iSljc American Volunteer. 1
• ULItfHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING
BRATTON Ac KENNEDY,
OFFICE—SOUTH MARKET SQUARE.
iiaiMs:—Tw.o Dollars per year If paid strictly
ndvunco; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid
nil In three months; after which Three Dollars
dll be charged. These terms will bo rigidly ad
,i, rcd to In every instance. No subscription ills
. oiitlnued until all arrearages are paid, unless at
lie option of the Editor.
professional fittartis.
A DAM KELLER, Attorney at
Law, Carlisle. Ofllco with W. M. Penrose,
Ivscj.. Uheem’s Hall.
OotoborS, 1807—Om*
riHAS. E. MAGLAUGHLIN , Attok
\j key at Law. Olllco In Building formerly
occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han
non’s Hotel.
Dec. 1, 1885.
17 E. BELTZHOOVER, Attorney
P • and Counselor at Law, Carlisle, Ponna.
(mice on South Hanover street, opposite Rente s
Store. By special arrangement with the Patent
onii-o. attends to securing Patent Rights.
Dec. 1,1805.
F AMES A. DUNBAR, Attorney at
p| Law, Carlisle, Pcnnu. Cilice a few doors
frost of Hannon’s Hotel.
Doc. 1, 1805.
JOHN. C. GRAHAM; Attorney at
pJ Law. Otllco formerly occupied by Judge
Graham, South Hanover street, Carlisle, Penna.
Doc. 1,1805 —ly.
TO UN LEE, Attorney at Law
p) North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa.,
l‘cb. I*>, 1800—ly.
JOHN R. MILLER, Attorney an
pj Law. OUlco in Hannon’s Building, opposlb
the Court House, CVtWtoie, Pa.
Nov. 14,1807. ••
Me. HEUMAN, Attorney at Law.
, Ofilcu In Rheom’s Hull Building, In tho
rear of tho Court House, next door to the "Her
aid” Olllce, Carlisle, Peuna.
Doc, 1,1865.
W KENNEDY Attorney at Law,
# Carlisle, Penna. Olllco same as that 01
t ho "American volunteer,” Bouth side of the Pub
lic Square.
Dec. 1 ISB
IJNITED STATES CLAIM
AND
REAL ESTATE AGENCY!
WM. B. BUTLER,
ATTOHNEY AT LAW,
Olllce In lid Story of InhofTs Building, No. 6 South
Hanover Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county,
Penna.
Pensions, Bounties, Back Pay, &e., promptly
collected.
Applications by mall, will receive immediate
attention.
Particular attention ginen to the soiling or rent
ing of Real Estate, in town or country. In ail let
ters of Inquiry, please enclose postage stamp.
July 11,1867—tf
.1. M. WEAKLEY. W.
'YY rjKAKLEY & SADLER,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
NO. 10 SOUTH HANOVER ST.
Caultsle, Penn a
Doe. 10. 1867. —ly
Dll. GEORGE 8. SEARIGHT, Den
tist, From the Baltimore College of Dental
.simjrry, Olllco at tho residence of his mother,
East Louther Street, three doors below Bedford,
» arllsle, Penna.
Doc. 1, 1865.
DR. J. R. BIXLER offers his profes
sional services to thocltlzens of Carlisle and
vicinity.
Olllco on Main street, opposite the Jail, in the
room lately occupied by L. Todd, Esq.
April 11,1867—1 y
insurance fflompauics.
I'TYFk
INSURANCE COMPANY
OF NEW YORK.
ACCUMULATED CAPITAL
$22,000,000!
(TWENTY-TWO MILLIONS,)
VII In first-class Mortgages, Government Seen#
• rllles, Cash and Real Estate!!!
IT MAKES NO DIVIDENDS TO
STOCKHOLDERS !
hut Us Cash Dividends of Februujy, ISG7
amounted to 32,121,006 to its Policy Holders,
which is nearly four times as much ns
any other Company in the United
States declared for same year,
ll has tho LARGEST AMOUNT INSURED of
any Company In the United States, and its Divi
dends arc made annually in CASH, not pul otT till
I ho Oth payment, us is done by tho leading note
companies, it has
THE LARGEST INCOME
$6,217,03 5.88.
From Business and Interest. Its Tables of Rales
are from 10 to 66 per cent, lower on tho 10 year
and endowment plans than tho Connecticut Mu
tual and many other of the Note Companies. All
Policies are or may bo exchanged for non-for
feitabio ones. It lias over
5 0,000 POL-ICY HOLDERS,
and Is patronized and recommended by the best
authorities in the United States.
SAMUEL K. HUMRICH,
Special Agent,
Office -Vo. 26 H’t.tf .Main Street, CurU.\te,Pa.
October 3. ISC7—Gin
gPECIAL INSUIUNUE AUENCY
Over 62.3,000,00 of Capital Uepresented.
HOME,
MANHATTAN.
SECURITY,
NORTH AMERICAN,
nil ol Mew York. Aoina uml Pha*nlx, of Hart
fora, conn.; North America, ol Philadelphia,
Pa.; Columbia Mutual, ol Lancaster, Pa.
The mala element to bo desired in Insurance
Companies is
SECURITY
ifweiflth, experience, Intelligence and probity
exist, perpetuity and Honorable dealing will be
likely to ensue.
insurance creates Independence. A person
pays for las own indemnity, ami need not bo a
lax on his friends.
Every man should Insure; the burning or
whose property would injure or inconvenience
hlmseti, ins family, or his neighbors. - -
Insurance effected at this agency, no raattef
how large the amount, In either a toe dor Mutual
Companies. Policies issued, losses adjusted and
promptly paid at this ofliee.
SAMUEL K. HUMRICII,
Special Insurance Agent,
Office iVo. 2fJ Ti'caf Main Street, Carlisle, Pa,
LOCAL AGENTS
J.E. Ferroo, Newville.
John 11. Shuler, New Blooraflold, Terry county.
A. H. Wutdmuu. MlUUntown, Juniata county.
JURE INSURANCE.
The ALLEN AND EAST PENNSBORO’ MU
TUAL FIRE INSURANCE COMPANY, of Cuin
bealaud county, Incorporated by an act of As
sembly, in the year IW3, and having recently had
its charter extended to tho year ISB3, la now in
active and vigorous operation under the super
intendence oi the following Board of Managers:
Win. R. Gorgus, Christian Slayman, Jacob Eb
erly, Daniel Bailey, Alexander (Juthcart, Jacob
H. Coover, John Eicheiborgcr, Joseph Wickerra,
Samuel Eborly, Rudolph Martin, Moses Brlcker,
Jacob Coover and J. C. Dunlap.
Tho rales of insurance are us low and favorable
as any Company of tho kind in tho State. Per
sons wishing to becomo members are invited to
mako application to the agents of the Company,
who are willing to wait upon them at any time.
President—W. U.QOP GAB, Eberly's Mills, Cum
berland County.
Vice President—Cmm. cian Stayhan, Carlisle,
Secretary—John 0. Uunlai*, Mechaulcsburg,
Treasurer—Daniel Bailey, Dlllsburg, York Co.
AGENTS.
Cumberland County— John Shorrick, Allen; Hen
ry Zearlng, Shlremaustown; Lafayette Teller,
Dickinson; Henry Bowman,Churciitown; Mode
Griffith, South Middleton; Samuel Graham W.
Peuusboro’; Samuel Coover, Meclmnlcsburg; J,
W. Cooklln, Shophorducowu; D. Coover, Upper
Allen: J. O. Saxton, Silver Spring; John liyor,
Carllsio: Valentino Feoman, New Cumberland;
James McCandllsh, Newvllle.
York County— W. S. Picking, Dover: James
Griffith. Warrington; T. F. Dcardorlf, Washing
ton; Hlchey Clark, Dlllsburg; D. Rutter, Fair
view; John Williams, Carroll.
Dauphin County —Jacob Houser, Harrisburg?
Members of tho Company having policies about
to expire, cun have them rcuowcd by making ap
plication to any of tho agents.
Deo. I 1805
Hartford live stock insu
RANGE COMPANY.
CAPITAL $500,000,
Horses Insured against death from any cause
or against theft.
Working Oxen, Cows and Sheep may be taken
at 8 to i per ceut on two thirds their cosh value.
Losses promptly adjuatedat the Office of the Car
lisle Agency.
aAM’L K. HUMRICH. Special Agent
March 14, 1807-?y°' * WestC “ lUle ’
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
(ffiltg atibevtiscincuts.
THIS THROUGH"!”
IT MAY INTRUKST YOU OH A KUIKNI).
TO THE PUBLIC AND THOSE IN
TERESTED IN HORSES, CATTLE,
HOGS, &c., &c.
THAT THE CELEBRATED DR. BARBER'S
CATTLE AND 11 Dll , l’i) W D E US
Prepared ami sold by CV IHJ.S BROWN. Druggist
and Apothecary, Brondway, Upper Milton, Pa.,
is the
BEST IN THE WORLD.
When the Horse is in very bad condition, use
the following Physio first:
Two Tablcspoonsful of the Powder and One
Quart of Linseed Oil. Mix and Drench.
REMEMBER THE RED HORSE,
On Each Pack and prepared as above.
THESE POWDERS are prepared from the or
iginal Dr. Barber’s Recipe, with additions from
the Recipes of the Best Horse Farriers In Europe
and America, together with the experience of the
Proprietor of over Twenty Years with Horses and
Medicine. Tho following diseases are cured with
their use;
AH Stages of
Coughs and
Colds,
Even First Stages of
Glanders and
Farcy,
Distemper,
Gripes,
Colic,
Hidebound, Removes Worms, ic., Ac., die.
These Powders by occasional use. say once or
twice per week, will be a preventive of disease,
when Urn animal does not come in contact with
nostril of tho diseased Horse.
THESE HORSE POWDERS
are a sure preventive and euro for diseases so
common with chickens—Gapes, Ac. Diuectionh.-
Mlx in corn meal. Also-Mlx with the water
they drink. Feed It to your Block and they will
lie healthy and lut.
REMEMBER THE RED HORSE ON EACH
PACK. TAKE NO OTHER.
For Bale by
CORNMAN & WORTHINGTON,
No. 7 East Main St., Carlisle 2*a,
Jan. 26,1803.—dm
gEEINO IS BELIEVINO !
AT 7 0 1 A 11 f II STUB KT.
NEW PRICES ! NEW GOOES !
men .siljVek and .silver plated wares,
« Including every style t\iul
description, made express-a /v
ly for /he winter trade,
which lor nonlness nnd
durability cannot be
.10 UN BOWMAN
Wholesale* ami He tall Manufacturing Estuhllsh
monl,
NO. 70-1 AU C H STB K K 'I 1 ,
p lIIL A n E L Pill A
tfy'-Uc-platlng at short notice,
August 22, 1807—ly
J S . McOL.l3 L L A N,
* WITH
PAR K AM & WORK,
Wholesale Dealers In
HATS, OAFS, FURS
AND
STR AW GOODS,
NO. 53 1 MA II KET STII K K T
Philadelphia
July 18.1H67 —tf
Q. R E A T
W A T CII SAL K\
2000 WATCHES, Patent Lover Movements, full
Jewelled, Hunting Cases, Sterling Silver. Bcaull
fully Engraved and in every respect lirst class
Timers, To bo sold at six dollars each, being less
than three-fourths the cost of manufacturing.—
These watches are retailed by Jewelers at from
SlOtoSJS.theactua! cost to the manufacturer being
69 each. This stock of watches was purchased at a
bankrupt Sale in London, and are now offered at
such extremely low figures, that all may possess
a correct Time-keeper at a merely nominal sum.
Every watch warranted for 2 years. Parties or
dering them sent by mall, must enclose 90 cents
extra to repay postage. Money enclosed in a
well sealed letter may no sent at my risk.
Address nil orders to
MARLIN CONNOR,
May 10,1807—ly Albany, N. Y
QONBUMPTIVEB READ!
A Phvfiician, who had consumption for sever
al years, with frequent bleedings of the lungs,
cured himself with a medicine unknown to the
profession, when his case appeared hopeless. Ho
is the only physician who bus used It m his own
person, or who has any knowledge of Itsvlrtues;
and ho can ascribe the degree of health ho now
enjoys to nothing but the use of tills medicine;
and nothing but utter despair and entire extinc
tion of all hopeof recovery, together with a want
of confidence lu all others, induced him to haz
ard the experiment. Ho has tieuled more cases
successfully than generally follows the treatment
of this class of cases, and feels a pride, only ex
celled by the performance of ills duty, that he is
able to diminish suffering and prolong life. Of
fice hours from BA. W. to BP. M., daily. Call on
or ftdiliesH BO ylstON JA.CKSON,
JSo. 2.30 X. Tenth Street, Philo,
Lee. 5,18U7—ly •
GERMANIA
QNE DOLLAR A PIECE'
A GOOD GOLD PEN AND EBONY HOLDER
FOB ONE DOLLAR,
Manufactured by the American Gold Pen Com
pany. These pens are now being used extensive
ly throughout the Eastern Stales and are war
ranted lu each and every case. Parties purcha
sing who aro not satisfied can return them and
receive their money back. All orders must be
accompanied with the cos'll ns we send no goods
C. O. D.
E. M. CONNER,
Agent American Gold Pen Company,
May 10,1807—ly Titov, N. Y
TIALSE WHISKER
AND
MO US TA CHE
A BEAUTIFUL PAIR OF FALSE .MOUS
TACHES AND WHIKSERS. of French manufac
ture so perfect they cannot bo detected from the
genuine, will bo sent post-paid by mall to any ad
ress. Great attention is paid in tho manufac
ture of these articles by one of tho best artists in
Paris M. L. Fouciie, who la tho beat manufac
turer in Europe. Moustaches, $1.00; Side Whis
kers, $3.00; Full Beard. $5.00.
Address, H. DORR.
Albany, N. Y.,
sole Agent for tho United States.
Slay 10, 1857-ly
It la the best chance ever offered to Agents!
, One or two days’ lime will secure a good
SEWING MACHINE, WATCH, SILK DnEfiS.KEVOLVEU,
or some other article of equal value, FREE OF
COST?
Agents wanted everywhere, male and female
for the best One Dollar Pawnbroker's Sale in the
country. Send lor Circular.
S. C. THOMPSON i CO.
30 Hanover St„ Boston, Mas*.
Jan. i!, 1808.—8iu*
DWEET BREATH FOR ALL!
DU. FONTAINE’S
BALM OF MYBBH!
Is a sure remedy for the euro of bad breath, no
•matter from what source tho disease may arise.
What young lady or gent will not make an effort
to remove this disagreeable evil wnen it can be
done for ONE DOLLAR, sent to your address
postpaid, by mall, and a cure guaranteed, or mo
ney refunded. All orders must bo addressed to
B. DORR, Albany, N. Y., sole Agent for the Uni
ted States.
May 19.1H7-1?
H O II S K ,
rnflainatiouH,
Jaundice or
Yellow
Water
Address all orders to
3Uri> (©ooljss
R E A
R K A D !
W. C. SAWYER & CO.
EAST MAIN STREET,
UNDER (.’ORMAN HOUSE
Learning from the New York .Merchants Agency
that
A I, A R G E A I) V A X (! It
In the price of
. If
DRY GOODS
was going to take place from the Increase In the
value of cotton and the stopping of many eastern
mills during the depression of trade,
G
W. C. SAFYER & CO.,
bought Just before the late advance an linmouse
stock of
DOMESTIC COTTON AND WOOLEN GOODS,
nor.Mi? KruNism.so goods, cAin-nrs. a<\, ao
W. C. Sawyer & Co.,
are prepared for sixty days to give bargains In,
10-4 fl-4 5-4 4-4 and 3-4.
WHITK A UNIILKACIIED JtUSI.I.N.S A SItIHTINOM,
5.00 yards of DARK LIGHT and MOURNING
PRINTS,
1.000 yards of SCOTCH AND DOMESTIC GING
HAMS.
H A N 1) r. o o M
AND
Irish Table Linens,
Linen Table Cloths In patterns, Wool Table (’ov
ers, Plano Covers, Napkins, Crash and Towels.
Damask for Curtains and Lounges, Curtain Ma
terials, French and English Counterpanes, Blank
ets, Feathers, <tc., Ac.
CARPETS ! CARPETS ! ! CARPETS !! !
W. C. SAWYER & C <).,
make (’arpots a special depart in on I m their large
trade.
BEST ENGLISH BRUSSELS.
LOWEL & HARTFORD three-ply
INGRAIN CARPETS,
1' H L L A DE L P II 1 A I N UU A I N
nmvii a Nit mn»:n rAiirKi.-,
ENGLISH AND AMERICAN ,
PLAIN A N 1» T W I I. LK D VENV.T I A N,
STRIPKI) FOR HAUL AND HTAIHS,
1,000 yards of
HOME MADE HAG CARPETS,
Rugs, Mats, 8-1 (M -1-4
OIL CLOTHS,
popular makes.
S H A D E S, N F. W R T Y 1- K R
LOOKING GLASSES, &<•., *tc. r
NEW CAUPKTfI BULLING KOK LKS3 THAN FIRST TOOT,
of Carpels bought before the llrat of the year-
NEW DRESS GOODS
for early spring trade,
BLACK S I L K B, all colors of fancy stilt*,
ALPACCAS, POPLINS. MOHAIRS, & DELAIN
ES. All kinds of White Cambrics. Swiss, Mar r
sallies, Brilliants and other white goods. A largo
stock of
NOTIONS.
Housekeepers and all persons are respectfully
invited to call. W. C. SAWYER &. CO. buy lor
CASH and sea at the LOWEST market rates.
Feb. 37,1888.
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, 'MARCH 12. 1868,
HOOFLAND’S HERMAN BITTERS,
K K A D !
Hoofland’s German Tonic.
Prepared by. Dr. 0. M. Jackson,
The Great Remedies for all Diseases
LIVER, STOMACH, OR
Hoofland’s German Bitters
la composed of Uio jam: juirep (or. as thoj are medicl
rally termed, hx p— | ■ tracts) of Hoots,
Herb sand Uarkn, qtfl - maklnif a prepara
tion, highly concon jnj'" )Kla tinted, ami entirely
frttjrcm Alcoholic Wula Waa aihnixlure of any
HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIC,
la a combination of all the Ingredients of the Hitlers,
with the purest quality ol Santa Crus Jtum, Orange,
etc., making one of the most pleasant and agreeable
remedies ever oflored to the public.
Those preferring a Medicine free from Alcoholic ad
mixture, trill uso
Hoofland’s German Bitters.
In cases of nervous depression, when some alcoholic
stimulus Is necessary,
HOOPLAND'S GERMAN TONIO
The Bitters or the Tonic are both equally good, and
contain tho same medicinal virtues.
The stomach, from a variety of causes, such ns Indi
gestion, Dyspepsia, - Nervous Debility,
etc.. Is very upt to ffijr tom have its functions
deranged. Tnu result lira. JEct of which Is, that tho
patient suffers from several or more of
Constipation. Flatulence, Inward Piles*
Fulness of Blood to tho Head, Acidity
of the Stomach, Nausea, Heart
hum. Disgust for Food, Fulness
or Weight in tho Stomach,
Sour Hruotations, Sink
ing or Fluttering at the Pit
of tho Stomach, Swimming of
tho Head, Hurried or Difficult
Breathing, Fluttering at the Heart,
Choking or Suffocating Sensations when
In a Dying Posture, Dimness of Vision*
Dots or Webs before the Sight*
Dull Pain in tho Head, Defi*
oienoy of Perspiration, Yel
lowness of the Skin and
.Byes, Pain In
the Side, Back,Chest,
Limbs, etc., IsiL JMf Sudden
Flushes of Heat. Burning
in the Flesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil,
and Great Depression of Spirits.
The«e remedies will effectually euro Liver Complaint,
Jaundice, Dyspepsia, Chronic or Nervoua Debility.
Chronic Dinrrluca, Disease of the Kidneys, and all
Diseases arUilng from u Disordered Liver, Stomach, or
Intestines.
Resulting from any Cause whatever;
PROSTRATION OP THE SYSTEM,
induced by Severe Labor, Hard
ships, Exposure, Fevers, oto.
There Is no medicine extant equal to these remedies
In sucU cam-*. A tone and vigor In •- •*»-
whnlf> eyaißin, *l.O A PP ,,tfio tr Strength
ened, food Isonjoycd. the stomach digests
promptly, the blood ls purified, tho com
plexion becomes filß sound and healthy,
the yellow tinge la eradicated from the eyes, a bloom
Is given to tho cheeks, and the weak and nervous la*
valid becomes a strong and healthy being.
Persons Advanced in Life,
And feeling tho hand of time welching heavily upon
them, with nil Its attendant ills, will find In the use of
this BITTER 3, or the TONIC, an elixir that will
Instil new life In o their veins, restore In a measure
the energy and ardor of more youthful days, build up
their shrunken forms, and give health ana happiness
to thdr remaining years.
It Is a woll-cstabllshcd fact that fully one-half of the
female portion of our r==‘ population are sel
dom In the enjoyment of good health; or.
to uso their own ex MS a presslon, “ never feet
well.” They are Inn Chmou guid, devoid of all
energy, extremely nervous, and have no npputlto.
I'o this class of persons tho BITTERS, or tho
TONIC, is especially recommended.
WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN
Are made strong by thouso of clthcrof these remedies.
They will euro every caso of MARASMUS, without
fall.
Thousands of certificates have accumulated In the
hands of the proprietor, but space will allow of tho
publication of nut a few. Thosu. U will bo observed,
arc men of nolo and of such standing that they must
be believed.
Hon. Geo. W, Woodward.
Chit/ Justice of the Supreme Court of Pa., writes;
Philadelphia, March 10, 1867.
“I And‘Tloofland’s «=. German Bitters’ Is
a good tonic, useful /flgL In diseases of tho
dltccstfveonnuis, and °f great benefit In
cases of debility, and O® ÜBS wont of nervous ac
tion in tbo system. Yours truly,
Hon. James Thompson.
Judge of the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania.
Philadelphia , April 28, 1800.
““T consider ‘ TToofland’s German Bitters ’ a raluabls
fnedi'ctni-ln cose of attacksof Indigestion or Dyspepsia.
1 egn certify this from my experience of It.
Yours, with respect.
From Eev. Joseph H. Kennard, D. D.,
Pastor cf Die Tenth Baptist Church, Philadelphia.
I>r. /action—Dear Sir : I have been frequently re
quested to connect my name with recommendations
of different kinds of medicines, but regarding the prac
tice «s out of my ap GSa pr°priato sphere, I
have In all rjisns da (Tlßk''|g cllnecl: but with a
dear proof In vari J| ous Instances and
particularly In my Mfl own family, of tho
usefulness of Dr. ITootland’s German Bitters, 1 depart
for once from my usual course, to express my full
conviction that, for general debility of ike system , and
especially for Liver Complaint, it is a safe and valuable
preparation. In some cases it may fail; but usually, 1
doubt not. It will be vary bcnolldal to those who sumur
from tho above causes.
Yonre, very respectfully,
J. U. ICENNARD,
Eighth, below Coates BL
From Eev, E. D. Fendall,
Assistant Editor Christian Chronicle, Philadelphia.
1 have derived decided benefit from the oio of Hoof
land’* German Bitten, and feel It my privilege to re
commend them ib a moat valuable tonic, lo all who are
•offering! from general debility or from diseases ariilng
from derangement of tho Uver. Your* truly.
Hoofland’e German Romcdlcß are counterfeited. Be#
that ih» signature of ■■■ 0. M. JAUKSON
if on the wrapper of each bottle.
All other* are coun IH tcrfeit.
Principal Ofllee and Manufactory
at the German Medicine Store, No. 631 ARCH Street,
Philadelphia,
Gorman Druggist, Proprietor,
Formerly C. M. .Tiosbob a Co.
Vos «&lo by a_ IlrngglsU and Deafen In Medicine*.
Hoofland’a German Bitters, per bottle 00
. ° “ “ half dozen 6 00
Cooflond’* German Tonic, put up In quart bottles, 1 60
per botUo, or a half dozen f0r...... 7 60
’ Do not forget to examine well the article yon
boy. In order to get tho genuine,
an U, ISLW.—Iy
iijlchlcal.
PHILADKLI’IHA. PA.
DIGESTIVE ORGANS.
should be used,
the following diseases:
DEBILITY,
NOTICE.
TESTIMONIALS.
GEO. W. WOODWARD."
JAMES THOMPSON."
E. D. FENDALL.
CAUTION.
CHARLES ar. EVANS,
PBIOES.
iPorlkni
Ilia I.VGIN “ OYKU TilE UIII.VF
isv run “ tat roNTiunrroit,
[“ Over the Rhine'’ in Cinelmmll is the German
section of the city. The following travesties on
“ Bingen on the Rhine" was suggested by seeing
a noblo rod man in an Over tho Rhino heer gar
den, engaged In the wild and hopeless task of
drinking veteran hour drinkers “ tight." He was
one of a delegation of Indian Chiefs from (he far
West, who had been to Washington on business
connected wltli their tribes,and who had become
so infatuated with Clnoinn ul lager that he was
left behind. Tho verses originally appeared In
the Cincinnati Timrx ■'
An Injun sat in a gunl'-n
Drinking his lager heer ;
Ho had left his wigwam on the Plain
And his sipiaw she wasn’t near;
But a Dutch girl stood hoShle him
To hoar what ho would say,
And replied to hl.s Injun Jargon--
'Sir rum /i-'nurt, mi( uh ivn<fo,v.
This big Injun blubbered
As he took Hint Dutch girl's bund,
And said, “ Me never more shall see
Me own, mo native land ;
Hoar a message—and a scalp or two-
To those distant friends of mine.
For I am a Big Injun—
’ Big Injun over the llhlne."
“ (Jo tell my brother warriors,
As they sit the camp tiro 'romid,
Ami listen to my story,
A'l squatting on iho gmiftul,
Thai I drunk my lager bravely
From morn (111 sot ofsun —
Heat the Dutch at tholr own aumc
Heat every mother's son.
For sprawled among tho empty kegs
Were some grown old on beer—
Injun never tasted nemo
Until he first enmo here !
Not one 'mill all that throng can say,
He e'er heard mo decline—
-1 tell ye I'm big Injun—
Dig Injun over the Rhino."
“Tell rny mother that her other **ons
snail comfort her old age,
riiaso the buffalo, scalp tho drlv-i*
Of the overland mall stage ;
For my father was a warrior hold,
And e on as a papoose,
1 Joyed to know that Iho old muti
Was‘sound upon the goose,*
And when he died and left us
To divide his scanty hoard,
I let thorn lake what o'er they would,
Hul kept my father's ijounl;
Vow, take and till It high with he.-r
Lot's see tin, l,i~cr nMno
dross glass for the Dig Injun—
Big Injun over the Rhine.**
'* Tell my sister not to whimper
ilecau.su she misses out;
When the Injun delegation
domes hack from Washington
Hut look upon them proudly,
And never shed a tear,
Her brother’s the only Injun
As alnt afraid of beer.
And if some brave her love should seek,
Then.lt would please mo much,
Ifmlngled with his Injun blood
Was Just a shade of Dutch,
I'd drink his health In this old gourd
(My father's gourd and mine, •
For the honor of Dig Injun—
Big Injun over tho Rhine."
Ills voice grew faint and hoarser.
Ills legs seemed limp and weak,
He beckoned feebly with the gourd,
Hiccoughed and ceased to speak.
A policeman bent to lift him
Tho task it wasn't light,
The savage from beyond the Plum-
Lay cross the table ttghl.
And Hie soil moon rose up slowl\ .
As the lights seemed burning lower.
And lliu loud Teutonic music
Was drowned by the Rod Man's mi >r
• He fell early In the battle
’Twn< only half-past nine—
This boastful, berry Injun
Big Injun over the Rhine.
1211: fIIKKST KOlillllil.
On u line evening, in the .spring of
18.10, a stranger, mounted on a bold-look
ing horse, passed slowly over the snow
white limestone Voad leading thronnh
tho Black Forest.
Just as the sun was going to rest for
the day, when gloomy shades were be
ginning to stalk, he drew rein. a« he
said :
“ Thi- mu>L he near the spot, surely.
I’ll slop hero, anyhow, for a while and
see wlmt 1 can learn.”
He thereupon dismounted and entered
the parlor of lie- inn, where he «ai down
before a small table.
“How can I serve you. m<iuhe« i r?”
sai<l the landlord.
“See to my horse outride,” replied the
guest, carelessly, but at the same time
eyeing the landlord from head lo foot,
“and let me have miiho wine Hhine
will do.”
The* landlord win- unning’to withdraw
from the stranger 1 '- presence, when he
slopped and said:
“Which wav, meinimer, do vou tra
vel ?”
“ To Xeustadl,” replied the guest,
“ Vou will rest here to-night, f -op
pose?” continued the landlord.
“J will stay here for two or three
hours, but I must then be oil' so as to
reach my destination in the morning.—
1 am going there to pun-1.a.-e lumber for
the market.”
■ “And yon have con.-idernb.e m-mey
with you, no doubt?” milled the land
lord, innocently.
“Yes, considerable,” replied
sipping at his wine disinterestedly'.”
“Then, if you’ll take my advice,” said
the landlord, “you’ll stay here lill inurii
ing.”
‘‘.Why,” queried the -iraneer, looking
up curiously.
“Because,” whimpered the landlord,
looking around as if he was di-rio.-dog a
great secret, and was aliaid of being
heard by somebody else, “every man
wlio inis passed over the mail between
tills ami Xeustadt ut night for the last
ten years, has been robbed or murdered
under very singular circumstances.”
“What are tho singular circumstan
ces?” asked the stranger, putting down
his glass empty, and preparing to till it
again.
“ Why, yon see, the landlord went on,
while he approached the guest’s table
and took a seat, “I have spoken with
several who have been robbed, and all I
could learn from them is that they re
member meeting in the lonesome part of
the woou a something that looked white
and ghastly, and frightened their horses
so that they either ran away or threw
their riders ; alter that all was confusion
with them; they felt a choking sensation
and a smothering, and finally died us
they thought, but awoke in an hour or
so to find themselves lying by the road
side robbed of everything.
“Indeed!” ejaculated the stranger,
looking abstractedly at the rafters in the
ceiling, as though he was more intent
upon counting them than lie was inter
ested in the landlord’s story.
Tboimikeeperlookedat him in amaze
ment. Such perfect coolness ho had not
witnessed in a long time.
■‘You will remain then?” suggested
the landlord, after wailing some time for
his guest to speak.
“X,” cried the stranger, starting from
Ida fit of abstraction as though ho wore
not Mire Unit lie was the person address
ed : “Oli, most certainly not; I’m going
straight ahead} ghost or no ghost, to
night.”
Half an hour later the stranger and a
guide, called Wilhelm, were out on tho
road, going at a pretty round pace toward
Neusludt.
During a flash of lightning the stran
ger observed that his guide looked very
uneasy about something, and was slack
ing hla horse’s pace as though he Intend-
ed to drop behind. “ Lead on,” cried (ho
stranger ; “ don’t be afraid.”
“ I’m afraid I cannot,” replied the per
son addressed, continuing to hold back
his horse until he was now at least a
length behind his companion. “My
horse is cowardly, and becomes unman
ageable in a thunder storm. If you will
goon, though, I think I can make him
follow close enough to point out the
road.”
The stranger pulled up instantly. A
strange light gleamed in his eyes, while
Ids hand sought his breast-pocket, from
which he drew something. Tho guide
saw the movement and slopped also.
“ Guides should lead, not follow,” said
tiie stranger quietly, but with a firmness
which seemed to be exceedingly unpleas
ant to the person addressed.
41 But,” faltered the guide, ‘‘ my horse
won’t go."
“Won’t he?” queried the stranger,
with mock sincerity in his tone.
The guide hoard K sharp click, and saw
something A gleam in his companion’s
hand.
Ho no sooner reached his old position,
however, than the stranger saw him give
a sharp turn to the right, and then disap
pear, as though he had vanished through
tho.thick foliage of tho trees skirling tho
road.
The stranger dashed up to tho spot, and
saw that his guide had turned down a
narrow lane leading from the road into
the heart of the wood.
He heard the clatter of his horse as ho
galloped ofl*. Without waiting another
instant, he touched hia horse lightly with
the rein, gave him a prick with the row
els, and oil’ tho noble animal started like
tho wind in tho wake of tho Hying guide.
The stranger’s horse being much supe
rior to the other’s, tho race was a short
one, and terminated by the guide being
nearly thrown from his saddle by a heavy
hand ‘which was laid upon his bridle,
stopping him.
Ho turned upon his seal, beheld tho
stranger’s face, dark and frowning, and
trembled violently as he felt the smooth,
cold barrel of a pistol against Ills cheek.
“This cursed beast almost ran away
with me,” cried the guide, composing
himself as well as ho could under the cir
cumstances.
“Yes, I know,” said his companion
dryly ; “ hut mark my words, young man,
if your horse plays such a trick again,
lie'll be tho means of seriously injuring
his master’s health;”
They both turned and cantered back to
the road. When they readied it again,
and turned the heads of their animals in
the right direction, tho stranger said to
his guide, in a tone which must have
cunvluccU \»I? Ivonrur «u to lik oiimtmt
noss.
“Now, friend Wilhelm, 1 hope we un
derstand each other for the rest of the
journey. You are to continue on ahead
of me, in the right road, without swerv
ing either to the right or the loft. If I
see you doing anything auspicious* I will
drive a brace of bullets through you
without another word of notice. Now
push on.”
The guide stal led on as directed, but it
was evident, from his movement? and
his muttering, that he was alarmed at
something else beside the action of his
follower.
In the meantime the thunder had in
creased in its violence, and the dashes of
lightning had become more blinding. —
Kor about a mile the two horsemeri rode
on in silence, 1 he guide keeping up direc
tions to ihe letter, while his follower
watched his guide every moment as a cat
would watch a mouse.
Suddenly the guide stopped and looked
behind. As he did so he heard I lie click
of the stranger’s pudol, and siw his up
lifted arm.
“ Have mercy, ineinheer,” he groaned,
“ I dare not go on.”
“I give you three second* lo goon,”
replied tho stranger sternly. “ One !”
“In heaven’s name,” implored* tin l
guide, almost overpowered with fear,
“ look before mein the road and you will
not blame me.”
The stranger looked. At Hist ho saw
something white standing motionless in
tiie centre of the road, hut presently a
Hash of lightning lit up the scene, and
he saw that the white figure was, indeed,
ghastly and frightful enough looking to
chill tho blood in the being of the bravest
man. I f his blood chilled for a moment,
theieforPw It was not through any fear
that he felt for his ghostly interceptor,
for the next instant he set his teeth hard
while lie whispered between them just
loud enough lo he heard by Ids terny
slrickon guide :
“ Be it man or devil, ride it down ; I*ll
follow. Two!” *
With a cry of despair upon his Ups tho
guide urged his horse forward at the top
of his speed, quickly followe I by the
stranger, who held Ids pistol pm iv in Ids
hand.
In another second the guide would
have swept by the dread spot, bu' at that
i nslant the report of a pistol rung through
the 10l ost, and the stranger heard a hor-e
galloping ofT til rough the woods rider
less.
Binding himself alone, the stranger
raised his pistol, took deliberate aim at
the ghostly murderer, and pressed his
finger upon the trigger.
The apparation approached quickly,
but in no hostile attitude. The stranger
stayed his hand. At length the ghostad
drcsscil him in a voice that was anything
but sepulchral :
“ Here, Willie! m, yo mope, out of your
perch tin.- minute, and give a helping
hand. I’ve hit the game while on the
wing, haven't 1 ?”
The stranger was nonplussed for a mo
ment ; but recovering himself, he grum
bled something nnintellgible and leaped
to the ground. One word lo ills horse
and the braveauimal itood perfectly at!II.
By the snow-white trappings on the
would liL ghost he was next enabled lo
groupe his way in the dark toward that
individual whom lie found bending over
a dark mass about theslze of a man on the
road.
As tin* tiger pounces on his prey the
stranger leaped upon the stooping figure
before him, and horu him to the ground,
“ I arrest yon in (lie King’s name,”
cred the stranger, grasping the prisoner
by the throat, and holding him tight.—
“ Stir hand or foot until I have you pio
pcrly secured and I’ll send your soul to
eternity. *
Tlrs was such an unexpected turn of
affairs that the wonkl-ho ghost could not
believe his senses, and was hand-culled
and stripped of ids dagger and pistol be
fore he f./iind time to speak.
“ And you are not my son, Wilhelm?”
he gasped. ‘
“ Xo, landlord,” replied the individual
addressed; “I’m not; but an mlleor of
the king, at your service, on special duty
to do what 1 have to-nlghtaccomplished.
Your precious son Wilhelm, who thought
he was leading a sheep to the slaughter,
lies there in the road, killed by his fath
er’s hand.
Two weeks later, at Bruchsalo prison,
in Baden, (he landlord of the sign of the
Deer and Ghost Bobber of the Black
Forest paid the penalty of his crimes by
letting fall his head before the execution
er’s axe; since then traveling through
Switzerland has not been so perilous to
life and purse, nor has there been seen
any Ghostly Knight of the Hoad in that
section of the world.
Tun Best He Could Do.—An army
chaplain relates the following funny
story. Seeing a dirty faced butter-nut
urchin at the fence in front of a house,
the preacher stepped and said :
“ Is your father at home?”
“ No, lie’s gone to church,”
“ Is y«iur mother in ?”
“ Xo, she’s gone too.”
“ Then you are all by yourself?”
“ No, Sam’s in tliar huggin’ the nlggur
gal.”
“ That’s bad.”
“ Yes, it’s bad but it’s tho best he can
do.”
JSST* How would you measure your lov
ers sincerity ? By hla sighs.
VOL. 54.-
-NO. 3‘J.
now i <ia.hk to m: MAitinr.it.
It mny bo funny, but I’vo done it. I’ve
got a rib and a baby. Shadows departed
—oyster stews, brandy cocktails, cigars
boxes, bootjacks, absconding shirt but
tons, whistamL'emijohns. Shadows pre
sent —hoopskirts, band boxes, ribbons,
gaiters,-Song stockings, juvenile dresses,
tin trumpets, little willow chairs, cradles,
bibs, pap, sugar teats, paregoric, hive syr
up, castor oil, Godfrey’s cordial, soothing
syrup rhubarb, sena, salts, squill-, and
doctor hills. Shadows future-more pound
babies, more hive syrup, etc., eh*. I’ll
just toll 3*ou how I got caught. 1 was al
most thedarndest, most tea custard, bash
ful fellow you ever did see, it was kinder
in m3’ line to be taken with tno shakes
every time J saw a pretty gal approach
ing me, and I’d cross the street any time
rather than face one; 'twasn't because I
didn’t like the critters, for if I was be->
hind the fence looking through u knot
hole, I couldn’t look at one long enough.
Well, my sister Lib gave a party one
night, and I stayed awa3* from homo be
cause I was too bashful to face the music.
I hung around the house whistling “Old
Dan Tucker,” dancing to keep my feet
warm, watching the heads boh up and
down behind the window curtains, and
wishing the thundering party would
break up so I could get to 1113* room. I
smoked up a hunch of cigars* and us it
was getting late and might3* uncomforta
ble, I concluded to shin it up the door
post. No sooner said than done, and soon
put myself snug in bed.
“ Now,” says I, “let her rip! Dance
till your wind gives out!” And cuddling
under the quilts, Morpheus grabbed me.
I was dreaming of soft shell crabs and
stewed tripe, and was having a good
time, when somebod}* knocked at the
door and woke mo up. “Rap, rap, rap!”
Then I beard a whispering, and I knew
there was a whole raft of gals outside.—
“Rap, rap!” Then Lib sings out
"Jack, are 3*oll in there?”
“ Ves,” says I.
Then came a roar of laughter.
“ Let us In,” su3*s she.
“ 1 won’t,” says 1, “ can’t 3*oll let a fel
low alone ?”
“ Arc you a-bed?” says she
“ I am,” says I.
Then came another laugh.
By thunder! I began to get riled,
“Get out. you petticoated scarescruws!”
I cried ; “Can't you get a beau without
hauling a fellow out of bed ? I won’t go
home with you—l won’t— ho you may
clour out!”
And throwing a boot at tin* dooi, 1 fell
better. But presently, oh ! mortal but
tons! I heard a still, small voice, very
mool» 15U« hlhlov TJU'm. nml U uni.l •
“ Jack, you'll have to get up, for all the
girls’ things are in there!”
“ Oh, dear, what a pickle ! To think of
me in bed, all covered with shawls,
mulls, bonnetts and cloaks, ami twenty
girls outside the door, waiting'to get in !
If I had stopped to think I shod Id have pan
caked on the spot. As it was, I rolled out
among the bonetware and ribbons in a
hurry. Smash! went the millinery in
every direction. I hail to in the
dark—for there was a crack in tin* door,
and the girls will peep —and Ihe way I
fumbled about was death on straw hats.
The critical moment came. I opened the
door, and found myself right among the
women.
“Oil! my Leghorn I” erie* one. “My
dear, darling winter velvet!” cries anoth
er, and they pitched in—they pulled me
this way and that, boxed my ear- ; and
one bright-eyed little piece—Sal - - her
name was—put her arms right around
my neck, and kissed me right upon my
lips! Human nature couldn’t stand that,
and I gave her as good as she sent. It
was the first time I ever got a taste, and
it was powerful good. I believe I could
have kissed that gal from Julius Ciesar
to the Fourth of July.
“ Jack,” said she, “ we are sorry to dis
turb you, but won’t you hoc me home?”
“ Yes,” says I, ”1 will.”
I did do U, and hud another smack at
the yule, too. After that \vc took a kind
er turtle doving after each other, both of
us sinking like a barrel of new cider
wh n sve are away from each other.—
'Twas Jit the close of a glorious summer
day—the sun was setting behind a dis
tant henroost —the bull-Irogs were com
mencing their evening songs—the polly
wogs, in their native mud puddles, were
preparing themselves for the shades ot
night—and rial ami my seif sat up on an an
tiquated back-log, listening to the music
ol nature, such as tree toads, roosleisand
grunting pigs, now and then the
music ol a distant jackass was walled to
onr oars by the gentle zephyrs that sigh
ed among the mullen stalks, ami came
laden with delicious odor of lien roosts
amlpigstys. The lust lingering rays of
the selling sun, glancing Irom the hut
ton-. of a solitary horseman, shone
ihiough a knot-hole in a pig pen, lull in
.'hii's lace, dying her hair an orange peel
nfle, and showing oil my threadbare coal
to a bail advantage. One ol my anus was
around rial’s waist, my hand resting on
the small of her hack ; she was toying
with my auburn A>cks of jet black hue
she was almost gone, and I was ditto.—
rihe looked like a grasshopper dying with
the hiccups, and f fell tike a ehoaked
mud turtle.
“rial,” says i, in a voice a* musical as
Lite notes of a dying swan. “ Will you
have me?”
rihe turned her eyes heavenward, clapp
ed me by the hand, had an attack of the
heaves and blind sluggers, and with a
sigh that drew her shoestring to her pal
ate, said “ Yes.”
rihe gave clear out, then, and squatted
in my lap; she cork-screwed .and eur
llmiixed ami rolled in. f hugged her till
i broke my suspenders, ami lier breath
smell of onions she eat two weeks before.
Well, to make along story short, she
set the day, and we practiced for four
weeks every night, how we would walk
into the room to be married, till we got
so we could walk so graceful as a couple
of Mufcovy ducks. The night, the com
pany and the minister came, the signal
was given, and arm in arm, we marched
through the crowded hall. We were just
entering the pallor door when down I
went, kerslap, on the oil cloth, pulling
rial after me. riume cussed fellow hud
dropped a baimauu skin on the Hoot, and
it Poured me. It split an awful hole in
my cusimeres, right under my dress coat
tail. It was 100 late to back out; so clap
ping my hand over it, we marched m
ami were spliced—and, taking a seat, 1
watched the kissing the bride operation.
•My groomsman was tight, and he kissed
her nil I jumped up to take aalice; when,
oh, horror! a little six year old imp had
crawled behind me, and pulled my shirt
through the whole in my pants, and had
pinned it to the chair, ami in jumping up
1 displayed to the admiring gaze of the
astonished multitude a trille mure white
muslin than was pleasant. The women
giggled, the men roared, and I got mad,
but dually put to bed, ami there all my
troubles ended, (loud night.
Dancing tiiuiii Rags Off.— Two im
sophisticated country hisses visited Xi
blo’s, in New York, during the ballet sea
son. When the short-skirted, gossamer
clad nymphs made their appearance on
theatage they becamerestlessand fidgety.
“Oh, Annie!” exclaimed one, *otto
vocc.
“ Well, Mary ?”
“It ain’t nice—l don’t like it.”
“ Hush.”
“ I don’t care, it ain’t- nice; and I won
der wiry auntbrought us to such a place.”
“ Hush, Mary, the folks will laugh at
you.”
After one or two llinga and a pirouette
the blushing Alary said:
“ Oh, Annie, let’s go—it ain’t nice,ami
I don’t feel comfortable.”
“Do hush, Alary,” replied the sister,
whoso face was scarlet, though it wore
an air of determination: “it’s the first*,
time I ever was at a theatre, and I sup
pose it will be the last; so I am just go-?
ing to see it out, if they dance every rag
ofTthelr backs!”
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Advertisements should bo accompanied by- the
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uulll ordered out and charged accordingly.
Jon puinting.
Cards, irANnnrr.UM. Circulars, and every oth
er description til Jon and Card Printing cxectv
lod in tho neatest style, at lovy^prlccs.
v.ir,wi UAf « •ft o ««Mn«Ds
The Mo Churchill C. Cambrcllng told
me (says Mr. J. H. Hackett In the N. Y.
Leader) an anecdote of that eccentric and
then brother member of Congress—the
late David Crockett—who had a seat near
him in the House of Representatives—
Mr. Cambreling being from tho cit3*of
New York, and Mr. Crockett from Ten
nessee :
“ One da>* as I sat writing at m3* desk
during an interval of the session, Crock
ett asked mo how long I had been in
Congress; and, upon being informed
‘several years, 1 remarked, ‘You ought,
then, to write a prelt3* goon band by this
time,’.as though he thought my constant
practice there should have improved it.
Crockett continued: ‘Some people ob
ject to me because of m>* want of educa
tion and lamin' ginernlly. Now, some
people know too much. ” *
“Said I; ‘Oh, no! A man can't know
too much.'
“ Continued he: ‘ Yes, ho can ! 1 re
member a case in Tennessee by which 1
can prove it to you.
“ ‘Two farmers who lived not far apart
met one day on horseback, when one said
to the other: “ Who are you going to
vote for for sheriff*?” The other answer
ed : “John Robinson,” “What!” said
the questioner, “you going to vote for
him? Why, he’s such au ig.norn.nt cuss
hecan'tspell his given name, John ; nnd,
what’s worse, he is so stupid I would bet
ten dollars 3*ou couldn’t luru him to spell
it between now nnd to-morrow,noon.” 1
“‘The other remarked: “I would be
willing to take that bet anyhow.”—
“ Well,” said the proposer, “ I’ll stand
it !”
“ ‘Accordingly the bet was made, and
a public house a few miles distant was
agreed upon as the place of their meeting
at noon the next day for its decision, and
the neighbors parted.
“ ‘The one who had made bho bet In
favor of John’s ability proceeded straight
to the house of John Robinson, a few
miles oil*, and found him at home ; told
him of the conversation, and of his bet
on him; and inquired whether it was
true that lie hadn’t had edication enough
to spell “John.” John Robinson at once
owned up that he could not, that ho had
never been ten miles from that place
where he was born, and that no shooliu'
was to bo had anywhere about them ’ere
parts forloveof money'. “Nevermind,”
said he, “John, I’ll Inrn yon mighty
quick, and we’ll divide the winnings.—
The way to spell John is—J— O—H—N,’
which John readily repeated, and Insist
ed upon liis visitor's coming in and tak
ing some whiskey, which lie did freely,
«*ml t.iiu.wl rw«»- t 1,0 utV-.i ra of I ho onmit TV
till bed-lime, and at last was persuaded
to stop all night with John : both on ’em
being pretty tight.
“‘Next morning, at breakfast, on
John,s being asked to spell his name, he
did‘bo easily enough; but his friend
wan’t satisfied, and said, “ John, there
may be some crooked ketch after all In
such politics. There’s liine enough be
tween nowand noon, and If you area
mind to lara the whole alphabet, I’ll laru
you from first to Inst—that is. from A to
Izzard,” John agreed to be so high larnl,
and he before noon could say every letlei
from A to Izzard ; ami olf they starlet! on.
horseback for the place appointed, where
four or five of the neighbors had got to
gether on purpose to hear John Robin
sou, and judge whether ho was able to
spell his given name.
“ ‘ Five men we're appointed as judges,
the bet recited, and John wasasked if he
was ready to spell his name. John said,
“Try me!” And the judges said, “ 'Well,
spell John.”
“ ‘ So John began : “ J“—
All the judges looked at him, and
at one another, and then nodded and
‘-aid, “ Uiglu— next letter ?” “Ofsald
John.
■‘‘They all looked at one another as
long as if there was some doubt about the
letter, -but nodded at last and said,
•‘Right; now, next letter?”
“ * Said John, “ That’s FI.”
“ ‘ John's friend, seeing the judges, by
halting in giving a judgment after every
letter, had somewhat bothered him, cau
tioned him to keep cool till after the
judges had done looiing, anil had agreed
ami said “ Right.” Now for' the nexl
letter, when his friend assured him,
** John, we arc ail right now but the lasf
Idler don’t forget.” John hesitated,
and thinking he meant the last letter of
the alphabet, which lie had just learned,
bellowed out, “ Iz/.ard, by thunder !” and
lost the bet.
“ ‘ Xow, if his friend who made the bet
had only been satisfied with giving John
learning enough to spell John, he would
have won it. And just ao it is, nowa
days, with some people—they know too
much for their own good. There’s John
Quincy Adams, now. He’s so high larnt
he often gets so confused ho can’t tell a
B foroin a bumblebee’ !”
.1 TAIILAW IN tUKEi; ACKK.
nv josh nn.i.ixos.
Agk Fust—Knter a lap dorg carrying u
hoarding school miss in her arms, about
111 hands high. It makes the dorg puff
—the dorg lays down the boarding skool
miss, and orders mint juleks for two,
with the usual suckslum. The UoTg be
gins tew 1011, the boarding skool miss tells
him “tew dry up,” (in French,) and the
dorg says “ ho be darned if ho will,” (in
dorg,) great seusasbuu among the aw
j:\nce, with cries of “ pul him out!” Fi
nally a compromise is affected, the board
ingskool miss kisses the dorg with tears
in her eyes. Konklusion— Lap dorg dis
covers a wicked lice at work on his tail
pursoos him round ami round they go
—dorg a little ahead—somebody hollars
“mad dog!”—boarding school miss
faints standing—the kurtin drops.
Ack number 2—Curtin rises slowly
big bolona sarsage on the table—bolonu
sarsage lifts up her head ami begins tew
bark—hand plays “ Old Dorg Tray.” Kat
cums in—kat’s tale begins tew swell
bolona sarsage and kat lias a file. They
iked 14 rounds—the stage is covered with
kata ami dorga. Konklusion—tha all
jine hands am! walk tew the footlights,
an old Bull Turner reads the President’s
rail for “ (100,000 more”—band plays “ (h«
in LeivumV’ —a bell rings and kurtin
wills.
Ack number 11—A scene on the Krh*
Kunall—a terrible storm rages—the Ita
lian acts bad—several boats go down head
fust with awl their boarders on board—
kant make a lee shore—tha drag their
ankers—some uv them have the best luck
at swearing—the water is stewed with
pots and kittles—several cook nmtesswim
ashore with their stoves in their teeth—
they hev to drawoff the katmll to stop
the storm. Konklusion men are seen
along the banks of the kunall spearing
deudliosscs and eels—band plays “A life
on the Oshun Waive.” Amid tremen
jus applause the kurtin falls, and the aw
jenco disperse, single file.
Wanted. —A bride who is willing to
commence housekeeping in the- same
stylo in which her parents began.
Twenty fashionable young ladles who
daro to bo seen wielding a dust-brush, or
darning their brothers' stockings, If a
gentleman should happen to make an
early call.
Ten ihdopondentyoungladiesof “ good
families,” 'Hio daro to wear their last
winter’s bonnets to church on a fine
Sunday.
Fifteen young ladies of sufficient ago
to go into company, who dare confess
they ever made a loaf of bread or a pud
ding.
figy Don’t rely upon friends. Don.t
rely upon the name of our ancestors.—
Thousands have spent the .prime of life,
in the vain hope of those whom they
called friends ; and thousands have starv
ed because they have a rich father. Rely
upon the good name which ia made by
your own exertion ; and know that bettor
•!lhau tiie best friend you can have Is un
questionable determination united with
decision of character.