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EVENING PUBLIC LEDGERPHILADELPHIA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER X 1919
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GROWLING OVER SPOILS
IT IS not a pretty picture which the
political gossips are painting
grumbling among those different groups
of active workers who united in suppoit
of Mr. Moore for Mnyor.
Where are the lofty and unselfish
iientiments which were expressed be
fore the primaries in September? Does
the itch for office make men forget so
soon? Is the desire for clean govern
ment only worth the price of a job in
City Hall? How about the pleas for
unity and sincere support behind the
most "popular man elected Mayor in a
generation ?
The days of a Mayor-elect between
election and inauguration always are
made harrowing by the sham and shabby
seekers for personal preferment. It is
to be expected, But the seekers are
never admirable.
Mr. Moore's sharp remaik, that force
will avail nothing is stinging and timely.
It should restoie the decent element.- in
all these groups to common sense. The
others he need only ignore.
HYPHENATING' COOLIDGE
THE political strength of Coolidge, of
Massachusetts, seems to be foicing
itself upon the attention of Republican
slate makers for next year. In Illinois
the other day the friends of Governor
Lowden tied the Massachusetts governor
to the tail of the Lowden kite and put
out a ticket with Lowden on it for Pres
ident and Coolidge for Vice President.
On Tuesday of this week the Ronublican
state convention in South Dakota turned
down Lowden, indorsed Leonard Wood
for the presidency and tacked Coolidge's
name on the ticket for the vice presi
dency. We are likely to hear more of this sort
of thing. We may soon hear of a Poin
dexter and Coolidge ticket favored by
the Washington Republicans and a
Harding and Coolidge boom in Ohio. No
one should be surprised at talk in Cali
fornia of a Johnson-Coolidge slate with
the names connected by a hyphen as long
as the distance from the Atlantic to the
Pacific coast.
The favorite sons, however, ought to
beware of playing with the name of the
Massachusetts governor too rashly. If
they all agree that Coolidge should have
a place on the ticket, it may occur to the
delegates to the national convention that
where there is such unanimity much
hard feeling would be avoided if Cool
idge were put at the head of the ticket
instead of at the tail.
In the meantime the canny Vermont
Yankee sits in his office in the State
House on Beacon Hill in Boston, think
ing of the motto over the fireplace in his
home, which reads:
A wise old owl lived in an onlt,
The more he saw the less ho spoke
The less he .'poke the more he heard
And as he sits he utters never a word,
but grimly watches the antics of those
who are doing the best to hide him in
the obscurity of the most useless office
under the sun.
THE CITY'S BUDGET
rpHE effort of the finance committee of
- Councils to keep the budget for next
year down to such a sum as can be
raised by a reasonable tax rate deserves
commendation. But the money abso
lutely necessary to carry on the city
cannot be raised without increasing the
tax rate.
The new charter is not responsible
for this condition. It arises chiefly be
cause of the unbusinesslike practices of
the men in the City Hall. In the past
they have fixed a tax late arbitrarily
find borrowed the money necessary to
cover the deficit. They were planning
to borrow $2,000,000 for street repairs
when the financial provisions of the new
charter stopped them, provisions which
absolutely forbid borrowing money for
any such current expenditures.
The city is now reaping the harvest
that its unbusinesslike administrators
havo sown, and it looks as if the . tax
rate for next year would have to be in
creased to $ 2.85 on every $100 of assessed
valuation. Even this sum may not be
enough to carry the city through the
year. Every property owner will hope
that a way can be found to keep the
rate within the suggested figure.
The charter provisions are flexible
enough apparently to permit a shift
ing of the payment of some of next
year's expenses to the year following,
for that document expressly empowers
the, Council to authorize the creation of
one or more temporary loans of $2,000,
000' to meet emergencies, provided ar
rangements are made to repay the loans
out of the budget of the year after.
The word emergency is broad enough
? i cover n multitude of contingencies,
.nT"JSlr-t th Tepair of streets which
ixi tKcorr.e jinpassEble through neclect,,
and possibly tho payment of salaries of
new policemen added to the force in
order that the city may be ndequatfly
protected. But this expedient should
be used only us n Inst resort nfter tho
most rigid economy had been practiced
in order to keep expenditures within tho
amount that can be raised by a reason
able tax rate next year.
GERMANY THRIVES ON
DELAYS OF HER VICTORS
Her Refusal to Pay for the Scapa Flow
Treachery Emphasizes the Need for
Unity on the Treaty and World
League Control
TAKEN by itself, Germany's refusal
to sign the protocol, which includes
tho obligation, among others, of making
leparation for the scuttling of the Scapa
Flow fleet, is not necessarily alarming'.
The Allies have asserted their right to
enforce coercive measures to bring com
pliance, and when they do so that partic
ular incident will be closed.
Unfortunately, however, the signifi
cance of the event cannot be isolated.
Optimism that persists in detaching
facts from their setting is spurious. The
Teuton obduiacy of the moment, which
is doubtless curable, is a link in a dan
gerous chain which lias been growing
since November 11, 1918.
Tho flaming of protocol after protocol
necessary to the enforcement of the armi
stice teims hns been met by balkincss
in Berlin. Many of the series of elev
enth hour surifiiders have been merely
nominal. The note which the associated
powers piesented to Germany on No
vember 7, this year, contained an omi
nous summary of delinquencies, a dark
lecoid of broken promises.
That there is nothing subtle in the
Geiman attitude is typical, but that cir
cumstance only accentuates the perils
of delay in, regulating a nation which
once challenged tho world.
It is not for an instant to be ques
tioned that the wrangles about the peace
treaty and the deferment of ratification,
not only in the United States but in cer
tain other countries, have raised German
hopes. They were natural aspirations,
and to be roused to startled surprise
over their expression is to be blind to
ordinary attributes of human natuie.
The situation is simply this: Germany
was defeated in the field. The complex
relationship of her foes, their individual
ambitions, their individual desires, self
ish and idealistic, rendered the formula
tion of a peace treaty a long and ardu
ous task. Germany capitalized this
critical season as best she could by
hedging, by postponement of action on
pledges, by wriggling and squirming in
the face of obligations.
An equally fruitful period followed.
The treaty, imperfect, as is every other
creation by man, came in for inevitable
criticism and at times for severe oppo
sition. Whether the long examination
which developed or the objections which
were advanced or the reservations pro
posed were morally wholesome or other
wise is beside the specific point. Ger
many saw an opportunity to exploit the
indecision of others to her own advan
tage. Germany has been called unregenerate.
There are damning facts in her career,
both in war and peace, in support of this
rating; but were she the most virtuous
nation in history is it conceivable that
she would tuni away from any opening
whatever which might lead to softening
her defeat?
Obviously it is a staggering job to
impose a world peace. The congress of
Vienna tried .it, and before its sessions
were over Napoleon was out of Elba
and master of France. The peace con
ference of 1814 went through an all too
familiar course in international affairs.
Quarrels and jealousies between tho
victors broke out. Czar Alexander of
Russia proved dictatorial and grasping.
Britain was angered. The unity which
won at Leipzig oozed away. Talleyrand
obtained unexpected concessions to
France.
. Bonaparte did more, watching the
scene from his Mediterranean islet. No
final and comprehensive and definitive
peace treaty had been enforced when
ho landed in Frejus. France rose to him,
and not so much because the nation
repudiated its former repudiation of the
emperor, but because the opportunity to
mitigate tho humiliation of the "patrie"
was at hand.
A quarter of a century of European
war had ended in 1814. Tho allies of
that day were weary, but in another
year they had to fight again. It is a
fair 'assumption that, given unity in
Vienna and the prompt enforcement of
the arrangements planned there, Water
loo would have been unnecessary.
Historical comparisons seldom dove
tail perfectly. In the present instance
it is unfair to read Paris, where, despite
blunders and iniquities, liberalism cer
tainly dominated, for Vienna, where ab
solutism assuredly 'held sway. Neither
is it credible that Germany could speed
ily rise again in a military way as
France did in 1814.
The Berlin Government has no
navy; it is susceptible of being
powerfully influenced by drastic
blockade measures. German frontiers
are weakened. Tho Rhineland is still
occupied. An unfriendly Poland cuts
the nation off from possible co-operation
with Russia. Tho Teuton military ma
chine is disorganized. At this moment
Germany is absolutely incapable of fight
ing her late foes.
Nevertheless, her capacity for doing
harm is very considerable and her po
tentiality will grow with each day of
indecision and deadlock on the part of
the peace makers.
Let it be assumed that she pledges
herself to pay for tho treacherous de
struction of the Scapa Flow squadron.
The allied and associated powers will
be in possession of another paper prom
ise. Their hands are already stuffed with
such matter.
Meanwhile, in defiance of the armistice
of more than a year ago, German troops
are still occupying parts of Russian
territory; 44CQ railway car3 and fortx-
two locomotives are still to bo delivered;
tho obligation of returning all docu
ments, specie, values of property and
finnnco taken from invnded countries is'
not filled; priceless works of French and
Belgian art have not been restored;
quantities of agricultural implements in
lieu of railroad material havo not been
sent back; merchant ships specified in
tho armistice convention of Jnnuary 16,
1919, hnve not been surrendered.
The complete list is formidable. Ger
many has squirmed out of pledge after
pledge. Prostrate ns she is, every hitch
in the peace negotiations has embold
ened her. A prolongation of tho dis
astrous interregnum will inevitably con
tribute to her encouragement. She will
thrive on the disunity of her conquerors.
If the danger of her recuperation is not
immediate, it is not to be discounted
for the future should the scene of inter
national procrastination be extended.
Co-operation by all the allies, great
and little, on tho subject of the treaty
of Versailles is palpably the only rem
edy for conditions fraught with black
possibilities. Proof that her victors nre
united will end in short order her eva
sive tactics.
Moreover, enforcement of the pnet will
mean the bona-fidc reduction of Ger
many's military forces. Within three
months after the formal ratification of
the treaty, the army must not exceed
200,000 men. The eventual size is fixed
at 100,000. The dismantling of the"
Rhine forts is also dependent on the
date when the momentous international
agreement becomes valid.
It is theoietically possibl. for the
allied powers, minus the United States,
to enforce the treaty. But our absence
from the alignment cannot fail to play
into the hands of Germany. She will do
her utmost, wherever there is any loop
hole, to make the labors of the world
reconstructionists as difficult as possi
ble and to develop to the full all forces
of discontent and disruption which may
favor her.
Concerted action on the tieaty would
be an immediate blow to shilly-shallying
and armor against recurrence of defi
ance such as has been disclosed in the
Scapa Flow case.
The ultimate safeguard is the league
of nations. Whatever its defects, it aims
at peace and at the just surveillance of
governments which refuse to play fair.
At least it is a code of control. An im
pressive lesson of what may happen
without such a formula is revealed in
Germany's recent maneuvers.
FARMERS AND THE UNIONS
TS THE farmer a capitalist? Or is he
a laborer?
Farmers themselves have been busy
for a year trying to decide that ques
tion. They have not yet found the an
swer and that is why the granges in
New Jersey, like granges everywhere
else in the country, are still on the
horns of a dilemma which Mr. Gompers
created when he tried to get their or
ganizations into a working agreement
with the federation of labor. The
granges are holding out and it is likely
that they will continue to hold out for
some time.
-The farmers' organizations arc inter
ested in much of the advanced legisla
tion which the trades unions seek. They
favor laws that might regulate profiteer
ing, improve methods of distribution
and shorten l-outes between the pro
ducer and the consumer of life's neces
sities. But they are opposed to soaring
wage scales because they, too, have to
pay wages in competition with other in
dustries. 'On one thing the farmer3 and the
labor unions seem agreed. They feel,
apparently, that those who labor and
produce are not properly represented in
the state Legislatures or in Congress. It
is for this reason that a limited working
agreement between the granf is and the
labor unions may bring about reactions
in the elections next year.
The fnct that a Dem
War Shuffles for oorntic President is
a New Deal advocating the piotec-
tion of an American
industry is no more startling than n score of
other (fconomic readjustments in the minds
of eminent statesmen of different parties.
And "if", baves the faces of all of them.
If there were no such thing ns war and no
possibility of war in nil the world, absolute
free trnde might well be an ideal condition.
livery nation, like every individual, might
do the work desired and convenient, and ig
nore the work umlcsired and inconvenient.
But wnr left England with "her free break
fast table" hungry; and America, shut oil
from Ciermnn dyes nnd German potash, suf
fered financial stress nnd agricultural dis
comfort. Which, in turn, left free traders
nibbling at protection, tariff-for-revenuc-only
men realizing that revenue is only a
small part of the story, nnd out-and-out pro
tectionists wondering if, nfter nil, some in
fant industries were not about ready to be
weaned.
Now if the Mexican
federalists avenge the
(S74 Villa slew to
I'nderstudjliiK the
Kilkenny Cats
nvengc Angeles, and
Villn avenges the Villistns slain to nvenge
the 074 Villa slew to avenge Angeles, and the
federalists but yoil get the iden, don't you?
nnd they keep the thing up, in a innnnor
of speaking, long enough, d'ye see, why,
then, the Mexican problem will, as it were,
settle, so to speak, itself.
If the street work of
Feathering Nests, m a eoutraetor falls into
N'cit'Ce pas? disrepair nnd a friend
of the contractor, con
cerned for the public safety, allows friends
of his to appear in damage suits against the
city in cases where people arc injured as
the result of such disrepair, it is very evident
that the combination is incomplete, as it
ought to include a doctor and an under
taker. There is one beau
Wliat'll You Have? tiful thing about the
A Thrill or a I'lnchf police. They cfln al-
wnys tell you the sort
of job that wns pulled off and the kind of
guys that pulled it. It Is tine that the guys
appear to bft whse guys and very frequently
get nwny, but one can't expect everything
from an entertainer, can one? No, indeed;
one can't!
Notoriety is all right In Jts way, but the
boll weevil that gets into the calcium loses
Interest in the cotton reports.
THE GOWNSMAN
The Case of Optlmuo Against Peaslmua
mill! Oownsmnn hns two friends with each
of whom ho gets on exceedingly "well,
according to his mood, nnd can he but con
trive to keep them apart; together they fight
like' cats and dogs, or, better, like the far
famed toms of Kilkenny, who, hung oven a
clothesline, clawed each other until there
wns not n tall to tell. M. Pejor Pesslmus,
1'so... comes of n very ancient family, al
though it is not nt nil certain thnt nny of
his people hnve ever been truly gentle. It
is said that the founder of lls race crept
Into Paradise on his belly and did not like it
when he got in. Progenitors of Pcsslmus
Were unquestionably ou the ilrst cabla pas
senger list of the Maj flower, against the
food and accommodations of wlilch they
lodged n determined protest nnd complaint
ns soon ns they renclied Boston.
rpHIl present Pejor 1'essimtis is a man past
middle life in whom regret for n youth,
which could never have been pleasant, has
hardened into a general grudge ngnlnstjnnn
kind. Pessinuis is nothing if he is not right.
Indeed, he has never known himself to be
in tho wrong. It was n joy to seo him, when
ho was in the army, step out, the only man
in the company who was keeping step, the
rest marching united! wrong. So, in opin
ion, Pcsslmus deplores the perversities of
majorities, the tenacity with which men per
sist in holding to ideas so different from his
own in short, the general trend of things
straight to the pit of Tophet, according to
him the destined nbidlng place of the major
ity of mankind.
TJ MULIOIt OPTIMUS, the townsman's
l- other friend, is in great contrast. He
is Utoad in his chest, in his notions nnd in
his humor. He makes no pretenses to any
unusual cleverness, to any peculiar poweis
of divination in the affairs of men or of
nations, nnd lie laughs at the Mayflower
stories of the Pessimuses, declaring that his
aneestois were afloat earlier than that, with
Noah in the nrk, and thut they were not of
the number of the beasts contained therein.
It was Optimus who iirst told the cheerful
story of his researches after n family tree;
how he had at Inst found n stick of wood
standing upright with a single branch
extending nt right angles from it, from the
end of which Inttcr there dangled a noose of
excellent twisted hemp; "at which point,
sir," he laughed, "I discontinued my genea
logical investigations."
"VPTIMUS is no very sound theologian.
He refuses to believe that the heart of
mnn is desperately wicked. He is a wretched
politician, and seems actually to think that
politics should be pursued us a means to
gieat ends, and not as eveiybody known
thut piofession of nrtful dodging is pursued,
ns nn end n very bitter end in itself.
Optimus is a pretty poor patriot. He act
ually thinks that the Pnited States Senate
has something to learn from the effete states
men of Europe ! And he maintains u strong
confidence in mankind in his conviction that
the senior senator from Massachusetts is
not the one nnd only man, howbeit he has
been singled out by Providence or, rnther,
by the Piovidence .Tournnl to make a Bos
ton Transcript of the decnlogue. whereby a
perishing world may be saved. The Gowns
mnn fears that his friend, Optimus, is guilty
of that unforgivable sin, a willingness to
change his mind, of that weakness of char
acter which mnkes it possible for him nt
times to see the other side of an argument
nnd even ncltnowledge himself Convinced.
Moreover, Optimus is the nvowed champion
of the underdog thnt creature that ought to
be chewed up and scattered in gobbets. The
reader must sec by this timo what a weak
and unstable person 15. Mclior Optimus is
Judged by the best provincinl and parochial
stnudnrds.
MOW, the Gownsman confesses with sor-
' row that he hne neither the steadfast
certainty, the sustaining impeccability, of
his old friend Pcssimus, nor can he so
habitually discern the silver lining which
hacks up the blackest cloud according to Bill
Melior, who sees rifts invisible to nny one
except nn invctcrnte optimist. But, nfter
nil, which of the two extremes is going to
get us anywhere? Doubtless, the grenter
part of humanity deserves hearty damna
tion. This is sound theology; not kind, but
of a kind. But why endure a punishment
so certain to our deserts, in nnticipntion,
before it comes? And why be led by Mat
Pesslraus into tho slough, or father the
trench, of despond? Billy Melior is the man
for the Gownsman's money little ns he has
of it. For Bill it is who faces the music,
accepts facts, works for ideals and wrings
something besides his hands.
Q(TICKING in the mud is less a question of
your motor than of the determination of
the man at the wheel, It is a hard thing
to down an optimist. Neither the wnr with
its negation of half the old facile platitudes
which we hnve always accepted, nor the
refusal of that part of the world, which
suffers still from arrested development, to
accept tho lessons of the wnr, can daunt
the optimist's cournge. It is hnrd for a
decent people, which recognizes moral obli
gations, to nccept ns facts the existence of n
dozen or more personages who tnlk much nt
Wnshington nnd maneuver more. In time
to comeT ns Bngehot once put it, it will
only go to show how great is the strength of
historical evidence that some logician will not
be nblc to prove that "there nin't-and never
wns such creatures." But, harder even thnn
this is it to stand, ns an American, humili
ated before the world that had trusted us,
with autocracy leering at our breakdown in
popular government nnu we iiolshevists on
tiptoe to fit on a dead democracy the scarlet
winding sheet of the soviet. And yet, let us
stick to our Optimus, who 1b more numerous
among us than that select circle of his
respectable opponent. Let Pessimus rely on
his family, which is mostly dend; we opti
mists will trust the people,, who are much
alive. Who knows that this break In the
machinery of popular government, onco rec
tified, nnd not by revolution, may not give
us in timo even a Senate which can senso
and honor the will of the people.
There is a great demand that "some
thing shall be done" in Mexico, but a dearth
of information ns to what shall be done.
We learn that "Lafcan and Ambler are
soon to be arraigned." Whaddyamean
There is significance in the fnct that
there isn't n Russian Kcd in the country who
is anxious to go bnck home.
Our tnme office, pessimist declares that
the world hns gone to pot nnd there isn't
enough sugar to sweeten it.
If the coal strike continues SantalClaus
may get cold feet.
What the Mayor-elect needs to watch
now is his digestion.
Vares want another showdown,"
Some people are gluttons for punishment.
"The tide of optimism ebbs at Scapa
Flow.
The world's progress Is due as much to
the plans that failed as to the plans that
succeed
At "
" i -f i
THE CHAFFING DISH
To Alec
(Who claims he called to Sheila last April
in France)
A LEC, Alec, Alec, tell me were you
- spoofing
When you snid you thought of Sheila all
the livelong dny?
Did you really call her, while you were
n-hoofing
Up the hills of Clcrmontto the Igrec
M. C. A.?
ALEC, Alec, Alec, sure, your nerve's ap
palling, Saying thnt you spoke to Sheila nil the
livelong day;
For the only person that I heard you calling
Was a deaf old gnrcon in the Globe Cafe!
WILL LOU.
Also of Clermont-Ferrand.
Dr. Albert Einstein, the German physicist,
has attempted to make plain to interviewers
his new "theory of relativity," which dis
cards Time and Space as absolute entities
and "makes them in every instance relative
to moving systems."
The idea of discarding Space is not a new
one. It has long been practiced by the de
signers of apartment houses, particularly in
New York.
But to speak seriously, there is n very
interesting note in Doctor Einstein's re
marks about English, Dutch and American
scientists who have been thinking along lines
similar to his own. Doctor Einstein speaks
with sincere ndmlrntion nnd respect of is
scientific colleagues in other lands, and this
brings us happily to consider the one branch
of humnn nctivity where passion has no
sway. In Science, or more broadly, in the
whole world of Learning, there is but one
interest, the discovery of Truth. When the
, c r, n. nnlpnshed. Truth vnn-
ishes. The search for Truth is tho one mo
tive which binds together men of all lifnds
nnd times into the solidnrity of tho human
rare a solidarity of trial, perplexity and
common human pleasures which, when
grasped, is the only lasting consolation hu
manity may achieve. Doctor Einstein's
nrnisc of foreign scientists is the first sign
we have seen thnt Truth mny onco more be
rendy to enter into the dusty stndium of
human affairs. ,
When we were very young we used to
sigh for a steam yacht, but as one matures
his ambitions become far more extravagant.
Nowadays we go so far as to hope that our
shir'" will get back from tho laundry by
Tuesday of the following week.
Brief Essay on the Medical Profession
We know a doctor in New York who nl-
ii i.iM nin. hnfnrA pnlllni- on his na-
ways nns iu ."." ' ,, V , i i
tients, and leaves it, all ready packed, in
bis car As soon as he leaves the house ho
lights up and puffs comfortable whiffs on '
his way to the next call.
That is our idea of a good doctor.
We hear a rumor that the Kelly Street
Business Men's Association is going to meet
again soon. It seems to us that the asso
ciation ought to put up one more tablet in
that well-known thoroughfaro, commemo
rating with duo affection and respect tho
Dear Despot who passed away last summer.
nr nitn that the old apprehension con
cerning the possible collision of the tarthm
with a meteor, and consequent destruction
of this lively planet, is undergoing its period
ical revival. Borne dan, tee dare say, a para
graph something like the following teill ap
pear somewhere in the lack pages of the
leading Mars newspaper:
EARTH GOES WEST
Amiable Planet Bumped Off by Unfor
tunate Collision
(Itu"ereomio Press Dispatch)
It is with much regret that wo announce
that tho World was bumped off late last
night by collision with a speeding meteorold.
Although little is known concerning the life
of the deceased planet, those who had
wnfeheit his career always predicted a sue-
' owiJhl fqtun fr,W whw he had outw
STILL ANOTHER STRIKE
the troubles of youth. It was sometimes
rumored that his private life was not alto
gether a happy one, but he always looked
on the sunny side of things-at lenst hnlf of
tho time, nnd he wns n pleasant fellow' to
have around.
It is said that the planet Mercury will take
over the good will and will open up in the
old orbit ns soon ns the necessary ndjust
ments have taken place.
Tho reports of Colonel House's illness
must have been exaggerated, The only
thing that would really convince us that
something is wrong with the Colonel would
be if he started to talk about something.
We are now in a position to nnnounce
our final selection for the League of Nations
football team. We will back this eleven
against anything our opponents can muster.
Tho line-up is:
L. E. Gilbert Hitchcock.
L. 1'. Herbert Hoover.
L. G. Robert Lansing.
O. William H. Tuft.
It. G. Earl Grey.
It. T. Arthur Balfour.
It. E, Lord Robert Cecil.
Q. B. H. M. House.
L. II. B. J. O. Smuts.
It. H. B. Andre Tardicu.
F. B. Woodrow Wilson (capt.).
Even if nothing else would convince Mr.
Lodge of tho desirability of ratifying the
treaty, we should think that the German de
light in its nonratiflcation might give him a
few qualms.
The fact that everybody instinctively calls
Governor Coolidge "Cnl" plight to bo n big
help to his presidential boom. The American
people, we regret to say, seem to think tha$
a man with n nicknnme necessarily has n big
bean. Mnny have never forgiven Mr. Wilson
for being Mr. Wilson instead of Tom or
Woody.
Joys of Llnvllle, N. C.
Such Is the variety and navor of the food
that, when you place your foot oh the
threshold of tho masticating department,
your nasal proboscis Is greeted with the
aroma of roasted mutton or beef, and the
alimentary, pupils of your orbicular Instru
ments are fixed upon large slabs of comB
honey, consisting of the gathered sweets
from mountain flowers, and rivaling in deli
cacy tho nectar of the gods. All
around this Infant metropolis of the High
lands nre landscapes for the artist, sub
llmlty or the poot, recreation for the tired
business man, Invlgoratlon for the weak,
enso for the old, and for the young beauti
ful retreats, where Cupid wields tho sub
duing power of his golden dart and sends
his victims into the royal presence of
Hymen, presiding beneath hla crown of
sweet marjoram. The Balaam droves of
Grandfather Mountain,
The most ingenious merchandising tactics
that we have ever observed are practiced by
the coterie of doughnut factories onvChestnut
street. They havo a pipe that extends up
ward from their frying vnta nnd projects
through a window transom. In this way
the sweet savor of sizzling sinkers Is dis
persed nil down the street. Even when wo
pass that way just nfter a stout menl at a
Tenth street ordinary wo can hardly mako
our gastric juices behave.
College men arc asking that their holiday
begin earlier so that they will have more
time to do their Christmas shopping. Up
at New Haven, no doubt, they are enforcing
this request by chanting "For God, for
Country and for Yule."
A lady writes to us :
I havo a philosophical Idea thnt the mind
Is everything-, It Is useless to travel, to Im
bibe for Inspiration, eta ; in fact, It lays
within each mortal being to be I or not to
bo I happy. ,
We will not vouch for the quality of the
inspiration received, but if our fair client
could see us tackling that jug of Missouri
cider she would qualify her philosophical Idea
with interpretative reservations.
Only seventeen more chatting days before
CfeirtiaM. . BOORATHW.
YET
AS WELLS WOULD DO IT
OUR "Jack and Jill," that simple tale,
How Mother Goose did slight it 1
Ah, how her careless lines would pale
If H. G. Wells should write it!
First, take the "hour when Jack was born,
How anxious papa waited ;
Describe thnt age with bitter scorn ; '
Tell how Jack's parents mated.
Then analyze Jack's infant bean,
Recount his enrcful schooling
Sketch Jill's nrrival on tho scene,
And paint their childish fooling.
State how the buckets were procured ;
(Describe a bucket shop) ;
See how the ill-starred pair were lured.
To tempt the fatal drop.
Give all the croakings ere the spill ;
The words of faithful granny,
Depict tho aspect of that hill
With every coign and cranny. x
Tell how they clambered up tho slope,
Observing all the strata,
And canvassed England's future hope,
With economic data.
Say how the first misstep was Jill's ;
Poor Jock fell down like Adam ;
They hit the road beneath tho hill
(Tho pavement was macadam).
Keith Preston, in "Types of Pan."
,
The Hun appears to have a couple of
teeth left. It is asyet unknown whether
they are opposito each other.
What Do You Know?
J
QUIZ
1. Who is Dr. Albert Einstein?
2. Name a noted English and a noted
French champion of the league of
nations.
3, What are nautch girls?
4. What is tho value of the coin called a
napoleon?
fj. What is buckram?
0. When did tho United States declare war
on Germany?
7. What is a spalpeen?
8. What is the meaning of the word facul-
tatlvo?
0. What is the canital of Afghanistan?
10. Who were the opposing generals in the
battle on tho Plains of Abraham
which decided the fall of Quebec?
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1. Dr. Harvey Wiley has declared that It
is possible to live on eleven cents a
day expended for food In the United
States.
2. The two kingdoms of the Jews in Bible
times were Judah and Israel. ,
3. Norman If. Davis is the new assistant
secretary of the treasury.
4. Kerguclen Land is an uninhabited
island, intersected by latitude 40
south, lying about midway In the
southern ocean between Australia and
South Africa. It Is notorious for its
rains and storms. France claims it.
5. Tho independence of the United States
was proclaimed not quito fifteen
months after the beginning of the
Revolution at Lexington in April,
1775.
0. Reapportionments of the congressmen
in the House of Representatives haye
taken place after every decennial
census.
7. Victor Hugo wrote the story "Buz-
Jargal."
8, A spinnaker is a large jib-shaped sail
carried on the mainmast of a racing
yacht.
0. The word cannibal is from Cannibalcs,
the Spanish variant of the Carlb name
of a West Indian nation. Caliban U
another yarlant.
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