american Volunteer. • j»UOLIBHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING BY BHATTON 4» KENNEDY. OF UAttKEI! SQUARE. Xsrbs:— Tw6 Dolloraper year If paid strictly lu advance ;Two DoUars and Fifty Cents if paid three months ; after -which Three Dollars will be charged. .; These terms will bo rigidly ad* ucred to In every instance. No subscription dU continned until all arrearages ore paid, unless at IUo option Of tho Editor. fjtofeasltmal fflartis. iOHN. O.GEAHAM, Attorney at LAV. Office formerly occupied by Judge ■ham. South Hanover street, Carlisle, Penna. poo. 1, 1805-ly. -- . MO. HERMAN, Attorney at Law. Office In Bheem’s Hall Building, in the nfthe Court House, next door to the “Her- Jdd r ‘Office. Carlisle, Penna, 1)00.1, isfe, ■ . £M W EAKLEY, Attorney at Law. Office on South Hanover street, in the room merly occupied by A B. Sharpe. Esq. OHAS. e: MAGLAUGHLIN, attor ney at Lav. Office In Building formerly occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han non’s Hotel. Deo. X. 1805. , . aM. BELTZHOOVER, Attorney . at Law and Real Estate Agent. Shopherds town, West Virginia. Prompt attention given to all business In Joflbraon county and the Counties adjoining It, Feb. 15, XBoo—ly. ' WM. J. SHEARER, Attorney &o. AT LAV. Carlisle. Pa. Office near Court House, South side of Publio Square, in " Inhofl’s Comer,” second floor. Entrance, Hanover Street. &S~ Practicing in all the Courts of this Judicial District, prompt attention will bo given to all business in the Counties of Perry ana Juniata, as well as olUnmberlond. May 24,18Q0-4y*, SF. SADLER, Attorney at Law, - Corllslo, Pcnna. Office !n. Building for occupied by Volunteer, South Hanover * Deo. 1,1865 v TTT KENNEDY ATTORNEY AT VV • Carlisle, Penna. Offlce same as that ol the "American volunteer,” South side of the Pub lic Square. Deo. 1. 1805. JOHN LEE, Attorney at Law, North Hanover Street. Carlisle, Fa., . Fob. 16,1860—ly. TAMES A. DUNBAR, Attorney at • I law. Carlisle, Penna. Office a few doors West of Hannon’s Hotel. Deo. 1,1805. EE. BELTZHOOVER, Attorney , and Counskixjb at Law, Carlisle, Penna. ce on South Hanover street, opposite Bentz’s Store. By special arrangement with the Patent Office, attends to securing Patent Rights. Doc. 1,1805. WM. B. BUTLER, Attorney at Law, Carlisle, Penna. Office with Wm. J, Shearer, Esq. Deo. 1,1805—ly. E .NEWTON SHORT. M, D., Physl # clan and' Burgeon, Meohanlcsburg, Pa.— nkfai lor past favors, would most respectful ly inform his friends and the public generally, that ho is still practicing Medicine ana Surgery In all their branches. Special attention given to the treatment of diseases of tho Eye and Bar, ana all other chronic affections. Offlce in Wilson’s Building, Main St., up stairs. Nov. 20,1800. ER. GEORGE S. SEARIGHT, Den tist, From the Baltimore Colicne of Dental •cry. Offlce at tho residence of his mother, East Louthor Street, three doors below Bedford, Carlisle, Penna, Deo. 1,1805. r\ENTIBTRY~Dr. W.B. Shoemaker- I j Practical Dentist. NewvlUo, Pennsylvania. Office in Miller’s Building. . Feb. 22,1806.—1 y. Jrnsurance (Companies. gPECIAL INSURANCE. AGENCY 1 Over 825,000,000 or Capital Bepreskntiid, Home, Metropolitan, Manhattan, Artie, Secu rity, North American, Germania, all of New York. Aetna and Phomix of Hartford,Conn.; North American of Philadelphia, Pa.; Farmers Mutual of York, Fa.; Columoia Mutual of Lan caster, Ponu’a. Tho mom element to be desired in Insurance Companies-Is SECURITY. < If wealth, experience, intelligence and probity exist, perpetuity and honorable dealing will be Ukely to ensue. Insurance creates independence.. A person pays for his own iadcmmty r aud need not be a tax cm his friends. • ... • • Ever 1 ’ man should insure; the Dnmioff-«*’ whose property would injure or Inconvenience hlmsell, his family, or his neighbors. Insurance effected at this ugeucy, no mattei how large tho amount, In either stock or Mutual Companies. Policies issued, losses adjusted and promptly paid at this office. SAMUEL K. HUMRIUH, i special Insurance Agent. Offlce In Marlon Hall Bunding, WestMamotreot, Carlisle,or to tho following local agents; J. L. Ferree. Newvllle; Johu H. Shuler, Now Bloom field, Perry County, Pa.; or A. H. Woldman, Mlffllntown, Juniata County, Pa. Jan. 8,1807—0 m Mutual life insurance co. OF NEW YORK. CASH ASSETS $15,000,000. This Is strictly and entirely a Mutual Company. It makeslts dividends annually and pays tnem at the end of each and every year. Its assets ore, not diluted, nor Its strength woekoned by any. doubtful premium notes or stockholders notes.— Doubtful securities llnd no place in its list ol cosh assets. It charges.its policy holders no in*, terest. and furnishes insurance at exact coat, . Twenty-four years ol stroight forward, honora ble dealing, has made Us name the synonym ol strength among business men, and Is to-day the LEADING LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY of this continent. Possessing the largest assets, the largest amount insured, the largest income and the largest surplus over.llablUtiea, as shown by the official reports of the insurance Depart ment of. New YorK r and wmoh wIU be shown to any persons wishing to determine for tbomkulves the true condition and standing of different com? ponies by applying hdmmoh; OfflceNo.a) Weal Main St,, CorUßlo. Jan. 8,1807—0 m • $2OO EEWABD i_ PENNSYLVANIA MTTTTtA r. HbBSB THIEF DETECTING AND INSURANCE COMPANY. From three to five dollars will Insure your horse against thieves for live years. • Persons desiring to become members will apply to SAM’L H. HUMBXOH, special Agent . Office 20 West Main SU, Carlisle., .Jon. 8,1807—0 m TTIHE RAILWAY PASSENGERS AS- L SURANOE COMPANY, of Hartford, Conn.,. Insures against all kinds of Accidents. CAPITAL $804,800. For five thousand dollars in case of fatal acci dent, or $26 Weekly Compensation In case oi disabling bodily Injury, at 26 cents per day. *or «al9 at SAMUEL K. HTOIRICH'S Office No. 20 West Main St, Carlisle. . Jon. 8,1807 flm . -TUBE INSURANCE, ALLEN AND EAST PENNSBORO’ MU* TUAiFIKBINBUBANOBCOMPANY, of Cum bestand county, incorporated by an act of Ab- Bembly. in the year 1843, andhavingrooentlyhad its charter extended to the year UB3, Is now in active And vigorous operation under the super* totendeSwi'oithe following Board of Managers: Wm. R. Gorges, Christian Blayman, Jacob Eb erly, Daniel Bailey, Alexander Oathcait. JaGob H. coover, John Eichelberger, Joseph Samuel E&erly, Rudolph Martin, Moses Bricker, J Them«rom B ™L D a«Slowa^^ os any Company of the kind in the-State. Per* b °Vlce pSsltonfc-Oniui. has Stayuan, Carlisle, Secretary—John 0. 'Meohafficsburg, Treasurer—Daniel Bailey, DUlshurg, York Co. agents. ■ Cumberland C^n^^onn^Brrlck.^etKUcn- Sr Zearlng, Shlremanstawn; Lafayette iokinson; Henry Bowman, Uiurchtown, Mode Griffith. South Middleton; Samuel Giaham W. Pennsboro’; Barnaul Coover, M 0 L W. Ckwklin, Shepherds town; D, Coover, Uppof laien- J. o! Saxton* Silver. Spring:.John JfJje** Carlislet VolentlneVeeman,New Cumberland, James MoCandlish, NewviUe. _ York-- Cbuniw—W. B. Picking, Dover, James Griffith. Warrington: T.Pa Deortorff, washing* ton: Klohey Claris, DUlsbarg; D, Rutter, Fair-, view • John Williams. Carroll, _ 1 to expire, oah have them renewetiTby mating ap* nUoauon to any -of the agents*.' - * Deo. 1.1866 rpHE MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE ■ X. COMPANY OP NEW YORK.—" The leading rf?o Inaaranoe Association of this Continent." -- «on Ellzur Wright, Insurance Commissioner ol cSsb AESou ovor »17 009 009. AppUoatlona eouolted and blantafmnlsheJ 00DBURN< Agent, TTohmi Botlom, Deo. 20.1803—8m* . ' . PLAIN AND tfANOY JOB PRINT £, IRQ neatly exwated at the shortest notice. tl i JL j Rateg for '> S B ill# lift |J|J|/ %?■ IrVMktl' ■ WjV Ve- ’'SSSESSSSS I V. specified fmpnbUe*«on,thsrwm M«»un*d S ■ , , - tmtil ordered ont and charged neoordlngly. 3 BY BRATTON & KENNEDY. 4£eal 3E»tate. "p.EAL ESTATE FOR SALEH W. J. SHEARER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, AND AGENT FOR THE SALE OF„ Cumberland Co. Real Estate, OFFERS THE FOLLOWING VALUABLE REAL ESTATE FOB SALE AT REASONABLE PRICES IN THE BOROUGH OF CARLISLE. No. 1. A largo and commodious BRICK DWEL LING HOUSE. In North College Street, With Gas, Water, Water Closet and other modern improve ments, together with about I AGEE of GROUND attached—one of tho finest sites for a Cottage res idence in the Borough. The parlor windows of this dwelling command a pleasant view of Dick inson College grounds. No. 2. The delightful Suburban resldenoe'Ol. Mr. Benedict Law,,in Sqnth Hanover Street, with Us ample veranda, fine Fruit, Garden and exten sive grounds, embracing an Acre of town Lots. No7B. A Now and Well Built’TWO-STORY BRICK HOUSE, wltU Two-story Bock Building, containing In all Seven Pleasant Xlooraß.tqgetber with NEW FRAME STABLE. CARRIAGE HOUSE and other oat-hulldlegs: situate on East side South Hanover Street. This Lot, on which there Is some very Choice Fruit, contains 42 feet In front by 220 feet in depth. No. 4. SIX of tho finest BUILDING LOTS In tho Borough, on South Hanover Street. No. 6. The six most elevated BUILDING LOTS in tho Borough, situated at tho head oi South St. IN TUB COUNTRY. N0..0. A 00 ACRE FARM In North Middleton township. Ilf miles from Carlisle. This farm has but a TENANT HOUSE and STABLE, but it af fords tho finest site for a Mansion House and Bank Bam that we know in Cumberland 00. No. 7. A TRACT OP THIRTY-SIX ACRES, with small but comfortable BRICK DWELLING HOUSE, Frame Stable, Ac., and a young and thriving Orchard oi CHOICE FRUIT, situate on the Railroad, inNorth Middleton twp., West, and within a mile ofi the Borough of Carlisle; This properly as a HOMESTEAD and for general or Truck Farming, is the most desirable tract of its size to bo found anywhere-In thb vicinity of Carlisle. • The certain extension of tho town West ward, partly consequent upon the Improve ments made and contemplated by the Railroad Company In that direction, drawing, as they necessarily will, nearly tho whole trade of tho town to that end, will very greatly enhance the value of this land to the future owner, for any purpose whatever, rendering It a safe and profit able Investment. Fob. 28,1800. jfutniture, &c- B. EWING, A. CABINET MAKER AND UNDERTAKER, WEST MAIN STREET, CARLISLE, PENN’A. A Splnfdid Assortment of NEW FURNITURE for tho Holidays, comprising Sofas, Camp Stools, Lounges, Centre Tables, Rocking Chairs, . Dining Tables, Easy Chairs, Card Tables, Reception Chairs, Ottomans, Bureaus, What-Nots, Secretaries, . &0., Ao.,'* Parlor, Chamber, Dining Room, kitchen FURNITURE, of tho Latest Styles. COTTAGE FURNITURE IN SETTS, Splendid New Patterns. BEDSTEADS AND MATTRESSES, GILT FRAMES AND PICTURES, in great variety. Particular attention glvon.to Funerals. Orders from town and country attended to promptly and on reasonable terms,. Ucc. 43, Q ABINET WAREHOUSE TOWN AND COUNTRY. The subscriber respectfully Informs his friends and the public generally, that ho still continues the Undertaking business, and is ready to wait upuu customers either by day or by night. Beady mode Coffins, kept constantly on hand, both &lain and ornamental. He has constantly on. and Fisk's Patent Mctalio Burial Case; of which he has been appointed the sole agent. This case •Is recommended as superior to any of the kind now In use, it being perfectly airtight. He has also furnished himself with a now Rose wood TTniAwan and gentle horses, with which he will attend funerals In town and country, per sonally, without extra charge. , ‘ Among the greatest discoveries of the ago is Well's Spring MaUrass, the best and cheapest bed now in use, the exclusive right of which I have secured,' and will be kept constantly on band. CABINET MAKING, ' In all Its various branches, carried on, and Bean reaus, Secretaries, Work-stands, Parlor Ware, Upholstered Chairs, Sods, Pier, Side and Centro Tables. Dining and Breakfast Tables, Wash stands of all.kmds, French Bedsteads, high and low posts; Jenny Lind and Cottage Bedsteads, Choirs of all kinds, Looking Glosses, and oil other articles usually manufactured In this line of business, kept constantly on hand. ttir workmen are men of experience, hla ma terial the best, and his work made In the latest city style, and all under his own supervision. It wlu be warranted and sold low for cash. He Invites all to give him a call before purchas ing elsewhere. For the - liberal PO-trmmß® _ here tofire extended, to him. ho feels indebted to his numerous customers, and assures them that no efforts will be spared in future to please, them In stylo and prlcof Give us a call, - Remember the place, North Hanover street, nearly opposite the Deposit Banl^CarUale,^p^ Dec. 1,1805. n ABINBT MAKING! - TChe undersigned respectfully informs his old friends and patrons that ho nos resumed the business of .CABINET MAKING, in all its various branches, at his old stand, Nos. 55 and 67 South Hanovbr Street, two doors below the Second Presbyterian Church, where he is prepared to manufacture.. BUREAUS. SIDE BOARDS, SECRETARIES, BREAKFAST TABLES, DINING- TABLES, CHAIRS. , HAT-RACKS, ' , \ WHAT-NOTS, „ CENTRE TABLES, SALOON TABLES, TEAPOY TABLES, WASH STANDS,. BEDSTEADS, ; BOOK OASES, . WARDROBES, Ac. and COTTAGE FURNITURE, of every variety, Looking Glasses, • Sofas, Rooking Chairs, and Upholstered and Cane Chairs, of ail kinds kept constantly on hand. CANING, REPAIRING AND VARNISHING, done on short" notice and at reasonable rates. - 4®-COUNTBY PRODUCE TAKEN IN EXCHANGE, JOHN LISZMAN. Feb. 14,1807—8 m TTENRY G. BEIDEER, . ZIbENSED A UCTIONEEB, EEBBVILLE-, CtJMßKitiiANi) County, Penn’a. Will attend promptly to the calling of sales, at the lowest rates. .An experience of several years,. 'warrants him in guaranteeing satisfaction, In every case. Residence near Diner's Bridge, West/, Fennsborough township,- Jan. 3,1887 —6m , gELLING OUT 1 BELLING OUT I I MBS. M. BROWN. No. 07 West Lo\Uher Sh-eet, rllsle, desires to sell her stock consisting of Em broideries, Stamped and Fancy Goods; also La dles and ChUdren’s ready made Clothing. As I Intend removing from this place I will also sell my stock of Patterns, comprising a great variety of Braid ohd Embroidery Patterns; also Mottoes, Names, and of every description,. Feb. 21,1837—at . - »* TjIMPIBE SHUTTLE SEMINO MA IIiOHIHBS are superior to all other for PAMI USaNDMANUFACTURINGPURPOSES. Con tain alt the latest : lmprovements!-are speedy.; nolsless; durable: and easy to work. . "Dusterated- Circulars, free.. Agents wantod,-. ' Liberal discount ' allowed.". No consignments Address, EMPIRE S. M. 00.. Broadway, pH N. Y July 29,1869—ly .. , • SriHE BEST PLACE-TO BUY Boots, .Shoes, Hats, Caps; Under Shirts "Drawers, en and Boys afoves, ic., Is at PLAjtK’S Boot, Shoe, Hat and Cap Ware Room, S. W. corner of North Hanover Street and LnoustAlloy.mldway between Thadlum’s and Wetzel's Hotels, Carlisle Nev. 19,1896—0 m SPECIAL NOTlCE.—Evoryuerßon who Is In the want of Boots, Shoes. Hats and js, &o„-Should call at the dates Boom_ofß. PLAtIK, and learn prices. B. W. Corner of North Locust Alley, Carlisle, Sirs JJARGAINSI BARGAINSII "" AT NO. 18. GRtiA T BED UCTION IK BEIGES ! ‘ WHAT EVERYBODY WAN^S S. C. BROWN’S NEW DRY GOODS STORE! GOODS ARE REDUCED FROM 10 to 20 per Cent.' • In consideration of tho great docllftb, tho un dersigned Is now offering tho greatest Induce ments offered in tho county. Ho is soiling best Prints at 20 cts., Best lyd. wide Bro. Muslin at 24 eta., yd. best Cot Table Diaper at 63 cts., 1 yd. best Tick at 65 cts. DRESS GOODS! American Delaines at 30 cts., Lustres, Alpaccas all colors, Coborgs all col’s. 8 to 0 quars. wide, Wool DolaincsS to 6 quarters wide, from 00 to gl 00, ' 88 Inch French Merluoes, host makes 8125. , MEN’S WEAR! MEN’S WEAR!! Broadcloths, very cheap, All Wool Casslracrea from 8100 upwards, Sattlnots, Jeans, &0., Ac. A full lino of y» Notions, Hosiery, Gloves, - Shawls, . &c. t &c. Call and pco for yourselves. Remember the place, S. 0. BROWN. No. 18 West Main St.. Carlisle. Nov. 29,' 1800. .JgARGAINSI BARGAINS I! SELLING off at cost AND NO MISTAKE I •I am selling off my entire stock of Dry Goods AT COST, consisting of French, Plaid and Plain Poplins, all wool Repps., French, and English Merihoes of the rnost beautlfal colors, all wool and American Delaines, Cashmeres, Black and Colored Alpaccas, LADIES' CLOAKING AND SHAWLS, Shirting and other Flannels, Canton Flannels, Checks, Ginghams. Tickings, Table Linen, La* dies’ Vests and Under Ware of every description, With a large assortment of Mieses and Infants Me* rlno under Vests of every size, Calicoes, Muslins, Balmoral Hoop Skirts, «to., <£c.« Also, a large assortment of Gentlemen's Wear, Cloths, • Casslmeres. Sattlnets, * ‘ • Jeans, Shirting, Flannels, Ac., &c., all of which must bo sold of coat until the entire ,stock Is sold. My goods have all boon bought— some at the lowest auction prices, the remainder at tho lowest wholesale prices at the New York and Philadelphia markets. WM. A. MILES, North Hanover Street, next door to Miller & Bowers’ (formerly John P. Lyon’s) Hardware Store. Remember the number—32 North Hano ver, Sign of the Yellow Fannel, Nov. £2,1800. QREAT EXCITEMENT BOILING SPRINGS SINOte SAWYER & HURD lIA.YE OPENED UP THEIR NEW STOCK OF FALL AND WINTER GOolbsi and Office SAWYER & HURD are now prepared to pre sent to the public a magnificent assortment of Dry Goods, Grocorfes, Queensware, Hardware, Hats, Caps, Boots and Shoes. SAWYER & HURD respectfully Invite the especial attention ot the ladles to .their elegant assortment of DRESS GOODS, containing the latest styles and kinds of goods selling In the Now York and Philadelphia mar kets, Dress Silks, in varieties of colors and styles, WOOLEN DRESS GOODS mantle Delaines, Figured ana Plain Reps and other cheap goods. SAWYER «fc HURD Invito the attention of the ladies to their beautlfulstock of DRESS. SHAWLS in every color and stylo. * We also Invite the special attention of the gentlemen to our select stock of FRENCH, ENGLISH AND AMERICAN Cloths, - Casslmorcs, Over Coatings, •- Cheap Casslmeres, SaUinota, Jeans, Ac. A FIBST CLASS TAILOR whose reputation Is wide spread, will make up at short notice in the best stylo, any of the above goods. All klndsofnotions, undershirts,Draw ers, Gloves, Hanover Buck Gloves, Ties, Hose, Ac. SAWYER A HURD request housekeepers to ex amine their well selected stock of Oil Cloths, Shades, .Blankets, Ac. AH the various kinds of DOMESTIC GOODS, kept In immense supplies. Flannels, Ticks, Cali coes, Shirtings, Sheetings, Table Diapers, and all kinds of White Goods, % BALMORAL AND HOOP SKIRTS, beat and cheapest in the county. In fact every thing to Induce purchasers to give us a call. SSr Highest market pi ices paid for all kinds of forget the place and well known stand formerly kept by A. M. Leldloh, Esq.., Bolling •jq'EW STORE! R I N G’S NEW DRY G’OODS STORE, MAIN STREET, .Opposite the Mansion House, Having routed tire Store formerly occupied by Mr. Win. A. Miles, the undersigned Invites the attention of the ladles of Carlisle and Its vicinity to bis WELL SELECTED STOStK.of DRYGOODS, DRESS TRIMMINGS, AND NOTIONS, Just received from the Eastern Cities. By strict attention, to business, and a careful study of tho wonts and tastes of his customers, he hopes to obtain a share of the public patron age. J. G. H. RING. Special attention given to DRESS TRIM MINGS. • Nov. B,IBGO-17 A ■ w. BE NX 55 HAS NOW RECEIVED a complete assortment of CHOICE- GOODS and is prepared to sell them at tho lowest CASH PRICES. Having heretofore dispensed with the sale of Colored suits I am now prepared to exhibits hSsSbdhSdaome supply ofaUlsbodes and col ors: Prices wIU be very moderate and satlsflioto -rJAs the winter season is closing out I pnrpose selling my Woolen Dross Goods and Shawls at COflK X aavo received. aa Immense stock of Spring Prints, Ginghams, Checks, Tickings, Flannels, and all qualities of Bleached- and Unbleached Cottons. H I have also for. sale tho new style Im perlol and Champion Trail Bkirta- . • CARPETS! CARPETS I I have resumed tblsbranch of my* line. Having. purchased a large and handsome all kinds, I shaH sell them at very satisfactory prices. My stock consists of Tapßrusselfl, • Fine Carpet, - . Wool and Worsted Cottage Stripe, List and He mp, 5 Cocoa Hatting/ OU Cloths, Druggets, &C. ' . ' ', H. B. Do not forget to call, -Goods will be sold at COST, ond great bargains may ho expected. A.W.DEKTZ, ' JVo. W South jHhiiotw BtrteL reb.ai.lBW. ■ ■ Zephyr Hoods, ,NEW<QOODSI Next door to the Post Office. CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH, 7,1867. THE CHESS BOARD. BY OWEN UERBBITH My little love, do you remember, Ere wo wore grown so sadly wise. Those evenings In tho bleak December, Curtain’d warm from the snowy weather, When yon and I played chess together, Checkmated by each other’s eyes? AhT'fctlll i see your soft white hand Hovering warm o’er queen and knight, Bravo paws In vlllant battle stand, . The doable castles guard the wings, Tho bishop, bent on distant things, Moves sliding through the fight. Our fingers touch, our glances moot And falter; falls your golden hair ’ “ Against my cheek; your bosom sweet Is heaving. Down tho field your queen Rides slow, her soldlery.botween, And checks me unaware. Ah me I tho little battle’s dohe; Dispersed is all its chivalry. Full many a move since then, have wo, . ’Mid life’s perplexing checkers made, And many a game with Fortune played— What is it we have won 7 This, this at leasts—lf this nlono— That never, never, nevermore, As in those old still nights of yore, ‘(Ere wo were grown so sadly "Wise,) Can yoa and I shut oat the skies, Shut out the world and wintry weather, And, eyes exchange warmth with eyes, Play chess, as then wo played, together I fitioNaltaittoto. THE THIKP CHOICE. 1 Is she dead, then ?' 1 Yes, madam,’ replied the gentleman in a brown coat and short breeches. 1 And her will ?.’ 1 Is going to be opened here immediate ly by her solicitor/ 1 Shall we inherit anything?’ *lb must be supposed so; we have a claim.’ 1 Who is that miserably dressed person who Intrudes herself here ?’ 1 Oh, she,’ said the little man, sneering ly, ‘ she won’t have much in the will.— She Is a sister to the deceased.’ ’ 1 What, that Anno, who wedded a man of nothing, an officer ?’ • Precisely so.’ ‘She must have no small amount of impudence to present herself here, before a respectable family.' ;Tne more as'sister Egerle, of noble birth,, has never forgiven her that mesal liance,' Anne moved this time across the room in which the family of the deceased were assembled. She was pale, her fllie black eyes were filled with precocious wrinkles. ‘What do yon come here for?’ said, with great haughtiness, Madame do Vll loboys, the lady who, a'momont before,; had been' interrogating the little man who Inherited with her. ‘ Madam.’ the poor lady replied, with ; humility, ‘ I do not come here to claim a part of what does not belong to me; I come solely to see M. Dubois, my sister’s -solicitor, to Inquire If jjhe spoke of me in her last hours.’ •What! do you think people busy them selves about you?’ arrogantly observed Madame de Vllleboys; 1 the disgrace of a great house —you wedded a man of noth ing ;'a soldier of Bonaparte’s.’ ‘ Madam, my husband, though a child of the people, was a brave soldier, and, what is better, an honest man,’ said An ne, . At this momenta venerable personage, ■ Of.-voppoariUico. ‘Cease,’ saidue, 1 to*"reproaon ’Anne* with a marriage which her sister has long since forgiven her.**. She loved a brave, generous and good man, who had no oth er crime to reproach himself with than his poverty, and obscurity of his name.— Nevertheless, had he lived, If his family had known him as well as I knew him, I, his old friend Anne would be at this time happy and respected.’ 1 But why is this woman here ?’. .’ Because it is her place to be here,’ said the notary gravely: ‘I, myself, have requested her to attend.’ M. Dubois then proceeded* to open the will— ■ „ ‘ I being sound in mind and heart Ege rlo de Dameniug, retired as a boarder in the Conventof the Sacred Heart of Jesus, dictate the following -wishes as the ex pression of my formal desire and princi pal clause of my testament 4 After my decease there jwill be found two hundred thousand francs in money at my notary’s, besides jewelry, clothing and furniture, as also a chateau worth two hundred thousand francs. ‘ In the convent where I have been re siding there will only be found my book, Heures de la Vierge, holy volume, which remains as it was when I took it with me at the time of the emigration. X desire that these, three objects be divided into three lots ‘ The first lot, the. two hundred thdti sand'&ancs. ■ The second lot,, the chateau, furniture and jewels. , ‘ The third lot, my book, Heures de la Vierge. 1 1 have pardoned my sister Anne the grief she has caused to us, and I would have comforted her In «her sorrows if I had known sooner of her return to France. I compromise her In my will. * Madame lie Vllleboye, my dear cous in, shall have the first choice. ‘M. Vatry, my brother-lu-law, shall have the second choice. • Annie will take the remaining lot.’ 1 Ah 1’ said Vatry,. ‘ sister Bge'ne was a good one; that Is rather clever on her P,a,I Aune will only have the prayer'book,’ exclaimed Madame de Villeboys, laugh ing. The notary interrupted her. ‘ Madame, he said, 1 ‘which lot do you choose?’ , , „ , , . ‘ The two hundred thousand francs In money.’ ■ , ‘Have you fully made up your mind?’ •Perfectly.’ , The man of law, addressing himself to the good feelings of the lady, said— ‘You are rich, and Anne has nothing. Could you not leave this lot, and take the book of prayers, which the eccentricity, of the deceased has placed on a par with the other lots?’ ‘You must be joking. M. Dubois?’ ex claimed Modamede Villeboys; ‘youmust really be very dull not to see the Inten tion of sister Egerle In all this. ' Our hpn ored cousin foresaw well that her book of I prayers would fall to the lot of Anne, 1 who has the last choice.* ‘ I conclude that she means to intimate to her aiater that repentance and prayer were the only help she had to expect In this world.’ As she finished these words Madprae de Villeboys made a definite selection of the ready money for her share. M. Va try, as may be easily imagined, selected the chateau, furniture and jewels,- for his share. ‘Monsieur Vatry,’ said M. Dubois to that gentleman, ‘ even supposing It bad' been the Intention of the deceased to pun-. Ish her sister, It -would be noble on your part, millionaire as yon are, to give up a portion of yours to Anne, who wonts it so much.’ ‘Thanks for'your advice,'dear sir,’ re plied Vatry. . , ‘The mansion Is situated on the very confines of my woods, and suite me ad mirably? all the more so that it is already furnished. As to the jewels offelster Ege rle, they are reminiscences which she ought never to part with.’ ‘ Since It is so,’ said the notaiy, my poor Madame Anne, here lathe prayer book, that remains to you.’ ' Anne attended by her son, a handsome boy, with blue eyes, toother sister’s old prayer book, and making him kiss It af ter nor, she said— - ■ 1 Hector, kiss that book, which belong ed to your aunt, who is dead, but who would have laved you well had she known you. When you have learned to road you will pray to Heaven to make you wise and good,.as your father woe, and happier than your unfortunate mother.’ The eyes of those who were present were filled with tears, notwithstanding their efforts to preserve an appearance of indifference. The child embraced the old prayer book with boyish fervor, and opening it, ex claimed— • 6 mamma 1 look what pretty pictures! ’ 1 Indeed!’ said the mother, happy in the gladness of her boy. ‘Yes; tho good Virgin with a red dress, 'bolding the Infant in her arms. But why, mamma, hassilk paper been put up onpthe picture?’ • ‘Bo that they might not be injured, my dear.’ ‘ (But, mamma why are there ten silk paters to each engraving?’ - ■ The mother looked, and uttering a sud den shriek, she fell into the arms of tho notary who, addressing those present, said— 1 Leave her alone, it won’t be much; people don’t die of’these shocks.. As for you, little one, addressing Hector, give me that prayer book; you will tear the engravings.’ The Inheritors making va "Hous conjectures os to the cause of An ne’s sudden illness, and the interest which the notary took in her. A month after wards they met Anne and her son ex ceedingly well, not extravagantly dress ed, taking an airing in a two horse char iot. This led them to make inquiries, and they learned that Madame Anne had recently purchased a mansion for one hundred thousand ifranos and was giving a first rate education to her son. The news came like a thunderbolt upon them. Madame de Vlllebojs and Vatry hasten ed to the notary for explanation. The good-Dubois was working at his desk. ‘ Perhaps we are dssturbing you;’ said the arrogant lady. *No matter;’ I was just settling a pur chase in the state fund for Madame An ne.’ 1 What I after purchasing her house and equipage, has she still money to Invest ?' 1 Undoubtedly so.’ 1 But where did the money come from ?’ ‘ What I did you not see?’ ‘When?’ ‘When she shrieked on seeing what the prayer book contained which she In herited.’ J 01}! I thought you saw it,* said the earcastic notary. ‘The prayer book con-; dained sixty engravings and each engrav ing was covered with ten notes of a tho-, usand francs each. 1 ‘Good heavens I* exclaimed M. Vatry,, thunder strubk. ..‘lf I had only known it!' said Madame de Villeboys. : ‘ You had your choice, 7 added the no tary, *1 myself urged you to take the prayer book, but you refused. 7 ‘But who could expect to And a fortune in a breviary? 7 The two baffled egotists withdrew, their hearts swolen with passionate envy. Madame Anne is still at Paris. If you pass by the Rue Lafitte on a summer night, you will see by the pale reflection' of wax lights. , A lady who has joined the two hands of her son* a fair child of scarce six years of age in prayer, before an old book of ‘Heuresdeia Viarge, 7f and for which a case of gold bad been made. * Pray for me, 7 said the mother. ‘ And for who else ? 7 inquired the child. ‘ For your father, yourdear father, who Eerished without knowing you, without eing able to*love y6u ? * Must I pray to the saints ? ‘Yes, my child, and do not forget a saint who watches, from heaven, and smiles on us from above the clouds 7 . .x_tb mam- ' tri ma ? The woman, watering the child’s head with her tears, answered, — ‘ Her name is St. Egerie,’ “ HIT NAME IS HAINES.** There are thousands of people in this country who make use of the common expression, ” My natrie is Haines'' when they are about leaving a place or party suddenly, yet few know from whence the expression is derived. A more common saying, or one In more general use, has never been got.up. We hear it in Maine and Georgia, Maryland and in Arkansas, it is in the mouths of the old and young, the grave and gay—ln short, “ My name Is Haines,” enjoys a popularity which no other slang or cant phrase has ever at tained. “I’m o-p-h,” "I must mizzle,” “ I must make myself scarce,” are fre quently used, but the expression wnlch heads this article leaves them all out of sight. Having said this much of the rep utation of the phrase, be it our next cate to give ita origin. Borne thirty-five years since, a gentle man named Haines was travelling on horseback in the vicinity of Mr. Jeffer son’s residence in Virginia. Party spirit was running extremely high in those days. Mr. Jefferson was President, and Haines was a rauk Federalist, as a matter of course, a bitter opponent of the then existing administration and its head- Ho. was not acquainted with Mr. Jefferson, arid accidentally coming up with that gentleman, also travelling on horeback, lis party zeal soon led him into nconveb sation on the all absorbing topic. In the course of the conversation, Haines took particular pains to abuse Mr. Jefferson; called, him all kinds of hard names, run down every measure of his administration, poked the non-inter course and embargo acts at him as most outrageous and ruinous, ridiculed bis gun boat system as preposterous and nonsen sical, opposed his. purchase of Louisiana as a wild scheme i in short, took up every leading feature of the politics of<tue day, and descanted upon them and their orig inator with the greatest bitterness. Mr. Jefferson, all the wh'ile, said but little.— There was no such thing ns getting away from his particular friend, and ho did not exactly feel at liberty to combat his argu ments. They finally arrived in front of Mr. Jefferson’s residence, Haines, of course, not acquainted with the fact. Notwith standing he had been villllled and abused like a pick-pocket, to use an old saying, Mr. Jeflbrsoh still, with true Virginia hospitality and politeness, invited his traveling companion to alight and par take of some refreshment. Haines was about getting from his horse, when it Came into his head that he should ask his companion's name. “Jefferson,” said the President, .bland- ly, “ Thed—l !■ What, Thomas Jefferson?” 11 Yes, sir, Thomas Jefferson.” . . “President Thomas Jefferson?" con tinued the astonished Federalist. “ The same,”'rejoined Mr. Jefferson. “ 'WeUj.my name is Baines !" and put ting spurs to his horse, he was out of beating instantly. This, we have been informed, was the origin of the phras e.— N, Y. Picayune. A Careful Farmer.— An old farmer by the name of Bayse, who was in the nightly habit of counting his stock to see It any had gone estray, said to his son one evening previous to retiring: " John, have you counted the hogs 7" • ■ Yes.” “ And the turkeys ?” “ Yes” “ And the cows?" “Yes” “ And the ducks?" “ Yes.”' "Well, John, now go and wake up the old hen, and count her, and then we’ll go to bed.? 1 Chabity.— “ I fear,” said if country curate to his flopfc, “when I explained to yon, in my last charity sermon, that phllantbrophy was the love ofourspeoies, you must have undeostood me to say spe cie which may account for the smallness of the collection. You will prove, I.hope, by your present contribution, that, you are no longer laboring under the some ‘ mistake.” [From tho Norristown Herald. PITHY CORRESPONDENCE. Pottstown, Nov. 23,1806. From an old Bachelor Cbrrespondent, I take my pen in hand to inform you of passing events of our town. Your for mer correspondent fully exhausted the subject of politics. To that subject X have a great repugnance, and would no more meddle with it than I would interfere In a quarrel between man and wife. I in tend to devote some attention to'imall Items, such as “ Woman and her Sphere.” According to accounts, she was created to aid and comfort man; but she has sadly fallen from her high estate. The time was” when she Was skilled In the use of the wheel and the distaff. When, instead of spinning street yarns, she spun the flax, and wove It into material that sup plied herself and lord with wearing appa rel, one suit of which would last for a whole generation. But, alas! the times are sadly out of joint. In the good old days of our grandfathers, If we can credit their statements, a woman was a fortune of herself to a poor man; but In these modern, fashionable times, she is a dead weight. Though she is still the weaker vessel, she insists on carrying more sail than ever. The present generation of young Indies does not appear to know what work Is.' Their Idea of life is beau catching, -They can work edging and frills enough toornamenttheloweredges of their gib sails, to show which they have to reef their main sail and scud along under bare poles,- to the no small amusement of the street boys and corner loafers. Their bonnets are often made of three straws, crossed at right angles, the fashion seldom lasting long enough for a man to carry tme home to his wife, unless he runs very fast. They delight to sweep the streets with their trails of costly dry goods. Their favorite enjoyment Is to bo taken to the saloons and treated to ice cream. No wonder that young men of correct moral habits fear to be yoked to such shiftless wives ns they make. I have now lived nearly sixty years, still hoping against hope to see some improve ment in these matters, before I should , take to my noble self a rib. That I should 1 have thus longllved in single blessedness is due to two causes. First, my poor heart has so often sank within me when I have seen so many Innocent young men, the pride of their mothers’ hearts, taken in and done for by these giddy fol lowers of fashions and flounces, who, when they have secured their victims, ns willing sacrifices on the hymeuial altar, havb kept their noses to the grindstone until death has' kindly relieved them from the tormentsof scolding wives and the noise of bawling children. The oth er cause of my long celibacy Is, that when I thought the proper object of my affect-, ions had been found, my heart, Instead of sinking when I wished to declare ray in tentions, would always rise in my mouth and choke me, XiAMB., A limply to “ tomb.” Pottstown, Nov. 30, 1860.' Will you allow one of the," weaker ves sels” of humanity to occupy a email cor ner In your.most excellent family paper, for the purpose of replying to the unwar rantable aspersions of your correspondent “ Lamb?” It would seem to our " weak er” judgment, that at the age of sixty, to style himself a “ Lamb,” is a very great stretch of modesty, and looks like an at tempt to pull the wool overour eyes. We think mutton would be more appropriate, or indeed a better title, perhaps, would be to call himself an Old Gentleman Sheep 1 As lamb’s wool is valuable for children’s stockings, we Intend to use an old fashioned card, to straighten the fi bres of his fleece, and if we find the tex ture good,, we will‘then show this old mutton head, how well we are “skilled in the use of . the wheel, and, rolls.’.’.(for we heed for. wool,! IXu beciiis “by saying, “ I take my pen m hand,” &o. Now, Messrs. Editors, he need not tell us that he took his pen in his hand, for how could be have written, if ho had not ta taken it in his hand? He “ intends to give some attention to small items, such ns Woman and her Sphere,” Well, this is refreshing indeed, to know that “ Wo man and her Sphere” is a “ small item.” Truly, a greater than Daniel hath come to judgment; he must be a very Solomon.—, Well, this Old Solomon Lamb says, that “ Woman was made to aid and comfort man.” If he thinks so, why did he not get a comforter long ago ? He says “ she has fallen from her nigh estate,” &c.— Now, Messrs, Editors, though twenty summers have not passed overdue, and our experience is not so extensive, as Mr, Lamb’s, we will venture to opine, that she did not fall far enough to be hurt by' it. He says “the time was when she was i skilled in the' use of the wheel and dis- 1 toff, and spun flax instead of street yarn.” Just let me remind this old crab of hu -manity, that it is no longer necessary or profitable to spin and weave by hand.— Steam power and machinery have super ceded the old mode. This old “ Lamb” should have his eyes in the* back of his. head, that .he might always look back ward instead of fdfward. He laments that the " times are out of joint,” but we think It is his nose that is out of joint.— He thinks the time was when a “ woman was a fortune fora poor man.” Well, we think he lost a fortune- long ago, by not making hay when he had sunshine. He has a horror of the fashions. Now, we can tell him, that It Is the fashions that catch ' “ The young Lamba so brisk and guy.’' Like an old Bailor, he calls woman a weak Vessel, carrying too much sail. He Is perhaps an old “ Salt,” as a true sailor would be more gallant than he is. He thinks the “ present generation of females do not know how to work”—that they wish to live by beau-catching. We ad mit that unfortunately many young la dies do catch “ corner loafers” for beaux, and dearly they pay for It. Again, he says, that “ their next higher ambition la to be treated to ice-cream.” Well, truly, the meanness of this old miser, must have been'dyed In the wool when he was quite aydung “ Lamb." Bui hear him, “ young men of correct, moral and industrious habits, feat to bo yoked to such shiftless wives” asTheymake. Well,our patience 1s well nigh exhausted with this cox comb. We can tell him that if it were not for the “ shiftless wives,” as he calls them, yery many such husbands, such as these “ correct young men” make, would go supperless to bed and shirtless to their loafing places. This tender old “ Lamb” lias lived "sixty years in single.blessed ness,” and yet thinks of taking to his “noble self a rib.” - This is worse and more of it. Why, Cupid, instead of wast ing arrows on such a wretch, should have broken his back with a broom stick 16ng since. Now hear him once more: He says, “ his heart has sunk Within him, to see so many innocent young men, the pride of their mother’s heart, taken In and done for by these giddy followers of fashion.” We suppose: he means tfiose Innocent young men who, when their mothers - weaned them, took to sumring sugars and pipes, putting their filthy smoke under the nose of every person near them. ’So utterly lost to decency and common sense; are many of therm that they think nothing of carrying their i filth Into private parlors, as if nobody had rights but themselves. Many of these “ prides of their mothers' hearts.” appear to be troubled with water on the brain, and take to smoking to dry them. And it is evident that they Succeed in drying them up pretty effectually. With many of these ” Innocent young,” It is their highest ambition to slobber tobacco and squirt the juice over every thing _withln the reach of their flHhy expectorating ap „ paratus. - • At last he says, that whenever be wished to declare his Intentions, his heart would rise in his mouth and choke him.” Now, this is the last straw which. broke the camel’s back. Wecould reftite everything but this, and might do this by I doing as’ every woman does, that is, ad ding a postscript, but we will reserve that for the next, m ease the Lamb bleats again. YOL. 53.—N0. 38. A DANCE WITH AIT IJSJUH. THE EDITOR OF THE VICKSBURG HERALD AT A MASQUERADE BALL —HIS OWN ACCOUNT. On account perhaps of .the manifold duties always pressing upon us, we have never learned to waltz—wo have never placed our arm around a fragile, fairy, fleecy, fluctuating form, and whirllglgged around loose, but at the Grand Masquer ade and Fancy Dress Ball, on last Tues day night, - wo happened to express our regrets at this lamentable deficiency in our education, to a young, plump, fresh and closely dominoed Injun girl, while we were promenading the vast hall with the luscious bumaey-dumpsey. She sweetly intimated that hubbub of such an occasion, when a faux pax would scarce ly be noticed, was the very best time lu the world to learn. We would not ac knowledge our name if we had backed out from such an ..offer, and, as a matter of course, wo shyly requested her to afford us the sublimely (perpendicular pleasure of a small lesson, merely for the purpose of getting acquainted with each other, and giving us a relish fox our yiotuato at supper. Sweet and gorgeous aborigine —without swearing she’d ne’er, consent ed—do—so.—Gently, delicately, fastidi ously and timidly we placed Ofl.r a.r.to around her plaint waist—and Almost waisted away. Her long, raven locks, tickled our elbow. Thousands of millions of spotted beads vibrated and tin Wed around her fairy form, as her •besom rose and fell to give them melody, like an jEollan harp upon the heaving sea. Her hand was in our* —as soft as a pussy cat’s back, as she silently watches a mouse hole at the soft and witching hour of twilight. Her left foot was against our right boot. The gaudy feathers upon her moccasins tickled our manly knees. Our eyes met. Two soft aUd melting glances snot out of the hole in her. domino —and coming together in the middle emitted ■sparks like the R. E. Lee, rounding to at Williams’ boat wharf on.a dark night in the latter part of December. Music arose with its voluptuous swell and drew near er unto the female redman. Her warm breath was upon our fingers and her long raven hair went fliplty-flop over our shoulder. We had not yet waltzed an inch, and we did not care a Confederate bona If we never moved from that spot, till the editor .of the Vicksburg Herald join ed the Sons of Temperance, We shook back our yellow locks, and immediately the odor of Martha Washington’s Hair Restorative, for sale by Hardway & Co., and ail respectable druggists. We bowed; low our editorial head, and whispered in a voice whose dulcet and mellflaous notes; would have melted the heart of a deputy. constable—“Georgeous child of the for-' est, whose ancestors discovered Columbus, I would we were a'gioye upon that hand, I that we might touch that cheek—would, we were a pair of moccasins upon those ; feet, that we might caress thy corns—: would we were a bauhof yarn strung with 1 beads, that we might encircle that formi —would we were a long bunch of raven hair, that we might flop around that neck —would we were an open barrel of golden l syrup, that thou might dip thy finger ini us and lick it—would w'e were a coronet,; that we might- rest upon that brow— would we were a roll of greenbacks, that we might stay in thy bocket —would we 1 were a brindle dog. that we might guard thy wigwam—would we were a big black rooster’s tail, that we might dangle near: thy face —would we were an Indian; chief.’’ ' I This far we speaketh, and she sighed. Her'ruby lips did part, and she spaketh, “ If you are done wooding up, we’d bet ter let in, for the music is wastlug away.” Our two hearts beat with such responsive throbs, that a greased C#BP khffe .could not have entered between the throbs.— It seemed as If ten thousand catterpillars were emigrating up our back, and turtle doves were picking meal bran out of our .ears. Huge sighs of the size of a rutaba ga turnip escaped our lips; heard mur muring brooks, whispering boughs, and warbling birds, and tinkling cow bells, and we floated far away on a fleecy cloud of one hundred dollar greenback bills.— The music ceased, but the Washington Hail kept on waltzing. The Indian maid sought her native forests, and we are car ried by our friends to the Timex office, with a cramp in the bottom of our feet, and our eyes turned wren gside outwards.. BlaJor S, and the Indian. Major S., who figured very conspicu ously as a cool, collected and a brave offi cer In the war with the Sacs and Foxes, was engaged in many of those faring ex ploits which are so common to the hardy sons of the frontiers, cud which, .were they more known, would place the actors high on the “roll of fame.” Near the close .of that ill-fated struggle of the In-, diaps, lie walked out of his camp, asTlßU al, early in the morning, accompanied by a “ fellow-ln-arms.” 1 Having allyan.eed some distance from the comp. tliey.iubdenly came In view of three Indians. They quickly drew their I rifles to a leyel wJththeir opponents, and the unerring aim "and the keen eyes, of the Western hunters caused two of the three “sons of nature” to kiss their moth er earth. Major S„ dropping his rifle, 1 but grasping his knife, made chase for the remaining Indian, who fired without effect. The major's companion tarried until he could effect the scalping of the two whom they had killed. 1 But a short space of ground was got over before the active major had gripped with his fed foe, and unfortunately lost his knife before he had time to use it.— Each had the other by the throat; and though a knife hung from the belt of the Indian, neither dared lose his hold to get it. The Indian, observing the approach of the major’s companion, made a desper ate effort to floor his adversary, but h|a active opponent parried the trip and threw him. Still neither could use the knife, for the Indian locked himself so close with the major, that he burled his teeth in him as they were falling. At this moment the major's companion came up with his two scalps. “Tom," says the majer, “ have you got a knife." “Yes.” ..... . “Then-cut this fed devil’s throat!” "Oh, no, major," said Tom, “give the fellow fair play—some chancefor his life." "You d d rascal,” was the angry reply, “cut his throat' quickly. Don't you see he is biting mo?” >■ ' ! Well, major, bite him, too. Two to one ain’t fair. But if be masters you, I’ll give him a round afterward." “ You infernal villain, if you don’t cut his throat in one minute, I’ll out yours.” But it was not until these .threats were repeated over and over again that Tom would consent to do this act for his com mander, which he finally did with a very sullen air, as if it was a great piece of Ap position to his enemy. , He - very leisure ly drew his knife across the Indian's throat, ns leisurely wiped it, and con signed it to its proper place, muttering all the while against his officer, who no doubt carried him through a rfegular course of drilling afterward, and impressed upon his mind the necessity of quickly obeying an order. London "Punch is very anxious to re cord in an appropriate manner changes of fashion. The latest achievement is a pic ture representing a fashionable and affec tionate couple, the husband searching vigorously in his waistcoat pockets. The young wife inquires, “ Hqve you lost your watch, love?” and he replies, “ No, dar ling: twas a new bonnet I had for you somewhere. There is aboshful bachelor who "dares not meet ladies in the street. He says they wear bo many bugles on their .dres ses that he fears overtures from them. ■When is a train of oars In danger of running over an old man. with a scythe in his hand? When it is behind time. tssr I’ll be round that way In a minute, as the second hand said to .the pendulum. JOB PaiNTINO. Cards, HAanmua, Cibopt.abs, and Tory oth- ' er description of Job and Oabx> Printing eaceea ted In the neatest style, at low prices. , ' •OMOKiNe. A cOMPBOMtSB sln la a surrender to the devil.) " . . . - The greatest Turkey Gobbler .In the word Is the Caurof Btisaia., Ip-yon would look “spruce” inyonrold age, don’t" plne”ln your youth. My Deab—An Expression used by man and wife at the commencement of a quar- Baboatk—A ludicrous transaoa<w,.lii which each party thinks he cheated tho other. - 1 j ■ y What song does a hasty eater remind you of? ' , '•• “ When the swallows homeward By, Punch says annuities are .subject to a peculiar malady, known as the Jong Uver 'complaint. 1 ' When have married people passed through the alphabetof love? Whenthey reach the ba-bo. How sweet It Is to reel Ino in the laps of ages— say ages, about seventeen. AM , HOUOHeveryshlphaaa“Huaband” we never peard of one suing fop divorce. The speaker who took' the floor, has since been arrested for steeling lumber. Why is a bald head like heaven? Be cause fimio is fxo more dyeing or parting there. - ■' . •An urchin remarked that the chief branch of education Id b|s graceful bjroh branch/ '* * ‘ 1 •• • It is very true not make a summer, but them have been known to produce a fell* . Don’t argue with a mam who has been in the penitentiary. Ho Is past convic tion. ...... The Grave—Ah ugly hole in - the ground which lovers ana poets wlsntney were in, but take uncommon mgans to keep out of. . r A urn.® five-year old hearing the text given out nt church, “And the onUd wax ed strong,” asked, “Father, how did they wax him?” Queer thing is an Insurance policy. If I can’t sell It, I oan-oel it; and If I can-cel It, I can’t sell It. Boat) are said to speak with their tails. Would it not be proper to call a short tailed dog a stump orator ? Amends Waed says: “George Wash ington’s forte was not to hav enny publlo man,of the present day resemble him to any alarming extent. Son on a busfieft his father’s house and strayed some days; but ho returned, an<J sire to dame thus spoke: “Wife, kill the progldal, the calfs returned I” A country editor,who with aslngle boy, does all the work of his office, says he does not know how he can shorten his expen ses unless he outs off the boy’s legs. An oriental maxim says; “If a man knows, and knows wbat he knows, he will lead a happy life. If a man does not know, and knows that'he does not know, be may lead a tolerable life. Butif a man does not know he*does not know, he will lead a miserable life.” The editor of the Galena, Illinois, Ga zette says that he claims no merit for bav in*? kept sober during hla recent stay at the State capital. He ascribes all the cred it to a certain Judge from McHenry coun ty. and to the correspondent of the Chi cago' Times, “ upon whose arrlval in Springfield,” hesays; “ the.price of whis key advanced to a figure beyond our reach.’* Bridget, said an Irishtnan lo arfellpw servant, “ what are all the Jieils rihging for?" .’. “ In honor of the Princess’ Birthday,? was the reply. • “Be alsy,jewel,” rejoined Pat, “now of your tricks upon travelers; 'twas the Prfnce of Wales’smn the ninth, and can . it be his slater’s twelve afcywwner, unless ' they Were twins?” * One snowy winter night I found a drunken Irisbmn half Covered, up in a snow drift, and utterly helpless: I pick ed him up and restored him to the bosom of his family. I supposed him perfectly unconscious until I opened the door to go, when he broke out with, Mr. T , I am very much obliged to ye, iudade; and if I- iver find ye in a simllar/oondltlon I’ll be sure and return the favor.” One of ouf friends was recently blessed , with on addition tobis household,-which came “like’a thief in the night.’’ The next day the happy father took his four year old boy to: the upper room to see his little brother, who was' quietly enjoying his first morning nap with his mouth open. With eyes firmly fixed on the new comer, and with a countenance showing trouble 1 wltliln, after it few moments of silence, the' elder btother defiantly ex claimed, “I should like to know who pulled out .that baby’s teeth.”— Boston Transcript, Mb, Bear was at.a public dinner, two i gentlemen by the name of Bird being„ln die company; After the cloth was re moved, Mr. Bear, who was a good singer, was called on to oblige the company with a song. He immediately. rose and said: “ Gentlemen, your conduct on this oc casion Is so highly Improper,' that I can not help noticing it.” - “ For why ?” said tho gentlemen, “That you should call on a Reqr jo sing, when, you have two Birds in the company.” OtJB little four-year old Carrie went with her aunt to a revival meeting. The preacher was very earnest in his delivery, and she was much interested. “ Mother” said she, when she came home, “I heard such a smart minister, he stamped and pounded, and made suchdnolsei and by and-by,' he got so raad he came out of the pulpit prid snook his fist at the folks, and there wasn't anybody dared to go up and light him.” A Pious old negro woman was once caught by her master stealing a goose, ana the next Sunday she partook of the communion, after which her .master ac costed her; os. follows: " Why, Hannah, I saw' you - to-day at the communion ta ble.” “Yes.t&nk de Lord, massa, ! was’ lowed to be dare wid de'.rest of His fami ly." “But, Hannah, I was surprised to see you there,” he said; “how is. it about the goose?” She looked a little surpris ed, as if she did not comprehend the cause of bis wonder,, but soon catching the meaning, exclaimed. . :•* Why, sar’ do you think I’m goin’ to let an old goose stand between ma and my Master?” ■ Squelching a Jacobin.—the corres pondent of the Hew York Herald relates the following capital anecdote. The per son alluded-to .was a Republican. Ho had come to the Conclusion that the Pres one for §te coqdby, went abroad that old Asa was wavering in the faith, and one of the most fanatical of tho village-politicians waited upon him to sustain his faltering adhesion to the doc trines of disunion. Said he: * Asa, I heard that you are Inclined to support the policy of -that infamous trai tor, Andy Johnson I’ ' ‘But he’s our man: we elected him to the Vico Presidency,' said Asa. 1 Well, I know that; but he’s a traitor notwithstanding.’ ‘ Butthere’sMr. Seward —we've always looked np to him as oho of bur shining lights,’ Inquired Asa.' “ Oh, he’s a traitor, too; he’s as bad as Johnson.’ • Then there’s Secretary M’Oullooh and Secretary Wells,’asked Asa; • They are all alike: I tell you; they’re a neat of traitors altogether.’ .* Wolf,’ skid old Asa, with a grim smile, ‘ If our partyputs all the 1 highest offices of the country in the hands of traitors, it s time' It went Under, and I’ll never vote with it again.’
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers