penttsplbanistb lcixu t).
Brief Punt Schivefflebronner.
SCIILIFFLETOWN, Sept. 21, 1868
MISDER FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER
—Deer Sur: Sidder das du my letshter
breef in di ivver ous Booty tseitung nei
gedu husht, sin de Sehliffietowner demo-
krata yusht about so down uf mich das
warm ich an hinkle deeb w[er. Se duna
mich alleweil yusht corn-coat,un neegur,
un onnery meeny nawma shelta, un awer,
du magsht mer now glawa odder net, ich
geb yetz nix meh drum was se sauga, for
es is kens fun ehra bisness eb ich for der
Grant vote odder net. Un now, Mister
FODDER ABRAHAM, will lob der amohl
sauga we kit ousgemacht hab Bidder
ich my letshter brief g'shrivva hab.
Der very negsht dog noch dein das de
Bevvy mich heam genumma hut funs
Kitzelderfer's, hen mer des ding amohl
dorrich g'shwetZt, uu ich mus sawga das
de Bevvy recht hut, un now will ich der
alles gevva was se g'sawt hut.
"Now Pit," secht se, "now is es boll
amohl tseit das du del mind uf machsht
was du im sinn husht tsu du—eb du for
der Grant odder der Seimoyer vota wit."
"Warm du obsolut a demokrat bleiva
wit," secht se, "dorm will ich yetz nix
meh dergeaya sawga ; des is an freies
loud, un du kannsht du we du wit ; clu
mogsht nunner ons Kitzelderfer's geh,
un korta shpiela, un bensa pitcha, un
un sowfa bis du sot bisht ; un du
mogsht derma demokrata ehra meeny
cerwat shatlit so long du wit, for ich will
yetz ken wart melt sawga dergeaya.
Awer, mind, Pit, des loud is aw frei for
mich so goot das for dish, un ich kann
my living macha ohna dick wanns sei
inns, un wann du yetz sogsht das du ob
solut bei der demokratish seierei bleiva
wit, down go ahead, awer donn pock job
uf un gob my eagener weg. Wann du
awer yetz di mind uf machsht nix inch
tsu sowfa, un week bleiva fun derma
demokratishe flucher, un shier, un loafers
wu alsfort dort ons Kitzelderfer's rumm
hucka, donn will ich als wilder morrickt
tenda un geld macha, un dorm ivver
weil keuua mer uns an eagner platz
kawfa."
"Now Pit," secht se, "was sogsht ?"
Donn hab ich gedenkt, des is doch now
ordlich plain deitsh, un doh runs ebbas
gedu wierra. Donn hab ich g'sawt, sog
ich, "Now Bevvy, du bisht ordlich severe
uf mich, un awer well de demokrata
meer my watch g'shtola hen dort in Nei
Yorrick, we ich uf der Seimoyer's Con
vention war, un well se mulch so mean
dreeta un blackgaarda yusht well ich
nimmy sowf, geb ich der yetz aw my
wart derfore das ich vote for der Grant,
un now geb ich gor nix drum wters
weas," hab ich g'sawt. Du hetsht awer
derbei si solla we ich sell g'sawt hab
So we de Bevvy gepleased war fergess
ich all my dog un des leawes net. Se hut
behawpt ich wter der besht monn in
Schliffietown.'
"tin now," secht se, "Now Pit, weil du
yetz all right bisht, will ich der sawga
was ich du. Ich hat) yetz about sivva
dutzend oyer, un an ordlicher gooter
shtock tswivvella un roat-reeva un aw
shnitz, un ivver-morya shponn ich widder
amohl ei un geh in de shtadt of der mor
rickt, un donu kawf ich der a paar neie
hussa un aw a neier hoot, un donn, om
Sundog geasht mit mer in de kterrich, un
om nein un tswansichshta gehna. mer of
de gross republican meeting drivva in
Lengeshter, yusht so das de leit sehna
kenna das du yetz an true blue gentle
monn bisht."
"Awer Bevvy," hab ich g'sawt, "es is
der doch net arnsht das ich in de kterrich
geh soil om negshta Sundog
"Yoh," Becht se, "es is mer arnsht, for
ich bin yetz determined das du an first
rater, felner mono sei musht, un wann
du sell bisht, donn gebsht nix urn all
selly demokratishe .Kitzelderfer's loaf
ers."
"Well donn," hab ich g'sawt, "ich
geh, for du husht recht—selly demokrata
sin net yusht humbugga, un awer my
watch hen se mer g'shtohla, un sell fer
gess ich net so long ich leab."
Geshter s aw amohl der maddadishta
porra kunima, and hut midi b'sucht. Er
is aw an holler 'publican, un er hut tiler
ordlich feel g'sawt fun denim sticha, un
er hut mich orrig geloabt das ich de
demokratish party ferlussa hab, un or
hut 'lnch aw fenprecha macha mit der
llevvy in de kerrich Belt oin negshta
Sundog. Du kannsht aw ousgooka for
mich on der gross meeting in Lengesh
ter, for ich un de Bevyy gehna in der
persession als de delegation fun Schliffle
town.
PIT SCIIIVEFFLEBREIiNER
De Rehrershtettler Fair.
REHRERMITEDDLIC, September 19, 1868
On der roushich FODDER ABRAHAM
Printer :—Doh der onner clog, we de fair
doh war im shteddle, hab ich der John
, an raler sounder Barricks County
demokrat awgetrutfa. We er mich g,say
hut, is er of g'shtept un hut mer de tseit
gebutta un amohl hands g'shaked, un doh
geb ich der yetz amohl unser g'spreach
—ich bin der Joe, du wcasht, un sei
nawma is John :
John—Well Joe, was denksht fun der
leckshun—denksht der Seimoyer kummt
nei ?
Joe—Nay, ich desk der Grant kummt
nei. Ilusht dorm noch net de neuichkeit
fun Maine g'hwrt ?
John—Well, ich glawb net das der
Grant nei kummt, for der Adler sagt das
de Republicans deata so feel uf unser
side ktunma, under Jim Bechtel under
Commissioner Young sawga das de demo
krata hetta Maine gew•unna. tin noch
elms, Joe, du weasht das der greek for
nix war das de neayer frei tsu macha, un
sell shtanda de leit net, un de Republi
cans hen der greek awg'fonga.
Joe—lch hab als gemehnt de rebels
hetta der greek awg'fonga we se uf Fort
Sumter g'fired hen.
John—Doh hen mer ken shreivas der
fore ; doh weal ich nix derfu, un ich
hab der Adler geleasa yetz shun frertseli
yohr, ally woch, un we g'sawt, de Repub
licans hen de neayer frei gemacht, un du
wiersht sehna das se de weise leit noch
Bons uf usa. Un we kummts das der
Kungress laws gemacht hut so das de
neayer ally Moondog morya on de tresh
ery geh kenna uns geld shteala, un fer
wass kenna de weise leit des net du ?
Der Adler ( - trucker sogt er kennt des
proofa in schwartz un weis, un ich hab
dei shwoger hearts sawga das etliche
yohr tsurick het er sich it neie suit ge
kawft for sivva dahler de yord, un donn
is er nous noel' Ohio gonga tsu dehn
uncle, un dort war an neayer, cher hut
kleader getrauya das tsehn dallier de
yord gekoslit hen, un sell beweist das de
neayer ovva, druf kumma warm se de
chance hen. tin noch elms, als an
freind, Joe, was deatsht du denka wann
du heam kumma deatsht den owat, un es
wter an grosser neayer bei cleiuer fraw
Joe—Un was deatsht du denka wann
du an grosser weiser monu awtreffa
deatsht bei deiner fraw ?
John—Well sell wver evva doch net
gons so orrick, anyhow, du wrersht sehna
das de neayer noch gons ovva druf
kununa.
Joe—Glawbsht du now das fier
Ilona neayer frertsich milliona weise of
•
usa un rula kenna ?
John—Well ich weas net ebs so fiel
mehner weise leit hut als neayer. Awer
mer wells donn nix meh fun sellam
sauga. Awer was denksht du fun derma
ivver ous hocha doxa ?
Joe—We fiel doxa betzahlsht donn du
in ma yohr ?
John—Ei sivva-un-sechtsich cent !
Aver fore em greek hab ich yusht sivva
un-dreisich cent betzahla missa.
Joe—Un was is donn dei dog lohn
alleweil ?
John—Fun a dahler un a halwer his
tsu tsway dahler der dog—yusht dem
noch we das der terwet is.
Joe—Un was husht donn krickt fore
em greek ?
John—Fun a holwer dahler bis tsu
drei ftertle.
Joe—Well donn meansht net du
kennsht afrorda aw a bissel meh dox be
tzahla, now weil dei lohn so fiel mehner
is
John—Oh wann ich so fiel benner, un
geld,un loud het we di dawdy, donn deat
ichs gem betzahla.
Joe—Well John, du bisht an dog-leh
ner, un du dusht del sei meshta, ku halta,
un aw hinkle, un du eagensht dei house,
un betzahlsht yusht sivva-un-sechtsich
cent dox, awer wann du for der Seimoyer
shtimmsht, donn geasht nei for all de
sacha tsu doxa, for de demokratish plat
form sagt das alles property gleich ge
doxt sei soil—for der dog-lehner so wohl
das for der reich monn.
John—lch weas besser we sell. Ich
leas der Adler net for nix, under Adler
sagt das sell der Chicago flatform is, un
net der demokratish flatform.
We der John sell g'sawt hut, donn is
de bugle gonga for de horse race, un
unser g'sprtech war om end. JOE.
FI_A_TITEIZ A I3B_A_II_A_NI.
Sidder der Maine leckshun, is der alt
Isaac doh ous em kop. Sei freind in
sista druf das er in a 'sylum rims, un das
se ehm a straight-jacket aw du missa—
so ehns wu se fun hinna bei tsu k'neppa.
Anyhow eppas mus gedu wterra for elm.
Er behaupt das der FODDER ABRAHAM
unconstitutional is, un er deckt sich
nachts tsu mit em Readinger Adler, un
butzt sei naas mit cm La Gross Demo
krat ! JAKE SIINICKLEFRITZ.
The following " worthy epistle" "to
Mr. Teddy M'Ginniss, Eshquire, Kildow
rv, - County Cork, Ireland, from his cousin,
Dinnis OTlallerty," appears in the Cleve
land (0.) Herald of a late date :
TO MIL TEDDY MOINNISS, 1:S11(21'111E, NI
DOWRY, COUNTY CORK, Int:LAND, ruom
nts COUSIN, nusucts o'FLAntnrrY—
Dear Teddy :
Me pin in my hand I am takin'
To write yea this bit of a sehrawl,
An' hophe in health it will find yea,
As, plaze C;od, it's leaving us all;
An,Ted, I'll be afther
low yea loin' this bright summer day ?
How are the pigs, an' the chiller',
And the rest of yea over the say,
Teddy me bye?
It's meseif wud be happy to see yez
Put your good looking phiz thru' the dare;
It's meself that wud throt out the whisliky
Till yez sldape like a king on the flure.
I'd gives yez me bed but for Judy,
Whose faylins I'm afraid it would hurt,
But we'd empty the bottle together,
An' together we'd shape hi the dirt,
Teddy me bye.
Shure, Ted, it's an illigint counthry ;
There is praties an' whisky galore,
An' mighty good pig for the 'atin',
An' money to buy it, ashtore.
An' for clothes, bedad I've a breeches
Wid river a patch or a hole,
Au' to mass Judy goes wid a bonnet
An' a feather as black as a tole,
Teddy me bye.
An' election times, Teddy, me darlint!
'Twud make your eyes stick out a fut
To see how the greenbacks are flyin',
An' how quick in our pockets they're put.
Shure what is the use of a ballot 3
If to sell it yez always refuse?
The way is to pocket the money,
—An' then vote just as yez choose,
Teddy me bye.
An' that brings me round to the story
That I'm scratchiu' this letther to say :
Election times comin' an', Teddy,
It's wanted yez are right away ;
For Dimmykrats are not so plenty
But we want all the boys over, shure,
To shwing the shillaly„ dhrink whishky,
An' shove in the votes for Saymore,
Teddy me bye.
Niver mind about risidince, Teddy,
Shure yer risidince is undher yer hat—
Divil a one have yez got in Kildowry—
Lave me all such mailers as that.
Shure me sister's son, Paddy Mulloney,
Has a friend in New York who will shwear
That yez worked by his side an' dug cellars
In Amerriky many a year,
Teddy me bye.
He'll fix up yer papers so nately
That yez think yes Amerrikhi born;
In a good shute of clothes ye'll be sthrtittin',
Instead of yer brayches all torn.
When up to the polls ye are marchin',
Shure the naygurs will all bold their whislit,
If some blaygard axes impident - questions,
Just tip him a shmell of yer fisht,
Teddy me bye.
Och, Teddy, now don't yez be shaving;
Hang yer furnity on to yer shtick,
An' shtep out for Cork an' take passage
For Amerriky sudden and quick,
For the counthry will go to the divil
Under naygur an' radikile shway,
Unless saved by the votes and shillalys
Ov the byes fresh from over the say,
Teddy me bye.
t h s\
'OLO
GEN. HECTOR TYNDALE, of Philadelphia,
REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR MAYOR
Fltit POttStOien.
POTTSTOWN, Sept. 21, 1868
4tlettea.
O'Flaherty.
Ther're 'aitin us up wid their taxes,
An, slitamps an' the divil knows what,
(Though burin' the dlaity on whishky,
Nivel. a tax out of me they have got.)
They've given us green rags for money,
(It's a lisht full). wish that I had,)
An' we're shtarving on bate an' corn whishky,
Which is mighty good slitarving, bedad,
Teddy me bye.
But that's not the worst of it, Teddy,
The naygur's a citizen now,
Can vote like a Dimmykrat white nmn,
An' shtick up for his rights in a row.
So pervarted is public opinion
Tisn't sate to crack open his
An' the hair on a Dinnnykria's cranium
Is no better than Atiikm wool,
Teddy me bye.
In the mornin' when laving the shanty
Judy serhrames out, "Dinnis, don,t go!
Some murtherin' thatb of a naygur
Will be killin' thee Dimas, I know,
An' then comin' down to the shanty
An marryin' ice right out of hand!"—
That a naygur shottlii marry me Judy,
Is more, beam!, than I'll shtand,
Teddy me bye.
But we'll soon give the scoundlirels a drubbin',
Vanalldi:4l;aln . s 110 AV to the fore,
Thail. Stevens has gone to blue blazes,
Ana beilail we've a hind iu Saymore.
So pack up your dlauls hi a hurry,
.l•;ot tbrgettin' to sphit hi your tisht,
An' lay hould on your blackthorn shillalay,
An' well soon give the naygurs a twisht,
Teddy me bye.
OTLAIIERTY.
.mss
NaSbt/ in Trouble.
From the Toledo Blade.]
Our readers will be pained to learn that
our venerable and highly esteemed cor
respondent, Rev. Petroleum V. Nasby,
is in trouble.
We were becoming alarmed at his pro
longed silence, and were on the point of
telegraphing to his "friend Horasho See
more" for some information concerning
oim, when, just as we were going to
press, we received the following tele
graphic dispatch in the Parson's familiar
hand :
Edditter Toledo Blade: I am in a frite
ful stait uv trubble and tribulashun. Wile
in the peaceful pursoot of organizin See
more and Blare clubs among the degradid
cullered poplashun of Tennessee ; wile I
wuz thus a actin the benevolent role uv
mishnerry, accordin to the instruckshins
uv the Nashnel Dimmicatic Committy, I
wuz suddenly sot upon by a full regiment
ov Brownioze raddicle cusses uv all cul
lers, who completely surrounded me,lade
vilent hands onto my venerable person,
bruzed and battered me in a feerful man
ner,
and then, wuss than all, compelled
me to taik the oath uv allejance with the
ojus American flag a wavin over my ven
erable hed.
This wuz more than I cub bare, and I
swuned away, and the retches left me fur
ded, a lyin onto a public hyway. I wuz
pickt up by a cupple uv niggers and tuk
to there mizzable cabbin, ware I now ly.
Telegraf immejitly to A. Johnson to
call out the army and the navy. The
rites of a free born Amerikin sitizen
(wich is me) hey been fritefully outraged,
and his person (wich is mine) hez bin
i
feerfully bruzed. Tell him too shoo his
proclamashun to wunst, callin out three
hundred thousand men to vindicate the
rites uv the aforesaid citizen. For the
saik uv effeck they mite be instruckted to
sing ez they cum ?
i 4 We are coining, Andy Johnson,
Three hundred thousand strong."
Ez soon ez I am able to travel (wich
I hope under the stimulatiu inflooence uv
this mountain air and these nicffrers'
whisky will be in a very few days)
T
will
repare to wunst to headquarters to take
command uv a cupple brigaids. Tell
Johnson to hey cupple
comission ez a
Major Gineral reddy made out, so ther
shall be no delay in gitten the force into
the field.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M.,
(With is Postmaster.)
P. S. (wick is Postrcript)--Send me
about twenty-one dollars to pay my ex
penses to Washington. I can't horror
nothin uv these degraded niggers. Ile
return you the amount with interest es
soon ez I get my Major General's corn
ishun. P. V. N., P. M.
Our kittic Yaks.
—Affected yo n> lady, seated in a rock
ims, chair, reading the Bild-, exclaimed :
Alother, here is a grammatical error in
the Bible!" Mother, lowering her spec
tacles and approaching the reader in a
verb• scrutinizing attitude, says : •` Kill
it! kill it! It is the very thing that has
been eating the leaves and book-marks!"
—A Wisconsin paper publishes an ap
peal by a young lady for a situation as
teacher, in which she says : I was eddi
cated in one of our leading female semi
naries & have my certitikates, and so
feel it my duty to teach somewheres, and
if you can assist me, please rite and let
me no, and ile get redly at (meet."
—There is an anecdote told somewhere
of a dispute in which a boisterous ill-bred
fellow called his adversary " no gentle
man." "I suppose you think yourself
one," was the reply. "Certainly I do,"
answered the bully. Then," said ie
other, " I'm not offended that you don't
think me one."
—Never be so rude as to say to a man,
"There is the door;" but say, " elevate
your golgotha to the summit of your per
icranium, but allow me to present to your
occular demonstration that scientific piece
of mechanism which constitutes the egress
portion of this apartment."
—A physician stopped at the shop of a
country apothecary and inquired for a
pharmacopwa. " Sir," said the apothe
cary, "I know of no such farmer living
about these parts."
—A disconsolate fellow up-town, who
lost his wife recently, exclaimed weeping
to a sympathizing friend : " Well, I've
lost gloves, lost umbrellas, yes, even
cows and horses, but I never, never had
anything to cut me like this."
—A boarder looked very discontentedly
at a beef steak, and the landlady, having
observed him, said : " Don't the steak
suit you! " Yes," said the boarder, "it's
good enough, what there is of it, and
there's enough of it, such as it is."
—The ladies who wish to assume the
position given the form by the " Grecian
Bend" are informed that the eating of a
few green apples, an ear of corn and a
cucumber, will have the desired affect.
—A decent looking Irishman, stopping
at a hotel to warm himself, inquired of
the landlord, " - What was the news?"
Landlord, disposed to run a rig upon
Paddy, replied :
"They say that the devil is dead !"
"And sure," quoth Pat, "that's news
indade."
Shortly after, Pat stalks up to the bar
and depositing sonic coppers resumed
his seat.
The landlord, always ready for a cus
tomer, asked him what he would have.
"Och, sure, sir," said Pat, "it's the
custom in my own country, when a chap
like you loses his daddy, to give him a
few coppers to help pay for the wake."
Landlord stood treat all around.
—"Yaw," said Mr. Spreitzelwiggle, who
lowered his glass from his face long enough
to tell the story, " I dicks I knows vat
vas der matters mit der Ilendleton's, so
as dat he was not nominated. Tem Sey
mour fellers vas too Tani many for Shorge
Yaw."
—Artemis Ward has been heard from
through Planchette. Ile says: I'm
tryin to figger uu how I could give away
twenty-five thousand dollars at my Beth,
when, according to reports sence, I didn't
hey but five."
—" Sambo, why am dat nigger down
dar in the hole of de boat like a chicken
in de egg ?" " I gives um up." Ans.—
" Because he couldn't get out, if it wasn't
for de hatch."
—Why is a thief like a certain household
utensil? Because he is a base-un (basin.)
—What man is in advance of his time?
Ans.—One who has been knocked into
the middle of next week.
—A clergyman after marrying a couple
made a prayer over them, concluding :
" Forgive them, Lord, they know not
what they do 1"
—A remarkable sign for a confectionery
shop : " Eye scream for sail hear."
—How to make the " stamps"
your heel down,
—A lady remarked to her boy. Never
put off till to-morrow, what you can do
to-day. The urchin replied, "Den Mom
let's eat dat 'ar watermelon." It was
eaten.
—When an acquaintance says, " How
are you?" and rushes by you without
waiting for a reply, I wouldn't if I was
in your place, follow him more than a
mile to tell him I was well.
—lf you wish to fatten a thin baby,
throw it out of the window and it will
come down plump.
—" I am laying for you," as the old
hen said to the chap who was hunting
for her nest.
-put