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MONDAY, 'AUGUST 5, 1918 '
si- "v-y fi
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGERS-PHILADELPHIA,
JT V'T","r .A. - , t
ft
mx
a
3fr
rning Bubltc Uctigec
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,fHE EVENING TELEGRAPH
rPUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
dt!8 ir. K. CURTIS. Ttt.tmiXT
M H. LudlnKton. Vice Presidents John C
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FhllidtlphU, Monday. Autl(t S. 1911
THE QUISTCONCK
F&,TT WILL be high tide on the Delaware
today -when the Qulstconcl; Is launched,
rr&but only the beginning of
monumental
la: ascendancy
will be registered .it the
World's greatest shipyard.
Any launching nowadays drives deeper
Tnoine America a answer iu wie nun urn.-
.. , . ..- If.. .knl
SMenge. Hog Island's official debut, how
ever, presages something truly titanic.
t?,nign iiuo nt a smimiuKinK jjiuui wmmu
ftnagnitude is unparalleled in history can
$now be foreseen, and the splendor ot that
flood of ships for liberty fairly dazzles the
'imagination.
With the Quistconck the rise begins. Al-
a ready she Is a fortunate vestel. for so is
any ship that plows the waves for free-
iJt1otn. In a still larger sense she Is un-
js rivaled. When wltliln six montns trans
ports and cargo boats are turned out nt
Kf Hog Island almost with the rapidity of a
fw.ublqultpus make of motorcar and the
frollcall of Indian names borne on each
.i. 11 at. It .Una Intn tha nnlnwnrn rvoptnpfl
Bft""". " """ "" "'"" "
tithe memory, tho Quistconck will be unfor-
PKotten. AVhatever fate has in store faf
sjlier. she will be illustrious. She Is tho
fr?'herald of high tide and of a maritime
lyipagcant whoso brilliancy will gleam as
ursine oppression turns to asnes.
m' A
m . . . . . ...
& Tpe chief reason nny King ueorge
itllfould probably be surprised to learn that he
.ihad been said by an American visitor to
.resemble a Kansas Mayor is that his power
tla so infinitely Inferior to such an official's.
FULL MOBILIZATION OF POWER
principle of an unlimited army for
!jrhlch the Administration stands and
e establishment of narrow draft age
.fllmlts do not harmonize. Mobilization of
3",the nation's full man-power Is the need of
nthe- moment. The application of these vast
l ''..... nn T.A Mfnl,f tAt n 1, A Yl1.-
t CVUUlca wan lie Dd.cij iv.i iu uic ,.u
If Department and to Its extensive discre-
Uonary privileges under tne selective
aervice rule.
Zt The coming legislation in uongress
p . should be comprehensive enough to ob-
4ate tho possibility of all age-limit tangles
ior the remainder of the war. Fixing the
wL1j an nt ntrrhtAcn ntwl tVifi VilfrVi nna nt
eirty-flve would not necessarily mean that
KjBiere boys and corpulent middle-aged men
ft; "would be at once compelled to fight. Should
2, tne army cnieis tor some montns uesire
rffioldlers -of from nineteen to twenty-one
j-i'or' from thirty-one to thirty-six It could
FnwtKave them. Should the pressure for troops
-ultimately make it imperative to enlist
giiher younger or older men the authority
Issue such a can would be at hand.
The whole question Is really very sim
ple.' All Americans of military age, in the
dest construction of that term, should
(Jretristered. If Secretary Baker, as Is
..ilOW reported, desires to take Class 1 men
jhMketween nineteen and thirty-six. that res-
'rroir can be drawn upon.
M&'But its exhaustion should the war bo
jftSjreatly prolonged ought not once more
ltrinBT us face to face with the need of
Vctendlng- the limits. The new registration
"law about to be passed should have the
aupreme merit of finality.
liS "Enemy wants more Iron for next year."
R9ays a neaanne. aomenoay must nave been
bacraping off that once-vaunted first covering.
f?
Vi
CUBA LIBRE
f,TOUBTS that havo existed as to the
Rjr-' precise rolo which our Latin-American
IbIIIpr Am to nlnv in the crront wnr nr
inapplicable to Cuba. A few months fol-
wwiowlng our answer to German Insolence
Kthe, "Pearl of the Antilles" challenged the
Frsame foe, and it Is increasingly evident
EKthar every word of her declaration of
ffivbo.stillties was strongly meant.
i'Tlit House oi itepresentatives in Havana
jt?.jias Just approved the Cuban Senate's
enameni 10 tne oongaiory military
Iriee bill, empowering the President to
Ijto France all the regular troops he
ex peaieni, togeiner witn an vomn
This Is unquestionably the real
roAmnBV vuiuauie utiiiium material can ue
Ptcured from the gallant insular republic
li, VfcoMe population now numbers nearly
millions.
pirlt of whatever contribution will
made ia wholly glorious. On the
llng Malecon that faces llorro Castle
p the, .blue Mexican gulf, Uands a pic-.
ie 'statue of the patriot Macelo.
41cal originally of the liberty of- his
d, .that memorial now , takes on
- meaning, suggestive not merely
.resistance to a tyrant, but also
jay i- beast that assaults the world's
fraartnm It is patent that in. savlne
Rfcuji''frpxn oppression we helped raise a
t'Mtron eii worthy ot UDertys precious
viie.es. .
Our' surrender of the Island after break-
' the Spanish bondage amazed the Huns.
t present unselfishness win, or course.
incomprehensible to foul minds
l.JW'gM,',T'r' ay .instrument that
lt':thle toll-
EDUCATION AFTER THE WAR
Will the Future Ask Why Men Couldn't
Control the Forces They Crested?
"ITMIEN the war is ended the whole
'" modern scheme of education is
likely to appear well forward amonjr the
institutions that will be brought up for a
new nnd relentless scrutiny. Accepted
theories of popular training will be ques
tioned, not in relation to their practical
aspects nnd methods of operation, but
upon a far higher ground. There is
sure to be an effort to uncover and define
ultimate goals nnd ideals. We shall ask
at last what education is for. The war
has been so costly and so great that the
future will look back 'upon it with a
merciless curiosity for origins, details,
contributing causes.
It is easy to believe that the final
analysis may be astonishing. It may
oven be snid, in some future day, that
deficient education cnuscd the war. It
may be contended that a really educated
world would not have brought down upon
itself a disaster so cruel as the present
one. And the decision may be, in alt
truth, that western civilization drifted
almost to its end because it insisted on
mistaking training for education with
out an understanding of the difference
that exists between the one and the
other.
The war, even in such phases as are
ponderable at this moment, seems defi
nitely to provide the nnswer that has
always been wanting between the two
opposing theories of education in
America between the lonely proponents
of "classicism" on the one hand and the
"practical" schools of pep and hustle
upon the other, with their tendency to
sublimate the utilitarian idea and look
down upon education founded on classi
cal literature and idealism as something
worn out and done for and unfitted to a
practical age.
Science is practical. And science has
made the present war unthinkably cruel,
terrible beyond all imagination. This
knowledge involves no shadow of criti
cism of science. Science makes no pre
tensions to morals. It is apart from
morals. It is searching and restless,
above the world.
There seems proof enough now that
the world does not know how to use tho
things it receives from this source. And
the question that sooner or later must
rise above all others that have come out
of the war is whether mankind can get
along with science alone, whether any
practical formula is quite adequate to
make existence tolerable. The war is
intensely practical. It was instituted at
the beginning for practical purposes, en
gineered by practical men. Science
merely fulfilled its function. It in
vented and revealed. But observe the
uses that have been made of its revela
tions and its inventions!
The truth seems to be that man's
spirit has not kept pace with his in
genuity. He is clever but he is not wise.
Man has created many things, philoso
phies, machines, influences, which he is
unable to control. Hit machines are
marvelous yet they destroy him!
The war has shown how exquisitely
the mind of man has been refined how
keen its edge ha3 become. But it has
shown, too, how deficient the larger part
of mankind has been in the spirit, where
all the larger motives inevitably begin.
There is the suggestion of stupendous
drama in the spectacle of man's soul out
and moving through unspeakable agony
in a conflict with the thingB man's mind
created. Because nobility was willed
upon men, because the kingdom of
heaven is still somehow within them,
they must battle and die to overcome the
things they wrought.
This is the plight of a world which
believed it was educated. It remained
for America and our own armies abroad
to lift the aims of this war to a plane
and an aspect that can be reconciled at
last with a true ideal of education. It
was tho spirit of America that first went
to war. We made the issues finally
clear. The war for the rest of the world
was a monstrous dilemma without end or
answer. So it must always be to men
who are merely practical.
It seems the more strange, therefore,
that the answer to all man's question
ing, the explanation of his matchless
difficulty, was written thousands of years
ago in the literature which the teachers
of this livelier, faster age profess to dis
dain. The noblest of the Greek dramas
was written to show that in war the win
ner, too, must lose. All great literatures,
like all great religions, attempt to prove
that pride and possessions, material
things, conquests and victories are not
in themselves adequate to provide peace
or happiness. In every ancient civiliza
tion this truth was proved.
It is the spirit of America that is win
ning this war and yet the existence of
the spirit as an active force has been
denied. And so it is the spirit alone
that can be educated. A mind can only
be trained. It is a deeper and sounder
education in elementel truth that will be
adequate to control the forces of the age
we live in. Controlled these forces can
be by the sort of knowledge that is inter
preted in what some schoolmasters call
the dead languages. The dead languages
are not dead. They are alive, with a
sort of truth that is more efficient and
logical than mathematics and more en
durable than any conquest and richer
than the world.
As her ships are successively sunk by
the pirates hapless Spain cries "Grave!" and
then proceeds to sink deeper Into It.
THE HOUSEMAID'S DAY
EVERY now and then when we are In
a mood to appreciate fully the ben
efits of trolley cars and submarines, air
planes and Hgtitless nights, wheatless days
And the scarcity of coal, some one rises to
take the Joy out of life with an intlma
tM old .tt-N'B really better,
Is a growing shortago of domestic serv
ants In this city and', of course, an average
mind will turn Instinctively to the , old
times when servants waited In crowds at
tho employment offices to be lorgnetted,
selected, questioned and led to their toll.
There was a servant problem In those
days, too. Tho servant problem began
with the Magna Charta. But It Isn't a
problem that housekeepers are facing now.
It Is A famine.
Tho reasons are various npd they He
deeper than the war Industries, which are
claiming almost all the cooks and parlor
maids. Kvery servant feels In her heart
"as good as her mistress." Kvery mistress
feels In her heart better than her servant.
The servant rarely reveals her secret con
viction. But the mistress does so rather
frequently. There Is no arguing these
things. That way madness lies.
Tho fact remains that the relationship
between servant and mistress, unless both
are Ideal types. Is usually strained. And
since the longing for Independence and
a free foot and a free spirit, Is the domi
nant phenomenon of these rapid times, It
Isn't strange that domestic servnnts are
hurrying to what they consider Ideal em
ployment In tho war factories where the
wages havo suddenly gone skyward.
It Is likely that a. good many of them
aro making mistakes. Domestic service
is in reality an uncultivated art that has
peculiar rewards for those who go into
It In the right spirit. The environment
of a well-appointed home, relatively easy
work, the same food that the rlrh nnd the
well-to-do buy for themselves, freedom
from rush, time clocks and crashing ma
chinery fall to the housemaid who has a
touch of philosophy In her make-up and
a llttlo of patience to serve her when she
Is annoyed by an enforced consciousness
of what the mistresses used to refer to as
"her station."
But adventurousness Is an American
trait. Even the folk who are born abroad
acquire the national characteristic of Im
patience when they are here a while. The
thing beyond all always looks better. So
It Is with the domestic servants who are
deserting Phllad' Iphla homes in crowds.
Ultimately they will learn, as men and
even nations sometimes havo learned, that
Independence Isn't all that it Is cracked
up to be.
Well, at lenst some war-garden patches
are helping to abolish some war-trousers
patches.
EXTRAVAGANT ZEAL
rPHE raid which agents of tho Depart-
ment of Justice and tho Federal vice
squad made on Woodslde Park the other
night Is said to have been effective. The
value of its spectacular aspect is more
questionable.
If, as has been reported, more than two
thousand persons were lured Into an ln
closure In order to secure some two hun
dred alleged draft slackers, wisdom and
zeal seem to have been Imperfectly blended.
In that case hundreds of innocent per
sons were compelled to undergo a hu
miliating Investigation.
Surely if the Government deputies were
as sure of their real gamo as the com
prehensiveness of their plans suggests,
there was no need of stalking so many
superfluities. The search of such pumbers
of decent, law-abiding men and women,
young men and girls bears a taint of in
sult. It would appear that "man dressed In
a little brief authority" has not yet ceased
to play his "angry tricks."
The Kaiser Is about to lose the town of
Bralsne, on the Vesle. He lost his brains
long ago.
THE VALOR OF THE HUMBLE
rpiIE flaming ordeal through which the
world Is passing has revealed In heroic
and heart-touching ways the qualities of
courage, frugality and plain sense that
live in the souls of the common people.
Average humanity, with all Its faults, has
amazing fibers of stoic idealism. Even In
the wrath and anguish of terrible days
It is never the hearts of the humble that
are first to whimper. It Is the grave re
sponsibility of statesmen to Ree to It that
the conduct of our war shall do no hurt
to tho infinite valor and patience of those
who have committed all that Is 'dear to
their leadership.
It has sometimes been said that Kipling
has faltered ot late years In his high task
of voicing the song that lives In the soul
of the Anglo-Saxon race. But the unlau
reled laureate of English speech Is still a
great singer, as witness his latest poem,
Just cabled from England:
I do not ask for saintly souls to help me on
my way,
Or male and female devilklns to lead my
steps astray,
if these are added I rejoice If not Ishall
not mind,
So long as I have leave and choice to meet
my fellow-kind.
For as we come and as we go (and deadly
quick go we!)
The people, lord, Thy people, are good
enough for me !
The Atlantic cables are fortunate when
they are permitted to sing to such a
rhythm as that.
"I hear, Mr. Bones,
Bomethlni to that the German dally
"Rem-mber" Journals will soon be
unable to appear."
"Why, how's that, Mr. .Inte'rlocutor." "Why,
because all the Kaiser's presumptuous claims
to Ithelms have lately been reduced to mere
craps ot paper."
New York Is the
Nothlnr Novel quaintest and most
whimsical of towns.
It was greatly exercised the other day by a
hold-up perpetrated In a Broadway office
building. Doesn't New York ever visit Its
own hotels, restaurants and barber shops?
The ralnqoat manufac-
roetlo Justice turers who have been
accused of fraud In
connection with army contracts are still
frantically trying to get In out of the wet.
Berlin Is melting down her statues,
which is the first sign of, an artistic renais
sance In Germany. Lovers of art will now
be Inclined to deal more generously with the
Huns when they'sue for peace.
The proverb about Ignorance being bliss
Is thoroughly refuted by Oeneral Tanker
Bliss, our able representative on the su
preme war council at Versailles.
The QuUtconck takes her dip, the first
.of. Hoc Ulend'i debuUtts&JU Uw XaiMr.
THE ELECTRIC CHAIR
Willielm's Phrase Book
THE-Kaiser and llosnor having rapidly
evacuated their dictating headquarters
at tho Intellectual town of Bralsne on the
Vesle River, a much-marked phrase book
was found among other abandoned goods.
A careful examination of tho book seems
to Indicate that Wllhclm has been study
ing English. Tho following useful phrases
wero heavily underscored; evidently Wll
helm will be ready for nny emergency:
7cvcr mention Chateau-Thierry to me
again.
I am about to cross tho Vesle (ftaefc
ward). '
Said Itosncr the pulmotor.
Oh boy (Ach Knabel)
Which is the free lunch countcrt
How much is the commutation to St.
Helena?
A ticket to St. Helena, please; one way.
Say, neighbor, direct me to a jnen'
lodging hou.ic.
irallrcM. trill 7int'c a few turnips.
Is this the employment department?
I beg your pardon, but where is the
neatest firing squad?
Hlndenburg's ghost Is exhibiting a
sparkling vein of humor that really al
most reconciles one to tho old man's death.
His latest quip Is telling tho German pub
lic that he nllowed n million or more
Americans to cross the Atlantic unmo
lested by submarines so that he could leap
upon them and massacre them while they
were wrestling with the French language.
And with these good things chuckling
In from Hlndy almost every day who can
doubt the truth of communication with
departed spirits?
That Word Is Forbidden
Dear Socrates Beer has deteriorated so
lately that I call It camouflages
BEX ZEEN.
Army Shoes
T7VDR, a Sammy In tho army, life Is Just
ono round of pleasure;
From reveille till taps at night somebody's
got his measure;
He hits the floor at a quarter of six and
grabs his clothes nnd scoots
Where sleepy, cussy sergeant chaps are
lining up recruits.
They bawl him out the whole day long
till he'd like to kill the brutes,
And every time he turns around some
doggoned buglo toots
Oh, there's always something popping
In the army!
But it isn't kitchen duty that gets the new
tccruity.
It isn't peeling onions or cleaning cus
pidors, It isn't lack of booty or the shave-tail so
salutey.
That makes him pray in Ills honest way
to soon be done with wars.
It isn't being far from home or being far
from booze,
It isn't things he doesn't have, or things
he'd like to lose:
It's the shoesl ',
t
fTlHEY take his clothes away from him In
- the receiving station
And send him shivering down the line like
Adam at creation.
They poke him In tho short ribs and they
grab him by the tongue.
They say he's got tobacco heart and can't
inflate his lung.
And other personal remarks that seldom
have been sung
By any poet I have known without his
being hung;
Oh, there's always something popping
In the army!
They give him soap and water because
they think they'd orter,
They count his spinal column and they
mark him up with chalk
Till he would give a quarter just to be a
blooming ma0tyr .
And to punch the first young corporal
who gives him any talk.
It isn't beans and coffee and thote
peculiar stexes
In which you meet your longJost child or
anything you choose:
If a the shoesl.
I
KNOW at last the reason men are
"burled In their boots,"
For shoes make splendid coffins for not
too plump recruits;
Or over there In Flanders they will make
a cozy row
Of cast-off shoes with heels run down or
ruptures In tho toe,
And roof them up all shrapnel-proof and
cut a door below
So every Belgian family has a brand-new
bungalow
Oh, there's always something popping
in the army!
It isn't Oerman bullets or even doctored
news
That gives the lonesome Sammy a fit of
army blues:
It's the shoesl
I
STOOD retreat the other night all
. dressed up In my best,
The captain, he looked down the line and
hollered, "Pernrfe rest!"
I bent ray left leg at the knee and made
my stu'mmlck small.
My right foot mado a backward march six
Inches to the wall,
I grabbed my left thumb, stared In front,
and heard the sergeant bawl:
"You lop-eared loon, look down nnd see,
your shoe ain't moved at all!"
Oh, there's always sdmething popping
In the army!
they'd strung me to a girder I couldn't
even stirred her,
I moved my foot around inside a dozen
different ways,
But they said the crime was murder, that
I should of pulled it furder,
And sent me up to Leavenworth and
give me thirty days.
It isn't fighting Germans or the poison gas
they use
Borne day we'll paint old Kaiser Btll a hun
dred different hues
It's the shoesl
PVT, WILLARD WATTLES,
First Infirmary, 16h Depot Brigade,
Camp Funston, Kan.
, Those submarines In the "offing" seem
to tovl-theitbiiki--.f " ' v'
- ,
v9s Jg'S? Prt!iffl
'..'"'-r V-i.t! rf ',h" ": $. .'-r 'T ?. W'jjf : !?.' f"
1 .. "' ' .- .1':- "'u(.r.fi
,';-. -1,1 :L:.ji.-itf. .ji'.JMca-hrn.'Hif;
V-vii ? "'i' ? '- ;-T 'r lv'
FROM THE KAISER'S DIARY
By Simeon Strunsky
FiUR years ago I launched my armies
In self-defense against murderous Bel
glum. The problem was a simple one. It
was to be solved In six weeks. Yet after four
ears the answer won't come out. I have
spent the night checking up the figures. Not
a mistake, pot an oversight, from the moment
I shook hands with my guests at Potsdam
and set out on a much-needed vacation in
northern waters. Yet the answer won't come
out. The communiques from the Marne front
make that plain enough. Let me go over the
account once more.
First. The principle from which wo
started Is as sound today as It was four
years ago, being grounded in tho fundamental
fact of human nature: Grab. Before we
began we had beforo us a complete set of
International blue prints prepared by our in
comparable professor of abstraction at the
University of PUferthum. These prints showed
beyond the slightest doubt that as soon as
we grabbed Belgium and tho French coal
fields and Poland, and Austria grabbed Ser
bia and Salonlca, the English would grab
the French colonies and Calais, the Ameri
cans would grab Mexico and Brazil, nnd the
Japanese would grab China. I remember how
Von Moltke, at the conclusion of the demon
stration, burst Into tears and said he had
never before realized the value of a college
education. None of tho things predicted seem
to have occurred, and yet In tho very nature
of things they must have happened. I sus
pect neuter's and the Associated Press.
Second. Having proved that tho other
Powers would not fight, we went on to prove,
that they could not fight us if they wished
to. Professor Lugner, our pre-eminent ex
pert on ethnology and comparative ecstatlcs,
showed that the French must succumb be
cause the annual production of yellow-backed
novels and absinthe In Farls had Increased
34 per cent in the last ten years. The Eng
lish wouldn't fight because of their absorption
in selling cotton to the Zulus, breeding bull
pups and answering puzzle contests In Tit
BltB. The Russians wouldn't fight because
they never begin to ngiu untu mey
beaten, and this time there would be no
chance for them to get their second wind.
The United Stntes would not fight because 80
per cent of the population are of German
descent, an additional 40 per centre of Irish
descent, an additional 75 per cent have never
forgotten that the British burned Washing
ton in 1814. and the remaining 56 per cent
are physically debilitated by overindulgence
In Wall street, negro lynching and maple
.. o,-,-Hap. Thnn the strategic situation was
clear. I suspect some of my Prussian Guards
must have got hold of the American maple
nut sundae supplies at Chateau-Thierry and
absorbed not wisely but too well.
Third. Was our moral case at fault? Ach
Hlmmel, no. Since Aesop wrote the history
of the wolf who was attacked by the lamb,
I can think of nothing to compare with our
magnificent White Book superb In what it
contains, and even more Impressive In Its vaBt
Sahara-like silences. In logical sequence It Is
as perfect as a Winter, Garden libretto and
as condensed as the costumes. Need I Bay
more .for this triumph of editorship than to
confess that in reading the volume over again
I myself fait to understand what It Is all
about? I suspect the English, the Americans
and the neutral natjons must have got hold of
a pirated edition.
Fourth. Was I at fault in choosing my
commanders? Dummhelt! yever were there
men more suited to their special taBks Blnce
Caesar Borgia. The mind simply cannot con
ceive a more Inspired leader for the right
wing of an'lnvading army than Von Kluck;
he should have been in Paris on September
9 1914, and yet here he Is four years later
taking 'the waters at Baden-Baden, There
must be black magic at work somewhere.
Napoleon himself couldn't have picked better
men for the center armjes than Von Below,
Von Hausen and the Duke of Wurtemberg;
and there never haB been a commander of a
left wing like Von Heerlngen. All but one
of them aro now buBy perfecting their bowl
ing game at home. Magic once more. Von
Moltke is dead, poor fellow. It probably
broke his heart to think of the Louvre and
Notre Dame standing intact.
. Fifth. Was there error In planning the
original campaign? Impossible. Professor
Lugner proved to us in that same memorable
session to .which I have alluded that the' Bel
gians are a feeble folk, averaging two feet
four .and a half inches In height, thirteen
Inches around the chest, and fifty-six pounds
t pounds
RB?aBJST4rBei
In weight. Of these figure th last
teeiy, tme.Teeer m we ,
"I LEND YOU MY GLASSES. YEH"
used two boxes of colored chalk In showing
how the Belgians would run at our first ap
proach. Can It be that the Belgians ran In
the wrong direction? No; wo foresaw eery
thlng; If the Belgian army started for the
German frontier Instead of the French
frontier. It must have been under a delusion;
probably some faked British maps which
mado King Albert think he was retreating
when as a matter of fact ho was coming
to meet us.
Sixth. Have I anything to reproach my
self with about tho way things went at
Verdun? Absurd. The campaign was a
masterpiece. The outcome was preordained.
Look at the facts as Falkenhayn outlined
them to me after an exhaustive study of the
files of the Fllegende Blatter. In the first
place, there were no Frenchmen to stop U3
In the second place, they had no general
equal to the task of handling 1,500,000
Frenchmen. In the third place, they would
run away. In the fourth place, we had to
do something. In the fifth place, tho quar
termaster general was threatening to seize
the Crown Prince ns a nonessential industry.
Verdun was a triumph: we annihilated the
French army and po learned how to go about
annihilating it again on the Somme, nnd
ngaln on the Olse, and again on the Alsne and
again on. the Marne. I did hac my douhts,
I will confess, on occasions.. I asked our good
old Schmidt the other day he is professor of
Informal logic why wo had to go on an
nihilating the French army for so many
weary years, and he said: "All Highest, It
can't be done. The French army doesn't exist.
Can you annihilate nothing? Obviously not.
Better have somebody write to Calllaux."
Seventh. Did I overlook anything about
Russia. Not a thing. We were prepared In
the field ; we were prepared politically and
morally. We passed a no-annexatlon resolu
tion and took only 500.000 square miles. We
prepared a no-Indemnity resolution and took
only $6,000,000,000.
Eighth. Did I miscalculate on Gott?
Never. I called in all the theological facul
ties, nnd they brought the proof with them
in eight motor drays and a hatbox. Sleg
fried, of tho homlletlo department, showed
that the People of the Book means the People
of the White Book, and they were not a stiff
necked race, but a stiff-kneed race, referring
to the goose-step', and that the Promised
Land, stretching from Dan to Beersheba, Is
a misprint for Danzig to Bassora.
I have checked up the figures. They are
right to a dot. But they don't add up. The
answertfchould have been at the latest Christ
mas, 1914, and it is now August, 1918. I
have created a new morality and a new logic.
Must I devise a new arithmetic?
P S. It's the professors who are at the
bottom of It. Not my kind of professors, but
the other kind ; for there are' baU professors
as well as good. I mean the Woodrow Wil
son kind. A professor who would rather
make a happy phrase than grab a couple of
provinces, who spouts words about the people
instead of to the people, who blurts out the
naked truth instead of relying on the naked
sword Woodrow Wilson I May his Phila
delphia dentist's hand lose Its cunning 1
(Copyrl.ht, 1018.)
Admiral Von Holtzendorff Is the latest
German mogul to have been retired on ac
count of "111 health." The crossing of sev
eral hundred thousand American soldiers
every montH seems to give the German naval
heads seasickness.
George W. Nicholson, of this city, made
two efforts to enlist, despite the fact that
:hls heart was on the right side. And when
you come, to think of It, that may have been
one of the very reasons why he was so eager
to fight for liberty.
. Considering the way Finland has re
fused to defend the cause of liberty, It Is not
at all surprising that a predominating color
In the new flag of one of her merchantmen,
lately arrived at an Atlantic port, should be
yellow.
The -ew draft whlch'patrlotlo .Cuba' Is-
. - aaa tisTi-atMS .. -r-. -. i. -r- -BBBBBBBBi t . Aaa bbim- p.v
THE SIX-INCH SPEAKS
By Grantland Rice
Lieutenant, 115th Field Artillery, A. E. F
w
Y VOICE Is not Caruso's and I'm Just
a trifle loud;
The odds nre you can hear me In the midst
of nny crowd;
My accent isn't pretty when I get the last
command.
But I speak the only message that the
Hun can understand.
Give me the right deflection and the
proper range to boot;
Give me a keen-eyed gunner who Is hep
to how I shoot;
Give me the ranging angle and before the
minute grows
I'll give tho bocho a lesson In the only gab
he knows.
I'm Just a wee bit throaty and perhaps a
trifle hoarse;
My accent isn't soothing and my diction's
somewhat coarse;
I've never studied grammar and my style
Is poorly planned,
But I speak the only language that the
bocho can understand.
John Bull's "Ensign"
Sir Eric Geddea, the First Lord of the Ad
miralty, tells an amusing story of the grand
fleet. "We had an American unit with our
grand fleet," he said; "they took turn and
turn about with us j they were one navy out
there. The American admiral, on going aboard
the flagship one day, said to Sir David
Beatty, 'For the first time I have seen the
royal standard flying in the grand fleet.' The
British commander-in-chief looked puzzled
and asked whero the flag had been seen. 'I
passed it Just now as I came here,' the ad
miral replied. 'Look! There it Is!' Sir
David Beatty looked, and the American offi
cer .remarked: 'That's your royal standard
John Bull on a flag.' The flag shown was
a blue bull on a white ground, and denoted
a meat ship with supplies for the fleet."
New York Evening Post.
Pollyanna William
"Cheer up t" says the Kaiser to his armies,
"the worst Is yet to come." Boston Globe,
What Do You Know?'
QUIZ
1. Where is Yekaterinburg1?
2. Who 1 head of the Air Ministry in Great
Urltaln?
8, When and what were "The Hundred Days"?
4. What territory la meant by "The Holy
Land"?
5. Who waa Citizen Capet?
6. What la' the Golden Gate?
1. Where la EUlnston Field?
8. What Is the capital of I'ennsyl-anla? ,
0, Name tlie anther of the Iliad?
10. Who said, "God be praised! I die banpy"?
Answers to Saturday's Quiz
1, General Detoutte la the commander of tha
Hlitb. French Army, rorerlnr the sector
between the Marne and the Ourrq, with
which the largest .force of Americans ia
bri.aded.
2, Batumi an Important city on the Black Sea.
renter of the Russian oil Industry,
2. "The Marseillaise," r Bong et de Lisle, la the
national hymn of France.
4. The lion's share! the bUiest portion In
dlrlslon. The allusion is from one of
Aesop's fables,
B, Teheran Is llie capital of Persia.
.Major General Jamce G. Harbord. formerly
chief ot ataff to .General l'ershlojr, has
been appointed director ol supplies for the
American eipedltlonnry forres In France.
He commanded .the American marines at
Chateau-Thierry.
7, MalUiuslan doctrine! the theory that the
population of the worio is (rowing lasler 1,1
than the food aupply. So railed from Mai- Wjy
thus, who propounded the theory, , ft, tfj
:lty of Brotherly La-et Philadelphia. P. . 1
free Inunlatfon ( the Greek word ia the M t mk-iR
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