THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS, When Peggy Smiles According to the Calendar —~ A Shield and Buckler -Expert Opinion, Ete, When Peggy smiles, the day for me Is eld and dark and clouded over, You marvel that this thing ean be Since her I love, and only she My heart with passion’s spell can cover To make me bend a willing knee You ask me how these facts agree? Not far the answer to discover The day is cold, exceadingly, When Peggy smiles-—bheocause, you see, She smiles upon some other lover Put ACCORDING TO THE CALENDAR, “What 1s so rare as a day in June asked Aunt Mary, quoting from her favorite poet. ““The 29th of February - Hallo, ANOTHER “Had a terrible time in the A crank ealled, and it ould do to get him out.’ SPECIES Brown office to-day. was all we o Jones Brown Puck. ‘A dynamite erank ‘No; a baseball crank.” A SHIELD Miss Gush — “Oh, Colonel, at those magnificent elms, you lcve trees.” Colonel Blank I learned to war, ''— Life. AND BU KLER. 1 y mst 00x I alu sure “Di arly, Miss Gush them during the love GIRL Nellie ““Miss strong-minded.” Stella Yes TALK. Sereleaf is very She developed its strength by trying to remember things that happened when she young.''-- Pick-Me-Up. was INFIRMITY. Mr. Kornblum— “How do yon like ‘Looking Backward,’ Miss Wrinkles Miss Wrinkles— ‘Of aware that not acenstomed to have my Mr. Kornblum, conv course | I am cross eved, bat 1 am inarmity, made the subject Irath., rsation by strangers, EXPERT OPINION, “Here,” the appreciative dime mu BOUIN mMAn/Ter, as the big longshoreman handle the great casks of sugar; “‘why don’t you give up this dollar-a-day job and go in the Human Hercules biz? You're too strong to work !"" —Puck. he watched HUNTING Husband ‘“Jobson wanted to know to-day if yon had any more of those muffing you made yourself.” Wife— “Then you must ask him to tea again.” Husband — ‘He said his wanted to analyze one.” Life. "0 —————— re EXTREME CANDOR. Van Goslin (after dinner) —‘‘Your little wife is a handsome woman. 1 should think you'd be jealous of her.’ Host (confidentially) -—*To tell yon the truth, I am. I never invite any- body to my flat that any sane woman would take a fancy to.” Trade Mark, FOR THE SEAT OF DISEASE, doctor A DANGEROUS MACHINE, “Dick before Mrs, for two cycle.” Mrs. Dicks. — “How did his Ned happen to buy it for him?” Mrs. Hicks— “1 don’t know ; he took a sudden dislike to the boy.” — Puck. THE DOCTOR'S ART. teased got Hicks years in his bi Yan he Uncle Illy- “I don’t see why the doctor has to come here twice a day. He leaves medicine on his first visit doesn’t he?” Mra. Illy—*Yes; but he has to come again in the afternoon to leave an antidote for the medicine he left in the morning Puck. PREPARING POR IT. Sojourning Friend — ‘What is this, Bella? Yon have been as busy as bird all the week, and now this im- mense order to the caterer. What is it for?” Bella “Hush, dear! Don't tell anybody. We are making prepars- tions for a surprise party.” — Judge. HOW COULD IT BE WARM 7 The Publisher —" ‘You say you are aspiring to be a realastic novelist and report things as they are?” The Author — ‘Yes, certainly.” The Publisher — “Then what in than der do you mean by saying ‘the beau- tiful Boston hostess gave her guest a warm reception?" Chieago Record. THE TERRIBLE TRUTH. Wife ‘I have a confession to make. I took your last story and sent it to the Hightone Magazine, and here's their check.” Btruggling Author they sbeept it?" “Yeu.” ‘““Heavens! This is awfull be getting paresis.” —Paoek. “What! Did I must SOME GOOD IN IT, Bunker— ‘I understand your house was burned down the other night. Borry to hear it, old man. had such a fine library, too.” Hill--* ‘Bat most of my books were saved.” Bunker *‘By the firemen?” Hill—-*“Oh, no. My friends had previously borrowed them." Truth. AT HE POOD EXPOSITION, Mise Crane—'1 will now demon- strate to you how to make what are called French erullers.” Huosband-~*‘Come away, my dear wife, yon won't need to know how to cook anything else after we've eaten those crullers.” And you | rateh, and immediately a bright blue | Wife— “You sit ricat still! 1 might { get married again, you know," i Hello, ! Sr— NEMINTSOENT, “Dig,” said Dismal Dawson, after a | long drink at the farmer's well, “re minds me of when little fel- { ler." “Oh, you was raised ona farm, ch? I wos a " said the good woman, “Naw, I wasn't but what I mean is dat it was the water I wos t'inkin’ of. I used ter drink de staff reg’lar when 1 wos a kid, In raised on a farm: | dianap lin Journal, A GIVE AWAY, A young “*Toulousain, his native city to study Paris, and had been applying his tis who had medicing and the paternal remittan different purpose, wif his a short ata ler ether, th irom making nspect 1ts won noon stroll tog nth elder's arrival, the pened to pass in fron colonnaded building “What is that? carelessly “I don't sergeant de dent. On the query being curtlvand di stinetly remarked The School of Medicine. —Galig sn A Noted Indian Fighter, A short time ago William Gall youn; rock in the ne Morgan County, tally knocked sor ¥ it vesled two MAN, Was w rking arthweser Oh and re. or three letters chiselled in the surface. He began lig at once, and removing found a mess: leaves, brings t lerful deeds st to this FTOCK trail, which led from the Scioto towns It et kingum River at the preser Ihe town o Indians was Duncan's F up the river. The trail this lettered rock on the just above it, and it is very likely that Whetzle did the work while on one his trail. It was on one Whetzle, armed and tomshawk, attacked a camp four Indians. Three of them | killed ; the fourth ran for his life and | eson Whetzle was a wonderful many respects, five feet nine inches, he was Gaysport. Delaware five miles high ridge scouting expeditions along this of these that Knife of only with his man a man of His shonlders and his gave notice to all that he conld r with was as dark and swarthy as a enormous strength were those of 8 giant chest ins He Indian, race any sauvage and snd his face was deeply pitted with the His hair, reached, when combed smallpox and this was his special pride, y its full length, to the calves of his Indian His eves flere legs, and eve md sworn to have 4 | ry i his were black and shone with = His with fire. He feared nothing will be history of the and through West Virginia, Blade. nan the (hio Fole forever connected border slong the io ——— - Is lee Cream Milk! The (quest on, ‘‘Is ice cream to milk?” of some considered as up CAMO Glasgow ons importance from which British Of view, the & sanitary point ecently settled in of features ware these WAR High Court Judieary yninent ast sum mer and antumn some cases of fever ind t the nse of were fo have been caused by the same revelations in which of jee cream, and at time some very unsavory were made as to the the manufacture storage cream are carried on in English cities, particularly in the dirty dwellings of foreigners, into whose the trade has largely fallen. In order to bring these deal- ers under the sanitary regulations ap- to purveyors of milk, the local authorities brought a test case before the Sheriff's Court and won it; the Sheriff's decision reversed on appeal by the higher court, A man who sells ice cream, therefore, which consists almost entirely of milk, with a little flour and flavoring, is not a purveyor of milk in the sense which the English statute requires, and is consequently not amenable to the law. New York San. ———— manner and 10s overcrowded and hands plicable Gilagow Idako’s Curious Natural Gas Spring. There isa natural gas spring in Tdaho that is one of the most remarkable sights ever witnessed. It is about 100 miles from Boise City, and it is at the bottom of a eanyon. The rock here | seems to be of a porous natare, and there are innumerable small holes and fissures. Riding along the eauyon one | day prospecting I dropped a lighted flame spravg up. This lighted another and that another, aud so on, until a | space of about an acre in extent was | covered with these flames, ench arising {wbont a foot in height. Tt was » | beautiful sight, aud the lights were still burning when I left there. The find is of no practioal value, as the fact that the gas issues from the sur- | Inco of the earth is proof positive that the principal position of it has escaped and it no longer exists in Pe ing quantities, but as a curiosity ve never seen an that equaled it, St, Louis Globe-Democrat, | housekeepers to scorch { when learning to iron. | econraged, | 1y aud keep them in a dry place. | will prevent their sticking, | find a scorched place, expose it to the | hottest rays of the sun, he | in | Not very tall, only | Was i | eupfals of sugar, one of butter, two | and one-half of flour, five eggs beaten HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS, IN THE LAUNDRY, Tt is a very common thing for young their linen | Do not be dis- | Wax your irons thorongh- | This If you It will be ob- literated in a short time. —8t. Louis Btar-Sayings. WASHING Dark colored should washed very carefully to obtain the best The water should be warm, but not hot, and shonld be pre- pared expressly for the purpose, noth- been washed in it white, lint, which Soap bark and in any COLORED COTTONA. cottons he results, Ing else having Cottons, if gathers on dark f better than soap, he put into the water and never the two leave event fabrie lirectly to rinsed in Water rm and very dard starch 1s required, use corn h, and instead of water nse coffee suspicion of gron: | il well ed from every 1s il the starch Pp On AR CIeAr, Warm un get the fabric dri Much de pends 11 Wii Come L n a few moments, 1@ drying, and things that om the wash { k in drying if the pre shape Ve il ib in good . CORE 18 CRK ntinued beecsuse of an inclement thie into 4 enti food, BRCKnowiedgs hat bread the her Ke tw 4 i = 4 . AVES Of Dread two cakes nt over a half prot gleam the growth of ti vest Hemember that all plan 2 Now, if ready » warmth and moisture make bread, have somided the quantity of milk. If water, put the water into a bowl, add salt and sufficient flour to make a batter, which | you milk beat thoroughly. Now, after the maid | has cooked the breakfast —and it will | take not more than a half hour-—she | will find the contents of the first bowl foamy Turn this into give & thorough mixing, snd nght and the spouge , until 1% ie Ihen stand aside tht iD & Warm pisos t three hours the veast very lig a Ho finish it pre 1eely A uld ordinary SAMO A bread Ww mold; when light again, bake, Courier-Journal HOW IX SE BANANAS na Shorteakes One . ne large tessp ouful of king powder, shortening made While baking, proportion one-third ol moist milk. bananas the to grate the outside of the orange-peel, and mix with cupfal of sugar. Split the freshly baked cake. butter aad fill with the fruit Four table spoonfuls, beaten stiff aud added to the fruit, is an improve- ment Banana Cream cupful with RiICH of three one orange, ne if sweet cream, Padding Melt pint of hot ons cupful of suger in one milk. Mix two teblespoonfuls of corn starch with cold milk, stir it into the milk aod cook fifteen minutes. Add two tablespoonfuls of butter. Beat the whites of three eggs, stir into the thickened milk and cook sgain for five minutes. Tarn into sn deep dish to coc When ready to serve cover the cream with bananas, Mix a few grains of salt with half a cuapful of powdered sugar. Sprinkle this over the bananas. Serve with cream and jelly sauce, made of one-fourth of a cupfal of apple or strawberry jelly beaten icto one cupful of thick cream. Bananas Cake-—One and one-half sliced separately, four teaspoonfuls of sweet | milk, two teaspoonfuls of baking pow- | der. Bake in layers as for jelly cake, and lay sliced bananas between. Banana Fritters— Make, rather stiff, the ordinary fritter batter. Sliee the banana half an inch thick. Dip each slice in the batter and fry in boiling lard, of which use plenty, Drain and : ' serve with maple syrup, Fried Bananas— Pare snd slice in halves. Roll in flour thoroughly. Place in a pan in which a generous bit of butter has melted. Brown on both sides, Serve as soon as done. Daked Banunas-—Allow one table: spoonful of sugar and one teaspoonful of hot water for each banana, Pare the bananas aud cut in halves. Plate them on a shallow dish. Melt one teaspoonful of butter 1a the hot water and pour it over the fruit. Mix a lit tle salt and spice or lemon juice with the sngar, sprinkle it over the top and bake twenty minutes, or until brown, «New York Advertiser, in ——— Bpurgeon was a vrolific writer of sermons, Thirty nine volames have already been issued and there fs mat. ter enough still unpublished to make thirteen more, - OR WOM 3 Belts and collars of jet are now | fashionable, Nine of the sovereigns of Japan have been women. Empress Fugenie is now fat and slow of motion. Mrs. Newman, of London, is said to be the only woman jeweler of im- portance in the world. The belt, or more properly speaking, bodice, in made of cut jet, about seven inches wide, and 1s Thirty cents is said to represent the daily wages of two hundred and fifty thousand women in London. At a Queen Margherita wore sixteen recent court ball at Bome, of pe aris, the lowest hang 4 to her waist Mrs. W, K. Vanderbilt, « City, purchased for cro belonged to ex- N ew hins JOO O00 that Empress Eugenie wu once An enthusiastic New York woman engaged in the work of raising She CROATY birds ona large scale, has now a thousand birds setting An International Women's U has formed, with hes y gland, Italy, France, Be iginm, Nor r, Switzerland and Germany, been brand The women of Buffalo are buil Ling a hall after the New York City, teas, and various bu plan of Sherry held Representative Ce wher WOR » in Yogue, says voters we have women,” Mrs France generally at Queen Victoria dread of fire, she alwaye has a coup ishers sent ou the h tingu Tite reside, to be 250,000 girls and women in New York earning their valihood Of this n . Yen per cent. are married women and seven per cent. are widows or wives from their husbands. The sccording to the statistios, There are said own | m oer divoroed a week, the price pal i eash $18 a week, which paid stenographers in Turkish women having o mission to pragtice as physicians in their own country, they are now be- ginning to study medicine at various European and American universities. btained per- Nhroo voung Tarkish ladies, one =n daughter of & Pasha, have recently ar- rived in France in order to go through & regular course of medical training st French universities, nid scents ostra- perfume ut the gar The woman who pours | npon her garments should be Ihe only permissible for clothing is the fragrance when ciaed faint, evanesce that wer suggests wearer has been living in a fi ¢ the ATOmAa of Chat fra den and has borne awsy attr yhiained by the blossoms in her Zrance is perfume on clothes, b never « putting iet The only the ut simpiv by sache ts waters ting them lie place f for fragrant bath. is in Quee n Viek 4 P07 mservative fond- the things she is to is shown in the fact that the little ivory paper knife with which to this day she ents the pages of her new books was in her possession when she was a little princess. The cabins of the royal vacht are still brightened with the same old-fashioned rosebud chintz which her dead husband liked. The Queen has a particular love for fresh sir and sits in rooms so cold that no American woman could endure them, TIA 8 « TPER used EDGE Brings comfort and improvement and tends to personal enjoyment when rightly used. The many, who live bet ter than others and enjoy life more, with less expenditure, by more promptly adapting the world’s best products to the needs of physical being, will attest the value to health of the pure liquid laxative principles embraced in the remedy, Syrup of Figs Its arcolinne is due to its presenting in the form most acceptable and pleas ant to the taste, the refreshing and truly beneficial properties of a perfect lax- ative ; effectually cleansing the system, dispelling colds, headaches and fevers permanently curing constipation. It has ghven satisfaction to millions and met with the approval of the medical profession, because it acts on the Kid. neys. Liver and Bowels without weak. ng them and it is perfectly free from ry objectionable substance. Syrup of ia for sale by all drug. gists in HOc printed on Highest of all in Leavening Power.~ Latest U.S, Gov't Report Royal Bakin Powde ABSOLUTELY PURE Caught Through a Strange Clue, On Baturday morning burglars stole $200 worth of goods from Lawrence Kimmel's store at Altoona, Penn Af ter they had secured all the goods they conld carry one of them cut off a slice and took a bite from it Hq rest aside, and the piece of found the next wowed that the man who bit into tooth On this Ferry, a colored man, was One of his tet! The en Philadel of ches threw the CHOCR Vin morning minus a front front the rest if ald y taken only a mu iH skiohes fow | ! ht esteemed citi C. H. Harris, whose ad. Second Avenue, Rock Island, IH wing extract from a jet. | ter written by Mr. Harris explains the mar velous change in bis personal appmrance, He writes “Dr. Plerce's Golden Medical Dis covery saved my life and has made me a man. My bome physician says | am good for forty years yet. You will remember that | was just between life and death, and sll of my friends were sure it was a case of death. until I commenced taking a second bottle of No, laa The fall ise | ‘Golden Medical Discovery,’ when I became | able to sit up and the cough was very much better, and the bleeds from my lungs six bottles of et I now feel that it isa duty that I owe to ‘ Golden Medical Discovery * which saved my life when doctors and all other medicines failed to do me any good I send to you with this letter two of my photographs ; ono taken a few weeks before | was taken down sick in bed, and the other was taken after | was well * These two pho tographs are faithfully reproduced at the bead of this artick Mr. Harris's experience in the use of “ Gold en Medical Discovery” is not one. Thousands of eminent people in all arts of the world testify, in just as emphatic anguage, to its marvelous curative powers over ail chronic bronchial, throat and lung diseases, chronic nasal catarrh, asthma, and | { could easily fill the columns « kindred diseases Eminent physicians prescribe * Golden Medical Discovery” when any of their dear | ones’ lives are imperilied by that dread dis- | oases, Consumption. Under such circum- | stances only the most reliable remedy would bs depended upon. The following letter is to the point. It is from an eminent physician of Stamps, Lafayette Co, Ark © says: " Comumption is hereditary in my wife's family ; some have already died with the dis- | came y wife has a sister, Mra. E A Cleary, that was taken with consumption She used Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discov ery, and, to the surprise of her many friends, she got well My wife has also i hem orrhages from the lunge, and her sister in- an exceptional | | Buffalo, N. Y sisted on ber using the ‘ Golden Medical Dis | Curious old Law ia Maryl Maryland has a pee relic of the ancei r inys planters ruled th that in the choles Senators, thie and the other fron of the bay, In the mething of au « a und, { lar stat one must eastern shore but at pres covery. 1 cured her sumption having this disease can ody.” Yours very truly HC Teeny From the Buckeye State comes ing : “1 was pronounced 1 11 tion by two of our best pent nearly $300, and was n sded to try Dr. Pierce's Golde edioal Dis ry. I bought and used eight bottle wn now say with truth that I feel just as well to-day as 1 did at twenty-five, and can 4 as good a day's work on the farm, although I not done any work for several yoars,” uly, your friend, consented t« She has bad r for the past six fake 1 An . tr Tow Pe dor tor etter M:. Dulnsays SEREE——p——— “1 bad catarrh in head for years and i | trouble with my Joft lung at the samo time, my fellcwanen to recommend to them the | You put so much faith in Four remedies that 1 concluded to try one bottle or tw derived much benefit therefrom X three bottles of Dr. Sage's Catarrh Roos five bottles of your * Golden Medi i ery,” and in four months I was ms I could not sleep on my left side, can sleep and eat heartily. & your medicines on hand I have doctor ; 1 do pot think without “em, Yours LEE truly, Marlow, Baldwin Co., A If it would be any more convis we { this paper with letters testifying to the cure of the BOverest diseases of the throst, bronchia and lungs, by the use of “ Golden Medical Discovery » To build up solid flesh and strength after the P, poeumonia, "lung fever exbausing evers, and other prostrating diseases, it has no equal. It does not make fat like cod liver oil and its nasty compounds, but solid, whole some flesh, A complete treatise on Throat. Bron hial, and Lung Diseases : also including Asthma, and Chronje Nasal Catarrh, and pointing ous #uccessiul means of home treatment for thees maladies, will be mailed to any address by the World's Dispensary Medical Association of + on receipt of six oeats in stamps, to pay postage. "A Fair Face Cannot Atone for an Untidy House.” SAPOL| HALMSEE::228 Chewing Gum Ett db tet dtddt dt LL 220 1 Cures and Prevents Hosumatism, Indie wlion, | IY pain, Heartburn. Casares and Adhma U In Malaria and Ferers. Cleanses ths and Promotes the Appetite, Sweetens the Breath, Cures the Tobacos Habit, Endorsed F | "by the Medion! Faculty, Sead for Wor 25 «| oon package, Siver, Stamps or Postal Note. | GRO. I HALM, 10 West 29th Bt, New ¥ ors { .- tv assvsssTe any January : P20 Febranry : mar March *1 withdrawn any time; 830 10 83000 can be Invested ot RR on, - CO, Bankers and Broke ; IN and un Broadway: New York, A.M. LEG & CO, M3 es ington, D. C.ATTORNEYS FOR 1%. ere] VENTORS, Procure tots American and L .é b ed Forelgn Patents. Buy and sell Patents in all classes of Inventions, Km nie every where and pay BIG ALAR Ans 4 denor From lu ventors and live soents wolheited, ‘RAISE CHICKENS POR A PROFIT, | How it can be doe cheaply and wat fetmetor. | ly, as well as profitably, explained in our Poul. try Book. Price, 2 cents, Btamps received, BOOK PUBLISHING CO. A348 Leonard Se, New York, ENTHESIN PERMANENTLY -rn ee Eczema, Ery Salt Rheum, THE ONLY BLOOD MEDICINE Free From Mercury. PINT BOTTLE, 82.00. SPECIFIC REMEDIES COMPANY, PAD Brondway, New Yoru, wal yk BEST in Market BEST IX FIT BEST IN WRARING QUALITY The outer or tap sole extends the whole length Aon 10 the heel, protect ng the boot In digging and on other hard work, ARK YOUR DEALER FOR THEM and don’t be put off with inferior goods, . Colchester Rubber Co. WW. L. DOUGLAS 83 snow fqaads custom work, costing {rom 10 $5, best valoe for the money \ n the world, Name and orice \ stamped on the bottom, Ky ory pair warranted, Cake rn sabes, tute, Soe local papers for fall deroription of our compiote lime Gor Indios amd pen. Hemen or send for NH. impirated Colnlopus ie ving in. fer by mall, Postage foor, You con the b bargaing of dealers who jrish our shoots aia i
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers