iM. ,0l p fl, 'i,J j.T 0'. u: V i lit Ik "J l. ir t'h " m t 1 u '-: j'.CtlttJ t CVMth;- PaVeii . i j.,Mnatn, veaa rTWWDnwonn i;. n i reaavrer: x nmp- o. vouin. John J. SMirseon. Dlrectora. ! f i i . .1 . t ' KnlTORIAIi'BOAHt)! . ' H- KACcima.'.. Chairman , 8MItEYY....i...';'..i..,,. Editor SAcVTftT... General Bualness Hanascr B.6S dally si PcnLtn f.cnnaa Ttiillilln. I4epaece Snuara, Philadelphia. s CajrnAL.t,. Broad and Cneetnut Streete to vniiKiniiiimifiiim uutiainc BK,.1, ...,,,. SOU Metropolitan Tower r....i.;..'......1......403 Ford IJullJIni eii.,u.ji 100S Fulterton Iiulldlnic ! .........1202 Tribune liuliainc HC . -' NEWS BUREAUS: ' MMawwreirBDiuD. -. If. X, Cor. Pennsylvania Aa. and ltth St. 'r.Tinlnuu The Suit Vulldlnr miug Marconi House. Htranrt Smut),.,. ..,,. .82 Hue Louis la Orand . - r fttmsrfniPTTnM rwTjt a M IStsjoiiq PcbLio LiMtl U served to sub Mhn In Philadelphia and surrounding towna at tta rata of twetvo (12) centa per week, payable s in. carrier. Br mall to points outslda of Philadelphia, In tha united Btalea, Canada or United mates poa- ' Haaaloaa, postal, tree, flttr (50) centa per month. Bnt (ffl) dollara per year, parable In advanco. , To all forties, countries ona ($1) dollar per IfoTics .Subscribers wlahinc address chanred '.'naHgira old as veil as new address. " V i '") .; j.aBU, WW WALNUT KEYSTONE. MAW IM fcr JoVfrej, all communications to Rventno PulUo ArfTwer, jnaernaenco square, i-miaacipna. ,B f.rtTsai airruiD X Tna rnitADrxrnii tost omca is -.vU aiOOSD CIUSS UAIL U1TIIS. PlII.J.IpliIi. Vedaidr. Mirth 27, Hl YOU MUST FINANCE YOUR OWN J' WAR JTTIHERE could bo no better preparation C for tho third Liberty Loan campaign, beginning a week from Saturday, than tho 'Gtrman drlvo now In progress. If tho Kaiser had planned to arouso America to tho necessity of action ho could not havo devised a better way. It must bo evident now to tho most skeptical that tho Germans cannot be Sms E Ki whipped without tho expenditure of vast jiuxns. in mo nc.i ten uuyes mo jcujio '7( rnust ao a toe oi nara mimcing on money fc." TnftttArn TVm finvmimflnt 1 njjUlnir fnp , three billion dollars, not as a clft. but as fcjf a' loan. It will pay 4',i per cent Interest, tX, or more than tho savings bank? pay. The . v" " ueonlo are called unon to mako an invest- fa ( ment In liberty. The money returns will M" t . ? BooA, but tho returns In freedom and LDi fieaco will bo a hundredfold ereatcr. y That Is what tho world Is fighting for Just now peace an', freedom. If the people were aroused as they should bo tho loan would bo oversubscribed within less than a week. Every gun captured and every prls pner taken by tho Germans In the present drive should serve to Increase the readiness pf tho people to Respond to tho demands of their Government. It Is our war, and we must see It through. That Is, it Is the war of the man who reads .this and the war of his neighbor on both Bides of him and across the street. It can ,not succeed until he Is convinced of this fact and girds up his financial loins and enters tho fray with crlm determination 'and resolute purpose to see it through to the bitter-end. It costs the United States (50 a week to 'jBSJntaln each soldier In France. Hemember that when you put down your plunks for the third' Liberty Loan. A NEW THING FROM HOG ISLAND HOG ISLAND has brought something more to Philadelphia than prosperity and. a' storm of words. Flans for tho "000 bouses to be built under Government su pervision in the new community of Elm- i'Ji ,w6od for the workers of tho Emergency ieet corporation snow tno great value ol b, little imagination and foresight in rela- ings at Elmwood will be modest In size Mf , and of a sort within the reach of a work- "A (ilngman with an ordinary salary. Yet they X ;wiu do neitner ugly nor monotom.ua nor tafkfnr !n thA HllcrcrpRtlnn't nt tTrnnlniiancca ." K r . ... . . -..v , wi sr.ouia do in every nome.' unis is , 4 fiy experts. wjr The community of Elmwood when it is v, completed should be an inspiration to the 'A (builders who havo always followed routine fi, of the city and neglected the excellent ex- fS,.mples presented to them In tho model f; .communities that havo come into existence ( bo rapidly elsewhere in recent years In re- ' D(JUliav tv i,w b"a' icuitviucitli) Ui, u . better occlal consciousness. , txfft,v If Congress falls to pass the bill pro t v Vldlnr that as fast as young men reach the 4 aa-A nf twntv-onA thev Khali bn InrlnrlMl wltli :the ,11st! of drafted ellgtbles it wll) be be- .use it is nut necessary. .t present it ras to be' the proper thing to pass the 'MIL, THAT JAPANESE CRISIS ; DOME time a historian will attempt to l tell us why the excitement over tho i prospect of Japanese intervention In 81- terla 'suddenly evaporated. At present one . ,, ,ithory is as good as another. It may bo -'""that tho objections, of the United States .'were responsible. Or it may bo that the 'commercial interests of Japan were so iwnroasiy opiwsca iu uig puuey oi tno mm- rp4 .lary paiiy uit ukjt succeeueu in pre 'TMUHK intervention, a intra contingency jwayt be that a combination of the two la MWOtulhle. s'i),' "should like to believe Jn America thaC'the Japanese Government Is so far wponsive to popular sentiment that it found it adylaablo to respect the wishes of J,coaunerclal party. Japan Is only the- KMMiy ucjiiuviauy. it ta leeiing us ejiowly toward popular rule. It has r. pa thy and good wishes of all , who would prefer to believe (purposes of the Government aa .by Premier Terauchl's announce- i based on internal conditions thaw on external' pressure. k1 Statfi ur wo things the boys in France I too snany, of letters and smokes. RAIGIS HELPING US JEHT-"WILSON and Pavid Lloyd Um BrJtUh .Premier, havo both si JTMkl 'Marshal iiaig on dia ; ateo4 Afaiaat'tsj Germans. a)orB cosriuuions are ot- ftvpptta at . for Hal to 'a T FremfQlM unprece- ; ex hi MmtraHonoaB be fe tb thMtT 9u h, - m mimmr er Igttfelat fW tt) MBJM t tw w ,-i THE TRUTH IS HARD, BUT WE MUST, FACE IT "pNOtJGH of General Leonard Wood's L' statement to tho Senate Committee on Military Affairs has transpired to impress upon the country the extreme gravity of tho situation. It is impossible to say too much on Oils subject. The nation is not yet awake. We hardly realize that wo arc nt war. Wo have great training camps filled with tens of thousands of men, but we regard these camps as a sort of picnic ground. When tho first draft called n little more than half a million young men to the colors there was an impression in the back of our minds, based on an optimistic feeling, that when the Kaiser heard wo had begun to train so big an army he would surrender at once. But the Kaiser will not surrender till he is defeated. His successes in Russia, in tho Balkans and in Italy are such as to make him think that ho can succeed on the western front also. Apparently ho cannot bo convinced of his error savo nt the point of a gun. England and Franco aro nobly and gallantly holding tho lines until wo can send re-enforcements enough to turn the Allied cam paign of defense into a triumphant offensive that will drive tho Teutons across tho Rhino and follow them far into Germnn territory. Therefore, when General Wood says that wo must prepare to organize nn army of 5,000,000 men nnd must get half of the number across tho ocean before tho end of tho year he is merely stating the obvious truth. W have the men. About 10,000,000 aro enrolled in tho first draft registra tion. It is up to us to train them and to get them across the ocean. Tho initiative must como from Washington. And thero must also come from Washington a series of statements setting forth tho absolute necessity of concentrating the wholo national energy on this task and explaining why it is important. This means that the truth must be told, as Senator Lodge forcibly declared yesterday. Germany is not yet exhausted. The German people believe that they are fighting for their national existence and they are making every sacrifice to that end. They aro in better shape now, so far as food is concerned, than they have been at any time since 1915. So long as we are allowed to think that the job we have undertaken is easy we shall go about it easily. But tho truth is that tho undertaking cannot be carried through without straining every nerve. It is to be expected that General Wood will be allowed to say in public some of the things which he has said in the privacy of a Senate committee room. He ha3 the confidence of tho nation. No ono regards him as an alarmist. The wisdom of his demand for preparation made early in the war has been vindi cated. Wo were ready to accept his judgment before he went to France and learned at first hand what must be done. We are ready now to follow his advice, and, if we mistake not, the nation will demand that he be used to the utmost in tho campaign of educationwhich must accompany the campaign of training. Secretary Baker is fortunately in Europe at tho present moment, near enough to the fighting to get some knowledge of its seriousness. When he returns it is expected that he will act as if we were actually at war and will call to his assistance the ablest military skill available, regardless of the political sym pathies of this man or that. There is no partisanship in fighting the Germans. There is statesmanship of the highest quality in recognizing this fundamental fact Mr. Bulror needed to learn some things. Wo hope le is now learning them so well that ne will not forget them on the way home. Colonel MacArthur, who has been deco rated for bravery In Franco, Is one of those lighting MacArthurs who havo long been dis tinguished in America. WILLING TAXPAYERS COLLECTOR LEDEBER reports the Income tax returns Indlcato rhlladelphlans aro profiting by the that that war Drosnerlty. Their incomes hove been In- creasing since last year and, partly on jthls account and partly on account of tho changes In tho lncomo tax law, tho amount to be contributed in war taxes in this dis trict will bo three tlfnes as great as last year. The willingness with which persons of small lncomo aro paying their tax Is most gratifying. They seem to bo proud to havV Incomes that come within the taxablo limit and glad to do their bit. But this is not enough. They are. ex pected not only to pay their Income tax, but to Invest In Liberty Bonds as well. Tho stenographers and nurses and teach ers with no ono dependent on them aro dolner well in paying their taxes, but they will do better when they Invest in bonds to help win the war. Score one for efficiency. The War De partment has adopted the adjutant general's recommendation that the army officers devote their time to training the men Instead of filling out reports. BR'ER RABBIT SET TO MUSIC HEN the smoke finally clears and tho IT v uproar of war becomes a memory and the world takes time for meditation a great many persons .will bo auro to de velop a permanent distaste for much of tho legend that now is tho foundation of grand opera. It may be many yeara be fore the world returns lta old favor to the Norse legends, with their persistent glorification of the sword and the shield and grandiose murder. Too much of this sort of thing seems to be incorporated in the madness of Berlin. Too many Ger mans nre imagining-: themselves as Thor ' and playing the role with energy. Thf American composer who has Just tet Un'Jfc Remus to muBlc and properly Idea iwd and interpreted the native spirit of that work has made an experiment that will bo sure at'sqme later day to wh, the attention that cannot be given to it now, A lively and fearless wuckraker has always-been laeklrig la tho l8eld of , grand epersw A great work still waits upon the jUTWad.osWe'swih'gui. Th,rouq f wttoh aiwurvpfrBy,- iiratlvly. iciMsrrJta , , t J TW fceoits, tMT MWsYt OWYfsff) MM'aWVM, EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER in silly sentiment which, without Its music, would bo derided by school girls. Amer ican legend, on the other-hand, is Infinitely rich, in material from which writers of perception might long ago havo wrought great librettos. Efforts bo far mado in this virgin field have been more or less futile. Dut the fault iiaa not been with the material. It has been with tho method. Lenroot warns tho President to keep his hands off the. Wisconsin fight Tho only use of tho presidential hands, In the crisis should be for pulling Davtes out At the race. THE TAGEBLATT BUNGLE "VTOT often has a prosecuting official re eelved such a sevcro rebuke from tho bench as that administered by Judgo Dick inson to United States Attorney Kano in ordering a verdict of not guilty against the Tageblatt editors. Indirect though it was, tho Federal Judge's reprimand clearly and unequivo cally fixed responsibility upon tho District Attorney and his staff for the masterful bungling of tfio case from tho very in ception. Failure to earmark Important documents seized at tho time of the raid on tho Tage blatt ofTlces, failure to insure tho attend ance of tho ono chief witness depended upon to connect tho two indicted editors with tho publication of seditious articles, failure to establish even colorably in law tho essence of tho charge of treason brought against tho defendants that of giving aid and comfort to tho enemy these wcro tho conspicuous omissions of a trial whoso gravity Involved issues of broader effect and lmportanco to the public at this tlmo than tho lives of tho defend ants, serious as any capital trial always is. And the worst of these failures is that they involved merely such rudimentary steps of ordinary prudenco and caution as ought to suggest themselves to any neophyte in preparing his case. Thero Is little doubt that Mr. Kane suc ceeded in proving that tho Tagcblatt's columns reeked with pro-Germanism of a spiteful and sneering character. That was self-evident. But to havo proceeded against tho persons of tho editors without a iscln tllla of legal evidenco implicating them. according to tho trial Judgo, was to bring tho local branch of the Department of Jus tice into ridicule and contempt, to glvo fresh Impetus to the mocking devils of Kalserlsm still allowed to flourish through out the land and to hearten tho wholo tribe of German sympathizers, who will interpret tho result as a new license for their Vituperations. This Is not the first failure In kind by tho United States Attorney's ofnee slnco this country went to war. But It la tho climax, and the powers that-be In Washington ought to Insure that it shall bo tho last. Tho Varo ultimatum. "Scott or fight," has not cowed the other fellow a bit Fight It is. No, It Is not necessary to sit up until 2 o'clock next Sunday morning to turn the clock forward. You can do it when you go to bed. Can you pick out Toul and Lunellle on the map? Get to know them that's where our bojs nre teaching tho Frltzles tho smell of American powder. In sending Bmokes to tho men on service, buy for quantity rather than quality. That's what the Stars and Stripes, the official pub lication of tho A. E. V says. If all the Town Meeting party sympa thizers are to be ousted from tho Republican party the minority that will remain can hardly claim to be called the respectable remnant. The Turk, after killing most of the Armenians, now promises through Germany to treat the remainder with consideration. But tha Armenians do not put much trust in either Turkish or German promises. Lenlne Is about to Farther? fall. He will have to hurry If he wishes to be heard. No, Emmallne, the They Match tha profusion of green Cars, Silly I motormen on the Chester avenue trol leys Isn't to be accepted as a harbinger of early spring. Whatever the , ,. height of our respect DocheTlkl? may uo for th8 Rol-' shevlkl and their hu manlstlo theories, we have reason to feel glad that they are not functioning on the Allied side at the present moment on the western front Uncle Joe Cannon said In Washington yesterday that the swivel - chair officers And Unela Joa la Often Rlfht wear spurs to keep their feet from sliding off the desks. It used to be supposed that the spurs were to help them cling to an oc casional horse. One good old Phlla- Hoiton TTees delphla Institution la Dean rots the pretzel basket, which flourishes on streets running north and south.. Tho true pretzel basket Is equipped with vertical rods on which the dainties are stacked. We hate the Hun, but we still fall for his pastry. Do they have pretzel baskets In Boston? When Hlndenbifrg Or Uko tha Hornlnr begins at last to run Milk Wagon away the clank of his decorations, aa he goes over the humps, will carry a pang of homesickness to the Americans who happen to be within hearing distance. He is sure to sound much like one of the good old flat wheeled trolleys as it hits a defective cross ing in the Land of Heart's Desire. Lines on the Consecration of a New Smoking Car Lovely brand-news smoking car, Sacred to the rich cigar, Carry, safely and wlth'speed, Jlappy lovers of tlie weedl Varnished, shining, fresh and clean, Caravan of nicotine, Lo, we wish thee long career, Rolling stock without a peerl Welcome to suburban traffic! Smokers all rejoice seraphic; And the many whocommuta May sit dews with th'eir cheroot. - - "'..- lAt. hoTfUevmtl MrywM V j LJ-wm ...J-lJAi- .. --i-t --i-- ' PHILADELPHIA, WEDNESDAY. MARCH 27, The Gownsman THE scona would bo called a paatry-shop In England; but this Is not abroad; the speaker Is what novels of a certain type call "my lady." she Is furred and furbelowed, and her theme Is pastry: "Do you mean to tell me that 'you don't make those nice little cakes any more?" "No, madam, not during tho period of the war." , "Nor that other kind you know, what I mean that I always get and like bo much?" "We are. cry sorry, madam, but wo don't make them, either." "Well, I must say that I think that things are coming to i pretty pass! we have far too many prhatlons to endure." And she flounced out of tho shop Into her limousine, at tho door of which, attentive, stood a supernumerary flunky. s Tho second scene Is tho doorway of a sta tion! the persons, two women, not notably distinguishable except for a look of resolve shadowing tho kindly face of the elder and for tho tearstalned cheeks of the younger. A train Is drawing in, full of bright-faced boys In khaki, their destination ultimately "somewhere In France." "You must not let him see you crying, Mary. Let's say good-by to him with cheer ful faces. There'll be time enough for tears when he Is gone." And Mary dried her eyes and followed val iantly to tho platform to say good-by, with mother, to all they had to glvo to their country. , i No7 OW the Qownsman has invented neither tlon with tho world so full of things to be seen nnd heard ; but thero Is food for anxious questionings In such contrasts. Aro you, sh or madam, or miss nre you doing your duty? Or are you only "undergoing prlvatlona"7 IT IS not many days since that word came to Pennsylvania of tho death In France of Arthur II, Wilson. Wilson wai a student there rome years ago a quiet, scholarly young man, doing his work without ostenta tion and doing It thoroughly well. His was a dlWded Interest, for hla heart was In muslo nnd he answered the call of his heart's desire and went to Europe, where he studied, re turning an excellent pianist with n certain future before him. Unwilling to leave any thing nt loose cndT nnd Incomplete, he re turned to college nnd proceeded to his de gree. Ho had already begun a career of sue-, cess as a teacher In the Chautauqua School when our declaration of war came. Wilson responded at onco, quietly nnd as a matter of rourso; he w-ns accepted In the aviation corps and In due time mado his way among the first "over there." to glo to his country hi all. Are iou nble-bodlcd, not In want nnd not really "the only support" of "an In digent father," "a bed-ridden mother" or any body else? And are you, by hook, crook or subterfuge, shunning the draft lest you take cold In It to sit nt home snug nnd warm while better men nre fighting for ou? More over, are you grumbling nt tho discomforts of tho time, nt the prices of things that you used to pay leis for, at the Incessant babble or everybody nbout "tnia ooasuy war- wnicn you think It would bo "In better taste" not bo frequently to mention In a word, are you doing jour part or only "undergoing prha tlons"? YOU don't like this war? Do you think that nnybody "likes" It? Even the Ger mans do not seem wholly to enjoy It. Judg ing from reports of the repeated heroism of London and tho recent panic In the Rhine prolnces, where the Germans nre now receiv ing a bit of their own physic, the English nnd the French are far more bomb-proof than the German. The Chinese of old time used to wear htdcom mask with which to frighten their enemies. If their masks were not to thomxHve frightful, they never would have ued thorn to "frighten" others- The Emperor of nil tho Germans and of everything else he can grab has recently advised, with that delicate lnslcht Into the nature of his enemies which Is part of his Hohenzollern birthright, that Germany continues "to keep the world terrorized." A coward can never learn that you cannot "frighten" a bravo man. This precious war. like the Ingenious diabolical toy that It Is. lias branded upon It "Made In Ger many." nnd It will have to be made In Ger many once more nnd for some time to cime before we are well dono with It. Aro you helping to carry this war of right against might, this wan of civilization against sav agery. Into the heart of every German to his destruction If he remains the slave of Kultur, to his salvation If his manhood can assert Itself above his Germanism? Or are jou, too. only undergoing with a wry face "pri vations'? IT IS a persistent characteristic of human naturo that when there nrj great noises in the air. each man betakes himself to the tinkling of his own little cymbals. We aro entering Into a tteath struggle with the most resourceful, the most relentless, the most merciless and morally abandoned brigand who has ever coveted his neighbor's goods down to his ox and his nss, and everything that Is his, when a Mr Storey (In the Yale Review) seizes the auspicious moment to put In "A Plea for Honesty," nnd asks ug sol emnly If we Americans nre honor bright hon est ourselves? And. not to be outdone, the constitutionally recalcitrant Mr. Hard, of the New Republic, follows close upon the trail with a subtle variation of the theme, entitled "Is. America llonestv Now the Gownsman Is Indifferent honest himself, nnd yet he can not quite Bee how this war Is to be won by "honest" men onlv barring putting Messrs. Storey and Hard single handed Into the trenches unless we succeed In Inventing, as the Germans have nearly succeeded, a de humanized Frankenstein monster, mado up of mechanism nnd chemicals, who has none of the original sin of Adam In him and may, therefore, be conceived of as truly "honest." Are these "honest" writers on hon esty playing the Kaiser's game or America's? Are they helping to win the war? Or nre they, with the Metropolitan for March, which has been denied transportation through the mall for a knock-down-and-drag-out bit of Journallstlo pugilism are they, the Gowns man courteously asks.- only undergoing the privations of an excellent advertisement? PEOPLE used to bellevo that the giant Atlas, who supported the load of the world on his broad and stooping shoulders, grew sad-eyed and weary. So must those be come, the giants of our world, on whom depends the heavy weight of this war. The Gownsman hears you, my little friend: you dldq't choose him or approve of any of his followers or of a single one of his ideas or actions. We all know It you keep us constantly informed of it with "damnable Iteration," and when not busy intriguing for a Governor or against him you tell us what ought to have been done, "yrhy didn't we Jump Into this war on the sink ing of the Lusltanla, as we Jumped into the Spanish War on the sinking of tho Maine? Why didn't wo mako the war a foregone conclusion by preparing for it? Why did wo not elect a completely, wise Con gress, eschewing all follies and Fplletts?" These are some of your wlsa and helpful questions. Or you complain according to your personal station or experience In business: "The rich man ought to finance this war and the poor man fight it" Being yourself neither rich nor poor, but In a Janus-faced middle way between extremes. Are you helping the Vnen whom your' country has chosen to carry these great burdens of em pire, are you helping these men" to win the war, pr are you barking obout their feet like a cantankerous fox terrier, not really' dan gerous but troublesome? This )s the rich man's war and the poor man's war, jind we will make it the beggar man's war before wa will suffer it to end a victorious war of. thov. THE pOWNSMAN. -Better punishment might have bn found for the suspect el Germans in 'Lima. If Hard th JTtag. T.. or, wh dra44 -through the streets MtM -'Titer l)la-hr ' fMA tte JtaaMtr'aiaaM. ra3 I ill uaiai,.Hjn f J " " " ' J - t ,iij :..i J...I r! -i-eit .! , J .. , .!-. a a..ijt i.'.-r.iit ..ii.iah satn, lji. rn"t . bm ' . .' urtaaaiBBBr aJMjaWBff JPsW sapaAjBjtTfc mWaaaWWmawaawjCTfflffB1aTSB s"9RTvCslUW PSS999fBBw9s9StBBKSAt t BaBBBK V "vinJafiBaWBEigBSaWziJEKWw ' ffiJMl 0iirlrJl aljMQ,lfiff ' ftf I.-,, fcV " M BfTMlf,yiBffWi5l&wHHH StSbbbbj Bu3fl(taaBta$lNBIRi tt3tttMHlilmmAt&MtMBBityiFVm9BUl9&t "".Wi?t?.f( rftW sTwaaai a iMmXLwBI&tttTnTtmKtlNillmlWKEGRnEMAimK fVI"B tl MnnrwraTT',,',rT ,1 'J , il7rrtBa"frTTi I I BaBsBjii)jPTMijua Uagfrrsl'Ttfst''' Urf x'it'(.TfTVffiSitWTmmmmmua&mtttaamKaarlKL. m- tlftti VI st"'-''77rilTiTsVBT-pff T -I?3t.?JifT2r a..iT tIjjh&J Bm(StKfmSilXlttKUVfOP9BtK9UsKSBtl9SlKKBUBMS BaW ft; T-i---" Interview With the Inventor of the Great Cheese Howitzer By CHRISTOPHER MORLEY AS SOON as I heard of the great cheeso howitzer which discharges llmburger bombs and hurls them a distance of eighty miles or more, I realized tho lmportanco of this Invention. A death-dealing instrument so horrible might mean the end of all war. It was Imperative for me to see the Inventor at once. I did not know where he lived, but I was aware that virtually all Inventors come from Hartford, Conn., or Dayton, O. I took the night train to Hartford and thero I found tho man I sought. Tho inventor (he refuses to divulge his name, for he fears that his military device will bring upon him the undying obloquy ot pofcterlty) is a quiet little man with a large Adam's npple. Ho was reading "Pilgrim s Progress" when I burst upon him. He bays It Is his only relaxation. It was hard to get him to talk about the cheese howitzer, be cause at the moment he Is more Interested In his wireless telewaltress, a mechanical automaton for use In popular restaurants. Each table In tho cafe Is supplied with a wireless transmitter by which the patron orders his meal. Tho telewaltress Is a master niece ot the porcelain dollmakers art, con forming to the standard 36-27-38 measure ments circumfcrenced by the Venus de Kel lermann. In fact, this fascinating automaton Is so nearly human In Its perfection that It has been known to bring ham and eggs to customers ordering ice cream. After some talk about the telewaltress however, I Induced the scientist to speak ot the cheese howitzer, (tfXF COURSE It has been rejected by the J United States Ordnance Department? 1 "It has." the Inventor replied. "The great hearted humanitarians In charge of the de n,.im.nt anld that It was too terrible to be contemplated by any civilized nation. I am afraid, however, that the Germans may have got wind of It It carries a long wify to leeward," he added, with a' dry chuckle. "Would you be willing to tell me the prln--.,! .t,hivi the howitzer operates?" I asked. "It occurred to me "You havo lilt upon it at once," he said. "Curd Is the most powerful deterrent In the world. A secret combination of curds and whey, stimulated with lactic acid, forms the llmbureer shell. This shell discharges Itself bv its own gas Which Is so powerful that It hSrta th?Pleetlls at least eighty miles The most curious feature of the shell Is that it has a subtle and conscious affinity for Oermans. It does not need to be aimed at particular target. It Is 'simply dls charged In the air, and its own unerring in Btlnct leads It to the largest group of Prus sians within range. I am now working upon fnrmula of peculiar loathsomeness which a.f.m.Ti affinity for the Kaiser. When I comniete Tthat shell I shall fire It off, and-lt wlU necessarily travel until It finds Its human The'mventor-s eyes flashed brilliantly, and I bea-an to wonder whether he was a fanatic. And yet his theories seemed to be based on sound and equitable principles. UT Etf ME take you up to my gas, cham JJ ber," he said, "and I will show you' vA ascended to a curious globe-shaped room built of heavy metal. "The walls of this chamber are cellular," said the Inventor, "and padded Inside with sausage meat Sau-saa-e meat Is the only known reagent tor the llmburger gas. A sausage dugout is absolutely the only defense against Its devas tating effects. Cut'lous, Isn't it, how nature always provides the antidote, it one can only hit upon it?" Against the wall of the chamber I was amazed to see a largo plpo organ. I asked its purpose. .v . rnlnv tn nmVA tft VOll." Hntfl th In. ventor, "the secret and mystic affinity ihls HinbUrger gas has for Prussian kultur. AB toon as any of the gas Is liberated it finds its way irresistibly to the nearest point at which its Inborn and essential frlghttulness can- express Itself. The easiest way in which I can demonstrate this is by means of this oraraBu" ' ' t From a' rack he .took down twoi sausage masks;-which Wo donned. Than hVtyrned.to'a' .il avllutar anal relets aV-BtoMOek.X saw. ITsa ot Tallewlsk-sassn .vaMtvsawrt loutN - v "1918 "HOCH!" in Mi i mi TirrnrT f&!.f-.i- J.''tTrtfJr,vr.nl?JIrflF?ffJrffJ zm- "I should have asked you before. Have you any German blopd In you?" I was about to say no, but at that Instant an extraordinary thing bappencd. Tho organ began to groan. There was n weird moaning Bound In the pipes, and then with a majestic growl It began to utter "Die Wacht am Rheln." I listened with mingled amazement nnu rear. I "You seo?" he Bald. "The gas, confined In this chamber by the sausage walls. Is forced to wreak Itself upon the only possible mode of expression, which Is the organ. It Is fortunate that you are pure American in blood. I brought a German up here once w ithout knowing It As soon as tho gas was liberated he died miserably of curdophobla. It was very tragic." rnHE Idea was first suggested to me by JL tbo old German pun about Kaiser and Kaese." he raid. "Kaese Is the GermanVord for cheese, and Kaiser Is a perversion of that word, meaning tho Big Cheese. This sug gested to me that German kultur Is pecu liarly susceptible to cheeso. You have often seen in any cafe how a German is peculiarly exhilarated and exalted by the presence of a good stout whiff of cheeso. Now if this whiff can be magnified and pungcntlfled a billion times It produces In a German the supreme exaltation of all, which Is death. He Is simply disintegrated and shattered by his In tense Joy. I have devised this odorometer for testing the power of tho gas." He pointed to a dial standing on a table. "I have obtained an Intensity of 15,000 hohenzollerns In rrfy gas," he explained. "The hohenzollern Is the unit I have Invented to measure the power of the gas. One hohen zollern Is the amount of cheese odor neces sary to destroy a Prussian at the distance of fifty miles." TF THE Germans ever hear of this In- X ventlon they wUl stop fighting at once," I cried. "Of course they will. But the War De partment says It would be unsportsmanlike to take advantage ot their peculiar weakness in this way." Tho inventor wanted to take me out to his laboratory to Bhow mo tho howitzer in actual operation. He said ho had had a model of the city of Milwaukee built at a distance of a mile from the laboratory, and by shooting subcaliber cheese pellets at It from a minia ture howitzer he ould show me tho exact effect of tho llmburger Bhell. But I was getting nervous. Myxwlfe's second cousin had married Into a German-American fam ily and I did not know what retroactive effect this relationship might havo on the gas I did not think that, with this monstrous secret in my.possesslon. I ought to take any chances. The inventor offered to take me out to his farm, where he has a herd of BOO Holstelns busy yielding the milk from which the cheese shells are manufactured. It looks to me now as though the war would be ended not by man-power, but by cow-powes. Memo to a Press Agent Ascertain play which had .Its premiere In Philadelphia recently 'was bedizened by Its riress agent with the customary acclaim. In the heart and bull's-eye of the blurb hefweyer, Jt seemed to us that the ingenious chYysoStom missed his customary steady foot- my. "or mm w u conocauon or winged words, intended to lure us in thousands to the fauteuUs: "It touches only slightly on the present war situation, but In a neutral wayi" "In, s, neutral way," If you please, for sooth, and pardle. And we fear that If that is the case the attraction will lie patronized by tho publlo in the same half-hearted man ner. The press agent seems to feel, subcon sciously, that this neutrality of sentiment constitutes rather a shadowy and hooverlsh appeal to the playgolpg appetite. For he hurries over that phase ,of the matter and speeds up bis vocables to lay 'some very cheery laurels on the candid brow of the "baby vampire." who is the leading lady of the piece. But not even our natural curiosity to observe, witness and' behold thl vomr.i-1 k cub;, can outweigh our. distaste for a' play I tbatttouches on thear'lnia neutral way," f-.itm iuca.tio.iB in. iot jiuenaive lormot ,reonatlon and inspiration knownto man..-it T. '-.- . - - . .. ' . --. - caw ao nruon a aapmsn mm MStea.ow.war-- WIM,-,BW lW BT UmaMsW OB Ob t tfMlry !&&Sa p1 The Chaffing Dish A New York naDer remarks that It' will bo perfectly easy to get our clocks and, ..'A watches to obey tho dayllght-satng rule., j Dut asks, -wnat aro we coins: to ao aoouiuM 'in Bun dials?" They will keep on telling tha truth all summer. We'll have to compos a'- 101 o new sun umi mouocs. wo GusKcifc cj marl: only tho wheatless hours." jfcji T 3A Tf Tir. Rrntt Nearlnir will onlv show tm ln Ardmore the citizens ot the suburb will fJ change tho name to Tarrcdmore. The Huns have taken Ham, and the kaiser ' is egging them on. irm That style show Is to be held In Atlantis vfe Pltv hee.iiisn thnt reunrt Is near Phlladel- 5 phla. But why not hold it hera bectttH, ffi Philadelphia Is near Atlantlo City? Tha M proper way to boom this city Is to bring people here instead of taking them away. The Kaiser Is the pressagentlsslmo of tht Crman force.. Whenever he roes near mmiirh n h front to cet within hearing -;"'J Atotarxna nf Via feaMr ,A ta1R with him a AJ little pad of printed forms, which (our special ' correspondent assures us) read Ilka this; v At the front ...!.. TM n.. ,!. ...... n rirA i.i mih7 traonm hatft ,Vi llnnoard 1 . . . , i sprung i backward f and txecuica a magnir i crushing victory 1 , cent ltuah rw,'Wii X strategto retreat load ot Iron Crosses. Our men are mmng iftSS?-.1. to new yestttont o) ffwztr s,W vantage. With Jove, VflLBBUl, , OBITS WE COVET IIINDENBCRa ' When Illndy died, and undertakers caaie, -The Kaiaer said. "Embalm tha preclons SK Mako it Immortal aa his noble fame . Ue preclooa 'unsuenU, ohorl, or 700 ril ruo it," i - tint 41.M mhalmer. ho had sluTvTed soft . And lost three aons, as alek of Bui's Psbw" 'n honnd him out and double-locked tha sear, And then shot quicklime In tha treat cadaTar. & V .-. tun wM,ntiv constituted htelsHV9 the umpire of the prMt MUnte tnjd and God is merely coins ww ww rr; """""' v" " socratw.;;. i a rff, I What Do You Know? jj 1 QUIZ J. Why are the Philippines a. tallesT S. What la the orlitn of the word eliart 3. What la at cicerone? t ' 4. Haw are aiamonua i"' ..j,-il.iS 5. What la tha unu.usl feature of tha """""J i? . ora useu on i.v..m-. eaiiaaVl fl. Whr wera wooden Indiana wed as tanswa.,1 nlate' slsnsT, . , , .. 7. Where la aeplmlt obtained B. wtat la oarrei. "' . ADu J n. Who la In aunrcmo command at IBS uwj """ In TanT t ,., vj 10. What are the uses ot iruc tS'f . . . . ...- wa Answers to Yesterday's uuu $, i-omjj.Aj.Mia Silt. Jf. 2 nitons bwsunrfja tola houae. V A "bootUwrJ la an. wh. BJSsSr r la ana wh. sella SSl.i'wol.IrV'S.' JZ'oti'h&V'Xiir T- 1 a" tank' If. :h-"aVll I than "female." JhSKpU ffH ," which came to XhUaaawn" j '. la a Jiemla." . "' ,M 3. "A "mala' Hrnivw anma, cootli A. llrallU la a aretem of wrltins a jjl h. blind, M "ailed tram " !h iSVenfer af tt. aisles". J - ' m Mriaas.fl f. li v rrancn unnw - ,,. kr ,uo died in W. -t a ian Tratskr la 'ta1s , Wft nam waft Bren.two, artlRIJlM.! ' :j: -iu.nl.mln Franklin, (...known ss a "as "ia, " American butawlat." -.. rtv. r&fflW .v tl ' rinTrMJE??"'- TKJm t - i)IVMMpWIMi' mtvmw iiipiat i i i imHmm vm, M mMMM m MWW-.PMsJi aWF f u VMmMunTxiIi. IM'Wsr rTf&W &r -. .Hi -. . f - 1 ,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers