I Want to be Protected. Early one morning a tramp entered the Central Station, Chicago, with his teeth clicking together and his lips a popular shade of purple, and asked for something to drink, explaicing that he was about to have a chill. ‘Let me see if you are,’ replied the seargeant as he came forward, ‘Off with your coat and vest, and let me down to your hide. When the tramp had partly disrob- ed, the officer felt one of his paws, pushed up his sleeve, and asked: ‘When did you take a bath?’ ‘About three years ago.’ ‘I thought so; there's a layer of dirt half an inch deep on your skin.’ ‘And how can a chill get through that ¥' ‘It can’t ; you can no more chill than I can fly. “That's good, and I feel better al- If I'm safe that's all I want to didn't worked. have a ready ! know. know I'm no doctor, and I how the old thing Much obliged to you, and if them fel- | lers at the ferry wharf undertake to sand-paper me down, as they threaten, 1 want to be protected.’ AG —— Perfectly Sane. ‘What an absent-minded man is Mr. Rasifoot,” Clarissa said at the fast-table. ‘And wh ‘B know 5%. 3 whole De lor, I asked him if he had heard my y, my daughter? He dos sn’'t seem to shit gat ecause he is. what he is doing. Last ni new song, ‘Rock Me to Sleep, Mother.’ as | up and He said he hadn't, and then, just sat down at the piano, he g went away without his hat, like ove in a dream. ‘No, my daughter,’ he said solemnly, as one Pa looked up over his paper. who carefully weighs his words ; ‘no, you bet your sweet voice, Easifoot isn’t crazy.’ And a great silence, like that which follows a request for five dollars until next Saturday, came down and filled the room with the hush of 8 nameless awe that hovered over the table with such an icy glare that the muffins shuddered. ——— ‘You remind me of Barnum since he secured his white elephant,’ said a Brooklyn man to his wife, who never tired of talking. he holds as sacred a priceless and peerless beau- ‘Because ty I’ she timidly and blushingly sugest- | ed. ‘it’s because he owns a Toung Toulong. ‘Not quite’, replied the wretch, That heartless husband no longer car- ries a night-key. - A— ‘That was a very swell affair down ht, 1 young at Mrs. Fussenfeather’s last nig said Yeast to Crimsonbeak when they met on understand,’ the corner the other morning. ‘Swell! shouted Crimson, putting his hand to the towel he had ‘Well, if you had ing you'd his head to adjust wrapped about it. my head this morn I guess think so! - ‘Had King Solomen really a thous and wives, mother ¥ ‘That’s what history says.’ ‘Good golly! I wouldn't like to be in his place when he came home late at night if every one of 'em would give him jessy like you do pop. - — ‘Gentleman of the jury,’ said a Te cumseh, Neb., lawyer last week, ‘there were just thrirty-six hogs in the drove, Please remember the fact—iust three times as many as in the jury box, gen- tlemen.’ — - ‘Yes,’ said an old sailor, who had married well along in life, and was the father of an interesting family, ‘they call it the sea of matrimony blcanse they who sail upon it usually encoun- ter 50 many squalls.’ mmp———— — ‘Used you pretty rough didn’t he? remarked a sympathyizing bystander to the man who had just got a most awful licking. ‘Well, no,’ he replied, ‘I thought he polished me off very nicely. The bridesmaids now give presents to the bridegroom instead of the oppo- site as formerly. This insures the groom a full supply of ten-cent neck. ties before starting, AB — 4 — ‘In a cabin locker for many years a bottle lay,’ sings a Chicago poet. It mut have contained ink, or else the poet does not stick to facts. Lazinew grows on people. It be ins in cobwebs and ends in iron i break- | was waiting for pa in the par- | He isn't crazy, is he, pa? |° “Nice child, very nice child,” ob- served an old gentleman, crossing the aisle and addressing the mother of the boy who had just hit him in the eye with a wad of paper. “How old are you, my son “None of your business!” replied the youngster, taking aim at another passenger. “Fine boy,” smiled the old man, as the parent regarded her offspring with pride. “A remarkable fine boy. What is your name, my son? “Puddin’ and Tame !"” shouted the youngster, with a giggle at his own wit. “I thought so,” continued the old “wie man, pleasantly. f you had given have been the first one I would have struck on. Now Puddin’, you can blow those things pretty straight, can’t you?’ lighted at the compliment. “See me take that old fellow over there!” “No, no !"” exclaimed the old gentle- man. | sitting with. She has boys of her own | and she won't mind.” “Can’t you hit the lady for the gen- | rent. pe let right on the « nd of the | nose, she did mind i But it, and { ber wrath, soared down ¢n { boy like a blizzard. She put hin ler a line, reversed him, 1 he d of him was front, | ward till idn’t ped him into mother, with the purport was th “al ‘sr i: . noment and skin him alive, m to hil , smiled the old gentl a4 “She didn’t din',” eman softly “She’s a perfect stranger to me, but 1 understand she's a of a tru- ald was matron noht sha ugh ne ant's home, and I th tle Ww i i {like to havea | fun ; but I mistaken.” | And theold gentleman sighed sweet- ly as he went back to his seat, me li— A passenger boarding a train com- | ing east over the Detroit, Lansing and | | Northern road at Ionia, the other day, |, took a seat in front of a woman who was very curious minded about the | country. the price of land, the lof the people, the climate, and many To | questions he returned a respectful : “Don’t know ma'am—I really d 5 [4 n { other things. each and every imate as New “Whom do they se presidential candidate ?” “Can't sAY, ma’'ar “Are the farmers low.apir i ited INTE the ¢ of wheat? Dri “They may be, but I can’t say as to that.” “Should vou s y that this would be a good State to begin life in ‘“" | ’ ’ " [ shouldn't like to «ay, ma'am His non-comical answers seemed to | annoy her, and, after a brief silence, | she continued : [| “Have been you in Michigan long ?" { “Three years, ma'am.” | “And yet don't seem to have posted yourself much ?” “Well, ma'am, to tell the truth,” he replied as he turned about, “I'm a resident of Ohio. I came up here and stole a horse, and was sent to the Ionia prison for three years. I haven't been out more than two hours yet.” She rose up and took the fourth seat back in a way to make the dust fly, and she didn’t open her mouth again, even to the conductor, until the train was running into Detroit. Just before a famous battle a Con- federate soldier discovered an old man kneeling by a log praying. ‘Oh! Lovd,’ said the old man, ‘have mercy on the Federals this day’ ‘Get up from there !” exclamed the soldier, ‘got no better sense than to come around here praying for the dd Yankees? The old man looked up and reques- ted to be let alone, The soldier demanded that the pray- er should be discontinued. Just then an officer called the sol. dier and said : me three guesses at it, that would | that man alone? him ? No, who is he ?’ ‘Stonewall Jackson.’ Don’t you know A short time ago at a school in an uptown ward, during a lesson on the animal kingdom, the teacher put the following question: ‘Can any boy name to me an animal of the order edentata—that is a front tooth tooth. less animal ? A boy whose face beam. ed with pleasure at the prospects of a good mark, replied : ‘I can.’ Well, what is the animal ?’ My grandwother,’ replied the boy, in great glee, - [he feminine mind early attains to the consideration of the ethics of the affections, f In one oi i | i "our city schools the other day, the class in English | | . : ‘ .“ m | { grammer was discussing the difference “You bet!” squealed the boy, de- Now’ said between ‘like’ and ‘love’ the words can like a the teacher, ‘we | tomato, but is it proper to say we can | ’ { love a tomato ? Try it on the old woman I was | { tomato, ‘No, it is not,’ said a fresh young miss, ‘one cannot love a ’ not” inquired the | teacher. ‘Because, you kuow, you can- { not tleman, Johnny ?”" asked the fond pa- | {,mat0, Johnny drew a bead and landed the | She asked about the [crops, characteristics | across th ! wife. ' war you can t-——well, you cs { you can ell, you can't hug a —— Ay A— An amateur up-town gpo been out for u doin yO v Dow bad | have rob 1 mith | 7} y & new busi- | ness, Jones—What is it ? Smith--I"m a waker up. Jones Smith to go around and wake up servant girls in the morning. Well, | you progressing ? Jones well ; and how are Smith—I have had 3 tl wt »,000 applica tions, aud they are still coming in at | the rate of 1000 an hour. I'li The job is to " Cruess bave too big. tup. > ‘Well, John,’ ung friend, give it - — said old man to his vy ‘vou been married ‘She is, indeed,’ the lady assented, ‘a remarkable pretty woman.’ ‘I wonder if the gentlemen | she has just met is her husband ¥ i ‘I think Je must be replied Mrs. Jones ‘I notice he didn’t lift his bat to her, -> “Yes,' said Mrs, I want a good girl and possibly you might do, but have you any experi- ence ?’ Jrownsmith, sel, resting her hands on her hips and tossing her head in the air, ‘Ixparance is it? Faith and havn't Oi been in no liss than twinty families during the last month ?’ cc Amateur Tragedian—Yes, sir, | claim that the mantle of Forrest has fallen on me. Unsympathizing Stranger— Indeed ! How you must suffer. A. T ~8uffer? U. 8.~Yes, it fell from such a great height, you know.’ " fn —— Entertain no thought that will blush in words, —— A——. Memory is the granary of the mind and of experience, Sr be RETR Tr Keep thy beart and then it will be ‘Why in the thunder don’t you let easy for thee to keep thy tongue ‘ . 2] Some days ago I advertised | | ‘Ixparance is it?’ replied the dam- NEW GOODS, NEW GOODS, ARE DAILY ARRIVING AT THE I OLD AN TORE O] C. U. HOFFER & COME AND SEE THE BARGAINS THEY ARE OFFER- ING IN DRY GOODS, SILKS, CASHMERES, CALICOES, Etc, What in the world is that ? | Purchased at un- usually low pric- es and will be sold correspond- ingly low. J rd n | have just! PURE GROCERIES, PROVISIONS, vou (UEENSWARE, ETC. - i whom | i | Country Produce Constantly on hand and Solicited. C. U. HOFFER & CO. Alleghany Street, Bellefonte, Pa, We are now prepared to furnish our customers with delicious Soda Water, drawn from our famous Arctic Apparatus, with the following Choice Syrups : RASPBERRY, STRAWBERRY, PINE APPLE, NECTAR, | DON'T CARI ROCK OR and guarantee its purity, 3, AMBROSIA, MALTESE ORANGE, TONIC, BIRCH BEER. Our fruit Syrups are all prepared from the Juice CANDY SYRUP, our Extract of VAN VANILLA, LEMON, SARSAPARILLA, COFFEE, GINGER ALE, , combined with pure ILLA we prepare ourselyes \- EEN'S PHARMACY, Bush House Block, Bellefonte, Pa. J We bh T ~ rr, “wv ¢lephone Con Nnertinn anv aaa SECHLEER & CO,, Grocers, Bush House Block, Bellefonte, Pa. NEW GOODS FOR THE — SPRING and SUMMER TRADE!! ee ——— HAVE Bome really FINE CREAM CHEESE SELECT OYSTERS, RIPE CRANBERRIES IT NEW LEMONS, 1 Princess Paper-Shell Almonds, CHOICE GOODS. FEN LAL Extra Large FI CH PRUNES, SWEET TATOES, 10) PRUNELLES, IMPERIAL FIG 5, FLORIDA ORANGES, Evaporated DRIED PEACHES A FULL LINE OF CHOICE CANNED FRUITS, PRESERVED PEARS, PEACHES, PLUMS and PRUNELLES. PLAIN CANDIES, FINE CONFECTIONERY, AND. GOODIES of ail Sorts and Kinds es sar We invite the people of GOODS, whic 1-tf ’ G " ‘ 4 il 1 fr a cannot au to piease, a w fem wmatig! No party in polis pert in C3, DOT any sellin vi - BLE WEEKLY 5 AND BEECULAR NEW VORK OBSERVER Established 1823. 4 r Burrone Dr.) us § " » A LIVE NEWSPAPER. ¥ week a Hina ‘ r i «8 E NEW al} ERTER w to any pa - rw f.rvres . ‘ » we {row BE New York 31 & 32 Park Row, N. Y. Observer, nd% PAINTING and | PAPER HANGING, | WORKMANSHIP THE BEST | PRICES THE LOWEST | PROMPTNRSS AND DISPATCH, A a WILLIAMS & BRO, DEALERS IN WALL PAPER PAINTS, &C, HIGH Bt. bet Bpring & Water, Bellefonte. We take this method of informing everybody : Ist. That we have in stock the and Best selection of Wall Paper outside of Philadelphia or New York, viz: Solid Golds, Embossed Bronses, Micas, Fate, Satins, Blacks and Browns, Beautiful Borders in Great Varjety, 20° That we have just received from New York Fred Beck's New Book of Oslling Designs. We oan furnish aod put up ar fine and elaborate Ceiling Deo orations as are put up anywhers, 54. That we invite all who intend ng to oall and see ont line of goods before ng elsewhere Ath. We have in our employ fiewt-clas paper hang: ert and painters, and are prepared to take jobs of PAINTING, GRAINING, SION WRITING, and PAPER HANGING, Large or small, and complete the work with neatness and dispatch, 8a Trade from the country solicited 10032. WILLIAMS & PROYIER ADVIOE TO MOTHERS. Are you disturbed at night and broken of your est by a sick child suffering and crying with pais of cat ting teeth! rap at onos and get a bottle of Mas, Wixstow's Soovmive Srave vor Onunsnsy Teersiwa, Tix valoe Is inoalouichle, Tt will relieve the 1Htthe sufferer Immediately, there is no mistake about it eatery and diarrhom, inten the ola, cures wind colle, Bammation SECHLER religion Centre county to call and inspect our NICE & CO. FORKS HOUSE Coburn, Centre Co., Pa. | GOOD MEALS, CLEAN BEDS PRICES MODERATE. se HOTEL WITHIN TWO MIN. UTES" WALK TO STATION. Excellent Hunting and Fis juite near this Hotel, JOS, KLECKNER SALESMEN rr ¥ LAKE NUnsesins ABOUT OSPHATES. hing sro 3 1ing grounds - Prop'r. H PP {the © Waa t farmers hardly know what to buy. Bat no one can make a mistake buying an Animal Bone Super-Phospate for $25 per ton of 2,000 pounds, delivered on board car or boat at Philadel- mae TELE wise Twenty-five Dollar PHOSPHATE. ADOPTED 1680 CHEAPEST phia. and DEST. For circulars giving analysis and further information, call on or address, BAUGH & SONS, Sole Manus rs. 20 Bo, Del. Ave, Philadelphia STUDIO, 2nd floor Bush Arcade, (Room opp. Dr. Rothrock's Dental offion) I am now ready to do all kinds of PAINTING, Suck a2 PORTRAITS inoil. LAND SCAPES, SIGN and ORNAMEN. TAL, FANCY DECORA. TING and GRAINING a SPECIALITY. » q Satisfaction guaranteed in all cases, I would be pleased to have you call, and examine specimens of work, In. structions given in Painting, Very ResrrerruLry, CP Filder, . ~Exclusively dry goods—Garman's ¥
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers