I' . , ■ ‘•« '■ ' = ~— ■ -■■ ■' ’ ' ■ - , ' , ■ ■’ - V■■ ' ’ ■ ' "OUR COUNTRY—MAY IT ALWAYS BE lUCIIT-BUX RIGHT OR'WRONG OUR COUNTRY.” ' ~ r ** *• 1 - A ■ 9 VOL. 50. •AMERICAN • VOLUNTEER. rCBUSriTCD EVBHV THUnSDAY MOUNIKO DY jounr is. miATxos. Bmisontpnoir.—Two DMlara if, paid within tho Jinrj and Two Dollars and Fifty Cents, if not paid •within the .year. Thuso terms will bo rigidly ad hered to in svory instance. No subscription dis continued until, all arrearages are paid unless at the option of tho Editor. '• ' AnvuuTi.SKMF.NT3 — Accompanied by tho castt, (Vnd rnot exceeding ono square, ,'vili be inserted three .times for .Ono Dollar, pud tweuty-fivoeeiits f<V' each additional irisortioh. Thcte cf'a.firoater lengthen proportion. , t Jon-PniHiTNO—Such ns Hand-hills, Posting-hills, Pamphlets, -Blanks, Labels, Ac. Ac., executed with , oouraoy and at tho shortest notice. |MroI, . (i pUP TJnibn, tho Rift of oitr fathers! roars.'tho tcmposfc ftboro.f iiiV&h-rkci' ail '* uo . rtrcir our Hunger, ' Tiic'T^nnoV, un( i olusor ourlove. - t ThoughtlcWon, perish; It b6nd£, bnt not breaks to vU Q blast j JF6o»>rusb-oui, l !u fury, to rend it, ‘ v Hut wo will be true to'tho last. Our Union, orJaihc//.'pf Jehovah— • - Mjin.sots not .the flrTtasido ! ’ As well cleave tho wdlVln asunder,. As the one mighty system, divide. Tho grand Mississippi sounds’o v 7.cr, ■ • .* .JFrom pipe-down to palni. tbo Udorco; The spindle,, fcbo»corn, and tbo-cdtt’dt!, , Ona pman 'shoiit/Union, to tbool Our Union, the lightning of battle - Flrst kindieil tbo flame of its ahifine! Tho blood and the tours of our'people Have made it forever divine. In battle wo then-will defend it! Will light till the triumph is won ! ' Till the Stales form the realm of the Union' As the sky forma the realm of the sun. Mmllmnm. , ir£ 1 MOBSTER. BT tfEORGB TALCOTT*. : "Appearances deceive, And this one maxim-is a standing rule— Mon are not.'what, they. seem/'. Little Mrs. Lawson, when her husband died and lelt her nothing but the inheritance -of poverty, and two small children—(i trio o.l'. incumbrances, forming a" rather seriMn.t bur den for the slender shoulders of a lonely compelled to,full,boot-upon the Onlynltcruativo left for lonely "widowa in general, when their improvident - husbands die and leave them wholly unprovided for; she took boarders. Now of all the unfortu nate little women in the world, Mrs. Lawson was peculiarly unfitted lor the slavish and soul-harrowing position which she so reluc tantly assumed, as mistress, or landlady of a boardinghouse lor the accommodation of gentlemen in,the middle walks of life—gen tlemen of more pretension than capital, who, combining a rigid private economy with tin inordinate desire for external show, are per-, petually striving to seem what they are not, and growling on account of the absence of luxuries for which they arc unwilling or un able to pay. They are a tedious and an ex acting set, ■ these .moneyless aristocrats, who visit the sins of omission, on the part' of For-; tune, with a heavy vengeance on the heads' of such small contributors to their personal comfort as widow, landladies, impoverished laundresses, newspaper curriers, and boot, blacks. ' Poor lira. Lawson hail not a single quali fication for her new end most unwelcome' calling. Her sensitiveness amounted to a menial disease : she was the most timid little 'Creature in the world ; she believed every body to he as good and guiltiest as herself, and.she had not the smallest particle of bust l ness capacity. N>w a woman to be a suc cessful and well remunerated caterer to the multifarious wants of single gentlemen, must be a modern Xantippe,' with lungs of brass, a heart of adamant, an eye at once cold, cal culating and penetrating, and perceptive faculties so keen and infallible, that she can tell at a glance the honest boarder with pure" intentions, and the specious rogue With bis trunk atmospherically filled and an incurable. 1 propensity to ‘step out’ at the end of a week with his hoard hill unpaid. Mrs. Lawson was no such * treasure of a 'woman’-as this; but blessings on her mild blue eyes and.fair, ■young face, all her thoughts and acts'wefh womanly ami not at all mercenary; nosus picion of human dishonesty could ever find a place in her simple inind ; and the overcharg ing butcher, the unprincipled grocer, and the inaccurate baker whoso mistakes wore all in his-own favor, found in her an easy and nn-. ■coni '.laining victim Her servants, too, usurp ed her place ami became her mistresses ; she meekly requested when she should have com manded ; and the menials wasted her sub stance, abused her good nature, and laughed at her amiable simplicity. Surrounded by such annoyances as these, Mrs. Lawson soon became the most miserable little woman in the world, anil bitterly did she feel the loneliness of her situation, and her need of a counsellor and friend. Her poor feet wore kept ail day ami half the night trotting from garret to kitchen and "back again, trying to keep things to rights, 'and perlorming duties which properly be longed to her insolent and negligent servants. then her heart was well nigh broken by her constant and almost fruitless efforts to inak'o both ends meet. Often, when the night "Was far advanced; after a day of anxiety and ‘exhausting toil, she would throw horselfinto 'achair, and weep bitter tears as she ox 'olainiod: , ‘ Oh, dear mo 1 this life will kill mo, I know ■Jt will. If it wasn’t for the children I would give up trying to keep hoarders and go nut to Work as a servant. -I vow and declare I Would; there now’f 3 Mrs. Lawson, as.might lie expected, be came the prey of those remorseless banditti who go about poor widows’ boarding-houses seeking what they may devour without pay mont, Nice young men with feeble mono aches hut creditable appetites, engaged I onday morning before breakfast, audacious y demanded night keys as necessary prelim aanoa to their inauguration into the house, Pproyed of and ate everything placed before B - e,n with the most patronizing eondoscen hnn*’ bout's, the incense of to- Bofa * bedrooms,' muddied the liv „, WI . J no ' lrroot bouts, damaged the piano 'Oioua' 3kl i • att ? ln P tH tu play, invited vora and mtoxioatod gentlemen friends to TRAMS: (IDS' USIOS. dinner, neglected to bring any baggage at all with them, and punctually disappeared every Saturday evening after tea, never coming back again, leaving poor little Mrs, Lawson to wonder what could have become'of them, and to hope nothing evil had befallen thorn’. Palo, melancholy young- men with long’ hair and Byronity collars Sojmirnod with her for a time, irrquire'd for tll'6 nearest place of worship, Vang hymns and extorted agonizing .Cbmpl'pinf’s from crooked flutes at midnight, 'touched their waistcoat and bibtod-at '*'secret sorrows, ’ made fettrfbl havoc on tea and toast, finally forgot the number of the house, and could never find their way back to it.— And certain articles lying, loose about the house had been known to disappear with them-ra-drossing’gown; an umbrella, or may hap, ah article of jewelry Middle aged and even ancient cormorants [would .also plunder the widow by gorging themselves .With her edibles, and then sloping incontinently, without a settlement. ' In short she became ille victim of all sorts of unprin cipled scoundrels for there are beings Who do not scruple to take base advantage of a friendless woman like her, and even chuckle over their successful'.villainy as if they' had ■achieved ayerv successful trick-indeed. ■ 'One day, right in the midst ot all her trou bles, our unhappy heroine had her sorrows temporarily alleviated by the acquisition of 'two neW boarders, .perfect strangers to her .and.tp each other; and-nothing could be more striking than the contrast between the gen tlemen; tbebnte being a young man of twen ty-three or thereabouts,' with pink cheeks, flaxen hair, a pale, moustache and sidle blue necktie. A’ 1 nicer’looking young man than that was his inline—nev er gladdened the heart of a.boarding mistress, and his manjiws wore fully up to his appear ance—ho'was so-polite, so kind, B,i indispu tably.gen feel I He'engaged the best, room in the bouse-, and arranged- to have his meals served up ..to hi.')?, there ; for which extra ao :-conimodation he agreed to pay most-liberally. Hi's.'baggage was light, consisting merely of a.viili'So and.a foil of paper ‘ garrottes -and be.laughingly.explained i-beseeming scarcity of his por'abn-al effects by remarking that ‘ the bulk of bis fMggage’ be.'was accustomed to keep at bis Office,’ while he merely retained a few ‘eloganirtriflos,’ at his boardin',g boose just for'tUo sake of\i * bachelor's cdnveru'ence/ .This'was .all highly satisfactory to Mrs. Lavcsori, who ‘ thanired her lucky' stars for . haying guided into her unpretending mansion such a paragon of a boarder. Her other fresh acquisition-caused her some uneasiness. He- was a jgfuff fellow; not far from the sober age of forty, with a poarred and swarthy face, and ‘.an fcjo like Jove,'tci threaten ami command.’ fite voice was deepj and,not destitute of a cerhUl’'heartiness that partly atoned for the abrupt sv s.ud-almost rude stylo of bis speech. .llis m,us * cular and a manlv.oru'r by. I he vvpy, was vjotli-, cd in gentlemanly h.iliisiinen'.s, rareless-ly worn • his overcoat was of fur; and in it ho looked like a penunlmlating bear. Hla board wan piratical, and tiis nbnudnnt ; a great, iron-bound chest reminded one of n coffin; and lie bung around big room n perfect museum of pipes, from the stilt el y nicer-' seliauin with its howl of a rich brown color nod its silver stopper, down to the modest clay ‘dudceii’ of .facetious pattern and. over powering odor. Worse than nil'this, ho was accompanied by a gigantic New Fonmlland dog of shabby aspect and an independence of deportment, that amounted to 'insolence ; ami this highly objectionable animal, having ta ken a fancy to Mrs. Lawson, persisted tti frightening that timid little woman cleanout of her wits, by instituting close examinations of her countenance, whenever they-met, and taking a deep interest in every culinary op eration in which lie chanced to find her en gaged;, ‘ Bloivsor’soon beeame'an immense favorite with Mrs; Lawson’s children, and ■with the-majority of. the boarders j but to wards tlie superfine .Mr. Trim mins lie display ed tbe utmost .hostility from the. first—wor rying that gentleman’s legs in the passages, -Hud making dread onslaughts on his coat tails at all times and in all places. Mr, Triinmins, writhing under a deep sense of. injury jn consequence of these manifold an noyances, pronounced Bloivsor ‘an. ugly brute,’ and privately added that his master was not much better. She didn’t tell him soj however. Capt. Orogg was tbe unpoetical name of the unprepossessing boarder. By some lie was supposed to be a retired sea captain ; by others a reformed pirate, living mi the pro ceeds cfbia villainies. He smoked incessant ly; drank brandy and water at the dinner dalile, and scowled horribly at Mr. Trimmins -whenever he met that prim and proper per sonage on his way into or out of the house,; — The saucy and spoiled servants, who made (themselves the equals and boon companions of all the other inmates of the establishment, soon wilted beneath tho fierce eye of the sav age captain, whoso every look and action towards them was a pantomimic injunction for them to ‘ keep their places, and no non sense.’ .With the children of his little land lady lie was a prodigious favorite, frequently making them handsome presents, and telling them outrageously, improbable stories, to' their huge delight. lie would suffer them to play and romp in bis room for hours, convert ing~it into a Bedlam of noise nod nonfusion ; he would sumetimep even grimly join in their sports, like a rhinoccrous of playful temper ament gamboling among kids. When'the little widow saw liis gruff partiality for her offsprings, sjhe secretly hoped that his motives were good, and that he wasn’t one of those dreadful cannibals she. had road about, who devour .young children or bolt a missionary with as much gusto as an epicure does the j wing of a duck. A couple of months rolled by. Mr. Trim niins was as polite and agreeable as over— but—paid no board ; his elevated mind was probably above the contemplation of a subject so sordid. Mrs. Lawson.began to wonder and fool n little; embarrassed, for Mr. Trim mins occupied nor best room, and ordered the most expensive things for bis private table, bair g soon f illy dissatisfiid with ihe ordi iary hire of the other bqiu-dors. Capt. Grugg, on the contrary, though such ‘a,perfect brute,’ in many respects, paid his board every week 1 with the most scrupulous pnnotutility, and whenever he -received change back, he always throw it totlib children. Upon one occasion, this marine monster actually exoited the warm gratitude of tho poor little widow, in this wise : A cormorant of a fellow, who was known to be a long time in arrears for board, was at Inst told by Mrs. Lawson, in a despe rate fit of courage, that she oonld keep bim no longer, whereupon ho left in high dud goon. A few days afterwards, the captain chanced to moot nim in an exchange office, taking possession of a considerable sum of money; whereupon tho captain cellared him without ceremony, and walked him down to tho house of the widow w limn lie would have swindled, telling him that tho slightest re sistance would secure for him a tremendous flogging. nt the widow’s, the captain, with his brawny fist hold close to the delinquent's head, made him discharge every cent of his indebtedness; and this not of involuntary justice having been performed, the captain quietly kicked the rascal 1 out of the house, telling him to beware how he tried to impose ■on a poor woman in the future.- This not, if not strictly legal oh the part of the captain, was n-s,far froth right, as the reader Will nl-, low. ■ , Tite widow felt truly grateful to the captain for this, but, still site feared hi in. for ho Scowled as terribly as ever, while Blowser, vagabond dog, that , ltd was, continued to be impertinently inquisitive in everything per tainjng to 1 the domestic affairs of the house. One evening, Mrs. Lawson was sitting in tlio kitchen alone, her children having boon put to bed, while the servants had all gone out. Many of her,boarders'were in her debt, but none so deeply r.s Mr. Triimninp, She had half Ittado ,ilp her mind to ‘dun’ him that day, but when just on the point of knock ing at his door for that purpose, Iter courage failed her, for she felt she could not run the risk of-offending that nice tind pleasant young gentleman by inviting his attention to such a common place subject as the payment of his board bill. Ilci' rent was due the next day, her unpaid provision main was clamorous for his money; her grocer, her baker, and even her purveyor of diluted milk, were, her impa tient creditors-; and she had not five dollars in the world to satisfy their demands/ So [ there she sat alone in the .kitchen, .poor for lorn, little wo nan I not ■ knowing -how to. .extricate herself from tlie-maze. of difficulties in which she was involved, 1 tind sobbing and crying as ii.hel- heart.would break. . .Something moist, touched her hand, and startled her ; it was,only the nose of Blowzor, that brigand of a dog; for . he would intrude upon her when his presence was leastdesired. But now his great; intelligent eyes seemed to express Sympathy, and the widow, still weep ing, patted his bilge head, a courtesy which he acknowledged by wagging his tail in a very civilized-manner, considering that he was the companion of a -suspected cannibal and ar/undoubted pirate. ‘ Wlmt’s the matter with you, ma’am?’ growled a gruff voice over the shoulder of Mrs. -Lawson, who jumped upfront her chair, in a fright-tpfpr it was the voice of that mon ster, Captain Gregg 1 ; and looking timidly up she saw the stern, rugged countenance of that savage mariner v ns .it was imperfectly visible.through the. dense oluud of tobacco’ ’smoko that enveloped it. : The little widow trembled ns violently-ns if she had been caught mixing pl'astor of Bar is with’the dough for the hoar.derVbiscuits, (,r infusing deleterious foreign substance's in to the coffee destined for their next matutinal repast. She tried to stammer not some kiitd of a reply, but broke down and hegan-to cry harder limit ever. • ■ . • ‘. UtSi’VChfiit tV liitlc--f.(d!,’ gi-oi?ic.d- tTio'sca'- -monster, fobbing his eyes violently ; • d— 1 n this tobacco 1 it fairly brings the water into my jpeopers. Tell me. what’s the matter, madum run d. don't act aiV confoundedly silly’.' The words were rough, but flic .tone was 1 ft;iendly ; and Mrs. Lawson foil that natural wish experienced by most people in distress, to impart her troubles to 1 Another. ’ Go slio told the,captain all, and a little ingenious cross-questioning on his, part clicked from her tint rcluctayt confession that Mr. Trimmins bad tod paid Iter a single Cent since lie Urst entered the house ns alt occupimt of her best room ‘ D—d scoundrel V gnnvled'ltfb captain.— I'will-attend to him, however. J!3ac, ma’nm ipw comes it that- in ail your troubles you never came to me for help? Oh I ah i I for got. You thought; with.alj the rest of ’em, that'l was a brute. You must learn never-to trust, to apoeamnees, ma’am.' Now I am going 'to board with you a whole year at least, for I like your woifrahlv and quiet ways, your careful attention to my comfort; it may be, too, that I rather like yocr face, so pleasant, though so sad, and your eyes,, naturally- bright and joyous, but too often dim' with tears. And si), as I’m going to stay here, I’ll pay you .a year’s board in advance j -—and here's the money-. Get some color in* to that < pule lace ; icbyuur eyes dance ns mer rily as they wore made to do, and don’t fear fur the luture. I’ll see to that—mid to Mr. Truiimlng, too. Good night,, ma’am.' The grim monster kbseU the littld hand into which he forced a roll of bank bills, and was gone-—he and that impudent dog of his, as arrant a pair of deceivers .as ever concealed diamond qualities beneath rough and un promising exteriors. Next day the grateful widow satisfied her creditors, and was hapny. Somehow she didn t fear, the monster quite 60 much as for merly, and Blowzer’s sucie.ty was tolerated without a sign of disapproval. Iwoor three days after this occurrence, the captain walkedjnto the house holding in his hand a newspaper, and looking uncom monly.‘ferocious. lie went straight to the apartment of Mr. Trimmins, and, striding in without the slightest oieremony. found that young gentleman extended upon the sofa, in dustriously engaged in his constant empiuy ment of fondling his moustache. * ihis is my private room sir,’ said Mr. inmmins, indignantly. * You might at least have knocked before coming.in.’ ‘No palaver, you scoundrel !’ roared the captain, ‘ orl’ll break every bone in your worthless .body, I have long suspected you, robber of poor women that you are, I have found you out at last, and shall noWexposc and punish.you as yon deserve. This New York paper. Which I have just received through the post office from a friend of mine, contains a long account and an exact descrip tion df a swindler who has for a long time been cheating the proprietors of hotels and boarding houses out of their just dues. Nor is that all ; for ho is also a potty thiol, hav ing at various times carried off with him small articles belonging-tootheri. lie calls himself Charles Augustus Fitz Henry DeGourtenay, alias Poodle, alias Codger, alias the Lord knows what; and upon his right arm is in delibly marked the name of‘Smith.’ If you are not the scoundrel, just roll up your sleeve and let me see your right arm.’ ‘I shall do no such thing, sir,’ cried the fellow, tujrning.paleand red alternately, am a gentleman, and—' * llark'eo, then, Mr. Gentleman : 1 know you to be the party described in this paper. Now confess your identity, or I’ll wring your neck. Look at mo well. Ain I a man likely to bo trifled with?’ lie certainly was not —and so thnught'Mr. Trimmins. who forthwith fell upon his knees, confessed his villainy, and hlubberingly im plored for mercy like the abject coward that ho was. The captain sternly hade him got up and ‘travel,’ which ho preceded to do with much alacrity, being materially aided in his retreat hy the too of a hoot, and the. encouragements of Blowzer, that sagacious animal attending him to the dour to the se rious detriment of his coat tails and contigu ous portions of his raiment. Just as Mr. Trimmins reaehed the sidewalk CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST 6, 1863. his valise and a slibwer of dingy paper ‘ gar rottes’ de.-cended\jpon his head; and, picking Up the former-at tide, bo quickly disappeared around a noighbuHnj'Cornflrartiid the sholits and jeers of an iidiivirinjj and appreciative abdienoo composedpf Miscellaneous juveniles. Well, in due time—-'aud has hot tho reader already guessed the denouement of our story ? —tlie little widow fcireame the wile, of the monster, and the, diitimutive Lawsons found in him the gruffest, the oddest, the most in dulgent, ami ths kindest of lathers. Ho pos sessoda sufficiency ofyrorldly goods to obviate the necessity of his wife’s keeping boarders. She, good little soul, acknowledged to him that Trimmins had once made violent love to her, and that she, her dreary loneliness, had boon almost tempted to accept him.- She. was truly.'thahk'pl for licr'fiseapo, and looking up from the depths of her soft, blue eyes into the'rough''.licit kindly face oilier husband, .she would'Mss his weatherbeaten check and declare;, hoyhelf tho happiest little woman in the worl d-because she had opened her house and her heart to such a “dreadful monster.’ ASCI (!XT'E)i fPERII E.IDS. In times of the ancients. Moses raised a copperhead brazen serpent in tho wilderness, ns typical'of safety to'lile, that all who looked upon it in failli might live. “ And the Lord said-unto Moses (typical of the Democrats,), n£|ike thee a fiery serr pent, and set it upon'qTpole, and it shall come to pass'that every one (that is bitten (typical, ot .being bitten by-false- pledges and army -swindlers,) when he'-lqoketh upon'-it-shall live.” ... \ "And of brass (cop perhead,) ahd-put itepon.a polo, and itcame to pass that if a serpent (any contractor) had -bittenrany man, who'ijio behold the serpent of brass (copperhead,j ho .llvod.”—Numbers xxi, 8, 9." . .., . Thus if will bo seen-that they had copper heads at a very remoSsf period, and that they were tho only safety; tl.the people -who.'.had been poisoned.. Just-po-now the people have hvou biUen- —badly bitten— ; bytho thousands of swindling serpents who ore for war so long ns it .pays, and -now,.as‘in the days-ofgood old Moses, their oiily safety is in looking .to tho Democratic copperheads.-' Democrats are callerp-eopperheada because they won’t fid low ,' the. Md of the -Abolition ists, fiipl, then,: way n first-cioss copper head, and if on earth yo-day, and.-Xho should do in. Louisville vvhat I/-.-did in Home, when he found Onosimus, a./-huaway slave belong-! ing to Philenioivand instead of ndvising him! to take the underground rnilrnail to Canada, he converted'-him to l-hrisiianhij, and. then sent him. back-to his tiaaster, to ■ serve him . ” liotli in fbo flesh anijin tile Lord,” Henry Ward Beecher ami hisjlk would call St. Paul a of the.raj; ’• C- -1-—,^4-t,di.>^u ii-fufSijrit liCl'-ffoni '((inn ho brazen serpent can bp' niaUo without copper therefore copperhead), us,a means lif safo ■ ty from poisonous I liiAgs blJI' years before ttio Glll-islUui era, unit tH-r *iulv„ satVOy. fur t-lio -people is, as in the days iif uki.to look to the copperheads for safety from the poisonous, ■corruptions that now afflict thombuple.— Jew ish Uncord, . • An Item for the Home Circle.— SomehOny. says.iind truly too,, that, there are few fami lies, anywhere, in which love isnov abused' is furuishingthe license for. impoliteness. A husband, father, ‘or brother, will speak harsh words to those he loves best simply be cau-e the seeulnty of love and family pride keeps him from /getting liis head broken It is a shame that a man will speak more ini- at times, to his wife, or sister, than ho would to any other female, except a low and vicious one. It is thus that the honest affections of a mahV nature prove to, bo a weaker protection to a woman in tlib family' circle than the restraintsoftiociety,‘and that a woman usually is. indebted for the kindest politetiess oi life to those not belonging to her own household. , TUiugaought not to he so.— The man* who, because it will not ■bo re sented, inflicts his spleen and had temper up of his hearthstone, is a coward and a very mean man. Kind words are oiroclating med iums between true gentlemen and ladies at homo and no polish exhibited in society can atone for the harsh language and.disrespect ful treat., ent too .often indulged in between those bound together by God’s own ties of blood and the titorb snored bonds of conjugal love.' C7* A chapter ifi Appleton’s Cyclopaedia has this to say about the old-fashioned treat ment of bachelors: In antiquity it wasonnsidored unpatriotic in a citizen to remain a bachelor all his days.— By the Spartan laws; those citizens who re mained bachelors after middle age, wore ex cluded from all offices, civil and military.— At a certain feast they were exposed to public derision, and led around die market place.— Although,' generally speaking, age was usu ally deeply respected at Sparta, yet this fool-' mg whs 'nut mauilested to old bachelors.— ‘Why should I make way a Sf.ar •an youth to a gray-licnded old "bachelor, who will never have a son to do me the same honor when lam old. ‘The Human law pur sued the same policy towards htu^telurs. — They had- to pay extra and:speobd.-taxHs, and under Augustus, a law wms. eij&'-jtßd, by which bachelors wore made incapable of acquiring legacies, and devises estate by will, except from tliojr£g£i' relations,— In canon law bachelors arecflgftri t%roarrv. or to profess chastity in earneiMfip. becoming monks. 1 StV A Pedlar's Seel. —‘Bay o rior razor strops, sir, and I secret worth double the cos® ponce.’ ‘ I'll take one,’ said' The pedlar handed him a sUi paste, and went on se’lliWg;-, interrupted the purchaser; ‘you tell me something worth double the p; ■Ah I so I did,’ said the pedlar, ‘ and it is this: If you had bought a box of thi? paste for a penny, and put it on to your old strop, it would have made ft. Just exactly as good as a now one.’ i Crowding IXiM.-r^VKhcre.is your house?' asked a traveler depths of one of the old ‘ solemn wildorj&Kas’ of the groat West. * Hous'e 1 I ftin’cgbt no house/ ‘Well, whbro d 6 you lire?' 1 1 Hvo in the woods—sloop on the Govern ment Purchase, eat raw’liear nnd wild tur key, and drink out of the *And, ho added, “it is getting too thick with you folks about hero. You're the second hi an I’ve sdon this last month, and I hear that there's a whole TamiLy dome in about fifty miles down the river. I'm*going to'put out in the woods again.' . ■ ‘ . [£7“ Do one thing at a time, that’s tho rule _*whon you have dons slandering your neigh bors then begin to say your prayers. - ■ Preaching a Practical Sermon.—A num ; ber of years ago, Parson B. preached in a I town in-the interior Of this State. -A sound i theologian' was Parson B„ ns a published i volume of his sermons evinces; but like many clergymen of the past generation, ho ; '' VIIS too much given to preaching • doctrinal sermons,’ to tho exclusion of practical themes; at.least, so thought one of his parishioners, Mr. C. ’ Mr. B.( said he one day to tho cler gyman, ‘ we know all about the doctrine by this time. Why don’t you preach real prac tical discourses?’ *Oh! very well. If vou wish it, I will do so. Next Sunday* I will preash a practical sermon.’ Sunday morn ing came, and an unusually .large audience, attracted by the report of the promisail.nov elty,were in .-attendance. The pfeliilifhary services were performed, and the parson an nounced his .text: ‘opening his subject,’ ho' he should make a practical, application to his hearers. He tiicn commenced at tho head of the aisle, calling each -member bf-tho congregation by name, anil pointing nut bis Special faults. ’ duo was a little inclined to indulge in creature comforts ; -'another was a terrible man at a bargain,aiid soon; . While la mid‘volley, the door of,the church opened, and Dr. S. entered, ‘There,’ went on the parson, ‘ there is Dr. S. coming in, in tho middle of services, just as usual, and dis turbing tlie whole congregation. Ho does it just to niako people believe .that he can’t get time to come to church in season ; but it, isn’t so—ho has not been called to visit a I patient on a Sunday for three months.’— Thus went on the worthy clergyman. At last hq came to Mr. C., who had. requested a practical sermon. ‘And now,’ there -is Mr. C.; ‘ he’s a does he do? Why, he Btajts-at'hmne on Sunday afternoon to writo business letters. If bo gets allot of roods- up_ from New York on Saturday night, ie. goes to the store and.marks thenvon Sun day, so ns to have them ready for sale on Monday morning. That’s how ho keeps tho Sabbath'; and lib isn’t satisfied with doctri nal sermons ;he wants practical ones. At the..conclusion-'of .the services, tlie parson walked up to Mr. C., and asked him how he liked the ‘ practical'sermon',’- ‘Mr. 8.,’ vyas tho reply. ■ preach what you please after this,- I’U never, attempt to direct you again,’!— - C.'iristian Inquirer. ■ A long winded,subscriber to a newspaper after epeated dunnihgs, promised that the bill shoolddie paid by a certain day, if be were! alive. ' The. day passed .over and no money 1 reached the office. In the next hurn• bar, therefore, of the newspaper, the editor inserted among the deaths a notice ot his subscriber's, departure I pom this life. Pretty soon after tlie announcement, the subject of it appeared to .the editor—unt'.witb the pale, .and r-■ iin:.-reu:jially a.r?ribed appiiriliiins, nor did he wait to Lq spoken to, blit broke-silence: ‘What, sir, did you mean bv -publishing trij death ?’ , b ‘ Why, sir, I meant what I-mean when I publish tlie. death of any other‘person, viz:' to let. the world know that you wore dead.’ ■ ‘ But I am not dead.’ I ‘.Not dead 1 ■ then it is your fault; for you Mold mo you- would positively pay your Mil ,; nr day, if you lived to tliat.time.— The day tl.lo bill is not paid and you -muat-be dead; for I.wifi not believe that you ’•tyould forfeit your Word/ ‘Oh ho! I gee tlmt you Imre pot round me, Mr. Editor, but no more about it* the money. And hark ye,.my wag, you’ll • contradict niy;dcath next week ? * * •‘ 0, .'certainly, sir, just, to. please yon, though upon my word I can’t help thinking' you were dead at the timespecified, and that you have come back to pay this bill on ac count of your friendship for mo.’ was exiled, because of his devotion to liberty. Because, as a speaker, he was superior to apy man in the Republican party. Don’t be silent. Lincoln says that silence is - a clear .case of treason. It it is treason to be silent, why did Lin coln silence Mr. Vallandiglmm ? Is it treason to bo silent, when rulers are trampling on the rights .and liberties of the people.* , ''.'brink Crod'l Yallandigham is safe, and ho is ho near to us that his voice will soon bo heard. Where is the Republican who does not hh sh to think that a Province of Queen Victoria has become an asylum for retugoes from American despotism ? Vallandiglmm is in a country where the Executive'.-t hrough that-Execut’ive is a here- ditary monarch—cannot and dare not sus pend the writ of Habeas Corpus. Mr. Vallandiglmm was sent to the South because he was in favor of the Constitution and, the union. He had to leave the . South fur the some reason.— Logan, Gazette. JET Our Revolutionary-fathers made the. following statement of grievances against the British King: Ho taxed tea. Ho had a stamp tax, He incited 'lie negro to insurrection. -He made the military above the civil pow er. lie sent men into banishment and exile without the authority of the law. Ho {iaid no respect to our constitutions and laws. lio was a tyrant goneraUa^.. . _ Those grievances road.'siirgnlurl” now in view of the action,of the present .Republican Ad in i n is trutijyfjT. C ■Hiese supa- Stfell you a six- MStbaer.— R.T7ELTT old ll(l3 recently givetffifty to the Uo3 T :i,l Society of London fv)i;_th'o prevention, of.cruelty to nriimuls, to be expended solely in- a reform of the ' slighter houses in Lon* dob. !C7“ “ Pompey, are you willing to bo damned if it should b*the Lord’s will?” in quired a pious friend. “Oh yes, massa, and more too ; I am wi-lling.you be damned too, massa ? replied Pompey. [fT’A lad in a strife of mental absence, gave throe cheers for t)m stars and stVipos during school hours, and perceived his error when ho got the stripes and saw the stars. O* A young ladrbeing asked bya politi cian which party she was in favor of, replied that she preferred a wedding party. Those who walk most are generally the healthiest; the road of perfect health is too narrow for wheels. Love in a cottage is all very well— when you own the cottage, and have money at interest. 0“ Most young fellows, when whiskey is at hand make rye mouths. Dead- Subscribers, folitlniL HOS. C. L. VALySDIGimi. His second Address to the people of Ohio.— Me Accepts the Nomination for Governor, and Defines Mis Position , Niagara Falls, Canada West, 1 July 17. j Arrested and confined for three' weeks in the United States, a prisoner of State; ban ished thence to tho Confederate States, and there held as an alien enmity and prisoner of war, though no parole; fnirly'nnd honorably dealt with uiid, given leave to depart, an act possible only by running the blockade at the hazard of being fired upon by ships living the flag of my own country, I found myself first a freemen'when on Brittisb soil. And to day under protection of the British Dag, I am hero to enjoy and in part to exorcise'the privileges .and rights which usurpers inso lently deny mo'at homo. The shallow con trivance of. the weak despots at. Waaington an'd their advisors,'has been defeated. Nav, it has been turned against them ; and 1,.wh0 for two years was maligned as in secret league with the Confederates, having refused when in their midst,, under circumstances the most favorable, either to identify myself with their -cause or even so much as to re main, preferring, rather exile in .a foreign return now with allegiance to my own' State and Government,'unbroken in weird, thought or deed, and «ith every declaration and pledge to you while at home, and before I was stolen away, made good in Spirit and to tho very hsjtter, ■ Six weeks ago; when just going into ban ishment because an audacious hut most cow ardly despotism caused it, I addressed you.' as fellow-citizens. To, day, .ftnd from the very -place then selected’by. .mo, but after wearisome and most perilous’journevirigs tor more than four thousand miles by land and upon, the sea, still in exile, though almost in sight of my native State, I greet you a's-your representative. Grateful certainly I aih for the confidence in my integrity and patriotism implied by the unanimous nomination' as candidate for Governor of Ohio, .which you gave while I was yet in the Confederate States. It was not misplaced; it shall'nev er be abused. But this is the last ofall con sideration jn times like these. I ask no per sonal.sympathy for the personal wrong. No.; it is the cause of constitutional liberty and .private' right, Cruelly outraged beyond example in a- freFcountry, by the President and his servants;-vkhich gives public signifi canoy to tho notion,-.of your convention.'.— Yours was, indeed, an act of justice to a clti-l zen who, for his dc'.prion to the rights of the; 'State and the liberties of tho peo^fg^Jaditieen : ■parked for .destruction by the .lh4y(ji';nC:&bi- I 1 UvX teAwit,yu«iv .h-. t Wits an 'egijnple of courage wart lijfo!-' the heroic ageS-df the world ; and it was a spec-- tade aniUit’ TGhuke to the usurping tyrants who, haywg broken up the Union, would now strike down the •Constitution, 'subvert your present .Government, and establish a formal and procfai'med;despotism : in its stead. ' You iiro the resorters. .and;defenders of eun . stitutioual' liberty, and ' by that proud title 'history will snlute-ytm. X congratulate ymi-ttpon-Vocf nofninatidhs. They,whom you have placed upon the ticket With fhcblVe gentlemen of character, ability, integrity, and tried fidelity to the Constitu tion, the Union, .and to. Liberty. Their mor al and political courage—a quality always, rare, and now tho moat valuable, of public virtues—is beyond question. Every way all these, were nominations fit to'bo made. .And eveitjealuusly, X'amsure, will now be bushed, ■if 11 especially rejoice with you in the nomi nation uf Mr. Pugh as a candidate for Lieu-, tenant Governor and. President of the Sen ate. A scholar and a gentlemen, a soldier in a foreign war, and.always a patriot: em inent ns.a lawyer, and distinguished, as tin orator and a statesman, I bail bis acceptance as an omen of the return of tho better and mnro virtuous days of the Republic, i■ ■ 1 endorse your noble platform—elegant in style, admirable in sentiment. Yon present the true i-suo, and commit yourself to the great mission just now of the Democratic party —to restore and make sure Ftnsr the J rights and liberties declared yours by your j constitution, and dishonored aiid polluted by repeated and. most aggravated exactions of tyrannic power. It is base in yourselves, and treasonable to your posterity, to surren der these lihertie'S Hud rights to tho creatures whom your own breath created and can de stroy. Shull there ho free speech, a free press, peaceable as semblages of t he people, .and a free ballot any longer in Ohio ? Shall the people hereafter, as hitherto, have tho right to discuss and condemn tile principles and policy of tho party —tho ministry—the men who, for the time, conduct the Govern ment—to demand of thoir public servants ti reckoning of their stewardship, and to place other'men anil another party in power at thoir supreme will and pleasure. Shall Or der Thirty eight of the- Constitution he tho supreme-law of tho laud? And shall the citizen any more be arrested by an aj-med soldiery tit midnight, dragged from bis wife and child and home to a military prison ; tbouco to a mock military trial; thence con demned,'"and then banished as a felon for the exercise of bis fights 1 This is the issue; and nobly have you met it. It is the very ques tion of free, popular government itself. It is the whole question; upon the one side lib- I erty, oh the 'other despotism. The Presi- I dent ns the recognized bead of his parly, ao- I cepts ibe issue. Whatever he wills, that is law. -Constitutions, State and Federal, are nothing; acts of, legislation nothing; the ju diciary less than nothing. In time of war, there is but one will supremo—bis will?— but one law—military necessity, and bo .the solo judge. Military orders supercede the Constitution, and military commissions us urp the place of the ordinary courts of jus tice in the land. Nor are these more idle claims. For two years and more, by arms, they have been enforced. It was tho mi slon of tho weak hut presumtuous Burnside—a name infamous forever in tho ears ofall lov ers -if constitutional .liberty l —to. try the ex periment in Ohio, aided by a judge wlmm X name not, because be.bus brought foul dis honor upon tho judiciary o( niy country. In your bands now, men uf Ohio, is the final issue of the experiment. Tho parly of the Administration have accepted it. By pledg ing support to tho President, they have jus tified bis outrages upon liberty and the Con stitution ; and whoever gives his vote to the candidate of that party, commits himself to every act of violence and wrong on the part of tho Administration which he upholds; and I thus, by tiio law of retaliation, which is law of might, would forfeit bis own right to lib erty, personal and political,' whensoever oth er men and another .party shall hold the power. Much more do tho candidates them selves, Sulfor them not. I- entreat you, to evade the issue ; and by the judgment of the people we will abide. And now, finally let mo ask whitt is th e pretext for all tho irionstrous Acts and ol&izns - of arbitrary powerwhich you havb'so nobly denounced? “.Military necessity.” Bat if , indeed, nil these be demanded by military necessity, then believe me your liberties are' gone, and tyranny is perpetual. For if this civil war is to terminate only by subjugation or submission of the South to force and arms tho infant of to day will nbt-Tive to see tho end of it. -No, in another ' woy 'only can (t bo brought to a close. thousand miles or more, through nearly ohe dialf of the Confederate States, and sojourning for k time at widely different points,X riiet not one man, woman or child who was not resolved, to perish rather than yield .to tho ’pressure of. arms even in the most desperate extremity.-‘ And whatever may and must ’bo. thewfyins ' fortune of the. war, in ail which I'rocogruVo the hand of Providence pointing visibly to the ultimate issue of this great trial of the States and people of America; 1 they are bet-, ter prepared how-'every way to make gnr d their inexorable purpose than at any period since the beginning of the struggle. ; These may indeed bo unwelcome truths, hilt they are addressed only to candid 'and honest men. Neither, however, let me add, did I meet"ah*y whatever his opinions or his station', politi cal or private, who did not declare his readi ness, when the wav shall have ceased and in vading armies been withdrawn, to consider and discuss the question of reunion.- And w;ho shall doubt the issue of the arguriient? I return, therefore, with my opinions ami . convictions as to war or peace, and my faith, as to final results from ■ sound policy , arid wise statesmanship,.not only unchanged, hut confirmed and , strengthened, And hiay the God of heaven and. earth so rule ,tho heart! and minds (if Anierioans everywhere, tbiit' with a Constitution maintained,- a Union res tored, and.liberty henceforth male secure,-W.- grander and nobler destiny shall yet be ours . than that even' which'blessed our fathers in - tho first ttvo ages of the Republic, C. L. YALLANDIGKAM.;, . , ■ , v ■ A Kentucky Anecdote;—A. fehriflomif i owned n slavf, and a very intelligent feiloW; ivho was a universalist. Oh one occasion h» Hlust-fatcd the' intellectual character of Ins religion in the following manner : .- • A certain slave .hkd obtained, a’licensc-.of . the Bnhtists to preach, He was holding fonn in the presence of many of his colored breiX ren atone time, when he undertook to do scribe the process of-Adam’s creation. Said ho: ‘ When God made Adam, He stooped down 1 ,, scraped up a little dirt, wet it a ; little, warru it in the hands, -and squeeze it in the right shape, And' dea lean-it up against the fence to dry—.’ , ■ .... .. -■ . . 1 ‘ Ton dar,’ said qnr XJniversalist darkey. ‘ Yqu said -1 (ui'd-iH-iiMui eber mod o.' ... , * Suftain,’ said tho preacher. ‘ Den,’ said the other, ijes tell n feliar what dat ere fence come from ?’ ‘II ush !’ said the preacher, • two mnr’c questions like dot would spile all da fedlogy in de. world.’ . , A Detective’s'Wager.— A good story i-: told of a wager, laid- by a London detective with a country gentleman, that the 4att(fr bould not proceed from Oxford circus to the • ijiink, via flolhorn', .on foot,'with-.a without being,robbed of it. Tho wager was accepted, and the country gentleman “ de cided” to carry the guinea in his mouth as the safest-place.- All went well'until the country gentleman calne to Holborn bars', wlieie a crowd was collected around a Jew peddler boy whose box had been upset'by a boor. The crowd sympathizingiy helped tli'e lad ,'to.-pick up his traps ; but' ho would not he comforted because lie had lost all bis sav ings, consisting of a giiineaf..Says a boy. with a preternatural. squintavhile pointing to the country gentleman ; ■“lseed that gent pick it up arid put it ih his mouth.” - -'riio'unhnppy odfantiy gentleman wits con victed on the.clearest evidence;,he was boils netted. Imd his coat split up the back, ami was obliged, in addition to pay the wngerto the detective'. A Borin Man.—A gay fellow, wbo had ta ken lodgings at a public house, and got cpi'.- side'rnhly in debt, absented himself, and took new quarters. This so ehra/red.tlia landlord, that he chin missioned his wife to go and dun him, which the debtor having heard of, de clared publicly that if she oamc, he would kiss her, ‘Will he?’ said the iady ; ‘ Will he ? Give me my bonnet, Molly; X-will stis whether any fellow; lias such impudence 1’ ‘ My dear,’ said the cooling husband";pray dp not .he too rash. You do riot know Vvhat a man may do when he’s in a passion. How to Increase a Farm. —Rev. &. King, in a recent address to the California farmers, rebukes what lie calls their ■ lust for'im mense-ranches.’ Ho Tells them that if they have fifty acres and desire to have fifty rtiore, they should annex the fifty that lie beneath those they already own, anAgnin their title to them by the use of a plow. .' This is good ndwice, applicable in all localities;-iris a man had better increase his estate by tbofr (nigh culture, than by merely increasing its superficial area. O* A Methodist minister, living in Kan sas. living on a v ßirmll salary, was gratly troii ) bled to get his quarterly instalment. He at ) Inst told tho non-paying trustees that he must I hare money, ns he was suffering for the noc cessities of life. ‘Money! ‘replied the trus tees; ‘you preach for money?’ We thought you preached for the good of souls, 1 Souls!’ responded the reverend; ‘I can't cat souls —and if I could, it would take a thousand such as yours to make a meal.’ Loafers. —Different nations have different kinds of loafers. Tho Italian loafer spends his time in sleeping—the Turkish in dream ing—the Spanish in praying—the French in laughing—the English in swearing—the Rus sian in gambling—the Hungarian in smoker ing—the Gorman in dririkirig- and the Amer ican in talking polities. J cist So, jo n English writer, in giving ad vice to n woman, argues the advantage of keeping a garden and attending to it herself, and, as aaort of clinchey, adds thit mother Eve married a Qurtp truly remarks that the gardener, in conse quence of the match, lost his situation. DSB“ ‘ Have you heard my last sqll,'naked a wag who was noted for joking at the ex pense of other people’s feelings. - . ‘ No,’ replied the other, ‘ but X saw tbS grating over its windows tho Jaat time X passed by;’ -p [C7* Fnnj'.'Frirh snys hoop skirts , will nev-, er be dropped, In'spite of their abuse, -except at the bedside. Oh Fanny 1 , NO* 8.
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