THE ttlOT TEST CASK IN THE M|J.
I'KKMK t'Ol'KT.
From th* llfirtlalmrß Patriot.
On the 29th tilt., before the supreme
court in this city, wn* argued an im
portant cose from Reaver county in
which the county of Allogheuy was
plaiutitfin error (and defendant below)
and John, Gilwoti Sons & C'-0., defend
ants in error (and pluiutiff below), be
ing the most important as a test ease,
f ;rvwing out of the late riots at l'itt.s
mrg upon the decision of which many
others involving in the aggregate some
millions of dollars will depend. Ry
r legislative enactment of May 31, 1841,
responsibility was imposed upon the
couuty of Philadelphia for damages
of a specified nature occasioned by
riots in that county. In 1849 that
• enactment was extended to Allegheny
county. This suit was brought under
the acts of assembly mentioned, by
Gibson, Sons A Co., vs. Allegheny
county for the value of sixty barrels
of whisky destroyed by the tuob at
Pittsburg in July, 1877. The plaiutiif
in error was ably represented by the
following distinguished lawyers': Dan
iel Agnew, George W. Riddle, S. H.
Geyer aud GeorgeShiras, Jr.
The argument prepared by these
gentlemen was arranged with great
cure, and laid the entire subject open
y before the court. Its salient points
were: That as no person can be en
titled to the benefits of the acts of 1841
ami 1849, if his improper conduct has
caused thejdestructiou of his property ;
that therefore the plaintiff* below had
no remedy, for the reason that the
Pennsylvania railroad company was
their bailee and that the company by
acts of it* own bad "occasioned the
riot and was responsible for the conse
quences, and was guilty of improper
conduct within the meauing of the
statute."
That the outbreak was not such a
mob or riot a* the statute contem
plated, but owing to the wide extent
of its range, took more of the charac
ter of uu insurrection, and was far
without the scope of power held by
Allegheny county to quell or subdue it.
That the state authorities had un
dertaken before there was any de
struction of pro|erty to abate it. and
that this action on the part of the
state relieved the county.
That the whisky was in transitu
from Cincinnati to Philadelphia when
f destroyed, and "was not property *il
vale in the county defendant, within
the meauing of the act of assembly
given in evidence.
And the 7th section of the n<t of
May, 1841, is iu contravention of the
federal constitution, and also in vio
lation of the constitution of Pennsyl
vania, and therefore is void.
We cannot pass this cause without
n special reference to that branch of
the exhaustive argument of ex-Chief
Justice Agnew referring to the ls ar
ing of the new constitution of the
state upon the act of 1841. The |s>-
sition taken by the eminent jurist wa*
that the act, though constitutional at
the time of its passage, is inconsistent
with the present fundamental law ami
is accordingly no longer valid for the
purpose of its enactment. The reasons
in support of this position were, because
it discriminated between different coun
ties of the state subjecting them to
different liabilities ; because, under it
the debt of a county might be increas
ed to a sum far iu excess of the consti
tutional limit (viz.: seven per centum ;)
liecause it is inequality of taxation ;
because its enforcement would infringe
upon those rights of private property
which tbc constitution guarantee* to
protect; and because, it is inconsistent
with the 10th section of the 9th article. ;
It declares that "Any county, township,
school district or other municipality,
incurring any indebtedness, shall, at
or before the time of so doing, provide
for the collection of an annual tax
sufficient to pay the interest ami al*o
the principal thereof, within thirty
years." In this connection he said :
"Now, if we consider the indebtedness
as fixed and ascertained by the scvcial
judgments for the damage*, and there
is no other means of determining how 1
much or what sum shall lie provided
for under the 10th section, it is impos
• sible to complv with the mandate of
J the section. The liability is uuknowu
until the destruction of the property,
aud the los* is unknown until deter
mined by the judgments of which there
may be many. It is imjmssible,
therefore to provide for the collection
of the annual tax. To pay either in
terest or principal, either before or at
the time of increasing the indebted
ness." The reasoning of Judge Ag
netg throughout his brief argument
was clear and exhaustive. The in
genious manner in which it was woven
convinced all who heard it that it em
anated from the mind of a great law
yer. And the power with which it
was presented at the bar of the high
* court, whose ermine he once so honor
ably wore and with so much eminent
ability, could call hut for one conclu
sion—that he is cfiually superior as
the practitioner as he was superior as
the judge. The bar of Pennsylvania
has every reason to lie proud of a man
like Judge Agnew who brings to it
from the bench a well-stored intellect
commanding all respect. Huch men
are few and must always stand as
, models for emulation.
" TWENTY years ago," said a color
ed philosopher, "niggers was wuir a
thousand dollars apiece. Now dey
would be dcah at two dollar* a dozen.
It's 'stouishio* how de race am run
iiiu' down*"
WHOLESALE COKMTTION.
WHAT THE INVESTIGATION OK THE
STATIONERY ANI OTHER SUEKMEB
OK THE HOUSE IIIBCLOHKH.
Haurisburo, May 28. —The report
of the committee that investigated the
stationery and other supplies of the
House of Representatives but faintly
outlined the gross negligence, the pro
digality, the waste, the favoritism, the
wholesale plunder and petty stealing
that has prevailed nlmut the Capitol
for years. The testimony shows that
almost everything furnished cost from
one to live hundred per cent, more
than it was worth. The hill for toilet
soap for the House for .January, Feb
ruary, and a few days in March lust
year was almost two hundred dollars.
The towels used in the Senate hath
room cost ?7 each, and supplies of
every kind in proportion in quantity
and cost. The old curpets and chairs
j are shown to have la-en parcelled out
' among officers, members and outsiders,
j Samuel Adams swore that Charles
Salter and J. .J. Monnghaii, of Phila
delphia, each got a carjiet last year
from the committee rooms; that the
House carpet was divided up ami given
away; that I)r. Shurlock got four
i chairs, and that chair* and every other
j moveable thing were stolen and carrier!
| otr by unknown person*. Thealpacca
j draping put up in the House at the
time of the death of Mr. Newell,
of Philadelphia, which extended clear
around the hall and cost sixty cents a
yard, was stolen, much to the chagrin
of Adams, because he wanted it him-
J self when it was taken down, as he
had promised it to women for dresses.
Adams swears that it would take u log
chain to hold nnvthing fast in the
House and keep it from being stolen.
He savs, in his guileless way : " There
alwavs was a had lot of fellows on the
hill." Dr. Shurlock, Chief Clerk,
testifies that mem tars were given ull
the stationery they wanted for tlivni
selves, their wives and their children,
and when any one would bring in one
id* his constituents he was supplied.
Charles C'illey, the young man who
had the stationery in charge, never re
ceipted for it when he got it nor made
any memorandum of what he issued.
He gave it to everybody, and more
especially to those who were friendly.
Adopting the language of " Pinafore,"
( illey says in his testimony that he
gave to mem tiers, their wives and
children and cousins and uncles and
aunts. He further states that nearly
every boy who writes letters in Har
ri-burg uses the official stationery. A.
('. Neall, representative from the
Twenty-eighth Philadelphia j district,
swears that lie got out ten or twelve
packages of stationery every year, and
supplied the clubs, and societies and
organizations in his district with it.
He thought he had a right to do it,
and gave his constituent* the benefit
of it. While the value of the amount
drawn by Mr. Neall would probably
not lie more than hi* share of the 82-1-
000 and upward charged, but few
members get more than one or two of
these packages. These are but a few
salient points of the testimoney. The
following tabulated statement will
show the expense* of the House of
Representatives from 1871) to 187-8:
Cnnlln*fft, fil K
l*7 I* 21 V. 177*10 | . I-4'PJH
1971 • Io.fHMI " • am • 4,174.92
1#7£... M4I.U 4> t*> 17/4 M
I*7l ..29,407.28 U.man
1*74.... 1.1.704 M 9.13 AM 98.1*1 9* -O 4.474.47
1... *<••><*! 4.4*0.94 7/7 >OO 1!,74i*.4
1*74.. 17.091 *4 1644&.K1 *l2 11 B,7*A M
1977_11*10*J B' "7 i-< • IjOVI 71
I<7* I.W/744 ia/C.71 '._ w x7S .*.V-i>) 1 >*).)<>
To correct those abuse* the commit
tee recommended the following changes
to be made in the law governing the
matter.
First. All supplies, when delivered,
should l*> essmineil by a mrnpntent oIBi er,
wtm s) nuld see that every contract is
honestly complied with, and that no goods
are paid for that are not delivered in kind
and ipialitv, and who should keep thi-tn in
his possession until they are required.
Second. Everything needed in the
House should lie drawn by the Clerk, on
written orders, and a strict account kept of
alljToperty pa**ing through his hands.
Third. No stationery, or other public
projierty, eicept what may be needed in the
transaction of offieial business, should lie
dollverod to the members without receipts,
or other vouchers being required.
A Chinese Deacon.
Yesterday morning at 10 o'clock,
Ah Ching, a Chinnman twenty-five
years of age, was ordained as deacon
in Trinity church, this city. The cere
mony was of more than ordinary im
liurtance, leing the first instance of the
:ind in this country. The religious
Chinaman, who has taken the name
of Walter C. Young, has hoeu a resi
dent of this country for fifteen years,
most of thnt time being spent in the
Eastern Htates. For the past two
years he has been a resident of this
city ami has been a student under the
care of Trinity church. Rev. Dr.
Heers, in his nddress, referred to the
ordination being the first one in which
a native of China, in that connection,
had been admitted to the orders of the
Church. He added that the young
tnnn who was now admitted to the
Order of Dcaeous had passed a far
better examination than the majority
of those who had been candidate* for
the prie*thood. Itigbt Rev. llisbop
Kip officiated at the ordination, aud a
part of the service was rend in Chinese
by the newly made deacon. Th*
young man has discarded the costume
peculiar to his race and wears his hair
short. —iSan Francis Call.
A RARY in arms is a tyrant in the
household, but when it grows older it
is overweauing.—l'uck.
NKNATOK WAM.At K't Sl'tvKf'll.
From the I'ltui-urg Pint.
Senator Wallace made a lengthy
and remarkably strong argumentative
speech in the senate on Thursday, ad
dressing himself mainly to the uues
tinn of the revival of John Adams
federalism in the claim put forth by
Hayes and the stalwarts of the right
and power of the federal government
to dominate over state elections, ly
troops aud deputy marshals. The
Senator look the hold, strong ground
i that the federal government has made
I and can make no voters. It cannot
j add to or take from the qualification
jof a voter as prescribed by the state
save in protecting him from discrimi-
I nation on account of race. When it
I asserts the |s>wer to create and hold
1 national elections or to regulate the
| conduct of voters on election day it
tramples under loot the very basis of
| the federal system and seeks to build
' a consolidated government front a
• democratic republic. This is the plain
purpose of the men now in control of
; the federal government, and to this
end the teachings of leading republic
' cans uow are shaped. This position
the Senator maintained by a constitu
tional argument of great power, sup
porting it by authorities from all
sources. We shall publish this argu
ment as soon as received in Tin litrotd.
The telegraphic summary i* uf little
value, and merely hint* at the line
of the Senator's s|>ecch. While wc
have ditfercd from Senator Wallace
on matters relating to the organization
of the democratic party within the
state, and firmly adhere to the opinions
heretofore expressed in The 7W, yet
we have no disposition to detract from
the ability he shows in the Senate
chamber in discussing political and
constitutional questions. Tin* is hi*
k-giiimutc sphere of action, and one in
which he can do credit to himself and
important service to the party.
■ - ♦—
A Heed of Heroism.
James Ilrandt, or, a* he wa* better
known, "English Jimmy," was a M >n
tuua stage driver. Many years ago
he took the reins on the route between
Hutte and Deer Izodgc and ---rved the
public faithfully. Jimmy's horse-loved
iiis affectionate pat and stroke about
as much a* they did their oat. lie
rarely u*ed the whip, carrying it, in
ihssl, for the purpose of playing tine*
with the lash in the sharp mountain
air. On the morning of the tith in
stant. Jimmy's four horse* jolted out
of Hutte with a roach load of men.
women and children. A pa.-. 4 ngcr
sut with him on the box. 'I lie stage
swept along the road at a right good
gait and mmiii the lir*l relay, liirard '*,
was readied. There the horse* were
changed. Jimmy remark's) that the
new horses were not hi* old friends,
but striujL"-i> to him. He directed the
stableinM to arrange the hurness care
fully, a* the team wa* evidently spirit
i-d. When all wa* readv a mischiev
ous liny called out, "Sow you go,
Jimmy!" at the same time slapping
one of the leaders with hi* hand. The
leader reared and shot headlong away.
The four horses sprung immediately
ifito a dead run. Jimmy threw his
every muscle into the lines. He cnll
<sl out, "Steady, down there!" for the
benefit of the passengers, gritting his
teeth and bent to hi* tak. The horses
dashed on at the top of their speed.
They were crossing a level plain and
making dead for a narrow gtillcy,
down which the road ran liefore it
crossed an insecure, tinwailed bridge.
Jimmy fixed his eves on a farm house
in the distance ami on his route. He
knew that if he could rein in his hors
os through several piles of soft gra-*
shocks near the house he could save
the passengers. He told the men to
lie ready to jump a* they ran through
the grass. "Take the babies, he,
and a* the coach swerved under hi*
powerful arm and ran in among the
shocks the |ia*senger* b-a|s-d or rnlh-d
out, some bruised but none bndly hurt.
A few minutes later Jimmy's Issly was
picked lip under the bridge from
whieh the coach had been thrown to
the rocks liekiw. The poor fellow's
legs ami arms were broken. The
Montana Miner says that he uttered
one sentence : "Oirard, this is Jimmy's
last ride, but he did his duty." Ho j
died in an hour.
Our t nrle Samuel Ki**imr liable*.
Ex-Governor Tildcn went on board
an European steamer to see Horace
White ami hi* party off. The New
York Sun describes the incident: Mr. '
Tilden looked extremely well, was
dressed in black broadcloth, and spoke
with such evident good humor that he
was surrounded hy a merry party of
listeners. In saluting the members of
thg party, who sat along the first and
second tables on the port side of the
steamer's dining saloon, he shook
hands along the line of ladies until he
came to last couple. This was the
maid and the Imhy she carried. Mr.
Tilden hesitated, but only for a second.
Then he lient over ami kissed the
baby. The vigorous and chubby in
fant misinterpreted the action. It
supposed the ex-Oovernor intended to
let it play with his gold eye-glasses,
and it looked extremely displeased
when they swung back to hit waistcoat
as he straightened himself and walked
away with them.
" BIT I will not linger upon this
point," as the speaker said when he
sat down on the carpel tack.—ihir
lington Ilaxckeye,
I.A M Hit Kt{l INH.
" For the land's rake!" exclaimed
Mrs. Hrowu, dropping in upon me for j
a morning's call, " what un extrava
gant creature that young Mrs. Har
man is! why, just us I was coming
through the hack yard I hapja-iied to
glance up, and 1 declare, if there to
all her kitchen windows didn't hang
the most beautiful lime laiiiprequins 1
ever set my eyes on !"
" I .flee lambrequin* at her kitchen,'
windows! you must be mistaken." j
"No, 1 am not, and if you don't be
lieve it, just go and see for yourself." ]
1 did so; and there, sure enough,
were hung what appeared to he ele
gant lace lambrequin*.
" She'll ruin that husband of hers," :
i continued Mr*. Hrow u. " I must sav
it makes im: angry to sec such doing*,
Mr. Brown is worth twice a* much a*
Iter husband, aud 1 never thought of
having any but green paper curtains
at any of mv windows."
" Well," I remarked, " I think my
self it is a very extravagant move.
oting (s rsoiis, when starting in lift-, 1
should be economical, if ever, and look
out for a rainy day."
"Have you called?" asked Mrs. I
j Brown.
" No, hut I should like to."
" I lICII supposin' you slip on your '
lioiiiiit, and we will step over. Those
lambrequins have made me kind of
curious."
I assented, and in b-.* than five
minutes we stood at the door of a
pretty cottage.
"Good morning, ladies," said Mr*.
Ilarman, appearing at the door in a
mat calico dress, "walk in," aud she
ushered us into a <*<*il, shndv room,
whose windows were drapm-d withcur
tain* of white dotted muslin.
She was very social, uml we fell nt
unee into a pleasant chat. At la-t
Mr-. Hrowu introduced the topic of
domestic ccotiotnv.
<■*, indeed," said Mr*. Ilarman.
I know soim-thing of economy.
Harry and I are just starting in life, j
ami 1 fed we ought to save in every
way we can, without infringing on our
real comfort. He wanted ine to keep
a girl, but I said no ; that I bad much
rather do my own work, and 1 find it
very plea-aut, t<>. Through the hot
weather I ari-< bright ami early, nud
get all the baking ami sweeping away
lietore breakfa-t; then I have plenty
d leisure to sew. Yesterday 1 finish
ed those curtains ((minting t<i tin
window , I didn't think they would do
H) T. *' 11. I made thcin out of a couple
of old white dri--*-* that I had thrown
a-idc —"
ou ought to have put your lace
lambrequin* in here,' raid Mrs.
Brown.
Mrs. Hnrinan looked puz./.lcd.
" but do you im-an ?" she asked.
" Why, tli-m lieautiful lace thing*
you've got hanging up to your win
dow*. I couldn't think of such ex
trnvagance in my house."
Mrs. Harmati broke into a hearty
laugh.
" Won't you step out ami lm.k at
them v " she a*ked.
" Well, I never! if I ain't heat!"
utter*l tbe amazed Mrs. Brown, a* -<•
surveyed thctn. For lo ami behold,
thev were nothing but newspaper*, cut
ami notched in imitation of lace pat
tern.
Mr*. H. kindly showed ns hew to
fold the papers and cut tficm, so we
I*th walk< <i home ami hung lace lam
brequin* at our kitclieu windows.
Try it.
Prices In fiiichtiul ami thi* Conntry.
Fr*m iHily
Euglniel wa* once considered a very
cheap country to live in, but it is so no
longer. An American family of three
was found there during the war sus
taining lite on a shilling a day for AMMI ; ;
now it would lie difficult to do that
ami not resort to beggary. How could
it IK* pors-ihle for food to IK* cheap when
most of it is imported? House rent
is lower than in New York, but not
much if any cheaper than in the sub
crb* of New York. Coal is alwmt
s.j 50 the ton of 2,000 |Miunds, but is
really much dearer than that, when wc
consider that two tons of anthracite
would oiitbiirn three of bituminous.
There ought to be a splendiil o|K-ning
for American coal ami stoves. Meat
is higher, ranging from eighteen to
thirty-five cent* a ]mund. Bread is ,
three cent* a pound ami is inferior in i
quality. The E.uglish do not know
how to make good bread. Eggs— j
mostly like the " barrel " eggs here —■ j
are thirty to thirty-five cent* a dozen ; '
butter twenty-five to forty rent*, ami
|MK>r nt that; cheese eighu-rn to twen
tv-fivc cent*; milk ton cent* a quart.
Potatoes nre sold by weight, but would
average $1.26 a bushel. A* to fruit,
most of it is a luxury beyond the reach
of ordinary purchasers. On a thought
ful consideration, people generally
will come to the conclusion that this
country is a very comfortable place to
live in.
Mira C. L. WOLFE, of New York, 85
year* old, the richest single woman in
the United Nates, ho* arrived at Now
port, R. I. She is worth over $lO,-
000.000, nml has just returned from a
two Yearn' visit to Europe, Oh ! won't
she have the licaux—if she'll have 'cm.
A WRTTKK in one of the London pa
pers rays that while lying in bed the
wheel* of life are oiled and eased. It
is terribly hard work, nevertheless, for
some persons to get their wheels to
move tu the rooming.
j A coi vritv MKIM lIANTH TKIAI-H.
; N.*!,• !. V. flood*)' Tim-*..
" What's butter?" she exclnmcd in
ii shrill voice. "I mean good butter,
i none of your nasty hair-streaked stuff',
; but uumlmr oro- gilt-edged creamery,
lit for General Grant or Henry Wan!
Bcecher, or"—here she poured to see
why that " |H->ky man didn't luing it
in." During the pause the proprietor,
| whom long yearn of exjs-rionce had
• made shy id' elderly iron-chid females,
, edged out and suddenly remeiulMiriiig
that something iflsded fixing in the
store-room, sent hi* clerk, an oily-
I tongued youth to the tender mercies of
the butter-maker. By the time the
j change wan effected the weaker half
appeared bearing a firkin of aromatic
something that caused the clerk to
think of "Araby the bleat."
" Set it right there, .Jothain, no that
; the lawn can look at it, though J don't
i presume he'll care about examining
anything that 1 bring."
" 1 leavenn, no," ejaculated the clerk
in an undertone, "a nmell in enough."
" Where's the old man," now broke
from the old lady, who perceived for
; the lirnt time the metamorphosis. " 1
want to deal with men, not with boyn
I who don't know good butter from lard ;
! trot out vour Irons, bub, if you want to
truck with our family."
" I lie proprietor is. engaged "
" 1 don' care if he's married. I guess
! he can tend to first class customers."
" lint, madam, you did not allow me
to finish ; the proprietor in engaged in
watching nt the bedside of a dying
child to which he was summoned a few
minutes since."
" Heaven hless that boy," murmur
ed the "boss" from bin |so it ion at the
keyhole of the store-room door; "heav
en bless him, he will he no honor to me
before he leave* my roof."
"Young man if what you say is true,
and you seem too young for a delilx-ratc
liar, I'll try and get along with you;
now just tell me what you can give me
for that butter and return the firkin."
'I Ic young man nerved himself, lift
ed the cover, and liehehl a mam of
streaked stutfin a partial state of de
comixisitiou.
" I can give von—"
" Don't think I'm a log and want
you to give me fifty or sixty cent* a
|s>und, for mv neighbor- know that I
never a-ked over thirty rents,even if I
could have got thirty-live l.r it in Chi
cago; and 1 sha n't ask you any more,
so if you want it for thirty cents take
it along, and sling down some prints
for me to examine."
" lb-ally, madam. I don't believe we
could give thirty cents; the- market i*
, flat on butter."
j "Hut they don't get such butter as
that every day."
"That's so, madam, neither do we;
and they don't know down there how
to appreciate such hutU( when they do
get it."
" W ell, what < :ui you give mc, twen
ty-four cents?"
"No, ma'am; owiogto the unusually
crowded slaU- of the market, the large
'jtiantity ofolcomargariuc now manu
factured, the depression of the hog
market, and the poor prospect* of an
caste rn war," ("I'll advance his wages,"
murmured the old man,) "I can offer
you but five cent* jn-r |tound, and you
throw in the firkin."
"Fire rente a pound ami m' gire yon
the firkin! Young teller. I wouldn't
*<•11 you the firkin for fhat; you |eak
hi-aiiisl a|e. you had ls-tter go off some
where and hate yourself to death; you
pug-nosed, thick-lipped fool, you
| Jnthntri bring that butter here this
mintiit and don't stand there with your
mouth open from ear to car, hearing
i your own lawful wife abused bv this
white - live-reel, counter-jumper, who
don't know how to treat a ladv who is
rcpeetfully connected and whose only
fault mining too willing to stand every
thing before saying anything." Jotli
am patientlv lifted the firkin ami start
ed for the door, when the old lady,see
ing that the clerk didn't act a* though
he intended to try to stop her, spoke
in a milder tooc.
"See here, my youthful, maybe your
ma died w hen you was young and you
failed to get brought up right, and,
come to lof*k at voti again, I believe I
Aaee seen j* akeder heads than yourn,
so don't feel angry and I'll throw ofl the
1 four cent" ami make it straight twenty
cents. What do you say?"
"Madam, vou are in error as regards
my matcrnn) ancestor; she is living at
the advanced age of eighty-fimr years,
and I can safely say that I never suf
: fered from a 'bringing up;' she ci/tray*
brought nie up.sometimes very sudden
ly. With reference to the cone-like
sbajw of my head, I assure you it was
caused by the odor of prixe butter like
youfs, which invariably lifted mc, and
the central pccrtion of the ton part of
my cranium being more liable to dis
tention. —"
"Oh, you little fool, don't stand
there lengthening your barn-door of a
mouth with your long-winded abuse of
a lady whose shoes you aiu't worthy to
take off."
"A feat I don't care to try," said the
thoroughly aroused clerk.
"What's that yon are raying about
my feet? If it wasn't for the law I'd
let you feci the moral suasion they con
tain, hut I won't waste word* will) a
knock-kneed tad-pole like you. Joth
am, jerk that butter out just as soon as
you ran." ?And Jotham staggered out
lenring his odoriferous burden, while
the old lady, with many a snort and
jerk, followed.}
As soon as the merchant raw that the
danger was over, he emerged from the
store-room; hurriedly shaking the
I clerk's hand, lie cxclurned:
"Holy Moses, but you arc a brick.
I would have had to (rive into that
old vampire and taken her butter
noUnt vuUriM. I'ii double yourcalary,
arid you can come and ace my daugfi
: ter any time ; yea, go now, murry her if
you want to; a man that can get rid of
an old woman who in determined to
nell a firkin of such stuff can marry
my mother-in law, if he want* to. Now
go." And the young man went.
Jiald-lleaded J/OTer.
No one who look* down from a gal
lery in a church upon a devout and
1 god-like congregation, ran fail to no
tice how very prone the Christian is to
the loan of hi* hair. Piety and haid
heaiiednew seem to go together, that
the head of the believer might be a
-hiinng light, a city on the hill. And
yet it one goea to a godless theater the
name thing is observable. Worldline**
is a* bad as piety. The bloated capi
talist and the horny-handed son of toil
are equally liable to bare-footednu*
on the top of the head. And this, too,
in the face of the fact that proud
science has long w restled w ith the prob
lem, and inventions innumerable an
| nouriee themselves as causing a luxu
riaut growth of hair, liald-bcaded
ness, however, does not impair a man's
value in the ordinary affairs of life.
He can buy or sell, insure, run a bank,
or accept an office, with not enough
hair on his head for a first clan* eye
brow ; but when it comes to making
love to a girl it is very much in the
wrfS. Th ere i- a great deal of capilla
ry attraction in love, (iirls adore a
handsome suit of glossy hair. It is
lovely. And w hen a lover comes to
woo her with the top of hi* lead shin
• ing like a greased pumpkin, he is at a
disadvantage. Just as the words that
glow ami the thought* that burn begin
to awaken in her bo-orn a sympathetic
thrill, she may happen to notice two
or three flies promenading over his
phrenological organs—and all is over.
< iirls are so frivolous. Hie immedi
ately Iweomcs more interested in those
fli<*s than all his lovely language.
While lie i pouring out his love and
pas-ion, she is wondering how the flies
manage to hold on to such a slippery
surface.
A tpiaker Printer's Proverb*.
N< ver send an article for publica
tion without giving the editor thy
name, for thy name oftentimes secures
publication to w<-rthless articles.
1 hou shouldst not rap at the door
of a printing office; for he that answer
eth tiie rap snecreth in his sleeve and
loseth time.
Never do thou loaf about, nor km* k
down tyj>e, or the lsiys will love thee
as they do the shade trees —when thou
IcavesL
Thou shouldst never read the copy
on the printer's ca~es or the sharp and
hooked container thereof, or he may
knock thee down.
Never inquire of the editor for news
for behold it is his business to give it
to thee at the appointed time without
asking for it-
It is not right that thou shouldst
a>k him who is the author of an arti
cle, for it is his duty to keep such
tilings into himself.
When thou dost enter his office, take
heed unto thyself that thou dost not
look at what concerns thee not, for
that is not meet in the sight of good
breeding.,
Neither examine thou the proof
sheet for it is not ready to meet thine
eve that thou mayst understand.
Thou shouldst not delude thyself with
the thought that thou hast saved a few
cents when thou has secured a dead
head copy of his paper, for whilst the
printer may smile and say it's all
right, he'll never forget thy meanness.
Ox a quiet day in leafy June, when
bees and birds were all in tunc, two
lovers walked beneath the moon. Tho
night was fair, so was the maid : they
walked and talked beneath the shade,
with none to harm or make afraid. Her
name was Sue, and his wa Jim ; and
he was fat and she wa slim. He took
to her. and she td him. Says Jim to
| Sue, "By all the snakes that squirm
| among the hush and brakes, I love you
; better'n buckwheat cakes." Says Sue
to Jim, "Since you've begun it, and
been and come and gone and done it,
I like vou next to a now bonnet."
Says Jiiu to Sue "My lieart you've
busted, but I always gals mistrusted."
Says Sue to Jim, "I will be true; if
you love me as I love you, no knife can
; cut our love in two." Says Jim to Sue,
"Through thick ami thin, for your true
love count me iu; I'll court no other
gal ag'in." Jim leaned to Sue, Sue
leaned to Jim; his nose just touehed
her jockey brim; four lips met —went
ahem! ahem! And then—and then—
and then —then! O girls, beware of
men iu Jufte, and underneath the sil
ver moon, w hen frogs and crickets are
in tune, lest you get your name in the
paper soon.
I* congregation of colored folks,
after they had sung the hytnu, Pastor
Gardner arose and said: " Hruddren,
if it wasn't for de wheels oil a wagin
dc wagin wouldu't move. When do
wheels am on, den what?"
" Grease 1" solemnly exclaimed an
old deacon.
" K'rw t P whispered the pastor,
softly rubbing bis hands together.
"Wc hex de wagin an' de wheels. We
will now pass do hat for dc grease."