f ivjcPlKEt Editor ana PUDiisner. Bh. u HE IS A FREEMAN WDX THE TRUTH MAKES FREE, AM) ALL AJKK SLATES BES1DB.' Terms, S2 per year, In advance kUMB VII. EBENSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 1S73. NUMBER 22; , ; i tisemexts. MALE OK PEMALB, WO iaranteed. Ke nny or evening; i,,.,..tyi"i",,,atl,oino,2 etiong and valu- . r 1 , ; I a i7h i rents return stamp, M ........ 11 vnr vi . v i. KTand BOOK ACENTS 1 a uvv at onc e Tor circulars, 4c, (which I 'Ipfii : f re'.1.1 riteribina; a new and superb ,f gi t l.y a popular artist, Dow nearly Lr i.. vvnfiionced agents should has- UllU IS DUIO f.U UUTVS Mil m a3 fiire t rritory Unusual inducements MAt'LKAN, Publisher, 733 Sau- i Im I'r'HR. Sale increasing. t,000 i lVB Ati KNT3 WANTED lor our TnGSTONE 2 tears ijc AFRICA I L. nines. on!v fcl.50. Inccmple and infe f .vTireoffered, look out for theiu. Sond. i aud te proof of thonreatest saeeess . - i). .. L- i r I im Ttan inn wnrrn Kill ti RVW.AKI) BROS., Publishers, t.iie Philadelphia. Sure curs for nil diseases of the ltospira-h-itnu Sore Throat. Colds, Croup, Iip i Asthma, i.atarrh. Hoarseness, Drvnea Throat, Wnidpiiio, or Bronchial Tubus, i.Diafc.ftl.oLuna;s. I M-Liof nudden cold, however taker., TVULEIi should be promptly and freely Tb-r ejualizo the circulation of blood, i tie" verity of the attack, and will, in short time, restore healthy action to the 1 orpins. , if' carbolic Tabi.kt are put up only ,i liotu. Take no substitutes. If they f! found at your druggists, send at onc JilK'i " Aw For, who will forward ly mturn uiail. Dea't be Deceived by Inil . Sold bjMlrug-frists. Price 25 cts. per box. ISO. KKLLOtiti, 18 Platt-et., N. York, It Circular. Sole Ajrent for U. States. f CANVASSING BOOKS SENT FREE FOR I FOWLER'S GREAT WORK fc.Hl, Womsabood a ad their Hataal later flat ion.; Loe, 1U Laws, l'ower, c tnre st-llint? lrom 20 to SOcopiesof this 1 day, and w solid a canvassing; book free Tk atjvnu Al'trets,fitatin experience, 4tio. fniusHWU Co., Philad'aJI'a. ps J .V V SCIIOOL MS and Papers. CATALOGUES Sl'FFUED Br !I SlWDAY-SCnOOL CMOXi So. (hratnot Street, . riIlL.AUKL.PHlA. A; ENT3 WANTED 1 R1DRIFT! CAST ADRIFT! ir.aaion to tho famous "Thr?e Voarg blrap" and "Ten Niirhts in a liar- 1 1. S- Arthur. IThe latest audirreat- ! this celebrated author stitcndidl v tli-irantlybound.atid will sell at eurht Rii. Is hikrhly endorsed by tho most 'f people and papers of tho country. 'fi-riineHiid outravcin our inldt which si tho sioiitt st heurU Will do more for '.vuf tcmuvnutie and morality than tlu ?.nts who ha vu sold "Man-Trap" cannot U dout)l! the number o!' this book. A fie Author, with steel portrait, presented sunsenner. lK"crttlvecireiiirsani nt free on implication to J. M. Stoddsrt ublishers, 7i Sansom St., l'hila Pa. .t fourful cleanser, strentf thener and r.f (iUndular Obstructions known to pf-iIly adapted to constitutions "worn twl (Ichilituted by the warm weather of ii .l MiMimcr. when the blood is not lu rculati in, ronseiiuently ir:ttherioir itn- frnm luishness and Imperfect action (vritivt orifaiiH, and is manifested by Kriipti.iiis, Blotches, Boils, Pustules, . Ac. Ac 'fir? and 1 ft n tr u I 1 tfnm rrm-nrnrr m rA 'iiyw!.iiie and Inertia tako the place f'y uud viiror, the system neeils a i'om'r J " up an. 1 lu lp the Vital Forces to re "ir rivii rrntive ovrcr. hcat orMimnicr frequently the .fverand f ' iioi incjM i iy perform their functions; JruifHiM ("rinary Organs are inactive, i weakm-Mi of stomach and intestines I "f'lisp isiti,m to bilious derangement. fell's EXTRACT OF JURUBEBA rl dir-tiy from the hOLTH AMEKICA.X I" and is i uiarly suited toall those dif : it wili cleanse the vitiated biod, f ;o the i.ikk-oivinu powr.KS, and Hl- "LUBSTict'lTIONS frOUl IJIPA1KEU AMD f'HMlrjans. "jW btfrij taken, as Jurubeba Is pro I -u IP'"''"'"' writers the most efficient fvh i l0'l'nd Dkobstrukst known 4fv "f medical plants. 'I KUXOGO, IS Piatt St N. Y., K Ajrcnt for the United States. IUol.ar per Bottle. Soud for Circular. Book Canvassers A XKW WAY I OF KUXXINQ PCRIPTION BOOK "f M- Canvassit.ff reduced to a tKl-ir-. ,Pr"fl,-oant8 immense. Ad "ILL PUBLISHING CO., 129 EgXew Vork City. ' !ER0fS TFTS HAVE PROVED v f. Baraham's Hew Tnrblns fATKlMVIIEEL! M B TD BE THE BEST EVER INVENTED. allKfw. Address TOltK, PA. 'IKK. FIkK!l VIMTZltl FIRE! fclVV'D forth he gramlrnl book of AGENT wANTEn ;ae of God's People ! -V'itii.,n-i, . : ; ouecessiui new hook li,r t - to te tho mnsst ilec'.rinil t.iy. i Msllinir with astonish 'iiir. . . '"ii) ."uvasii. nrcni tu'. i.,.'v' (.'' ; ' ' riiiti!nity for njjents . t,u tA UtJUlll " - 1 rtai.1.: 'l"';"v-...ss tor the new. vain- B Cr, l","k "ylJr.JuiiN C)WAi, 0 of a New Life. "''-- s.. . ' , " ' prominent 11.1 ... 1 ... . 'Mil,. ! ".I ".4. !,IC ir.rl I AM - rMij,iuvi4. f i'l IILT '' of 7h- '"'' w,,h ft"Miaiiri(;rapid l'ldin ?,Vu"tf Fire; Safes; Fire yndi n,iuerins; Fire with Water, r"l "Vr.. ltr,,r- Piresof History. rfre, a.Mr r'-. Vou wiU t reKret n lJut". Oilman Jt Co., N'(-w Vork. THIS WORLD. This world is a sad, cad place, I know And what houI living can doubt it ? But it will not lessen the w ant and woo To be always singing about it ; Then away with songs that are full of tears, Away with dirges that sadden ; Let us make the most of our fleeting years, By singing the lays that gladden. A few sweet portions of bliss I've quaffed, And many a cup of sorrow ; But in thinking of the flavored draught, The old time joy I borrow, And in brooding over the bitter drink, 1'ain Alls again the measure ; And so I hare learned that 'tis better to think Of the things that gives us pleasure. The world at its saddest is not all sad ; There are days of sunny weather ; And the people within it are not all bad, But Faints and sinners together. I think those wonderful hours of J una Are better far to remember, Thau those when the earth is out of tune In the cold bleak winds of November. Because we meet in the walks of life Many a selfish creature, It doesn't prove that this world of strife Has no redeeming feature. There is bloom of beauty upon this earth ; There are bonds and blossoming flowers ; There are souls of truth and hearts of worth; There are golden glowing hours. In thinking over a joy we've known We easily make it doubla ; Which is better by far than to mope and moan O'er sorrow and grief and trouble ; For though this world is sad, we know And who that is living can doubt it? It will not lessen the want and woe To be always singing about it. A TERRIBLE FIFTY MINUTES. In August, 1858, I arrived at Cha zuounix with one of my friends, a trav eler like myself. For about five weeks we had been exploring Switzerland, so that we had plenty of time to get used to the snow and glaciers. "We had made several ascents, one to 14,000 feet. I well remember the sensation I felt when 1 first saw one of those cre vasses which seem the surface of the glaciers. Holding firmly b' my guide's hand, I leaned over thatyawning gulf, and tried to gaze down into its terri ble depth. The two perpendicular walla of ice appeared to meet some three hundred feet below, but I be lieved that it was only the elfect of perspective, the rent being probably as far as the solid rock. "A man who falls there is certain never to come out alive," said one of my guides. "True," replied the other, "but I knew one who was rescued. A nar row escape indeed it was ; he still lives at Grindlewald. He is a chamois hun ter; was returning home, and in de scending the crevasse, his fall was broken by projecting blocks of ice, which yielded, however, against his weight, when he clung to them. When lie reached the bottom, a distance of some hundred feet, he had a leg and arm broken. Between the earth and the ice he found a hollow place into which a stream was running ; crawl ing along, sullering terrible pain, he followed the course of the water, and in three hours was out of the glacier." Crevasses vary in breadth from two to six feet at the mouth, the sides ap proach rapidly as they descend, so that a man may find himself jammed in between two walls of ice a long time before he reaches the bottom, and then, if ropes long and strong enough are at hand, it is possible to save him from death. But generally the ropes are not long enough, and the traveler perishes 01 cold, or falls down into the crevasses during the hours which elapse while some of the party have gone to the nearest village to fetch longer ropes. Thus an unfortunate Russian nobleman perished in a gla cier near Zermatt some 3" ears ago. We had ascended to the Brevent, and we now had only the Mer de Glace and the Jardin to visit. We slept at the Alontanvert in the solitary little inn at the foot of the glacier. Next morning we were up at dawn. Furnished with some provisions and two bottles of wine, we started with our guide. It was a splendid morn ing, and augured well tor our excur sion. For half an hour we followed a rough path which skirted the Mer de Glace, which displayed below us its surface rivn with crevasses and cov ered with rocks and fragments. Our road ended at the glacier, upon which we now began to descend and traverse in zig-zags in the midst of numerous fissures. The Mer de Glace is not considered dangerous, and it is quite the exception to take axes and ropes when crossing it. Alert and cheerful we hastened on without taking notice of the guide, who, some way behind, cried out to us several times to be cautious and wait for him. We "were obliged at last to halt before a vast crevasse which barred upon our pas- j sage. It opened with a length of some sixty yards, and ended up our left in a sloie of ice, somewhat steep, but which 1 thought I could easily mount. Using the iron spike of my alpenstock as a hatchet, I began to cut holes in the ice large enough to put my feet in. At this moment our guide rejoin ed us. He looked at the slope and at the yawning crevasse below it, and said, in a grave tone, "It . is danger ous ; let us go round it." With the aid of my alpenstock I had already got half-way up this icy hill ock, and was now quite convinced that it was too steep and slippery to be crossed without an axe. The guide's warning confirmed my opinion. I was cautiously lowering my right leg, seek ing for the hole I had made in the ice my foot passed it and I felt that I was sliding down ; there was nothing rough to stop me, not the slightest projection by which I could hold my self. The declivity became perpendic ular, and fell into the gulf. I heard a cry of despair from my companion and my guide. My own sensations cannot be described. I was giddy and half stunned, sent back wards and forwards from one wall of ice to another. I felt myself descend ing to a great depth, condemned to be dashed to pieces ; to die by a horrible death. Suddenly something stopped me ; I felt myself suspended. I took breath again, and could cry out, "A rope ! a rope !" By God's mercy I had fallen upon a narrow edge of ice, which formed a sort of bridge across the crevasse. This frail support, as far as I could judge, was about four inches broad and eighteen thick. My head hung from one side of it, my feet from the other. Instinctively and immediately, by what means I know not, I raised myself up and stood upright on this projection, where there was a hollow just large enough to plant one foot. Then I heard my companion say : "Trust in God and take courage. The guide has run to Montanvert to 6eek men and ropes. He will come back directlj' 1" "If he is long," I replied, "I shall not come up alive." My position was a terrible one. The thin ledge of ice was so narrow that I could not place both feet upon it. I could only support myself on one leg, half resting against one of the ice walls, and pressiug the other with my Lands. The ice was as smooth as a mirror. There was nothing to grasp. A stream of ice water flowed down on my shoulders, piercing me to the very bones. Above my head I saw the long and narrow streak of the sky, round which the mouth of the crevasse formed a frame. The ice, which was of the darkest blue color, encircling me on all sides, looked threatening and gloomy. The two walls seemed as if they were about to meet in order to crush me, rather than to release their prey. Numerous water courses streamed down their sides, but in the extent of more than sixty yards I could not see any other projection or obstacle except this ledge on which I had so miraculously fallen. I risked looking, for the second time only, down into the terrible abyss above which I was suspended. At the spot where I was, the crevasse was not more than two feet wide ; lower down it narrowed rapidly, and a hun dred yards below the two sides ap peared to touch each other. I believe if I had fallen but a very few inches on either side from the narrow brklge which had arrested me, I should have been buried and jammed up at a depth where no rope could have reached me. I had remained about twenty minutes in ray perilous position, nerves and muscles stretched to the utmost to keep myself there, looking at the sky above my head and at the ice around me. but not daring again to glance in to the gulf below. The blood was flowing from a wound I had received in the cheek, and I felt that my right leg, upon which fortunately I was not restinsr. was severely bruised ; the left leg, however, pained by the effort of standing ana coia, was oeginning 10 give way. It was impossible to change my position without the risk of losing mv balance. The cold of the wall of ice against which I was resting more and more benumbed me, the water con tinued to fall, and I dared not stir. I called my companion ; no one re plied. I called again. Nothing! nothing 1 Not a human being within reach of my voice ! I was seized with giddiness as a terrible thought cross ed my brain. "He is gone to see if help is com ing, and he cannot find the crevasse again ; there are hundreds 01 sucn 1 am lost IV ' My strength was exhausted. I had never vet triven up ail none. 1 was seized with a desire to let myself fall, and thus put an end to this agony. At the critical moment, I heard" my- 1 self called. My friend had run to look for the guide, but when he wish ed to return he was horror-struck on iierceiviug that the surface of the gla- 1 i-ior was rent bv countless crevasses. I all so similar that there was not a sir. i tile siirn by which he could recognize . fc .r' . .-it 1 : .1 i: the aoyss in wuieu 1 was uunwi ainc; In this cruel perplexity God guided him to sec a little knapsack which the guide had left at the edge or the gull. 1 cried to him to look at his watch. Five minutes more had elapsed. The cold was becoming more and more in tense ; the blood was literally freezing in mv veins. I called I asked if there was any one in sight. The guide had started thirty minutes ago, and not a soul had yet appeared. It was scarcely probable that he could return so quickly, as we had taken three-quarters of an hour to get to this spot, and ho had to go and return. I felt that I could hold on but very little longer. The frail support on which my 6afety alone depended might yield at any moment and break be neath me. I remembered that I had a strong knife in my pocket, and I re solved to make use of it to draw my self out. I informed my companion of thiB project ; but he implored me to do nothing of the kind ; but my sit uation had become intolerable. I made a notch in the ice, high enough for me to reach it, and large enough for me to insert my hand in it ; then, about two feet above the little bridge, I dug out a hole sufficiently large for me to put my foot in it. I succeeded, and grasping these two points of sup port, my back resting with all my strength against the opposite wall, I was able to raise mv self and keep my self firm in this position. I was working diligently at my sec ond step, when I heard a joyous cry above me. "Here they are! Three men with ropes they are running as fast as their legs can carry them." 1 steadied myself as firmly as pos sible upon the narrow and slippery bridge, so as to be able to seize the rope they were about to lower and tie it around me. I saw the end of it swing ing about two yards above my head. "May God have mercy upon me ! It is too short !" "We have another." That was fastened to the first and let down. I seized the end of it and bound it strongly around my waist, and grasping the rope with both hands, I gave the signal for them to pull up. They began I was saved. A minute later I stood upon the glacier. I had passed fifty minutes 111 the crevasse, during which time I had lost neither my confidence in God nor my pres ence of mind. When I placed my foot upon the firm ground again, an overpowering feeling of deep gratitude to the Al mighty, who had delivered me in so great a peril, filled my breast. I fell on my knees and fainted. V hen 1 again became conscious, our parties were preparing to start for the Mon tanvert. Before leaving I wished to cast one last look into the crevasse where I had leen nearly buriod alive. I saw how completely impossible it would have been for me to get out of it as I had projected. The opening at the top was too wide to have allowed me, as I reached it, to lean against the opposite wall, and without that support the most agile of climbing animals would have found it impossi ble to scale this perpendicular wall of ice. The guide ran to the inn, where he could not find a single rope suitable for the purpose. In despair he started for Chamounix. When on the way he met two muleteers. Their animals were laden with wood, tied on with ropes, which he implored them to give 111 lit tu Davo A poor tl".i-olor who l'l fallen into a crevasse. These good people at once unloaded their mules, and came with the guide to my assist ance. Tying them together there were three the ropes reached to the depths of thirty to forty yards, where I had been arrested in my fall. Assisted by my deliverers, I was able to reach Montanvert, where, in a good bed and with my bruises attend ed to, I had leisure to dream about the danger from which I had escaped, and the remembrance of which often haunts me, both sleeping and waking. An ingenious individual with a turn for mathematics has found that there is one pig to every one and four-tenths men in the United States. There is nothing singular at all that every man should have a pig, but when four-fifths of a man buys a pig the event become a matter of great interest to everybody who strives after a higher civilization. The mind instantly pictures this four tenths of an individual getting home with that pig, and bucking up against fences, and splashing into mud, and kicking at the animal just enough to miss it, and swing off his balance, and while we have a long array of prece dents to show that no whole man ever drove a pig in the right direction, we can weJ believe that four-tenths of a man wrestling with the animal would afford a spectacle that would lie nour ishing to the last degree. This, of course, is confidential. Banbury Xeics. A smart young lady at a social gather ing in St.' Louis a few evenings uice quoted the motto-of the temperance girl, "Tho lips that touch wine shall never touch mine ;" to which a beardless wretch re plied '"Girls that wear paint ought never to faint, because, you know, they don't look pretty after sonic officious old lady has thrown water in their faces and it has made little gutters alouff their cheeks." That bit of smartness sealeu the young man's fate, lie won't aUeud the next social. VULL.Y FOR DER COUXDRY. Ven der crass is sbringihg freshly, Unt der summer dot is come, Yen der birds beguns to varble. Uud some bees gommenee to hum, Ven derr little Kady-didn's Dem vns singing on der drees, Un der bull-toads dem vas jumping, So lifely like some fleas ; Ven dem caddies dem vas hcaldy Und dem frisk und kick uud run, Und bunk von order niit deir horns Und had such awful fun Den out indo der coundry Vas the bulliest blace to b A tooking some good coanford Beuead a shady dree ; Benead some hickory vfttnud. Or vou of a different kind, A feelin kind of shleeby Mit noding on your mind, A vaU'hin( some shin all inseeds Ven dey're flying on der ving ; Took my ad wise uud do id vonce I bed you id's jused dr ding. Dot's nice to vent oud Duesdays, Or any oder day, Und shmok Und read der barters Too bass der dime avay. Of you vant to get enjoyment, Und firsd-rade food fresh air, Vou musd vent oud im der coundry Ven der an miner dime vas der. FOSTAL CARD JOILES. That new device of Postmaster Gen eral Creswell, the postal cards, went into circulation a short time ago. As they have been somewhat elaborately described in the Washington special dispatches for the last several weeks, it is not necessary to go into particu lars here. Besides, nearly everybody has seen them, and knows how to de scribe them himself. But for a gener al description it might be said that they are designed for the distribution of intelligence among the masses at one third the usual rate, lou can write almost anything you please on a postal card, so that it isn't too long that is to say, the article that is writ ten. But there are some things which do not read well on a postal card. Take for instance a large boarding house where the landlady takes care of the mail until the boarders call for it. This sometimes makes the diffu sion of intelligence among the masses a trifle too dilTuse for comfort. The postman comes to the door with an armful of postal cards. The landlady relieves him of the burden, goes in and sits down and begins to sort them over for the various boarders. Presently she strikes one which reads thus: St. Louis, May 17. My Dear Theoph. Come to night at half past 10. Side gate opon. Bull dog chained up in the basement. Light in the window for you. Yours sweetly, E. 13. L. Landlady turns to the other side of the card. She reads the superscrip tion : Mr. TnEOPini.rs Mukfleckeek, No. 13,075 Hash avenue, City. Landlady rests her check on her left hand and muses passims. Landlady solus : "Well, now, did I ever ? Who'd a thought that Mr. Mufllecheck was that kind of a man ? Came here, too, with the highest references from his last place. Pays his board regularly every Saturday at tea. Belongs to our church, too." Reads again. ' 1 11 ljoO Cii I liaaw always thought he went to bed at half past nine. Bull dog chained up in the basement! Well. 1 never ! I'll keep a little watch of Mr. Mufflecheek. I'll expose him before the church." Then she draws a long sigh, and pro ceeds with another card : Reads :J St. Louis, May 17, Sir I have now waited four weeks for the balance on that suit of clothes. I need the money. Must have it Monday. Yours, Nimbleuecdle. Turns to the suie inscription and reads: Mk. J. B. Sun flow kk, No. 18,975 Hash aveuue, City. "Well, if ever I heard the like in mr life ! Mr. Sunflower is such a nice gen tleman. And he uses such elegant perfumery. Let me see: he owes for two weeks board. Told me this morn ing he was expecting a check from home. I must go to his room and see how much baggage he has. Hear me, folks are so unaccountable." Comes to another. Reads : Sly Dear Spriggios Just deposited four hundred to your credit in the Twelfth Na tional. Draw on me at sight for the bal ance. Yours. 1. W. K. Turns to the superscription and reads: J. D. SPKioorxs, Esq., No. 13,975 Hash avenue, City. Gracious me I How much like Mr. Spriggins' own handwriting that is. Singular that two persons should write so nearly alike. Let me see. Mr. Spriggins told me he expected some money to-day. . ; Enter Spriggins "Good afternoon, ma'am." Landlady "Here is a postal card for you." Sprig- "Oh yes," Reads to him self. "That's all right. By the way, madam, have you money enough in the house to cash a fifty dollar check ? It's after banking hours and I have jdst re ceived a telegram from Kansas City, and must go on the night train." Landlady "I'll go right away and look in mv bureau drawee. I reckon I can accommodate you." Landlady returns with a roll of bills. Sprig. "Here, I'll just include that three weeks' board in the check, and make seventv-five. Balance will be fifty." Landlady counts out fifty, which Sprig, thrusts into his vest pocket, goes up stairs, gets his valise and starts to catch the train for Kansas City. Landlady will discover to-morrow that the similarity lctveen Mr. Spriggins handwriting and that of the postal card isn't such a singular circumstance after all. It only cost Spriggins one cent to raise the wind. T hese postal ca rd s a ro an incalculable convenience to the toil ing masses. A VARIATION. Postman rings at a modest looking mansion on Locust street. Servant girl comes to the door. Postal cards for the master of the house, who has only been married a couple of years. Servant girl delivers the postal cards to j'oung wife. Young wife reads : St. Louis, May 17th. Dear Joe Will be at the corner Twelfth and Pine, hack half-past nine. First class party boys. Be on hand. Half-past nine, sharp. Wake 'em up. O. K. Young wife las down the postal cards and elevates her eye brows. Mr. J Cress well's cheap method of difusing- . intelligence has let a flood of new light in upon her mind. Young wife, solus "So this is the , 1,1, a 4- ? l?l.i;sv ,.y-v,ln.l i I Willi' IO lb I XlllUll Ul IIVI LU II 1 111 hacks all night with a party of first class boys. Oh dear, oh dear I" Then she weeps copiously and sighs deeply. She will go home to her mother the very next day. She never was so wronged and outraged in her whole life. Weeps again passionately, and seeks the camphor bottle. "oung hus band, all unconscious, comes home to supper. Tableau. ANOTriEn. Postman ambles up the front steps of an imposing mansion at No. place. Colored boy opens the door and re ceives postal caul addressed to the dignified elderly gentleman who owns the premises, nnd pretty much all the other premises in that vicinity. Fl derly wife sees the postal card. She has never seen one before. She takes it from the colored boy and reads: St. Louis, May 17. Mr. , Please bring home my robe de nu if, and take away tliat horrid tuau's night bhirt you left. Mary C. At this juncture the elderly lad makes vigorous preparations to swoon, and calls for her maid to bring her a fan and the smelling bottle. Klderly lady to waiting maid : "Mary, can you read ?" "Yfcs'ni." "Read what it sa-s on the card, I can't believe my eyes." Mary reads. Elder lady goes off in a dead swoon, murmuring incoherently about divor ces and alimony. YET ANOTHER. The Urbane postman halts in front of a pretentious looking three-story edifice, No. W n avenue. The head of the family brushes past him and starts up stairs. Postman hands him a package of letters and jiostal cards. Head of family glances at AjsononJ UuvaJliltimKi IU UlK W 1 IV of his bosom. Turns it over and reads : St. Louis, May 17. Dearest Meet me at half-past seven o' clock this evening, corner Eigth and Olive streets. Please drop a handkerchief for signal. Wear a black veil. Yours till death. 13. U. j Husband crushes postal card in the ; clenched hand. "Ha!" he ejaculates, j "this Is the way of it, is it ? I'll take j a hand in the business myself." Then he goes into the house, and resurrects his six-shooter and loads it, and puts fresh caps on it, and at the appointed time may be seen slowly pacing up and down near the corner of Eighth and Olive, watching out for some fellow to drop a handkerchief. The fellow who scut the card as a joTie, sidles around the comer, catches a glimpse of the j irate husband, chuckles to himself; and leaves for down town. Husband paces I up and down until near nine o'clock, 1 when, finding that he was attracting the attention of the police, and the , consciousness that he is soldlieginning to dawn upon him, he skulks off honlc by another street, and says nothing to anybody. There is no tableau. Mr. Cresswell's ingenious but simple device for the cheap diffusion for intel- i ligence Is working admiral ly. Black mailers, dead leats, and divorce law yers contemplate the istal cards, and j visions of gold harvests shimmer in . the sunlight of the grateful imagina tions. There is not a particle of doubt ( that these cards will prove valuable as j advertising mediums, and for sending brief messages of a business or social I nature which are- not confidential.! I But the avenues' to fraud, M:u k-niail j and scaiidai-breediiig'are too numerous to be 'compassed v.ithni any Domutx-r-ont the rantre of a sinful ingenuity. ' To get up a scene " anj .wmi -dcred "family,, send a mysteriously t worded postal card to the master, of j the house, with tho name of a strange woman attache 1 to it. Or '.. vvv. to the mistress with a masculine sig nature. And so on, adfinitunu It is a capital way of playing a caj ital joke, but there is 6uch a thing as carrying a joke too far.. . - - . The Hepitblican reporter thinks of sending the following postal card by the next mail : - Hon. J. A. J. CiesswelL Washington, D.C.: Dear Sir I think you are the ablest and most statesmanlike, as well as the most af fable and courteous gentleman wbd ever conducted the Postoflice Department. NoSig.' , This will be thehugest practical joke of them all. Everybody Will laugh at it and gfow fat. Let the "cheap diffusion of intelli gence," or the diffusion of cheap intel ligence, go on. St. Louis Republican '. Obituary Of a Western Editor?. Ye editor sat in his rickety chair, as worried as worried could be, for' ye devil was grinning before him there, and "copy 1" ye devil sayed he. ... .. Oh ye editor grablod his big quill pen, and it sputtered ye ink so free, that his manuscript, lika a war mari when "Take this," to the devil spake lie. . . ... He scribbled and scratched" through' the live long day, nor rest of refresh ment had ho j for the devil kept con stantly coming that way, and howling for more "cop-ee." Pa after day he scipsoreI nh J wrote; a saying the whole countree ; while ye devil kept piping his single note, "A little more outside cor ee," . And when yo boys in your news-" room hear the sourtd of unequal fray the voice of a blow and blasphemous word, "He's raisin' the devil J" say they. And oft when a man with a griev ance came in, ye editor man to see, he'd turn his back with a word of sin "Go talk to ye devil," sayed he. .. And ever and oft, when a proof of his work 3-e proprietor wanted to fee, "Ye proof shall be shown bv mv per- i A . . J sonal clerk ; you must go to the devil," sayed he. , And thus destined through all of his life b' this spirit tormented to be in hunger and poverty, sorrow and strife, always close to ve devil was he. Ye editor died. ' Bntyo devil, lived on ? And the force of life's hab its wc see; for ye editor's breath no pooncr was gone than strait to ye devil went he. The Family Hammer. Thereisone thing no family pretends to be without. That is a hammer. And yet there is nothing that goes to makeup the equip- ment of a domestic establishment that causes one-half as much agony and pro-" fanity as a hammer. It is always an old hammer, with a handle that is In clined to sliver, and always bound to slip. The face is as round as a full moon and as smooth as glass. When it strikes a nail full and square, which it has lecn known to do, the act will be found to result from a combination of pure accidents. , The family hammer is one of those rare articles, we never profit by. When it glides oif a nail-head, and mashes down a couple of fingers, we unhesitat-' ingly deposit it in the yard, andou serve that we will never use it again." But the blood has scarcely dried on thc Ivoforo wc arc out doors in search of the hammer, and ready to make an other trial, .The .result-rarely varies," but we never profit by it. The awful weapon goes on knoc king off our nails,, and maeh'iiig whole joints, and slipping off the handle to the confusion of man tic ornaments, and breaking the com-, mandments, and cutting np all sorts of astounding and unfortunate antics, without let or hindrance. . . And yet we. put. Up with it, and piit the handle on again, and lay. it. away where it won't get lost, and do up our mutilated and sma rtin'gfingcrs, and yet' if the outrageous thing should happen to get lost, we kick up a regular httlla booloo until it is found again. Talk about the tvi anniinginfluenceof a batt habit ! 1 1 is not to be Compared to the family hammer. A STurtt Clerk.. The other day a young lady stepped into a dry -good' establishment and inquired of the clerk attending : "Sir, have you any niouse colored gloves?"- ''Mou.so-colored gloves, miss?" "Ycs,,ji sort of gray, just the color pf your drawers," mean ing the store drawers, that were paint I gray, "My drawers, miss, why I don't, wear any." A cab was s'reri. lenvfn tlie store a few minutes after with n. lady in the corner with' a handkerchief up to Iter face. . - A Detroit woman' called upon a credulous family in that city the other dtv, introduced herself and !egan a conversation.'. Suddenly she fell out of her chair xery fntk and feeble, and faintly said that she had no. money; and could not go to the hospital,, and they would l.:tve to keep-her IhrougU the fun" of ti.e fever. They gave her three dollars-to crawl out and try. to reach the hospital, and she has a new blue sash now.' .Misery love company., and so does a marriageable voting lady.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers