Fl
STiametfani Volunteer,
LgLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNINU
JJRATTON ic KENNEDY
, rF IOB..HOI J TII MARKET SQUARE.
frjrtlciilar attention given to tho soiling or ronti
l:jjf Real Estate,- In townorcotrrittT*-"lrralHot
hof inquiry, please oncloso postage stamp,
paly 11, 1870—tf
[ASIES H. GRAHAM, Jr„
attorney at law,
NO. 14 SOTUH HANOVER ST.,
OAnLTSIiK, pa.
oiTIOE— Adjolulug Judge Graham’s.
March 31,1870—tf
1 E. BEItTZIIOOTER,
' ATTORNEY-AT-LA W,
CARLISLE, PA.
Lj-Ofllco ou South Ilauover Street, opposite
btz’s dry goods store,
pec. 1.15U5.
UMRICH & PARKER,
1 A TTO R NEWS A T LA W.
ifflco oa Mala Street, In Marlon Hall, Oar
if, Pft.
Dsc. 2 ISOS—
I EO. S. E M I G
. ATTORNEY- AT-L AW,
pmco-wlth S. Hepburn, Jr.
East Main Street, .
CARLISLE, PA. . .
Fib.2,71-ly
(T KENNEDY, Attorney at Law
' \ Cftrllslo,. Ponna. Ofllco same ns that ol
"American volunteer,”
;c. I. IS7O. .
|R. GEORGE S. BEARIGHT, Den
r tist. From the Baltimore College of Dental
itgj. Office at the residence of his mother
tl/mthor Street, three doors below Bedford
lido, Ponua.
».] 188.1.
"mats ana
REBH ARRIVAL
OF ALL THK .
NEW A •TYLES.
'or
HATS AND ,GAPS.
,e subscriber has just opened at No. 15 North
;orcr Street, n few doors North of the Carlisle
osit Bank, one of the.lnrgcst and best Stocks
[ATS nud OAP3 over offered In Carlisle;
Ik Hftta.'Cnsslmere of all styles and qualities,
Brims, different colors, and oVcry descrip
of Soft Hats now made,
m Dmilcard and Old Fashioned Brush, con
itlyon hand and made to order, all warrant
-5 give satisfaction.
A fall assoi tmont of
MEN’S,
BOY’S, AND
CHILDREN’S. .
HATS.
re also added to my Stock, notions of dlfler
klmls, consisting of
BISS’ AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS
sues, ■ Su-spcnaers,
Collars, • Qlovcs,
Pencils, 'lhrcad,
Sctuing Silk , Umbrellas, «tc
UME SEGARS AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND,
re mo a call, and examine my stock as I feel
■lout of pleasing all, besides saving you mo-
JOHN A*. KELLER, Agent,
No. 15 North Hanover Street,
ATS AND CAPS I
YOU WANT A NICE II AT OH CAP ?
IF SO. DON’T FAIL TO CALL ON
J. G. GALLIC, . .
NO. 20. WESI MAIN STREET,
w cun be seen the finest assortment of
HATS AND CAPS '
brought to Carlisle- Ho takes great plens
m Inviting his old friends and customers,
ill new ones, to his splendid stock Just ra
il from Now York and Philadelphia, con
ig In part of flue
BILK AND OASSIMBRB' HATS,
es nu endless variety of Hats and Caps ol
itest style, all ot which ho will sell at the
it Cush Prices. Also, his own manufacture
its always oh baud, and
lA.T3 MANUFACTURED TO ORDER.
has the best arrangement for coloring Hats
ill kinds of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, «£c., at
hottest notice (as ho colors every week) and
e most reasonable terras. Also, a fine lot ol
o brands of
TOBACCO AND CIGARS
■'» on hand. Ho desires to call thenttentlon
■sons who have
COUNTRY PURS
>na ho pays tho highest cash prices for ho
ehlma call, at tho above number, his »ld
,tis ho feels confident of giving entire t>n ;is»
n. ,
JhTO.
ptiimim'S, sec.
s § $ q -q -q.'q $
r .S CAMPBELL. 1 .W. F, KENWOOD
MPBBLL & KENWOOD,
PLUMBERS,
AND STEAM. FITTERS,
o. IS North Hanover St.
C ATI LISLE, PA,
HUBS,
ater closets,
wash basins,
HYDRANTS,
LIFT AND FORCE PUMPS;
USTERN AND DEER WELL PUMR9,
.„ , OAH FIXTURES, •
WADES AND GLOBES Ac., &c.
i [foil and Terra Cotta Pipe,
SISINEY TOPS and FLUES,
iUI kinds of
Uss WORK
sam and Water constantly on hand.
KK IN TOWN OB COUNTRY
promptly attended to.
immediate attention given, to orders for
‘ lal or work Jrom a dlatance.«©r
special advantages we are prepared to
COPPER work
,5' ,l! . r !ptltms for still Houses [andlother
' 9S at borne or at u distance.
COPPER PIPE
M to order either drawn or brazed.!
k k k"“k k k k k k
7D~ly
AND PKIMB!
-'lean, fat and juicy.
SMITH’S
UER SALOON,
TUB VOLUNTEER BUILDING
I South Market Square ,
ia now opening superior Oys
lrf,in\ e twice a week, which ho sella at
I t .r> ctlou lu price.
luhm“ nro kept neat and clean and fur
liinV 1 lull tll ° necessary accompaniments.
I’lirt 8u l ) Pllcd with ilrat quality of Oysters
1 ™- 'i'l'o celebrated NEWAUK
!■ “id MATSEY & COLLINS' L'IIILAOLL
raui 011 draught. .
Lciw laJal ft hd ho will endeavor to glvo
puou to all.
JKO. B. SMITH.
"14 , •
k •
. • • . . • A
4
y..6_1 • -4 • •
4
, ;‘
i 4 r • ! . kir.H4,5Y
• Az!
Af•
•.; k '544.
-.• tv.
T . 4
•
• . 1
. ,
•
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY,
j®tjj (Boohs,
GOODS !
—AT—
HARPER’S
* South Hanover St,,
NEW STOCK OF FALL GOODS,
I toko pleasure lu offering to my patrons and
the public, a stock of
DRY GOODS,
complete In every branch, and not excelled In
quality, beauty, ami cheapness. I have now
open a beautiful stock of
FASHIONABLE DRESS GOODS,
comprising Black Silks, Black and Colored All-
Wool Reps, Black and‘Colored All-Wool Pop
lins, Black and Colored Wool Delaines, Black
and Colored Merlnoca, Rich Plaid Poplins, Ser
ges. Velours, Fine Toinlso, Bombazines, Pure
Mohairs, new brand of Double Warp Black Al
pacnj for beauty of color, weight of texture, and
price, It takes the lead of any Alpacas lu the
market.
Fashionable Shawls, In new styles of Stripes
and Plaids.
Long and Square Thibet Shawls, all or which
I oiler exceedingly cheap.
BLANKETS,
White and Gray. Bargains guaranteed.
FLANNELS,
Jn every variety.
LADIES’CLOAKINGS—BIack Beavers, Velve
teens, While Corduroy. Opera Flannels, Plaids
for Circulars
WATER-PROOF ! - WATER-PROOF !
llouso Furnishing. Dry Goods, Table Linens
Napkins and WhiteQoods.
All the popular brands of Domestics, nt prices
to meet the lowest quotations,
Merino Vests, Shirts, and Drawers, for Ladles,
Misses, Men, and Boys.,
Knitting Yarns, Zephyrs, Gormfiutown Wool;
Persian Wools nud Balmoral Yarns, Hamburg
Edgings and Insertlngs, Thread Laces, Gulpuo
Laces, Linen ana Luce Collars, Kid Gloves,
Handkerchiefs, Felt, Balmoral,arid Hoop Skirts
Corsets, and a general variety of notions.
CLOTHS AND OASSIMEUES,
Furs! Ffrs! Furs!
No hesitancy In saying that the prices will bo
as low as any In town.
All goods bought at the head of tho market,,
for cash, and superior Inducements will o offer
ed at tho Cheap Cush Store,
Cor. Hanover and Pom fret fits.,
TITOS. A. lIA-UPER,
Oct. 20 70
E W- G O O D 8 !
Wo have Just returned from trio city, with
another very lieayy stock of Goods, irmklngour
stock the largest ever hold in Carlisle, by any
other House. Wo have extra good and thick
BLACK SILKS, COLORED SILKS,
SILK POPLINS, ol all,shades.
SILK AND WOOL EPINGLINES
WOOL REPS,
WOOL PLAIDS,
ZALPACOAS AND d E LAINES
MOURNING GOODS/
all kinds.
PLAIN AND FANCY SACKING FLANNELS,
WATER PROOFS AND CLOAKINGS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES,
QUILTS AND COVERLETS,
Carpets and Oil-Cloths,
domestic goods
In great.variety
Shaivls, Gloves, Hosiery, &c.
We have ns n whole tho most splendid assort
ment of Goods outside of the cities. Wo have
the very! best and most handsome
SASH RIBBONS,
in the town, nil of which wo are Belling cheaper
and at smaller profits than any other big store
In the ynited States.
Give us a call and you will save u good deal of
money In your purchases, &
Nov. 10.70. -
rjIHE old'establishbd
ITCH SB TiWBI! STORE,
James Mcftonigal,
JYo. S 3, South Hanove-f &U,
(Adjoining Blair i’Sous’ Grocery more.)
CARLISLE, IPA.
After an experience of over thirty years in th
Btovo and Tinware business, in Carlisle, tho un
derslgiied feels confident that his rocommendn.
Hon of Stoves has .some welgJit with tho pom
muulty. Ho now offers tho celebrated
EM P UK E GAB BURNER
which he feels satisfied la the best Base Burner
In the market. It la handsome, throwing a
cheerful light around tho room; there are no
clinkers even with the worst coal; tho heat Is
reflected to the floor and strikes tho feet instead
of the face: the gas Is entirely consumed; all
dust Is carried oft'by a back pipe; Uhasa ven
tilating damper by which rooms may bo kept
thoroughly ventilated ; and It produces aa great
heat from ns small a quantity of coal as any
Btovo ever offered to the public.
Ho also offers tho "COZY LIGHT' and the
" BEACON LIGHT,” both Base Burners, highly
recommended by all who Ijavo used them. All
these Base Burners are insured for three years,
and if they do network satisfactorily may be
returned, Also tho following well known
COOK STOVES
DIAMOND. SLATE
and others
These are all warranted and may ho returned
If unsatisfactory. Hundreds of them have been
put up by mo In this community, and their
popularity Is universal. •. .
All these Stoves may been seen at my est“b.
llshment and references can be given to parties
using them.
SPOUTING AND ROOFING,
attended to In town or country.
Repairing done on c q oN igal,
Dot. 13.70—0 m No. 83. South Hanover Si.
J L. STERNER * BRO.,
LIVERY AND SALE STABLE
BETWEEN IIANDVEU AND BKDPORV' ST
IN THE REAR OF BENTZ HOUSE
CARLISLE, PA.
Having fitted up the Stable with now Carrl
ges, Ac., I am prepared to furnish first-class
turn-out* at reasonable rates, Partlsa taksnto
and from the springs*
April SA VKJ.~4r
DRY GOODS!!
The day is thine, Uio night Is also thtno ; thou
past prepared the light apd the sun. Thou hast
Retail the borders ortho earth; thou hast made
summer and winter.—Psalm Ixxlv. 10-17.
Hope on, my soul, for summer days
t Will surely come again;
_A.win.tcr-may,bo.A>right.wUU t pral^..
Though often dark vdlh pain.
f Imprisoned safe the harvest lies,
Until the showers of spring,
Until the sunny summer skies
Their warmth' and music bring.
Fear not tho chlll and wintry wind
That whistles round thy cot,
The gusts may chinks and crannies find,
That tempests enter not.
And thou shalt have a bettor home,
In glory bright aud fair.
Where pelting ruin can never come,
" For all Is sunshine there.
Bo patient, then, the llttle.whllo
The howling storm may roar—
’Tls but to herald summer’s smile—
• Its discord soou Is o’er.
Come driving sleet, come snow and hall,
Como chili aud wintry blast;
The rainbow promise cannot fall,
Aud summer comes at last.
'• hj ■
STEWART'S RESIDENCE,
Costly mansion of tic .Hlllloualrp.
Pu npproacbinp: Thirty*fourth street,.
New York, from Fifth Avenue, the new
mansion of A. T. Stewart .Is seen rising
conspicuously in massive grandeurabove
the surrounding buildings. .It is built of
white marble, and consists of three lofty
stories, besides the spacious basement
floor and the apartments of the vaulted
roof. The architecture is Corinthian-
the most splendid of the five orders—
| which is peculiarly adapted to buildings
in which gayety or magnificence is re
quired. The main elevation fronting on
Thirty-fourth street, is gained by a flight
of eighteen marble steps ; the portico is
supported by sis: Corinthian columns. —
Tho lioighllioT UiAcnlnblahiro ia
into six parts, of which two are allotted’
to the architecture, one and a half to the
frieze, and one and a half to the cornice.
The entablature forms a base for tho pe
destal and shaft of four columns of the
same order, which rise to the hoighth of
tli© second story. The windows of the
Thirty-fourth street facade are twenty
three in number, and those of tho Fifth
Avenue front and corresponding opposite
end number nine, respectively. They ar«
proportioned in regaid to the altitude of
the several stories of the edifice, and each
contains a single pane of French plate
glass. The proudest of all the windows
of tho first floor have facial ornamental
decorations; and a varioty'of ornaments,
! without profusion, decorate Ihe windows
1 of the grand saloon and those Immedin-
I tely above, The profiles of the remaining
windows of the second and all those of
the third story are uniformly plain. All
the windows of the first story have bal
cony projections. A cornice surrounds
the height of the first and third stories.
—The whole structure is enclosed by a
French- roof, encomposed by a profusely
ornamented balustrade.- The four sides
of the roof are divided by gable ami gablet
windows, enriched with ornamentation.
The roof ia covered with slate titles. A
wing projects from the north side of the
building, rises nearly to. tho height of
the second story, and is surmounted by a
cupola light; this is the exterior of the
artgalldry. Having taken a rapid survey
of the exterior of the building, we pro
ceed to take an inspection of the infernal
arrangement and decoration, commenc
ing at the grand entrance, the door of
which ia panelled with ornamental lights.
The communication between the stories
is by a spacious staircase of white marble,
in the central part of the building. There
is also a staircase in the northwest angle,
commencing at tho basement floor. The
banisters of this staircase are of block
walnut, ns are also the mouldings and all
the woodwork.of the basement. The do
mestic divisions of this part of .the struc
ture are fitted up in the moat, complete
manner. The floor is formed of solid
blocks of marblp. The apartments of the
first, second and third floors are of uni
form dimensions arid number, and the
plaster modeling of I lie ceilings is .exactly
similar—thus leaving very little scope for
tho invention of tho decorative artist,
whom wo observe has been composed to
form the variety of the ceilings by con
trasting colors rather than design. T.ho
floors of these three stories are formed of,
Italian marble. The mouldings of the
first ami second stories are also of Italian
marble. ’ From the grand vestibule on
tho first floor to the left opens the break
fast room, which, with its panels decorat
ed Inyellmv andgold with anornamented
margin of crimson and gilt, glowing-in
tho southern sunshine streaming through
tile windows, seems flooded in golden
light. On the right of the entrance Is
the reception room.
The panels are frescoed in blue grouud-
I work, enlivened- by golden stars. From
(this we. enter the grand saloon,occupy
ing tho eastern end of tho mansion. Its
ruusaivo windows face Fifth avenue and
Thirty-fourth street. On tins room the
colorist has indulged in all the magic
tints, with the absence of glare, with ex
ceeding purity and freshness of color,
reflecting instead of absorbing light, ren
dering it particularly beautiful by evening
light, and its bland mellowness of tone
is very charming- Tho drawing,anatomy
and expression show tho mythological
judgment of, the Leading from
the grand saloon is the billiard room of
Mr. Stewart, frescoed, in green and gold,
with harmonious margin. From this we
enter the picturesque gallery, which is
hung with paintings by eminent foreign
and American artists. Tho north.sido of
this gallery is allotted to American art
ists; tho opposite ami-east and west ends
are to foreign. A range of decorative
heads adorn the surmount. They are
portraits of eminent French and Ameri
can artists, and are Correspondingly plac
ed* Among them, are Rosa Bonhour,
Paul Laroche, Meaabnier, Bierstadt, Gif
ford, Church and Huntington. Stewart’s
agents commissioned to send works of
art from foreign countries, are constantly
remitting paintings and statuary for this
spacious gallery, which are accepted, or
rejected and returned, as they bear favor
able or adverse criticism from competent
iudgea. Rosa Bonheui’s Horse Fair, and
a companion subject of “Cattle,” by her
brother, Gustave Bonhepr, occupy the
space kllottedTo paintings at each end of
the gallery. Church’s occupies ,
a prominent place on the American side.
Bierstadt is represented by large works.
“Rocky Mountain Views,” ami many of
the already famous paintings of resident
artists of the metropolis here find place.
Having viewed the main apartments of
the first floor, wo ascend to the second
story and first glance at tho elegantly
appointed bath rooms and accessories of
solid dark wood, one suite couuectmg
with tho sleeping and dressing apart
ments of Mrs. Stewart, located in the
northwest angle of tho building, and the
other connecting with the dressing and
sleeping' apartment of Mr. Stewart, ad
joining. In Mrs* Stewart’s bedroom, wo
observed a magnificentbodstead of richly
carved rosewood, inlaid with other delb
cate ornamental woods. This bedstead
Is of American manufacture. .The room
on this floor corresponds with the grand
saloon beneath, and ia elaborately decor
ated In a similar manner. It is to be de
voted to tho uso of guests. The billiard
room opening from it io decorated In
dark blue and gold. The suite of rooms
Immediately above those are des gned
especially for the use of President Grant.
The dimensions are tho same. An entire
absence of marble ia observed in these
apartments. The decorations are simpli
fied. and. In our opinion, are of far less
magnificence than the other apartments
govvt44 l l
A WINTER SONG.
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1871.
described. A billiard room also connects
jvlth this suite for the useof the General,
and there is one redeeming feature to the
plainness of these apartments, which un
doubtedly the President will appreciate,
ua'moly, their accessibility to the wine
room". All the rooms of the third story
have mouldings of wood, painted to sim
ulate white marble, and in all of them
the frescoes are simple, aud vary in de
sign and color. The servants’ rooms are
located In the gabled apartments, and are
■luxnrlous only oirbeing withln this-mur
ble building. All in all, Mr. Stewart has
decorated Fifth Avenue, cheated the ho
tels of entertaining Presidential guests,
patronized foreign artists extensively,
and made our metropolis the possessor of
a palace such as queens might envy—a
White House in the metropolis of the
country. —Our Society*
HOW GOLD WAS FIRST DISCOVERED IN CALIFORNIA.
Wo have received from Henry W, Big-.
Jcr, one of the men working at Suttler s
mill, in 1848, when gold was discovered
there, the following interesting letter,
headed as below, which is full of charac
ter, and bears internal evidence of per
fect truth:
LIFE AND ADVENTURES OP JAMES W.
MARSHALL-
Farjiinoton, Davis County Utah,
December 2Sth, 1870.—T0 the .Editor of
the San Francisco Weekly Jhillctin :
Dear Sir; The above notice I saw
about three months sinco in the 23d No.
and 15th volume of your paper, and as I
am there.referred to as being one of the
mill hands, who if alive, could substan
tiate tiio accuracy of tiro narrative, I
cheerfully give my testimony, although
it is at a very late hour, because I feel it
is a duty I owe to Mr. Marshall, and per
haps to the public. I have not'seen- the
work referred to, neither have Iseen any
person who said they had.
; X was one of the men at work at Colo
ma at the time the gold was found by
Mr, Marshall.- X well remember ‘When
lie sent a young Indian for Janies Brown
to send him a piato. Brown was on the
top of asawpit; lie jumped down say
ing: tl .wonder what Marshall'wants
with a tin platet" After wo had quit
our day’s work, Mr. Marshall eame into
our shanty and told us ho believed ho
had found gold, and directed Brown,and
rayoclf to shut ilnotn the hcuil RUliv
in the morning, and' throw in- dirt and
leaves so as to completely shut off the
water, which we did,-while Marshall
wont alone down In the tail race. In a
few minutes ho came back with a most
pleasing smile on his face carrying his
old white hat in his arms, saying:
‘Boys, I believe I have found a gold
mine.’ At this ho sat his bat on the
work-bench, that stood in the mill-yard,
and the mill hands all gathered around
in an instant; and there, sure enough in
the top of his hat crown (tho top knock
ed in a little) was the pure metal; how
much I do hot know ; perhaps ah ounce.
One* of our company by the name of
Azariah Smith, pulled out a five dollar
gold piece and compared tho coiii v/itli
the particles. There was a difference in
the looks, but this on account of the alloy
in the coin. Any of us would have been
willing to have sworn and testified that,
what James W. Marshall had lying on
the top of his old hat crown was, gold
although none of us had over seen gold
dust before. Some three or four days
after this Marshall went down to Sutter’s
Fort to see about grub and to have the
mineral tested. 'He was gone four days.
When he returned, and wan-asked what
he made out of the metal,.his reply was,
*Oh, boys; it is the pure stuff. I and tho
old captain locked ourselves-up and was
half a day trying it; and the outsiders
wondered what in h—II was up, .and
surmised that I had found a quicksilver
mine, for you see. there is a quicksilver
mine found by a woman down towards
Monterey ; but we let thorn sweat. We
found it agreed .with the onclycopedla,
and wo applied aquafortis, and it has
nothing to do with it. We then weigh
ed'it in water by balancing the dust
against sllvor on a pair of scales, in the
air. Imving.a basin of water. We let th ( e
scales .down, and when it came in con
tact with the water the gold went down
and the silver up (motioned if out with
his hands,) and that told the story that
it \yas clear.stnff,’ .He then said Guttler
would be up in a few days to look and
examine the race, &g. in. a few even
ings afterward. Marshall, came into our
shanty and told us that Sutter had come; ‘
that he was up at the .other house; ‘and
now, boys,' said he, ‘we have all got a
little gold dust. I motion that we all
give Henry (myself) seme, and in the
morning, when you shut oil the water,
lot him (Henry) take It down and sprin
kle it all over the base rock. Not let on
to ti»e old gentleman (Sutter,) and It will
so excite him that lie will setout his bot
tle and treat, for ho always carries his
bottle with him. So next morning ear-
ly, before the old gentleman came down,
we did. as Marshall proposed; Just
the mill hands were finishing breakfast,
we saw the old gentleman coming stub
bing along with his cane In Ids hand (a
well dre.'sed old gentleman, too) ; Mr,
Marshall on one side and Mr. V/orner on
ho other, Sutter in the middle. As they
leared our shanty we went out and met
After shaking his hands and pass-
lug the common salutations, we wore
all Invited by Sutter and Marshall to go
along and have a general time prospect
ing in the nice. Just at this time one of
Mr. Werner’s little boys, not knowing
what was up, ran on ahead and picked
up.nearly every particle and came run
ning back, nearly out of breath, meeting
us and exclaimed,‘See hero, how much
I have found-!’ having perhaps fifty dol
lars’ worth In his hands, and we dare
not soy a word lest the joke would be
found outnml we loseour liquor. Theold
gentleman, as soon as lie saw what the
boy had, thrust his cane into the ground,...
saying: ‘By Jo, it Is rich.’ However,
we all wont into thorace and found a
numbered particles, and from that day
forward gold begun to bo found in other
places besides the tail-race. I advised
Marshall .to marry that girl who found
the quicksilver mine, if she was single or
not married, for, said X, if this is, what
the tall turns out to be, I wonder what
the head will be? The life and udveu-
turea of the James W. Marshall, bo far as
he being the first discoverer of California
gold, is all true, and ho found it as you
represented in your paper. If what I
have written la of any use to either you
or Mr. Marshall, you are at liberty to
make use of it.— San Francisco Bulletin.
A Defeated Cavaluyman.— Shortly
after the close of the late civil war, a U.
States cavalryman—as bravo and stern In
warns ho is sociable, polite and mlacho
vous in peace—bearing external evidence
of damages received on many well con
tested Helds, was leisurely walking down
Hudson street, Boston, at an early hour
in tlie morning, when he observed an in
dustrious daughter of the “Green Isle,”
engaged in sweeping the stops of a pri
vate residence.
Just ns lie arrived in front of the steps,
the maid opened wide her mouth in the
enjoyment of a good hearty yawn, sug
gestive of early rising and broken slum
bers. ‘Halt! 1 exclaimed the mischievous
soldier. ‘You open that potato trap of
yours so wide, I run the risk of being
swallowed, boots.and all. ‘No danger,
air,' was the prompt and witty reply, ‘ I
am not in the btfblt of swallowing dam
aged meat.’ This was the cavalryman's
first defeat.
Tub wit and humor of many of the
newspaper writers of tho present day are
vapid, far-fetched, and much below me
diocrity. Tho productions of DooStioks,
Nasby, Josh Billings, and writersof sim
ilar calibre, wherein bad spelling is made
tho criterion of excellence, are doing a
great deal tii corrupt tho English lan
guage, and at the same time their jargon
disgusts sensible readers with the literary
departments of those papers and maga
zines which give them publicity.
LETTER FROM ROME.
The following letter from Goal. S. M.
Bowman, to his father, Mr. Jesse Bow
man, of Berwick, we are kindly.permit
ted ; ,
Rome, Deo. 12, 1870.
Dear Father I wrote you Inst from
Brussels, Belgium, whore I left Adallza
’(his wife) with her friend Mrs. General
Wallace, while I should come to Italy,—
-I-iinve -traveled’nU- the-way -with "Prof:
Wilson, director of the observatory of
the University of Michigan, the most
celebrated astronomer of this age. I was
with him at Llepaic, in Germany, when
the University there'conferred on him
the honorary title of Doctor of’Philoso
pby, and dined, with the faculty. I have
visited with him all the most celebrated
collections of art on the Continent; thus
far, and will go with him to the south of
Italy The thing that strikes my mind
the most forcibly is the fact that every
whore I see the evidence that the relig
ion of Christ had made a most wonderful
impression on the minds of the people of
Europe, in some shape or other, and that
that impression after 1670 years seems to
be as vivid as it was at first. The host
paintings in existence, that I see in all
the celebrated galleries or palaces and
museums, and the most exquisite statues
of marble are all commemorative of the
Christiana religion. There mustbc some
reason for this. . To-day I stood on the
very spot on-which St. Paul.was behead
ed by reason of-his faith in Christ. The
Roman Empire perished long ago, and
yet that faith survives. ' There must bo'
some reason for that. If tho religion of
Christ is not divine, one would think,
afler nearly 1900 years, you would find II
burled out of sight; but it still lives and
goes on. Hero at Rome and all over
Italy tho religion is of the Roman Catho-
lic order so far as they have any at all.—
But in Austria the Proteslant .uuLherans
have some show; while in Germany the/
Church is based on the Lutheran order,,
although Catholicism ami other sects are
tolerated. Wherever the Catholic order
prevails there we find splendid cathe
drals and gorgeous palaces, with an ig
norant peopled This Peter's pence busi
ness is simply a division of the common
school lax, which wo pay so cheerfully
in America for the education of all, to the
purpose of erecting magnificent catho
ilrul* ,*.wl IJI.o, ...I.SIo (t«o oUildicn «o
uneducated. Not so in Germany. In
all Prussia they have a system of com
mon schools not inferior to our own.—
Luther was a reformer, indeed. • A Won
derful man was he. Such was the im
pulse he gave to tho German mind, and
such was the oppositions his Reforma
tion, that Catholionnd Protestant armies
met oh many a bloody field, and continu
ed fighting long after Luther was dead.
Through what fields of blood has the
Christian religion come down to us!. I
look upon Prussians the best people of
all Europe—tho best, educated people—
the most truly religious people and the
freestpcople. And I rejoice that Prussia
has beeu able to take the conceit out of
France. It was well enough for our
Government to recognize the French
Republic, but I hope France .will not
become Kepublic; The common*people
are not equal to the duties required by
a Republic. They .have tried it over and
over and always failed, and the aristo
crats of tho world charge these failures to
America, the only true and great repub
lic tho world ever saw. The present
King of Prussia is an enthusiastic Prot
estant. A German yesterday showed
me the only Protestant hurrying ground
at Rome, a beautiful green spot Just out
side the walls, and told me “the Pope
was so opposed to its establishment that
he would not allow a fence to be put
around it-. When the King of Prussia
heard it lie instructed bis Embassador
at Rome \o inform his Holiness, that If
he did not in so many days, have a good
fence around the cemetery, he would
cause the walls of every'Catholic, ceme
tnry in his dominions to be razed to the
ground. Thai fetched the Pope and X
see now there Is a good fence around tho
only Protestant cemetnry in Italy.—
They have hail a Pope King here ■ fin 1 ,
mom than a thousand years until now.«
The temporal power has passed into the
hands of King Victor Emanuel, and tho
poor -old Pope is in a very bad humor
about It. :
Naples, (Italy) Dec. 19,1870.
I came here to see Mt. Vesuvius and
Pompeii. The first is a fire and brimstone
factory, and the latter a city, smothered
out of existence by reason of an explosion
from the emter of the burning mountain
in A. I). 79. Vesuvius is a big tiling. ,It
la as the Nescopeck mountain with a Su
garioaf maintain on top. The Sugarlouf
lias a hole in it at the top, like mi old
hat with .he top stoved in, and'there is
where the fire and brimstone come out.'
I went up .there day before yesterday, to
warm my feet, but I warmed my jacket,
in trying the experiment. I rode to the
starting place in a carriage, and where I
mounted a little brute of the horse per
suasion, not larger than a one year old
colt I could almost ride and walk at the
same time, which we cannot always do.
The mule did not understand the Ame
rican language, but wo soon became ac
quainted with each other, and shortly he
placed me up the road and up the moun
tain, that was the shape of zig-zag light
ning, and now ascending, the beautiful
bay of Naples unbosoms itself. 'What a
hay! calm as the mind of Hod, and his
face seemingly shining upon it. I stood
looking upon tills beautiful sheet of wa
ter; but Tmust goon toward the summit.
The balance of the company were close
to our heels, and we were just entering a
cloud, that hung like a wet blanket-all
around thosummifc. * It.so happened that
only Americana-want up with us. When
wo arrived at a point where our animals
could go no farther, then we dismounted
and went it on foot. It was about, the
same as climbing a hay stack, and about
a mile in height. The guide carried my
, overcoat and umbrella, and threw a strap
over his shoulders for mo to hold to, and
thus led the way. In one hand I hud a
Staff, ami with the other held the strap.
I kept up my end of the strap very well,,
and thus ascended to the crater of Mount
Vesuvius. Tgrew stronger by the exor
cise the perspiration poured
like vain; and stimulated by the pure air,
I was aide to lead the van of the com
pany, But exhaustion will come, ami
finally the guide said, “only ten minutes
more.*” By this time we could not see
where wo came from, nor whither wo
were going. The clouds had completely
enveloped us. Then I recited for the
consolation.of my friends below, an ex
tract from a good old Methodist hymn—
Come ou my partners In distress,
My comrades through this wilderness,
Who still your bodies feel;
Awhile target your griefs and fears,
And look beyond this vale of tears,
To thilt celestial hill.”
True, the said hill was celestial, for al
titude, but for smell it was infernal, like
tho other place. At Inst wo got to the
crater. The hands in tho factory were
on a ‘strike.’ Vulcan and the Titians
wore running it. Nothing going on now;
the earth firm.around out feet, we put
bur handkerchiefs to our nasal organs
and peep in. I have seen many nicer
things than that crater, and as for smell
it la rather intolerable. But wo must go
back, and downward tho zlz-zag way. I
think, on the whole, that Vesuvius is not
good for rheumatism. It is something
like making a whistle-out of a pigs’ tail
—it can ho done, hut doesn’t pay. Tho
next day I visited Pompeii. For almost
1800 years this fated city has remained
underground, in a perfect state of preser
vation, or nearly so. At first an earth
quake shook it; then Vesuvius poured
its hall upon it, and after this there was
nothing more to he done. Forsome time
past, excavations have been numerous,
and yesterday I walked through some of
the streets, and examined tho houses just
as they were eighteen centuries ago. I
found plenty of temples to tho heathen
gods, hut not one cross of Christ, not one
evidence of faith in Jesus, thougii 79
years after His advent, and 40 years after
His divine miracles and crucifixion
Elegantly paved streets, and splendid
mansions, beautiful fountains, luxuriant
baths, and temples to the heathen gods,
wore an essential part of this submerged
city. But the greattlod above smashed
the whole concern. ,
Affectionately yours.
THE COUNTRY GENTLEMAN. '
"Ik Marvel's” IVnmorons Address Before
-Ill©- I \eiivA t orU.,Tatiiicr,'s.jlJlal).„ m
At a recent dinner given by the ‘New
York Partners Club/ Mr. Donald G.
'Mitchell, Ulk Marvel’) being called up
on, made the following pleasant offhand
remarks:
Mr. Chairman:—l am nut very much
used to my feet—not so much used to
thorn as I should bo if I were a member
of your club. Mr. Lyman’s speech has
been a capital one, but I have a little
document in my pocket that makes it ap
pear very absurd. He speaks of the large
practical talk about farming and of the
great benefits that are generally derived
from our meeting together. To tell the
truth, when I first received the Invita
tion to come hero I supposed it would be
a sort of homespun affair; that is to say,
the people would come hero without for
mality and enlarge upon Southdowns
and so on, but In the face of that thought
I received this little ufyte from Mr. Ly
man, which I will read;
’You are expected or asked at our din-
ner party of the sth to give us a titbit of
fine thinking and elegant English on
•the country gentleman.' [Laughter.]—
It seems to me, gentlemen, that this is
rather a waspish tiling for, a quiet man
to carry next-to him for a day or two.—
[Laughto’r.] I donof intend to give you
any elegant English ; I leave that to the
members of tho Fanner’s Chib ; and as
for the country gentleman, I don’t know
,much about him. I have hoard u great
deni about him first and last; I. have
been in the search for him myself, but I
hardly know where to find him.
We who go but of tho city for a homo
in the country,, aro most of us, I think,
urged on by the hope of escaping the of
ficial tax-gatherer of the city—they
might bettor be -called the scape-goats ot
tho country—and if we got over that by
being too rich or too poor, wo gather
about tho little village centres, the bab
otvluahoro, tho grouurn am! the poatollicO.
It docs not appear to me that this devel
ops at all tho country gentleman. If we
go a little .further into Hie country-we
only get there late at night ami watch
our cabbages, if we have any, by candle
light, although I don’t think they are
any the worse for that—sometimes the
better. Then in America, when the
true country gentleman should be smok
ing ids cigar (shouldn't lie?) and look
ing about at his cattle, we are being
packed in cars like herring for Printing
House Square or for Wall street. .This
hardly develops the country gentleman.
I do not know but there is a lack, in
tho whole American character, of repose
and quietude which will not allow the
ideal country gentleman to grow upbore
for a great many years to come. Ido not
know that wo want them, T do not know
that we shall bo any better in any sense
for him.
As matters stand, it seems to me that
tho really independent country.gentle
man—and when I say independent
country gentleman, X don’t mean the
gentleman who reads the Independent—
is tho man who feeds his own Cow and
looks after his own pig; who has tho lit
tle house that ho looks after and enlarges,
roof by roof; who bus his lions running
all over his neighbor’s territory ; who
smokes when ho likes; drinks when lie
likes, chews when ho chooses, and whose
name very likely is Patrick O’Brien.
At least that Is the sort of a man I have
In my mind, f have some laud in the
country which I have Offered for sale
first and last, up and down. Of course,
I do hot mean to advertise it any through,
the Farmer’s Club, That would ho a
mast extraordinary sort of'proceeding.—
[Laughter and applause.] But I have
somo/"siniiing lam), with good views, a
sea in the distance, spires, of the city, ris
ing out of a long vista of leaves, and in
the course of time I expect interviews
with prospective buyers, for I. do not
have any others. I have been able to
effect little more advance than, tills to-
ward country, gentlemanliness.. I find
that no one objects to the views, no one
objects to the land. Most of them know
nothing about it. They do not object t/-
the trees and Mowers; they learn to ad
mire those. But does it not snow some-
times ? What do you do when jt snows?
And docs It not blow? .And what do you do
when there is a military procession? And
Mrs. So and So-rwell, she must lie a lit
he nearer the millinery shop and the
po-t office. Ami nn’t It very dreadful to
go a.mile and a half into town, and do
cows give milk all the year round, and'
don’t horses sometimes break the harness
and run away ? And they drift off hack
to the town again, only a mile away.
and [ see children there with pinched
faces, and I know the wdls are receiving
tlie leakage from, any number of sewers
and cesspools, and graveyards. That is
real many of our provincial cit
believo-'that a business man
/ will conic to 11ml there isnoino
breathing a gpod wind for a
ore beforeontering hla business.
true of a gi
ios. Ido
by-und-by
inoril in b
milo nr m<
I do 'believe the women —God bless
them!—will come by-and-by to think
more highly,of the roses that are planted
in the hats. [Applause.] I believe that
when that time .comes our young people
will appreciate and love the rylhm that
lies !11 a good breeze, and in the flutter of
leaves, anti so, after a time, may it lift,
their voices up to the higher system that.
Thompson sings of:
i care not, Fortune, what ysu give to mo;
You cannot, rob mo of free Nature's grace,
You cannot shut tho window of the sky;
You cannot bar my constant foot to trace
The roads and lawns, by Jiving streams at ove,
Lot health my nerves and liner libers brace,
And I ihclr greater Joys to children leave,
And fancied reason, virtue, nought cun bo
bereaved,
That, sir, is a tit-bit of elegant Eng
lish,and I wish you to eujoy, and allow
tho young people who grow up under
the auspices of the Farmer's Club to ap
preciate the aaiqe [Applause.]
WHERE ARE THE YOUIiB MEN 7
Scribner's Monthlg for February, just
at hand, agitates a novel question under
the caption, ‘Where are the Young Men?’
It asserts that the scarcity of young men
at every fashionable summer resort, and
the comparative pleutifulness of young
women ‘are matters of notoriety.’ It toils
us that the hotel ‘hop’ one will see ‘half
the girls with partners of their own sex.’
Wo are told that tho women of tho east
tern states especially are painfully fa
miliar with the fact that ‘beaux are"
scarce in ail public places.’ The maga
zine barely skims along the surface of
the problem, but does say something to
tho point iu this wise, which we com
mend to tho attention of tho fair readers
of this journal: ‘Our flue young girls
are bemoaning the lack of young men,
and tho scarcity of beaux who are mar
riageable and who mean marriage, while
there Isa class of young mgn" whom they
do not recognize at all. yet who will fur
nish to the next generation its men of
enterprise, of power, of position, and of
wealth. It is not tho sons of the rich
who will, as a rule, remain rich. Tho
sous of tho poor got rich j and they are
to-day, drudging in offices, and counting
rooms and store-houses and machine
shops, and printing establishments, the
men who, in- twenty-five years, will
control the nation socially, politically,
and financially. Every man of them
means to bo married ; they will, as a rule
make excellent husbands; they are all
at work trying to win success. They are
men who would bo easily improved by
recognition, and by bringing them into
good, intelligent society ; they are as lit
tle noticed us if they were so many dogs.
That does not tell, tho whole story.
Young men now a days hesitate about
marriage on account of tho extravagant
notions of the young women. The shrink
m. 57,—N0. 37
from a life of hopeless drudgery la at
tempting to gratify these notions. A
young man of this generation, of well
balanced sense, is afraid to say.tOKono
whom ho prefers and who is of so-called
‘good society, * ‘Look here, if you will
consent to forego fashionable display for
a few years, that we may have a stable
footing duHug all tb6 years to follow, I
will pledge myself.to success. ‘Good so
ciety' does not understand this talk. It
disdains to' listen to it. No. wonder
•young 1 -men
and in the matrimonial market. There
were times when women were bravo
enough to sacrifice some of the present
for the sake of the future. But this is an
‘age of progress’ you know.
Speech of .r. F.. Tnllancliglinvn.
Hon. C. L. Vallaudigbara, of Dayton,
was one.of the speakers at the festival,
hold ns Wooster, Ohio, ou the. Eighth
' of January, in honor of General Andrew
frickson, and the Battle of Now Orleans.
The Wig-wam, In which the celebration
was held, —says the Bacyrus 7'brum,. —
120 by *lO feet, was jammed with people.
Mr. Ynllandigham, as is his custom on
all proper occasions, delivered a most
toiling and characteristic address. His
speech in question covered some five
columns in the lomm , iuwhich ho did
justice to the valor and military prow
ess and private worth of the immortal
Jackson. —'The Sage of the Hermitage.’
We .select one paragraph from Mr.
Vullnndlgham’s pereomtion, on General
Jackson ami his veneration for the fe
male character, for the edification of the
readers of The iSwu and Democrat , which
is alike creditable to the Hero of Now
Orleans ami ah undying compliment to
female excellence and virtue. It should
be printed in lettersof gold and engraven
upon the tablets of every patriotic heart
in the land. Every lady in our land—
every family in Christendom—should
carefully read-and sacredly preserve, as
'a household treasure.’ Mr. V's. oulo
giura on women.
He says of General Jackson :
To a few months ho resigned and re
turned home, there, as ho sincerely hop
ed, to spend the evening of his days in
ease and retirement. Here ho had but
recently built, the new Hermitage—built
It for bis wifo, he himself believing that
lie had not many months to live. For
her, too, lie bad hero built a church.—
Hero forsomeyears in comparative quiet,
ha dispensed a plain, but abundant; hos
pitality to bis numerous visitors and
friends. His sporting days-were gone.—
The newspaper—of books he knew little
—and eloquent pamphlet or speech ; an
old-fashioned hymn, or patriotic orsocial
song ; military narrativesapd anecdotes,
the cares and labors of his plantation—
these now made up his daily life for a
season, at the Hermitage,. Herb ho was
a whole different personage -from the
stern, impetuous sometimes raging Jack
son of the forum; of tho hustings, of the
camp, of antagonism every where. Ho
never spoke an impatient wofd to wife,
servant or child; and under his own
roof, approved himself tho gentlest and
tonderest of men. ‘There’ were two
Jacksons,’quaintly writes a biographer—
‘Jackson triumphant; Jackson crossed,
and Jackson having his own way; Jack
son, his mastership unquestioned, and
Jackson with a rival near tho throne.—
Ho had loved,hia mother living, and ail
his re rimming life revered her dead. Ho
loved children and they loved him ; bo’,
loved horses; lie otight to’ have loved
plants and flowers; lie must-have loved
pots —every true hearted man anil woman
does love them. Before a blazing tire;
bn a raw and stormy night in February,
with a child on- his lap and a iamb be
tween In's knees, Benton found and an-
nounced to him his first hope formllifa
ry position ami glory. But formost
among the milder yet nobler, of his char
acteristics, with his delicate, chivalrous,
absolute faith in tho virtue of woman.—
“In (his/ said one of the-earliest and
most Intimate of friends, ‘he was distin
guishable from every other person with
whom I was acquainted.* And said,
Benton, ‘it was innate, unvarying, self
acting, including all woman klntl/
Very rare ami very exalted is this faith.
Want of it is the beginning of immorali
ty. There is no public, and there can
not long be any private virtjy& where it,
does .not exist. Whoever is prompt to'
suspect and assail the purity of women
dishonors his mothei 1 , defames .Is sister,
insults .Ids wife, betrays his daughter.—
Unfit to be an associate unsafe as a guest,
ho Is hot an honest man ; ho can not be
a gentleman; he is a villian. What
double.measure of anathema, then, shall
he memd mil to her who is ever ready to
asperse the honor of her own sex.
WHY MARRIED PERSONS LIVE LONGEST.
Dr. Hall, In one of his excellent
Health Tract* - ,’ gives the following
•ousons - why marriage is favorable to
lealth ; Bachelors are always In a state
>f unrest; they feel unsettled. If indoors
after supper, there is a sense of solitari
ness, inducing a sadness, if not an actual
melancholy, with all their depressing
influences; and many, many hours In the
course of the year.-ure spent in. gloomy
Inactivity, which is adverse to a good
digestion, and a vigorous ami hfealthy
circulation. Ills' own chamber or house
being so uninviting, tho bachelor is In
clined to seek inversion outside, in sup
pers wilh friends, in clubs, which are
introdnehniesto Intemperance and licen
tiousness or to those more unblushing
asaoei ilious, which, under the cover of
darkness lend to li speedy ruin of health
ami morals; and when those are gone,
the way downwards to an untimely
grave is*rapid and certain. On the,other
hand, marriage lengthens a man’s life,
by making its home inviting by the
softening influences' which it has upon
the character mid aUctlons; by tho culti
vation of all the better feelings of our
nature, and in that proportion saving
from vice and crime. There can be no
healthful development of tho .physical
functions of our nature without marriage;
it is, necessary to the perfect man, for di
vinity has announced that it is ‘notgood'
for man to he alone.’
Marriage gives a laudable ami happy
object in life ; the provisions for wives
and children, their present comfort and
thoir future welfare ; the enjoyment in
witnessing their happiness, and daily and
hourly participations in affectionate in.
toroliange of thought and sentiment and
sympathy ; these are the considerations
which antagonize sorrow, and lighten
the burdens of life; thus, strewing flowers
and casting sunshine all along its path
way.
Voltairesaid i "The more marrledmon
you have, the fewer crimes there will be,
Marriage renders a mini more virtuous
and .more wise. An unmarried man is
but half of a perfect being, and it requires
the other half to malto llduga right; and
it cannot be expected that in this imper
fect stale that ho can keep a straight path
of rectitude, any more than a boat with
one oar can keep a straight course. In.
nine cases out of ten, where married men
become drunkards, or where they commit
crimes against the peace of the commu
nity, the foundation of these acts was
laid while in a single state, or where the
wife is, as is sometimes the case, an un
suitable match.
Marriage gives him a centre for his
thoughts, his affections, and his acts.—
Hero is a homo for the entire man, and
the counsel, the affections, the example,
and the Interest of his ‘better half,’ keeps
him from erratic courses, and from fall
ing into a thousand temptations to
which ho would otherwise be exposed;
therefore, the friend of marriage 1s the
friend to society, and to his country.’
Whatever may bo said of Voltaire's
theology, his statement on the marriage
question is certainly corret. Statistics
prove that a largo majority of our crimi
nals,''State" piison convicts, etc., are un
married. Think of this young man, hud
if you wisil to escape ail that is bad, try
to form a, partnership with a good wo
man, and you will be secure.
KatCo for
ADVKBTisianeKTS will b« inserted at Ten Cent
per lino for the first Insertion, and five cent
per lino for each subsequent Insertion. Q,uor*
orly half-yearly, and yearly advertisements In
erted at a liberal redaction on the above rates
Advertisements should be accotapanlod by the
Gash. When sent without any length of time
specified for publication, they will bo. continued
until ordered out and onarged accordingly.
JOB PRINTING.
Cards, HANDnn.M,OiROirnAR3, and every olh
er description of Job and Card Printing.
©BUS auß ISußs.
An old maid, speaking of marriage,
says its like any other disease—while
there is lifothero is hope. .
A Saratoga belie who .dresses nine
teen times a day, hasfjdhe into a de
cline. So has hen lather. He declines
to pay his notes.
‘I never betrayed a friend’s confl
:donco;’ ’siid 'ono ift'dy to- nnuthcrj' by’
way of insinuation. ‘True,’ was the
answer, ‘for you were never intrusted
with It,’
A graveyard inscription in Kanes
bunk, Maine, reads thusr't’oor Joe!
liis head is level now, if It never was
before.’
’No cards’ are affixed to marriage
notices because the parties played ail
their cards before marriage. This is a
now theory, and will be generally ac
cepted.
When a man and woman are made
one, the question is, ‘Which one?’
Sometimes there is a long struggle be
tween them before the matter is settled.
Of a man who recently died, it is
said, ‘His name will be remembered
wherever his deeds and mortgages are
known.’
A mother scolding her child for run
ning barefoot. She said:
•What are you doing that for ?’
‘I was making ray feet happy,’ the
hoy replied.
Mu. Carver, doing the lienors of
liis table, said to one of tils guests, a
fashionable dressed girl of the period I
‘I see that you have plenty of breast,
Miss, hut do have a little more dress
ing.’
vi' ixy is a baby like a sheaf of wheat?
Because it is first cradled, and then
thrashed, and finally becomes the flow
er of the family.
An Adirondacker, at Saratoga, see
ing a Broadway belle driving her phae
ton, with a negro In livery behind, re
marked: ‘That negro must pay that,
nice looking girl a pile to drivo for
him.*
On some railroads it is customary to
have a lock on the stove, to prevent
tho passengers from meddlingwith the
fire. A conductor being asked why
they locked the stove, replied it was ‘to
prevent tho fire from going out.’
‘How is it, my dear, that you have
never kindled a flame in the bosonrof
a man ?’ said an old lady to her pretty
niece, who was portionless. ‘Tho rea
son, dear,’ replied the young lady, ‘is
ns you well know, that j am not a good
match.’
An old lady of Connecticut, who lost
her purse a short time since at New
Haven, declared, on its being restored
to her, that she would not attempt to
interfere with tho, reward which was
stored up in heaven for tho finder by
offering him money.
A young man in Harrisburg who
loves a dentist’s daughter, has to get a
tooth pulled once a week as an excuse
for going to see her, and he wants to
know what excuse ho shall have when
his remaining four teeth have been ex
tracted.
A Wag having taken his seat iu a
crowded omnibus, a stout gentleman
looked up and politely asked :
‘All full inside ?’
‘I don’t know how it maybe with
the other passengers,* answered the
wag, drily, ‘but that last piece of oyster
pie did the business for we/ '
MuGGitfs saya ho never tried bark
but once, and that it was so mixed with
bite, it was questionable whether it did
him much good, II was recommended
by a gardner, as a euro for an appetite
for other people’s fruit.
- iT-is a singular fact that ladies who
know how to preserve anything else,
can’t preserve tho tempers. Yet it may
easily be done on the selfrsealing.prin
ciple. It is only to keep the mouth of
the vossfel closed.
The following satirical stanza.is said
to have been copied from the tombstone
of a husband and wife :
"Within this grave do 11 e -
■Uncle to back my wife and I,
• When the lust trump tho air shall till.
If .she BOls up, I’ll just lie Kllll,”
A western Cornelia thus maternally
addresses her eldest jo.wcl: ‘My daught
er, you are now fifteen years of age,
engaged to he married, and without a
freckle on your face. I have done my
duty.
Gov. Meuiiile, of lowa, on lately
addressing the inmates of . the State
Penitentiary, began with tho awkward
remark that ‘lie was glad to see so
many there.’ Ho, afterwards took it
ail back with as good grace as possible.
Quin being asked by a lady why
there are more women in the world
than men, ho replied: ‘lt is in confor
mity with tho other arrangements of
nature, madam; we always see more of
heaven than of earth.’
‘I wonder where those clouds are
going?’ sighed Laura, pensively, as she
pointed with delicate linger to the
heavy masses that tloated in tho sky.—
‘I think they are going, to thunder,’
said her brother.
A. conn auo lit man being told of the
American -who was so tall that lie got
up a ladder to shave himself, replied :
‘And isn’t that ns aisy ns walking?—
Why wouldn’t ho get up a led her tp
shave himself— that is, barren’ he wore
a beard V’
A country editor, in speaking of a
steamboat, says : ‘Slio had 12 berths in
her ladies’ cabin.’ ‘Oh, life of me!’
exclaimed an old lady, on reading thp
above, ‘what squalling there must nnvd
been!'.’ 1
‘Cuffeo, what do you tink do most
useful of do plannots, do sun or do
moon ?’ ‘Well, Sambo, I tink domoon
orter take do fust rank in dat ar’ tick
ler.’ ‘Wliy you tink so, Cuffeo ?’ Well’,
I toll you; kaso tho moon shines by
night, when wo want light, and do sun
shines by day when we don’t.’
During tho date war a woman one
day Went to a grocer’s shop, and found
that she was paying double for candles,
so sho asked what was tho reason cand
les wore so dear. The grocer replied :
‘Oh, it is tho war which causes it.’
‘Dear me,’ exclaimed fho woman,
‘have they got to fighting by candle
light?’
‘Well, David,’ said a poor but
worthy citizen to one of tho Wall street
magnates, ‘the world has prospered
with you and they say your are im
mensely rich.’ ‘Well,’ replied David,
‘perhaps it is true, but wo cannot take
our gold witli us when wo go.’ ‘lt
would molt if you did,' was tho quiet
retort.
A witness in court who had been
cautioned to give a precise answer to
every question, was questioned ns fol
lows :
‘You drive a wagon ?’
‘No, sir, I do npt.’
‘Why, sir, did you not tel! my learn
ed friend so (his moment V
‘No, sir* I did not.*
‘Now, sir, I put it to you on your
oath, do you not drive a wagon V
‘No, sir.’
‘What is your occupation, then ?'
•I driven horse, sir !*