T. 7 •. ■' -•- ■ ; •/ • • ■ J I ' 1;* -
sl)c jtancttstcr fntcUitjciuxi:
VOL. LXIII.
THE LANCASTER INTELLIGENCER.
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3Y GEO. SANDERSOS.
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NOTHING TO DO.
Miss Mollina McMorran was hearty and hale,
Yet wished to be slender and languid and pale.
So defrauded her stomach of what was its dae,
And cheated her muscles of exercise too ;
She dipped in the goblet her fingers so rare,
And wiped their tip ends with a delicate air,
Then crossed her white hands on her hoop-bespread
lap,,
Too inert to converse, and too vain for a nap;
For still ’twas her aim in attracting the view,
To convince all beholders she’d nothing to do.
Miss Julia de Scamper was agile and bright,
Her step like the queen of the fairies was light;
So, her feet for the sloth of her hands made amends,
And she took for her calling to call on her friends;
At all seasons and times she saluted their view,
Though they might be busy, she’d nothing to do,
But a plenty of small talk around her to fling,
So she babbled away like a brooklet in spring,
Hanging up a slain hour as she went from the door;
Alas! for such trophies when time is no more.
Miss Celestia Fitz Mackarel would dawdle all day
Over crotchet and worsted, or novel and play;
She sorted her shades with an accurate eye,
But let her poor mother’s wan features go by;
"Who, worn half to death with her family care,
Found nothing like help from her daughter and heir.
The getting of dinners, the toil and the stir
Of such vulgar pursuits, were disgusting to her;
And thus to her nondescript creed she was trne,
The mother might fail, but she’d nothing to do.
0, young men, my masters, who dream with delight
Of a home of your own, which no discord can blight,
Where the roses of Eden, from fading exempt.
And an Eve whom no contraband apple can tempt,
Where the wheels of good order like clock-work shall
move,
And babies well trained bring an ocean of Jove,
Where prudence with smiles of endearment shall
glow,
And wealth hand in hand with economy grow;
I’d fain sound a trumpet and bid you beware
Of quicksands beneath, though the surface seems
fair,
Avoid, like the Upas, with poisonous dew,
Those exquisite Ladies who’ve nothing to do .
THE SHADOW KISS.
Two deep bay windows lit the room
In which we watched the evening gloom ;
In this myself and Lucy sat,
Pater and maiden aunts in that;
The gaslight on the flags below
And on our coiling cast a glow.
While pater and his coterie
Talked matters parliamentary,
Or ruled, with solemn shake of head.
How prudontly tho young should wed,
In my committee I said, “This,
My dearest, is the time to kiss!”
Lured by the shadowy hour and nook,
s The proffered pledge she coyly took;
When, lo ! by our unluoky fate,
In silhouette our tete-a-tete,
Noses and pouted lips were all
Obliquely shadowed on the wall!
So, when the footman brings in tea,
Sombre are they, and scarlet we;
The lamp has prematuroly shown
A truth we had not dared to own ;
Small thanks to light untimely cast,
And yet this kiss was not our last!
The Tale He Told the Marines.
Now mind, I will not guarantee the
truth of this. I can only tell it you as he
told it us. It sounds improbable, certain
ly, but no one oan say it is impossible.
What is there to prevent a lady, if she is
so inclined, from . But that would
spoil the story. And there is no law of
nature, I suppose, to restrain a man who
is so devoid of gentlemanly feeling as he
is . But that would tell yon what is
coming. It is no good saying he was in
toxicated, because 1 defy you to get drunk
on sherry and soda-water ; and to lay it to
the heat of the season is absurd, for it was
a remarkably cool evening for August.
No! Jenkyns is a man who has had some
strange experience, and this is not the
least strange among them. Still, mind, I
will not guarantee the truth of this;
though, by the way, you don’t often find a
man tell the same tale twice in exactly the
same way if it is not true, and I have
heard him tell this twice. The first time
was at a dinner at Lord . Well! it does
not matter where. It is sometimes advis
able not to mention proper names. I don’t
think mentioning this would do any harm,
though—at a dinner at Lord’s crioket
ground, and the second time was on the
occasion of which I am speaking, when I
found him drinking Bherry and soda-water,
and smokiDg cheroots with three officers of
Marines, one of whom, with five gloves
(ladies’ six-and-a-half) and a withered
rose before him, was telling how, ‘ after
leading me on in this way, after gaining
my young affections in this treacherous
manner, by Jove ! sir, she throws me over
and marries Blubber.’
‘ It’s like the sex,’ said the second
Marine.
‘ l’ts woman that sejueies all mankind,’
said the third Marine.
‘ It reminds me of what onoe happened
to myself,’ said Jenkyns ; ‘ you don’t know
the story,’ he continued, turning to me.
‘ So just order yourself some sherry and
soda-water ; ah ! and while you are about
it order some for me too, and you oan pay
for them both when they come ; then I
shan’t be put out. Paying for anything
always puts me out. Thank you! I’ll try
one of your cigars. Well, gentlemen,’
turning to the Marines, ‘ some time ago I
was staying with Sir George P ,
P House, P shire. Great num
ber of people there—all kinds of amuse
ments going on. Driving, riding, fishing,
shooting, everything, in fact. Sir George’s
daughter, Fanny, was often my companion
in these expeditions, and I was considera
bly struck with her. For she was a girl
to whom the epithet 1 stunning ’ applies
better than any other that I am acquainted
with. She could ride like Nimrod, she
oonld drive like Jehu, she could row like
Charon, she could dance like Terpsichore,
she could run like Diana, she walked like
Juno, and she looked like Venus. I’ve
seen her smoke.’
( One good point in her character, at
any rate,’ said the third Marine.
4 Just like the sex,’ said the second
Marine.
‘ Ah! she was a stunner,’ continued
Jenkyns ; 1 you should have heard that
girl whistle and laugh—you should have
heard her laugh. She was truly a delight
ful companion. We rode together, drove
together, fished together, walked together,
danced together, sang together. 1 called
her Fanny, and she oalled me Tom. All
this could have but one termination, you
know. I fell in love with her, and de
termined to take the first opportunity of
proposing. So one day, when we were out
together fishing on the lake, I went down
on my knees amongst the gudgeons, seized
her hand, pressed it to my waistcoat, and'
in burning aooents entreated her to become
my wife.
“Don’t be a fool!’- she said. ‘Now
drop it, do, and pit me a fresh, worm on.’
“,O Fanny !’ I exolaimed, ‘don’t talk
about worms when marriage is in question.
Only say.—’
‘ ‘ I tell you what it is, now,’ she re
plied, angrily, ‘ if you don’t drop it I’ll
pitch you out of the boat.’
‘Gentlemen,’ said Jenkyns, with strong
emotion, ‘ I did not drop it j and I give
yon my word of honor, with a snetten shove
she sent me flying into the water j then
seizing the eenlls, with a stroke or two
she put several yards between ns, and
burst into a fit of laughter that fortunately
prevented her from going any further. I
swam up and climbed into the boat.
f‘Jenkyns,’ said I to myself, ‘ revenge!
revenge!’
‘ 1 disguised my feelings. I laughed—
hideous mockery of mirth—l laughed.
Pulled to the hank; went to the house,
and changed my clothes. When I ap
peared at the dinner-table, I perceived
that every one had been informed of my
ducking—universal laughter greeted me.
During dinner Fanny repeatedly whispered
to her neighbor, and glanced at me.
Smothered laughter invariably followed.
‘ Jenkyns,’ said I, ‘ revenge!’
‘ The opportunity soon offered. There
was to be a balloon ascent from the lawn,
and Fanny had tormented her father into
letting her ascend with the aeronaut. I
instantly took my plans ; bribed the aero
naut to plead illness at the moment when
the machine should have risen ; learned
from him the management of the balloon—
though I understood that pretty well be
fore—and calmly awaited the result. The
day The weather was fine. The
balloon was inflated. Fanny was in the
ear. Everything was ready, when the
aeronaut suddenly fainted. He was oarried
into the house, and Sir George aeoompanied
him to see that be was properly attended
to. Fanny was in despair.
‘ ‘ Am I to lose my air expedition ?’ she
exolaimed, looking over the side of the oar.
‘ Some one understands the management
of this thing, surely ? Nobody ! Tom !’
she oalled out to me, ‘ you understand it,
don’t you ?’
‘ ‘ Perfectly,’ I answered.
‘Come along, then!’ she oried; ‘be
quick, before papa comes baok.’
‘ Tho company in general endeavored to.
dissuade her from her project, but of
course in vain. After a decent show of
hesitation I climbed into the ear. The
balloon was oast off, and rapidly sailed
heavenward. There was scarcely a breath
of wind, and we rose almost straight up.
We rose above the house, and she laughed
and said :
‘How jolly!’
‘ We were higher than the highest trees,
and she smiled, and said it was very kind
of me to come with her. We were so high
that the people below looked mere specks,
and she hoped that I thoroughly under
stood the management of the balloon.
Now was my time.
‘‘ I understand the going up part,’ I
answered ; ‘ to come down is not so easy,’
and I whistled.
‘ ‘ What do you mean V she cried.
‘ ‘ Why, when you want to go np faster,
you throw some sand overboard,’ I replied,
suiting the action to the word.
‘ Don’t be foolish, Tom,’ she said, trying
to appear quite calm and indifferent, but
trembling uncommonly.
‘ ‘ Foolish !’ I said. ‘Oh dear, no ! but
whether I go along the ground or up in
the air, I like to go the pace, and so do
you, Fanny, 1 know. Go it, you cripples !’
and over went another sand-bag.
‘ ‘ Why, you’re mad, surely,’ she whis
pered, in utter terror, and tried to reach
the bags ; but I kept her baok.
‘ Only with love, my dear,’ I answered,
smiling pleasantly ; ‘ only with love for
you. 0, Fanny, I adore you ! Say you
will be my wife.’
‘ ‘ I gave you an answer the other day,’
she replied, ‘ one which I should have
thought you would have remembered,’ she
added, laughing a little, notwithstanding
her terror.
‘ ‘ I remember it perfectly,’ I answered,
‘ but I intend to have a different reply to
that. You see those five sand-bags ! I
shall ask you five times to be my wife.—
Every time you refuse I shall throw over
a sand-bag—so, lady fair, as the cabman
would say, reconsider your decision, and
consent to become Mrs. Jenkyns.’
‘‘ I won’t,’ she said j ‘ I never will; and
let me tell yen that you are acting in a
very ungentlemanly way, to press me
thus.’
‘ ‘ You acted in a very lady-like way
the other day, did you not,’ I rejoined,
‘ when you knocked me out of the boat ?’
She laughed again, for she was a plucky
girl, and no mistake—a very plucky girl.
‘ However,’ I went on, it’s no good argu
ing about it—will you promise to give me
your hand ?’
‘ ‘Never !’ she answered ; ‘ I’ll go to
Ursa Major first, though I’ve got a big
enough bear here, in all oonsoienoe. Stay !
you’d prefer Aquarius, wouldn’t you ?’
She looked so pretty that I was almost
inclined to let her off (I was only trying
to frighten her, of oourse—l knew how
high we could go safely, well enough, and
how valuable the life of Jenkyns was to
his oountry ;) but resolution is one of the
strong points of my character, and when
I’ve begun a thing 1 like to carry it through
so I threw over another sand-bag, and
whistled the Dead Maroh in Saul.
‘ ‘ Come, Mr. Jenkyns,’ she said, sud
denly, ‘ oome, Tom, let us deseend now,
and I’ll promise to say nothing whatever
about all this.’
‘ I continued the execution of the Dead
Maroh.
‘ ‘ But if you do not begin the descent
at onoe I’ll tell papa the moment I set foot
on the ground.’
‘ I laughed, seized another bag, and
looking steadily at her, said :
‘ ‘ Will you promise to give me your
hand ?’
‘ ‘ I’ve answered you already,’ was the
reply.
‘ Over went the sand, and the solemn
notes of the Dead March resounded
through the ear.
‘ ‘ 1 thought you were a gentleman, said
Fanny, rising up in a terrible rage from
the bottom of the ear, where she had been
sitting, and looking perfectly beautiful in
her wrath; ( 1 thought you were a gentle
man, but I find I was mistaken; why, a
ohimney-sweeper' would not treat a lady
in such a way. Do you .know that you
are risking your own life as well as mine
by your madness ?’
‘ I explained that I adored her so much
that to die in her eompany would be per
fect bliss, so that I begged she would not
consider my. ; feelings at all. She dashed
her beautiful hair from her face, and
“THAT OOUKTRT IS THE HOST PROSPEROUS WHIRR LABOR OOHHAHUS THI GRRACTST RRWARD.”—BUOHAHAH.
LANCASTER CITY, PA., TUESDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 25, 1862.
standing perfectly erect, looking like the
goddess of Anger’ or Boadioea—if yon
oan imagine that personage in a balloon—
she said:
‘ ‘ I command yon to begin the desoent
this instant!’
‘ The Dead March, whistled in a man
ner essentially gay and lively, was the on
ly response. After a few minutes’ silence
I took up another bag, and said :
‘ ‘ We are getting rather high ; if you
do not decide soon we shall have Mercury
coming to tell us that we are tresspassing.
Will yon promise me your hand V
‘ She sat in sulky silence in the bottom
of the ear. I threw over the sand. Then
she tried another plan. Throwing herself
on her knees and bursting into tears, she
said :
‘ ‘ Oh, forgive me for what I did the
other day ! It was very wrong, and lam
very sorry. Take me home and I will be
a sister to you.’
‘ ‘ Not a wife V said I.
‘‘ I can’t! I can’t,’ she answered.
‘ Over went the fourth bag, and I began
to think she would beat me, after all; for
I did not like the idea of going much
higher. I would not give in just yet,
however. I whistled for a few moments
to give her time for reflection, and then
said :
‘ ‘ Fanny, they say that marriages are
made in heaven—if you do not take oare,
ours will be solemnized there.’
‘ I took up the fifth bag.
‘ ‘ Come,’ I said, ‘my wife in life or
my companion in death ! Which is it to
be v and I patted the sand-bag in a cheer
ful manner. She held her face in her
hands, but did not answer. I nursed the
bag in my arms as if it had been a baby.
‘ ‘ Come, Fanny, give me your promise.’
‘ I oonld hear her sobs. I’m the most
soft-hearted creature breathing, and would
not pain any living thing ; and, I confess,
she had beaten me. 1 was on tho point
of flinging the bag back into the car, and
saying : ‘ Dearest Fanny, forgive me for
frightening you. Marry whomsoever you
will. Give your lovely hand to the lowest
groom in your stables ; endow with your
priceless beauty the chief of the Panki
wanki Indians. Whatever happens, Jen
kyns is your slave—your dog—your foot
stool. His duty, henoeforth, is to go
whithersoever you shall order—to do what
ever you shall oommand.’ I was just on
the point of saying this, 1 repeat, when
Fanny suddenly looked up and said, with
a queerish expression upon her faoe :
‘ ‘ You need not throw that last bag
over. I promise to give you my hand.’—
‘ ‘With all your heart ?’ 1 asked quickly.
‘ ‘ With all my heart,’ she answered,
with the same strange look.
‘ I tossed the bag into the bottom of the
ear and opened the valve. The balloon
descended.
‘ ‘ Gentlemen,’ said Jenkins, rising from
his seat in the most solemn manner, and
stretching out his hand as if he were going
to take an oath : ‘ Gentlemen, will you be
lieve it? When we had reached the ground
and the balloon had been given over to its
recovered master —when I had helped
Fanny tenderly to the earth, and turned
to her to reoeive anew the promise of her
affections and her hand—will you believe
it ?—she gave me a box on the ear that
upset me against the ear, and running to
her father, who at that moment came up,
she related to him and the assembled com
pany what she oalled my disgraceful con
duct in the balloon, and ended by inform
ing me that all of her hand that I was
likely to get had been already bestowed
upon my ear, which she assured me had
been given with all her heart.’
‘ ‘ You villain!’ said Sir George, ad
vancing toward mo with a horse-whip in
his hand, ‘ you villain ! I’ve a good mind
to break this over your baok!’
‘ ‘ Sir George,’ said I, ‘ villain and
Jenkyns must never be ooupled in the same
sentence ; and as for the breaking of this
whip, I’ll relieve you of the trouble ;’ and
snatching it from his hand I broke it in
two, and threw the pieces on the ground.
‘ And now I shall have the honor of wish
ing you a good morning. Miss P, I
forgive you.’ And I retired.
‘ Now I ask you whether any speoimen
of female treachery equal to that has ever
oome within your experience, and whether
any excuse can be made for such oonduot ?’
‘ As 1 said before, it’s like the sex,’ said
tho second marine.
‘ Yes, all mankind is sejuiced by woman,’
said the third marine.
‘ It’s just my case over again,’ said the
first marme. ‘ After drawing me on in
that way—after gaining my affections in
that traitorous manner, by Jove ! sir, she
goes and marries Blubber !’
Well, it does sound improbable, certain
ly—very improbable. But I said before
1 began that I would not guarantee the
truth of it. Indeed, if you ask my candid
opinion, I don’t think it is true ; but yet
the marines believed it.
[CP*Before the days of chloroform there
was a quack who advertised tooth-drawing
without pain. The patient was placed in
a ohair, and the instrument applied to hie
tooth with a wrenoh, followed by a roar
from the unpleasantly surprised sufferer.
‘ Stop,’cried the dentist, ‘ oomperie your
self. I told you I would give you no
pain, but I only just gave you that twinge
as a speeeimen, to show you Cartwright’s
method of operating!’ Again the instru
ment was applied, another tug, another
roar. ‘ Now don’t bo impatient, that is
Duinerge’s way ; be seated and calm ; yon
will now be sensible of the superiority of
my method.’ Another applioation, an
other tug and roar. ‘ Now, pray be quiet,
that ip Parkinson’s mode, and you don’t
like it, and no wonder.’ By this time
the tooth hung by a thread; and whipping
it out, the operator .exultingly exolaimed,
‘ That is my mode of tooth drawing
without pain, and you are now enabled to
compare it with the operations of Cart
wright, Dumerge and Parkinson.’
A young man who was desirous of
marryiDg a daughter of a well-known Bos
ton merchant, after many attempts to
broach-the subject to the old gentleman, in
a very stuttering manner commenced :— ;
‘ Mr. 0 , are you willing to let me
have your daughter Jane?’ ‘Of course
I am,’ gruffly replied the old man ; ‘ and I
wish; you would get some .pther likely
fellows to marry .tho rest of them !’
HP” Thrown piece of meat among Bears,
and a purse, of gold among men, and whioh
will behave., the mpst. outrageously- the
men or the bears t
1 A Horae .Bought and a Lawyer
Sold.
BY A COUNSELLOR AT LAW.
The lawyer’s experience, as given below,
is not a singular one, and some of onr
readers, no donbt, have abnndant reasons
for sympathy with him in his troubles. The
diffionlty is, experience in such a case does
not always bring wisdom :
I had a wife and three small children.
My office was in Boston, and we lived in
an adjoining town. I needed the exercise
of riding, and a drive now and then, toward
evening, with my family, would be good for
ns all. We had formerly lived in the
country, where every body keeps horses,
and a horse seemed really necessary to onr
oomfort, and so I determined to buy one..
I had owned several horses in my day,and.
knew something of horse-flesh, and I had
been engaged in several horse oases -in
coart, and of course I knew, as every, man
of observation knows, that horses are a
dangerous commodity to deal in. Being,
however, forewarned, and being .a lawyer,
1 felt no apprehension that I oonld not look
pretty well after one side of the bargain.
Before trying to buy au article, I always
make up my mind exactly what I want.
Then I am not misled by every foolish
fanoy, as one is liable to be who looks
through the market for something that
suits him.
The horse I would buy must be a good
saddle-horse, a pacer or ambler under the
saddle, but of oourse a square trotter in
harness. He most be young and sound,
of handsome, Bprightly figure, kind as a
kitten, never needing the whip, but yet
safe for my wife to drive, not afraid of the
engine, fast or slow at the driver’s election.
To be sure, I had onoe heard our minister,
when I lived in the oountry, tell the only
horse-jockey in the parish that he wanted
just such a horse, and I heard the jockey’s
irreverent reply, ‘ Why, you old fool, there
ain’t no such hoss.’ Yet I had heard of
such animals, and seen them advertised,
and if I had not happened to see one that
exactly answered the description, it was
probably because I had not been looking
particularly after him.
When it became known that I was in
want of a horse, it was really amusing to
see the attempts made to deoeive me. They
evidently thought I was a green hand at
the business, and that I was a fit subject
for any imposition..
One fine-looking animal was brought
me, that to a careless observer, would have
seemed nearly perfection. He had a slight
cough, but the owner assured me it was
nothing, only a little oold the horse had
taken the day before, by standing in a
draught. He eould not deoeive me. I had
owned a horse with the heaves, years ago,
and advised him to take his worthless beast
to somebody who did know so much about
horses. Another would have suited me
exactly, but he had several soars on his
legs, oaused, as the dealer said, by break
ing through the stable floor. I inquired
a little, and ascertained that he had taken
fright, upset the carriage, and gone home,
two miles, on the dead run, with the for
ward wheels, into his stall, oarrying with
him a hay-outter and a grind-stone that
stood in the floor, and so had cut himself
to pieces trying to kick away the fragments.
Another had an interfering strap on his
ankle, having lately been badly shod. 1
saw through that poor falsehood at once.
I think I should have bought of one
dealer whom 1 knew, and who assured me
he would not for the world deoeive me,
had not the singular animal exhibited the
unfortunate ecoen tricity of standing on his
fore legs exclusively at intervals, when I
attempted to ride him outward from the
stable, owing, probably, to a defeotive
nervous organization.
I determined to have no more to do with
dealers, but to keep a sharp lookout for
myself, and when I found the right kind of
an animal, to buy him, even if I had to pay
a high price.
Walking one afternoon from Cambridge
to Somerville, 1 rested for a moment by
the hawthorn hedge at the foot of Kirkland
street, and looking baok, I observed a
beautiful black horse, surmounted by au
elderly, cadaverous gentlemen, who had
somewhat the air of a olergyman. The
horse was moving at an easy, ambling pace,
scaroely faster than a walk, the rein hang
ing loosely on his neok, while the rider was
serenely reading a newspaper. In the lan
guage of the free-love woman to ‘ Artemus
Ward at Berlin Hites,’ I mentally exolaim
ed, 1 1 have found him at last.’ I accosted
the traveller, and passing by the details of
our conversation, it is suffioient to say
that the animal was everything that could
be desired, and although it would well
nigh break the hearts of the owner’s family
to part with him, he oonld he bought for
the moderate sum of two hundred and fifty
dollars.
It may be interesting to tbe
although somewhat premature, to learn
what I afterwards discovered, that the
owner’s ‘ family’ consisted of one bull
terrier pup whioh slept with him in a
stable-loft every night.
1 met the owner, by appointment, next
day, at my office in Boston. He had been
employed, he said, as travelling agent of a
Boston house, and had no further use for
the horse; he would give me a written
warranty of the animal as perfectly sound
and kind ; indeed I might take him home
a week and try him, and see for myself.
Nothing could be fairer than this. I took
my prize to my own stable, I kept him full
a week, I rode him and drove him daily ;
my wife rode him and drove him j my man i
Barney rode him and drove him. My'ad
miration of him inoreased. He was to all
appearance sound and kind. He was fast
or. slow, as I chose to hive him. He would
face the cars without winking, and stand
without tying. In short, he was a perfect
horse. At the end of the week I paid, the
price, took a written warranty, and went
home rejoicing in my success. Every
horse should have a name, and we con
cluded to call this ome, on account of his
many good qualities, Honesty. For a few
days I was engaged constantly in a long
trial in ooUrt. The horse stood Still in his
stable, well fed and well groomed, so as
be in tbe best condition for use when my
leisure days should come. Barney said
one day that he harnessed Honesty to the
wagon to bring some oats- from the store,
and that he refused for some time to Start
from the yard. However, Barney was no
horseman, and I thought that the fault was
in bis awkwardness. in handling the reins.
A day or two later, my wife’s brother
took her with the ohildren out for a drive
with Honesty, in the carryall j and she
pportedt that. tHpanimal itmisted bn' gping
up Beacon street, instead of Tremont street
where they wanted to ga -Thin did not
seem exactly right, but still I had full
faith that Honesty would prove all right
when I held the reins.
Finally, my trial in court was finished,
and there was to a picnic near Fresh Pond,
where all my friends were going. - I had
bought a new light top-baggy, and harness
to match, and wife and! drove np. Honesty
was in high feather, and made the new
carriage spin along like a linen wheel.”
We passed the afternoon Ixl the woods, and
when onr carriage was brought up for our
return; everybody was attraoted by onr
elegant turn-out. . I confess I felt not a
little pleased with this-universal apprecia
tion of my taste. I don’t know why it is,
but everybody considers a oompliment to
his horse as fully equivalent to one to
himself. We bade adieu to our admiring
friends; I handed my wife into the carriage,
gathered np the ribbons, and waved my
hand by way of parting salutation. Hon
esty pawed, but did not move forward. I
chirruped and shook the reins. Honesty
shook the reins. Honesty shook his head,
and gave a significant snort. A friend
took him by his bit, when he stepped
rapidly backward, till the new buggy
brought up against a tree. I touohed him
with the whip, when he reared and snorted,
and my wife soreamed. 1 Don’t whip him,’
cried a friend; .‘ whipping never does any
good to a oontrary horse.’
‘ He is an offehder, I see by his actions,’
said another.
The details of the exhibition are not
agreeable to dwell upon. Neither coaxing,
whipping nor pushing oould induce that
beast to even draw the empty oarriage out
of its tracks. I asked a friend to take my
wife home, and leaving my elegant carri
age, ignominiously led the obstinate brute
to a stable near by, and left him for the
night.
‘ A sadder and a wiser man I rose the
morrow morn.’ I persevered with Hon
esty yet a while, but after being kept two
hours by his stopping in a rainy night on
Cambridge bridge, on one ocoasion, and
being obliged to leave him in the stable
yard, when in great haste to meet an en
gagement at Lexington, I reluctantly eon
eluded that he was not perfectly kind.—
My wife had long sinoe declined further
experiments with him. 1 was puzzled
whether to admit myself duped and cheat
ed, or attempt to cure the defect. I rode
the beast occasionally, and sometimes
drove him, with various successes. One
day 1 had business at Concord, at the
oountry court, and with a friend drove into
that beautiful village just at sunset.—
Court had just adjourned for the day, and
my brother lawyers, and clients, and jurors,
and witnesses, were lounging about the
hotel and the old elm of the common.
Just as we came in front of the Middlesex
Hotel, I observed my horse suddenly to
falter ; then he stopped, throwing up his
head, and jerking it sideways in a manner
remarkable to see, seemed quite bewilder
ed. ‘He has a fit.’ ‘ Jump out, or you
will get hurt,’ cried the multitude, whioh
at onoe surrounded ns.
My friend obeyed the oall, and I at
tempted to do so, just as the distracted
beast sallied baokward over the shaft,
‘ and Mortham, steed and rider fell.’
Down we came in one miscellaneous heap,
the carriage essentially smashed, and his
owner vexed and discomfited. A few
days proved that Honesty was subject to
frequent attacks of this kind.
But had I not a warranty, and am I not
a lawyer ? Straightway I commenced an
aotion for deceit. It is a proverb at the
bar, that a lawyer who tries his own oase
has a fool for his olient. I retained and
paid counsel. I summoned and paid wit
nesses ; consulted and paid Dr. Dadd and- 1
other experts. The oase was tried, and
all Middlesex oounty was made to under
stand how a lawyer had been cheated by a
jookey. The jury rendered a verdict in
my favor for one hundred and twenty-five
dollars damages, probably upon the idea
that a lawyer ought not to recover more
than half that he is cheated out of. 1 gave
my execution to an officer, with orders to
arrest the rascal, and told my counsel to
oppose,him at every step, and follow him to
the end of the law.
After a few months, my attorney sent
for me, and gave me the result of follow
ing my directions. The defendant had
been committed to jail, where he had
quietly remained several weeks, apparently
happy in the consciousness that by the
beneficent provisions of our laws, 1, his
creditor, was paying one dollar and seven
ty-five oents per week for his board.
Then he had given notice of his intention
to avail himself of a further beneficent
provision of our statutes by taking the poor
debtor’s oath. My counsel had faithfully
obeyed instructions, and opposed him
there, paying for me, according to law,
two dollars per day to the commissioner,
while the examination was pending. Fi
nally, the vagabond had succeeded in
swearing out, and my various hills amount
ed to about the amount I had first paid,
two hundred and fifty dollars.
Tho enemy was free, but I was not. I
still had that ‘ dreadful horse,’ worse than
Mr. Pickwick’s, that nobody would
take away. A neighboring horse-dealer
offered me fifty dollars, and I sold him,
and took his note for the amount.' A few
dayß after, I asked him 1 what be had done
with him. He said he had advertised him
to sell at a horse sale in the city. I had
a rational enriosity to see the advertise
ment, and asked him to show it to me,
| which he did, and it ran as follows : ‘ Blaok
Saddle Horse. A particularly fine, black
saddle-horse, perfectly sound and kind, in
all respects, and free from tricks.’
I don’t know how much he got for his
fine saddle-horse. I only know that I
still hold his worthless note for fifty
dollars. —American S took Journal.
Skatistioal. —Upon the indulgence of
this now fashionable pastime; the Journal
of Health is especially particular. ‘lf the
thermometer is below thirty,’ it says, ‘ and
the wind is blowing, no lady or child
should be skating.’ We are not so dear
about this. If the lady is ‘ below thirty,?
and of graceful figure, let her skate, no
matter how the mercury desoends. If she
is the reverse—let her slide !
Cp” A good epigram is a good thiDg, and never
grows stale with age. Here is one very old and ex
cellent. Who wrote it?—
A foot and knave, ■with different views,
For Julia’s hand.apply;
Xhe knave to mend, his fortune sues,
' The fool to please his ey’e.
Ask you how Julia will behave ?
, . Now, take it for a rule, . .
“ If she’s a fool, she*ll wed the knave ;
. If she’s a knave, foql.
THE LANCABTKH, UimueRRCER
_L JOB PRINTprS establishment,
No. 8 NORTH DUKE BTRKKT, DANOABTKR, PA.
The Jobbing- Department la. thoroughly furnished with
new and elegant typeof every description, and Is under
the charge of a. practkaLand experienced Job Printer.***
The Proprietors are prepared to
PRINT CHECKS,
NOTES, LEGAL BLANKS,
' : CAKDB AND CIRCULARS,
BILL HEADS AND • HANDBILLS,
■ PROGRAMMES AND POSTERS,
PAPER BOOKS AND PAMPHLETS,
_ BALL TICKETB AND INVITATIONS.
PRINTING IN COLORS AND PLAIN PRINTING,
neatness, accuracy and dispatch, on the most reasona
ble terms, and in a”manner not excelled by any establish
ment in the dty.
4sSr Orders from a distance, by mail or otherwise,
promptly attended to. Address •
GEO. SANDERSON A SON,
Intelligencer Office,
No. 8 North Duke street, Lancaster, Pa.
rpHE PEOPLE'S HAT 19D GAP
STORE
BHUL.T.Z..<& BRO.,
HAT MANUF-ACTURERS
We would again eall the attention of onr CUSTOMERS
and all disposed to favor ns with their patronge, to
OUR STYLES FOR THE FALL OF 1861.
Onr Stock will consist as heretofore of
BILK AND OASSIMERE, FIR AND WOOL
SOFT HATS,
IN ALL THEIR VARIETIES
We would call particular attention to
the McClellan hat,
THE FREMONT HAT ,
THE OXFORD HATLatest Out.
A Beautiful Assortment of
PALL STYLE CAPS
CHILDREN’S FANOY HATS, CAPS AND TURBANS,
BOY’S FATIGUE CAPS
We would earnestly invite all to give us an early call
before purchasing elsewhere, feeling well assured amid
the varieties offered, they will not fail to be salted. In
conclusion we would retarn our slncero thanks for the
past liberal patronage afforded ns, and we trust, by close
attention and despatch, to merit Ub continuance.
JOHN A. SHULTZ,
N rthQueen Street Lancaster
Q.EO. CALDEB *,CO
Have removed their
WAREHOUSE, COAL AND LUMBER YARD,
FROM GRAEFF’S LANDING,
To the Property formerly occupied by Messrs. P. Long A
Nephew, on the opposite or south
side of the Conestoga,
And would call the attention of their old customers and
all interested, to their superior
STOCK 0 E COAL ,
Suitable for Steam, Lime Burning, Black Smith and
Family Uses, by the boat load or ton. Also, to their
STOCK OF LUMBER,
OF EVERY DESCRIPTION, CONSISTING OF
Ist and 2nd COM. BOARDS,
Ist and 2nd COM. PLANK,
CULLING BOARDS,
BARN BOARDS,
CULLING PLANK,
PINE SHINGLES,
CYPRESS SHINGLES,
HEMLOCK SCANTLING
AND JOIST.
CAROLINA YELLOW PINE FLOORING BOARDS,
PLASTERING LATHS,
PAILS AND PICKETS, Ac., Ac
All of which 1b of the best quality, and will be Sold as
low as.can be purchased elsewhere.
49* We have the best Stock of POSTS and RATT.R in
tho city of Lancaster, consisting of
LOCUST MORTICED POSTS,
CHESTNUT MORTICED POStfs, ’
BOARD FENCE POSTS,
AND A VARIETY OF CHESTNUT RAILS AND OTHER
FENCING MATERIAL.
GROUND ALUM AND ABHTON SALT,
LUMP AND GROUND PLASTER.
49* Recollect that we have removed to the other end of
the Bridge, where we will be pleased to see onr old friends
and customers.
G . CA L D E R <£ CO.,
OFFIOK IN LANCASTER, AS USUAL,
East Okahgk Strut, bxoond door from North Quxxn.
Dr. j. t. baker,
UOMCEOPATHIC PHXBICIAN,
Of Lancaster Cut,’
may be consulted professionally, at his Office, at Henry
Bear’s HoteK in the Borough of Strasburg, on Thursday of
each week, from ID o’clock In the morning to three in the
afternoon.
An opportunity Is thos afforded to residents of Strasbnrg
And vicinity to avail themselves of Homoeopathic treatment,
and females suffering from chronic diseases may enjoy the
advice of one who baa made this elans of diseases a
speciality. J..T. BAKER, M. D.?
Homoeopathic Physician,
oct 22 tf 41J East King street, above Lime, Lancaster.
DRESSLER’S
HAIR JE 15 ILRT STORE,
No. 206 North Bth Street abovc lucip -
PHILADELPHIA.
On hand and for sale, a. choice assortment o: superior
patterns’; and will plait to order
BRACELETS, ;
EAR RINGB,
FINGER RINGS,
BREAST PINS,
CROSSES,
NECKLACES,
GUARD AND
VEST CHAINS.
Orders enclosing the hair to be plaited may be sent
by mail. Give a drawing as near as you can on paper, and
.enclose such amount as you may choose to pay.
‘ Costa as follows: Ear Rings $2 to ss—Breast Pins $3 to
$7— Fingor Rings 75 cents to s3.6o—Vest Chains $6 to s 7—
Necklaces $2 to $lO. ,
Hair put.into Medalions, Box Breast Pins, Rings. Ac.
OLD GOLD AND SILVER BOUGHT AT FAIR'RATEB.
apr 36 ; -. lyl4
American life insurance anb
TRUBT COMPANY.
CAPITAL STOCK , $500,000
Company’s Building, Walnut street, 8. E. corner of Fourth
PHILADELPHIA.
LIFE INSURANCE AT THEUBUAL MUTUAL RATES,
or at Joint Stock Rates, at alxmt 20 per cent, less, or at
Total Abstinence Rates, the lowest in the world.
A. WHILLDIN, President.
J. 0. Sues, Secretary. • •
H. S. GARA, Esq., East King street, Agent for Lanca*
ter county [mar 22 ly 10 T
/ 1 SOMERS «. SON’S
' WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
CLOTH HOUSE,
No. 625 CHESTNUT STREET, PHILADELPHIA,
(Under “ Jayne’s Hall,”)
Where they are now offering their large new Stock of
Fall and Winter Goods, comprising BLACK AND.COLOR
ED CLOTHS, DOESKINS, FANCY AND PLAIN CABSI
MERBB, COATINGS, RKAVBRB, LADIES’ CLOAKINGS,
CLOTHS, SILK PLUSH VELVET, CASHMERE AND
SILK VESTINGB, &o, at Wholesale and Retail foVCaah.
AT A VERY SMALL ADVANCE ON COST.
49* Please Call and Examine.
Also, Blue Beavers, Cloths and Kerseys, or the Army
and Navy. [nov 26 3m 46
Emporium of taste. •,
SHAVING, HAIR CUTTING AND BHASIPOONIN6
* BAL 0 0 N-;,. • ’ • j -
One door East of Cooper’s Hotel, West King SL, Laneastei
eep 8 ly 84} S. J. WILLIAMS, Proprietor.*
Furniture of evert descrip
tlon, warranted as good as the best,'end eheaper than
the cheapest— at KETCHAM’S, Nobth Quxsv stems, op.
poritoßhenh’s National House, Lancaster. •
N- B. To any one purchasing $5O worth before the first
of Noremberuext, 10 per cenfc will be allowed! firtQuh.
; eu*sL i - .... :j .• : itftt-.
gOBETHISS- S<OR ''-THeT 'iiIRKS 11
4W A NECESSITY IN EVERY HOUSEHOLD. **»
JOHNS A CROSLEY’S
AMERICAN CEMENT CLUE
The Strongest Glue In the World.
The Cheapest Glue in the World.
The Moot Durable Glue In the World.
The Only Reliable Glue in the World.
The Best Glue in the World;
AMERICAN CEMENTS LCJB
la the only article of the kind aver produced which
WILL WITHSTAND WATER,
IT WILL MEND WOOD,
Save your broken Furniture.
IT WILL MEND LEATHER* .
Mend yonr Harness, Straps, Belts, Bbota,_#o.
EP WILL MEND GLASS.,:-
Save the pieces of that expensive Out'Glass Bottle.
IT WILL MEND IVORY,
Don’t throw away that broken Ivory Fan, it U easily re
paired.
Your broken China Cups and Bancers can be made as good
IT WILL MEND MARBLE, .
That piece knocked oat of your Marble Mantle eah be pu
on as strong as ever. t. " • r
IT'WILL MEND PORCELAIN,
No matter if that broken Pitcher did not eoat but a jShll
ling, a shilling saved is a shilling earned.
IT WILL MEND ALABASTER, ,
That costly Alabaster Vase is broken and yuuc&h’f matoh
It, mend it, it will never show when put together.
IT WILL MEND BONE, CORAL r LAVA, AND IN. FACT
EVERY THING BUT METALS.
Any artiole cemented with AMERICAN CEMENT GLUE
will not show where it Is mended.
“ Every Housekeeper should have a supply of Johns A
Crosley’s American Cement Glue.***— New York Tima*
“ It is so convenient to have in the house.”— New. York
Express.
“ It is always ready; this commends it to everybody.**—
Independent.
“ We have tried it, and find it as useful in our house as
water.”— Wilkti? Spirit of the Tima.
ECONOMY IS WEALTH
$lO.OO per year saved in every family by One Bottle of
AMERICAN CEMENT GLUE
H. A. SHULTZ.
VERY LIBERAL REDUCTION TO WHOLESALE
For Sale by all Druggists and Storekeepers generally
throughout the country.
JOHNS t£ C R 0S L EY,
78 WILLIAM STREET, NEW YORK,
Corner of Liberty Street.
Important to House Owners.
Important to Builders.
Important to Railroad Companies.
Important to Farmers.
To all whom this may concern, audit concerns everybody,
JOHNS A CROSLEY’S
IMPROVED GUTTA PERCHA CEMENT ROOFING,
The Cheapest and most durable Roofing in use.
IT IS FIRE AND WATER PROOF.
It can be applied to new and old Roofs of all kinds, steep
or flat, and to ShlDge Roofs without removing the'
Shingles.
THE COST IS ONLY ABOUT ONE-THIRD THAT; OF
TIN, AND IT IS TWICE AS DURABLE.
This article has been thoroughly tested in New York
city and all parts of the United States, Canada, West Indies
and Central and South America, on buildings of all kinds,
such as Factories, Foundries, Churches, Railroad Depots,
Cars, and on Public Bnildlncs generally, Government
Buildings, Ao., by the principal Builders, Architects and
others, during tbe past four years, and has proved to"be the
Cheapest and most durable Roofing in use; it islttevery
respect a Fire, Water, Weather and Time Proof covering
for Roofs of all kinds. * •' ‘
This is the only material manufactured hi tfr# ; Uuited
States which combines tbe very desirable’ properties of
Elasticity and Durability, which are universally acknowl
edged to be possessed Gutta Percha and India Rubber.
NO HEAT IS REQUIRED IN MAKING APPLICATION.
The expense of applying it is trifling, as an ordinary Roo
can be covered and finished the same day.
IT CAN BE APPLIED BY ANY ONE,
and when finished forms a perfectly Fire Proof surface,
with an elastic body, which cannot be injured-, by Heat
Cold or Storms, Shrinking of Roof Boards, nor any' fetter
nal action whatever. v u
LIQUID GUTTA PERCHA CEMENT,
For Coating Metals of all Kinds when exposed to the
Action of the Weather, and
FOR PRESERVING AND REPAIRING METAi ROOFS
This is the only Composition known which will -success
fully resist extreme changes of ail climates, for any length
of time, when applied to metals, to which it adheres-; firmly,
forming a body equal to three coats of ordinal paint
costs much loss, and will lost three times as longhand
from its elasticity is not injured by the contraction, and
expansion of Tin and other Metal Roofs, consequent upon
sudden changes of the weather. -
It will not crack in cold or run in warm. weather, and
will not wash off. : -
Leaky Tin and other Metal Roofs can .be readily repaired
with GUTTA PERCHA CEMENT, and prevented from
further corrosion and leaking, thereby ensuring ft perfect
ly water tight roof for many years.
This Cement Is peculiarly adapted for the preservation of
Iron Railings, Stoves, Ranges, Safes, Agricultural Imple
ments, Ac., also for general manufacturers'use;
GUTTA PERCHA OEMENf-
for preserving and repairing Tin and other Metal Bodfil of
every description, from Its great elasticity, Is not injured
by the contraction and expansion of Metals, and will not
crack in cold or run in warm weather.
These materials are adapted to all climates, and. wq are
prepared to supply orders from any part of tbe country, at
short notice, for GUTTA PERCHA ROOFING in rolls,
ready prepared for use, and GUTTA PERCHA CEMENT
In barrels, with full printed directions for application:
£ We will make liberal and satisfactory arrangements
with responsible parties who would like to eetabjlsl^them
selves in a lucrative and permanent }
OUR TERMS ARE CA SH
We can give abundant proof of all we claim fm tirOT of
our Improved RoofiDg Materials, having applied them to
several thousand Roofs in New York city and vicinity.
Wholxsalx Wahehousi, 78 Williax Braun,
NEW. YORK.
Corner of Liberty Street,
Fall descriptive Circulars and Prices will be famished on
application. . ' - V.
RE ADT-n ADE ChOTHINO
A COMFLETB STOCK OF
MEN AND BOYS’ CLOTHING,
ALSO ; I
BLACK FRENCH CLOTHS, •.
BLACK FRENCH DOESKIN CASSIMERE9, J
PLAIN, BILK MIXED AND FANCY OABSIMBRES,
BATTINETS, VELVET CORDS AND JEANS/
Will be made to order in a superior maimer at Jow> prices.
MILITARY SHITS .
Made to order in the best style at short notice,' by
nov 26] HAGER A .. f£4d
MONEY WANTED Inirarauniiee of
an Ordinance of Select and Ownnion ConMiJa.ftf the
City of Lencaater, paased the 6lh day of Angnat,lB6T, the
undersigned is authorized to borrow a snm of mQPHJjra®*
cient to liquidate City loans now due and demanded.- This
is, therefore, to giro notice that prowls fc* an
amount notexceediog ten thousand dollars, will bereceivad
at the Mayor’s oEepifoir which. Oanpons or certificates of
loan will be issued bearing 6 per cent, interest, and re*
deemahle fo ten years from data. l T Jyj C
GEO. SANDERSON,
Matou’s Officf, Lancaster, Aug.- 1& • 'Mayor.
angl3 -.v
SIATTERAAXI.’S Hb'aVE ' P'6 Wife R
Powdered Boain, Antimony;. PannigreaJcj.gßlphnr
tpetre, Assafcetida, Alum, Ac. For aale at . ,
aprSl tf 14 • TBOMABBLLMAMB,
Drag and Ohemical,
Fishing tackle« %au*s-t
Rods. Liznerich and Kirby-Hooks, Sea
Grass, Cotton and Linen Lines, Floats, SnoodF, Ao:"
. ..... * -■ For aalft at TnP^f*j
‘ Drag « Chemical Store, oppoMteCrpps Key* HoteLW
gjagatreeVTanraitar IS
NO. 7.
IT WILL MEND CHINA,
EXTRACTS
Price 25 Cents per Bottle.
Price 25 Oents per Bottle.
Price 25 Cents per Bottle.
Price 25 Cents per Bottle.
Price 25 Cents per Bottle.
Price 25 Cents per Bottle.
TERMS OASH
(Sole Manufacturers,)
OF ALL KINDS.
AGENTS WANTED
JOHNS A C R 0 8 L »Y;
Sole Manufacturers,