American volunteer. (Carlisle [Pa.]) 1814-1909, June 01, 1854, Image 1

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    PCDLIStIED BVJ3R* THURSDAY- MORNING
v~ py B; Bratton.
'PERM’S:
Subscription.— One pollw-and Fifty Conta, i !
bald In advance j swb.'Dollars if paid .within the
year? and Two J>°lljbpb and Corits) if not
p»ld,wUhintho year; Those tgrras will bo rigid-
j y adhered; toincvory instance.-'No subscription
dtscontliiucd.uhtil'uil arrearages are paidunless
at the option of the Editor, ‘
; jAnvEaTisEWßnrfl—Accompanied by the Cash,
and not exOepdlng.bns square,will bo inserted
three timea-for one Dollar, ond twenty-five cents,
for eachaddilional insertion. Those of a greater
length Jn proportion.
; ’ Jon-PniNTiNQ; —Such as -Iland. Bills,'Posting
Bills, Pamphlets,'Blanks; Labels, fee.; Ike:oxc*
bated with accuracy' and af the Shortest notice.
‘‘TBUST IN COif,' AND PEBSIiVEnE.”.,.
Brother, is iifb’s morning clouded,
■ Has the sunlight coaled to shine?
t: ,• Is thocarth in darkness shrouded, -
, • Would’st thou at thy lot repluo? •
Chaor, up, brother, let thy vifelbn
,.j Look above, see I .light is near, ,
Soon .will conie the next transition, .
, ‘‘Trust iu God,and persevere.”
Brother, has life’s hopes recoded,
’■ ■./, Hast thou sought its joj v S in.vuln.7
■. ■ ’ Priouds proved lUls-nwbcn mostly needed,
V: ’. .Foes rejoicing at thy pain.? ,
Cheer up, brother, there’s a blessing
. . ... .Waiting for fear,; ,
‘ ' • Foes forgiving,‘sins confessing.
'' God, and peVscvero,”
Brother,'all thing* round are calling
; With united voice, “be strong I”
bf earth bo galling,
They,mustlose, tlieii; strength ere long.
, Yes, my brother;-though life’s troubles
Drive tlu" noil; tlieo 'dark despair, . '
'Soon’twill, vanish like a bubble,
“Trust In God, and persevere.”
' He,lrani IliaTdgh throne in Heaven,
. • -.Wutchos.every step you take,' .
Ho will.tfao each fetter riven,
Which your foes in linger make ;
, Cheer.up, brother, lie has power
,lL To'flry up the bittir tear,
7: 'Aud though'darkest tempest lower,
' • “Trust in Hod, and persevere.”
Brother there’s a quict slurnber
Waiting for thou in the graver
Brother, there’s a glorious number
1 Christ in mercy deigns to .save;
Wait, thou, till llle’s, quiet even
Closes, round thiee, calm and clear,
And till .called from earth to heaven,
“Trust in God, and persevere.”
SGiCCHB OP UEim
-Searcher of hearts t —from mine oraso
. All thoughts that should not be,
And in Its deep recesses trace
■' My gratitude to Thee;.-
Hearer of pray’rl—oh, guide aright,
Each word add.deed of mine 5
Life’s battle teach mo how to fight,
, -And be the victory Thine.
Glvcr of all (-r-for cy’ty good,
In the lleddemcr canio,
For raiment, shelter, and for food,
I thank Thee in Hls naine.
Father and Son and Holy, Ghost,
Thou glorious Three in One,
Thouknowost best what most I need,
* • And lot Thy wllf bo done.'
3&fe«llnnrd«s.
* THE COUSINS
BY MISS MITVORD.
Lawyer Molesworth was'a rich landlord in
Crauley, the native town of Miss Mitford. Hu
lud two (blighters, to whom hia pleasant house
owed its chief attraction. was iv boautl
ful woman, Jersey w.is a pretty girl. Tim fond
father Intended that Joasoy should marry a poor
relation, one Charles Woodford. Charles had
been brought up by his uncle’s kindness, and
had recently returned into the 1 family from a
great office In London.- Charles Was to bo the
immediate partner ami the eventual successor to
the flourishing business of his benefactor, whoso
regard seemed fully juslilioi\ by the excellent
conduct and runirkablu talents of the orphan
nephew. Agnes, who secretly entertained an
affection for Charles, was destined by her .father
for a young baronet, who had lately been much
at the house.
But in affaire of- love, as in all others, says
Miss Milford, m in is born to disappointments.—
So found poor Molesworth, who—Jcsscy having
arrived at (ho age of eighteen, and Charles at
(hat of (wound twenty—offtred Ids pvctly daugh
ter and-the lucrative partnership to his penniless
relition, and was petritled with astonishment
mid Indignation to find the connection very re
spectfully declined. The young man was much
distressed ami agitated ami said that lie hud the
highest respect for. Miss Jessoy, but could not
marry her— lie loved another! And then he
poured forth a confidence as unexpected as it
was undcslred by. his Incensed patron, who left
him in undiminisluid wrath and increased per-
Thif[ntorviuw hud taken place immodlilely
after brealcruitVnml when the conference ended
the provoked father sought his daughters, who,
happily unconscious of all (hat hud occurred,
were amvfeing themselves in ihclr splendid con
servatory—a scene always as becoming as It is
agreeable to youth and baanty. Jessoy was
flitting about like a butterfly among .the fragrant
orange trees and bright geraniums. Agnes vva
standing under a superb fuschld.i thathung over
a largo basin —her form' and'altitude, her.white
dross and the classical arrangement of her dark
hair giving hcr iiloOk of some nympth or naiad,
a rare relic of Groclan art. Ocssoy was pratl
tiing gaily, as she wandered about, of a con oar
they lud 'attended the evening before at the
country town. „ , ...,
<‘l halo'concerts,” said tlio pretty lltllo flirt;
“to sit-bolt upright on a hard bench for four
hours, between the same four people, without
the possibility of moving or speaking to any
body, or any body’s getting to usl Oh, how
tirosorao It is)”
“I saw Sir Edmund lryb~ lu slide through
the crov;i iv roach you,” said Agnes, a IUUc
archly, Mills presence would, perhaps, have mit
igated thu evil, but tho barricade was too com
plete 5 ho was forced to retreat without accom
plishing his object.” ..
<*¥oll, l nnavivu you he thought U, very tire
some, ho told mo so when wo were coming out.
And then that music,” pursued Jessy,‘tho noise
they cull mtndc! Sir Edmund says that ho likes
ho music except'my guitar, or a/into on thu
Water, and 1 like nohu except your playing on
tho organ and singing Handel on a Sunday eve
nlngl or Charles "Woodford’s reading Milton and
bits of Hamlet. * ■
“Do you call ; lhat nlaslc?” asked; Agues,
laughing; ’ ‘And yet/ continued she, ‘lt i**, inoat
truly, withhla rich, Pdata-lUco volco,&ud his lino
souse of sound {• and to you, who do not greatly
loyo it for Its sake, It Is doubtless,a pleasure,
much resembling In kind that of. the most thril
ling melodies on the noblest of instruments. 1
myself havo" swell a gratification In hearing that
voice recite Ul9 verses of Homer and Sophocles
in tho original Greek—Charles Woodford read
ing is music.”- r, r.
.. “It Is music which neither",of you are likely
to hoaragaln,” Interrupted Mr. Molesworlh, ad
vancing suddenly towards them j for he has been
ungrateful, and I haVe diflehurgcdhlm.’-* '
•-Agnes stood as If petrified. “Ungrateful 1
oh, futhorl; i "' . • ■
“You can’t have, discharged him to bo sure,
Papa/* said Jbaaoy,always" good nflturod, “poor
Charles, what can ho have done 1” •
“ItofUsod your hand, my child,’-’ said tho nn-
Rty" parent; “refused to ho" my partner and eon
ia-iaw, and fallon’ln lovo with another. lady 1 —
What have you to pay to him now V* ,
‘Why,veully,‘Pnpa,” said Jossey, “I’m much
BY JOHN B. BRATTON.
VOL 40.
more obliged tb him for refusing my hand, Ilian
to voil for offering U. I like Charles wolf for a
cousin, but I should not.like sUclnr husband at
nil; so if this refusal bo the worst that has hap
pened, there’s no greathdrm done. And ofTtho
glpsoy ran—declaring she must put on her hab
it, for she bad promised to ride with Sir Ed
mund and his sister j and expected them every
minute.. : ‘
The father and the favorite daughter remained
In tho conservatory. -•-
• “Thb heart Is untouched, however,” said Mr.
Molesworth, looking after her with a smile.
“Untouched by'Obarles 'Woodford, undoubt-
replied Agnc'sj ‘but boa ho really refused
my sister?” ' ‘ * -
’ “Undoubtedly.”
■ ‘‘And docs he love another?’.* • - ’
“Ho.aays ho docs, and I believe him.*? ■
“Is ho loved ngoin ?” '
“That ho did not say,” 1
“Did ho toll tfyo name of tho lady ?”
• “Yes.” ’ ■ ' ‘ ■
“Is she worthy of him ?”
‘ “Most worthy.” . ' • •
■ “Has ho any hope of gaining her affections ?
Oil 1 ho must I ho must I What woman cobld
refuse him
' “Ho is determined not ,to. try. The lady
whom lib loves Is above him in every way; and
as much as he has counteracted my-wlsbea, it is
ah honorable part of Charles Woodford’s con
duct, that ho Intends to leave her affections un
suspected by his object,” ‘
Here ensued a short pahso in the dialogue,
during which Agnes appeared trying to occupy
herself with collecting the blossoms of h capo
jessamine, ahd watering a favorite geranium}
but it would not dot the subject was at her heart
and she could not force her mind to indifferent
occupations. She returned to her father, who
had been anxiously watching her countenance,
and resumed her conversation.
“Father! perhaps It-is hardly maidenly to
avow as much, but although you never have in
sot words told mo your intentions, I have yet
seen and know, I cannot tell how, ail that your
kind partiality towards us has designed for yonr
children. You have mistaken mo, dearest fath
er, doubly mistaken mo ? fit to fill a splendid
place In society j next, In imagining that I de
sire such splendor.'- You meant to give Josscy
and the lucrative partnership to Charles Wood
ford, and designed me and your .large posses
sions for yohr wealthy and titled neighbor. And
with little, change of person these arrangements
may yet hold good. Sir Edmund may still bo
your son-in-law and-heir, for ho loves Jcssoy
and Jcssey loves him. Charles Woodford may
still ho your partner and adopted son, for noth
ing has changed that need diminish yournffec
lion or his merit. Marry him to tlio woman ho
loves.- She must bo ambitious, indeed, if she
bo not content with such a destiny. Ami lot roe
live on with you, dear father, single and umved
dod, with no-thought but to coritrlbuto to your
comlort, and'to cheer and brighten your de
clining years/ Do not let your too groat fond
ness forme stand in the way of their happiness I
Make mo not so odions tothem and myself, dear
father ! Let' mo live always with you and .for
you—always your own Agnesi” And blushing
at the earnestness .with which she had spoken,
she bent her head over the marble basin, whoso
waters reflected her fair Image, as if she had re
ally been the Grecian statute, to which, while
ho listened, her fond father’s fancy had compar
cd her. “Lot mo live single with you, and mar
ry Charles to the woman ho loves.” r
“Uavo you hoard the name' of the lady in
question 7 Have you formed ony guess whom
sho may bo?”
“Not the slightest, I Imagined from what
you said that she*was a stranger to mo. Have
I over seen her?”
_“Yoti may see her—at least you may. Bob her
tcflectlon In tho water, at this very moment 5
for bo has bad the infinite presumption. Hie ad
mirable good taste, to fall lu love with ids cous
in Agnes.*
“Father 1”
“And now my own sweetest 1 Do yon still
wish to live single with me ?”
“6b, father! father!”
“Or do you desire tbatl should marry Charles
Lo the woman of Ids heart/”
“Father, dear fatbcrl”
“Choose, my Agnes! * It shall bo an you com
mand. _ Speak freely. Do not cling around mo
but speak,”
Ob, my dear father! Cannot we all live to
gether? .1 cannot leave you. But poor Charles
—surely, father, wo may live together.”
And so it was settled. And a very few months
proved (hot lovo bad contrived bolter for Mr.
Molosworth than he bad done for himself.' Jcs
soy, with her pretmioss, and her fopperies, was
the very thing to bo vain of— the very thing to
visit for n day. But Agnes and the cousin whoso
noble character and splendid talents so well de
served her, made tho pride and happiness of hia
homo.
- The Admirable Crichton,
James Crichton was bom in Scotland, about
the year 1501. His father was Robert Crichton,
of Eliock—for a time Lord Advocate to King
James VI. Young Crichton received the best
part of his education at St. Andrew’s, then the
most celebrated Seminary in Scotland. His
proficiency was marvellous, At the age of se
venteen, lie appeared in franco, and, after chal
lenging all the scholars and philosophers of the
college of Navarre to a public disputation, to bo
carried on in any one of twelve specified langua
ges, In any science, liberal art, discipline, or
faculty, whether practical Or theoretic, carried
off. the prizo.-and received the public praises of
the president and four of the most eminent pro
fessors, The very next day he appeared at a
lilting-match in the Louvre and took tho ring
from u host of accomplished competitors. En
thusiasm rose to its height, particularly among
the ladies of tho Court, r.uulVom thoversitnlity
of his talents, his youth, the gracefulness of his
timers, and the beauty of hia person, ho was
named *• L’Admirable* —whcnco followed tho
title by which he has been since more familiarly
known, Tho Admirable Crichton.” He jour
neyed from university to university, posting his
challenge on church-doors and college-pillars,
encountering with miraculous success the most
profound philosophers of tho day. At Mantua,
lie vanquished tho most celebratcdswordsman
in Italy. He was suddenly cut off, in his twen
ty-third year, by an assassin. Ho was return
ing one night from tho house of his mistress,
playing hla guitar and singing as ho walked,
(for he was an accomplished musician,! and was
attacked bv several armed men in masks. One
of these he'disarmed—the rest fled. Upon un
masking tho captive, he saw it was tho Prince
of Mantua, one of hia former pupils, who in
stantly dropping on his kneo, presented his
sword to Crichton and begged for life, but tho
victor generously declined hia advantage. As
soon as the Princo recovered his sword, ho run
it through Crichton’s body.
. Qv* Sheridan wrote, “Women governus'; lot
us try to render theiri perfect. The more they
arocnlightcncd, so nuioh tho more wo shall bo.
On tho cultivation of the minds of women de
pends tho wisdom of men." ■ Napoleon said,
“tho future destiny of tho child is always the
work of tho mother.”
(C7* An old bachelor geologist was boasting
that every rook was as familiar to him as the
alphobot. A lady, who was present, declared
she know of a rock of which ho was wholly
ignorant. “Name it, madam!" cried Coelebs,
inarago. “Ifia rook tho cradle, replied
Uio lady. ■'Coelebs‘evaporated.
't .. ; /j
JFrom the Cincinnati Commercial,
A- ROMANTIC MAM.
. We have iust learned of some romantic ad
ventures, which took place at. Cynthinia, Ky.y
ft Tew days ago.,- .It appears that a very clever,
fine looking-young gcntlerhanffrom Philadel-.
phia, had occasion to visit Cynthlma, on busi
ness during the. past winter, and while there,
became acquainted- with a young lady, Miss
B , somewhat celebrated for her charms.—
Mr. S— L —, the Philadelphian, was not proof
against the bright eyes of tho Kentucky maiden.
Hehad never seen such a glprious, liquid, spark
ling pair of orbs among the daughters of the
Old . Keystone. He was ravished, intoxicated,
and finally proposed to the bright eyes and was
accepted’. With a light heart ho started back
to the Quaker City to make‘the necessary ar
rangements for the celebration of his nuptials,
the day for which having already been’ agreed
upon.’ •
The winter rolled on, and spring and its flow
ers came again, as did also the particular day
for the lovers return; but ho came not. In two
days more the marriage was to come off The
fair one was restive ond mortified. JVith her
bright) eyes full of tears; sho denounced the
faithfulness of‘her lover, and trembled at the
open mortification which would overwhelm her
if hccamenot. At this favorable juncture an
old and discarded lover, whom no unklndncns
could divest of hope or lessen the fervency of
his first affection, presented himself.. Tic renew*
cd his suit. Ho spoke of his undying lovo; the
holy happiness of the wedded state; of a cot
tagcsomcwherciuthe deep bosom of unbragoons
grove, with the honcy-suckloand the .fasamino
creeping over the windows and along the lattic
ed porch. Tho trembling fair onewas channcd
at the picture. Love in a cottage—the quint
essence of human-bliss .in the estimation of a
girl of “sweet sixteen.” Sheblushcd and smil
ed, hut yet hesitated. The lover was in exsta
cies at the favorable symptoms. With renewed
nrdorbe urged his suit. He was prolific in tears
and promises, and trimmed the cottage with a
few more honcy-sucklcs, and the thing was done.
The Philadelphia gallant was given up. He was
a “laggard in love,” and deserved no considera
tion. Her faith was pledged to nnothei 4 , and
the same day fixed for the marriage which was
to have witnessed her union with Mr, S .
But the end was not yet. During the same
day a third lover presentcd himsllfand declar
ed his passion. The fair maiden frankly told
him she had just engaged herself to another,
and invited him to the wedding as a guest, in
stead of a groom. On the same evening, (Sun
day) Mr, S arrived from Philadelphia.—
Ho was not long in finding out how matters
stood, and was aghast at the intelligence that
Missß was to l>o married to another in
stead of himself, oh the following Tuesday. Ho
, at once took his way to her house and had an
interview, with the result of which be seemed
particularly well pleased. 11c then stepped in
to tho principal livery stable in the place, and
asked to hire the very best carriage and horses
to go to Mnvsville.* The pronrictor informed
him that it would be impossible to nccoimno
datebirn. That he was to be married on the
following Tuesday, and would have use for all
his carriages to go on a’little bridal tour which
he purposed. “May Task to whom.,?”sat'd
Mr. S- , with some misgivings. “To Miss
B was tho reply. Mr. S preserved
bis temper, ond simply remarked that it was
highly important ho should be at. Mavsrille at
the earliest possible moment, and that be was
prepared to give any reasonable nricc for a car
riage. Tho liberality of this indirect offer bad
a sensible effect on the proprietor. He got out
irs best hack and pair, and charged the young
stranger the sum of SflO for the trip. In a very
short time afterwards. Miss B found herself
sitting beside the young Philndclnbinn. in the
above mentioned carriage, and going towards
Mnvsville at the ratoof about ten miles an hour.
It wnsspon noised through the town that Miss
B had run away with her Philadelphia
lover. Her guardian who*wns opposed* to tho
match, at once mounted a fleet horse, and start
ed In hot pursuit. About half-way to Mavs
vllle, ho overtook tho fugitives and attempted to
seize the young ladv. The young Philadelphian
waived him oft. and spake in this wise: “Sir.
vou can’t have her; and you must do one of
thrce thlngs—you must go back and leave us to
pursue our innrnov. or you must kill me. orl’ll
kill you.” This talk brought gunrdy upstand
ing. It was entirely unexpected. And not
wishing to kill, and particularly not to bo kill
ed, ho accepted the first proposition, turned
tail and look tho hack track. > The lovers pur
sued.their way to Mnvsville,* crossed over to
Aberdeen, were married, drove bank to Cyn
tbiana, and put up at the principal hotel.
A crowd at once surrounded itho house and
threatened vengeance on IhO’Pniladelpbian for
carrying away the prettiest girl in tho town, and
who was tho promised-wife of an esteemed citi
zen. Tho voting man nothing daunted, placed 1
Ins wife safely in her chamber, and then came I
boldly down to tho stens of the hotel and began
to address tho mob. If our phonographic notes
arc correct, his speech was exactly in these
words: “Gentlemens you ought not to blame
me for what t have done. Most of vow, would
have done the same thing, had yon been in mv
place. Instead of threats and reproaches, you
ought to oflcr mo a complimentary supper.—
Still, if you arc not satisfied, t am ready to give
you satisfaction. I will fight you all, one at a
tVmo, and if that don’t do. I’m ready to nnt, nil
through at once, and.thcn cleanoutlhobalunco
of tho town.”.
This show of chivalry was 100 much for an
Kentucky' audience. The sympathy of the
crowd at once changed sides. They gave him
three deafening cheers, and then rushed in and
congratulated him with all tho heartiness of the
Kentucky character. Tho landlord was order
ed to bring out his best Bourbon, and plenty of
it, and tho crowd with great goodwill and.sin
cerity, gave and drank to tho hanny groom Hie
noble sentiment—“ None but tho bravo,deserve
the fair.” ’
"I Still Mvo."
Lord Byron onco remarked ‘Glory consists in
being shotln battle, and having ono’fl name re
ported wrong la tho dead and wounded list.’
Wo woro never more strongly .reminded of
tho truth of this assertion, and how little the
groat are remembered after tholr death than on
hearing a few days since,'the following anec
dote of an Eastern farmer trying to repeat tho
last words of tho ‘Godlike Webster,’ *1 still
live j’
A'gontlomanromorlccd,‘Life ievory uncertain.’
Ah yes ’ replied the farmer ‘that’s true every
wont* of It 5 and by the way Captain, that makes
mo think of what ono of your big Massachusetts
men said when ho died a spell ngo.^
‘Who was It?’ Inquired the Captain.
‘Well, I don’t jest call his name tondudnow,
but at any rate ho ."was a big; pOlltleiuner, and
lived near Boston, somewhere. My newspaper
said that whbn ho died, the Boston folks put
his imago in tholr windows, ond had a funeral
foY'a wholo day.* ■ . , ••’ " ’
‘Perhaps it was Webster,’, suggested tho Cap-
that’s" tho anmol Webster—General
Webster I Strange I couldn’t think on U n jbro.
But ho got ofTagood thing jeatuforo hodlod.
Ho Vie up In bod and soys ho, ‘I-u.Vr nr.u)
vbt 5’— LH. JlAucttmr ; ■ ■ .
“oon COUNTRY—WAY IT RIGHT—-DDT RIOIIT OR WRONG, Ot'R OPCNTUy',”
Carlisle; june i, issi.
'Br n. prentice.
The sunsSt'iweet and iioly blush
la stream,
All and solemn hush
Is lUco'the .aljimco of a dream j
And each coding like a dove
O’er scenes w ibusing spiritsdcar—
Sweet Maryf.'tlftttfe hour of love,
And I thou were here.
Thy myriad flofrisra of every hue
• Are slnklng’to.'tbelr evening rest,
Each with tintdd(4i;op pfdcw
Soft folded; prints sleeping breast,
The birds yoh silent grove
'Aro dreaming wat the spring Is near—
Sweet Mary,WiSsi6 hour of love,
•And I jv.ero htyst If thou were hero.
' On yoh whito'ddu'd the night wind-furls
Its djgjyy -wlng to sleep,
And the stars look out like pearls
Thro* IhoclcarwaVc of heaven’s blub deep;
The palo mUt floats around, above,
Like spirits ofa nobler ‘sphere—
Sweet Mary, '(ls tfto hour of love,
And I were blest if thou were hero.
The pale Aijl mooß.la silent pride, ,
O’er yon qhr|t Woos is rising now,
As lovely as WjibnrbV thy side
I saw it shlnlng-cty thy brow;
It lights the dew'dHnp of the grove,
As hope’s brightismllo lights beauty’s star :
Sweet Mary, *IU tifa hour of love,
And I were blcstif thou were here.
Ah! os I mftse, a stfango wild thrill
Steals o’eV thdflbera of my frame—
A gentle presenfcOscems to fill
My heart with and light, and flame ?
I feel thy spirit roiuid nie move,
I know thy-soul ip hovering near—
Sweet Mary, 'tis Ibil hour of love,
And I were blfc,st If thou were near.
•- ;.:.n
Inside View of ir Boarding House.
A singular place* is-a boarding bouse. A
person ol’an observing turn of mind can obtain
therein a better knowledge of the human charac
ter than any other habitation on the face of the
globo. It contains very.often individuals of ev
ery temperment and peculiarity; from nn old
maid of* forty.down to the sweet young Miss in
pautalutts and flowing curia 5 from the dilapida
ted bachelor of sixty to the' premising youth of
twelve. It Is. tho scope, too, of very many cu
rious incidents, whiclvoro hs varied as they are
frequent. “Prlnatunl’.G,” as Ycllowplush would
say; Mr. Snooks, wtyrdsan Englishman of re
cent importation, complains in a mannermost dis
tressing, to the landlady; that the articles which
ho has been obliged to breakfast ofli viz : fritters,
are not just tho-thlng.to work upon, and would
wish a change made If-possible. Becistoak is
his preference,.and- suggests it us tho morning
diet. Sleek, who isfrlmdownEaatsomewhero,
can’t stomach a bcarlyfcrcakfast, and insists up
on things remaining just aejlhcy nvo. lie is
perfectly satisfied, and thinks those feeling oth
i erwise had belter Vnikins objects
to hash; not because ..lid'ilon’t like the dish, hut
thinks it would ho mMc|ridigiaelory to ids palate
’ it he knew of otnposed. He says
i {hut it hears rv to a mass of
.worsted stockings up. An ex
cellent comparison, nay, but not at nil
suggestive of appetite. "JUisa Jones can’t bear
tobacco smoke, and hopes that no gentleman,
as is a gentleman,will smoko .his .cigar in tho
pnrloi; while Puller, who is a lover of tho weed,
besides being a good fellow, thinks it a doveliah
pretty how-d’ye-do if a man can't smoke where
he pleases, at the same time he, of course feels
tho greatest respect for Miss J. The conse
quence is that Puffer and Miss J. are at logger
heads for a considerable length of time. Brown
is dlsatlsflcd with bis room mate, and suggests
flint to make things agreeable, Tompkins had
better pack up bis “dry goods’* and “put,”
while the latter individual, who is something of
u philosopher, can’t see any reason for such an
unwarantablo proceeding, and gently hints that
if Brown wishes to he olono he would do well to
seek sonic other place of habitation himself.
And so it goes on ; everyone complaining, and
having some just cause of complaint. Sunday
is a great day among thorn. They are nil at
homo; the routine of tho household is somewhat
varied from that of ft week day, and all revel in
the anticipation of something extra for dinner.
No sooner does the boll utter its first note, than
a promiscuous rush Is made for tho dining table;
and indeed we have, on more than one occasion,
known individuals to loiter around tho eating
room door, to be ready at tho first warning to
occupy a good scat at tho viands offered to bo
sacrificed. ’ Poor'luck to the ono who comes
Jato I • Scandal, likewise, finds room for exor
cise lu a boarding house, and scandal mongers
are .often obliged to pay the penalty of a
Ihoughtlesshabit. In short, overythlngtbat oc
‘curs to niako up this world’s miseries, »ro to bo
found in a domicil of tbj? description, yot they
are alway# full, no matter if they are ever so (
bad, and just so long as tho world wags. Just so
long willthoro bo boarding houses, where a gen
tleman and his wife, or two single gentlemen ~
cun be Sccommodatcdwith full orpartlnl board, r
Terms moderate* ■
How to Iny (i Korvous filiost'.
Judge Q., ol ttew Hampshire, was a very
whimsical, nervous, null irritable old man; nil
who attended his courts must wear slippers,
tread softly* and ho particularly careful how
they closed the defers. One day the judge fell
sick, and was nigh mi‘o death ; indeed, it was
reported,and the belief was general, that he was
chad. Ilia immediate neighbors, of course, soon
discovered that it was a mistake ; but as the
judge was not popular, the news of Ida recov
ery did nut travel as fast an had the rumor of
his death. A gentleman from a distant part of
the country was walking the street s of (ho shire
town, several weeks afterwards, with a friend,
when lohis astonishment they chanced to meet
the tall spare figure of the nervous magistrate.
"Why,” saldho to hlscompanion, "llliopght
the judge was diml!”
"Well, he did die,” was the reply, “and was
buried, too, for I attended the funeral. But af
ter ho had been ipuler the ground three weeks,
some one was thoughtless enough_ to pass
through the grave-yard with squeaking bools,
and up rams aid'd I ‘Tho next (iffiohc sunder
ground, his friends intend to have the grave-yard
carpeted.”
\CP God intended nil women to be beautiful,
ns much an ho did morning-glories and roses ;
ami what Ho intended they should become they
would, if, they would obey Uis law’s, and cut
indolence and corset strings, and indulge in free
dom and fresh air. For a girl to expect to bo
handsome, with the action of her lungs depen
dant on the expansive nature of a cent s worth
of tnpoi is as ausurd ns to look for tulips m a
Snow batik,* or a full grown oak in a flower-pot.
(£7* Prosperity is apt to ruin come folks.—
The more sunshine ;thcy have, tho deeper they,
get into clouds. Sprouts was a clover, sensible
enough fellow, Ittl his old. uncle. Zephemali
Flam, stepped out and left lura §25,000. Ever
Bhioo thattimo, Sprouts has acted more like a
mndmnndhan any thing else. Miss Jigs, joo,
was a gem, till Smith left her a heap of gold—
Now she’s a sort of a cross between a squash, a
flat, and tho fag end of ft conference meeting.
Forkcepiugfolksm tune and ploco, and mak
ing them feel like Christiana, tkcrc’s nothing
like’ uttering free of prosperity. . ■ .
A jjji
A Scene from Beal life—Woman's Lore. TJic Baffled Lawyer.
| We saw last evening 'an apt illustration of the At the last.si tting of the Cork .Assizes, a case
afibetionof woman. A poor, inebriated wretch was brought,before the Court in which the
lin the afternoon baa been taken to the calaboose. , • • n 1 a *
His conduct on the street, and after ho was put P r, f‘P al ™ lnes3 f° r thc "•as «
l in the cell, was of such a violent character‘that ' vcU known in the surrounding country by tbc
it became necessary to handculThim. Thedc- sobriquetof “Crazy Pat.”
mon of rum had possession of his soul, and he Upon “Crazy Pat” being called upon, for his
gave vent to his ravings in curses so profane as evidence* tho attorney for 1 the prosecution ex
to shock the senses of his fellow prisoners, one tried to the utmost critent his knowledge of le
of whom, in the same cell, at his own soltcitn- gal chicanery, in the endeavor to force the wit
tion, was placed m a separate apartment. A ness into some slight inconsistency, upon which
woman appeared at the grating, and in her he might build.a “point,” buthewas excessive
hands she had a rude tray, upon which was ly annoyed to find that Crazy Pat’s evidence
placed some slices of bread, fresh from the hearth was consistent throughout.
stone, and other little delicacies for her erring Perceiving, that acute questioning failed to
husband. She stood at the lnten- answer Ids purpose, the disciple of Coke and
ly into the thick gloom where her manacled Blackstonc betook himself to that oftentimes
companion wildly raved. Her voice was low successful resource of lawyers—ridicule,
and soft, and as she called his name, its utter- , “What did you say your name was IV ho in
ance was as. plaintive as the melody of a fond quired tlippnnlly.
aud crushed spirit. “Folks call me Crazy Pat, but ”
Ihe tears streamed from her eyes, and there, “Crazy Pat, eh ? A very euphonious title,
m thodark prison house, the abode of the most quite romantic, eh 1”
wretched and depraved, the tones of her voice ijßoWtic or not, sur, it wudn’t be a bod
found their way into that wjeked man's heart, idea if the Parliament wud give it to yourself,
and he knelt in sorrow and in silence before his an* lave me to chusc another.”
young and injured wife, while his heart found , This caused a slight laugh in the court-room
relief in tears such only as man can weep.— and the presiding judge peeped over his spccta
ihough the iron still bound his wrists, heplao- cles at the attorney, as much as to sav, “Vou
ed hiai bauds, with (heir heavy insignia of deg- have your match now.”
radation. confidingly and affectionately upon “And what did you say your trade was”
the brow of his fair companion, and exclaimed,. continued the disconcerted barrister, with an
“ Katy, I Mill bo a better* man.” There upon angry look at the witness.
a rude seat she had spread the humble meal ‘l’m a tanner, sur.”
M’hich she had prepared with her own hands, “A tanner, ch! And how long do you think
and after lie bad finished, she rose to depart, it would lake you to tan an ox-hide 1”
bidding him be calm and resigned for her sake, “Well, sur, since it sanies to be very impor-
Mitb the assurance that she M’ould bring a friend tant furyc to know, it’s myself that’ll jist tell
to go om his bond, and that she would return ye—that’s inlirely own’ to circumstances, in
and takehim homo. And she left him. a strong tirely.”
man, with his head drooping upon his breast, “Did you ever tan the hide of an asal”
-ii'Med before the weak nn.i "*
ft very coward humiliated beFore" the weak ami “An ass? No sur, but if you’ll just step
tender being, whose presence and affection had down the lane, afdier the Coort, bo labors I’ll
stilled the angry passions of In’s soul. True to give ye physical demonstration that I cud tan
the Instincts of her love and promise, she did the hide of an ass in the shortest end of three
return with one who went on his bond for hia minutes. 1 *
appearance next morning, and with his hand The unexpected reply of the witness brought
clasped in that of his loving wife, she led him forth roarsof laughter, in which theCcnch'hcar
nway n penitent, nnd we trust, a better man. lily joined? whilst ihebnfiledatojuey, blush*
There were those who laughed, as that pale, ing to the eyes, hastily informed ‘'Crazy I’at”
meek woman bore oil her erring husband, but that he was no longer required.
she heeded them not, and her self-sacrificing
cared for nothing in its holy and
heaven-bom instincts, but to preserve nnd pro
tect him whom she loved with all the devotion
of a wife and woman— St. Louis Republican.
The Kisses 0/ Girls.
Hardly any two females kiss alike. There is
as much variety in the manner of doing it as in
the faces and manners of the sex. Some deli
calc little creatures merely giro a slight brush
of the lip. This is a sad aggravation. Wc
seem to be about to “ have a good lime of .it,”
but actually get nothing. Others go into us
like a hungry.man to a beef steak, and seem’ to
chew up our countenances. This is disgusting,
and soon drives away a delicate lover. Others
struggle like hens when burying themselves in
the dry dirt. The-kiss is won by great exer
tions, and is not worth so trouble
it coats. Now, wc oreJn, favor of a certain shy
ness wheh irtciss'is -proposed, bufit should hot
bo continued too long; and whon 'lho fnir one
“gives jn,”ict the kiss be administered with
warmth and energy. Let-there be a soul in it.
If she close her eyes and sigh immediately after
it, the effect is greater. She should be careful
not to “slobber” a kiss, but givp it as a hum
ming bird runs his bill into a honeysuckle, deep,
but delicately. /There is much value iu a kiss,
when well delivered. Wc have had the memory
of one wc received in our youth last us forty
years; and we believe it will be the last thing
we shall think of when wc die.
Carpets Versus Blankets.
There is a town up in New Hampshire where
so little Is known of the appliances of modern
days, that throughout the village, until the de
but of Rev. , who had just moved
in from Massachusetts, there was not a carpet
ed room, Of this the minister was not aware,
or perhaps he would have hesitated at the idea
of indulging in such unwonted article of luxury.
One day a young farmer, having occasion to
visit the minister, was shown by the minister’s
daughter into the “best room.”
When the minister camodown to sec him, he
found him sitting in a chair on the door sill
with his legs extending out into the entry.
Amazed and somewhat puzzled by this unex
pected sight, Mr, M. asked him why he didn’t
go into the parlor.
“0,” said he, “J teas.afearcd of spilin' yoitr
blanket by trendin' or, it."
His amazement may bo imagined, that the
“blanket” was apcrmanentilxlure of tberoftn,
omLwos kept fur tbc very purpose of being
trodden on.
This anecdote, which may appear a little
dike exaggeration, is, the reader may be assured,
perfectly true.
A Good Onr.—Judge W — : —, who had been
for many years a worthy occupant of the fede
ral bench in Michigan, fell into conversation a
few days since in a barber-shop with a plain,
substantial looking, and rather aged stranger,
from the neighborhood of Tccumseh. The Judge
being formerly well acquainted in that vicinity,
took occasion to ask after certain of Us citizens.
“ You know Mr. B— do you ?” said tho
Judge.
" Very well,” was the reply.
41 Ho is well, is ho?” .
” Quite well,” was the answer.,
Judge W then remarked, "Mr. B is
a very duo man.”
"Y-o-s, ” said the old farmer rather cautious*
ly, "a fine man for ft lawyer —you know we
don’t expect a great deal of them / ”
A Fair'Hit. —Wb copy tho following from
the Commonwealth •’
"An exchange paper publishes a story in
which it is stated that a man who came very
near drowning, had u wonderful recollection of
every event, Which hud occurred in his life.—
There are a few of our subscribers whom wo
would recommend to practice bathing in deep
water)” ’■ - ’" .
C 7“ Whcn’ft young lad}' arrives at tho age of
seventeen and long dresses, she begins to look
after ft partner, as naturally as April takes to
showers, mud and cast winds. If there is one
invention more than another that cannot get
along without a visit to tho parson, it is a young
female just out of pantalets and in the lirst edge
oflove and long skirts. ' *
CIIAKLKS MaTJJEWS AND MUNPlitf—MfttllOWS
was always sprucely dressed, and fond ol a
handsome umbrella. Mvmden was miserly in
his habits. Ifo was generally meanly dressed,
and. carried an old cotton parachute. After
Munden had left tho stage, Mathews met him
one day in Oovent Garden.
. MAh, Munden,” said Mathowh, “I beg you’ll
lot mo have something of yours for ; a remem
brance.” .
• ‘ Certainly, mV bor, ” replied Munden“we'll
exchange umbrellas.’
Mathews was So taken by storm that Mun
den walked off with a new umbi*ellA.-r-4nec
dotcs'of Mtorf* \ ' ''
at 52,00 per Annum.
NO. 51.
Pat anil llis Oysters.
Pat, who had just been transplanted, had been
sent by his master to purchase a bushel of oys
tors, at the quayl. but was absent so long that
apprehensions were entertained for his safety;—
lie returned at last, however, pufliing under his
load iu the musical style.
“Where have.you been ?'* exclaimed Ids mas
ter.
“Where have I been? why, where should I
be but to fetch the oysters."
“And what in the name of Si-Patrick kept
you so long?"
“liOng! by iny sowl.l think I have been
pretty quick, considering all things."
“Considering what things."
“Considering what things? why consider
ing the gutting of the.iish,' tolbcffime."*
“Gutting, what-fish?" ' .... /
* *Whatliih?Avliy,
“Wiat dayoamcan;". V.; *—
• “What do I ineahl/udtrlin.cftblhUljisTuTia
resting down fornc.it the Pickled Hearing, hav
ing a dhrop to comfort me, a jiatieman axed
me what I’d got in my sack.”
•■Oysters, said I."
. “Let’s look at’em," says he, and lie opens
the bag. “Och! thunder and praties," says
he, “who sold you these."
“It was Mick Carney," says I, ’abord the
Poll doodle smack."
“Mick Carney, the thief of the world-r-what
a blackguard he must be to give them to you
without gutting.”
“Ain’t they gutted.” says I.
“Devil a one,” says he.
“Musha then,” say-* T, “what’ll I do?”.
“ Do !” says he. “I’d sooner do it myself than
see you so abused.” And so he takes - ’em' in
doors, and guts them nato and clean, ns you’ll,
sec : opening at the same time, his bag of oys
ter shells that were as empty as the head that
bore them to the house.
A Mbuitep Kbupke. —A lady took umbrage
at the use, by a gentleman, of a very common
word, of which the primary and most obvious
sense was unobjectionable, while its niost ro*
molo and unusual eignilication was indelicate.
’“I beg pardon,”, said the offender, apologeti
cally, “I certainly did hot mean what yot(
were thinking of’—a retort which was as phi
losophical as it was just and severe.
TViiat is Virtuh?—A student put this ques
tion to the late Dr. Archibald Alexander. Ilis
simple and admirable reply was: “Virtue con
sists in doing, our duty, in the several relations
that wo sustain, in respect to ourselves, to our
Cullowmen, ond to God, as known from reason,
conscience, and revelation.”
[D*Somc days ago, a 'gentleman, visiting a
jail in Cincinnati, heard one of the female con
victs sinpingwilh gaiety andspint. “Ah! my
canary bird I” said he, looking through the
bars of her cell. “ Your canary,” klio replied ;
“ I wish you would hang the cage where I could
gel a little aunjh.nfl. l ” ’
[C?* Two. Irishmen were in prison—one for
stealing n cow, the other for stealing a' watch.
“Mike.” said tho cow stealer, one day, Mwhat
o’clock is it?’ 1 ’ " . , ' •.
“Och, Pat,, I haven t njy watch handy—but
I suppose it is about milking time.’*.
• Pat felt cow’d.
Sonic contemporary accounts attributed Ins ' 1
death to an accidental midnight brawl—others
to a premeditated plan of assassination ; but nil
seem to agree that ho fell by tho hand of the
Prince, and a belief, or popular tradition in It
aly was, that the calamities which befell the
house of Gonzngo shortly after, were judgments
of the Almighty for that foul murder
Friend Gruel*, UsoomßjhadaverygOodhorflo
and n very poor ono. When seen ridingthe lat?
tor, lie was naked tho reason, (It turned,out that
his hotter half had taken Iho good one.)—
“What,” said tho bantering bachelor, “how
comes It you lot yonrwifi* rhlo tho Hotter horeo V*
Tho only reply was, “Friend, when thee beest
married thco’ll know.”
o*lt is said that we aro born, live* and die
in a hurry, and most true is it, thafrall the tes
tamentary dispositions of hard-earned wealth
are executed in tho lust agony. When a man
comes to dio, instead of being ablo.to turn liTs
face to tho wall;in peace with himself aud tho
world, his thoughts given to his .Creator, ho is
tormented with wills, and codicils, and lawyers,
and terrestrial arrangements, .where all should
have been not of tho earthly, blit celestial.
{Cs* There are two things that servant girls
will do-—break crockery and quarrel. If they
have a bad mistress, they will quarrel about
that butter.’* which fiho allows lor breakfast,
if they havo'a good ono, they will not quarrel
with their mistress, but with ono another, hot
about "that butter,” but about that: interest.
ing yowog.mnn who comes from Jdr. Suet owitn
them vew cutlets. ...
. rulmTsonm^
• P27* Learn, to livo-ahd live <j
. 027“ An idle brain is the devil ’a workshop.-^
027 s * Anger diefch qmckly with! tt goodinan.
027’ A thousand probabilities'do' not moke
onetruth. . : ' ‘2'. - r -?>
027* He lW &dc, Makes’
soup inbasket.. . ~...,, ■- r .' . j
027" Scolding is the pepper of matrimony,
and
D27T The
ing to go up his Master’s chirabeyv *■' * v
027*'No reproof or denuncmtion.is ao pqtent
as the silent influence of'a good sample.
“ 027*-The more a man accomplishes, the more
he may; An activo.tool nfever grows nisty.
027” Charity, says the bid’ Wage, begins at
home. True, butlt"sh6iddfnot tocf Ifier&'rr
D27* Those who bavb had the most forgiven
them should be the least addictcd to slander^
C27*. The sea is ‘the largest of
and,its slumberers sleep without;aMbmupouJ.
■ 027* Govern tliy life and thoughts,' aa if tfib
whole world were' to : see'the ouc and re&d tKo
other. ’ •' ■ • i - t - *
. 027* A firm faith is the best divinity; a good
hfc is the best philosophy; a clear conscience
the best law;' honesty the best physic. '' •
D27Tf most married women possessed asmucb
prudence as they do vanity, weshduldfllni
many husbands much happier.— Belknap.
.027* A spiritualist says if all mankind should
wink at once, the muscular effort would boaqf
ficient to jcstle the earth out of its orbit.' "
027' There are two cures for extra
vagant wife and sixpence worth of arsenic.-—-
The former, however; is the most certain. ", .■><-• ;
027* An advertisement in d newspaper-Is' Hire
a circle in the water—continually’ spreading it
self. Throw in your‘ipeka 1 and try it.. j
327" Beauty is a ,great gift of Heavcn-r-hot
for the purpose of female vanitybut a great
gift for one who loves and wishes to bo loved.'"'
027* A thief who lately broke open a grocer’s
warehouse,excused himself omthe ground .that
he merdy went.there to take tea . , ■■■■.',
Exactlv.Sq.—Franklin says. 44 a poor man
must work to find meat for his stomach; a rich
one, to find a stomach' for his meat.”".
Gas.— lt is said that the:man who first in
troduce! gas to the, public, was disposed to
• make light*,of the’aMiri ■
Cono.vdiicm.—Why is the wealth oftho In?
dies all imaginary? Because the term wealth
there is applied to a lack of rupees 1• •'
Modesty.—There Is a young gcntl&n&if in
one of the large cities so very modest ,that h? : -
will not embrace an opportunity/ " '■ 2
027* Married life sometimes begins.witMrbso;
wood, and ends with,pine. Think of this, young
folks, before you furnish ‘your -parlors.' ; ' •
Truth.—There is hothing'llke.wlslung fe^ /
enough when you are wishing, and there is
nothing like bluftiing boldly, when itiaucces*
eary to bluff at all.' ... - 2 .
■ IT7“ A lazy genius . being 'asked, as he lay
sunning himsdl’.on the : jji‘aS3,j\yhatr was the
height of his ambition, replied;., marry a
rich widow thatVgot'a^cough7* /f-- , ’ . 2
327* Happiness' is a" butterfly, which; when
pursued, is always just beyond your grasp,
but which, if you will ait ‘down quietly; may
1 alight upon you. ■
jO* A genius'has invented'a spy glass ,6f
wonderful power. Uo said ho looked through
it at a third cousin, and it, brought hhnrcla*
Hvcly ai^oChfc..ln > •
speaking .pT^hO: rapid
manner in which ov/I. deeds aro .perpetrated,
j?-aid tijat-it only rqquix'cd- two Seconds to fight
a dudl, • s . ’ ' ", ‘
K7~ A man :with small intellect and largo
self-esteem, is a bore "to society; while he with
largo intellect and small self-esteem, is fcarAtl
of becoming one. • * ‘ '■'•
Dipby, will you have sonic of this liuf*
ter ?” “ Tlxank you, nmrin ; I belong to the
temperance society, and can’t tike any thing
strong.” - „
There is a man in Hull whoso voice is so
hunky. that, ho is always-suspected of being
cornea. ' The other day he was thrashed to make
him t/icll out. - -
KT* Speaking of the- “times that tried men’s
soles, * m New l Orleans has worn out
four pair of boots in trying to collcctcnough of
money to pay for them. V
A Fact.—A- man is more faithful to' the sis
crot of another than tp his o\vn j- a woman, on
the contrary, preserves, her own secret better
than that of another.'
DD’ A loving heart encloses within itself an
unnidlngami eternal Eden. Hope is likq.qbad
clock; forever striking the hour of ImppinCSSj
whether it has come or not.
ID* Education ds. incompatible with self-in*
dulgcnce, and the impulse of vanity is too often
mistaken for the impulse of nature; when Miss
is a wit, I am apt to suspcct.her mother is'not
ovcrwisc. ;
ID* An elderly lady being naked bow it Hap
pened that she remained single, replied by say
ing, that tilic never knew' thu man yet. that she
would consent to cook three'meats a day for
during lifol * • . ‘ i '
A little girl inquired of her friend who
mdjassed her eighth'year—“lVhat causes the
rain.r' To which the following bcautiftjl reply
was given; *• The drops ,of. ram, aro tho tears
shed by angels oreftme sins pf tho world." •,
(C7*Mamngc between persons of thesgmopge
is on institution of God. Marriage between pn
old man and a young woman is an institution of
man. Marriage between (mold woman*and a
young man is an institution 6f the devil.' .• ■ <
OCT' “ IVJiy did you not pocket some of those
pears?" said one boy to another; “nobody was
there to We.” “Yes there waa—l was Uifire to
see myself/ and 1 don’t ever mean to see thyself
do a mean thing.”.
A Trim Answer. —A college student being
examined.in Locke, where he speaks of bur re*
lationa to the Dotty, was asked, ‘What relation
do we most neglect?’ He answered with ; much
naivete, -‘Apoor rclntionvair;*’ . . *
Py" Cabbage, says the Edinburgh 'Review,
contains more muEcle suglaining tniirihicntUiari.
any .oilier, vegetable whatever.-; :Boilcd'cabbago
and -inalcc llfty-two as good dinners
in d twelvemonth, its d man cap cati,''
■KIT I’All-a 1 ’ All-a man. bar,-to do in thcsc.doys. to
pass for,a genius, is to button his coat behind,
and wear bis bat wrong’ side out.* If ho can
contrive to tumble' over an a'pplb stand two ol*
tUreo times, it will help tllo, matter vastly, ;<.• 4 .
K 7“ An English paper mention# d-ebhscfcnt
lions clergyman who. preached against tho use
of tho American threshing machines,- upon the
ground that it was on invention, of i)*o fleviK
used by slave owners lopunlsh tho upgreed'J ~ J
A Lost Anr.—The Chincseoflhopyesent'ddy
are said to have lost a curious secret., They for.
mcrly knew how to point their porcelain .with
Ashes ond other creatures, in luch a mamfer,
that these figures neVer appeared to tho oyoHjh*
til the vases word filled with liquor..'.l
■ fjy Whether you ofc playing bh tho stage
in tho world, your character* should-be-well
dressed. :Broadololh js.'gcncrklly received with
a smile though covering a. j-ascal; .wbilolinscy
wpolsoy in rather run .upon, thouali coveringi
patriot. * ■■ •; ■■■•. .?•-»-
>'=i !«•»;■.»