Light ■=
By
1 W. \V. JACOBS I
An Odd Freak
(Copyright, I'oUd. M» :id Compuuy.)
"Speaking o' money," said the night
watchman thoughtfully, as lie selected
an empty soapbox on the wharf for a
seat, ' the whole world would be dif
ferent if we all 'ad more of it. It would
be a brighter and a 'appier place for
everybody.
"Of course it's the being short that
sharpens people," he admitted thought
fully; "the sharpest man 1 ever knew
never 'ad a ha'penny in 'is pocket, and
the ways 'e had o' getting other chaps
to pay for 'is beer would ha' made 'is
fortin at tlxe law if 'e'd only 'ad the
eddication. Playful little chap 'e was.
I've seen men wot didn't know 'im
6tand 'im a pot o' beer and then foller
'lm up tlie road to see 'im knock down
a policeman as 'e'd promised. They'd
foller 'itn lo the fust policeman 'e met,
an' then 'e'd point them out and say
they were goin' to half kill 'im, an'
the policemhn 'ud just stroll up an'
ask 'em wot they were 'anging about
for, but 1 never 'eard of a chap telling
'im. They used togo away struck all
of a 'eap. He died in the accident
ward of the London horsepittle, poor
chap."
He shook his head thoughtfully, and
'gnoiing the statement of a watchman
at the next wharf that it was a tine
evening, shifted bis quid and laughed
rumblingly.
"The funniest way o' raising the
wind I ever 'eard of,"he said in ex
planation, "was one that 'appened
about 15 years ago. I'd just taken my
discharge as A. B. from the North
Star, trading between here and Ihe
Australian ports, and the men wot the
thing 'appened to was shipmates o'
mine, although on'y firemen.
"In about a week arter we was paid
off at the Albert docks these chaps
was all cleaned out, and they was all
In despair, with a thirst wot wasn't
half quenched and a spree wot was
on'y in a manner o' speaking just be
cun, and at the end of that time they
came round to a room wot I 'ad, to
see wot could be done. Tliere was
four of 'em in all; old Sam Small, Gin
ger Dick, Peter Russet and a orphan
nevy of Sam's whose father and moth
er was dead. The mother 'ad been 'alf
rigger an' 'alf Malay when she was
living, and Sam was always pertickler
careful to point out that his nevy took
arter 'er. It was enough to make the
pore woman turn in 'er grave to say
so, but Sam used to say that 'e
owed it to 'is brother to explain.
" 'Wot's to be done?' ses Peter Rus
set, arter they'd all said wot miserable
chaps they was, an' 'ow badly sailor
men was paid. 'We're all going to
sign on in the Land's End, but she
doesn't sail for a fortnight; wot's to
be done in the meantime for to live?'
" 'There's your watch, Peter,' ses old
Sam, dreamy-like, 'and there's Ginger's
ring. It's a good job you kep' that
ring, Ginger. We're all in the same
T
Knock Down a Policeman as 'e'd
Promised.
boat, mates, an' I on'y wish as I'd got
something for the general good. It's
'aving an orphan nevy wot's kep' me
pore.'
" 'Stow it.' ses the nevy short-like.
" 'Everything's agin us," ses old
Bam. 'There's them four green par
rots 1 brought from Brazil, all dead.'
"'So are my two monkeys,' ses
Peter Russet, shaking 'is 'ead; 'they
used to sleep with me, too.'
" 'Talking about monkeys," ses Gin
ger Dick, interrupting old Sam sud
denly. 'wot. about young Beauty here?'
'"Well, wot. about him?' ses the
nevy, in a nasty sort o' way.
Wy, 'e s worth 40 monkeys an'
millions o' green parrots.' ses Ginger,
starting up; 'an' here 'e is a wasting
of 'is opportunities, going about
dressed like a Ghristian. Opf>n your
mouth, Beauty, and stick your tongue
put and roll your eyes a bit.'
"'My idea Is this,' ses Ginger; 'take
'is cloes off *im and dress 'irn up in
that there winder-blind, or something
o' tlio kind; tie 'im up with a bit o'
lire, and take 'im around to Ted Red
dish in the 'lghway and sell 'im for a
'undred quid as a wild man of Borneo.'
"'Wot?' screams Beauty, in an
awful voiee. 'Let go, Peter; let go,
d'ye hear?'
" "Old your noise, Beauty, while
your elders is speaking,' ses 'is uncle,
and I could see 'e was struck with the
Idea.
"'You jest try dressing me up In a
winder-blind,' ses his nevy, half-crying
with rage.
" 'Listen to reason, Beauty,' ses Gln
ger; 'you'll 'ave your share of the tin;
it'll only be for a day or two, and
when we've cleared out you can make
your escape, and there'll be 25 pounds
for each of us.'
"None of 'em said a word about me;
two of 'em was sitting on my bed;
Ginger was using a 'ankerchief o' mine
wot 'e found in the fireplace, and
Peter Russet 'ad 'ad a drink out o'
the jug on my washstand, and yet they
never even mentioned me. That's fire
men all over, and that's 'ow it is they
got themselves so disliked.
"It took 'em best part of an 'our
to talk round young Beauty, an" the
langwidgo they see fit to use made me
m
All This?" Ses Reddish.
thankful 10 think that the parrot 3
didn't live to larn it.
"You never saw anything like
Beauty when they 'ad finished with
'im. If 'e was bad in 'is does, 'e was
a perfeck horror without 'em. Ginger
Dick faked 'im tip beautiful, but there
was 110 pleasing 'im. Fust he found
fault with the winder-blind, which 'e
said didn't fit; then 'e grumbled about
going barefoot, then 'e wanted some
think to 'ide 'is legs, which was
natural considering the shape of 'em.
" 'We must 'ave a cab,' ses old Sam.
"Ginger went out fust and opened
the cab door, and then stood there
waiting becos at the last moment the
wild man said the winder-blind was
slipping down. They got 'im out at
last, but before 'e could get in the cab
was going up the road at ten miles
an hour, with Ginger 'anging onto the
door calling to it to stop.
"There was a line scene at Ted Red
dish's door. Ginger said that if there
was a bit of a struggle it would be a
good advertisement for Ted Reddish,
" 'Wot's all this?' ses Reddish, who
was a tall, thin man, with a dark mus
tache.
'lt's a wild man o' Borneo,' ses
Ginger, panting; 'we caught 'im in a
forest in Brazil, an' we've come 'ere
to give you the fust offer.'
" "E ain't a very line specimen,' sea
Ted Reddish, at last.
" 'lt's the red side-whiskers I don't
like,' ses his wife. 'Besides, who ever
'eard of a wild nv»n in a collar an'
necktie?'
" 'Oh, I beg your pardin,' ses Mrs.
Reddish to Ginger, very polite. 'I
thought it was funny a wild man should
be wearing a collar. It's my mistake.
That's the wild man, I 'spose, on the
'earth rug?'
" 'He don't look wild enough,' ses
Reddish.
"'No; 'e's much too tame,' ses 'is
wife, shaking her yaller curls.
"The chaps all looked at each other
then, and the wild man began to think
it was time he did somethink; and the
nearest tiling 'andy being Ginger's leg,
'e put 'is teeth into it.. Anybody might
ha' thought Ginger was the wild man
then, the way 'e went on, and Mrs.
Reddish said that even if he so far for
got hisself as to use sich langwidge
afore 'er, 'e oughtn't to before a poor
'eat hen animal.
" 'Mow much do you want for 'im?'
ses Ted Reddish, arter Ginger 'ad got
'is leg away, and taken it to the win
der to look at it.
" 'One 'undred pounds,' ses old Sam.
" 'lt s agin our way of doing busi
ness,' ses Ted Reddish. 'lf it 'ud been
a lion or a tiger we could, but wild
men we never do.'
" 'The thing is,' ses Mrs. Reddish, as
the wild man started on Russet's leg
and was pulled off by Sam and Ginger,
'where to put 'im.'
" 'Well, we must put 'im in a cage
by hisself, I s'pose,' ses Reddish, 'but
we can't be put to much expense. I'm
sure the money we spent in cat's meat
for the last wild man we 'ad was
awful.'
" 'Don't you spend too much money
on cat's meat for 'im,' ses Sam, "e'd
very likely leave it. Bringing 'im 'ome,
we used to give 'im the same aa we
'ad ourselves, and he got on all right.'
" 'But 'ow am I to escape when
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 1908.
▼ou'vo got tho brass?' scs the wild
man.
" 'We'll look arter that,' ses Ginger,
who 'adn't got the least idea.
"The wild man 'ad a little show for
the last time, jist to impress Ted Red
dish, an' it was pretty to see the way
William "andled 'im. The look on tho
wild man's face showed as 'ow it wi*
a revelashun to 'im. Then 'is three
mates took a last look at 'im and Went
Oil'.
"On the third day Sam was forgo
ing round in the morning for the
money, but Ginger said it wasn't ad
visable to show any 'aste;.so they left
it to the evening, and Peter Russet
wrote Sam a letter signed 'Barnum,'
offering 'im two 'undred for the wild
man, in case Ted Reddish should
want to beat 'em down. They all 'ad
a drink before they went in, and was
smiling with good temper to sich an
extent that they 'ad to wait a minute
to get their faces straight afore going
in.
" 'Come in,' ses Reddish, and they
folleped 'im into the parlor, where
Mrs. Reddish was sitting in a arm
chair shaking 'er 'ead and looking at
the carpet very sorrowful.
" 'We've been in the wild beast line
seven an'-twenty years,' ses Mrs. Red
dish. 'and it's tho fust time anythink
of this sort 'as 'appened.'
" "Ealthy family, I s'pose,' ses Sam,
staring.
" 'Tell 'im. Ted,' ses Mrs. Reddish,
in a 'usky whisper.
"'No, you,' ses Tod.
" 'lt's your place,' ses Mrs. Reddish.
" 'A woman can break it better,' ses
'er 'usband.
" 'Tell us wot?' ses Ginger, very
snappish.
"Ted Reddish cleared 'is throat.
" 'lt wasn't our fault,' he ses, slowly,
while Mrs. Reddish began to cry agin;
'gin'rally speakin', animals is afraid o'
wild men, and night before last, as the
wild man wot you left on approval
didn't seem to like "'Appy Cottage,"
we took 'im out an' put 'im in with the
tiger.'
" 'Put him in with the wot?' ses the
unfort'nit man's uncle, jumping off 'is
chair.
" 'The tiger,' ses Reddish. 'We 'eard
something in the night, but we thought
they was only 'aving a little bit of a
tiff. like. In the morning I went down
with a bit o' cold meat for the wild
man, and I thought at first he'd es
caped; but looking a little bit closer—'
" 'Don't, Ted,' ses 'is wife. 'I can't
bear It.'
" "Do you mean to tell me that, tho
tiger 'as eat 'im?' screams old Sam.
"'Most of 'im,' ses Ted Reddish;
'but 'e couldn't ha' been much of a
wild man to let a tiger get the better
of 'im. I must say I was surprised.'
" 'We both was,' ses Mrs. Reddish,
wiping 'er eyes.
"You might ha' 'card a pin drop;
old Sam's eyes was large and staring,
Peter Russet was sucking 'is teeth, an'
Ginger was wondering wot the law
would say to it —if It 'eard of it.
" 'lt's an unfortunit thing for all
parties,' ses Ted Reddish at last, get
ting up and standing on the 'earthrug.
" "Orrible,' ses Sam, 'uskily. 'You
ought to ha' known better than to put
'im in with a tiger. Wot could you
expect? W'y, it'was a mad thing to
do.'
" 'Crool thing,' ses Peter Russet.
" 'You don't know the bisness prop
erly," ses Ginger, 'that's about wot it
is. W'y, I should ha' known better
than that.'
" 'Well, it's no good making a fuss
about it,' ses Reddish. It was only a
wild man arter all, and he'd lia' died
anyway, cos *e wouldn't eat the raw
meat we gave 'im, and 'is pan o' water
was scarcely touched. He'd ha' starved
himself anyhow. I'm sorry as I said
before, but I must be off; Ive got an
appointment down at the docks.'
"He moved towards the door; Gin
ger Dick gave Russet a nudge and
whispered something, and Russet
passed it onto Sam.
"'What about the 'undered quid?'
ses pore Beauty's uncle, catching 'old
o' Reddish as 'e passed 'im.
"'Eh?' ses Reddish, surprised— 'Ob,
that's off.'
"'Ho!' says Sam. 'Ho! is It? We
want a 'undered quid off of you; an'
wot's more, we mean to 'ave it.'
" 'But the tiger's ate 'im,' says Mrs.
Reddish, explaining.
"'I know that,' ses Sam, sharply.
'But 'e was our wild man, and we want
to be paid for 'im. You should ha'
been more careful. We'll give you five
minutes; and if the money ain't paid
by that time we'll go straight off t>.
the police station.'
" 'Well, go,' ses Ted Reddish.
"He got up, and moved towards the
door. Ted Reddish didn't move a
muscle, but Mrs. Reddish flopped on
her knees and caught old Sam round
the legs, and 'eld him so's 'e couldn't
move.
"They moved off slowly, not know
ing wot to do, as, of course, they knew
they daren't goto the police about It.
" 'Weil, what the blazes is up now?'
ses Ginger Dick, as they turned the
corner.
"There was three or four 'undered
people standing in front of the 'ouse,
and women's 'eads out. of ail the win
ders screaming their 'ardest for the
police, and as they got closer they
'eard a incessant knocking. It took
'em nearly five minutes to force their
way through the crowd, and then thoy
nearly went crazy as they saw the
wild man with 'alf the winder-blind
missing, but otherwise well and 'arty,
standing on the step and giving rat-a
tat-tats at the door for all 'e was
worth.
"They never got to know the rights
of it, Beauty getting so excited every
time they asked 'im 'ow ho got on that
they 'ad to give it up. Rut they began
to 'ave a sort of idea at last that Ted
Reddish 'ad been 'aving a game with
'em, and that Mrs. Reddish was worsu
than wot 'e was."
REASON FOR EXERCISING.
" UlULlLfju*
t anr.
—7"""T" C
-
"Are you trainin' for a race, Jim
mie?"
"Naw, we're gain' to have meat for
dinner to-day an' l'ra gettin' up an ap
petite."
His Mind Was Made Up.
It was during a trial in an Alabama
slty more than 20 years ago that one
of the jurors suddenly rose from his
scat and precipitately fled from the
courtroom. He was arrested in his
flight before he had left the building,
and brought back.
"What do you moan by running oft
In that, way?" asked the judge, who
knew the man to be a simple, honest
farmer.
"It's like this, your honor," said the
man, earnestly. "When Mr. Hobbs
finished talking my mind was all
clear, but when Mr. Clayton began I
was all confused again, and I said to
myself: 'l'd better leave at once, and
stay away till he's done,' for to tell the
truth, I didn't like the way the argu
ment was going, your honor."—
Youth's Companion.
The Three Grades of Milk.
A city man took a house in the coun
try for the summer. He sought out a
farmer at once, looked over the cows
on the farm, found them to his liking,
and said;
I*- "My servant will come to you every
morning for a quart of milk."
"All right," said the farmer; "it will
be eight cents."
"But it must be pure milk, mind,"
said the city man, "absolutely pure."
"In that case it will cost you ten
cents."
"Very good. And you will milk the
quart from the cow in my servant's
presence?"
"Yes —for 15 cents."—Washington
Star.
Sometimes Hard to Tell.
George Eliot says that the expres
sion on a woman's face when she is
sewing tells the story of the woman's
heart. If she is happy and contented,
or possibly slovenly and indifferent,
she may smile and look tho happi
ness she either feels or is incapable
of feeling. If she has many things to
worry her and is possibly planning
how to make ten cents do a dollar's
worth of good, or if she is naturally a
vixen, it will show in her face, so aft
er all it is not safo to predicate as to
what her sewing face reveals.
Good English.
A French lady living in America en
gaged a carpenter to do some work
for her at a stipulated price. She was
surprised later to find that, he charged
more than the price agreed upon.
When she attempted to remonstrate
with him, however, her English failed
her and she said: "You are dearer to
me now than when we were first en
gaged."—Succesß.
Profit in Imitation Jewelry.
There are some large profits made
on goods sold in New York city, but
the greatest percentage goes to
the retailers of jewelry that has imita
tion precious stones in its composi
tion. The profit is often 1,000 times
as much as the goods cost. To get
S4O for what costs 40 cents is quite
usual.
BUD DOBLE
Tlio greatest of all horsemen, says:"ln
my 40 years' experience with horses 1 have
found SPOHN'S DISTEMPER CURE the
most successful of all remedies for the
horses. It is the greatest blood purifier."
Bottle 50e and SI.OO. Druggists can supply
you, or manufacturers, agents wanted.
Send for free Book. Spohn Medical Co.,
Spec. Contagious Diseases, Goshen, Ind.
"This hurts me more than it does
you," remarked the mother, who was
epanking her offspring with a slipper.
"Well, you seem to be putting your
sole into It," replied the boy.
If Your Eyes Bother You
get. a box of PETTIT'S EYE SALVE, old
reliable, most successful eye remedy made.
All druggistsor Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y.
The hand can never execute any
thing higher than the character can
aspire.—Emerson.
Mr*. Wlnslow'H Sootlilnar Syrnp.
For children teething "ofteiiH th« tfunis, reduce* In*
tlumiimuou. allays pain, curet* wlml colic. 2f»c a bottle.
If you don't get the best of It, make
the best of 1L
Those Tlrc*«i, AHiiiif? Feet of Yours
need Allen's KkoUKuso. 25e at your I'ruKKlst's.
Write A. y. Olmsted, Ixi Iloy,N. Y., for sample.
One cannot quarrel if the other will
not.
SICK HEADACHE
A Positively cured by
CARTERS lhese L,tlle p,,ls *
Immb Tliey also relieve Dls*
mm |TTI r tress from Dyspepsia, In
!| I , *m dlKestionaiidToollearty
■j Ilf K Eating. A perfect rera-
H BSI I 6 edy f ur Dizziness, Nau-
M ri LLw, sea, Drowsiness, Bad
; , Taste In the Mouth, Coat
ed Tongue, Pain In the
Hide, TORPID LIVER.
They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE.
ninrpp'cl Genuir.e Must Bear
uAniCno Fac-Simile Signature
•ittle _ v.
** I REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
n I TP ||VA Wnnon K.fntemnn.Waab.
K H | fIU I lligton. IM!. ilnolffrr*. llinh-
I " ■ !■■■ I Vat relertuicus. Beat rmulU.
LEFT IT TO MRS. BROWN.
Reverend Gentleman Very Willing to
Evade Responsibility.
The trust and dependence which
characterized Rev. Mr. Brown's atti
tude toward his wife's judgment in all
practical affairs were sometimes
touching, but occasionally they were
amusing.
"I'm sorry you've been troubled with
the toothache," said the family dent
ist, when Mr. Brown appeared in his
office one day."l gave you the first
minute I had free after receiving your
wife's telephone message. Let's see,
which tooth is It that's troubling you?"
"M-m, it's not aching just at pres
ent," said Mr. Brown, after a mo
ment's hesitation, during which he
made a cautious investigation with his
tongue. "Didn't Mrs. Brown mention
to you which tooth it was? I always
rely on her in such matters."—Youth's
Companion.
GOOD ADVICE.
She —When you are gone I shall
pine away.
He —O, spruce up.
Business Genius.
He who can be "all things to all
men"'—solicitous of one's patronage,
comparatively indirrerent to ano'.her;
who can study his customer's likes
and dislikes, and meet them in all
their varying, and very often annoy
ing, moods — is he who is going to be
most successful. The ability t.o do thi3
may be described as business genius—
and it. is perhaps the most rare genius
In the world. —Men's Wear.
Getting Back at Him.
He (peevishly)— Here and now I
wash my hands of the whole affair.
She (calmly)— And don't forget your
face and neck while engaged in the
laundry act.
TOWER'S FISH BRAND
WATERPROOF iCU
OILED CLOTHING
looks better-wears longer -jjf?J
and gives more » A J/. \ft
bodily comfort •vTySp' /jn
because cut on
large patterns, yel
costs no more than \ H
the 'just os good Kinds \
SUITS»IICKERS'3wTfc\
SOLD EVERYWHERE \
Evtry garment WE/?* .J* V
bearing ihe , _ °,
sign of the fish • ■ "*>|m r t 'i *T ■
guaranteed * r-. 1
wolerprool / J//BRPS VV UMIOG 112 Rtt
a j towto co boston us<
TOwro CO liw-tcp tqpontq can
A. N. K.—C (1908 —40) 2250.
ROSEBUD
GOVERNMENT LANDS
BEST REACHED FROM DALLAS
Dallas and Gregory, S. D., are reached only
by the Chicago C3l» North Western Railway.
They are the only towns on the reservation border.
Dallas and Gregory are the main registering points.
President Roosevelt has designated Dallas for the
final drawing October 19, 1908.
DAKOTA j M t N N DULUTH ff C V '
i ROSEBUD | \ J I • ch 0k
|«SERvvriof Mi„ Sr }/S )Jm
g>NE MILLIOIf ! % jf wflt
| ACRES < ,\ I K IS3&Z) Wls c 0 H S IKm j
O "Ml
% V A?- <v, / o f |; flli
N £ 6 R A K A 112 *r |
■ o w » c"V , [T;
The Chicago & Jforth Western Ry. is the onlg
all-rail route to the reservation.
A million acres of fertile agricultural and grazing
land in the great Missouri Valley Corn Belt is to be
opened to Homesteaders October 5
to 17, 1908.
,\ For information about how to get a
homestead with details regarding rates, train
I illtU4»FnJy W. B. KNISKERN
liVMs&KWUIZr Pass'r Traffic Mgr., C. & N. W. Ry.
NW7BI Chicago, 111.
Send For Free Catalogue
/[& "How to Make Money Selling Goldfish." Makes
Iff L'' j ■! us ' ness lively around 3'our store when everything
II Jgf else fails. BIG profits and QUICK returns. Full
.wrf£ gj line ol aquarium supplies. Write to-day.
AUBURNDALE GOLDFISH COMPANY
51 North Peoria Street, CHICAGO, ILL*
This woman says Lydia E.
Pink ham's Vegetable Compound,
saved her life. Read her letter.
Mrs. T. C. Willarisen, of Maiming,
lowa, writes to Mrs. Pinkham:
" I can truly say that Lydia E. Pinlc
ham's Vegetable Compound saved my
life, and 1 cannot ex-press my gratitude
to you in 'words. For years I suffered
with the worst forms of femalo com
plaints, continually doetorini? and
spending lots of money for medicina
without help. 1 wrote you for advice,
followed it as directed, and took Lydia
E. Pinlcham's Vegetable Compound and
it has restored me to perfect health.
Had it not been for you 1 should liar#
been in my grave to-day. I wish every
suffering woman would try it." ,
FACTS FOR SICK WORSEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, lias been the
standard remedy for femalo ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled wii.li
displacements, inflammation, ulcere
tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bcar
mg-down feeling, flatulency, indiges
tion,dizziness,or nervous prostration.
"Why don't you tiy it ?
Mrs. Pinkham incites all sick
■women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands ta
health. Address, Lynn, Mass.
112 THE DUTCH
i BOY \
/ V
I IT IS FOUND ONLYON g
\ PURE WHITE LEAD M'.MM. I
HYGIENIC TOWEL
Sanitary and a Marveiously Quick Dryer
A towel which is sure to receive ini modi ate and moA
hearty welcome by the user. From every uointof view,
economical as well as sanitary, it is by lons oddsth*
best that has ever been put before the public. . Th#
■•llvgleilic" possesses every good quality that is pos
sible to bo putin a towel. It is of strong, massive
rough texture, assuring pood wear. It is porous, ao4
absorbs moisture quickly, drying the body witM
hardly any effort. It is;i rapid absorberof
it remains entirely odorless, li isinado in four sitaae
15x30 10c apiece. IRxtO IHe apiece.
iiUxl 1 3Uc apiece. '4i.vsU 35c apiece.
Send for one or a pair for sample. Money returned ltf
not satisfactory. Write direct iy to Mills, as we art
the manufacturers. THE HYGIENIC MILXJL
Vork and Howard Streets, Philadelphia, Pa.
HAIR R BALBAM
Cleanses and beautifies th« hata
Promote# a luxuriant growth.
' wHNfvnr Falls to Restore Gray
0 U ' Ur *d' B outll |J u |
< \ I*J at
; Thompson's Eye Water
7