11
-V v
-i'r'Wiwirt'-i"Trr''"' i. -no -
f
r
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, SATURDAY, AUGUST 23, 1919
r
-xo
il
" W"1IT"" !
m
Wt
I
aft
SJ I
fife
i
Ml!
eli
It
'n
Eyening public Ee&ger
PUDLIG LEDGEK COMPANY
.
! i emus it. k. cunTis. rmNT
- Chsrlni lr. t.udlnnen VIc Fraldrnt. John C.
Martin. Secrriarr anrt Tmmrin Philip 8 C'nlUnv
John n. Wl'llamt Jehu J Ppumcon Ulrnrtora.
k-OlToniAt, CO.VUD.
Crica If. 7-C. Cnrrn. Chairman
ri,
DAVID E. 8MILET Editor
JOHNC MAIVTIN. Oneral HuHnc ann
IMWlnhtd dxllr nt Prst-io Ltnoi null'inr.
Independence ,rnuare. I'htUUelphta.
Atubtio Cm Prtti-Unim Bulldlnc
-bw Toil.. . .S06 Metropolitan Tonor
IDBTKOIT 701 Fonl UulM'nc
ST. LoclB. 1008 Iiillrrtnn UulM'nc
CH1C1Q0 1307 TrlbuJ.t UulMliig
KEvra ntmcAt'S:
T'aniNnTnN ticiiSAD.
N B. or. t'cnnsjlvanla A' c. anil Itlri St.
TCeir Yok ttrnwu Tim Sun HtT'iltnjr
London Bchkac London Timta
sritiTKiPTioN Tnnjts
Tha 3rMso X'l ni.li I.KP,ipa H aervrd to ub
crtbara In Philadelphia and mirrouncllnir immi
at th ata of twelve. 112) centa per week, paj able
Itr Call .n'polnts outllde or Philadelphia. In
tha tinned Statea. Canada c Unltnl Htits r--
aesalnna, poeiato tree niiy ", rrma per innnin
ix dm
dona
r per yar, paynble In advance.
To all
forelm corntrles one (It; dollar per
NoTl'm fluherrlr.fr Trl-hlnr ariilrns ctmnictil
nuat live old ae well a new i Mrcs".
BEtL. JOM VALMT
KEYSTONE. MAIM 3049
ICT Aiidreal ftll con mioilcnhon- to V.vm'no Public
Ledper, Independence ."qucrc. VUilgtt"vhin.
Member of the Associated Press
VJIB ASSOCIATED PRESS ;. cxclti
lively entitled In lf use for republication
f all news dispatches credited to it or nut
otherwise credited in this paper, and also
the local news published therein.
All right' o! republication nf special dis
patches rrin ire alio ifs'ri'rf.
rhlladalphlii. Saturdm, iisuu i:x IPIU
WOMEN AND THE MAYORALTY
MRS. JOSEPH P. MUMFOUD may not
be able to do much for 1 eform in her
telephone campaign to rouse feminine
interest in the mayoralty fight and in
crease an independent registration. But
he will at lenst provide an interesting
test of the degree of women's interest in
the practical application of the franchise.
So far, Gven in the suffrage states,
women have manifested little enthusiasm
for down-to-the-ground politics. What
will they do in West Philadelphia when
Mrs. Mumford entreats them over the
wire to urge their husbands to the regis
tration booths for the sake of righteous
ness? A study of the ii dependent regis
tration figure.-, west of the Schuylkill
ought to be interesting later along to
those who believe that the women's vote,
,and the women's vote alone, can save the
country from the unregenerate bosses.
MUCK
AMERICAN good nature and the touch
of provincialism that is, curiously
enough, a distinguishing characteristic of
'tho few who honestly regard themselves
as the cultured elect, opened the path of
roses over which Dr. Karl Muck strode
.coldly to fame and money in the United
States. Yet Muck remained a pro
German to the last. When he was
finally forced to play tho "Star Spangled
"Banner" at his conceits he did eerything
,but jazz that stately tune.
Wo run snare the ex-lion of the Boston
Orchestra, whose principal talent it was
to seem bored even when the applause
''of his worshipers was loudest. A good
many people who were by no means hys
terical when the question of enemy aliens
was raised will regret that he was pei
mitted to go in unruffled dignity up the
gangplank. Some one should huve been
there to kick him aboard the -ship
NINE HOURS FOR SLACKERS
rriHE sole change which the new legis-
tration act made in the system
whereby the citizen qualifies as a oter
reduces to a minimum excuses for the
neglect of his duty. Under the old law
the registration places were open from
7 to 10 am. and from j to 10 p. m. Now
the officials will serve from 7 a. m. until
1 p. m. and under the former schedule in
the afternoon and evening.
Totaling the three registration Ua..
nine more hours of opportunity to pei
form the extremely simple jet indis
pensable function of citizenship are pro
vided. Entire indiffeience to the city's
welfare is now the only argument which
the slacker can consistently advance.
Consideration for the citizen', engage
ments and personal obligations ha.- been
.deep. It is now up to him to be consid
erate of a sensible law f'-amed to prevent
corruption on election day.
CROWDED SCHOOLS AGAIN
rpHE lamentable spectacle of a great
- city with inadequate school-buildmg
facilities will be presented on September
8. It is estimated that 23.000 children
will be on part time. There are no new
structures to relieve the situation. To
add to the difficulties the treasury of the
Board of Education is seriously handi
capped by the failure of the state to sup
ply money to meet the new salary in
crease for teachers.
From an economic standpoint, the
schools of Philadelphia are always in
trouble. Yet there is no valid reason why
their plight should be chronic. Pennsyl
vania and Philadelphia are lich enough
and powerful enough to perfoim the pri-
mary duties of a state and of a city to
furnish sufficient school accommodation
for the children and to pay the teachers
what they are woith. The practice of
starting a school year with part-time
pupils is a dismal and all-too-familiar
confession of indifference and ineflieiencj .
STAGE WAR NEARS HOME
PHILADELPHIA'S inconspicuousness
J as a summer "show town" has given
somewhat academic character to our
Interest in the actors' strike.
But August is on the sliding board now.
The Labor Day inaugural of our theatri
cal season has become traditional. Are
llio returned vacationists to enjoy foot-
Jight refreshment or must they seek di
version in the inextinguishable silent
drama, the museums or the zoo ?
Nobody really knows. Some openings
have been postponed, others canceled. A
Q few of the autumn attractions are still
iuAeduled. But the situation is as cloudv
3 m it is phenomenal.
r ' All but five of New York's theatres are
5i HaW" closed. Burlesque and vaudeville
" ,'re still flourishing; throughout the coun-
U;r,,:u,u' "-! ju.iuiuvu y. ,uC mv
.lgriMI
ktjas it possible to determine juut
,A.rX-lJ0ta.tl,,,
Theoretically, we ought to be able to
exist without the mirror held up to nii
turf. And yet it is denials of luxuries
which always seem so particularly pain
ful. Persons barred during the war from
using three lumps of sugar in their coffee
know just how distressing the depriva
tion WHS.
Much ns both belligerents in the pres
ent "war" threaten to be unyielding, it
seems inevitable thnt some adjustment
will have to he reached before long. One
side or the other must eventually respond
j to the public's r.eal for self-indulgence.
.LAFEAN AND AMBLER
PRODUCTS OF "THE SYSTEM"
The Theory That Public Office Exists for
the Benefit of the Office Holders Is the
Curse of American Government
TT IS not pleasant for self-respectitje
Pennsylvamans to contemplate the
spectacle of the former state banking
commissioner and the former state in
surance commisjioner undei an est,
charged with offenses in office.
The two former officials headed the
great departments created for the pro
tection of the public in its t elation with
the banks and the insurance companies
doing business in the state. Their duty
was to see that both the insurance com
panies and banks were solvent. Then
functions were fiduciary and not political.
They were the tmstees of the people
But why was Daniel ! l.afean ap
pointed banking comnnssionei "
His entrance into that office was not so
many years ago that the history of the
appointment is forgotten. William H.
Smith had held the office of commissioner
of banking for many years. He was a
capable official, familiar with the banking
laws mid possessed of a fine sense of re
sponsibility to the public. Ho was asked
to permit the politicians to use the pa
tronage of his department to vewaid po
litical workers. He refused to make a
great business office a part of a political
machine. Ho wa asked to resign. The
bankers of this city and of Pittsbuigh
wrote to the Governor protesting against
any change in the hanking depaitment.
Hut Smith had to get out.
Then Daniel I-. Lafean was appointed,
and under his regime the North Penn
Bank was looted. Under his regime the
insolvency of the bank was reported m
Harrisbuig. And under his regime the
bank was allowed to continue to do busi
ness, taking the deposits of the unsus
pecting public and making way with then
money by devious devices not yet fully
tracked out.
And why was Charles A. Ambler made
ni.-uiance commissioner?
Was it because he knew anything
about the insurance business? Of course
not. Under the system which demanded
that the banking department be used to
lewaid political workers Ambler was put
at the head of a great state department.
He had been a candidate for the nomina-
tion for auditor general and had been
defeated. It was necessary "to take care
of him." So they looked around foi an
appointive office just as good as the audi
tor generalship and found it in the lnsut
ance department. No one seemed to care
whether the man fitted the office. All
they were looking" foi was an office with
a oalaiy that would fit the man.
Now Mr. Ambler is charged with using
i the North Penn Bank a.- a convenience I
' for making the state iunds in his charge I
I aailabl" for use in his pinate business. I
! The surprising featuie of the state of '
affairs which the failure of the Noith (
I Penn Bank ha exposed is not that it I
exist-, but that it has not oocuned befoic. '
It is the expected outcome of the system
. . B0vemment a, the mainst'a of
the politicians. It is the logical develop
ment from the Iheorj that public office
exists for the public officials.
This theory is not peculiat to Peiui
sjlvania. The politicians in eveiy state
aie guided by it and it is not unknown in
national politics. It is nototious tliat
Preside nt Wilson made William Jen-ning.-
Biyan secretary of state not be
cause the distinguished free-silver advo
cate was qualified fo the office, hut be-
, cause he wished to disaim u dangerous
opponent and pi event him from making
' trouble outside the breastworks. And
Bryan fell down completely as secretary
i of state when the test came and he had
' to get out.
I Notorious instances elsewlieie, how
ever, do not justify or excuse scandalous
i instances in this state. The public offi
cial who refuses to act on the theory
I always wins the confidence of the people.
It was the insistence of Grover Cleveland
' as mayor of Buffalo that he was the
! trustee of all the people and not the
j almoner of a political organization
elected to reward tne w oncers ot any
party at public expense that made him
governor of New York and then Presi
dent of the United States. Yet in spite
of this shining example we have men in
office who think that the way to get pro
motion is by dickering with the bosses
and buying their support by appointing
their followers to office. They act as
though the primary function of govern
ment were the creation and maintenance
of a political macnine.
We do not mean to suggest that a po
litical machine has not its uses, nor do
we mean to imply that the men who tuke
an interest in politics should not be ap
pointed to office. But we do mean to be
understood as insisting that the men ap
pointed to office should be tit to perform
the duties of the offices to which they
are appointed. They may be as active
as you please in party management if
they are also qualified to servo as
trustees of the people in the perform
ance of their public duties.
The system has been irritating for
years to the high-minded men in politics.
They have seen state departments run
ning along in a slipshod way, wasting the
public money, when the application of
sound business principles by a man
familiar with them and interested in the
work of his department would have
brought order out of chaos and would
have returned to the taxpayers full value
for every dollar they have paid.
It is not too much to say that the pres-
1 ent Governor of this commonwealth is
nttempting to apply business principles
to state business. As soon as possible
after he wbb sworn in he removed both
Ambler and Lafean. Their administra
tions did not measure up to the standard
which he had set. Whether they are
criminally guilty or .tot is beside the
question just now. They proved that
they were not the right sort of men for
the offices which they held. They might
have served successfully in some other
departments, but they failed miserably
where they were put.
The leal issue back of all the other
issues before the voters of Philadelphia
today is whether they want the city to
be governed for the next four years in
accordance with the theory that public
office exists for the benefit of the office
holders, whether they want a Mayor
elected in order to strengthen a local po
litical oiganization or whether they want
a Mayor elected to devote himself pri
marily to the economical and efficient
conduct of public business.
THE "WHAT'S THE USE?" CROWD
TiniEN eh otherwise good citizen is
' urged to vote at the primaries he
too often replies with the question,
"What's the use? The organization will
nominate its candidates and I have no
time to waste."
According to the present indioations,
the next Mayor will be chosen at the pri
maries on September 10. Unless some
thing unforeseen happens, the man who
wins at the primaries will be the nuui
who will win at the November election,
just as the imin who wins at the pri
maries in the southern states is assured
of election. JThe South is not so solid as
it seems to be on the surface. There are
two Democratic parties in most of the
states and they have their contests in
the primary elections. The number of
votes cast in those elections is greater
than the number polled at the elections
which give title to office.
If there is to be improvement in gov
ernment in Philadelphia it must come
about through a contest at the primaries.
The "What's the use?" crowd, which is
indifferent, must put away its indiffer
ence and assume responsibility. Thete
are encugh voters in it to get any kind
of government they wish. They are ion
trolled by no one. Their votes can be
deliveied by no waid leader. But they
do not vote at the piimaries and many of
them do not even register to qualify for
voting at the general election.
To put the case in as extieme a man
ner 'as possible, they ate like a merchant
wiiu stands on the sidewalk curiously
watching burglars loot his store, while he
says to himself: "What's the use of inter
fering? It's the business of burglais to
rob and it is too much trouble for me to
interfeie with them in the conduct of
their business."
THE WAY TO MAKE PEACE
SENATOR FALL'S curiosity was so
great that he wiote a list of twenty
questions about the peace treaty which
he asked tho Piesident to answer for him.
He was especially curious about the
ability of the President to make peace
without the action of the Sennte.
Mr. Wilson has answeied him so di
rectly and so precisely that the senator
can no longer be in any doubt that the
way to make peace is to make peace and
as.-ume all the obligations involved.
The attempt to pass the buck from the
j Senate chamber to the White House
failed miserably.
Nnmr- (if (WaiI men
I'lii" Mum of Life Mill remind us of those
Miiorubli' snares where -b
MincU'O vnloiJ lim- up solid for the
.iies t'ouni'ils berth lij fnke petition, such
us Hull for William Horn, prompts the
iiuor? why some nil ion wasn't Riven the
unburn Am it i-, Ihi- ry hoary dodge
loinmincliM i lieei with gloom as nn index
that sniiR "Blorj" mi-U it.- lefuge in the
loiiih
I Wooi! I'l.ut -inns
u this wiii : It is not
wars sinie lust Otii
nii'l and Ouimt't meet
u ku in.
I'm on Hie "iepr
Yes. Put
Ii i- the hope ot etery
Itevised Version polititian that jjeiv -eminent
of the office
holder hv the oftn eholilor and for the oftiec
holdrr shall not perish fiom the earth
I nele Sam is not disturbed by the
dei lai at ion of one hundred thousand Mexi
can railroad men (hat the? are ready to
light if the piesent intei national situation
lesultH iu hostilitiis He favors one job at
a time, and the present job is to catch the
bandits he has slatted after.
Twenty -three tliou-itnil ihildteu in.
Philadelphia tire riiiiir to be robbed of their
rights when sihool opens. They will be
loreed to no on half time during the terra
because of the lack of school buildings.
And nut more than twenty-two thousand
nine hundred and ninety-nine will make
complaint.
The Wildwood baby show but con
tinued the belief of most I'hiladelphians
that ninong the things the city is "Hist"
in must be ini lulled pretty babies.
'o. Irene, the proposed federal depart
ment of aeronautics will have nothing to
do with the regulation of high fliers.
Aiihduke Joseph of Hungary hates to
be among tho uneinplojed. and lie doesn't
i are what kind of ,i job lie gets so that
he's workinrfj
While the police arc driving away
street venders' standi", why not also drive
away some of the mendicants?
And alwajs there is hope that while
the orators are busy with the high cost of
living- somebody will find u remedy.
Ucservationist.s are now- bending their
energies to make an ex -article out of
Article X.
All the slates lituing been made, votern
will get ready to mark 'em nnd clean 'em.
The North Penn movie is just one In
teresting close-up fitter another.
Every economist lonccdes that a fair
pine i Ji complicated affuir.
Corn on the cob is composed largely 0f
profit-ears.
Living cost will slip Into its proper
niche when everybody gks down to work.
CONGRESSMAN MOORE'S
LETTER
Gossip About Arthur H. Lea, W. W.
Gibbs, Samuel Gilpin, Albert GaW,
C. D. Oyer, Jr., and Others
TVVYLIGHT saving wns beaten because
- there nre more farmers' votes in Coite
gross than there 'arc votes from the indus
trial centers. Men working in the mills
nnd in the large cities wanted that extra
hour of daylight. They used it in their
gardens and for tecrcation, nnd they enjoyed
it. Arthur 11. Lea, of Philadelphia, figured
out that 1,000,0(10 tons of coal were tmved
by dnj light saving. It also saved gas and
electric light. This may have Induced a
neutrality on the part nf gas nnd electric
light companies, but even so it seemed a
shame that the workers should be deprived
of that extra hour they had learned to
enjoy. Benjamin Krnnklln thought it.
amazing thnt the people should lie nbed
in the cool of the morning, leaving their
shops closed nnd their work undone at what
seemed to bo the choicest working hours.
This sort of philosophy, however, had no
effect on the farmer. He said tho cow and
the pig did not take time from any schedule,
except that of the sun. The farmer had
the votes, the President and the industrial
ists to the contrnry notwithstanding, and
for the present daylight saving goes into tlje
discard
TTT W CUIUS, of the I'nion League, has
' 'more thnn n passing interest in the In
ternational Mercantile Murine proposal to
put 1000-feet ships into n four-days' serv
ice across the water. It is a son of the
Philndelphlnn who designed those ships.
That boy with n big vision presented plans
for a 1000-foot ship to the postmaster gen
crnl witn" years' ago with the view of
facilitating the postal service The postal
authorities ere not able to put the scheme
through, but the ship operators now pro
pose to do it nnd that brings honor to the
houne of Gibbs. "N'. W. Gibbs himself is
no novice when it comes to tackling big
things. Some nf his projects have not been
successful, but it wns he who conceived the
consolidation of gns companies, ond the
origin of the United Gns Improvement Com
pany may be credited to him.
TN I5V-GOXE days when Henry Clay was
-Hie big thing nt Ilensleys Point, the Pca
1 1 si 1 it Clubhouse, the Hungnlow and other
points along the New Jersey coast were
obliged to step lhely. The slogan, nnd it
was it musical one. was:
"From Hi'iisli-js Point to Sinners Point
Is just three miles.
From Somers 1'oint lo liiaslejs Point
Is ju-t thru- miles."
And we arc leniindi'd hv Samuel II. (iil
pin, who still hangs up his shingle nt the
commercial cchangc. thnt Ileasleys Point
is just about an far from Somers Point its
it ever wns. Samuel Gilpin used to repic
scnt the Sixteenth ward in Councils and
he knew n good deal about the game, lie is
talking life i.iy now in the Forty-second
waul, but does not foigel to keep in touch
with his old friends.
ALBERT GAW has been ta the govern---
ment sen ice so long that the memory
of man almot "runneth not to the con
tinry." "Allegory," as lie is known to
"the Fiold Itiueaneeisof Itnrucgnt," informs
us Hint the mayoralty tontest in Philadel
phia is a hot one. nlthough thnt is about as
far n a government official may dare express
his opinion. Colonel Snyen, of Wayne and
SI. David-, allege" that "Allegory" has as
fine a seuse of poetry ns the late Finnk
Fciiiiuoi'c, of whoc aciiinintancc he was
er. pi oiul
GI) DYEft, .115 . now of the Commercial
T:iist Building, Philadelphia, was su
perintendent nf the serviic in iluirge nf wel
intc, safety. Young Men's Christian Assor
i intlon. Hoe fsland Athletic Association.
Hog Island News and all patriotic endeavois
at Hoi Islnnd during the war period. With
n Jot of bright joiing fellows, some of whom
had been experienced in newspaper work,
they ran up against the worst winter this
generation lins known nnd accomplished
wonders The report in Washington is that
the Hog Island plant lind to hiie mure than
2."0.000 men in order to letnin the .".0,000
lcquired. During the first siv months .ot
miS, 40.00(1 calls were made upon the wcl
fsue depnttment for assistance nf one kind
or nnotiui This bit of information is dug
out bj the boy h in answer to Coroner
Knight's lcrent reflection upon those who
entered the shipbuilding service during the
war.
THEY hate lorined n National Republican
Club in the city nf New York and Sen
ator William M. Calder is nt the head of
it. This club is reaching out for resident
and nonresident members in thirty-nine
states and territories, it claims a mem
bership now of nearly SVH1. Wilbur P.
Wakcman. one of the leading protectionists
of New York is nsHoeirted with the New
Yoik senator in developing the club's in
fluence The feeling with lcgaid to it is that
Republicanism should be appreciated in nil
the states all the venr. A' .National Re
publican Club fur Washington has long been
a topic of diRciiss'on. fit might be a good
thing and it icrtio'ily would be appropriate
to have one in Philadelphia.
"IFRIOI'S thing about those Meehaii boys,
vJ one of whom went on the independent
Republican ticket for recorder of deeds. It
nppenrs there were two brothers, Thomas
and Edward, each of whom hnd gone into
the First Regiment nnd eueh of whom had
worked nn to a post of lienor when, under
Colonel Millard D. RnvMi, of Germun
towu. the regiment moved to Frnnce. Each
of these boys was married, each was
wounded . each gassed and each came out
as u lieutenant colonel. When the inde
pendent leaders were looking around for a
candidate it was a toss-up whether their
choice would fall upon Colonel Tom or
Colonel Ed. It happened It fell upon
Colonel Tom with the entire approval of the
family Colonel Ed is likely to be on the
-tump for his brother.
COLONEL ED D. SMITH, who has a
stock of stories equal to the best on the
road, ha? returned to Philadelphia nnd re
sumed his political status in the Thirty
...,.ml ward. Colonel Ed was one of the
boys who helped to fight for the union of
the States Some years ago he was ono
of the ponular comrades at the National
Soldiers Home, at iiamnion homuh. in
thnt shaded atmosphere, where the veterans
delighted to swap their war yarns, Cap
tain Ed had his biggest battle to get tho
buildings screened to keep out the mosqui
toes, and being a vigorous fighter he suc
ceeded. When the nvlatlon race ut the Olympia
tournament nt Camp Dix comes ofT next
month Philadelphia City Hall will be tho
turning point- II nns already been the
turning point of many a political career.
The public is more or less apathetic
concerning the actors' strike; but if the
strike ever reaches the movies well, "that
will he something elso again."
Pnrle Sam would sell blankets more
rdlr M ths wether wert cold.
. ''
"'''''
i. . .
r V . -j .
THE CHAFFING DISH
IF THE theatrical mnuagers will take our
advice, they wlH cave iu. The position
of the actors is the strategic one. For actors
i an go ahead mid act without a manager.
But no manager inu produce a play without
playcis.
But peihaps our advice Is not wholly "dis
interested. A play of our own was to have
gone into icheaisal rocentlj, but tho btrikw
came along and embalmed ever thing.
"Very Delightful"
Newton linker informed the Piesideul
that the two soldiets he pardoned for sleep
ing on outpost duty hud done unflinching
service in the lighting last summer, that one
of them had been killed iu action and the
other twice wounded. Mr. Wllsoti wrote
concerning "the two youngsters" (as he is
pleased to call them) :."It is very delightful
to know that they ledeemed themselves so
thoroughly."
Wc don't wish to be harsh, but it seems
to us that Abraham Lincoln would have
found some more marrowy phrase 'than "very
delightful" the same words Woodrow used
In inviting the senators to tiffin.
We are frequently told that Mr. Wil-ou
hns a marvelous command of English. We
demur. It is the marvelous English that has
control of him.
"Actress Marries Broker.'' sajs a New
York headline. Thut is one ingenious way
to geteven with the manageis. There arc
very few producers who can fall back on a
broker for suppoit
The great number of people who are found
dead in bathrooms perturbs us. Is there
anything fatal to the human race in ablution V
Perhaps there's some joker in the old saw
ubout cleanliness being the thieshold of god
liness? At a modest estimate, we huve ubout 100
poems stacked up iu fiout of us, sent
in by our gracious and nice-natured clients.
These range from the roaring ballades of
Client Bellem to the dainty jocoscrias of
An t. n.,.Ai.n llnol.- Were we not such a
devotee of furious and unstinted toil, it
,1 L- ..1.....1.. m.ittne In tntre II fort-
WOIUU UC H S1IU1..U - -- ----
night off and chafe up the Dish with these
nourishing gruels.
And in fact our clients are threatening
a striko unless wc print more of their con
tributions. They have already begun to
picket our office with talking delegates. But
we shall never compromise with violence.
Wc have taken very sagacious measures.
We have retained our friend. Fred W. Brei
tingcr, as legnl counsel, and got him down
to the office the other evening to look over
our vaults. By his advice wo are printing
the following, which he thinks the best of
our present accumulation :
Arguments In a Wardrobe
fjTTTHAT dress shall I wear'" 1 some-
VV times say.
And my mother tells me my "blue and gray."
"What 'blue and gray'? 1 have no gray
dress!"
"Very well, then, we will call it 'Bess'."
So we have a name for' all my clothes,
And when I sny "Green," my mother knows
It's the oue she thinks is colored Blue,
We've ugrtcd to call that "Emmy Lou."
It sounds so funny, when I go 'way
To visjt sometimes, to hear her say :
"Better wear Maria and pack up Jane,
And carry Susanna in ease of rain" !
So I know exactly what to take
And it saves my making any mistake.
For it's always safer to have a name
When you hear alike but don't see tho same.
BESSIE GRAnAM'S FRIEND.
Add Ejaculation
lliimsnitv nets what it'rmnU, It is per-
Mvsrinc and stubborn, nnd prevails In. th
"HIGHER-UPS"
Jt!--:.i e.Jf
S' hrrv' iirT
N v SLL 'ws iff
-Pr
PWflll Mil?"
,.
end. And the fact that it has never given
much serious thought to the business of
elongating the span of life seems to suggest
well, draw jour own couclusion.
On the other hand, consider the numerouH
devices humanity has lnveuted for abbre
viating the journey through the valley of
tears. Motortrucks, grade crossings, all
night poker and chop suey arc the first that
come to mind.
To Socrates In August
Hay fever sets one wondering,
O Death, about thy famous sting
And one concludes that It might be
A plciisiue to be stung by thee.
HORACE HOOK.
A City Notebook
South street is the last foittcss ot the
watermelon and the witch-doctor. A stroll
, oil that murmuring thoroughfare on a warm
evening will eomiuce one thnt ruttlesnake
oil is still the most merciful specific for
humun nilings. Patent medicine manufac
turers live to a great age this is one of
Nature's compi usutiou.s. us their customers
die young nnd their souls wonder happily
along South street. Here is an extract from
au ad we found pasted to the wiudow pauc
of a South street apothecurj :
This Is a prescription that we have pre
pared especially for Malaria, Chills and
Fever, Intermittent, Remittent and Bilious
Fever. We especially recommend for
those exposed to the weather as they
can take It, eat anything they "want, nnd
go right on with their work with no fear
of being- SallNated.
. ,
Scene: South Broad street, the western
pavement. A balmy summer evening, 10.15
p. m. A gentlu cooling breeic pufiiug up
the line, (lapping the trousers of gobs es
corting damsels home from the movies. In
a big club window, u nst leather armchair
drawn up toward the sill. The room behind
it dimly lit, and nearly empty. In the
chair sat n gentleman softly musing, while
the breeze toyed tenderly with his whickers.
We halted, entranced. It wns plain that
the gentleman was girdled1 with contempla
tion, bathed in "ubstract scrutiny. It was
Mr. Cattcll, the city statistician, and we
thought wc saw his lips move secretly to
the refrain of that fine old hymn, "Where
Is My Wandering Decimal Tonight?"
The Hog Island Helen
It is safe to assume that there will be no
vote slackers in the Hog Island beauty con
test. The original Venus, one recalls, was
born of the sea ; and Helen of Troy wns
hailed as "the face that launched n thousand
ships." Sailor-men have ever been brisk
judges of female charm, and the world looks
to Hog Island to single out some damsel
who will sadden the fifth decade of Maxine
Elliott. Ladles, we who arc about to lan
guish, salute you !
"(The Better 'Olc," running in XeW York,
has been closed by the actors' strike. The"
embittered producer uttered a yell to tho de
parting actors. Some say he said, "If you
know a better role, go to It!" Others aver
ho said, "If you know a better olio, ro to
it!"
Judge Bonniwell is going to talk on the
Power of the Press tomorrow night. The
press, more generous, will refrain from re
turning thc.compliment.
It seems heartless of Merico to keep on
trifling with the affections of a trusting
neighbor.
When Hamlet addressed his sharp words
to the players they would have been en.
L tlrcly justified lu at once insisting on an
Equity Association contract. .Most offensive
to them must have been his reference to
"Inexplicable dumb-shows," which can
have meant nothing else but the movies.
SOCRATES.
And once again the fact is brought
home to us tjiat Senator Borah's name is
one syllabic too long to b really descrip
tive. The llo.-n play was
!M reaUy
bone.
'
IMMANENCE
I COME in the little things, s
Saith the Lord :
Not borne on morning wings
Of innjesty; but I have set my feet
Amidst the delicate and bladed wheat
That springs triumphant in tjie furrowed
..sod.
There do 1 dwell, in weakness and in power;
Not broken or divided, said our God!
In' your straight garden plot I come to
flower ;
About your porch my vine.
Meek, fruitful, doth entwine:
Waits, at the threshold, Love's appointed
hour.
I come in the little thinge,
Saiththe Lord;
Yea, on the glancing wings
Of eager birds, the soft and paiteritig feet
Of furred and gentle beasts, I come to mee-t
Your hard and wayward heart. In brown
bright eyes
That peer from out the brake, I stand m
fest. On every nest
Where feathery Patience is content to brood.
And leaves her pleasuro for the high em
prise Of motherhood
There docs my Godhead test.
I come in the little things,
Saith the Lord ;
My starry wings
I do forsake.
Love's highway of humility to take,
Meekly T fit my stature to your need
In beggar's part
About your gates I shall not cease to pletd
As man, to speak with man
Till by such art
I shall achieve my immemorial plan :
Puss tho low lintel of the human hert.
Evelyn Underhlll, in the London Nation,
What Do You Know?
i QUIZ
How many states compose the republic
of Mexico?
What do the English call a ticket offlcs
in a railroad station?
What is the "Unrighteous Bible" snd
why is it so called?
What were the two largest cities in
France taken by the Germans during
the war?
Who wrote "The School for Scandal?"
Where was the late Oscar Hammerstein
born?
When is the next United States census to
be taken?
When was the federal constitution de
clared to be in effect. I
I
Who were the patroons?
What is spikenard?
Answers to Yesterday' Qulr
1. The repeal of the daylight-saving law
was passed three times by the House
of Representatives.
'i. A preBtidigator is a magician. The word
literally means quick fingerer.
a. Theodore Roosevelt in a speech made in
Springfield, 111., in 1003, started the
phraso "a square deal" on Its career of
popularity.
4. A polacre is a three-masted Mediterra
nean merchant vessel.
5. Shantung is especially sacred to' the
Chinese because their great philosopher
and moralist Confucius was born in that
peninsula.
0. Charlotte Amalie is the chief town of
the Virgin Islands.
7. A cadi in Mohammedan countries is a
civil ludge. " ' .
8. Dipsomania is a'morbid craving for al
cohol. 0. Tho word buoy should be pronounced as .
though spelled "bol."
19. Mercury was the classical messenger f
the godSc ,
m
M)I
f
.ii,
a
.
J
S.U