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EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, TUESDAY, JANUARY 20, 1920
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$$3 PUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
SEsXSb- llc!l,,l K Ludlnelon, Vlea Presidents John C.
SJWtftffMUn.BwrMary ami Treasurer: Philip R. Collins.
TJf, " John H. WlllUma, John J. Bpurgeon, Directors,
j HDITOUIAL nOAHD:
Cincs It. K ''TOiia, Chairman
BAV.'D B. R.Mlt,UT
.Editor
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I'hilailrlphit, 'lurttlir. Januar) 20, 1920
A CHANCE FOR BIG WORK
rpiIK ui-.itnimous election of Alba 1).
Johnson to tlic presidency of the
CliamliPi" of I'oiniiKMi'e, top;ethcr with the
ie-clect on of N'aiioleon H. Kfliy a gen
sral sccietarj, indicates tliat the affairs of
the chamber w ill be managed i the im
niediati? future as they have been man
aged in the past.
The attempt to put new men and new
motives in control has not succeeded, ap
parently, for the reabon that the members
of the chamber are satisfied with the old
policies.
Mr. Johnson is confronted by a splendid
opportunity to lead the chamber. in a
movement to co-operate with Mayor
Moore in the execution of his plans for
expanding th commercial ;'e of the city.
It is to be hoped that he will make the
most of it and disarm those who have
been, jutlx or unjustly, criticizing the
past policy of the chamber.
WILHELM'S CUE TO COWER
rpilb Mgnilicant part 'f the letter dc-
mantling the surrender of the former
Laiser by the Ketherlandf the text of
which has been made public in Paris, ap
pears near the cud.
The letter announces that it is the duty
of the Kntente powers to secure the per-
son of Wilhclm and try him for his of-
Jeiibcs "without allowing themselves to
bo stopped by argument."
Jf this is not a peremptory demand
then language has lo-,t its meaning, and
if it i not notice to the Netherlands
Government that the Entente powers will
take possession of the body of the former
kaiier, if they cannot get it otherwise,
then it does not mean anything.
NOT A MILITARY AUTOCRACY
TF TIIE military men had their way all
plans for the management and de
velopment of the land and sea forces of
the nation would be under their control.
Generally they have no great regard for
the civilian point of view. So far as in
volves technical affairs they may have
justification. But in all matters of larger
policy the civilian control must remain.
Thk is a government of civilians and
not a military autocracy. A few men with
militarj experience have been elected to
the presidency and to the chief command
of all the military forces of the nation,
but the have been elected as civilians
lather than as military men, and as presi
dents they have taken the civilian point
of icw. y.
The secretary of war and the secretary
of the navy have, as a rule, been civilians.
General Grant and General Sherman, it
is true, served as secretary of war, but
it was in the ppriod immediately follow
ing the end of the war between the states.
It will be well to keep these principles
clearly in mind during the next few
weeks, when much i, likely to be heard in
Washington about the "interference" of
civilians in the direction of naval affairs.
BEFORE OR AFTER ADAM?
TN TI1KSI0 da.s when high commissions
-- arc appointed to adjudicate differences
it. i desirable that some competent
authority .should name an expert commis
sion to judge between the theories of
Barrie and those of the ancient Su
mcrians icgarding tho origin of woman.
Uairie, in "What Every Woman
Knows," say.- that the biblical account
is urong, as woman was created, not
from man's rib, but from his funny bone.
The Sumerians. on tln other hand, as dis.
cioseti uy a uansiauon or tiie niscrip- i
nous in me tablets in tne University of
Pennshania Museum, u-ed to insist that
tho 'oman came first and that she
created the man.
Without going into first causes, it is
well known that many a woman insists
that she made her husband. Ho was
nothing but an inconsequent congeries of
'inrelated energies till she got hold of
him. I'mler her tuition he became suc
cessful in business or in art or in litera
ture. Xwl the gallant man has been
. kliowr. to admit that the woman was
light.
AN EASY WAY OUT
QT II DENTS of taxation outside of Con
s3 gicst, are beginning to advocate the
substitution of a consumption tax for the
cxcess-piotit.s tax in the revenue laws.
The excess-profits tax is not working
satisfactorily. It is difficult for the bus
iness man to compute it in accordance
With the complicated provisions of the
'aw. It is comparatively easy for the
bookkeepers, acting on instructions, to
conceal tho actual profits of a firm or
corporation and thus reduce the amount
equitably due the government under the
Inw. And its soundness in theory is.
seriously questioned.
A direct tax on consumption, on the
other hand, would be easy to collect and
jt would jield u large sum oven if it
Were 110 crentcr than 1 per cent. The
rstiinuto is that if retail sales were taxed
1 per cent the total annual yield would be
Me iiinl.n nuaitcr Ji.Hon dollars. And
" ri were levied on an. sales It 1
'.V ... ,-...l
would yield throe and n half billion
dollars.
Wo hnvo such a tax now applied to
drugs and medicines, but it is 4 per cent
instead of 1 per cent. The druggist
adds the tax to tho retail price of the
article sold and affixes a revenue stamp to
tho package as evidence that the tax has
been paid.
A 2 per cent lax on all sales would
yield seven billion dollars. The sum
needed to meet the expenses of the gov
ernment for the current year is about
five and a half billions and for next year
the estimate is about a billion dollars
less. The 2 per cent tax would yield a
large surplus, which could be used to
reduce tiie war debt so that in a few
years all taxes could be scaled down as
i result of the constantly decreasing
amount of interest on the war bonds.
Congress is likely to be urged sto give
serious consideration to the consumption
tax before the present session ends.
DEEP-ROOTED INFECTIONS
CRIP THE CITY'S POLICE
Director Cortelyou Is Learning That
Words Are of Little Use In Cases
That Require Quick Surgery
MOST laymen insist on believing,
through thick and thin, that the
police department is an agency intended
by its officers to maintain law and order.
It has been generations since any
routine heeler in Philadelphia politics
held any such view of tho service.
To bosses and sub-bosses the police
department has appeared as a handy and
pliable auxiliary sent by Providence to
strengthen the narrow groups that sur
vic and grow lich by careful lawless
ness and through raids on the city's
I treasury.
The extraordinary spectacle that pre
ceded the sudden suspension of the police
lieutenant of the Second district yester
day is thus easily explainable. Lieuten
ant Echtermeyer, Superintendent Robin
son and Imber, the magistrate, were re
vealed not only as the protectors of a
patrolman charged with a brutr.1 viola
tion of the code which he was sworn to
obey, but as the energetic defenders of a
system that has left many divisions of
the service inefficient, corrupt and de
moralized. Echtermeyer was suspended; Schwartz,
the accused policeman, was suspended;
Robinson, who remains at City Hall only
because his friends pleaded that ho be
peimitted to servo until February, when
he can retire with the prh ilexes of the
police pension fund, Should have been
promptly suspended with the other:.
It becomes plainer daily that if Director
Cortelyou wishes to reclaim the polico
from the influence of a conscienceless
and belligerent faction he will have to
use harsh methods. His efforts at con
ciliation have failed.
The degradation of the police seivice
has been swift in recent years, especially
in the downtown districts. A man who
entered the department had to be ap
proved by ward and division men.
Evidently he was made to feej that he
was a beneficiary of a secret system; that
he had to obey unwritten laws and sus-
i tain, with the authority of his'unifoim.
' his badge and his club, if necessary, the
feudal scheme in which he wag' a' detail.
He could be faithful to his obligations
only when those obligations didn't con
flict with the interests of the bund which
i frankly assumed to control him. No one
had a chance who disputed this rale,
which had a traditional validity even
before the day of the Vares.
Yet to indict the whole department, or
even a considerable part of it, because of
the Echtermeyers and the Schwartzes is
to display ignorance of tho police system
and the motives animating its person
nel. There are innumerable self-iespect-ing
men in the service who have man
aged to hold their places without being J
overzcalous in the execution of political i
orders. They are a majority. And they, I
too, desire the sort of clean-up which I
Director Cortelyou is promising.
A thug in police uniform is a poor soit
of press agent for the department. Until
the thugs are rooted out they will con
tinue to put their decent associates in a
bad light.
The increase of violent clime shows
what factional politics can do to a police
system when it is left unhampered for a
long period. There is a definite relation
of cause and effect between recent high-
way robberies and daylight burglaries
j and the system of police administration
which Robinson, Imber and Echtermeyer
' were not ashamed to defend in the course
of an action brought by relatives and
I friends of Doctor MorrK.
' If the police department has been slack
it :3 because there seldom has been a
I man at the top with thr, force of char
i acter and intelligence necessary to con
I vince the old City Councils of the needs
I of its various units. The traffic squad,
I one division of the service that has gone
far to redeem the others in public esti
mation, is still without even a modern
system of street signals. The whole
organization is behind the times in
general equipment. The decline of
morale has been general in the districts
and this is due to political interference at
the top as well as at the bottom.
It is fashionable to blame the depart
ment as a whole for conditions that per
mit thieves in motorcars to laid business
houses even in the central streets. But
a patrolman on a beat has no means of
dealing with yeggmen in a sixty-mile
1 automobile. To the decadenca i.nd inef-
ficiency of detective contingents such
crimes are almost invariably due.
Plain-clothes squads are organized to
keep track of the goings and comings of
underworld adventurers. In any city
where the detective bureaus are properly
manned and organized, thieves of the sort
that hae been harassing this city arc
tracked and jailed or hustled out of town
before they have even an opportunity to
begin operations. Here the plain-clothes
contingents have been made up largely
of political favorites advanced to im
portant positions, not because of their
fitness for exacting details of police work,
but because they have been able to claim
recognition for political service.
Director Cortelyou threatened a sweep
ing change and general transfer of police
uflic als in the various districts. Then,
for some unknown reason, he relented.
Echtermeyer and his kind show Uini that
lie will have to go through with his pro
gliim. t. j
.
inere seems
fofue ft-ooaagntfof ngut
and not a little hope remaining in tho old
guard. The ovents in tho Second district
show that the old regime still has its grip
onji good part of tho police machinery.
Who arc tho decent men on the force
to obey ? Po they owo their first duty to
tho city or to factional leaders?
Somebody will have to answer such
questions and answer them now and with
authority.
FRANCE AND THE "TIGER"
rpiIK lino French sense of the fitness of
things seems in abeyance. At least
that is how the outsider is apt to view
the, selection of Paul Doschancl for the
presidency over Georges Clemenccau.
The latter has given to Franco so much
that surely, according to foreign com
ment, it was ungracious to deny him
poetic justice. As president of the re
public ho would have occupied a post at
once easy and replete with honor.
But the old France that thrilled at a
"gesture," rose to the man on horseback
and even longed at times for a dictator is
gone. French interest in the dramatic
and picturesque is artistically, perhaps,
as strong as ever, but it is divorced tb a
considerable extent from tho channels of
statesmanship.
As the page of history is unrolled, .he
world may come to realize what this
repudiation of the showy and tho spec
tacular meant to civilization in 1914.
The mercurial France of yore would
probably have been defeated at tho first
Marne. -
And so Georges Clemenceau ends his
political career without a culminating
accolade from tho nation he so passion
ately adores, the nation for vthich he in
one of its darkest hours was a prime in
strument of salvation.
France is fearful of favorites, even
those of undisputed brilliancy and capac
ity. The defeat of the "Tiger" may in
part be attributed to this attitude.
Clemenccau ruled with superb authority.
The step from that to autocracy is too
easily taken for French contentment of
mind. Save in crucial moments of na
tional peril even mediocrity is preferred
in the republic.
Paul Deschancl, however, can hardly be
called mediocre. On the whole he is a
more vigorous statesman than Raymond
Poincarc. He has literary gifts of a first
rate order, which have admitted him to
the French Academy. lie i.s politically
seasoned and politically on a different
side of the fence from the group which
recently held tho reins of office. It is this
last circumstance which appears to have
been chiefly responsible for his victory.
In office, indeed, he may execute many of
the Clemenccau policies, but he repre
sents the change of line-up and rotation
in leadership, which, provided it is ac
complished calmly and with due process
of law, is what France has desired
through the recent years of the Third Re
public. It must be considered also that
the chances of M. Clemenceau's djing of
old age before the expiration of the
seven-year term would have been con
siderable. The nation has lost a taste for
the sudden irregularities which it used to
capitalize so dramatically.
As for the "Tiger," his fame is secure,
and France, perhaps overtimid, over
cautious, overeager to prove her inde
pendence of alluring personalities, can
idolize him in security.
Xo honest man thinks
.Sunerstnsitivt'iicss himself degraded be
aml Lark uf Logic cause the presence of a
policeman ou the street
is indication that there may be dishonest
men around. Which somewhat discounts the
attempt to establish an honor code in the
University of Pennsylvania. If mi studeut
under any circumstances would cheat, the
taking of a pledge is at once a piece of su
pererogation and an insult. If here and
there and now and then it develops that a
cheat finds place among honest men super
vision becomes necessary for the well-bein;;
or- all
As certain adiniuistia-
The Good .Ship tion organs show a dis-
hu el Chair position to play off key,
it may be well to note
that Admiral Sims is not attacking the navy.
He knows and loves it too well for that.
His guns are trained on those who never
heard any.
A Xew York artist has
here the just turned down a
Work Counts .00,000 job so that he
may complete a task
that has already taken him eleven 3 ears and
for which he lias received no salary. When
the next one feels inclined to sneer at talk
of "art for art's sake" this little incident
may give one pause,.
Officials of the De
Who Is Hiding partment of Justice
the Neus? declare that food
prices are dropping.
They have doubtless special sources of in
formation. Housewives have not yet dis
covered the fact.
When a man lias bot
sims Like tied his talk for jcars
there need ho no sur
prise that an explosion ensues when at last
the cork flies out.
There may be difference of opinion as
to the wisdom of the action of Admiral Sims.
There can be no question as to the wisdom
of making a thorough investigation of the
charges made.
Tips must be included in computing in
come, says the revenue man. It will cheer
you to know that the hat-check collector
will have to part with a little of it.
Perhaps the Dutch will strive to make
Willielra believe that it he voluntarily places
his head in a noose the allied powers will re
frain from pulling the rope.
Paste this ou the handle of your lawn
mower for consideration early next summer :
Dandelions saved last year's honey crop iu
Kansas. '
Now that Kentucky and Ai'.tansas have
ratified the uiueteenth amcndiieiit, wornuu
suffragists havo next to nothing to worry
about.
Snow is a country girl,
to get used to the city.
She never seems
Mr. Brjan is vigorous in Ids denunci
ation of the profiteer, but just a little hazy
in the matter of HUgges-ting a remedy.
The lifting of the blockade will at least
enable the outside world to "know something
of what is happening in Russia
livery wielder ut tlio mow shovel t'ayoM
the straight and narrow? lfl
Looks JRiisk fat; 1
BATTLES OF RETROSPECT
The Present-Navy Scandal Is One of
a Long Series of the Inqulsltory
and Bitter Wars of Peace
REPUTATIONS gained In armed Btrlfo
arc never really safe until the wur after
the war has been fought to a lluish. ,
Our recent progress Toward embattled
commissions, indignant courts ot inquiry nud
dramatic probes, while perhaps inevitable,
has been abnormally slow. Store than a year
after the last shot in the universal conflict
Admiral Sims speaks out frankly and Kiitnc,
whj. might havo been under the erroneous
Impression that everything was settled, is
forced to withdraw to a buck icat until all
the returns are in until they arc duly
anal zed and rendered bcaudal-prodf.
It was not always thus. In tho Spunisti
War of '118 there was not even any illusory
period of-calm preceding exposure. The bat
tle of reputations began in the very midst
of the actual fray of tho armed belligerents.
WHO won the sea fight off Santiago?
Three years after that sweeping victory
tho point was still officially undecided, and
when the court of inquiry did enter a verdict,
in 11)01, the average civilian in this nation
was thoroughly displeased. What nobody
could stand, however, was more argument
on the theme, and John D. Long, secretary
of the navy, unquestionably echoed public
sentiment in urging that no further pro
ceedings he held.
The majority report had called Winfield
Scott Schley "self-possessed" intlie famous
battle and hud commended him for encour
agement to his men, but every specific charge
raised against him was officially reiterated.
He was accused of "vacillation, dilatoriness
and lack of enterprise" in his conduct of the
campaign prior to June 1 , 181)8. He was j
censured for the much -discussed "loop" of J
the ISrookljn in the engagement, for "iuae- 1
curate and misleading" reports and for fail- 1
arc to do all in his power to destroy the
bpanish cruiser Colon ou May 31.
What "the court might have done to Ad
miral William T. Sampson had he not gone
to Siboney 011 that thrilling July 3 to talk
over tho general situation with Shatter it
is, of course, impossible to postulate. His
chance absence from the battle had given
Schley the victory and ' the blame. The
Sampson partisans could adduce negative
virtues, always unassailable in a controversy.
Henry Cabot Lodge, as historian, was
categorically among the champions of the
superior officer. Schley, ho declares, "was
never technically in command for a single
moment," adding that the commodore (as
he then was) "never controlled or directed
iu the slightest degree the movements of any ,
ship but the Brooklyn and exercised no
general command whatever. It was a cap
tain's light without a siuglc fleet movement
directed by anybody."
The prominent author touches lightly ou
several of the other feuds of the war, much
more lightly, indeed, than they were regarded
at the time. Miles and Shafter were princi
pals in one of these disputes. Senator Lodge
merely mentions that General Miles took
part in the negotiations which resulted in
the surrender o Santiago. As a matter of
tact the situation was extremely delicate.
Shutter's homewhat panicky dispatch after
El Cauey and San Juan Hill confirmed the
supporters of General Miles iu their belief
thut the head of the army had been side
tracked iu costly fashion.
Uut Senator Lodge, in his entertaining,
lume, "The War With Spain." was in'
generous patriotic mood. Apropos of the
dispute over the peace treaty concluded iu
Paris on December 10, lfcOS. he averred that
"the good sense of the American people
made two points clear to them. One was
that a peace treaty ought to be ratified."
"ITIXCIjPX for the Sampson -Schley ructions
-'-'the navy was fairly exempt from criticism
during the brief brush with Spain. Cut the
army was continually in critical hot water.
Denunciation raged particularly about Rus
sell A. Alger, secretary of war. He was
blamed for bad sanitary conditions, almost,
it seems, for bud weather, and surely for
"embalmed beef."
Moreover, although it was the corps com
mander to whom the "round robin," de
manding the removal of the army fiom
Santiago after the surrender, was addressed,
it was Alger, who suffered largely by the
"exposure." Wheeler, Chaffee, Lawton,
Wood and Roosevelt were among the army
officers signatory to the sensational com
munication forecasting the destruction of
our troops by yellow fever unless they were
quickly transported to a healthier-climate.
TIID Spanish War looms large in scan
dals, possibly because the comparative
brevity of the conflict was favorable to
alarms. It is more difficult to launch sen
sations when the nation is actually in grave
peril. They are concomitants of peace after
a major crisis. Nevertheless, McClcllan
made things lively for the probers in the
midst of the great rebellion. "George, whom
"Proudence helps according to his nature,"
raved Horace Greeley in 1SG2, "bus got him
self ou one side of a ditch (the Potomac
river) which Proudeuec had already made
for him, with the enemy on the other, and
has no idea of moving. Wooden-Head
(Halleck) at Washington will never think
of sending a force through the mountains to
attack Lee iu thesrear."
Lincoln, though less violently, acquired
something of the-Tribune's viewpoint after
Antietam, and McC'lellan, after his second
trial, was removed. The controversy moved
into politics with the result that "Little
Mac, the people's pride," adopted the plat
form "the war's a failure," ran against the
occupant for the White House for president
in 18f4 and was overwhelmingly defeated.
But the almost interniiuablc wrangle
arising out of Civil Wur campaigns con
cerned Genera Pitz John Porter, accused of
fatal delay before the battle of Second Bull
Run. Porter was court-martialed on No
vember 27, 1802, and was sentenced "to be
cashiered and to be disqualified forever from
holding any office of trust or profit under
the goternmeut of thr United States." The
President approved tho sentence.
Porter frequently appealed for u review
of his case. A board of army officers headed
by Schofield exonerated him in 1878.' Con
gress took no action. In 18815 Cleveland ap
proved an act for tho relief of Pitz John
Porter and he was reinstated in the army
with a rank of colonel of infantry.
Earlier wars brought their regulation
crops of. scandals. Washington was almost
ousted from command by the intrigues of
the Conway Cubal headed by Patrick Con
way, an Irish soldier of fortune, who was
fotever coustrastiug Gates's victory at Sara
toga with the almost contemporaneous re
verses at Brandywine and Germuutown.
The collapse of the conspiracy left Conway
iu disgrace and he withdrew from the serv
ice in 1778,
ZACHARY TAYLOR entertained no es
pecially kindly feelings for Winfield
Scott when the latter caused tho depletion
of the American forces just before the hardly
contested battle of Bueuu Vista in the .Mexi
can War. It was Scott who delivered the
"coup dc grace" to Mexico by capturing the
capital. Taylor at thut time was considered
shelved, but it wus Old Rough and Ready
who went to the White House. Hud ho not
died there from partaking (00 eagerly of
i-herries and milk, his rival possibly might
not lme attained his subsequent high poit
In the army.
Tlii'ii thcrp was Gencrul full, at Detroit,
)p 1812. Argument stormed ubout Jila igno
minious tturrendcr. Thkre is alwnjs mjiuc
y iu w hhw Bftvur 01 retrofoecf. rt
,. -., m-.m
THE CHAFFING DISH
ADMIRAL SIMS
Gives Uncle Sam's
Xaval chiefs
Some hearty damns.
WE HOPE that Sam's
Reply to Sims
Will not be merely
Gospel hymns.
There is only one way to avoid post
bellum squabbles among war leaders. Lose
the war.
Or better still, don't have a war.
Wild Votes '
Said Deschancl
To Clemenceau : '
'I reap the wild
Votes that you sow."
We always had a suspicion that when the
time came to try the Kaiser he would be
found wanting.
QUIZ WOUNDED MEN, says a headline
in our friend the Evesixo Public Ledger.
Presumably, suggests G. W. D., because
they couldn't answer it. .
The fierce light that beats upon the Quiz
-rows daily more intense. The Quizeditor
is beginning to grow self-conscious, and wc
would never be surprised to sec bun put on
his white vest margins again.
Putting Lieut Where Ho Belongs
It's blowy and snowy and sparkling outside ;
I smell iu the kitchen potatoes, trench
fried;
My skates are new sharpened, the ice is
smooth gray ,.,.,.
Who cares ubout cynics a day like today.'
MARJOR1NE.
Marjorine's potatoes, we suppose, arc
fried in margarine.
Dove Dulcet tells us that the most trouble
some moments he ever has are when he is
trying to make up bis mind whether to re
turn some book that a friend lent him and
which the friend ha'N forgotten all about.
A Battle Hymn for the Sex
(With urologies to J, IV. II.) ...,
-11 TING eyes have been tho conflict raging
1V1 nightly in tho Dish,
And for many days I've, smothered a well
nigh consuming wish
To
forget my early training, -ana exciuuu
aloud: "Poor fish!
The "suits" aro marching on '."
Lieut and BUI should take example from our
good old friend Will Lou,
Or from clever Harold Wlegand and his
charming billets-doux :
Why do they start a tempest that some day
they'll Eurely rue?
For tho "suffs" aro marcklns on.
I hac read a fiery onslaught hy indignant
"Marjorlne,"
And I can't tee why she censures, Lieut,
and lets McFeo go clean ;
That one's as bad as t'other should by all
bo clearly seen, .
And w 0 must "carry on "
They have said that we are Eelflsh that
to vote's beyond our ken,
Let's rlso up and squelch forever these dog-
eono conceited men !
Oh, bo sharp my tongue to answer them, hoA
caustic, now, rny pen
Tho "suffs" aro marching on.
We liao won ourselves a vict'ry that lias
caused the men to weep ;
Let us uso the vote so wisely as to make
them all feel cheap!
Let us meet and solve the. problems that for
them havo proved too deep
Then bay to them "Movo on !"
UBNKVII5VB LA GUlSimU.
The wittiest part of Genevieve's poem is
her siguuture.
Desk Mottoes
Romantic plays with happy cndlnga aro
almost of necessity Inferior In artistic valuo
to true tragedies. Not, ono would hope,
simply because they end happily, happiness
In Itself Is certainly not less beautiful than
grief; but because a tragedy In Its great
moments can generally afford to bo sin
cere, while romantic plays llvo In an at
mofiihcro of Ingenuity and inakc-bnllec.
CHLUUltT MURRAY
Dawd Corner's idea of a desk motto, by
the way, is this, his owu: A woman In tin
unbecoming hat is like a cocktail in a tin
cup
We deprecate the kindly nttemnfs of our
Tjldnte to intrude their Syim muslu s
R. S. V. P.
Desk Mottoes. They arc interrupting our
agreeable delvings into the Great Minds.
Great Moments in History
One good nocturne deserves another, said
Chopin as he bat down at the piano.
In the coursp of a long career of crime
Ave have never heard anythiug more terrible
than the following couplet, which Ben Zeen
came panting into our office to give us.
Thus:
Slap Joe Daniels on the wrist he's
Uncle Sam's son Agouistes.
Our genial elevator boy had a big night
recently. He went to see "Madame X" at
the Dunbar Theatre and was pressed to put
his criticism ou paper. After some medita
tion he produced the following: " 'Madame
X,' the dramatic trumph of the century."
Quello A'ic
TUnS," said I weavilj .
A. Slamming the desk cmei
At the day's end,
"Is a dog's life:"
Instantly I knew
That in my heart
1 had done a great injustice
To the most estimable
Of beasts.
N'
0 1300 would
Seriously think ot working
As hard as I do,
CURFEW.
Stars
My window in the country
Is a treasure chest of btars ;
They heap and blaze and tangle
Through the trees' sagging bars.
My window in the city
Holds 'just one a lonely light,
But it makes the ragged roof tops
Silver lacelikc at night.
WTNIFRED WELLES. .
Social Chat
'Hank Harris, the well-known commuter on
tho Cinder and Bloodshot, has bought a
first edition of William McFec's "Casuals
of tho Sea'," London, 1916. This makes
Ifanlc no plus ultra among all our clients.
We would oven print a poem by him if ho
should ever write one.
We wish to call tho attention of our friend
Rev. Robert Norwood to tho fact that the
Gumps are coming to a local theatre next
week. Wo aro hoping passionately that
Uncle Blm will be in the cast.
Our filend Lolita Wcstman Is playing the
part of .Pollyanna round at tho Walnut, so
wo warn our clients not to wasto time ring
ing us up next matineo afternoon.
Tho sweet-voiced client called us up again
to say that she has had a dream in which
sho saw Charley Sykes, Kenneth Macgowan,
Joseph Urban and ourself down at the sea
shore. We disclaim all responsibility for
any dreams Incurred by our clients.
Wo have just seen a man in a Chestnut
street car looking over a "work sheet" of the
new incomo tax blank. This worries us. Ts
Mr. Lederer again going to stoop to conquer
such a pitiful exchequer as ours?
(
Six femlnlno -voices, resounding un
mistakable tones of exultation, havo called us
up to ask If we saw that news item about the
newly translated tablets at the U. of P. Mu
seum. These tablets, it appears, absert that
It was Noah who ato tho anplo and that F.ve
had nothing to 1I0 with tho downfall of man.
All we can say is that If all the cherished
legends uro going to bo exploded, the next
one to go will bo tho Btory that Noah coined
tho phrase "Women and children llrst."
Dr. Clarence Frunklln tolls us that tho
Journal of tho American Medical Association
is making merry over a quotation from Joe
Hergeshelmer'H uoul, "Tho Lay Anthony."
Tho Journal twits Joo for having described
somo ono "Compounding pills In a porcelain
pcbtle." But, then, theso professional men
aro always bo conseratlv. it la just In iIiobo
unconventional wuys that great discoveries
aro made.
Ha!ng cstubllbhed the fact that most ot
our clients hno read William McKee'u works,
wo aro thinking of changing our tebt of
literacy. The new standard will be. Jlavo
', "'" I
I
. ,
The Girl From Gippslaiid
GIPPSLAND forests are far away,
But oh ! remember the great gum-trees,
The leafy towers that stand and sway.
Tho starry blossoms, a-swarm with bees;
Remember always the clearing wide,
The song in the timber that couies and
goes,
The storm-wind's song on tho mountain-side ,
That only the girl from Gippslaud knows!'
The plains are sunny and blue skies smile,-
cw tnends are many and youth must
roam, j
And only once in a long, long while 3
A,youug heart thinks of a far-off home.
But the plain-wind rises silently;
Bitter and chill in the dusk it blow.",
And then how homesick a heart can be
Only the girl from Gippsland knows!
Sydney Bulletin.
Doctor Landis, of tho Henry Phippi
Institute, says the use of prunes will cut
milk cost. "Come to think of it," bays the
Bibulous One, "that has been my experi
ence, too."
Here and there there arc Democrat'
who get a sardonic satisfaction in the thought
that Bryan may get the Democratic nomina
tion. At least they will have tho pleasure
of voting "against him.
Father Neptune's attack on the freight
er Yarmouth, ladened with $2,000,000 worth
of liquors, may have been due to the old gen
tleman's desire to store away a stock in
Davy Jones's locker.
The soviet ark landed in Hanco. Tin-
land, but, unfortunately, the Reds luid bo
Schoolmaster Squcers among thcra to give
application to the lesson suggested.
John Bull would fiDd tho Russian Bear
as unwelcome in India wearing a red cap
as wearing a crown ; which may explain a
recent new world-war scare.
Of course, all statesmen aro wise, but I
here and there and now and then one notices
that desire fo? office will warp judgment
There is a time to bo silent and a time
to talk. Admiral Sims nnncars to have
obeyed both rules.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. What is the sun'sapparent yearly path
among the stars called.
2. What is turgid speech?
o. Who is the new nremier of France!
1. Name two cities, of Turkestan where the
Russian Bolshevists are said to be in
control.
3. What are wattles?
0. Where and what is Spion Kop?
7. Who wrote "The Prince and
the
Pauner"?
8. Who were the contestants in a desperate
battle fought there?
0. In which direction was the Lusitunia
traveling when she was sunk by
tlrtfmn ti ii1iinnilnn ill Affl. I IlliJ
10. What is the meaning of the word otiose.'
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1 Thi, MTni-,1 "mn" na unfilled to U police-
man is derived from the expression
"In pet conned." meaning caugut.
Tho verb cop is from the
"ennerp." to take.
Latiu
2. A rondeau is a ten or thirteen line poem j
with only two rhymes llirouguouc i
tho opening words used twice as
refrain. . , , ,., 1
3. Mohammed II was the first Turkish ruler
of Constantinople, which city ho
his army captured from the drcci.b i
4. Tho expression "Barkis is wilHu' " i?
from Dickens's "David Copperri'kl.
and is used by Uarkis, tho shy suitor
of Pcggotty. , Tt
5. Cutberlna tho Great was Catherine , u
of Russia. Her dates oro IP"1'"";
C. It is -1778 nautical miles by tho er
route from New York to Rio Jfir0
7. George Washington and Abraham Ho
I com wri'U oiiinv""" -7 .i, ft.
S. Susan Warner, uu Amcricaii m'
published "Queccby" Ju (--. "
.. ".!' '" ? . ,p:i.. :id ui-oi
,nln were siirvciors in canj
1. Paul .uoivuuuoi is uiu " --" ,
you reud .Krunlc, A. Munsoy's "Afloat In a F&ucc ?rt .fU(.t'
'fejM
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