TO FIND FAULT.
People Are Sometimes Paid For That
Express Purpose.
You have no Idea how many things
are wrong in a big business until you
are paid to look for them, writes Ge
lett Burgess in Collier's. There were
the clocks, for 011 c thing, when I first
began. The girls wore too many rats
Iu their hair, there was grease on the
elevator (Joors. expensive hats were
dumped one on another, the ventila
tion was bad. the boxes on the shelves
shewed from the street thrc.igh the
show windows and about a thousand
other things. Then Spindelheliu sold
teapots just like our eighteen cent
ones l'or 14 cents, and for a coucern
like Smith & Co. to be undersold is
fatal. There's really nothing that so
enrages Mr. Smith; also Rubinstein's
window dresser has beaten ours, too,
at times. Down it goes in my little
report. Wouldn't any woman love my
.lob.
Yes, It's fun to be paid for being a
misanthrope, but ifs hard work too.
At 9 o'clock I begin my promenade
through the store—downstairs, up
stairs, basement, attic and annex. If
« girl at the counter has dirty finger
nails or too wide a pompadour to ault
me I stop and talk pleasantly, buy 9
cants' worth of edging and so get her
number from the sales slip. She nev
er knows anything about it till her
superintendent gives her a scolding the
next day. I have eyes like a hawk
and a nose like a bound and ears like
a small boy under the sofa when a
young man's calling on big sister. In
ten minutes 1 have spotted the dust
In the corner of the aisle, a girl who
wears brass bracelets, a porter who is
not attending to his duty, a badly ar
ranged counter, an error in spelling
on a placard, two store detectives loaf
ing on their job and a hideous com
bination of colors in the front window.
I goto the ladies' room and make a
note of these things surreptitiously.
• I don't dare go there too often, though,
for fear I'll be identified, so sometimes
I run back to my office, two blocks
away. So it goes till about 4 o'clock,
hither and thither, nigh and yon. look
ing for trouble. It doesn't do a clerk
any good to be uncivil to me, 1 can
tell you, or to make me wait too long
for my change, but I try to be fair,
and il 1 bud a particularly willing and
considerate sales person down that
name goes iu my report too. You
might suppose that there'd be good
graft in that: but, of course, I keep
my position only so loug as the head
of the firm has absolute confidence in
m.v integrity. The funny part of it is
that the more 1 complain the better he
likes it. I'm like the opposition party
in congress. I'm never satisfied.
When 1 am I'll have to look for an
other position.
At 4 o'clock I go back to my little
ofPce and dictate my report from my
notes to a stenographer, and when it's
typewritten 1 send it to the head of
tbe firm.
When "Fluck" Was Slang.
The word "pluck" affords an in
stance of the way iu which slang
words iu the course of time become
adopted into current English. We now
meet with "pluck" apd "plucky" as
the recognized equivalents of "cour
age" and "courageous." An entry in Sir
Walter Scott's ".TourtßfcT shows that
in 1527 the word had not yet lost its
low character. lie says (volume 2,
page 30). "Want of that article black
guardly called pluck." Its origin is
obvious. From early times the heart
has been popularly regarded as the
seat of courage. Now, when a butcher
lays open a carcass he divides the
great vessels of the heart, cuts
through the windpipe and then plucks
out together the united heart and
lungs—lights, he calls them— and he
terms the united mass "the pluck."—
London Notes aud Queries.
Henry Ward Beecher's Wit.
On one occasion as Mr. Beecher was
in the midst of an impassioned speech
some (ttie attempted to interrupt him
by suddenly crowing like a cock. The
orator, however, was equal to the oc
casion. He stopped, listened till the
crowing ceased and then, with a look
of surprise pulled out his watch.
"Morning already!" he said. "My
watch is only at 10. Hut there can be
no mistake about it. The instincts of
the lower animals are infallible."
There was a roar of laughter. The
"lower animals" in the gallery collaps
ed, and Mr. Beecher was able to re
sume as if nothing had occurred.
French Convicts.
Convicts who are sent to the French
penal colony in French Guiana are
punished in exactly inverse ratio to
their crimes. The murderers and the
most dangerous convicts arc sent to
the island of Salvation, where they
lead lazy and healthy lives, but the
men convicted of lesser offenses work
aud die iD a terrible climate on the
coast. In tbe settlement of St. Jean
<3e Maronl the mortality is from 40 to
GO per cent. The average life of a
convict is two years.
Which Was It?
"Are we slaves or are we free men?"
thundered the orator. "1 pause for a
reply."
"Some of us ure married," came the
answer from the last row of seats.—
New York Sun.
An Opportunity.
Judge— Do you swear to tell the
truth, the whole truth? Fair Witness
—lt will be just perfectly lovely If
you really have the time to listen.—
Harper's Bazar.
"A little of this goes a long way,"
said the aeronaut as he flicked the ash
/rom his plgar.—Harvard Lampoon.
SHOE SIZES.
How the Standard of Measurement
Was nblished.
It Is most <lili; nit for many persons
l to remember the sizes of their differ
! ent articles of wearing apparel. Col
■ lars. shirts and gloves are easy enough,
j because in the case of these it is a
matter of actual inches Hut the hat
| and shoe numbers are what puzzle
most people, to say nothing of the
! mystery why a No. 11 stocking goes
j with a No. S shoe
This last puxzle Is, however, easily
explained. StrcMngs have always
i been measured bv the inch from heel
to toe, but the numbering of shoes
i was fixed a long time ago by a French
man.
i The Frenchman permanently fixed
the numbers of shoes for all Europe
and America. He arbitrarily decided
that no human foot could possibly be
smaller than three and seven-eighth
Inches. So, calling this point zero, he
allowed one-third of an Inch to a size
ond accordingly built up his scale. It
follows therefrom that a man cannot
find out the number of his own shoe
unless be be an expert arithmetician.
Even then he Is likely to go wrong,
because all the sho« experts allow for
the weight of the Individual and the
bulM of his foot before they try to
determine what size shoe he ought to
wear.
As far as women'a shoes are con
cerned the problem is still more diffi
cult, because many of the manufac
turers instead of keeping to the regu
lar scale have marked down their
numbers one or two sizes In order to
capture easily flattered customers. For
this reason most dealers ask out of j
town customers to send an old shoe j
with their orders.
The system of measuring hats is j
much simpler. Any man can tell what i
size he wears simply by adding the |
width and length of the inner brim j
and then dividing by two. Orders can !
also be sent to the shopkeeper by j
stating the circumference of the bead j
—Boston Globe.
BURNED PAPER MONEY.
Source of Great Profit to the Govern
ment and Banks.
At the redemption windows of the j
treasury and of the subtreasuries of !
the country any silver coin that has j
not been mutilated willfully and which
still is recognizable as from the mints j
of the United States will be redeemed '
at face value, this In spite of the i
fact that the silver in the worn coin i
may not be worth half its face value <
As to gold coin, the government stands
only a small portion of the loss from
abrasion; but, according to weight, j
these worn gold coins always are re- ,
deemable.
In the case of the paper currency j
two-fifths of a note must be presented
If It shall be redeemed or a new note
Issued, and. no matter what the evl- |
dence may be as to total destruction !
of this paper currency, the government ■
regards It as the holder's Individual !
loss with which it is no further con- j
cerned. Fire may melt SI,OOO worth
of silver coins and It Is worth Its metal ;
value. It may melt SI,OOO In gold
coins and the mint will pay SI,OOO in ,
new twenty dollar gold pieces for the
muss. But the ashes of SI,OOO in pa- |
per currency is without value.
In the tlinusauds of fires over the
country every year involving office !
buildings, factories, business houses ■
and family residences an untold total ]
of legal tender notes of all kinds are
destroyed. Every piece of such paper 1
lost is loss to tbe holder and gain to
the government or to a national bank. j
It is a promissory note hopelessly lost j
to the holder. It is even more, for iu !
many cases an individual man might ,
redeem his debt obligation If he were ,
assured by the holder of It that the ;
piece of paper to which he had signed
his name had been destroyed by acci- j
dent and by no chance could turn up
again against him.—Chicago Tribune, i
Pope as a Witness.
Pope, like Garrick, made but a poor j
figure in the witness box. He was
cited to appear la defense of Bishop I
Atterbury when that prelate was tried i
for high treason in the bouse of lords
in 1723. "1 never could speak In pub- j
lie," he told Spence afterward, "and 1 j
don't believe that if It was a set thing 1
I could give au account of any story j
to twelve friends together, though 1
could tell it to any three of them with ,
a great deal of pleasure. When 1 was !
to appear for the bishop of Rochester
In his trial, though 1 had but ten 1
words to say aud that on a plain point I
(how the bishop spent his time when |
I was with him at Bromleyl made I
two or three blunders in it and that I
notwithstanding the first row of lords j
(which was all 1 could see) were most
ly of my acquaintance." London j
Standard.
The Lost Company.
"Hungry. 1 suppose?" said the sharp
faced woman as she oi>eued the door
just a little bit.
"W'y, no." answered tbe ragged way
farer. "I've clean forgot how to be j
hungry. But I'm out and out lonely.'
"Lonely!"
"Yes. You see. 1 hain't had nothing j
to eat for so long that I've got so thlr.
I can't cast no sbuddor. and you ain't
no idea what company a man's shad
der is to him white he is travelin'
along the road."
Considerate.
Muggins Is not handsome, and he
knows It. When his first baby
born he ask«*l. "Does it look like me?*
Of eourse they reeled In the sUlrma
tive.
"Well," said he, with a sigh, "break
it to my wife gently."—Lend on Tit-
B4ta.
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 16, 1909.
TIE IBP CAME BUCK
Incident In the Career of an 0!
Time Opera Manager,
A SURPRISE FOR MARETZEK
It Came at a Time When Max W
Broke and the Sheriff Had Uevij.
Upon All His Stage Properties —Mms
Maretzek's Thanks to tho Carpenter.
In the old days In Now York city,
before there was a Metropolitan or 1
Manhattan Opera House and when tin
center of the theatrical world w:i>
around Fourteenth street. Max Maret
zek and Strakosch were prominent at
the old Academy of Music. There was
a keen rivalry between them. Stra
kosch had Nllsson, and Maretzek was
exploiting Di Murska.
By some error of dates both were
booked for New York at the same
time. Strakosch was at the Academy
and Maretzek. having closed a pooi
season elsewhere, had halted In New
York before going to Philadelphia and
secured a week at tbe Lyceum theater
on Fourteenth street. There were
strong bills at both places. Each man
ager had his friends, and the bill
posters had a busy time of It A round
of bills for one company was no sooner
posted than the rival billposter cov
ered up the poster with the rival com
pany's sheets.
At last, for the matinee on Satur
day. bills at both houses were sudden
ly changed, every vacant fence place
plastered over quickly, and with a
pelting storm in the morning the man
agers began to put out "paper" to Oil
the houses. Alfred Joel was the busi
ness man for Maretzek and an adept
at "papering" when necessary. With
a house packed from parquet to gal
lery Joel had counted the boxes, found
only SIOO iu the house and announced
it to Max when the curtain fell be
tween the acts.
This was serious to Max. The ever
ready money lender who had "put up
for him" had a lien on the box office, a
sheriff's officer was in waiting on tin
stage, and it was a question of re
plevin before the properties and cos
tumes could be liberated to follow the
company to Philadelphia early next
morning.
"Well. Alfred," quietly said Max, "I
guess I'm used to trouble. But there
Is a good, big house anyway!" Then,
turning to his wife, who was the harp
ist of the orchestra, he clasped both
her hands, kissed her and remarked:
"Let your fingers do their best. 1
want to bear you play. It does my
heart good, you know, even when
there's trouble."
There was bustling after the per
formance. Legal talent was at a pre
mium, creditors were obdurate, every
thing that was supposed to be Maret
zek's was temporarily In "hock," and
Mme. Maretzek in tears, with longing
looks at the harp she valued.
The scene of negotiations was trans
ferred to the greenroom Just as the of
ficers making the levy were searching
for more, and when their backs were
turned the old stage carpenter hurried
Mme. Maretzek away, then called her
back again five minutes after and
pointed to the orchestra.
The harp had disappeared. Clearing
out everything on Sunday morning,
while the boxes of properties were be
ing taken away. Max and his wife
stood in the center of the darkened
stage. Both were crying. The instru
ment they valued most had been taken
from them. Other things had been
liberated, but no harp, and with a
scene of grief that no others than
themselves could have appreciated
they were silent.
Then Old Man (Guernsey stood be
tween them and waved his hand above
them Into space. There were a creak
ing of pulley wheels, an injunction
from tbe carpenter to "look out for
your heads," and. lowered from above,
came Mme. Maretzek's harp, landing
on the stage between them.
"Now you've got it again, get it
away quick!" said Guernsey. "Stop
crying and be thankful. That's all."
He moved off without waiting for
thanks, and a pathetic scene with Max
and his wife closed the incident. To
them the harp was as a part of them
selves. To lose it was more than a
misfortune, aud in a broken voice tbe
lady called the carpenter back to her.
"Please let the harp thank you,"
said she, "and listen. It will speak
with my hands on this Suuday morn
ing."
She placed herself beside it. seated
on a box. and. with a smile that
chased away tears, gave for a moment
or two. as only she could give It, the
air of the doxology, "Praise God,
From Whom All Blessings Flow."—
Vew York Times.
Trouble Ahead.
A north country corouer is said to be
waiting the suicide of a local poet who
wrote about clasping "the two tremu
lous hands" of his ladylove, bat whioh
the printer made to read "the two tre
mendous hands."—London Mall.
A Queer Question.
Small Haiold (at the zoo) What la
that funny looking bird, papa? Papa
—That Is a bald eagle, Harold. Bmall
Harold—How long does an eagle have
to be married before he gets bald,
papa?— Chicago News.
Usually Has To.
"Say. paw. what is a genius?"
"A genius Ik h man who can do hla
own washing, sewing and cooking, my
boy."—Louisville Courier-Journal.
Weak men never yield at the proper
tlr.i« Latin.
! TWO UGLY ANIMALS.
Those Big Pigs, the Rhinoceros
and the Hippopotamus.
THEY ARE HARD TO CAPTURE.
Getting Away With One of the Colossal
Brutes Makes the Work of Trapping
the Big Felines Seem Like Child's
Play—Methods of the Hunters.
1 Trapping the big felines is child's
play compared with the work of cap-
I Hiring those lumbering, colossal ani
, inals of the "big pig" family, the rbi
noccros and the hippopotamus.
100 stupid to tame or to break to a
. baiter and too heavy to transport
through hundreds of miles of wilder
, uess, it would take a mau half a life
time to bring one of these five to six
thousand pound creatures out of a jun
gle Into clvillzatlou. Therefore the
expert's only chance is to find a cow
with a calf and to capture tbe young
one.
Compared with the alert, grim ex
terior of tbe felines, there la little In
the appearance of a phlegmatic, pon
derous pig like a rhinoceros to Indicate
Its r®al ferociousness. There Is bard
ly a wild animal In existence which Is
more dangerous than this rarest of all
our menagerie captives. Awkward as
the great creature appears when hi
real, once aroused it dashes through
the densest thicket with tbe Irresisti
ble speed of an express tra'iu.
To catch a rhinoceros the trapper
proceeds with preparations much as
would an explorer bound for a two or
three year expedition iu the interin;
of an unexplored continent, for tin
difficulty confronting him is the three
fold one of first penetrating a thou
sand or more miles into the interior,
second, of finding not only :i rhhtocc
ros. but a rhinoceros cow with a calf
old enough to capture, and. lastly, of
transporting his prize across hills aud
mountains and plains, over rivers anil
ravines, across swamps and through
forests to civilization.
Skirting swamps and rivers, the men
are ever on the lookout for the deep,
round spoors, like a pie plate driven
into the mud. for iu this wet ground
the rhinoceros loves to wallow. Ktv
quently five or six months elapse lie
fore the tracks of a cow and a calf are
picked up.
Noiseless aud from well to leeward,
the trapper aud his men gradually
steal nearer uutil the cow and tin
calf are inclosed in a circle. From
ahead, out of the maze of cane and
creeper, sounds the uneasy stamping
of tbe cow. With a half snort, half
grunt, iu an instant the rhinoceros is
all attention. Head raised and nostrils
sniffing, she searches the air steadily
At sight of one of the savages the cow
dashes with the speed of a race horse
at the man. charging tbe human decoy,
and at that instant the trapper's rifle
is heard, and her furious charge is
over, provided the bullet reaches the
heart by striking just behind the left
foreleg—tbe only vulnerable point in
tbe inch thick armor with which the
beast is clad.
Now and then it happens that the
trapper fails to kill iu time—his gun
may miss Ore, Intervening trees may
interfere or the marksman may miss
hia aim. Then the life of the decoy
depends upon his own agility. To run
to one side before the rhinoceros is al
most on lop of him would be fatal, for
the swift brute would overtake him
with a few bounds. His only hope is
to wait uutil the deadly horn is almost
at his feet and then, with the swift
ness of a mongoose dodging the aim of
a cobra, to leap 10 one side while the
pouderous creature, unable to turn
short iu time, dashes onward under its
own'impetus. Twice, three times, a
clever native hunter will dodge in this
way, giving tbe trapper ample time to
bring down the rhinoceros.
Then comes the tracking of the
frightened calf, which has tied at the
first sign of trouble, aud soon It Is
pushed, prodded and shoved up a
bridge of log skids into a cage of the
bullock curt.
But even more dangerous is the trap
ping of the hippopotamus, for, al
though in itself the "rhino" is a more
savage antagonist than the "river
horse," tbe trapper hunts the former
on land and brings down at a safe dis
tance. whereas in the case of the hip
popotamus he must fight in the same
primitive fashion that savages have
used for ages. Hand to maw. as it
were, he must engage this two ton
monster while standing in the bow of
a frail canoe, for tbe hippopotamus,
as its name, tbe "river horse," means,
is a land and water animal and must
be harpooned and brought ashore be
fore it expires, otherwise it would sink
at once to the bottom of the river, the
coveted calf escaping among the other
hippopotamuses Instead of following '
the stricken cow to shore, so that the |
youngster may be caught.-A. W I
Itolker In Si. Nicholas.
|
The Blue Danube.
The l>anul»e still retains its ancient |
splendors. The Rhine is the river of j
vine clad, sunny hills, ruined castles 1
011 rugged crags, mediaeval hlstor> j
and modern glory In war and in peace, j
a river bright as the warble of a bird
in the wood. The Danube bills carry
Immense, almost untouched, forests,
higher and grander than the heights of
the l.'hliie In the midst of this rich,
elet p green verdure lonely white moun
tains break In on the eye. There are
many wayside chapels, too, on the
banks. In solemn, awesome, majestic
beauty the Danube far excelß the
cheery, pretty Ithiue. and It must be
called a pity that so few American
travelers take a lour on this inde
scribably superb rivsr—Omaha Bee.
EASILY MANAGED.
The Clever Scheme Evolved by the
Clock Winder.
The contract for keeping the church
and town hnll clocks In order was giv- |
en to a new man. Unfortunately from j
the start he experienced a difficulty in ■
getting the flocks to strike at the same |
time. At last the district council re- \
! quested an interview with the watch- '
J maker.
"You are not so successful with the 112
clocks as your predecessor," he was
told. "It is very misleading to have
one clock striking three or four min- j
utcs after the other. Before you took
them in hand we could hardly tell the
two were striking. Surely you are as
competent?"
"Every workman has his own meth- !
ods, gentlemen," replied the watch- !
maker, "and mine ain't the same as j
H.'s were."
"I'm decidedly of the opinion that it 1
would be for the general good if they !
were," remarked one of the councilors.
"Very well, sir. In future they shall
be," came the reply. "I happened to
write to him last week about tbe trou
ble I had with the clocks, and—but
perhaps," he added as be produced a
letter and handed It to tbe chairman,
"you'd llko to see what he said."
"Dear sir," ran tbe letter—"about
thera clocks. When you get to know
what a cantankerous lot of busybodles
the council consists of you'll do the
same as I did for fifteen years—forget
to wind up the striker of the town hall
clock, and the blooming jackasses
won't be able to tell that both clocks
ain't striking together!"— London Tlt-
Blta.
Ancient Sacrifices.
Many Roman and Greek epicures
were very foud of dog flesh. Before
Christianity was established among
the Danes on every ninth year ninety- j
nine dogs were sacrificed. In Sweden
each ninth day ninety-nine dogs were j
destroyed. But later on dogs were not j
thought good enough, every ninth (
year ninety-nine human beings were
immolated, the sons of the reigning I
tyrant among the rest, in order that ;
the life of the monarch might be pro- j
longed.
A Far Sighted Man.
"Women vote! Never, sir, with my |
consent!"
"Why not?"
"What! And have my wife losing ;
thirty dollar hats to other women on j
the election!"— Boston Transcript.
Particular.
"He's a very particular man."
"Yes. If the doctor told him that he
was going to die he would want to
telephone ahead for a good room."—
New York Press.
Science Now and Then.
In the earliest ages science was
poetry, as in the latter poetry has be
come science.—Lowell.
1= Sugar Bowl |
OPPOSITE HEILMAN'S HARDWARE STORE. EMPORIUM, PA.
The best place in Cameron Caunty to Kjj
gg purchase eg
HE HOME-MADE CANDIES |=J
Ml NUTS, FIG-S, DATES,Etc. M
Fruits of all kinds for Christmas
Bananas, Naval Oranges,
ren Florida Oranges, Lemons, TO
=== Malaga Grapes, =
M Tangerines, G-rape Fruit. E9
gg gg
New Dates 3 lbs for 25c W
H&P "New Figs, 15c alb Vfii?
mSpecial Sale Until New Year's Day Only g|
tTri Commencing: Dec. 20. nn
NOTE THE PRICES—Best Peanut Brittle, Cocoa &£[
Brittle, all varities of Taffy, 3 lbs for L'oc; Fresh Xuias
"~™ 1 " Candies fresh and pure daily. We have a fine line o *
nuts of every variety. rS/i
H New Mixed Nuts, Walnuts per lb ICc and 20c ||
Mj Fresh Roasted and Salted Peanuts 15c 111. M
Ml : |1
W\ LOOSE HOLLY; HOLLY WREATHS g|
We deliver tn jmv part nf town
Pln»n«<ilK.
I The SiLigar Bowl |
Chestnut Street
Jewelry
| Storo
j R. H. HIRSCH, Prop |
Our store has been
especially prepared
for the HOLIDAY
TRADE and invite
the citizens of Cam
eron county to call
and examine our
new assortment of
Gold and Silverware
Diamonds
Watches, Clocks
Rings, Lockets,
Chains, Etc.
These are newly
purchased from the
factory and I am
prepared to give my
customers some real
bargains.
Don't forget the place
R. H. HIRSCH