Freoman Wct-fclj ai Advertisingr J?atcs. The Unntd relM riTrnUlion r.f the ('! a IBIIKHAS eoainieeda it to th IaVurahi oi.Mlerti.u ilnivmwri lavore ta Berts1 at t,, telL-wita: low rIe : 1 men. 3 .....f SO 1 men, 3 months.... 2 V) 1 neb. Bionths..... ......... ao 1 iticn I year... i0 2 Inchw. 6 month... s!v a iDches, i year ..... . .". 10. no . 3 lorhe. 6 monlbs .. K09 3 3 iorhe. I year .."III7 2.1 '4 coinmn, 6 moiith 1. "..?" lo. i ; ,"i cilumn. 6 tnoothj...... 2 00 column. 1 year avoo ! icolomn, 6 montMi... ........... ...... 4t.O0 1 oilomn, 1 year ....... . Ta.M - Kaloers Item. nrt lnrtloti. ltic. jr I'.na mteneiit IriftrM.ins. V. r I'r.e Auuiiniftntor anU tiecutor Notice. MM AotIiur IWtice5 ..... .SQ Stray at) rioui:ar Notice JuO - l:e-.lat riF or (rce-tinKX ol anv (N.rjx rm Hon or society acil c'iuuiuDi-ati'n drMk.-D. dto cll attention to any matter ol limited or 'Ml vulnal pteret mutt le fai.1 t.T a; alrerMimenia. tUn k d.1 Jot. I rintin of aii kin.is neatly aod 'i le.1u.05iy executed at the lovert ITicea. Aad don'tvou Iv.riret ;t liV JAKE W. JIAS"0., ilujrantee.l Ciieu'.ation. 1.200 III Ills. III1IK r n IS Su hxr r lit ion Itnlrn. 1 r',!'a-n in advance J1.S0 lo II uol punl wumu 3 umnois. 1.75 U W Vly ..,,y 'r ? u not I'wii ii inn t; Uioiiitii'. -i uu .In II hot iM wilulu the )bii a lb i i-er-oiiiri re.-i.litiK outi-ldt of the county 4 !.'. il.ll-.-1-IlAl t-er ef will I cbaXicml to ,, ;,--lt.e. -in ni avcnt will the nixne term ha l r.si ir-aii. and those lm itno i oimuh ifi-fr ii tillered b' i y I ne lu ala'in riiu.i imt ei ' .i n. :-c eix.-e-l tri lti xame lootime -ui ttioxe wno ,1 i.cl ciii.- ,:-"t tlll.;ctly uiirier?cxxj rruiD ' . ...: WlM cy tor your paper tietorc you nop It. if step ui"ici Nunc out seaiawa5 ilo -iiherwlse. - i to JAS. C. HASSON. Editor and Proprietor. "HE IS A FREEMAN WHOM THE TRUTH MAKES FREE AND ALL ARE ELATES BESIDE." 81. SO and postage per year in advan VOLUME XX VI IT. EL5ENSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, MAY 25, IS94. NUMRER -21 I .1. ?raiaW me is too snort. I CambiMfi s in I'iiuikIk"'! A. A. 1 1 i lt II I IIS A Quick Relief for evckt Type of H ZAiAiHE. Fou Cardinal Points Respecting H eadache. V i v m tit t .iM vrr fir.i'lnrlic a -s. n - :ravr the rra.l- 1 1 v ; i i : t - ; i.il iii-rvt-s l-'.r HKsT. ..u-..p Soothe itn-m with Kti f- ; AMNS. S...!i!.U..,..rl..,.!..-h: -1:11 rhiltlrrn sfTrr r !v..(t. -i k. p- ; v.ith h.':ni.i hf. or . . I'tti . r It. ' any one c!sr lor th.it , '. ! y -"rx, ' matter, use Kopf ai.ink. . v - .iiw t l t ' I tin: l.-st riiit-t!y "V:r tl- tin wuj.riin . u : - f.-n-.l. S.it-, ti:, wn K - Aii'-i I ! rlnlly Uick tn ;;;tin. . - t"r "iir' t v-- tvpt-of hr:i:I:it:h-, e-;eo-,. i i. t ii-'i r ;! y p.iifilitl tytK: '(- uliai , - rtitv; lrirt irr-i;iil:inty or uterine itrt : ;. r vho-i' r--ttirr them t- staiul tor , ; j ;.r-n -Us M (; KOPF LIPsiH CURES nervous Smock. wvous OcotLirr, N,aOU1 HCaDlCMI, NINVOUS PHOSTH4TIOM, MkNTaL WOIIHT, ClCISTlVt AlLMCNIS, Palpitation. wca Circulation, aucomol'c amo otmih cxccsscs, and all .; :;. ..u ! 'tmiu'- !i- r-rvc wa.-tc l;-s on. KOPFALINE J- -. i : -: it i r.-.ch-r. r-hol.irs. Pre. if hers, : i. M r-h itts. l"iIitori. Men. Wnni' ii r.i:-.rc-i I v. r !y ift hose licrv- a o ; ; v r 'J- i '-nh r. It;- - ;-.t-K s., ! i :trcitmstaticcs" attd S . ! v -ir -:.'!-. u !'-r. :iy, or sent t- any ,1 . r.C(.i; t - t wtr olc Proprictors, WlNKELMANW & BROWN DHUG CO. oit:mor, Mo.. U. S. A. "NO M0!?E DOCTOsIS FOR E! TTir-r I tv:is crii-iimpti vf, Font m ta I 't.'l.i, t 'i l in" kcej (iiiot. no pscit-ti'-i.r, :ii l in. leimis. Jnr-t tliink cf it. 'ii-!.iv I f- 'iiiil a littlo lirxk r:ill-il 'Cuiilo t ll-.".t!i,' I'V Mis. l'iiikliani, ami in it I f . : : t i 1 " it r.iint ailcil up. So 1 wrto to l.'-r. .-' t a !' : rci'iy. toiI mm- jn.t what to ami I :mi in stilctnlid li.'allli in-w." VRH C D3V7UFj'Q Vceetablo LlLllA L rlhiuikili O Compound criiyicr ail Tlioe wcaknessoi:; anil ailim-iits t.i ; : v.ii.-ut witli the sex, and restores jr-li-rt Ii--a 'tii. All 1 ir.ij.-lsrq st-ll it as a f.t.-if:lanl arti cli1. or . :,t l.v mail, in form of l'llls or La7pv.--. on ioi-riit of SI.imi. IT tii -ui. of Kiflnry "otnflaint, :!! - r -'-. tiirt "iiih:iiiik1 l::.3 no rival. -Mr, l'iiii. !i uu fii-i lv ai snors letters of ill i '. i i r y . I'nclnse stamp for reply. 'enri ti?-crnt s.; nps lor f irs. Finkham b?iiti!ul as-'.-q. i,; '"jtrrtcd iiock. ent'tled ' GliinE TO HEALTH SN0 ETIQUETTE. It conlnins a urt'iime nt valuable information It has sivfil hk-s '-nil may save yours. Lyd.a E. Plnkham Mad. Co.. Lynn, Mail From Pole to Pole Atbr -4 HAft-SApAitiu a ba dTnontrated ita puwi-r i fi-uf: I t uil diru-ait' cf the blKxi. The Harpooncc's Story, A J: 'ijvT'i, June 7, 78S3. T'Tl. J r Ateh Twonty years a;r 1 ti r'MKu-'-r in thu North l'a-il.-, whon rive fr: '-rm - t , r. w anil n- tf vtr- hud up vtth B tirvy. ,-ir Itdi s were hiontcd, iim wollco 1 'i;riif. t-th lM..tf, jMirpli? biotch- al e-.-r t:, niit' .ur hrrnth ni d rotfn. Take ii t :A l:tr" vr pr-tty badly otT. All oui I;-: v .a nrc idcnlat !y destroyed, but th C;t;iT:n hn c-'tiiiie dozen bottle of AtEK'B Kk-aPami i a travt; ua thau Wo rocov- r-i . n 't ii.-Jtcr than I have ever een men tr t : 'i.m.i h any .th-rtr atmciitforSrurvy, ' l J . --. ri a h1 d':il f it. tn-itnf no mn t -f: "i :r A !m t!-:if of your nrHapJiriil.i In-inj ? i : r tir y , i thoiicht yu o. ifht to know tf H:, 1 ft., ..:.! you t:i.-lM. v i.-uni. Tho Trooper's ."xpericne. , fiz'uf-.i.tnt .S. Africa.) March liS. n. . A i e it Sc 0-TU-fnf-n : I have Oi.;."h j:-:i-:irn ij tvmti fj to tL tfl at T(u of y ,r .tr-our1 W'e iiare Sti. utaliotied h-r- f - , r two vnri du-ius; v'hith time w h-l i t ":.v w troiM. Ileintf und-r canvaa fo ha t.-n. r.rrjyht prt l hiU i called in lhi "try vflili-norfft." I Ii! those ore fo " mi. 1 w n ttivir-d to tke your Sffc I r tw., b..r,.4 (,f whuh made my oraa d.fct- ; -ir r li'i.Tiv, and I arn nw q':ite well. Your- tru v. T- K- r.otEN, 7 r ,r. Cnp Mounted Uijtemen Ayers Sarsaparilla j I ' or ,(. thoroughly nVtiv b!ood-purifi 1 iii.-.Ji. .,. that er:kdat the polwn o r ' v. NlT ury, r,d Contagion Iieaa t- '.; , -t.in. rKKPABET) BT Ur. J. C. Ayer t Co, Ixwell3I SuU by il I rruceita : Prc 11 : Biz ttuiu i fur II FOR ARTISTIC JOB PRINTING TRY THE FREEMAN. mri Trarte-Mnrks obtained. nrl all t- n. " r,""4"etel for Moderate F-t. i, ,'. , e PnsHe U. S. Patent Office, r-V, V"' ""' :!r'" pan-tit in l-s tiniethan Ino-e . ..' . :'"liin-'ton. ,r e" ""'''' "r',w'ii'-' -r photo., with desrrlp- ,-. ,,"! V"' ' lf pa'-'iii iblc r not. free of to ,:r not iliie till naff nt i sera red. r. "ir,. ;lmfn hlT-.-llow to Obtain Patents." with ..i "" elients in yi.iirStale, connty.o- in fr. e. Address, C.A.SNOW&CO, PP"Site Patent Office. Washington. D. C 1 l. v . . .l. 'Kr-'AI. SAI.AKY or UMMIS. HlV! - 1-fcKMANKNT and X I I -I'.v 1 "'-' KM S p. HM'IN.NKK mi w 'I.KHIIOKY lilVKN IK lit . c once lor terini to - ,-fejlsNDrscrjCo.!Eoclicstcr,N.I. inn caSiis te rn ?:ck TTpaflarbeand rclioveall thotronblon Incf clcnt to a l.iliouH ettoof tho KyKicro, aioli as l:xzinps, Kausra, Itowsiikwh, liHtrcm alter eatiun. I'ain in tuo Kiiln, .tc Wlnlo their most icniarkaijio succbcifl 1uh boen sbown iix curiiig JTcnclwliR. yet Cartcr'n Iattlo tivcr Pins ars Ciit;aily f nhiablo in CoiKHttiaU ion. curini? bu1 pro Vi i.l nip thiHaniu.yinc complaint. while thr-yaUo correct all itivonlorMot tlietoma buniulatotba liver and regiiiito tbebowebi. vcniXUieyonly Acbethoy wonld boalmoatpricolcssto Ihnwvha ;..i.i-r hoi1 Ljiiii.'.n-nMiiiircoiii)i;uni; Ollirorm- Zutely tiicirpoo.lm'WKifH'S liottiud hcro.ami thoia viiooTicotry thcin will bnd thetio little pillavatn ti le In Mmxvy trays tbat tboy will imt bo wil ling to tli witbout tbem. But after ollsick hea4 Jstbe bane of no many livta tbat here in where TV email four gnii boast. Our pillacareit whila ctlfr do not. t'Azu r's J.ttlo T-iver Pills are very pmall nnJ, T"ry c-asr to takr. Ono or two inatoa dose. Th-y i riclly vuntahl ami do not pripe or Y-tu-'f. lu.t l-y tJicir pintle action pleaiieaU who u x iiion. In vir.l.-at 2rn"nta : tivoforJL. Solc I'j" drtt;--!Ss overyxereb or Bt-nt Ly maiL ATiXJ? HCOtCIME CO., New Vork. MM HiL. SHALL COSE. SMALL PRICE aa a aw vegPtabl HALL b hair The frreat popularity of tliis preparation, after its test of many years, should be an --isuraiice, even to tho imt t-keptii-al. that it is really meritorioti-. Those who have uietl Hall's H air Kkxewer kuow that it li.es all that ii claimed. It causes new growth of Tiair on bald hemls provided the hair follicles are not dead, which is seldom the cane: restores natural color to gray or faded hair; pre serves the scalp healthful and clear of diuidrtilf; prevents the hair falling off or chan'ini; color; keeps it soft, pliant, lus trous, and causes it to grow long and thick. Hall's Hath Revewer produces Its effects by the healthful influence of it vegetable ingredients, which invigorate and rejuvenate. It is not a dye, and is a delightful article for toilet use. Con taining no alcohol, it does not evap orate quickly and dry up the natural oil. leaving the'hair harsh and brittle, aa do other preparations. Buckingham's Pe TOR THI WHISKERS Colors them brown or black, as desired, and is the best dye, because it is harmless; produces a permanent natural color; and, being a sinjrle preparation, is more con venient of application than any other. rXIPlMD BT R. P. HALL & CO, Nashua, N. H. Sold by all Dealers in MediciPM. , SON'S , IMENT any OTHER V STRICTLY For FAMILY Use. Dropped on su- rir sutferimr children love to Like it. Every Mother sboiild bave it in the house, it quickly relieves and cures all aches and pains, asthma, bronchitis, colds, coughs, catarrh, co'.s, chaps, chilblains, colic, cholera morbus, earache, headache, hooping cous;h, initammatioii, la grippe, lameness, mumps, mii-icular soreness, neuralcia, licivotis head ache rheumatism, bites, burns, btuises. strains, sprains, sttii.- s. swellings, stifl joints, sore throat, sore iiia-'-i. t,Mthaciie. totisiiitis ami wind colic. l:-5uin:!ted in i-k lv the bile Dr. A. Johnson, Family rhv-ictati. "lis merit and excellence have satisfied cvcrvrwwlv lor liearlv a centlirj-. All who ll-c it are ariiazed at its wonderful power. It is safe, soothisisr. salislyinir: so sav sick, sensitive sufferers I'sed Internal and HxternaL Thf ro-torsi mimaturw anil lirs-i on every Uitile, Jll jf,l I'lliiil.hli't fr--. S.ilil i) wrn-. I'rh-e, Xi eta. bii Ik.ui., s-uu. L s. Joii.vso.n v cxi., lt.ia.-u. lOO rth t lovely Music for Forty Cents, consisting or loo paes full sie Sheet Music of the g latest, brightest, liveliest anj most popular m selections, poth v-nal anj instrumental. pollen up in the most cleeant manner, in- clujinc four large size Portraits. CARMENCITA. the Spanish Dancer. PADtRtWSKI. the Great Pianist, i- ADLUNA PATTI and g MINNIE SEUOMAN CUTTIHQ. aootcaa u oaoaaa to THE NEW YORK MUSICALECH0 C0.- m. broadwav Theatre PU.. New York City. CANVASSERS WANTED. Steel Picket Fence. CHEAPER THAN J M A A R . L1LI L iWOOD ..Il iiniiiiiill i ij v i o nrp- lii Th arm-T fnt hos rfctet Fnr -w Gxlf. Thn f nt a vttin -ao 44-4 nn rnor Hhm1 lsU. Th-a writin fr p,"--v- (tlvt- J-:ntitr. eiumkr of Gat-a, fWuh Anrl Sinrle. inl. We aiawj mBBfTiirf bTy Iron Fr-nclnc . 4rrfttinr, StaJ.le Klttmea. Kir hhttttrs and FlCK KsrPKS, lhr n.ir. n l Kilinc. Bra n4 Iroi Grills. WIRR l)litRAl H' A 10 W SlK"KS4. n-1 all kinj.i of U'IRK WOktv. TAYLOR A DEAN, ?0I. 203 A 205 Market St. Pittsburgh, Pa. D yoj NCnr GLAS3liS? EVES EXAMINED FREE STecfr-c'es perfectly fitted nd jjuarantee I far s year. Arif:c:al eves insert "J. J. DIAMOND. Optician, -f.Vl.i r, S ,lh St.. IMTTSItl'RO. PA. ST DUGGIES at Price 4 l'3N Inp Surrry.ai7.iHit!! ALL. i:ta4l Viafua. g'Jft toiiiM-tiNr-s IK l,-nd Tart Un- .f fa-ttii-t-y II firm 3 fift tr auil nave t Mitrtry ' 4.7.s Mtil U-mati :iTrati. " $1 ;;). rr.tit, UirivHit Kaddlf, $1 &it aiV Free l s. ill ;;v A rKT o. i to 12 LAwrvDce at-, Cincinnati, O. BnrcTC liriaTrnM"-" gui.ii in rj a ii lu mm- . samtTt IHtt A rare Mt, U llmJ.u, aj. V DO yon need Job Printing! II ao, (! the I kaaaiaa a trial order. VC25 rlli f InLud V.. 1 1 LiT.V-V L). Jlow dear to my heart are the scenes of my chiliibix.l. With la l ies and i-ianls atul wonderment l.au:.-l,l. I How olu ti 1 v.ept fur the H.iU s in the Wild- UlHMl C.vi ied over with leaves which the little biruM brou. iL Andsueet Cinderella, whoseisU .s would whip her Till l!i- fairy god-mot her sent ber to the I all V bat joy lit u she luted the little glass silli ly r And married . goou, bainlsoiiie priuce i ler ad. My hair, it wot Id stand rihl up .'raifht from my forehead When Jliueitard fountl blood oa the key u Inch bis wife Had used to peek into tbat chamber so horrid Hut wasn't 1 t'lad when they took lilue beard'a I: hi Dear little lied Hiding Hood: Who could be sweeter Wbeii she thro' the weeds to her (irandiuoth er slH-d; How frightened 1 felt lett the big wolf would eat her When showing his teeth while she lay on the bed. And Hop-o'-my-thumb! What a smart little fellow He iu 1.1 strew pebbles to find his way home: I piles d I. Is bad uncle felt awfully mellow V, ben Hep and his brol- rs would buck again come. Hold Jack and liearmtalk! I shivered when ever The t,-iant said: "Fe-ti fo-fum ! I smell blood." And belil la my breath till Jack's hatchet could Bever The stalk so the iant Sell down with a thud. And Jack, Giant Killer, so brave and defiant' lie wasn't afraid ot old pr s a bit: lio shook bis wee list at thai tKoheat'eit riant H ho, . union,; to catch him, fell into Jack's Hi Puss in Boots! llow I listened In awe to that story Aiil wt.in!cred If cats lonff iv-"o wen so wise; Ami dear Mi-cping lJi autj who slept in tier j.'loiy L'ntil the ni. e prince came to open her eyes. And tiny Tom '1 humb, on hid iiiousc-h rse a rider. With h.s :itil-- swor.l neetlle! O, was-. i he cuie; How bravely he vanquished that terr.ble spi.K r A hero he was of most noble repute. Beauty and th' least also pave me a pleasure. And Smbad, tl.o or, and Forty Thieves, too. And Ala.l.lir, whose wonderful lamp was a treasure. And the Wooden Horse flying aloft in the blue. F.nehan inient and fairies and marie and wi Idles, Hobgoblins and dwarfs, penll, giants and t-lv. Kind's priticeH.ses, princes J id quens and such riches Those story books mustn't be closed on tho shelves. IL C. Dodge, In Goodall's Sun. A SMAICT1 CRIMINAL Why Ho Sorurod nn Easy Job in tho Warden's Office. The train stnppl for a few moments at a small town and a young- jrirl g-ot in. She was tall, slender ami pretty, a true village luss, dressed in a neat gown, but one which, nevertheless, bore evi dence of home manufacture. The roach was rather crowded and she looked this w ay and that for a seat, 'lhen lier bright glance rested upon two men seated in the rear of the coach, and she gave an excla'-nation as she came toward them. "Why, Jeorge Ox-mer," she said, as she stopped near the younger of the two meu and extended her hand ."or d tally. He war. a good-looking young fellow, dressed with great taste, .".ml was evi dently a friend of auid lang syne with the young girl. I!y hissi.le was seated an older man with coarse features a hard expression resting upon his face. He wore a slouch haL lie was power fully buiit and would evidently le a hard mau to handle where physical force was called for. "Why, little I race Shaw," exclaimed the young man. Itiit he did not rise, iior did he extend his hand. He reached over with his left hand and turned over a seat. "Won't you sit down here?"' he asked. "With pleasure. It is so long since I have seen you. George." "Yes, almut ten years." Then allud ing to his companion, l:e raid; "This is this is niy friend, Mr. Charles ("rove." The young woman 1-owed stittly, but shs made up her mind that she would not like the companion of her old friend. There was something forbidding about him to her. "What have you been doing, (ieorge, since yon left town?" "Oh, a little of everything and a good deal of nothing." "It was unkind not to have let any nt your old friends hear from yon all Ihis time." Well, a man is so busy, or rather so occupied in town with doing what little he has to do. that he " "Forgets old friends," she added, re proachfully. "Well, not exactly, llu! iell me about yourself." There is nothing to tell. I a in teaching school. f.ut you, we have al ways wondered, all of us, how j'on vi ere getting on. Some of us said that vou were always so smart that you would do very well in Xew York. Have yn: done well?" 'I he young man laughed "Ask my friend here," h? said. "He has done very well," said the rrruff man. "Very well, inde.il. He :s going to retire from business for a few weeks just now and rest up a biL" "How lovely! Have you uiade your fortune then, George? "Well, 1 anion the road." "He is going to live in one of the big gest houses in the state," Eaid the prulT man. "How fine!" ''Smart boy is George," chuckled the other man. Suddenly there was a jolt as the train j-topped. and a newspaper which hail liceri carelessly spread over the knees of the two men fell to tne floor. The voimg girl gave an exclamation of ter ror, for there sat the men handcuffed together. The young man recovered his suave manner. "Don't be alarmed. Gracie," he said. 'You can now understand what he meant when he said lie was going to a big house. I am going to take him there. I am a United States marshal and he is a criminal. That is all, so cheer up, my girL" The other man gave a grunt and a iiiinrt "Well. I am blowed," he said. "What has he done?" she asked, eye ing him with terror. "Oh, not very much. He is a gener ally bad mau. lie would as soon bur glarize as sandbag a person; he would as soon .-ick your pocket as run a faro bank; he would just as soon enter a front door and help himself as he would to climb a porch. He is simply a good all-round crook, and 1 am tak ing him to jail." "Whew! whew!" whistled the other man, regarding the young fellow with ama.i PU-iiL "I-vt don't lie alarmed, my dear. He won't lie ugly to-day. He knows that I've got him and he'll keen quicL Just hand me that newspaper, will you? It is us well that pe pie should not know what bad company I'm in." "Well, I've a good notion to punch " tn-gan the other man. "How iiing is he sent up for?" asked the young lady. "Only live years, but lie deserves ten, and i wi.-di they had given it to him." "Is it jxissible?" "Yes. In 1S8:5 he robln-d a house of six hundred and lifty-three dollars; in lss.5 he escaped from jail; in 1SS(' he sandbagged a man and took his watch; two years after he was running a crooked gambling house, and now he is sent up for forgery. He is capable of all the small vices, and a good many of the big ones." l'y this time the train had arrived at the station where the young girl was to leave the train. "Well good-by, George," she said, ris ing. "Good-by. Gracie." "I'm so glad to have seen you." "And I, also. Yon are liecoming such ti sweet, pretty girL'" "You don't think so?" "Indeed I do." "I'm so glad that you have done well in the city, and 1 will tell all your old friends." "Yes. do." "lie careful of that man wi'-j-ou. Aren't you afraid of him?" "Oh. no." 'Well, good-by." "Good-by. He extended his left hand. 'Shake!" he said. She ft.t lur pretty hand in his and he gave it a pressure that made her blush. "Sorry I can't shake with the other hand." he said, "but dv'y, you know, duty" "Yes." "( !ood-lv. "Good-by." "Don't forget to tell all the folks I am doing wclL "I won't" "Am prosperous and all that "No." "Good-liy." "Go4d-ly." She was off, and now the train was bowling n again. The other man took a key from his pocket and unlocked the handcuffs. Then he fastened the end that had Wen attached to him to the iron work of the seat. "Now, Confidence Jim, if you meet anj- more of your lady friends, just in troduce this seat to them." With that the other man walked into a smoker and lighted a cigar, but he kept his eyes upon the man who was fastened to the seat lint when the warden of the jail heard of the story he laughed. Then he gave the smooth prisoner work in his own oflice. De troit l'"rc I'ress. . Philosophy from FogKy Bottom. Er man tlat kin tell whether he's tired er jes lazy h:is judicial qualifica tions dat tits him nacherly fur de s'preme 'lench. When er man go's roun' askin' foh advice de chances is 'liotit seventeen ter three dat he's jes' tryin" ter put olt git titi' down ter business. De school dat you larns in makes a heap ob dilfrence. No pood comes ob teachin' er boy his rifmetie f'um a pol icy slip. Kr big glass di'imm' shirt stud ain't got no magiiifyin' powers. Hits effect am Ur make de man dat Stan's behin it look mighty small. Some men tin's hit mighty hahd ter think sense an" talk politics simultu ously. Don't gib too much 'tention ter fancy Vomplishmeiits. Kr man gits erhead much faster by plain walking' dan he kin by turnin somersets. Washington Star. Art In Oklahoma. "Ladies and gentlemen." said Col. Dandy loli;. who had been delegated to introduce the eminent pianist to the cultured and relined audience assem bled in the Spread Eagle theater: "I take pleasure in introduciii to j-ou llcrr Von Plunk, the celebrated virtu ous, who will give us a wonderful imi tation of a man pcrformin' on a piano. The perfessor makes a regular business of playin' the piano, and thoroughly understands what he is doin, .so I'll jest say to anylxxly who ilon't happen to like his style that the; fault i.s in you and not in Hcrr Von llunk. No audi ble criticisms w:ll le tolerated. Alkali Ike and Hank Hitters have been ap pointed to keep order; and, like the perfessor, they are dead onto their jobs. My son and several other little Ixij-s will pass through the audience every now and then with peanuts and popcorn for sale; so there will tie- no excuse for anylxxly's goin' out while the perfessor is playin'. That's all I have to say. Let her go, perfessor!" fuck. FOR IDLfc. MOMENTS. .The star sapphire shows in its depths a white star with five rays. TltK finest sea mirage i.s the Fata 'Morgana, in the straits of Messina. A HAHKINO shark, a very rare spe cies, was recently captured at Monterey, Cal. It costs four mills per pound to transport pork from Chicago to Liver p x d. N A t t' n a r.l sts assert that a healthy swallow will devour six thousand flies every day. Till-: public baths in lioston were used over one million times during the three summer months. Ir is said that people eat twenty per cent, more bread when the weather is cold than when it is mild. To win a wager George A. Lee, of Lichfield. Minn., smoked fifty cigars in eleven hours. One of the cigars he consumed in six minutes. A CUKE bVIL i'iiOFAMTY. Why Mr. Strippler Did Not Tako Prof. lalliferioni'B Treatment. ; KWKAKINi; Ct KKll HV IS t l.A l ION, ; ..-. ANTOM.l TAI.I.II tlili.Nl. ; : MO. luflM Ull Mil. AN AVK.M'B. : : ci. n -Alio. Mrs. Strippler looked at the man who handed her the little pastelxiard with the foregoing inscription and then again she glanced at the cariL It was. exceedingly embarrassing to have a husband who swears in public. Of course it is bad enough to have one who swears at alL William Strippler. her worthy protector, was sitting next to her in a cable train. He had just given vent to his opinion of jn-rsons who could not walk through a street car without stepping on every one's feet. "Why. that fool ought to know better," retorted Mr. Strippler to his w ife's appeal when she had gased that he was perfectly awful. "I don t see why people have to swear," interjected Mrs. Strippler. It was at this point that a tall man. with the appearance of a scientist and the manners of a Chesterfield, handed her the card referred to. Mrs. Strippler did not know what to say or do: so. Womanlike, she blushed and lapsed into silence ami thought. William was a gxxl husband, she ni:sed, ut he did swear like a trxpcr. If she had only known it lie fore sin? married him. To Ik-sure William was a" handsome man lie fore they were married, lie was stout now. but never theless he had fine black eyes, which beamed on her with the same affection now as they did years ago. And as for his mustache anil Unman nose she never had seen a man who was half as good looking. However, William had embarrassed her and she was cross. What could that man mean bv handing her that card? As she alighted from the car she made up her min.l to call on him and ask what he i-milil do to cure her hus band. Th:-t night she broached the subje -t In W illiam. "S'icnti -t i. you r,ay," he cried, as he paced up and down the Hoor. "W hy, iiolxi.lv but a blamed Mht would think of such a thing. Swearing cured by i nociilalioii! Let nie see that crank's a rd." Mrs. Strippler fumbled in her dress xi -U--t and handed it to her husband "Well. yu go down there, if you want to." he said, ".itnl if he convinces yon i will go and take the treatment." "I don't see why they can't cure swearing as we 1 as drinking liijuor," suggested Mrs. Strippler, in her meek way. Further than this not bin? was said that night on the tender suhj.-ct in the Strippler household. The next morn ing a ter brcaulast, after her husband had gone down town. Mrs. Strippler started for t'nc professor's office. Her liusliand had referred to him as "that Italian fxl," but tiiat did not make any difference. It was a long and tedi ous ride; tirst the carue car down town, then the Alley "L," and finally tiie electric car to ne Hundred and Sixti eth street. At last she arrived in front of the house, which lxire the No. HVJ4'.'. On a little sign suspended from the torch she con hi read in gilded letters tlu following words: PKOF. TAI.I.IFKRIoNI. SANITARIUM. SWKAKINi; t l lltll. It was a two-story frame cottage, of plain design, and painted white. With timid steps Mrs. Strippler ascended the stairs and pressed the electric call but ton. The door oH'iied and in the en trance apK'arc I the man she had met in the st r.-ct car the previous day. "Come in," he said, smiling, and lead ing the way to the reception-rxnn as::cd his visitor to sit down. Prof. Tallifcrioni was a peculiar man. He was tall and thin. His fore'ticad was high and there were but a few li.iirs on the front of Ii i.s head. lie h:id a pair of dark, ih-cp-sct eyes, which, with a mustache and goatee, gave him an av e:iraiicc eeul:ar to foreigners. He sxl:e Lng'ish without an accent. His words were well chosen and bore evi dence of deep study. "i'o you thought it impossible," he said in a mild and kind tone, which imbue) new courage in Mrs. Strippler. Sue had told him her husband could not Ix-lieve anyone could be cured of swearing. "Nothing is impossible," wont on the proh'ssor, -'and I am glad you came out here, so 3-011 may see for yourself just what I do. Seeing is lielieving, and, though my house is small, 1 an show you a few living proofs which have crowned my elforts to cure swear ing a I iso I utclv." Mrs. Stripoler shrank almost visibly. "Why do I want to see a lot of men who are addicle 1 to the swearing habit?" she thought. "I am sure Will is bad enough." but finally she gathered up suliicient courage to ask the professor to explain his method of producing such marvelous cures. "Certainly, madam, with pleasure," he said. "Follow me into the lalxira tory and I will tell you in words as plain as I can without introducing med ical terms, so you may understand." The laboratory was a small room. On a large table were standing a half dozen 1 holographs, a unrulier of re t irts containing a clear Uuid. and a lot f small bottles. "Now. my method is very simple." explained the professor. "In fact it is so simple I have often wondered why somebody else had not thought of it U-fore. I discovered it by accident, and I will tell jou how later. For the present let me say that in tho homeopathic ttn-orj' of medicine physi cians hold that a drug which produces -fll'a rcmi.tltllK lYl a healthy ixrson a a.u.aaa . j " a . will cure a patient who shows these symptoms." "Oh. yes: I have heard of that," cried Mrs. Strippler in a reassuring way, for she was In-ginning to understand. ' Well, this is the principle I apply in my treatment. The patient is given his liberty. He swears whenever he i..uts to. In the room in which lib swears is placed a phonograph, l'y a mi nute silk disk, which you see here, it in impossible for any but the loudst sounds to penetrate this cylinder. I'sually when a man swears he talks loud enough to almost t-ar the silk. j Now, when I have the sounds impris oned I simply turn the phonograph and j reproduce them. They pass through the distilled water and are taken up by the molecules. Would you like to hear some of these choice collections?" "No, no, professor. I beg of you, don't." cried Mrs. Strippler. "A thousand pardons." rejoined the professor, apologetically. "I was so engrossed in the scientific portions of my studies that I forgot for the mo ment. Hut, to go ahead, molecules, you know, are the smallest portions of any Ixxly or fluid known to science. When I have the water charged with every oath the patient utters I distill it a;d inject the liquor into the system. It-acts like a drug and produces a cure. Even if he wants to swear be canunt Here is 1'assamenti, my i't cat. It was through it I discovered thiseure, whicli. I think, will lie a great Ixxiu to suffer ing humanity. "I inoculated 1'assamenti against smallxix some time agin The virus lx-came charged with the sound. To my astonishment a week later I found that my cat could not yell at all; in fact, it cannot make tiny noi.se what ever. 1 will show you."' Here the professor held the cat up by the tail high in the air. Not a sound came from the animal. He then pinched his ba.'k, but the cat only winced; there was no noise. Mrs. Strippler bxiked amazed. Prof. Talli ferioni's face in turn Warned with satisfaction. "If you will consent I will show you some of my patients," at the same time ojiening the door w hich led to a large and cozy r.xun. "This is Mr. Selfish," jxiinting to a man sitting at a writing-desk and addressing him: 4-I hope I am not disturbing you?" "No, no; not at all." replied Mr. Sel fish. 1 just received a letter from my wife requesting me to send her some money. I have made out a cheek for three times the amount she asks, and was just getting it ready fur the mail." I'rof. Tallifcrioni took Mrs. Strippler aside and whispered: "1 his man could swear more than any man I ever heard. He swore at everything and anylxxly. lint his malady lxt-atne worse when his wife asked him for money to defray household expenses. If she wanted to buy a new hat or dress he simply Wcame uncontrolla ble. His oaths would shake the fur niture in the house. He has Wen here three days only and you can see for yourself the effect of my treatment. His wife wrote him for money the firt day he was here and you should have heard hiiu. I caught his expressions on the phonograph and injcted them into his system. See how it works? "This is Mr. Crossbar. He brought bis business troubles to bis wife every evening and put in the night in swear ing Wcause a deal which he had fig ured 011 had fallen through. A little while ago I told him his partner had defaulted with half his fortune and he only smiled. "That gentleman over there with the child on his linii- is Mr. Payne. The little babe is his t!ir."e-m mths-.ild son His wife told me when the baby Ti-d nights her husband swore so hard it drove her into hysterics. The first day he came here his language shocked even Mr. Selfish. Now he is as dix'ile as a lamb and leaves here to-morrow perfectly cured. A lining the other peo ple whom I have treated is a suliscriWr of a telephone company sent here at the company's expense lx-caiise he swore at the gir Is whenever they did not answer promptly; an editor, who had the habit of referring to his re porters" copy sis that rot; a preacher, who swore in f.ulxlucd tone.; Wcause his congregation did not pay his salary when it was due; and " lint Mrs. Strippler seemed to be sat isfied "What are your charges for the treat ment?" she askisL '"Five hundred dollars," replied the professor. Mrs. Strippler left the sanitarium ami resolvst m going home to tell her husband of the wonderful cures Prof. Tallifcrioni had accomplished. Her hu:-ba:.l agreed to pay her one dollar each time he swore. The money was to W saved by her and when five hun dred dollars was collected W illiam was. to put himself under the professor's are. The first month after his wife's visit he hail paid her seventy dollars. The second only ten dollars, and for four mouths after that she hal not re ceived more than six dollars. At pres ent it seems as if she will never have enong'i money saved to pay for the treatment. However, she is satisfied, and says she does not care if W illiam docs not iro to Tallifcrioni. for be has almost stop'ted swearing now. Chica go Tribunes lutie. t th Krench Aradmiy. The Academic Francaise was founded by Cardinal Kichclien in H'.::5. lived long enough to snnb Cornell ie and M liere. was aWlished in 1T'.:. was re vived two rears later and made a use ful lxxly bv Napoleon in lsu::. Since then it has been a part of the Institute of France. It elects its own mcmWrs. who are now known as the Forty I m mortals. Its duties are to preserve the purity of the French language, to en courage and preserve French literature and to distribute several queer prizes, such, for instance, as two thousand dollars each year to that meinWr of the working class who has performed the most virtuous action of the year, and three hundred dollars every other year to the rising genius who is consid ered to Ik" mist in need of and most worthy of encouragement. The mcm Wrs are suppised to meet twice a week, and arv paid three dollars and eighty-seven cents a napoleon for every meeting they attend. They re ceive. Wsi.les, a salary of three hun dred and sixty dollars a year. Zola, who has Wen rejected some six or seven times, holds to the tradition that mcmWrship in the academy is the highest literary honor that can W Wstowcd nixm a Frenchman. Pound to I to Comfortable. Mine, du DelTand. a celebrity of the last, century, was a great invalid. One day, when she was in lied, several guests arrived and were admitted. They all Wgan to shiver and pull their cloaks around them. "What." ex claimed the invalid, "i.s it cold here?" "It is simply freezing." answered a guest. "Thank yon for telling me," said Mine, du IVlTand. She rang a WU. The guests supposed she was sending for a maid to make a fire; but when the servant came in, Mme. du lK lTaii.1 said: "Amclie. bring me in my down coverlet!" Having given this ur-th-r," she Wgan a conversation about other matters. A MEXICAN ADVENTUKE. Story of an Encounter with a Gentlemanly Bandit. Some secrets are well kept. Among this umlw.-r is surely to W reckoned the reason why a certain New York mining company, which several years ago secure I rich gold pr.isi.ects in the fixdhills of the Sierra Mad res, in the state of Durango, Mexico, suddenly discontinued their active plans to de velop those prospects, and after a lapse if about a J'car as suddenly resumed oiHTations. There was, at the time, a mystery almut this fickleness of pro slure which bafih-d the assay i-t who assayed the samples from the prostH-cts and found them to W of remarkable richness; and when, alter this interval if a year, th mines were full v de veloped and operated wit'i immense profit, the general mining public w as at a loss to understand just w hy this in terim of inactivity had Wen allowtnl to claise. Certainly it was n t f. r lack of capital, for the company had mil lions at its command, nor was it from any hsire to speculate, for it resolute ly refused the most tempting offers for iLs prospects. Not long since, at his solitary camp fire in the Slack hills. I sjx-nt a night in company with the ruiinug engineer who bad Ix-cn sent to Mexico in charge of the initiatory operations for this New York company. He was habitually as uncommunica tive as a chunk of quart, but 1 bad overtaken him when his supply of to bacco ha-l We:i out for the space of a :iay, and I was fortunately able to sup ply him with his favorite cut: therefore his lips were unsealed, and as lie pulT-d the smithing leaf he related the history of his apparently futile Mexican ex pedition, w hicli 1 give, as nearly asiflay W. in his own words: "My tirst business, after arriving in Mexico, was to secure a competent guide and servant atul animals, pro ceed to the prospects, secure extensive specimens of the mineral, and forward them, along with my rojxirt. to the company at New York. If my findings were favorable. I was promised that the word would Wsp.s-.iily sent back to push extensive developments, of whicli I was to have full charge. "I was fortunate enough to secure as a guide a grutf, hardy old chap, who went by the name of "Sassy Sam. Al most his v. hole life had Ix-cn sH-nt on the plains as a I'uitcd States govern ment st 011 L "We made the journey to the pros pects without accident or incident worth mentioning. The prosjH-cts were far more Haltering than 1 had an ticipated, and we started back to the outskirts of civilization with jxH-k-Ls and pack saddles full of tine sjK-ci-mens. "Just Wfore crossing the Sierra de la Candcla rauge my horse stumbled on a sharp stone and bruised itself suf ficiently to cause a severe lameness. "This necessitated tr.y walking much of the way over the range, which was rough and iirccii itous. W hencver I w as compelled to dismount in order to sim-H my disabled horse "Sassy Sam followed suit and kept me company on fixiL "We hal scaled theridgeof the range and were beginning to descend the homeward side of the decline, having fallen probably al xu t a inileW-hind the mounted Mexican servants. "Our rilles wen- b: lanced over the kl.obs of our sad lies, and we were plodding along in sih u-c, drinking in the magnificent view .t scenery which stretched away on every hand, when suddenly my guide gave a low excla mation of surprisc. "I glanced up in lime to s-e a couple if uniformed Mexicans step into the trail a few rods in front of us, and cover us w ith their rilles. "Their uniforms at once suggested to me a hopeful jxis-.ibility. Were they not the revenue patrols of the Mexican government, who suspected us of Wing smugglers? "1 whispered in English my hopes to Sam, but he sinxik his head with a haiig-dog.dcfeated air, and senteutious ly replied: "'They're Confreres men. He's the biggest bandit in the range, lint I've a powerful notion to try a lling at "em. I'd ruther W shot in an uneven light than to lie stripped, tied to a tree and left to W chawed up piece-meal by mountain lions and coyotes. "He was on the point of opening a spirited conversation with the "Greas ers, in verification of his nickname, when I summarily silenced him, and asked him to remain passive and trust to me to see ourselves out of the" scrain by stratagem of what sort I had uut the slightest idea. "However, as our interceptors, keep ing us under cover of their carbines, conducted us down the trail. I still cheridied the hope that 'Sassy Sam" was in error, ami that we were in the hands of government agents instead of Conlrercs. the bandit. IIut a siiarp turn in the trail, which brought us in view of a ravine Wlow, speedily dispelled that illusion, for there were our Mexican servants, stripped to the skin, while their cloth ing was lieing rummaged by a group of bighw a men. "In inarching the intervening dis tance I did more double-distilled think ing than 1 hail done in the whole jour ' ncy Wfore I might say in my w hole life but to no avail; for. think as 1 might, all plausible plans of cscajx eluded me with fatal jxTversity. and as we were marched up to the group of men I was alxiut giving up all hope of concocting a scheme of escape, and wished that we had followed Sam's recKlcss impulse and madealxild break for liWrty while we had only a couple of captors to deal with, instead of a score of them. "We halted, and a tall, athletic, handsome young fellow stepped from the jxtsse :md called out: " 'Strip'.' "I confess that the fellow's imperi ous, but almost indifferent manner, as he gave the brief command, crossed his legs, leaned the tfpof hisclliow against the perpendicular face of tho mountain, and rested bis left hand the knot of his rich sai.I??r rcr.y, while his light hand toyed with the jeweled hilt of his fiirhilUi, inspired me with a desire to accommodate him as quickly as possi ble, and my hands sought my vest Imt tons with ipolitaneous olxHlicuce, kmx'king my knuckles soundly against the specimens f quartz, with which iuy every jxH-ket was bulging. "My guide, Iiowever, was in quite a different mood. First mutt. -ring under his breath something in English almut I not allowing any Mogof a Greaser to ' talk to bi'ti in that way. he broke out into Spanish, in which he cursed the chief of the banditti roundly, and ri fus-d to stir a finger toward undress ing. "Confreres langlnsl quietly at this spirited rcWlliou against his com mands, and remarked: I like to hear a man talk that w .iv lie might piove quite a companionable fellow.' "liut he dil not d-secn.l to argu ment. At a nxl f bis handsome bead a trio of his lieutenants seized the guide and madeshort work of the strip ping pnx-.-ss. "Meantime the rap of my knuckles against the samples in my xx.-kct started my idc:ts in a new line. "Scn said 1. 'will you allow me to make a statement to you? " "Certainly: pr.xc.-d,' be answered. "Taking the samples from my ixx kct I said: "1 am the cngin.er of a New York mining company and am returning from their prosp.-cts just Wyotid this rang.. These samples and those in the saddle bags, yonder, will satisfy you of the truth of this statctiicnL 1 had already decided to make a favor able report ux.ti tin- proju-rty. and it strikes me that it would W many tim.-s more to your profu to jx-riuit me tn go on my way and make a r. jrt which will result in the ox-ratioii of the mine atul the ban ling of gold bullion through your stronghold, than to leave us to the cougars and coyotes. W hat d you think your company would pay for a g-xxl prospect in this wctii n?" ' "I could answer that only after see ing the prosH.-ct, and then only ap proximately,' I repli.-d. "'I have a prisx--t up here in the hills which is simply Wing w. irk. si in a crude wav. It has never l-cti exam ined by an expert, so far as I know. The fact is, that my intercourse with gentlemen of your profession has tx-.-n confined strictly t,o passing interviews. "1 smiled my appreciation of his joke. 'I his st-cmcd to please him. Fcr ceiving that iie was on his gixl nature. I determined to risk my chances n a lx il.l. frank proixisition. " Sciior, 1 make you this proposition: Set mv m. -11 and myself fr.-o. make us your guc.-ts instead of your captives and I will make a thorough examina tion and candid rcjxirt upon your prop erty. If I find it equal or Mivrinr to that which I have airi-adv cxaminsl I will recommend the company to ptir chuse and .ix-ral. it. in which case yu are to guarantee them iiuii. unity and protection from ail d.'tir.slat .011s. And in any event you pledge vuir honor as a gentleman t- allow us to go our way in e;aec alter I have 111a.lv the exam ination an.l written tin- r.-;ort. irre-sjx-ctiveof what the latter may W." "Then, with the p.sitivcncss of the man of real decision of character lie said: " 'Senor, I ac.sqit your proixisiiion. an.l enforced his words by stepping forward and giving nie the embrace and handshak the customary friendly greeting of a Mexican gentleman. "My guide and servants were imme diately released and their clothes were restored to them. 'We were then conducted through the mountains to where several ix-ons -vere engaged in working his prosjx-ct s. in a very crude way. During the nine days in which we remained his guests we were as hospitably enter tained as the rude conveniences of a mountain camp would x-ruiit. for, of course, he wast'xi shrewd and cautious to intr.xluce us to any of the sccret.s of his stronghold, save that of the mine and I must confess that I could not keep from liking an.l even admiring the man, who was not only a trn leader of men. but a thoroughly cultured gentleman, who h;id fallen into high-handed ways through Un doubtful practice of pr"clai!iiiiig towns in pcri.xls of high political cx citcmciit and upheaval. His active follower.- nuiiiWn-d 110 less than one hundred, and probably most of the nearest rancheris were in league with hiiu. as a matter of self preservation, if for no other reason. When my invesligat ions were com pleted 1 made out my rep-irt to the company, recommending that they pay I11111 eight tin nisan. 1 dollars for his claims and guarant-e of protection. "The conservative stx-k holders in New York deist U1 long over the unique problem of faith in a gentle man's word of honor, but at last con cluded that if the mine was rich enough to tempt t hem to risk their capital in itsdevclopmetit. the output, in bullion, would W suliicient t- tempt. Senor Cintrer."s to forget lnsfair promise of protection and swxp down ujxm the pack trainsnnd appropriate the bulk of tin- profits of t lit- enterprise. '"Therefore we decided to hold on to their property, but discontinue all ef forts at development and wait for something to turn up. "A Wilt a rear late- something- did turn up. much to the discomfort of our genial host. Senor Confreres, in the shape of a formidable company of gov ernment scouts, w ho finally succeeded ill routing the famous bandit from his stronghold and sending bullet through his liai.ils.mii' ixly. "Then the company resumed opera tions under charge of a new superin tendent, and have dcvclojH-d t he mine into a finely paying pro'x-rty. "That is the secret of 1 heir long de lay, which has perplexed many well posted mining men. So far as I am concerned I Wlieve Confreres would have kept his word to the lasL He was just that kind of a man a perf.-ct g.-n-Ueman." Forrest Crissey, in Ilanner ol Gold. " itaac-rtArr. The Ainu, an uncivilized triW on the Island of Ye-zs are not at all fond of bathing. Indeed, they share the Chi nese idea that it is only dirty people who neisl continual washing. They do not regard themselves as dirty, and therefore- disjx-nsc with the uncleanly habiL 'You white people must lx- very "irty." sai 1 an Ainu to a traveler as the latter was preparing to take a plunge into a limpid river, "as you tell me you bathe in the- river every day."' "And what alxiut yourself?" was the question in turn. "Oh," replied he. with an air of con tempt, "I am very clean, and have, never needed washing!" Youth's Com panion. ' . j .
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers