Christmas Dinner On B Charles Frederick Wadsworth, e~s R. AND MRS. BLANK, let us say, are having some of their kinfolks for Christmas dinner, on a farm, ranch or plantation, or in a cottage somewhere in America. The conversation turns to a boy of the neighborhood who is in the navy. “1 wonder what Frank Is doing to- day,” wonders Uncle George. “And what he is having for Christ mas dinner,” Aunt Josie speculates. “Navy beans and sowbelly, 1 betcha,” opines Grandpa, who served in the Civil war. “Let's see,” says Pa. battleship, isn't he?” “Yes, it's the Arkansas.” formation from Ma. “Then he'll have a swell feed,” com- ments little Bill, who reads a lot and thinks maybe he will Join the navy himself some day. Just to satisfy the curiosity of Pa and Ma Blank, Aunt Josie, Uncle George, Grandma, Grandpa, little Bill, and the neighbors generally, suppose we all step into the quartermaster’s of- fice on the U. 8S. 8 Arkansas and sit at a mahogany desk with Chlef Commissary Stew. ard Jimmy East and find out all about what the boys cn a battleship have to eat at Christmas time. “First,” says Chlef Jimmy. as he takes out his fountain pen and reaches for a sheet of letter paper with “U. 8 8. Arkansas” printed at the top, “T'll give you the menu we served last Christmas.” Here it is: “Frank's on a This In- MENU Celery Hearts Olives Sweet Fruit Cocktail Cream of Tomato Soup Saltines Roast Young Turkey Oyster Dressing Cranberry Sauce Giblet Gravy Mashed Potatoes Green Peas Caulifiower Candied Sweet Potatoes Butter Sauce Hot Finger-Rolls Tomato and Lettuce Salad The nang Island Dressing Assorted Fruit Nuts Hard Candy He t Mince Ple Ice Cream Chocolate Cake Coffee Cigars and Cigarettes Pickles “That dinner,” says Chief Jimmy, “was served to the crew of 1,100, at a cost of $1.10 per man. In addition, the crew had as guests 200 orphans and other needy children.” “Is that customary? was asked. “Yes, the crews of ships in port make that a regular practice,” was the re ply. “Last Christmas the Arkansas was in port at San Diego.” It was suggested that the quantities of food required for Christmas dinner on a battleship might astonish some of the folks “back home.” And Chief Jimmy made this memo randum of the main items, reading each aloud as he put it down: Celery, 400 1bs.; olives, 20 gals. ; canned tomatoes, 150 Ibs. : crackers, 200 lbs : turkey, 1,200 Ibs. : eranber ries, 300 Ibs, ; Irish Potatoes, 600 lbs. : sweet potatoes, 000 1bs.; green peas, 2001 on, ; cauliflower, 300 ibs. ; : hot rolls, . . ham, 400 lbs. lettuce, 200 ibs. ; 00 fruit, 1.200 lbs : nuts, 300 Ibs. : candy, 500 Ibs. ; pies, 200; Ice cream, 40 gals. ; cigars, 1,100; cigarettes, 1,100 pkgs. ; coffee, 100 Ibs. At this point Grandma might well have exclaimed: “My gracious! Six hundred pounds of Irish potatoes! It would take a week to peel them!” “How about that, Chief? Do you have any labor-saving devices in the galley?" (“Kitchen” to Iandlubbers.) “Oh, yes,” says Chief Jimmy. “The potatoes are peeled by power peelers, of which we have two, each with a capacity of a hun- dred-pound sack in approximately five minutes. But the boys dig out the eyes with paring knives In the good old-fashioned way. We also have eight navy standard oil burning ranges, and twelve steam boilers, each of gsixty-gallon ea pacity, for vege tables and so forth. The meal 18 pre pared under my di rection by twenty ship's cooks and eight bakers. Fifty five mess men serve iL" “Of course you serve a good qual ity of everything? “Only the very best” says Chief Jimmy. “Besides the regular govern ment inspection, all foodstuffs are again Inspected at ship-side, and any offering that is not up to specifications goes right back 1” And there you have the story of a Christmas dinner aboard one of Uncle * Chief Jimmy © 1933, Western Newspaper Unlos. Zaharoff, at 84, Lonely Old Man World’s Leading “Peddler of Death” for Many Years Fears End. Sir Basil Zaharoff, whose lucrative manufacture of armaments has brought thousands of men to see the face of death, is taking elaborate precautions to postpone his own meeting with the Grim Reaper, Mor- ris Gilbert, N. E. A. Service writer, tells us, in the New York World Telegram, Sir Basil Is now eighty-four, a lonely old man and a recluse, seldom seen, always guarded. He sees few indeed of the great people who sought his help in building up their armaments. In fact, he sees almost no one, He seldom ventures out of doors except when the weather Is very good. Two doctors are in at tendance on nim continually, and one or the other sits at his bedside at night while a low light burns. Some- how Sir Basil Zaharoff doesn't like the dark. A strange and silent end draws near for the man who has always led a strange and silent life. Sir Basil, armament salesman de- luxe to Europe, Asia and other con- tinents for more than fifty years, has gained incalculable weaith by peddling death in the form of high explosives, machine guns, subma- rines, heavy artillery and ordinary ifles to any country that had the cash, The Turkey-born Greek-Frenchman- Briton (Sir Basil personally em- bodies the true cosmopolitanism of the International armament ring) ras always a mystery. His big house in the Hoche, near the Etolle in Paris, is where his famous built-in boxes flourish, Years ago the local police regulations prohibit. ing such contrivances by them bullt behind glass, Jehind the secrecy which rounds the aged plutocrat, tine of life is fairly simple routine of any old wealth nursing his rou- man of his great dwindling once far-famed owne sino there has now Later In the year he luxurious London home, tumn he comes back to Only one intimate shares his de clining years. This is Captain Mackenzie, dour, and rship of the Ca lives In his Then, in av Paris, powerful, discreet his “secretary” by title, also as Sir Basil's and nurse, Sir Basil and Mackenzie h associated so long an fir Basil rarely has to speak more. He has got out of the of speaking. Instead, he snaps his fingers. Mackenzie understands Two more men keep vigil by Sir Basil Zaharofl's side. They are al most as Intimate with him as Mae kenzie loth are Greeks, the elderly Levantine billionaire having returned in spirit to his beginnings which took place in 1848 in a humble mud-walled Turkish village called Mighla. Joth also used to think because but bodyguard, any habit are doctors. People they were bodyguards, when he strolling on the Riviern a few years they always walked respectfully ten paces behind Zaharoff. But this is not se. Mackenzie was the man who fended off the beggars and the press. The doctors walked behind of the possibility of sudden iliness. And that is why, according to in- formed persons, they sit up with him, turn and turn about all night, by his bedside, where the light Is never ex. tinguished. Sir Basil doesn't even trust food very much. Whatever passes his lips Is boiled or otherwise sterilized, But two personal physicians aren’t enough for Sir Basil when he is in Monte Carlo, There, each winter, went ago, two others, Doctors Boyer and Mar san, are constantly at his disposal While he Is on the Riviera, these two physicians scarcely dare to leave their homes for fear of missing a telephoned summons from their pa: tient. And with reason, for the sum- monses come often—on provocations which in anybody having less money than Zaharoff would seem ridiculous, Sir Basil spends most of his time inside four walls these days. He goes outdoors for about an hour a day when the weather is good, The horses and carriages in which he used to be transported in his pub. lic appearances are used only occa- sionally now, Instead, he has a Rolls-Royce; and when the sun Is especially bright, a wheel chalr, Sir Basil hasn't much faith in weather, either, So when he goes outdoors he Is muffled in a big double-breasted overcoat with a muf- fler and shawl. He wears a wide. brimmed slouch hat. His white mus. tache and “imperial” or goatee emerge beneath it, making him ap pear like an elder brother of that other mysterious diplomat-plutocrat, Montague Norman, governor of the Bank of England, Sir Basil doesn't walk much more. In Paris or Monte Carlo it is only the distance between his door and his car. In the high-walled grounds of his chateau of Ballancourt, once the property of Baroness Vaughan, mor- ganatic wife of the late King Leopold of the Belgians, he sometimes strolls farther. When he does, the faithful Mackenzie is always at his side, THOSE GRAINS OF SAND THAT MAKE SO MUCH WASTE! the ont “It isn't untain wears you it's the sand if your shoe” Service that, And in words we have summed up the great and the continuous waste In the world, of the powers of and women, it is only ahead that grain of sald waste most when we are detach aflairs of other people—that we see the petty little every day and detracts chances for the big things. Lan from 'robably the larger part waste is on the part of Through women. longer freedom from detall, ger training in larger affairs built up defenses against frustrating army of little things Men In whose suc t winds the livelihood of others, have business, upon have had to learn to keep th on the the big divertes goal t goai, on object, let themselves be ty annoyances of daily rot The trou old you u is that tine, ble with those little thing pon yo t at the moment they True dealt your very big tl always so grain of HNgs, simply sand in they are not with as the shoe, You know, of is for other people to dispose of things which they had course, how easy it the “But if we problems" you the secret of it all. With other people’s troubles we have detachment, which perspective, and a If we could just detach our Ives momentarily from the annoy snces which are standing in our own way, and so get real Importance, women, too, should be able to discig pline ourselves into kee on the moun tain ahead and our feet on the road to it by ridding ourselves of the tor turing grains of sand. € 1922, Bell 8yndicate~WNU Bervice. bother you, the sar And say! there may be better sense of nlnes perspective on their we ping our eyes Bobby Spills due Henne Sister's Caller—Why do you look at me so intently, little man? Bobby] was looking to see If you were black. Caller—Black? black? Bobby-—1I heard sister say you were awful niggardly Why should I be AX DEALS BLOW TO OUR “CHRIS” Columbus Hard Hit by Its Discovery. Ethnologists have always helleved that Columbus was only about 200 years behind the first man to reach the Atlantic seaboard. That-—though the population of the American con- tinent started soon after the last Ice age when tribes from the other side of the world crossed Bering strait and filtered slowly southward to in- habit a continent—the first roaming citizens of the Atlantic seaboard ar- rived from the West only a short lead ahead of the man who has credit for finding the New world, But discovery of a primitive stone ax, dug up in Albemarle county, Vir- ginla, Is serving to upset this theory, in the opinion of officials of the Smithsonian institution, who say that former ideas of when the first In habitants reached the eastern shores of America are unsound, They now believe that man trod Virginia soll something like 2,000 years ago, Students ning story in this new ax that old, It was no more than out of the Albemarle county soll that had con. cenaled it so long until it began re citing its tale of age and strange races, Specialists who understand these things say that the primitive ax was chipped out of black disabase rock by gavage American 20 centuries ago and that in sibly disuse, It dull new some time, pos- because of became wns she nin by ormed chip; ping, and arpened ag and better Inf JK) Years ng logt for good so far as was concerned be found by scientists of a new day who knew how i the sigs of dis and age, part en do with the popuiat the earth. leave n« They just rier races ion of this side of These readers of s nt for move bad y pol layman argument, K populiat that is that nn on Colum: we agree that burd But bus, it does lav n He tho thought ight, or may had he lived rein di long enough, sovery hy on the that . Louis issed only 200 venrs, And we know evidence of present-day sclence he missed it ten times 200, - Globe-Democerat, Not Yet, but Soon F. C. relates that two mem bers of seeking ast summer, undertook to ex data | plore old cemeteries and copy NAMES, dates and inscriptions from the ancient church of ra with an one yard upstate a couple ther de natives, if {f hostili around observing them work One of the ladies finally said, Suppose it us Inspecting old tombstones.” “Yeh,” they admitted, “what kind of census are you taking?” The woman explained Oh," man in a tone of relief, and turning to walk just wondered if some one was plan tax the dead."-—Detroit said the away, “1 ning to News, i ¢ Tie Wy FLORESTON SHAMPOO = 1deal for use in connection with Parker's Hair Balan Makes the hair soft and fully, 50 cents by Por at orl gista. Hiscox Chemical Works, Pate CHERRY-GLYCERINE COMPOUND For Coughs due to Colds, Minor Bronchial and Throat lrritations JAS. BAILY & BON, Baltimore, Md, MOLLIFIED CENSURE “l do not like sarcasm,” sald the gentle friend. “And yet,” sald Miss Cayenne, “it may have its good qualities. Sarcasm is what we resort to when we feel too generous to be brutally frank.” Mean Brute “Where do you suppose 1 could about a hundred fleas?’ asked grouchy one, “I haven't any idea” replied other one, jut what the deuce you want with a hundred fleas?” “1 want to put them on that blink ety-blank 1ap dog my wife spends so much time hugging and petting,” he growled. get the the do Unfamiliar A comedian touring In sprung a lot of new jokes on his audience, but didn't get a laugh. Coming off the stage he said to the manager: “What's the matter? Aren't my gags all right? "Aye, the gags are a bit of al righty.” soothed the manager, “but, ye see, we've never heard ‘em Transcript, Australia | fore."—DBoston No Requests? Librarian— What | for? are you Tired, Hara Cease, Librarian ssed Student — § we bon’ We don't ITArs have % is 151 book in the lil Hope “I tell ye, Pat, hope is 8 | blessing.” “Well, 1 + hope, If it wasn't would ever be | app'inted.”—Vancouver Province, dunno, none of us dis Story Is Ended “How are you, Mrs. Browne? “Oh, I've nothing to grumble at.” “Mr. Browne away then? AN EXCEPTION Throwing back his shoulders and putting on his bravest smile, Mr, Everybody approached the cashier's desk at the income-tax collector's of- fice, “Good morning! he sald “I should like to pay my income tax.” “Well,” sald the cashler, “you're the first!” “Surely not the first to pay?’ claimed Mr. Everybody. The cashier smiled. “No,” he replied, “the first to say he'd like to.” ex A Great Idea “Mummie, if 1 were a should turn everything lates.” “But you chocolates.” “I could. an elephant.’ magician 1 into choco could not eat so many 1 should turn myself into ‘—ustige Blatter, UNIQUE DOBBIN First Fly—S8ay, 1 know where there's a horse that can't switch his Second Fly—What kind of a horse is he? First Fly—A hobl Proof last boarder was a wonderful artist,” sighed the landlady, as hacked at the “He always said he found inspiration in my cook- yy-horse, “My she ie ple-crust, sald , surveying his bent rson’'s M 1 presume,” the new — [ea Dry Cleaned d used his electric ting small Betty's hays, wasn't clea on coming home used h + is vacuum *'enuse Alicia, Necktore ®0 what was it kept late last ight, when we all wanted to sleep? Alicila—He was try ing to explain inflation to me, 4000 spaces, 1 Hartford, Coun. - » FAMOUS RADIO ANNOUNCER says: ‘I'l announce to the world that THE EDISON is a great Hotel” NAL PA Ls ALE iA ARE Tr ; RON SODA as 7) o %
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers