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evening public Iedgei-philadelphia, thuksday, "eeoe&bek ui ate
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j ' V Philadelphia, Tliur.d.j, llrermbcr 11. 1919
FARCE COMEDY IN COUNCILS
VNLY the late Charles H. Hoyt, author
of the funniest political farces Amer
ica ever saw, could do full justice to the
thoughtful little scheme of the Vare
minority outfit to grab control of the
new city Council by naming its commit
tees "before it is organized.
i. If 'is really too kind of Charley Hall
. and tho rest of the old crowd on the
i fourth floor of the City Hall to be so
-' solicitous about the welfare of the new
, body. Reformers are notoriously unap-
preciative of advice from old hands in
''' the game, and in a sense the single
chamber is going to have a majority of
'reformers. It is, therefore, not surpris-
i ing when they resent having things nicely
jf laidfout for them, even to the extent of
f putting stalwart Vare followers of long
'experience in charge of the committees.
But even though the Moore men will
give Messrs. Hall, Gaffney et al. no
credit, the public will admire them in
j at least one particular that is, for their
i j, xemarKaDje control in Keeping peneeuy
, grave faces while urging their proposal.
LUCKY MAN!
hfAN ENGLISHMAN at the Bellevue-
,' Stratford explains that he can tret
Hi more at one m?al in America than his
family in England receives in lood ra-
'; tipns for a week at home. Lucky man!
ji xacK oi tood is not wnat is trouonng
j. .Americans, u tnis ji.ngusnman nas a
1 pocketbook fat enough to pay for all he
ifcan eat in one meal at a fashionable hotel,
Site, is to be envied rather than coni-
S4 iL i-j
"VTjniBeraieu.
l&rVLlTTLE PLAIN NERVE NEEDED .
XIXTHEN the now Civil Service Commis
!ja" sion is elected and besrins to func-
KlVij- ii. .,tt l- !.... ., x .. ...
air' lion iL wi i hr erne pnnutrn rn nRnitiR
i.tirtf Yuay li .a o .rrtnrtf onf- ia f nAoaii
' Civil Service Commission seems to ro
l gard itself.
i 3Tie commission, or one of its mem
J bers, serves as a trial board to hear
i charges against policemen and firemen.
The revised charter does not give it
I power to issue subpoenas and the courts
s .have refused to issue subpoenas for it.
. The accused, in one instance, have failed
' to appear for trial after they had been
s summoned twice.
j A commission with a little nerve can
V change this situation in short order. The
charter provides for the removal of men
'A on charges after they have had an oppor
jj tunity to be heard in their own defense.
THe accusers will always attend to press
jf their charges when they are made in
good faith. If the accused refuses to
i-b,wiw .v uijer ms aexense, it is Wimin
the power of the trial board to issue its
judgment and to enforce it.
' The commission would not have to pur
. sue this course more than once or twice
f before its authority would be recognized
by every one.
it THE DANSEY CASE
tTWR .rtporv nrmr como n Ua Vi4- Vi
vLr- Dansey boy was accidentally killed
1h Hammonton and that after some weeks
?f ,hjs body was put in the swamp, where
4t was found with the clothine scattered
Ai
Jtftw Yeas. .
Jprtfcoc'it'.V
I J near it. The persons charged with re
sponsibility for the death are said to
I 4 siay a lucneu tno moral courage lo tell
S 5vriat they had done and hoped no one
would, find it out.
If this theory be correct, we have
two tfagedies instead of one, and sp in
ejArjcably involved that it will be diffi-
5rc ,to decide whiqh is the greater.
,END OF THE COAL STRIKE .
SANITY" wins. The plan for the set-
,, tlement of the bituminous coal strike,
. Made in this newspaper many weeks atro
I'" stnil in other places afterward, has been
tir "'j .-j t. il 1 J it
f, jwojiwu oy uie miners anu ine operators,
If and work is to be resumed at once.
IL vThe form in which the President put
l',0m proposition to the miners and opera-
m wiaa uiau me miners Biioum accept
,,'jL4 per cent increase in wages, which
s''t!be operators were willing to pay. that
r they, should then return to work and that
L s commission should be created to in-
t quira into the causes of the dispute and
if arrange lor their removal.
...All that remains to be done now is to
&' appoint the commission, made up of cap-
P ble and fair-minded men.
jfa other course has commended it
meli' to reasonable judgment from the be
fummgt It was admitted that the miners
haA legitimate crievances. It was ad-
f- mittwi, too, that some of their demands
ytex unreasonable. TJjey- were asking
s,jfor ore. thap they expected to get, but
thy"wre not met in a conciliatory mood
l ky li operators and there was a dead-
t .m - 1t J U !.- lt TT
KMSKt jqiiwwcu uy nic oumc, nowever
jriueh th public ,may have sympathized
with th miners, it has never regarded
'"tka strike s justifiable under the cir-
&tum opawptt baa Imxt behind the
m ' l
demands of tho President for the accept
ance of his plan of compromise. Ho has
been really tlo representative of tho
nation in urging it upon the operators
and tho miners'.
Now, if wo can only profit by tho les
son of this strike and arrange for tho
settlement of similar disputes in tho
future in a similar manner before busi
ness Is tied up, the incident will not be
without its compensations.
COUNCILS' DAYLIGHT SAVER '
MAKES A BAD THING WORSE
Inefficient and Furtive Politicians Are
Responsible for a Condition Under
Which Even the Clocks May
Be Corrupt
TS AN idea large, picturesque, romantic,
- jejune in its inception and utterly im
possible? Then Mayor Smith will cer
tainly approve it with a grand sweep
of his pen upon the tail of an ordinance
as he has just approved the daylight
saving scheme of city Councils.
There is, after all, something oddly
wistful and ardent about the Mayor.
Those who know him best assert that he
is bursting with frustrated intentions of
u virtucus and beneficent kind. But he
will bo lucky if he does not go down in
municipal history as Aladdin Smith,
since, by signing up with the amateur
daylight savers, he has sent tho com
munity drifting toward a giddy and glo
rious period of uncertainties, of unbe
lievable complications and bright un
reality. Next summer, for example, you will
be able to leave Broad street station at
2 o'clock and arrive at Paoli at 1:45.
Automobile speed liars will call the
Mayor blessed. After we set our clocks
'an hour ahead the driver of any motor
car may start for Atlantic City and, ar
riving at Hammonton, swear truthfully
that he did thirty miles in ten minutes
less than nothing. The clocks in Ham
monton will, we believe, run on the old
schedule.
But there is a dark side to the pic
tme. Bitterest amemg the afflicted will
be the small company of pious conserva
tives our pride and our dependence in
times of great decision.
They will have excellent reasons for
believing that the Mayor has played them
foul. They were once the stern oppo
nents of gas light. They once fought
trolley cars. They regarded the tele
phone as a disaster and the automobile
as a catastrophe before they learned to
find pleasure in both. By a thoughtless
sweep of his pen Mr. Smith threatens to
maneuver these good folk into a position
actually an hour ahead of the times! It
is only behind the times that a small but
exalted part of Philadelphia can find the
comfort and the tranquillity that it loves.
That part may move away! Yet they
will have company in the misery that is
to be theirs.
Black times are ahead for the banker
folk whose businesses are knit into the
national time schedule by tho telephones,
the telegraph, the mails and the stock
ticker. Doubtless we bhall lose many
bankers through nervous prostration.
Woe to them whose offices are organized
upon a municipal time table while their
homes adhere to what might be called
congressional time. If you live in Nor
ristown or Riverton you will almost
surely be an hour late for dinners in
Philadelphia.
If you are in the habit of dining in
the country you will as certainly be an
hour early and an unbearable trouble
to all hostesses.
The irritating thing about the new
"daylight saving ordinance just signed by
the Mayor after what appears to have
been a very real soul struggle is not the
action of the Mayor in itself.
The trouble is with mayors in general.
They are all pretty much alike.
In New York and in Jersey City the
municipal authorities have been setting
up independent daylight saving laws, un
mindful of consequences. It is easy to
imagine Mr. Smith alone with the ordi
nance, visioning happy workers and
children gamboling in the summer sun
light, and signing the thing while his
soul was filled with the whisper of a
grand, sweet song of good will. Perhaps,
after a look back over the last four
years, he felt that he ought to save
something. Daylight is plentiful. The
universe is full of it.
The Mayor is but a mayor. What?
Well, the Mayor is -but the occupant of
the Mayor's office, if you will. He obeyed
a worthy impulse. The blame for a
prospective period in which no one will
be able to tell, even by his watch, what
time it is is not upon him. It is upon
the school of politics from which he
graduated.
The men who defeated the daylight
saving bill in Congress, where daylight
saving laws should have been upheld and
made permanent, are tribal kin to the
Mayor and to all other mayors. Con
gressman Vare, Congressman Costello
and Congressman Graham did not vote
at all when the daylight law was brought
up not long ago for debate and action.
The easiest thing in the world to do is
nothing. In the code of a good many
politicians it seems the safest. Any
one who wants to know why an excellent
and rational law was repealed has only
to- study the preponderant figures of the
agricultural vote in general elections.
Mr. Vare, Mr. Costello and Mr. Graham
seem to have studied them. They did
nothing. Now they are exalted like gods,
above praise or blame. Meanwhile other
representative members of their school
of politics are busily making a bad thing
worse. ,
So it is the school of localized politics
that is at fault. Graduates of this school,
whether their work takes them to Wash
ington or into mayors' offices, have no
ordered theory of life or law or eco
nomics or ethics. Their capacity for
error is limitless. They are mere mem
bers of a vast clearing house which
dispenses jobs.
The reliance of politicians, who, after
permitting the defeat of the daylight
saving law, are now making furtive ef
forts to placate the folk at home, is
Upon the people, jMi9 people Will co-
i 'fafe- ' ' '
operate as n solid unit to save daylight.
They will wisely adjust their clocks
in the interest of general sanity 1 Will
they?
Tho people ought to go to church.
They should buy their coal in summer.
They should co-operate against profiteers.
But they do not always do these thlng3.
Aided by their mayors they will drift
into n period of confusion for which their
elected representatives are wholly re
sponsible. Tho extra hour of daylight made pos
sible to tho average indoor worker by
"wartime" was most welcome, the most
wholesome and least expensive of
luxuries. The men who permitted it to
be withdrawn cannot escape the sincere
dislike of those who live and work in
the cities.
The great public is Used to being left
alone to find its way out of difficulties
due to the ineptitude of politicians. It
will blunder along and miss trains and its
dinner if the new municipal time sched
ule is actually made operative. In the
end it will painfully devise arrangements
of its own and settle down again to an
ordered way of existence. So it will
have to go on muddling through until
it finds a way to better representation
in Congress and in mayors' offices.
Meanwhile, Mayor Smith will be in the
far-off hills and the congressmen who
repealed the daylighjt law will be too
busy with other matters of state to give
u thought to a harassed general public
which, for a time at least, will be unable
to believe even the clocks on its walls.
SPROUL IN WASHINGTON
"XTHEN the Republican national com
' mittee selects the Governor of this
state to make one of the principal
speeches at its meeting preliminary to
the opening of the presidential campaign,
it must be admitted that Pennsylvania
is rising once more to its proper place
in the councils of the party.
And it is not a standpat and reaction
ary Pennsylvania that commands atten
tion today using these adjectives in their
opprobrious sense. The rest of tho na
tion should not be allowed to forget that
in the great schisfn that divided the party
in 1912, when tho progressive wing
aligned itself on one side and the re
actionary wing on the other, Pennsyl
vania, although overwhelmingly Repub
lican by tradition, proved to be the most
Progressive state in the whole union.
Roosevelt polled 283,000 votes in Cali
fornia, 386,000 in Illinois and 390,000 in
New York, and Wilson carried each of
these states. But in Pennsylvania 447,000
Republicans went to the polls and cast
their ballots for Roosevelt and progres
sivism and gave to him thirty-eight elec
toral votes out of the total of eighty
eight that he received in the whole coun
try. Consequently, when the Governor of
this state speaks in a political gathering
it is as the representative of the largest
body of progressive sentiment concen
trated in any commonwealth.
Governor Sproul's address, while a
characteristic political document, was still
characterized by vision- and. by an ade
quate conception of the necessity of adopt
ing a constructive, forward-looking policy
to be submitted for ratification to the
voters next November. He and his fel
low Republicans are aware that no party
can win without such a policy. They
know that in the eight years since Wood
row Wilson was elected to the presi
dency between 10,000,000 and 12,000,000
boys have grown to a voting age, boys
whose personal knowledge of national
politics goes no farther back than to
Roosevelt's last presidency; boys who
then began to regard this great Ameri
can as their ideal. These young men will
decide the election next year, for they
will use as the instrument for executing
their will that party which liest repre
sents the hope and aspiration of youth
and manifests a determination to exert
itself to the utmost to make this nation
worthy of its best traditions. Governor
Sproul himself was only thirty-one years
old when Roosevelt first became Presi
dent. He has not yet reached that time
of life when men become stagnant
minded. He is thus a fit spokesman, not
only for Pennsylvania but for national
Republicanism.
IWhen the miners
Black anil White asked for a five-day
,toal week and a six-hour
day they were really
asking for more rather than less work, ex
plains Samuel Gompers. At best,' one-fifth
of all our coal is wasted, says Secretary
Franklin K. Lane, and he adds that the
ultimate development of the streams and
rivers of the country will yield 51,000,000
continuous horsepower. From which mc de
duce that what this country needs is fewer
coal miners.
Au English visitor in town says, "You
Americans have so much money you don't
know what to do with it." And each and
every one of us cheerfully admits the truth
of the assertion with a mental reservation
concerning one particular case.
Thero was no evidence of brain fog or
brain fag in President Wilson's proposal to
the miners.
There is general belief that city home
rule Is the key with which tho door may be
opened for a Greater Philadelphia.
"Back to the mines !" is no longer a
command; but joyous appreciation of an
accomplished fact.
What the miners and operators have
now consented to do they might well have
done several weeks ago,
t
John Q. Compromise scored another vic
tory. The psychological monfent having ar
rived, be got in his licks.
Is the bulk of the population heeding the
admonitions of the fuel board? Not by an
anthracite!
Tho New Year will probably come in
singing, "Nobody knows how dry I am."
The moos-'of the, dd Bull Moose bemuse1
political prognosticators.
And the children of the miners will now
be able to enjoy a visit from Santa Claus.
p
The coal black horses are, now back in
the shafts of the chariot of progress.
The Flying Parson got into no trouble
I while he contested himself with fljln. "
-'" I 1 . JSP ,
THE GOWNSMAN
On Keeping Up With the Times
A PLEASANT young woman, n stranger
to tho Gownsman, entered his, study tho
other day, after duly requesting an inter
view. She did not give her nnme and she
did not look exactly ns if r1io had come on
business, for the furtive look of the book
agent, potential or constructive, bad not yet
settled down on her open countenance. In
a voice, musical enough to have been at
tuned to better things, tsho inquired: "I
have called, sir, to ask you If you" are keep
ing up with the times? Yes, keeping up
with tho times." And she settled herself
in an attitude of attention which meant that
more was expected than either "yes" Or
"no."
THE Gownsman will not say that ho was
embarrassed; he would not confess It If
he had been. But he was just a little tipped
off of that center of gravity which is becom
ing alike to his years and to his garb.
Wherefore, fencing for time, ho inquired In
n tone Intended to conVey the innocency of
untutored childhood: "Now just vhat may
jou mean, may I ask, by keeping up with
the times?" But sho was wiser than her
years and parried: "Then you have not
received our litcruture?" "Your literature 1
And arc you, then, one of those notablo
peoplo who write books?" said the Gowns
man. "Oh, no" this with great superior
ity "I follow up our literature by a per
gonal call, to explain, and well, to take
orders." The murder was out; this nice
girl was one of tho loathly kind, after all,
"a book solicitor," a rond that is a book
agent masquerading in youth, . and tho
Gownsman bethought himself of how ho had
ouce rid himself of one of tho kind by
brazenly affirming that his education had
been neglected in his youth and that to him
had never been imparted "tho mystery of
alphabetic letters;" and how, in another
cntc, he or the book agent, a man in this
instauco and he forgets which had leaped
out of a window.
B
UT soon he was admonished that there is
literature and "literature." And his
visitor pointed accusingly to a circular still
unwrapped on the Gownsman's disorderly
table. "There," she said, "there is some
of our literature. Don't you even open
your mail, sir?" "Not always," the
Gownsman somewhat hastily replied. And
there it was, a beautiful pamphlet of many
pages, in blue printing and ghrnished with
jellow, with envelopes, order blanks, re
duction in club rates inclosed, and a list
of glowing testimonials, to bay nothing of
the pictures. "The Crest of the Wave."
an international epitomo of epitomes, the
newest news, the newest views. Appraise
ment of the now ; prognostication of the lo
he; no reviews, no has-beens; why look
backward? Why burden your children with
school books on history, English, economics,
politics, civics or sociology? Ufce "The
Crest of the Wave" in the schools and keep
abreast of the times. And the pictures din-'
closed happy families and joyful groups of
intelligent boys and girls, sitting on the
school btcps, u copy of "The Crest of the
Wave" in each happy hand, or grouped in
numbers enormous. "Before taking 'The
Crest of the Wave' I was muddled about the
league of nations ; mystified as to Bolshevism
and mixed as to D'Annunzio and Fiumc.
Since taking this elixir of knowledge all
these things have become to me absolutely
luminous, and I am writing in the btjle of
Mr. Hergcshcim, Mr. Drinkwuter or Lord
deTabloy at will. Yours contemporaneously,
Mazie Muddletou." "Oh, bir," exclaimed the
pleasant joung woman, "j-ou haven't any
idea what beautiful editorials our Mr.
Pshaw, tho editor, writes!" "Ah, yes,"
said the Gownsman meditatively, "and
Addison nnd De Quincey and poor Charles
Lamb and Macaulay used to write beauti
ful editorials." "Yes, sir," said that
pleasant young woman, "it is true, but
then, they are all dead." Aud whether she
meant the editorials or only those who
penned them, the Gownsmau knows not even
to the present day.
TO KEED up with the times? to ride on
the crest of the wave, lo despise the past
aud learn nothing of it, to be strictly con
temporaneous, up to date and distrustful of
theories, nervous in the presence of ideals
here is the essence of Philistinism and
Philistinism is the enemy of civilization.
Neither do we or our children stand in any
need of being "brought up to date. There is
nothing so hard to escape as the present
moment with its incessant claims, its trivial
obligations, its inanities, its inroads on
time, patience, taste, sense and strength.
Out of the pabt we can pick and choose
our acquaintance, our book, the very pas
sage in it. As to the future, we may
drenm. But there is no ehoice in the pres
ent and few dreams. Think of those intelli
gent children, so vividly pictured with "The
Crest of the Wave" held docilely in the
hand of each, doomed to read, week after
week, "the beautiful editorials" of Mr.
Pshaw, to be ever on the trigger, momen
tarily in the nick of time. With every re
bnect for Mr. Pshaw who, the Gownsmau
is informed is not George Bernard can we
expect these children to remain intelligent?
AMONG the shifting shouls and drifting
sandg of contemporary opinion, it' Is
never safi to be too sure even of yourself;
and above all things is it unwjse for any
man to patronize his grandfather. The old
fellow lived In his present as we live in ours
and saw about ns far without his spectacles
as we see without ours. As to xthe thing
we call the present, it is bomewhat. discon
certing to realize that this sentence as it is
writing is already in part a thing of the
past. And never has a doctrine been so
abused and misapplied as that of evolution
with the corollary that the grade of human
betterment and advance is at the angle, of
an ascending rocket. It is a daring idea,
this of "The Crest of the Wave," to pit its
"beautiful editorials" as subjects and
sources for the study of history, language
politics and the like against the literature,
UUU UIU mow; " '- ""iw umu IUQ WU(1U
commentary on all these things besides. It
is almost admirable in its' complacency.
But come, let's go back into tho past some
where and play awhile; let's not keep up
with the times.
May the Wood boom be spoken of. as a
floating barrier of timber across the mouths
of G. O. P. cnlets
Not the least of tho evils of the coal
strike was that it furnished the postmaster
general with another excuse.
Twas a dark, cold path that' Garfield
trod.
Louisiana sugar cane is a rattan in Its
effect on the consumer.
One thing the President lacks is ability
-to make the other fellow do the work.
Postofflce employes are willing to swear
that Burleson's phantom surplus is no
beneficent spirit.
Bituminous (uiners will now do their bit.
"NOW
'PSSaMfe. , . "xz-g -"Ste" tSii--,!' .v4l2f-c-w
erS'- c;''zt"-rJ'
THE CHAFFING DISH
You Told Me I Might Have the Stars
YOU told mc I might have the btars
That cluster everywhere ;
That you would pluck the Pleiades
To fasten in my hair.
YOU said you'd catch the Milky Way
And pull the white moon down
To wear upon a silver chain
With my velvet gown. '
YOU promised me the Dipper, tqo,
For just one fleeting taste,
And I could have Orion's belt
To wind about my waist.
THE baby stars for'finger rings,
A bright one for my shoe
Now I would give hem all away
If I could just have you.
BEATRICE WASHBURN.
Even the Bee3 on Strike
The State Department of Agriculture in
forms all and sundry that the average yield
of honey per colony in Pennsylvania this
year is only thirty-three pounds, compared
with seventy-one pounds last year. Bol
shevism begins with a B, evidently.
To -Alec
(TTAo mentions names without thounht of
international complications)
YOU know I never frequented that horrid
Globe Cafe;
You never met me with a demoiselle.
You know 'twas not my custom on the Place
de .Taude to stray
With Genevieve, Yvonne or sweet Adele.
(And even if I had cut foolish capers,
Why should you print it In the daily papers?)
YOU never saw me promenading up old
Puy-de-Dome,
A lassie and a bottle by each hand.
You never found mo gazing at the blonde
beer's creamy foam;
(And the drinks you cite, I scarcely under
stand. (And even if you saw such things, why
need it
Appear in print where Mary Ann will read
it?)
WILL LOU.
A Letter for Cecelia
- r.,.-.!!.. -an nf Rnr.rA.tes:
As lor your aiiDi anu ,uui ...,, -. v. ..-.
a hoot: we have ecrns of our own. nut comma,
where ob comma, whero Is your "dandy chop-
hTh!s fair town boasts, of fish-houses, tea
houses. Bandwlch-houses. , lunch.houees. hash
houses, and smashlnedlsh-houe. but we have
never seen such an thlm as a perfectly stood
broiled chop-house. Hence our suspicion that
this Is another of your alibis.
Yours with parsley,
JANE AND STEVE.
Out Along the Cinder and Bloodshot
Hank Harris came In to see us, and gave us
the first news of Marathon in a long time. It
'seems that BUI Stltes has two hound dogs.
brothers, whose names are Romeo and Juliet,
"" y1'" -".,?. v-i-r.... ..rri ,. -..-. ni
They lavish their evenings camplne on Hank's
front porch. Hank says he hasn't been sleep
ing well lately. BUI Is Iboklne; round for a
farm to buy, and our Informant assures us
that BUI Intends to be a country gentleman.
BUI will always be a gentleman, Is our com
ment, but we don't know what kliid of a
farmer he will make. If Hank's account of
Romeo and Juliet Is correct, those hounds
are big, sprightly and ambitious enough to
help draw the plow and till the fertile glebe.
Fred Myers has been troubled by bron
chitis, and lacking the old family remedies
for this complaint his recovery has been
gradual. Fred has a fllwer which Is known
as Dame Quickly, but Hank says thlp Is Ironi
cal. As for Hank, he Is Just as full of pep as
ever, and very husy buying his Christmas
presents. If we were BUI we would keer
those hounds locked ub on Christmas Day.
Those sentimental ditties that Alec Ste
venson and Will ku have been writing
about Clermont-Ferrand have elicited com
ment from Bonus. He says: "One would
guess Clermont-Ferrand to have been a
pleasure resort for tho poets of the A. ,E. F.,
but (nclosed Is some verse of a more serious
nature, clipped from. Flights nnd Landings,
the newspaper edited nt Seventh A. I. O.
It; is by U. B. .BowBian, who delivered the
YOU'RE FIXED; GO Tt)
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original at the Ninety-seventh Squadron
show."
Bonus asks that we "feed" bis inclosuro
to Will Lou and Alec. It is entitled "The
Dying Grease-Hound," which, we are in
formed, means an expiring aviation me
chanic. AVe wish we had space for more
of it:
My Mademoiselle In Clermont
My face no more will bee,
These wild, wild girls In Aulnat
I know they'll think of me.
And when they call the muster roll
They'll call my name In vain,
For I've eaten my last mess of beans,
Drunk my last cup of rain.
I'm going to a better land
Where everything Is bright.
Where Vlcby passes grow on trees
And you can stay out every night,
Where the M. P.'s will not bother jou
And you needn't change your box
And little streams of Cognac
Come trickling down the rocks.
When Tennyson said "We needs must love
the highesUwhcn we tee it," we presume he
meant to make an exception of the H. C. L.
Speaking of Tennyson, our literary chaf
fers may" be pleased to be reminded of Walter
Bagehot's humorous summarv of "Enoch
Arden." Philip Littell quotes it in his new,
volllmp. "TCnnVc n-nA TMnwo
A sailor who sells fish breaks his leg,
gets dismal, gives up selling fish, goes to
se, is wrecked on a desert Island, stays
there some years, on' his return finds his
wife married to a miller, speaks to a land
lady on the subject, and dies.
We Bow Our Prettiest
When .the child is parked In her crib for the
night,
And the mouse trap's tight baited with
cheese,
It's then I. may loll at my eas.
I munch Buttered popcorn with all of my
might,
And scan by the Mazda-bulb's sixty-watt
light
The wisdom of Socrates.
M. V. N. S.
And Mj V. N. Sv, adds that as 1020 is a
leap year sho doesn't see why our clients
shouldn't have 365 dinners at home and
still spend the 366th as an evening of car
nival and halloo. Will Lou also writes all
the way from Lebanon claiming to be the
original contributor to the Dish. He says
that this Will entitle him to have two lumrja
of sugar at any dinner arranced bv our
high-spirited patrons.
Those who protest against the newspaper
habit 61 referring to debutantes as "buds"
may not;realIze that this is perfectly gdbd
Shakespearean usage. .When Miss Juliet
Capulet was to be presented to the society
of Verona her father called her and the
other girls who would be at the reccntlon,
"frcsh female buds."
8oclal Items From Shakespeare
Duke Prospero and his charming daugh
ter Miranda have left,Mllan for tbesummer
and are spending tho warm weather at their
island home, "Yellow SandsC" They expect
to entertain a number of guests at a house
party this week. Among the most promi
nent present will be Messrs. Ferdinand,
Alonzo and Sebastian, ,
Miss Portia Heiress has finished her law
couxse at the Venetian Correspondence
School, and expects to leave shortly for her
country estate, "Belmont."
Miss Rosalind Duke has joined the Girl
Scouts and will spend the summer camping
In the Forest of Arden. She has recently
announced her engagement to Mr. Orlando
de Boys, who is also very fond of the open
air life.
.
Prince Hamlet has returned to Elslnore
and taken up the oulja board as a diversion.
Prince Hamlet Is arranging some private
theatricals tonight us a surprise for his
uncle, King Claudius.
v
Miss Cfeopatrfc Egypt has. Hern entertain
ing distingulsl8d guests from Rome, R)ie
hag.nUia added if uunioer of, nxpa to her un.
I usual collection of pets, HOCIUTE3,
IT!"
SV&
THE BUCCANEERS
TX7HEN Doris and I, and Peggy and Sim,
' ' Went by wnter to Watson'a bay,
The night shone blue on the harbor-rim,
And the hills ran gold, with liquid day ;
For tliis was the hour of interlude,
When the sunlight thins, and the shadows
brood,
And the sea-mist smokes away.
"We'll steer by the stars," I cried, for the
stars
Beat milkily over the yacht,
And the moon lay netted among the spars
Like the slice of an apricot;
"We'll steer by the Cross toCaribee, '
Ono thousand leagues from Circular Quay,
And east-nor'-south, I wot!"
Doris danced round, and she made a mouth,
And she wrinkled her nose in scorn ;
"O silly, to talk of your east-nor'-south!
And is Caribec near Cremorne?"
"Cremorne, do you say? Indeed a"nd indeed,
I'll swear that this 'yacht is a dolphin steed
In a faery land forlorn !"
The sun swam down, and the darkness fell,
All olive it dripped in the skies ;
And the ferry-light fires in the glinting swell
Were like deep-sea fishes eyes.
But Sim cried: "Ho, for the Spanish Main!
I smell red gold on galleons twain
Ho, ho for the pirates prize!"
O you who gape from the ferry-decks
At the lunatic yacht below,
Do you ken, as you sluggishly loll your necks,
You were slaughtered an age ago? "
Plundered and put to the plank and the
sharks,
You factory-hands and Insurance-clerks,
In a stolidly staring row?
Kenneth Slessor in the Sydney Bulletin.
The commission is unalterably of the
opinion that it is no part of the province of
a Binking fund to rise to an emergency. ,
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. Where is the Republican .National Con
vention to be held?
2. Name four Republicans mentioned as
candidates for tho presidency.
3. What is the correct pronunciation of the
r ' word coupon?
4.- When did Demosthenes live?
5. What are the colors of the flag of Japan?
0. What was the Declaration of.Bordeaux?
7. What is an equerry?
8. What is the shortest day in the year?
0. Name a bird, not-a parrot, which can be
trained to talk. f .
10. How .many wars of tho United States
have been conducted under a Demo
cratic administration? (
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1. Captain Boss Smith is the first aviator
to fly from England to Australia?
He has won a prize of $50,000.
2. The reparations commission authorized
by the peace treaty is to consider Ger
many's responsibilities foV the scut
tling of the Scnpa Flow fleet.
3. St. Francis of Assisl lived in the latter
part of the twelfth and the early part
of the thirteenth centuries.
4. "Cavallerla Rusticana" means "Bustle
Chivalry."
C. General John Bourgoyne was the British '
commander of the army which surren
dered to the Americans under Gates
at' the decisive battle of Saratoga In
tho Revolutionary War.
C. Cape Fear tt n promontory forming the
southern point of Smith's Island, off
the coast of North Carolina. '
7. J. Alden Weir, a celebrated' American
painter, prominent In tho Impression
ist school, died on December 8.
8. Cicero was the author of "De Senec-
tute," a treatise on old age,
0. Cassia is an inferior kind of cinnamon.
, It is also n genus of plants yielding
benna leaves,
10. A tcpi' ifj" h'vel plain devoid nf for
I est, especially in
cut, especially in itussla nnd .Bluer!,,
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