TERMS OF THE GLOBE
Per annum in advance
Sin months
Three months
TERNS OF ADVERTISING
imortlon. 2 do. 3 ail
One square, (10 linea,)or lee.s.s 75 $126• $l5O
Two mibtres 1 60 ' 2 00 3 00
Tome square., 2 25 3 00 4 50
one .
'square,. or leas 3 months, 0 months. 12 monthe•
$4 00 $6 00 <tlo 00
Two Sip Molt, 6 00 9 00 15 00
Three squares 8 00 12 00 ^0 00
Four BplAre, 10 00 15 00 ^5 00
llalf a rolonin, 15.00 20 00.... .. —.30 00
One column 20 00 15 00.... ..... 60 00
Prolessional and Buslite.s Cards not exceeding six lines,
On year $5 00
Administrators' and Executors' Notices,_ ol 00
Auditors' ,Notlcce; 2 00
''tray. or other short Notices 1 60
...cci-Ten lines of nonpareil make a silliftre. About
eight :.in , lB constitilto a line, no that any person Can ea
-6kly calculiffe a equaro is manuscript.
Advertisements not marked with Ott. number of inset
(lan, desired, will be continued till forbid and charged :tc•
••:,I,llng to these terms.
.tour priers for tho printing a Mantis, Handbills, otc
are rc ssotimbly low,
tNtlltfims Aturtistutenis.
[The Allowing Cards are published g, aluitously,
lrir
chants tend lat slums man gene, ally who adrerlise laterally
?II Mr columns of 9'nu GLOBE for six months or longer, will
hate their Cards inserted here during the continuance of
their oat:treatment. Otherwise, special Business (tirdaiu
acrted at the usual rates ]
TOHNSTON & WATTSON, Merch
cp ant+, Main at, east et 'Washington Hotel, Uuntlngden
CI LAZIER & BRO , Retail liar
-31/431-claonta, Washington st., near the jail, Huntingdon.
Tl l 3. WM. BREWSTER, Huntingdon
[Cures by Elletroystby.]
IfM. GREENE, Dealer in 3.lusie,nin
.sical Instruments, Son;ingttl achisios, Huntingdon.
ONNELL & KLINE,
PHOTOGR2iPIifiItS, Huntingdon, Pa.
WM. LEWIS,
Denier in Books, Station......si Musical Instx-e,
watts, Iluotingdon, Pa." .
G".E.Erei'iTL;allotGr ' Huntingdon, Pa
tT AMES SINIPSON,
Iron Founder, Hum ingdon. I'a.
M 'C J A .„ I.I I.t. ,IN t„,„ & ‘ F3: l o M .:..N il T l , ll r , ) m r t o i r s. r d i o e n tors of
Ti M. GREENE & F. 0. BEAVER,
• Plain and OruantPut Al Marble Manufacturers.
AXTM. WILLIAMS,
y T Plain and Ornamental Mattla Manufacturer.
TAMES HIGGENS. Manufacturer of
'CP Furniture and Cabinet Wore, Huntingdon, Pa.
TM. WISE, .Manufacturer of Ptirni
ittura, &c., Huntingdon. Undertaking attended to
& MAGUIRE, Whole
sale fund retail dealers in foreign and domestic
Madman, Cutlery, to., Rai!rout street, llnntimplon.
TAMES A. BROWN,
It" Healer in !lard:env", Cutlery, Plants, 01la, &a., Hunt
tusdon, Pu.
17, 111. AFRICA, Dealer in Boots and
Y ELnrs,in the Diamond, Huntingdon, 'o.
TWIN H. IVESTBIlOOK; Dealer in
flouts, amen, Ifusiery, Confectionery, linntingdou.
GEO. SHAEFFER, dealer in Boots,
shoes, Guiter, dc., Huntingdon.
TENTER, Dealer in Groceries and
Proskions of oil kinds, Huntingdon, Ps.
p on m. & MILLER, Deniers in Dry
Queeus wan, Orocerlea, thinzingdon.
XTM. MARCH. & BRO.
Walt,. in Dry CloolD, Qneeusn nre,
'Loots, Shoes, de.
CUNNINGIIA.II & CARsION,
Merchants, Huntingdon, Pa.
ITROMAN,
* Dealer in Deady Dada Clothing, Hata and Capa,
JP. GWIN, -
. Dealer in Dry Goods, Oroceries,llaidwaro, 911 Pens
M ale, Hats and Capr, Bouts and Shoes, Le. Huntingdon
E. HENRY & CO., Wholesale and
bill Dmicra in Dry.Gonilq, , Groccrieg, Hardware,
Ibioenswarc,nud Provhions of all lands, Iluntiopion.
TI4NVELOPES
i- By the box. pack, or Ices quantity, for sale at
LEWIS' BOOK AND STATIONERr STOKE
„2,.) -, c For neat JOB PRINTING, call at
the "Oulu Jon PRINTINC , CmcE,” at Hun
tingdon, Px
PROFESSIONAL tr. BUSINESS CARDS
Vout. R. R. NW lEST.LING liko3t respect
fully tondurs profession:a Sonia to thu citizens
ttmeou and rt.:lofty.
011200 that of the late Dr. store.
DR. A. 13: BRUMI3AUG.II,
Haring permanently located at Huntingdon, otters
his nrofeAshmal services to ibe community.
Mee, the canto no that lately occupio.l by Dr. 11.thlen
pn hill street. apIO.IS6G
11,. JOHN MeCULLOOH, offers his
professional services to the'citirenv of Huntingdon
vicinity. Office on Hill street, one door east of Heed's
Prug Ang. 24,'65.
ALLISON MILLER,
iA. C
E YTIST,
Ilan removed to the Brick Iton oppmdto the Court House
April 13,1850.
T Ast
E. GREENE,
el • DENTIST. 4—Z
atas
Office removed to Leieter's Nov Building.,
Pill etr.L t. Huntingdon.
July 3t,1%7.
WASIIING'FON 110 TEL,
The undereigned respectfully inf4rais tho citizens of
Huntingdon conntv and the traveling public generally
that he has teased the \l'ashington House on the cor
ner of Hill and Charles street, In the borough of Hun
tingdon, slid he is prepared to accommodate all \rho stay
favor him with a call. WIII be pleased C. receive a liber
al share of public patronage.
AUGUSTUS LETTERMAN.
July 31, 't37—tf.
EXCHANGE HQTEL.
THE subscribers having leased this
L hotel, lately occupied by Mr.McNulty, are prepared
to accommodate strangers, travelers, and citizens in good
style. Every effort shop ,e mode on our part to make all
who stop with us fool at home. LULTZ & FEE,
xusy2,lSuci ' Proprietors.
MORRISON HOUSE,
3a3uiatirk.gcl4::::•=k., Pa,.
IHAVE purchased and entirely
ren
ovated the largo atone and brick building opposite
the Peunsylmnia Railroad Depot, and have now opened it
'for the accommodation of the traveling public. The Car-
pets, Furniture, Beds and Bedding are all entirely new
'and first class, and I am safe in saying that I can offer as
not excelled in Central Pennsylvania.
- AQ-I refer to my patrons who have formerly known
me while in charge of the .13 , 0 ad Top City hotel and Jack.
son House. JOSEPH. MORRISON.
Mayl6, ISG6-tr.
WAI B.ZIEGLER,
AGENT OF THE
',poling Mutual Insurance Company.
Huntingdon, May 8,15013 m
AC. CV.R.KB, AGENT,
•
Wholesale and Retail Dealer in all kinds of
.L.1ti.08.111 VMDMOO
HUNTINGDON, PA.
Next door to tho Traul.lin HOUK-, in the Diamond.
Cbuntry trade supptied. 0p17'67
WATCHES AND JEWELRY.
ARON STEWARD,
tl WATCHMAKER, Successor to Geo. W. Swartz,
llas opened at his old stand on Hill sircpt, on- ••.
posito lirown'shardwore store, a stock of all Mae alf .
of goods belonging to the trade.-'I •
Watch arid Clock Repairing promptly attended ._
to by practical workmen. • •'
Huntiugdon, April .10-6ni
MILTON" S. LYTLE,
• ATTORNEY .AT LA TV,
lIIINTINGDON, PA
]tempt nttention given to all legal Joltiness entrusted
tare. Clatron of toldoite and eolelltra' helra againbt
7J:ft:tee, 'without delay. rellaB
...12 00
.... 1 00
(JIIL
WM. , LEWIS, HUGH LINDSAY, Publishers.
VOL. XXIII.
K. ALLEN LOVELL,'
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HUNTINGDON, PA. -.
Prompt attention will be glien to all legal liminess en
trusted to his ,ore. Military nod other claims of sol
diers and their heirs against the State or Govornmeut
collected nithont delay.
OFFICII—Iu the Brick Row, opposite the Coat Home
, jau.l.lsai
McMURTRIE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Moo on Ilili slrect. IIUrINODON, PA.
Prompt attention will be given to the prosecution of
the claim of soldiers and moldiers' botro j against the Gov
ernment. m 122,1866
J. W MATIERS. WILLIAM A. Roo.
MATTBRN & SIPB,
ATTORNEYS - LAW,
AND
LICENSED, CLAIAII' AGENTS
HUNTINGDON, PA.
Wee on 11111 street.
Soldiers Mims against tho Government for Bade Pay
Ilsustt, Widows' and Invalids' P.lllSiOnt attended to vt
great onto and promutuess. mT=9•ty
SOON SCUTT, SAMUEL T. DROWN, SOON M. BALLET
rilhe name of this firm has been ehang
od from SCOTT & BROWN, to
SCOTT, BROWN & BAILEY,
under which name they will hereafter conduct their
practice ni
A TTO h' Al 7; I'S AT LA Ti; //UN.77NUDOIV; PA.
PENSIONS, and all claims of seldiors and soldiers' heirs
gnitiht the Government, will be promptly prosecuted.
May 17, 11567—tf.
AGENCY,
FOR COLLECTING SOLDIERS
CLAIMS, BOUNTY, BACK PAY
AND PENSIONS.
ALL who may have any claims a
gainst the Government for Bounty, Back Pay and
Pennons, can hare their claim promptly collected by ap-
plying either in pereb., or by letter to
August 'A, ISG3
J3IIN 1:1111E, 04113, P. M HARE, F. P. M . LUVU ULM
JOHN BARE, & CO., Bankers,
X-11.132.tirag",c511.c:oxi.,
Solicit accounts front Dunks. linnitets & others. Inter
est nliowed on Deposits. Ail kinde of Seem Hies,. bought
end sold for the usual commigrion. Special attention
given to Gminnment Secutitics. Collections 'undo on
all points.
Persons depositing Gold and Silver • will reecho the
same in I °turn uith intereat.
Oct. 17, I£l6ll-tf.
N EW BOOT :AND SHOE STORE
- WM. AFRICA
Intarint the public tint he Lee jn4
opened at his old stood 10 the Dl.uuttd,
A Fine Assortment of all kinds of
BOOTS AND SHOES,
For Ladies, Gentlemen. and Children.
All of whielk Le m ill sell at fair prices Quick tales anti
small profits. Call and examine my sleek.
Manufdeln ring and Repairing done to order as usual.
Huntingdon, May 1, Iso7.
GEO. SHAEFFER
llasjust returned front the east %IRIS 0 4456 t
SPLENDID STOCK
•err
BOOTS, SHOES, GAITERS, (Da,
Which Ito offers to tho inspection of his enstomors and
the public g enet:llly. Ile mill cell his stock at the most
REASONABLE PRICES, .
aud those echo purchaso once will surely call again.
BOOTS & SHOES MADE TO ORDER,
and REPAIRING done in tho neatest and moat expedi
tions manner.
Call upon Mr. Schaeffer at his chop on 11111 street, a
row dome west of the Diamond. n, 2
FOR THE HARVEST OF 1567
BUY THE GENUINE PRIZE MACHINE.
B UCK .E'l r e
Mower and Ceaper ,
With Double-jointed Folding Bar.
THOS. I3URCIIINELL,
General Agent for Huntingdon Co.
Huntingdon, April 21-3 m
MEM
TVZCoN3FiIIe
ECONOMY IS MONEY SAVED !
The subscriber is inn =min tly lusted in Hun ting(lo4,
Xand Is prepared to purchase, or repair in the)(
best etyle, end expeditiously, broken
UMBRELLAS AND PARASOLS.
All articles intrusted to him will be returned to the
residence of the owner as soon as repaired. Umbrellas
and parasols for repair can be left at his residence on St.
Clair street near Benedmt's.
may2,lB66tf FENTIMAN.
HAMS. HAMS.
Plain and canvas sugar cured hams—the best in mar
ket—whole or sliced, for sato at
Lewis' Family Grocery
TUSINESS MEN, TAKE NOTICE!
It you want your card neatly printed on enrol
opus, call 4t ,
LEWIS'BOOK AND sTATi
ONERYSTEOR.
CA.SS E RES.—A choice lot of
black and fancy Capslmre: :at
CUNNINGHAM CARMON'S.
ALL KINDS OF T O B A C C 0
whaletale and rotail, at
CUNNINGHAM & CARMON'S.
fleelllogUNNlNGlgreatlAM CARMON ARE
lj off at ly reduced prices.
AL ARGE VARIETY of articles too
numerous to mention, for sale at LEWIS
amity G rocery. Call and see.
Pit U B E SPICES
CUNNINGITAM t °AMON'S.
el ROUND A.LUAI AND SALINA
OrsALT at CEIWIVINGII.4 cE CA R MON'S.
DATER ! PAPER!!'
iVote, Pont, Commercial, Foot cep and Elatcap-4
snoci assortment for bale by the ream, hOf ream, quire or
sheet, or
• LEwrs , xrly ROOKS STATIONELV STORE.
CHOICE CANDIES
.
Of all kinds. for Bala wboleaale nd retail at Lewis
Co's Family Grocery.
A Lb KINDS QF C _tt AC KERS
conßtantly on hand nt "
CUNNINGLIAII & CARMON'S.
TF YOU WANT the BEST SYRUP,
Ev to PITNNiNGEIAM. OARtla`,Psi.
'W. H. WOODS,
Attorney at Law,
Huntingdon, Pa,
HUNTINGDON, PA,, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 14. 1867.
COURT AFFAIRS,
- A UGUST .TERM, 1867
GRAND JURORS
Anthony Beaver, farmer, Penn
Isaac Curfinan, farmer, To'
John M. Clark6„tailor. - Shirleysburg
Jacob Devor, farmer, Shirley
Ash. Fraker, merchant, Shirleysburg
Samuel B. Garner, merchant, Penn
Samuel Grove, farmer, Brady
Benj. Graffius,tinner, Huntingdon
Peter Gutshall, farmer, Springfield
Emanuel Herncane, farmer, Shirley
Moses Hamer, Sr., farmer, Walker
George Heaton, merchant, Coalmont.
AdaM Iloupt, farmer, Tod
William Hight, laborer, Jackson
Philips Locke, farmer, Springfield
James Mitchellvfarmer i Jackson
Michael Miller, farmer, Springfield
George Porter, gentleman, Franklin
John Peightal, farmer, Walker
E. L. Rorer, farmer, Clay
S. Silknitter, lumberman, Henderson.
Moses Swoope, farmer, Union
Robert Spoor, clerk, Porter
Hugh Seeds, farmer, Franklin
TRAVERSE JURORS-FIRST WEEK.
John Boober, farmer, Cromwell
Wm. Brown, lumberman, Henderson
11. Brewster, merchant, Shirleysburg
Allen 11. Bauman, tanner. Union
Robert Bingham, farmer, Shirley
David Black, carpenter, Huntingdon
J. Peightal, gentleman, Warriorsmark
William Benford, carpenter, Coahnout
Josiah Cullman, farmer, Cass
Sterret Cummins, farmer, Jackson
Beuj. Cross, carpenter, Aloxaddria
William Cisney, farmer, Shirley
Richard Colegate, farmer, Shirley
Samuel Decker, farmer, Unicn
Joseph Diggins, farmer, Carbon
Jacob Polls°, farmer, Walker
Stephen Gorsuch, farmer, Oneida
John Gutshall, farmer, Springfield
Henry Glazie.l, potter, Huntingdon
Willizun Gehrett, sadler, Cassville'
John Hewitt, farmer, Porter
David ID!coma, farmer, Morris
Samuel Hess, farmer, Oneida
Joeeph Heaton, merchant, Cassville
David Isenberg, farmer, Henderson
Joseph Johnston, J. P., West
John Lutz, Sr.;gentleman, Shirleysbug
McClure, farmer, West
James MeKinn, laborer, Union
N. G. McDivitt, farmor, Oneida
Henry Myers, merchant, Shirleysburg
William P. Mehaffey, teacher, Brady
James McCall, farmer, Henderson
William V. Miller, laborer, Oneida
Jackson Norris, farmer, Penn
David Owen, merchant, Morris
David Pollock - , farmer, Tell
Wash. Reynolds, farmer, Frariktin
Levi Ridinour, farmei, Juniata --
William Smith, farmer, Cromwell
R. F. Scott, plasterer, Dublin
Malden Stryker, gentleman, West
David Thompson, farmer, Henderson
William Weaver, farmer, Hopewell
George Warfel, farmer, \Vest '
James Wright, farmer, Union
M. Weston, carpenter, Watriorsmark
Adolphus P. White, farmer, Oneida
SPECIAL NOTICE.
To THE LADIES.-1)o you rolgly
nt
' iend to reuse wimiltig AL° beautiful styles now
so prevalent, or drese lose elegantly, because the rebel
Jeff. Davis, was captured to FaAtionable Female Motile?
One moment's calm reflection will surely servo to change
your rash rawly°. The Angela had too much good sense
to lay aside their puns chaste robes of white, hecauso
they had for a ihno served to Lido the deformities of that
Prime of Rebels, the Devil. Can you err In following the
exampleof Angels? Then hat tug made up your omits
that you will continuo to arose tastefully regamlle.e of
robot acts, do not Arad In uall ad the Vora of the subscri
bers, who will be happy at all times to furnish you toiat
such articles of drug as you may desire. Digo your Lith,
ern, husbands, brothers, neighbors and children to visit
the rune stars. They can hero be suited In good art lace
of Boots, Shoes, Clothing Matto Ml, Hats, Caps, Queens.
ware and a geneml assortment of Groceries, on as re*
tenable terms as at any house in limn. Sloro on South
e tat corner or the Diamond, Huntingdon Pa.
may 31,1965. FRANCIS D. WALLACH.
.10E" - SZ - 4=MT Weliakrria
A GOOD PHOTOGRAPH LIKENESS,
CALL AT
DONNELL & KLINE'S
PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY
On MI Street, two doors west of
Lewis' Book Store.
CALL AND SEE SPECIMENS.
Huntingdon, Oct 3,'05-tr.
TO THE LADIES.
The best assortment of
Mioni - B r i"1-0 SICIPto r X6 2
Just received this day from New York and for sale at the
cheap cash store of WM. MARCIA h BRO.
A splendid assortment of
LADIES' DRESS GOODS,
FANCY TIUMAIYINGS AND BUTTONS
Just received this day from New York and for sale cheap
at [map7t WM. MA Reitd PllO.
ALEXANDRIA BREWERY,
THOMAS N. COLDER.
The undetsigned hating nose entered into the
r ,
t tenn e drZ i ne e w p or r 4 a t r h e e d p a utl a ie ll a t r i e me i . nitl o rma
orders on the shortest notice.
TIIOS. N. COLDER.
Alexandria, Oct. '23. 1686-t
LUMBER SOU ON COHESION.
S. E. HENRY & CO.,
Are receiving all kinds of LUMBER, eeinaising all the
different grade of
BOABDS,
• FRAME STUFF,
• , JOINT AND LAP SIILVOLES,
,PLASTERING LATH,
PLANK,
WORKED FLOORING,
WEATIIER, BOARDING,
FENCING,
RAILING, dc., dc., Sic
Which will be sold at prices at tho mill, with froight loa
ded. ' no 7
pyERYBODY MUST, IfIVE!
CALL AT
LEWIS' FAMILY GROCEUI'
The boat of everything will be constantly kept on lump
:Ind sold at the lowest prices potelbie• Wok also and
mall prod. tn.
-PERSEVERE.-
Ell 61,61) e.
, HUNTINGDON: PA.
PRESS ONWARD
=I
,
Young man, be up and doing,
Wring from the world a flume !
Bid idleness and sloth depart,
Climb up the hill of fame.
Resolve to Len hero
In what you undertake ;-
Be first and foremost in the throng,
Active and wide awake.
Forget the past, press onward.
The present is your own ;
Resolve each evening's sunset
Shall find youetilities done.
.
"Pis only by endeavor,
By stern and earnest will,
You can succeed in climbing
Fame's steep and rugged hill
Yet with a manly purpose,
And mind that knows no6fail,
No barrier can interpose,
But which you may not scale,
Care not for scoffs or idle jeers,
All flattery despise,
"Excelsior," your motto be,
Onward and upward rise.
THE NEW CHESTERFIELD,
BY JOHN QUILL
[He writeth a letter to his son, and
giveth him instruction in the art of
good behavior.]
MY Th:Alt Sou :—You have by this
time arrived at that period in yourlife
when you will have to enter into good
society, and it is advisable that you
should have some instruction in regard
to the customs of the social world, and
of the duties that, you will be required
to perform.
You are just of that age when clum
siness will 'be your most striking pecu
liarity. Your feet - will be much out of
proportion to your body, and your
general configuration will bear some
resemblance to an old yellow pine
clothespin. To dance with a lady un
der theso circumstances would be mad
ness, for in all probability you will
plant an acre or so of boot leather on
her dress, and rip out some gathers,
while she rips out a lot of subdued pro
fanity : or you will flatten out a num
ber of her toes, or run her against the
piano and cause her to think you aro
about as graceful as a jointed doll,
which you ain't, my son, for you put
me more in mind of .a long-legged
pointer pup. cavorting around on the
grass, than any other member of the
brute creation I knew of,
As you can't dance without letting
your legs fly around against the look
ing glasses and things, your finest
chance will be to assume the character
of a wall flower, and stand up against
the partition all theevening.rOfeourse
you will feel miserable, but that's what
you go there for. Your hands will
feel about the size of a palm leaf fan,
and will look more like two slices of
bloody beef, cut into strips, than any
thing else. If you do not know what
to do,with them, it will be well to twid
dle your thumbs
- until you can think of
something.
Of course yon will imagine every
body is looking at you, and you will
begin to perspire freely, and grow red
in the face as if your shirt collar was
too tight for you. But no matter
utterly wretched yon feel you've got
to keep up a feeble smile, and if you
can lay your hands on any other ntis•
crable young man like yourself you
can talk together and pretend you are
enjoying yourself intensely.
If any imprudent person asks you to
sing, positively refuse, especially if the
master of the house had a grandfather
who worked in a saw-mill. no will
probably think you aro trying to in
suit him by imitating a cross-cat saw
for the amusement of the company.
Besides, you Will observe tho minute
you begin to sing, everybody will be
gin to talk louder, to avoid enduring
any' unnecessary agony.
\rben you are introduced to• a girl
you will, of course, be seared half to
death, and for the next five minutes
you will be as silent as the grave, for
you won't know what to say, and you
will feel that you would cheerfully
make any sacrifice of fortune, or life,
or future prospects, for a chance to get
away from that girl.,
But you have got to talk to her, my
child, and after standing there a while
like some slab-sided cigar store Indian,
it will probably flash through your
mind to observe that the weather is
fine, or the company pleasant this
evening. Or you will ask her does
she skate, or is she fond of dancing, or
whether her pa lets her go to the thea
tre:
Go in heavy on these things, my
son. Originality is such a rare gift,
that when a beneficent Heaven gives
it to us, we ought to exercise it con
scientiously.
When you go to supper always help
the ladies first, and when they are sup
plied, pile it plate so 11111 that, six ordi
nary women could live on it the a week,
and then go around as if you thought
they wore not all helped Yon can
then manifest regretful surprise, after
which you, of course, go into a corner
Where you wilt have a soft thing to
yourself. •
If you happen to be with a girl, and
it seems to you that you would like to
impress her favorably, you will, of
course, get a plate of ice cream for her,
and then while you are walking to
wards her with about as much grace
as a criPPled' straddlp•bm, if you can
get some fellow to jog your elbow and
sluice . the cream over the girl's silk
dress, you can calculate on arousing a
deep passion in her bosom.
You've only got to 'get one of your
brogans - tangled among her hoops then
and rip out about tiine ,, yards of wire"-
1
(1 4 r o I \
1, 4
work, and you've got the thing all in
your own hands to a:certain extent.
If you are asked out to dinner, do
dot try to cht asparagus like a gun
swallowing a ramrod, and if you must
eat your mashed potatoes with your
krrife,,don't try to create the impres
sion that you ,are a sword-swallower
by profession; or "that your efforts are
directed to performing a surgical ope
ration. on your palate.
Never, under any circumstances,
wipe your nose or, your napkin, and
don't put thocold slaw into your moi.th
as if' you were in the country, and were
throwing hay into Whey mow.
It you have on a white cravat, and
anybody mistakes - you for a clergy
man, and asks you,to say. grace, don't
be frightened and.go, wandering off
among the teh ..e2otnmandments; 'and
don't forget_yourself so far as to begin
reciting poetry.
And just so when you undertake to
relate an anecdote, it will make every
body' unhappy with disappointment if
you forget what the point was and how
it ended.
When you go courting a girl, never
pay much attention to the old lady if'
she hangs around. You can marry a
woman without bei- mother's consent,
but if the daughter ain't agreeable you
will experience considerable difficulty-.
When you are alone with a girl in
the dark, and you feel like putting
your arm around her, always skirmish
a while to ascertain whore she sticks
her pins, or you May tear the skin off
of your fingers. , It will be judicious to
let go your hold and sit up straight, as
if there wasn't anything at all the mat
ter, in case her father comes in,
or he
may help you off the steps. These old
men aro very eccentric , about such
things.
And when you take the girl out to
get ice cream, be sure to manifest a
magnificent indifference as to whether
she takes two plates or one. It con
veys an impression of wealth, and
makes your six hundred dollar salary
swell to a million, apparently.
In popping the question, you will
have to use considerable judgment. I
wouldn't advise you to go flopping
about over the floor on your knees. if
you are atall acquainted with the price
of pants you will perceive that it don't
pay, especially if the girl says she
won't go in. Stand up to the rack like
a man and take yoUr fodder. Bury
one of her little hands in your fin,
squeeze it slightly, sigh like an old
blacksmith's bellows with a slit in it,
wait until she gets her head down, and
then go in and make any little obser
vations about the moon, your heart,
blighted being; ecstatic bliss,,,and such
trifles as may strike you.
If she says yes, you -can tighten her
dress to any extent, and run the risk
ofdrawing her in by suction, by kiss
ing her with rapture. if she says she
won't indulge, the sooner yoU get your
hat and get out on the pavement and
stamp the bricks and skin your knuck
les on the tree boxes, why the better
you will feel.
And so, my boy, I send you out into
the world. If you do feel as miserable
and about as intelligent at first as an
oyster on the half-shell, go in and do
your best, and you will come cut right
in the end.—Sundo Transcript.
.W•The Editor's I)rawor, in Har
per's Migazine, for August,has a funny
incident which occurred at Chattanoo
ga, during the winter of 1863 —'4, in
which a Lieutenant of a Pennsylvania
regiment (was it the 78th?) was the he
ro. The Drawor says: Although the male
inhabitants in that region were opposed
to the sway of our common Federal
Uncle, the women were - disposed to
Unionism, and and of the results of this
sentiment on tho part of the gentle sex
was a disposition to go in strong for
everything in the way of dances. The
junior officers and sometimes the se
niors, reciprocated this admirable fool
ing. Among the subalterns was a
Lieutenant of a Pennsylvania Regiment
who was a groat lady-killer, and prided
himself thereon. On ono occasion this
sanguinary young man found a lady
who could waltz—a rare accomplish.
mud, among the rustics of Tennessee
and Georgia. Ho was in extacies !
and as the damsel was quite good-look:
ing, paid her any number of compli
ments both on her dancing and beauty.
In fact there is no knowing whore his
flattery would have led him if he had
not been brought up all standing by a
brief statement of fact, which was as
follows : "La me stranger you call
me good-looking now ! • Why you just
ought to have seen me before I had the
diarrhoea !"
THE wits of Persia,to whom nothing
is sacred, are telling a good story
about the Shah of Persia. It appears
that the Shah rather pooh pooled a
proposal to introduce the telegraph in
to his realm, and his consent was by
no means hearty. When the lib& was
coMpleied, the Shah was at his palace
of Soultanieh. -Prince Ali Korai indict
ed the first despatch. It was thus :
"The melons are ripe at Kaschan."
Instantly the possible uses of this in
vention of the infidels flashed across
the royal mind, and Ali-Kouli received
this agreeable answer: "I appoint you
Minister or Science."
OLD Governor Stuyvesant,some years
after the British took possetigion: of
New York, appeared before the Gover
nor, (Carteret) with a complaint' that
he was annoyed by mon and boys
bathing in front of his hou?.se in a nude
state. Governor Carteret: assured him
it 'should be stopped; but hapPooing
to recollect, said : "Why Governor,
your house is at some distance from
the river, how'ean it incommode the
hidies of your family?" "VY, • i'pli see,"
said old Peter, shaking his nano, "mine
gbIS Laub phi, a slip g tass:" '
TERMS, $2,00 a year in advance.
Love on the Brain,
This disease is confined to no partic
ular age or station. We had an at
tack-of it when about fifteen. We bad
had it so severely that our mother wan
ted to give us paregoric,. We recover
ed in course of time. Once it broke
out fully in the shape of a certain ques
tion to a certain lady. She answered
in a monosyllable of two letters. It
brought us to our senses. It swept
the mist from our eyes like a fog be
fore a hurricane. We looked for the
cloud and saw a large white bird sail
ing on a pond. Thought we were very
much the same kind ofA bird, with our
wings clipped. A few days after we
told our chum we didn't see 'anything
in that flaunting Dorothy Diddle to ad
mire. 'A nd we didn't.
The disease develops itself most sin
gularly in those who are advanced in
years. Any ono who has seen an old
man in love has seen nature's harle
quin. The old dame gets Up nothing
more ludicrous or more inconsistent•
Every one feels like laughing at the
poor old fellow's infirmity.
We once saw an old man who was
suffering from an attack of it. He was
well enough advanced in life to have *a
dozen grandchildren. We know him
well. He was the playmate of our il
lustrious grandsire, who wasn't a quar
termaster in the Revolutionary war.
Him had been we week( have been better
off than we are now We had noticed
for some time a singularity in his con
duct. We saw him several times with
roses stuck in his button-hole. We
caught him once reading Burns "high
land Mary," We were out with him
once looking at his stock, and we ask
ed which was his favorite heifer. Ho
said, "Widow Wilkins." The eat was
out. We know what was the matter;
but when, several months after, we saw
him washing the dishes while the wid
ow—that was—nursed the baby, we
thought he was cured permanently.
There is no preventive for this dis
ease. Like the hooping-cough and
the mumps, it comes to all mankind.
But it seldom kills. We have beard of
persons dying of it, but as we have cev
or seen a case of the kind, we are not
willing to record it as a fact. All the
cases that ever came under our obser
vation, including our own promiscuous
cases, recovered in one way or anoth
er. est of the cures have been the
result of a wife and a few children.
Most any preacher will help a pppsqp
to the former, while the latter come—
in time. Tho more of them, the sound
er the cure.
.
Humor will dieii s dispose best of en
thusiastic or frantic fanatics. In Dean
Swift's time a tailor near him took it
into his head that he was divinely call
ed to interpret the prophecies, espe
cially Revelations. One night he re
ceived the commission to declare the
word of the Lord to the Dean, and
bright and early the next morning he
was on his. way to do it. Through his
glass door the Dean saw him coming,
.and at once surmised his errand. Put
ting on a grave, studious air, and open
ing his Bible to Revelations X., with
fixed attention ho awaited the proph'
et's approach. The door opened, and
in an unearthly voice it was announced:
"Dean Swilt,l am sent by the Almighty
to "Come in, come in, my friend, "
said the Doan, "I am in great trouble,
and no doubt the Lord has sent you to
help me out of my difficulties." The
prophet was cheered by the welcome.
He was all ears in more senses than
one. "My friend," said the Doan, "I
have just been reading Revelations X,
and am greatly distressed with a diffi
culty,and you are the very man to help
me out. Hero Is an account of an an
gel that came down from Heaven, and
was so large that he placed one foot
upon the laud and the other upon the
sea, and lifted up his hands to Heaven.
Now my knowledge of mathematics
has enabled me to calculate the form
and size of this angel; but I am in great
difficulty, for I wish to ascertain bow
much cloth it will take to make him a
pair of breeches; and as that is your
business I have no doubt but the Lord
has sent you to show me." The poor
tailor was confounded. He felt as if
struck by an electric shock. He rush
ed back to his shop; .a revulsion of
feeling came over him, and he was ful
ly satisfied that his calling did not lie
in the line of prophetic interpretation.
SHALL WOIIJA N .RIDE ASTRI DE ?—.ln
Socar.o county, California, not long
since, a young lady was killed by fall
ing from the horse on which she was
riding. While her animal was driving
at full speed ;,he fell, her skirts hang
ing to the saddle, dragging her for the
distance of half a mile, and horribly
mangling her body. After announcing
the fact, the San Jose "Mercury" adds :
"If she had been dressed in a suitable
riding habit, and bad been seated on
her horse in the only safe manner in
which a horse can be ridden—that is,
astride—no such accident could baire
occurred."
nom, The second prize in the Shelby
County Monumental Gift Enterprise—
"M.cCabe's residence ticket4l9o''—was
dra•Wii by Anna Russman, of Sidney, a
little German girl only three years old.
The Sidney Journal says : "There is a
story about town that wheni the mother
heard of her child's fortune, her mater
nal Dutch heart so overflowed with
satisfaction that she caught her lUcky
pet in her arms exclaiming "Bully, for
you. you Must have a glass of beer."
,Plato entertained some of his
friends at a dinner, and had in the
chamber a bed, neatly and costly fur
nished. PiegeneS came in and got up :
on the bed, and trampled it; saying,
trample upon the pride of Plato !'
Plato mildly answered: "Bat with far
nadre Orido, DiogiMe's." '
NO. 5.
About ninon
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Helping to gdit.
BY "Gals."
A stranger came into our . sanctum
this morning, a well•metteing, innocent,
looking individual, who stated that he'
was detained in town a few hours, and
wanted to while away his time by read,
ing the newspapers. He said, although
he was poor, he didn't believe in get-.
ting something for nothing. "1. , can't
pay money," he said, with touching
melancholy, "in return for discommod•
ing you and for the privilege of look. ;
ing over your er;changes; but if there
is any way in which I•can - recomponee
you—work my way, as itwere 77 l will
cheerfully do it."
We told him he. was welcome to
road the papers; but he"sturdily
ted upon doing something for Us
turn, and said, unless ho could 'do it,
he should be reluctantly compelled, to;
bid us a very good morning. . ,
"Nov," said the . singe*. stranger,
"If I could sWeep out your.offme,. ot
split kindling wood for yoti, or help
you edit— .
. A thought struck us. We wore short
handed, and the weather had procie 7
ced its naturally languid effect upon
us, so 'that 'we fejt a remignano to li}
bor—besides, here was independence
in poverty, which we admired. -We
then told him ho might assist us in
"editing," end suggested that he give
us an artinle . 'llion the present hot
weather. His face brightened •up at
once, and borrowing a lead pencil of
us (his landlord, he said, had taken his
for his board), ho sat down to the task.
We advised him to jay offhiscoat,which
was buttOried "up - to the thrOat, and
woollen, intended originally. for the
winter month ; 'although thin' onorigh
for the equator--rit the elbows—bathe de
clined with such preeipitatiori that Ivo
fear the poor fellow hadn't any shirt
on. He said ho.nover "edited" before,
but ho knew ho could do it.
After several hourg Or sweltering
toil, during which he fainted a number
of times from the heat, nd was rovi!t
ved by the office boy (who tielioyed
him to bo an impostor) going to 'the
head of the concern and "blowing" on
him,' he produced the folloviing - artielc;
en the weather. ‘Ve give it : as- he
wrote it, merely taking the liberty of
inserting a few explanatory scptenceq
in parcheiis .
HOT WEATHER
Hot weather
owing in a measure
to the great number of thermometers'
that4yre ma n igaptured at thiti , Oeasoll;
of the year, If wo didn't have so,
many thermompters it wouldn't be sR
kint,leastwise we wouldn't notice it so.
Inuch. I know a man who thought the
weather was cool-and salubrious until,
in an evil hour, he' Pstened to the soli-
citations of his datighterS, who were
getting stuck up, and wanted a ther
mometer, and so he bought one. "Tho
next day he had a sunstroke: Ther
mometers ought to be abolished, by
stet of Congress. Look* the Aretfo
regions. The Arctie's . den't have any
thermometers. Mal l s the conse
quence? They don't have any hot
'weather. (Drowsy with the heat, the
abfe writer had to be aroused with 4,•
heavy blow from a fan.)
Hot weather occurs in the summer
for the mot part, except in sections
where they don't 'have tny,' and then
it comes in-the winter. Its principal
productions are fourth of ,Tgly, hilted
collars,lemonado, sunstroke, ice-cream,
bowel complaint,watermelonspinings z
linen Coats,hydrophObia, liathing,Stra.w
hats, 'perspiration, watering• places,
sun umbrellas, mint juleps, steamboat
excursions, long days, hot nights,
street, sprinklers, beer gardens, duli z
nose in trade, heavy washing bills, low
water,depression ofepirits, mosquitoes,
and the closing of the schools: (110 ,
wont to sleep again, brit was revived
by drenching him with several yuck;
ets Of water. Arousing himself with a
tremendous effort,- he began once
more) :
Hot weather is a very old institution,
old as the • world, nearly. Adam and
Eve stayed in the Garden of Eden un,
til it got too hot to hold them, and
they were dressed for a warm latitude
too, according to all reports. Eve gets
the credit for it. A.lany wives seem to
inherit that unhappy temperament,and
make their homes too hot to hold their
lords. (We suspect that the unhappy
stranger is referring from !'hot, Weath
er" at home, hence his wanderings.
We erdei.• ap application of warm ice to
his head, and'he proceeds.)
It is easy enough to write about ho,t
weather when there are others to
whom these things of which the heat
at the same time. (The excessive beat
is affecting his reason. He must wind
up soon.) Hew singular it is the foilci
dont keep cool Whnt'is winter 'for
except to allow people to get cool, but
with the improvidence of the race they
won't keep it. I'am like all the rost,.
There has been 4 e§elness existing by:.
t‘yeen, myself and all my relations for
menthe, but it is no use here. I find
it oozing out in perspiration— I feel
as if I was standing op thermo Meters
sixty feet high---hot weather, as
said before—l'm baking- 7 -0, that
I was a windmill—when I say that
hot weather, of which—l'm broil 7
ed—l'm almOst co4keri-=--hot
I'm done !"
The rash and unfortunate stranger,
whose honorable instincts would not
permit'him to receive something for
nothing, and" who rashly wanted to
wwork his way," and who rashly at
tempted to write' an article on hot
weather,with the thermometer 4t its
present high standing in secjetY, be
came utterly prostrated at this point,
and was laid away in a back room un
til
he recovers and is identified: Any
friends of his can have'lim by calling
at this office,' •pktiVing property and
paying :for tide notice.—Cincinnati
.Vmes: '
PErßeading 'inzatei• orz oarth p
.