JUL ! t:. t. TltLi:, Fditor and 1-ubIUJicr. IlIS 13 A FUKE31AN WI103I THE TUCTII MAKES FREE, ALL ARB SLAVES BESIDB, Terms, 2 per year In advance. VOLUME 3. EBENSBURG, PA., THURSDAY, JULY 29, 1869. NUMBER 26. j,"0K THE CAMPAIGN OF 1S63. fll wm msam T,ie (;i,-t t'lita.pes Urmocrutlc juUinI 1 I'tuiuylvaula. Greatly Reduced Club Hates. uVcr.l aMhe C. L o i tli lot lowing rery low C L o r K A 1 L a one year,. S 2C0 live Ten T-p::tv Thirty Y-.r.v ' !MK) ' 17.0.) 32.00 45.00 to one address, fid. 00 I..'--'' ... ... . . .. . .SO. 00 Tl:t' riKiv la'eingencer wi.i ue manea to s'lij-nibPr tlirr'Ut;1i"iU the Gubernatorial tv-;,.;n tor FIFTY CENTS. To 'lobs of t rtM.t'v-'ive, or more, for FOIITY CENTS. S-.p.J ;br specimen copies. THE DAILY INTELLIGENCER The I .'Jv Inulligci.ccr is real by mail for $5 a year. TO ADVE11TISERS. T!: Iv.icliigt ncer is th bet advertising me i -.ai iu Central Pennsylvania, KtrEClALLY for Ki.AL t-lATK, Aii 1re.- II. H. SMITH i CO., Publisher. Lancaster, 1a. jii'v 15, !;;:. 3s. -V'OTILI. 1 l Ai: UllUiN. To An- ! j (!ro.v.i. Otterson, who resides in San Fran I i-'o, C:i!., Pai.iel C. Otteison. of Alaska, Cjiluirit.e. now intermarried with Hobrt Dev I l:ii. of S i:r:m-itto. Cal., and Thomas Oiterson, ,t Sun Tnu rco, Cal , heirs and legal rrpre 1 vM.uiivij hi Thomas OUersoii. late of Sntn 1 u,:tviil lM.r';U;h , Cambria county, deceased : 1 T.kk Nuiict that an inijiie-st will be held at t t!:e late dwelling house of Thomas Otterson, I lite of Sninrjitville iioiouirh, C'amljri county, IV-.n-v'v.r.iia, (!-ceas,l. on S ATUIIUA Y , the I Id st l'.'.y ok Jt'LV, inst , at I o'clock in the I t!i:.iMin, fur the iurpn.se of DinkinR partiiion i .( the real e.-!-feof s lid deceased to and among I 1.'- ('i.' iren and legal representative, if the !.iii.e j.iu le tlnre witbont Tf judit o to or "poil iiiL' ( riie iiole ; thtrwise, to value and np-pmi-e s itue :t which time and place you , Nre re j'it'.-ted to attend it' you think proper. I JOHN A. BLAIU. Sheriff. SLeiilTi! f-fT.ec, Ebeiisburg. July 10, l5'Ga..3t. yAI.l'AP.LE TUWX PROPERTY ! AT IMtlTATS: SALE! I T!icnJe:;gBed offers for sale LOT OF J (iKol'N D situate in the Wt Ward of Efiens I lii-g For.in'li, Irontini? 66 feet on High ttieet tJ ex:i:.r.uj; hack :2 feet to lot of VVia. S. Lloyd, adjoining lot of Robert Evan? on the t-st and mi on tho wet. Tikvinp thereon Ice'ieJa TWO SiOltY FRAME HOUSE, 5".n Plak KiTcatK attached, and a ONE 1 0:;Y FRA i! F. HOUSE. The pioperty will I IfMdciiKAP CAfii, or on easy U;rin3. i a '.ar.l.cr purticuSuia to . MARKER. Y. S &mnbui, Zvtnc 3. JfH'V. tf. i GM'i.ENn II) FARM FOR sAI,i:.Thewell known and t? hMo 1" i ttK Fabm. looatei in SiS n f ("tm-airliiO lownship, Caoibria (-$t$& t-m:t7, one a half mile", from V"ilui(I7e slat ion, a:.J c..i,tiiuiiiijr 24'J ACRES, in g.io.1 condition, vf!! f-'iHc-d and hTinj thereon erected a eMin bouse and other neo-s,iry biiildingK, ijjetLer with two pnteiidid crrburdi and 110 ul excellent w ater, U olierej for ile nn tii'icrnte term anJ cany paymentii. For iur-'"-'i' lidoraiation apply to or mldies". J. Met? ONI OLE. t'e:nlook. Ta. R. llay 6, lfcr...tf. XTM.VAHU: TOWN PROPERTY FOR SALE T!;e undorsionr.l i!l sdl at private eale, at any lime hrf.iie the first dav t,f Aiwuvf nnvt rIOl.SE A.D TWO LOTS OF 7'i i 'i.'J.M) -itiiate on St. .MarvV Kt )'l '.',e I'.oriiUl'll of" f.l.retto ('.. mhri T! e ilweliiiu' in comiuodi:s mid c ntforta'hle, J Ins an excellent cellar urnier it. The lots ' in cood condition, and have a number of i" t'y f vi trees upon them. For terms, etc , J '" HANNAH ATKINSON". I We:ti, July 15, ItG'J.-Ur. I 1 UITOR-.S XOTJCE. The undor- 1 w '-ne'1- having been appointed Auditor l',rt- "'li-ns' Court of Cambria county to I tr'' ti.e monev iti the hands of Joseph Hrif.Aili-iii,!.ir, 1- 1.... : r m-i . . (V " V t u uui'i 0011 ui j nomas amongst the heirs and legal re j re-ent.aiven of said deceased, hereby give3 J-ie tUi hn will attend for that purple, at 1 Alio! '"C r. IIM.w .llr.f 11.l ... ,.F t next, at I o'clock , p. m., when and '1 icrdoi; interes ed mav attend. JOSEPH Mr. DO N A LD. I litre E'.e 1 iHroirs NOTICE The under- -.KM. li;lV'i(r tmnn n TTnt r. tr A 11 rl 1 1 iv to 'l" "f,Co:n:non 1,Ita8 "f Cambria j;v ., m"''';i:,' the monies arising I'rom t n", ,.e '-or.fr of tiid county of the real a coun- the pale So! ty of the real estate l,e""t 0..:r!f 'lev, herehv fives notice that he attend tur tlut purpose, at his office in tuT r "" '"e-dav, lOih dav of August . . -"-"-"-it, p. m.t wiitu ana where an s u.tcreled may attend. Vvor . , JOHN" S. RIIEY. Jr?.Ju!y I5,lSCJ.-3t. VOTICP 0at",Bn' Attorneys-at-Ii w.) ULL Letters of Administralion --b" "p cstale of Thomas IJeese, late of sl U) ti.e" ,'ro""''' de'd. having been graut- il oers'" rs'rnci1, not!ce is hereby given ae-l'i. JJl'S "lJe,-ied to said estate to make ''-il!t laid"13"""1'1' auJ thosc 1,;lvinS claims ,e.."Ule to preseut them properly -(-d lor settlement. Kbtn.W . MAUYJAXEREE3E. a r'it" uu j: 1 veil mai, ilw"iT4,V;3,l?rtlie charter of "The Hiirh- iociation of the Bor- been filed ia the Pro- L.e sl'on uj t' ni if no euDieient reason Jerm 0r contrary. t thA Sente mhpr :ril4 county, tu'VJl Common Pleas of Cam the ftmrt." r t ( ,rter be granted. By -"iath July. ISC'J. En?!JUr;r t.,,;;HITE, Trothonotarv. -' An7f7l CARNEY, 'peHvadiu.ii,.:. ::l 'me W111 present . i p A . ior settlement. A1!f?UnT T. r BARNEY, Executor. 'P Jw,e 17, leG'j,-6t i;,,. I.ruteaFtrr Weekly Intelligencer ia tlie 'i.V Iicni'iciaiic Journal published in the jr.,',i.i l:inizn:Ke 1,1 1 etmsTlvaiiiii. It ). sec- 7 ,,. i-iv to none in the State, and is unsur o:i'i m , i .... , . i , A t.mii.v anil political newspaper. It pwior.g t.,,! "-""" io me undersign '"S clai,a al" "r;1' P-acut, and those Cbc foci's grparimcnt. JIan has two attendant angels. Ever waiting at his side, With him whcreaofc'er he wanders, WLeresoaVr his feet abide ; Oae to warn him when lie darkleth, Atid rebuke him if lie stray, One to leave him to his nature. And eo let him go on his way. Two recording ppirits reading AH his lifn'a minutest part, Looking in his scul, atd listening "To the beating of his heart ; Fach with pen of fire electric, Writes the good or evil wrought. Writes with truth that adds not, errs not, Purpose, action, word or thought. One the teacher and reprover, Marks each heaven deserving deed. Graves it with the lightning'a vigor, Sea 8 it with the lightning's speed, For the good that man aehieveth, Gnod beyond an angel's doubt. Such remains for aye and ever, And cannot be blotted out. One (severe and silent watcher !) Noting every ciirce and guile. Write with it a holy duty, Seals it not but waits awhile 5 If the evil doer cry not, "God forgive me!" ere ho sleeps, Thtn the sad stern spirit peala it, Aud the geutle spirit weeps. iliM and mighty is forgiveness, Meekly worn if meekly won ; Let our hearts go forth to seek it, Ero the setting of the suq ! Antela wait and long to hear U3 Ask ere the time be flown ; Let us give it and receive it. Ere the midaight cometh down. Cults, jfidcTjcs, nuboics, tfa. THE C0KDUCT011'3 STORY. We were smoking one night before the hotel Foiokirg room grate, when one man sid : 'I have always thought Pd like to be a railroad conductor for a little while at least." The old conductor smiled and knocked the ashes ofX his cigar. Well," said be, believe almost ev erybody ha3 had that feeling at one time or another. There is something fascina ting to a sober business man in the idea of doing business ari l earning your living at 00 miles an hour, and the ppice of dan ger that you ' at any moment be pent to kingdom came by 'lightning expres.", i just vague enough not to frighten, but attract. I3ut to a conductor it's a proFa ic business enough. So it ia to engineers nnd brakemon. Don't you remember that, at the inquest over the Norwich I iride accident, it was shown that the engineer Was in the habit of opening ev erything, nad then reading a newspaper, lie was neglecting bis business, of course, but it shows what habit will do ; twill make a reading-room of an express cn gine. "il.iilroad men learn tha lesson of punctuality very thoroughly. It won't do to be late, or the train won't start ou time, and then ud awful row is certain. One time I was at Albany, and that af ternoon the Hudson I'iver, Boston and Central trains all started at 5 o'clock. Well, the conductors of the trains, and engineers, too, went down the river on a little propellor the Julia I think ehe was called. We turned around in plenty of time, but about ten miles below Albany we ran aground. We were in a nice pcrnpe. There wasn't a conductor at the depot to take any one's place, and the tide was falling. Williams, a splendid, great big fellow, got desperate, jumped into the river, put his shoulder under the stern, where the propeller had struck a mud bank, and as the boat was about nine cat power only, and he was a per fect lercules, he actually lifted her oft, and we got to Albany just in time only Williams had to run to Syracuse with his wet clothes on. Tt's a queer existence, running day after day through a lot of little places that you don't take any interest in, or know anything about, more than that the sta tions are called such stations. It isn't such a dangerous life, either. Accident insurance companies don't rate passenger conductors very high, but if you want to feel bow helpless a mortal you are in the hands of the Almighty, just get on an express engine, and get the engineer to 'open everything' on a dark night. It's positively awful to sec your head-light boring into darkness, and to think that between you and instant death there's only the chance of the two pieces of iron you're traveling on being continuous and clear ; that if somebody bad just pried up a rail since the last train went over, or anchor ed something on the track, your friends wouldn't know your body when the coro ner's jury called them as witnesses to your identity. That's the way I thought the Grst time I tried it, but the engineer was emoking a pipe and the fireman was whistling Jim-a-long-Josy.' "When a conductor runs a train out of town and another in again the same day, it isn't such a queer life as when he runs a train out one day and in th next. Tlien he lives two lives. One night he's a married man at one place ; the next night he's a bachelor at another place, and the next day a married man again and so on; see saw. "There's a kind of feeling responsibili ty, having three or four hundred lives in your keeping. But then, there's the rules. If you keep to them, and anything happens, it isn't your fault- When you're out of time and have to wait, you're sure to be cross, and sure to be badgered by questions. A foreigner once told me that one of the most surprising thing he'd seen in America was the respect paid to conductors, and the way they were obey ed by passengers. But passengers will ask questions when you're waiting and it's provoking. One day I was out of time, and ran off on a switch to wait for either the down train or a telegram to come on. By and by a pompous man come to mo as I was sitting on the fence. "Mr. Conductor,' says he, 'what are ve waiting for V "For the down train we're out of time. There's a single track here, and the haft the right of way.' ' "But suppose the down train is be hind, too.' "Then I'll get a telegram.' '"But suppose they don't telegraph you, how long will you wait V "Till the tc keels ru?t nf,' said I. "He went back to the coach, growling something-about having an engagement in town at the hour the train was due, and I afterward found out that he was Vice President of the road. But he was a sensi ble old fellow, though quick tem pered, nnd I stood better with the officers for what I had said. He used to poke heavy fun at me sometimes, and recom mend me to wet the wheols and they would rust off sooner. "It's astonishing how reckless some railroad men become. I was on a side track waiting out of time once, and a fellow comes to me and says, 'Why don't you go cn ? 'Cause my orders are to stay,' I said rather sharply. "lie was the new superintendent, a young follow whom I had never ecen, be cause he'd just come on the road. lie was courting a girl on the line of the road, I afterwards found out, and had an en gagement to go to a ball with her that night, which this lay over interfered with. "So he Fays, very quickly, 'No they ain't ;' and when I looked surprised, he says, 'I'm the the Superintendent of this road, and I tell you you've time to get over this bit of single track and have three minutes to spare before the down train reaches it. I have calculated and know.' ' 'I've get my printed orders, Mr. Su perintendent,' 6ays I, and he broke right iu " 'Never mind your printed orders, I order you to go ahead.' "Well, I wouldn't, and he was awful mad, and swore that I should not run a week longer on that road. Probably af ter he had got cooled down lie would have never Paid a word about the matter, for he was cleat ly in the wrong Three minutes is too close a shave on time when six or seven hundred people's lives are in terested, and regular printed orders arc to be obeyed till other regular printed orders are issued. But I thought, at first, he'd complain to the President, and I was bound to have the first talk if possible. "The President heard my Ptory and sent for the Superintendent. He denied that he had ordered me at all, or made any threats, but he had told me I had ten minutes to spare. So it was a question of veracity, and I began to think i would be sent back to run my train, and that running a train on that road would not be my business very long. "All at once a gentleman who had been sitting with a newspaper held in front of his face at the back of the office, came forward. " 'Mr. President,' said he, 'I happened to be ptanding by these two men when they had that talk. The conductor is right, and the other man lies. If the train had gone on I had made up my mind to walk back to the next station, the chances for an accident seemed so great.' " Then the President was mad. 'Why, good heavens 1' said be 'ray wife and family were on that train. Mr. Superintendent, go and draw your wages to the first of next month, and leave the road now ' "But sometimes a conductor is put in such a position that the rules won't guide him. Then the responsibility is very great. I remembor once being so placed, and I thought at the time my hair ought to have turned white that night with anx iety. "It was when the Hudson River Kail road was just built. There was no tel egraph along the line then, and every thing was quite primitive compared to what it is now. The flagmen had got on a sort of a strike about those days, too, so that you trusted to luck for safe running. I was running a sort of way train between New York and Pougbkeep Bie then. Running an express is much pleasanter than running a way train, you may easily imagine. An express some times don't stop for an hour at a time, and after you've worked' your coaches once, you have nothing to do but sit down and earn your money that easy way. Then when you reach the next station, if your brakemen mind their business, they can tell you how many passengers have got into each coach, and then you are al ways able to pick them out, because they haven't got the settled air of the old pas sengers. But a way-train conductor has much harder work. "Well, I run the train out of New York one afternoon, and had for the driver of the engine a man who was famous for the accurate way in which he would come up to his stations. He would stop any nam ed coach almost to a foot where he said he would ; but on this occasion he appeared to have poor luck. He ran past his stations and had to back down, and then again he would stop so short that the engine would bo in front of the station and the rear coach an eighth of a mile back, and it raining hard too. Then he'd start up again just a3 the passengers were getting out. So we kept running behind time all the while. There was a sort of lightning express came out of New York about an hour after us, and we wera gradually working back into it time. Wo got near Fishkill, and. having made "an awful bad shot at a depot, I said to the baggage-master: 'Mack has bad luck at making his stations to-day. Won der what's the matter ?' "The baggage-master turned around on me quickly and said '. " 'If you want to know what I think, think Mack is drunk P ' 'It can't be,' says I, I never saw him touch a drop of liquor or smell of it in any war. ' 'That's so,' said the man, lbut I think he is drunk to-day. He was in the car a little while ago, and picked up all the brakemen's lanterns and slung them in a bunch at me. I dodged, and they went out of the car door and smashed. Then he chuckled and went back to the engine.' ' 'I did not like the iden of a drunken engineer, but had to laugh at the fate of the lanterns. If I had known how I was going to groan over their fate soon, I wouldn't have laughed then. " 'When I got above Fishkill, I thought I'd let those who got on at one of the lit tle stations ride free to the next station, while I rode on the engine and investiga ted. "So I got on the 'Corning, and Mack looked black enough instead of as civil as usual. I joked him about his bad luck in making his stations, and he growled out a curse. I asked him if he knew how nearly he got back into the lightning express time, and he said he knew his own busi ness. The man was evidently drunk nnd surly. 1 happened to put my hand under the cushion of the seat and felt a bott!. Pulling the cork out I smelled whisky, and quickly throw it overboard. But Mack saw me and cursed m for destroy ing his properly. 'What did you throw that bottle awaj for it wasn't your rum V he said, at tho end of an awful swear. " 'I'll tell you why,' said I ; 'I'm con ductor of this train, and you are too drunk to do your business right, and you'd get worse and worse if you had a bottls.' "Then he grinned a savage sort of a grin, and quieted down into a silent stato, but he looked dangcrou3 about the eyes. ' 'You're conductor of this train, are you ? I'll show you now how much you have to do with running it,' said he, and began to 6low up, and we behind time already, you know. I didn't know ex actly what to do we were getting dan gerously near the lightning express time and while I was debating be suddenly blew brakes, with a fiendish chuckle, and stopped nt n station that the train never stopped at before. I looked at my watch and determined to send a brakeman back with a lantern and stop the express. Just then the thought struck me that made ray hair stand upon end : thtre wasn't a lantern on tkz train the drunken beast had smashed them all there wasn't a soul at the station, which was miles away from its village ; the express didn't stop before it reached Poughkeepsie, so I couldn't leave word to cautiou it, and just then I heard its whistle a mile or two back. The engineer heard it too, and laughed a diabolical laugh. "That decided me. I caught up a wrench and hit him back of his ear, and he dropped like dead. I dragged his body (I did not know then whether I was hand ling a corpse or not) off the engine and threw it down by the roadside and jumped on the engine. ' Jimmy,' said I, 'the express is after us. Mack smashed the lanterns so we can't stop her. Our only chance is run ning away from her so cram in the wood and I'll open everything. "I knew, by observation, how to open and how to shut off, but of course couldn't graduate the speed like a professioaal. I opened everything,' you may be sure, and away we jumped. It was a curious chase. To be hunted by a locomotive don't fall to the lot of every one. Oor engine was not so powerful a one as the express en gine, and our train was quite long ; so we crammed in the fuel and depended upon high pressure for salvation. Of course, I never thought for a moment of stopping that side of Poughkeepsie ; so we speeded past the stations, all lighted and filled with wondering faces. Just after passing the second tJte gng on Hit engine struck some one had pulled the safety rope. Tho fireman's hand went instinctively to the whistle to blow brakes, but I caught it. It was the most anxious minute of my life. If I did not mind the signal, and something was wrong and an accident should occur, I should always be blamed, even if I didn't blame myself. But if I stopped, the express might pro bably would ran right . into us. Tho pull didn't sound professional like a brakeman's. It probably was a jerk at the rope by a passenger who had been car ried by his station so I'd chance it. "All this went through my mind like lightning, as you may imagine one thinks quickly on such occasions and I caught the fireman's arm. He had never heard of such a thing as disoboying tho gong, and stared. I was too excited to speak, but pointed to the fire, and he put in more wood qjietly. "Well, to make a long story short, I never blew brakes' till the engine was 00- posite the station. Then I shut olT, blew one whistle, and went sliding up the ruad. Just as we stopped, the express, whose whistle I had heard just behind mf, came up to the depot, and stopped where the trains usually do. If I had minded the gong or stopped in front of the depot, I'd been smashed. "You see there was no way to do but to run for it. We hadn't a red light for the rear car; we hadn't a lantern nor couldn't get one, to send back to signal ; the flagmen were on a strike, and the ex press didn't stop anywhere till it reached Poughkeepsie, and she had got so close on to us when the engineer cut up as he did, that I couldn't stop at a station and send a man back. Before he could have got far enough away they'd have been so close that they couldn't have 4broke up' in time, but would have come into us. "I didn't know whether I'd killed Mack or not, and took tho 'owl train' back, and found him all right as regards death, but very sick from the dip I had given him. ' - "The Company gave me this watch when tbey heard of it." Slilrli and the Little Heathen. BY JOHN QUILL. "But they must have cloths?, Mr. WTilkins." "No they mustn't. It's ridiculous nonsense for any collection of old women like your sewing society to start out a lot of duds and things to the heathen in Afri ca. It is confounded stupid, I nay. What do you suppose a lot of old coffee colored pagans, steeped in ignorance and vice, want with shirts I Hey! Why, they don't want 'em. They were born without 'em, weren't they ? And if it was rijiht for them to have clothes don't you suppose they would have htd n T Don't you suppose beneficent nature knows batter than you and all the other hoifers down fit the sewing boc ? W'hy, it's absolutely ridic " "Wilkin?, joa shan't talk that way about " "It's perfectly ridiculous. But you go on ; you go on and send them over there to Africa, and do you know what will happen ? Do you know what will be tho result of your tomfoolery? Why, tho very first thing you know some benighted heathen or other will go and mount one of those shirts some night, and paddle around in the dark and scare the other heathen, and make them believe in ghoBts, and set the whole continent of Africa to falling down and" sacrificing themselves to a lot of old ninc-hcaded idols, and jabbering away at their pagan prayers. You've got sin enough on your soul, old woman, without that, I want you distinctly to understand.' "Mr. Wrilkin, you aro too contemt ti bia to notice." "Yes, and I'd just like to know what an ignorant heathen knows about shirts, any how ? Why, absolutely nothing ; and very likely the first fellow that tries to get into one will gel it on upside down, and mix his Ieg3 all up in the sleeves, and get himself into a tangle and trip up, and fall over some precipice or olher, and then there will be the responsibility for a man gled man added to your list of crimes. But I'd just like you to bear in mind that you don't send any of my wardrobe out there. I don't want a parcel of Ethiops Fporting around on Afric's sunny shore in my linen. Not exactly. I like to see men enjoy themselves, but not in that iudecent style. "But, Mr. Wilkins " "Pretty spectacle it will be now, won't it ? Forty-six little Africans dressed in a simple but chaste garb of white shirts, sitting along a bench in Sunday-school wriggling their toes, or else enjoying them selves at recess singing ham fat', and doing the walk around.' That's a pretty way to civilize a heathen land, ain't it 1 For they won't wear any pants you ob serve. If you go to shipping a lot of pants over there the first thing you know they will have them tacked on to some idol or other, or rammed full of feathers, and be holding religious service before each pant ; and as for socks, why every sock as has ever been sent over there has been etuffed with sand, and used as a war club. That's so, and I've no doubt that very identical pair you're knitting on now will brain a stray pagan some day or other in some muss. "Mr. Wilkins, you know that's not S3." 'If you want to do your colored friends a service, why don't you go to work and ship them a lot of the delicacies of the season T Why don't you send out a ship load of canned missionaries, or something else that will make their mouths water T Or you might collect on assort ment of second hand jaw bones, and give them for necklaces, or send out your own falsa teeth, or " 'Wilkins! I'll scratch ' "Or go yourself, and -see how it feels to bo eaten . I won't stop you. You've got my permission, you understand. But I pity the miserable pagan that stuffs him self with you. You won't agree with him. You never did with me, my love " "Mr. Wilkins, you are a brute." "But for my part I think you had bet ter stay at home and attend to your chil dren, instead of fooling down there at that society with a lot of tabbies, who slander their neighbors, and make more mischief than they do underclothes for the naked Hottentots." "Mr. Wilkins, that's not ?o." "You'd better stay at borne and few for your family, that's what you'd better do. There's Willi am Henry been going round for six weeks or more with only one aal lus on his pants, nnd looking like he was a deformed cripple, with one shoulder a foot higher than the other, while his etoekin '3 have no feet, and the upper part of them keep a working up bis leg until the boy nearly goes mad. "What an awful storv, Wilkins." "And Bucephalus Alexander's best Sunday jacket has bur3t out all over in spots, and Breckcnridge Augustus, having run out of handkerchiefs," has lately been practising wiping his nose on his sleeve in church, until I was so mortified that I had to take him out last Sunday and have him stood in the coal hole and spanked like the nation by tho sexton. Unaffected sim plicity is all well enough in its way, but that's carrying it a little too far " "Mr. Wilkins, you know that's not true ." "And, as for Mary Jane, ehe is just goig straight to destruction. She's got to imitating your example, and now she thinks it ain't worth while to live if you can't do something for the heathen. So what does she do yesterday but go and give my best high hat to the boy who swept tho chimney, and it came nearly down to his waist, and she asked him if he had ever read Dr. McPhcrson's treatise on "The Whole Duty of Man," and he observed that he "didn't know nuffin about dat dar, he reckon," and while she went up stairs to get it for him he embez zled two chunks of corned beef and a cold potato, and the first thing you know he will bo in the penitentiary, and all along of your blame foolishness-" T declare, Mr. Wilkins, you are a scandalous story-teller." "And there's the boys, it was only last Saturday that they to.k their crowd up stairs, and played that the garret wna Af rica, and half of them represented heath en, and ran around without a stitch of clothes on them, and Bucephalus Alex ander he distributed uiy clean shirts among them, and they upset all the bar rels, tired away all my old books in a skirmish with the savages, and one of them, who was a cannibal, liko to gnawed the whole thumb off of Wni Henry, try ing to swallow him, because he said he was a missionary, and it ain't well yet." "Pchaw, Mr. Wilkins, you talk like a " "And, then, what must Mary Jane do, but try to represent a heathen mother ; wholly unenlightened by Christianity, trying to drown her infant in the sacred river, which she represented by dousing the cat in the bath-tub, but that auiin:il wouldn't play fair, nnd liked to scratch tho whole hide off of her, while she let the water run until the room was full, and it poured a perfect cascade out of the win dow, which she said was to represent tho overflow ing of the Nile, like she read about in her Sunday school lesson. I say it's perfectly outrageous to bring up your children in that kind of style. If you love the heathen, why go among them, but don't go to poisoning the minds of your innocent offspring." "As long as you have made such a fuss about the sewing-circle, Mr. Wilkins, I'll tell you what I've been making there." 'You needn't mind, I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of hearing you talk. Just give mo a chance to speak a word now, will you T" "Kut " "O don't 'but' me ; I won't listen to you." "I wasn't sewing for the heathen. I didn't stick & stitch for the heathen at tho sewing-circle." "Well, what in the mischief were you fooling your time away down there for, then !" "Why I was making you a dozen new skirts while you were abusing me you'll break my heart ye, 'u will." "There, now, don't cry, my darling. Don't cry, I was only in fun ; I was only joking, you understand. I didn't mean it- There now, don't cry, I say, Sally, Well, bellow then, bellow. You may cry until you are tired. I never did Bee such a woman as you." And Mr. Wilkins took a pull at tho covers, turned over, and went to sleep. But he seemed to be reconciled to her next day, for he called her several hard names because she left the baby covered up on tho sofa, so that ho inadvertently sat down on it. There is a man living in Northampton, within three miles of tho railroad, thirty eight years of age, who has been in but four different towns in his life, has never been inside of a railroad car, has never slept in any house except tho one in which he was born, and has never khsed a git I nor never beeu courting. a rooster crows he crows all over. Error will tlip thru a crack, while truth will get stuck in a doorway. Tho irmn who haz just found out he can't afford tew burn green wood has ta-. ken Lis fust lesson in economy. There iz only o.ie thing that can beat truth and that is he who alwus speaks it. It is hard work, at first sight, to see tho wisdom of a rattlesnake bite, but there iz thousands of folks who never think ov their sins uulill they aro bit by a rattle snake. Tharo iz a great deal ov humin ntifur in a crab ; if you don't pick them uj ir the rite way you will discover it. I think now, if I had all the money that iz due me, 1 would invest it ia a saw mill, and then "let her rip." Tako the humbug out of this worKI, and you won't have much left to do biz ziness with. Faith and curiosity are the grn cock tails of success. Advertising is sed tew be a eertam means of success ; some folks arc so im pressed with this truth that it sticks out ov their tomb-stuns. Thare is this difference between igno rance and error ; ignorance is stono bliud, and error is short sighted ; ignorance stands still and error only moves to run agin a post. Ekouomy is a savings hank into which men drop pennys and git dollars in re turn. Thare is ene thirg you cant put out, and that iz your conscience ; you may smuther it, but like a coul pit it contains the charred remains. The two richest men now living in America that i kno ov, is the one who haz got mo?t money and the other who wants the least ; and the last one is the happiest of the two. Cerimony is the necessity of phools ; good breeding is the luxury of the wise. Tew be agreeable iz simply tew be eas ily pleased if this iz so, how easy and pleas.int it is lew bo agreeable. There iz menny who wont know enny thing but what they kan prove this ac- counts for the little they know. Most people hev found out sutnhow that they "kant Ecrve God and mammon too," and so they serve mammon. He whom the good praise and tho wick ed bate ought tew be satisfied with his repotashtm. Excentricitys, most of them, are mero vanity ; banish the excentnc man into a wilderness and he soon bekuras as natural az a tudstool. A pure heart is like a I looking glass ; it keeps no Becrefs aud dis i penscs no flattery. A cneeriul oid man or oU woman is lite the sunt y side ov it v.ood.-iied hi the last ov winter. Avarice is like a grave yard ; it takes all that it kan git and g4v";s nothing back. or? ry Paint a human bird sucking honey from a llowcr and yu hav got a very good picture of love tricing tew live upon beau- The best investment i kno of ischarity ; yu git yure principle hack immediately, and draw a dividend every time yu think i ov it. Everything on this earth is bought nnd sold, except air and water, and they wud be if a kind Creator had not mado the supply tew grate for the demand. A good book is like a good law. Politeness looks well to me in every man except an undertaker. "Familiarity breeds contempt." This only applies to men, not tew hot buck wheat slap-cakes, well buttered and su gered. A man's reputashun is something liko his coat; there is certain kemikals that will take the stains and grcece ppots out ov if, but it alwuz haz a second-handed kind ov a look and smells strong of tho kemikals. We are happy in this world just in pro porshun as we make others happy. I stand reddy tew bet $50 on this saying. Ijlitenessjz the science of getting down on your knees before folks without getting your pants dirty. Tho miser and glutten two facetious buzzards ; ono bides his store, and the other stores his hide. Credit is like chastity ; they both of em can stand temtashun better than they can suspicion. Didn't Want to be Insulted. The Wyandolt Gazette says : A few days ago a recently married couple from the coun try not Q'fuidaro spent a portion of that romantic season denominated the "honeymoon," in our burg, and of course, enjoyed tho hospitality of tho Garno House. During dinner the young lady was observed to torn red and pale by turns, but this was laid to her new posi tion as a wife. But Scroggs, who had a sharp car, heard her ask her husband. "Is my face dirty ?" "Dirty I No. Why do you ask !" "Because that insulting waiter insists on pntting a towel besida my plate. I've thrown three under the table, and yet every timo he comes around he puts another before me." . A Dutchman married a second wife la about a week after the death of the first one. The Sunday following the brida asked her lord to take her riding, and was duly "cut up" with the following reply: "You dink I ride oat mit nnoder votnaa so soon after the death of mine frau !' When J 1 i i
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers