The Fable of the Right One for Kirby 8 By GEORGE ADE ©. Bell Syndicate. —~WNU Service, NCE and there was a unduly prosperous and after a Time there peared in their Home thing that answered to the Nuawe of Kirby. To the intélligent Reader much will be conveyed by the simple Statement that he was an Only Child. And, as so often happens, his en- tranced Parents seemed to believe that he was the Only One In the World. There Is an Old Saying that every Mother thinks her own is a Swan, and to carry the same Thought a little further it Is not surprising that in this Case the overjoyed Par ents looked at their cunning little Noodle-Head and saw in him the bud- ding Greatnesses of Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare and Douglas Fairbanks, all packed into one Parcel Those who have made a careful study of the lll-favored Children of the unusually Rich must have been, at times, oppressed by the Thought that Washington struggled and Lincoln suf fered and countless Brave Men faced the Dangers of Border Warfare in or der that the recent of the Rising Tide may sleep under Velvet Hangings in gaudy Palaces and have Serfs to wait on them. while all the Courts are organized protect their Property Rights and large de tachments of Motor Cops are stationed on the Highways to them from committing Suicide. Now, as this Piece of Veal emerged from the Nursery and began to talked about In the Nel orhood In which he lived, it was not evident that he had any Characteristic Trait of any particular kind sub- Hme Faith in his own Superiority. Shooting Would Be Merciful. The Surface of the Earth and overhanging Firmament kling Stars had & Silage Setting In prep: Entrance upon the S At the age with two Ts but he had a Contempt for all either older or younger I For a Youth who had the vivid sonality of a Mud Turtle Fiber of a Fish Worm an Wit of a Last Year's was surrpising how man ticed him and disecu was a good deal of forth about Kirby. Those had hit Observation couldn't Kome the Thing stand him up against a him. Others stood out Potassium. A third | throwing him from a some jagged Rock At the Age of 2 a rare Orch String of eral, his on what in order and sort regard to getting married, No sooner was it whispered around that the da Prince w Market than a lot of s ents got ready to secr Daughters or hand them first Applicants or do something perate in them from a Living Death. » Home Talent Not Worthy. They need not have had any Tre mors. Kirby and his Mamma, with the Face which had been hoisted by a Plastic Surgeon, and Papa, had Inherited so much Jack that he could wear side-Whiskers all that there was no Deb, Sub xh, Flapper, Cutle, or Damose]l within tadius Fifty Miles who was suff tiful and talented and inent and loaded down with qualify her to stand alongside of the World's Best and receive a Life Sen tence, No use talking, any Woman worthy of Our Kirby would have to be out of the Ordinary, So they took him to Florida where the Picking was said to be good, There is no Truth in the Report that they transported him in a Crate and occasionally pushed a Marshmal low to him, through the Bars, The Joy was very bright and snappy. He could go into the Diner, all by him self, and order Food unless he had to write it out, and often he would sit on a Chalr and hold a Morning Paper in front of Himself and decide that most of the People in the World were very crude and everything that hap pened was awfully silly, after which he would smoke a Pill, always getting the Right End In his Mouth, because the Ends were similar. Of course, if they had permitted him to use Cork Tips, the Results might have been serious. From all of this foregoing Blurb and Blah it will be gathered that much depended upon finding some Sweet Girl who was worthy, In every way, of the Lollipop. It would have been a shame to let the Breed die out just as the Universe Is facing so many in tricate Problems, The Girl Who Didn't Know a Good Thing When She Saw It. On a Beach near the Gulf Stream they found One that weighed and measured all right and had an In valid Father who owned a Railway, but after they talked to her a few Days they discovered that she was Dumb. Beautiful, but absolutely stil) and lifeless above the Pearl Necklace, prominent Palr up SOE Goose more Specimens {to prevent he except a been of Fourteen Persons ih i who said Garlie was known to indoce hin f got oF EK the ive Par Et bed ’ a gible Bermu 18 on hens over to the des. order to save who agreed 1s of beau prom- Assets to social If she had married Kirby probably the Offspring would have turned out to be Dancing Instructors. So she went Into the Diseard. There was another Candidate who was there with the Pep and the Bank Roll and a Family Tree and about four tons of Pulchritude but she fled a Can to Kirby within Five Minutes after meeting him and that Prospect went cold, This was the first Intimation the arents had ever recelved that any Member of the so-called Wenker Sex could possibly turn down a chance to hook up with the Helr-Apparent. In the Home Town, where Kirby and all of his Kin Sacred White Ele phants, the hnpression had been that he was a Capital Prize, the Answer to the Maiden's Prayer, Idol of the Wom: en and Envy of the Men, In the great Outside World he came into direct Competition with those genial Lads who combine University Training with the playful Instincts of a Cave Man, They can drink Ten on a Bet and do a lot of Dancing just to avold going Bed, but thelr real Trade Is licking Taxi Drivers. Along side of these hard boiled the refined and well-mannered Kirby to belong the Vegetable Kingdom. He not had Sex Appeal but had heard much ahout it. He was another by his the Hope that somewhere, at time, the Perfect Woman would show up and discover in Kirby all of dent his 'arents but otherwise non-e Kirby Is Captured. would have Fact that Hotel Keepers allowed him Alley vamped and abducted were to Burlles, fo only not seemed Ho to in some Place Guardians from careful taken one those to xistent, lovely Tralts which were ey Possibly turned out O, K one Evening in t in New York, the to ramble along he was large and sinewy Am Money. When she went at evervthing but he » Lobby of a for the Pencock where by a §y 1 HO 1 1200 W Kirby like a Battle between s tor Of and an Colrse v his People pal and arranged } Initiative of the Wicke It seer el has rable Now she coun his Money for Morning to wear ts very nnd * hich the Man does the Tal in wh Old Flashlight and Other Scraps Make “Stararium’ i ’ - a over i f an old O'Byrne ’ 0 ner wood, a min lds the dra the san Adler asironn unfo much 1 000 cago, While a tr there are onl States, wil) whlch United the stars ping moon in their pr tion to the time hh ahserved, of year RIAL MOVE he has cols e “stararinm™ for it Instend of a don under which several hundred per git, t) half-dome song can we poriable model has 8 three foot inte which only a dozen or so persons can look How. ever, they do not have to risk a atife neck they ler a large dome, And apparatus look rather precisely it constructed that the revolving foot long projector--a polshedron of 13 surfaces—throws sclentifienlly exact representations of 85 stars, in more than 00 constellations, the half. Louis Post-Dispateh, wr TH ¥ would un as nay slithourh the erude, so was nnto dome —-8t, “Blind Flying” An aviator is fiying “blind” when he cannot see, either from the construc: ton of his plane or from the wenther conditions, such as fog, rain, ete. When flying “blind.” an aviator guides his plane by The most important of these instr ments is the earth indicator compass, Other essential Instruments are a turn indieator, a bank indicator and a drift meter, While the precision of these Instruments is great, they are hy no means perfectly accurate, Skill is re quired to read the scales, Mine Crater “Pool of Peace” One of the largest named “ihe Pool of Peace” It is EF IS plain to be checks and stripes id tow flage fo sri ird the patlternings ron i fies Eports ¥ ontfits me fr MKS TEA GOWN IS BACK IN FASHION WORLD The ten div jie in light, For tea the style wor ing The is slim, slinky and the last go back ¥ for two its trail however, word in mar its froth” ap or dinner Has revives] lines EZ version, nces of fashion nrious fabrics fashion these vel tinted and it INS new bor over The ces are girmaple and fitted, sleeves in or dro rts ng closely about the hips and sweep ya train gowns J in fur neering: ten velvetls dered ACeR draped favorites, are while the = ng. Tucked-in-Blouse Being Revived by Designers With the abandonment of the prin cess waisted skirt, Paris conturiers feem to have revived the tucked-in blouse, which anguished for a season. or If the blouse is not in, it stops at the waistline the skirt. Jecnuse of the high neckline on so many, the style of fastening them ut the top of the back by a short row of buttons is a feature to be noficed. as this permits the blouse to be slipped off over the head. tucked fst over Angora Beads Suggested as Splendid Neck Warmer Angora beads strung together by lit tle disks of copper are Just ahout as unusual looking as they sound. The “fuzz” of the nngora might tickle a sensitive throat, bur for oth ers it forms a warm little circle under the chin ‘and takes care of bones so nnhecoming to those unfortunate enough to have theth, The best com bination is white and copper, but col ors may be had fo mateh particular ensembles yards. In making it 40 tons of ex. plosives were used and 8.000 yards of galleries were dug. The explosion was heard in London. knew it as “Lone Tree Carter,” and since the war it has slowly filied with water, Little Shirred Hats The cutest little hats of closely. shirred crepe fonture n new shade of pale beige, particularly smart with ei ther black or brown. They fit the head closely, reveal a new slant over the eyes and are altogether intriguing. » other ’ in though it dress to the its tone, It gives the Im- and and modest Green {IAT two piece, NEW BELT IDEAS I OHERIE NICHOLAS srs, a This good looking daytime dress is swagger from start to finish, weave, The sleeves show the trend to modified fullness which strongly advocatad for the coming sea son. | see here I8 the Jast word in girdle fastenings, The sca ends are cas ually drawn through a metal ring matching those at the waistline. By the way, the latest metal trappings which adorn the new costumes are in copper. They, nlend handsomely with the tangerine and brown shades which are now so fashionable. Patterns for Spring First look at spring silk collections discloses that a large percentage of both printed and woven patterning ts based om variations of crossbars plaids, stripes and checks. the rating of popularity being in the order named, For Sunday Night Supper, or Lunch Well to Keep Supply of Canned Dealisgeies on Shelves, Whether you keep house “kitchenettily,” re almost of canned is certain to keep a supply , tuna fish, sal mon and lobster meat on hand, They are called for and salad, for lunch and for Sundav night supper and for and entrees—if you go in for formal din. ners, Of haps very must Packs packs of the the crab ment, tinetly crab meat keeps its packed in = used largely. It for i Jes erab meat on then canape {for these four foeds lobster has the more distinet flavor. A brand of selected on per good canned ber of lobster this account other different kinds, in natural flay uch COMER Huantit particuls is it Is sometimes known as “deviled > Any of these fish make delicious timbales and souffles, One Is as good as the other. Bometimes a Hollan. dalse or a Tartar sauce is served with these hot dishes, One other delicious for these sea foods should be mentioned. They make such deli “bisquen,” ns course, they dinner, but 1 know where this is ¢ fous fipe cream fire are a lit es viel ang hope ful of her famous In | product can be us hut we ; either of | tage, { grond mn ’" Salmon Timbales. Spinach Ring Filled With and Crab Qtr He doesn’t look a day over fifty. And feels like forty. Al the age of 62. That's the happy state of health and pep a man enjoys when he gives his vital organs a little stimulant! When your system is Stajjnant and you feel sluggish, headachy, half-alive—don’t waste money on “tonics” or “regulators” or similar atent medicines. Stimulate the iver and bowels. Use a famous physician's prescription every drug store keeps. Just ask them for Dr. Caldwell’s syrup pepsin. This appetizing syrup is made from fresh laxative herbs, active senna, and pure pepsin. One dose will clear up almost any case of headache, biliousness, eanstipation. But i you want to keep in fine shape, feel fit the year ‘round, take a spoonful of Dr. Caldwell’s syrup sin every few days. You'll eat etter, sleep better and feel better in every way. You will never need to take another laxative. Give the children a little of this delicious syrup two or three times a week. A gentle, natural stimulant that makes them eal and keeps the bowels from clogging. And saves them from so many sick spells and colds, Have a sound stomach, active liver and strong bowel muscles that expel every bit of waste and poison every day! Just keep a bottle of Dr. Caldwell's syrup pepsin on hand; take a stimulating spoonful ‘every now and then. See if you don’t feel new vigor in every way. Syrup pepsin isn’t expensive.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers