C4 a NEN IN {S STANLEY UP THERE @ TELL | HIM HIS (OUSIN 4 HORACE IS HERE T0 PLAY WITH HIM (WNU SERVICE) ILL LOOK AND A SEE IF HES UP HERE MISSUS JONES o, vW ~YouRe." SW EL COME. . & 7 i v : Bell Syndicate ~WNU Service, i a NN HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET MY WIFE TO BUY By J. Millar Watt IT WAS THE I LAST WORD: SERIOUS THINKING “Well, what's going on, old man?" “Don’t know-only thinking about what can come off!” Acid Test “Are you an expert accountant?” asked the prospective employer. “Yes, sir,” responded the appli cant. “Your written references seem to be all right, but tell me more about yourself.” “Well, my wife kept a household account for 30 days. One night after dinner I sat down and in less than an hour found out how much we owed our grocer.” “Hang up your hat and coat, the job is yours.” HE ROLLED THE BONES “My brother supports himself by rolling the bones.” “Crap-shooter, eh?" “Are you trying to insult me? My brother is an osteopath, sir!" Humorou 28 | 1 RING THAT BELL An Italian who was working on 2 railway in Florida had been told to beware of rattlesnakes, but was as- the warning rattle before striking. One day he was sitting on a pine log eating his dinner when he saw a big snake coiled a few feet in front of him. Keeping an eye on the rep- tile, he began to raise his feet from the ground, and as he did so the snake's fangs hit the bark beneath him, no warning having been given. “Son of a gun!” yelled the Ital ian. “Why you no ri Inga da bell?” A NATURAL ERROR License Clerk — Maybe I can change your license number for you. What's the matter with the one you have? Henry Carr—The number I have now is 1898 and my friends are al ways mistaking it for the date of my car. A Little Too Loud A Topeka business man employs Negroes to wi n his gar dens, which y oversees. One morning Sam did not & Sam far AWO ne personal ape; ar Geo rge “Where is asked. “In de hospital, sah. “In the hospital? Why, how did happen?” . Sam he y' foh to lick his wife, ' in. “Well?” “Well, heah he been a-tellin’® me 10 days he gwine cause o' her nag- yestiddy she done oveh- 1g dat's all. Original—to Her “He's a most original man and told me things I never heard from any other man." “Did he ask you to become his wife?” him, Rather Poor Judge Lady-1 want a bottle of aspirins, gix lemons, and a tin of bath mus- tard. Druggist-—-Thank you, madam. Is everybody at home well? Real Pin Money “Your wife says she only asks for pin money? : *“Yes, but the first pin she wanted had 12 diamonds in it.” BELL OR BELLE “Joe, 1 wantcha to meet me girl, “Ha, ha, does she ring?" Second Best for Him “The best thing for you,” “1 don’t feel somehow that what's the sec Ready for Anything Maud-You can't believe every- thing you hear, Gladys—No, but that makes no difference with me. Let me hear what you were going to tell me. Nice Wives First Husband-—-My wife is so ten- der-hearted she won't whip cream. Second Husband--That's nothing. My wife absolutely refuses to beat rugs, and tears come to her eyes every time she has to skin an onion, Snappy Comeback He (trying to be clever)-—If an ex- tremely handsome man should ask you for a kiss, what would you tell me She--1'd tell you to go away and leave us alone, | i € {1 Be Sp ——- Pr “er, PART M ENT there- Velveteen, wool broadcloth and smart materials for this, Sports Two-Piecer for Girls. If there's a liv school-girl in nily, who loves to roller skate and generally around outdoors, you can her feel very happy and y cute, b; of No. mb: style for Has a very pped-in jacket with cuffs Vel- orduroy and crepe, v ly ely ieans wool plaid The Patterns. No. 1848 is designed for sizes 12, 4, 16, 18, 20 and 40. Size 14 equires 4% 36 or 39-inch 1 anc i very | ¢ ion is It has | e swing skirt, 18 | ¢ a true princess line that | y; down vour waist, and of- | vo necklines— collar, the F ollariess., Also, long or short u ttons down' ARN EXTREMELY new } ivr . becoming dress yours in pattern No. mart de 1848. cut on whittles fers a choice one n é other high & you can make j sleeves, » row of bu with yards; ontrasting for collar. No. 1825 is designed for sizes 8, 0, 12, and 16 years. Size 10 15 yard « 4% 1 1 for jac ket} leeves: 1° 3T for 1 collar and uffs: 1% yards 39-inch material 2 yards to ne ski rt. Send your order to The Sewing le Pattern De 247 WW. or ty-third street, "New York, : ¥. Price of patterns, 15 cents in coins) eact ate—-WNU Service.) AROUND } the HOUSE ; Items of Interest [ to the Housewife EE VAST Removing Mildew. ssf Gre Suga to detect For or Stains. Immerse an ndkerch ief in milk it has been oak and the alt r r R 10 8 os 5 YY Weal. PIES be tightly cool, dry leavening power, od Peeling Squash.—Squash may ¢ easily peeled if it is first put the oven and thoroughly Freshening Celery, — Celery | da has . Scorch. —To linen place rem ove | bet ween two dampened Turkish towels and press with a hot iron. re ae stains will go into the towel and can be easi ly washed out. Removing scorch from | | FEEL WEAK, TIRED? Hagerstown, Peter P er tn Mechanic St, says1 *“% could hardly walk, jess do sny work, I scarcely ate anything and ost many pounds. I “eroe's Golden ® Med cal Discov ery snd it put me back on my feet. It gave me a fne appetite and 1 gai ned weight and strength snd was then able to work™ Buy from your druggist today, (CAROTENE) MARK Seek Virtues | It is a much shallower and more | ignoble thing to detect faults than | to discern virtues.—Carlyle. Another's Secret I may give to one I love, but nearest Quaker State dealer and
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers