Wanted Hi* Money Back.
It is an old saying tiiat "you cannot
eat your cake and have it too." But
a seasick person usually cares little for
either side of the proposition. The
caplain of one of the steamships ply
ing between this country ai tl Italy,
which arrived at New York \>!th over
GOO immigrants, tells a rather iun us
ing story of a heated interview held
between himself and one of rliein ou
the voyage across.
The vessel had been out a low days
and had encountered some heavy seas.
The first morning that calmer weather
prevailed one of the steerage passen
gers appeared for tile first time above
deck and with a face as white as a
sheet approached the captain.
"This has got to stop!" he saitl an
grily.
"What has?" asked the captain, in
surprise.
"This feeling of death. When I
bought my ticket 1 was tolil it in
cluded meals, but I can't keep my food
down. Now, it has got to stop, cap
lain, or else I want my passage money
Aaek. You cannot break your contract
in this fashion with rue."
It took all the captain's ingenuity to
pacify him during the rest of the trip.
—Youth's Companion.
No Chance For the Truth.
"Be truthful," said the teacher.
"Always?" asked the boy.
"Always," answered the teacher.
"Never tell a lie?"
"Never."
"Not even a white lie?"
"Not even a white lie."
"Huh," ejaculated the lad scorn
fully, "it's a mighty good thing for
you you ain't a boy with my dad for
a father!"
"Why?" asked the teacher.
"Because," replied the boy, "if you
was my dad's little boy, and you'd
beard what he said about Aunt Eliza
comin' to visit us with her children,
and Aunt Eliza had asked you if you
weren't all glad to see her, and you'd
told the truth, like I did, you'd think
there was a place where your trousers
was mighty thin, after dad had fin
ished with you."
lie went back to his desk, and as
he sat down with great care there
was an expression on his face that
showed the great lesson of truth had
been, at least in a measure, lost on
him.—London Tit-Bits.
When Curates Were Wanted.
When one learns that curates are in
creasing so much more rapidly than
benefices, wonder is excited as to the
condition of affairs in the eighteenth
century, when enterprising ladies of
fered livings to clergymen willing to
marry thorn. An advertisement to this
effect appeared in the London Chron
icle in March, 1758. The lady was
rather particular too. The curate was
to be young, have a small fortune, be
well recommended as to morals and
good temper "and be firmly attached
to the present happy establishment."
The living was not rich—below £IOO
per annum—but the fair one was young
and agreeable. There seems a touch
of humility in the direction that an
swers "may be left at the bar of the
Union Coffee Mouse, Strand, directed
to Z. Z." Confidence was created by
the assurance that "the utmost se
crecy and honor may he depended
upon."—London Chronicle.
England's Old Common Field System.
A "common field" is quite distinct
from a "common." It is a field be
longing to numerous owners. The land
consists of long narrow strips, perhaps
not more than ten yards wide and run
ning parallel with one another. What
are the exact rules of cultivation that
obtain in Kent today we do not know,
but of old it was usual to have a regu
lar rotation, such as wheat one year,
barley or oats the second and fallow
the third. When the crops were har
vested, each member of thecommunity
getting his or her share, all could put
in their cattle, which roamed over the
whole field, feeding on the stubble,
etc. And this was termed the "right
of sack." The "common field" system
was gradually done away with by
statutes in the reigns of George 111.
and William IV.—London Express.
A Famous Temple.
The most magnificent work of ar
chitecture in the world is the Taj
Mahal, in Agra, Hindustan. It was
erected by Shah Jehan to the memory
of his favorite queen. It is octagonal
iu form, of pure white marble, inlaid
with jasper, carnelian, turquoise,
agate, amethyst and sapphire. The
work took 22,000 men twenty years to
complete, and, though there were free
gifts and the labor was free, the cost
is estimated at slo,ooo,ooo.—Exchange.
Real Good Steak.
"We can't eat this steak; it's not
good!" complained a young man who
was spending his honeymoon in a
Scottish village.
"Ye're surely jokin'. sir," said the
landlord of the inn. "It maun indeed
be guid. It's a hit o* the minister's
auld coo!"
Higher.
"But our ideals!"
"What of them?"
"Are they higher than they were a
generation ago?"
"Sure. Everything is higher now."—
Louisville Courier-Journal.
His Blunder.
"How did you enjoy the musicale?"
"Oh, I applauded at the wrong time,
as usual; thought the orchestra tun
ing up was a classical number."—Kan
sas City Journal.
Easily Timed.
Read—Have you ever timed your
automobile' Greene Oh. yen! It
stood perfectly still for forty-olght
minutes on the roud today.
Reset and Ingalls.
"Why don't you grow?" said Tom
Heed to Senator Ingalls some year*
ago. when both men were 1 n the sen
] ice of the people at Washington.
"Ah." said Ingalls. who was of very
i flight stature. "I'm too much interest
( ril in m> fellow* life and property to
! assume to your magnificent height am!
' proportion"
"And is not that my concern, too?"
!■ Ued Reeil deliberately
"Impossible!" said Ingalls "Walk on
: tie edge of a board walk and you lift
<;;• il:< other end: stand In the midde
il yon break through, i'he people »
I'eiv ,ies in your being a middle of
I the road man."
• oi" lays after Heed found IngalN
a siaw of mental distraction. "Just
••wallowed the gold fillings of this
Iron? tooth." explained Senator Ingalls
' ,'i iat'.vg to the exposed cavity.
Bee.! laughed immoderately He
drew himself up to his full height. As
ii victor he stood; his time of revenge
! had eoniH.
; "Ingalls. I congratulate you. Vou
1 are now worth your weight in gold."
Ought to Have Known Him.
"About the limit of nerve that ever
; came under my observation." said an
ex-prosecutor, "happened a few days
ago whet) a man walked into my office
j and solicited a small loan That he
was drunk and had been for several
days was evident at a glance. Dirty,
blear eyed, uushaved and with hands
I that shook like those i.f a professional
! roman candle shooter, he saluted me
; with easy familiarity, calling me by
|my first mime ihs i.n-e was vaguely
i familiar to m--. out I ' <•:; I<l not recall
j where i had sc.-n him lie asked for
I a quarter. I comprint ; i with a dime
| He took It with profuse thanks
"'Let's see. I calie.i lo him as lie
j turned to go. 'I can'i quite place you.
Who are vou?"
"He wheeled and looked at me with
an expression of pa mod surprise
'What! Don t know me. Why. good
Lord, John: You put me in Jail three
times for wife beating!' "—Kansas City
Star
Some Measures.
Herbert spencer scorned the metric
system because It rests solely on the
fact that man has but ten fingers
However, a mile is but a "mille pas
suum," or a thousand paces. The
length of the foot was used for dis
tances loug before it was lixeri at
twelve inches A "furlong" is only a
furrowlong. The breadth of the hand
became the standard because the eas
iest way of measuring the height of
the horse. The length of the arm gave
the length of the "ell." atid from the
elbow to the tip ol the middle finger
was the "cubit." By stretching out
both arms as ir' on a cross man invent
ed the measure of the "fathom."
Cloth measure still decrees that, two
and one-half inches make a "nail."
and this is the width of four fingers
held together and measured across the
! nails. The apothecary's "dram" origt
nally sicrnilied "only as much raw spsi
it as can be held in the mouth"
Editorial Pieissntries.
Two edit, is quart - led. and one re
' ferred to the other's early caret r in
j Ills paper
"As for our conic,upoi ary." lie wrote.
J "what can we expo < from a man wi.o
was live v s ago iiawkn • from dooi
I to door •. i donkey, ami an ill con
I ditioned bo " i ai that?"
Ills rix ill <1 not deny it, tint iu his
| next issue appeared Ihe following:
"Our cortemporary says thai I1«-e
years ago vo were hawking from door
to door with a donkey, and an 111 con
ditioned beast at that.' He is quite
I n .'it. We were so occupied. But w»
j arc surprised to find the donkey has
j such a. good memory."
Won by a Nose.
"Bernard Shaw." said a dramatic
critic, "always does the original tbiag
I wont io see 'Caesar and Cleopatra
with him once, and as we stood iti the
aisle—the house was crowded a stran
ger belli i d us persisted In poking his
head right over Shaw's shoulder
"Shaw then did the original thing
Taking out his handkerchief, he wiped
| the man's nose, patting and twisting
I it pretty vigorously.
"The man. with an ugly oath, jerked
j back his head
| "'Oh. I beg your pardon," said Shaw
i '1 thought it was mine, you know'"
I Washington Star
Ready to Cargaiii.
Suitor (to her fnthen Sir. I love the
j very ground your daughter treads on.
! Father (grimly) Well, young man. you
| ain't the tirst party that's had an at-
I tachuient for it. llowsomever, it you
| love it we I: enough lo come and help
| pay up tin mortgage on ir you can
! marry Sarah Kxclninge.
Hopeless.
Lawyer-You don't like the Jury
Defendant I do not .No. 'I m i.iy
■ tailor, .No .'I is un grocer. \o .> is mv
j milk ami egg dealer and No. , i«. mv
j wife's first 'utshaud What cuame
have i got? St Bam Dispatch.
Expree ed Differently.
| "Madam, you ought togo to a warm
j er climate "
"For once doctor, you and my mi
band are agreed, but tie expresses (i;,.
: idea in more emphatic language
New York Press
He Contributed.
Missionary- Do vou ever contribute
money for the heathen iu foreisru
lands, sir? Millionaire- Oh. yes BoMi
m.\ daughters married foreign uobie
IIH'U
i hosi wl:n are greedy of praise
prove rhat they are poor In merit.
CAMERON COUNTY PRBSS, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 34, 1910.
A Versatile Cardan.
The dwellers In a seaport town of
Massachusetts are Justly proud of their
gardens. It remained fot a visitor
from a tiny village "way rouud the
Cape" to say the first slightly dis
paraging word ol these gardens,
"isn't tliis beautiful?" his hostess ask
ed as she paused under a rose arbor
and looked back over the stately ranks
of larkspur, monk's hood, hollyhocks
and many other favorites.
"It's a handsome gardin—of its
kind," said the visitor dispassionately,
"but it ain't quite up to the mark
when you consider our gardlns."
"Indeed!" and the lady looked at
him. too amazed to be angry. "What
sort of gardens have you, please?"
"Well." said her Cape visitor calm
ly. "what we call a good gardin is one
where you can start out with two big
baskets and a. hoe, step through the
llower gardin part, past the vegetables,
down to the water; dig your clams
fust, pick your sweet corn, lay your
posies on top o' that and baud the
whole lot over at the kitchen door
There's your shore dinner and trim
mill's ail from one gardin."—Youth's
Companion.
The Wise Woodpecker.
In California the woodpecker stores
acorns away, although lie never eats
them. He bores several boles, differ
ing slightly iu size, at the fall of the
year invariably in a pine tree. Then
he finds an acorn, which he adjusts to
one of the holes prepared for its re
ception. Bui he does not eat the
acorn, for, as a rule, he is not a vege
tarian His object in storing away the
acorns exhibits foresight and a knowl
edge of results more akin to reason
than to instinct. The succeeding win
ter flie acorns remain Intact, but. be
coming saturated, are predisposed to
decay, when they are attacked by
maggots, which seem to delight in this
special food It is then that the wood
pecker reaps the harvest his wisdom
has provided at a time when, the
ground being covered with snow, he
would experience difficulty otherwise
in obtaining suitable or palatable food.
—Cleveland Leader.
Not Tending to Business.
A country doctor was recently cailed
upon to visit a patient some wa:
from his office. Driving to where tin
sick man lived, lie tied his horse to -i
tree in front of the house and started
to walk across the ground. It hap
pened that work was in progress on a
new well, of which the doctor knew
nothing until be found himself sink
ing into the earth. lie fell just far
enough to b • unable to get out of the
hole unassisted and lustily yelled for
help
When he was finally pulled up the
hired man remarked to him:
"1 say. doc, you had no business
down there"
"No; I don't think I had." replied
the doctor.
"Don't you know." continued the
hired man. "you ought leave the well
alone and take care of the sick?"—
Lippiticott's.
Inherited Dreams.
A medical scientist claims that many
dreams are really hereditary—that is
to say. they come down to us from an
cestors Many persons have a dreuu
which they dream over and over
again This and some others that are
frequent, according to the authority
referred to, are inherited. The doctor
observed, for instance, that a child of
six years after an attack of typhoid
fever saw in its slumber a figure clad
in black, which advanced to the l'oo'
of the bed and fixed upon him it.*
shining eyes. It was found that the
father of the child had frequently
dreamed that dream, although lie had
never mentioned it to his child. The
grandfather dreamed the same dream,
although he had told uo one about it.
Evidently there ?s more than our phi
losophy can fathom in"the stuff that
dreams are made of."
Pensions From Napoleon.
Pa .'is has a dozen old soldiers who
draw pensions that come to them from
the great Emperor Napoleon I These
are not heroes of his epoch, for the
last of those died long years ago. But
Napoleon by his will devised several
millions of francs to his companions
in arms, and this capital in default of
heirs of the grand army was deposited
in the public treasury. Today the rev
enue this fund produces is paid out in
the form of pensions of 200 francs
each to old soldiers in French terri
tory. and Paris has twelve of these
beneficiaries to whom at the first ol'
the year those little pensions are re
mitted.—Paris Figaro.
A Wise Woman.
Mr. Snaggle (snappishly)— Don't be
correcting that boy always. Sarah.
Let nature take Its course, won't you?
Mrs Snaggle (laying aside the shiu
glei— I'll do nothing of the sort. Mr.
Snaggle. I don't intend that any wo
man shall have such a husband as I've
got if 1 can prevent it.
A Paradoxical Reply.
"Doctor, do you think eyeglasses will
alter tny appearance?" inquired Mrs
Gunsoii anxiously.
"1 shall at least expect them to iin
prove your looks." replied the physi
clan.—l.lppincott's
The Boy's Bit.
"You seem to have got your boys in
terested in mythology very nicely."
"Yes; I explained to them that Her
cules iicid a hampionship."—Washing
ton Herald.
Sure Test.
She—They held a mirror ovor her
face to see if she was alive. I don't
understand that tie Why. you see. if
she was alive she'd open her eyes and
look in it.
A Safeguard to Children.
"Our two children of six and eight
years have been sinee infancy subject to
colds and croup. About three years ago
J started to use Foley's Honey and Tar,
and it has never failed to prevent and
cure these troubles. It is the only medi
cine I can get the children to take with
out a row." The above from W. C.
Ornstein, Green Bay, Wis., duplicates
the experience of thousands of other users
of Foley's Honey and Tar. It cures
coughs, colds and: croup, an<? prevents
bronchitis and pneumonia. Sold by all
droggis's.
II \« ,u will just take Kodol now and
then \«u need not fear or hesitate to eat
all the good food that you want, for
Kodol will digest whatever you eat.
Kodol is for weak and sour stomachs.
Kodol is pleasant to take, and it is guar
antecd to give relief at once. Sold by
all druggists.
Sore Lunge and Raw Lungs.
Most people know the feeling, and the
miserable state of ill health it indicates.
All people should know that Foley's
Honey and Tar, the greatest throat and
lung remedy, will quickly cure the sore
ness and cough and restore a normal con
dition. Ask for Foley's Honey and
Tar. Sold by all drnggists.
When You Need
Foley's Orlno Laxatixe. When jou
have that dull, heavy, feverish feeling,
accomanied by constipation. When you
have headache, indigestion, biliousness,
pain in stomach and bowels, then you
need Foley's Oriuo Laxative. It moves
the bowels freely and gently, and thor
oughly cleanses the intestinal tract. It
does not gripe or nauseate and cures con
stipation. Sold by all druggists.
Do you know that croup can be pre
vented? Give Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy as soon as the child becomes
hoarse or even after the croupy cough ap
pears and it will prevent the attack. It
is also a certain cure for croup and has
never been known to fail. Sold by all
dealers.
While it is often impossible to prevent
uii accident, it is never impossible to be
prepared—it is not beyond auv one's
purse. Invest 25 cents in a bottle of
Chamberlain's Liniment and you are pre
pared for sprains, bruises and like injur
ies. Sold by all dealers.
Kidney disease is a dangerous ailment.
You should never delay a moment to take
some good, reliable, dependable remedy.
In such eases we recommend DeWitt's
Kidney and Bl.idder Fills. These wond
erful pills are being used by thousands of
people daily with fine results. They are
for weak kidneys, weak back, backache,
inflammation of the bladder and all
urinary disorders. Sold by all druggists.
The famous little liver pills are De-
W itt's Little Early Risers They are
safe, sure, gentle and easy to take. When
you ask for DeWitt's Carbolized Witch
Hazel Salve, refuse to accept a substitute
or imitation. DeWitt's Carbolized Witch
Hazel Salve is good for anything when
you need a salve, and it is especially good
for piles. Sold by all druggists.
An attack of the grin is often followed
by a persistent cough, which to many
proves a great annoyance. Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy has been extensively used
and with good success I'cr lb.- relief and
cure of this cough. Many cases have
been cured after ali other lemedies had
failed. Sold by all druggists.
iTjrrr-g-remiw.MiirMw uinr.-
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McCALL PATTERNS
Celebrated for style, perfect fit, simplicity an<
reliability nearly 40 years. Sold in near!)
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More subscribe!s than any other fashion
magazine—million a month. Invaluable. Lat
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t STYLE SHOW IS ON
Alfred Benjamin & Go's
New V«irli Styles
Correct Clothes for Men
and Young Men for the
Fall Season of 1909-10
from andOv ' rCOOlS sloto22
"°"^" iWrc "' s $2 to $6
Full line of Furnishings,
Flats, Caps and
DOUGLAS SHOES.
| Hi SIItIEU & CO
jj Alfred BenjaniatCo^SU
EMrORIOI, PA.
That Lame Back Means
Kidney Disease
And to Relieve the Lame and Aching Back,
You Must First Relieve the Kidneys
There Is no question about that j , ..
at all—for the larue and aching 12J Utter
back is caused by a diseased con- X jjggalM Vg*
dition of tho kidneys and bladder. *;•?
It is only common sense, any way Vx.
—that you must cure a condition UJSSsSV^T
by removing tho cause of the con- \
are not by any means tho only
symptoms of derangement of the W Lf
kidneys and bladder. There are a *■.. "^T\
multitude of well-ltnown and un
mlstakable indications of a more or
less dangerous condition. Somo of
these are, for instance: Extreme I ■\ \\
and unnatural lassitude and weari
ness», nervous ii rital.iiif heart, ir-
,ss and inability to secure N!)) IM/l'ili
i-St-t, -raiding sensation and sedi- l/l//'." i/llfJvSlt&C
--(lie uri.i- . . ' jji\^
Mr- t • n, diseaiM co'-iHtionr; of ||>|j
lire ly ai d pr. mptly- a: i ! ir TO. <\ De\ptt & Co., Chicago,"ill..
t;-r!'-Scial results are at once felt, want every man and woman who
They regulate, purify, and effec- have the least, suspicion that they
tnaily " > 1 and restore the kid- cro afflicted with kidney and blad
t\f ' >' ler tnd liver, to perfect, der disqasc3 to at onre write them,
c '.iy c ndition —even in and a tflal box of these Pills will ba
it.. .is mo::?, advanced cases.. uent itee by return mail postpaid.
! ay all Dri -'!.>tß
A Handsome Woman
Every woman may not be hand
some, but every woman should
keep with care the good points
nature has given her. No woman
need have sallow skin, dull eye.
blotchy complexion, who pays
proper attention to her health.
Where constipation, liver derange
ments, blood impurities and other
irregularities ercist, good complex
ion, bright eyes and sprightly
movements cannot exist. Internal
derangements reveal themselves sooner
or later on the surface. Headache, dark
rings around the eyes, sallow skin, a con
stant tired feeling— mean that the liver
and digestive organs arc needing help and
correction. Chamberlain's Stomach and
Liver Tablets give this necessary help.
They work in nature's own way. They do not
merely flush the bowels but tone up the liver and
stomach to fulfill their proper functions. So mild
and gentle do they act that one hardly realizes
that they have taken medicine. Chamberlain's
Tablets can be relied upon to relieve biliousness,
indigestion, constipation and dizziness. Sold ev
erywhere. Price 25 cents.
Diarrhea
Quickly Cured.
Chamberlain's
Colic, Cholera and
Diarrhea Remedy
Can always be depended upon.
During the trammer months children
are subject to bowel disorders and should
receive the most careful attention. A?
soon as any unnatural looseness of the
bowels is noticed Chamberlain's Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhea Remedy should be
Riven. Costs but 25 cents a bottle, and
it is economy to always keep a bottle
.laridy. » You do not know when it may
be needed, but when you do want it you
want it badly. Get a bottle today.