WHATS" NICER
I
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Next door to Geo. J. La Bar's Furniture Store.
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This Space belongs to
C. B. HOWARD & COMPANY.
Will see you later.
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CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, MARCH 23, 1911.
The Vacant Literary Th'ont
There In. We Hint mlllilt Itrfinv no
n.ouun li In mi) l«»lijnie ii|i»n the llter
arjr throne. m> *«Mere<gti wurld name
in poetry or prime, in whom, hs fans
happened before now, not so many
generation* Hgo. hi royal nicrewslun to
Jv ott. Byron. Goethe llllg" IdlMm
all tbe civilized world 'teuton I.mm
Celt. Slav, oriental is lineietied. fin
.whose new work* It look* oi where ii
seeks the gospel of tin- du> Nairn. n
lisb, to use an Irish wont licit lieianie
a favorite with Sit Waitei s<oti. it
does not matter. Ih> not let u> nurse
the humor of the despondent editor
wbo mournfully told his render*. "No
new epic this month."
Nobody can tell how the winder* <,f
language are performed nor how a
tiook comes into the vrn- 1 -! '7>n'"
genius. The lamp that t««iu>
may think burns low win n-pieu n
ed. New orbs will bring iulii. Liter,
lure may l>e trusted to take cure of
itself, for it is the trniisi rs;>t of the
drama of life, with all its actors,
moods and strange flashing fortunes.
Tbe curiosity that it meets is per
petual and Insatiable, and the impulses
that inspire it can never be extinguish
ed.-—John Morley.
Thrifty Harry Lauder.
There are mans stories tolil of the
wonderful thrift ot llarry Lauder, the
Scotch comedian. Ouce when Lauder
was in New York he was in a wine
buying party at tbe Astor. Everybody
but the Scot bought wine. When It
came bis turn to buy be sighed.
"Well, boys." he said, "it's my turn
to treat. Come along with me. I've
got a tine bottle of old Scotch up In my
room. I brought It over with me."
On another occasion he was with a
drinking party and instead of liquor he
took cigars, for which those who treat
ed him paid 50 cents apiece. Harry
put all but one In his pocket. He spent
two hours smoking that one. After the
drinking was over the little comedtau
went to the cigar counter nnd said to
the man In charge. "I say, man. wtid
ye mind glvin" me ten cent cigars for
these fafty cent ones?" The exchange
was made, and Harry went to bis room
with Ave times as many cigars as he
had at the start
Thought It Was Serious.
The burning of tbe famous Grey
friars church in Edinburgh occurred
one Sunday morning, and the young
people of a bouse which backed upon
tbe churchyard were among the first,
as they were preparing to start for
church, to observe the flames. It was
the housemaid's Sunday out, and old
Kitty, tbe cook, was that day respon
sible for her duties. Hearing unwonted
commotion and excited outcries up
stairs, she came panting and hobbling
up from her basement kitchen, crying
anxiously at each stair:
"Ob. what is't? What is't?"
"Oh. Kitty, look here!" cried one of
the girls from a window. "Greyfriars
church Is burning up."
Kitty dropped limply on a settee.
"Is that a', miss?" she grumbled be
tween gasps. "What a fright ye geed
me: I tblcht ye said the parlor fire
was out."—Youth's Companion.
Blending the Odors.
It has been proved that two odors
which do not seem to have anything
In common, that of putrefied cheese
and that of pineapple, are so closely
allied from tbe chemical standpoint
that It takes but a few minutes to
transform an intense stench Into a
6weet fragrance. This curious experi
ment Is easily made and requires but a
small ' amount of three chemicals—
valerianic acid, sulphuric acid and
amylic alcohol. Care must be taken
not to spill over the fingers or dress
any drop oi tbe first two named liq
uids. Sulphuric acid is exceedingly
caustic and the stench ot valerianic
acid, besides being unendurable. Is
very difficult to get rid of.—London
Family Herald.
The Caddie's Advice.
A famous woman golfer was talking
about tbe St. Andrews links.
"And as wonderful as the links," she
said, "are the caddies. The Bcotch
caddie Is tbe quaintest of mortals. For
instance: "1 bad skied a lot of balls
one morning, much to my caddie's dis
gust Finally he teed a ball for me
and then, handing me my driver, re
marked:
" 'Noo, leddy, let's see a guid shot,
and nae uiair o' yer glory hallelujahs.' "
The Outdoor Nation.
No nation loves nature so much as
the German. The Italian travels to
get somewhere, tbe German to travel
Tbe country walk for Its own sake is
a German discovery. The English
man's ideal Is a park, the German's a
wood, and the Frenchman loves bis
boulevard.—Hamburger Zeltung.
She Admitted It.
A Mrs. Ma la prop said to Clam No
vello, the noted English prima donna.
"You will admit that there is a great
deal of evil life hi tbe theater."
"True, indeed." replied Clara, "but
on which side of the curtaiuV"
An Economist.
"You should ride a horse "
"Can't afford it." said the apprehen
HlVe |M-rVoll
"But It will give you an ap|>etlte."
"Perhaps But It will do the same
for tbe borse." Washington Star
A Big Gun.
"Professor Smart Is a man of large
mental caliber. Is he not?"
"Tie " ♦artiriiily Is h hi* tsire."—(Jul
veralty of Minnesota Minnehaha
'I hat Is tbe bit I erest of all. to wear
the yoke af your own wrongdoing.—
Bitot.
A wa.rto<jraphio Curiosity.
Catherine tk> Medici once entertnlnul
the ambition of acquiring both North
•iid South America an appendages to
ber crown, and with that object In
View stir dispatched a couple of her
representatives to tbe scene of opera
tloua. The northern section of tbe en
terprise was committed to the charge
of the queen's favorite, Trollus de
Mesgonez, wbo wan adorned wltb the
title of viceroy of France and nailed
from Havre wltb a large fleet, only to
be wrecked In the Atlantic. Another
favorite, Strozzl, was commissioned to
capture South America, but be waa
no more fortunate thanr Mesgonez, for
be watt killed at tbe Azores. These
happenings, however, took a long time
to reach tbe ears of gucen Catherine,
and in the meantime she nursed her
dreams and prepared n map on which
"the uew world of tbe north" and"the
new world of tbe south" figured as
colonies of France. This cartographic
curiosity is aiuong the map treasures
of the National library in Paris.
Sweetness That Never Palls.
During a sleepless night the Vizier
Mujjeduddiu Kumija dispatched his
slave. Bedruddln Ejas, to bring him
sweets. Tbe slave procured a copper
kettle heaped wltb many kinds of
fruits and sweets, and MuJJeduddin
began to eat.
"You relish them, my master?" asked
the slave.
The vizier shrugged his shoulders.
"These fruits are sweet—for the mo
ment." be said, "but show me a fruit
the sweetness of which will endure
even unto the judgment day."
"Such fruits there are, my master,"
cried the slave and hastened toward
the Mesched Huso, where he awoke
tbe starving orphans In the house of
Allwln nnd led them forth Into the
room of his master. Overjoyed, the
famished children devoured the fruits.
"Look, oh, my master," said the
slave. "Here you see fruits the sweet
ness of which endures unto the judg
ment day."
Two Little Bills.
Robert was In the habit of expecting
reward for every little service. At the
end of the week he made out a "bill"
to his mother and carefully laid It
where her eyes would fall upon It.
Tbe items were as follows:
"Mother Owes to Robert
"Five cents for running errands.
"Five cents for being good."
That evening there appeared beside
Robert's plate a paper upon which was
written:
"Robert owes mother, for years of
happiness, nothing; for nursing him
through long illnesses, nothing; for do
ing good to him, nothing."
Thoroughly ashamed of himself.
Robert ran to mother, threw his arms
around her and sobbed:
"Mother, I will do everything I can'
for you after this, and I'll never ask
you to give me anything but just
love."—Own ha World-lleraid.
Easy to Please.
"So," said bis girl's papa furiously,
"you think you could make my little
girl Arethusa happy?"
The young man considered his pro
spective pa-in-law. who had gout and a
face like a tire engine and an eighty
horsepower temper.
"She's been happy with you, sir,
hasn't she?" the young man asked.
"I think so, my boy—l think so," re
plied his girl's papa. "1 certainly
think so. 1 think so certainly. I'm
certain I think so."
"Well," chimed In the young man
sweetly. "If she's been happy with
you I certainly think I can make her
happy. 1 think so. 1 think so cer
tainly. I'm certain 1 think so."
Sleepwalking.
Somnambulism has been a mystery
and a matter of discussion to the med
ical profession since the days of the
ancients. They knew as well as we
all now know that there is sucb u
thing as somnambulism, or walking In
the sleep. They attempted to explain
it Just as modern medical science has
been endeavoring to explain It ever
since. But as it was then so it is now.
There are so many explanations that
even the physician Is puzzled to decide
which to accept.
A l-reak.
The elevator was waiting for pas
sengers on the ground floor of the sky
scraper when an excited woman flut
tered over to the man running It
"Does this car go up?" she Inquired,
breathless
"No, madam." said the elevator nianj
unperturbed, "this is a crosstowu car."
—New York Times.
1 ho One Place.
"That Mrs. Gossip seems to be at
home wherever she may be."
"Well, 1 saw her In a place yester
day where she seemed decidedly rest
less and uneasy."
"You don't say? Where was that?"
"At liouie."—Catholic Standard and
Times.
Awkwardly Expressed.
Gushing Lady—l hear you've been
away for your health, professor. Mu
sical Lion —Yes. I've been at Marlen
bad taking the baths. Gushing Lady—
lteally! That must have been a change
for you!— London Oplulon.
What's the Answer?
The Inevitable kid and bin question:
"Papa, who furnishes the meat for the
train, the cow catcher or the train
butcher?"—Sautu Fe Employees' Mag
azine
Pretty Dad.
"Was the play bad?"
"Well, I should say Why, even the
lights went out at the clom of the
■evoitil wt*
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