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5, F ' '
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PfllliADEIiPHIA, tfl&DAYr t)D0O3ER 5,
IfilS
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10
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H'
?Ctacnmg public Ife&gei:
rUDLIC LEDGER COMPANY
n...iCr?.U8,tKS CUrtTlB.TjirsiPENT
,h-"-j1" . wuuiiiBion vicn i'rciani. jonn i .
f'"'j! !T!.rT ami jrcnsurrri i'ninp I'nuini,
fwm D. WlllUmi, John J. Bpurgron, Dlrnctora.
, EDITORJAU OOAHU:
.
Cincs It K rciTM. Chairman
JPAV1D E. PMILKY ... Editor
"JCrtRfC. MAP.T1N ., acr.cral Business Manager
jPubllfhjd dally nt Tcsuo t,Enet:n .nulldlnc,
1TMNTI0 CiTV
jiiut-rn-nuenco oquarc, i nuatioipnia.
.... i'rriit-intoit uuilillna
.. !!OH AIMf-nnnllt.ti Tnp
IW JOSS.
Ton- , . . 70t Kord Dulldln"
T, lyoris., ... , ioii nillirtim liulldlnH
CBIcioo 1302 Tribune BuilJIng
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By Address alt oommvnfcaflons to Ercnlnn riibllo
Ltiatr, Independence ggiiore, I'hl'adelpUla,
j Member of the Associated Press
THE ASBOCtATVD PlinSS Is cnlii
UcJi entities to the use for republication
of all ncics dispatches crcd'tcd to It or not
otherwise cierlited In this paper, and nho
the local uric published theicln
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patches herein arc alio icscrvcd.
l'htliMphii, frlilir, Drtrmlitr 5. IH
ECONOMY AND THEN SOME
THE apparent inescapabilily of a tax
rate of $'2.85 will force upon the new
JIayor and the new Council a policy of
the most rigid economy for the next
twelve months.
If it should be necessary to i educe
expenses by reducing the number of
dispensable city employes, there should
be no hesitation to use the ax. Mr.
Woore has already intimated that ho
would use it if the present Councils failed
to provide him with money enough to
carry his administration through the
year.
The city expects such economies from
him as will make it possible to reduce
the rate next year. If it is not reduced
"tents will bo increased, for the landlords
must pass on to their tenants the burden
of the increased cost of maintaining
their property.
Some relief can be found in an equali
sation of assessments. The real estate
i board has already begun to interest it
self in this matter, and its chairman is
talking about the necessity of a more
careful and thorough assessment of real
estate throughout the city. Much prop
erty, he says, is assessed for less than
its value and some is assessed too high.
Recent transfers of valuable paieelss
for sums ranging fiom 50 to 100 per
cent more than the assessment sustains
his statement that some owners are es
caping the payment of their fair share
of the taxes. If all parcels were as
sessed on a uniform and equitable basis.
it is likely that as much money as is
needed could be raised by a moderate
tax rate, which would relieve the small
house owners and attract business enter
prises here which hesitate now when
there is suggestion of a tax rate that
approximates $tf.
V POLICE GRAFT
TF THE Police Depaitment were above
suspicion, it would not have been
necessary to create a special bureau of
detectives in the district attorney's office.
The arrest of two police detectives by
the district attorney's detectives ou the
charge of shaking down a merchant, who
professes to have bought stolen goods
unwittingly, shows how it woiks when
opo set of detectives is set to watch an
other set. The charges should be pressed
in court in order that the truth may bo
established.
The public will hope that when Mayor
elect Moore appoints a director of public
safety he will name a man who will
Clear the force of all suspected officers
and make the great majority of the rank
and file feel that bo long as they do their
duty without fear or favor they will be
supported.
FOUR-CENT MEALS?
TJR. HARVEY W. WILEY appears to
-belong in the expanding group of
scientific men who, in desperation, are
trying to amuse a world that they cannot
ripln. Doctor Wilpv's more or less solnmn
4,. " assertion that a man may live on eleven
cents a day if he will invest his 'money
in cornmeal mush and milk isn't even a
good joke.
Would Doctor Wiley lend the patient
citizen a stove?
If you will dig a hole in the ground
.and reside in it you can beat the rent
man. The money spent on shaving and
hair cuts may be put in bank if you will
let your hair grow long. A horse blanket
judiciously used would make" clothing un
necessary and it might be even put away
- jfitefullv in summer by a really thrifty
;? -man. These are ways in which the high
,V cow? of living might be brought down,
' but the people are waiting for some one
to discover a method which, unlike Doctor
Wiley', will be a little more acceptable
than death itself. ,
A TAX THAT FAILED
SECRETARY GLASS has discovered
that there can bo a tax so heavy that
it will produce no ivenuc. He has
called the attention of Congress to the
I'Vfwiwouability that the excess-profits tax
v-w-i-wdl flofeat itself unless radical chancres
,are made in the law. He say3 that it
encourages wasteful expenditure, puts a
premium on overcapitalization and a
13 penalty on brains, energy and enterprise,
. discourages new ventures and confirms
old ventures in their monopolies. In ad
dition it acts in many instances as a
consumption tax, for it is added to the
east of production and" handed on to the
i awisumer- in increased prices.
Pongress, however, assumed that the
excess-profits tax would merely decrease
the utnounts to be- divided among the
hr?holders in the corporations making
; tie profits.
That the lax should be reduced is
recommended to Congress by the secre-
v inrif Pf the treasury in order that in
"neac times it may produce revenue with-
"iM" lidding to the cost of living. It is a
mbl rpjouimcnuatton uaseu on a
knowledge of some of tho elements of
the principles of taxntion.
Mr. Glass also sava that it will be
necessary to increase the normal income
tax and th'c lower ranges of Uie suilax
If sufficient revenue is to bo raised to
meet the war charges. If these increases
arc made equitably so that there is a
feeling that cvory one is bearing his
fair share of the burden, .there will bo
little complaint, for wo nil know that the
money must bo raised to run the govern
ment and pay the intorcst on the war
debt. Mr. Glass has already submitted
to the ways and means committee some
notes on necessary changes in the rev
enue law and he will put them in the
form of detailed lccomnicndations.
Congress as well as ho is aware that
the law needs rewiiting in many of its
sections so that its inequities may be
removed. The country expects it to
approach the problem with a disposition
to distribute tho burden of txxatiou so
that it will gall no one.
MILLIONS IN STRIKE LOSSES
ARE AN UNNECESSARY WASTE
When Justice Is Assured to Both Sldps
In Industry Neither Will Have the
Courags to AgU for More
TF DOCTOR GARFIELD were a wiser
man he would put the woik of some
of his ropiesenlatives in Judge Ander
son's court at Indianapolis high in the
list of nonessential industries.
He might even deny himself fuel and
light.
He and his men aie wasting their time
at unproduetAc labor. Wh'it is more,
they are distracting the public mind and
beclouding issues that will have to be
clearly seen and thoroughly understood
before industrial peace is possible in
tho United States. If the miners and
tho operators are approaching a mood
for reconciliation and settlement, it 13
not because of anything that the govern
ment is doing. They have been left to
blunder disastrously along the road to
calamity. If they arc not awed and
afraid and sobered by a prospect of uni
versal wretchedness and incalculable loss
their senses have deserted them alto
gether. The fuel administration has not helped
to bring a settlement. Everything that
the government could do to inilate the
miners, to sharpen and harden their
sense of wrong, has been dono.
The deadlock in the bituminous fields
certainly involves something of greed
and opportunism on one side or the other
or on both. At bottom it is a great
human dilemma for all who happen to
be directly concerned in it. It is a de
tail of tho blind and painful struggle
by which humanity is trying to adjust
itself to new conditions.
Patience and logic, a sense of justice
and not a little of human charity will
be necessarv to the final settlement of
the coal strike and similar strikes. The
present fight in the coal fields obviously
means self-sacrifice and consecration for
many of the workers who feel that they
have been badly treated and neglected.
For many of the mine owners it seems
to be a fight for survival amid new and
strange concerns. To the noncombatant
public it brings the prospect o niiseiy,
illeness and hunger. Yet this is the
looming question that the federal court
has attacked with rasping legalisms that
are altogether unrelated to any vital
concern of the miners, the operators or
the country at large.
The government, acting through Doc
tor Garfield and the federal attorneys at
Indianapolis, has never gone beyond the
outer fringes of the matter. Neither has
Judge Anderson.
You cannot produce coal by putting
labor leaders in jail. You cannot pacify
and reassure labor by forcing on its
spokesmen the role of martyrdom. You
cannot bring permanent peace and order
in the coal fields by compelling operators
to a sort of compromise that can be
justified only by a rule of. temporary
expediency.
Tho quickest way tq. disarm miners or
operators who may be unfair is to give
them justice. No one on either side of
this or any other industrial controversy
has the courage to walk out in the open
and demand more than that.
The fuel administration has tried an
easier way and failed. Doctor Garfield
announced that he would t'crmit no in
crease in the costs of coal, and invited
the country to be comforted by the
knowledge of his resolve while it en
dured cold and hunger and saw its in
dustries succumb to gradual and certain
paralysis.
The logic of that course was woefully
defective. If tho country is not paying
enough for coal to insure decent wages
and a fair return on invested capital it
ought to pay more. Certainly it would
be willing to pay more.
If it is already paying enough for
coal there is organized infamy some
where in the coal industry.
The strike has been on for a month.
Yet the public has no means of knowing
who is at fault or where the blame lies.
Tho processes instituted at Indianapolis
will waste more valuable time. You
cannot depend upon injunctions and
other methods of repression in dealing
with a state of mind. Judge Anderson's
decisions will settle nothing.
The government itself could liavc
averted ine coai smite.
It could end tho strike now.
Had the President and Congress sum
moned the miners back to work and
promised them fair wages during a
period necessary for a sweeping survey
of the coal industry; had the men been
assured that final wage scales would
have been hased not upon academic the
ory but on principles of justice and that
this wage scale would be made retro
active if investigation warranted it; had
a nonpolitical board been appointed with
a membership qualified to report to tho
world the rights and wrongs of coal min
ing, the needs of producers and the needs
of the miners, there would be no diffi
culty about the ultimate terms of settle
ment. Such a course would have necessitated
complete federal control of the mining
industry for a considerable period. It
would insure justice to producers and
miners. It might bo depended upon to
insplro a constructive polfcy of opera
tion in the coal fields. Mining Is still n
haphazard business. A federal commis
sion, acting with the authority of Con
gress, might bo expected to Improve not
only the technique of coal production, but
to establish the wholo business of fuel
distribution upon n more evident nnd
even a more profitable basis.
The approach of a presidential year
hits left Congress, dumb in this crisis.
The responsibility thcrefoie lies with
tho President.
Industrial disputes will have to be
dealt with in a new way. They have
come to be like wnr. They are too costly,
too destructive to bo tolerated quietly
and left to accidental adjustment. Wo
shall have to deal with causes. For the
picscnt we uie dealing only with effect.
The country is mystified now because
it hesitates to believe that coal opciators
arc unprincipled, mad with greed, blind
to the responsibilities of citizenship.
Siinilaily the people know that the min
ers' leaders aie not Colshcviki. Tetlow,
one of the men arraigned for contempt
at Indianapolis jestcrday, lmsiecsntly
returned from France. He happens to
have been an efficient machine-gun cap
lain on the American side. Green, an
other of the accused, was formerly a
respected member of tho Ohio Senate.
It is when you look even a little way
beneath the troubled surface of coal
strikes and other strikes that you be
come aware of the great need of the
hour. That need is a sympathetic knowl
edge of human motives, as well as a
knowledge of economics, in any one who
must direct great economic readjust
ments. So, in the end, thoio will not only have
to be a federal commission to keep peace
and prosperity in industrial fields where
now there is battle and loss; there
will have to be a permanent tribunal
administering a great new code of indus
trial lelationships.
This Congress may shrink from tho
prospect. Another will not.
THE ROW IN MICHIGAN
IT IS admitted that large sums of
money were spent in Michigan to se
cure the nomination and election to the
Senate of Truman H. Newberry. The
statement filed accoiding to law a year
ago placed the sum at something under
$180,000. Mr. Newberry made affidavit
that nothing had been spent with his
knowledge and consent. The indictment
found against him by the federal court
in Michigan charges him with perjury,
and asserts that the affidavit was pait
of a conspiracy to violate the law.
When the case comes to trial the guilt
or innocence of the senator will be es
tablished by competent Evidence. If he
is guilty ho should be removed from
his. seat in the Senate.
The federal law forbids the expendi
ture of more than $10,000 to secure the
nomination and election of a senator
"with his knowledge nnd consent." But
every one knows that it is impossible to
carry on a primary and election campaign
over a whole state for such an insignifi
cant sum. It is doubtful if since the
law w as passed any senator whose nomi
nation or election was seriously con
tested has been returned without the
expenditure of manv times that sum.
The saving clause was put in the law
in order to permit the state committees,
Republican and Democratic alike, to
spend such sums as seemed necessary.
No one believes that the Ford cam
paign against Newberry was managed
at a cost of only $10,000. It could not
be done. But if Newberry violated the
law, it is no defense to prove that Ford
violated it also. The expenditure, how
ever, of large sums in tho interest of
Newberry or Ford is not necessarily il
legal. The use of moving-picture houses
and advertising space in newspapers for
propaganda is not illegal. But bribery
of voters is contrary to law, and perjury
is a crime.
It will be prudent for; the country to
suspend judgment in the case until all
the' facts are known, while lcmcnibeiing
that tho charges against Senator New
berry are mado by his political oppo
nents. . A Now- Yorl lnrthml
Give the journal dcelarra that
Body a Chance the teeth of mauMuil
wrcrc never In such
bud shape as the.v are today nud that what
the world needs is more dentists aud better
dentistry. It might appear to an outsider
that, even more important than dentists and
dentistry, would be the removal of the cause
of teeth deterioration j a cause not wholly
unconnected with "refined food for reliued
people."
Life is realty, sajs the
Concerning That tax assessor. Life is
$2.85 earnest, admits the
taxpajer. And" to save
is not our goal, asseverates the finance com
mittee. Dust thou art and dust thou burn
est, wo may remark en passant, refers to
cash a3 well as coal, if jouj get what we
mean.
I) Anmiuzio is to
Straight Line leave Finnic and the
Formation eilj nwlll bo occupied
by Italian regulars,
according to a recent dispatch. Which ap-
pears to be a renunciation of free verse in
favor of the Italian sonnet.
The warm weather is
Flesh and Grass causing grass to grow
in Woodbury, X. J.,
while word comes from Havre, Mont., of
cattle freezing to death on the plalnR. If a
beneficent Providence could male these ex
tremes meet beef prices might come down.
The Cuban Govern
With a Kindly ment has taken over
Thermometer tho coal supply of the
country, but the
householder cares not at all. lie can get all
the fire he ueeds at the end of a cigarette.
When the miners'
Adit walk-out is followed
by a walk-in it may
bo found that the sum of human happiness is
In the straight and narrow path.
when a wise guy
Charter Eurhre plays tho deuco with
the king's EnglUh in
a hand with the public it sometimes happens
that the Joker unexpected! takes the "jack."
Old King Coal is a worrying old soul.
CONNELLEY IS COMPETENT
But Labor and Industry Commissioner
May Strike Snag In Female Serv
ant Employment Proposition
y (iHOKOK NOX McCAIN
TH. CLIFFORD . CONN13LLBV, ap
L pointed commissioner of the Department
ot Labor and Industry by Governor Sprout,
virc .lulin P. .lai-Uou resinned, has made an
excellent impression upon those who have
tome in contact with him In the discharge of
his oflieial duties,
When CommlssIoneriTackson was granted
indefinite leave of absence nt the outbreak
of the war to-ntcr government service.
Doctor t'onnelley, who had been connected
with the Carnegie lustltule In Pittsburgh,
was appointed ncllnjt commissioner. It
afforded him an admirnbje opportunity to
f.iinilinrie himself with the work of the
tidier- so that ho practically takes charge as
one trained for the place.
One phase of the commissioner's work,
which no dnnbt will ho developed to Its
highest possibilities and to the welfare ot
the wotUng classes of the state.- is the state
svskin ot free dliplojment. It contemplates
the continued maintenance ot clearing
houses for tiuiikly placing emplojes in such
a waj that the man suitable for a given job
will he placed in that cmplojment.
II is n mistaken idea that this work is an
ouli'iiiiie of the woild war. TIC s.vstem was
est ihllshed uuder laws passed by the Legis
IjIiiip of l!)lfi, and was well tinder way
before our entrance In the conflict. The
sstein wit! reach perfection of operation It
it succeeds in eliminating a certain class of
emplojmeut agencies whose principal func
tion is tn separate the worUiugniau from a
portion of his inoue.v tinder proml'c of secur
ing him pennuueut rmplnimeyl.
When Doctor Couue'le tackles the female
servant c inplnjmcnt proposition, however, he
will lind his hands full. '
piiornssuft hexiiy o. nmuoxs, for
' j ears connected with the University of
renns.vlvauia, is grcatlj interested in Greek
archeology. Since lSflO' he has beeu a
member of tho managing committee, of the
American School of Classic Studies at
Athens.
The war, as-every one knows, played sad
havoc with the American and foreign a relic
ologists in Greece and the near Kast.
Work was abandoned in all directions while
the nations devoted themselves to the
attempted subjection of each other. Now
that peace has come Professor Gibbons tells
me that high hopes are entertained of a
renewal of the work.
Professor Gibbons's daughter. Miss Mary
Fulton Gibbous, a talented violinist who
spent a number of jears abroad aud wlux
lcceutlj 1ms been on concert lour through
New r.ngland. has returned to Philadelphia
to reside permanently as a member of the
facult.v of a local'conservatory of music.
K LCA B. .1
of publis
JOHNSON hus entered the ranks
publishers. It is in connection with
X. B. Kellv, George V. Foss, Howard 1!.
Trench and others in their woik as offieialn
of the Pennsylvania State Chamber of Com
merce, of which Sir. Johnson is president.
The publication takes the form of a hand
some four-page journal on tinted inlrmlered
paper, called Pennsjlvaula Progress.
It is needless to say that it is devoted
solelj to the interest of the stale Chamber
of Commerce. Tt is unique iu having not u
line of advertising on any of its pages. The
editorial page carries a signed editorial by
Mr Johnson which deals cvelusivelj with
the proposed new constitution for Pcnu
sjlvauia. The catholic aims of the organ
ization are set forth bv Mr. Johnson in a
declaration concerning the farmer's interests,
in which he sajs :
"Aside from Ibe many problems In be
considered in the new constitution
no subject can be of greater imporluucc lo
the state of Pennsjlvania than the improve
ment of the condition ot its farmers with
respect to improved methods of agriculture,
improved transportation, improved method
of marketing and a general improvement in
the imnfort of lhiug. To a icallzatiou of
these purposes the Peuusjlvauia Stale
Chamber ot Commerce is devoting itself."
The management of Pennsjlvania Prog
ress is in the hands of Itob'rt Ifaight as
editor.
STA1
chu
TATE SENATOR WILLIAM E..CROW,
airman of the Republican slate com
mittee, whoso forced retirement from that
position will be a feverish feature of state
politics, is a former newspaperman who is
now serving his fourth term as chairman
of the stale committee.
Senator Crow belongs to the soft-spoken,
light-treading, easy-going school of politics;
the lit rather than light brand. lie is a
political pacifist. That's what has started
the present shind.v. As btale chairman, this
vear and last loo, he thought it his duty to
act as peacemaker between the warring Re
publican factions and has met the customary
fate of the peacemaker.
lie was a pronounced anti-suffragist loo,
and had the women of the state the right
to wield tho ballot the gentleman from
Fajcttc, I fancy, would find other lions,
or lionesses, in his path beside the astute
Joseph U. Grundy.
Although Senator Crow voted for the
suffrage amendment at the last session, he
was onl.v persuaded to that action nfter re
peated conferences with high state leaders.
Since then, however, I understand he fans
modified his views of previous jears and is
reconciled to the fact thai suffrage has coiuu
to stay.
Meantime the sound of moat axes being
ground in the Bucks county woodshed con
tinues unabated.
W
ILLIAM A. PATTOX, assistant to tho
president of the Pennsjlvania Ilaihoad,
Is an official wuosc loss nas ueen Kccniy
felt by that corporation. Mr. Patlou retired
some months ago to enjoy the pleasures and
comforts of private life after half a century
spent in the Pennsylvania's service.
For a generation and more he had kept
his fingers upon tho pulso of Ilurrlsburg.
Every piece of legislation directly or indi
rectly affecting railroad interests for forty
jears had been scrutinized by him. He
became a perfect encyclopedia of political
nnd legislative know ledge.
lie know every public man of importance
and a good many of no importance in the
state for forty jears. His personality
achieved as much for the corporation of
which ho was nn official during those jears
as the political influence of tho corporation
Itself. , Keen, courteous, fqr-visloned, ho
wielded n power second only to that of his
Immediate superior, tho prcsldeut of tho
83Stem' 111 I i, e
He was, moreover, on unfailing judge of
character in men. Some of tho highest offi
cials of the Pennsylvania today owe their
advancement to his ability to estimate char
acter. Under the new order pf things, when tho
railroad sj stems of this country trevert to
their owners, It will bo a mighty good thing
for those who have among tbelr officials a
William A. Patton to loud a hand in rccon,
structlon and rehabilitation.
If English poets had the Imagination of
Italian poets Helgoland might be battling
Flume for position on the first page of tho
newspapers.
THE CHAFFING DISH
(UIl theol
" verso wt
Un thcolosj, in brief, is that the Uni
ons Dictated but not Signed.
Desk Mottoes
Brcvit Is the soul of song, no Jess than
tho bout ot wit Those lovely lyrics, Bwlft
as tho note of a bird on tho wing; Im
perishable as a Jewel, haunting as unfor
frolton melody, arc the fruits of urtiflca no
leco than of Inspiration.
Auxns nui'i'Liisn.
A Garden vSonnet
QIO SPIRED, so sentineled by such tall
trees
A garden was, that quietude was there
Aud musing moved the meditative air
Along the pensive pathways of the breeze;
Such peace there was'that surgeut mysteries,
And ancient beauty that was born to bear
Far knowledge hid In muted speech aud
rare, ,
Tumultuous! rebel, bent their kncc3.
T
HIS work was made by steamy rain and
sun.
This beauty shaped of stormy wind and
'cloud.
She came there often when the day was
done;
How quiet was tho garden then! how loud
With all tho thick green lifting of .the sod,
The climbing sap nnd swelling buds, nnd
Cod!
"" ALKO B. STEVENSON.
Spjie the lod and spoil tho Pcnrod, is our
uieditntiou after careful observation of the
wajs of office bojs.
The Sacred Subject
A good dog story irjalwajs sure of the
front page in any self-respecting evening
paper.
Coljumisls sometimes,, when hard up for
material, make bold to chide the fair sex,
gcntlj : but none has jet been founddariug
enough to intimate that even dogs may have
their faults.
U the request of H J .If end. mid hy the
Kindness of Fletcher Du Hois, we reprint the
following poem, written in 1RS5 by V. J.
PKelpi, it one time ambassador lo (treat
Britain!
Essex Junction
WlTyr saddened face and battered lut,
And ejo that told of blank despair.
On wooden bench a traveler sat,
Cursing tho fa,to that brought lilm there;
Nino hours, ho said, we've lingered here.
With thoughts Intent on distant homes,
Welting for that dclusiyo train
Which, always coming, never conies;
Till weary and worn sad and forlorn.
And paralyzed In every function
hope in hell
Their souls may dwell'
Who first Invented Essex Junction.
I'VIJ traveled north, I've traveled south,
vr mountain, ft"''! i-n-'- ".l river,.?
In ocean's storm. In dcscrt'3 drouth.
Through railroad smash anil steamboat
shiver ;
"While hope and courage falterod not.
Xor strength gave way nor faith was
shaken,
Until I reached this dismal spot,
Of man accursed, of God forsaken.
Where strange new forms of misery
Assail men's lives without compunction ;
And I hope In hell
Their souls may dwell
Who flrpt Invented Essex Junction.
HEIIH Boston waits for OgdensbUrg
And Ogdensburs for Montreal,
And late New York long tarrleth
And Saratoga hlndereBt all;
From far Atlantiu'8 wave-swept bays
To Mississippi's turbid tldo
All accidents, mistakes, delayB
Aro gathered here and 'multiplied.
Oh, fellow man 1 avoid this place
As ou would plague, or relcr 1'unws
tow n
And I hopo lu hell
Their souls may dwell
Who tlrBt Invented Ksscx Junction)
AND long and late, conductors tell
Of trains remote, shipwrecked and slow,
Till even the engineer's dismal bell
Takes up the cry, "No go no so!"
Oh, let me from this nolo depart,
By any. route, so 'Us a long one,
Ho cried and with u BUddcn start
He Jumped on board a train (tho wrong
one).
And as ho vanished In the smoke
Ho shouted with redoubled unction,
"I hope In hell
Their souls may dwelt
Who first Invented Essex Junction,"
Now York Is all 'overwrought by the ad
mission of Dr. Berthold Baer that he usctjL to
live in Philadelphia.
Perhaps otl do not Ipow vvlioljoctor Baer
F ''
"YES, I CAN, 'TOO I"
is. ' He is the man who has weakened Now
York's lovo of life by his lovely little blurbs
written for a Manhattan undertaker.
Wo wish wc could find some one who know
the Doc hi his Philadelphia incarnation.
Wc would like to know more about him. Is
it possible that Dr. Frank Crane is to have
a rival?
.
Our Idea of the reallj naic person is the
ouo who is surprised when each episode of
u movie seriul 'ends with n cocked trigger or
an c.plosiou,
, Is there any feeling of more helpless baf
flement than that of the man who goesto
a toy department, about this time of jear,
to buj a birthday present for a three-j ear
old Urchin V
Wc sec that the uovcr-to-bc-tob-highly
regarded Gumps arc on the "stage in Chicago,
and ."00 Chicago husbands begged to be al
lowed to, play the part of Andy, claiming
to bo the original of Sidney Smith's whim
sical cartoons.
The Burning Question
The morning dawns, the day arrives,
And forth to busy little hives
Of jndustry and marts of trade
Go slaves, who toil till suu rajs fade
Six days a week,
By nine a. m. work has begun
Most earnestly, but quips of fuu
Crop out anon the duj (o brighten
And otherwise the minds enlighten
Of those who toll.
Throughout the day these slaves arc seen
A-wooing Ludj Nicotine;
Other slaves for divers reasons
Have "rotation of the seasons"
Wheicin they smoke.
Though many smoke, and some urc known
To curry smoke-stuff of their ow'n,
Permit us to present the bloke
Who springs the little hourly joke
"Have jou u match?"
In this great world tlieto may bo those
To whom tho world a living owes;
At lenst (hat Is the creed they preach ;
Too tight or tired to even lcneh ,
For their desires.1
I sing, however, of the bloke
Who needs a mutch to start bis smoke;
With bland ushuranee 'tis no jest
He'll from the world a match request,
And GET it, too.
SMOKE.
To a Singer
LAST night my heart was hcuvy with
despair,
And sad my soul, for I had suffered long;
And then, like starlight through the clouds
of Care, '
I beard jour song.
TT THRILLED a chord within me. Long
-- before ,
I heard j-our voice, I thought I'd seen
the End ;
But lol within this newly opened door
I found a friend !
MY PEN had stopped ; I thought the Muse
had fledt
Sty work undone ... I had no other
choice ; ,
Hut when my fondest hopes were cold and
dead
I heard your voice.
I
T GAVE ine strength. Ambition's dying
coals
Were fanned to flame. In Verse's silver
net
I wpye a masterpiece. And then our souls
Reached out and met. ' ,
ROBERT U- BELLBM.
The old internal combustion' we used to
hear about seems to havp been supplanted by
international combustion. ,
Perhaps Germany signed the peace' treaty
with the .sumo mental reservations, as tho
modern bride who promises to ''obey,"
After we bad written a book with much
labor and pain, und it was just ready to be
published, the printers went on strike.
And on the Very day that a play In which
wq were Interested was to open in New York
the government ordered all electric signs to
bo doused.
Life is just like that, Is our surly com
ment. SOCRATES.
GHOST-RADDLED
(OME, surly follow, conic! A song."
"What, mudmen? Sing to you?
Choose from the' clouded talcs of w rong
And terror I bring jou.
"Of night so torn with cries,
Honest men sleeping
Start awake with glaring ojes
Bono chilled, flesh creeping.
"Of spirits iu tho web-bung room
Up above the stable,
Groans, knockings in the gloom
The dancing table. ,
"Of demons iu the dry well
That cheep and mutter,
Clanging of an unseen bell,
Blood, choking the gutter1.
"Of lust, frightful, past belief,
Lurking nnforgotteu,
Unrestrainable, endless grief
From breasts long rotten. , 4
"A 'song? What laughter or what song
Can this house remember?
Do flowers and butterflies belong
To a blind December?"
Robert Graves in The Owl.
V
It is a safe bet that those who attended
the Franklin Institute lust night and saw
pictures of French eoal mines destroyed by
Germans will have no sjmpathy with Ger-"
tnany's latest gesture in refusing to "sign
the protocol.
Interpretative reservations may bo en
tirely proper in the United States Senate,
but Sir. Polk 1ms hastened to let German
representatives know that Hun reservations
arc still barred.
What strikers apparently fail to realize
is thut every day of idleness sends the coqt
of living up another notch.
The stuuehest prohibitionist may with
a clear conscience boost the local port. Its
wajs arc walcrwajs of peace and prosperity.
The sun of the prohibltion-beatcr rises
iu tho j east. '
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. Who is the Mexican ambassador lo Uie
United, States?
2. Who succeeded Diaz as president of
Mexico?
3. Who was Simon Pure?
4. When did tho great eruption of Vesuvius,
which destroyed Pompeii, occur?
5. What uro agenda?
C. What school of literature was known as
' tho "Silver-Fork School"?
7. Who was the "Rocli of Chlckamauga"?
8. To what race did Emile Zola'belong?
0. Whero is tho Dead sea'(
vlO. Whal was the "Suicide Fleet"?
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1. Dr. Albert Einstein is a noted Berlin
physicist, whoso new "Theory of Rel
ativity" somewhat calls Into question
Newton's theory of the attraction of
gravitation.
2. Lord "Robert Cecil is a noted English s
champion of the leaguq of nations.
Andro Tardlcu, of France, Is" a con
spicuous advocate, of the same project.
3. Nautch girls are East Indian profes
sional dancing girls. I
4. The French gold coin called a napoleon
is worth twenty francs.
5, Bukram .or buckram is a coarso cloth of
linen or hcmir stiffened with size or
glue, used for keeping garments In
shape, for wrapping merchandise or
for binding books.
0. The President Blgncd the declaration
. that a state of war existed between
the United States and Germany ou
April 6, J01T.
7, A spalpeen is a mean fellow, a rascal,
The word is Irish,
8 Facultative means permissive, optional,
contingent, of a faculty.
0. Kabul is the capital ot Afghanistan.
10. Wolfe, commanding- the British orces,
defeated Montcalm, commanding the
French, at the battle of the Plains of
Abraham, which decided the fats tt
Quebec. j(
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