‘THE MERRY SIDEOF LIFE. RIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE £ FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. He sl A Tale of Elopement — Gave Him Credit—Not Her Experience-~Not Up on Physiology, Ete., Ete, : Their pa- From win- Rents sald Dow ope They must There hung Not wed. A rope, By which ['o slope. DUSINESS CHANGE, “Pe bum business don’t seem to be no good here,” complained Mr. Hun: gry Higgins after being thrown off the freight train for the fourth time, “) guess I'll try some other line.” “Wot other line of business do you know anything about?” queried Mr, Weary Watkins, “Don’t mean no other line of busi- some other railroad Indianapolis Journal, ness, 1 mean line, See » REGARDLESS OF COST, Quoth he, “Let's fly To par- Son nigh.” Quoth she, “Ay! Ay!" Without A sound She reached The ground, Her lov- One night Er found. She arose, Took her Best clothes, While Pop Did doze. They flad, Were wad, Enough said. — Arthur Lot, in Puck. GAVE HIM CREDIT, Brown— ‘Gabber likes me.” James— ‘Do you laugh at his jokes?" Brown—*No; but I tty to."— Truth. Customer — ‘Seven dollars for this pair of shoes? in your window says: ‘Selling Off Re- gardless of Cost.’ " Merchant— ‘That's right.” Customer— ‘Regardless of cost! See here! I used to be in the shoe business myself, and I know this pair of shoes never cost more than 83 at wholesale.” Merchant— “That's all right, my friend. I'm selling them for $7 rv gardless of the fact that they cost 83. | See?"’—Chicago Tribune, WON. NOT UP ON PHYSIOLOGY, Doctor (looking into the patient's throat) — ‘‘Itis the epiglottis, madam. ” Patient— ‘Horrible! But is it con- tagious, doctor?” NOT HER EXPERIENCE, Mrs. Slowone—** ‘Man let me see, what's the rest?” Alice—'‘Oh, but that's a slander, 1 assure von. If he only would I”~-New York World. proposes--’ IT BLOWS HIM GOOD, “Have you ever read ‘The Side of Suffering?’ ” “No. Who wrote it?" ho know. Some [Al Life. Bright doctor, 1 don’t E WANING OF LOVE, ‘Kiss me again.” ~My dear, I've tunes in seventeen sec repro achfully) -~**Harol B hj her." —Truth. URALLY A SMALL say that that little tains all the ried bilit; } “Oh, well, gated edition.” FAVORITE. “Which,” they flower « ur The great man consulte lay at his rights “““The violet,” he answered, simply. ~Truth. inquired, “is the 1 a bill that —— SUPEREROGATION, . Chumppe—“Is it a boy or a girl?” Mr. Pop—*‘Didn’t I say it talked all the time?" -L Detroit Free Press, 1 a THEIR “When FIRST QUARK z you married me, vo think 1 nd you've for me from hicago Tribune. n ne ver that Sister r "footses WOMAN Car, aske | Mrs Wieck vk ing up from her paper, ‘‘what does this paper mean by referring to superfl What is wire, lo "the 1018 yman ?' the superfl “In our engagement day swered Mr, Wieckwire, ‘‘the su) younger sister. dianapolis Journal 1008 Woman gn ’ an rfluous WOImAan was '—In your HE MEANT THE OTTER, Champleigh ~My father had a marvelous intellect, but he died quite young, of consumption.” Teddy Trumpleigh— ‘There danger of your inheriting it.” Cholly Chumpleigh-—*‘No, there is no sign of consumption in me," Teddy Trampleigh — “I speaking of the consumption.” York World. Cholley is no wasn't — Now HOPE SUDDENLY DESTROYED, DeMillion dang liter, eh? cial condition?” Marigold “Well, sir; I have ex yeetations,” DeMillion — “Expectations | ean't marry my daughter on expecta. tions. What are they?” Marigold — "Well, if that's the case, 1 haven't any.” — Truth, -**You want to marry my How about your finan- KOT LOADED, Miss Michigan Avenhow-~*“When mammer and I were in Yirrap, oh, the awfulest thing happened! There was a Russian Prince and a German Count ~and they fought a dusl--about poor tiny me-— with pistols I" Archie Gotham -“Ah! loaded?” Miss Michigan Avenhoew —‘‘No, in- deed, they weren't; they were ig as sober as could be," -~Town Top Were they You | came in labored gasps, but she did not speak. “Do yon | demanded, { hand. | Gem | me 2" hie r love seizing falte red. she I don't know,” Gently he insinuate d his arm sabont her. “Darling,” he murmured, first 2" | With a sudden grasped his arm, | “No, no, no,” she ' 1] cry shrieked, “She is 8 widow, | | ynls vely. you myself.” She clung to him unt: pr ymised that he woul | to the old lady for the | y | it ib | troit Tribune. shysti r brains and eixtoer s to know what to you about you can | whole story.''—Chicago Tribuue, { ! af ns ] : I lost a valn I Sha will yon laving the ring f was A Singular Coincidence, When President Flack of ’ rack College 1 Ww , was on his way to the r«car bearing the It, nree, his ww a remarkable eoinei 18, In the ] amusement of his letter + sleeping ‘ 18 ‘Claverack.” y ride in of c + he got morning he » by handing the porter one The | man was greatly surprised. colored “Well, anid he, "I didn't suppose dere Claverack appeare i was any such place in de whole world yxcopt dis yere ca” Naturally, he pronounced the name of the pretty situated as it is spelled. Everybody has ever been there, however, knows that it Ws pronounced mm af spelled “Olaw-ver-ick." from a Duteh word, and means ‘‘clo- ver-resch.” or ‘‘clover hill." —=New | York Ledger. | ot ————— A Floral Mystery, who The Chinese, Japanese and Siamese are peculiarly skilful at botaniesl feats. One of their wonderful achieve. ments is known as the ‘changeable rose,” This bloom is white in the shade and red in the sunlight, After night or in a dark room this oariosily {of the rose family is a pure, waxy | white blossom. When transferred to | the open air the transformation im- mediately stops in, the time of the on. tire change of the flower from white to the most sanguine of sanguine hes depending on the degree of sunlight and warmth. First the petals take on a kind of washed or faded blue color, and rapidly change to a faint blush of pi. The pink yraduaily deepens in ue until yoa find that your lily-white rose of an hour before is as rod na the reddest peony that ever bloomed. — 84 Louis Republic. | i Her lips quivered, and her breath he anxiously shrinking “would vou like to have me ask your mamma of terror she con- want him the “Gracious! how did that hep- bea only to test srld’s Fair last snmmer he happened heads, on which the name {| white miners. | greater, " tf | mines there are abont sixty of village in which Claverack College is | there ar t y these It is derived | | AFRICA'S DIAMOND KING. ENORMOUS FORTUNE GATHERED IN THE KIMBERLEY DISTRICT, B. I. Barnato, Whose Wealth Will Soon KEelipse That of Any Mill- fonaire Known In This Country. ING of Diamonds! He lives in far-away South Africa, His namo is B. 1, Darnato, Ce and he is said to be the woalthiost dinmond miner in the world. / - | The story of his career reads like ao Groat Scott! The sign | J page from the ‘‘Arabian Nights.” Bar- nato went to Cape Town in 1878, com- paratively a poor man. Three years later ho bought the first claim in what is now the flourishing town of Kim- berley, the center of the diamond mining industry in Africa. The price he paid for it was inconsiderable. In 1881 he owned four claims, which | | he floated into a company for about | | £100,000 a claim, | sound financial basis. | bought another tract of land, paying | | the highest price ever given in Kim- | He was now on a In 1884 he But he made from that specu With the money | | berley. lation alone 100,000, | tions in diamond mining stocks. | His system was to smalgamate dif. | ferent mines and thereby centralize capital. At the present time he repre- | sents one-half of the diamond exports | of the Kimberley mines. One ean esti- | mate from Mr. Barnato's holdings what his income must be. Diamonds weigh ing 88,000,000 karats, or seven and a | half tons, have been found at Kim- | berley since he purchased his first | elaim. In the rough their aggregate value is $250,000,000, It is only a question of time and the continuance of the diamond yield when Mr. Barnato will eclipse in wealth the Indian Maharajah and the big mill. jonaires of America. Yet the bulk of his wealth has been sccumulnted the past ten years As dia Are and oan easily be wmuggled out of the mines by the workmen, ®t is found necessary to keep tho strictest watch upon them, Most of the miners in South Africa are natives, They aro divided imto two classes. One devotes ‘entire time to spying up class. These detectives pwhosen from the Zulus, who make, by Yong odds, the best officers of any native tribe. They are keen sighted, qmek witted and attentive, reg lar in “heir habits, and simple in their wants, The Kaflirs are the workmen. These men are passed in squads through the various departments of the searching house. The searching house is srranged according to this plan: The miner, on going to work, takes off his clothing in the first apartment. weoond nude and in the third mg —— —. " within monds small class ny OTH is reve ("a $i | mine this order miners are searched at midday when i they come in for their monls, as well as in the morning and evening. There sre always trustworthy inspectors present to seo thal everything is properly conducted. Notwithstanding these precautions a great deal of thioving goes on. It is a problem to the companies how to prevent thefts on the part of the em- ployes. To encourage the zeal of the officers a reward of twenty-five per cent. on the value of the stolen gems was offered to him who succeeded in recovering them The ‘‘compound,” or barracks, of the workmen is inclosed by four high walls, and comprises a spacious dor- mitory, recreation shods, a hospital and a general store, I'he utmost re- gard is paid to sanitary regulations, and nothing has been loft undone in this respect, no matter how costly it might have been The store for sapplies is bountifully supplied with goo ls bought from the local merchants, and the miners can purchase whatever they want upon picsenting coupons issued by the clerk of the mining company The average cost of living in the *“‘com- pound” is about five shillings a day. The natives know the value of the coupons issued to them thoroughly, and are economical and saving. The “‘compound” is inspected daily by a physician, so that the health of those who work in the mines may be pre- served. Consequently most of the na tive miners are healthy and perfectly contented, It is different, however, with the As a rule they will not consent to enter a ‘‘componnd.” They prefer to live in houses by them- solves, although the expense is much Attached to one of the dwellings, forming three sides of a | square, with an open space in the oen- | ter, the expense of the Sompuny and are These buildings were ereoted at comfortably arranged. ood, water, | and medical attendance are supplied free. The rent, however, includi taxos, is twenty-five shillings, or $0.9 n wook. higher oom native workman, and, therefore, no complaints are heard. All this has ecourrod within Mr. Barnato's time, and he has been an important factor in evolving the system. He has in- trodnoed into South Afriea a system of employing the natives in remunera- tive work that might be studied to ad- vantage by those who are straining their minds over the Indian question. -8t. Louis Republie, nn I— Chance for a Bargain, Half a score of the finest and oldess estates in England are for sale, The Earl of Westmoroland's9000-a0re home in N nshire may be sold at anotion, although prices have fallen ita | yn the other | sre usaally | He passes into | ata | Intelligent white labor receives a nation than is given the | } fifty por cont. in the last fow years — Froe Presa. SELECT SIFTINGS, At all times an average of throes per cent. of a city’s population is on the sick list. Heart disease is most common in England, snd almost entirely unknown in Mexico. Great Britain's wars for the last 300 yoars have cost tho taxpayers nearly £7,000,000,000. The entire church membership of the United States is put by the census statistics at 20,643,000, One must have fraveled 1000 miles in a straight line before being eligible to the new British Institute of Travel- Crs. In New Cluinea the natives use a comb that has but two prongs, and garape their wool with it only once a week. The University of Michigan sent out | estly: one of a olass of 781 last year, the largest | ever graduated from an American uni= | versity. A horse got so tightly wedged in a Bodalia (Mo.) kitchen that it was neces- sary to knock a hole in the wall to get Be | him out. now at his command he began opera- | An enumeration of the population of | Aggershnus, Norway, in 1763, showed that 150 couples had been over eighty years married. On the body of a notorious brigand recently killed in Turkey was found £20,000 and a notebook, which showed | that he had killed 192 men, A child was recently born in An- tananarwo, Madagascar, with two per- foctly developed fins instead of arma It is bright and pretty, and bids fair to live. Oa the northern border of Malo, Russia, there are 9000 acres of lan i de- voted to the enlture of sunflowers. The natives eat the seeds as Americans eat peanuts, An exceed nal—a black. faced, blac caribon WAS Te- cently shot at Andover, M« This earibon wae unusually large, with big, branching horns, Budapest, Hung: honor of having almanse. It was printed in 1475, snd contained « mother-in k which is believed to havel on record ingly rare anis 3 i k-eared the first IAW JORG, Ina 14 i econ the first A pea-shelling mackine is being nsed in Tennessee. The peas are po into a hopper, the pods br ket the peas taken out, carried along =» goove, and passed under a strong cur: dt of air to free them from foreign particles, while the crushed shells go another direction ¥ Patrick Lynch, a New York laborer, 11 from the fifth floor of a new build- ipg, whore he was at work. His fel- w-laborers ran down to gather up 3 and found him sitting on ured —- aenenttliR———— {Instinct Told Them the Right Road. “I had an experience to be remem bered once at Mooschead," sald Jos eph Williams. "Three of us were out in the lake one winter's day in Janu- ary whon a storm came up. We had a couple of horses and rode on sledges made of split birch poles. To get home and settled ia the cabins before night camo was our one wish, but two hours the ioy clouds had been blowing up on the horizon, and now eawmo down in a whirl of snow and oy wind. In half an hour we were lost on the ioe. Two hours later we crossed our own tracks againand knew that wo had been about in a circle. To stay out there all night would be death, and to keep on trav eling about aimlessly meant to fall at last exhausted. Fiaally, as the wind blew kecner along the level surface, and the snow beat on our faces with more cutting effect, we ealled a halt and disonssed again the chances. An old guide who was with us suggests 1 that we let tho horses take their own way off the Jaka, It seemed foolish, but we agreed. Striking the horses smart olips with the whips, we were surprised to see them tarn each to the loft and start off to the east. We thonght that this would take us far- ther into the lake, but submitted, and in half an hour the trees slong the bank loomed up through the storm and we were safe. A horse knows by instinot what a man doubts and ques- tions in such times." Lewiston (Me.) Journal. Largest Private Park. Dr. Seward Webb, President of the Wagner Palace Car Company, has the | largest private park in the United | States, if not in the world. He owns | about 200,000 acres of wild land iu the Adirondack region, of which he has in- | closed about 100,000 acres with a wire fence. The doctor's modest “cottage” is 200 foet long by eighty wide, and is surrounded by a spacions veranda, This is not the doctor's only country place, He makes his regular home at Shelbourne, Vt., on the shores of Lake Champlain, where he has an estate of about 4000 acres. He has another house in the city, but divides most of his time between his Vermont and Adi rondack homes, — Detroit Free Press, isn I—— - Interesting to Rheumatic Humanity, There is a new bacteriologioal dis covery which must interest rheumatio humanity, says Cosmos, of Paris. M, Max Schuler is said to have discovered, in the joints of persons attacked with echronie articular rheumatism, bacteria, which are always identioal in like onsen. These bacilli are short and thick, having at each end bright grains which aniline colors make still more evident, The discoverer has been able to onltivate these bacteria in bouillon, on gelatin, oron a piece of potato, r onlture requires a tom. perature of at loast twenty: ive degrees, and darkness is indispensable, for rRomnmg | elgar, which was | Instantly | tion, | carded cigar into the street be tossed It was | juror in a capital Magnevisva Cher HAY ONCE, A singular aberration of the side arms of marines on board ships 18 reported. It appears the bayonets belonging to the rines have, In many highly magnetized through with, or close proximity to, dynamos, and the result is that compasses have that mii cases, contact become affecte y sentries passing | weome affected by tries p ng obliged to discharge him. pear there when wearing these side- arms. in future sentries are not 0 wear gidearms when on duty in the neigh- | borhood of dynamos, and it Is pected that this will overcome the difficulty. —Electrical Review. nn " ex- The Trawp's Trick. “In Broadway, the other day.” sald a stroller, **1 saw two young men walking together and talking earn- them was smoking. smoker was the more earnest of two. Pretty soon he looked about two smoked up, and lighted a fresh one he went talking “Pooh!” he began, and ip bis anima nstead of throwing the on It was caught as it it into the air same down by a tramp who was walk. { Ing behind him, and | no surprise whatever, went who, right on smoking it as though it had | own.”—New York Sun. ee — Surprise at the Number, pot long Jubal In Lynchburg, house fell on General Something was wrong that was being vullt, and Early was under | thought he was dead, They began to dig the bricks away to secure the Finally his head He 1 away, mangled remains showed. He was pulled himself out and Ww “Damme, 1 didi many 1 swearing. Ke p't Know the saying there were so world!” cks in LARGE had be historic I —— *BLYRKINE IS a . very well-informe man. “I used to think 80.” “What pened to shake your faj case. "—Washine ton Star. se. "Washing. English he | cellent workman?” sald a well-known become | An order has been issued that | | surveying and all such data as is | sort of capital or stock 4 | if the The | | purpose he at nis | pas thirds | the dis- | 414 betraying | been his | ed haw i went wd AS a. —— re wesoidune Fa AT Tomy - | sumption: it is the Best Coug ace OR Not Ahhowed, “Why did 1 discharge such an exe civil engineer. “Well, I will tell you. I discovered a short time ago that he was keeping a private notebook, and after notifying him that he must stop It and again learning that he was continuing the practice 1 wad A sur veyor in doing a plece of work makes minutes as he goes along of the lines he runs, of the various points mark- ing the bounds of the lands he if not only necessary for the drawings of his plans, but also incidentally that which may aid bim iu the case of any other survey being made later on. In fact, this data really constitutes a in trade, for party owning the land ever wishes another survey of it for any will naturally apply to that same surveyor, who, having these old memoranda, can do the work easier and more cheaply than any other surveyor. after many years have elapsed and landmarks have passed away, those minutes become very valuable. Consequently a civil engineer always wishes to keep these in own hands, and men employ are pot allowed to make coples of utes of surveys which they make while in his employ. Otherwise an old employe, in leaving and setting up In business for himself, co carry away a large slice ployer's business.” Oftentimes, his in his “MAMMA, When Traveling Dr. Hoxsle's Certain Croup Cure : cures ] ’ Ts ait It gh, also asthma. N.Y. M'f'r Couns fiale’s Honey of Horeh ure n one minute, hilok's Cu So —r 1 afflicted with sore eyes use Dr, Isaac Thom son's Eye-water, Druggists sell at 25¢ per bottle If a baking powder is not uniform in sire so that the same quantity will always do the same work, no one can know how to u se it, and uni- formly good, light food cannot be produced with it. All baking powders except Royal, because improperly compounded and made from inferior materials, lose their stre: is opened for use. will be noticed a falling off in strength ~ vt i gi quickly whe n the can At subsequent bakings there The food SE is heavy, and the flour, eggs and butter wasted. It is always the case that the consumer suffers Vd 1s "4 . possible to attain in an absolutely pure powder. It is always strictly reliable. It is not only more economical because of its greater strength, but will retain its full leavening power, which no other powder will, until used, and make more wholesome food PPE EPPDORRE & BEECHAM’S PIL LS (Vegetable) What They Are For Biliousness indigestion dyspepsia sick headache foul breath bilious headache bad taste in the mouth loss of appetite sallow skin pimples torpid liver depression of spirits when these conditions are caused by constipation; and con. stipation is the most frequent cause of all of them, One of the most important things for everybody to learn is that constipation causes more than half the sick- ness in the world; and it can all be prevented. Go by the book. Write to B, F. Allen Company, 365 Canal street, New York, for the little book on CoxstiraTioN (its causes con. sequences and correction); sent free. If you are not within reach of a druggist, the pills will be sent by mail, 25 cents,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers