(American Volunteer.
gVEBY THURSDAY MORNINO
By
[C * JOUTB MARKET SQUARE.
nnitar* nef year If paid strictly
,-JT* 0 B nMift«?«nn Fitly Cdnia if paid
l»! afl?r which Three Dollar..
n &“t* rni “ w,n h " . r , lK , l : lli ’ f d -
® ar^S *
I WM. B. PARKER.
SSSh * p'abkeb.
• ifTOR&EYB
’ Jj ln street, la Marlon Hall, Car-
CLAIM
AND
H ESTA TE A GENCY!
w, B. BU.TDEB,
ATTOUNBT at LAW.
.Jfltcrrof InholTs Building, No. 8 South
'iS, Carlisle, Cumberland county
inll Bounties, Buck Poy. *o„ promptly
i'UbM by mail, wUI receive Immediate
terd^-^n^fn 0 ®
oiiiry?please enclose postage stamp. «
fV-N ■ : L_
, BELTZIIOOVEB,
fIOKJfET-A T-LA W,
CABLISUB. PA.
m on South Hanover. Street, opposite
<Jry good# store,
isfe. -
r i Attorney and
™«BELLon at Law, Ims removed hie
hitherm unoeenplert room In the
dimmer of the Coart House.
;'69-lV ' ;
(EMN'EDY. Attorney at Law
ftrl'lslo, Peana. Office same as that ol
eriran Vpluiftcor.”
E 5 H. GRAHAM, JR., '
ttobnet AT LAW,
KO.H BOTUH HANOVER ST.,
CARLISLE, PA,
B-Adjolulug Judge Graham's,
ii, inu-tr __
. SHBYOCK, Justice of tbe
lie. qaloo No 8, Irvin’s Bow, Carlisle.
ls»-ly •
3EORQE S. BEABIGHT, Den
• Fnmx the Bailinurre Cbllege of Denial
brace at the residence of nls mother
Uier Street, three doors below Bedford
Penno.
isftj. ,
B. REYNOLDS, M. D.
te Of HAHNEMANN MEDICAL COL-
Dlladelphla.
St West Leather St;, at residence of his
.'nrliBle.
TMiu* . - • '
.Y. REED, Homeopathic. Phy
d tins located in,Carlisle, Office next
fit Paul’s Evanglllcal Church, Went
street. Patients from a distance please
e forenoon. .
11, ibUMim*
abd shilling, m. d.
MSIOIAN AND SURGEON.
.Vo, 2tf fiut Pom fret Street,
CARLISLE.
llinz was associated with Dr. Zltzer, in
for a year or so, and has been practlo
ckliison towrtship, for three-years. All
nal business promptly attended to.
1870—3 m
B. HIRONB, Attorney and
COUNSELOR. AT I. A IF.
[HUSTgICET, BELOW CHESTNUT,
Cor. Library,
Philadelphia,
1163-1 y •
sats ana iffiava
8H tjUMMERAJRRXVAL
OF ALL THE ■
ABW STYLES
.OF.
ATS AND.CAPS.
briber baa jual opened at No. 15 .Worth
Street, n few duont North of the Carlisle
iauk, one of the largest and beat Stocks
uud L’AF3 ever offered in carlnUe.
•la. Caealmere of all styles and qualities,
us, different colors, and every desortp
ill Hula now made. _ .
igkurd and Old Fashioned Brush, con
iiilmud and made to order, all warrant
siallafaullun.
A. fail assm tment of
MEN’S.
BOY’S, AND .
CHILDREN’S.
HATS.
so added to my Stock, notions of differ-
K,cyuaistlug of
1’ AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS,
i, - Suspenders,.'
tan, .
emd %tHnaStlh. ‘uihbrettiu.&o
[E.SEGAiRS AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND,
be a call, uud examine my block as I feel
Mi of pleasing all, besides saving you mo-
JOHN A. KELLER, Agent ,
No. 15 North Hanover Street.
ti AND CAPS I
OU WANT A NICE HAT OB CAP ?
j jyeo. don’t-faii. to call ok
! J. G. 0 AlililO,
JyO. 20, WESI MAIN STREET, >•
fan be seen the finest assortment of
[hats and caps
jught to Canute. He takes great pleas-
Juvlilug his old friends and customers,
tuw cues, to his splendid stock. Just
rom New York and Philadelphia, con
d part of fine
ILK AND OABSIMERE, HATS, .
an endless variety of Hats and.Capa of
it style, all of which ho will.sell at the
m Prices. Also, his own manufacture
always on hand, and
W MANUFACTURED TO ORDER.
»lUe best arrangement for coloring Hats
umlaof Woolen Goods, Overcoats,<fcc., at
teal notice (as he colors every week) and
.mat reasonable terms. Also, a flue lot of
irands of
TOBACCO AND CIGARS
on bund. He desires to call the attention
ms who have
00 UN TRY FURS
ia bo pays the highest cash prices for Uo
trim a call, at the above number, his *ld
s be feels confident of giving entire sa«is-
hoots anti Sftoesf.
OHM & tiPONSLER,
b 18, .youth Banover Street ,
OARLISLE.HPA.
Jifol for tho patronage them
A i r *,d» m>w announce >thoir usual, large
of
boots and shoes
m y '' ■ j
(FORJ
lE9’ AND MISSES’
AND BOYBM mrTIOIM
YOUTHS' AND CHILDS', 5 1
wo unrivaled for comfort, and beauty
BUNKS AND VALXS3E3,
Ii e ja cTl*flu tuntter
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
3D CD ffiOOUB.
QHEAP DRY GOODS,
CHEAP’DRY GOODS,
AT * THE
NEW STORE,
D. A. SAWYER,
D. A. SAWYER,
Irvine's Comer.
Bargains In
LAWNS,
GRENADINES,
HEBNANI^
LACE POINTS,.
HUMMER SHAWLS,
LACE CURTAINS.
PARASOLS, FANS, Ac.
Piques,
Marseilles,
LOOK AT THE PRICES.
CALICOES, 6K, 8, 10, 12 'A,
MULLINS. (M, 8, 10, 3Z&
GINGHAMS, 12& 14, 15, 17,
TICKINGS, 14. 18, 22, 26,
Cheapest Pants Stuff In the town
Cheapest Cloths and Casshnera . In >he town
Cheapest Hosiery In the town
Cheapest Gloves and Handle’s, In tho town
Cheapest Notions, all hinds in the town
DRESS GOODS,
Cheapest DeLalnos In tho town
Cheapest Poplins • 0 in the town
Cheapest Alpuccaa black Acol’d Iq the town
Cheapest Black <& Fancy Silks in the town
Cheapest Japanese in the town
WHITE GOODS,
Cheapest Piques Fig, striped in'-the town.
Cheapest Mursailles in tho town.
Cheapest Percales in the town.
Cheapest Chintzes in the town.
Cheap* st Embroideries « Laces In the town.
Cheapest Collars a Guffis In tbe town
Cheapest Table Linen In the town*
Cheapest .Napkins, &o. . in the town.
A splbndld article Plquo 25 ota. All other
goods in. proportion.. Come and examine lor
yourselves. No trouble to show goods. Oar
motto Is small profile and quick sales.
Ti.ess goods nave been' purchas' d for cash, at
present gold prices, and we can sell you now
goods twenty-five pe r cent, less than they will
ch irge you fur old goods at other stores.
D. A. SAWYER.
June 2.1870.
J~JRY GOODS 1 DRY GOODS!!
attractive sp.eoialties
HARPER’S
POPULAR DRY GOODS STORE.
Pardoned during toe greatest depression In
the market, and to be sold at correspondingly
low prices.
DRESS GOODS,
comprising all the novelties of the season,
MOURNING AND
SECOND MOURNING GOODS,
BLACK SILKS, BLACK BATIN TAMIBEB,
In extra quality. Pure Mohairs, Black Alpa'ccas
(Specialty.)
WHITE GO OD S ,
Piques In great variety and • latest styles.—
French Muslins, Nunsooks. Cambrics, Bishop
and \ Ictorlu Lawns, Tarletous, &c., Ac.
HOSIERY AND GLOVES in great variety.
Gatpare Laces—best and cheapest stock In
town. Real Valenciennes. Thread Laces, In
sortings, Hamburg Embroideries and Lace
Collars, ;
line;* GOODS,
Linen for suits.
Linen Ducks and Drills,
Pillow Case Linens,
’ Linen Sheetings,
White Holland for Blinds,
Table Linens and Napkins,
Doylle Towels,
White Spreads, «&0., Ac.
BOYS’ CASSIMERES AND* MEN’S WEAR,
•newest styles, less than regular rates.
-SPECIAL NO TIC El
Opening' of
LLAMA LACE POINTS, _
LLAMA LACE SOCKS,
1 BEDOUIN MANTLES,
SHETLAND MmAWLS
THUS. A. HARPER.
Cor, of Hanover and Pomfret lets.
Juno 23,1871. ■
QREAT COMMOTION
D # R Y. GOODS,
On account of the redaction
Goods Merchants who understand tUelr
and the certain signs of the times,
the prlceoi tbelrgoods correspondingly. Thesub
scrlners have Juat received from the cities a
large and full assortment of all kindq of
FOREIGN & STAPLE GOODS,
which they will soil lower than they have done
Bl “' SILKS,
.Wool De Lalnes, Alpacas, Poplins, Sorgea, Bom
bazlnea, Tamise Olotb, Grenadines,
FLANNELS OP ALL KINDS,
Plain and Fancy, Linen tfable Diapers, Cotton
do.,Checks, Tickings, Ginghams, counterpanes
EMBROIDERIE
a fall line; White Goods in great variety,
HOSIERY, GLOVES, TRIMMINGS
and a full stock of'
DOMESTIC GOODS,
Calicoes, Muslins, by the plooo-or yard; Grain
bUBa ' CLOTHS, CABSIMER3, &o„
CARPETS, OIL CLOTHS.
Druggets, Window Shades. Matting*
MILJNEBY GOODS
nf nil kinds, including Ladles and Childrens
Hntn and Sundowns, and the best assortment
and hfi«t quality«f Uno Ribbons in the county
Kid Qloveu. (beat make,) Jewelry, Fancy Goods
and Notions la great variety. This
MAMMOTH STOCK OP GOODS
tne lamest In this section of country. Is offered
a nrlces that defy competition, and all. we ask
laa fair examination by good Judges orgoods to
satisfy the public that thU la the place to buy
and save money.
LADIES’ UNDER WEAR,
A alee assortment of Ladles’ Under Clothln
very handsomely stitched and trimmed ftt
prices. _
WOOL, taken m exchange fergoojls. &
At the Old Dry Q.edo stand established Fob
rnary let, IMO.
* Jlwoh*—7o
The following original odo was recited by
Johri, Q. Paxe, before the Tammany Society, on
the f. urth of July:
•Tls the voice of tho croaker—l hear him com
plain.
•‘Those Tammany boys, they are at It again I
Why keep such a feast In a partisan wnj ?
Independence' I’irt sure. In a National Day I l '
Po It lal God ho praised.! and*'hat Isjust why
We Democrats honor the Fourth of July I
Were It anything other, or smaller, lown,
.We’d all be contented to let Itnlone:
Or leave It to men—to a party, 111 say.
Accustomed to think In a narrower way; ,
A party pecullarlv fl'ted to shine
(With a of lighten a different line ;
Whose leaders, for Instance (I won’t call them
*■ knaves),
Being partial-to soldiers—when cold in their
Irvine’s Corner.
* graves—
Appointed a day (he It tenderly said) ‘
For crowning with flowers the patriot dead ;
"Flowers, flowers for tho heroes 1” the dema
gogues cry,
While wiping a tear lhat is “ all In your eye"—
"One day for the soldier to memory dear I”
Whom livina they mbhed every nay In tho year!
And still at the Oapltol mark how they tieat
The soldier i<v> noble to cringe ,nt the feet
Of the Dons who determine a General’s merit
By the gai ge—nothing else—of. his partisans
spirit,
Mere realtwto party they reckon much higher
Thau service to country, and so they Inquire
If he’s fluent of speech In.the R-'dlcnl cant ? '
And *• what has he done now, lor General
Grant I”
•‘Don’t tell us," they cry "of hla boners and
scars; «
But what is the brand of his vole— and cipnrsf ’’
"A" hit at the magistrate I’’ some one. exclaims ;
Well Tshan’t abuse him by calling him names;
I honor his office; and let us reflect
The hcad.nf the natmn demands tome respect. ■
I do not forget he’s our Preshl-nt. placed
In the chair that a Jackson and Jefferson graced.
Let us recollec that—till he’s laid on tho shdlf—
However he seems to forget It himself.
And as to abuse, with the werat I could say
By giving my genius tho liveliest play,
■ I never could hope to accomplish the end
Half so well as I heard a Republican friend.
Who having, unwisely, forgot to subscribe, .
Or being, unluckily, not of the tribe
Presidential or "Deni” nl, ns certainly failed
Of the office he sought for and Ihereforenssolled
The man In such language ns pusses belief
As one could emp'oy In denouncing his chief.
He said—ns I heard ftyou will receive it—
Pray do not Imagine i think you’ll believe It—’
Ho said, In such bitter, extravngantspeech,
As simple hyperbole never could reach;
Pronounced In a manner less civil than hearty—
‘•The follow disgraced tho Republican party 1” .
Apropt wof the party of which I’ve made men-
tion, e
Suppose I should give Itsome further attention;
It has very few friends and whUe I am "in,”
I own the temptation to “hit It a(;ln.”
A party which bases with singular ea«*e,
Immoral proceedings on “moral idee*;”
Denounces small.rogues .who are caught in the
fact,?
But favors the big ones, or holds them Intact.; •
Like thp land stealing rascals and similar job
bers,
Meek-faced, parllmentary “Radical” robbers.
Who hasten to place on the v/riWchnnrt
That denis' In cadetships an Infamous brand; ,
While their own, at the moment, grown bolder
and bolder.
Are plunged In the Treasury up to the shoulder.
Success to Old Tammnnv, long may she Maud
Tho bulwark of Freedom—tho pride of tho
LandT
What parties and factions of transient renown
In her Century's life have come up and gone down.
While she looking on in her vigilant way,
Poked her fun at the furce, or her hand at the
frnv,;
And ’si ill, to her honor, whatever the fight,.
Had a word and a blow in defence of the right.
She hailed the first triumph of Liberty’s cause.
And the motto to-day Is “The Union and Laws.”
She stood by tho flag when Old England once
more,
Unschooled by disaster, invaded our shore,
And got theold lesson repeated so plain
'•*he scarcely will need to be taught it again I
And when It befel that tbe toileting Piute,
For the wind ot distention that Faction and
Hate * • •
Through the length of the Land bad been sow
ing afar.'
Was reaping the whlrlwlndof treason and war,
Rtlll true to the Union see Tammany siand
WitbVthe oldstarry banner” still firm In her
t‘ and,
•. foes at tho South would tbe Union di
vide,
And fools at the North were for “letting it slide!’ -
Success to old Tammany! therefore. I say,
(How sweetly she smiles on the festal d. y;)
In health, strength, and beauty, long may she
stand.
The bulwark of Freedom—the pride of tho Land,
/ ,l
livennia,volo,
THE LONGEST MO.Vrjl IN MY LIFE
I nm a married man, and one who, in
that capacity, lias Been many moons be
side the honeymoon; but the longest
month In my life by far took place when
I was a bachelor. It is true that I was in
love during the period in question, but it
was not the frantic expectation of com
ing bliss which clogged the wheels of
time. My beautiful and accomplished
Eliza had nothing to do with it. I re
peat, it was not-she, nor the anticipation
of her, which put the break upon the
train of life so sharp and‘strong. The
passion which for thirty days protracted
my existence so painfully was one more
potent even than that of love—lt was
that of Abject Terror.
Some males are' absurdly proud and
boastful,of their physical courage, always
imagining that somebody has called it in
question, breathing forth fire and slaugh
ter against persons of more diminutive
s&tature than themselves on the.slightest
; lustful for combat; forever
sharpening their loof.h. For my part,
any assumption of this kind would be n«
misplaced as though a gentleman with
out a nose should plume himself upon
his personal charms. The delicacy of
my organization is so extreme that the
snapping of a percussion-cap in my
neighborhood—let alone powder and ball
—has been sufficient, from my youth up,
to cast me lulu a prluse perspiration
while the excessive refinement of mind
lias still further increased this peculiari
ty. lam like a magnificent race-horse
which lias been oveitralned (although,
indeed, frit cornea to speed, I could hold
my own with the bravest) ; hut I nm do
hors de combat— no battle charger. If I
.were a mau-of;.war, I should make as
good a running fight aa any ship in her
Majesty’s service; but for any other spe
cies of combat, let me climb a tree and
look 6b.
The satisfaction which my known dis
inclination for battle has difldaed among
my male acquaintance is universal. If I
had designedly consulted ...the greatest
happiness of the greatest number, I could
not have conferred that boon more uni
versally. Man is a bully, who is never
so pleased as when he is flapping his
wings over some other cook of the walk,
who has succumbed to him ; and at mv
approach there was aot one in our-vil
lage circle who did not begin to crow.
Major Blazer, late of the Plungers, but
now retired to this pastoral S’ litudo of
Tlnyton Parva, Inflated himself as I
drew near, as if he were on remnant
about to ascehd, who carried his balloon
Inside him. It did not displease me to
feel morally certain that I was indirectly
hastening the major on to his natural
doom of apoplexy. He hectored he do
mineered, he turned all sorts of colors,
in liis' tremendous superiority, and, In
f«ot behaved himself in all respects after
the manner of a faun-yard turkey-ccok ;
nav he was Inferior to that foolish bird,
Insomuch as the major would never have
been good eating, although you might
have easily •devilled’ his legs with the
expressions he made use of. He had
some, more or less, Satanic expletive for
his each paitlcular limb and feature;
and when Tie had consigned them all to
perdition, lie used to begin with mlne,-
If In short, the major was a specimen or
them oqrtroops had not degenerated in
the accomplishment of bad language
since the davs ill which they swore so
terribly In Flanders. My unassuming
presence incited this warrior, I felt con
vlnued, to coin anathemas, and there
fore for ids own sake, as well as my cfcvn,
I kept out of his way as much as possl
bie
Dr. Carvem, who hated the major be
cause he habitually designated the medi
cal portion, of tils late profession as tiaw
honeses, and who will, I know, defer the
opening of hla vein, when that apoplexy
dors come, as long as lie decently can;
vet joined with the dismounted Plum er
ill trampling upon my moral carcass.—
After having been walked over (111 spurs)
at Powderham Cottage, the doctor would
come on to No. 1 Pigeoa Villas, and take
it out on me. ~ . _ .
Our rector, the Eev. Bubble Fyst, waa
OI>E.
A BTOBY FOB THE DOG DAYS.
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, JULY 28, 18T0.
cs combative as either of these, and de
rived nn equal p’easure from my compa
ny. The circle of poclety for which that
divine was intended by nature is* I feel
convinced, the prize-ring j and although
he is always talking about his ‘cloth,’ I
have ne? er seenone rag of it about iiim.
except. indeed, he means the table ololh
—for he is the best trencher-man in Tiny
ton Parva.
•If it were not for my cfoth, sir,* ho
would Pay, swinging bis colossal right
arm, or exhibiting to me the ro.upcles
thereof, os though he were my hired
model, *1 would astonish that man. He
should not poach twice in my spinney,
sir,' And if Mr P. were to publish his
‘Short Way with Dissenters,’ it would
be a very striking performance indeed.
When these three gentlemen met to
play at cards, and I was the fourth; it
ma\ be conjectured that the evening did
not pass rapidly; but long as that long
whist often was, the.longest month in
my life was not passed In that amuse
,ment,ms many an evening, was, amid
'the contempt of my adversaries, and the
unnatural detestatinri of my partner. My
four weeks’ misery lies at the door of no
human being.
‘Ghosts!’ murmurs the fair reader be
neath her breath, os, she edges nearer to
the bell-handle; it is going to be a ghost
story alter all.”
No. madam ; your exquisite intution
has failed you for once- Ghosts have.
given me'many a long night, which, ad
ded together, would doubtless make up
a month and more. I have dreamed of
them; I have awakened; - and* sat up in
bed to think of them, to.llsten for them ;
I have met them (or something very near
like them) both indoors and out of doors
after nightfall, to thegreatdiaturbance of
my equanimity, but, nevertheless, it was
not a ghost that made that month so
long.
If was nnUlier man tioi* woman,
It was neither ghost nor human.
nor was it a ghoul* It was a dog, ma*
dam, a great black dot?* which went ra
vine mad in the month appointed by the
calendar for dogs to do so, and hit me in
the teg, ,
Pome persona are fond of dogs ; or, at
least, are gifted with a natural indiffer
ence to,them. Their,bark does not cause
any thrill of terror; their objectionable
habit of sniffling about ones* ankles ex
cites no apprehension ; but it is quite
otherwise with me. Many a picturesque
ruin have T omitted to explore in my ar
tist rambles, deterred by the presence of
a dog; and many a country inn have I
passed by fasting for the same reason. —
it is true that there were 4 often ‘people
about* {ns the saying is) in these ca«es.
who would have doubtless oalled oft the
rapacious animal, had he attacked me;
hut called him off from whotf From
my mangled remains, which he would
very likely not be permitted to devour,
but not from ray unscathed and original
form. Many a guinea—be condescends
in reality to take 10s. Cd., but both doc
tor and patients prefer to speak of the fee
as (bough it were lon fees—many a gui
nea of mine, Isay, has Dr. Onrvem miss
ed through keeping that horrid terrier
„pup which used to sit and snarl at hi«
garden gate, until It wa*»"ohe dav,devour
ed atacu'phy the rector’s Newfoundland
dog. Rather than encounter the small
but ferocious creature in question, I have
often taken a long country walk instead
of his master’s advice, and cured my in
digestion without a dinner pill from his
dispensary. If bo had kept a cat instead,
It would have been a clear ten pound a
yearin bis pocket, not to mention.the
absence of dog tax—the wisest impost, by
the by, in my opinion, that was ever laid
by a patriotic parliament upon a country
that does not know what Is good (nr it.
What was far worse, however, than
the doclnrV-wiw .that
Jonathan Oatlands of the Home Farm,
the father of mv then beautiful Eliza,
kept a couple. Thev used to sit on e‘th
er side of his garden .pole, like the lions
in the Pilgrim's Progress, and I was Mr,
Faintheart, who never dared pass
between them lo ring the. bell. I dure
soy Eliza thought me very remission the
days when T didn’t call ; but although I
would readily have gone through fire
nnd wrder (in moderation) to oblige her,
I cniild not face the terrible creatures,
Jock and Jumbo. These huge black
beasts delighted in cont« st t tor, as Dr.
Watte observes (who, of nil poets, under
stands dogs best), ‘it was theirnature U» ;
and when they had no one else to grow
at, they absolutely growled at one anofh
er; this! know , for I have heard them
scores of times, whemthey doubtless be
lieved themselves to be alone, as.T stood
behind the angle of the wall wailing for
somebody to bear me company through
the perilous pass they guarded. I never
knew the creatures .apart —which was
Jock and which was Jumbo—nor, in
deed, was it necessary that I should do
so, since they were always together. My
Eliza pretended to he very fond of them,
but from the first I pave her to under
stand that she must choof© between me
•and them—‘lsove pm, love my two blnok
dogs,’ being too great an expansion of
the proverbial demand to be tolerated for
a moment.
It was Alienist; and the weather was
more than usually ‘seasonable,’ which Is
the expression, T believe, used by all well
regulated persons, when His either too
cold in winter, or too hot in summer.—
The tiles of No. 1 Pigeon Villas Were
like those of a Dutch oven ; the white
road .threw hack the heat into bur first
floor windows like a meat screen. All
Tinyton Parva was baked ; its thin folks
were dried up like mummies, its fat folks
simmered and shone. Major Blaze**s
purple countenance glistened ns he mov
ed, like one of his own cucumber glasses,
A public meeting was convened,
sider the propriety of muzzling all, clogs
whatsoever,! and I need not say upon
which side my vote, my Interest, and my
eloquence were enlisted ; hut the major
(out of mere bravado, for he kept no.
dog) was dead us; ro was the
master of the terrier pup. of course; and
so was the Rev. Duhble Eyst. This last
gentleman pooh-poohed every precaution
with a contempt that was positively in
decent. ‘He was afraid,’ ho said, 'of no
dog living, either mad or sane. If peo
ple would only understand how to treat
these animals, the smallest child might
subdue the moot, dancerous of mastiffs.-
A little swith of hazel or willow was all
that was required. He was Imagining
an extreme cose; hut when the dog made
its leap at your throat (sensation), all
you had to do was to strike its fore-feet
sharply with the switch, ancf the crea
ture would instantly turn tall and flee.
The parson was known to he an emi
nently practical man, and hissneech was
conclusive; the dogs went about unmuz
zled. and the men with hazel switches
and directions for use. Even I carried a
little switch about myself, although with
the same belief in its efficacy a* in that of
a divining rod. In the middle of Au
gust, 18 -, I was returning from a coun
try walk with my portfolio under my
arm ; the day had been deliriously pass
ed In a certain beech-wood, where I hail
heeitomakfng a ‘study’of a tree for dear
Eliza’s album. I was not aware how in
tensely warm it had been
beeches do not get red lint) until 1 lejc
the wood and reached the blinding road,
which had been receiving tlie ravs of the
•sun for so many, hours; »the ground al
most scorched my feet; in five minutes
1 became as ‘dusty and deliquescent’ as
any of Sydney Smith’s stout female cler
gy, for there was not shade ..enough on
either.side the wav to accommodate a
thermometer; and I was'at least'a mile
and ahalf from Pigeon Villas. Sudden
ly I heard distant shouts, and that sort
of tumult which is called In old stage di
rections ‘an excursion.’ There was cer
tainly something of an axciting nature
occurring In the village. It could not he
the mummers, because^hey only appear
at Christmas: nor could it be Jock In the
Green, who belongs only to May; and
unless for these excitements. Tinyton
Parva was sunk In torpor all the year
round. Presently I heard a gun go off,
which caused me to regret that I had
left the ahelter of the beechwood so far
behind me. What covld have happened ?
I did not believe the French had landed,
for they would scarcely have dared to do
so during Major Blazer’s life time; but I
did think that there possibly might be a
general rising of tho peasantry. For oil
that! kmw, Tlnyton Parva, and what
♦•as-worst, Miss Eliza Oatlands, of the
Home Farm, might be in the very arms
of revolution. A horseman at full speed
comes fleeing frrtm the scene of disorder.
‘The yeomanry, then,’ said I to myself,
•are routed, and the poaching portion of
tho cnmmuniry are probably roasting the
Rev, Bubble Fyst and ray future broth
er-in-law before aslow fire* I had al
ways warned them that their game-pre
serving,Would lead to something of this
sort. Ah the man drew near, I recogniz
ed in him a farmer in the neighborhood,
and culled out to know what was the
matter. j*Oh! nothing,’ answered he, as
he fled by ; ‘only a mad dog. OneofMr.
Jnnuthuu Outlaud’s black uns is running
a muck.'i
I sat down in the dry ditch by the road
side, and mopped my forehead. Only a
mad dog! Good Heavens, had It air
ready bitten Eliza! Had it bitten that
little curat the doctor's door which lay
between home and me I These horrible
apprehensions were absorbed by a dan
ger so terrible, so real, that the hair of
ray head arose, and swayed tremulously
from side to side, as a held of corn Is agi
tated by contrary winds. I beheld upon
the horizon of the road a speck, a dot, a
comma, (alas, it was far from being a
fulla’op) which approaching with hide
ous velocity, expanded, and disclosed a
black dog running with his,tongue out—
ttie always abominable Jumbo, and now
MAD.
When I recovered my senses I found
myself in my own bed.at No. 1 Pigeon
Villas. I saw this very literally ‘with
half an eye,’ for ,I felt too exhausted to
thoroughly arouse myself, and as soon as
I had become aware eff my position, I
shut the lid again, and pave myself up to
reflection. A dull aching pain in my
left calf materially assisted my meraorv
In recalling what had happened, and
ther.o was a suppressed bum of conver
sation about me, which supplied; the
rest.
‘He wqs first seen by my dashed gar
dener,’ exclaimed a pompous voice fa
miliar to mr. ‘running like the devil's
own, and ejaculating; ‘That dashed
Jumbo has bitten me; run for a dashed
Sawbon.s.’
‘Mr. Palette has his faults, sir, but he
does not swear.’ returned Mr. Bubble
Fyat, sternly. ‘No man shall swear in
my company, major, mind that; no mat
ter who he Is ’
‘Right, sir,’ assented a third voice,
tremulous with passion; 'nor la Mr,
Palette accustomed to apply scandalous
and Ignominious terms lo a profession
which in all ages has obtained the re
spect and— ’
‘Come, come,’ Interrupted a fourth
person, who .was no other than Mr.
Jonathan Oatlands himself; ‘do not
wrangle, gentlemen, over what may ho a
dead man before the dav is out. It is
your place to advise. Dr. Carvem, and
ours to assist you to the best of our pow
er. Now, what is to be done?’
‘The only effectual remedy.in cases of
this kind.’ observed the doctor, Ms ex
cision of the wounded part, nnd that. I
am afraid, has been already deferred too
long ; that twitching of ihe leg you see
affords presumptive evidence of the virus
having entered Into the system. Still—l
have not my instruments with me, but if
the poker lain the kitchen fire* something
may yet be done by cauterization.’
‘Slop!’ cried I, with vehemence, start
ing up,in bed, and addressing the compa
ny ; ‘ listen to me, apd desist from your
fiendish purpose, for I am not mad at
what I say I mean. If you
venture no uiuen ns to my « nnger on. me,
you. sir,.or you, or you. I’ll bite I’ and T
opened my jaws, to illustrate this thieat,
to'the uttermost.
In an instant the room was cleared,
nnd T.'had sprung nut of bed and locked
the door. They had fied from me, those
braggarts, like chaff before the wind. —
The brutal and licentious warrior, the
fiirhtirgparsoh, the cold-blooded disciple
of science, the stubborn and hard handed
agriculturist—ha, ha, ha, ha! Gracion
goodiM ss. .why. did I laugh like that ?
Was! I hen already a lunatic? Was Jum
bo even row permeating my system?—
Yes; I C'uld not conceal from myself
that I fella sort of longing to go upon
all-fours ; to smell things ; to throw back,
my head, and howl at the shades of
evening,' rs was the nightly habltof that
abominabe 'animal.*' I
crept between the shee’s again, and tried
to think (hat I was onlv retiring Ip/fest
a little eadler than usual, and IhgTtbero
was nothing the matter. '
There came a knock al the door.
‘Mr. Piileite,’ said the doctor through
the keyhole, ‘we mean you no .harm;
the time is gone by for the operation you
seem so much to dread. Open the door,
nnd, forHeaven’ssake, com pose yourself;
yntir reason and your Hfo alike depend
iipnn your keeping mind and body tran %>
qnll. Piay, open the door.’
To Ihia reqnest. with the proviso, that
his myrmidons should take their depar
ture forthwith, T consented, and Dr.
Carvem examined the wound. It tfaa a
Eer feci ly visible dog bite, but inconsidera
te in extent, and unattended with much
inflamalion. , ' ..
• la Jt not possible that the cloth of the
trowsersmay have wiped the virus from
his teeth ?’ Inquired I, with anxiety. He
merely made a snap in passing, as I lift
ed that ridiculous switch to keep him
off.’ , . , *
‘A.snap!’ sighed the doctor, despond
inglv; 4 ah, that’s an almost certain sign
of rabies. No,. Mr. Palettee, -it would--
,only be cruel to deceive you. T knew a
case which occurred to a lady of the.flrst
fashion—a patient of my own, sir—a
patient of my owij, sir—whose clothes
were torn by a dog in a similar condition,
he never even so much os touched her
skin at ell. The lady sewed up the rent
with Impunity* but unfortunately bit of!
the thread with her teeth, and the mis
chief won She refused hock and
soda water—her favorite drink, sir—upftn
the thirteenth dav. and I hart the honor
of forming'part of the funeral cortege,
which was upon a style—-But you must
compose yourself, Mr. Palette—you must
indeed. Now, what I was about to sug
gest is this: do you think you could
bear a kettleful of boiling wafer poured,
slowly on this little abrasion ? in
deed. it Is nothing more. This Is the
very beat remedy, with the exception of
the actual cautery which science has sug
gested ; but it requires a little firmness
on the patieut. II you wijl permit me to
confine your arms and legs with this bell
rone-—-Lem-mego, Mr. Pulalalate—
lemrae^oslr— my did-di-dear friend, let
m i hall very nearly suffocated the man,
I had leaped from my couch, and pinned
him bv the neck to the wall. His cra
vat was always tight, and I had almost
made an end of him. Bulling water, in
d€ * e ßeware,’ cried I, ‘ beware lest you
taste of my despair, and learn by proof
in some wild hour how. much the
wretched dare!’
I saw the doctor’s cold eye quail before
me as I executed a son of war dance of
defiance 111 my day shirt. This hectoring
fellow was but a coward then, after all.
‘ Now,’ cried I, ‘ tell me the worst, or
perish, Dr. Carvem. Mention the very
earliest time at which, if l am to die, the
madness will make itself apparent.*
• is T oman haseverexhibited the disease
as yet,' murmured thedocior, tremulous
ly * before the eleventh day.’
retreated once more to my pillow,
prostrat'd anQ unnerved. Ten days of
agonizing indlclslonl It would he'
enough to'drive a man mad, even if he
had not been bitten at nil!
1 And wliut Is the earliest period at
which you will be able to certify me out
o fdanger?’
‘ Not till this day month,’ returned the
doctor, solemnly; * a month 1» the very
earliest at which I could risk my reputa
tion by a decision.’
It was this* as may be imagined,
which-was the c Longest Month In ray
Life* I was perpetually feeling my Jaw,
to discover >vnether it was getting locked
or no. Whenever I took the least chill,
I imagined It to he that rigor which js
one of the worst features of
When I hgd the slightest disinclination
to take my usual quantity of sherry; the
misfortune of that lady of fashion who
bad omitted to use scissors was brought
to my remembrance, as it were, by a
hearse and six. If there wastheslightest
itching where the mark of the bllqjiad
been (for it soon disappeared.) I gave my
self up for lost. The only satisfaction I
enjoyed during this awful period, was
that-of imposing terror on those who had
once plaved the bully over me.
' I walked into the parish church one
afternoon, while the Rev. Dubble Fyat
was christening an infant, and he could,
scarcely get through the service for sheer
fright. He ,shook so that I thought he
would have droped the babe; and all be
cause I looked a little wild; and asked
whether there was much water in the
font*
The doctor passed bis daily visits to
me In a state of abject trepidation.
I bad been forbidden by Mr. Oatlanda
to come near the Home Farm, * until my
malady hud declared itself, orl wns-safe'
(a most ridiculous alternative;) but I
walked into his oak parlor, and demand
ed to see my Eliza, like some feudal
baron addressing his meanest vassal, and
Eliza came* .1 explained to her that I
should abstain from kissing her, for fear
of the possible consequences of contagion,
and the dear girl assented to. that pruden;
Ual resolution without a murmur..
It was the evening of the last day of
this long, long month that I sat with the
Beloved Object In the yew-tree arbor of
the garden of the Home Farm. With
the morrow’s sun Ishould welcome, as it
were, a new existence safe and sane, I
might then venture to look , forward to
live a life like other men. was on tho
threshold of happiness, and felt almost
as secure as though I had passed it. I
could even converse upon the calamity
which had so deeply darkened the last
few weeks of my life with comparative
calmness. I was describing how full of
the thought of mv Eliza I-had been;
how elastic my step, how joyous my
whole being, when the black dog Jumbo,
like some wicked magician, had appear
ed on the horizon, and blasted all things.
‘The, village clock,’ sa*d I, with dra
matic emphasis', ‘bad tolled the solemn
hour of five —’
‘Nay, love, it must have been long be
fore five.’ interposed E lza,
‘Excuse mo, dearest,’ rejoined I; *1
not only beard the clock strike, but com
pared ii with my own watch at the time.
My last feeling of consciousness in con
nection with Jumbo, was that heappear
ed in sight exactly at five o’clock. Al
though X was at some distance, 1 heard
the chimes distinctly, and they reminded
me, dearest, of marriage bells.’
‘Our Jumbo was shot before five
o'clock, I know? asserted Eliza, 'with
greater posiliveness than at that time, I
could have Imagined her capable of ex
hibiting. _
* Then he bit mo after death,’ returned
I with calmness.
A terrible suspicion flitted across the
beautiful countenance of my Eliza.
‘The Ides of .March, or at least of Sep
tember, are come,’ thought she; ‘but
they are nqt yet gone. My Augustus is
losing ids senses after all.’
• I perceived her suspicions, but thought
it belter to make no observation.
‘And What is become of Jock?’ asked
I, with indifference*
•Alas,’ said she, with a little tremor
In her tone, ‘nothing has been heard of
that poor dog from that day to this. He
food the Beech wood road at full speed
dm inatNnt tiiai nis unhappy Urmner was
despatched, and mortal eye has not since
Jlt-upon him.’ . t .
‘Yes, it has,’ cried I, with a jubilant
shout, and leaping a foot or two into the
air—‘ves,,it has, my Eliza. Don’t be
afraid. This eye has lit upon him. I
see it nil now. There lias never been
the slivhest chance of my going mad.—
It was Jock that I met, and not Jumbo.
The shot I heard in the village whs the
latter animal’s death knell. I shall now
proceed to kiss you, ray Eliza. Don’t be
afraid.’
The next half hour in that yew-tree
arbor wn* by very fur the shortest thirty
minutes in'that month. I subsequently
walked home on air upborne by Cu
pid’s wings. As I passed Powderham
Cottage, I saw Major Blazer walking in
his garden, and a sudden yearning for
revenge took possession of me* In an
instant, I hud vaulted over the little gate,
and was by his side; To say he started
would be to give but a feeble idea of the
jump lie gave.
‘Ha, ha I’ cried I maniacally, *a beauti
ful morning, is It not? (It then
about 9 o'clock, P. M.) How nice the
sun shines, don’t it ?’
* Ye-ye-yes 1 ’ stammered the major,
looking• towards his door. ‘lt shines
dashed nicely’ ■
‘Major Blazer,’ returned I, with fiend
malignity. ‘you He, and you know,!*. It
Is evening, sir; nay, it Is night. 800 I’
* Ye-ye-yes, sir; Itfn night.’
I saw he was looking for a weapon,
and got between him and a spade that
wan sticking in, a.flower-bed.
‘ I am come to dine with you,’ex-,
claimed I, with enthusiasm. ‘I cannot
touch wine oi even water to-day, aome
lio v, but I fancy I could touch tea.. I
don’t think it would give me those
strange spasmodic twitehings that other
liquids do. Ha, Ha, HAl’
The major’s purple countenance had
changed to a livid whiteness. He could
scarcely keep his legs, they trembled so
as he edged backwards. His fingers were,
however, upon the door-handle as I made
my grand coup. •
•Do you observe anything in my oough
major, besides Us being musical?’ And
T coughed as much as possible an imita
tion of the canine species. ‘Do you know
Dr. Carvem says— 1 41
Inunother instant, thecloor woHslamm
ed with the utmost violence in my
face, and I heard the major putting up
the chain, and calling for his pistols.
*Ha, ha!’ shrelked I, ‘you're nothing
but a fat coward.’ And finishing with
three decided barks through the keyhole
I hurried home.
The Longest Month in inv Life was
thus eatlsfoolorily ended, and it has
character ; I do not so much refer to my
marriage with Eliza, as to the increased
respect with which I iira treated by the
three raagnificoes of Tinyton, Before I
was bitten by Jumbo (as was supposed,)
I was at a disadvantage in theircompany.
They had found out my weak point, and
I was not aware that such doughty indi
viduals as they possessed such a thing.
But now, on the sliehest. approach to
hectoring on the part of any of them. I
have merely to cough in a certain signifi
cant and dog-like manner, and they
change color, and are civil upon one in
stant. They remember that I have seen
them all with their white feathers on In
that Longest Month of my Life.
A stotiy Is told of a Parisian lady who
preserves her beauty by plastering straw
berries over her face every night and
washing thorn oil in the morning. The
fair creature has for some time past been
annoyed by a troublesome creditor. The
other dav he called before her beauty
ship had' risen, and insisted on forcing
hia way into her bedroom to demand In
stant payment. But fools rush In where
angels fear to tread. Ho had no sooner
got into the room than hia fair creditor
cried out‘My dear Mr. Dun, how could
you bo so Imprudent as to approach a
person suffering from amkll-poi? Look
'at mv poor face!’ The creditor gave a
shriek, darted out of the room, aud has
not since been heard of.
Jerhold said one day he would make
a pun upon anything his friends would
put to him. A friend asked him wheth
er he could pun on the rlgnsof tbozodiao
tOwhloh hepromptly replied, “By Gem-
I'inl,'! Cancer,”
VOL. 5T.-NO. 7
SNAKES IN INDIA.
I acinde lias a most unenviable reputa
tion fur snakes fit Is computed that eight
or ten persons are killed ever# week bv
the bites of these loathsome reptiles-; but
they are commonly natives. The Euro
peace do not go Into the by-places where
the natives go—do not attempt the par
ticular work that they do, and nro diff
erently lodged. One of the chiefs of the
Scinde Informed the writer that at the
begin nlng of the rainy season the snakes
were so numerous that, although he con
fined hia road in the vicinity of the town
he was obliged to carry a stick with him
to throw them out of the way; these
were not, of coursei all venomous ser
pents. 1 '
You seldom speak to a man who has
passed any considerable time In India,
who lias .not, on one occasion, seen-a
snake Itr'nls bed-room, which is not very
much to he wondered at, seeing that the
warmth of the clothes' must be very at
tractive to-the reptiles. Three or four
Instances have come to the writer’s own
knowledge where the cobn» has been
found under a pillow on which a man
has br»en sleeping all night. It in but
seldom, however, that a sleeping man is
bitten by a reptile; and, indeed, liter
snakes ifmoredeadly,douotbiteofourth
of the , number that are bitten by scor
pions, which latter are a perfect curse.
Of course, the! interior of a large city is •
freer from the reptiles than Is the lonely
up country village; but even In cities it
is not uncommon, after } a storm of rain,
to see a cobra twlstiug in the flooded gut
ters; which same is a very suggestive'
fa'*t, and not a pleasant one. If onlyone
venomous serpent were known to be at
large in, we will say, Hyde Park, what ■
terror and consternation would , prevade. <
the west of Loudon ; yet, let it be a
common thing that such creatures should
infest the place for a few years, no one
would trouble himself about it.
One gentleman had a-narrow escape,
the particulars of which wo learn from
himself. He was about to remove from
one inland station, to another—not rail
way stations these, although I may ob
serve, he. was surveyor?—and his trunks
were packed up. These were removed to
a sort of a shed, awaiting the bullocks
which were to takethem, when it struck
him that a small one was insufficiently
cor'ded. He lifted it, and saw .that one
girth of the cord had coraeoff* It was
twilight, which it- equivalent to saying it
was almost dark; he could see the cord
lying on the.spot from which he had ta
ken the box. He stooped to pick it up,
but us ho did so, the supposed cord reared
Itself in the hideous curve of the cobra,
ami.threw back its head: The surveyor
leaped desperately aside, just as the
creature launched himself at him. Not
all the medicaments in the 'vorld could
give him twenty-f« ur hours’ life had he
been one yard closer, to the line of its
spring. He snatched a steel pointed rod
which he used in his profession, and
stre’ched the snake with a broken' back
upon the floor. It was believed that the
cobra had dropped from the low rohf of
the trunk, and he had (then crept under
it. It was a long time ere my Informant
could speck calmly of this incident.
A Parisian Banker's Experience.
Who has not heard of the failure last
week of the house of J. Chavillot, bank
er ?
‘A fraud !’ said one.
‘Bad management!’ said others.
‘He is a knave!’ said the majority.
Let us.see which of these, if any, are
right in their judgement.
Jean Chavillot did not come to Pans
In sabots. He entered with hare feet,
seated upon the fool hoard of the diligence.
His only acaualnlance was his grand-un
cle, who afte>’a time secured him a situ
alion_as assistant sweeper in a banking
house. This was in 1638, and Jean was
then nine years of age.
In 1848 he was a clerk in a bank ; in
1849 cashier. lu 1860 his uncle left him
a small fortune. With this he went up
on the bourse, and succeeded so well that
In 1864 he opened a banking house of his
own. ; ' • -
A business man of prompt habits and
exact dealing, he soon acquired the con
fidence of the public. His paper was
never disc unted—it was simply chang
ed. , ' . .
He soon after married Marie du HouJet
an adorable woman of twenty, who
brought him as a dower a email knowl
edge of English and a piano. He mar
ried in the face of more brilliant offers,
and in refute of all advice, because he
knew she loved him.
Who would not adore Chavillot.young,
handsome, distinguished and good ? As
for him, he worshlped Marie. ’ She was*
enchanting. Her nose .was finely cut,
with rosy nostrils ; .her mouth small with
rosebud lips; iier eyelashes long and
black, and surrounding great eyes of a
blue-brown ; her face oval; her ears di
minutive shells-vof pearl, and all these
surrounded by hair of blonde auburn,
fine and glossy ns silk.
They were handsome, and they loved
each other. : '
Ah, It was a hnppy marriage, and
most people regarded them with envy.
Two children came to add to this hap
py life. Jean, occupied with his-busi
ness, confided the care of his house to
his cousin Charles, bis cousin, who had
come from tlie country, whom he dress
ed, whom he treated as a brother, and in
whom he placed implicit confidence.
Charles was a tall blonde, with the
large nose of a Savoyard, and a timid and
awkward air.
Often at the supper would Marie make
sport of his awkwardness. ,
‘He loves us so much,' said Chavillot,
‘why will you not treat him more-kind-'
ly ?’ -
The evening before a certain day oflast
week, Chovlilot went to his office and
found that Charles had riot arrived. At
nine o’clock, a porter brought a note
from Charles, in which be said he was
ill, and would employ the morning car
ing for himself.
Chavillot went to work. A man pre
sented a bill for payment, and Jean went
to his safe for some money. It was
open I ,
He paid the man some money from
his pocket. Alone, he shut himself up
In the safe room, and commenced an ex
amination—the money which had been
collected for the semi-annual paymentof
that day was cone.
A cold presplratiori came out on his
forehead, a fever seized him, and he as
cended to bis rooms, Hia wife was ab
sent, but, two hours later, she came back.
Jmuo raged and blasphemed, and told her
Marie threw herself In his arras. For
a long time they held each other, weep
ing, and devising means to defend them
selves against the frightful catastrophe^
It was Marie who first spoke of suicide
—of death In each other’s arras, Jean
viould hear to no double-sacrifice-rhe
would kill himself, but the motherofhls
children must not. • '
That evening Marie, all In tears, went
to the house of her mother.
Alone In his chamber Jean reasoned :
•What will the world say? They will
sav I made an adrlotßpeculatlon.and that
Charles is not the thief, out my accorn-
P *AU the time he had in his hand a little
packet of white powder. . 1 ,
‘No! no! it would bo^icrime!’
But then there came to him the words of
his wife: , ~
‘I would rather die, than hear you call
ed a bankrupts . , .
With a trembling hand he tore on his
collar cravat, wiped the cold perspiration
from his forehead, and then ho emptied
the powder Into a gUss of water. Placing
his hand over his heart, as.tf to prevent
it bursting through, he closed his eyes
and swallowed the draught. He reeled a
moment .upright aud then staggered to
his bed. '. . , ,
He believed that death only awaited
sleep in order to come for him.
Poor Jean ! Racked by strange pangs,
he gave utterance to cries that attracted
Hates for *
ADv»RnsKMinrra wul bp inserted at Ten Ooni
per lino lor the first insertion, and five cena
per lino for each subsequent Insertion. Qaar
orly half-yearly, and yearly advertisements in
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Advertisements should ho accompanied by the
Cash. When sent without any length of tlm
specified for publication, they will be continued
until ordered out and cnarged accordingly.
JOB PRINTING.
CARDS, HANT>nti.M,OincTn.Aßa. on rt every
erdeporlntlnnof Jon and CARD Printing.
thealtenf lon of hfs servants. They forced
open the door and sent fora physician.
In brief Chavillot awoke the next
rrornlng, feeble, prostrated, but out of
danger. He had taken an overdose of
arsenic.
With feebleness there came to him rea
son. After nil, the loss could be almost
remedied. Hia personal property would
almost meet the payments. Nothing
was. yet known abroad. Charles had
disappeared.
He sent for Mario.. An hour later he
was told that she had been at her moth- ,
er’s hoqne. Ah, how ho trembled; per
hnna she had killed herself.
For five days he had heard nothing—
On the sixth.the police sent him the fol
lowing:
A woman answering the furnished de
scription, embarked on the
Me steamer Europe. She accompanied a
blonde.man of some thirty years of age,
with "& timid nir. They were registered
ns Charles Muelan and wife, and they
bad with them two children.
Jean remained .In a stupor for sonde
moments after reading this note, and
then he rushed wildly into thestieet.
Hi nee that he has not been seen. Is he
living or dead ?
• ■ O c isf .f ItAnraa.- nn
yesterday, said: •
. ‘He has gone to America. ?
•To avenge himself ?’
‘Come now! Chavillot is - a man of
sense; he goes to rejoin them. 1
Tho Religion Dickons.
Much has beerw said concerning the
religious opinions of the illustrious
Dickens, His writings have been fre
quently denounced for their low.religU
ous tone, while the generous love ofhu-,
inanity which pervades them has been
universally acknowledged. But Dick
ens, like Shakespeare, was utterly free
from the least taint of that narrow big
otry which so often passes current for
true religious sentiment. The zealot
will search the works of Dickens in vain
to discover a Pne that will afford the
slightest encouragement for intolerance.
In delivering the funeraForatlon oyer
the remains of' Charles Dickens, Dean
Stanley read the following extract from
his will:.
“In that simple but sufficient faith,”
concluded the- Dean, “Charles Dickens
lived and died. In the faith he would
have you all live and die also; and if
arty of you have learned from his works
the eternal value of generosity, purity,
kindness and unselfishness, and to carry
them out in action, those are the beat
.‘monuments, memorials and testlmorii-"
als which y*.u, his fellow-countrymen,
can raise to his memory.”—Pnff iot, .
BREVITIES.
The original meaning of chignon la
cabbage. Heads of cabbage—oh, ladies.
God writes the gospel, not in the Bi
ble alone, but on the trees and flowers,
and clouds, and stars.
He who does his best, however little,
is always distinguished from him who
does nothing, , .
If the best man’s faults were written
on his forehead, it would make him pull
bis hut over his eyes.
Teacher—‘Who was David?’ Boy—
• The son of Jesse.’ Teacher —|And who
was Jesse V Boy—'The flower of Duin
blane.’
. A little girl of eight or ten summers
being asked what dust was, replied:‘that
was mpd with the juice squeezed out.’ *
It is said that the reason there are so
iriuny muttonheads in exiatmine, is to ho
found in the fant that such a number of
.children are‘perfect little lambs.’
The Esquimaux says: ‘Aman who
lias three wives in this world is sure of
heaven in next.’ He ought to find peace,
somewhere.
A Cincinnati; paper advertises .for
‘girls fi-r cooking.’■ A contemporary re
plies: 'You would like them belter raw,
when you get accustomed to them. -
When,Real was sentenced to death,
in New York, he replied, “Very good,
sir; is that all, Judge?”
A Virginia negro cocked a eun and
blew down the muzzle to\ee If it was
loaded. He didn’t slate his conclusion,
but the by standers who saw his head fly
off, think that it was.
A young man in Ohio recently opened
a clothing store and was sent to jail for It-
Reason—the clothing store belonged to
another man.
A gentleman nnuiug his whiskey
punch a little,too hot, blew hia breath, to
cool it. “Youjdow your own horn Isee,”
said his comrade.
Why is the letter R very unfortunate?
Because it is always in trouble, wretched
ness, and misery, beginning of riot and
rule, and is never found lu peace, inno
cence or love.
A man up in Vermont soys that when
lie was a hoy ten mills made one cent,
hut he lias got ten mills In different
purls or that state that don’t make a cent
at the present price of flour. . 1
A rocky mountain paper, noticing
the invention by a Chicago man of a pro
cess by which a dead body can be petri
fied as hard as stone, thinks the inventor
“ought to accompany out troops on the
frontier, where be could «drive a pretty
good business in petrifying Indians, and
Belling : them for tobacco signs.”
During a fiue.starlight evenlnglately,
a juvenile philosopher, after & silent and
profound scrutlnyof the heavens, asked'
his mother abruptly wherethe stars came
frqm. Mamma replied: “Idon’t know,
Willie.” “Yes, you do, too.” “No, Wil
lie, I don’t know v>here the stars came
from.”—“Well, you bet I do. The moon
laid ’em.”
A few days ago a countryman shopped
at the Maxwell House, Nashville, for
dinner. The waiter inquir' d what ho
would have, and was (old by the country
man to bring '‘something of what ho
had.” The waiter brought him a regu
lar dinner upon small dishes; as is the
usual form, and set them around bis plate.
The countryman surveyed them care
fully for a moment and then broke out:
“Well, I like your samples, now bring
me dinner."
A boy was caught stealing candy,and
was locked up In a dark'corner byagro
cer. The hoy commenced begging mos
pnthelically to bo.ieleased, and after ua
ing all the persausion that this young
min'd'could invent ho proposed: .“Now,
if you will let me out and send for my
lather, bo’ll pay you for the candy and
lick me besides.” The grocer could not
withstand this appeal and released tb
urchin."
A young man who had spent a little of
his own time and a good deal of his fath
er’s money in fitting himself for the bar,
was asked for his examination how he
got on. “Oh, well,” said ho, “I answer
ed one question right.” “Ah, indeed!’
said the old gentleman, with .a look of
satisfaction at his son’s peculiar smart
ness. “And what. was that?” “They
aslted me what a qui iam action was.”
“That was a hard one I and you an
swered it correctly, did you?” “Yes,T
told them I did not know.”
AN Irishman made a sudden holt into
a drug store, took from his pocket a soda,
water bottle filled to the brim with some
pure liquor, and handing it across the
counter exclaimed; ‘There, doctor, snuff
that,'will you?’ The doctor did os ho
was directed, and pronounced the liquor
to be genuine whiskey. ‘Thank you doc
tor;’ said the Irishman. ‘Hand it to me
again, If you please,* the doctor again did
as directed, and asked what he meant. —
‘Odh, thin,’ said Put, ‘if you will have Jt.
the priest told me not to drink any of
this unless I got It from the doctor, ho
here’s your health, aud the priests
feeaith.’