquid it contained into John's face, and
although he could not see the transforma
tion his face was undergoing, he knew that
it was a change for the better.
"Kow go back to the court," said the old
woman, alter she had sprinkled the liquid
into the barber's face, "and tell the King
that you have seen 'the witch from the en
chanted wells,' who sends him this phial
with liqnid. Tell him also how your face
got black and who was the canse of it!"
With these words the witch wished John
good-by, and he ran quickly back to the
castle. This time nobody intercepted his
progress, because his face was as beautiful
as the countenance of Apollo. Arrived in
the King's presence he told exactly what
had happened, and he also handed him the
pbial the witch had sent him.
When the King heard the story his barber
told him he became very ansry, "because he
at once realized that he had a very narrow
escape of having his face painted black. In
the ante-rooin he found the bottle which
John had received lrom the courtiers, so he
immediately commanded them all to come
into his room. When all were there the
King told John, the barber, to go around
and put some ot the liquid into everybody's
face. The barber did as he was bid. and in a
short while there was not a courtier in that
room whose face was not coal black.
"Now go all out of my sight, and let me
never hear of you again!" thundered the
King, "but remember lor the future, that it
is a bad thing to try and harm anybody, be
cause you may harm yourselves worse."
A PEENCH PICrUEE OP W1LHELH.
The Tonne German Emperor Is Not a Hand
New York Herald.!
"A friend of mine who has just returned
from a visit.to his native town in Alsace,"
said Mr. A. C. Gunter yesterday, "met
the young German Emperor face to
face some weeks since in the streets
of Strasburg. My friend is a French
man, not 'that Frenchman,' but another
one, and that may account for some slight
bias in his views of the Kaiser. Bnt he
says he had heard of the Emperor as a tall,
straight, soldierly-looking sovereign, of fair,
broad brow, and 'dauntless eye. What he
did see, as he describes it, when he met
Wilhelm, was a lowering brow, shoulders
almost as ill matched as Richard's, a face
deeply pitted by what seemed to be the
traces of dissipation, and a sullen per
sonality back of it all, rendered all themore
sullen by the uselessness of the withered
arm by'his side 1 That is a Gallic view,
but my friend believes it a true one. He
also told me that he saw an inoffensive Al
satian yanked brutally from his feet by a
guard and dragged onto prison because the
poor fellow, in an absent-minded way, for
got where he was one day and whistled the
'Marseillaise' softly to himself!"
An Ordinary Transaction.
Lawyer McCutcheon (of Helena, Mont )
Bung Weep We velly much likte you
punish Hong Wah. He killy Chinaman.
Lawyer McCutcheon But the District
Attorney has charee of that case.
Bung Weep Dlistick Tolly no makee
charge. He too slow. S'poie you punish
him ? How muchee cost you hangee him 1
How muchee cost you plison him for lifee ?
Watch That Chloken.
Kansas City BUT.: "
C. C. Horr, of Eureka, had a pullet with
four-well formed legs. Just wait till Mr.
Horr's neighbors begin to make gardens.
M jut lUwSiiK
The Barber's Triumph.
VJ J r-l
THE WOELD MOVES.
Bessie Bramble Discusses the Grow
ing Popularity of Card Playing.
AN INNOCENT GAME OF EUCHRE
Is So Longer Looked Upon With Horror by
HOW TO MAKE ODE CHUECHE8 POFULAB
rWBtTTIN TOE THI PISFATCH.1
While Rev. Sam Jones, Brother Moody,
and other famous evangelists are preaching
against progressive euchre with a thunder of
eloquence and a cyclone of denunciation
that makes the hair of many rise with hor
ror, the old doctrine of total depravity is re
ceiving fresh and forcible illustration in the
fact that the game is becoming even more
popular and fascinating than ever. Good
church members have taken to playing
euchre, who had never before touched a card
in their lives. It has been introduced into
the homes of people who had been brought
up to look upon a pack of cards as the
"devil's prayer book." It has become
an absorbing amusement to thousands
who in their yonth would hardly have
picked up a card with a pair of tongs. It
is taught to children by mothers who, in
years agone, had been faithfully instructed
that cards meant gambling and all manner
of abominations, and no one could have any
thing to do with them without committing
a grievous sin. Church members whojonce
would not allow a deck of cards within their
walls, now play euchre with as much inter
est and enthusiasm as anyone. Women who
were strictly brought up" within the pale of
orthodoxy now see no harm in cards what
ever, and, in short, enchre, whether plain
or progressive, and whist, whether straight
or drive, are the most popular social amuse
ments going in both religious and secular
circles and among all sorts and conditions
It will doubtless be claimed that the
sermons against euchre did not boom the
game, but while the clergy have not per
haps advertised it as largely and extensively
as they did "Robert Elsmere" by preaching
against it, still they have set people to
thinking as to whether there was really any
sin or harm in cards, and the general ver
dict has been given practically in the
CBUSABES AGAIXST CARDS.
That the old order changes is in nothing
more plainly shown than in this apparent
determination of most people to think for
themselves on such points. A few centuries
ago St Bernardme preached so eloquently
and convincingly against the evils of
card playing that the people carried all
their cards to the public square and
made a huge bonfire ot them a
markedly different resnlt from that which
follows sermons against card playing in
tnese days. Men now are more given to
settling such matters by conscience and
common sense, rather than by the dogmatic
utterances of the pulpit. It is a somewhat
interesting fact to learn that when cards
were first introduced into France that the
clergy became so infatuated with, and
addicted to them that the high authorities
in Council assembled felt called upon to
sternly forbid their indulging in such
amusement, since it interfered with their
clerical duties. Still with all the power
of the churcb against them cards have
ever since their first invention constituted
a favorite form of amusement, and now the
clergy of the Roman and Anglican churches
both indulge in a quiet game of
whist or euchre and no harm done.
But while the Presbyterian and Meth
odist and other straighter sects hold
out against them as far as the pulpit is con
cerned, the people in tne pews have dis
posed of all scruples, and progressive euchre
and drive whist are as common among pro
fessors ot religion as witn tne outside world
lings. The minister's soul may be grieved
and his heart harrowed by the sight of the
slim attendance at prayer meeting, but the
iron goes deeper when he knows that a
euchre party presents superior attractions,
and that some of the pillars of his church
are shuffling and dealing the decks ot cards,
discoursing upon "trumps" and "lone
hands" and "bowers," and counting
"tricks" and "points" and "games" as
leading to the prizes, without a thought of
the empty benches, the lifeless songs, the
tedious prayers in rae chapel or lecture
THE MARCH OF PEOGEES3.
Now it may be very sad, it may conflict
with the old 'standards, and fail to agree
with the old Fnritan precedents, but it
seems evident that the church must come up
to the times, or be left behind as a decaying
institution. Year by year the old iron-bound
discipline relaxes old prejudices give way,
old-time laws are repealed, and ancient
usages go down before modern innovations.
The stiff, square, severe, ugly Presbyterian
and Methodist meeting houses have given
place to beautiful churches of brick orstoue,
built and decorated in accordance with
modern art and architecture. Instead of the
great, staring plain glass windows
which alone could satisfy the
severity and simplicity of the
straight up-and-down forefathers, there are
now to be lound beautiful stained glass and
jeweled windows that would raise the hair
ol Calvin, John Knox and Wesley. So op
posed were these plain folks to the organ or
instrumental music that the mobs in Crom
well's time destroyed some of the grandest
churches and finest organs in England in
their zeal of intolerance, and yet now the
sect which held out most determinedly
against church organs has at last given way,
and the "kist of whistles" that was so ob
noxious to the Puritan forefathers has now
an honored place in the church services of
almost all denominations.
Asa further sign of progress may be
mentioned the efforts of many Presbyterians
to have the Westminster confession revised
and amended to the intent that the most
offensive articles of the old time creed and
belief may be withdrawn or modified, inas
much as "no one in accord with nineteenth
century civilization can accept them fully
as they stand. Tne orthodoxy of this age is
also far, very far, away from the old rules
and church standards with regard to dress
and the observances of social life. In these
days the church has no rigid lawa against
bangs, against putting starch in ruffles,
against walking abroad on Sunday. It is
not now considered a sin by even the
strictest and straightest to play the organ,
to use the book of common prayer, to take
pleasure in works of art and literature. The
old Presbyterians destroyed every picture of
the Madonna they could find. They delivered
the noblest works of sculpture to the stone
masons to be made decent" They pro
scribed all amusements. They passed a law
making the festival of Christmas a last day
to be passed by the people in bemoaning
the sins of those who had heretofore cele
brated it as a joyous holiday for feasting,
and good cheer and merry making
XTlfDEE THE MISTLETOE.
But their descendants have nearly all out
grown this Puritanic severity, this gloomy
austerity, this proscription ot amusements,
this setness against all that makes life
pleasant and joyons, just as they have
given up the long faces, the nasal whine,
the funeral cant and the other absurdities of
the forefathers in Cromwell's days, when
the "Barebones Parliament" solemnly de
creed that the road to power and place
should be held sacred to those of real godli
ness, but as events a proved, rather to-its af
fectation by ambitious and unscrupulous
There are yet a few of the old sort left, a
few who still would like to enforce the strict
observance of Sunday after the old Puri
tanic pattern, who still object to the celebra
tion of Christmas, who still would put all
amusements under the ban. who still stand
by Rouse's version of the Psalms, and hold
outagainst an organ as a profane and un
godly thing, but they constitute a most mel
ancholy minority in these days. A few
Methodists there may be who sigh for Wes-
leyan simplicity, and who deplore the ab
sence of plain clothes, and denounce the
frivolous ruffles, and worldly folderols, and
Easter bonnets with which the sisters now
adorn themselves, and fall with equal sever
ity upon the brethren who find worldly
matters vastly more interesting than spirit
ual things. But when all is said, it cannot
be denied that a vast change or shaH it be
called evolution has taken place in the
churches in the last two-hundred years.
The Conferences and General Assemblies
may refuse to revise or to alter the Con
fession of Faith and the creeds to accord
with the intelligence of the age, yet still
the plain fact remains that the views of the
people have changed. Some of the old
blue laws still remain upon the statute
books, bnt they are, nevertheless, almost a
dead letter. And so it is with some ot the
articles of belief once firmly held by good
Christian people. Nobody nowadays be
lieves that infants who have died without
baptism are condemned to everlasting
flames, nor will anybody be found to accept
the old Puritanic notion that the saints in
glory have their joys enhanced by gazing
over the battlements of heaven and seeing
their earthly friends and neighbors suffer
ing the torments of the lost in the seething
fires poked up by Satan and his hosts.
Bnt perhaps nothing shows more the great
revolution in sentiment and opinion among
the church people than their disregard of
the old rules as to amusements. Card play
ing, novel reading, dramatic entertain
ments and dancing all once so strictly for
bidden, are now almost as common among
church members as among those who make
no profession of faith. Not long ago a
minister felt impelled to preach
A SEBMON AGAINST DANCING.
His remarks were received with smiles,
and the little winks went round from pew to
pew. The cause of this amusing by-play
was that the children of nearly all of the
prominent members went to dancing school.
The scruples of most people as to this amuse
ment for young folks seem to have disap
peared, and judging by the crowds that now
attend dancing schools it would almost ap
pear that society had a law like unto that of
the Spartans, which obliged parents to ex
ercise their children in dancing from the
age of 5 up to maturity.
Novels, once so strictly prohibited and de
cried, now constitute the bulk of the Sun
day school libraries. Theatrical entertain
ments, once so roundly denounced, are now
largely patronized by the truly good people.
Dancing was never more largely indulged
in than at present, despite the countless
sermons preached against it and the an
athemas pronounced upon those who take
part in it, while card playing is the com
mon amnsement of all classes of the laity,
old and young, rich and poor, church mem
bers and outsiders.
It behooves the reverend brethren to make
a note of these things, and consider whether
it is well for them to waste time and breath
and energy in endeavoring to put down pri
vate judgment People think for them
selves in these matters. They have got be
yond the stage when the dogmatic utter
ances of even their spiritual teachers carry
weight, unless supported by their own
conscience and common sense. When a
reverend brother denounces card playing
from the pulpit as an evil or a sin, the ma
jority of his people know by their own ex
perience that a game of cards is no more
wrong than a game of croquet or tennis.
They take no stock in the idea that painted
pasteboard is anymore sinlul to handle than
balls, or mallets, or rackets, or jack straws.
If there is any truth in Brother Moody's
idea that everybody who plays "progressive
euchre" will be sent to'dwell with Satan and
his angels some of the very best people in
the world will be shut out of heaven people
who fulfill the law ot charity, who are full
of good works and whose names are written
as those who love their lellowmen.
John Wesley, when found fault with for
adapting holy hymns to earthly music, said
he did not believe in allowing the devil to
have all the good mnsic. Perhaps if the
reverend brethren in the pulpits and the
stiff old deacons wonld take thought and
consider they would decide that the devil
should not be allowed to have
ALL THE GOOD FUN.
The Xoung Men's Christian Associations
now find their greatest attraction and strong
est power for good in their gymnasium,
their field sports, baseball and reading room
pleasures, rather than in prayer meetings
and tracts. It would seem as if the pastors
and church authorities might profit to some
extent by their experience and make the
churches minister, not only to the spiritual
needs of its members, but their temporal en
joyments as well. The grand temples that
cost so much money and are only used one
day in the week, or perhaps twicej mighe be
utilized for the social pleasures of the con
gregation. The young folks love com
pany, and for that matter so do
their elders, when it is congenial. What
valid objection can there be to the
parlors and lecture rooms of the churches
being utilized for the social enjoyment ot
all. Young men and even young girls,
whose homes are unhappy and whose sur
roundings are unpleasant, spend their
evenings on tne street to enjoy company and
to get out of the close and dirty quarters in
which they live. What would it not be to
them to have a church reading room, a
room where they might find pleasure and
recreation in games, a lecture room where
they might hold meetings, engage in dis
cussions, join in literary exercises, or listen
to good music? The church buildings are
not used enough. They are as a usual
thing full of stale air and the chill of
vacancy. Through the week the lecture
room is opened for a sparse and melancholy
prayer meeting, or perhaps the
ladies have a good old-fashioned gossiping
sewing society, or occasionally a church
supper to make money lor the heathens, but
these give no adequate returns for the capi
tal invested, cither spiritually or socially.
Said a lady from Oakland, or thereabouts,
one day: "We had to organize a club house
out here in order to keep our boys from go
ing downtown to spend their evenings. At
first," she said, "I zealously opposed it; I
thought it was dreadful to have them eo
where they could play cards and billiards,
and all that sort ot thing; bnt after I had
been induced to visit it my objections all
went by the board. I saw it was a good
thing, and a means of keeping the boys
from the temptations of the saloons and
resorts, where they were liable to fall into
the wiles of wickedness. This work
might have been done, and per
haps better done, by the churches, and
at less expense. It would not be surprising
if some day the progressive people of the
churches should see the vast amount of
good they might do in this line. As the
world moves the churches must move, or get
left Considering the vast advances in the
last half-century it would not be surprising
to find before long the first story of the
sanctuaries given over to free reading rooms,
parlors for card playing, chess, and other
games, billiard rooms, bowling alleys,
lecture rooms for literary exercises and
discussions on "Looking Backward," and
the living questions of the day by the
talented members of the congregation, both
men and women, who would give scope to
their powers and instruction to their
This may be set down by manv as a ridicu
lous fancy, but as the old order changes it
may become a practical reality.
HOW TO MAKE A HYPOCRITE.
Give Him a Government Poiltlon and the
Thins 1 Done.
"There are so many funny things taking
place now about the headquarters of the
various political organizations," observed a
clerk in one of the uptown departments.
"Some ot the chaps who conld not have
been dragged to their home with an ox team
last year are now fairly falling over each
other to get their names on the list of those
who are going out to the States to vote. On
the other hand the Democratlo clerks who
made so much inort of their Republican
friends last year are as quiet as a funeral
procession about these times.
"Their excuses for not taking part in the
campaigns in the different States are as
funny as they are numerous. I tell you, the
way to make a hypocrite of a man is to give
him a Government position."
How They Have Become Recognized
Factors in Business Life.
PLENTY OP BOOM FOB EXPERTS.
Incompetent, Ignorant and Giddy Goshen
Not in Demand.
A BRIGHT WOMAN'S OPPORTUNITY
IW KITTEN FOB THI PlgrATCB.l
Within the past ten years the typewriter
has become a recognized factor in the busi
ness life ot the metropolis. It is not so very
long since the sight of a well-dressed, good
looking young woman in the lower part of
the city was one of sufficient rarity to attract
general attention, while a lady employed in
an office was an almost unheard-of thing.
But now all this has changed, and the great
buildings in the lower part of the city fairly
teem with young women, most of whom are
employed as stenographers and typewriters,
while all are known under the generic term
It is during the summer months that they
shine to the best advantage, for at that time,
while the wives and families of the lawyers
and business men are in the country, the
typewriters assume and greatly enjoy a
prominence in the restaurants and places of
amusement at Coney Island and on the
great thoroughfares of the city which does
not belong to them at any other time of the
year. The typewriter figures in the ephe
meral humorous literature otthe day, where
she takes the place occupied for so many
years by the goat, the mother-in-law and
the banana peel. Much has been written
ot the typewriters, and yet very little is
known of a profession which is growing
every day in dignity, usefulness and profit,
and which has already given to thousands
of intelligent and daserving young women
a means of livelihood.
The profession of typewriting is as yet in
its infancy; .or, at best, hardly out of swad
dling clothes. Just no w it is going through
the same unpleasant experiences which have
been the lot of many another excellent thing
during its beginning. It has been made the
subject for the shafts of ridicule, and justly
so, because the advantages which it offers
for an extended acquaintance have drawn
into its ranks a large number of young
women unfitted by education and training
to do competent work, and caring only for a
chance to flirt with or, to quote "lrom their
own expressive vernacular, "mash" the
gentlemen, both old and young, with whom
they are brought in contact
BOOM ON TOP.
But it is a great injustice to a large and re
spected class of young women to take these
others whom I have named as a fair type of
their profession. My purpose is to deal not
with the "mashers," but with those who
have gone into their profession seriously,
who have found in it an excellent living,
and are anxious above all things to excel in
the calling which they have chosen. Almost
every young girl in this country who finds
herself confronted with the problem ot exist
ence, and is compelled to support herself and
perhaps others in her family, turns her eyes
longingly and hopefully on New York, and
wishes that she could find some employment
there. Some kind friends are sure to tell
her that in the metropolis every calling is
overcrowded, and none more so than type
To these I should say that the profession
is overcrowded by incompetents; and that
there is more room at the top of it for ladies
of education and refinement than there is in
heaven for true believers. In other words,
there is a growing demand among lawyers,
journalists and merchants for expert and in
telligent stenographers and typewriters.
The business man who 20 years ago labori
ously wrote his own letters or turned them
over to a clerk, now simply summons his
stenographer by the tap ot a bell, dictates a
dozen letters to her in as many minutes, and
then turns to his desk secure in the knowl
edge that each one of these letters will
be neatly and correctly printed on a ma
chine and mailed within an hour and with
out giving him anv further trouble. The
lawyer who formerly had his briefs, agree
ments, etc., copied in a long hand which
was often illegible, now employs a type
writer, for there are many judges who ab
solutely refuse to read any matter which is
not neatly typewritten. sThe journalist, to
whom 4,000 words is a good day's work, can
dictate that amount ot matter wkhin an
hour to an expert typewriter and wfth but
little fatigue. All this requires a high class
of talent, and, therefore, the demand for ex
perts in this profession, as in others, grows
day by day.
ONE WOMAN'S SUCCESS.
There is one thing which I desire particu
larly to impress upon the minds of all those
who may read this paper, "and that is, there
is no room in New York for ignorant and
incompetent typewriters, as the demand is
more than supplied by our home market
As a journalist, I have had a long experi
ence with typewriters, and I wonld consider
it criminal to write anything calculated to
draw into the ranks ot the profession any
more young women who are unworthy to be
in it But I can in perfectly good faith
give every reasonable encouragement to
young ladies who see the necessity for work
and can bring to it the advantages of a well
trained mind and a good general education.
I known a young lady who is entitled by
virtue of breeding, natural refinement and
mental attainments to fill any position so
cially that may fall to an American woman.
She l" not only a graduate of a college, but
also took high rank as a private teacher of
Latin and Greek, a profession which she
abandoned in order to open a stenographic
and typewriting office in New York. She
came here absolutely unknown, and had,
moreover, never seen a typewriting machine
until she had occasion to purchase half a
dozen for her own use. She called herself
the Axios Company "axios" is the Greek
for "worthy" and since then has en
deavored to live np to her name. That was
two years ago. Now she has not only her
original office on Broadway, bnt has also se
cured the monopoly of the Times Build
ing, and is in negotiation for another office
in a great business block at present in
course of erection. The rent of her two
offices is abont 81,600 a year, and she gives
steady employment to half a dozen assist
ants, who receive from 15 to $18 a week
apiece, and makes a very good living her
self. Her business is chiefly with the legal
profession, and includes also a number of
well-known journalists. She tells me that
she finds it very difficult to obtain assist
ants of sufficient education and technical
skill to do the work required, and fully '
coincided with what I have already said
about the opportunities which the profes
sion oners to women oi tne oest class.
TWO KINDS OF TYPEWBITEBS.
"How long does it take to become an ex
pert stenographer and typewriter?" I asked
"Some will tell you six months, but those
are generally the people who teach it. I
say that it takes two years to become an ex
pert," was her reply.
This young lady attributes her success to
the fact that she has always sought to in
crease the quality of the work and seenre
the most competent assistants rather than
cut down prices. She tells me that experts
readily command $15 a week, and that some
who have desk room or an office of their
own earn twice or three times that amount
I had a fortnight's experience with a type
writer of the ignorant class which I am not
likely to forget She came to me with a
recommendation of some "Business College"
from which she graduated, and in which I
am inclined to fancy there must be a Chair
of Imbecility. She was fairly presentable
in appearance, which may have had some
thing to do with herobtaining the situation,
but she was about as Ignorant a young
woman as I have ever encountered. She
cherished a deep attachment for a young
man named Joe, who was, as nearly as I
could ascertain, a dashing young pork
packer's assistant, who dwelt "around the
corner" lrom her father's house, As.
attractive young- man, doubtless, and
one gifted with many rare personal charms,
but I could not help thinking that my type
writer devoted altogether too much time to
him. Once I heard her sniveling over her
work, because Joe had gone to the masque
rade ball of the "Butchers' Own" with an
other girl. At other times she had to go
away at 3 o'clock to meet Joe, who was
coming with one of his friends, a "perfectly
elegant gentleman" and his "lady friend"
to accompany her to Coney Island. When
she wasn't thinking of Joe or making hor
rible mistakes with my copy, she was read
ing the Fireside Companion or what she
called a "libry." It was thus that she de
scribed a greasy paper-covered volume from
a circulating library bearing some title like
Stainless, yet Free; or Wedded to a Per
SOME KNOWLEDGE NECESSAET.
The girl was absolutely unfitted for the
calling in which she had embarked. She
could not spell Bismarck correctly. The
fact accidently developed in one ot my ar
ticles that the great Napoleon was a native
ot Corsica, came upon her in the light of a
revelation, which was rendered more inter
esting by the subsequent discover that the
island was not spelled with a K. She could
not spell any proper names whatever, and
her knowledge of ordinary words of three
syllables was extremely limited. "Withal,
she was so unreasonable that when I sug
gested to her the propriety of taking a course
of night school during the winter, she got
angry and left, declaring that she was not
obliged to work anyway. I believe she has
since found herproper level at the notion
counter at Macy's.
I quote from one of the most expert stenog
raphers in New York when I say that there
are not more than 50 thoroughly competent
women in the profession in New York, while
the demand for them is practically unlim
ited. To young ladies who are considering
the advisability of becoming typewriters
here, I would offer a few suggestions, and
confine myself entirely to the requirements
oi men of my own prolession, journalism.
To begin with, if you are going to work
for journalists or literary men, you will find
that any knowledge that you may happen
to possess will come in handy. So don't
leave any of it behind you when you pack
your trunks to start for "the city. You will
find Latin extremely useful and French
even more so. A general knowledge of
history, especially cotemporaneous, is ab
solutely essential. You shonld know the
names of people who are prominently before
the public, and be able to spell their names
correctly. Head the newspapers carefully
and familiarize yourselves with the names
and exploits of the great politicians, actors,
singers and writers of the present day. Re
member that Columbus discovered America,
and that Bismarck is spelled with a k.
That there are two a's in separate and two
p'sia opposite. That the names of the
singers at the Metropolitan Opera House
are in constant use and require a course of
study. That Russia is rnled by a Czar, and
America, with somewhat less justice and
discretion, by the corporations and poli
ticians. Remember, I say, all these and
other facts of kindred interest and the
crown of glory may yet be yours.
J. L. FOBD.
SHERIDAN AT WEST POINT.
A Disobedient Student Who Was Given One
It is good to give the bad boys another
chance. General Sheridan, when he was a
West Point cadet, committed an offense so
flagrant against the discipline of the school
that he afterward thought himself that it
ought not to have been forgiven. On
parade one day his sergeant, who was also a
cadet, ordered him to "dress," that is, to
stand in line with the rest of the company.
It was a proper order ; but young Sheri
dan, who had a very fiery Irish temper, took
exception to the tone in which it was given,
and, in fact, was so incensed at it that he
rushed toward the sergeant with his bayonet
in his hand, intending to assault him. For
tunately, before he could accomplish his
purpose, his reason regained the upper
hand, and he returned to his place.
The sergeant reported the offense, a pro
ceeding which inflamed Sheridan's wrath
anew, and the next time he met the ser
geant he flew 'at him with his fists. They
fought uutil they were separated by an
Here was a fearful breach of military dis
cipline, one which at most military acade
mies would have been punished by dis
missal. But the officers, lenient toward the
earnest student of 20 years "too lenient,"
he thought instead of expelling him gave
him another chance by rusticating him for
a year. But for this the services of Sheri
dan would have been lost to the country
during the late war, when his peculiar and
very great talents were of inestimable
His experience at West Point did not
lessen his sense of the necessity of disci
pline. He knew when to forgive offenders.
and when to enforce military law. In his
"Memoirs" he tells us what he did with four
officers who displayed criminal cowardice at
the battle of Stone's river.
"When their guilt was clearly established,
and as soon as an opportunity occurred, I
caused the whole division to be formed in a
hollow square, closed in mass, and had the
four officers marched to the center, where,
telling them that I would not humiliate any
army officer or soldier by requiring him to
touch their disgraced swords, I compelled
them to deliver theirs up to my colored
servant, who also cut from their coats every
insignia of rank.
"Then, alter there had been read to the
command an order from army headquarters
dismissing the four from the service, the
scene was brought to.a close by drumming
the cowards out of camp. It was a mortify
ing spectacle, bnt from that day no officer
in that division ever abandoned his colors."
In the case of Cadet Sheridan, the authori
ties at West Point were themore inclined to
leniency because they saw in him the stuff
out of which a good soldier is made love of
his calling, and great energy in preparing
himself for it. Not a few of the "bad boys"
at school are bad from having a little too
much of the vivacity and resolution that
conquer the world, which only need to be
rightly guided to bring them fame.
In One Eye Onlr.
Bad Boy De old blind chump won't 'no
de diffrence If I help meself to some of his
Blind Beggar I reckon I got aa eye to
business yet, sonny. Judge.
Frettr Good for a. Gsess.
"Who was the first man Tommy?" asked
the Sunday school teacher, after explaining
that our first parents were made from the
dust of -the wrth, "Senry Ciy, sW"
THE FIRESIDE SPHINX
A Collection of Siatjcal Its for
Address communications for this department
to E.R. Chadbourn. Lewiston, Maine.
805 WHAT MAEINE ANIMAL ft THIS?
D. M. HAYWAED.
806 DEATH AOT) THE BOBBER,
Death wa-i distant one night from luV bonnle.
When he happened to meet with a knight ol
"Tour name and your purse, or my pistol's con
tents;"' No time was allowed for regrets or comments.
Death flans bim his card, and the villain looked
"On the back I have scribbled from numbers a
Each character there can a character spare;
If yon make the selection with caution and
Nor the symmetry mar of the word that re
mains. The result I commend to yourself for your
If Shakespeare had met with a robber the
He'd have answered his query of "What's in on
aimf" W. WttSOS.
807 CUETAU.ED DECAPITATION.
A small inlet or bay
Or cove, we will say.
Beheaded with vapors emit.
It we also curtail.
We shall have, without fail,
A Portuguese coin, a small bib
808 a phonetic puzzle.
A foreigner who did not know a word of En
glish, bat who was an expert stenographer,
took down in shorthand the sounds uttered by
a public reader. At the close of the entertain
ment he translated his notes phonetically, as
best he could, and presented the following
lines to an American friend, who recognized In.
them a quotation from a familiar poem:
"Falmen neeage em uvpewress stracerreen
thlddar knnlath hemmed kave zuvotion bare
fui menneeaff louriz bawntoob lushionseen
andway stits weet nesson thiddez urttare."
J. H. Fezakoie,
809 NEW-TOEK TO CHICAGO.
Suggesting a dale for the Fair.
Should you get the Fair
(The proverb says, '-first catch the hare")
A brief suggestion I've to state.
And that's with reference to the date
On which you hope to have unfurled
Its wonders to a gaping world.
Apart lrom advertising fame
The mightv dollar is your aim;
Now there's a day in every month
Between the tliirty-flrst and 'onetb?'
If you this lucky date select.
The fortunes in it tor a fact.
But don't you think when all is o'er .
You'll want a new Divorce Court more;
Go get yourself one while you can,
Built on the "Can't 1 leave her" plan;
For f airs I'm better suited, for
My motto is
810 TEIPiE 1ETTEB ENIGHA.
, In "begemonic3lj"
Did yon ever see the great complete,
'With its animals fierce and wild r
If not. you've missed a splendid treat,
Liked both by man and child.
811 DOUBLE ACEOSTIC.
Word of eight Utters.
L One who occupies or has possession. 2. To
steep almost to eolation. &. A mode of ex-
Sression peculiar to a language, i. (Mas.)
lackening. 5. Formed of pure tire or light.
6. (Hindu myth.) The trinity of the Yedas.
7. Inference. 8. An alloy of gold, silver and
copper. 9. A recluse. 10. Vegetable caseine.
iVimob-Gilted in conversation.
Finals A. mineral, usually of a bright green
color. iss L.
813 A MUTILATION.
In Ethiopia's depths profound
'Tls said the whole in herds abonna;
Though very active, strons and free,
Its hold on life is strange, yon. see.
For if by chance it lose its head.
Not death, bnt endless life instead.
But if perchance it lose its tail,
Then life itself will snrelv fail;
And naught remains bnt a cloth oblonz:
Well known in manyan ancient sons.
A robe is left the Pope may wear;
Now, U this scarf yon dare profane.
Such vandal act perform again,
A partner you will surely find. -An
accomplice suited to your mind.
Had you bat rent the other end.
Then Fortune wonld your steps attend;
Ho dire result on you could fall,
No harm is done you're lelt it all.
' M. O. WOODTOEB.
Thomas Harry finds that the answer to No.
773 shonld have been "nine o'clock, 90 days
afterward." at which time the first clock will
have lost 3 hoars, the second will have gained
9 honrs,and the third will, have gained 21 hoars.
The zailroad problem (No. 7S0) was worked
out by Will Hughes, J. O'Brien. Laif, John
S. Hogan, Arthur, Switchman. W. N. Herrold,
J. C. fi, Wm. Mains, Jasper, Amos Knlgnts.
Doc. Parker, F. D. C, B.40.R.II, Give Us
Another, M. A. C Henry A. Clougn, S. T. P.,
Hugh Powers. Henry Reil. Daniel Harmon. B.
TV n .nil TrfwffTnnB flnrnnfAp A .. v.
answers given is this: "I would set 4 and 3
from B to A, and pull7and8on table. Run
engine off and get her on other end, and shore
7 and 8 on track B. Then catch 6 and Sand
poll on table. Ban engine on? tarn-table, get
to other end and shove on track B; and do the
same with the two other cuts. Then pull
798 Divide the year 1883 in equal parts' by a
horizontal line and get 1,000 in each, the cube
root of which is 10.
7871. Whiskey. 1 Turnkey. 3. Donkey,
i. Monkey. 6. Turkey. & Darkey.
798 Congratulate. -
803 Particular, articular.
803 L Lord Alfred Tennyson. 2. Thomas
Alva Edison, a General Boulanger. 4. Cor-
Soral JTanner. 5. Father Damien. 6. Qrover
iereland. 7. Benjamin Harrison. 8. John
804 Fraud, f ran, F. R. A.
GETTING MARRIED AT SEA,
How California Couple Avoid Trouble and
Pave License Fees,
Los Angeles Tribune.
Getting married at sea is now the
"proppah eapah" for eloping couples, par
ticularly if the bride be under age. By this
system so license is required aad bo perjnry
need be committed. All that is necessary
is to get a tug or yacht sad pass oat the six
marine miles from land, and then the cap
tain of the ship can perform the ceremony
under the lav regulating marriage upon the
Xt is a great scheme, and is kls wat3s4
: 8 4 o
: i 7 a :
: io :
Detroit Advertiser.! fS
Impassioned , Youth Arabel, Hove ypfl!
Will yon be mine?
Girl of To-Day Come, come now; Illi
marry you, if yon like, but I'm not going'toj
be yours; you've got to be mine, and do as'I"
toy, or you can get a divorce for incompati- :
A. purelr Veeetabla
Compound that expels
all bid humors from tho;
H mh Hifis& riSMI
i system. Removes blotch
es and Dim Dies, and
makes pure, rich blood.'
. TH largest BfttMUhment in tfca World
ifcr tne treauoflit or tuir sa eevp
I Eczema, Males, 'Warts, Saperflocntf Hair
Birtttmarts. Moth, FneUes, Wrtnlles,
Red Nom. Bed Teins. OUt 8Mn. Aene.
PtmnlM- BlklMdi- Barber's ItehJkan.
Flttlnc. Ptnrder Xarts Bleaehia. FadaX
Deralanmrat. ete. Bend lO etc. orll8.na
took oa til sUn Imperfections aad Utelf treatment.
JQITX n. WOODKUKY, Irmfttolrft,
125 West48rfStrt,HW TOM CXZTJLT.
r.S. tbe irso&wry'sraelalSayfwtteaafatta swift
for sal by U 4nfslsta.r by nail, fO easts
S14 PESN AVENCE,PITTSBDE!,PA.
As old residents know and back flies of Pitts. j
burrr papers prove, is the oldest established H
and most prominent physician In the city, de
votine SDecia1 attention to all chronic diseases.
tirrtlf ni In&nd mental dlseaea physical &
liLn VUUO decay, nervous debUlty,lack of ;
energy, ambition and hope, impaired memory, ,
disordered sight, self distrust, baahiulnesa,
dizziness, sleeplessness, pimpIes,ernptions, im
poverished blood, failing powers.organic weak
ness, dyspepsia, constipation, consumption, uo-
nttfncr tha neriutn for hnsicfrss aocietv a.nrf nar.
riage, permanently, safely and privately enrea. ".:
rii rfr k nn of iai Hauca in ii
DLUUU ANU dM,,stagesrera7tlo5;
blotches, falling hair, bones, pains, glandular
swellings, ulcerations of tongne,moath, throat; ' j
ulcers, old sores, are enred for life, and blood-; -a
poisons thoroughly eraaicatea rromtne system.
IIPIMARV kidney and bladder derange
U n 1 1 1 n II I j menu, weak back, gravel, ca
tarrhal discharges, inflammation and other
nrnmntrallnf anil rHlmifAl Cv
Dr. Whittier's life-long, extensive expert-
mifA tmnrai f.'ant'Hf. 9nH Tllihlatfft9hnanfe
on common-sense principles; Consultation f ree.&J
f aiiAfiTK 91 & nMtanpft as rarpimiT irRarpn a lr -u
here. Office hours 9 a m. to 8 p. sl Sunday,
10 a K. to 1 p. m. only. Da WHITTIER, S&1 :
renn avenue, .nttsDurg, ra.
HUM i Mum' i
How Lost! How Regained.
''-i .i Borsmi (Lfci o""
ASdentiflcandBtaniird Popular IfedicalTrsstissoa
theErroraof Yonth, PrematnreDecline.S'eiTOUS, M
WUU .UJ.IV-4 WVMMj,M.WMHV "WU
fnrf MhvilAq lAhlttv. mnnmiM AT 1 ha HIM.1
Resulting from Folly. Vice, lgnorsnce Ex- i
cesses or Overtaxation. Enerratln'r and ttnflt- JEB
ting the victim for Work, Business, the lUr-;i"
riage or aociai neiauons. m
Avoid unskillful pretenders. Possess this -,;
great work. It contains 300 uaees, royal 8tod -
Beautiful biudlng, embossed, tnll gilt. Price,, , .".
omy 91 uy man. pos.Kuu, coaceaiea la maia
wrapper. Illustrative Prospectus Free, It yon -. ;
apply now. The distinguished author. Wm. H. - .
TT--1.A. t Ti ..i..i .k. nni n mitn irui .
ELED MEDAL from the National Medical As.7; C4
sociafion, for this PRIZE ESSAY onNERVOUSJ
and PHYSICAL DEBILITY. Dr. Parker and a?
corps of Assistant Physicians may be cjd- ;
salted, confidentially, by mall or in person; atj
the office of THE PEABODY MEDICAL IN.?
STITUTE, No. 4-Bulfioch St., Boston. Mj,,W 1
wnom ail orders ior noons or letters tor advic
should be directed as above. auIa-Cj-TaPSuT
Health is Wealtl
De. E. a West's Nebvx and UkaoC
Kvi. BUIAUtV lr:l
SNBB'bI sBsLsVsVsll -
XREATMErr.acnaranteea spec nc lor hysteria,', jm
dizziness, convulsions, nts. nervous neuralgia
headache, nervous prostration caused by tha .j
use of alcohol or tobacco, wakefulness, mental.-;
aepression, softening ot tne oram resulting la -Insanity
and leadin!r to misery, decay and'
death, premature old age. barrenness. Ion of
power in either sex. Involuntary losses and .
spermatorrhea-, caused by overexertion ot thai
brain, self-abuse or over-indulgence. Ecal
box contains one month's treatment. SI a box.?
or six boxes for Sj, sent by mail prepaid oa re-t
WE GUARANTEE SIX BOXES
To enre any case. With each order received by i
for six boxes, accompanied with to CO, we will?
send the purchaser our written guarantee toj
refund the money If the treatment does not ef-J
fectacure. uuarantces Issued onlybrEmuu,!
Stucky, Druggist, Solo Agent, 1701 and501Peans
are. ana cor. wyue aye. ana xmum si. i'ltll
burg; Fa. se27-10Gf-TTSSu.o
Tarrant's Extract of j
Cubebs and Copaiba, thai
best remedy for and!a-jj
eases of the urinary lOrj
zans. lis ponanie iorsv
freedom from taste stM
speedy action (frequently
curine in three or foar
aays ana always in less
time than anv other pre
paration), make "Tar
rant's Extract" the mot
desirable remedy erscS
lne has red strip acrossiface of label, with tied
nature oi Tarrant to, .New xorx. npon iu
rnce. u. "sola Dy au arnggists. ocuwi-su-
GRAY'S SPECIFIC MED1GIMEI
LOSS OF MEMORY.
full particulars In pimpaM
sent free. The genuine tirsysf
(Specific sold by drn-EKlsts only In j
yeUow wrapper, frlce. Si peel
ks, Tir on receipt of price, bv addrew-i
nr THE GEAT ilEOlClNE CO, BaSalo, Xi&i
nacicare. or six ror ss. or ot huuu
avm mtuuuurg uj a.s. a.JUUAiLf. curuos
,a ooitojo. Sootfl
posed of Cotton Boot. TsnsT tail
Pennyroyal a recent discovery by as
old ohvsician. Is suctasfuttv usti
sealed. Ladles, ask your drojrzist for Cook's!
Cotton Boot Compound and take no substttata,-f
or Inclose 2 stamps for sealed particulars. Ad-J
dress POND lily coMPAiiT, No. 3 FUms-1
numuan sale. KnectnaL nce xi. or man s
Block, 131 woodward ave Detroit, Jdlcfi.
WSoId in Pittsburg. Pa, by Joseph Llea?
iuk oon, jjuoooa ana jaarsei ra. sexs-JBii
Bmr-JT raze A victte j
of vaaUlfal hBSrndence.-3
auubur Prcmatm-e Dccmr. Nerrona Pebuttr. tjomA
Kanhocwl, Ac.. liaTlsg tried In Ymla vrttrj known reme-S
dy. has dfaoorereil a. rfmrtfe mews of Kit cure, whlelkl
ce win ena (smiwti fkee to nu inmw-tnatnn. $
Address, J.H. BZZVIS, P.O. Box MO.Sew yorkCJsfij
HARE'S REMEDY 1
For men! Checks the worst cases la tfc
days, and cures in fire days. Price (1 OS. at
JsJ-aB-rrssn U31tekrt street.-
rors. earlr deemr. last
manhood eto. I wilt lead a Talnabte truttoa (newel
eontalalacr rou porucoar tor hobs can, Iri
SaPX BSrBflBBBflV ii3
j Z& .
CV M o.rtf-AJ&StMljjBS&fc