A mi to H. A. McPIKE, Editor and Publisher "Ht IS A FRKBHAIT WHOM THE TKCtH XAKB8 FRE3, AHD ALIj ARE SLATES BESIDE.'' Terms, S2 per year, in advance VOLUME XI. EBENSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 1878. NUMBER 50. MM ,M 878 4878. ITTSBURG DAILY DISPATCH ! A PAPER FOR THE PEOPLE. he Leading Journal of Wettem fennsylvanui, ana one of the Largest, i.iveliett, jheap tst ami Befit Xftvsjm pcrs in the U. S. 'RXI81IED IX CL UBS OF TEX A T IX DOLLARS A YEAR, AXD POSTAGE PREPAID. j ERY 0E 1DJLMRIBE FOR IT. y, of our readers who desire n jr.od city v iiiouwi ny an mean auiiscrllie ror the -'.(HO UI3PATCB, a Large. Live. Inde- nt Paper, always foremost in obtaining furtiUlilnsr the Lnlest News, and hcvnnd iti.in one of the ranut readable, reliable and ,rsinl" Daily Journals published in the d Stuf'S. l ne DiSHATcn wiM enter ntion a r'v-tiilrd year on the 8thof February. It ;e liinreei paper in me Mie, trivinir t r.e. la . s by mail ard tel"? repfi frnm. II Qimr- i f the g'oue, including the fullest anil most ,1 ( ( mmerctai ana ritianciel tt-pnrt; iin l re! mil ie came inarm i. xtiver aim uil i!ily reports of current events In the invlinlinir Court News. Police Hei'i rtsnnd i-m! Cltv Intelligence. Person!. Political s. , -iPtv'NewB. with carefully digested Edi i; Comments upon all the more Important j iif tlifilay. ppcciai correspondence :rom "...n poinra of Interest, etc. Whether for .merchant, the Farmer, or the Family, the patch will be found a most reliable Journal m such we can rncertully commend II to . rmriinif nubile. The best evidence of the :;sriry of the Dispatch. Is tiie tact thHt It m,1 I) sn cine, rtgaraiesa ni uiuntry or n. Htwl enjoys a circulation more timn .n.thntor uny paper In the State outside f i'tiilHiielpliiH. EiiM?: By niHil to single subscribers, post- rrt'.'ii'i. fiiupcr annum; in ciuiis or iu i Sirvt-d ty atn nts or carriers to slnirle '!M-i. IS rents per week. Postmasters j,'hiri7ed to receive single euncribcrs at rain. M-nd lor a specimen copy. 19 Weekly Dispatch ! if the Choicest, Cheapest and Best Family Newspapers Published. er moor sno vi. n re a d it. - Pitt-lmrir Weekly DISPATCH, like the . ! t'llr.ttd tiom clear, new type, and is ,t tl.e i-hidcet Family paper published, i Mrte folio sheet embracing all tiie more -rant news of the week, carefully collated i: li used, and omitting nothing, essertlnl. (. in a newspaper, if is not sn massed by inhtr tm! Ik-iit iontin America; while the i th wl.li h its si-lections are made, render T' t r liHl le Jiiutnnl for tho tamily a -.-! r'i' '"" with Interesting ridding, and "..d far. not fail to please. The Cornmer F::miii ial Htid Oil lteports of the Weekly 25 'vTi H an- ma le tip with irreat cure, ann are full mil rciiatile, while to its Cattle . f r-p. r t -a i ii ii I attention Is jriven. The ij I)i.-ptch i furnished to sit aie SMb hi fl .r) a your, or In clubs of ten at 1 rh a p tcr it ratis to the party ,tettinr 3i'.n!. It iti the cheapest paper in Amer Bud the amount of rt'iidinir matter - luiioiiliit-d, and every family should - M. HOOK & O'XF.II.L. ' M-hrs Daily and Weekly Dipatcit. Fifth nvenun, Pitlsburfr. Assignee's Sale. riue nt ii oriler of the t onrt ot i,ommon i! Criiutirta eimnty. to ino direetad. I 'y-r to :i!e by public vendue or ouicry, on ':t.p. an "UESDAY, JAN. 22, 1878, ;'L.itK. p. m .. the following ilescribed real nute' to wit : Pis:, i; fired cf Land 1 til ! n Aiie 'ir.v tiwn?Iiii. tTambrla county. ''-r:li.l .1 luliows: Hoitinniiia at a heerh ' fr-'ek : t henre south 4 decrees, east 00 'i a iartf" oirr : tfi'nce by land In name Vin At. .'out li2iieurees.eii.Ht 15S perches. r.i"i.i: thfncehy land ennveyeii in nime ' t ot. j,.uth HS decrees, west about K9 to ( h(ut ("reek; thence down Client 'lcviTal piiiires and distances thereof. ' ? '.t'-c of rii-ninn inif rontnlninir about; '! r, :imt 40 Atrks r'.eared. bavin if thereon (' tm jr(,rv Husk Hoi aB, a one-and-a- Flami H'li-su, and a Stablb s hvathi,v.i am also directed In said or :, ,urt t'i .(ler said property for sale reserv "Mrii w ij for pipe. Ac. . conveyed by deed '5c Hnupf. and if a sufficient" price be bid 7- l"f' of record, then make report of such !f I'lffirli-tit price to cover suld debts be !- tli'n lie i ordered to ofler the Katne with "Tv.i'i.irn. 'r Salf.. One-third of the purchase ' 'i " j .ti,! nn contirmittion of the sale one - ''iyi-ir thereafter, and the balance in r !hri.:iftr. P;i vroents deferred to bear L"!:',! th confirmation of the sale, and tu inv ju-ijmnT nim'i htiii inori5sc iin-U'i-r. JOHN WAdNKK. A.-I:nrc ol Cli.irlcs A. McMllllcD. PBW Sale cf Real Estate! t'riu of sn order of the Orphans' Court of !ooria c.-i!n'y. the subscribers will offer at u'e 'in the premises in t'ainbria township, ?'ED.Y, JANUARY 22d, 1878, ' . k. P. m .The following descrilied real "n as the HALFWAV HOUSE, of -' l re.-li died seized, to wit : ;: or Fircsl of Lis! Ml I.. -i J towQ"hin, alon the FZbensbiirs: and '' C'ank road, adjoining land of Edward . . KoVrt Kdwards, David Abrams, et. hI.. .. nt.r ,PP, Mii, wrnir llff ne hair i j ? ...ot , - . . , in t f uiiii Plain ui vuiii- ml 1 "lni ,,r,'nafd, an abundance of good ' r'ir3 waier, etc., on ine jireininn. i "mentf consist of a two story frama i i. , """ I lor a farm house or public r,"i. and other outbulldlnirs. Title Tne ahove property is couvenient m rl.nr). "TS.. V ... 'h j wiit--i iiiru on cuniiriiiai tiiiance in three equal annual pay- . ' " tCCnr.H h an.l hnn.l fit ..'J"' one. third to bear Interest ana to ou. 'lnnUy dnrinir her lifetime, tho 11 remain a lien on said property. -'UIIaRIK FKF.SH, JOHN W. SHAKHAtHm. h"ar.y, .LJI"r" ' i-lenient t resn, acc u. i.-n. ()r'rl' n mo,io" Of A. V. IlARKKR, Vn9"1"' tourt of fimbria county ip- 'if ih "e'i AU.mor to reMrt uis v tm.?e ,"n'1 '" tlie hands of Oharlks . irutp. In ...II .. i r I'x.p j w i uii; rem vrifiarc in jji win ' "unt" ,,own h' second and ",u,r(r.1,.,. au'' "Dionirst the parties en- I l!l tt. I Notice is liereoy sriven 1. bi. J. ' uuiies if saiu appoini "utiJ 1?. 'n Klicnsburn, on Fkidat, " !l ru.'. at ' "'clock, r. M , when and W ' t t. ii v. "TlvBlc'i lounii presciiv iiioir f (.'Ilr,!,, .'rom comimj in on said 1 rr.Tr ARMOR'S XOTinKTI,A trt . . - - in- th,ii'r,k1'avinK ben appointed an "v, ...f.na' Court of Cambria orintv t Tof fain.,., L necnier, .! . nt VJ,?J St(l. deceased, as shown by it'"mt,lm'i holutely Dee. loth. 1-77. en,ltll to receive the same ofs. ,,.,""" ol v. H. Sechler. Kmi . 1 if. .in I. win .it Bi ni. uiiicv in oVi";r"uy. thea th day of January .''"H'm..,' " J" to the dnile of I tlDl It tb-y proper. 17 -St ' Auaiior. JV FFjt VEJl riSEMEXTS. A FAIMI and 110 JIK OF YOUR OWN. NOW Is the TIMETQ SECURE IT ! Only FIVE I3ollnr FOR AN ACRE Or the best Land In America. 2 000 000 Acres In Eastern Nebraska, on the line of the Union Psciflc Railroad, now for sale. ID Tears credit itlven interest only 6 per cent. These are t he only lands tor 8ai,k on the line of this (Jurat Railroad, the World's Hiohway. Send for Tm Fbw -Pi ", the best pltper for those seeklns; new hollies ever published. Full Information, with maps, sent Free. o. I . luVl.s, l.nnd Ae'I. I . 1'. II. K., Umthi, Sb. A GREAT OFFER roB HOLIDAYS ! We will during these H AHD TIMES and the HOLIDAYS dispose of ItlO NEW PIAMUS afid (IKIJANS. ol first-class makers, at lower prices for cash, or Instalments, than ever heroic enertd. W AT Efts' HANDS and OKU ANA are the bhst mapi, warranted for 6 years. IlluKt'd Catalogue mailed. Ureal inducements to the trade. Pianos, 7-oetave, .I40: 7'.-Sootae lfe Ura-aris, a stops, 4S ; 4 stops. 5S ; 7 stops. 65: 8 siops, 70 ; 10 stops, S5: 12 Hops K; In perfect order, not need a vear. Mieet music at halt price. HORACE WATEKS St SONS. Manuliici uters and Dealers, 40 Kast 14th Mrcit, ew lork. I CURE PITS!! When I say cure I do not mean merely to stop thein lor a time and I hen have them return attain. I mean a radical cure. I am a regular physician and have ramie iho disease of FITS, EPILEPSY, 01! FALLING SICKNESS, a life lona study. I warrant my remedy to cure the worst cases. Hecauto others have failed is no reason for not now receiving a cure trom me. Send to me at ouee for a Treatise and a Iree Bottle of my infallible remedy. Otve express and post of fice. It coats you nothing for a trial, ami 1 will cure you. Address Dr. 11. U. ROOT, 18 Pearl St., New York. WOlTlv FOR vVlTl In their own localities, canvassing for the t ire- lilr (enlarKed), Weekly anl Monthly. I.itrifeol Ii,mt In ilie V ,r wit h .Main mo'h Chromos Free. Hlg Commissions to Anenis. Terms and Outfit Free. Address P. U. tik. KIC 1 , . ii; titlii. Maiin-i 40 Ijctra Fine Vlxed Cards, with name, lf cti., pest-pafd. h. JON c tt vm.. Nassau, N. i . DT A T Retail price a-Unnly rK0 ParlorOr rniis, ru ice only i.iii. I'aperlree. llaniel K. Ueatt j, tVaahington. . J. 1 lliil 1F Flcrant Tarda, tio ftn i alike, with name. 10e., ZO Hstpaid. J.K. Harder. Maiden 13 ridge, N.V. Fashionable Cards, Snow flake. Marblc.fcc., with name, 10o.CWalkerfc.Co.. Chat ham VH'ge.N.Y. nr CARDS C'S stvlos) 10c. 30 Rlrd Cards. SOc Lt J with name. I. Tkrpkniso Coblesklll, N. Y. Manhood: How Lost, How Restored! Just published, a new edition of Ir. I HlTerwell's 4 letir 4 Cfl I'si3y on the radical enre (without medicinei of Spkiium atorhht.a or Seminal Weakness, Involuntary f?cminal losses. Impotekcv. Mental and Physical Incapacity, Im pediments to ."Marriaite, &c. : also, CnM!t MrTio, Epii.Ersv nnd FiTf. induced by self-indulience or sexual extra vairance. etc. -Price. in a sealed envelope, only six cents. The celebrated author. In this admirable Essay, clearly demonstrates, from a t hirly years" success ful practice, that the alarininir consequet ces ot gelf-nhusc may be radically cured without the dan irerous useol internal medicine or the application of the knife ; pointing out a nioe ol cure hi once simple, certain and effectual, by means of which every sullerer. iio matter what hlseondition may be. may cure himself cheaply, privately and radl' rallv. -Thl Essay should be In tho hands of every von'li and every man in the land. Sent, urnler seal, in a plain envelope, to any ad dress post paid, on receipt of six cents or two post age stamps. Adilress I he fubilshera, THE IT LT V.UW KM. JIH'IOI, CO., 41 Ann Mreet. Rew York. Post Offlee Box 45SG. li-ll.-3m. HEALTH HAPPINESS. Health and Happiness are priceless Wealth to their possessors, and yet they are within the reach ot every one wu,o will use WRIGHT'S LIVER PILLS! The only sure CURE for Torpid Liver, Dyspepsia, Headache. Sour Stomach, Constipation, liebility. Nausea, and all Millions complaints and Wood disorders. None genuine unless signed "Wm. Wriabt, Phila." IT vnuj Druggist will not sup plv seud 25 cents for one liox te IJAnnic.KRot.KR k'cro.. 70 N. 4th 81.. Phi fT-l.r.-ry.J i ...i n awAAt millr m flkf A. blotter and bake on a hot griddle. Ask joar Grocer for It. 1 1-11.-tst. AS S I ( J N E E 'S N O T I C E. W hcrea s Paul EUwangeranil Regina Kliwancer. his wire, of the borough of Carrolltown. Cambria county, have made an assignment to me of their real and personal estate for the benefit of their creditors, those indebted to said Paul and Kegina Ellwancerare requested to make payment, and t.'ose having c aims apainst them will present them to me for settlement JACOB YEAOLEY, Assignee, fcc. Carrolltown, Jan. 4, 1878-flt. DM INI ST II A TO US NOTIC E Estate of .Ioiin Hammax, licc'il. Letters of administration on the estate or said decedent, late or Juniata county, have been (trant eS to the undersigned who hereby gives notice to all persons indebted to said astai e that pay ment mnst be made without rtelay. and those hav ing claims against the same will present them uroDerly authenticated for settlement, propeny "A1)AM HAMMAN. Administrator. Aiie" Tp.. Do. ?1, lT.'-6t. DMIXISTRATORS' NOTICE. Estate, of Jamks DoyLK. lecM. letters of Administration on the et'te nf J Iloylc late of Altmma. Hlaire tinty, a. deoeas i;i?have been granted to J . U "W,I, f.hensburir Cambria count j. Pa., to wnoin an ra:dPwmeknownLtheKsam.w Pee. 6. H7T.-gt. . . STRAY HORSE. Came to the nremlse of the anbscrilwr. In Cambria ZVAVu -rove property pa, f harg.. an-Mak. him away, otherwise he 'a's HOOVER. '"famDrii Twp., Jan. 4, 1878. St. TRAY C 4LF. Came to tiie resi Liee of the niiharrH-r. In Whit town. shfp.no'orautthel0th rt.yof Pee-. her a.t a bull calf, of roan J'.WeW. spring. The owner is reou"" 0?"U"!t .ws. : RCWiiC'.Sttf' White Twp., Jan. 10. l1-" FOR RENT. The farm, saw-mill To, barn ...o A nt hony "le.'&thlm Ing year. TTexaxper tait. M;D-r"I brla county. Pa- Night call" ,no"fy,7 ir.-K.J th Post-efB ' ' DOES A.T 0.E 'AilK FOB FATHEK? Does any one care aught for father? Does any one tbinH of Hie one Upon whose tire'J, berit shoulders, The cdres of tiie family come? The father who strives for your comfort, And toils on from day nnto day, Although his steps ever grow slcwer, And his dark locks ttre turning to gray. Does any one think bf tbfe due bills He's called npon daily to pay ; Milliner bills, college bills, doctor bills. There are aome kind Of bills every day. Like a patient horSe in a tread mill, He works on from morning till night. Does any one think lie is tired. Does any one make bis Lome bright? Is It right, jtist lieeanse be 'ooks troubled To any be's as Crosa as a lear? Kind words, little actions of kindness, Might banish his burden of care. 'Tls for you he is ever so anxious. He -jrfll toil for you while he may lire ; In return be ash's only for kindness, And ucb pay is easy to give. TAK1XO IT COOLLY. Some of many instances of exaordinary coolness in the midst of danger anj other wise that have been recorded aie here of fered to our readers, together with some amusing sayings and doings. When gal lant Ponsonby lay grievously wounded on the field ef Waterloo he forgot his own desperate plight while wa chingan encoun ter between a couple of French lanceisand one of his own men. cut off from li in troop. As the Frenchmen came down upon Mur phy, li, using his sword as if it were a hhillelagh, knocked iheir lances alternately aside again and again. Then suddenly setting spurs to his horse, he galloped off full speed, his eager foes following in hot pursuit, but not quite neck and neck. Wheeling round at exactly the right mo ment the Irishman, rushing at the fore most fellow, parried his lance and struck him down. The second, pressing on to avenge his comrade, was cut through diag onally by Murphy's sword, falling to the earth without a cry or a groan : while the victor, scarcely glancing at his handiwork, trotted off whistling "The Grinder." Pittistinby's brave cavalry man knew how to take things coolly, which, according to Colonel H. I'. Anderson, is the special vir tue of the British man-of-war, who, having the utmost reliance iu himself and his com mander, is neither easily over-exci ed nor readily alarmed ; in support of his asser tion tho Colonel relates how two tars, strolling up from the Dil Kusha Park, where Lord Clyde's army was stationed, towaids the Residency position at Luck now, directed their steps by the pickets of horse and foot. Suddenly a twenty-four pound shot struck the road just in front, of them. ''I'm blessed, Dill," said one of the tais, "if this here channel is pioperly buoy ed 1" and on the happy-go-lucky pair went towaids the Residency, as calmly as if they had been on Portsmouth Hard. Dur ing the same siege a very young private of the One Hundred and Second was on sent ry, when an eight inch shell, fiied from a gun a hundred yards off, burst cloae to him, making a deal of noise, and throwing up an immense quantity of earth. Colonel Anderson rushed to the spot. T..e youth ful soldier mas standing quietly at his post, close to where the shell had jut exphiided. Ite.ing asked what had happened, he replied unconcernedly, "I think a shell has busted, sir." Toward the close of the. fight of Iuket maun. Lord Raglan, returning from taking leave of Cen. Strangaajs, met a sergeant carijiug water for the wounded. The sergeant drew himself up to 6alute, when a round shot came bounding over the hill and knocked his forage cap out of his hand. The man picked it up, dusted it on his knee, placed it carefully on his head and made the salute, not a muscle of his conn tenance movintr the while. 'A neat thing that, tny man I" said Lord Raglan. "Yes my lord," returned the sergeant with an other salute, "bui a miss is as good as a mile." The commander was probably not surprised by such an exhibition of tang frotd, being himself good that way. He was badly hurt at Waterloo, and, sayJtbe Prince of Orange, who was in the hospital, "I was not conscious of the presence of Lid Fitzroy Somerset until I heard him call out iu his ordinary tone, 'Hello ! Don't carry that arm away till I have taken off my ring !' Neither wound nor operation had extoited a groan from bis lips. The Indian prides himself upon taking good or ill in the quietest of ways, and from a tale told in Mr. Maishall's "Cana dian Dominion," his civilized half brother would seem to be equally unemotional. Thanks mainly to a certain Metis of half b'ed in the aeivlce of "be Hudf-O'i Bay Company, a Sioux warrior was found guil ty of stealing a horse, and condemned to pay the animal's value by instalments at one of the company's forts. On paying the last instalment he received his quittance from the man who had brought him to jus tice, and left the office. A few moments later the Sioux returned ; advanced on his noiseless moccasins within a pace of the writing table and levelled bis musket full at the half breed's bead, but bis hair was singed off in a broad mass. The smoke clearing away, the Indian was amazed to see that his enemy still lived. The other looked him full in the eyes for au instant and quietly resumed his writing. The In dian silently departed unptnsued, those who would have given chase being stopped by the half-breed with, "Go back to your dinner and leave the affair to me." When evening came, a few whites, cari ous to see how the matter would end, ac companied the Metis to the Sioux encamp ment. At a certain distance he bade them wait, and advanced alone to the Indian tent. Before one of these sat crouched the bsfrled savage, singing hie death-hymn to the tom-tom. He complained that he must now say good-bye to wife and child, to the sunlight, to his gun and the chase. He told his fiiends in the spirt-land to expect him that night, when be would bring them all the news of their tribe. He swung his body backwards and forwards as he chanted his s'range song, but never once k -k d up not even when his fte spurned him with his foot. He only sang on. and aw ii .-d bis fate. Then the half bieed Itent his hca and spat down on the crouching Sioux, and turned leisurely away a crueller reveuge than if he had shot him dead. It is not given to every one to play the philosojdier, and accept fortune's buffet, and favo.s with equal placidity. Horatio are scarce. But there are plenty of people capable of behavine like Spartans when the trouble does not tonch their individuality. "How cau I get oui. of thu?' asked u Englishman, up to bis armpits in a Scotch hog, of a passer-by. "I diuna ibink ye can eet oat of i," was the response of the Highlander as he Went on his way. Mistress of herself was the spouse of the gentleman who contrived to tumble off the ferryboat into the Mississippi, and was en con raged to s ruggle for dear lite by his better-balf shouting : "There, Samuel ; didn't I tell you so ? Now then, work your legs, flap your arms, hold your bieath, and repeat the Lord's Prayer, for it's mighty onsartin, Samuel, eternity?" Thoroughly oblivious of court manners was the red-cloaked old Kentish dame who found her way into the tent occupied by Queen Charlotte, at a volunteer review held shortly alter her coming to England, and after staring at the rojallady wit h her arms akirhbo, observed : "Well, she's not so ugly as they told me she was !" a com pliment the astonished queen gratefully ac cepted, spying : "Wellj my yood woman, I am very glad of that..' Probably Ilei Majesty forgave her critic's rudeness as the ou come of rustic ignoiance ard simplicity. Thete is no cooler man than your simple fellow. While General Thomas was in specting the for ificat ions of Chattanooga with General Gai field, they heard notne one shout : "Hello, mister ! Yon ! I want to speak to you !" General Thomas, turning, found he was the "mister" so politely hailed by an East Tennessean Soldier. "Well, my man," said he, "what do you want with me?" "I want to get a furlough, roister, that's what I want," was the reply. "Why do you want a furlough, my man?" Inquired the General, "WalL I want to go home and Bee my wife." "How long is it since you saw he; ?" "Ever since I eulisted ; nigh ou to three months." "Three months!" exclaimed the com mander. "Why my good fellow, I have not seen my wife for three years !" The Tenuessean looked incredulous and drawled out : "Wall, you see, rue and my wife aiut ihat sort t' The Postmaster-General of the United States once received au odd official com munication ; the Raeborn postmaster, new to his duties, wiiting to his superior: "Seeing by the legulations that I am re quired to send you a letter of advice, I must plead in excuse that I have been postmaster, but a short time ; but I will say, if your office pays no better than mine. I advise you to give it up." To this day that Postmaster-General has not decided whether bis subordinate was au iguoiaruus or was quietly poking fun at him. Spile of the old axiom about self-praise, many are of opinion that the world is apt to take a man at hts own valuation. If that be true, there is a church dignitary iu embryo somewhere iu the young deacon, whose examining bishop felt it requisite to send for ihe clergyman recommending him for ordination, in order to tell him to keep that young man in check ; adding by way of explanatiou : "I had the greatest difficulty, sir, to prevent him examining me !" This not to be abashed candidate for clerical honors promise to be as worthy of the cloth as the American minister who treated his village congiegatioti to one of Mr. Beechcr's sermons unaware that popu lar Brooklyn preacher made one of his hearers. Accostinpjtnm after service, Mr. Beecbers.iid : "That w;us a fair discourse ; how long did it Like you to write it ?" "Ob, 1 tossed off one evening," was the reply. "Indeed !" snid Mr. Biecher. "Vell, it took me much longer than that to thiuk out the framework of that sermon." "Are you Henry Ward Beecher?" asked the sermon stealer. "I am," said that gentleman. "Well, then," sid the other, not in the least disconcerted, "all 1 have to say is, that I ain't ashamed to preach one of your sermons anywhere," We do not know if Coleman invented the phrase, "As cool as a cucumber;" but he makes the Irishman in "The Heir at Law" says : These two must be a rich man that won't lend and a borrower ; for one is trot ting about in great distress and t'other stands cool as a cucumber." Of the two, the latter was mote likely to have beeri in tending a raid on another man's purse, for the men whose "very trade is borrowing" are usually, we mitrht say necessarily, the coolest of the cool ; like Bubb Doddingtou's impecunious acquaintance, who, rushing across Bond street, gieeted Doddingtou with : I'm delighted to see you, for I aiu wondei fully in wain of a guinea." Taking out his purse, Bubb showed that it held but half a guinea. "A thousand thanks I" cried his tormen tor, deftly seizing the coin ; "that will do very well for the present ;" and then changed the conversation. But aslhe turned to take leave, he inquired: "By-tbe by, when will you paj me that half guinea?" "Pay you? What do you meau ?" ex claimed Doddingtou. "Mean? Why, I intended to borrow a guinea of you. I have only got half ; but i'm not in a hurry foi t'other. Name your own time, only pray keep it 1" saying which, be disappeared round the coroner. "John Pbcenix," the American humorist, being one uight at a theatre, fancied he saw a friend some tlnee seats in front of him. Turning to his next neighbor he said : "Would you be kind enough to touch that gentleman with your stick?" 'Certainly," was the leply, and that thing was done, but when the iurtividual thus as saulted turned, Phoenix saw he was not the man he took him for, and became at once absorbed in the play, leaving his friend with the stick to settle matters with the gentleman in front, which, as he bad no excuse handy, was not done without con siderable trouble. When the hubbub was over, the victim said : "Didn't you tell me to tap that man with my stick?" "Yes." "And. what did you want?" 0," said Phoenix, with impei tu; bable gravity, "I wanted to see whether you would tap him or not !" "Jack Holmes," a rnan-about-town, liv ing no one knew how, was once under cioss exaiuiuation by a certain sergeant at-law, who knew his man too well. "Now, sir," said the learned gentleman, "tell the jury how you live I" Well," said Holmes, a "chop or a steak, and on Sunday perhaps a little bit of fish ; I am a very plain-living man." "You know what I mean, sir." thun dered the questioner. "What do you do for a living ?" "The same as you, sergeant. said the witnesa tapping his forehead suggestively, "and when that fails I Jo" going through the pantomime of wiiting across bis baud "a little bitofsUiCT the same a-you again." Equally ready to relinquish bis loot w hen there was no help for it was a Chicago negro, caught by a poultry fancier in the act of carrying off sortie of his live stock, and challenged with ! "What are vou do ing with my chicken ?" "I wd gwine for ter fet ch 'em back," explained he. "Dere's a nigger mun here what's bin disputin' aliing er me 'bout dem chickens, f said dey wnz Coachin Chyniz an' he said dey wuz Alabai mar pullets, an' I wnz jestakin 'em roun' fer ter stablish my nollidge. Dey don't lay no aigs, does dey, boss ? Ef dey does, I'm mighty shamed of bustlin 'em roun'. Aigs is scase." I "My lud, 1 shall not ask this obtuse wit- ' ness any more questions," said the angry counsel. "Brother," said Baron Mattln, "I think you hd better not." ' Here is a bint for our old friend the clowu in the pantomime. At the burning of a provision store, the crowd helped them selves freely. One man grasped a hnge cheese as his share of the luggage ; rising up with it he found himself face to face with five policemen, and with admirable pus nee of mind put the plunder into the o fleet's arms, aiymgl "You hadbettir take care of that, polxemau, or some one will be walking off with it." Impudently cool as the darkey was he must yield the palm for effrontery to the Erie Railway guard whose interview with Manager Fisk is thus related iu au Ameri can paper. "Yon are a conductor ou the Erie, I be lieve ?" "Yes, sir." "How long have you beeu on the road?" "Fifteen years." "Worth some property, I learu ?" "Some." "Have' a very fine house in Oswego? Cost you some thirty, forty, or fifty thous and dollars?" "Yes, sir." 'Some little money invested in bonds, I am told ?" "Yes, sir." "Own a farm near where you reside ?" "Yes, sir." "Had uothing when you commenced as conductor ou the road ?"' "Nothing to speak of." "Made the property since?" "Yes, sir." "Been at woik for no other parties?" "No, but I have beeu saving money, and invested it from time to time to good ad vantage." "Well, sir, what will you give to settle? Of course you cannot pretend to say you have acquired this propel ty from what you have saved from your salary? You will not deny that you have pocketed a great deal of money belonging to the railway at least fifty or sixty thousand dollars? Now, sir, what will you give to settle, and not be disgraced as you certainly will be if a trial is brought, and you are compelled to give up the property you rofess to own, but which in reality belongs to the com pany ?" "Well, Mr. Manager, I have not thought of the matter. For several years I have been running my train to the best of my ability. Never looked at the matter in this light before. Never thought I was do ing anything wrong. I have done nothing more than other conductors ; tried to earn my salary and get it, and think I've suc ceeded. I dou't know that I owe the com pany anything. If yoa think I do, why there's a little difference of opiuion, and I don't want any trouble over it. I have a nice family, nice father and mother, rela tives all of good standing ; they would feel bad to have me arrested and charged with dishonesty. It would kill my wife. She has every confn ence in mo, and tbo idea that I would take a penny that did not be long to me would break her heart. I don't care anything for the matter myself; but on account of my family and telatives, if you won't say anything more about it. I'll give you say a dollar I" Chambers' Jour nal. A. Touching Story Touchingly Told. In the year 13 , as the mail train on the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad bound west to Cumberland, in charge of the late Cap taiu George A. Rawlings, conductor, was approaching Doe Gulley tunnel the engine struck and killed a cow belonging to the widow of a watchman at that poiut who lost his life in the service. The accident soon brought to the scene quite a number of the jeople living in the immediate neighborhood, and among them the widow of the watchmau and her five small children, who were weeping most piteously at their loss, and using the most beait-rending expressions. Rawlings. who was proveibial for his kindness of heart, took up a subscription, the passengers and train-men contributing, and he soon collect ed over seventy dollars aud handed it to the widow. With tears in her eyes she turned to him and said : "You will never regret this kindness to the poor widow and her chil dren, and it will come borne to you some day or other." Time rolled on and the Incident was nearly forgotten, when one night Rawlings left Cumberland on bis east bound trip in a terrible tain storm, and aftei passing through Doe Gulley tunnel, his enginerran blew for brakes iu sharp aud quick blasts, indicating sudden and unexpected danger. The train was brought to a standstill within fifty feet of an immense landslide covering the track for a distance of fifty yards, close to which a large bonfire had been built, and standing within a few feet of it the widow, witb a blazing pine knot in her hand, waving it and shouting : "Where is the conductor? Where is the Conductor ?" Raw lings s.ton appeared, and going np to him she said : "I told you you never would regret your kindness to the poor lone widow and her childi-en. I heard the f!l of rock and earth in the cut, and I knew you were coming down and I built a fire to warn you of the danger. God bl'Rs the man who t nought of the poor w idow ana ber children when they weie in trouble." The scene can be better imagined than described. This act of the widow saved the lives of the passengers aud train-men, and, to this day, "Tommy Becket," who ran the "Del aware" on the iceasion, and who is still running en the Washington branch, ripe in years, nodoubt often thinks of the widow with the blazing piue knot, wbo signalled him at Doe Gulley tunnel. The earth, per day, moves 1. 601,900 miles in its orb, 66,745 per hour, and 1,112 mile pir iAioute. TOOT II At II E. Gracious I Godfrey ! how it pains me ! Lonly 1 don't that old tooth jump ! Seetns as though ten thousand devils Pried with crowbars round its stamp. Whew I can't some one give me sometbincr Just to stop this blasted pain Hot-drops, laudanum, cloves, or bop-bags? Quick or I shall be insane ! Stop that 'tarnal baby's squalling ! Jehevr ! don't my tooth ache sweet ! Darn the cat, I'd like to kill it ! Always under some one's feet. jcte ! I'd like to fight With some one, Just to get my jaw stove in Fire! murder! Godfrey! Giinthor! Oh ! it's aching now like siu. Howling, am 1 ? Well, I know it, And I guess that you'd howl, too, If you bad a blasted' toothache -Same as this one troubling you. Curse 1 I know it don't relieve me ; lint I'm crazy with the pain ! Ain't there anything to ease it ? Let me try the hops agaiu. There, now, gently place them easy ! Phew ! They're hot 1 Just let 'em cool ! Well, put 'em on. You're bound to burn me! There you've done it ! Darn a fool ! Lost in Magellan's Straits. One might look all the world over with out finding a coast more bleak, desolate and inhospitable than that of Teira del Fuego, and the southern part of Patagonia. Owing to certain meteorological causes, the cold is comparatively greater in the south ern thati iu the northern latitude ; icebergs are found ten degrees nearer to the equa'.or. In the Straits ol Magellan, which are about the same distance from the equator as cen tral England, the cold in winter is so in tense as to be almost unbearable. Here icebergs are found floating, and glaciers larger in extent than any Switzerland can boast of ; the land is entirely covered with snow, down to the water's edge, while bit ter, piercing winds rush down the clefts in the mountains, carrying everything before them, and cveu tearing op ti'te trees ia their passage. Not a pleasant coast this on which to be castaway; aud yet such, in 18G7, was the fate of two unfortunate men who formed part of the crew of ,her majesty's ship Chanticleer, then on the Pacific station ; and an account of whose sufferings we propose to lay before our readers. One day early in September a sailing party had been sent off with the hope of increasing the ship's stock of provisions by the additiou of fresh fish, which is here very abundant. The nets soou became so heavy that extra hands were required to haul them ; and, as there appeared even then little chance of the woik being over before sunset, the fishing paity obtained iei mis sion to spend the night on shore. Tents were pitchedj huge fires were lighted, witb the double object of affording warmth and cooking some of the pioduce of their suc cessful expedition ; blankets were distrib uted, grog was served out, and altogether the party seemed determined to defy the cold, showing a disposition to be "jo'.ly" in spite of it that would have gladdened the snul of the immortal Mark Tapler. How ever, after all these preparations to keep off the effects of the biting frost, they were compelled about nine o'clock in the even iug to send of! to the ship for more blaukcts and provisions. Two sailors, Henty and Riddies, volun teered to go oh the errand iu the "dingy" (a small two-oared boat), and having ob tained the desired things, they started to return ; but when tbouc midway between the ship and the shore the w ind began to rise, carrying the boat to some extent out of hercourse, shortly after which she s ruck on a sandbank, and in trying to get her off one of the oars was lost. Soon thej vreie drifted out into the strong current. It was now dark as pitch ; the wind continued to rise, aud although all through the night they made every possible effort to reach the shore, when morning dawned to their alarm they found themselves miles away from the ship, and powerleRs to contend auy longer with their one oar against the force of bo h wind and tide. They were finally driven on to the beach iu a bay opposite Port Famine, a spot not less dreary than its name. The sea was so roogh that here for a day and a night our two men were compelled lo remain ; and when on the second day they ventured to launch the boat, it was upset ; nearly all their things were lost, and they were left to enduie the intense cold with out the means of making a fire, with no clothes but those they wore, and scarcely any food. For a while they walked about tryitig not very successfully to keep up cir culation ; and by-and by the feet of both began to swell and grow so painful that it was no longer possible to keep on their shoes. Still, although suffering both from hunger and cold (Henty's toes being al ready frost bitten,) they kept tip their spir its in true British fashion, not for a minute doubting that sooner or later they would be picked up ; and true enough, on the fourth day the Chanticleer was seen in the distance under weight, and staudingover toward there. Takiugthe moat prominent position that could be found, they made 6igns and tried in every possible way to attract attention, but in vaiu. If they had only possessed some means of kindling a fire, they might have succeeded ; but al though those ou board were at the moment oa the lookout for their lost messmates no one saw them; aud the hope with which the two poor fellows bad buoyed themselves up faded away as the ship changed her course, grew smaller and smaller, aud by and by, late in the afternoon, while they still watched, altogether disappeared. Although now their only chance of res cue was apparently gone, and the last scrap of fotd was consumed, yet the brave fel lows did not despair. Their boat was very leaky ; but on the otb of September, hav ing repaired her as far as possible, they took advantage of figer weather to endeav or to reach some spot where there would be more probability of getting rescued by a passing ship, but they had scarcely got half way across the straits before there was a terrific snow Morra ; it blew a Rale ; the boat began to fill rapidly; and finally they were blown back again into the bay, upset iu the surf aud nearly drowned, being uua ble to swim through having lost the use of their legs from sitting so long in water. However, tbey were tbtown np by the waves high, though by no meaim dry, and iu this miserable plight and under a pitiless snowstorm, they were forced to remain all through the night." The uext day they oiaufljfed fco M-eeaosfeiliiiJi n the iorm of a hut, in which they might lie down and be to some extent protected from the weather, which was no boisterous as to render i. useless to attempt to lau-.ch the boat. For some days, owing to exixmore and want of food, they were both veiy ill ; but still hoping fr better weather, tb y kept, themselves alive by eating seawe.d and Cticli shelllish as couid be fund, un'il the 12th of September, wheu the weather suddenly clearing, they again lannched their small boat ; aud this time, after a day's haid toil, mccecded iu reaching the opfxsite side of the stiaiin, where they had left the ship, which it is needless to s.ty was by this time far away. Wbea first ihe men weie missed, lockets had been Cied, and blue lights Inn tied; and ou the following day the cutter was sent to the westwatd, w hile the Chanticlc r coasted along the oppsit 6ide ; lookout men were constantly aloft ; but nothing was to be secu of the missing men. The next day the ship had remained nt Port Famine, and exploiing parties Wereseut in all dncctions. Ou the third day they aa'ri weighed anchor, and examined a fresh piec of coast, but all to no purpese ; aud finally it was decided, with much tegiet, t.- give up the scaich, for everyone concluded that the poor men must by this time have lvrisbcd, even 'f they had survhei the first right's cold, which no one oj board thought possible. Both men were gener ally popular, and g'eat giief was felt fir their loss. Immediately a subset ip iou was started by the whole ship's c mpaoy lor the widow of the on man and the mother of the other. Strangely enough, wheu the sad news teachtd England, tlie.former, in spite of what si emed conclusive evidence, firmly refused to telievc the assurance of her husband's death. Whether the wife's intuition of the more logical inferences of every one else proved correct, eveuts w i.I show. By the time Henty and Riddies reached, as we have seen, the opposite side of the straits it was quite J.nk ; but on the fol lowing day they found that the current had drifted them fouiteeu miles from Port Famine, towaii! w-hit'i t!:cy bal si"e'-", and for which place they now started on foot. Here they saw in the distance a ship under steam going toward the Pacilic; but agaiu all efforts 'o atliact attention failed. They knew of no settlcmen; tha' thej- could hojio to reach, and at this rough ceasia there was not the slightest chance of fal! incin with any wand. -ling tribesof natives. 'Ihe only course left them was to endure lh;i colli, wait, as patiently rs rnichi be, in tiie hope of some ship passing w ithin bail, and to keep tip what little life remained in fiem by cliewiuu seaweed, and seeking and devouring the n.usse!s, which fortunately were to be found in great abuud.mce on the rocks. After a time, however, they grew so weak as to be only just able to crawl out of the place they tiad made to lie down in, and every day the effort to gather their scanty ijoui isbment grew harder. Once more, on tho 4th of October, they saw a vessel pass thrr-ugb the straits, but weie unable to make any signals. On the 7th both men had grown too weak to stir, and nothing was left for them but to confront death. The 8ih day raved, the Pib, the 10th, and they were still sinking slowly from starvation. On the 11th, when they could not pi'ssibly have lived more than a few hours longer, and had become little short of living skeletons, they were picked up by the officers of the Shearwater, and at once laken on board, where, after re ceiving the mrmt ctreful attention, both, although still suffering greatly, began after a time to recover. Being conveyed by the Sheai water to Rio. they remaiued some time in the hospital there, nod finally were sent home invalided ; and yet both men lived to regain th'irfull st length, and to serve as st liking examples of what tough human nature can euriore iu the hate of physical hardships and mental anxiety. They had con t lived, by a patience aud en ergy almost unprecedented, to lengthen out existence for a space considerably over a month, with no other fo wl than seaweed and shellfish ; the last four days indeed eating absolutely nothing ; while the whole time exposed to intense cold, the roughest weather, aud more haidships than ii is pos sible for those who b?.ve never seen that barren or desolate region even to imagine Talk of a Mi i e -"Speaking about mules," remarked asix-footcr from Barnct county, as he cracked Lis whip at market, "I've got a mule at bo which knows as muc i as I do, aa l I ant t l ea soiutb dj say I'm half a fool." No or.e said so, and he went ou : "I've got disgusted, When ou come dowu to kicking, I want to bet oa my mue. A fiiend Came along and took din ner w ith me t he ot her day, and as be seem ed a little down-hearted I took him out to sec Thomas Jefferson, my champion mule. I was telling the good man how that mule could flip his hind feet around, and he said he'd like to see a li: t le fun. He'd passed his whole life in the South, but he had never seen a mule ly his soul into a big time at kicking. Well," he co itinned, after borrowing some tobacco, 'I uok Thomas out of the stable, backed him up again a hill, give him a cuff on the ear, and we stood back to see the amusement. It was a good place to kick his dui ndest. and d'ye R'ose be did? In ttu minutes by the watch be was ul of sight. In five more we couldu't feel hiui with a twelve- f:Ht J.OI." Here the crowd bceafi to yell and sner, and the natiator looked around and asked: "Does anybiKly litre think I'm lying? Would I he for a mule? Right here un der my arm is a pound of tallow candles which are to light the hole for me to po in after Thomas ; and I got word not an ho ir ago that the hind feet of a mule wtiO sticking out of a hill thirty-nine miles as the birds fly from where inj mule cut in. Pro shake y un religion g'in b-iueti, but our family never had a liar iu it." BaO Lanocaoe Bad language easily runs into bad deeds. Select any soci ty y.-m please ; suffer yonrsclf to converse in i s dialect, to tie i slang, to speak in the character of olio who relishes it, and your moral sense will very soon lower down to" its level. Becoming intimate with It yott lose your boiror of it. To be too much wi:b bad-men and in bad places, is not only unwholesome to a man's morality, but un favorable to his faith and trust iu God. It is oot every man that could live as Lot did in Sodom, and then be tit to go out of it under God's convoy. This obvious princN pie, of itself, furnishes a reason not nly for watching the tongue, but for keeping ourself as much as poesibre out of the pauy of bad aaeooaree. " A. 3-1
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