V J 'H. r.v"V.to r ffil.HuV V-Tatl"' V'V ::Jjj. ' ( ", W- -. r;$' n;t VV '';-' , w,- ,.,.,. t 9 . MONDAY, 'AUGUST 5, 1918 ' si- "v-y fi EVENING PUBLIC LEDGERS-PHILADELPHIA, JT V'T","r .A. - , t ft mx a 3fr rning Bubltc Uctigec x .a ii'-, - ana ,fHE EVENING TELEGRAPH rPUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY dt!8 ir. K. CURTIS. Ttt.tmiXT M H. LudlnKton. Vice Presidents John C Secretary and Treasurer: rtilllpS. Collins, . Williams. John J. Bpurgeon, uirectora. : " H EniTonrAi. noAnns h Ci.cs It. K. CriTia. Chairman B. SMILEY .Editor C.' MARTIN.... General Business Manager V'lStblishecl dally at rcDI.IC l.ErKilcn Building, .ivMnaepenaence quare, rnuaaeipma. MM CBNTEiL.....Uroad and Chestnut Streets tlKTto Citi Prets-Vnlon Hulldlnc iw Tokk ..206 Metropolitan Tower oil... 4U3 1'ora uuiiaing ocil. 1008 Fuiierton iiunaint: 400. K'02 Tribune llulldlni ' NEWS BUREAUS: UBiMamN nrnriTi. (-! N- E. Cor. Pennsylvania Ae. and 14th St. mm Yobk IU.-KEAU The Sun Uulldlne NPON Dciuu London Timet i-ttt subscription terms JSTEX1M1 I't'BUC L.EPCEH 18 served to suo ra In Vhttmlelnhta. and nurroundlnir towns i fate of twelve (12) cents per week. paable i rarrlr mail to rwlnt- outside of Philadelphia. In K.m united states. Canada, or united Males po- Kfeeslons, postage free, fifty (30) cents ir month. Bwt (SO) dollarn ner venr. naiahle In adtance. ESf.AvTo all foreign countries one (1) dollar per znontn. ," Notick Subscribers wishing address changed 2)nist give old as well as new address. ,,, MIX. J000 WALNUT KE STONE. MAIN 3000 h 1 f.f a..... ........f.-tln... tr. tti.ifin tliihllo M1V Jtedatr Indepcndnxce Sauarc, Philadelphia. !&.-. FWg. Member ol the Associated rrcss K-tr Till ASSOCIATED PItESS is rxclu WkMvely entitled to the use for republication l--,As nil n,f-o rH9tintrhrQ ntfrlltrrl In it nr tint 1'AfhiiMni. ll1 It. till ..,..... HIII ?.. Fafie locn netes published therein. iie(cic8 herein are also reserved. FhllidtlphU, Monday. Autl(t S. 1911 THE QUISTCONCK F&,TT WILL be high tide on the Delaware today -when the Qulstconcl; Is launched, rr&but only the beginning of monumental la: ascendancy will be registered .it the World's greatest shipyard. Any launching nowadays drives deeper Tnoine America a answer iu wie nun urn.- .. , . ..- If.. .knl SMenge. Hog Island's official debut, how ever, presages something truly titanic. t?,nign iiuo nt a smimiuKinK jjiuui wmmu ftnagnitude is unparalleled in history can $now be foreseen, and the splendor ot that flood of ships for liberty fairly dazzles the 'imagination. With the Quistconck the rise begins. Al- a ready she Is a fortunate vestel. for so is any ship that plows the waves for free- iJt1otn. In a still larger sense she Is un- js rivaled. When wltliln six montns trans ports and cargo boats are turned out nt Kf Hog Island almost with the rapidity of a fw.ublqultpus make of motorcar and the frollcall of Indian names borne on each .i. 11 at. It .Una Intn tha nnlnwnrn rvoptnpfl Bft""". " """ "" "'"" " tithe memory, tho Quistconck will be unfor- PKotten. AVhatever fate has in store faf sjlier. she will be illustrious. She Is tho fr?'herald of high tide and of a maritime lyipagcant whoso brilliancy will gleam as ursine oppression turns to asnes. m' A m . . . . . ... & Tpe chief reason nny King ueorge itllfould probably be surprised to learn that he .ihad been said by an American visitor to .resemble a Kansas Mayor is that his power tla so infinitely Inferior to such an official's. FULL MOBILIZATION OF POWER principle of an unlimited army for !jrhlch the Administration stands and e establishment of narrow draft age .fllmlts do not harmonize. Mobilization of 3",the nation's full man-power Is the need of nthe- moment. The application of these vast l ''..... nn T.A Mfnl,f tAt n 1, A Yl1.- t CVUUlca wan lie Dd.cij iv.i iu uic ,.u If Department and to Its extensive discre- Uonary privileges under tne selective aervice rule. Zt The coming legislation in uongress p . should be comprehensive enough to ob- 4ate tho possibility of all age-limit tangles ior the remainder of the war. Fixing the wL1j an nt ntrrhtAcn ntwl tVifi VilfrVi nna nt eirty-flve would not necessarily mean that KjBiere boys and corpulent middle-aged men ft; "would be at once compelled to fight. Should 2, tne army cnieis tor some montns uesire rffioldlers -of from nineteen to twenty-one j-i'or' from thirty-one to thirty-six It could FnwtKave them. Should the pressure for troops -ultimately make it imperative to enlist giiher younger or older men the authority Issue such a can would be at hand. The whole question Is really very sim ple.' All Americans of military age, in the dest construction of that term, should (Jretristered. If Secretary Baker, as Is ..ilOW reported, desires to take Class 1 men jhMketween nineteen and thirty-six. that res- 'rroir can be drawn upon. M&'But its exhaustion should the war bo jftSjreatly prolonged ought not once more ltrinBT us face to face with the need of Vctendlng- the limits. The new registration "law about to be passed should have the aupreme merit of finality. liS "Enemy wants more Iron for next year." R9ays a neaanne. aomenoay must nave been bacraping off that once-vaunted first covering. f? Vi CUBA LIBRE f,TOUBTS that havo existed as to the Rjr-' precise rolo which our Latin-American IbIIIpr Am to nlnv in the crront wnr nr inapplicable to Cuba. A few months fol- wwiowlng our answer to German Insolence Kthe, "Pearl of the Antilles" challenged the Frsame foe, and it Is increasingly evident EKthar every word of her declaration of ffivbo.stillties was strongly meant. i'Tlit House oi itepresentatives in Havana jt?.jias Just approved the Cuban Senate's enameni 10 tne oongaiory military Iriee bill, empowering the President to Ijto France all the regular troops he ex peaieni, togeiner witn an vomn This Is unquestionably the real roAmnBV vuiuauie utiiiium material can ue Ptcured from the gallant insular republic li, VfcoMe population now numbers nearly millions. pirlt of whatever contribution will made ia wholly glorious. On the llng Malecon that faces llorro Castle p the, .blue Mexican gulf, Uands a pic-. ie 'statue of the patriot Macelo. 41cal originally of the liberty of- his d, .that memorial now , takes on - meaning, suggestive not merely .resistance to a tyrant, but also jay i- beast that assaults the world's fraartnm It is patent that in. savlne Rfcuji''frpxn oppression we helped raise a t'Mtron eii worthy ot UDertys precious viie.es. . Our' surrender of the Island after break- ' the Spanish bondage amazed the Huns. t present unselfishness win, or course. incomprehensible to foul minds l.JW'gM,',T'r' ay .instrument that lt':thle toll- EDUCATION AFTER THE WAR Will the Future Ask Why Men Couldn't Control the Forces They Crested? "ITMIEN the war is ended the whole '" modern scheme of education is likely to appear well forward amonjr the institutions that will be brought up for a new nnd relentless scrutiny. Accepted theories of popular training will be ques tioned, not in relation to their practical aspects nnd methods of operation, but upon a far higher ground. There is sure to be an effort to uncover and define ultimate goals nnd ideals. We shall ask at last what education is for. The war has been so costly and so great that the future will look back 'upon it with a merciless curiosity for origins, details, contributing causes. It is easy to believe that the final analysis may be astonishing. It may oven be snid, in some future day, that deficient education cnuscd the war. It may be contended that a really educated world would not have brought down upon itself a disaster so cruel as the present one. And the decision may be, in alt truth, that western civilization drifted almost to its end because it insisted on mistaking training for education with out an understanding of the difference that exists between the one and the other. The war, even in such phases as are ponderable at this moment, seems defi nitely to provide the nnswer that has always been wanting between the two opposing theories of education in America between the lonely proponents of "classicism" on the one hand and the "practical" schools of pep and hustle upon the other, with their tendency to sublimate the utilitarian idea and look down upon education founded on classi cal literature and idealism as something worn out and done for and unfitted to a practical age. Science is practical. And science has made the present war unthinkably cruel, terrible beyond all imagination. This knowledge involves no shadow of criti cism of science. Science makes no pre tensions to morals. It is apart from morals. It is searching and restless, above the world. There seems proof enough now that the world does not know how to use tho things it receives from this source. And the question that sooner or later must rise above all others that have come out of the war is whether mankind can get along with science alone, whether any practical formula is quite adequate to make existence tolerable. The war is intensely practical. It was instituted at the beginning for practical purposes, en gineered by practical men. Science merely fulfilled its function. It in vented and revealed. But observe the uses that have been made of its revela tions and its inventions! The truth seems to be that man's spirit has not kept pace with his in genuity. He is clever but he is not wise. Man has created many things, philoso phies, machines, influences, which he is unable to control. Hit machines are marvelous yet they destroy him! The war has shown how exquisitely the mind of man has been refined how keen its edge ha3 become. But it has shown, too, how deficient the larger part of mankind has been in the spirit, where all the larger motives inevitably begin. There is the suggestion of stupendous drama in the spectacle of man's soul out and moving through unspeakable agony in a conflict with the thingB man's mind created. Because nobility was willed upon men, because the kingdom of heaven is still somehow within them, they must battle and die to overcome the things they wrought. This is the plight of a world which believed it was educated. It remained for America and our own armies abroad to lift the aims of this war to a plane and an aspect that can be reconciled at last with a true ideal of education. It was tho spirit of America that first went to war. We made the issues finally clear. The war for the rest of the world was a monstrous dilemma without end or answer. So it must always be to men who are merely practical. It seems the more strange, therefore, that the answer to all man's question ing, the explanation of his matchless difficulty, was written thousands of years ago in the literature which the teachers of this livelier, faster age profess to dis dain. The noblest of the Greek dramas was written to show that in war the win ner, too, must lose. All great literatures, like all great religions, attempt to prove that pride and possessions, material things, conquests and victories are not in themselves adequate to provide peace or happiness. In every ancient civiliza tion this truth was proved. It is the spirit of America that is win ning this war and yet the existence of the spirit as an active force has been denied. And so it is the spirit alone that can be educated. A mind can only be trained. It is a deeper and sounder education in elementel truth that will be adequate to control the forces of the age we live in. Controlled these forces can be by the sort of knowledge that is inter preted in what some schoolmasters call the dead languages. The dead languages are not dead. They are alive, with a sort of truth that is more efficient and logical than mathematics and more en durable than any conquest and richer than the world. As her ships are successively sunk by the pirates hapless Spain cries "Grave!" and then proceeds to sink deeper Into It. THE HOUSEMAID'S DAY EVERY now and then when we are In a mood to appreciate fully the ben efits of trolley cars and submarines, air planes and Hgtitless nights, wheatless days And the scarcity of coal, some one rises to take the Joy out of life with an intlma tM old .tt-N'B really better, Is a growing shortago of domestic serv ants In this city and', of course, an average mind will turn Instinctively to the , old times when servants waited In crowds at tho employment offices to be lorgnetted, selected, questioned and led to their toll. There was a servant problem In those days, too. Tho servant problem began with the Magna Charta. But It Isn't a problem that housekeepers are facing now. It Is A famine. Tho reasons are various npd they He deeper than the war Industries, which are claiming almost all the cooks and parlor maids. Kvery servant feels In her heart "as good as her mistress." Kvery mistress feels In her heart better than her servant. The servant rarely reveals her secret con viction. But the mistress does so rather frequently. There Is no arguing these things. That way madness lies. Tho fact remains that the relationship between servant and mistress, unless both are Ideal types. Is usually strained. And since the longing for Independence and a free foot and a free spirit, Is the domi nant phenomenon of these rapid times, It Isn't strange that domestic servnnts are hurrying to what they consider Ideal em ployment In tho war factories where the wages havo suddenly gone skyward. It Is likely that a. good many of them aro making mistakes. Domestic service is in reality an uncultivated art that has peculiar rewards for those who go into It In the right spirit. The environment of a well-appointed home, relatively easy work, the same food that the rlrh nnd the well-to-do buy for themselves, freedom from rush, time clocks and crashing ma chinery fall to the housemaid who has a touch of philosophy In her make-up and a llttlo of patience to serve her when she Is annoyed by an enforced consciousness of what the mistresses used to refer to as "her station." But adventurousness Is an American trait. Even the folk who are born abroad acquire the national characteristic of Im patience when they are here a while. The thing beyond all always looks better. So It Is with the domestic servants who are deserting Phllad' Iphla homes in crowds. Ultimately they will learn, as men and even nations sometimes havo learned, that Independence Isn't all that it Is cracked up to be. Well, at lenst some war-garden patches are helping to abolish some war-trousers patches. EXTRAVAGANT ZEAL rPHE raid which agents of tho Depart- ment of Justice and tho Federal vice squad made on Woodslde Park the other night Is said to have been effective. The value of its spectacular aspect is more questionable. If, as has been reported, more than two thousand persons were lured Into an ln closure In order to secure some two hun dred alleged draft slackers, wisdom and zeal seem to have been Imperfectly blended. In that case hundreds of innocent per sons were compelled to undergo a hu miliating Investigation. Surely if the Government deputies were as sure of their real gamo as the com prehensiveness of their plans suggests, there was no need of stalking so many superfluities. The search of such pumbers of decent, law-abiding men and women, young men and girls bears a taint of in sult. It would appear that "man dressed In a little brief authority" has not yet ceased to play his "angry tricks." The Kaiser Is about to lose the town of Bralsne, on the Vesle. He lost his brains long ago. THE VALOR OF THE HUMBLE rpiIE flaming ordeal through which the world Is passing has revealed In heroic and heart-touching ways the qualities of courage, frugality and plain sense that live in the souls of the common people. Average humanity, with all Its faults, has amazing fibers of stoic idealism. Even In the wrath and anguish of terrible days It is never the hearts of the humble that are first to whimper. It Is the grave re sponsibility of statesmen to Ree to It that the conduct of our war shall do no hurt to tho infinite valor and patience of those who have committed all that Is 'dear to their leadership. It has sometimes been said that Kipling has faltered ot late years In his high task of voicing the song that lives In the soul of the Anglo-Saxon race. But the unlau reled laureate of English speech Is still a great singer, as witness his latest poem, Just cabled from England: I do not ask for saintly souls to help me on my way, Or male and female devilklns to lead my steps astray, if these are added I rejoice If not Ishall not mind, So long as I have leave and choice to meet my fellow-kind. For as we come and as we go (and deadly quick go we!) The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me ! The Atlantic cables are fortunate when they are permitted to sing to such a rhythm as that. "I hear, Mr. Bones, Bomethlni to that the German dally "Rem-mber" Journals will soon be unable to appear." "Why, how's that, Mr. .Inte'rlocutor." "Why, because all the Kaiser's presumptuous claims to Ithelms have lately been reduced to mere craps ot paper." New York Is the Nothlnr Novel quaintest and most whimsical of towns. It was greatly exercised the other day by a hold-up perpetrated In a Broadway office building. Doesn't New York ever visit Its own hotels, restaurants and barber shops? The ralnqoat manufac- roetlo Justice turers who have been accused of fraud In connection with army contracts are still frantically trying to get In out of the wet. Berlin Is melting down her statues, which is the first sign of, an artistic renais sance In Germany. Lovers of art will now be Inclined to deal more generously with the Huns when they'sue for peace. The proverb about Ignorance being bliss Is thoroughly refuted by Oeneral Tanker Bliss, our able representative on the su preme war council at Versailles. The QuUtconck takes her dip, the first .of. Hoc Ulend'i debuUtts&JU Uw XaiMr. THE ELECTRIC CHAIR Willielm's Phrase Book THE-Kaiser and llosnor having rapidly evacuated their dictating headquarters at tho Intellectual town of Bralsne on the Vesle River, a much-marked phrase book was found among other abandoned goods. A careful examination of tho book seems to Indicate that Wllhclm has been study ing English. Tho following useful phrases wero heavily underscored; evidently Wll helm will be ready for nny emergency: 7cvcr mention Chateau-Thierry to me again. I am about to cross tho Vesle (ftaefc ward). ' Said Itosncr the pulmotor. Oh boy (Ach Knabel) Which is the free lunch countcrt How much is the commutation to St. Helena? A ticket to St. Helena, please; one way. Say, neighbor, direct me to a jnen' lodging hou.ic. irallrcM. trill 7int'c a few turnips. Is this the employment department? I beg your pardon, but where is the neatest firing squad? Hlndenburg's ghost Is exhibiting a sparkling vein of humor that really al most reconciles one to tho old man's death. His latest quip Is telling tho German pub lic that he nllowed n million or more Americans to cross the Atlantic unmo lested by submarines so that he could leap upon them and massacre them while they were wrestling with the French language. And with these good things chuckling In from Hlndy almost every day who can doubt the truth of communication with departed spirits? That Word Is Forbidden Dear Socrates Beer has deteriorated so lately that I call It camouflages BEX ZEEN. Army Shoes T7VDR, a Sammy In tho army, life Is Just ono round of pleasure; From reveille till taps at night somebody's got his measure; He hits the floor at a quarter of six and grabs his clothes nnd scoots Where sleepy, cussy sergeant chaps are lining up recruits. They bawl him out the whole day long till he'd like to kill the brutes, And every time he turns around some doggoned buglo toots Oh, there's always something popping In the army! But it isn't kitchen duty that gets the new tccruity. It isn't peeling onions or cleaning cus pidors, It isn't lack of booty or the shave-tail so salutey. That makes him pray in Ills honest way to soon be done with wars. It isn't being far from home or being far from booze, It isn't things he doesn't have, or things he'd like to lose: It's the shoesl ', t fTlHEY take his clothes away from him In - the receiving station And send him shivering down the line like Adam at creation. They poke him In tho short ribs and they grab him by the tongue. They say he's got tobacco heart and can't inflate his lung. And other personal remarks that seldom have been sung By any poet I have known without his being hung; Oh, there's always something popping In the army! They give him soap and water because they think they'd orter, They count his spinal column and they mark him up with chalk Till he would give a quarter just to be a blooming ma0tyr . And to punch the first young corporal who gives him any talk. It isn't beans and coffee and thote peculiar stexes In which you meet your longJost child or anything you choose: If a the shoesl. I KNOW at last the reason men are "burled In their boots," For shoes make splendid coffins for not too plump recruits; Or over there In Flanders they will make a cozy row Of cast-off shoes with heels run down or ruptures In tho toe, And roof them up all shrapnel-proof and cut a door below So every Belgian family has a brand-new bungalow Oh, there's always something popping in the army! It isn't Oerman bullets or even doctored news That gives the lonesome Sammy a fit of army blues: It's the shoesl I STOOD retreat the other night all . dressed up In my best, The captain, he looked down the line and hollered, "Pernrfe rest!" I bent ray left leg at the knee and made my stu'mmlck small. My right foot mado a backward march six Inches to the wall, I grabbed my left thumb, stared In front, and heard the sergeant bawl: "You lop-eared loon, look down nnd see, your shoe ain't moved at all!" Oh, there's always sdmething popping In the army! they'd strung me to a girder I couldn't even stirred her, I moved my foot around inside a dozen different ways, But they said the crime was murder, that I should of pulled it furder, And sent me up to Leavenworth and give me thirty days. It isn't fighting Germans or the poison gas they use Borne day we'll paint old Kaiser Btll a hun dred different hues It's the shoesl PVT, WILLARD WATTLES, First Infirmary, 16h Depot Brigade, Camp Funston, Kan. , Those submarines In the "offing" seem to tovl-theitbiiki--.f " ' v' - , v9s Jg'S? Prt!iffl '..'"'-r V-i.t! rf ',h" ": $. .'-r 'T ?. W'jjf : !?.' f" 1 .. "' ' .- .1':- "'u(.r.fi ,';-. -1,1 :L:.ji.-itf. .ji'.JMca-hrn.'Hif; V-vii ? "'i' ? '- ;-T 'r lv' FROM THE KAISER'S DIARY By Simeon Strunsky FiUR years ago I launched my armies In self-defense against murderous Bel glum. The problem was a simple one. It was to be solved In six weeks. Yet after four ears the answer won't come out. I have spent the night checking up the figures. Not a mistake, pot an oversight, from the moment I shook hands with my guests at Potsdam and set out on a much-needed vacation in northern waters. Yet the answer won't come out. The communiques from the Marne front make that plain enough. Let me go over the account once more. First. The principle from which wo started Is as sound today as It was four years ago, being grounded in tho fundamental fact of human nature: Grab. Before we began we had beforo us a complete set of International blue prints prepared by our in comparable professor of abstraction at the University of PUferthum. These prints showed beyond the slightest doubt that as soon as we grabbed Belgium and tho French coal fields and Poland, and Austria grabbed Ser bia and Salonlca, the English would grab the French colonies and Calais, the Ameri cans would grab Mexico and Brazil, nnd the Japanese would grab China. I remember how Von Moltke, at the conclusion of the demon stration, burst Into tears and said he had never before realized the value of a college education. None of tho things predicted seem to have occurred, and yet In tho very nature of things they must have happened. I sus pect neuter's and the Associated Press. Second. Having proved that tho other Powers would not fight, we went on to prove, that they could not fight us if they wished to. Professor Lugner, our pre-eminent ex pert on ethnology and comparative ecstatlcs, showed that the French must succumb be cause the annual production of yellow-backed novels and absinthe In Farls had Increased 34 per cent in the last ten years. The Eng lish wouldn't fight because of their absorption in selling cotton to the Zulus, breeding bull pups and answering puzzle contests In Tit BltB. The Russians wouldn't fight because they never begin to ngiu untu mey beaten, and this time there would be no chance for them to get their second wind. The United Stntes would not fight because 80 per cent of the population are of German descent, an additional 40 per centre of Irish descent, an additional 75 per cent have never forgotten that the British burned Washing ton in 1814. and the remaining 56 per cent are physically debilitated by overindulgence In Wall street, negro lynching and maple .. o,-,-Hap. Thnn the strategic situation was clear. I suspect some of my Prussian Guards must have got hold of the American maple nut sundae supplies at Chateau-Thierry and absorbed not wisely but too well. Third. Was our moral case at fault? Ach Hlmmel, no. Since Aesop wrote the history of the wolf who was attacked by the lamb, I can think of nothing to compare with our magnificent White Book superb In what it contains, and even more Impressive In Its vaBt Sahara-like silences. In logical sequence It Is as perfect as a Winter, Garden libretto and as condensed as the costumes. Need I Bay more .for this triumph of editorship than to confess that in reading the volume over again I myself fait to understand what It Is all about? I suspect the English, the Americans and the neutral natjons must have got hold of a pirated edition. Fourth. Was I at fault in choosing my commanders? Dummhelt! yever were there men more suited to their special taBks Blnce Caesar Borgia. The mind simply cannot con ceive a more Inspired leader for the right wing of an'lnvading army than Von Kluck; he should have been in Paris on September 9 1914, and yet here he Is four years later taking 'the waters at Baden-Baden, There must be black magic at work somewhere. Napoleon himself couldn't have picked better men for the center armjes than Von Below, Von Hausen and the Duke of Wurtemberg; and there never haB been a commander of a left wing like Von Heerlngen. All but one of them aro now buBy perfecting their bowl ing game at home. Magic once more. Von Moltke is dead, poor fellow. It probably broke his heart to think of the Louvre and Notre Dame standing intact. . Fifth. Was there error In planning the original campaign? Impossible. Professor Lugner proved to us in that same memorable session to .which I have alluded that the' Bel gians are a feeble folk, averaging two feet four .and a half inches In height, thirteen Inches around the chest, and fifty-six pounds t pounds RB?aBJST4rBei In weight. Of these figure th last teeiy, tme.Teeer m we , "I LEND YOU MY GLASSES. YEH" used two boxes of colored chalk In showing how the Belgians would run at our first ap proach. Can It be that the Belgians ran In the wrong direction? No; wo foresaw eery thlng; If the Belgian army started for the German frontier Instead of the French frontier. It must have been under a delusion; probably some faked British maps which mado King Albert think he was retreating when as a matter of fact ho was coming to meet us. Sixth. Have I anything to reproach my self with about tho way things went at Verdun? Absurd. The campaign was a masterpiece. The outcome was preordained. Look at the facts as Falkenhayn outlined them to me after an exhaustive study of the files of the Fllegende Blatter. In the first place, there were no Frenchmen to stop U3 In the second place, they had no general equal to the task of handling 1,500,000 Frenchmen. In the third place, they would run away. In the fourth place, we had to do something. In the fifth place, tho quar termaster general was threatening to seize the Crown Prince ns a nonessential industry. Verdun was a triumph: we annihilated the French army and po learned how to go about annihilating it again on the Somme, nnd ngaln on the Olse, and again on the Alsne and again on. the Marne. I did hac my douhts, I will confess, on occasions.. I asked our good old Schmidt the other day he is professor of Informal logic why wo had to go on an nihilating the French army for so many weary years, and he said: "All Highest, It can't be done. The French army doesn't exist. Can you annihilate nothing? Obviously not. Better have somebody write to Calllaux." Seventh. Did I overlook anything about Russia. Not a thing. We were prepared In the field ; we were prepared politically and morally. We passed a no-annexatlon resolu tion and took only 500.000 square miles. We prepared a no-Indemnity resolution and took only $6,000,000,000. Eighth. Did I miscalculate on Gott? Never. I called in all the theological facul ties, nnd they brought the proof with them in eight motor drays and a hatbox. Sleg fried, of tho homlletlo department, showed that the People of the Book means the People of the White Book, and they were not a stiff necked race, but a stiff-kneed race, referring to the goose-step', and that the Promised Land, stretching from Dan to Beersheba, Is a misprint for Danzig to Bassora. I have checked up the figures. They are right to a dot. But they don't add up. The answertfchould have been at the latest Christ mas, 1914, and it is now August, 1918. I have created a new morality and a new logic. Must I devise a new arithmetic? P S. It's the professors who are at the bottom of It. Not my kind of professors, but the other kind ; for there are' baU professors as well as good. I mean the Woodrow Wil son kind. A professor who would rather make a happy phrase than grab a couple of provinces, who spouts words about the people instead of to the people, who blurts out the naked truth instead of relying on the naked sword Woodrow Wilson I May his Phila delphia dentist's hand lose Its cunning 1 (Copyrl.ht, 1018.) Admiral Von Holtzendorff Is the latest German mogul to have been retired on ac count of "111 health." The crossing of sev eral hundred thousand American soldiers every montH seems to give the German naval heads seasickness. George W. Nicholson, of this city, made two efforts to enlist, despite the fact that :hls heart was on the right side. And when you come, to think of It, that may have been one of the very reasons why he was so eager to fight for liberty. . Considering the way Finland has re fused to defend the cause of liberty, It Is not at all surprising that a predominating color In the new flag of one of her merchantmen, lately arrived at an Atlantic port, should be yellow. The -ew draft whlch'patrlotlo .Cuba' Is- . - aaa tisTi-atMS .. -r-. -. i. -r- -BBBBBBBBi t . Aaa bbim- p.v THE SIX-INCH SPEAKS By Grantland Rice Lieutenant, 115th Field Artillery, A. E. F w Y VOICE Is not Caruso's and I'm Just a trifle loud; The odds nre you can hear me In the midst of nny crowd; My accent isn't pretty when I get the last command. But I speak the only message that the Hun can understand. Give me the right deflection and the proper range to boot; Give me a keen-eyed gunner who Is hep to how I shoot; Give me the ranging angle and before the minute grows I'll give tho bocho a lesson In the only gab he knows. I'm Just a wee bit throaty and perhaps a trifle hoarse; My accent isn't soothing and my diction's somewhat coarse; I've never studied grammar and my style Is poorly planned, But I speak the only language that the bocho can understand. John Bull's "Ensign" Sir Eric Geddea, the First Lord of the Ad miralty, tells an amusing story of the grand fleet. "We had an American unit with our grand fleet," he said; "they took turn and turn about with us j they were one navy out there. The American admiral, on going aboard the flagship one day, said to Sir David Beatty, 'For the first time I have seen the royal standard flying in the grand fleet.' The British commander-in-chief looked puzzled and asked whero the flag had been seen. 'I passed it Just now as I came here,' the ad miral replied. 'Look! There it Is!' Sir David Beatty looked, and the American offi cer .remarked: 'That's your royal standard John Bull on a flag.' The flag shown was a blue bull on a white ground, and denoted a meat ship with supplies for the fleet." New York Evening Post. Pollyanna William "Cheer up t" says the Kaiser to his armies, "the worst Is yet to come." Boston Globe, What Do You Know?' QUIZ 1. Where is Yekaterinburg1? 2. Who 1 head of the Air Ministry in Great Urltaln? 8, When and what were "The Hundred Days"? 4. What territory la meant by "The Holy Land"? 5. Who waa Citizen Capet? 6. What la' the Golden Gate? 1. Where la EUlnston Field? 8. What Is the capital of I'ennsyl-anla? , 0, Name tlie anther of the Iliad? 10. Who said, "God be praised! I die banpy"? Answers to Saturday's Quiz 1, General Detoutte la the commander of tha Hlitb. French Army, rorerlnr the sector between the Marne and the Ourrq, with which the largest .force of Americans ia bri.aded. 2, Batumi an Important city on the Black Sea. renter of the Russian oil Industry, 2. "The Marseillaise," r Bong et de Lisle, la the national hymn of France. 4. The lion's share! the bUiest portion In dlrlslon. The allusion is from one of Aesop's fables, B, Teheran Is llie capital of Persia. .Major General Jamce G. Harbord. formerly chief ot ataff to .General l'ershlojr, has been appointed director ol supplies for the American eipedltlonnry forres In France. He commanded .the American marines at Chateau-Thierry. 7, MalUiuslan doctrine! the theory that the population of the worio is (rowing lasler 1,1 than the food aupply. So railed from Mai- Wjy thus, who propounded the theory, , ft, tfj :lty of Brotherly La-et Philadelphia. P. . 1 free Inunlatfon ( the Greek word ia the M t mk-iR 8. Cltjr. u, . - ;.,. a U. !..... 1h la aalJ.fA klnr l4k.l' ' Vi IMS. ' jU ; !"".. -7 v ' -" .fJ"JSsHBHaW4BBfjKvJV BBJm lV WQhM&&W l a I M -m h lei (VMW- i 9 l y i 4 4 t J 1 1 M ,.-. :tf i ai !,. . V-J ..-lBra.-..fc. A,- " TT. 'T" '" . f B-e wuftira, 9-PP 'seyMWrsPw wmv'mi$jnaN&m , f?U J, r--L ' ja?UUJftT . T TCI ' V. V.TT 1 - : rw '- "-?- " '"i, & 'ftSJWtsS -ST. t' ' V HHK-i"r5"J, i5 ir Ta -- r 4" '. V ' - ' -. Tr"ii H b tltt tfawTw ii-MliMwA.'!-. s-"" fi.i