HUMOROUS, ficn Mex's Brains, —Omaha Law: ‘client of mine, Nephew--Uncle's dead, man that uncle of mine. eh. Started on “Without half trying. "Yes, he was a smart wan, there Is 80 Boubt of that," “Sitidrtest man I ever knew. Baw him only & few months ago and his Drain was as quick as a steel trap, old 88 he was, will, 1 believe ” ** Yes; he loft all his money to orphan asylums. “He did? That will wont stand. He’s been a half idiot these tweuly years." I ————— AR old gentleman recommended “Ben Hur to one of his young friends, advising her to read the book by all means. Meeting him soon asiter, she told him that she had Inquired for It at severai bookstores, but nove of them had the book. **What did you ask fory" said the old gentleman. “*Why. ‘Ben She,’ of course,” replied the lady, A few weeks later the old gentleman re. eeived an invitation to the young lady's wedding, and the bridegroom's name chanced to be Benjamin, “AL!” said he, as he read the card, +he failed to 8nd ‘Ben Hur,’ but she has hs better success, il seems, in the search Her Ben”? ——————. “JENKINS, I've got something to tell Jou. Itgrieves me tosay it, but as a {riend, [ don’t think 1 ought to keep silent, ge **What is it, man—what is it?” “1 saw Brown throwing kisses tc your wife.” “Great Scott! evea it.” “I thought not.” “But, come to think of it, Brown asver did have much taste,” A————— po — I wouldn’t bave be- A BrigaT FUTURE.—'"When I was wenty-one years of age,” he said. “] ought that if { wasa’t rich at thirty § would be too old to enjoy wealth.” *How old are you now?" “Seventy,” *And rich, of course?” “No, I'm a poor man yet: got a scheme in view that will make me as rich as mud before I’m eighty, and then I propose to take things easy and wjoy life”? but I've Er —————— EprTor Sreathiead, journalistic waist S13 Alb {to young ass'stant)—*Mr, I want to map out a ine of study for you!” Young {dubiously)—**I am preity well up In newspaper stuff, as it is sir.” Editor—*1 am aware of that, Mr. Greathead; but you know too much, 1 would suggestthat you devole ore hour each day to forgetting some- thivg.” a——— ad (preparing “There ought for tha country) to be rootn in on the trunks for my things : got you x.” Con siderat a Wi fo" Y u forget dear, that my six dresses take a trunk each. Bat I did not forget you. Here Is a nice little satchel you can have alt wo Yourself.» & of ———— **HOW does it happen that there are 80 many old maids among the school teachers?’ asked a reporter of & te uh er the other day. *‘BecAuse school feachers are, as a rule, women of se nse; Rud no woman will give up a $60 Posi « n for a $10 man,” was the reply. s———— De You Ever Ssecunlate? Any parson se a4 taelr names and ad. dress will recei formation that will lead fo a fortune. Reni Lewis & Cu, Security Buliding, Kansas | ity. Mo. dizg ve ir George W, ‘Kettoman, of Penmar, Penn., bas invented an ear plece for the phonograph. The coutracting of dis- ease by contact is impossible, Rupture cure Dr. J. B. Mayer. 83] Pa. Ease at on oa, lay from business, sands of cures after free, sen 5 guaranteed by Arch St, Uhil'a, 00 operation or de by thou fall, advice fatteated others d for iar HH ———— The Manhattan Elevated Rail Iroad Company of New Y ork City is preparing to light its trains by electricity. ITS: An €Ive Hestorer, No § You cures, Freat Ncases, ito be K ped ree oy Dr, Kitne's dros a7 Gre day's asa vel $0 00 triad ¢ ve, 5 Arca Si ORDERS AREBORDE RA —A gentleman was looking at a suite of rooms in #n apartment house; he found them satis- factory, and said to the janitor: “I'll take them.» “Have you any children, sir?” “Yes two.” “Then I cannot let you the rooms, “Why my ehildren are both married and live in Towa.” “That makes no difference, My orders re not to take in any tensut who has bi Mdren.” GRATIFIED CURIOSITY. "Katie," said he, when the Lime came for him to take his departure, *“do you think you care enough for me to link your It with mins? Could you leave this home an! be happier in another with me?” “Yes, Augustus, I think I could,” sory but unhesitatingly answered atle “I dMin’t know wheather to ask you or not,” continued Aogustus, “so i thonght I'd see how you felt about it,*’ And, baviog satisfied him=elf as to her feelings toward him, he took his ha’ to go, but he went without a good-nigh: kiss, The expenditure for pensions for the year ending June 30, as now ofliciallly stated; amounted to $100,857.0634. In the previous \ear we paid | $57,044, 7.- 11, while 1n the yaar before that we paid $50 288 508, me— ® rie best cure, by all only, for on or flesh-wound is to bling up snugly as s00n as possible in the blood —if aching ansues moisten in u topid water, A rival tothe now celebiruted *W lei- ley’ shiecp-tl ering mn hie, has lebn t «ted in Meibouine, Australia, with Th 8 mae Lit 18 ca led the **S Iver,” and with it ap ex- pe: t can shear 200 shee + pr day. — fe csemsinint STATE OF O10, C3vY oF TOLEDO, } a Lucas County, § Fraxgd. Cn Xey mo kes oath that he is the fener partner otthe iro of F. J, CHEs YY & Co, doipg LHS bes fn the ( Hy ol vino, Cotinty sod Bt pte afurex wh and that sad firin will the sum of ONE DOLLAR ca han al ky ns 4 AT suum tf caunol be cuted bY the use of HaLL's Ua. TARKI CURE. FRANK CHENEY Suornto belore me and subseribed jo my presence, this 6th day of Dee aber, A.D, 18, Pe A. WLLEABUN, Notary Publie, Hall's Catarth Cure is taken internally snd ROIs directly on the blood avd muoco 8 sur faces of the system, Send jor testhinoni dx, free, F.J. CHENEY & Cu, Toledo, U, SB sold by Dru a — ints, 70a, The unde grounu system of telegraphs of the Geren empiie haa 10 aber h of 3,600 miles, und has lost $10 219,00 1, Knowledge Bettor Than Theory. ole medical w Pod few 1 ad cas SE, A natural gas well at Nor Tm pal Texas, flow of gus and produces a awe 5 fect laugh, Fruits and Trees! Poluts for Tree Thi tr of a h Louisiana, sentire bok 8 ably written vinformation for « youre growing fn vy surt or kind, = fro bs tark Dios. Mo ~Orargrdu id J LrIner ——————— A —— — Seven hundred exported every year from this country, are to willlon oranges Europe i armiess #at Lew 4 F & Uo. Wa's Chine t d on Big al WY Yaudotte Venezuela season of rem kul Lo ba Ve prosperity. Seine ar is to furnis! rejeling The Pope's with modern Filles, If Debbins' BE frisist ¢ hi of the corn Year wr grown io the W put | Mu iat { ribs was oo soil to Children Tease For IL Dakoia, Cann's HOpsY, fs Hear: | GRATE Arch for $0, Cures, MHidney i EriadM Care AV Rt ret or dre Fry Chicago has a canniog eo Tnpany 13 composed eqiirely of women. -~ Ok 'ahon Gi B receipt of ix de Bow « sud ta.Ty ey : a ——— The golden poy has been as the d ate flower ~f California, s—————— For Coughs and hrost troy Bronchial Troches,™ The ¥ of my asthina co ave IY pio Miawmiviiie, Olio Anywh ty. Mo pd elected a! oF an fi BPLLY. ——————— There aie thi ity wousand cases of the grip lu New Orleans, La. ————————— Frazer Axie tirense, The Frazer Axle Greases is cheaper than say ot Ask your dealer for it, betier and double the price i take no other, Over 3000 bol ts, ely ght inches long, were used in the coustruction of the St, Clair (Mich. ) tunuel every twenty-four hours, Her, al - Timber, Mineral, Farm Lan ds and Ranches In Missouri, Ka Haas, Texas and Arkansas, bought and sod. Lyler & Co. Kansas City, Mo. ——— Utiliziog scrap steel rod by weld ug it and drawing it into fence wire is one of the recent successes of electric weld- ing. “August Flower” For Dyspepsia. A. Bellanger, Propr., Stove Foun- dry, Montagny, Quebec, writes: “I have used August Flower for Dys- pepsia. It gave me great relief. 1 recommend it to all Dyspeptics as a very good remedy."’ Ed. Bergeron, General Dealer, Lauzon, Levis, Quebec, writes: *‘I have used August Flower with the best possible results for Dyspepsia.’ C. A. Barrington, Engineer and General Smith, Sydney, Australia, writes: “August Flower has effected a complete cure in my case. It act- ed like a miracle.” Geo. Gates, Corinth, Miss, writes: ** I consider your A pepsia. I was almost dead with that disease, ol ied Sévesal bottles SE rt 2 ETaoll o well sulfa, Jaivcersh Ing humenity the world Corrs ® G. G. GREEN, Sole Manufacturer Woodbury, New Jenny, U. vga nr. b= . Prepare for Spring Now is the time to sttind to 9 eon elit fon in prepar ition for the spring season, I you have pot “wiiitered well” H you are th ed out fromoverwo &, if your blood i has become impu © Lom close confinement in { boty ventiinted you should Like Hoo i's sarap riils at once, It will purify ani vitallze your blo, exieol all germs of | diR ame at a woud appetite, acd give your | whol sysiem tone and stren bh. N.B. B © Lo get only Hood's Sarsaparilla, Sold by all an I: six for 8&5. only by. 1 HOOD & CO, Low i, 100 Doses One Dollar, i ur pes ronal change 10 offices or shops . Ory sur pints Prepared | Mass, i Elave Et In "The Nouse, | Lvopped wn Sug gar, £ hildgren Love ENRON'S ANODY 2 14 $ ! " wd Pains Me i WW fruises like magic | THIN K or 17. In use over 40 YEAS In one family, vy youre sites | fires | eent; for more $i i regard i~e thet can , oH § Cus sprimirita, Enon & Co It is sist PINE 14 extern: Suorsr v : bie. Tis 3 he 1 "GAL iad, Er te lenin i { ; | | FOR ALL ;BILIOUS:NERVOUS { DISORDERS, huh u Sick Headache, Weak Stomach, Impaired Digestion, Constipation, Disordere Liver, &c. the Rosebud of i “the ‘whole Physica) Energy of the human Beocham’s Pills, taken os) | (di ‘rected, will quickly RESTORE! ‘FEMALES to complete health. SOLD BY ALL DRUCCISTS. Price 25 cents per Box. ? r THOS FRECHAM, “ie VEE ©"... Eps and he for the § States 35 & 07 Canal 84 New York ¥ your drugoir! doug sot keep them) Beetham 's Pills om riceipt of price, wive frat, Mention Lhis paper. NANA NNN NNN at Stl in AAA FOR FIFTY YEARS! MRS. WINSLOW'S SOOTHING SYRUP fit arg fo Ww thefts rilidren r ¥ a allary § as 1) © Lawl beth die hh we ¥ dinr T Fowenty-fve Cente an Bottle, IONS TN J, HO HW RBoeretaries apd Or. ganigers by Assess. out Order paying $i $00 In six months st Reputable SY 1 will send any Lady a Valos. HUMOROUS. THe surrey sToPPED. “Did that tl vou over the coals’ *? * No he sald 1 couldn't have a scut- IA THE DEAR GIKLS.— Mund-*George last nly gut" Ethel — **1ic told me you were next on his lit when 1 refuted him last | week,” —————— THEY SOUNDED FAMILIAR ~* Young Mr, Spafll-8 appears to have inherited hs father’s abiity us a preacher.’ “Yes —and a good wavy of Lis ser- mous, too,” EOMETHING TO BAY. — Farmer Green { (to Loy caught stealing Lis af ples)— **Well, slr, what bave jou to say for Boy (with pockets full) sir | may I have some apples?” -* Please, . - -- ADSENTMINDED. — Bjinks ink bottles which For Ture Biones—** Wit kind 1s it?" Djinks —**It sounds an alarm 4.0 brush,” at the ng — WISI'ED HE HADN'T ASKED, —**] say Bobby, whispered Featherly, **did your sister say she Loped my trip would do me gould”? **Y ex; she told me last night that if Mr. Fratherly went West sue hoped he would go fur good.” HER MOUTH, -A small girl of three yo rs old suddenly burst crying sat the dinner table, “Why, Mabel.” said her mother hat Is the nator?” “Oh, * wh ned Mabel, on my tongue!” A ¥OOT IN oul “hy “my teeth trod OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF DARES. HM: t, can I goo ver to Sallie's house and play a litle while?" asked four-year-oid , dear; 1 don't mind If you do.” [hank ma’ the demure “1 have been.” sfi— was Vit ¥ Ou, ust ymer-—** What morn BURPRIBE, —O matter with the milk It bas a very peculiar Driver of Milk » agon HEU | as ih s truth ¢ Yow “ ii FUL 3%, ma am, +3 Crean,” A this ng? IEAND DE ~Hus! sland "Now we R. R. R. ADWAY’S READY RELIEF, THE GREST CONQUEROR OF PAIN, Instantly rel aves and soon cures Colds, Throat, Bronchitis, Plearisy, SUS Neck, songestions and inflammations, whether the Lungs, Kidaeys, 5 rwesla, LHMEUMATIOM, NEURALGIA, Headache, Toothache, Weakueoss or Pain in the Back, Chest or Limbs, by one spp tion, Interoally in water for sll inter pad na, fistaleoncy, Heartburn, Sick #1 Nervousness, Bleeplessness, FPalpitation the Heart, Chills and Fever and Malaria, 60¢c. a bottle. All Druggists, ADWAY’S PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartie, mek, | Vegetable, The Safest and Best Medicine | in the world for the Cure of all Disordess { of the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS, Taken according to directions they will “WHAT AN ASS AM I{? The ass thonght himself as fine look- ing as his neighbor, the horse, until he, one day, saw himself in the looking. glass, when he said * What an ass am 11” Are there not scores of people who cannot sce themselves as others see them? They have bad blood, pim- ples, blotches, ernptions, and other kin- dred disfigurements, All these annoy- ing things could be entirely eradicated, and the skin restored to “lily white | if that world-famed remedy, Dr. Golden Medical Discovery, | a fair trial | | restore health and renew vitality, It cures all humors, from the ordi- | Price, 25 cts. 5 Box. Sold by all Deaggists nary blotch, pimple or eruption to the | DE. RADWAY & CO. NEW YORK. worst scrofula, or most inveterate | blood-taints, no matter what their " PREVEN INE ture, or whether they be inherited NEW & WONDERFUL DISCOVERY. acquired. The “Gol «(ical Dis- | ive Agninst Diseases of Men, covery” is the only blood - purifier | guaranteed to do just wi it rec- | DISEASES PREVENTED pald with fall ness,” Pierce's were given the Nfi= or den + aL is ommended to, or money refunded. WonrLp's DisPENSARY MEDICAL AS | SOCIATION, Proprietors, No. 663 Main ffalo, N. XY. A ————————— Bermuda Bottled. ! “You must go to Bermuda. ae | ou do net § will not be response | le lor the consequences.” “Bat, 1 § ! Bure | reve MONEY SAVED Street, | $47 830 cents per battle, promt 4 t written o varie a vetions 343 2 y fo wy FOULAr Pre event me Manufac turing Co., LABORATORY TEN EYCKST, 25 & OFFICK doctor, § ean afford Jpeither the } time nor the money.” * Well, that Is impossible, try SCOTT'S JULSION OF PURE NORWEGIAN COD LIVER OIL. I sometimes call it Bermuda Bots i ted, and many eases of : CONSUMPTION, Bronchitis, Couch } or Severe Cold | I have CURED with 11; and the { Advaniaze ix that the most se gle Live stomach can take IL. Anothe thing which commends It is tive } stimulating properties of the Hye pophosphites which It contains You will find it for sale at your i 20 & 21 Brookiyn, FOR A ON Z-DO1. LAR BILE sent wo will de r. free o wi charges, 10 any parson i the Unit 4 Staion, i : of 1 hoe hottie af Pure Tne Vaseline Rosh, moe othe Wl Whit ge of sie af One two-ou I Ow %or portage stamen any ving samad. | o a : « hese arsugl ¥ BAGG, KNEES to elves; Ce evell 3 ug Our hat does it x a My rem Rh say about On dress a Jo ive | gag eineut T had | st iu ' Tue pirren Ex Jazzame-"*What’s tence belween a poet and a plutn ber? ? Max ox — “The poet Is generally Com poor. * “That isn’t th answer," “let's have it (fen. ® “The puet pipes the lay, but the plumbe ix lays the pipes.’ slp —— A SHORT STORY.~Fhe—'"Pleass make me up a dose of caster oil. Smart Cierk (after a lapse of five mine les )—"“Have aglass of soda, won't you?" She drinks soda and waits for the oil. Smart Clerk—"* Anything else, Mis?" She—**The caster oil please, Swart Clerk-—""Why, 1 gave you the oil in the sodal” She—*“Well, I didn’t want 1t for my- self. It was for my trother.* FOUND A FREAK. —~A weak, sickly. looking individual, with a shawl and a pair of gaiters, entered a railroad rest avrant and sald to the walter: “Waiter, bring me a sirloin steak, an omelet and some baked potatoes,” “Yes, sir; that “And some baked ham, and—and a small mutton chop, waiter,” “Yea sir. Tea?” “A couple bottles of beer and a half dozen Eong'ish muffins’, The walter put down his tray with a knowiog smile. Glanecing over at the counter Lo see if the proprietor was look- ing he leaned over and whispered “Say, Ala AAT ASTRAST veo. LADIES ONLY! ble Secret that cost me 83, healthy nt Jose and - an early and profuw Dp Fie seizes” mall a, fo rice Li gp ROSS & co. Toledo, Obie. Okie. CACTUS 19 Finnts ma mailed or 1.00: Prt vy, Th: a. unre ¥ Farum, TACOMALS" 190 and a Rabber Shield for 38e. Confidential. Address H 1G ITEST Cash Prive paid for Taw Pera, Hides, “GREEN MOUNTAIN" GRAPE. For a ving farther informaiion BEATTY ! sae Cactus, 100, HOME ©. Faamanhin & ne [———— ph —— Ww. L. Lawson & O 0. 58 State se, _Uhilonge, ni. Hk ins, Talon w, by Geo, M Emmans, Newton, x, x3. Neuve se enriyy none gre delicious, Viee a address Stephen Hoyt's Rous, New Canaan, Of 5. Oranns » 5. DANIEL PRB annals: five. A. Blane & Co thorough, aught A “eaters Bryant's Callege, aed bp ain abo. xy ¥ An iron alovated wilway, much like the New York patterns six miles long, is now I proses of Sopstivietion Lin) Js erpool, oars are wor any | ecteiaty, With the a welding tweuly mister, you don’t want a manager do you?” Tourists, Whether on pleasure bent or business, should take on every trip a bottle of Syrup of Figs, asit acts most pleasantly and effectually on the kidneys, liver and bowels, preventing fevers, headaches and other forms of sickness. For sale in 60¢ and $1.00 bottles by all leading druggists, The London libraries all have a small stationer’s shop connected with them, where the variousconveniences for writ- ing are supplied, myestod m chotes ons Lundred dol or biting Tots in suburbs of Kansas ny vit will a foie aes ner our pan. ob LJ mont th without interest oon- Eh a & Go. Fariguiars on applicd- There are more public holidays in Honolulu, Hawali, than in any other city in the world, Bruggist's but sec you get the original SCOTT'S INU LsioNn" Ey - A ASA, WE ———— - a Ee aM PROF. LOISETTE'S NEW MEMORY BOOKS. of Zire forwalond ELYS Cth Criticisms om (90 recent ¥ rn Ave, Kew 6, Kew York. A eRnzeR AER: GREASE BEST IN THE woRle, Its wearing qualities are unsurpafsed, aote Bily ontiasting two boxes of any other brand Not effected by hat. 89 GEI THE GEXg DR. ‘SCHENCK’ S SEAWEED FoR SALEBY DEALERS GENERALLY, < TONIC EAS eorded TULINGHASY » Ee ] oo” RO Bours Cabbage Bare tends Is a Positive Cure for ta ee al Feiton A nemo Tolntroduce DYSPE PSIA show la capi ities | will pag vied obtain And a1! Disorders of the Mpa hve Organs. It fe likewise » wirative, oF strengthen ng Medicios, and may be $100 for Lhe beet of fram § ounre § wil taken with great benefit jo all onsen of Debrili ity. For Sale is 1 Deuggista. Price, §1.00 per bottle, Dr Schenck 's New Book om Lungs Liver sod Stomach mailed free Aodress, Dr. J. H. SCHENCK & SON. Philadelphia. STOPPED_ FREE Insane Teraone Ro Restored mond Teh “hg for 60 cin se . bsaac F, Tiltngh wn Plume. ¥ proscritd and folly ems doree Big € as the A oF on dine of the Ceriain on 8 ind INCA HAM, ». Amslerdam, NX. ® have sold Big ton Fears, and I o best of Cures 1a 1708 DATE wet So the DR Rn DYCHE : CO, Chicage, 18, Bark 1. -00, Bola by PATENT oo ¥. A. LE A. LERMANN, BEND POR CIRCULAR, Dr KELINE'S GREA NERVE RESTORE for ofl Brute # Newes Dresses Owip ene wwe for Neovwe Afervsons, Pow, Epliermy, ein, IEPALLIBLE &f Saken oe diverted, So Pie feud day's wow. Treatise and $7 wie! bone Pres w un atten, th They paying f1iree charges on bus whes reenived. Bend uemes, P.O og yg Forming od a¥icoad 0 DB. hid uA , See Dragrisen. BE WARE OF IMITATING TEDDY Washington, D, Best Cough Medicine. Recommended by Physic Cures where all else fails. Pleasant and agreeable Sek inna taste. Children take it without objection. By druggists. ® Pr Owionesrens Ewarisn, Re ENNYROVAL * * ENN AND ae t PARLS may be vue what some men say, Ir Py be trues whala men say.” AOPINION ¥ Sapolio.=— v Iris a or cake of as Soap For many years SAPOLIO has stood as the finest and best article of this kind in the world. It knows no equal, and, although it costs a trifle more its durability makes it outlast two cakes of cheap makes. It is therefore the cheapest in the end. Any grocer will supply it wt
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers