SI— THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE BTORIES THAT ARE TOLD ¥Y THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS, The Conguering Hero~The Elephant Walks Around-—At the Military Manoeuvres, Kte, Eto, Hail to the chief who in triumph advan. | cen! List to the cheers down the length of our line! Long may his brow wear the crown of the | victor Smithers, the pitcher on our baseball nine! ~(huling, THE ELEPHANT WALKS AROUND, *'Did you enjoy the circus, Johnny?” “Very much. I had a ride on a big | leather animal with a snake on his nose.” we Chicago News. NOT THAT KIND. Customer—* ‘These collars don't suit | me. They don't sit well on my neck.” Clerk—**How can you expect them to sit when they are standing collars,” — | Munsey's Weekly. RESULT OF WOMAN IN BUSINESS, Griffin (coming to the point at once; | - Kitty, will you have met" Kitty (equally businesslike)—**Thanks Mr. Griffin; but I really can't afford you." —Dirake’s Magazine. AN APT COMPARISON, Mother ‘who has brought home some fruit)—*Do you like those nectarines, Robby? What do they taste likei” Robby—*‘Yep. Taste like peaches | without whiskers." — Puek, H—— —— THAT WOULD ¥IX THEM. | Wife—*‘I'm terribly afraid of that | band of gypsies that came into this neighborhood yesterday.” | Husband ‘Well, if any of them call here to-day get rid of them the best way you can.” Wife——But suppose they won't got” Husband—Oh, well; if the worst comes to the worst just invita them in and give them some of that angel cake,” ~=Judge, TOO MANY TITLES, English Lord—*‘In your note to me you gave me more titles than I am hon. ored with.” American Girle—*¢Did I” English Lord—*‘Yes. What does that C. 8. stand for after my name 1” American Girl—*“I'm sure I don't know. Brother told metoadd it. Here comes Little Dick, [I'll send him to find out. Dick, go ask brother what C. B. stand for after Lord Toplofty's name.” Little Dick—¢*I ast him when you ad. dressed the letter. He said it meant ‘Card sharp.’ "— Good News. AN INGENIOUS SCHEME. “I saw you with Btrykoil yesterday; are you friendly with him?” ‘Oh, ‘yes, he and I are operating to. gether in a field of enterprise at present; | we are in a benefit company that pays | 500 to the members at the end of five | years for the small investment of $100." “What are your duties! “Well, I work outside trying to get people to join." “*And what are Strykoil’s duties?” *‘He works inside trying to get people todrop out after they have joined and i paid their does,” —( ape Cod Item. AT THE MILITARY MANOEUVRES, ‘Captain, we have no more cart ridges.” **None at allt” “Not one." ‘“Then cease finng !"— Figaro. XoT Katie (aged years, who doesn't like to say ‘‘please’”)—‘‘Papa, pass the bread.” Papa—'‘If—what, my dear?” Katie—*If you can reach it." Mux- say's Weekly. AT A LOSS, five STYLE Mrs. De Style (first day on a farm) | “Horrors! Our host is going to eat] dinner in his shirt sleeves.” Mr. De Style (mopmug his forehead) w*'“Thank Heaven! Thea I can too.” | New York Weekly. VE. COMFORT. A PRACTICAL Tounst—* What slapping my face?” Mountain Guide—*‘Excuse me, sir. 1 merely wanted you to hear the seven. sound echo. I had no pistol with me.” | w= Flicgende Blaetter, NO DANGER, Mother ‘Tommy, you mustn't go fishing with Freddy Slocum. He is jlst | getting over the measels.” | Tommy-—**‘There won't be any danger, ma. I never catch anything when I'm | fishing." — Brooklyn Lafe. ILLUSTRATION. do you mean by | JUST POSSIBLE. “Do any street cars run on this track!" | she inquired. “I'm a stranger in De- | troit. If I walk on will they overtake met” “They may, ma’am-this is the age of miracles,” was the startling saswer,— Detroit Free Press. A TRUE FRIEND, Bronson—‘‘Do you ever read your work to any ome before you send it cut?” Fuuniman—*‘No, not now. I used to read it all to my friend Banks, but he is dead.” Broason--‘‘Poor fellow! = Life. No wonder.” | HAD TO LEY "EX 00. Highwayman-—** Hold up your hands!" Hicks, Mauson, Smithers—'*You can't rob us.” Highwayman— “Why not!" Hicks, Mauson, Smithers ‘Because we have only five dollars between us, and You can't take five from three,"—New York Sun, A DUBIOUS COMPARISON. Tompkins—*What dv you think of Charlie Talkington i” Miss De Smith rather admire | him. He is quite a young Samson.” Tompkins—*‘Perhnps you are right. Bamson, you koow, was the man who slew his enemies with the jawbone of an | 088, "we Munsey's Weekly. A ‘rovan” rue. “I'll trouble you for the time,” said the footpad to the gentleman with a gold watch in a dark street, “Itis just striking one,” said the gen. tleman, bitting the highwayman between the eyes, “Don’t hit me with your second hand,” said the footpad, skippiog off. Detroit Free Press. UNNECESSARILY SCARED. “Is your young man there, Jeune!” her father shouted down stairs in sten- torian tones. “Yeon, papa,” faltered the girl, | while cold persptration pid ng from every pore of the lover's body. “All right, Ask him for the score, please; I didn’t get it before coming up- wen." «New York Prem, TWO Bova, | thus charged with the lead is then used | 48 a paint, being applied in the ordinary ‘occurred at Salem, [Il., the other Little Daughter—'*Oh, mamma, dida't say Digk an's i — Is that a Set oo aS Good News, THE AMATEUR FARMER'S GUIDE. Apple—A species of fruit on your neighbor's farm, of an and delicious flavor. A species of fruit on your own something CROrmous size near the size of a marble, and about as palatable, Ax—A wedge shaped piece of steel, having an eye farm, in which a straight stick, called a handle, is inserted, Used chiefly by your wife cutting nails in two, and knocking sticks of stove-wood into Barn—A conveniences your head Bugs— See garden, Chiggers—See raspberry, Cow-—A domestic animal, whose chiet delight is scattering the contents of the milk-pail over your best clothes, Crop-—See failure, Dog—An animal noted for his pres. ence when you don't want him, and for absence when ‘you do sometimes her eve, 10x15 log the structure, with in loft for bumping want him, Also a thing to kill sheep with and pay tax on, Farm-—Forty acres of brier-patches and yellow ditches that you were de- luded into buying. Failure—3ee crop. Fertile—-The condition of one single | spot on your farm, situated directly un. | der the fertilizer heap. Gate——A convenience for hogs to crawl under. Also a thing to leave open and break hinges with. Idiot—The man who last bought the fis | farm you now own. Lie—The forty bushels per acre the | man who sold you the farm told you it would produce, Money-—An article you have some faint recollection of having possessed be. fore you left the city. If ever you have any more of it you will have to mortgage, { Which see. | Mortgage —A thing with. i Plow—A peculiarly shaped instru. ment, admirably adapted to running ua. der roots; having handles to place your | stomach against in order to check your to get money | own impesus simultaneously with that of the plow. ] Recreation —Holding a hook and line in a pool of water with one hand, while you fight mosquitoes with the other. Work-—See perpetual motion. X~—Twice as much per acre as you would be glad to sell out for, if you could find a man idiot enough to pay it. Puck, i New Property of Cotton seed 011. If the newly discovered property of | cotton-seed oil, which has been so widely | proclaimed, shall prove to be all that is | | claimed for it, good judges are of the | | opinion | abundant product is likely to be very | that the usefulness of that | considerably extended. The simplicity | of the process is a waluable feature | which gives probability to such a result, | One gallon of pure cotton-seed oil being placed in a suitable iron vessel, twenty pounds of lead are melted and poured into the oil, which at the same time is | | thoroughly stirred, under which opera. | | tion the lead separates in globules, and when the oil uw poured off, after cooling, there is found to be about seventeen pounds of the lead, the remainter being | absorbed by the oil. On the lead being again melted, and the operstion repeated to the fifth pouring—the amount of lead absorbed being less at each succeed. ing pouring --the total amount of lead absorbed is about ten pounds, The oil way to metallic surfaces, which it is de. sired to protect from oxidation or cor. rosion, the liquid adhering closely and becoming very bard. Boston Transcript. A Photographic Freak. A remarkable freak fn photography an A Indy oalled 4 She _photogeaph . Edge 23pist iF THE FARM AND GARDEN, PRUNING QUINCE TREES, The lack of pruning which most quinee orchards get is sufficient reason for their unfruitfuloess. We have seen several quince orchards in full bearing this sum- mer, and in every case it was where trees were trained to single stems, and these kept clear from suckers until bearing wood began. —Zoston Cultivator, TO STOP BLEEDIXG, The New England Farmer is responsi- ble for the following: “To stop the bleeding of a horse or other stock from a snag wound, says a horse man, make an application of dry marure and it will stop the bleeding every time. This in- formation may be worth a good deal to many. While away from home recently a weanling colt of mine broke through a barbed wire fence and cut his fore leg badly. It had been bleeding for eight hours when I got home. 1 took dry horse manure and held it on the wound for one minute and the blood stopped flowing at once.” BAVING IN HORSESHORING. Horseshoeing, though often written about, is by no means an exhausted sub. ject. A great saving can be effected to no detriment to the horse, or owner, and in many instances a decided advantage will be gained, if we will only lay aside old ideas. A wesltern correspondent writes us that he has had ten vears' ex. perience in the mountains of Colorado, staging, freighting and ranching. His nearest railroad point is 100 miles dis- tant, and many ranchmen make the trip and bring in heavy loads over the range on a road that any farmer in the Middle States “would consider impracticable, Jesides, there are scores of ranch teams which mske ditches, run mowers, haul hay and haul timber over rocky roads without ever having a shoe on. —Ameris can Agricullurist. BLOODY MILK. “8 W. Ware, of Joplin, wants to know why his cow gives bloody milk, which | from teat and of them, though the | the others, It is last of milking that bloody, the fir only slightly col ored. From this des ription, replies a W. Murtfeldt, the cow's udder has prob. | ably received local hurt, The driver or someone may have cast a stone | or a stick without intent to hurt cow, but unfortunately he or she did | afflict the animal snd make a bruise, If | she still gives bloody milk, make a care ful examination for the seat of the trouble, and if found heal it up, If a wound, wash it clean and use hog's lard, That another teat may also be affected may come from the proximity of the trouble or from sympathy, much as if a man has a sore eye the other eye may also become sore. to give bloody milk.and from more than comes sometimes one sometimes from all one teat is always worse than th 3 wae the is ut be ir 4 some one teat, she had better be dried up, | course, | fattened and sold for beef. Of oll such milk is unfit for use and may cause blood poisoning in those who par- take thereof, side. Sickness and doctors’ bills come to many titwes the value of milk or cow.~St. Lowis Republic. the RESTORING SOIL FERTILITY. There are two methods of restoring | the lost fertility of the soil. One is by | the application of needed constituents | derived from sod sources other than the land on which they are to be used, This involves a direct outlay of money, and at once the question arises, Will it pay? In it are included the min- eral elements of plaat food, such as the potash and nitrates from foreign mines, guano-the excrement of sea fowl, orig- inally derived trom the sea—and phos. phate rock, all more or sess entering in- to the conrtituents of the commercial | fertilizers now so common. The other | may be said to be furnished, directly or | indirectly, by the soil itself. The most direct way in which the soil can be made to fertilize itself while under cultivation | is by the growing of plants whose de | SOLS composition will return to it a greater! measure of fertility than was abstracted | for their production, | While something had been learned in! this direction through farm experience, | it was not until science came to the aid! of agriculture that the plants best fitted for soil renovation and the reason for preferring them as such became known. Science and experience having jointly determined that clover, peas sod other plants of their class are the ones spec. lally adapted to furnishing this require. | ment, it consequently follows that growing them and plowing them under when at their best is the most direct way to make the soil fertilize itself. This, however, is commonly thought too costly a method, requiring, as it does, the sucrilice of a crop. In leu of it, by giving clover a two years’ lease, much the same result can be realized through the decay of the stubble and its more extensive root system, and in the South the cow pea makes so rapid a growth that two crops may be raised in a sea son, An indirect way in which the soil may be,said to fertilize itself is through the application of the manure from stock i t. field, not only for the farmer's own ex- periments, but also for a iclous use of the knowledge which numerous | winter, for a few | ing, give the animal enough bee's Sugar i bowels in n the | If the cow continues | i couldn't be | eaten freely of them. It is best to be on the safe | may | { ter than most | Through the summer feed primarily for { milk and butter, but always keep the | ton is eaten. Look at the bushels of butcher's waste in any market and ses what a large per cent. of fat it contains, And the market man will prize beef gave good satisfaction. On the contrary, it has been very unsatisfac- tory to both the butcher and the sumer. How shall we make good beef of our unremunerative dairy cows? My theory and practice may be illustrated as follows: We will take for an ple a gargety cow-—the worst in the list, There are but few cases of that feeding and a judicious use of saltpeter, Ina bad case I wouid say do not feed corn meal or oil meal. Feed wheat bran, mill-feed, ground oats, or any easily-digested, milk-producing and give night and morning a great spoonfool of saltpeter (if so much proves to be with her grain rations. For feeding a healthy animal I would add to the above list gluten meal and a small ration cotton-seed meal, omitting the latter during the last two or three weeks pre- | Well-cured, early-cut clover hay is preferable to any other | vious to killing, dry feed. Turnips and cabbage cau be fed quite freely during the earlier stages | of meat production, without injury to the milk or butter, if fed ten or more hours before mulking, as during that | time her breath, skin, and kidneys will have eliminated all the odor from system. sustaining food. Feed only that which i sweet and free from mold, As a rule [ think it better to kee p the beef cows farrow and in milk; and with good keeping, we get a fair quantity of extra good milk, the cows often paying for their keeping up to the last day. In weeks previous to kill- or long blood red preferred-—to keep her healthy condition; it may take hall a bushel or not more than half a peck aday. Never overfeed ; never spoil the appetite, Undigested food makes blood; imperfectly digested food makes impure blood, and impure blood A little =alt. fever—which is no meat, allay cannot make good petre tends to {| often an attendawe of high feeditng-—and | stimulates the kidneys to throw off any { impuries from the | when killed should be in a thriving, gain. blood. The animal ing condition, not on the shrink. Re- member that 1 juiciness of the meat depends largely upon how the cow was fed for two or three weeks before kill- ing, and that the favor depends upon what it was fed for the two or three days previous to killing. Our seacoast butch. 3 ue | ers do not allow salt marsh hay to be fed to their animals for a few days before killing: and turnips are not allowed any- | where. A wan who was an army butcher during the war said that they turned | some cattle into a wheat field in Virginia | { one night, and some of the cattle were killed the next day, but that the meat | eaten by any one but a Frenchman; and, on examination, it was found that fleld garlios were grow. ing among the wheat, and the cattle had There can be no hard and fast rales for feeding: animals differ, and the same animal requires dif- ferent feeding at different times. Before | turning out, in changing from dry feed to pasture, give in the morning all the bay they will eat, and for their grain | ration give mostly corn meal-—scalded if | convenient-—continuiog the daily rations of meal for three or four weeks, and the | hay as long as they will eat it. A full ration of immature grass is as bad for a cow as green apples tor a boy. For a i butter producing cow in dog days, I pre- fer ground oats to any other one kind of feed. It makes sweeter and firmer but. other kinds of feed. cows gaining in flesh and yet not too | much 1a fat, American Agriculturist, FARM AXD GARDEN ROTES. Late pullets should cither be pushed or marketed. By having the poultry yard io a sandy | | or gravelly soil much slush is avoided, i Horses affected with the heaves are seldom cured, but the difficulty may be | lessened by shaking the hay, cutting it, and moisteniag it well before feeding, As long as the animal eats all the food you give it nothing is wasted. required is less than you wish to give. Fully one-half of the failures with brooders are due to want of care in keep- | ing wana, Brooders should be arranged so that there will be no corners into which the chicks can crowd. At the season when the gardener is busy disposing of his crop of peas, beans, cucumbers, lettuce, onions, beets acd radishes, he should be taking | advantage of every moist day to set out celery plants, Wool must be equally strong the en- tire length of the fiber, or necessarily it will be of less value to the manufacturer; and wool of that kind can not be grown unless the sheep is kept in good condi. tion all the time, All butter tubs should be soaked in strong salt brine for two or three daye be > show the ill effects of a tell you that | very fat corned beef is ‘‘slow sale.” TI | have never known of an instance where ! con- | exam- | class | which cannot be controled by proper | other | foud; | necessary) dissolved and mixed | of | her | Give milk-producing, muscle- | Do not | lessen the supply because the quantity | market. | { “August - Flower” Jif The end of woman's peculiar troubles and ailments comes with Dr.. Pierce's | It cures Favorite Prescription, For all the functional de- them, rangements, painful disorders, and | For Dyspepsia. A. Bellanger, Propr., Stove Foun- dry, Montagny, Quebec, writes: “1 have used A Flower for Dys- pepsia. It gave me great relief, I ( recommend it to all Dyspeptics as a | very good remedy.” Ed. Bergeron, General Dealer, | Lauzon, Levis, Quebec, writes: “I | have used Angust Flower with the best possible results for Dyspepsia," chronic weaknesses that afflict wo- | mankind, it’s a certain remedy, an Invigorating, restorative tonic, soothing cordial and bracing nerv- ine—purely vegetable, non-alcoholic, and perfectly harmless, In the cure of periodical pains, [rolapsus and other displacements, pearing - down sensations, and all “female complaints” and irregu- larities, “ Favorite Prescription” is the only medicine that's guaranteed. If it doesn’t give satisfaction in ev ery case, you have your money back You pay only for the good you get. Can you ask more ? The easiest way is the best. Keg- ulate the liver, stomach, and bowels with Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. They and renovate the system — thoroughly and naturally. Sick Headache, , Indi- gestion, and DBilious Atta ks, are prevented, relieved, and cured. JONSON For Isternal and External Use, Blops Palin, Cramps cleanse Constipation Infinsomation tn body or Ben Asthiros, Colds, ( r Iheumatiom, New kK, uf Joints and Strains | prion ta petpald, L A JOHNSON & O06, Boston, Mess -ELY'S Passages, the Sores, Ary info the Nostr lh con Soe. Dragpets or by mall, ELY BUS. ABOUT Kast Tennessoe's VINK CLIMATE 54 URRaT MusoURoms 18 ENORVILLE seNTINEL dally ma S00; weekly | your 91 samples 3a 0f Roxbury, Mass., says Kennedy's Medical Discovery cures Horrid Old Sores, Deep- Seated Ulcers of 40 years’ standing, Inward Tumors, and every disease of the skin, ex- cept Thunder Humor, and Cancer that has taken root. Price, $1.50. Sold by every Druggist in the United States and Canada. 100 Pages. Colones Frame 10 CUTS. 1 5c. x. It’s | “ge | of only BL, pow gid | or the Uetuine DONALD KENNEDY, C. A. Barrington, Engineer and | General Smith, Sydney, Australia, writes: ‘August Flower has effected | @a complete cure in my case. It act | ed like a miracle,” | Geo. Gates, Corinth, Miss, writes: | “I consider your August Flower the | best remedy in the world for Dys- | pepsia. 1 was almost dead with | that disease, but used several bottles | of August Flower, and now con- | sider myself a well man. I sincerely | recommend this medicine to suffer- | ing humanity the world over.” @ G. G. 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Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers