it V 1 . JU 'h" ;'i -'J rt Uriie Cf n flcf VEMNdiiLEGRAPH . PtiBLIC LEbGER COMPANY ..JtfrrM II. J.udlhston, lee President. John C. rfin. secretary ana Treasurer rnuipn idhih', vast ,n, wiiimi am. John j fipurseon, Director KniToniAi, no.vnn Onto II, K Cctti, Chairman ,Vio k. BMtt.nr . . Fdltor MARTIN,.. Uantral HuilntM Manager Published dallr at Piano t.fflxirri Itulldlne. m CaNTiiL ...Itroad and heatnut SireeU avtio Out, ., .. ' cm tiilon MuUilIng tour zoo Metropolitan iiw totTi ... . . . f. 10 1 lord Hull Una St. Lqctt., .,... . loos r'ullerton Itulhllnir VHioiGO . i.g-rriounc uuiiainc lK t news nrnnuS' (.WAUtisaroN llcuru. .' E. Cor. lnni)Unl Kt and 14th t. (New job a neurit,. , . Hi nun Hullillns M.oSDO'r UcaciV . London Tfi'ir SUUSCMPTIOtf TEUVts: ThaKliM no rial to Ltiura la serve! to ub-;- erlears In Philadelphia and surrojndttic towiti at tit rat of twcha (l'-'t irnta per week tumble to lha carrier. , v it- mall lo points outlde of PhllaiMphla In oc the United (Haiti an1a, or l'nlte.1 Ntaten ik,i 1 aaanlona. pontage free, flttv l&OI inta per month. six US) dollars per ear, paable In adtance To all roreltn countries one (ill dollar ier month. ' NOTtcs Hubicrlbera wlahlne addren chanzed tnuit aive old aa well a nrvr addrei rlklL. M TFAIMT KEYT0r. MAIN Jt0 g7.4ddrei nil comwHiilcnffonj lo hienlno Puttie Ltdger, Independence Squart, rhtladetpHa . Member of the Asiociated Press THE ABSOOIATED PRESS Is cxclu sticlv entitled to the use for r publication of all neica dispatches credited to It or not Odiertctao credited In this paper, and also the local veils published thireln. All rights of irpublleatlon o' .ipeclal dlJ pitches herein arc als'i reiciicd. Philadelphia. Tund.y, Orloker 22, I'll tjiSKindest cuts i;s r vn s JTpHB restaurateur serving ,i 'not too Trench French bean' nt one cent pel order would technical! fill the State food administration demand for reduced prices He" would, If business kept up fill hit own pocketbook, but he would not till his hup less patrons with much but thorough! un satisfying Indignation. The situation pre sents Itself aH the gloomll conceived cli max of the current raco between cut prices and cut portions. Mr. Heinz Insists on lower restaurant charges. Instances are nt html hero I Thltadelphla of a "dish of the dnj " sav , for Instance, beef sten, dutifully dropping price from thirty to tuentj-fHe ient The cafekeeper then recalls the trndl tlonal bread accompaniment, lists It sepa rately at a rlckel, diminishes the i.unntltj of tew, "In the Interests of consera lion," and emerges from the tangle of regulations a cheerful! extortionate win ner. The process may be continued to Just this side of the zero point If a further shrinkage of stew prices be com manded, potitoe, carrots onions and meat may be -successively deleted until the nadir of the isolated bean be achieved There Is nothing either surprls njxl , subtle or superlatively clevet about such tactics. Many restaurants are operated on a basis of sincere patriotic cconomv. Othqrs are conducted according to the gospel of gouge and will act after the fashion described until brought to buv by rules which cannot be evaded In spirit It Is distinctly up to our protective ma phtnery to devise methods making the performance of such elementary and transparent trickery Impossible The problem Is hard Its very dim '1111. hqwevax, Is one of the prime reasons for the existence of a food admlnlstiatlon be helpless In the matter Is to tease to function. Bread at five cents etr.i mav Le inter preted as the Stan of strife A CHEAT AMERICVN THE tributes paid to Cardinal Gibboni on the occasion of the jubilee celebration of his entrance Into the priesthood nre de '.sen td. There Is no sturdier defender of the es sentials of Americanism than this distin guished churchman. 1 le has alwavs thrown hts hifluence on the side of democratic in dividualism and In opposition to the socialistic- teachings of the sentimental Idealists who seem to think that by banding n lot of Incompetents together it utll lie possible to make them competent The Cardinal Is ft believer In the old-fashioned .doctrine that every tub must stand on its own bottom. Ixmg may he lle to preach the doctrines of democracy to the propagation of w hlch V' he has given his life. - yerlly It is the "Blue Danube flowg through .peace-hungry A lenna which CONSULAR SUPPORT FOR OUR SHIPS K TT IS Inconceivable that even so huge a total as 25,000,000 tons of ships, which tne United States expects to have within n.llie next two jeirs. will outpace the possl abilities of world trade. But the chanie ', that this enormous expansion of our mer- v ettan marine may be embarrassed b lack 1 ?tj'rjttachlnery to make the gain count de- ioManda Immediate attention " Chairman Hurley, of the shipping board V. clearly reallces the situation In his recent - V appeal for the prompt and thorough de- velopment and extension of the American ' consular establishments. In his nun unni. "t "TV can'1 hMe tne iraJe unless we give i f "American service. - vexy large part of fhUi-irill rinnri nnnn 1rnlta,l QUiAa r.. -f ' aui. Neglect of American obligations In this Blatter would be the height of folly. More and better trained consuls are Imperatively Vi " -j em a - ii m . . . v, -.,neuru. tne type ui cqnaioaie wno is sur- '-"rtlsed that Brazilians do not talk Hpanlsh ef that the Haitian blacks speak French Wuld be relegated Into the Umbo of the ''jt. tOn the other hand, the extent of mone Ihy remuneration for our trade agents ! d be nade commensurate with the .jraked requirements. Given good pay and iBa credentials, American consuls of the rfntructed world can be of prime as tjfcet'jnce In stifling Ignorant wonder as to Ike Vt-war utility of our vast rev fleet. '. . -i i ; , "Queen Gllzabeth seems to' have Wen )M.tue belle of Hruges , SOLDIERS' LETTERS recect arrival In this city of more F& Mian ' ttiin five thousand letters from soldiers JHritu wonder' about the number of tWnicn went out to -soldiers. ,Mke Xo hear from ihe bois at the .but the boys at the front are much ajvxjoua to hear from home. Have . trrttUn. (hat )etter to your acquaint- , snifonr) teat you have been plan IT His family Is writing him. Uk to heat from his' friend Sf s-"' -" ! r- GEtfoaAXY IS WRIGGLING IN THli ALLlEp NET Solfi Reply Seeks lo Comply on SurUce Willi Wilson's DemanJj, hut It Shows No Sign of ierery RepenUnce pEACK is brought no nearer by the latest (3eVman appeal to President Wilson. Indeed, It may be said that unless Mr. Wilson recedes from h earlier position peace is farther away than it was before German diplomacy perpetrated what must be regarded as a culminatinK blunder. Plainly the note of yesterday emanutcs indirectly from the consciousness of a distressed and chastened people. It i filled with the evasions natural enough to men who are searching a way out of agonizing difficulties. Nowhere docs the text reveal the saving virtue of frankness or direct statement. Doctor Solf addresses an impassioned and resolute world In the manner of n suuve and slippery bargainer. Not once dors he appear to recognize the profound and essential moral obligations that weigh at this hour upon the German nation. Thctc is no word to indicate a flat repudiation of the philosophies of Potsdam or evfn the distrust of the per sisting dynasty or of a determination to be rid of the curse that was permitted to spread from Germany to afflict the lest of mankind. The note tells, rather, of things that are nlready known of sur face changes in the forms of the Germun Government. It implies no honest hatred of the evil forces nurtured nt the heart of the Government, which, picsumably, ate left unchanged to grow and function under the mnk of the new fianchise. Yet this is precisely what the world ex pects from Germany and what it will ontinue to demand. The Kaiser and his house have been stripped of the power to make war with out consent of the whole German Govern ment. That fact did not have to be restated, since it is something that every one has known since the German upper hous.0 condescended to bestow upon the Reichstag the power to participate in the Government -a power that has made it at last something more than a voice in the land without the attention or lcspect of the. people. But at the same time Wil helm remains and his dj nasty remains as the dominnnt force in Germany, con secrated to fulschood and the dreams of empiie, to the plots and counterplots and the secret machinations that have been adequate to intrigue even peaceful nations into war against their will. If Solf knew anything he must have known that this condition would be un acceptable not only to President Wilson, but to the rest of the world. Yet he proceeded further to confuse all the processes leading to peace with the flat suggestion that "the actual standard of power on both sides in the field has to form the basis for arrangements safe guarding and guaianteeing this stand ard." The implication here and the appeal is futile because it is constituted of Im plicationsis that the Allied commanders would be required to recognize the Ger man army, prior to an armistice, as a power with rights of its own to make demands and specify conditions. It is clearly evident that the Allies and Mar shal Foch will not now or later consent to lecognize the German army in France a3 a force to be dealt with other than in battle or in surrender. To consider the wishes and desire3 of the German mili tary commanders in the conditions of an armistice is to recognize the German nrmy as an unbeaten force and to free it from the stigma of defeat. The Allies cannot and will not lecognize the Ger man army in France as anything other than a beaten army, subject to the con ditions that ate imposed upon the van quished. It is not an army that can be parleyed with so long as it bears arms in France, f It must be lemembered always that Mr. Wilson has not the power to make an armistice. He has been asked only to transmit the German request for an airriistice to the Allies. He has waited and queried Germany with the purpose of determining whethe- he might fittingly make the suggestion for a cessation of hostilities and the conversations prelimi nary to peace. Obviously the terms of the latest German note are not such as to make the appeal acceptable to the other nations at war with Germany. Germany, in other words, beaten and disintegrating and facing the necessity of paying for her sins, with all her sup porting forces either going or gone, advances with the manner of a man upon equal ground with his adversaries. The clauses which plead innocence of submaiine outrages and bf despoliation and barbarity in the field must excite the bitter mirth and the freBh resentment of men who remember the Lusitania and the transgressions of the German army in Belgium as recorded in the Bryce report and other authenticated records without number of German cruelties to the helpless and the unprotected. Here, above all places, the German appeal is furtive. It is not suggestive of truth. contrition nor an acknowledgment of wTong. It would be easy for the Presi dent to answer with the sweeping record of barbarities already tabulated for the day of reckoning with the fiends who perpetrated them. But that would be an idle waste of words. The President in his earlier communi cations with the Germans made no effort to dictate to the enemy the reforms which he considered necessary before he could fittingly pass the appeal for peace on to the Allies. Hejnade it plain that he and all the Allied nations would judge for themselves by the action of the Ger man people in this crisis the degree of ---' -vrr-j J - T-"-. their reform in essential principles. Now It is apparent that the German peo ple have not acted. Their rulers have acted for them. It is not tho voice of the German people that Is audible, but the oice of frightened and dodging junkers who' still hope to gamble and trick their way out of their tragic fix. There are two courses open to the President. He can send a curt refusal to Germany announcing a disinclination to discuss the matter further or he can forward the suggestion for an armistice to the Allied council, which in turn would forward it to General Foch under tho terms explicitly stated in the President's last note to Berlin. Foch would accept none of the conditions suggested by Doc tor Solf. He would demand evacuation of Franco and the right of a peaceful invasion of German territory, the right to hold the German Rhine cities and pcihaps Berlin and the German navy till peace was agreed. He might do the Germans a great service by demanding tho Kaiser and his princes as hostages. Thus Germany w'ould leccive the final answer precedent to complete surrender or a war to the bitter end. In any event, President Wilson has acted only as an intermediary. Germany has not helped him in his admirable efforts to a decent and permanent peace. Mr. Wilson himself will probably act upon the secret information which he possesses in determining his future course. The Germnn note bhows but one thing. Tho Gcimans uro not willing to ndmit themselves beaten. The German people are not jet ready to ocf. The President wanted lo heal from the Cerman people, but according to the latest reports guns nre mounted In the streets of Berlin to preent tlin people from hpeal.lng SIR HE.NRY'S AMUSING EXPLAN VTION pROVOST SMITH put the members of the British educational mission on the defensive when he told them that he sought to take postgraduate work In prep ariitlon for n degre- at Oxford University but discovered that Oxford icfused lo rec ognize the validity of the degrees granted bv un American unlverslt and insisted that he should atait us an undergraduate Accordingly, Dr. Smith went to a Herman university, which was more hospitable to Americans than Oxford was In his time The only explanation offered for this condition camo from Sir Henr Jones, of the University of Glasgow, who said that the British universities had shown lack of enthusiasm In welcoming American stu dents seeking postgraduate degrees for the reason that we have "unfort'unatelv sepa rated economics and ethics," and thdt the people of Great Britain and Ireland lad alwavs combined them This is nn explanation that does not explain. So far as the evidence effe Is anv basis for an opinion, thire Is i greater sensitiveness over the ethics of economics in the United States than In Great Britain We have a great body of law here, the In citing purpose of uhiih Is to apply ethics to big business The law may be wronglj drafted, but there Is not the slightest doubt that I has been passed becaue nf the sensitiveness of tho ethical conscience of the nation. As we are aware that bust ness practices go unchallenged In Great Britain which aie forbidden here. Sir Henrj's lemarks must bring a smile to tho faces n' those who know. A German Socialist newspaper culls the T'enlrr the Great Kaiser the last mlll tarj monarch But William I!ocoe Thajer, In an article In another column denies that he Is military aud Insists that he Is only a pewter Imitation, Pewter the Great, In short. It is intereptlng to In Culture's Hub read that "normal conditions were re stored In Boston when "theatres, motion plcturo houses dance Inlle, billiard and poolrooms, bowling allejs and liquor saloons were allowed to reopen ' The nomination of Major Generals Hun tei l.'gsett and Bobert I- Bullasd to the rank of lieutenant general Is a fitting pro motion of the men In command of the first and second American armies In France. They have earned tho distinction by their conduct and they lire ent'tled to the rank because of tho icpOTifllblIltles which are on their shoulders llerr Polf cavs that the Germans are gu'Uj of only such atrocities as seem neces sarj. That Is Just wh y'J quairel with them so man brutalities seem to them necessary that none of the rest of us would think possible Private stills are said to be In operation In Frankford If a short drought can start Buch a crop so soon, what will not the har vest be if the States adopt the prohibition amendment to the Constitution? Ji was Mrs O'Learj's cow that started the great Chicago fire, which is more than Jeremiah O'Leary's bull has been able to do The big Bertha which has been bo mba til ing Dunkirk has been captured But we shall not be satisfied until the nest of all the big Berthas at Kssen is deetrojed Tweflk and not Izzet Pasha Is the new 'lurktsh grand vizier, and the wags must now- stop asking Is it Hzet or Is It Tewnk? Germany's reply Indicates that she hasn't the crust to produce any other varl-N ety of food for thought than humble pie. It s now conclusive!) proved that not only did Von Kluck know Jut as much us Von Hlndenburg knows now, but he knew It firat. Colonel Bears seems to have the right ort of a punch. II swatted a German olli cer In the Jaw with his fist and a thousand men surrendered. . The Czecho-Slovaks deny the divine right of the Ilohenzollerns and the Haps burgs, and the Haptburgs nnd the Ilohen zollerns themselves seem to begin to doubt It. Colonel Millard 1). Brown sajs (hat every man In the 109th Ileglment Is a hero. Thalr conduct at Chateau-Thierry proved that before the colonel told us. iJ. i W THtf EhtiCtMC CHAIR Letter td thb Police Force I'rom a Bnrglar Wlfo Hat Broken Into a R eiide n re and Barricaded Hiimelf There, T.V ACCniTI.va the police department's proposal for an evacuation of tho resi dence at Marathon avenue, Bill Slkes has started from tho assumption that he would have to get out of the house any. way, and ho might as well try to buffalo tho cops Into letting him get away with ns much of Its hide Intact as possible. mil Slkes suggests to the chief of police that a conference should be bi ought about to fix the details of the evacua'tlon. Since lie has been able to remove most of the silver and cut glass to u secure place, he feels confident that the police depart ment will make no demand upon him which .would bo Irreconcilable with his honor. Bill Slkes protests against the reproach of Illegal and Inhumane actions made against him, lie wishes to point out that the profession of housebreaking, cannot possibly be efficiently carried, on without a certain amount of damage. He admits having dropped candle grease on the rugs In tho house he entered but this wus un avoidable, owing to the fact that the owner had Inconsiderately turned off the electric current He absolutely denies that In raid ing Die Ice box he caused any wanton de struction. Ho ate the apple pie he found there, but the plate that was bioken slipped through Ids fingers merely bv ac cident Mr .Slkes proposes, with regard to charges of wiping his boots on the bed spreads, that u netitral committee be ap pointed to clear up the fucts Bill falkes, In order not lo hampe the negotiations, has sent word to his pals not to hock anv of tho swng, but he cannot, for technical reasons, guarantee that these orders will reach every one of the gang before the stuff disposed of. The chief of police haB nccused Bill Slkes of separately, secretly and of Ids own Mn g.o cholco disturbing the peuce of the ell. To this Bill replies In n clear, unequl. o'cl manner that It Is true that ho pulled this deal on his own, Initiative. Bu slrce then thp gajig has been reorganized on u lepre sentatlve busls, and before an more houses are robbed the nLccnt of ever member of the gang will be obtained What more can the police department usklt Is the unshakable determination cf the whole bunch of crooks that Bill Slkes repicsents their sentiments In this matter Bill Slkes's offer to withdraw from the hou'-o In question in a peaceable manner, now that ho finds himself in u bit of a hole, is supported by the approval of tho gang The domocrac of their organization can no longer be doubted In tho effusions of the poets, October's bright blue weather Is customarily sup posed to be accompanied by draughts of brown October ale. But It begins to look .is though the month would pass by with out even a mug of sliand ga.T, and we haven't heard an thing et from the West Chester elder mill Invitation to Doctor Solf Step up to the bat rage, doctor, and lift .voilr foot onto the third rail Judging from the photos, Gentian pris oners uie paiticularl good ut lining up for mess. Whereas Koch's .nen shine nt messing up the llne the l'rcju and Huud Ing lines and an others that Hlndy has left llng about. The Tt TIIK test of tin plan ol peace H this: Is It band upon the filth of all the peoples Iniohed, or merely upon the aord of an ambitious and Intilgulnu Uoicrn went, on the one hand, and of a group of fiec peoples, on the other! IhU is a tcit which poci to the root of the matter; and it Is the tctt uhlih mint be applied. PltEBMEXT WILSOX, August .27, 191 T. There are lot of Germans besides the Kaiser who deserve some salt medicine for their mlsdeedB. Think of Llssaucr, for Instance, the chap who wrote the "11 mn of Hate" We liopo that In his case the punishment will lit the rhme To Jojce Kilmer (Killed In Action) 'From Mlneola to Flanders" That was the name to he On the next book of poems We wanted so to see. From Mlneola to Heaven, The longer way for thee The book remains unfinished. But thou art poetry! CAROLINE OII.TINAX, Office of the Chief Surgeon, A K. I It Is reported from New York that tho hoboes of America have hung a service flag on the Bowery In honor of the 30,000 hoes that are fighting for freedom If there are as many of them as all that, surely we may hear an appeal for a new nation, the Hobo Slavs, or something of the Bort, They could govern Prussia a good deal more pleasantly than the Junkers Has anybody thought to put up a service flag on the old Hoboes' Clubhouse, at Fifth and Buttonwood streets? And, speaking of hoboes. Jeff Davis, their self-deposed king, declares thtt. the woid hobo Is derived from the Latin Iiomo bonus, good man. We wonder If any one will rise lo confirm or contradict that etmology? We ourselves ulwajs thought that Hoboken had something to do with It. Thero Is one evacuation of occupleu ter ritory thut Doctor Solf forgets In his note: The evacuation of tho German brain by the Prussian militarist phllosoph. No wonder Kaiser Kurl of Austria is anxious to amalgamate and federalize the hostile races in his distracted empire, lie's anxious to get his winter coalition Into the bins before It's too late. There Is one thing about Doctor Solf it Is pleasant to deal with a Germun offl. cial who hasn't got a "von" In the estlbule of his name. One of our l ejected ontrlbs writes: I'll iieier bo a poet, 1 see, but I'll die trying. How unnecessary that seems. The can ualty lists are heavy as It Is; and this Is a death that Is bo painful for all concerned. The kind of naval base the German dreadnoughts love Is not a base, but a basement or a bassint. SOCRATBfl. STSflwESISaTit M L.r.t. -.-', I'tii FOR H-r-' . .;. '" ,.,- r .. - --?SiWdBsssssE3S WILHELM, PEWTER NAPOLEON ,v jutiutit if triuiuiiirh.iii.wii " ...- Snlncr Is taken from oil article lit (lie HoWon Transcript lu II llliam lluacoe Thuvir, author vl Germany xrrsns Culllinllort": A LITTLE while ago our part of the world was amused to learn that a prize trophy given by the German Emperor to the win ner of a acht raco before the war, and supposed to be worth $5000 suiely lx very modest sum for a monarch of his munifi cence was Bold and melted down as a con tribution to the Bed Cross fund. Instead of being of preclobs metal, as was supposed, It tumid out to be or pewter, plated, and worth only HO Doubtless mn) other of the grandiose benefactions which the Kaiser lavished on nn unwilling world were also fakes. Hi statue of Frederick the Great, fo- Instance, which hu Insisted upon dumping or the United States an act at which John Haj who was then our Secretary of State, groaned may not he bronze at all. and tho semlbarbarlo facsimiles of the medloval art works whVh he pr.sente.1 to the Genua"'.: Muse-im at Harvard might. If examined, , be worth only $400 Instead of the advertU-d $60,000 f BUT 1 am not concerned with theBe cheap und vulgar evidences of imperial mean ness I cite them only as Indications of the frt.it ,.fu.. i .. nI.A.,i..iiilA.i .w Hi ntliirm Kaisers taiso ami or.isauri ..-.-.. - -man who stoops to make a counterfeit glti will not stop there William II. who has alas thought Americans very gull b le, hoped to fool the American yachtsmen Into admiring hhn for his $6000 trophy. Now they and the world laugh at him as a pewter m(CCrvera of Almlgbtle.t Hohenzollern character must have Su-pected for jears past that thero was a crat deal o r n so boastful a person. Boasters and I ml "es don't ring true! there Is too much pewter In them tp ring at all We .are not surprised, therefore, to find that the Ger man Kaiser Is. after all, only a pewter Na So A a youth, he had the ambition fo surpass Napoleon the Oreat. both as a general and as the founder of ''" plre rer since he cams to the thror,, thirty yeais ago ho has boasted of ill nrnVV' "my soldiers." "my Invincibility, when in truth he Inherited the , mrmy from Von Moltke and other men of real inl knowledge and achievement 1 W he held grand maneuvers, which were so planned that they culmlniited In a treniend mis cavalry charge, led by the Kaiser, who, Sf course, easily crushed his Imaginary op ponents. Bui the military system of Ger many was carefully worked out by the gvdn ,"" staff, who saw to every detail and shared every policy. H has Ho more right fo the credit of having produced the Ger. man army than the president of a steamship company would have to claim that he In vented the machinery that ran his ships - wy.t, .u. ...i vannltnn. the Bort of man N whom his pewter Prussian mimic would like the world to take him for, rose from the ranks, learned how to control and lead men himself. Invented new forms of Strat egy elaborated a military system, ond was himself the master to whom the members of his staff had to go to school. What Mipo Uon achieved, he did himself Clrcum. stances favored him. If ou will, but the sign of the great mun is m " - -(-cumstances are favorable, snd to make them seem to do his bidding. In fairness, wo admit that sUch an origin and bringing up as William II had would be detrimental to the development of any great man, above all to a great commander. Hannibal, Caesar and Napoleon In their voulh were not warped by the pedantries, barbaric traditions, Insufferable adulations and Incentives to megalomania wnicn ieu the oUng vulture In the Hohenzollern ""t. At the age when the adolescent William was. playing the Krlegsptel and dreaming of being another and greater Napoleon, the real Nspolron was leading a desperate charge over the bridge of Lodl, risking his own Ufa and the fortunes of his country at Areola ana smashing the bespangled mar shals of Austria whsrever he met them. VtElTlipn than In his third decade (tor St XN any time since, so far as the records show, has the pewter Napoleon of Pru! come within range of bullet or shell, Ver WmWf " i-,' rt')""' -1' ' T; 'r' WHY DO YOU LAUGH?" f Whilst "i""" V-- - rfjT------- TrCv--' ." '.i -.rw-v. -;- ..V""- - --- - ..Vsa!r - - -". flft months Europe lids witnessed the most app tiling wti in all her hlatorv, and dur ing ever mouth more than 100.0U0 holdlers have been killed in this war, but William the Pewter his remained unscathed. This Ih a cynical world or It would not ask why lie has escaped lion could It come about that a monarch who. front ho hood up, had bellowed praises of war, who hnd created a snod of biologists' and Lutheran pastors and atheists lu prove that war was tho natural hi itw of man, and the only condition wot thy of high men and low men alike, by what evil fate has It happened that thH monarch has been unablo during flft months to get Into tho most multitudinous of all wars, one which nioreovei he himself aus(ed and pretends to have directed Every day tluilng nil this time hundreds t tons of munitions have bet n fired at his armies, hut not a single bullet, not the smallest splinter of shrapnel his1 come near him. Was ever it man so cln tied In his fondest desire? Ilvtr dt Ins witnessed u thousand hero lms, and he, who should be, potentially, the most radiant German hero of them all,, Ihih been unable to reach the terrain where battle-heroes find Immortality. WITH a feeling of chigrln the world con cludes that the pewter In him has ms.do the bumptious Kaiser u coward, and the world, though tvnlcal Is teally fair. It sajs to the shade of Napoleon the Great: "Being Napoleon, vou nnturnll risked our lire on flft battlefields." and to William II it sas. "Being pewter vou have dili gently kept out of harm's way, ever since us a little bo ou toddled up and down Untcr den Linden with jour bod guard of nurses and lackevs During the war, we hear of our rushing from the French front to tho Baltic In our limousine, surrounded by other camouflaged automobiles, with our motor kitchen. our sleeping cabinet OUr truck of fine wines nnd all the paraphernalia which a monarch kept In cotton should have. The newspapers give us snapshots of ou preparing for vour triumphal entry into the foreign capllnlrt which ou have tempor nr'lv taken We see ou In our Innumerable uniforms these alone must require four or five extra i;tuilons and a squad of cham berlains rtvitwlng troops in Sol'a or War saw or wherever OU run across them, and n photographer is at hand How many Im rerlal klses vou have bestowed on tho Sul tan, or the Czar of Bulgaria (Ferdinand, father of all the Mi locks), on tho old Empe ror of Austria mid on the new! What an ee ou hnvo. for spectacular effects provided" the koijakers nre near!" If jou' think the, world cjnlcal. I reply: "Vou are mistaken The world simply Judges men by their positions and profes sions As It expects n paison to lend a moral llfo, so it expects a supreme mllltsry commander to know nt least how pbwder smells, apd the difference In sound between the whizzing of bullets and the explosive shrieks of shrapnel. When It tllscovers that you are pewter. It proclaims the fact out of Its Blorn love of truth." Ludcstdorff. hoping for nqture to stem the All'ed advance, is reported to have urged tho German peoirte tq pray foryral(i. Doesn't he Know that no amount of invocation can save the Kaiser's? , Now that thenHUnn"'haVe taken up the Sell? line It Is inevitu'bly evident that they are offer'ng all they have at continually re duced prices. In tiowded grip-ravaged Philadelphia the apartment-hunter, t disappointed at the lack of an open fireplace, may at least re joice that there Is no'fiue In his establish ment. , . , Even In the m'dst of a world war there are certain portions of the globo In wliloh an entire nrmy Js taking have. That Valenciennes Is sustaining US tra ditional reputation for lace Is emphasized by the fact that Hun contingents are be comlrg thoroughly well ruffled there. The qld school geographies of Belgium are suddenly becoming" 'very mueh up t If I t ,V ' ' r 'A, '?"t V,1 m " f"PlW it1 1, v (i T. - w. sr --: ' r-,ri"r'rf " S to-n-v "jTf. jfjr3 mi "'" - - ' - "v'r.. . "A--"-' Max of Baden and the Kaiser W? tW!W?r MAX OF BADEN and the Kaiser are now ready for a peace, Or at least villi talk to that effect, and" temporarily cease To burn and bomb and ravage und Inflict all forms of death. While their scientific looters stop to get their second breath. Max of Baden and the Kaiser will now adopt the dove Or uny other emblem that will typify their love For the pillaged, ruined countries that they ruthless! laid waste ! In defense of German kultur, a vulture puie and chaste. Max of Baden and the Kaiser perhaps have seen the light That America not only can but always dares lo fight For Truth and Bight and Justice, for all oppressed lands. Without feur of kings or chancellors with blood-stained, guilt hands. Max of Baden and the Kaiser, with their other mates 6t evil, May call on their German God who Is more tho German Devil, Who lies led them to the heights and they' saw the glory there: Who will leave them In the depths, 'mid defeat and In despair. Mas: of Baden nnd the Kaiser now are ready for a peace; They will now confer.ldlplomatlzo and beg for some release.) There Is only one round tabl4 where this conference can dwell ' For Mux .tnd for the Kaiser; let them uigue It In hell. ' f HAR1U B. SOMMEIt. , Coo and Bill Shopp'ng Wife Isn't It a swee't little hit.. Jack? Gue?s what It cost? Motoring Husband About one tire, 1 should sa). Sdney Bulletin, What Do You Ktwtv? QUIZ Mhu wpa Albert's predeeeiaor aa King f nullum? Z. Virtat are earrntldea an4 wbat U tha alnsular ef that vtsrUT S, What la lha Inal book In the Old Teatamentr 4, VVbal la Hunan badalr? 5. What la lha "let tallonl."? S. Who vr lliinrtlna. after whom Sua af the (ierinan U(nlva llnea la namedf 7. Wlint MtMe In the t'nlon prodUrea Ibe ntott coiipert g. Who la rrealdent of NwlUerlandr t. Wh hat la. lha aerldantal tranapoalllan af ntead af a,' well-onea niejne, raiirrar What la f. plnturon? "- .T .I'".". .'-"." i.'-.i..,. -"" 10. Auiweri to Yeiterthjr'a Quiz Robert llro-'jl" I,,i'"fw Mf ''rauifct tha flood Kewa from (Ihent to All." ' I.er.1 MlVner la tha llrlllah Ferretarjr of Htale far War. The oftlelil r"" fi'Wt Krpgbllqoo Ao nreMUrava la tho main beam .reallnc aa th cotiltnl of e rolumni alu taHona iiarta auirniindlos n doorwnr er lndew af tim moldlnc round thi eittrlor of an arrk i a.....,-. ........ .... ..,, 1Jil:ri?rlrft.,;1K.rI?., u,r -") Tha llattle of York! Britain sal Ike t'nl ana ino In I'arlt n ubj. Tho word "pteMarlte" eqmea from the Lakka pleulsrltum. a dorr of tha nooplf, " 'Wwaunt- llalliubrok aald "Wutaer ia plilloaoebr tearklaa kr oiaai Er " n ' (land la lha eae feral of uatat. '"fjfrlr S-( f . A " i-i b X. 'i o e
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers