SI'KKCII OP
HON. T. ALEXANDER.
The first bill in order was Senate bill
No. 49, entitled An act to secure to op
eratives and laborers engaged in ami
g a! HIII 1 coal mines and manufactories of
iron and steel, the payment of their
wages at regular intervals and in lawful
money of the United State*.
The I'RKSIDKNT. The question is 011
the final passage of the hiii.
Mr. AI.KXANUKR. Mr. President, the
two great moving forces that have made
t liis country all that it is are capital and
labor. Under our beneficent form of j
free government these two forces have
been working together for the geneial
improvement and development of the
wonderful natural resources with viii-ii
i nature has so bountifully endowed tins
1 great country. For many years they
worked harmoniously together, side t.y
' side, ami shoulder to shoulder, accom
plishing results that have astonished
the world in the development of the
capabilities of our people. One portion
of our people have, by tact and good
management, accumulated property,
which wo are taught to call capital.
Another portion of our people, lc s
fortunate, have struggle'l, and arest'll
struggling, to earn their bread by the
sweat of their brow, which we aie
taught to call labor. Each and every
mm, originally, is supposed to have
started in life with the suuioondowmei t
of nature, to wit, the right to earn his
bread by labor, which was Ids origin d
capital.
In tlio organization of our govern- j
menl our forefathers, recognizing t! o
right of all men to a t'.-ir start in the
race of life, declared that nil men are
created equal, and endowed by their ,
Crentor with certain inalienable rights,
that among these are life, liberty and j
tlio pursuit of happiness. That 10 se
cure these rights governments arc in
stituted among men, deriving their just
powers from tlio consent of the govern
ed. 80 far, therefore, as the fundamental
law of the land is concerned, the whole
people have had a fair chance in the I
race for that fortune which so many i
erroneously conceive to be the acme •>(
happiness. Many have lagged behind
in this race. Some have far outstripped
their fellows, We still tind them strug
gling along all the way from the starting
point to the end of the journey. Some
are clothed in rags, others in purple and
fine linen. .Some live, as it were, upon
hunks, others u|>on milk and honey.
.Some toil from the rising of the sun
until the going down thereof, and gain
but a poor subsistence ; others toil not,
and yet live in luxury, with all the good
things of the world at their command, j
This order of things is so established, in
the economy of the world, by the fiat of |
. the Almighty, and no human power can
change it. All men cannot he rich. All
men cannot be equally powerful; and
if, by legislation, it were possible to
make an equal division of accumulated
wealth among all our people, the equal
ity could not be maintained for a day
some will be frugal—some will be thrift
less. Those who are frugal will accum
ulate wealth ; those who are thriftless
will spend it.
The common desire of all men is to
live in ease with all the comfort* of life
at their command. Human nature is
never satisfied, and the comforts of life
are insufficient to satisfy our longing,
craving nature. We must have more,
w* and on we go, struggling for more and
more, never satisfied until death—the
inevitable lot of all men—commands a
halt, and then what good ? What worth
the effort*—the struggles of mind and
body —sleepless nights and toil by day—
what the value of accumulated wealth ?
An undertaker's wagon, a coffin, mourn
ing friends, a concourse of people, a
hole in the ground, and you are buried
from sight at once, and in a few days
front memory ; and the world goes on
without you just as well as though you
had never existed. Why then the strug
gle of life for wealth ? Nature will* it
so and we cannot help it; this state of
things ha* ever been so, and so it will
continue.
All men are engaged in the sante
-struggle of life—each one striving for
more, and in the eagerness with which
they pursue the phantom wealth they
often elbow aad gouge and trip up each
other. Thejr jockey each other on the
track. Their neighbor* say they cheat.
Home people say they are dishonest.
Those who fall l>ehind and are beaten
in the race say that the race was unfair,
and the second beat claims the stakes.
Will it ever l>o otherwise? Can legisla
tion prevent it? I claim to understand
somewhat of the condition of the labor
ing man, and can sympathize with hitn
in his struggles of life, and I will do for
him ail I can to help him on in ais jour
ney. If there is any load upon hi*
shoulders that he ought not to bear, I
will lift it off if I can. Can Ido it by
voting for this bill as it stands, without
■•my amendment? Capital and labor are
not in conflict with each other, as is *0
frequently alleged by the politician and
the demagogue—capital is essential to
Islior, and labor is essential to capital.
The one cannot get along without the
other. Why, because labor is capital
and capital ia the fruit of labor. Labor
is the tree, capital is the ripened fruit.
The fruit cannot exist without the
stalk, and the stalk, in the nature of
things, must produce the fruit
it be a barren stalk of which it is said,
it shall be cut down and cast into the
fire). The laboring man, who tills the
soil or digs the treasures of nature from
the trowels of the earth, or who by long
training, learn* to direct his hands in
the manipulation of nature'* treasure*
bring* them out from thecrudeneas
of nature into article* of use, supplying
the comforts and necessities of man,
deserve* the highest praise. Why ?
Because he fulfill* the highest destiny
of roan, in that be master* the secrets
of nature and converts them to the use
of man—create* capital. Labor is the
foundation of capital, but *hall it be
said that labor shall destroy capital ?
Khali the father destroy hi* offspring ?
Shall there even be a conflict between
them ? Educated labor doe* not detiro
it; capital does not desire it. Who
<#does? The demagogue.
Is there any real conflict between
them ? We hear from all sidea that
capital invested in industrial pursuit*
doe* not bring to iU owner* a sufficient
recompense, llany of oar iron furnaces
are idle; our foundries, and our ma
chine shops end planing mills are stand-
ing still ; our coal operators complain
that they can make 110 prolitH ; the la
boring men who work in theo several
branches of industry complain that
they are insufficiently paid—both sides
are telling the truth—neither capital or
labor are receiving the returns they did
during what we call "flush times."
What shall we do? If labor demands
more of capital, and capital grants it,
then capital will suffer. It'capital de
mands that the price of labor shall bo
less, then labor wdl suffer. If labor de
mands so much of capital that it can
not stand it, then capital will shut itself
up and refuse to employ labor—then
wliat ? Capital cannot be compelled to
employ labor, and labor can have noth
ing to do without capital. Thus we see
that one is dependant upon the other,
and both must live and thrive together,
or both must suffer. It is said by some
that capital oppresses labor, and that
labor must be protected by law.
Others say that labor oppresses capi
tal anil demands of it more than it can
pay. That both allegations are some
times true, I have no doubt. Capital
ists invest their money in industrial
pursuits expecting to make a profit 011
their investment. They do not invest
it in business simply for the sake of giv
ing employment to labor—they expect
a return in the shape of profit in their
investment—for their labor and the
risk of tiieir capital—whose capital is
his muscles and training in his art, ex
pects a profit and a return for it—its
value depending Upon its being w.-ll
directed by an intelligent understand
ing, the more skilled labor commanding
the higher price. That the capitalist
often takes advantage of the laborer is
doubtless true—that the laborers some
times takes advantage of their employ
eis is equally true. Is it possible by
legislation to prevent either one from
imposing upon the other? This is not
pretended, but it is alleged on the part
of labor that in some localities and in ;
some industrial pursuits a system of |
paying the wages of labor in orders on a
store or stores has been introduced, and
that the merchants are in the habit of
cb&rging exorbitant prices for their .
goods and that in this way the laboring
man is deprived of a portion of his hard
earned wugee : this is no doubt true in
many cases and is an evil. It is not
confined to company stores or store*
owned by the employers of labor—but
most all stores, upon whom orders are
drawn, charge more for goods sold upon
orders tlinn they do for cash. Why?
because an order is not money, it i a
letter of credit and the merchant who
receives it parts with his goods, which
cost him money, and is compelled to
wait months for his pay.
Our toiling farmers, a* a general rule,
have no money from spring to fall;
they employ labor at lower figures than
any othei blanch of industry, and are
compelled to pay their hired men with
an order on a country store, at least to
furnish him with his neceaaaries in this
way. The merchant must charge more
for his goods sold in this way than if
sold for cash, or he would fail in busi
ness. If the farmer was by law com
pelled at all times to pay cash for his
labor, he could not do it, and would be
compelled to leave all work be could
not do himself, undone. The farm la
borers would have no work and would
have to starve or be supported by pub
lic charity. The production of the nec
essaries of life would be dimished and
the cost to the consumer necessarily in
creased, which would ojerate severely
upon latiorers engaged in other pursuits.
But it is said that the projiosed law of the
Senator from Fayette doe* not apply
to any industry except the manufacture
of iron and steel and the mining of coal.
This is true, but why should it lie o ?
Why single out these three industrial
pursuit* from among the hundreds of
others? • Why not include the farmer,
the founder, the machine-shop man,
the miller, the lumberman, the axe
maker, the factory man, the grocer, the
baker, the lime burners, the merchants
themselves, who pay their store boy* and
clerks with store goods. Why not in
clude all branches of industry in which
labor in employed? If labor must IM
protected against capital, let all labor
and all capital lie treated alike. Is it
because the manufacture of iron and
steel and the mining of coal are more
profitable than other hranrhe* of in
dustry ? This cannot le pretended—
too many of our furnace* are standing
idle for this to be asserted, and every
person who knows anything about the
manufacture of iron know* that no
branch of industry i* at this time more
depressed. It is asserted by parties in
my district, engaged in the manufacture
of charcoal iron, whom I know to tie
honorable and truthful men, that if it
were not for their stores and the order
system, as adopted and in u*e by them,
that they would be compelled to stop
their works and thus throw out of em
ployment all of the men employed.
Valentine A Co., engaged in the man
ufacture of charcoal iron, near Belle
fonte. for more than twenty year* prior
to IHTft had no store, but paid their men
in cash at the end of every week. At
the end of that rear the footing of their
accounts showed an actual loss. They
were not disposed to run their works at
a loss, and there was but one of three
things to do : First, to stop their works
and leave all their men to shift for
themselves j or, second, to reduce their
wsges and thus bring the coat of the
production within the market value.
I'his they did not like to do as the
wage* were already so low that the men
could do no more than live, so they hit
upon a third plan.
They found that they were paying out
in money to their employe* about one
hundred thousand dollars per year.
That their men spent all this money
with the merchants in the purchase of
gooda, and that these merchants were
making a profit of from twenty to fifty
per cent, upon their money, which, if
they could retain, they could afford to
run their works. They therefore called
a meeting of their principal men and
made the proposition, which was agreed
to by them, that they would start a
store and agree to furniah them goods
at the same prices charged by other
merchants for the same kind and quality
of goods. That they would only re
quire their employee to take orders on
their store for the merchandise they
needed, end that all their savings would
be paid in money. Their store busi
ness has been very succeeaful, they
having a large and growing custom out
side of theii employe*. Thoy aluo say
that some of their employes, who for
twenty your* under the cash system ac
cumulated nothing, now having grow
ing balances to their credit. I have
heard no complaint Iront any of these
men, hut I have heard complaint* hy
outaide partie*—hy other merchant*
who have, of course, lost tho cuKtom of
thei>e men, and a few laboring men who
have received these order* second hand ;
I have not heard any complaint* from
any of the employe* of any of the other
iron manufacturer*. I presented ape.
tition several week* *go, signed hy
al/out sixty citizens of two townships re
mote from these iron works, where tho
principal industry i lumbering, who
complain of the order system as prac
ticed in their neighborhood, and pray
for the passage of a law, general in its
term, applicable to all parties. I have
also heard complaints from n few of the
employes in some of our coal mine*,
who say they are compelled to take
orders on the company store* where
they are compelled to pay more for
goods than they can buy them for at
other stores, i linvo no doubt hut that
some of these complaint* are founded
upon facta, and if legislation would
reach these case*, without doing an in
jury to both capital and labor in other
localities, whoro there is no complaint
or abuse, 1 would gladly nupport it.
This law would reach the innocent as
well as the guilty. Hut this legislation,
a* proposed in the bill as it reads with
out iny amendment, is special in its
clinrwter, being only applicable to !hre<
bram-he* of industry, leaving all others
untouched, and, as I believe, contrary
to the spirit of the Constitution.
•Section seven, article three, of tho
Constitution, provides that tho lieneral
Assembly shall not pass any local or
spoeiol law • • • • changing the
rules of evidence in any judicial pro
ceeding, or inquiry before court, alder
man, justices of the peace, • • • •
or regulating labor, trade, mining or
manufacturing." This proposed law
may not ho local in it* character a* it
applies to three branches of industry
in all of the counties of the Slate, in
which they are conducted, and is there
fore general a* to the business to which
it refers, hut is it not si ecisl as it ap
plies to lhri-e particular branches of in
duitry? What did the fratners of the
Constitution ni'-sn hy the use of tin
words local or special in the connection
in which they are here used ? We
must gather their meaning by the same
rules we would apply in the interpreta
tion of a statute.
But whether it he unconstitutional or
not, is not the policy of such a law had 1
All men are equal before the law, and
each man should he left free to make
his own contracts in hi* own way, so
long as he does not interfere with the
rights of others. All laws in restraint
of legitimate trade are obnoxious; all
laws that seek to inter|xwe a harrier
to the making of legitimate contract*
are in restraint ol trade, and an unwar
ranted interference with the rights of
citizenship. This act seeks to protect a
class of our citizens against their own
contracts, and, after they have made
them, to declare them null and voi-l.
If it he right to protect lat*>r against
capital, it would he equally right to. by
law, to protect capital against labor,
and to say, hy law, that it shall be a
misdemeanor for a man to refuse to
work and to compel hitn to work when
he was unwilling. Neither would l>e
right. If labor would thrive, it must
do it ly industry, frugality and thrift.
No law eun do for it what it will not do
for itself.
The *m. ndment 1 have proposed docs
not interfere with the right of capital
and labor to contract with each other,
and it makes the order that may 1-e is
sued in payment of lal>or, buy as much
as would that much money. It is right
and proper to go this far in the inter
est of labor. To go further would
prove, in the end. an injury and a
wrong to the laboring man instead of
being a benefit to him. This ought to
satisfy lahor, and, at the same time, it
ia just to capital.
I call the attention of the.Senators to
the seventh section Of the third article
of the Constitution, in which it says,
" the 'Jeneral Assembly shall not pass
any local or special law," referring to
different things, hut the point to which
I wish to call attention is that it shall
not pas* any local or special law "regu
lating labor, trade, mining or manu
facturing." Now, it may t* said that
this is not a local law. That I admit,
but because in it* provision* it applies to
these three industries, wherever they
may be situated in this State. But i* it
not special ? What ia tho meaning in
tended to he conveyed hy the use of
these two word* " local or special."
That the word "special" ha* not the
same signification as the word local is
evident, or it would not have been used
in this connection.
As I understand it, a special law is a
law that is not general, that applies to
certain fmrtions of a class instead of to
all that come within that class; that
this law applies to three industrial pur
suits instead of tieing applicable to all
branches of industry where labor is em
ployed, and therefore the law is special,
not local, in its character, but it is spe
cial in its features, and therefore prohib
ited. It says that no local or special
law shall be passed • • • regulating
lalior, trade, mining or manufacturing.
Now, this act, as it stands, is a proposi
tion to regulate mining and manufac
turing it regulates trade, regulates
labor r H undertakes to say what con
tract the laborer shall make with his
employer, and it prescribes penalties
for (be violation of the provisions of
the act, and makes it special in its
character, and is in direct opposition to
those provisions of the Constitution.
Now, so far as I am concerned my
self, I am as anxious a* any Senator on
this floor to reiieve the laboring man of
the burdens under which he suffer*
from day to day, and if there ia any
thing that can be done within the
limit* of the Constitution with a due
regard to the rights of others, capital
as well as labor, I will join hand in
hand with any Senator upon thia floor
and go as far as he. But this will not
accomplish that purpose. It will not
reach the end sought, and if it is passed
i I verily believe that unless those en
gaged In the manufacturing of charcoal
i iron are permitted to make this profit
i out of their goods instead of allowing
| the profit to go into the bands of
1 others, who give lahoi to no man, who
are intermediate men in society, who
i en-ate no weulth, who only accumulate
from the profits of labor, ami if that
money is allowed to go intoothor liati<ls
and manufacturing industries are com
pelled to pay cash from week to week,
it will not ha two months until every
one of th< in will be stopped, and the
laboring man will bo out of employ
: merit and ho will havo to g > olscwcre,
ho will have to become a tramp and
! search for work in sonic other place, and
it seems to mo that this bill could be so
amended a. to render it unobjectionable
or nearly so, and if I had been present
; when this hill was on third reading, I
. should have made this amendment. I
: will indicate tho amendment, and then
1 I shall ask to reconsider the voto. by
, which this hill par ed third reading, in
order to introduce this amendment. If
Senators will pay attention so that they
| will understand exactly what I propose
|to accompli-li, I think they will agree
Ito the proposition. I propose to move
I to strike out all ol tho act after the en
j acting clause, and to insert as follows;
"That every corp.ration, co-partnersldn,
j firm or individual doing any business with-
I in this Commonwealth in which laborers
jure employed shall |ay their laborer- or
employes lit slated p-riiid* in money or
merchandise or other commodity, as may
bo agree 1 upon between the parties at the
tint" of the r ontra' t ef hiring nr. I in ac
cordance witli the !<-rni* thereof, and it
shall tat uiihiwful for any < -rporation, co
partner-hip, llim or individual, doing bu-i
-fiess a- aloresnid, to knowingly and Will
fully charge ti.> ir employe* more or a
greater price for any article of merchan
dise I'urm-hed than that at which the tam<-
article and quality of merchandise i sold
at fur •ash in the fame town or neighh -r
-h eel hy other men hanU r othi rs trade g
in such articles. llat it ihnll he unlawful
for any retail men hunt doing business in
thi Common wealth to r-.iive any order
that ii ay 1— drawn up.n liini for lh<- pay
ment of labor at Irs- than il face value,
or t i discount the same, or to furnish ston
, goods or merchandise therefor, charging *
j greater or higher price for the sane- than
he would sell the same quality of g'od* at
! for cash, or than lh- same quality of good*
| or merchandise an be purchased at for
cash in the same town ■ r neighborhood
j That any p-rson violating any of the pro
| visions of this act shall t-y guilty of a mis
| demeanor, an-l upon conviction thereof
shall pay a tun- of n it h-* loan t- n dollars
or tm ro than fifty dollars f-r < a< h offeiiM ,
and shall refund to tie i-tir.y to whom such
g-Msls ->r Mo ri bund. " shall have bcn sold
the difference hctw- cn th • price charged
and the cash price th- rouf."
The first section I projoo to intro
■ luce prevents companies ami company
stores from selling go*i at a greater
price than they can be purchased at for
cash at other store* in the neighbor
hood.
The second section of the lrill reaches
another class in the community, people
who are simply merchant*, who are not
engaged in manufacturing, and U|-on
whom orders are drawn l,y farmers,
lumbermen, machine shop men. planing
mill Tin-it, and manufacturing enter
prise* ol ail kind*. These orders are
drawn ujx>n tliem, and the second sec
tion i* intended to reach thsl cls*s of
our j>eople, ami to prevent them from
j selling upon order* drawn upon them
at a greater price than they would have
received for their good* if they had t-cn
paid for in cash,and it reaches that class
of our community and put* everybody
on a par, everybody on the same looting,
on the same plane. It recognize* the
principle that underlie*our institutions,
to wit: the freedom of all our people to
make such contracts a* they please, so
long a* they do not interfere with any
positive law or the right* of others.
Hut no law should be passed, unless
based upon the soundest joliry, restrict
ing their right to so contract.
Mr. President, I move to reconsider
the vote by which this bill passed third
reading.
____ .
IT would be as unjust to guage the
industriea of the whole North, and the
condition of its laboring imputation, in
the matter of wages and the comforts of
life, by theactuaf facta of the anthracite
coal region, as it is to judge the South
bv the exceptional lalmr trouble# in
Northern Imuisian* and some counties
of Mississippi. We doubt if the negroes
of Imuisisns have undergone the lost
three years the hard-hips because of
low wages, uncertain employment, and
the "store order system," that the an
tluacite coal miner* of Pennsylvania
have faced. The Kansas emigration,
large a* it is, bear* a small pro|mrtion
indeed to the army of tram|>* set afloat
. by the condition of the labor niatkel of
thi* State, to say nothing of other North
; ern States.
That the South is fairlv prosperous,
, and the relations of capital and lalmr—
of employer and employed —are as ami
cable as elsewhere in the country, we
have pretty oenclutive evidence in the
great product* of that section. The
.South ha* done an iui|mrtant part in
creating that balance of trade which lias
brought about specie resumption. The
cotton production of ten Southern
States growing the staple, in 1878
amounted to nearly five millions of bales
and the exportation of cotton to foreign
countries, to nearly two hundred mil
lions of dollars, a sum that very nearly
covers the lielanro of foreign trade in
our favor. This one fact is sufficient
answer to the partisan contention of the
Republican*, that the Southern laborer*
are ill treated a* a rule and the whole
section in a constant state of political
turmoil and lawlessness. Such an in-
I lustry as that of cotton production
i could not thrive as it does under such
condition*. This with sensible business
j men, who do their own thinking, over
. throw* volume* of sectional tirades and
! misrepresentation based on a few isolat
ed facts. We presume the South, like
| the North, ia no better than it should
lie. It ha* had a rougher legacy from
the war, and crimes against person are
more common with them, as crime*
against property are more common at
the North. But time will right these
evil* to a great extent, and the progress
made and making ia most encouraging
to the sincere patriot, if not to the poli
tician* who are striving to keep alive
the hatee engendered by the civil war.
—Ptl.
WHAT is supposed to be the largest
tree in the Hnutbern .State* is a tulip
bearing poplar near Augusta Oa., which
is 155 feet high and nine feet in diame
ter, ita lowest branches being fifty-five
' feet from the ground.
DICTATING AN IT KM.
Tlie following little story tcachc*
caution in the lIHC of pronoun* :
Mr. Tucker came into tin- editorial
room of a local paper, and sliding up
to the reporter's table, he took a seat
and nudged up close and snid :
"Just take it down now, rind I'll
give you a good item. I toady
"V OH. Go ahead!"
"Well, this morning, Mr*. Tucker— I
my wife, you know- -and lier daughter
Bessie were driving out with a bay
mure, named Kiltie, along the river
road, to nee her aunt."
"Whom- aunt?"
"Mrs. 'fucker's aunt. To see her
aunt. Bessie was driving the inare,
ami a little after they had passed Siu
plctori Place she tiircw one of her
shoes."
"Bessie did!"
"No, Kilty, the mare. And Bessie i
said to her mother that she thought
she was behaving qtieerly."
"Mr*. Tucker was?"
" J lie mure; ami she felt so worried
that she had a notion to turn hack." i
"Are you speaking of the mure or of
Bessie
"1 mean Bessie, of course. But die
kept on limping and going kinder un- j
even until they w< re dowu by the gas
works, w hen she laid hack her ears
and —"
"You don't mean Bessie's cars?"
"Certainly rfot."
"f Jo on, then. Mrs. Tucker laid
la< k her ear*."
"The mare's ear*. And just ns they
got on the bridge over the creek the
mare gave a tilt to one side, and us
Mrs. linker screamed, she let drive
with both of her hind-legs, against the
carriage."
"Arc you referring to Mm. Tucker!
or to the—"
"Kitty, the mare—and mapped lsitli ;
shafts off shirt. The next moment,
la-tore Mrs. lU'Ju r or lb-woe could
save themselves, she went over the side,
tisriiing a complete somersault."
"N mi arc- now speaking of the mare?"
the marc turned a complete
somersault into the water. ()ne of the
traces remained unbroken, and of
course, n- Kitty wi-i*t over she dragged
the carriage after her, and Mrs. Tin k
er and Bessie went floundering into the
creek. 'lhc man- at once struck out
for the shore, and Ib-ssic fortunately
had presence of mind enough to grasp
her by the tail. She had the hliuii
staggers, but it had passed olf—"
"Not Bessie?"
"No—the mare; and n soon as she
was being towed pa>t Mr*. Tucker,
she caught hold of ner drew —"
"The mare's drew- ?"
"Ib-dc's dress; and it m-ennd for n
minute the mare would bring them
sab-ly to land. But Mrs. Tucker's
hold on the mare's tail loo*<-ucd some
how. and —"
said Bessie had hold of the
mare's tail."
"Did 1? Well, ao it was; and Mrs.
Tucker hold of ln-r dress," .
"Whose dres* ?"
"Didn t I snv Bessie's drew? Well,
then, somehow Mr*. Tucker's hold
loosened and—"
"Her hold of what?"
"Her hold of the mare —no, I must
be mistaken; !hie had hold of the
mare's tail, while the mare wa* swim
ming, and the ninre had hold of Mrs.
Tucker's dr— That is Mrs. Tucker
had hold of— Well, anyhow, she let
go—"
"Mrs. Tucker let go*"
"Oh, I dunno; whoever had hold of
the mare let go, and she went to the
bottom like a stone."
"If I follow your meaning, it wo*
the mare that went to the bottom ?"
"My goodne** man ! Can't you un
kerstand? It wasn't the mare.. The
inare swain ashore."
"What did you say she went to the
lrottom for, then ?"
"I didn't; it was Bessie."
"Ib-wie never said a won! about it."
"You know what I mean. Bessie
went to the bottom."
"And Mrs. Tucker swam ashore?"
"No, she didn't."
"Very well, then. Mrs. Tucker
went to the bottom too?"
"No, she didn't either."
"Mrs. Tucker flew up in the air,
till U''"
"You think you're smart, don't you?"
"Well, go on aud tell your story ;
we'll discuss that afterward. What
did Bessie say when she got to the
1m it torn ?"
"I'vea good mind to wollup you."
"What did she say that for?"
. "You mud-headed idiot," said Mr.
Tueker, "give me any more of your in
solence, and I'll flay you alive. I was
going to give you a good item about
that mare, and what Airs. Tueker said
about tier turning somersaults all the
way home, but oow I'll see you hang
ed first."
The reporter got behind the desk,
lifted up a chair to ward ofT a missile,
and then he said calmly:
"What was Mrs. Tucker's object in
turning somersault.* all the way home f
COMPAIKT is nude in Leadville that
the whiskey is nothing hut snow water
scented with vitrol. When 800 gall
ons can be drawn from one barrel it is
time for even a dairyman to blush.
AT the evening celebration of the
I,Booth anniversary of the destruction
at Pompeii a bottle of wine taken
from the ruins, where it had lain aince
A. D. 79 is to ho opened.
A BURMXOTOH blacksmith has just
establishes! a " conservatory of horse
shoeing."
For Hotter or Worue.
Vrvm lit- Mifat Fre* I'rw.
i lie old man Ikmdigo keep* a pretty
sharp eye on hi* daughter Marv, and
many u would-be lover ha* taken a
walk litter a few minute* < oi)v<r*utioii
witli the hard-hearted parent. The
old chap in struck thin time, however,
and canla are out for n wedding.
After the lueky young man ha/1 been
(•parking Mury tor nix mouth* the old
gentleman (stepped in a* usual, re
quoted u private confab, and led off
with:
" You soetn like a nice young man,
and perhaps you are in love with
Marv 1"
" l cs, I am," was the honest reply.
" Haven't raid any thing to her yet,
have you ?"
" W ell, no ; but I think she recipro
catcs tuv affection."
" Dues, eh ? Well, let rue tell you
something. Her mother died u luna
tic, ami there's no doubt that Mary
ha* inherited her insanity."
" I in willing to take the chances,"
replied the lover.
" cs, hut you MO Marv has a terri
ble temper. She has twice drawn u
knife on me with intent to commit
murder."
" 1 HI used to that—got a sister just
like her," was the answer.
" And you should know that I have
sworn u solemn oath not to give Mary
a cent of mv property," coutiuued the
fatli. r.
" W. 11, I'd rather start in jioor and
build up. '1 here's more romance iu
it."
The old man hail one more -hot in
his carbine, and he said :
" i Vrhaps 1 ought to tell you that
Mary's mother ran away from my
home with a butcher, and that all her
r< !ativ< - died in the poor house. These
things might l>e thrown up in after
years, aud 1 now wurn vou."
"Mr. Demligo," replied the lover,
" I vo heard all this iMjfore and also
that you were on trial for forge ry, had
to jump Chi ago for bigamy, an 1 serve
a year in state prison for cattic-*ual
ing. I m going to marry inter your
family to give you a decent reputa
tion ! There—no thanks—good-by !"*
Mr. Ikndigo looked aAer the young
•nau with his mouth wide open, and
when he could get his jaws together,
he said :
"Home infernal hyena ha* went and
given me away on my dodge."
NEW HAMI'SHIIU: is having a rather
-ingular experience in regard to taxa
tion. The last Legislature passed a
law providing that schedules should be
furnished citizens, which they must fill
up with inventories of their properly
and swear to,as the ha-is on which taxes
are to Is- assessed. The old system leA
the rating to the assessors, and the new
law was at first very unpopular, i'ret
ty much everybody seemed to Ik> down
j on it, ami no doubt was felt that the
j next legislature would repeal it. Hut
; now that they are beginning to enforce
1 it, jxs.pie find that the new plan work*
a great deal better than they expected.
Ihe most striking result is the great
itier* -use in taxable property reported,
which, in sonic towns, reaches $lOO,-
000; over four tirrffts a* much money
is returned as being at interest in the
towns thus far hoard from a* last year.
Of course, this increase in the amrunt
of property liable to taxation renders
it possible correspondingly to reduce
the ix-rcentage of taxatiou and the net
result promise* to lie so much more
advantageous to the average tax-jiaycr
that public sentiment is fast shifting to
approval of the new law and there, is
little probability of its repeal.
A QfKElt PIONEER.—A fellow
traveler was a dapper young man,
dressed in the latest style, with white
tie ami lavender kids. Now lie would
brush his immaculate stove pipe hat
and now adjust his eve-glasses to scan
some new-comer. Ilis incipient roous
lachc seemed to be a source of con
slant care but he divided his attention
between this and a couple of hounds,
his traveling companions. On cither
side of the aisle hung his two canaries
in stpcratc rages and on a brilliant
rug slept a Spiu dog. As learned du
ring the forenoon, he had come from
Chicago and was going to Leadville,
and proposed to rent a few rooms in
some first-class hotel and in the aAer
noon go out and prospect a little. In
this way he expected to realize a for-
I tune within six months. Just now he
; is picking his way daintly across tho
muddy street, with a cage in each hand
and the dogs at his heels.
A VERY remarkable wedding anni
; vcrsary occurred a few days since in
the town of Werton, Fairfield county,
{ Conn., in a house whose great atone
chimney and aiding of long weather
lieaten shingles indicate that it waa
built before the Revolution. In this
house Mr. Zalmon Hturgea, aged near
ly 98, and Ann, his wife, aged 94,
celebrated the aeventy-fourth anniver
sary of their marriage. Mr. Hturges
is a healthy, well-preserved gentleman,
and both he and hit wile remember
the principal events of the past seven
ty-five years.
How was the world made' is being
discussed in scientific magazines. We
weren't there, but we suppose they got
all the subscription* Uiey could raise
along the survey and then bonded tho
rest of the work and pushed it
through.
WIIKR a rooster gets mad does he
become a crow-cus ?