Brief Film Sell well!: io()
S(IILIFFI.I.:TOIVN. :•:t.rl. , llWeis lri
..)Itst)Eit Font)Etz ABRAHAM )1U•l
—De(/' Sin': Ikt iv 1i hal) ich tier
g'slirivva fun weava (ter 13;•v - vv we s t .
dem Joe Afuckatliggle :ninth] rw muter un
eawirl) shleat!, ).);evva hut mit unserist alt:;
umbrella slituch. vs . ar hart
der Joe. uii wann iner nlle Itunsiallera is
er tau 1 1 (41;1111'ra, l'or er huts ~( ))11
we er halva hut wella (LH irli Illii chill sPt.
!it'll for :ill arect l'n
(loch kenn nien , t (ler llovvy :tell net ex
aetly turileuka das. hit-e i warra. for
selvor Lrenahl: e the
ILTIVer `.ill \a:11) vier tl, brunt
ktunnit mit it slilong
ANVel' Vt:17.I;L)t)111`; 11:1 , wain) diar ihinvel
nari•ln (loin cL liw(iiiya. fnr (I(iii
Joe (icy morva nut t- . llni !:' , ll\vire
Lawlmwl: un but all1()1)1 lin'rdarit of
Iliivvy (wit in di a. fen
1111 Patti:y.llll (101111 but (11'1* LC.-111Vire
1111
L - 11100 a t -t) cllll V uri. 1111 ,l , )1111 61'1'
1 ill (il'o. l )lM , -., der humni:t
1111 - I'll\\ (lin- iuntr , r ilt•i tin 1 . 1 . (,;5t (1 milli t.l)
'1)11`1111eC
derlienn). - Donn do nervy
ktunitta in iii rLtui,•, tin 11.0 1 .,-,1 elm Ara::
•• i , •11 1.11 . 111 , 111 , u
r. •• Will
'• tin ztlirad,—rti-lit re-la :i\N :iv.-
secht se. Donn aria der Bill
ttn awer, ich hin kunana,,d fun .ler Coin
nionw,ils dlas 1•1 1 Ali l,ndtlt nemma tuns
in der law. tut row nutsht Mit t•itin
g'shwire Ltiwhock, tut wann du net mit
geasht done inenni ieh evva di hoddy."
l)oun is de Bcvvy grawd nous in de mitta
slit 00) un hut an valor holtier rhtaud ge
numma uu sogt, secht se, 111111 IMW. (101 i
is der bnddy." Donn seek der Bill.
" Well donn, kunun on--yosht kunim un
geh mit." - Awer ich hiu inch net gons
ready." seek de Bevvy. - Well (hm,
mach (hell ready." secht der Bill. "Wann
ich will," secht de Bevvy. I'll wit net
mit 7'' froked der Bill. •• \o-sir-ee,"
secht de 13evvy. Ilona, we g'sawt,
nemm ich di bodily." secht der Bill. "
tvc g'sawt a , do is der lu)ddy," scout de
Bevvy. " Well doun geasht evva yetz
nit weer,;' scold der kill. " Suppose
aver 'eh dn's net," secht de 1 3evvv.
" Well done, konunand ich dick of der
Commonwells das du mit muslit," soda
der Bill. " Was is don des Conunonwells
for a ding ?" seeld de l3evvy. "Eider
Commonwells is mieli un der g'shwire
un de law un so (linger." " Awer mit so
dinger we deer sind gels ich net." secht
de Bevvy. ".Aver Llt ktonniand dick ,
this du mit muslit,•' seek der Bill. "Well
donn. go allead. for jolt soar der noeh
amohl tins mit so dinger geh MI net,"
secht de Bevvy. •• Donn nemm ich dci
hoddy," sogt der Bill. " l ii 'loch untold
sag ieh, doh is der bodily," secht de
Bevvy. Awer we sill ich der buddy
nemma wane du net mit geasht " Sell
is kens fun meiner bisness," secht de
Bevvy. Donn sagt der Bill, secht er,
"Now Pit, im name of der Commonwells
kummand job dith das du now (1011
awpocksbt un helfsht der Bevvy chra
bodily nuf 'lemma tsum g'shwire in der
law of 'em Commonwells." ich,"
secht de Bevvy, kimunan , l das dht dci
cagily bisness 111111(14A un das der Pit nix
mit tsu du hut." " Awer hit bin der
officer in der law of der Commonwells,"
secht der 13111. 1.7 n ich bin de Bevvy
Sehwetllebrenner, till sell dort is der Pit
Seliwelllebrenner, mei monn," seclit de
Bevvv. "rn now' kummand ich noclut
mold das du mit Beim buddy mit musk iu
der Commonwells em g'shwire Law
bock in der law." " Cru nochamonl,"
sogt de Bo vvy. kummand ich das du un
dci Commonwells shtuft eler lisne•:s
mind."
Donn is der Bill of un noel' der deer,
un hut rich fersliwora da,4 er delft sieli au
possy comaticas kreoya in der law of em
Commonwells, un donn wet er selma eh
net der Noddy fun der Ilevvy mit
;,,‘nut. Donn is er oh un leli bah elm
Bidder nimmy g'selt. Se sawa yetz das
er in de slatolt geht for an lawyer sehna
CM , Wel-a wa,
(lint!
ICII MUS aver salt;.a. meimer das
HI draw link da' de demokrata mv
watch g,'Atola hen dort in Nei Yorrick.
tun das se yclz acli nosh de Bevvy resin.;
wylla. day ich net ,out
'Warms net wrcr das midi so hlack
guarda delita for an dorn-coat sei. dimn
debt ich om end noch for der Greta vota.
Ferleicht do ichs anyhow not'h, so tit' 'cm
slily, do weaslit. sod nix derfu.
i for warm icii du donn son' ich es nemond
except der lievvy.
PIT SCII WEFT LEH I:ENN Ell
_Lit /Ca
Bill—Nod*, du. Alose, we kununts rlas
de inthlicans der Joe Obert ufgentuntna
hen for shrecf, for er is co ehns fun un.4er
beshtv denwkrat
Dina—Ei des kann ich der 5044 . ;t. Di•r
Joe. du wcaslit, dut cvva so an ()mill:
~ z ross,7 un melna 'nor sot el).-
I;as du for (10 (lox:: runner br . r..a. (la.:
or un sei toely shatileit wu in seiner
10)1101 factory shaffa ach au chance, lien
for a livihg t.:•11
awcr, st 4 (0 ;m11;111, VC
dt'S ding'? ich llin saro dld; oppas
lotz no' do do 'publicans
fi l ..i s t a d n a' ( l as shulda hotz,dilt morra
solla mit ..2.01,1, ua awer (h I' ••.i-,;ni; . \•et• un
uti,er party 10011110 uei for hotzalda
mit d, a11:11 !..;:reenl;,,N, ft;i• selly Voull
P,Vllllllk.
Are,e--1)(0.t lm-ht ri ehr. a\ver.
ich 1;111:11 net we. reelina we
_edit woTra, fur es IL-ht
(Irci Int:lnert
"Teenluix un (le , buld i.
lint nn Nwont:•ielt IPannert
dem:loch mi-ta noch ivver Nwell
(1,1111.er AV:t O
.1 !2:lTenhax.
(1 , 11. , 11. 1111 :•1) (la
dulnut (I(uni ken lint' cent
\\ - ; or t , un (1()1 1 ',runner 11:1 , 4 leit
)1)ovt V. It S,) 1 1(11 uri
f001111 , 2'
11111-114 , 11 - V, ill icli 61(11:U11 11W...
:1111! , )y Slll(‘Hi \Vallll :1 Ch
•() 1111 , 111. recht. Awpr \ve
laumuts das so c, nut •() eNplahta im
IZoadina;cr (1k1 . ?
Mose —Why lwratu , o yell delft evra do
r 1 atllcit ,hcor all t'ir de 'ialhlican party
nei flit macha. till dohn dell Itch der
(:rent. uh all .(.11 v laohlidala nei!,yclocla
ME
w;f , rra.
13111—Ich gill der now ,- , ano . a w:zsicli
im sin liah.
yusld
Bill—fell vote for der Eckert under
Joe, un d: , r Mike Walter nn der Dan
Shaaber under Tryon nn mil for seller
Ifartranft.
close—l" n aver Lr,elAlt (loch fodder
Sei-moyer?
13111—A r 1 sir-ree. !:;eh yetz all feu
l, • nit
_dose—Es is der (loch now net arnsht?
Bill—Yoh ich bin in arnsht.
:Mose—Now Bill—nmsht nix sauga,
nu awer sell is yusht exactly my shtyle
—ich get mit fors g,ons 'publican ticket.
Bill—l n noel' elms ich shreib ach for
der FODDER AIIIIMIAM.
Mose—tiell geht aver (loch ordlich
weit, fbr du weasht, seller MumEtt
ictclit iiei yusht we an rater shteef
Bawdy—so ordlich radical, du weasht.
Bill—Well Wit gel) Mx drum—men
geht now yusht so ,Foot de goes sow—der
shwautz arslita, geaya de barslita.
hose—Was kosht doom der FoDDEI:
ult MI AM?
Bill—Li yusht an halwer dallier. Du
nenunsht sc yusht so gout ach.
Nose—Well, Mt "2;eb nix drum—doh is
der shtainp, un now shreibsht das er
meer so ach shickt, for my alty, de Sal,
du weasht, se is itch yctz so halwer ufder
'publican sett, t il l selly tseittmg suit se
exactly.
rltcttb.
N S
cONVEIisioN or El,111:1. I'ENNkitAclCEit-111.
stirS A NisioN ills rEET ON
Stil.iii liEMoritATlc
riiST CoNi . 'Eliiirr X I{OADA )
is it the :State iv Icentu,ky.)
August 13,
Joy to the world ! Elder Pennebacker,
with, ever settee the Noo York Conven
shun, hez bin a skoffer and a sorehed, is
wunA more with the told. There wuz
more rejoicin when he come hack than
over all within the fold. for he viatz a ven
erable lamb wielt hed gone estray. Like
the prodiy.:al son, we slit) ed for him the
fatted calf.
I wuz part iculary pleased with his re
turn. lie wuz the kindest uv men, and
made the best corn whisky in this seek
shun. Ile hed alluz been in the habit
ov sendin, now and then, a jug to his
Pastor at the Post Otlis, but sense his
dissatisfaesinin and eousekent estrange
ment, these delekit attenshuns, so grate
ful to one in frail health hez bin inter
t ed. But this is all over, thank Ileven.
Yesterday month' he conic to the oil's,
OF' .ISI:LVA.I, !)
hearin that wick to i: ,
uv peece ot.l.'yrins, the
\viehl-ettin down, he fell oc.t, nech
and \vela.
— Parson," ,e(I he, hi:• vein e „eiV lilt
with ento , hen, tern, cha-in ~atilt ,1[1i,•;•
11()Wn 111 S nW•e, i'Ver. I \
aml he repented. For...,ive tur
••Eldn''." secl I, U., , )1)111i.l r. di.ntiii. ii
air, — he \tit() depart , and comet!' hue]:
t)ver that jlf.r, fur the :-.tuliper
in tite--is to I 114?
then el' he hedn't hicl:ed over :11“ trm•-,
yoo, my eon. Ifei•e'.; It till
Wich Will (1(1."
The Elder then told the how he hod
Litt conyertetl, 110 te , (l. (ty:cuminy:l
to vote at all. lit! di.l.Ct hyiievy y_
tnoure, co' he pled •,e(l to pay 11l
in tfTtiLifiliax, find Ip...dew-fed f
he witiz whilst a
!weir.; in mitrryin !dui II:11'17," I
inalV family, w:ch i, toonu:, h. 11 , didn't
bidiyve that either [iv cut Wit/ to) hi' , tekl..
e heleeVe that either
II(H) to the HilIC(1. pel<imiyerly
\\ tint to lied th.i.
find, mit rath, fill itAcep it l
dreanied. dream f-iiivt fl
Ih.; tlreawied tic Will. ill It Vll,l
Hy the Dimocrittiy, very the
Nai , hville Com - eh-11mi. There whz
f.houtin and hollerin, but he walked
about, gloomy wild sad, tilled with Ci , ziahil
fore hodin,.
Presently in his dream he approacht
the grand stand, wick wuz akepied by
the leaders: and devotid to the moosic in
the occashun. Here a most pekoolyer
site met hiz gaze. Ile notist one small
but soft-toned instrooment, holler and
very much like a Boot, evidently made
for peaceful strains, out uv wich Wade
Hampton WU% strainin and blowin tile
most feroshus and war-like strains. The
lied uv the instrootnent wuz ieymoure's
lied, and ez he lookt Closter he found it
assoomed the general appearance uv the
man. It tried hard to keep the smooth
melojus tones to with it wuz normally
adapted, but the gum-visaged Hampton,
whose wind is inexhaustible, blowd sieh
strong blasts and lingered the holes so
adroitly, that it played hiz toons and hiz
only.
Just beside him stood l;oregard a playin
' a brass instrument which wuz shaped so
like Blare ez to be him, wick instrument
was uv the trombone wicker. lioregard
had no trouble with it. It wuz, ez dis
cordent nacherally ez it rood be, and it
was splendidly adapted to the eapassity
of the player.
I give the dreem henceforth in the El
der's own words:
"Wat in thunder," sed I to a man vieli
seemed to be sort uv engineerin in the
concert, " \vat in thunder is Sevmoure
and Blare and sicli ez them furnishin
moosie for stratb Southern Dimocracy
for? Are we to be compelled to submit
to the tool uv bondholders and to Federal
soldiers and rich I Ez for one, I. will
never--"
"Don't talk like an eggre,jis ass !" sed
this man. "lleven't you any sense ?
Can't you see that Seymore and Blare
are merely the instrooments wick are
played onto, and that Boregard and
Wade Hampton are the individools who
furnish the wind and linger the holes.
Listen, how grandly 'Dixie' and the
`Bonny 8100 Flag' swells out onto the
air, and tills surroundine; space? And
see, ez Boregard shoves out the trom
bone, how it hez knockt oil' the stand all
them which from firmer attachment to
to the instromnent wuz close to it, and
how sweetly the pizen breth with is twin
blowed, tho its combined with that nv
the instrument itself, hez smothered all
them whose presence wood hey embarast
us. Miles O'Reilly it killed, and all that
Pestiferous breed of War Dimocrats like
him are lvin, overpowered with it, flat
onto their backs. They may possibly
survive, hut they are so stoopelied that
they wont git they
till after the oper
'•
toonity for hurtin us is passed.
Then;'
sod the Elder, "my dreem
changed. Methawt the eleckshun wuz
tivuz pte
over, and that we lied triumphed. I
o hmne in
Kentucky. All here
ece
The Buro officers lied folded
their tents like the Arabs, and silently
stole away. The military wuz with
drawn, and then wuz nothing 1)100 in
the South, save and except the faces uv
the few Northern men wick toodent git
away. The very
. air wuz full uv the
gosts uv the ded Fcdral sojers in the
South, all uv wich wore au expression
GENERAL HARRY \VIE TE,
'.IS \T!: !.•
ez tho they felt they
hp.l i , in urt,,,,nhipred iuLo ~ fosts for very
onsid, ra!,l,. than nothin.
hill undone, and all laws
and deprivin our
!it roes wuz hustid. \\'e wuz
. Th, , r iitA bin a gineral cleanin
(In, tiv Nor[ilern settL , rs, carpet-la;!•ers
and 11(d.iSt \\all
Udinn pin-ure that l'olloelt's store lied
Litt zupl llit„-ler's corpse (lie
a low tone., and loohin"!
I. , arry ov.T Ids shouldor to make shoot.
no ()Ile Wl.ll, lyin lin the
BE
tly the Ife , :!2;er•s (4 emd 1 con
were at work under tin laws we
a'( ~ i n. 2 ,0 of: -- , 1.1 ir'r Month, ttilti ez
lutij Li?i) pelifkmt fur th>tl, lied
!w(.!' -1o)L ‘lr mil or yoliiilvy.
votes a11(1
-ich. d lilt ill 'relines
redoi , ,t it ntsnutl sneer. and the
In,re itt tile hand:; 111 -
ich 1);;I: siol Fori".!'4:llolSicil.
101 V lit'(l hkl 1111!!', their noospapers de
:Th;,vutl. and them WiC l .l :11111 . 1011 1 , 1 001
t-valtork , tl to j'ho co , ll' winds. In the Cor
ners all iti uz peace. We hed niygcrs on
the nlantation (y. before the war, and
IVC. the 1 001 ill race. wuz ITh'eVell the
lah6l! WWII. en 01114!; a Cal1C:1-
11111 101* tile enjoyment uv life. The
entire Corners had nothing to do and
plenty to live on, was perpetoolly gath
ered in front of Bascom's, pitchin cop
pers, rtuthin ,marter races. and ever and
anon ceasin their manly amoosments to
quad' the tlowin boles wicli lie supplied.
AVe mod hear, any time, the cheerful
yelp uv the hloodhounds in the swamp
heyont the Bun, chasm runaways, and
there WU% 110 longer any law agin their
shootin itigers ; scarcely a day passed
that one or more wuz not killed. My
distillery wuz a runnin full blast, the
smoke uv the torment ascendin from its
chimney forever. Oh, it was gorg,us
"And is this to be ?" asked I uv the
disembodied spirit to; Bishop Poke, wich
wuz showin it to inc.
"All this and more," returned he.
"Thus will the South regain her lost
rites. Thus will the lost coz be restored :
Elect ti(+3•mour and 'Blair. and all will be
well."
"At this pint I awoke," sed the Elder,
"feelin how unjust I bed bin--how vilely
I had sinned and how fearfully I had de
parted. I wuz agoin back on my party
on the greenback question ! Wat is
greenback to this' Wat is paying a
debt in one way or another compared to '
the extacy uv wallopin niggers, chasin
Northern men and Navin our instooshens
back again ? Wat is a mere greenback
idea compared to the luxury tty Kevin the
entire Northern Democracy in our hands
a! , in, for us to mould ez we will and do
with ez we like ? Why, I woodcut give
the luxury uv hevin a Noo Yorker on his
knees afore me ez uv old, a minit, for all
the taxes I will hey to pay for a century.
Besides," and he busted out afresh,
" if Boreegard can make Seymour pipe
Dixie, can't he also by different tingerin
make the same instroomeut play Repoo
diaten ? I shood say so. We hey em,
Parson--we hey em ! Forgive me--for
give me!"
And we embraced and wept, and took
a drink, and wept agiu for joy. Verily
my way is now pleasant and my paths is
made strate. In the exuberance uv his
joy he will keep my basket and nib• stove
--Or rather my jug and Ilask—full for a
mouth.
—Josh 8! LTA x(is says:—" enny
ratan will concede that it loox very - coons) ]
to see a boy drag a heavy slay up a steep
hill for the 1h rtin pleshur ov ridin down
ignin. But it appears to me that the ,
boy iz a sage bi the side ov the yung
man hoo works hard all the week, and
drinks his stamps up Satt.2rda
—"Friend Mallabv„ I. :un pleased that
thee has got such a tine mran in thy
Church." " said the clergyman,
" I thought you were strongly oppos4..d
to having, an organ in a church?" "
am," said Friend Obadiah ; " but, then,
if thee will worship the Lord Avitit ma
chinery, I would like thee to have a first
rate instrument."
—Why should weddings always be cel
ebrated in the belfry ?-13ecause it's the
proper place for belle-ringing."
IMIII
PETROL:UM V. NASPN, P. 7.T.,
(I.Vich is PoAinaster.)
!huh a Hi
litu 41.) \‘ it ih.rati"
Thc , tree t.Ol, till
:wo chancoat all.
Com, dov,
Thea Fratiky I;lair I`lll'o •:tt•
11 . !,4 carict hag lii \\amid pr,pae,
coid Fraliv•
I r Maine I%l'lll NVOI'SV, Wlllllll diNllll,O
Seyllll/111 . in
1\01) C(01 FI:111kV.
—Why is a wa , ther-woman the most
cruel Person in the maid? 13(.cause she
daily wrings men's lmsoms.
—Put two persons in the same hed
room, one of whom 11:1:4 the toothache
and the other is in love, and it will he
lound that the person having the tooth
ache will go to sleep first.
—Don't sneeze too violently! A man
in Nevada City sneezed his shoulder out
t)l joint a Wet k or two ago. Four men
and a surgeon gave it considerable pull
ing to !ret it into. place again.
—A Western editor (lescrii)es the scene
at a popular lecture tlltts: " Three hous
vaul ladies were hanuing On the lips &Cone
man. — A pretty strong Inaa that'
:•pi•akiii , 4,f' (fl ()f• her
children \vim \\ . :1,11'. - htercidiired than I.IW
rest, slid : '( U I (lid brat,
--A maul 11:1(1 a woinall
nrrety(l the lit (lit in ( for
hint ten
afinioni•lied the vr , uu , .; . .. 1 (Phan tf) he care
ful lapx a , • lcil tw‘ard, tu:rltectc,l
melt hereafter.
-A ;vim NV lip 11“
frOhl Ilk ( 0 1'11 hilri!eil. , ; lid 111:It
1' 1 11'1. 1 11 1; 1 1 1 . 1";1 1 ' :. l ' ) - , 1 (1
1 11 :1 :1 1'
(:1:'1:''
IVIly tV:I,
II in \\ :e• Hill ill till , iirinijnii•:
1„ •r:nl--r
won n,cn ;uiv ii :11\1 ti. vvLltt
:
t() ii
) ittmov,i• I I
!1;t1
Mr. pltt L;t,jll ,,
urt :•,a)())i lo'',W4)l! , 11%1\ k'lf r ( , 11
, lk",1111')(01 1() 1 11111!1"; "
a, I 1,, 11,
im\v - ov,r.
head, — 011. 1;10
ar , ' 11 , 4 \\ ., l\ ."
I.lh. (';ilifnruia imp(q .
1 .1 )11 , J1111('I \7('('11:1
:111(1 :111 EIA1 , 111:1:,11. 10 :1 (1:11'1.:
The Vallk( iI(Q Wl-11111 t() 11;1`,•(‘ 1)1()1),1
on 111'; 'Mild , . 11r1 , 1 111 , 1)1,1(.1 up th e chim
ticv. t() tiw
1:1(Hi,11111:tn.
—A man, in t.t . ettiti , : out (kr k,,,„ om u n ms
a few days made tt,le Or the two 1 . 4)W
I , ;WI:Th.•I'S to s t ea dy hi mse lf,
at which the ladies, took °fictive, and one
of them said aloud, A perfcet sava , 2 ;e!"
"True, - said a watt . inside, "he belom4s,
to the l'aw-nee tribe."
—A negro, after !zazing al the Chinese,
exclaimed, If (le white fnlks is dark as
dat nut; dare, I wonder what's di. color (0)
de ni gge Ps '
Ditt•NitEN Englishman said to
Jude Led with, of New York, on Wed
nesday, of last week: •• Your honor, I'm
anobleman in disguise." •'So I perceive,"
replied the Judgc. - you're dis! , iiised iu
liquor, and as drunk as a lord."
—" Did you ever have any 'hops' iu
Maine ?" asked :t \Vport belle, who
was dresin4 . !Or a ball, of a country
cousin front the Pine Slate. Oh! yes,
lots Pa ha, , , forty aeres of them in one
—Cure for Love--flide in a Ouset hall
a dozen times and listen to the conversa
tion which takes place between a couple
who have been married One year, while
they think themselves entirely alone.
—A
,c . ent !man who inhabits a " haunt
ed bons.'" felt ru weak and nervous the
other day that he might have been
"knocked down wit.lt a crow-har," be
entis.e a friend Nlid to him, " - May your
Bha,lote nevyr grow less !•'
--A el - ideal wag set , ing on the tomb of a
wife whom he knew to be a shrew in life
the inseript " I shall rise again." ad
ded the xvords, '• but don't let nib• poor
husband know of
[i3 .v spo i
1 1 1,
'
4i' f. ,1 4 6 ‘ ';' 74 r :4411
4 , ''
' 4 %; il' :\ '': 5 ', ,i\ i t -' i.
1- - It i 4 ~ :',,, t ,s‘ •!N„ . ;
"'.,.'41
,r 11) ilek , ,,i rt iv ..litt.;-:: •
• ..' 04.4404% .tvic.. qiim%
A FRIEND OF SEYMOUR
Aftei. the Vermont _Election.
11