litUtettUti Smut RITALVOM Ermx.WIg9ANIDAY Br & 00. EL G.. Stant. TERMS—Two Dollars per annum, payable all oases In advance. °PPM/F.-SOUTHWEST CORNER Or CENTRE SQUARE. 4ii4.11 letters on business should be ad dressed to IL G. Shirrs 'dr. Co. , Vottm. MT FIArWERB BY ALLCE CAGY. Down by the mill, down by the mill, Through all the summer hours, There they grew, and grew, and grew Red and while, and purple and blue, My beautiful, beautiful dowels! Down by the water, bright and ut, like Bentitieli round the inlll. My beautiful..benutlful dowels? There they grow and there they stood Together, two and two, And some bad hearts like a drop of blood, And Home like a drop of dew. Down by the mill, down by the mill, Through al i the rumtue, hours, • There they Swung mud there they swayed, Like spots of Hunshindover the shade; And over the waters, cold and still, My beautiful, beautiful dower,: And some had slippers of yellow gold, Mid some had cape of snow, .And some their heads held high and hold, And some their heads held low; And so they stood up side by side, Meek laid mourniul and modest-eyed, Through all the summer hours; Down In the Meadow, gray and green, Like bridesmaids slam' Me round their queen, My he:wilful, beautiful flowers O! lo see them bloom and blush Was the eweetest shoe/ of allows ! The daisy under t o lilac bush, And the violet by the rose! Down by the mill,down by the mill, Through all the mummer hours, Some BO nigh and soma BO lOW, But all us fair as fair can grow, Down by the water, bright and still, My beautiful, beautiful flowers! MM=E= That dazzles and deceives, With a hem] as !Tight no Llie daffodil, And a Irtagd like the Illy leaves! She iL IH that, makes them grow Through all the summer hours: They with cloaks of Op okled dyes, And Llicy with 1100118 about their eyes Meek and modest, and high and low ; She con tell If she will, Why they dazzle down by the mill, My beautiful, beautiful flowers! Zittrarm. Inuitlug 'a Murderer It was In the year 184 —I was living an a retired little shoot lodge on the .Mouth west coast of Ireland. About a month previous to the time of which I write a gentleman had been shot down at his own gate in Tipperary. livery• body knew that the murderer was lurk ing somewhere In toy neighborhood, in the hope of obtaining a passage to America. An unusually large reward had been offered for his apprehension, and the police were scouring the coun try night and day, in every direction. One line summer evening I had re turned from a long day's fishing in the bay and was smoking a farewell pipe for the night, when I heard the tramp of horse's feet on the ground outside fol lowed by a sharp ring at the belle. It was with no small delight that I recog nized the well known voice of Frank Butler, a constabulary and one of my oldest friends. When we had seen the horse made up (a splendid hunter, which had carried Its muster nearly sixty miles that day,) and sat down to supper I noticed that Frank looked more tired and care-worn than I had ever seen him before. It was not long until the cause crime out. " You have:heard of this murder, of course, Harry," said he "that is what brought ine over to-night: It occurred In my district, and the gentleman was an intimate friend. I would have dined with him that day, but was called sud denly OH duty, and sent an apology at the lust moment. I was told since that lie walked down to his avenue gate to meet me. His hand was on the latch when the villian fired from behind a tree, and he did not bring his life to the ground. You know this couptry well?" he added abruptly. "So well, that if the fellow Is lying out anywhere within live miles, I think I could undertake to put you on his track." • • Frank sprang from his chair and walked rapidly through the room. " 1 would give my right arm to be face to face with him, Harry. If you had soon 1/001' wife, her weary, hopeless lace has been haunting me ever since; I can never rest until the murderer is takcu ; and I have certain information that lie is lying out some where. Every house has been searched over and over again, but I cannot think of bringing you In to the business. One victim is enough. If it were knownyou would be a marked man." "Make your mind easy on that score, Frank ; no one of the fellows here will touch a hair of my head, especially In a stranger's quarrel. My life Is in most of their leases, and the heir at law Is not such a favorite that they would shoot me to bring him Li. So now to business. I will get the ordinance map, and we can trace out the plan of our campaign." Our task was net such a difficult one after all ; the ground to be searched was limited and tolerably open, consisting chiefly id bog, mountain and shore, with every foot of which I was ac quainted. I pointed out to Frank each day's work on the map; and without assistance, and hunting in couples, three days would be amply sufficient to beat it all. I had a brace of young setters In train lug at the tithe, and, to prevent suspi cion it was agreed we should go out as if dog breaking was our only object; accordingly, early the following morn• Mg, well provided with all the " et ceteras " for such work, we started on our first day's hunt. It proved a blank ; but the second day showed us that game was on foot and not far oil: In a little wooden glen we came upon several art fully concealed lairs, which were evi dently lately occupied and in one of them I picked up an old pistol flint that had been thrown away and replaced as there was some paper lying beside it, from which a small piece had been torn, as If to - cover a new one. We tracked foot steps for a considerable distance from it until they were lost in a heath ery bog, and, darkness coining on, were forced to give up the search. I don't think either of us slept much that night. When I went to hank's room In the morning he was already dressed. " One word, Harry," he said, " before we go. This man Is armed to the teeth and swears he will not be taken alive. These fellows seldom die game when run to the earth, but he cannot be worse off, and may keep his word. Promise me, if there is any fighting, you will act as reserve, and leave me to deal with him alone." I did promise, with some mental reservation, and we started. There was a long day's work before us ; all the likely places we had come across in our. previous search had to be visited, some of them miles apart. Frank's senses seemed preternaturally sharpened: No trace, howeverslight, escaped his notice,. A red Indian could hardly have dis played more samteity in following up his enemy's trail. It was then for the first time that I learned how exciting a man-hunt becomes under certain cir cumstances. Towards evening we reached a moun• talu—our last hope. There was only one face of it, over the sea s where a man would be likely to conceal himself. That side was composed of a number of perpendieularellffs separated from each other by green platforms, varying In breadth from a foot to ten ; but all sloop lug downward at a considerable angle, so us to make the footing rather precar ious. The MIMb gradually increased In height until the lowest, which went right down for one hundred feet Into the Atlantic Ocean. While taking a hurried cast through the broken ground, we met a little boy herding cattle. He could not speak English ; but we managed to ascertain that a stranger had given him a penny the day before to run down the hill for n lighted turf; when he returned the man was gone and he had not seen him *Mice. The scent was getting hot, and our spirits rose, as we commenced the sea side of the mountain. There Were caves in several of the platforms, and these we agreed to search together. They were very narrow, scarcely admitting one person abreast; and it was nervous work feeling our way on ward, not know ing the moment when the darkness would bs illuminated by the flash of a pistol, which must have been the death signal for one or the other, Frank al ways insisted on going first, and omit . aka A • • . •., . ; t 1% , ; !;.; i; ; . ‘l , . 11! 1..1 4 . tt, id: -113 .141 • .•• ;- - r , ..y;..11 Srl il; : L • T. 6.1 . . , (1.1 • ' t • ' - 711 , • --t • . _ . • DEEM voLumA, - ,eA: ted no possible pieitstilton examining the outside caretullk. -for 'tracks, and sending the dogs forward. The latter, however, were so tiretkailer tbree days' continuous work, as to be of little use. ' We had reached the lastaheif but one, and as it contained no caves, and was all visible from the platform immedi ately above, which had just - been searched, I was about to pass on to the lower one just over the sea, when a mark in some fresh earth, scraped from a rabbit hole across the path, attracted my attention, and on a closer view I could distinctly see traces of a man's foot. Frank was by my side in a few seconds, and down examining the track. There was no mistake about it, it was plainly visible, leading inward, and no sign of it returning. Some one was there ; whether the man we were In search of or not, remained to be seen: Frank rose from his knees and drew a long breath. "Any outlet from this?" he asked. "None whatever. It stops suddenly about one hundred yards further on. The rock above and below is thirty feet high, and smooth as marble. Now that I remember, there is a large stone just where the pathway ends, behind which a man might lie. If he were anywhere else,. I might have seen him from the upper one.'' We walked on silent and cautious for some distance, until we reached a pro jecting rock. I touched Frank. "When we turn that corner we will be within ten yards of the end." He made no reply, put his gun under his arm, and sauntered carelessly along. As he did so, I saw him stop suddenly and draw himself up to his lull height. Ranging alongside I could see the figure of a man crouching like a wild beast behind the stone; his head was just visible above it, and the long barrel of a cavalry pistol was pointed directly at us. The dogs now sprang forward and commenced barking furiously. The man was the first to speak : " Call off yer dogs," he shouted, " ay ye a care for them!" "Let the dogs alone, Ryan," said Frank, cooly. " I have a warrant for you for the murder of Captain —. Put your pistol down and come forward." The fellow gave a savage laugh. " Come a step nearer, Butler, and see if yer warrant can stop a ball!" Frank's eyes flashed at the threat, but restraining himself he drew back to the shelter of the angle. " We must give the fellow time to think, Harry. If we rush at him now, he is sure to knock one or the other of us over; and I don't like shooting him, if It can be helped." "Had you not better go for some of your fellows? I will keep guard until you return." "They would shoot him down at once. I dare not risk their lives on that nar row path. No, dead or alive, I shall not leave this place without him." He stepped back a few paces and scanned the rock above attentively. " Do you see that holly bush right over him, Harry? Could you get to it without being seen?" "Easily, but what good could I do there '." Leave that to me, old fellow, his flank will be turned at all events, and you will have him under yourgun. Don't fire until you see me down ; then use your discretion." With some reluctance I consented to go round. Taking oft' my shoes, I crept cautiously down and peered over. I had scarcely done so when Frank stepped out with his watch in his hand. He spoke low, but every word fell on my ear distinctly. " I shall give you five minutes, Ry an ; if you don't throw down your arms and come out, expect no mercy, for you will get none. I'll shoot you us I would a mad dog." " The five minutes which ensued were the longest I ever spent In my life. It was a glorious summer's evening. The sun was going down, throwing u flood of light on the ocean far below, and the white wings of the sea gulls as they flitted In and out from their nest in the cliff. The rabbits were at play on the slopes, and a colony of glossy plumage were wheeling and screaming over my head. But for that crouching and blood stained figure beneath, all would have looked peaceful and happy. I tried to keep counting the seconds by the heat ing of my own heart, which was plainly audible ; but every trifling incident was sufficient to distract my attention. There was a great black snake crawling toward a stone, and I began to speculate whether he would reach It before the time was up. Then a wren, whose nest was in the bush, perched on a twig near me and commenced chattering anti swearing in my face, until a hawk came gliding round and the little fellow with u cry of terror, disappeared in the grass. Two minutes had passed away. I looked down at the murderer: It was evident the words were beginning to tell. He was moving uneasily from side to side, like a wolf in a trap. Sever al times he examined the lock of his pistol, and tried to find a place in the rock which would afford him more shelter. Once I thought he was going to speak, but the words seemed to choke hinf. Then crossing himself devoutly, and having arranged the weapon ap parently to his satisfaction, he lay sul lenly biding' his time. Would the live minutes never pass? Frank still stood directly in front, watch in hand, and the gun under his arm.— He had lit a cigar, and was lounging lazily back against the cliff. Careless as he appeared, I knew him too well to doubt that he would hesitate for a sec ond in going or firing as he had prom ised. At the time he was giving his an tagonist fearful odds. Then only I be gan to realize the part I had to pay. It was unfortunately to plan. The man must be disabled before he could commit another murder. That could only be done by shooting him down. In a fair light I would not, I think, have hesita ted ; but my blood ran cold at the idea now. Yet what was I to do?' There was no other way to save my friend's life, and Clod help me, it must be done. I had nerved myself up to fire at all risks the instant I saw the murderer putting his finger on the trigger of his pistol, and bad Just brought my gun to bear when Frank's voice rang out loud and clear. " Your time has come—look up!" Involuntarily he did so, and caught my eye ; a spasm of mortal fear passed across his features. He made no effort to raise the pistol, but a wire cartridge from Frank's gun smashed on the cliff behind him, passing within an inch of his head. The weapon dropped from his hand ; in three bounds my friend had him in his clutch, dragged him over the rock anti the struggle com menced. It was short but from the nature of the ground a fearful one. A false step would have sent the two over the precipice to the shelf below, and from that a hun dred feet down into the Atlantic Ocean. Both were strong, powerful men, in weight the murderer was greatly super ior, but in science and activity there were few able to cope with Frank. The murderer struggled hard for an Inside place, and succeeded In getting to a kind of cleft in the rock, which gave him a slight advantage. It was only momentary. Frank tore from him with a pull that brought some of the loose stones crashing down, and with the shook they went reeling and staggering to the very edge of the cliff. I could stand It no longer; there was a long check cord which I had brought for my dogs, in my pocket; fastening it to a bush, I lowered myself down. As I touched the ground he succeeded In drawing a knife. Frank parried his thrust, and disengaging his left hand, struck heavily twice. The man drop ped on his knees and began to beg for mercy. I rushed forward with a vague feeling of terror. As I came up the un fortunate wretch cried out: "Save me, for God's sake, sir! he is going to throw me over!" I looked at Frank's face. There was an expression there I never saw before, and I would never like to see it again. "Let him go, Frank," . I shouted; that's the hangman's work not yours." He did not hear me grasping the fel low with both hands, he swung himself half round, and Slung him off with all his strength. it was well the coat the villian wore-was made of the strongest frieze: as it was we were nearly going over together. .1 laid him on his back, where he.remitined without sense or motion. Frank glared at him a few secono in'sliertue, then took my hand, and, said iiik‘w "You are a good fellow, Harry, and I thank y ou; I didn't know what I was doing. He turned away with a shudder, while I'poured otit some brandy from my flask, and throw it in the murderer's face, He .recovered after a time and sat u;B4ring wildly around, and trem bling all over. I never saw a wretch so completely subdued ; he clung to me for protection, and became as abject and cringing as he had been insolent before. Wewaited until dusk, and then brought hlm to the - police;,barracks. Before sun rise, the nest inbrninfr, he was twenty miles on his way back to the place from whence he came. At the following as sizes he was tried and convicted ; the judge was merciful, and gave him a "long day." In the meantime fever broke out in the jail, and he proved one of the first victims. The last words he uttered were : " Don't throw me over !" Let us hope his prayer was granted. The Irish Informer A young officer, whom we will call Sutherland, was several years agoshoot ing one day on the moulitains of Innis howen. The weather, which had been dark' and cloudy all the morning, threatening rain, had finally settled down into a thick, heavy mist as the evening closed In. The sportsman could hardly see a yard before him. There was no path to guide him over the moor, and the long slopes of heather and bog, as he surmounted them successively, gave no distinguishing marks by which to direct his steps. He was cold, hungry, tired, utterly and irrecoverably lost. All of a sudden a tall, shadowy figure rose up before him out of the mist. "My good fellow," he shouted, "can you guide me to the neighborirm town ?" "Is it the, town, aye? Sure, your honor, I could not guide myself there, let alone another, ou such a murky night," was the frank, hearty reply. Can you direct me to some place of shelter, then, and I will pay you well?" The figure came close up to him; a great, brawny, broad-shouldered Celt, with twinkling black eyes, said a broad, grinning mouth. " Let me look at your honor's face." The young soldier turned his open, honest eyes toward him. It's a fair one, if the world don't spoil it," the man muttered. " Now, sir, I'll deal fairly with you, if you'll do the same belikes to me. Will you give your word that you'll never let on to any man, woman, or child what your eyes may see or your ears hear this blessed night?" The promise was given. " Come, then, your honor, and I'll give you the pattern of a lodging and the best I can offer, and maybe some thing more besides." He Then led the way in a contrary direction to that in which the young 801(1k-111;u! I wen Erni rig, and after a quar ter of a mile's walking paused. The sportsman listened ; he thought that lie heard the murmur of voices near him, but he could distinguish no sign of a dwelling. Presently, however, he thought that he perceived a black smoke rising up out of the Leather through the mist, and became more certain of It as the vapor was mingled occasionally with sparks of fire. His guide came near to him and put his finger to his mouth, with an odd, good-natured look of warning. "You promise, your honor—you mind It?" "On my oath," was the reply. "Come on, ten," and Sutherland followed hlsguidetotl,esldeofahillock, lu which was a-rude door, from whence the smoke and the flames and the voices clearly proceeded. The man nbw gave a low whisper, which was answered from within, and. a rugged head was thrust out from the door, and a short parley ensued, at the close of which his guide returned to Sutherland, saying that it was all right; and then, clasping his hand, and uttering more sternly than before his brief admonition, "Remeniiber your promise," led him Into the secret chamber. It was a cave hollowed out in the hill, and only consisted of one apart ment, at the end of which blazed an enormous turf fire, with a huge caul dron upon it, containing what Suther land knew at once to be a private still so that the mystery of the secret habitation and promise was at once explained. There were no persons in the cave, but the owner of the rugged head aforesaid, an old blear-eyed man, who appeared to be thoroughly smoke-dried in his vocation, and a bare-legged urchin of twelve, who attended to the fire. On the whole, barring the smoke, it was a cozy enough lodging to fall in with upon a cold, dark, misty night upon the barren moors, and Sutherland felt no scruple of conscience in making himself thoroughly comfortable. He was no informer, and he had no inten tion of becoming one, so he warmed himself and dried his clothes by the great turf tire, and ate heartily of some oatmeal ban nook and capital potatoes which were set before him, and he took a very fair quantity of the very best potheen that had ever passed through his lips, drinking sotto voce to the health of the King, and openly to that of his host and ould Ireland, in every fresh pannikin • the only remark that Paddy condescended to make during the inter vals between his draughts being— " Bedad, now, this bates Parliament entirely." Well, the end of it was, that what with the cold, and the hunger, and the thirst, and the means resorted to to counteract them, the soldier and sports. man accepted with gratitude the "Ivrap rascal" or frieze coat of his entertainer, and lay down beside the fire, and was soon asleep. He had not slept long, as he thought, before he was awakened by the huge hand of his host being laid upon his shoulder. He started up. "Sure, then, it's yourself that have had an illigant nap, as ye well may, whose heart is light and bones weary ; but you must get up now sir, for the morning's breaking, and it would be better for all parties thatyouwere away from this before daylight comes." It was even so; the night had passed rapidly, but refreshingly. Sutherland 'rose as fresh as a lark and a hasty bite and sup, consisting of some remains of last night's meal and a glassof the staple commodity of the cabin, and a liberal douceur to the lame man and boy, left happy faces behind him. His guide of the preceding night ac companied him for a short distance, until he broughthim to the tract which, as he told him, led to a hill, from the top of which he would be able to see the town, and then, having accepted with reluctance the gift, and with a broad grin of thanks and hearty shake of the hand which accompanied it, he bade the young soldier remember his promise, and left him and went his way. Now for the sequel. Sutherland said nothing about his ad venture, and very shortly afterward was summoned home by the sickness of his father, who was an old man, and had been long failing. He found him in so weak and precarious a state that he was unable to leave him, and continued with him until, after six weeks of anxiety and watching, the old man died. The necessary arrangements for the family, and the distribution of the prop erty and administration of the will, de tained him some time longer, so that it was more than three months before he returned to his regiment. During that time be had heard fre quently from his brother officers, but the news contained in one of their letters affected him strangely : "We have been still-huuting," said the writer, "and have made a capture. Information was laid before the excise officer of the existence of a still in the mountains above us, and I was sent with my party to protect the gaugers. LANCASTER PA_ WEINTEISpAY MORNING, 4P/iIL ,0„180',/, , , Nasty wotic--4 hate it. Why Won't the Government make better whiskey and sell it cheaper? They say that if they did it would not be so good as the old potheen, because it could not be made in such small quantities. I am no judge of what might be ; I like the stuff as it is, and have no enmity to the poor fel lows who make it, and here am I obliged, not only to punish, but ruin them! I had rather punish the in formers." Not very loyal this of Sutherland's correspondent, but such sentiments were not uncommon with young offi cers in those days. , " Well," continued the writer, "we went out, made our point, and found the still ; I will spare you the details. It was in a subterranean room or cave in the middle of the moors. The dis tillers had escaped, the informer got the .C2O, and I a cold." I have said that this intelligence an noyed Sutherland greatly; he could not help fancying that the "still" so cap tured was the same whose existence be had promised to conceal; and on his return to the regiment, his suspicious were turned into certainty by a descrip tion of the place from whence it had been taken. Time went on. Again Sutherland was out shooting upon the moors at some distance from the spot of his for mer adventure; again the mists gath ered round him ; again he lost his way, and the night drew M. His position recalled vividly to his mind the events of the first evening, and, as if to make the resemblance greater, out of the thick darkness rose a tall figure, which the sportsman immediately recognized as that of his guide and host in the secret chamber. The recognition was mutual, but to the officer the ideas which it awakened in his mind were far from pleasant. "This poor fellow." he said to him self, "will most certainly connect me with the loss of his still. It is a lone ly place to meet with an angry and desperate man, and he has doubtless companions within call. I am in for it, sure enough. Well, if I must fight I must, but 7 will speak him fair, at all events." So he looked gravely in his old acquaintance's face, who re turned the glance with a quiet smile. "So ye are lost again, are ye?" he said ; "sure it's a pity but them ye be long to don't take better care of you, film; and you'll be wanting a lodging again, be bound for it, such as you bad oust before." And hiscouniouance, to Sutherland's suspicious eye, assumed an ominous expression. "I have heard of your loss," Suther land Bald, "and I swear to you that I had nothing to du with it. I kept my promise faithfully. I was away when your property was taken ; I never mentioned it to anybody before or afterward, I assureyou upon my honor." " Is it your promise, sir !" replied the Irishman; "sure and why wouldn't you keep it? And didn't I know when I took ye to the ould place that you would keep it, by your honest young face? Would I have taken you there at all at all if I hadn't? Is it the likes of you that would turn informer? Bad cess to the whole seed and generation of them ! The curse of Cromwell be upon all those Informing villains!" Well," said Sutherland," I am glad you did me the Justice to think that I keptthe secret. However, It gotabroad." " Keep the secret, your honor!" said the other, with an Inexpressible look of slyness upon his good-natured face • will your honor keep another if I tell you one?" "Surely," replied the officer, "if you like to trust me." " Well, then, by dad," laughed Paddy, "I don't Bee how I am to help it if you are to get food and lodgingg, and may be a thrilie of drink, this night on the lone moors. It was the informer that your honor was speaking about, and the ould pot, the pour ould poc, which is gone entirely anyhow." And he shook his head with a comical air of gravity. " And troth and she was a poor mild pot, and you.see she was worn out next to nothin', and she had done me many a good turn these last ten years, more or less ; and she was not, so to say, good for much when I swapped her first ; and so just because she was of no use and I had nothing but empty Jpockets to buy another with, I ust-whist! eard ? no, all safe—l Just went and in- formed against her myself, the creature, and they went and got the sogers and carried her off in state ; it was honor for the likes of her, and I got the informer's money. It was nJt, so dirty as maybe It might have beeti,land I just went and —put you ear down, sir, and I'll whisper It to you—got a bran new one out of the notes; and if ye'll come with me a little beyondst ye'll find a place the very pattern of the last, and, maybe, a pannikin of the right sort out of the new still. Long life to his Majesty, and the back of my hand and the sole of my foot to the blackguard gaugers who paid for her." The Way for Ladles to Obtain Small Feet. A correspondent in San Francisco furnishes the subjoined information : I had the pleasure of an introduction, the other evening, to a Peruvian lady of the " upper crust," and was particu larly struck with the smallness of her feet and hands. The lady is a deep bru nette, has a " killing eye," teeth as white as pearl, a voice of rare sweetness, and, what will be decidedly interesting to my male readers, is mistress of a fortune of half a million. She visit% San Fran cisco for•the purpose of observing our manners and customs, and, perhaps, to pass a few months in one of our female seminaries. She informs me that the ladies of Lima are noted for their small feet, the secret being that the infants of the fe male sex undergo, as a rule, amputation of the little toe of each foot. So general is the custom that many women think that five toes on each foot is a state of thingspeculiar to the male sex. She also informed me that a famous Peru vian surgeon is coming up to San Fran cisco,. where he expects to reap a rich harvest. He warrants to very young ladies the tiniest and most graceful feet by means of the above-named amputa tion, and confinement to the house of only one week. A custom of this kind prevailed pretty generally in Paris some years ago, kept up by the very repre hensible complaisance of a surgeon who had acquired some reputation touching this silly mutilation. Ladies, be on the qui vim for the Peruvian surgeon. A Queer Wager The English are famoUs betters. A French paper (the French are always poking fun at John Bull) gives the fol lowing singular bet at Brighton between Sir John—aud Lord Ch —. The first, who is a very small man, bet the other, who is a ton of a man, that he could carry him twice around the hippodrome. A large number of ladies and gentle men attended to witness the proceeding. _ When the giant and pigmy met, the latter said. "Now, my Lord, lam ready. Take off your clothes." ." What! strip myself? You don't mean it?" " I bet to carry you, but not a particle of your clothes. Come, let's proceed. It won't do to disappoint these ladies and gentlemen." But my Lord was inflexible. He blushed at the bare thought of show himself In the thin costume of Venus emerging from the waves. So the re feree decided that Sir John—had won the bet. Colored Militia of Richmond Disbanded. General Schofield has ordered the officers of the negro battalion of this city to disband their organizations. These officers were summoned before him on Friday last and to his question of the object of their organization, they replied that It was to serve in the militia. The General told them that the recent order forbade all such organ izations, and they must disband. He also refused their request that they might remain organized until after the 8d of April, they stating that uniforms and equipments had beenpurchased, and every preparation made for a grand parade on that day.—Richmond Times. The Wit of Bench and &tr. BY L. J. BIGELONY Lawyers and judges have &reputation for wit, to which, as a class they are not fairly entitled. They enjoy a prestige in this matter much the same as the most squalid loafer of the "Eternal Oity" could claim by virtue of being a Roman citizen. The public concedes to the profession a capacity for infinite jest which it certainly does not possess. It is by no means an association of jokers. If there can be found duller men, men whose minds are more prosaic, whose spirits are less volatile, or whose tem peraments are more phlegmatic than the majority of those who sit upon the bench, or plead at the bar, then an per sons should pray especially to be deliv ered from their stupidity. The number of legal gentlemen who need, as Sidney Smith said, a surgical operation per formed to get a joke into their heads, is larger, in proportion to their strength, than either of the other learned profes sions. Accurate statistics would cer tainly verify this statement. This is nut only true now, but has, In the lan guage of the law been so, " for a period of time whereof' the memory of man runneth not to the contrary." In the whole line of the lord chancellors, Sir Thomas Moore was the only really bril liant wit. He uttered several pleasan tries to his executioner upon the scaffold, telling him, as he laid his head upon the block, to remove his beard for that had never harmed the king. He had a genial, sparkling merriment in his soul which even the presence of death could not chill. Among the English barristers the IlUalberof celebrated wits can be counted on the ten fingers ; and they, certainly, are not entitled to claim a mercurial character attaching to the profession, like "a covenant running with the land." The study of the law has a ten dency to sober the fancy and to destroy the flue glamour of the Imagination. The exceptions to this effect only prove the rule. The author of " Festus "is a poet in spite of Chitty and Blackstone, and John U. Saxe is au attorney to whom the law is nothing more than a joke. While the preparatory studies of the legal practitioner are not favorable to the developmentof wit, his after experiences afford the most splendid opportunities for its public display. Herein lies the secret of the bench and bar having secured a prescriptive title to a large share of the world's wit. It is because that in the trial cases, the odd characters who appear as parties and witnesses, and the constant tensions upon the minds of the counsel, and the freedom of remark, allowed thtm, furnish the most favorable occasion for the exhibi tion of pleasantry and brilliant repartee. In this kind of intellectual gladiator ship, the keen blades must in clashing throw off some sparks. The wit at such times issarcastic, cut ting, and remorseless. It is malicious, and Intended to give pain. The bon mots are gleaming daggers, with no flower-wreaths of sentiment on their hilts. Erskine, Sheridan, Curran, and Grattan, the most celebrutd witsof their day, were barristers ; and some of their finest conceits and most sparkling fancies were thrown off during their practice in court. A good sample of this species of wit Is the following:— Curran was one day engaged ln a legal argument. His colleague, standing be hind him, was a tall, lank, and lean man, who had orginally intended to take orders. The Judge remarked that the case before him involved a question of ecclesiastical law; and on hearing this Curran responded, "Then I can refer your lordship to a high authority behind me, who was once intended for the church, though in my opinion he was fitter for the steeple." In much the same vein was a retort of Lord Erskine, who, when at the height of his reputation, was once op posed to Councillor Lamb, an old and celebrated member of the bar, of very timid manners and nervous tempera ment, who usually prefaced his plea with some kind of an apology. On this occasion ho happened to remark that he felt himself growing more and more timid as he grew older. "No wonder," replied the witty but relentless Erskine, "every one knows that theoldera lamb grows, the more sheepish he becomes." When Sheridan was going to court one morning, carrying his usual green bag full of books and papers, some of his professional associates set on the ur chins in the streets to ask him if he were peddling old clothes. " No," he replied, "these are all new sults." " This, however, is not as good as his remark on entering a crowded commit tee room, when he celled out In parlia mentary language, "Will some one move that I may take the chair!" One would hardly suppose that so dry a subject as the law would furnish material for lively epigrams; but it has provoked some specimens of this species of versification, which are not the worst of their kind. In a rare old English book containing some legal curiosities is the following, which as a compliment to the fairsex is certainly very unique; Fee simple and simple fee, And all the fees In tall, Are nothing When compared to thee, Thou best of fees—r mato I" This was doubtless the production of a love-sick law-student, whose mind, wandering from Blackstone's subtle re finements on " fees " to his adored mis tress, blossomed forth In this remarka ble antithesis. The following legal definition is not found in any of the standard text books in use among the profession, and must have been written by some disgusted limb of the law, who had fainted by the wayside, or by a disappointed client, who had lost faith in the infallible Jus tice of the courts: " For pay to prove an honest man a thief, For pay, to break the widow's heart with grief, To stifle truth,—for Iles to gain belief— Even rare Ben. Johnson, in his " Vol pone, or the Fox," leaves us a specimen of this malicious sarcasm on a lawyer, who may, perhaps, have sued him for a wine bill. He makes one of the char acters say,— " so wise, co grave, of so perplexed a tongue, And loud withal, that Would not wag, nor scarce Lie sill without a fee." But of all legal poems and epigrams, those of John G. Saxe are unrivaled, and are too familiar to need quotation. His " Briefless Barrister " will probably live after all the learned arguments and forensic efforts of the most able lawyers of his age have been lost in the very dregs of oblivion. His epigram "On a Famous Water-Suit" must be par doned by way of showing its superiority to some of those which.have preceded it: "My wonder is really boundless That among the queer cases we try, A land-ease should often be groundless, And a water-case always be dry," The law also has its conundrums and puns, which seem a natural sequence of the double entendre which attorneys must cultivate, to take such opposite views, and give such antagonistic opinions as they do on precisely the same state of facts. It is true that pun ning has not been considered !neon sistent with the dignity of the bench, and even some of the lord chancellors in their gowns and wigs have occasion ally indulged in this species of wit. When Erskine was chancellor, he was asked by the Secretary of the Treasury if he intended to be present at the grand ministerial fish dinner to be given at Greenwich at the end of the session, to which he replied : "To be sure I shall ; what wouldour fish-dinner be without the GREAT S EAL? When Lord Chancellor Eldon was suffering from the gout in both feetA where, though painful, it is not danger ous—he said, he did not much mind the gout below the knee, provided it were only "neplus ultra." It was evidently some such demented and extreme oases as this latter one, that suggested the philanthropic idea of an Asylum for Aged and Decayed ,Punsters. My Lord Eldon's lower ex tremities were not alone effected at this period,—his wits were no doubt dis torted by organic diseases. This wretched pun drives us across the ocean, to select a better example from the judiciary of our own tionntry. Judge William J. Rasvn, of the Supreme Court of New York, is one of. the very few dignitaries of the bench, who has adorned his sound legal acquirements with the amenities of,literature, and sweetened hisjudicial remarks occasion ally, with a most delicious humor. One day, during the trial of a cause, a Mr. Gunn was a witness on the stand, and as he hesitated a good deal, and seemed unwilling, after much persistent ques tioning, to tell what he knew, the judge said to him,—" Come, Mr. Goon, don't hang flre." After the examination had closed, the bar was convulsed by Judge Bacon's adding,—" Mr. Gunn, you can go off; now—you may be discharged." Some legal conundrums are absolutely startling, as for instance : Why is an escaped felon "the noblest work of God ?" Because_ he Is an non eat man. Why Is a lawyer like a lazy man In the morning? Because he Iles first on one side, and then turns over and Iles on the other. But the finest example of this kind of wit is furnished lu an anecdote of two notable men, around whose names cluster many proud and pleasant mem ories to keep them alive in the publio mind. Chief Justice Story was once a guest at a public dinner in Boston, at which Edward Everett Was present. Wishing to pay a delicate compliment to the latter, the learned Judge proposed as a volunteer toast, "Fame follows merit where Everett goes." The bril liant scholar and consummate orator, not at all disconcerted, rose, and tossing up his wineglass, responded "To what ever heights judicial learning may at tain in this country, it will never rise above one Story." Among the finest specimens of Im promptu reply, which while not witty in the ordinary sense of the term, con talus a compressed eloquence of the most exquisite type is the following by Williain j Wirt. This celebrated advo cate was once arguing a case involving some personal right, in the course of which he stated a very broad legal pro position. His opponent asked him for his authority in laying down the rule, and to cite the book and page which contained his precedent. Mr. Wirt, in his impressive style, turned upon his questioner, and answered in this gor geous manner:— - "Sir, I am not bound to grope my way among the ruins of antiquity,—to stumble over obsolete statutes, and delve in black-letter lore, in search of a prin ciple written In living letters upon the heart of every man." Rufus Choate, the most brilliant man in Many respects that has ever adorned the profession, often indulged in a gro tesque wit, which was quite as original as any element in his eccentric genius. He once complimented Chief Justice Shaw of Massachusetts—said to have been one of the ugliest men thatever sat upon the bench—by saying, as he arose to commence his argument, "In com ing into the presence of your Honor, I experielice the same feelings the Hiiudoo does when he bows before his idol,—/ know that you are ugly; but I feel that you are great." On another occasion, when he asked a witness what his occupation was, the sanctimonious individual answered, "I am a minister of the gospel, sir,—a can dle of the Lord." " Of what denomination, sir?" "The Baptist." " I truat, then," replied Mr. Choate, " that you area dipped, but notaivick-ed candle." This paper may be concluded by two examples of sarcastic wit, which Is the type most common among lawyers. A member of the bar once entered the Courts of Appeals of New York, while a counsellor was arguing an important case. " Who is that gentleman address ing the court?" said he, speaking to Charles O'Connor, who was sitting near him. " That, sir, is Daniel Lord, Junior, and he puts on the " Jurriort," so he may not be mistaken for the Lord Almighty " It may be inferred that these two professional rivals resembled neither Damon and Pythla, nor Jona than and David, in their affection for each other. The reader may by this time feel like the hungry judge who had been kept upon the bench an hour after the time for dinner, by the long speech of an ad- vocate in defence of a criminal. Get ting out of all patience he said, " Mr. B—, you must conclude your argu meta at once, or I shall adjourn fbr din ner; you know that I dine at 1 o'clock, and it is now nearly two." Lawyer B--, turning to the dignitary of the bench, replied, " Your Honor most strikingly illustrates that deep insight into human nature which Shakespeare displayed, when he said, displayed lean, lank, and hungry Judge would bang the gudh.,o4, Hamer than eat hle undn.ui cold." Butler and Barnum. Ex tract from a speech by Hon. S. S. Cox, at Bridgeport: INhere does the showman get his lib erty to brand these men of worth ; to sneer at Andrew Johnson as a tailor ! forsooth ; or to boast of his superior mo rality ? fi lu has told the truth about himself in his autobiography-1i book that ought to be en titled "The Recol lections of a Successful Scamp," he has been from the first an arrant trickster. You may remember his account of his " bottle trick," when he cheated his Uncle Aaron and Aunt Laura ; his old tin cups, which he passed off for good ; his boast of selling cotton for wool, and wool and cotton for silk and linen ; his beans and peas for ground coffee, and his corn meal for ginger; clocks, with half the wheels out of case, ex changed for regular time-keepers; his swindle of the Irish pedler ; his confes sion of being a convicted libeller ; and as the climax his counterfeited woolly horse, and the original bill of sale from Augustine Washington of Joyce Heth, the venerable nurse of "dear little George Washington I" All these schemes have a name anti penalty ih law, and a worse character In ethics ; but the unconscionable show man makes a boast of his audacities. He Is a fit exponent of the party which Senator Wilson boasted stood on the rock of ages, with all the measureless moral influences of the universe to sus tain it—the showman having the meas ureless moral Influences ! There is a fitness ofhis being a companion of Butler in Congress. (Cheers.) They are twins in impudence and brothers for lucre. Whatever pays is right. Some one has endeavored to anticipate the tombstone in Butler's case, by Inditing hie epitaph thus: Here lies a great hero who shirked b:oody strife He passed In a bottle some years of his life; But ere he was bottled much plunder hemmed, which, in spite of remonstrance, he al ways re. talned, Till it grew to a maxim beyond all debate, That no Butler e're took such good care of the plate. And when ve.sels of silver were missing Alack," Sighed the owners, "they're hidden In Benja min's sack." (Cheers.) That's a Brief. If I might essay to write the show man's ante-mortem and political epitaph, I trust you will make it good In April : ''he show is over, Barnnm's gone His earthlyjourney naw is done; Ambition did his soul environ. He fell beneath a man of iron, The Yankee peopje_would not choose him, But sent him iituMl into his Museum, Preserved in wax, his eyes all glass— His other noires do surpass The woolly horse has shed his wool, With grief his heart was over full; The "happy fsunlly" mourn his care; The mermaid drops her salt tears there; Poor Joyce Heth mumbles her great grief, And hymns and psalms give no relief. Her little George Washington Hasgone where Barnum hasn't gone! Tue Learned seal, with mourning wet, Refuses meat to cure regret The Aztec children tear their hair Those kinks proclaim their deep despair; The showman ferried over the Styx, And hell rewards his Yankee tricks! (Long and loud laughter and cheers,) The Chimes of Rt. lohaers Restpredl. The bells of St. Michael's Church, in Charleston which have been in the posses • sion of the United States authorities, have been released from the custom house, and on Sunday wore subjected to their first trial, and, as they chimed the familiar sounds of "Home Again," the eyes of not a few were bedewed With grateful tears. The bells were found to be in perfect oondition, and here after we may hopo to have them ring in many Sabbaths of prosperity and peace. NUMBER 13. iiell=4o. Vanltas VanHakim—The Esterbasy Jewels. No doubt your readers have heard marvellous tales of la jeunesae doree and the lavish expenditure and wonderfl2l, extravagance of young men borne to a certain amount of wealth, who rather seek to flash like a meteor than to shine like a fixed star. One requires very little intimacy with the swells of Eng land to find out that Lord Harry went up Very lately ou a "good thing" on the Derby for £60,000, and only had his family name saved by his brother, the Marquis, and his dear old mother, the Dowager, on condition that he would be a good boy and cut training stables for the future. It does not take tiny par ticular knowledge of private life to find out that scores of lazy, indolent, good fellows are lounging away their lives at cheap places, in the south of Europe, this one because he sunk the whole £lOO,OOO his father Lord F., left him last year, In one racing season, and tnat one because, with all the handsome in come he inherited, he has been obliged to cut the Arlington and can't show again at Newmarket. Only two months ago, half a dozen of the best known young men here went across the chan nel, to rusticate on the continent, while of those that can stay at home, If one can only get a peep at Mr. Padwick's race dinners, it is very easy to see who belong to the lame duck class. This now celebrated horse dealer entertained recently, at a race dinner, at least a dozen titled gentlemen, among whom were dukes and marquises and earls. Many a man who bears a proud name is thankful to accept his favors and some of them have received more than they can ever repay. Among these is the Duke of Hamilton. Only three years ago lie succeeded to £76,000 a year. To• day he is almost a pensioner on his friends of the ring and the palace of the Douglass is at the disposition, at least during this duke's life, of Mr. Patiwkik. But all these are as trifles when com pared with the break up of the Ester huzys. The vieillesBe doree has so far outstripped the jcancasc doree that the extravagances of the latter sink into comparative insignificance. his almost difficult to give any one, who has not been aluest in princely houses, an idea of the wealth of these princes. The Estorhazys are the feudal proprietors of nearly one third of Hungary ; they are owners of thirty-three most extensive manors and suzerains of numerous lord ships. They have estates and castles and vassals, and from these they have derived a lordly income, almost fabu lous, which they dispensed with that lavish Asiatic magnificence, so peculiar to the Hungarian magnates and so to tally different from everything Euro pean. i-ome appreciation may be had of the style of life peculiar to the Mag yar nobles, from a little anecdote of Count Wesselenyi. He was reproached for not having a good hotel on his large estates. He built at once a better one than could be found within fifty miles, but over the door of It, he had painted In large letters " Wesselenyi's Hotel, but hound the man who stops here and not at. Wesselenvi's Castle." The gallery In the Esterhazy palace in Vienna contains some of the finest pictures, and the choicest Murillos es pecially, in Germany. The stud of the last Prince, Paul, was the best In con tinental Europe, one in France possibly excepted, and his sheep farms alone, where some of his choice merino rams would frequently sell for £6OO, were in themselves an immense fortune. Only two years ago, when on his last visit to this country, he went to look over an immense sheep farm lu Scotland. The head shepherd, enthusiastic with pride us he pointed from the top of the bill to the numerous herds scattered around, said, "Has your Highness as many sheep as those?" " - I don't know," answered his Highness dryly; "but I've got more shepherds." From the choicest grapes of one of the Esterhazy vineyards is made the Imperial Tokay. It is a wine of wonderful delicacy and exquisite flavor, very peculiar in char acter and having about it something, when it acquires ago and loses some what of its sweetness, that reminds one strongly of that wonderfully delicate flavor which is only found in the very finest Southern Madeiras or the very purest bronze seal Johannisberger. It Is always a little sweet, but not sweet enough to rank as a liqueur. There are lower qualities of Tokay which bring In a handsome revenue, but the Impe rial Tokay is a Princely wine and is only parted with as a Princely gift to a Prince's friends. It is found only In the cellars of the wealthy and the noble and then only where it has been sent. None is sold and scarcely any private Influence is sufficient to obtain for a stranger to the Esterhazys the gift of even a few bottles. To all this wealth there has at last come an end. In sporting parlance, poor Paul " went up." He died a couple of months ago so deeply indebted, that all his private property, in fact what ever was not entailed has passed into the hands of his creditors and is being sold by them for their benefit. The horses have already been disposed of and quite recently the Esterhazy jewels have pass ed into the hands of Mr. Boree, jeweller on the Strand, where they are now for sale. The collection consists of at least 50,000 brilliants, many of them of im mense size, of emeralds, rubles, sap phires, opals, pearls and in a word, of precious stones of every description. The Esterhazy collection has long been celebrated throughout Europe, and the jewelled boots and pearl embroidered pantaloons were known at every large court. The passion for precious stones ifppear to have been hereditary in the family. The most extraordinary orna ments were sewed over splendid uni forms until they became as stiff with pearls as a coat of mall and when Prince Paul appeared in all his jewelled splen dor his dress was too cumbrous to allow him to move with ease. The most valuable of all the ornaments was the diamond aigrette which Prince Nicholas first adopted at the time of the corona tion of the Emperor Francis as King of Hungary in 1791 and which be thou wore in place of the plume or " busby" of the Hussar cap. ' On that occasion he appeared as captain of a special body guard to the King, at the head of a troop of twenty-four princes and nobles, all of them possessed of enormous wealth. This plume contained over 5,000 dia monds, it weighed one and a half pounds, and was the largest diamond ornament in the world. It was sixteen inches high and composed of the finest brilliants. Around the cap was a row of pearls perfect-in size and faultless in shape, and the lion's head, from whose mouth the band depended, was finely colored in tawny enamel, while from the eyes flashed and sparkled a pair of splendid diamonds. The rest of the ac coutrements were in keeping with this head dress. The sword hilt was en crusted with diamonds; the scabbard flashed with diamonds; the belt blazed with diamonds. The ammunition pouch was encrusted with jewels, the boots were covered with jewelry, and the tas sels which hung from their tops were made of diamond brilliants. Those portions of the equipments of his dress, which are usually of metal, were made of fide brilliants. The effect, even at this grand pageant, where all was dis play, was dazzling. It did not, how ever, satisfy the wishes of this prodigal prince, who seemed determined to out strip even orowned beads In superb ostentation. As he was colonel of a Hungarian Hussar regiment the gorge ous and somewhat fantasticgl uniform of his cops offered him excellent oppor tunities for the display of his passion. His son, Prince Paul, inherited the extravagant taste of his father. Every part of the magnificent uniform which he wore, as the commander of his corps of Hungarian Hussars, blazed and spark. led and shonewith gems of purest ray. Jacket pelisse and breeches were all strung with costly pearls and one really doubted, even with Aladdin's lamp at command, If the most extravagant im agination would not exhaust itself from pure weariness, before a selection of pre dons stones could be called for and ar ranged to match this splendidly superb ra2llonwrundni 5140fd• 'Per 11 11 4 1 14 8 .5.$9.:ARSUAraEr* ad - MILV An =an Handrs. isogonal. Piroirirrs,and Ow . nos. BMW. •Dfdridzet inserted in Lobel o:dinn. 15 oardnper 11ne. , , , Eiracian Nano*, Preceding madly and nom* 10 ofdda MA* ror drat lneertion, and 5 mate for ererlf munentimit IrOames Canna, of Om Linea or lees, one year... 10 nosiness I)l4.thave linen or Im, one Year,LEGAL Ana ors. 8 NOT/CEB— ..:0110011.' 2 .00 Adminlatratora• aArga ' re' ea notloes,.. . 1 2.00 .50 Other "Rona"' i42 7 / 1 11 Ek or / 470.11- ,. • three times ,.. 1.50 and gorgeously fantastic costume. The pearls on the jacket and pantaloons alone measured, it is stated, a peck. One diamond on the cagrelte was valued at .C 20,000. The orders of knighthood of Prince Paul were copied over and over again in precious jewels. He had no less than six orders of the Widen Fleece. One was composed of purest brilliants, one of superb yellow diamonds, and one, of diamonds and emeralds, contained the best colored emerald of its size known. It was matchless. There, were also orders of the Bath and other orders In diamonds. They were unequalled by any jewelled orders in Europe. Besides these there were single diamonds, snuff boxes, belts, stars, crosses and many ob jects of minor Importance. The whole of this dazzling collection has now come to the hammer. It hap fallen into hands of a London Jeweller. On a square board, covered with black velvet, these spoils of haughty pride are now paraded to the gaze of the public. The effect is startling for the moment, but the impression produced is inex pressibly sad. Stone seems to tell to stone a morn ful story, and as we turn away (*rout the contemplation of these glittering baubles gathered together, but a little while ago from the corners of the earth, for the gratification, of human vanity, and now again to be scattered abroad, through the wide world of wealth and fashion, we muse dreamingly on the bubbles of life which burst so soon and feel how vain the effort of those would grapple with time. It is at best a weary struggle, for after all One common end overtakes Ilfe's Idle dream ing, Dust, darkness, tears! Female Suffrage View,/ of Mark Twain Editors Missouri Democrat I have read the long list of lady peti tioners In favor of female suffrage, and as a husband and a father .I. want to protest against the whole business. It will never do to allow women to vote. It will never do to allow them to hold office. You know, and I know tjiat if they were grunted these privileges there would be uo more peace on earth. They would swamp the coun try with debt. They like to hold office too well. They like to be Mrs. Presi dent Smith of the Dorcas Society, or Mrs. Secretary Jones of the Hindoo Aid AssociatiOn, or Mrs. Treasurer of some thing or other. They are fond of the distinction of the thing, you know ; they revel in the sweet Jingle of the title. They are always setting up sane-, tilled confederations of all kinds, and then running for President of them. They are even so fond of office that they are willing to serve without pay. Hut you allow them to vote and to go to the Legislature once, and then see how it will be. They will go to work and start a thousand more societies, and cram them full of salaried offices. You will see a state of things then that will stir your feelings to the bottom of your pockets. The first fee bill would exas perate you some. Instead of the usual schedule for Judges, State printer, Su preme court clerks, &c.the list would read something like this I==! President Dorcas society 8 4,000 Subordinate officers of mune, uueb 2,000 President Ladies' Union prayer meeting :1,000 President Pawnee Educational ,ucluty.. 4,1110 President of Ladles' society for Inseam I- hutioh of lichee Lehtres union.; the Stioshonea GAO stale Crinoline Inreutremi 10,000 State Superintendent of watorfalla le,ooo State Hair 011 inapeetreas 10,1100 Slate Milliner 50,000 You know what a state of anarchy and social chaos that fee bill would create. Every woman in the Commonwealth of Missouri would let go everything and run for State Milliner. And instead of ventilating each other's political ante cedents,. us mon do, they would go straight after each other's private moral character. (I know them—they are all like my wife.) Before the canvass was three days old it would be an establish ed propbsitlon that every woman in the State wits " no better than she ought to be." Only think how It would lacerate me to have an opposition candidate say that about my wife. That is the idea, you know—having other people say these hard things. Now, I know that my wife Isn't any better than she ought to be, poor devil—in fact in matters of orthodox doctrine, she is particularly shaky—but still I would not like.these things aired in a political contest. I don't really suppose that that woman will stand any more show hereafter than—however, she may improve—she may even become a beacon light for the saving of others—but If she does, she will burn rather dim, and she will flicker a good deal, too. But, as I was saying, a female political canvass would be an outrageous thing. Think of the torch-light procession that would distress our eyes. Think of the curious legends on the transparen cies: " Robbins forever ! Vote for Sallie Robbins, the only virtuous candidate in the field !" And this : "Chastity, modesty, patriotism I Let the great peoplestand by Marla Sanders, the champion of morality and progress, and the only candidate with a stainless reputation !" And this: " Vote for Judy McGinnis, the incor ruptible! Nine children—one at the breast!" In that day a man shall say to his ser vant, " What Is the matter with the baby ?" And the servant shall reply, "It has been sick for hours." " And where is its mother?" "She is out electioneering for Sallie Robbins." And such conversations as these shall transplie between ladies and ser vants applying for situations: "Can you cook ?" ' Yes." "Wash?" "Yes." Do general housework ?" " Yes." "All right; who is your choice for State mil lifer?" "Judy McGinnis." " Well, you can tramp." And women shall talk politics instead of discussing the fash ions ; and they shall neglect the duties of the household to go out and take a drink with candidates ; and men shall nurse the baby while their wives travel to the polls to vote. And also in that day the man who hath beautiful whis kers shall beat the homely man of wis dom for Governor, and the youth who waltzes with exquisite grace shall be Chief of Police, in preference to the man of practiced sagacity and determined energy. * * * * * Every man, I take it; has a selfish end in view when he poursout eloquence in behalf of the public good in the news papers, and such is the case with me. I do not want the privileges of woman extended, because my wife already holds office in nineteen different infernal female associations and I have to do all her clerking. If you give the women full sweep with the men in political affairs, she will proceed to run for every confounded office under the new dis pensation. That will finish me. It la bound to finish me. She would not have time to do anything at all then, and the one solitary thing I haveshirk • ed up to the present time would fall on me and my family would go to destruc tion ; for I am not qualified for a wet nurse. MARK TWAIN. Mixing Babies An Alliance correspondent of the Canton (0.) Repository relates the following: Home days ago there was a dancing party given for the benefit of the Fenlans, on the out skirts of town, and several of the ladles present had little babies, whose noisy pier varsity their ma's to enjoy the "hop." A number of gallant young men volunteered to guard the infantry while the ladies engaged In the "break down." No sooner had the mothers left their cherubs In the hands of the mis chievous wretches, than they stripped the darlings, changed their clothes, giving the apparel of one to another. The dance over, the mothers each took, as she thought, her own baby, and hurriedly left the scene of gaieties and started to their homes several miles apart, being far on the way before the "peep-o'•day." On the following day there was a tremendous row In the settlement. Mothers discovered that a single night had changed the sox of their babies, and then commenced some of the' tallest Amide pedestrianism. Living Mlles apart; It re quired two days to nnmix the little cherubs, and will require as many woalpt. to restore the mothers to their riaktM,l, sweet dispoeltions,
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