;Tf?.r'7 ftUltlWllBBMMTOHlWWTt ?d,fe ww- HWWWHI 1w;ii'iWM"MWwWiBawBWl3.m Jto(te'W STtfTFTf? T7W?i'WmT!!,p ' ' ..."--l a . .s 1 .lj - Wf . , nftflJJtfrXBiV l ' t I HHWUllUr -.ll '-Kirft I ..-. ..-.. .- ATTf Wff?V - -qp- afopa nW" ws-f r vv 1 '.',(. i"Zx 3 WMMi1' ' l'rCJTTO! wmmmmmmmmmm.M9V n iium iw i j u .. :2 h ft " KSEtf".l la7 apcit. i fiiVv I'M ,t . ' s" L faB- tophj y L 5ar th, ll STa 'I' li ' 1"T " Pliooe' J teesr f :.ir s I KPbi mrv. '.cBmrszziK .Cm r.. 1 ,fr' 3LQ ' Jgueittng public $eu$er ' PUDtlC LEDGER COMPANY . v. CTnuB II. K. CtmTIS, PiusiDrNT. . im 11. mammon, vic rr sioqniv jonn . n. 8crctry and Trcmuren rhlllp (Collins, Williams, John J. Bpurgton, directors. EDITORIAL BOARD: 1 Crscs . IC Ccxna. Chairman tYED B. SMILEY .Editor C. MARTIN.... General nuslncsi Manager ,-Publlsb.nl dally at Tcbuo T.EMitn Uulldlnir, f Independence Square, Philadelphia, lacirmo Cirr,..., Prrat-Vnlon BiilMlne lw YoiK.it.., 200 Metropolitan Tower UitCTorr. , 701 Ford Building r. Lor is... ..inns Futlerton Hulldlnc 'CfllCiOO. 1302 Tribune Building- i v.. XV itj nK V1 . -i . N- K Cor. Pennsylvania Ave. and 14th St. VtA" VK DUHn.Uli)iiitt i'to our OUMUin ,,! don licarau. ... .4 ....'.... . London TimM ; SUBSCIttPTlON TERMS .Ttaa EvuNisn Pi nt in Leikieu ii served to sub scribers In Philadelphia and mrroundfnj; towns at th rat of twelve (1-) nts pr week, payable xo m currier. '. Br mall to points outside of rhllartelplila. in Jh United States. Canada, or United States pos. rnslt.ni,, po'tago fre. fifty (50) cent per month. Blx (Sat dollars poi" year, payable In advance. To alt foreign countries one (i) dollar per nonth. ... . . l Noncr Bubscrlbers wishing address chansed Wust she old as well as new address. BELL, JOOO WALNUT KEYSTONE, MAIN 3000 ty Ai&rtn on oommunlraflon to Vvcnlng Tubllo Ltdntr, Independence Square, rhiladelynla. Membcri of the Associated Press 3C ABSOCtATKD I'RUSS U cxclu tivelu entitled to the use for republication of all news dispatches credited to it nr not otherwise credited in this paper, and also t?io lacd news publtihed therein. All rights of republication of special dls patches fiercin arc also reserved. rhilatlelphU, Thuridjy, Jinuirj I. 19S0 If " , ' , AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! "yOIJR wishes for happiness cannot ' " make a new year happy for anybody. Happiness must be earned. Many people abandon It in a giddy chase after imita tions. It is more elusive than riches, harder to attain than virtue. Some peo ple go wearily back over the road and find it where they threw it aside, because it is a thing that often may be discerned only through tears. Wish for those you esteem a patient New Year or a wise or tolerant or char itable or unselfish or kind New Year. Such are the approaches to happiness. So we wish for everybody who reads this page and everybody who doesn't; for all who agree with our opinions and all who do not! THE COUNCIL CAUCUS rpHE selection of Mr. Weglein for the ' -1- presidency and Mr. Burch for the Jinance committee chairmanship at yes terday's caucus of the majority in the new Council indicates that Mr. Moore's supporters are working harmoniously for the purposes represented by the inde pendent movement at the recent election If the voters were permitted to name officers of the new Council they probably would have selected the men chosenJjpcstiferous ,iddlcs of which no end can yesterday. That is more than ever could have been said of Council caucuses in the past. UOOLIDGE UPSETS SOME PLANS rpHOSE favorite sons who have been -- .planning to tie Calvin Coolidge to the tail of their kite to give it the necessary balance will have to make some new plans. Coolidge has definitely declined to per mit his name to be put on any primary ticket as a candidate for the vice presi- P --"- J.s5achusetts has already indorsed mm lor me presiaency. mere are men in other states who look with favor on his candidacy. They will be gratified to discover that he has the nerve to insist that if he is to play in the orchestra at all 'it will not be as second fiddle. PEP AT PIERRE TF. IT is left exclusively to Hiram W. .Johnson, California will not have to ex perience the agony of going Democratic next year. Announcement of his candidacy for' the presidency comes from that ' fair haven of political knights errant Kerre, South Dakota where the requi iik preliminary papers have been filed. Should nomination eventually follow, California may be safely ascribed to the Republican column. Native sons will be enabled to rally round a native son. The menace of Japan will be faced with fear less oratory. Anything so preposterous ss a league of international amity will shrivel before the tempest. yith thirteen electoral votes solid for the Sacramentan, the Golden State will no longer be compelled to bury its treas ure, nor to squander it as in 1912 when the hauteur of Hughes, necessitated those grudging ballots for the ingrate of the White Houg, lih If the Republicanism of the nation alizes at la&t that it was those thirteen i! .V. t which swuniT thn lfisfr. plprHnn in r"im" - "- - - bodrow Wilson, it will bo a simple mat- now to follow the lead of California. .i fact, prizes for nnything more simple t i , ty be cheaply offered. oG gKtt,;?'1 "WE. THE PEOPLE-" wa3nsai0ME ond has challenged the btatement ins her."'' oi W. H. Anderson, of the Anti-Sa-, Jiioon League, that "there is no limit to B aonhat the American people can do with S t, -nei'r constitution, except the limit spI 11 UlBTtHn that document respecting equal reprc- . iA! i Al- l. A ,t sentauun in wie oenaie. Mr. Anderson has been asked whether believes that an amendment over throwing thd republican form of govern ment would be valid and whether he nks a limited monarchy could be t.et up or the faupieme Court could be ab.ished. 1 iJiese questions are based on a misap prehension of the origin and nature of !.' mnKfcir.tif. inn. Rvprv nnn wlirt iin1nt JtifcaAfi that document also knows that Umve for the change in .the representation r the states in the Senate, it can be 'iHceably amended by vote of three- -mirths of the states in any way in which Wren i uirec-iuui wi3 picases. ''IWV' can abolish the presidency. We h ket up in Washington a reitniimr 'smiiy. We can make the Supreme Court iiMervlent to Congress. We can deprive efintress of its powers over interstate entu'nerce. Wo can authorize the states In eise armies for national defense and T fntain navies, 'ine constitution is not S traitjacket in which we are bound iirifou," external force. It is the creature Qnjyie people, subject to their control. . tf airuuw io seep mm iaci in minu i:WNX JwTA davs when men are saying that tho '. Jtttac1il l "'"Ciiuiiicm. is uucuiibiiiu- n ( rMLk,k on he STound that it invades the , . i "''r ll.- ..!....... rrl ..-.i . l V. VIW .tWU. .IIU DVMW0 I.CTU i' t ' 19 IHU1, lIlVBBlOn, MM, DUE. IIITUO l . and the three ohfecUiur statpg must submit just as the states that ob jected to the nntl-Bluvcry amendments have submitted. We have majority rule and what the majority wants it can get wheneVer it desires It, provided the ma jority is big enough and persists in its desires long enough. The constitution is the creature of the people instead of the people being the creature of the conotitution. GOOD RIDDANCE TO 1919? WELL, IT TAUGHT US MUCH! Although 1920 Has a Difficult Inheri tance, the Completed Constructive Work of Its Predecessor Fur nishes a Structure of Hope "Grandeur and Glories of the Year 191PI Impimtiojui of a Twelvcmrnth ! You cannot afford to mits this lecture in the Hall of Time. Illustrated by facts!" TF IT is a strain to imagine an "attrac- tion" so billed, it is still more exhaust ing to picture a large and enthusiastic audience. Who wants to hear 1919 eulogized? Why extol a year of wran gling and muddling, a year of prices rai.scd and ideals lowered, n year of withered hopes and flowering fears ? Of all the years within the memory of living men, is there any moie emphatically un popular than the one through which this spinning ball has just whirled us? "Good riddance" was tho burden of last night's clanging bells. "Good rid dance," shrieked tho whistles. "Good riddance," blared the mummers' horns. Chronos himself as the advocate would have a hard time convincing some of us that our contemporary judgment is ques tionable. ' A somewhat stunned world is looking forward not as. il once did, ecstatically and thrilling with high aspirations of a new deal all around, but in cha.sfencd mood and with rather weary indifference. It is the negative, more than any pos sible affirmative, virtues of the new year which are welcomed today. The taskmasters of 1920 are not exact ing. They hail its presence with relief. One dark chapter at least is ended. Coming shadows cannot surpass their immediate and detested predecessors. It is not surprising that so many of the commentaries on the past twelve months were in this vein. Time is a most un satisfactory commodity to appraise. It has too much flux. It persists in start ing things which nobody can live to see ended Until Mr. Wells tells us more about his ingenious little machine for leaping through the eras, we shall have to put up with several eternally continued stories. And those which really are completed often lack for recognition in the midst of all the fret and fury over be foreseen. If we can look back for a moment without excessive prejudice, we may even be forced to conclude that there were in 1919 certain definite accomplishments to which there are not many parallels in the previous ages. Not much is known about the Hittites, but if we pass their era, start with Baby lon and the "later" Egypt, look in on Greece, Rome, the Arabian ascendancy, the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, on the might of Spain, the brilliancy of Bour bon France, the Napoleonic upheaval and the rest of the nineteenth century, we shall search in vain for any recon struction job of a magnitude comparable with that which confronted the peace commissioners when they opened the first session of their conference in Paris on January 18, 1919. Relatively speaking, the deliberations at Vienna in 1815 were paltry. So were the transactions at Aix-Ia-Chapelle and Ryswick in the previous century. So was the treaty of Westphalia in ib'48. The croakers last January were ex tremely active. "It can't be clone" was their opening slogan. But when five months later it was done and the inevi table compromises and adjustments had been set forth in concrete form, pes simism changed its tune and informed civilization that the whole thing was done wrong. This was a difficult charge to combat. The flux of time being elusive, any argu mentative offensive conducted with a horoscope begins with an advantage. The tragic prophet cries "wait!" and that is really about all his unfortunate victim can do. As he is unable to unroll the future, any assertive jeremiad of this variety has him cornered. The professional forecasters aside, however, the treaty, one of the hugest tasks that mankind ever attempted, pio voked a proportionate amount of specific grumbling. It has been repeatedly said that no nation was satisfied with the doc ument. Well, nations are but men of a collective growth, and when anv individual proclaims his absolutely unallojed con tentment it will be logical to exact the same announcement from governments. With all its defects the treaty did re pair a host of historic wrongs, among them the oppression of Poland, of Czecho slovakia and Alsace-Lorraine. It pro posed a compiehensive and particularized plan of world reconstruction and a formula for preserving peace. That the league of nations should now fail is unthinkable, but should all indi cations prove delusive and the charter of international amity be inoperative, the net gain to civilization would still be prodigious. Nothing can wholly nul lify the tendencies and influences which the mere formation of the league plan and the sincerity of its advocates have set in motion. Though Tho Hague Tribunal has been laughed at, it was a step in advance. The correspondence of Cardinal Mercicr demonstrates the effect of The Hague' pronouncements even in the tragic da of the German satrapy in Belgium. Despite all the chorus of diatribes, the accomplishment of the peacemakers at Paris and Versailles ranks as the fore most event of the year, the popularity of which it is so hard to discern. It is worth recording that the Austrian and Bulgarian treaties were also made. At home there is the overwhelming advance of woman sufFrage to chronicle and the utter triumph of prohibition. Differences of opinion concerning both of these reforms exist. Once more we must submit the demonstration to time. We must wait also to understand the full meaning of the labor upheavals and the various plans for restricting their re currence. Superficially the nctors' atrike, . -, , HjYlfiJSlKi PUiiiilU LiiiJJJiliK the printers' strike, the steel strike and the coal strike, to mention only a few, iudicato an nlarming unrest. It is con ceivable, none the less, that all these movements are but preliminary steps toward an era of readjustment which will strengthen tho social structure along lines which will make tho past efforts of labor and capital seem unenlightened and crude. Venomous and floundoiing political pb slructionism, unexampled prosperity and unexampled high prices arc also on the crowded national scroll of 1919. Tho verdict that the year was disgraced be cause of the treaty deadlock is common. It is yet too early to say whether it is fully deserved. Should the agreement, now well in sight, be achieved, December" in retrospect may not seem so doleful after all. Tho events of tho last year cannot be logically judged until they are separated into two classes those which merely mark stages in development whether upward or downward it cannot yet bo said and those which are distinct finished products. Of this latter class nearly all the high lights arp encouraging. The loose ends trouble the calamity howlers. 'Tis ever thus. One of the arguments on behalf of the artificial di vision of time which gives us a New Year's Day is the stimulus invested in a clean slate. As we are somewhat humbled now and by no means as unrea sonable as we were a year ago, when the expectation that the peacemakers could also make over mankind was abroad, there is a chance for 1920 to show up lather well. For all our follies, we have been think ing somewhat seriously about the prob lems to be considered in the new twelve month. This is an excellent start for a program of solution. Should that materialize there is even a chance that the exaltation at some future date of 1919 as a wonderful year might be greeted with something else than Tcorn. GOOD TIMES TF THE awful consequences of the new traffic in wood alcohol disturbed the equanimity of radical prohibitionists, the sights and sounds that greeted the New Year in Philadelphia, New York and other cities at midnight must have re stored their courage and warmed them with a new sense of justification. If you are to imagine the young new year getting out of a train or a taxi and hesitating tremulously on Broad street or Broadway with a reverent conscious ness of the trying job that awaits him, you will have to imagine him dazed and dcspaiiing for the moment at least. Were these ciowds, bilked by hcadwaiters, plundered by hatboys, handing out money in clumps to meet the dazzlingly new item of "corkage," to be the only instruments of the high purposes that must be his? One need not-mourn for the folks who strove so laboriously and at such great cost to have a good time. A great many people enjoyed themselves last night even if they are not enjoying themselves today. What must have distressed any calm observer who wasn't at the center of the carnival was the green innocence that masquerades as sophistication in this our land and the abjectness of a familiar type of American in the presence of those whose business it is to impose upon him. Corkage! It is a grand new term of piquant significance and tingling promise, but it is only another word for fashion able graft. It is the charge of $2 or $3 or $5 a bottle imposed by the cabarets for open ing, serving and garnishing the hard liquor brought by patrons to their tables for the debut of 1920. It is the grandfather of all "gratuities," the supreme penalty visited at last on that irresponsible element in the popula tion that has made life in America just one tip after another. The money was paid without a murmur. And the peo ple who flocked out to see the New Year in and who insisted on their right to sec two years where onlv one should be got what they deserved. There is no fight left in them. Somebody ought to tell the little New Year that America isn't really in the cabarets. And somebody ought to teach the Anglo-Saxon how to have a good time without finding himself ill or broke the next dav. The English are sad at their pleasures". Americans seek enjoyment with an air of grim determination. There must be better ways if some one would lead us to them. Real whisky, according to all leports, cost 515 a quart in New York yesterday. Corkage at a restaurant table added $4 to the price of each bottle. A seat at a table cost Si. Waiters expected $5 each for guarding the stuff. Yet nobody thought of even whispering a complaint about the high cost of high old times. NEW DANGERS FOR OLD QACCHARIN is derived from coal tar. It is a cheap sugar substitute which, taken in minute quantities for a limited time, does no particular harm. Con sumed regularly in any considerable quantity it may have bad effects. This chemical is now being furtively used in sweet beverages vended in the poorer sections of the city and even at a few of the more pretentious soft-drink bars. Prohibition on the one hand and the sugar shortage on the other have tempted manufacturers to resort to it. The only penalty for the general use of saccharin as a sugar substitute is a fine. The food laws should be immediately revised to provide jail sentences for those excepting registered physicians who feed saccharin to an unsuspecting public, since some manufacturers have been finding it more profitable to submit to fine than to limit their business. Let us hopp that tho United States Sen ators made a revolution to be good. May u- all know peace and plenty in Ninetccu-Tuenty! And vie all hope that the New Year will justify the noise made as it wan inaugurated. This is the dav of Philadelphia's honest-to-goodtiess assembly dance. Ho was un indiscreet guy who welcomed the New Year with a dose of wood alcohol. Rome of last night's parties had an un corking BOd li,uc' l---- . .t. ,U. S - - - I'JU.lJjAJJUiljJfJdLlA, TJUtKSJJAIM vdAJN UAJKX 1,. THE GOWNSMAN The Unimportance of Professors TIIK December Atlantic contains n bit of serio-comic pleainntry "on the impor tance of beltiR iprofcisor, by one." In which Is represented u marvelous!)' callow upecl men of that nbttsed profession, teaching. He belongs, it would seem, to "one of tlioe. In stitutions of learning whcrc the tradltlonnl method of meeting Increased expenses Is to Pennine the teaching staff." One wonders where that "Institution of learning" ran, possibly be; the Increased cost of living Is penalb enough. He 'has n hearty brother-in-law who is "in business. What business I do not exactly know. It bns something to do with mergers whatecr mergers may be." Thus Ineptly speaks a "professor of logic." who, after eleven years spent in school and college and eight jears In teach ing was drawing n salary a little more than that of one of Ford's office, bojsi and, if we are to take at its face value this wilt) caricature, receiving decidedly more than he is worth. IF YOU arc running a business and hnc a salesman who has sold for you a. defi nite amount of goods, bringing jou a perma nent trade, which you can figure to a penny, and showing the vigor and capacity to make It likely that he will continue at hia present pnee, you can calculate just what he is worth to jou and keep him until somebody else can afford to pay him more. You do not group him with the ribbon clerk who has often wondered what a referendum is, but "I just don't seem to be able to find out." By the same token that a clerk is a clerk and n salesman a salesman, a professor is a professor. In business there is money, a tnnglble thing nnd countable as a measure' of success; and there arc other results than money, but measurable hj it. Iu a profes sion such as teaching there Is no such touch stone. What is the money value of a pro fessor of Sanscrit, let us say, to the univer sity emplojing him? If he hns two orthrce students a year his classes are flourishing and these students pay for their Sanscrit nt best about one-fifth of a fee of say $200 per annum. With three students the pro portionate money value to the university of Sanscrit is $120, not counting deduction for light, heat, housing and general expenses. And the profe-.or draws for thcscservlces, to put it modestly, R4000. Sanscrit is thus a deficit, a financial drain, on the univer sity of JJ.18S0 per annum. (IT WOULD make short work of this au J- nual deficit which I keep hearing nbout out at jour university," said a hard-headed man of affairs. "I would .stop teaching every subject which is not self-sustaining. Do jou suppose that I would be such a fool as to keep on manufacturing an article that I couldn't sell?" And with the embroidery of some choice profanity he dismissed the whole profitless theme. You inight as well say "I would put up no part of this canti lever bridge which is not self-supporting." Education is n structure, bridging nn abjss, a structure dependent on n nice adjustment and balance of the individual parts which together can sustain n mighty load; apart are only so much dead material. If the one truss called Sanscrit or Archeology or Politics or Philosophy costs more-than it is worth as a piece of iron, it does not follow that it may not more than pny its expense in its necessary and sustaining position. The rjuestion is, "Docs education in the aggre gate pay?" not "Is this topic on n lnouev basis?" Dvcn trade has losses nnd profits not assessable on the pages of the ledger. B UT we have wandered from the unim- nortanec of the professor. There arc unquestionably some very unimportant pro fessors in our schools and colleges ; and there arc others whose importance is amus ing enough. An unimportant "professor" is a young man who wnnts a respectable employment, not in trade, in which the hours arc not many and the vacations are long. lie rather likes to dabble among books. Perhaps he may study law some day, or go in for the ministry. He is not quite sure which he would like. lie thinks some times that he would like to write something, but he is not certain of just what a novel, some free verse or perhaps a play. He keeps languidly ahead of his class in a teJ:tbook and, if he assigns exercises to his students, sweeps them off into his waste-paper basket in fitful moments of cleaning up as not the kind of thing he cares to worry about. This "professor" is worth the salary of a scrond rate bell boy. Another unimportant "pro fessor" is one who has grown old in a service which he has never had the courage to desert. To him the livelihood is the ma jor thing, nnd be curses his luck that he did not get out of "this beastly treadmill" j ears ago. and going through the paces he gives as little as possible for his money. He is not worth the wages of any honest me chanic. Are such the only varieties of "pro fessor" which jou or T have ever known? BUT what, after all, does importance con sist in? The size of your monthly wage? Then let us bow to the downtrodden work ingman and the suffering coal baron. Is it the nature of the place whieh you fill? Tlieie are many small crannies, very ill filled ; and many a niche in the smaller halls of contemporary repute are occupied by plaster images, remarkable, should the truth be known, chiefly for their hojlowness. An important man is one who is "on his job" and doing that partiruJar thing absolutely as well as it can be done. What may he tho nature of the "job" is unimportant; tho digging of a ditch, the planning of a cam paign, the discoery of a microbe, the com position of a symphony, the selling the honest selling of an honest commodity, the reconciliation of warring nations each and all of these things are important in the de grce iu which they arc well and honestly done. "The rest is chaff," as Carlyle used to say, "which let the wind blow whereso ever it listcth." The President, wc are grieved but not surprised to learn, ocrtaxed hl strength on his birthday. There comes a lime to most of us when birthdajs become "consul erahle of a strain." When the Rotary Club has a father-nnd-son luncheon it hews to the line, let the chip of the old block on its shoulders fall where it may, or words to that effect. Perhaps Bryan will strive to win the Democratic presidential nomination with tho slogan, "He made the party dry." "By-by, LI.'!" said Peace to the New Year, just before it arrived on Earth. "Hope to sec jou ug&in in a few days," Pennsylvania state officials arc on a still hunt for wood alcohol. They might trail the hangovers from last night's celebration. Mr. Moore evidently believes that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Not to be behindhand in the good time coming: Do your 1020 Christmas shopping early. ' Ther is strong suspicion thAt spirit photographs are doctored with wood alcohol. It is understood that Grundy wot,j have Crow removed for caws. r - iijK. "- i - i -.r-r-rA'-.-Cfi .. THE CHAFFING DISH A Rime of Highways Mf 'ARRET, Arch, Race and Vine. have wmlkcd till they arc mine, Where the hundred lands combine Tresses sleek and leonine, Noses snub or aquiline, And the arc light thrills like wine Over many a blazing sign ; Wnerc the trolleys whizz and whim. And the movies arc a shrine On Market, Arch nnd Itnce and Vine. CHESTNUT, Walnut, Spruce and Piue Stiff and stark and straight in line Are men's houses (so is mine) Where I see the cool sun shine On fair faces proud and fine, And the delicate design ' Of the luAters crystalline In the lamplight when folk ditie In the counties palatine Chestnut, Walnut, Spruce and Pine. ROY HELTON. A New Year Romance The emaciating routine of business caused us to travel to New York the other day on an early train, and we impinged upon a little romance that is to teach its consummation today. . . A pleasant young fellow was sitting in the same seat in the smoker, and as the train pulled out of West Philadelphia he asked us "Do jou know anything about New York?" "A little," we replied modestly. "How do I get to the City Hall?" he said. "We told him, wondering just what a stranger in Manhnttan might want at the Citv Hall. We could think of two or three possibilities, but presently another question made the matter plain. "Where Is-this what they call the Little Church Around the Corner?" Again we told him. smiling inwardly. He brooded a while in silence. About the time the express made its customary unscheduled stop at Princeton Junction he returned, a bit bashfully, to, the subject. "What do you suppose would be the chances of getting a ceremony performed there?" Wc replied that we understood that this famous church was always anxious to oblige. We then felt that it was our chance to con gratulate, which we did, and asked if he was going to meet the lady in New York. "Oh, no," he said, "I'm just going over to get the license. The girl's in Philly." "I'm afraid you may have trouble," wr said, and explained our impression (gathered from personal experience some years ago) that in Now York both contracting parties have to appear before the license clerk. This gravelled him somewhat, but then he cheered up, "There must be a lot of good-natured Janes in New York," he said, "majbc T can get one of them to go with me and pretend to be the lady." This seemed to us a good idea, if the de tails were carefully rehearsed with the obliging Jane in questiou. Now we are very discreet, and it does mil seem fair to us to intimate just why our friend was seeking the license in New York, nor to whieh hotel the happy couple aic planning to elope, nor why it is that the bride's parents will not know anj thing about it until next spring. It makes, quite a little romance, as W. W. .Tacobs's night watchman used to say. All we intend to do here is wish them a Happy New Year, for if the plan works out they are Mr. and Mrs. bj1 this time, and have their seats for au amusing show' this evening. Wo parted from our friend at the Hudson Terminal, and he set off to hunt for a good -Matured stenographer who would go to the license bureau with lilm. We even suggested one or two oflices where wc thought he uiight find some oue, uot too haughty, some one with a genial heart like Mr. Hnyward's Cumlllo on tho comic page. Wc hope ho found her. Controversy Deprecated Dear Socrates: I see that some lady wrejte to you about the question whether women should bu taken alomj on a walk ing trip. By all means, Is my advice, but merely as scenery VKTBRAN OF TllftKR CAMPAIGNS The best description of the Carpentier Beckett fight was written by Bernard Shaw, a'nd the second best by Arnold Bennett. This drives another spiko, we hope, Iu the -old aud vicious doctrine that the only .meritorious news writing can bo done by tralncdtrcport ers with long uewspuper experience. For our own purt, If the Cnrpeutlcr-Dempsey match takes place in this cuuulry, we woultj L920- 1TH A BRAND-NEW i'UH.'Ms.. .:- ....,.,.& like best of nil to have it covered for the Dish by Miss Amy Lowell, who writes vigorous prose and sees what happens with crisp nnd admit able sharpness. As a method of training one's self to write vivid, harmonized nnd logicnl prose, the com position of free verse hns considerable merit. Desk Mottoes I bow not down to any book. No written page holds me in awe: For when on one'frlcnd's face I look I read the Prophets and the Law. KOIIEKT NORWOOD. Social Chat Heibeit Johnson, the notably agreeable cartoonist, smokes the samo kind of to bacco that we do. Having profited by this fact, and also by lavish entertainment on Herbert's part about the lunch hour, we feel that we ought to do the handsome. Wo say that if we were a cartoonist we would like to be just the kind that Mr. Johnson Is. . . Itobert JCorwooU, the eminently broad minded dominie, drinks two cups of tea at lunch, just as we do. Again we feci It nec essary to acknowledge this compliment, and say with perfect candor that If we were a parson we would like to be just the kind of parson that Mr. Norwood is T Wilson Hedlej-, the kind-hearted li brarian and Frank H Taylor, tho generous naturcd artist, both get their telephone calls through tho Woodland exchange, which w therefore nominate as the best one in town. G 10 and U 11, tho comfortable seats at a certain theatre, wore satisfactorily (died by this department at a performance of "Dear Brutus," and we only wish-that there might alA-ays be si Uarrie plaj1 runhlnjr to keep them so occupied. Until ne borrowed a copy of Sir William Osier's "Counsels and Ideals" from a library the other day, it had not been taken out for six and one-half years, which seems to us to provo that the. aspiring readlns public does not Know what Is good for ll The finest book of poems published In this country in 1913 was written by William Hose Benet and is called "Perpetual L,lght ' You may hao no hesitation in knowing that it la tho finest, an It has not been praised by tho professional poetical coteries." On a restaurant menu card on Chestnut street wc found the following sentiment: There is a romance of business, and a heroism of business, that literature will yet take note of. To which wc might add that literature itself also contains some romances and hero isms that business might do well to note. Portrait of a Lady (Courtcsyiug to Alfred, Lord Tennyson) TTOMC they brought her hubby dead -- Drunk, as in tlfe days of yore; Not a single word she said, Neither bawled him out uor swore. rpHll.V they cussed him, soft and low, - Called him uu unfeeling brute, Wicked sinner, cause of woe; Yet she did not scream nor hoot. "DUT when all hud gone away, -'Shc began to treat him rough; And the neighbors' heard her say, "Tell me where you got that stuff!" WILL LOU. Message Accurately Reported The first lady of tho land sets au example of accuruto nnd verbatim reporting that wo, as a newspaper man, nro glad to commend. For in writing to some children in Washing ton to express tho President's tluinka for flowers they hud sent, she suld: "JIuy I not assure you of the thunks which ho would like so much to send to jou?" The hand Is the-hand of the Missus, but thevoiee is the voice of Woodrow. Dove Is Embittered After all tb publishers had turned down hjs poems, Doe Dulcet was advised by his friends to print them at his own expense. They assured him of u Inrge sale. Dove's comment now Is that advice is cheap, but only for the udtlser. Well, with an apprehensive glauco In Mr. ,1 Lederer'b direction, we wish you all a Happy New Sfcor, NOUJtATJSS, I i a St T iV . DECK - PRETTY BABY pRETTY Baby! Hope begotten, -1- Wc can think of none but you ; For the old year is forgotten While we're welcoming the new. Pretty baby ! There is laughter In your eyes, you little cuss. Wc can't dream of sad hereafter While you slyly look at us. Pretty baby ! You arc smiling. Will you ever learn to scold? Are jou simply hope beguiling? Will you love us when you're old? Trettybaby! Bring us plenty ! Mnj jour dajs our ailments cure! Kiss ui note, dear Ninetcen-Twcnty ! Youth's a stuff will not endure! . GRIF ALEXANDER. The fact broke into the news yesterday that the federal district attorney "got a move on." (Tip to Doubting Thomases: H was dodging an automobile.) Battleships of obsolete type are to b' used as targets by the United States navy. Pity that wc can't do something of tho samp kind with our statesmen. C.vuicuss says he doesn't believe in this leap-year stuff. The girls will probably mak the boys propose just as they do other year". 'I he prohibitionists will bo glad to know that there is todnyconsidornbly less liquor in the United States than there was yesterday. H'e arc still making the resolution" father made with the consistency of tne pif crust mother made. In 1920 we are going to show that a hundred and fifty years of independence U distinctly worth while. Wood alcohol in hard liquor; sariharm in soft. First thing you know a man will be foned to tako water. A new' Chicago dally announces that it will print no crime or scandal news. Fvi dently joins ' keep out of politics. Great doings today. Oh, mummev' What Do You Know? QUIZ the "Coal 1. What is Sack' hp.tvcns? ' ". What is said to have heeu the lenzth of Xoah's Ark? .1, Who created the character of Lord Dundreary? . Oq what date will the next presidential election occur? 5. Distinguish between two noted English authors, each named Samuel Butler1 6. How did the dahlia get its name? 7. Who was the classical goddess of health' 8. What aro the minor planets? 0. Name the two largest cities in Aus tralla? 10. What is the meaning of the Scotch word "syne"? Answers to Yesterday's Qulx 1. Sweden has the largest population of the Scandinavian nations. 2. Senator Pomerene Is from Ohio, :i. W J. Bryau first rau for President iu 1890. Tho name is Kriss Kringle, not Krlo 1 Muglc. 15. Magellan was a Portuguese, his name In Ills uativc tongue being Mngalhaes. 0. The salary of tho speaker of the Rous' of Representatives is $12,000 a year 7. Thomas Bolley Aldrich wrote "The Htory of ,juad Boy." 3. Lahaina and Hllo are important towns iu the Hawaiian Islands. 0. A manometer Is un Instrument showlol the clastic forco of gases. JO. Atm? Boleyn was ? morr of Quw v llJUulclh of Eujlaud. - t-. L-. r,.f. w l-i-i, .Sv u- the m "Mfc,..i -- 9" . . ' J i My, w I A. AWSr, W iv.r r--'-ii jj'r r -. k iL Jtato-1 JH OS -M- .k- . JU." jpjt"r
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers