if 5i 4 r kvinYsY A-M firs H--sV mm iu sjk nil tOKj m m tf& i H NO ha h-&i lA j kh (tA M ?.-l3 4KJ to XT X' X7 rst.J IVJcFiKE, Editor and Publisher. UE I A FllKEMAX WnOM THE THL'TH MAIiKS FII KK, AND AU AllE H.AVKS r.'.-.SI DE." Terms, CG per year, in advance. ou,J J (,.r.MK VIIT. EDEXSBUIJG, PA., FIUDAY, JlARCII 20. 1S71. NUMUKU 1). d0 0 b: vtt Hi tJ IS' ?1S ill CS 1 t 1 i.7 I nr. n w he 4 ml to 9 !i:ite it v J "XI J.. set t sr. i car. car. e Ctrl. mr.n H'C v can rnj'i lain; urt:i hi IV. I to lecil 1 1 1 1 ' cL; 3 mi ma ,!ef itt)j si e T n i-ctiti: - It : t.- .0 .'(-. r a 1 ,i iri; ! .y t' in ; 8' iiiiif ,ailt'-. s win - i 1 L. a ' In r,; . ail ibc: I'll, 1 ;flll ?U' intf IV :r."f - I it rl6t ..t.-r a'- si 1 vt-;r .j ;vr.a tiskmkxts. 'millions cf acres (ii nwwm imiH v, , ... "U i.li Si'i tion'I Map.,jcnt free. . :--r:i:-.i i .ipT, potUii.rnr.sr H-me- . :. ....eil !'rvc- lo a ! 1 ion s i.f t i: worlJ. U ). I liAVIS, I - ii-1 C.'ot;ilii!.-s:oner I'. I'. U. R., IIMAHA. XKB. lt TS If. THrRBEP. V . ...in. W iinlh;im Co., '(.mi., oiler a full r i i :n-.'li-r;tc .rice. Twi-ive ass(.r oj liy'ii-ail for1.2j. ..i jcrs ! lowor ,.: ! r !.('.i',!iii'.i;uc aiiil li i-e on applica I n. !li.l.ltM KulTK To KOUTl K! :30.!OO(M YES AWAY!; ;i33,CCO for Only G2.50. KIND LEGAL (ill T I'OM'EliTi i :.v:;:h Ssfsra C:ie;l it LciTcavsri, 2aa g M:UINO AIM! in OH. 3f74. g . :fii;i MiitPt-1 in t vi-ry p.iok:sre of 11 j nu'.e Tirl.i".s. inil:'a ir li: 11 fori i ! t:ckt-i li ti ; ;ni'l. nnr salts itr-S . i . i.:is rs shoiil.l i- I r at once. Any . uiis tK late wi'l b' ri'i urne I. o.wf.'l . i:t w.iuii-l cvervwli'. re. For fu!l4 -. a.',!r.-ss ' H : AlilXKS I svonno-.tli, K.iij. a SCHOOL STATISTICS. I 'T-as Raturilay night, and a tcacber sat I Alone. hr ta.ik pursninir: averaged this and slid averaged that. Of all thai ber class was doing. llj ISIlr xl-CU , Slje reckoned pr Ofnta-e to many Lojs, -o-i niTn TT-n-nTT mrt i t Aim to many pru, an roanteil; F'il SALF VFP PfftfAP A,Kl le tardy and al'scnte, Y I Jit IJiilJlYLIlI UilJliiir. I And to what all tha absence amounted. t ::nin, Interest oulj R pr cent. -Names and residence wrote in full, uver losny CMliiiuns aint pages Yankee, Teutonic, African, Colt, And averaged all their ages. The date of admission of every one, And cases of tiag-llatiou ; And prepared a list of the tjraduates For the coming examination. Her wenry head sank low on her book, And her v.eary heart sank lower, l'or some of her pupils had iitile brain, And sho could not furnish more. She s:. pt; she dreamed; it seem'd she died, And her spirit v.cnt to Hades: And they met her thern with a question fair, '"State what the percent, of your grade is." Ages had slowly rolled away, Leaving but partial traces And the teacher'.- spirit walkM one day In tha old familiar places. A mound of fossilized School Ilenorta Attracted her obser at ion. As high as the State House dome, aud as wide. As Huston since annexation. She came to the spot whore thoy buried her bone. And th ground was well built over; But laborers digging threw out :i skull Once planted beneath the clover. A disciple of Gahii, wandering by, Paused to look at the diggers, And picking the skull up, looked threugh the eye Anil saw it was lined with figures. "dust as I thought," aid the young M. I., '"How easy it is to kill Vui;" Statistics ossified every fold Of cerebrum and cerebellum. 'It's a f rvf curiosity, sure." said Pat, "By the biuies can you tcil the creature?" Oh, nothing strange," said the doctor, "that Was a nineteenth century teacher." 1 f'w f"r f r- I'ornell'K fluH.ir Frmf ilu iu ,,,,,, Kcli!r:oii an.l Health i - f Uiiilhl j.rrif'iini to every suhforiber r..1. it in tiie cocntr3" a rare di.inee imt :r '.!. I'. L'ussi II, i ul.l'f, lioston. Kass. m mmmm r. Oi .. . Una oil os. A a N. i:i-iJ-nu.-K,Jnt I.Ac. i i:i:an x ., :. .. Mole Agents. tfYmk DAY-EOOK! . :. h v :Ct.V. K.iahli.!ied 18 at). It -I s : k '. political and social. . .. : r 'I'o nine copies lor $.s. -. A !'in . -. I'AV-liooK, Xtw i; at J' 1A III . i .:"-;;ir r r p i m ,.!i!i-t ( -lit :r .' . i :r 'in I..: l;i-:ei it an : .- DEATH Oil MAURI AGE. Inr.r:.- "M Prook. : i ru .l-.o.l Vi lute ! ii J. S P. COATS' BLACK -I T"r G;'.i M i v .'OV hY of the -.GE. iinlo CPnJH CURE. nre f t,u-;incs. rviiiJ sola. ive. It i.s i.;. sM m ; crivrs i i ut pi ia or su tter- r on );utn-i at .vs. I :. K;;. I.!t,orte. lnd. '' ' I i ::. h Triumphan1 ! - . )1 an l younuf. male an-1 . i.i.ik'- iiii.rf nioiufy pelling r. !i aii'l American Irtrr i'. -t ;inythiriLr oN1. Oront : - : 1 1 1 Purchasers, t'at- -i r irulur? sent free to all. . l.i;V. Augusta. Maine. 2 - i . in. ...j.fcri ,i" ran f.-rr Grsat Esmody r V ALL M L' k 2 t. DISEASES ! ! tlic I'ine Trre, obtained !i t;-r iiist:l-ati'-n of the tar, by ; r ;i.t! projjcri.es arc rrt.titel. '..' has bcrn recomiiicti'lcd by ' . j srhooi. It is ctnfulciitly r :r.r f' Mi-wiuc s!in;lc reasons: - : ryft.y ?offltg fHt' COUgH ' -' ' ; ' iMit w rrt;jrA- ttttnre to , i:i-tt r causirp the in ilation. 1 ' ' 1 i( i :n it b ih prolong and ' " 1 fc oi the nfTli'rti.-dsutfcrrr. " '-' I c:s tijion the irritated Mir. - 't- '-r t':r f( eith tiisrastii ftxrt, -r:,;np itttittmmatwn. ' iit-iTHEBi.oni). Positive 1 m tiie common iimpi.f or " ' .iv". nf Scrofula. Thousands ;i fj irum thoe who have f I'IMJ 1 R UK TAK C'JHUIAL r 3: -y.r. from INiiVt KIllCf OF ' ' ' f A''V."rr organs and restores f'r trIrfI r)r- - Q- C. Vis-".-' ;n r-j'trcntcs from us, but the y ' i them can be iven to .'; - r vtai..-Ti:-nt. Dr. U C. . ' ' ' ' ' v-rs:a i'ilis and ' ' ' !ievr been eiualied. but ( -a .rcl.crpers, and at V :. '":::ia?iT'3 cecs, -M.' .v. r,it At., i'hihtd'a U KRHOSENE LAMPS. ' of 15ra.- and will never ' S',-tv Tube Attavhtnent " 'st. : ii! never explode. of M ir a (or Isiii'j flas? : on!v lump cliiLuneys ' by ln-.it or eobl. "ni are inisiite anj cx- ,'! eomplaint. i i i ins or t i i.ass IAXir ' - tvttutry every year. '-t wi"; h iea ("liini- Itioiue 1'iirlor or Stand ' to i.ny part of the I ni-"ii-ipi oi the money by 'o II t hope Innps and 'and ion. to whom a ' ' S. m1 (ir Sample ' - ' ' '. W pa rtieiilars. I'hey - 1 1 on s'irtir. Address, x I I V . M P .. ' '! Street, ,Vew York. t r , . i.: .i VL" 'V! .'c re) . o'-.'is. Af.TOOXA. PA. d iiii mid Silver "nd ' ""! ouide. Monies rc i 1 oti iieiuand without " 1 -t'l ii. t- i f -t at fair rates. tl its. !- v;vr.r ,. 1 i:::xsurna. r.t. ''.i.i.!', ' 1 ",n meilt l.oillis. Mild . ". ; ' ;' ! ld. Interest al i , ' oilvftions mniV at " --r. , f nited simps, ot'd a 1 1 ansBotcd. Tlio ancient deck in Deacon Shormor's olJ-fasliioned kitclien was blowly cljiininjj the hour of nine. It was no Mr.at't toy no veVur'yeaVth 1 t,ii'' ' bion.e or alabaster, but a tall, square, solid relic of the jiast century, look ing not utilikc a cofiin cr.se ret mi end, in the corner a clonk that had lasted through fjnr geticratiotis atid, judging from ap pearances, was quite likely to last through several more. Deacon Siiaiiner clieiishcd the old heir-loom with a sort of pride which he hirntself would scarcely have confess ed to. There was a great, ruddy fire of chest nut locjs in the red hi ick-jiavcd fire-place : and the candles in the In ight-polislu-d brass sticks were winking merrily from the high wooden mantel whore theysharet? the post of honor with a curious sea-diell and a couple of vases, each containing a fresh osage-orange from the hedge that skirted the clover field behind the barn. At the window a curtain of gaudy chint z shtit out the tetis of thousands of stars that were j shining hiightly on that frosty autumn.-1 j night, and on the cozy rug of parti-colored ' i"irrc o fif- Inlca ctirM f tiiill i-o - It J at, I. nil iii.niivii 'in i ,...j the slowly lapsing minutes. lint the tor toise shell cat was not the only inhabitant of the snug farm-house kitchen. "Timothy '." said Mary Shermer, deci dedly, "if you don't behave yourself I'll What she would do, Mary did not sny ; the sentence was terminated by a laugh that set the dimples round her mouth in motion, just or a beam of June sunshine plays across a cluster of red ripe cheriies. Mary Shermer was just seventeen a plump, rosy girl, with jet-black hair, brushed back from a low forehead, and perfectly arched eyebrows, that gave a be witching expression of surprise to a pair of melting hazel eyes. She was rather dark ; but the severest critic would not have found fault wi'.h the peach-liko bloom upon her cheeks, and the dewy red of her full, daintily-curved lips. Evidently Mr. Timothy Marshall was quite satisfied with Mary's pecu'iar style of beauty. "Come, Mary !" said Tim, moving his chair where he culd best watch the flush j 7 of the fire-light upon her face, and picking J up the thread of the conversation where he had dropped it, when it became neces- j sary for Mary to bid him "behave him- Keif" "you might promise. It's nine j o'clock, and your father will soon bo home." "Promise what, Tint?"' said Mary, de murely, fitting a square of red in her patch work, and inUnlly observing the edect. j "Nonsense, Mary ! You know what very , well. Promise to marry inn before Christ- ! mas! I will tell you what, Mary, it's all j very well for von to keep putting a fellow , off, but I can't stand it. What, with your . father's foi bidding me the house, and that , here every i romantic loin bu"-7 o - Sunday night -" Mary gave her pretty head a toss. As if Mr. Stanley's coming here maue any , difference iu my feelings, Tim IM ) "No, but, Mary, it isn't pleasant you j know; I'm as good a man as Tom Stanley, , if I don't own railroad shares and keep a:i j account at the Ilamiitonville Hank ; and I , love you, Mary, from the very bottom of my j heart ! Xw this matter lies between you j and me only ; no other person in the world I has a right to interfere between us. Coma i promise me !" He held both her hands . . , i . i .it.. li.Miid 1 111 his, aim looiceii caiueisuy uau in' - hazel eyes. "Do you love me, Mary ?" "You know I Ioto you, Tim." "Then we may just as will hush ! what's that?' There was a portentiotts sound of draw ing bolts and rattling latches in the porch room beyond a scraping of heavy boots along the floor. Marv rose to her feet. with a sudden scarlet suffusinr brow and ; cheeks. "Oh, Tim, it's father V "Suppose it is ?" "But he must not find j-ou here, Tim '. Hide yourself somewhere do "" "What nonsense, Mary !'' said the young man, resolutely standing his ground. "I haven't come to steal spoons. Why should I creep away like a detected burglar?" "For my sake, Tim. Oh, Tim, if you ever loved me, do as I say. Not in that closet ; it is cloe to his bed-room ; not through. that window ; it is nailed down tight. He's coming he's coming. Here, Tim, quick !" And in the drawing of a breath, she had pushed Timothy Marshall into the square pendulum case of the tail old clock aud turned the key on him. It was not a pleasant place of refuge, inasmuch as his shoulders were squeezed on cither side, ami his head llattened against sprirtgs and wheels above, and the air was unpleasantly close ; but Tim made the best of matters and shook with suppressed laughter in his solitary cell. "YeIl, a jolly scrape to be in," thought Tim, "and no knowing when I'll be out of it. Mary's a shrewd little puss, however, and I can't do better than leave the matter iu her hands." "So you haven't gone to bed yet, Mary ?"' said the Deacon Shermer, slowly unwind ing the two yards of woolen scarf with which he generally 6ucased his throat of an evening. - "Not yet, father," said Mary, picking up her patch-work with a glowing cheek. "Did you have a pleasant meeting?" "Well, yc-5," quoth the Deacon, reflect ively, sitting down before the fire, greatly to Mary's consternation she had hoped ho would have gono to bod at once, according to his usual custom 'it was tid'aVly pleasant. Elder Huskier was there, and Elder Hopkins, and well, all the church folks petty much. Why, how red your checks ate, Mary ! Tiled, ain't you? We'd, you needn't sit up for me, my dear ; it must be getting late." 1 he Deacon glanced mechanically round at the clock. Mary felt the blood grow c.ld in her veins. "Twenty minutes past tiine why, it must be later than that! Why, land o' Canaan ! the old clock's stop ped ; nor was it wonderful, under the cir cumstances. "I wound it up this mornin', I'm n.trtain,"' said the deacon, very much disturbed. "It never saived nie such a trick afore, all the years its stood there. Your Aunt Jane used to say it was a sign of a death or a marriage iu the family be fore the year was out." There was a suppressed sound like a chuckle behind the clock case as Deacon Shermer fumbled on the shelf for the clock key. These spiings must be out of order somehow," said the deacon decisively. "How scared you look, child! There ain't no cause for beiu' scared. I don't put no faith ia your Aunt Jane's old-time super stition. Where in the name of all possess ed that key? I could ha' declared I left it is in the case." "Isn't it on the shelf, father?" asked Mary, guiltily, conscious that it was snug ly reposing in the pocket of her checked gingham dicss. "No, nor "taint in my pocket neither." And down went the deacon, stilly enough, on his knees to examino the lloor, lest perchance the missing key might have fall cn'therc. "Well, I never knowed anything so strange in all my life," said the deacon. ''It is strange," faltered hypocritical Mary. "I'll have a rag'Iar search to-morrow." said Deacon Shermer. "It must be some where around." "Yes, it must," said Mary tremulously. "Oh.ly," the deacon went on, slowly re suming his place btforc the fire, '"I kind o' don't like to have the old clock stand still a single night. When I wake up, you know, it seems like it was sort o' talking to me in the stillness. Tho deacon looked thoughtfully at the firey back log. Mary fidgeted uueasily about tho room, straight ening table-covers, setting back chairs, and thinking oh, if he only would go to bed ! As lie sat there, his eyelids began to droop, and his head to nod somnolently. Mary's eyes lighted up with a spaiklo of something like hope. "Child," he said, suddenly straightening himself up in the stiff backed chair, "you had better go to bed. I'll sit up a while longer till the logs burn out." "Hut, father, I'm not sleepy." "Uo to bed, my child," reiterated th-? deacon, with good humored authority that brooked no opio.sitiin; and Mary crept out of the room, ready to cry with anxiety aud mollification. "If Tim will only keep quiet a little while longer," she thought, sitting on the stairs where the newly-riseu moon streamed in in chilly splendor. "Father sleeps so soundly ami lie is sure to go to sleep in his chair. I could steal in and release him as quietly as pos sible." She sat there, her plump fingers inter laced and her eyes fixed dreamily on the fl.H,r. while all th. titno her ears wer- strained to the utmost capacity to catch I eveiy sound in the kitchen beyond. Hark! was that the wail of the wind? or was it something to her literally "nearer and dearer?" Yes, she could not be mistaken , now ; it was actually a snore. Mary rose softly to her feet w'th renewed hype. Surely now was the accepted time. Grange Srcrefs Ilvvetiled. IIO'.V INITIATIONS AUU CONDUCTED. in all your dealings with mankind you aie ; bound to have an eye to business. Laying--I the finirer alongside rhe nnrn is iM?-l.!emai i- i On being brought into the ante-room cf cl of wisdom, and places you at once the lodge (Greengrocer Temple. No. 101.1 among the "knowing ones." 'i his is cx- ' I wa3 told that I Lfid been bailottec for tiemely handy in prognosticating revr aud accepted. My informant, who was weather, and saves the wear and tear of """j iiuisaeu uy wnac 1 aiterwarcls almanacs. . ageing tlio eais sinuit.cs the j:ai:is ixruo j eh. Noiselessly as the floating shadow she ' learned was a large burd..ck leaf, pcrfora- sublimity of purpose, and is thought to be 1 . i - i ' i i . i . i i i . . .i , . . . . i-ius.-m.-u iiiu ii.i.. w upc:;cu me Kiiciivn uwi, loti ..vll!l i10jas fov tiie evesij tu!d me thr.t and stole across the creaking boards of tho if t valued my life it would bo necessary floor. The candles were burned out, but for U1C to strj s t i .1,;. i. :. f the shifting lustre of the firelight revealed her father nodding before the fire, with closed eyes, and hands hanging at his side. "He is certainly asleep," thought she. With a heart that beat quick and fast, like the strokes of a minxture hammer, she drew the key from her dtess pocket, considerable worth to me. and as he itali cited his wishes by catelessly playing with i a seven-shooter, I withdrew from my ar ; mctits with eagerness. My masked fiicttd then furnished me with the regalia of the fir-ot degree called "The Festive Plor.gh- Loy" which consisted merely of one large and proceeded, in spite of the nervous calbage leaf attached to a waistband of trembling of her lingers, to fit it into the lock. So absorbed was she in her task that she never noticed the sudden cessa tion of the heavy breathing never saw the deacon start suddenly into wakefulness and look around him. Love is blind, and it is equally tine that it is deaf. The dea- potato vines. In thia airy costume I was conducted to the door, where my compan ion gave three distinct raps. (I was 5 ecu re ly blindfolded by binding a slice cf rutti- eniblematical of childhood's happ;hnurs. it is also M-.p;.":sed by P( :.-. profound schol ars t' have a distinct refctencs to apple dumplings, but this f;;ot is somewhat ob scure by the dust of ages. In token that you are one of us. you w ill now Le brand ed. This ceremony is very impressive, and consists of two brands. They aie both applied "while the i i on is hot," ud con sist of one k-ttor of the alphabet each. Tie first is a largo letter o, u which you will please sit while the other letter is applied to the stomach. Tito letter S, my worthy chicken, signifies scooped. r.Ml rtfeis to railroad monopolies. It is ;tlso supposed I ctcr Kmitl.t was fonrd r.nrVrirg in the Font tct-i.t h Waid. '1 he orV.er could not determine whether he was intoxicate d oi c-inzy ; but. as lie sa;d he had no horn-, he v. as taken in cha:;c as a variant. Ib v as ti-ncisirg the sntcts. with f. hi. d aims, talking t himself odd bits of p!r.;. -4 and jx-en-.s. J!e j v-m sscd n f-tclhty .f q- -tat ion cqoal to Utchaid Swivellrr. es;.. bi t he was as rcckh ss a!. cut the ex.-.c. it nde C h. his rtui hot baga over each eye.) A sepulchral voice to indicate the seat of learning th-j sj ;t from within asked : ''Who comes ?" j v.-hero the old-time teacher hunted f-r 'uldo answered A youthful ami- brains with the ferule. The second letter con rose quietly up with a shrewd twinklo clIuUrist who desires to bee me a -ran-er. is C, and ii applied, as I said before, to tho in his eyes, and Mary gave a little fright ened shriek as a hand fell softly on her arm, possessing itself quietly of the key. "Let me help you I" said Deacon Sher mer. "Father, I I found the key," faltered Mary "and" "Found the key, eh" returned the deacon. "Well that's lucky ; and now we can find out what's the uiaiter w ith the clock !" Mary's heart, throbbing so w ildly a mo ment or two ago, seemed to stand ab-J I may thereby the better be enabled to har row up the feelings of the rascally politi cians. S. V. You will bring in the candidate. My worthy stripling, as you cannot see, I will cause you to feel that you are received at the door on the three points of a pitch fork, piercing the region of the stomach, which is to teach you the three great vir tues faith, hope and charity. Faith in yourself, hope for cheaper farm machinery, and charity for the lightning-rod peddler. solutely still as Deacon Shermer turned the key and opened tLe tall door of the clock case. "Hal lo !" ejaculated Deacon Shermer, as Mr. Timothy Marshall tumbled laugh ingly into the room. "So you was the matter with tho old clock, eh ?" "Yes, sir," said Tim, composedly. "I hope I haven't seriously interfered with the works of the clock." "You've seiiously interfored with me !" said the deacon, waxing indignant. "What i You will now be harnessed, and do you mean, sir, by hiding iu my house j like a thief ?" "Indeed ! indeed ! father," cried Mary, bui sting iuto teal's, "it wasn't his fault. Ho didn't want to hide, but I put him there." "You did, eh ! And may I ask what for ?" "Father," faltered Mary, rather irrel evantly, "i love him, and he loves me !" "Is that any reason why he should hide in the clock-case, miss?" "No but father! oh, father! I can never marry Mr. Stanley. He is so soft, and I " Mary's tears finished the sentence for her. The deacon looked down (not un kindly) on her bowed head, and tho ten- Sej ulchral voice Have you looked him stomach. It hasadouble meaning. Firs', cart fully over ! i the application, is an agricultural one, Guide I have, noble gate-keeper. j "cotn ciib," and has lefeience to the S. V. Do you find any agricultural stomach as being tho great receptacle for marks about his person ! j UourD n whisky. Put, brother, do not be Guide I do. I diligent in finding a homo m.nket for your S. V. What are they ! ! corn. The second application of the loiter Guide The candidate has carroty hair, C, my distracted infant, is g t hold of as reddish whiskers and a turnup nose. i follow : When one granger dosiies to as- S. V. 'Tiswell. Why do you desire to certain "for sure" if there is another of become a granger ! j the Older in the room,' he laises himself Guide, (aiiswerine-for candidate. ) That gently by tho slack of his of his unmen- tiouahies scratches his off tlgh with his near hoof, aud remarks iu a voice of thun der : "Are there any grangers about?" The answer i.s "Jeeso wax." The in quirer then says : "Let us see," (letter C, ) and the other party must immediately pull out his stomach and disc'je the brand. These brands are applied in such a man ner that I am enabled to assure you that they will wash. 1 was here interrupted, Mr. Editor, by a volley filed iuto the open window, evi dently intended for me. Fortunately I es caped without a scratch, and, which is of moro consequence, succeeded in fetching off my precious manuscript. This is about all there is in the ceieinony of any import ance. I must leave the country at once armed men ate at my heels they know- in repre sentation of ihe horse, Pegasus, will be tested as to endurance and wind. The candidate ia here attached to a small imitation plow, by means of a hempen har ness. A dried pumpkin vine is put in his mouth for a bit and bridle, he is made to ; get down on all fours, the guide seizes tho bi tolo, and urged on by a gi anger armed that I am writing to expose them. You with a Canada thistle, which'hej-. igorously may hear from me again by mail, if I applies at the (enru'r," of the spme, tho should deem it lest to expose the other- candidate is galloped thiea times around the room. While making the circuit the members arise and sing ' G-r up and luf, you bully boy ! Who wouldn't be a granger'.' If the thistle's prick don't euse yon jor, To feeding you must be a stranger '. After this violent exercise he in t ubbed dry with corncobs, beeswaxed where this- der aim that supiwrted it. Apparently! Uedj amj llIol,,,llt standing up before tho i a. J. 1 1. - f A t Ti 1 a 1 . 1 i Oi I ctegtecs until then tiriieu. From your sacred friend, P. Tot r. Notttf. This ceremony of initiation is nscd during the absence of the lady mem bers. Their initiatory ceremonies are en tirely different, being much simplified, as they should be. 1-Jnterprine. "the course of true love," roughly though it ran, was everw helming all his ow n woidly-wise arrangements in its tide. "And so you two young folks really think vou love each other?" said the dea- ' con, meditatively. "I love her with all my heait and soul, sir." said Tim Marshall, earnestly. "I'm not rich, I know, but I can work for her." "And I can work for myself, too, f:. Ih er," interposed Mary, with eyes that shone like softened stars. "And you said yourself, sir," went on great chief, the most worshipful pumpkin- head. M. W. P. II. Why do you desire to be a granger ? Candidate (answering for himself i That I may learn to extinguish sewing-machine agents. TtnYMn? on ti;k Women's Cuisapk. The woman's movement ltns brought out the poets. There is one specimen which concludes : House thee! O despondent brother, 'heer with hope th"s days of pain; When this w hisky war is over, Vou bt.t we'll all get uritt.k attain. ;i. man" The rirookivii Aroint mmi'ii nffrtimt is in M. W. P. II. Have your hands been ihis way : hardened with toil ? Candidate Not extensively ; but, then, I am not running for office. M. W. P. II. "Tis well, for our lot'ges pontain several who are sti urn iseil to I. a ' Tim, "that the stopping of the clock meant j leady to sacrifice themselves for the good j either 'a death or a marriage.' Of course ; t.f their constituents. Do you feel pretty ! we don't want any deaths ; so don't you J smart this evening? think tho most sensible thing we can do Candidate Yes, where the bustle goes is to help on a marriage as soou as possi- ' on, ble?" j M. W. P. 1L (savagely; Give rue a The deacon laughed, in spite of him- j chaw of tobacco. self. "It's late." he said. "Come around j Candidate searches himself thoroughly, to-iuorrow morning and we'll talk about j'but as there is no place about him to stick , it. No, Mary, I'm not angry with you, I a pocket, tries to explain, but the most child. I suppose young folks will be ; worshipful pmnpkiu-head interrupts him j i-AieiT Tiill.-s and there's nr use trvin' to : With stop thcia !" And as the deacon re-hung the pendu- "Never mind, my dear young friend I a:n well aware that in your present cotidi- lurn and set the iron tongue of the old . tion you can no more furnish your friends clock talking again, Tim Marshall paused on tho front door step to whisper to Mary: "What shall it be, Mary? a death or a marriage?"' And she in turn whispered : "A mar riage. I hope. witli the weed than Adam could be com- ! foi table in a plug hat and tight boots. It ' is merely to teach you the great lesson of economy doing to others as you'd like to have them tlo to you. You will now be .My darling! said Tim, 'it. s worth conducted to the most eminent squash ' lias'in" a lifetime behind the ciocii-case 1 ," . t i '" bailing sign oi ustress. 1 lie sign, my Ohio's ransom speeds apace Is daily pro win if surer, Sinee woman's ilMio t voice ess iytid The praise of Aim Pmn. I'rietd Star: a pitying nation prays For some assuring token ; Tliv nose lih-ached to its native hue Thy whisky v.-swls' broken. Pev. 1 homas K. Peecher thinks that re ligion suffers p. bout as much as the liquor business by the sidewalk prayer-meetings. "The specially bad- fcatuie," says Mr. Peecher, "is the prostitution of piayer, making of it a sidewalk pastime." And then he asks how the following would do as an additional stanza to Montgomery's hymn : "Prayer is the Brifkoyr woman's lodge To stop the rum-shop door. They hear her prayer and run away, And neve.r drink no more." What wi'.i not woman do for the man she loves : llf-r hard was first to rnf-h. and drag The lnitlle from the sh.-if "It is your curse, d-ar .lolm," she sal, And drank u up herself. A victim of the new crusade gives vent to his pent up feelings thuslv ; They have ruined nie utterly. Mary; AU day long 1 do i mhing but -fiowl, And sit up half the night. !ear."t Mary, his rxtiact. ;;t:d jumbled up tics wiih es i: 'n h confusion a. Oaptaiu (Y.li'f hiv.i. elf. He schcmi gave a quota tion li.'.t. but would break off in the mid dle and ; f.l-stitute s. mo words of his own. or dovetail in an it u-levr.;.t piece from some str.T.'co -I'lth u-. or tins up h 'df a doz en authors with it:t ei -point irns if his own, in an ii:c. tt ictil.'e vcrl al jumble. Clerk What's jour name ? l'iisti:-.i peter Ktiiht : am a native to the -ltiairow bone" that's Shr.kespear. C'.erk Was j n it.toxlcntt d j estei dtv ? Prisoner "lis true, "lis pity; pity 'lis '. titer e isn't the devil a doubt of it thai" Se-itt. ; Clerk Yv'hcc tiid you get your liquor? ! Prisoner Wkeie the t.ce .-ticks, the; sticks Peter Kuigltt all day. Thou base, in gloiioc.s sIavc, tliii:k".-t thou I will reveal t he noble name of him w ho grtve me wine ? No sir-i-r, Lob that's Peaumont .and . Fletcher. I obcer i in a hi- pers If you don't teH you'll I.tie to g; to j.-.il. Prisoner I tlo remember a.'i apothecary, atttl hercabon's he dweils no he don't he lives over in the Powery bi t in his needy shop a codfish hangs, and on his .-helvrs a beggai 1 v rtccoi'ti! of et pt botil. s. Noting this pt inn v to n:ysc'f. I said if any man diil need a 'nandy punch, wkfe sale is ?."' line iu Gotham, heie lives a caitiff wretch who has pivbabl.v g..t j letdy of it under the counter. Why should I here eovecal my fault? Wine, I ci i.d. The otill was answered. T have no wine, said be, but plenty of whit- . Silence ! then, perni cious cailiff, qu'th I; thou invisible spit it of wine, since we- can get thee bj- no other name, why, let us call thee gin and sugar. He brought the juice of cursed juniper in a phial, and in the porcerof niy throat d;d pour I'dolpho Wolfe's tlistilmcnt. Thus was I by a Dutchman's hand at once des patched not drunk nor ro'.k t sent, into , this dirty station house three-quarters ' tight, wiih all my impel fections on my head. The fellow 'a name ? Mv very sml rebels. Put whether is it nobler in tho mind to : ul!'er the cuffs and bruises of this bloody Dutchman, or to take arms against his red-l. aired highness and b- infoi mit'g end them? I go and it is done. Yillai'i, here's at thj- heart ! His name, your Hon or, is P.. b B'.esnoffhin, in the Powery. That's Shakespeare tnixtd. Clerk Have you got a home? 1 Prisoner My home is on the deep sea that's Plutarch's Lives. Clerk How do you get your living ? ' Prisoner Doubt thou the stais aie fire ; doubt that the sun doth move ; doubt truth to lie a liar : but- never doubt that I'll get a living w Ii i!e t he o st r sloops don't hne but one watchman that's lolly S. n.l'tii i. Cieik Do you pay for your ovstei s : Piisonei Pt;se is the slave that pay ; the speed of thought is iu in y limbs that's r.yi-o-,. Cleik Do vou steal them and then run a way ? Prisoner I've told thee all; I'll no moro though shott the stoi v be : let me go back v. here I was bt-foie. and Pil get my living without tioubii-.ig the Corporation that's ! Tom Moore alteied to suit circumstance, j Justice (evidently at a lossi iu a vihispt ., to mystified clerk I think he's eraiy ; what do j-ou think it's best to do w it h him ? Pi isonci ovei hearing --( iff w it 1 1 his head ; ; so much that's shakespeaie curtailed. Jusiice Will you promise to dispense wiih the brandy and giu if you are dis 'c':.;tig.d? Prisoner Ob, I could be happy with either weio t'other dear charmer hotiliil i up and the cork put iu that's Dibdiu, with a venoe.jMce. Judge W hat do you suppose will be come of you if yon go on in this way, liv- ititr a? vou have I Prisoner Alas, poor Yotick! Peter I i mean. Who knows where he will lay his j bones ; fow and short will the prayers bn i said, and iiolmdy'll feel any sorrow ; but they'll cram him into his clay-clod bed, and bury somebody else m top of him to morrow ; the minister wid come, put o i , his robe, ami letid the service ; thechoiPd siii;j a hjniii ; eailh to earth and dust t gravel, and that'll be tho last of Peter Kn-sjht. ! Clerk Peter we'll have to send you u 1 for ten daj s. j Prisoner Fare the well, and if forevoe jail the better that's P-yi-on revised and ! corrected. -Y. I". Ornpu'c. I producer, who will teach you the grand j worthy brother, will insure you against many of the ills of agriculturists amongst Uid being bit by P REITS w ith Sxow Siior.s. ITtgli up mi tb. It.ickv Mountains, where the snow lies dcen and white the lonjr vear through. : others, against drouths and the winds blow cold and sharp, live ferocious gt asshoppers. the rabbits with snow shoes that I want to j -p. u eadidate is now conducted to the ''"They'are beautiful creatures. Their fur ! st C!,li"c,lt Wl ' is pure white, very soft and warm, and f-iys : "dy woithy brother, I wul now they leap with wonderful quickness over invest you with the ordjr of the Festive the snow ; tcr bee, wuoKi.ew just, wnero lj0ii"hiiiau, wdtich you have well won by your heroic achievement while harnessed may you ever wear it with jocasuic to yourself, and may it be a means of terror to your enemies." (Tho M. E. S. P. theu proceeds to invest the candidate with the r egalia of the Fes- their home would be and how they would have to run on top of tiie deep snow, pro vided them w ith long, broad feet tin tho hind legs, which are just as pood fur rub bits as the great long snow shoes are for men, for they keen them from breaking through the tielicato snow crust or sinking in the feathery ll lives. These wonderful snow shoes which God five Ploughman, which consists of a long made, which fit each foot and which never ' tomato necklace.) The grand hailm" sign weir out serve them w ell, enabling them : - , , , ., , . 0 . , to ran lightly over the soft snow," where of d,hlress ,S matl b e,n1 cl'jsln" tLe nothing can "follow them. No dog can ( left eye, laying tho right forefinger along reach them, for he will break through at ; side tho nose, and violently wagging the every h ap and flounder it. the snow drifts, eais lt lei,uires practice, but the advan while the rabbit runs on abroad, smooth . r. ? '! o er the mountain fronres. where tai-:es aie nse. It also has an important the snow- lies sixty or seventy feet deep. ' signification, which you will do well In mv desolate bar-room and howl. This from tho Commercial Adrertiscr, New Yot k : There was a reformer namd Lewis ; Christened Dio (my narrative true is), Who led a crust. b Providing folks paid Fifty dollars to '-se:" iMoL- wis. Another warbles : I saw- th- tear drop ou her nose, Prismatic glories sle-d ; I raw the bow of ang lish bend O'er her curl-tangled head. I saw the cojiiHct of her soul The pain that wrung her brow t "Take I te k the bottle, .John," .she sil.'.rd, "I cannot smash it now." . to I.V Writiht's History of Perry county is the following paragraph: "I "bote iai m in the house now occupied by Fiancis Gi! son. Esq., Spring township. Perry 0 uni.v. Pa., in which occurred the births of John P. Gibson. Chief Justice of the Supremo Court of Pennsylvania. George liihson, Commissary of the United States, Dr. John Pernheisel, tho M nion, w ho first repre sented the Mormons in Congress, Hon. John Pigler. Governor of California from 1S-V2 to ls.Vi, and Hon. Willijin Pigler, Governor of Pennsvlvnnia from lS'i J to j Tn "Patent Issii-f." Eiutor. I Louisville ' 'oi;, o-.a,7 tells t he lo'i'.ovt -j ict The cdiior id' a newspaper which wear j a patent insiih? should be very careful aitont ' writing saruastu for his outside. At l.ish j villi; there is an establishment whiih priti's ' the insides -f a gvat number of ibe w eek! v journals of Tennessee, and the editor of tl. t sprightly Lelraiion Il-ra'i. Dr. li. C. Whin, ! receives his inside from the Nashville coi -1 eel n. Dr. Y"hite, having seen in ths dail" J Union omi American, of Nashvilie. the p-ei.i ( called, "All Q'liet Along the Potomac," sat down and wrote for his ontsido a very sar castic paragraph cpou the. foi I y of the Nash 1 v. ! 1 daily in publishing such verses. Mr. Tt -11, of the I'ni.nt snri A'rri-uii, rea l 1 r. ; W hitt's sari asm. In.fe nl f snat-hin up . . p n and writing clown lr. White a tiowlu.4 ; idiot and midnight assns-in, Mr. Bell ipiict I ly picked up a pair !' see or aud cut "A'l j aiet Along the. Potomac" from the , i'l An.i iicii'i oiita-niug it. th-ii leisu it ! t walked down o the establishment j lr. V iii te's i nsi-le is priiitt- .1, and; j:a ve t h i J poem to the editor of :li patent insid--s, r -1 quest inu its pal -Mention. The verses wer 1 1 accenteii. a-d when Ir. White got his next im-'d- from Na-livilie it had "Ail iiiet Along ihe Potomac" i:i as con.spi -nous a po sition as his worst enemy could have wished j to see ir after rea.lt ig bis sarcasm. If nen-H ; con s I'r nr T nnesse that Jr. White ha- r-.-iu '.ed the control of his own inside, h s friends in other parts of the country will un derstand the change. rhilui Trra'ury. head. The closing of the eye signifies that !&", till living in Clearfield, Pa." Tuts is the latest song of the granger po." itician: "Th hickory berry vine entwines The brown nuts of th- turnip free; The enshtnere heifer shtps and plavs To the tuneful bleat of tie feathery -"N On a'l the boughs 'mid the buck w h'-at bul'n We hear the low of 'he finny plucr. While the bay bull hifch -d t the n;unin scythe Hunk out the ;o!in clover." - MJ?- in 1 1 1 1 k 1 1. GO 5D 00
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers