raill.i:"!- ' " " " "m.t-'ij.. m. Humorous. Aa Irtshmm, linvlng returned from Ms tinvcls gallantly compared Ills land--lady lo Vesuvius, because ''she was a linn old crater." In Chicago, the other night, a man heat Ms wife with nn old shoo because the would not go down -dalrs and find n burglar. Served her right. What Is n wife for, anyway? Au ambitious tit. Louis girl has got tier, name in tho papers by shaving un til -die has raited a moustache, on her upper lip. The papers out that wnjf appear to feol very big about tt,altliough we don't see why they should. We know any number of girls hero In Le hlgliton who havo had moustaches on their lips, and yet wo never saw any. thing about It In tho dally journals. However, there may be a difference n the cases. Tho moustaches wero on the lips of young men at tho same time they woro on the lips of f-Iie gir)s. Oh, twollpsl . A retired clergyman eends us an ac count of a little affair that happened in Ids place. It appears that there was a young woman, a fine, splilted girl, en gaged at a washlub opposite an open door. Just behind her was a young man, as is generally the case, and in the jard wns au old buck that was al lowed the freedom of the premises, whhh was not nlways tho case, wuaro glnd to say. Well, the buck carao up to 'the door and looked In, and tho young man, going closo behind the young wo man, pointed his finger straight at tho buck, and the old fellow, recognizing at once the pressing character of this mute Invitation, put down his head and dash ed forward, and tho misetable man step ped ono side and lied. The young wo iuan, all unconscious of the arrange ment, received the awful shock without warning, and passed over tho tub; the air for an Instant appeared to be full c-f slippers ami wet clothes and soap and hot water and suds. Tho next minute he goat camo flj ing out of the door at a dreadful speed, bald the whole length of tho spine, and with a wl4 look in )ils eye. And for an hour afterwards lie stood back of tho barn scratching his chin, and trying to recall all the circum stances of the affair. Hero Is another story about Horace preejey: On a certain occaslqn, as ho sat writing at his editorial desk, he re ceived a visit from an irato imp, who epent fifteen minutes In pouring out up; on his head a torrent pf denunciation to which the abused man repllpd not by DO'much as a single word. At length tjlievlsltor.scclng that tho editor couldnot be induced, tq pay him tho compliment, of defending himself, passed out of tho door with a growl. Thereupon Mr. Greeley, rising, with Ids pen in hand, aud following the departing ccnsor,crled out: "Come back, my friend, and Ireo your mind. Don't go off without entire ly relieving yourself." The German papers tell this story In connection with Uaron Hothscblld's death. A aud 13 meeting U, weep lug aud sobtlng aloud. "Says A, 'Why do you weep?" liccauso," sajs II, as if his. heart wcro breaking, "he U deaJ, the powerful, ihe rich ba- 1011." ".Cut," replies A, "why do you cry so much; ho was no relation of yours?" "That's just what I am cry ing about," 1,10 wl a I), more affected than ever. Whet, a jilted young man looks on her, who is now another's, and bees thut the once lithe forui resembles a sack of wheat with a string tied In tho middle; sees the eyes that once "looked love to eyes that spake again," bearing marks of the ujcoilal bootjack or black ing bottle; sees the Qve red-haired chil dren aud tho tow-headed twlus.then In deed, ho may sigh and recall tho poet's word the bkddett "it might have been" worse, lor me. A farmer In Montgomery couuty has a mile of children. Ills name Is Fur long, and ho has eight sons. A! Toast. Newspaper borrqwers II ay thelr's be a life of single blessed ness, may their path bo carpeted with cross-eyed snakes and their nights bo haunted with knock-kneed cats. To become peace-makers l'lay at football lu a crockery shop. "Injunearlng Douo Hero" Is tho sign of the Times lu Detroit. A Chicago thlrt dealer advertiser, "Buy from uie, or I shall burst." Tho species most wanted to. settlo our couutry'sjQnanclal difficulties Gojd and bllver. Mrs, Partington declares that she does not wish to vote, as she fears blie coulden't stand the shock of tho dec trical franchise. They have a new test for intoxication over In Cauada. When a man can pro nouueo "reciprocity" without tripping, the police let him go. There Is a Conuetlcut widower who declares that nothlug 1 ernlmls him of his poor, dear wlfu so much as to live within earshot of a saw-mill. This Is the sort of notice that an Ore gon lecturer gets from his village newspaper: "Colonel Jo. Meek lias shouldered liH jaw-bone, and will tell the people more than they ever dreamt X ubjut rulnlug," Uic best Paper. Try it. rOSTAGE FREE. IinAUTIFDUY ILLUSTIIATED. Tim SCIKNTIKIO AMKUICAN now In Itn UOth jrar, enjoys Urn wldpnt cirruUilon ofaj weekly newspaper of I tie kind In the world. A new Totutne nmitncnee. Januiry 4, 1883. It i-ofitetita embrace tlielattat and moat Inter, eating Inlurinitiou pertaining to the luduatrnl. Mechanical anil gcitsulilic ITortjas of the VtorM; IWrlptlonp, Hlth lleautlful .ti!riavlt, rf New Intelillonp, New Iniptlinenti, New 1'ri cfwa, and ImproTed 'lndustrloa of nil kinds Uevful Note, Iteceir.ea, Snirgefttltma and Advice, by rractlcal Writers, for Wurktueu and KiuplojerF, lu all the various art a. The rjCUSftTIl'IO AMKUICAN 11 the cheuK$tantl best illustrated weekly taper published Every number contains from 10 to J5 original en gtavtnqs of new machinery and novel invention!. ' KNCillAVlKtls, illustrating Improve ments, Discoveries, and Important Works, pertain ing to civil and Mechanicut Engineering, Milling, Mining and Metallurgy; Records oft'ie laleUpro geess in thtapplications of Steam, Steam Engineer ing, Railways, Ship-liititding, Navigation, Tele graphy, Teteyiaph Engineering, Electricity, Magne tism, Ligt awl Ileal. FAKiUKIlS, Mechanics, Engineers, Inven tors, Manufacturers, Oiemuts, Lovers of Science, Teachtrs, Vtergymen, Lawyers, and People of all Professions will find the S'ciiktii-io Amluicix use- fultothem. It shouUlhaveaplace in every family, i-wrary, auiiu, micc, ami imming jtoomi ir. ev ery Heading Room, College, Academy or School A' year's numbers contlin 8.12 pages and Hi;terau lIl'flDRED ' ViHQ&ivl!tQ.3,"4Thvvsunds of volumes arepreserved for binding and reference. The prac tical receipts are ucll worth ten times the subscrip tion price. Terms. S3.20a near bv mail.includiua potlape. Discount to Clubs. Special circulars and ITS. 'Ont'OTl4C In connection with the Bcux JTULCllLb. tino iMiaiciii, Messrs. Mukk cC Cb. arc Solicitors of American and Tvreign Iht ents, and have ihelargest establishment in the vorld. Mire than fifty thousand applications have been made for patents through their agency. Ixtcnlsarc obtained on the hctt tenns, Models of Iiw inventions and sketches examined and advice free. A special notice is mads in the Scinnrre ViMtniCAN of all Inventions IMlcnted through this Agency,wuh toe name and residence oj vit iweniee, Intents are often sold in part or whole, to persons at tached to the invention by such notice. Send fur Ijmpltt, 110 pages, containing laws and full di rections for obtaining Patents. Address for Vie Paper, or concerning Patents, Ml.XXd! CO SI Purk Row, K. 1'. ISranch OJice, cor. P. andWi Sis., Washington, D. C. Subscriptions rcceivcdfit'Jhis oJJtce.t WILLIAM KEIY1ERER,. Corner of Bank & South Qts., Lehighton, Fa., Keeps a full lino of Comprising Ladles! Dress Goods, Ulack and Colored Alpacas, Ginghams, Prints, Shlrtiugs Sheetings, &c. of every grade and price. C4KPETS A.' :U CLOTHS, In great varle y. to cerites jmI Teas, pofTee?, Sugars, Spices, Fruits, Hams, Shoulders, Sldo-AIcat, &;. JJought, Sold or Exclrauged HARDWARE For Building and other purposes In great varjety of tho best quality. All goflds warranted as represented aud prices fully as low as elsewhere. April C, 1873-yl jJBEItrECT " FITS." Laury & Peters Have JuBt received a very largo and ele gant stock of Fall and Wluter comprising plain nnd fancy Cloths, casslurercsand Vestlngs, for men's and uoys- wear, which tlity are prepared to make up In the moat fj'hlonablu styles. at reasonable prices and ou short notice. Ladles', Gent's nt.d Children's Boots, Shoes, Gaiters and Rubbery comprising a splendid stock of all kinds, mauuiaciured especially lor the ttade of this locality. Mats Dai&s5 of tho latest and most fashlonablo make, always ou baud, nt low Ugutes. WAgcnts for the Acmo Shirt the best fitting garment ever made. Leave your Measure for them. LAUHY & PETERS, Merchant Tailors, P. O. Building, Lehlgliton, Pa. TCSOH Drugs, Medicines, Perfumery, Spices. &c. call at Lentz's Drui? "WOU Chapped Hands, Faco or Lips, Ps call at, Ltfnti's Drug Store. MAUSTICSoda, 14ctsper pound at veutt a,vrug Store. Tpi01 ToUetj Extrijct.s. Ktseuces, Fan. J- cy Soaps, ombs, Puffs and Pu ft ijuxos can a; wuti's Drug Store. LL kinds of Patont Mcdlclnta at Lentz's Drug Store.. niTOUACCO and Cigars, a specialty --at the Drug More ot C. W. LeuU, lianu btreet, Lehlgliton. gpiIOIOK Liquors, for Mi-dlcal pur- poses at c. W. Lcutz'a Drug Store, Bank Struct, EVERY AMATEUR PRINTER EVERY AMATEUR PRINTER EVERY AMATEUR PRINTER EVERY AMATEUR PRINTER Should Havo ffinr vj Fireside Instructions In Printing nnd the nnswer to queries which will renwve diffi culties In your whytocfilclcncy, appeor in each number. EVERY FAMILY SHOULD TMKE EVERY FAMILY SHOULD TAKE EVERY FAMILY SHOULD TAKE EVERY FAMILY SHOULD TAKE ffiwr Own Fireside For Its Good Stories, For lis FiiNliion IMutcg, For Itn Miscellany, For lis Household .e s Aud lor Its Purchasing Department, Through which every desirable article lu Nuw York is luruisheil nt the lowest rates without extra t harge. Our Own Fireside is a Home Journal In Its foul th year 10 largo pages ttlth Illustrations. Price, $1.00 a jear. Every subscriber makes nelcctiuu of a valuable premium from the many offer ed. Those bUOscrlblig now receive the paper the remainder ot tho year lice of charge. SUBSCRIBE NOW Ai tho LVgiimlng of If you cannot afford to subscribe, an arrapgoment will he made by which you can receive the paper for one year without money. Send 3 cents for samplo copy. C-jNVASSERS WANTED. A Cumuplon I'l lnlliig Press A Champion I'riiitin Press A Champion Hruthig Press A Champion Printing Press Is Given Away Is Given Away Is Glvcu Away Is Given Away For a club of 15 subserlbers to OurOwn Fireside. Every Duslness Man aud Boy should havo one. Send tic. btamp. Address, Oar Own Fireside Publishing Co., Room 4, Stin Building, N. '. STEAM WUWm AND 2 ftiifl. 12 Harsq Power GET THE BEST & CHEAPEST. Address, M. L. GUMP & CO., Uooru 4, Sun Building, N. Y. The Champion Job 3?rss Fon Printers, Business Men and Boys. Tho best press mado. Also, JOB TYPE for AMATEURS- Send pc. for; Pamphlet. Address, M. L. GUMP & CO., Boom 4, Sun Building, N.Y. oct 31-mC A Gqo3 Livelihood Can bo made by selling Tl o Graphic Steel Engravings, repioduccd by the wonderful Graphic Process from famous works ot art. luu per cent ou every sale. Send f 3 for Folio, convenient to exhibit from, containing 1!) of our finest Engravings, wlilch ts ail the capital ana stock In trade necessary to commence busluess with, ludress, THE GRAPHIC COMPANY. 41 Park Place, New York, Kcference, l-uitor 01 tuts ruuiicatiuu Oct. U1-1U4 .WIIJIX GUAVCK, Opposite tho Public Squaic, SOUTH ST., LEHIGHTON, TA. Manufacturer of "in. 6? Sheet IroAWajG And Dealer in all kinds of KT" Hoofing, Spouting and Jobblcg promptly aiieuuea to. nov. uu JPUK SALU, A Nevy FIRE PP,Q,OF SAFE, vlth uomuination L,ocu, at Hall rnce. Iunulreuf W. M. ItAPSIIER. Lelvlghtnn, Oct. 24, 1874,. ' W. EACHES, Contractor & Builder : LEUiailTON, PKNN'A. Plans anil, Spcclllcatlons For all kinds of Buildings made at the shortest notice NO CIIAItGES Madu for Plans c.nd Specifications when the contract Is awarded to the under slgued. A. W. EACHES. Juno M, 1873-yl OSJ CAX Save 20 Per Cejit, By getting jour JOB PRINTING Dpno at tho Office of tin) Carbois Advocate, IN HEINTZELMAN'S BUILDING Eat. th P. 0. and L. T. B. R. Depot, f.pUlpIitoip,' Carlion Co., Pa We have Just received a large and ele gant assortment ot Q( (ho latest styles i together with a Bupeiior stock of CARDS, BILLHEADS, ENVELOPES, HOTE PAPER, And a variety of other PRINTINQ MATERIAL, J nd can now giv6 our jiatrons first- class work nt pi Ices at least 20 Pqr Cent Jjower Than any other Office In. (.resection. Give U a Trial, and be Convinced. tSTTlm patronage of tlm public Is respecuully solicited. TBiq (JARBOX ADVOCATE, A 2tcolu,mrA Local Paper, tho only newspaper Bntlfflf Trlnted In U Cpunljr, Is published every Saturday moruin ; a $1 a Year in Advance, Or $1.S0 If not paid in advance. The Advocate, with Its large aud in, creasing circulation, Is one or tne very Beat M;cltnmi for Adertlatu6 In this Section, implication. Hates furnished on II. V. MOHTIIIMEH, Leklghton, CarbOD County, Ta, Dealer In Fancy and Staplo Dry Goods, Groceries, &c, Would hereby respectfully Inform his friends and the public In general that notwithstanding the dullness of tho times he Is determined to keep up his stuck to Its usual fullness, and Is at all times ready to show .(seller not) his en tire lino of Roodi, frn.ii Silks at $2,75 per yard down to Calico for 5c. per yd.; and would al.o bu pleiicd to havnthoso who cannot Milt themselves (no matter In what article) In this or sunoundlng towns, tci call pa lilm giving a samplo or full dUcrlptlon ot tl o article they want, when it will be furnished them lu a few lumr's time, at Ihe lowest City prices, having secured tho sub-agency of ono of the largest wholesale aud re tail houses In the City. Particular attention i, also, given to the Grocery department, which Is made tipot ?w-i)llill!U lieiilcil in mo lumiij, Irniu a banel uf Hour up to the liueot Tea. Goods delivered to nil parts freo of charge. Orders by mail or by othei sources promptly filled. A few more noon monthly custom, ere vvl)l be accepted. Thanltlul fur tne nnerai patronage received thus far, I hope, by lair and Impartial dealing, to secure all my Iriends ana many omers as regular cus tomers. All I ask is a r.ilr trial, near lug lilinind Unit I will not'bo under sold. Also agent for tho famous light run ning DOMESTIC SKWINU MA CHINE, which I sell or. easy terms. With the latch string on tliu outsiuc, and my rlcht hand extended to all, you will always find a welcome nt I' . 1'. LjISjN iv. o flank St , Lehlgliton, Pa. N. II. The hlchest market prices allowed for COUNTRY I-llOUUCE lu exchange for goods. pUbratcd Golden Tongue aro acknowledged by Eminent Musicians and Distinguished. Men of Honor ai the Leading PARLOR ORGANS NOW IN USE I Wp Qhallsngo any Llaknr to Equal TPEM. No other Orgnn has gained thp same popularity iiitho Lehigh Vtilley Urgans sold hero years ago give uuiyorsul sat isfaction all tire ready to add their names in proof of what wo say, Do not bo misled by deal ers, until you havo examined this valua ble instrument, with '71 improvements added to it. l?ri,co List sput Freo to all Good Agcntij Wanted. Address, hi:atty & piaOTrs, Washington, Warren County, cct24-yl No iv Jersey. r It. ItlCKHKT, ' Opposite Ii. & S Depot, On the East Wcissport Canal Bank, Respectfully Informs the citizen,1! of this vicinity lluu no Keeps coiinmuiy im hand, nnd Is belling at tho very lowest Market Prices, tliu very oesi uranus 01 ALSO, DKALEll IN 10 For Iulldlnir and other purposes, which he guarantees to bu J Th0r0Ugllly Seasoned And to Sell at tho VERY LOWEST HATES. CoalX Coal! J Wholcsolo and Retail at thoery Low- est Cash prices. Holms also a number of very eligibly located In, KICKEUTSTOWN, Franklla Twp., Which ho will tell ou very .ay icrius. aug. 0, "73-yl J. K. H1CKEKT, r 1'f?-? uT"'"!. .irrTTa Dr. J, AViillccr's Ctilirornir. Yiupgur Hitlers nro n purely Vcg Otnblo preparation, niado cliietly from tho nntivo licrhs fouud on tho lower raiiRos of tho Sierra Novacl.t moun tains of California, tho medicinal propcrtios of which aro extracted tlioiofioiii without thouso of AJcohol. Tho question is nltuost daily asked, " What is tho causo of tho unpar alleled success of Vinegar Hit TEiisf" Our answer is, tliat they lcraovo tho causo of disease, and tho patient recovers Ills health. They lira tho great blood purilior and life-giving principle, a perfect Inno vator nnd luvigoratnr of tho system. Never bofiuo in tho history of tho world has a njedicino been compounded pos sessing tho remarkublo qualities of vix ugaii Bittt.ks in healing tho Rick of pvery dlseaso man is heir to, They ar a gentlo I'nrgalivo ai well as a Tonio, relieving Congestion or Inflammation' w tho Liver and VUccral Organs, in UllloiU Diseases, t Tho properties of Dn. "Walk- pn's Vi.NKd au niTTUits aro Aporieut, Dia phorctic, Carminative Nutritious, Laxa tiyo, Uiuretle, Sedative, Counter-irritant, Sudorific, Alterative, and Anti.Uiliouj. Grateful Thousands proclaim Vinegar Hitteus tho most wonder ,ful Invlgorant that ever sustained tho sinking system. No Person can talio these Bit ters according to djrootions, and ro main long unwell, provided their bones aro not destroyed by mlnoral poison pv other moans, and vital or gans wasted beyond rcnair, Uilious, llcmitleut, and In termittent Fevers, which aro bo nrovalcnt in tho valloys of our great rivers throughout tho United States, especially thoso of tho Mississippi, Ohio, Missouri, Illinois, Tenuossoo, Cumberland, Arkansas, Ked, Colo rado, Brazos, Kio Grando, Poarl, Alabama, Mobllo, Savannah, Ko anoko, James, and many others, with their vast tributaries, through out our cntiro country during th Summer nnd Autumn, and remarks- . bly so during seasons of unusual Scat and dryness, aro invariably ac companied by estensivo derange ments of tho stomach and liver, and other abdominal viscera, In thoir treatment, a purgativo, exerting a powerful inlluonco upon these, vari ous, organs, is. cssontially necessary. 'I'licro is no cathartic for tho purpose, equal to Dn. J. WALKnn'a Yineoah l!TTi:ns, as they will speedily remove tho dark-colored viscid matter with which tho bowels aro loaded, at tho snmo tim stimulating tho secretions of tho liver, and generally restoring the healthy funo tjons of thq digestiVQ organs, Fortify tlio body against dls- oaso by purifying all its fluids with, VixnaAit lliTTEns. No cpidemio can, tal;o hold of a sybtcm thus luro-armod. Dyspepsia or luulgcstioii, uead ache, I'am in tho Shoulders, Coughs, Tightness of tho Chost, Dizziness, Sour- Erueta.tions of tho Stomach, Had Tast in tho Mouth, unions AttacKs, raipua tioa of tho Heart, Inflammation ot th Lungs, Pain in tho region of the Kidntji, and a hundred other painful symptoms, aro tho ou"priugsof Dyspepsia, Ono bot tlo will pmvo a better guarantee of its merits than a lengthy advertisement. Scrofula, or JUng's JSVU, Whita kSwcliings. Ulcers, Krytdpetns, Swelled Neck, lioitro, sennuinua inuivmmauoni, Indolent Inllammations.'Mcrenrial aireo tlons, Old Sores, Eruptions of tho Skin, Soro Eyes, etc. In these, as in all uthor constitutional Diseases, Walker's Vik-F-oAtiUiTTEiis havo shown their great cur ativo powers in the, most CibstWftto "4 intnvctablo cases. For lnlliiininatory nnd Chronic Rheumatism, Oout, llilioua, Remit tent and Intermittent l'uver. Dlieasoi of tho Itlood, Livcr Kidneys a.wl Uladder, theso Ditters have, no equal, SucU Dis-. ca.?es aro caused by Vitiated. Wood. IIcclnmicalDiseasi's. PQrsons. engaged in Paints and Minerals, such a Plumbers, Tvpo-scttors, Clold-lcatcrand Miuerfl, as tliey advauco in life, aro sub ject to pamtytnf the Howels. 'fo guard; ngaWt, this, tako a do--o vf WiKsa'a Visi:oak iiirrtRs occasionally. For Skin Diseases lAvuptions Tetter. Salt-Kheuiu, J!hitth.cs,bputs, run pies, Pustules, Uoil", Carbunefus, Itlug worms, Scald-head, Soro Ivyes, EryslpiK las. Itch, Scurfs, Dlscoloratious. of th Skin, Humors aud Diseases of the Skin sf whatever uaino or nature, are literally dug up and carried out of tho system in a. short time, by thouso of theso Ititters. Via, Tape, and oilier "Worms, lurking in tho system of somauy thou-, sands, aro ctlectually destroyed and re moved. No system of medicine, no ver mifuges, no n.'.theluiinitlcs will freo th svsteur from worms liko theso liuu-rx. 'L... f.'.ii.i.iljtfiwtiiitfitnf c tn T-nnnir. ipr old, married or tingle, at tne aawn or H-niinuihood.ortUo turn oflife. theno Ton ic Hitters display so decided an influoac that Improvement is soon perceptible. Cleanse tho Vitiated Wood, whenever you find its. impurities bursting' through the skin in Pimples, Eruption, or Sures; civauso it whon you trad it ob. -ttueted and sluggishin tho veins; ch'auso it when it la foul; your feelings will toll you when. Keep tho blnml pure, Mid tho health of thn system will folhiw. 11, II. .Md(.VI.H CO., DrueKlsla & den. Acta.. San ProiioUra. Catlk. ula. A. 1'i.r. of Wii.M.it-'ton "nJ I Imrltnn Ma, V - . I m .ill II - ."l.fa -.. 1.pv WOOK UEAUTIl'-UL LOOK jaltOSYi-A lloltlo of DUnLlNG'ft HOSE ULYCEHIN'E for Roughness of the Sklii, i happed Hands, Sec, only S3 cents a bottle. uia-yi'
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers