,v iV EVENING UBLtG tEBER PHILADELPHIA, SATURDAY, SEPE&Eti 20, 19l9 tL0. 1:,. -aA A' ft if. I n IK. I) IK. K x K)?. . . SE j; i. &. feiettintj public iCcjbjQcr PUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY JijCharlft II. I.udltvrton. Vlee. Pr'aMcnt. Jhn O Jfartln. Bww tary n1 Treaauren Philip H.Onlllna. John n. Williams, John J. Bourgeon, Directors. EDITORIAL, HOARD:" Crvs It. K. Cmits. Chairman ftAVID P. SMILEY rjJItnr JdlXN C. MARTIN.... General nuslncai Manager Published dally at rmtio I.nnorn nulldlns-, , Independence Bciuare, 1'hllailelphla. Athktio Cur Pi-ran-t'tilmi llultdlnc xJaiv Youk -00 Metropolitan Tower Detotit 70t Ford nulldlng At. I.nru 10" nillartnn Mulldln Ciiloioo. 1302 Tribune Building NEWS BUREAUS: WliaitOTON IHHfAD. . ...... . N. IJ. Cor. Pennsylvania Ave. and 14th St. Kltw Yoaic tlt'MUti The Sun ltullrtln London UI'&bau. . .' Iondon Times SUDRCntPT'ON TERMS! Tha ErnNivo Prni.ii' LinwiEH W aervM to e'jb erlbera In Philadelphia end rurroundlng towna ft tha rate of twelve (1C) cents per week, pajable to the carrier. . , , n mall In polnti OM'lde of Philadelphia. In the United Btatea. Canada, or United SUatea ro aeaalnn, poatape free, fifty .301 centa per month 61 ($' doilara pw yea r pavnhla In advance. To all foreign countries one (?ll dollar pr month. . . , , rcnTtrr Pnbrrlbr" wl'hlnir rddrea chana-d muat give, old aa well aa new address. BF.LL. JOnO WALNUT KF.YSTONf.. MAIN JOIW EJT Addrrss all oomrmiitlcaflont fo Ex reltip P '!' Lcdgir. Indeprndrnct Square, pii.vrf'-'rn'r. Member of the Associated Press TltE ASSOCIATES rtlESS U exrln tlvclt entitled to the use for republication o all lint's dispatches credited to it or tint otherwise credited in this paper, and also the local nctc.t ;iM(.i7iri therein. Ml rliihis n! tcpiihllcatlan of spc lal dir patches herclu are also reserved. Phdldrlphia. lurdi, September SO. I'l A WAY OUT rpHE zone system of trolley fail's" declaimed Warren C. Kinp. Repuh llcan candidate for the Jer.-ey Rovernnr hip, "is a monstrous imposition on the people, but that is no reason why there should be a general resort to violence." This sounds true. Violence never helped anybody out of trouble. The Pub lic Service Corporation in New Jersey started more than it can finish. The governor of the state can be of service to the people of Camden in this instance. He can formally suggest that the whole question of zone fares be re opened for a general review before the Public Utilities Commission. He him self can request the presence of experts in street-car organization and manage ment, who will be able to tell from thir own experience whether the high rates of fare are justified or whether they aio due to waste and inefficiency in opera tion. The P. R. T. might give the New Jersey commission some advice. Meanwhile the old fare system should be restored pending a more extensive re view of the general question. It is clear that the people of New Jersey want more science in their street-car systems anfi less politics. WHY NOT ASK HOOVER? rpHE Senate foreign relations commit- tee's zeal . for information which moved it to give a hearing to Mr. Bullitt's five-day survey of Russia has thus far in spired no call for Herb" t C. Hoover. The New York World thinks that the testimony of that distinguished Ameri- can might prove enlightening to the elder statesmen. The public would un questionably applaud such a summons. In interrogating the man who perhaps better than any other American under stands the international situation and is equipped with first-hand practical knowl edge of European affairs the senators would give a stimulating exhibition of sincerity. For some of them this de parture would be novel. There is an im pression, however, that the country as a whole would suffer no distress because such a line of conduct has been hitherto untried. The interrogation of Mr. Hoover would be the sort of experiment that would lead to a convincing demonstration. CURES FOR UNREST? WASHINGTON during the month of October will be the scene of a suc cession of conferences unique in human history. The International Labor Con gress, which is organized under the auspices of the Peace Conference with a view to establishing a constructive phi losophy of economic relations, will as semble late in the month. Virtually every -civilized country will be represented at its sessions. As a functioning division of the league of nations the labor congress will not endeavor to formulate a series of rules and restrictions, nor will it be concerned with scales and schedules of the sort that are usually depended upon to settle strikes or disputes between employer and employe. It will attempt a larger task. It will be the aim of labor men and economists, capitalists and govern ment representatives to .suggest a code under which we may at last form an in 'telligent notion of the worth of men to industry, to the community and to civili zation. The findings of the labor congress will , have the force of philosophical or moral truth once they are formally adopted. It was the hope of those who inspired the plan to approach questions of labor and production from an international viewpoint. Thus one of the questions that will be considered is that which rises from the deliberate exploitation of aliens in large groups. The labor con gress has a fundamental purpose. It is to make "fair" working conditions world wide in order that men in one country who wish to put their industries on a modem basis and meet the demands of an improving civilization may not be placed at a disadvantage by the competi i tjpli of backward-minded industrial lead ers in other countries. A women's labor conference will nre- Mde the international labor conference st Washington. So will the industrial inference recently called by President lyilson. In each instance the whole gen era! question of labor unrest will be ap- proarhed as it has never been approached before. Capital and labor tire trying hard to reach' understandings. If the conferences did no more than familiarize ,vtttch side with the other's viewpoint and lit difficulties October ought to be a !'fe(lMUric month in the record of modern " QTiVe. governments themselvea will have; wipjativps M all pt the seMiofU, These meetings may not put an end to the economic confusion. But they will be at least a new and a good beginning. And It is worth observing that though the International Labor Congress is the most important of the three great congresses, the obduracy of the Senate has so far made it impossible for the President to assign representatives of the United States Government to participate at the various sessions. ' MR. WILSON HITS HIGH SPOTS; THE SENATE COUNTS NOSES Prospects of Showdown on Treaty Amendments Coincide With Climax of the President's Tour and Call-, Ing of Political Clans DOME one has issued the lc'ngue-of- nations covenant ns a booklet. The libraries, however, report no passionate demand for the work. Upon subjects of (he first importance the public is tradi tionally content to take its information second hand. One hundred and thiity-two years ago the interest of the American people was largely centered in what the champions and opponents of the federal constitution had to say about it. Hamilton had the best of the argument. He also made the best campaign and, to the eterniil benefit of the United States, his side won. The enil of the campaigning for and against the plan of international part- i neisliip framed in Paris is in sight. Both I parties in the Senate are concentrating on a showdown. There will be more speeches, of course, but there will also be voting. The Johnson amendment providing for equal representation of this country and Great Britain in the assembly of the league is slated to be indorsed or rejected by the Senate next Tuesday. Republicans and Democrats alike are calling in the wanderers and counting noses. Borah has urged Hiram Johnson to letmn from Minnesota. Lodge wires a countermand. The impetuous Cali fornian's trailing of the President is under cross-fire. Boies Penrose is ex pected back in the upper house Monday. Borah is emphatic in his demands for senatorial action on the amendments at tached to the pact by the foreign rela tions committee. Naturally he is anxious to knoWwhether he must begin forming that threatened party of out-and-out anti-leaguers. Mr. Lodge, harassed by the wild men wearing his party label, has his unen viable troubles in keeping the milder spir its in line. In the Republican camp Mc Cumber, McNary and Nelson balk at corroding amendments to the covenant. There is a companion picture in such possible backsliders from the Democratic trenches as Gore, Walsh, Reed and Thomas. Mr. Hitchcock's most cherished aspirations are taking numerical rather than verbal form. It is too late in the day for oratory to be translated into votes. The balloting sessions for which the Senate is girding itself will be responsive to two prime in fluences sincere conviction, partisan loyalty and the pressure of public opin ion. The President has used up his big am munition and in California he attains the political crest of his tour. Curiosity as to how he would attack opposition to the covenant has been gratified. In his sweepingly denunciatory mood Mr. Wil son is least convincing. Neither at this time do his most throbbing phrases serve him best. There can ba no doubt that his au diences have been most interested in his specific inquiry into fallacies and his dis missal in sound, clear argument of fan tastic objections raised in Washington to the league. Refreshing simplicity distinguishes his answers to a set of questions propounded in San Francisco. Very nearly the same things have been said before by Mr. Taft. Any intelligent and fair-minded reader of the covenant text could make similar deductions. But the American delight in spectacular commentary far transcends its interest in original sources. The pub lic wanted to hear Mr. Wilson's reading of the obvious and so it has flocked to his expositions. It was disappointed when he generalized. The President seems to have realized this. He shifted to the categorical method, notably in Hirr.m Johnson's state, where plain speaking was particularly necessary. It is safe to say that he cleared up vir tually every objection advanced against the league and the treaty save those which concern Shantung. The bogie of a British voting trust can hardly survive unless rank partisanship supplants reason acquaintance with the fact that in the council of the league the British empire has exactly one vote. The council is the determining body in the league machinery. It is in the assembly that the self-governing British colonies receive representation. Fully aware that the average citizen shies from the actual treaty text, Sena tor Johnson has cast a cloud of hectic verbiage over these provisions. The President disposed of the misrepresenta tions effectively and without heat. The Shantung affair is less easily handled. It is a cas"e of Mr. Wilson as prophet compared with forecasters lacking rose tinted spectacles. It is the President's expressed belief that the' league will be the best safeguard of China's interests and that Japan will keep her word to return Kiao-Chau, even though the treaty fails to stipulate such a cession. It is now up to the public to' balance values and appraise oracles. Unques tionably the sentiment of the nation is for the early passage of the treaty in such a form that it will not occasion co perilous and preposterous a climax as the reconvening of the delegates to Paris. There is much genuine sympathy with China in her plight, together with a sane reluctance to irritate Japan by bellicose demands. If Mr. Wilson has been unable to es cape the shadow cast by Shantung upon his performance abroad, his political opponents cannot afford to wreck the peace by the. furious' capitalization of his error. Rational Republicanism should! be able to take a Middle cwurK.-.stiwulatise both to its political prestige and to the nation's sense of fair play. The most interesting week In Wash ington since Mr. Wilson's return is about to begin. The public is unsentimental with politicians, but, were it even slightly otherwise, it would be sympathetic with the difficult roles which both Mr. Lodge and Mr. Hitchcock are playing. The former is presumably under no illusions concerning the value of Mr. Wilson's tour. Much of the tumult and the shouting can be discounted. Hiram Johnson struck an attitude in the Middle West, twisted the British lion's tail and the crowd roared with delight. Every man has a conventional 'sense of drama. He expresses it in the presence of the President of the United States. He re sponds to it when a cheap spellbinder emits floods of gorgeous nonsense. But what the senators must also recog nize is that Mr. Wilson descended to dots on some important occasions, that the public is weary of the treaty snarl and that it craves peace with a longing which is somewhat careless of commas and clumsy wording in the treaty text. The Democrats are claiming that next Tuesday has the aspect of a test day and that should the Johnson amendment ruling out British colonial representation in the assembly come up and be defeated all the other amendments of the foreign relations committee will be destined for the tliscard. Some must go. They are too unutterably silly. Others are of a sanely protective va riety to which the President himself, un less narrow partisanship embarrasses his logic, cannot object. The maneuvering to regulate the voting on both sides is heartening. For all the angry charges that are recipro cally made, the nation does not think for a moment that the treaty is going to be rejected. If it did it might exalt that informative booklet among the best sellers instead of leaving its interpreta tion to political leaders. Somehow, and in spite of all bluster ing, the response of these spokesmen to mass opinion is eventually registered. A ONE-WORD ORATION VUR own inimitable Uncle Dave Lane has at last admitted that he tossed off that derisive sentence which, as a reference to public sentiment in elections, ended with an explosive "bah!" Uncle Dave insists that he was think ing and talking of the committee of one hundred. That made little difference to all the millions of newspaper readers who were his audience. And so the sage of the Organization may be credited offi cially with the speech that did more than any other delivered in the course of the campaign to insure the nomination of Mr. Moore. That one word of Uncle Dave's had an educational value for the electorate that isn't usually found in stump orations that are an hour or more long. The famous detective Sherlock Holmes roiiMilcied the ense of Thursday's burglary on North Thirteenth street. "You will oh sprve. my dear Wntson." lie rniid. "that the burglar took nothing but fountain pens of the newest model. We may deduce from his faith in the darned things that he has youth, and from his selection thnt he has some knowledge of the trade. Let the police look, therefore, for on illiterate old tramp who will endeavor to sell the pens to day laborers so thnt they may ligure out their income tax." "Wonderful!" said the doctor. "Wonderful !" A Steubenville. Ohio, A Hopeful Hubby woman has just made her sixth vain nt tempt to procure a divorce from her hus band. The man told the court that she fre quently threw scalding water over him and chused him around the place with n carving knife and a cleaver, but lie loved her and wns willing to take another chance. What is a poor woman to do to win freedom' We don't know, but she might try boiling oil and u machine gun. A lady from Mexico Where Majorities visiting New York has Utile startled the natives by wen ring bifuiented nether garments. She professed amusement at the costumes of other Women. "They are wearing one trouser leg while I wear two," fche commented. But the following crowds laughed at her and not at the others. For even common sense is ridiculous when iu a hopeless minority. "Taking everything (iott Mit Una into consideration," remarked the Public Service commissioners after considering the ense of the IV It. T., "the traction company is playing in luck in the matter of n presi dent, and you've got to hntid it to Mitten." (iu. Oyster, secretary to Samuel (Jum pers, has be'en waxing eloquent in defense of the Hoitoti police. Curious. We always thought Oyster was a guy who knew when to keep still. German ecieuey has been wrestling with the profiteers and making good iii some individual cases. The populace ! using hand grenades on them in Cobleuz. Legislation asked for by President Wilson provides that cold-storage food sliull bear date marks. But won't that sometimes take away one's appetite? It would be easier to write u sharp, snappy paragraph about the tbreutened steel strike if it were not so infernally serioUB. The chances nre that Kenator Lodge would give a good deal to know how to let go gracefully. t'nele Dave Lane says Humpy will make a darned xood Mayor; whMi shows that Uncle Dave is a darned good loser. Members of the Prohibition party will probably think up somethiug ese to pro hibit. D'Annuniio's latest poem seems des tined to incke a lot of people In Flume go hungry. Federal report has It that food prices hav.e decreased all over the country. And it isn't a drop too much. Nobody will grudge the police and .fire men the extra pay they are slated to gtt.. . Khanks's mare i being everwoffctdife iuJ Cmmm. 1- -. J-fc CONGRESSMAN MOORE'S LETTER Philadelphia Congressman In the May oralty Fight Gossip About Frank Gladding, John FUler, Murdoch Kendrlck and Others l Washington. Sept. 0. WASHINGTON will take note of the re turn of the Philadelphia belligerents In the ninjoralty contest. Their reappearance will be observed in the Sennte ns well as In the House, for the Philadelphia light has been Interesting the members on both sides. Congressmen Harrow and Edmonds, who have been holding out fairly well against entangling nllinnces, have been on the Job In Washington, but most of the other Philadel phia members have been mixed up In the prfmary. Senator Penrose nnd Congressman Moore will have h good deal of tnriff work to catch up -with, the House having passed several bills which now hang In abeyance in the Senate. It Is not certain, however, that these bills will go through the Sennte, since the disposition there is to do very little until the deadlock over the league of nations is broken. Congressman Vnre hns been devot ing much of bis time to the Philadelphia fight, assisting his brother, the senntor; Congressman Graham hns not figured con spicuously since the Philadelphia fight be gan : Congressman Moore, of course, being the mayoralty candidate opposed to the Vnres, has been on the hustings, nnd Con gressman Onstello has been looking nfter his fences in the Tncony-Brldcsburg-Tor-resdale district. While the Philadelphians have been missed, their activities were n matter of general comment. Now thnt they are com ing back it is to be hoped and they are among those thnt do the hoping thnt Con gress will soon get through its work and give the country n rest. FRANK GLADING, of the G. A. K.. calls to mind the Dewey celebrntiou in Phila-, delphin. May 21. 1S0S. There was a big parade and n meeting in the Second Regi ment Armory, with John Franklin Fort; who ' nominated Vice President Hobart J Alexander K. McClure, Henry F. Walton, Judge G. Harry Davis, City Solicitor John L. Kinsey and Congressman James Rankin' Young among the speakers, the committee in charge consisting of .1. Hampton Moore, chairman: Frank Glading, Joseph T. Tay lor, Joseph Siedell nnd Bert Maroney. Frank says the demonstration by school children on that occasion was. long to be remembered. It was a great night on North Broad street. v TOnN FISLKIi. of Yewdcll & Jones, hns f become n live wire in west 1'nliadelpnia politics. John is one of the founders of the new Manufacturers' Club, nnd for many years has been chairman of the house com mittee. He is a bunch of nerves, nnd tire less in his undertakings. There arc two wnys of "getting a rise" out of this ener getic manufacturer, one to suggest the pro priety of n free trade system in the United States and the other to propose the elec tion of Harry A. Mnckey as grand Repub lican potentate of the district ncross the Schuylkill. When one or the other of these subjects is proposed John can jump like a brook trout nnd display as many brilliant colors. I'NNY how (he Kendricks got mixed up in the campaign. The Vnres were bank ing heavily on Freelaud Kendrlck. the re ceiver of taxes, who had been spoken of as a candidate for Mayor. Freeland Kendrlck is n good talker nnd popular over the town. Without Intending to mix the Kendricks up. Congressman Moore nsked his old friend and attorney, Murdoch Kendrlck, a cousin of Freeland. to become his manager. Murdoch Kendrick Is a University "of Penn sylvania man, who had served with Mr. Moore in the city treasurer's office, after ward becoming assistant district attorney under John C. Bell. His willingness to act as campaign manager proved n boon to the Moore forces. There were times when the headlines might have mixed the Kendricks up, but there was no time during the cam paign when the Moore manager wns not on the job, driving hard at the opposition or successfully parrying their best blows. It wns n fight which the lnwyer thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish. JOHN HEL-MCS, secretary to Congress man Edmonds, could not keep out of the mayoralty fight in Philadelphia. He went over from Washington and made half a dozen speeches, giving his audiences some insight on the work of Congressman Moore. John is one of those hard-working fellows who generally lands on his feet. He started out with Congressman George D. McCreary years ago, nnd while with Mr. McCreary studied law. He is now qualified tJ prac tice in the courts of the District of Colum bia and in the Supreme Court of the United States. Recently he hns taken over the work of the committee on claims of" the House, nnd his legal training stands him in" good stead in analyzing some of the in tricate cases that come before that com mittee. Arnon M. Gulick, secretary to Congressman Dnrrow, also ventured into the field of rtratory at several of the Phila delphia meetings. PHILADELPHIA shipping men talk hope fully about port improvements. So much has been done nlong the Delaware during the war thnt every effort will be made to hold the big business thnt has come nlong with the deeper channel. The other day Assistant Director Joseph Hnsskarl had a group of boosters in conference ou this subject. They included D. 3. Murphy, Robert J. Gniley, Krncst Wnnaniaker, manager of the l nited States Grain Cor poration ; A, J. Ball, traffic controlling manager. Broad Street Stntion, nnd George F. Sproule, secretary of the commissioners of navigation. There is big work to bo done in Philadelphia to keep up with the transportation procession. The figures re cently published indicating that New Or leans had taken second rnnk as a port have been denied by Director George S. Webster, of the Department of Wharves, Docks and. Ferries, out me raet that New Orleans is putting in its claims in advance of Phila delphia and Boston, which have hitherto been contending for second place, indicates the wisdom of keeping Philadelphia's port agitation to the front. ANTHONY M. HANCE and T. Cuyler Patterson live near each other nt Chest nut Hill, nnd they voted together last Tuesday. Hnnee has more than a local reputation us u historian, having prepared papers and made addresses on a number of topics incident to Revolutionary days, Pat terson is a lawyer with a fondness for traveling, which once led him into a thrill ing experience on the high seas. Along with a number of other Americans he wns captured by the British on a German ship which had left port before the war In Ku. rope broke out. The Patterson papers now before the State Department concerning (hat adventure constitute an interesting chapter. Prestidigitators have nothing on gam blers, when it. conies to the lus-eline of fle. ures. .it,f."';"..i "' """"a oi tM HMMf HWi'lO JtWtUy BWbiTrtJ-JjrtMWOl s -klJ x ait -tOMKJi IK1T lO tnAke. more rystory. i!u:KJ,.lttKi mtJc miwaaw -1 a C)0ttlC& eJecvJioTi "5 s& r "5? b"S3s-v- THE CHAFFING DISH Bacchus and the Birds CAM SCOVILLE is this department's offi- cinl adviser in ornithological matters. He is also the author of a digest of the liquor laws of Pennsylvania, and in his dual capacity we wish to refer the following de plorable case to him. We find it in Mrs. Gene Strntton Porter's delightful book, "Homing With thfc Birds": On the way to the river one morning I noticed a Jilrd acting peculiarly on a fine specimen of pokebcrry. There had been a frost the night before. A hot autumn sun was shining on the frozen fruit. On going closer to see what was happening I found a cedar wnxwlng, a bird native to my location but for all that extremely rare feasting con tinuously on the frozen berries. He was In such a state of Intoxication that he did not always secure the berry at which he aimed and the plumage of his face and throat was badly stained with the Juice. He was so unsteady on his feet that, he frequently lost his balance and plunging headfirst he fell to the underside of the little branches to which he clung with his feet ; but hanging head down, and even while he wa3 struggling to gain an up right poaltlon, he still continued eating every berry he could reach. I tried the experiment of seeing how close I could approach and found to my surprise that the bird was unable to fly. I could pick him up in my hands. He did not exhibit the least sign of fear, so Ijput him baclc on the bush and left him In what could be considered nothing less than a state of In toxication, For the past three or four years we have heard men of all parties talk, every now and then, of Mr. Hoover as u Presidential pos sibility We have never yet heard uny man express anything but keen enthusiasm at the idea. This, we fear, indicates a probability that the event will never come to pass. There are some things that would be too good to be veracious. Desk Mottoes I wns young then, and knew much more than I do now, RUSS.KLL H. CONWKLL. Woodrow Wilson goes out and gets vast cheers from the public for the league of nutions. Hiram Johnson and others go ou the road and get vast cheers from the public against the league of nations. It is one more proof of the grave truth that a man gets out of life exactly what he brings to it, and the public will cheer anything that is said with sufficient em phasis. Political Substitute for the Log Cabin In the old dnys, we have been told, polit ical campaigns were lost and won by re-' peated reference. to the log cabin in which the candidate was reared. We .are hoping, the time will come when some one will get elected to something be cause he once smoked a corncob pipe. The greut biography of that new era will bo called "From Corn Cob to Meerschaum." SYNTHETIC POEMS Steam Shovel Needed MS MIND is like the Pnnama Canal. Great ocean-going ideas Lie moored lp the locks Until my thought rises to the level Where, they can proceed. Every now and then There is a brainslldc in the Culcbra Cut And all traffic is halted. ARTHUR CHOKE. Miss Dante Unburdens ' w V MIND Is like the ocean. My friends are children playing on the beach, ' They bring tbelr little tin buckets And make patterns ou the sand. Once q stronjf swimmer ventured out As far as the breakers. He turn! , bk. , Ut'WHitlNH 'e uwaeriow. ,,u A "".VNCE A.T THE PAST lt'laii' taaTaUjSBJNV ymefiAMM&mw. Listi8mx v . n WwmWmf.JhMlf ' 3s5& FtR.SHltlGr COMfb-fi'li. TJat Misdirected Zeal WHEN I am at work in the office A kind of palsy seizes on my soul. I feci the whole weight of the universe Crushing down on my defenseless spirit; But when I get home at night, And it is time to go to bed, I am as brisk as a ticket seller In the box office of a vaudeville show. In the sheer lustihood of my exuberance I rearrange ail the bottles in the medicine closet, And with the zeal of Russell Conwell Delivering "Acres of Diamonds" for the 5000th time I hnve been known to pursue a cockroach From one end of the apartment to the other. DOVE DULCET. ' Frustration I HAVE given up bathing. The doctor told me to go down to At lantic City And snuff up the salt water. He said it would be good for hay fever. But every time I wade out to the breakers ADd dip my head undervthc water A life guard dashes at me And drags me in. The next day I see my .name in the paper "Saved From the Surf," And the life insurance company Threatens to cancel my policy. CALVERT CRAVAT. Near Twelfth Street CHESTNUT STREET is dark and gloomy 11:30 p. m. But from an upper window Comes the insane ecstasy of jazz. Cling-cling of little bells, Rattle of drums, Tick-tock of the gourds, Crash of cymbals, , Wail of violins on the placid night. Life is tragic; Life is damnable; But I do a little scamper of my own There on the pavement. DUNRAVEN BLEAK. Stenographer I'VE been taking dictation From the universe Forquite a while. I've got n bunch of notes: Now it's time to transcribe them. Queer .' . . I can't seem To make sens'e out of them. DIDO. Department Store DON'T judge my mind ' By what you see in the. show window. That is only the stuff . For which I have to get a quick turnover. Inside, there is much that' is plcasaut and quaint. ' . . The floorwalkers won't bother you. ' -'., . ALF ALPHA. , ' Caution , MY MIND needs no lire escape. . It is equipped, with automatic sprin klers. As soon as an idea catches, fire They put it out. , . ' '.' I urn heavily insured, against Inflammatory notions. GORGON ZOLA. . Announcement MY MJND is closedvpending repairs. After alterations are completed, Will reopen in these premises With a. large line of plain and fancy goods. SENECA SHAMBLE. My Brain Reels Mr MJND Is a movie film. ( IWh'o- the camera man was I don't Tinow; But he certainly shot Home queer pictures. I nhvHvs fear ffetttt 4y the film will so'p'. '- .. 0 i s vr' WEEK III lln :-:T Mm siitbf, fcWB Ha 6rl Httf 'Trlt - ATir; Z5 The Story of Midas MIDAS, favored of his god, Walking on the autumn sod Touched the field to goldenrod. I Bright it gleamed on every side Glimmered far and shimmered wide Over all the land to bide. Gold 'he sniffed with every breeze Midas started in to wheeze, Snuffle, snort and weep and sneezs. I Keener still his anguish grew Till he cried in sorrow true: "Gods, daku bag your gift! Achoo!" McLandburgh Wilson, In New York Sun. A movie concern has procured an in junction against a movie actor to restrain him from taking a shave and haircut. Wonder if this has anything to do wjth the barbers' strike? Vienna doctors threaten to strike. They want to make as much money as scrub women. How unreasonable! Think of the long life of disappointment from which scrubwomen graduate! D'Annunzlo's eou says his father will sacrifice himself rather than yield Fiume, Doubtless. Where could a poet get more limelight to die in? Mr. MacLaughlin and Mr. TVescott will do their darnedest to put a little pep into the. election. ' The conservative wing of the bitter renders may yet realize the HI cost of John- son. Philadelphia politics seems destined to prove that there is no man so dead as a boss deposed. Every walk-out runs up the high, cost of living. What Do You Know? QUIZ 1. What is canon law? 'i 2. What language is spoken in Haiti? "I 3. How many votes does Great Britain v' have in 'the council of the league of i nations? ( 4. Who was Verrozzano? " B. What state did Daniel Webster reprs- j Bent in the Senate? C. What is a permutation? 7. AVhat soup is characteristic of 'New Orleans? ." 8. At what figure has the Bulgarian in- 1 demnity been fixed? J 0, Where Is the Dead sea? ,i 10. What is the smallest of 'birds? J Answers to Yesterday's Quiz i 1. "The Triumph of Death" is the novel S. which first brought Gabrlele DAn- , nunzln to international notice. 'i 2. The highest, altitude ever reached by ' man on the earth's surface, is 28,250 ; feet. ; 3, It was attained by the Duke of the ?i Abruzzl in 1000, when he climbed to , the-top of Mt. Godwin-Austen, In the i range lying between Kashmir and H Chinese Turkestan. " ' A A nin,mnf ta n rnitpnt. nf flia' amllrrel .4 'J$m r JJL:L.Li v: .-I j -m .. SZsiT: .Saw1 -if HZs - V iZ-M -.'"- I I vRnVnVVnVWnSA "5 . jltfaiWS Va .SjfffSJlir aJj family. . .St 5,. Desldere (in Latin, Desideratus) isCer- dlual Mcrcier's first nani ' n. The noet Keats died at the age twenty-six, '1i 7. Luzon is the largest of the-PhUlpph , Islands. , ", H Tin. cofferdam of a' shin la the inaefl .'.' betweeu two bulkheads ' tocoted1 Terjr Jt close together. v 0, John narrett js director general of ij i'iiu.jBiricn. union. "" .r J& .:f:tmi. k?i44-Hi W' v'v '''S i vM ? 'U j-k I J .a , - . " tin t. fn .,l'' 'ft . ' ' " ' ' H ' .- i . . "J n n '. , 7 . " a A, . s. j,: rr) n.'ff-. SB !,, W "is."" .u . .&?i, .. ' . s n - ') -
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers