Lite €tnixt §mMut.
BF.I. LBFONTB, PA.
Peek's Bad Boy.
NKW AL< I'T OI.H SANTA CI.ACS.
"Well, what did you gelt from Santa
Olana," asked the groceryman of tho
had My A he came in the grocery
wi'h a big blue necktie, on which w
pinned a piece of beer glass cut in
imitation nl a diamond. "Sauta Claus
must have remembered you spleudid-
Iv," and the grocery man handed the
luid boy a sour orange.
"O, don't tn'k to me about Snnta
I'lau," said the boy, as he hit into tho
orange, and then went to the vinegar
barrel and drew sumo vinegar in a
glass and took a swullow to sweeteu
the ta'te of the orange. "Do you
know I winder there is a hoy in this ,
whole world that does not grow up to ,
be ati ml-el ass liar, when they liuve
their parents lie to them the first seven j
veers ->t their fives about Wanla Claui ? j
What -811 a eldld think, whenTdd it ]
j- wicked to lie, and then find out that j
i's paren's have been lying to it, about
the Santa Claus business. Do you
know I have watched for Santa Glaus
to ciime down chimneys, and when I
a-ked how a big fat fellow could c< me
down such a small bole, and through
a stove pipe, j a would tell me that ,
S tota Clans was made of India rubber,
n was biowed up, and all ho had to
io wits to let the wind out, and then 1 1
he would he small enough to get into i
a gimlet hole. When I found that
Santa Claus wn* a fraud, and nccu • d \
pa ot deceiving tne, he got hut and
said I was t< -mart foi my boots.' j.
"O. that is all right, hut what did
you sre-t ?" said the groceryman.
"I got nice enough things, hut 1
haven't got them now. I traded ot! a
lot of mv things for prcs-n:- for smiie
b vs down our way, that didn't g t
anything. I made a change in the
( liristmos-tree business, at our church.
u -ce, iloy have lieen in tin- habit
ol gelling all the children t> gctlier
tile night before Chri.-tiuas, and hav
ing a < hristm.as tree, and il is cruel on
the poor chil Iren. The rich parents
put ex pen-i vi presents on the tr" - for j
llieir children, and the p. r children
g"t a ten cent whistle, or a popcorn
hall, or an orarge. The poor children
liegan to think Santa Claus showed
partiality, and that he was in tin em
ploy of the ri.h folki.ar.d they were
beginning to get sour on Santa Claus,
but this time me anil my chum - Id
all the presents we got nt home, and
went and bought a whole lot of nice
things f>r thA j or boys, and vv 1. n ll c
man began to distribute the presents,
and the poor boys had lh>ir mouths'
made up for popcorn hall-, and they
got club skates and fur cap®, and nice '
warm mittens, they yelled so the min
ister was afraid the church would be
pulled a a disorderly h >uo. luv< r
ha I so mu- h fun in all my life, as |
did to see th >• poor boy* r.ike in the
prow nts. All 1 have got left is this !
necktie and lum diamond, but the '
fun I had, makes this forty-rent di> •
niond, look a- bright to mo as though
it * the kohinoor. Do you know
what a kohinoor is? It is the bigge-t
dianu nd in the world.''
"That's a good boy," said the gro
ceryman. as h haded his eyes to look
at the had boj's diamond, and then
wet b:s finger on Lis longt/e to fee if il
lasted ot aluin. "liut there is one
thing I warn to talk to you about. I
**w you jump on a hose rart and ride
w.th the firemen at the fire Inst night,
and your pa said you were hanging
arout d the engine bouse a good deal.
Now, you want to let up on that.
Those fire me Q are pretty tough, and
you will be spoiled if you go with
them. I wouldn't have anything to
do with them, or yon will bring your
father's trray hairs in sorrow to the
grsve. Firemen are hard citizens."
"When was this that firemen were
hard citizens?" asked the boy indig
nantly. They are just as good clti
wna as you are. If your grocery gets
on fire down cellar, from the kerosene
barrel, what do you do? Do you go
down cellar and put it out? Naw,
you don't. You grab your insurance
policy and light out, and the firemen
come and they go right down into the
subterranean bell of burning kerosene,
aud squirt water till they are over
come by the smoke, when their pa
rents draw them out by the legs, and
others take their places, and they keep
up tho fight until your properly is
saved, when you come back and kit k
because they tip|x*tl over a barrel of
apples. They rush into burning build-
I ingn and cave the lives of women and
I children. Do they do it for pay ?
! Naw ! All they get is seventy-live
dollars a mouth, uud you pay that
much to tho man who drives your
grocery wagon. There is not a fire
man who gets ns much salary as a
street car conductor, in any city in the
country, und tho firemen are the
bravest men that live. Why, gol darn
you, you haven't got as much sense as
a calf."
"Jiut.hold on, Hennery. Hear me,'
and the groceryman tried to stop the
had hoy.
"Get out. lam ashamed to know
you," says the boy. "You and pa
have always told mo that we should
honor the brave. How do you do it ?
You pay a fireman, who risks his life
every lime he runs to a fire, just
| enough to board and clothe him, and
when he is played out and is sick, he
is discharged, aud you forget him.
Kvery time an alarm sounds, n fireman
takes chances of not getting back to
the engine-house alive. He protects
your property and your life, and now
you tell me he is a bad man. I would
like to see you jump up at an ulartn of
fire, slide down n pole with your pants
half on, and get on an engine and lie
driven over a rough pavement half a
mile. Your huir would turn gray
with fright the first time. I tell you
a city ought to pay firemen fair hun
dred dollars a month, and pen-iou
them when they get their lungs busted,
or get broke up, and support their
families. Firemen ought t>> be loved
and respected, and lionized, instead of
having old idjuUcaii them had men,'
uud the lmd boy took out his hand
kerchief and rubbed up l is diamond
and stood on tho front '<;> to flfsh
it in the eyi - of his girl a* she came
in after n mackerel, but -he di-ln't
-re it and he went off feeling hurt,
while tho groceryman made up hi
mind to send a turkey to ev> rv fire
man for N< w Ytar's.
llow Ho Got In.
The other night at theOjicra H ne
an old negro went to the <!• or, feeling
his way along with a cane.
"Whar'sdo show man F' he a-ked.
"Ilete I am." replied the manager
of a Humjity-Dumpty troupe.
Would yi r let a [>o* ole hlin' it a i
go in* r de !.
"It won't d > you any go d to go in,
• •Id man. You <-an't c anything and
there i< n>> talking in this show."
"Wall, !emine go in anyway. I
I ain't le en tcr a'tainuient iu-o long
| I'se hongry fur it." • |
"All right, old man, go up-lair-,"
and ab y WA- calif dto -IK>W the ol 1
fellow to a oat. During the perform
ance the manager looked up into the
gallery and saw the. old mpro laugh
ing "fit to kill himself." Going up
and approaching the old filliw th" ,
nngrv showman aid :
"Thought yen wrre blind."
"H..lt ?" looking up with n puzzlr 1 '
air.
"I say I thought you were blind."
"Who, mo?"
"Yes. you."
"Whut made ycr think dat ?"
"Because you said so."
"Nor, salt, I didn't. 'I axed ycr if
yer'd let a ole hlin' man go inter de
show an' yerse'f is do one whut snid I
couldn't see."
"Well, you'll have to get out of
here."
"Pah ?"
"I say you'll have to get out of
here."
"Who, me?"
"Yea, you."
".Icf* Vase I ain't blino? W'y, man,
yer onghtcr be glad dat I ken *e.
Yer oughtenter want nobody ter be
bline. Jos' lemme stay an* I'll shtt
my eye#, durin' do rest o' do show ?
Won't do it? Hub, fust man I eber
seed what wanted folkes ter lie bline.
Oh, I'll go out ef dat'a whut yer's a
hintin' at. Wants me ter go jea' case
I'se enjoyin' myse'f. Dar's some
mighty funny folks in die heah worl'
nohow."
IT is understood that the girls have
adopted the following as their motto
for leap year: "If you see what you
want, ask for it."
" YOITM whiskers are unprofessional,''
said a client to his legal adviser.
"Why so?" "Because a lawyer can
never be too barefaced."
A Very ITard Boiled Egg.
A commercial traveler jumped from
the train at a small station and shouted
to the proprietor of the lunch counter
to give him a hard boiled egg and a
piece of mince pie.
He ate the pie hurriedly, and woo
attempting to break the egg when the
conductor gave the signal for Parting.
"What in Great Ciiar's name is
the matter with thin egg?" he yelled.
"Is it rotten ?" asked the proprietor.
"Rottru? No, but 1 can't make
any impression on it, and hern I am
as hungry as a wolf and the train half
way out of the yard," and lie made u
dash for the hack platform of the rear
car, which he just succeeded in reach
ing.
"Well, I'm blowod," said the pro
prietor of the lunch counter, poking it
with a knife, "if I didn't give the
young man a china nest egg to eat. - '
Hih PhKTION Ol T II K Hat ATE.—-
! "Well, old fellow, I hear that your
grandmother is dead. 1 '
"Yes," replied "old follow," some
what sadly ; "she died yesterday."
"It is the way of the world. We
must ull die some time, and the old
I
lady was well advanced in years. She
loft a last will and testament, of course?
I hove understood that -ho was very
we^Jthy."
"Oh, yes; she left a will and testa
ment.' still more sadly.
"You were alwny-a favorite of her-.
our nainc was mentioned, of course?"
"Yes," he replied, and here the t<-ar
began to stream down his cheeks, "n:y
name was mentioned. I'm to have the
Testament."
A F \11; <hri.it. u n<ig| ned in
Illinois A burying-ground had been ,
-old by ttown ami time given for
the removal of the coffin*. The pur"
chaser finally to .k JSI-M ssion. and oro
day w hilc engntr* lin plowing, lie m .
denly appear* <1 la-fun.' the village shoe
mak* r ami said ;
"Henry, 1Y just plowd up the
hom-a of your father up there."
"Kb ! I- that so ?'
"And what shall he d ne wiib Vin ?"
" M i 11, 1 dunuo."
"I'll tell y<u what I'll do, Henry.
I'll IhX up the hones aud bring Ym
down here for n ii >!lar, or I'll r<Yw
em under as a f< i tili/< r ami ali< w you
fifty cents on what you owe me."
"M ell,' replied the shoemaker, afti i
taking some time to think it over, "I
gu • you may credit me with fifty
cents ; hut it you find the bom sol tic
old woman, 100, I slia'u t tnke le--lban
seventy cents fir the heap."
"Wiirni do you -upp - ■ tlmt n :.n
is driving?" imoiir* I a gentleman,
i (minting to a flahilv drco 1 fcl! w
b-hird a styli-b team. "Into batik
•uptcy," wo* the quick reply < f n by
! -lander.'* <
1 v TT T 7-t k.
A iVl.lt interrupt a woman w.un she
is -adding. A broken tail ha- b< n t
known to wreck it train, ami if vou
brink h< r rail it will certainly int r
rupt iier train of thought.
WHAT Sir Firvn.—lt i< nt lru
that 8a tit a Clau- will not put anything
into a stocking in which there i- a hole.
East riiristnin-" a society In-lie found a
darning needle and a hall of yarn in
' hers.
A NORTH Kits tourist, engaged in
looking up the title to some Texas
lands, was sitting in his room at a
hotel. A colored waiter came in with
some clean towels. "What kind of
weather is there outside ?" inquired
j the man. 'ls it raining?" "Yes sah,"
answered the waiter. "De fac* is, nios'
all do wedder we hab in Texas is on
dc outside. We doan git much wedder
on dc inside, dat is, no hebby wedder."
Nor HEAVY ENOUGH.—"I want a
heavy garden hoe," said a farmer en
-1 tcring one of our hardware stores.
1 After looking at several be remarked
that none of them were heavy enough
"l should think this would be heavy
enough for a roan of your size."
"Man of my size! Don't think I'm
going to handle it, do yen ? No, sir •
it's for my wife."
——- - ———mm • mm
WAUCiau dresses of velveteen arc
very fashionable. This fashion is
adopted from England, where velvct
teeo is as much worn as cloth.
- ♦ ■ - I'-m "I IMHH
TIIK Pittsburgh bin/mlrh recom
mends that Jame* Nutt plead guilty
to murder and let the people of the
state rie tip and demand hl pardon.
i
Love In tho Depot.
A woman arrived at the depot here
recently from the Hast with several
children in tow, and at almost the
sama hour a man reached the same
depot from tho North with five off
spring of various ages and sizes. She
wus a widow and ho a widower, and
tho children had not been spanked
more than once around before there
was a sort of mutual sympathy that
begot admiration and then friendship.
One of the widow's boys offered one of
tho widower's girls a bite of his fried
cake which was accepted in the spirit
tendered, and a 10-year-old girl be
longing to the man made up to the
2-year-old belonging to the woman,
and soon secured tho privilege of wip
ing its nose and combing its hair.
Presently tho widower made hold to
! inquire :
j "Madam, am I wrong in believing
that you are a widow ?"
"I have been a widow fourteen
months to day," she answered.
"Great Scots ! hut it's just fourteen
months to-day since my Hamier din!!
Which way be you going?"
, "To Illunoy."
"That's just where I um going, Uo,
Did you promise your husband never
to marry again ?"
"No."
''And I didn't promise my wife,
■ cither. Pad i-. I believe I shall unite
as s'siu ;i I find sonic good woman."
"An<l my children need a father's
care,' -lie sighed as the pulled little-
John Henry * ff the window-sill and
bumped him into a seat,
j ilie mail got up and walked around
the waiting room and l< k u c|©- r
■ k at the children. linn he r<-
turin-d ami -aid ;
! supp* you'v got afi whumlr* i
dollar-, belong l> some church, <an
wi -li and hake and n • ml, and are of
a mild and forgiving disposition?"
"Yes, that's me."
"W *II I in kir.dcr religious even
tempered and am w rth niiout $2 l 'Hi.
I'm >- rt o' trie k on you. There's
ximcthing about your eye- that re
minds me of llnuio r."
"And you look lii AJ itw around
. the uioiitli," she -ighel.
I hen he In nt over and whisj>ered
• methit'g a' • ut Chicago and getting
' martin!, ami she'nedded In head.
II- gallon d hi* cli.lnu under hi;
w .g, look them into n r r.~r, and
* lolemnly and impro-ively observed. |
"hildrcn, I'm going t<> git married j
to that v, .rnau o\ r thru- and ffivt '
■ j
you a new n. tl, r. If any of _\ < u ,mo
;g' ing to kirk and h-m-hf. > nl ut it.
gin now • < tiiat I can tot * ■ id< w t
! i! re the train g - Henry, von RM
tl" Upt Are yoa g<ltg t decimal
you'll run away or commit suicide' '
'l,tme kn w r ; glit i f r thi I- J
jo I j to pr.ir nf' • d with a
j-k'
Henry said lie gu -- I it w< u'.d b(
ill riglit. and the r t of the cr- wd
an d to agree, and ten niinul<s later
the widower and widow sat holding
hands and Irving to < ; pennnif, and
the twelve children were biting, and
pulling li.iir, and kicking to r < who
-hould have a sent on the steam heater.
"This is kinder the work <>f lu aven!" ,
ibin klcd the widower a- he hitched a
little nearer.
"You let, love ?" she replii d, a she
sucked another pi anut with her teeth
THE .Japanese believe that the firt
man was not Adnni.hut llu Sing, who
made his wife out of clay and baked
her forty days.
Yomn women should not forget
that Goliath died from the effects of a
hang on his forehead.
MINISTER* advise young people to
marry for love but want rash down
thcmsclvca.
"You look well fed. are well dressed
and ail that. Must have a good in
come, I prcstume ?" "Oh, yea," re
plied Kosciusko. "I can't complaiu-
I have my salary, $1,500; then I
mnkc $5OO a year by my literary
labors, that makes $2,000 ; then I run
I in debt $l,OOO that makes A
single man who couldn't subsist on
that ought to be a<hamed of himself.''
, FILLED IT—A Chicago young man
in a rash moment, told hia girl that if
she would bang up her stocking on
Christmaa Eve he would fill it to the
. brim with something nice. He has
r since seen hsr slocking, and is unde
j eided whether to get in himself or to
, boy her a sewing machine.
:<&> WE
Jr Inalm you l>, con# and km Hi. apl-ndi.) fio of '
-TOOTH BRUSHES !-f
Wo have juat received
Direct From the Importer,
And which wr aro offering VKUY I/)W. Our aim in to "keep the J KffT
(JOODS and toll them at CLOSK J'HICKS FOR CASIf,
AT 1
GREEN'S PHARMACY,
Bush House Block,
jT r We have Telephone Connection.
It, fSartnun !'• fton'n \nt> store.
f^prlv
G& rjnnn & son. shffffizQ
i, \ i 11:,
do not think, because the cut.* repre
sent only gentlemen's wear, that we
have not l,<e particularly cartful to
(•elect an dopant lint of goods especi
ally suited to you. You will find it
to your advantage to call and if we
are not aide to supply you from our
choice and varied -to"k, it will be a
■A "*nall matter fir ti to order what you
may need. We think w- ar<- lietter ahle
to iuc t y>ur wants than any store in
Ikllefontc.
BUSH ARCADE,
i
/ •/on .1 to., Mrrrhanti, .if/rt/hrti'/-StJtelfefontr, J'rr.
i srv * VHFHK lor !
■ (O
oi R WAY of Selling off A LARGE WINTER STOCK
| AT SHORT NOTICE
$40,000 "Worth of Dry Goods
Clothing, Boots apd Shoes, Hats and' Caps*
As. rl rilmet half jr ss It-ad Mrs through to the cn !• there ia something
| that will strike jou.
Th< n c me with your sli< kel*. Corae soon because we will oflfer something
ht less than we cn replace them for after they ate all • Id. W# cau l pick up
such bargains every day. .Tut some chances.
W„.i| p,w-.i|iu| fin-lim-a tbanla ..... IV a vard, a-laMbnr-30r.
Anotlia* IM ... ... .... V K yard.
o n „ 1.4 of *val i.>n*l.ami .. Tfayaid.
Ons lot of t—l tiin,l.san .... .. '*• i itst
l,ii. iv.) ... ..., t*
■ nt„n ClnMk ■* e • wnl.
#••1 • m> ...... Scaaard
liral Sh|.nn. ....an. Sand f" K yard.
piald ll>ata ....... laijaiA
HM Tald- Ut". .._ - - 1* s unt
ISisbtsntati .... I*. IJ,M.
Ali-annd Pn-k and Onlon-d n. „„ . .. Sta a yard.
Inl riaSl fltaK.il -l'Vajard.
U4W'<SiaKwn - —-•■ Sir.
All n,>.| Caabaisiaa, WK< k and i*4nrd al Iraat 1 3 I Osa,.? than aaysbrri *4—,
plaid Inn, '■ * and If* a jard.
A||.lA* A Mnalin _ ...... ... T l-Sr a yard.
M all nnl Piannsla f. m —— .1- l'p.
On-Ktlta gm'iit llla.k *Uk at .. 1., ahst ft no and 1 t ' i
o,H- M K.iiiagam Walk en* til" IBsswfcws ft M
on. b,i Kilra Sop-fl-QnatHy Blark S.lk t 2S. - t ao %a|
lln-l,d Ktlra 11-a.i S"|"l'U'ial|ty Ulrk Silk —...... IT'.. " t4 .!<!•
C..1,n-I Sill. F.itm llrary, ... ..... tte.lo all Iks psa nkadno
C,.l„twt Mlkalmm kOr a -ard op.
An andanprrmtanalH, alUllk sat In Khnd-ma TS- Ctlv j-i™. I V> V
Tk llnasi j-.nlita I l-J yd Wlh all .s>l litwa CS.db and Hnni>s| II on pw d. Sam- anal ah*e 1 9S ""■Aa
' am. Ploatma rraoi TkfWp.
Silk A li-i. lim - ._.. I <*' and 1 p,
\lvlea(hißi ...... ... - - np.
i'..|nsd HtankaAa froaa .™ TVacaJtnp.
Whil- nias.|aft,.m ._ . t SA a pair *p.
I ndnrvMfts and Prairar* rrmn . W np
ldt-n' lima I pair Snt ....... . .—..™.... P
<blMn'> tl.on I pair IU . . .... ihr
Al-n .a-kil pairfor Mr
klnn'i W.l ll. - ■ ... 1*. IO—kr- .■
km i Vnj IIM Snmlm all amA ll* —■ .—•■ • Ikr a pair
Shoe# at One-Half Price.
I Udisa Hknaa-pwd k Calf . 1 ' J>f* fair
' Call Skin - I K pa naif
t CWMino'a Mwm ,nadora pair
Ladi-s' Hull..a Ok—a Ifnoi - t l* par pair ap
, Udtsa' Bnllim SK.—, Iliwal gnaliiy..™ ...™ I HI a pall
LmW Buimn MKKW, Hml Unalltr, warrmntiU 1 So and i Ok
L ladlsa Halloa Slw. Prsn. k Kid .._ I Jr> to 1 ,Vi. Wiirkl s b—t Ek*-i maka,
Mna'a 11-aay WHilar Pauti t.*. II Da, Its and I knpar pair.
1 Cbildrsa*allafrMol Wtap nnowata. Sny'r rtnnrnaaK
Mm a Onatenala 3 qn. 4 on, 4 •. *l ae Maa'a AII *.ml PniU Itma sHO ap
* Alna'a Pins Vlirda UOn a pair ki-a'a A lliaty lloat 1 !*a pair. Bi.y'a |bt 100 and 124 p-r jalf-
Ladiaa' Oaalar and KM lilt.*— SOe a pair. Mae • CAaaUir Pla-k lUeaan Ibn.di ap. •
j (4Wwmw ?&<*
, tadlaa' and CHilldraa'a Dnlmaaa. tlai-ra. Clnntara. B Latfani (Wnrk, aad aaaiksd de*n *1 pre cant, fraaa
laal moib*a prima.
f W- l.aTa IH> apac- to tnanUon all Ilia. 1 arnJM w ba— bat * baa- Forty Tkowaaswd Dollar'* i
, Worth Stock hkb abalt *t> ia iba an Tklrty Days •< aJtaow naif pd.
9 SKXD FOR SAMPLES.
I ra'l on at nad *ava M ny Mmmj *lnra-d If p*i. kaaa net aallafertnry.
; L
llt'llf fonto, Fa.